Section 3

Tantric Sextasy *5 Sexually Decadent Days of Orgasmic Mastery*
2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D ii

Table of Contents
Table of Contents................................................................................ii
Important Notes................................................................................ iv
All Rights Reserved ........................................................................ iv
For Educational Purposes Only ....................................................... v
DAY 3 Private Session: How to Achieve Tantric Intimacy Breath-to-
Breath, Skin-to-Skin, Body-to-Body, Orgasm-to-Orgasm.................... 7
Chapter 5: Connect Your Hearts, Connect Your Sexual Energies........8
Connect Before You Go Deeper .......................................................8
Honor Your Lover.......................................................................................................................9
The Heart Salutation ..................................................................................................................9
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Do a Heart Salutation...................................................................... 10
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Heart Salutation........................................................................ 12
Seal Your Heart Connection with a Kiss .................................................................................. 12
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Tantric Kissing................................................................................. 13
Appreciate Your Lover from the Heart .......................................... 14
Women Love Words from the Heart........................................................................................ 14
Don't Wait for That Urge Between Your Legs.......................................................................... 15
Feeling and Expressing Gratitude............................................................................................ 15
Gratitude Can Transform Your Relationship .......................................................................... 16
How to Use Gratitude............................................................................................................... 17
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Gratitude.................................................................................... 18
Sweet Everythings .................................................................................................................... 18
There's No Perfect Formula for Titillation............................................................................... 19
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Sweet Everythings .......................................................................... 20
Connecting Sexual Energies .......................................................... 21
Sensuous Ways to Hook Up ..................................................................................................... 21
Tantric Eye Contact .................................................................................................................. 21
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Eye-Gazing.......................................................................................22
Don't Just Drop Your Clothes Anywhere!................................................................................24
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Tantric Ritual Undressing...............................................................25
Tantric Hugging........................................................................................................................27
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Tantric Hugging...............................................................................27
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Initial Energy Connection.........................................................29
Great Sex is a Partnership............................................................. 29
Reveal Yourself & Watch What Happens................................................................................ 30
When You Communicate, Be Real, Be Authentic .................................................................... 31
Sexual Partnership Means Mutual Sexual Consent.................................................................32
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: How REAL Are You? .................................................................32
Sexual Partnering Questions....................................................................................................32
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Sexual Partnering Questions...........................................................35
The Safer & Smarter Sex Interview..........................................................................................37
Tantric Sex Learn, Try, and Practice, Practice, Practice .............38
Chapter 6: Sexually Meditate Together.............................................40
The Four Cornerstones of Supreme Sexual Bliss.................................................................... 40
How to Use the Four Cornerstones of Sexual Bliss to Your Advantage .................................. 41
Sexual Presence & Relaxation ....................................................... 42
BE PRESENT in Everything You Do (Yes, Sexual Too!) .........................................................42
RELAX! - A Tense Man Cannot Be a Great Sexual Lover........................................................43
Your Ticket to Supreme Sexual Bliss ...................................................................................... 44
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Presence.....................................................................................45
2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D iii
SOLO SEXERCISE: Corpse Posture ........................................................................................45
SOLO SEXERCISE: Muscle Relaxation.................................................................................. 46
SOLO SEXERCISE: Body-Breathing .......................................................................................47
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Tantric Relaxation.................................................................... 49
Tantric Meditating ........................................................................49
To Reach the Pinnacles of Pleasure, Enter the No-Mind Zone ............................................ 49
SOLO SEXERCISE: Conscious Breathing Meditation ........................................................... 50
Meditation Unblocks Sexual Energy Channels........................................................................52
SOLO SEXERCISE: The Walking Meditation .........................................................................52
Tantric Breathing.......................................................................... 54
Do Not Underestimate the Sexual Power of Sensual Breathing .............................................54
The More You Breathe, The More Orgasmic Energy You Create............................................55
SOLO SEXERCISE: Sexual Belly Breathing ............................................................................56
The Tantric Breath ................................................................................................................... 57
SOLO SEXERCISE: Tantric Breathing ....................................................................................59
Chakras - The Chambers of Sexual Energy.....................................60
Chakras, Up Close and Personal .............................................................................................. 61
A Prescription for Prolonged Peak Pleasure............................................................................62
Breathe Into Your Chakras.......................................................................................................63
SOLO SEXERCISE: Chakra Breathing Meditation .................................................................63
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Chakra Spooning .............................................................................65
Charge Those Chakras!.............................................................................................................67
Day 3 Tantric Sextasy Private Session Closing ............................68
2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D iv
Important Notes
All Rights Reserved
Bona-fide purchasers of this e-course may print one copy of this document for
personal use. You can also read it as many times as you want on screen.
However, it is NOT legal to store, reproduce, forward, email, or transmit this
publication or any part of it in any form or by any electronic, physical, or
mechanical means including photocopying, recording, or introduction into any
information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the
copyright owner and the publishers of this e-course.
What you CAN use - in fact we want you to use them are brief quotations in
reviews prepared for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast.

2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D v
For Educational Purposes Only
We need to make a few boundaries perfectly clear before you dive into the secrets,
tips and tricks that make up Tantric Sextasy. Bear with us before your Tantric
sex exploration starts!
The material in this e-course is for educational purposes and is intended to
provide helpful guidance to lovers about human sexuality. Weve made every
attempt to provide accurate, dependable, up-to-date information and we believe
that what's presented here is helpful and poses no risk to any healthy person.
This 5-part e-course is sold with the understanding that neither the authors nor
the publishers are engaged in rendering medical, nor any other professional
service. If you have questions concerning the application of the material and
advice described in this e-course and its affect on your health and well-being, it is
your responsibility to consult a qualified professional first.
Any use of the techniques used in this e-course is at your own risk.
This e-course is not intended to serve as medical treatment, psychological
counseling, psychotherapy, or any other services best performed by a health
professional. No part of this e-course should be used as a means of self-treatment
or as a viable substitute to or for medical evaluation by a physician. If you suspect
you have a condition requiring such treatment, we encourage you to seek
professional help before engaging in the practices included.
Absolutely no part of the program should cause pain or unusual symptoms.
Should such arise during or after doing the practices within, the affected party is
advised to seek medical evaluation to identify possible causes.
If you have knowledge of or a suspicion that you have contracted a sexually
transmitted disease, you are urged to consult with a qualified health professional
before engaging in any partner practices described in this e-course. Detailed
guidelines about safer and smarter conscious sex are included at the end.
2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D vi
The authors and publishers cannot be held responsible for any error, omission,
professional disagreement, or outdated material in this e-course. The authors and
publishers are not liable for any upsetting reaction, divorce, damage, injury,
infection, fatal disease, or other adverse outcome as a result of applying the
information or engaging in any activities suggested in this e-course.
Well, there it is. All the stuff we have to swear off due to the high levels of conflict
in our modern world. Now that you've suffered through all this legal stuff, let the
Tantric sexuality secrets that will change your lives forever unfold now!
2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 7
DAY 3 Private Session:
How to Achieve Tantric Intimacy Breath-to-
Breath,
Skin-to-Skin, Body-to-Body, Orgasm-to-
Orgasm
When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you
reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.
- Anonymous
Chapter 5: Connect Your Hearts, Connect Your Sexual Energies
In this chapter, youll understand how to do the second stage of the Tantric
Sextasy Ritual called Connecting Hearts. The goal of this chapter is for you
to connect with your lover on all levels. You start by doing a Heart Salutation,
which is a Tantric way of acknowledgment of the others being. This is then
followed by numerous, step-by-step sexercises on how you can connect with each
other's orgasmic energy before engaging in sexual penetration.
Chapter 6: Sexually Meditate Together
In this chapter, youll learn all about the third stage of the Tantric Sextasy
Ritual, called Meditating Together. The objective of this chapter is for you to
start mastering the Four Cornerstones of Supreme Bliss so that in later
chapters you can incorporate them into your Tantric Lovemaking.
Experience how meditation can help you create the first cornerstone, presence, as
well as the relaxation essential for supreme bliss; learn to use the second
cornerstone, breath, as a spiritual tool for relaxation, meditation, and turn-on;
and meet your chakras, your subtle energy centers, and start clearing and
charging them, paving the way for the rumbling and thundering flow of orgasmic
energy later on.
Today, you dig deeper and start to experience more body-wracking pleasures as
you go through the Tantric sexercises so lets not delay!
Chapter 5: Connect Your Hearts, Connect
Your Sexual Energies
Connect Before You Go Deeper
In this chapter about the Tantric Sextasy
Ritual's second stage, we'll show you how to
come to Tantric Lovemaking from your heart.
You'll do this by honoring yourself and your
partner and then connecting energetically
before getting sexual physically.
The various practices we suggest here are
quick and simple but meaningful. The non-verbal ones show you how to connect
your energies at the beginning of a Spiritual Sex encounter. We'll suggest some
juicy ways to focus on each other and merge with your eyes, breath, and skin --
along with words -- before turning each other on. To appreciate your physical
connection to the max, you'll discover how to turn everyday intimacies like
hugging and undressing into sensual rituals.
Though Tantric Sextasy in total is more about doing than talking, some
communications are essential to deepen your intimacy and catapult your
lovemaking to new levels. So you'll find some talking practices in this chapter.
Because talking about sex isn't the most comfortable thing for most people, we
urge you to take these communication exercises seriously and use them
religiously. You have been using the Discussion Questions you've encountered
in each chapter already, right?
The final practice in this chapter is based on the Partnering Questions, three
vital issues that you'll want to clear verbally before engaging in the sacred pursuit
of ecstasy. When you find your truth inside in response to these three questions
and speak it, then you'll be exercising your divine power and taking responsibility
for yourself. When you listen to and dialogue about your partner's answers, then
you can form a Tantric partnership, one that's equal in all respects.
If you get more comfortable talking about intimate and sexual things before you
make love, you'll enter a different kind of universe. When that kind of honesty is
founded on a sacred reverence for your lover, Spiritual Sex can truly be
transformational. That's the underlying intent of this stage, the Connecting
Hearts stage, of the Tantric Sextasy Ritual.
Honor Your Lover
Spiritual Sex is sacred because the entire process is an act of honoring and
treasuring both yourself and your partner. Because you are divine, a living aspect
of All That Is, you deserve to be cherished all the time. Tantric Sextasy
provides the opportunity with heavenly rewards on earth.
As you immerse yourself in the Tantric Attitude, you not only adore and salute
your higher self, but you see your partner as a mirror, an extension of you, an
extension of All That Is. In the last chapter, we described about balancing the yin
and the yang, that each of us is a divine spark of creation.
We are all connected. We are all one. How could your partner be any less than
you, or any more?
With focus and intention, your attentions are riveted on one another. She is
transforming before your eyes into a beautiful Goddess of love. He is morphing
into a God who is joining you in this delightful moment. When you look deeper
than skin level, it is easy to see your godliness, your similarities, your beauty.
The Heart Salutation
Above all else, the Tantric Sextasy Ritual is heart centered. You come together
because of love and you share all sorts of love energies: spirit, mind, body, and
heart. It's not a one-dimensional encounter with just words, feelings, or sex. The
centerpiece, the central focus, of Spiritual Sex is your connection at your love
center, your heart.
How can we always remember to salute this powerful life force?
In our Tantric Sextasy Ritual, we always include a namast greeting, palms
together over the heart with a bow. Namast is the traditional East Indian
greeting that means "The divine light within me honors the divine light within
you." It is also used when parting. Sort of like "aloha" or "shalom". Namast is
not only an honoring of the person you're greeting; it's a mutual acknowledgment
of the divine nature of who each of you is.
The Heart Salutation is our expanded Tantric version: a four-step namast or
spiritual greeting that uses eye-contact, breathing in unison, and connecting your
subtle energies to salute the divine in each other.
The Heart Salutation is designed so that lovers honor one another as bookends
around physically intimacy.
We do this before and after we make love, every time, or when we're doing other
Tantric practices together. Though it just takes a moment and is silent, the
intense eye contact creates an intimate connection that leads to exchanging
heartfelt appreciation of each other. The energy that you visualize and summon
opens your heart and primes your channels for more. Here's how you do a Heart
Salutation.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Do a Heart Salutation
Purpose
To learn how to share a Heart Salutation.
Description
Try this little greeting and closing gesture as a way of showing your respect for
the divine life force of your partner.
First, create a Tantric Sacred Space if you haven't already as described in the
previous chapter.
1. Sit facing each other.
Sit cross-legged, or in full or half lotus, in front of each other as close as you can
comfortably get. A little pillow or zafu (a firm Japanese meditation pillow) under
your buttocks can make you much more comfortable if you're not a Yoga master.
Comfort is always very important when you're accessing the subtle energies of
Spiritual Sex. If the two of you prefer to sit in a chair, that's okay, too.
2. Eye contact.
Make and hold eye contact.
3. Hands down.
To begin, each of you places your palms together pointing down and touching the
floor in front of you while maintaining eye contact. Imagine you are bringing
energy into your hands from Mother Earth.
4. In-breath hands up.
Both of you simultaneously pull your hands up to your hearts, palms still
together. Actually, it's your two thumbs that will be touching your chest. While
you do this, take a deep slow breath through your mouth. As you inhale, visualize
your hands drawing the energy of Mother Earth into your heart. You're still
holding eye contact, right?
5. Out-breath lean forward.
Keeping your hands on your heart, slowly exhale through your mouth while
leaning forward and touching foreheads with your lover. Visualize the energy
swirling between you where you're connected. This is called a "third-eye kiss,"
referring to the sixth of the seven energy centers called chakras, the one in the
center of the forehead. If you can maintain eye contact while you're so close
during the third eye kiss, do so.
6. In-breath lean back.
As you take another deep breath slowly through your mouth, lean back to a
sitting position, keeping your hands on your heart. At this point, you may prefer
to close your eyes for a moment as you take your energy back into your own
heart.
7. Out-breath relax.
On your second out-breath, move your hands back down to the floor in front of
you as you open your eyes to your lover. Visualize energy being returned to
Mother Earth.
8. Maintain eye contact.
Hold this position with gentle eye contact for a moment at least. If you feel the
urge to smile, caress your lover's face, kiss, or share love sentiments that surface,
enjoy it.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Heart Salutation
After doing the Heart Salutation, here are some questions to reflect on, write
about in your Sexploration Journal, or talk about.
How did you feel during the Heart Salutation?
What did you notice about your attention after you created the Sacred
Space and did the Heart Salutation?
When would you like to use the Heart Salutation?
What else do you think would make you feel safer, more loved, more
adored, more blessed during sexual play?
Seal Your Heart Connection with a Kiss
When we first fall in love, we can't keep our lips
apart. We want to share our mouths and our
breaths. Kissing is such a strong demonstration of
how we feel that it's important to use it to reinforce
your heart connection. We encourage you to kiss at
any point in the Tantric Sextasy Ritual. Just
after a Heart Salutation is a good place to start.
By using the Tantric Attitude while you're kissing,
you make it such a sensory delight. Taste each other
deeply. Go slow, savor the softness, sink into the sensations. Show your honey
how open you are to your love by opening your lips and feeling each other's
tongues.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Tantric Kissing
Purpose
To add a sweet sensuous kiss to your Heart Salutation.
In your Tantric Sacred Space, sit in front of each other as close as you can
comfortably get. Make and hold eye contact.
2. Heart Salutation.
Do a Heart Salutation.
3. Up close and personal.
Move as close together as you can, intertwining your legs. Or one of you can sit on
the other's lap. You can even stand if you prefer.
4. Touch lips.
Look deeply into each other's eyes. Wet and part your lips slightly. Ever so slowly
move your faces closer until your lips just barely meet. Stay here for a moment
and simply feel.
5. Glide.
Keeping your lips ever so soft, slowly and gently brush, slide, and glide them over
your lover's.
6. Move.
As you're gently merging lips, move your head to different positions to see what
unique feelings you can create. Put one hand behind your sweetie's neck, or one
on each cheek.
7. Explore.
Slowly and gradually begin exploring each other's lips and mouths deeper with
your tongues. Enjoy the feeling of your honey's tongue, lips, teeth, and deeper.
8. Stoke your fire.
Keep this up as long as it's stoking your fire.
9. Cool down.
As your lips part, keep looking deeply into each other's eyes. If you feel like it,
exchange sweet words of love, appreciation for each other, and which kisses you
especially enjoyed.
Sexercise Afterthoughts
Kissing is a long-cherished art. Practice this sexercise to relive those early
moments of your relationship when it seemed that just a single kiss from your
loved one is enough to live on!
Appreciate Your Lover from the Heart
Women Love Words from the Heart
Punctuating everything you do together with a Heart Salutation reminds you of
what really connects us all, love. It's often said that women get turned on in the
heart first and the genitals later, whereas men are just the opposite. When men
get turned on in the genitals, their energy moves to the heart.
Of course, there are always exceptions to generalizations like this. Yet, we believe
that most women, most of the time, like to have their minds and hearts
stimulated in the 24 to 48 hours before the actual "action". They like to know
they're adored for more than their bodies. They like to be cherished from afar,
and then closer and closer as you come together. They like to know about your
physical desire as well as your delight in their presence.
The whole concept of respecting the Shakti in every woman goes a long way.
When you honor the Goddess in your lover, her heart soars, she feels true love,
and her sexual centers are more likely to open.
Don't Wait for That Urge Between Your Legs
Don't wait until the urge hits you. Let her know how much you care for her,
NOW. Tell her how much you think about her, how much you desire her, how
much you treasure her love. A call or email from work is a powerful gesture. Let
her know how much you're looking forward to your time alone with her. Nurture
her heart long before you touch her.
Women respond very positively to words and touch that convey feelings of love
and affection. Women seem to like words about love, sex, and relationship, and
feel they're very important.
If you're a guy who feels uncomfortable with words, we humbly suggest that you
practice, a lot. Nothing will get you more of what you want than being able to
verbalize feelings of affection for your woman. Read an e-course or two and then
write out what you want to say. Practice letting the words tumble over your
tongue and lips. Now, do it with your partner.
Often men don't have feelings as strong as women about expressing emotions
and verbalizing love. But everyone, in their own way, craves approval,
appreciation, and affection. Women, guys like romantic attention as well. Of
course, many often prefer that it's slightly more sexually oriented. Just don't
forget that appreciation of the divine qualities in your lover goes both ways.
Feeling and Expressing Gratitude
A great way to bring more appreciation into your lovemaking and your life is
through gratitude. When you feel grateful for things, you're connecting with your
divine inner being. When you're immersed in gratefulness, your heart unfolds.
When you shower gratitude on your lover, your lover's heart opens.
Gratitude is a natural outgrowth of the Tantric Attitude, especially saying
"Yes," experiencing the now fully, and accepting yourself completely. It starts
with self-awareness, feeling good about yourself, and expressing it. Experiencing
and showing genuine gratitude creates an uplifting, upward cycle of abundance,
love, and joy.
Notice what you like about your life, your partner, your love. Appreciate what's
good, what's better than it was, and what's going to be even better than now.
What do you have that contributes to your quality of life? What do you do that
you enjoy? What brings you pleasure?
When you're conscious instead of asleep, you have a choice of what you think
about. When you choose to focus on the positive, you're being grateful. When you
communicate gratitude, you uplift yourself and your lover. No, when you're doing
gratitude, don't put your attention on what's not working. This is a major part of
your Tantric spiritual discipline. When you want to emphasize the positive, keep
shifting your attention to what is working.
Gratitude Can Transform Your Relationship
So many tensions spring up in relationships by comparing partners to our
ingrained standards, deep-seated values, and hidden expectations. We often fuel
these judgments with memories of others or romance fantasies, but your own
beliefs are at the core.
Yet loving someone means giving them the space to be themselves, to be
different, to be unique. It means granting them the right to their own being-ness.
If you crammed them into little boxes in your head that spring from your parents,
your culture, your unrealistic fantasies, you probably wouldn't feel the same
about your love.
You can change all this with gratitude. Gratitude is one of the most powerful
spiritual forces in the universe. Gratitude activates your life force, your spiritual
power, your divine connection.
When you fervently desire something, appreciate the life force flowing through
you that makes you who you are. Know that you're loved so much that you
deserve everything you want and All That Is will help you get it. Be grateful that
this is how God/Goddess operates. When something you want begins to come
your way, show how grateful you are and then more will undoubtedly arrive soon.
How to Use Gratitude
If, like most of us, you're familiar with the
relationship dynamic of passing judgment
and comparing, gratitude can help change
it. Instead of judging, reacting, and
criticizing appreciate. Instead of focusing
on what's missing, praise what's present.
Accentuate the positive, downplay the
negative.
How can you pivot your focus? Remember what drew you together, what
chemistry you felt, why you fell in love. Notice what you like about your honey,
what turns you on. Use your mind to answer questions like the following.
Where do you fit well?
What do you have in common?
What does your sweetheart do that makes you feel good?
How does your honey contribute to your life?
What does you lover do that makes your heart soar?
When some appreciation pops into your head, simply tell your lover. You'll be
saying lovely things over and over in so many different ways.
Gratitude is the spiritual key to manifesting everything you want in life. It's a
powerful activator of honoring your lover. Can it help your energetic connection
during the Tantric Sextasy Ritual? Yes, of course, we'll get there soon. But
first...
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Gratitude
Here are some questions about this section to answer in your Sexploration
Journal, reflect on, or talk about.
What are you grateful for in life?
How often do you feel and express gratitude?
What are you grateful for in your relationship?
How do you think you can focus more on the positives in your
relationship?
Sweet Everythings
Right after you've completed the Heart
Salutation is the perfect moment to express
gratitude for your love and revere one
another. There you are staring at each other,
close and connected. Well, OK, maybe you're
busy kissing after the Heart Salutation. But
when you have a chance, it's a wonderful time to share heartfelt sentiments.
This is an opportunity to say the lovely words you often don't take the time to say.
You know, those deep truths about love that you may take for granted and the
ones that you do say that your sweetie never tires of hearing. Here's a chance to
further let your partner know how much you care about and appreciate your love
and connection. One of the most important messages you want to get across is
how honored you are to be with your lover.
Some call these "sweet nothings," but we think they're more valuable than that.
So we call these little statements sweet everythings which are: statements of love,
appreciation, and adoration that cherish your lover which are much more
meaningful than sweet nothings because they're sincere acknowledgments,
genuine compliments, and heartfelt gratitude.
Some examples of sweet everythings that revere your lover.
"I am so honored to be spending this time with you."
"I feel so fortunate to have you in my life."
"We always have such a great time when we're together, I know this will be
another great time."
"You have the most beautiful eyes (lips, skin, hair, face, ears, etc.) I just
melt when I look into (at) them."
"I love the strength of your shoulders (jaw, legs, eyes, etc.)"
"You really turn me on, especially when you..."
"I so appreciate your willingness to listen to me and share Tantra with
me."
There's No Perfect Formula for Titillation
Be creative. Don't be shy with sweet everythings. There's no good way to learn to
do this without practicing and risking your ego. Yes, you'll be making yourself
vulnerable. Do it anyway. Is your love and cosmic ecstasy worth it? Of course it is.
So learn how to show it. Verbal reverence can dramatically enhance the mood of
intimacy and pleasure.
Remember, you probably weren't raised with total appreciation for your divine
self. You may not have much of an internal mental model for this adoring thing.
That's why we're giving you permission to experiment with being verbally
expressive of your deep feelings of honor and gratefulness. And for being a bit
awkward at first.
So, lovers, be super accepting of your partner's first attempts. Appreciate the
intent to encourage more. Don't make fun if you're hoping for something better
soon.
We think it's essential that you do sweet everythings your own way. Some Tantric
couples start exchanging increasingly erotic verbal tidbits hours or even days
before a big date. Some prefer protestations of love, others get off on talking
dirty.
What would be your honey's reaction if you called from work and said "There's
something in my pants with a hot/juicy/wet/hard message of love for you. Will
you meet me in our bedroom at 7?" Would she prefer you to call with "My heart
swells with love when I daydream about what we're going to share tonight"?
You get the idea, right? Tailor your verbal foreplay to what floats your own and
your baby's cork. This is just as true for woman-to-man communications.
The following exercise is a way to practice discovering what's true for you and
what feels right. Even if it feels awkward and you break up in giggles, do it
anyway. Laughing together is very good for relationships and sex. It relaxes you.
Laughing together, which is much different from laughing at your sweetheart, is
very intimate.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Sweet Everythings
Purpose
To practice exchanging sweet everythings so it becomes easy and natural to
verbally revere one another.
1. Prepare.
Think about or jot down some sweet everything statements in your journal.
2. Heart Salutation.
Do a Hearth Salutation as you just learned.
3. Hands on hearts.
Still cross-legged in front of one another, place your right hand on your partner's
heart. Then both place your left hand on top of your partner's right hand as it
covers your heart.
4. Exchange sweet everythings.
Looking into each other's eyes, say those sweet everythings. This doesn't have to
be a speech unless you're so moved. At this stage you're aiming for a sentence, a
couple of statements, or a short paragraph for a minute or two.
5. Feedback.
Talk for a few moments about how this felt. What you would like to say or hear
more of? How you feel about doing more of this kind of revering each other?
Connecting Sexual Energies
Sensuous Ways to Hook Up
Time for a brief check-in. You've read quite a few pages already in our Tantric
Sextasy e-course to get the idea of a sacred sexual connection with your lover.
Once you've set up your Tantric Sacred Space and connected hearts, how far into
the Tantric Sextasy Ritual are we?
Maybe a minute for the Heart Salutation and a couple of minutes for some
kissing and sweet everythings. These little quickies are fast, but ultimately quite
powerful. Did you read in Chapter 2 (Day 1) to utilize every sensory input as a
trigger for pleasure? Did you do the sensory awakening practices that contribute
to raising your consciousness? We're going to take that formula further here.
Because Tantric Sextasy is first and foremost about the life force energy inside
your body, mind, and spirit, it's a great idea this early in your ritual to do some
non-verbal physical things to connect with your honey.
What follows are three ways to heighten your senses and titillate. We offer
suggestions and instructions about looking deeply into each other's eyes,
undressing each other, and then melting into a long delicious hug. Again, simple
quick actions, but, oh, so sensuous when you do them tantrically.
Tantric Eye Contact
To maximize these and later ritual steps, use your
eyes to convey messages as in flirting. Use your lips
to create enticing expressions and caress from afar.
Breathe deeply and issue forth loving sounds. Moans
are a powerful message. Move your body seductively
and to heighten your own sensations. Let your lover
know how much you want them, even without words.
Let's start building intimacy with eye contact in the
following practice. Yes, it's true; the eyes are the window to the soul. As you look
into your lover's eyes, you see the depths of the universe, the core of their soul,
the truth of their being. You will also see the reflection of your divine inner self.
You can't avoid the deepening of your connection. This practice brings you front
and center to one another. It's simple, yet powerful.
It's simple to say just look into your lover's eyes. It's another thing to do it with a
minimum of motion and be fully present. It's like an eye-to-eye meditation,
getting easier and more fulfilling the more you practice.
When you first try the Eye-Gazing Practice, start with 2 or 3 minutes. Work up
to 10 minutes or more later.
That's all it is, quite simple. Just put all your attention on your partner's face.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Eye-Gazing
Description
Don't make this more complicated than it is. We know, questions always arise
like... Which eye do I look into? Do I stare at her forehead? Is it okay to blink?
Some gurus recommend looking into the left eye because it connects more
directly with the right brain, which is the emotional, holistic brain. Try one eye
and then the other and decide for yourself which is most powerful for you and
your partner.
Long blinks can be distracting. If you experience physical discomfort or reactions,
be sure to tell your partner. This is supposed to be pleasurable, not torturous. The
more you do it at the right length and intensity for you both, the better it will
become.
Purpose
To connect deeply into the soul of your partner through the eyes without
touching.
1. Tantric sacred space.
If you haven't done so already, create a Tantric Sacred Space as you did in
Chapter 4 (Day 2).
Sit cross-legged in front of one another. Use a zafu, pillow, or chair if it makes
you more comfortable.
3. Heart Salutation
Do a Heart Salutation as described earlier in this chapter.
4. Eye contact.
With your hands resting on your legs, simply gaze into your lover's eyes. Don't
caress or touch, just remain still without movement.
5. Breathing.
After a few minutes, you may find that your breathing synchronizes. This is a
common by-product of intimacy that you can use to connect with your lover. If
you like, do this consciously and follow along with Shakti's in- and out-breaths to
synchronize your breathing pattern. (Shiva, that's the Tantric way, to follow
Shakti's energy.)
6. Sharing.
Afterwards, let your lover know how the experience was for you. There have been
times when we've felt very little. At other times we cried together and felt our
hearts balloon with love and a feeling of oneness. What was it like for you this
time?
7. Heart salutation.
Close with another Heart Salutation.
Eye-Gazing is one of those things that you can do just about any time to connect
with your lover in an honoring way. Once you learn to appreciate its value, it's
your choice about when and how often to do it. One thing we can say for sure is
that looking deeply into your lover's eyes during ecstatic sexual union
(intercourse) can send you out of this world. Maybe that's why Tantrikas (Tantra
adepts) prefer face-to-face sexual positions?!?
Don't Just Drop Your Clothes Anywhere!
The eyes are just the first way to help you shift into the realm of your senses:
sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing.
Next, let's focus on the delight of seeing your sweetie's naked body. And having
yours seen. If you've been together for a while, hopefully you've lost any modesty
that you entered your relationship with. That's good news, but if you take your
own clothes off and jump into bed, it doesn't particularly add to the sacred ritual.
Don't get us wrong, parading your nude body in front of your lover can be truly
erotic. That's why we encourage you loving take off your lover's garments. And for
those more adventurous souls, we urge you to strip in time with sensual or bump-
and-grind music and dance erotically for your baby. If you're still shy about
showing all of your skin, both exercises can provide true growth in intimacy as
well as self-love. Plus, they're potent sources of turn-on once you learn to enjoy
them.
As we've been explaining, in Tantric Sextasy we use the simplest of actions to
titillate your subtle energy systems. Like wearing sexy looking and feeling clothes
as you learned in the last chapter. Another great way to pique the senses and
make your connecting ritual special is how you take them off.
For maximum titillation, there's nothing like being undressed by a sensitive and
hungry lover, slowly, sensuously, and seductively. The more excitement they
show while revealing one part of your body after another, the more it will turn
you on. What if they actually described what they love about each new area of
exposed skin, too?
This is actually more fun if you start with more clothes on, rather than less. Oh
yes, jewelry counts. Take it all off. Aim for maximum turn-on, maximum feeling
of playful loving.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Tantric Ritual Undressing
Purpose
To experience the titillation of slowly and
seductively undressing your partner with
suitable juicy sweet everythings.
Description
First of all, take this slow. It's very important not to rush Tantric Ritual
Undressing. Imagine that you are the sexiest, most desired film star that ever
lived, then you get into dramatizing each movement, each action, to the max. Of
course, you'll be adoring and playful at the same time, right?
We've written these directions for the woman to receive first, but it's entirely up
to you who begins; or flip a coin to see who goes first. This is something you can
enjoy every time you make love. Do it one way one time and the other way the
next time. Or be adventurous and do it simultaneously, one piece for her, then
one for him.
Please read this entire practice together before beginning.
Create a Sacred Space if you haven't already done so. Turn on some sensual
music.
2. Heart Salutation
Do a Heart Salutation and any other connecting that you like.
3. Undress her.
Look your lover over hungrily and caress one part of her body through her
clothes, like her shoulder. Then slowly, tantalizingly reach for the first button or
zipper. Sweetly and gently touch what you reveal. Take your time and breathe her
skin in. Brush her skin with your lips a little, kissing, tasting, licking, and nibbling
to get the full effect. We hope neither of you forget to breathe and moan with
delight.
4. Whisper sweet everythings.
While you're opening her blouse (or whatever) and kissing her neck (or
whatever), murmur sweet everythings about the body part that's uncovered. For
example, tell her what a sexy neck she has. "Oh, what a sweet lovely neck."
Comment on the silky texture of her skin. "It feels so smooth." Mention how it
makes you feel. "I love your feel and taste."
5. Cover her with fingers, lips, tongue
Slowly remove each article of clothing this way. At each unfolding, with greater
and greater opening, keep touching and telling her how perfectly beautiful that
part of her body is and how it turns you on. Now don't be shy. Touching includes
fingers, lips, and tongues, at least.
Cover her entire body, leaving nothing out. This kind of adoration is especially
welcome on the feet, butt, and yoni (vulva, the exterior portion of your woman's
genitals). Be sure to check with your partner before doing something totally new.
6. Undress him.
Standing in your altogether, smile seductively and begin unbuttoning his shirt.
Kiss his skin and tell him how masculine his shoulder (or whatever) is. Let him
know how much you adore his hairy (or non hairy) body. Kiss his neck. Run your
fingers through his hair.
As you remove more and more of his shirt, keep kissing, licking and telling him
how excited you're getting. Maybe he likes an occasional scratch with your nails.
Slowly, with plenty of tease and come-hither glances, undo his pants and take one
leg off at a time. If you want to pay a little (or a lot) of attention to what's between
his legs while you're on your knees, go ahead, enjoy.
7. Do what comes naturally.
This is not meant as a standalone practice. After all, here you are buck naked.
Now what? Do whatever you want to do with one another or nothing at all. If you
want, you can simply segue into later practices like dancing erotically, hugging, or
more.
8. Close.
Be sure to close with another Heart Salutation. Share your reactions.
Tantric Hugging
Living in the U.S., it's interesting to note that
Americans have the largest personal space of
any people on earth. That means we like to
keep people farther away than other cultures.
Maybe it's because we don't hug and touch
enough. One thing we've observed is that
most people are afraid to hug long, hug deep,
and hug with their whole body. Let's find out
where you stand on this issue.
The next practice introduces you to the
Melting Hug which is: a long tight full-body
hug with as much body contact as possible
while standing that goes on and on and on.
The whole idea is what the name says, you melt into each other.
Don't think a Melting Hug is a quickie. It's not a back-slapping bear hug that
sportsmen use. It's not the A-Frame Hug where only your shoulders touch.
Instead, it's a still sinking into each other. Do the following practice and see how
you like it.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Tantric Hugging
Purpose
To experience a full-body hug focusing on subtle energy.
Create a Sacred Space, if you haven't already done so. Add soft music.
2. Undress.
If you have clothes on, take your clothes off, undress each other, or strip and
dance in front of each other. Stand about five feet (two meters) apart.
3. Tantric gazing.
Look openly at one another. Feel the energy coming from this godlike creature
standing in front you. Feel your body responding.
4. Move slowly.
Palms open, raise your arms slowly, reaching forward and begin moving toward
your partner. Really slowly, take a short step every couple breaths. Maintain eye
contact. Feel your energy rise as you get closer. Feel the energy connection
between you.
5. Tantric touching.
As you get close enough to touch, intertwine your arms with your lover's. Slowly
and sensuously put your entire body next to your partner's, including hips and
sexual jewels. Bend your knees slightly. The taller partner may need to sink lower
for maximum skin contact. Be sure to get in a comfortable position because
you're going to be here for a few minutes.
6. Be still.
Don't move, shift, pat or squeeze too tightly. This is a sensual, erotic hug where
the two of you become one energetically. Of course, you don't lose points if you're
the first to move. If you have to shift because of discomfort, so be it, adjust your
posture so you're always comfortable.
7. Feel each other.
Breathe into all parts of your body. Feel your breath, your energy, your
resistances, your objections, your aches and pains, your concern for your partner,
your desire to pull away, and your feelings of melting into one another. Feel your
partner's body, breathing, softness, hardness, tension, relaxation, energy moving.
Feel the exchange of energy. Feel everything. Enjoy your sexual arousal, if it's
there.
8. Enjoy each other.
Stay in this Tantric Hug pose for five minutes.
9. Share.
After you part, share your thoughts, feelings and reactions with your partner.
10. Close.
Close with a Heart Salutation.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Initial Energy Connection
If you weave words of affection like sweet everythings with non-verbal energy
bridges like Tantric Kissing, Tantric Ritual Undressing, and Tantric
Hugging, you're opening multiple energy channels at once. These are all quick,
fun, sweet, and sensual actions you can do just about anytime. What you do when
is your call, of course.
Of course, if you did all seven practices so far at stage two of the Tantric
Sextasy Ritual, you're not having the fastest of quickies. They might take you
about 30 minutes so that means it's a "longie," our favorite kind of lovemaking. If
you don't yet realize the payoff in terms of ecstasy and supreme bliss, you've got a
wonderful surprise ahead.
After doing these practices, here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk
about.
What did you like best?
How did you feel during each practice?
What were your resistances? What form did they take?
What was hardest for you?
What would you like to try differently next time?
How do you think these practices better prepare you for Spiritual Sex?
Great Sex is a Partnership
Reveal Yourself & Watch What Happens
There are some other messages we think are
vital that you look for inside and share
openly before lovemaking of any kind. We
mean discussing each other's desires,
concerns, and boundaries.
When you as Shiva and Shakti merge as
equals, when you're both fully empowered,
when you take complete responsibility for
yourselves and your pleasure, then true
magic can happen. If one of you is holding
back, unsure, unwilling, resistant, conflicted,
or any of the other sentiments we all feel
from time to time during intimate play, your
ecstasy probably won't be anywhere near as stellar.
If you're waiting to be "done," relying on some mysterious force to catapult you
higher, depending on drugs to make you high, expecting your lover's skill to make
you come big time, you might be disappointed.
Oh, sure, it might be great fun, playing out an exotic romance that you've always
dreamed about. There's great energy to be had from fantasies, role-playing, and
bondage-domination games. But as a steady diet for spiritual growth and
relationship enhancement, we wouldn't recommend that you depend on it.
A basic prerequisite of Spiritual Sex is that you each always operate with consent.
Never do anything to your lover without permission. A sensitive Tantrika always
asks before making genital contact. Penetration is always preceded with
something like "Would yoni enjoy a visit now by vajra (or my finger or tongue)?"
Only then can you each be 100% responsible for your own pleasure.
If you know what you want, make your limitations clear, and explain what you
feel in each moment, true trust can unfold. You'll have a chance to really expose
yourself and teach your lover what turns you on. Only then can you truly reveal
what's alive inside you and connect with your lover's soul. This is authentic
intimacy without fear. Then, when you enjoy divine play together as partners, the
sky's the limit.
When You Communicate, Be Real, Be Authentic
When we hold back emotionally or spiritually, we hold back energetically as well.
That's why we believe communication is a compelling key to great sex. Most
people struggle to communicate openly about their sexual feelings and desires.
Sure, it's easier for most lovers to talk about the weather than how their yoni felt
last time, what will keep vajra from exploding too soon, or what risky sex play
they want to experiment with now.
The single biggest communication challenge for couples is when one or both
partners aren't completely forthcoming and authentic with each other. In less
formal words, this means when you're acting phony, being vague, or not telling
all. When your words don't match your expression, body language, and actions,
there will be repercussions immediately or eventually.
Here are some questions to consider about how real you are. Do you...
Feel that your darling is responsible for satisfying you in any way?
Believe that your partner is supposed to know how to satisfy you?
Act passive when you're not getting what you want and then complain
afterwards?
Wait for that magical moment when something outside of yourself will
sweep you away? Or do you think you're a character in a romance novel
and expect yourself to know exactly what will please your lover all the
time, because you're a gifted mind reader?
Tantric Sextasy teaches that whether you're female or male, you're 100%
responsible for your own turn-on, your ecstasy, and your own orgasms. By this
we don't mean that all good lovin' is self-lovin'. We mean that great sex is a
partnership in which it takes two to tango.
Sexual Partnership Means Mutual Sexual Consent
The partnership of Spiritual Sex is where you both discover how your body works
and communicate it. You both treasure your pleasure and guide your lover to give
you what you want. Each lover tunes in to clear-cut signals and responds. Your
own cues are equally obvious so you both give and receive what brings maximum
pleasure.
Because Tantrikas use sexual play to raise awareness, we focus on, talk about,
and study sex more than the average person. But we don't plan things out in
detail. We learn to look inside, understand what we're wanting and feeling now,
and then talk about it. And, as you just read, we never do anything to another,
even a long-term partner, without their permission.
When you know where you and your partner are at emotionally and physically,
then you can trust that your partner will respect your needs and limits. When you
trust, it's much easier to relax. High states of ecstasy are only accessible when
you're really relaxed, conscious, and present.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: How REAL Are You?
Here are some statements to complete by reflecting, journaling, or talking.
My beliefs about who's responsible for my own pleasure are...
My beliefs about who's responsible for my lover's pleasure are...
I feel my sexual needs are understood and appreciated when...
What my partner does to help me feel this way is...
I want my lover to better understand...
I feel shy or embarrassed talking about...
Sexual Partnering Questions
Are you getting the point that Spiritual Sex is a unique partnership involving
mutual consent, energy balance, full participation, plus equal giving and
receiving? We always start any partnered Tantric practice by discussing three
issues which we call the Partnering Questions. In this way, you can make sure
that your minds are focused, your hearts are clear, and your guidelines are
understood without any hidden anxieties or expectations.
The Partnering Questions guide you to talk about the following.
(1) Desires: What do you want, intend, or hope will happen?
(2) Concerns: What's on your mind, worrying you, or concerns you about
yourself, your partner, or the situation? This includes safer sex issues,
birth control, privacy,
confidentially, health, long-term
commitment, what you imagine
your partner is thinking, etc.
(3) Boundaries: Want lines you
don't want to cross and specific
behaviors you do not want to
engage in at this time?
For example, before receiving a sensual massage your lover might ask for...
Desires: long slow oiled strokes and nurturing touch,
Concerns: without things turning too sexual because she's having
menstrual cramps, and
Boundaries: with no vaginal or anal penetration.
Discussing the Partnering Questions allow you to speak simply and
respectfully about your sexuality in the moment. Revealing where you're at and
finding out what your sweetheart wants before Spiritual Sex is vital to the flow of
orgasmic energy and can be a major turn-on or tension reliever. Having this kind
of brief conversation before you get hot and sweaty can create a great playing
field in which you can learn about who you are and what you want. This is how
you can make each encounter be full-out, because you have nothing to hide or
protect against.
Maybe each of you is still learning about your subtle orgasmic triggers.
Regardless, the more you talk with your partner about what you want, the quicker
you'll both learn what you can do to get it.
Answering and negotiating about the Partnering Questions doesn't mean you
should make a strict agenda for each lovemaking session. Sure, you may be
hoping for some hot petting, some luscious oral pleasure, or endless penis
stroking inside your womanhood. But asking for what you want can also be
general or a long-term intention like...
"Let's see how high we can get without sexual union for a long while."
"I'd like us to learn more about each other's bodies."
"I'm feeling really needy right now and want to go real slow without any
expectations of what will happen."
"I hope you want to play for the longest time because I'm really hot to
trot."
Don't think that we're recommending that you enter into Tantric Lovemaking
with specific goals or outcomes in mind. Strict detailed expectations can distract
and fill you with too much frustration. Approach the "desires" question generally,
just like the examples above, focusing more on overall intention than measurable
results.
We realize there are many men who think they're a failure if their woman doesn't
orgasm. At the same time, there are many women who don't have a clue what will
make them feel profound sexual pleasure. As a result, some men and women
pressure their lovers to have an orgasm to soothe their own egos. We can't
emphasize enough the message that orgasms are wonderful, but it's the pleasure
along the journey that transforms your connection to one another and your
connection to Goddess/God.
Don't use the Partnering Questions to dictate where you want to end up, only
where you choose to start. Use them to reveal what's alive inside you and then
choose to go with the flow. When you embrace the Tantric Attitude, all good
things unfold to those who surrender.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Sexual Partnering Questions
Description
The following exercise is designed to help you get familiar with the three topics --
desires, concerns, and boundaries -- for sex in general. More often, you'll
use these questions to prepare for specific activities during later practices in this
e-course or sessions with the Tantric Sextasy Ritual.
Purpose
To get comfortable in answering and discussing the Partnering Questions so
you can get clear in advance and be completely responsible for your own growth,
safety, and pleasure.
1. Rate your current sex life.
Take a moment to look within and identify how satisfied you currently are with
your sex life. Consider what you've had, what you've got, how it's working, and
what you want. Include desires, feelings, concerns, and frustrations. The more
honestly you can do this, the better your future experiences will be.
Give thought to how you want to present this, such as tone, eye contact, and
respectful words. Remember, you'll be talking about what you want, not what
your partner did or didn't do. You accept that you're 100% responsible for your
own pleasure, right? So focus on "how can we make our sexual union last
longer?" rather than "you always come too quickly?" Recognize "I really want to
receive more oral sex and want to learn how to help you enjoy it" instead of "you
don't love me because you won't go down on me."
2. Opening heart salutation.
We always recommend doing all sensual and intimate practices in your Tantric
Sacred Space. To begin with the right mood, do a Heart Salutation together.
3. One partner presents.
The first partner explains their Desires, Concerns, and Boundaries regarding
sex with the other. Since you want to start generally, one or two minutes each is
usually sufficient for each of the three questions.
4. "I" statements.
Remember to use "I" statements. Stay focused on yourself and your feelings.
Before lovemaking isn't the time to ask your partner for major life changes. If this
is your first time to share something unpleasant or dissatisfying, we recommend
you limit your disclosure to just one issue so that you can both have time to
express and digest.
5. Just listen.
The receiving partner should simply listen, acknowledge, and ask for clarification
only if necessary to understand. Please no commentary or opinion giving. Getting
defensive undermines the whole process.
6. The other lovers turn.
Next, the second partner assumes the role of speaker. Follow the instructions
above. The new listener just listens.
7. Negotiate.
If there are differences in desires or boundaries that conflict each other, discuss
what you can do to honor each other's wishes. Your goal is to create a win-win
situation. We want each of you to feel good, safe, and comfortable so that you can
proceed to the fantastic sensual feast you'll be creating together.
8. Closing heart salutation.
Conclude your practice with another Heart Salutation. It's a wonderful closing
gesture for all practices.
This little negotiation before Spiritual Sex, Tantric practice, or any kind of
lovemaking need only take a few minutes. Of course, if there's big stuff in the
way, it's better to use this kind of dialogue to clear the decks before getting
physical, no matter how long it takes.
We urge you to discuss the Partnering Questions each time you choose to be
sexually intimate, no matter how long you've been together. You'll be focusing on
how you feel and what you want in the moment. Your partner won't know, only
you will. Don't worry if you feel you're not doing the Partnering Questions
very eloquently at first. Whatever you do is good for intimacy and good practice
to grow your communication skills.
The Safer & Smarter Sex Interview
Partnering Questions are great for long-
term lovers to use religiously to keep the decks
cleared whenever practicing and playing. We
strongly encourage all lovers to become
confident and forthright about communicating
about sex in general, but about protection
from disease and pregnancy in specific. Any
lover who engages with a new partner must definitely and absolutely pay special
attention to this conversation.
Our final chapter includes detailed guidelines for understanding sexually
transmitted diseases and negotiating levels of risk. Basically, if you exchange
sexual fluids you can become exposed to unwanted germs that can seriously
affect your health. No matter how awkward it might seem when you're first
learning to do this, you must ask certain vital questions when you're discussing
concerns during the Partnering Questions.
For example, you'll want to ask new partners...
Have you been exposed to any STDs that you're aware of?
When was the last time you were tested for HIV (the AIDS virus) and other
STDs?
What kind of protection do you use with other partners?
How risky is your sex life or do you only play with known trusted partners?
Only then can you negotiate what you're willing to do with what kind of
protection so you're playing with an acceptable level of risk. That's how you can
be very sexually active and healthy for the long haul.
Please review the details about Safer & Smarter Sex in Chapter 10 (Day 5) as
soon as you can.
Tantric Sex Learn, Try, and Practice, Practice, Practice
In essence, answering questions like the above and then acting on them is what
this e-course is all about. We don't just want you to read Tantric Sextasy. We
want you to study, communicate, and practice. All the wonderful, delicious, juicy
stuff we're suggesting is for you and your lover to experiment with.
You've set out on an exciting explorer's program. Remember, your mindset will
determine how much you discover about the staggering ecstasy that's lurking
inside you. Keep an open mind. Act like kids playing doctor. Drop your
expectations and cynicisms. Treat every experience as fresh and new. Embody the
Tantric Attitude of YES-BE.
Only if you get out of the way can you let the dormant energy deep within
transport you to new and unexpected places. So practice, practice, practice!
We know some of this stuff is new and may even seem weird at first. (Well, not if
you attend a Tantric gathering.) If you try them, we think you'll like them. If not,
you're the boss about what you do. Either way, we won't tell on you.
And please don't assume that you should do each exercise once. Most are more
valuable when done repeatedly. Practice may not make you perfect, but it does
feel better and better as it gets easier. Ecstasy takes you higher and higher. Every
time you do a practice, you will learn something new, we guarantee it. It may be
something new about yourself, new about your partner, or new about your
sexuality.
We've been studying and practicing many forms of sexuality for many years and
we still keep learning about ourselves. Each time we make love it's different, it's
new, it's unexpected. We don't believe we know it all so we approach every
session of lovemaking as a new adventure. As a result, our sex keeps getting
better, too.
Remember the How To Love Me practice from Chapter 3 (Day 2)? We debated
at length about including it here as well because it's essential for establishing an
open, free, playful, and ecstatic lovemaking experience with a new partner.
Because you can use it over and over to go deeper and deeper with specific
erogenous zones we recommend you include it at the Connecting Hearts
Stage of the Tantric Sextasy Ritual at times.
For example, this week she might want to experiment with what clio (clitoris)
likes and share that with you before making love. Next week, you might use the
practice to share some new things youve discovered about your devamani
(testicles) during self-pleasuring.
A Tantrika knows what the body, mind, and soul wants and how to ask for it. This
is a very fun way to learn about your body as you're sharing with your partner.
The more detailed the better.
In Tantric Sextasy, everything is sacred, holy. There is no unholy. You and your
partner are learning the steps of ecstatic love and lovemaking. So let's move on to
the next stage in the Tantric Sextasy Ritual, turning plain sex into a dynamic
meditation, where you'll meet the true spiritual nature of Spiritual Sex.
Chapter 6: Sexually Meditate Together
The Four Cornerstones of Supreme Sexual Bliss
Do we guess right that you are reading this e-
course not simply to have better sex but to
experience the highest level of ecstatic
experiences possible? The Tantric Sextasy
Ritual is the path to that ecstasy every time
you make love. In addition to learning the
physical triggers to pleasure, one of the
primary things you'll learn here is how to
cultivate and circulate orgasmic energy to
propel you to higher states of consciousness
and bliss.
The secret is to turn the orgasmic responses
of the body and mind into skills you can
practice, master, and use at will. We call the keys to mastering The Four
Cornerstones of Supreme Bliss.
Presence: being clear, calm, and conscious of the present.
Breath: using the intake and release of air to energize you.
Sound: harnessing the power of your voice.
Movement: learning to strengthen, move, and relax your muscles.
We introduced you to the cornerstones at the end of Chapter 3 (Day 2). Now
we're really going to begin to show you how they work and how they can change
your humdrum sex life into sexual magic.
How can these simple actions revolutionize your sexuality? Do you remember
where these four cornerstones come from? They are what happens to you and
your body when your pleasure mounts and you approach orgasm. You get
focused, breathe deeper, make noise, and move sensuously.
Of course, you could tune out, pant, mumble, and tense up which would block
your ascent to the highest peaks. When you learn to harness these four natural
responses to magnify your turn-on, you'll find your sensitivity, capacity, and
intensity of pleasure increasing.
How to Use the Four Cornerstones of Sexual Bliss to Your Advantage
Here's how you're going to use them...
Presence means being relaxed enough to open your senses in the moment
without any goal or expectation and focus totally on the pleasure you're feeling
right now. Presence of mind allows you to use visualization to move orgasmic
energy (orgasmic energy), and presence of spirit tunes your internal receiver to
the frequency of subtle energy.
A Tantric breath is deep, slow, and in the belly. It's the stimulating breath that
fuels the body's metabolism.
Tantrikas (Tantra adepts) make love sounds such as moans to express the
pleasure they're feeling. This releases inhibitions and opens powerful nerve
channels.
The kinds of movements we're referring to are undulating Pelvic Rocking on
the outside and sexual muscle pumping on the inside. Not only do these
actions channel orgasmic energy, but they make you feel really hot.
This and the following chapter about the third and fourth stages of the Tantric
Sextasy Ritual focus on how you can practice and employ the Four
Cornerstones of Supreme Bliss to create peak pleasure with the slightest
arousal. We'll begin with presence, enhance your ability to relax, go deeper into
meditation, use your breath consciously, and work with the chakras, the subtle
energy centers in your body.
Meditation is an essential step in Spiritual Sex and the third stage of the Tantric
Sextasy Ritual so that can you enter lovemaking with a state of inner peace and
mental stillness. This kind of presence is vital for tuning in to the subtle but
potent energies lying dormant inside, that can become a torrent of ecstasy when
you welcome them.
Sexual Presence & Relaxation
BE PRESENT in Everything You Do (Yes, Sexual Too!)
Being present means showing up fully, mind, body and soul. Presence is really
just another word for consciousness. To be present means to be completely aware
psychologically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When you're present, all
of you is here, now.
Focus and intention are a part of being present. The clearer the channels within
you, the more fully you can be present and the more ecstasy you can feel. If you're
worried or distracted by past or future events, you won't be here, now, fully. A
part of you will be elsewhere.
Too often our monkey-mind busily chatters away with non-essentials that keep
us from really feeling or being. If you find that your mind tends to wander when
you're making love, then perhaps practicing being present by using relaxation,
meditation, and breathing are things you should focus on.
Do you know the joke about the woman who "beiges out?" She's lying on her back
while her husband is making love to her and she says "This ceiling would look
great painted beige." Sadly, this non-present experience is all too common. It
prohibits ecstatic lovemaking not only for the lover on top but for the space-case
below.
Don't beige out on yourself or your partner. The rituals of Tantric Sextasy
can help you be more present. Sometimes in our busy world we have to simply
take time to switch off our minds and move into our bodies. Ritual can help.
Multi-level relaxation is essential. Meditation is a great way to "turn off" the
mind.
Many of the practices earlier in the Tantric Sextasy Ritual are designed to
prepare you for this state of presence. Adopting the Tantric Attitude, getting in
your body, focusing on your senses, creating a Tantric Sacred Space, and
clearing concerns with the Partnering Questions are all terrific ways to be
present while making love. To move into those higher states of awareness where
ecstasy lies, it's absolutely essential to leave the mundane world behind and
simply sink into your sensations and feelings.
You can develop the cornerstone of Presence by practicing staying in the
moment, feeling your body, releasing your thoughts, and clearing your mind.
That's why relaxation and meditation are included at this juncture of the Tantric
Sextasy Ritual.
RELAX! - A Tense Man Cannot Be a Great Sexual Lover
Tantric Sextasy is about ecstasy and
ecstatic sex. A critical part of our formula for
ecstasy is "relaxation while being highly
aroused." You're probably saying, what? How
can you be turned on and relaxed at the same
time? Just trust us at this point, that we
learned how to do it and so can you. It's vital to open your subtle energy channels.
In the western world, we live with so much tension and tightness that we think
it's normal. People suffer from tension headaches because of shoulder and neck
stress. Lower back pain from worry is all too common.
Even worse, for our purposes, is that most of us learned to tense up while making
love. Think about how you orgasm or ejaculate. Chances are real good that as you
get closer to coming, your butt cheeks squeeze and you hold your body tight. This
is true of many women as well as men. Interestingly, tightening your body
reduces the blood flow to your genitals, which can reduce the power of your
orgasms, and restricts your orgasms to just your genitals (oh yes, you can orgasm
at various points in your body!).
When you're relaxed, your blood circulates freely, your nerve circuits are wide
open, and you breathe more deeply. When your body is relaxed, so is your mind
and the channels where orgasmic energy moves. When your subtle energy flows
easily, everything works better. The highs are higher because you can melt into
the turn-on, savor it, play with it, and float on the clouds of ecstasy. Ecstasy
comes only when you're truly relaxed.
Your Ticket to Supreme Sexual Bliss
Can you understand how any mental or physical tension can prevent your
progress at this stage? Sure, you can force your way around solid obstacles with
the force of your will. But to use subtle energy you have to relax, breathe, and feel
every little sensation. Tension will block the doorway to feeling and moving
orgasmic energy. Surrender and letting go are your ticket to the game of supreme
bliss.
You'll find that the most ecstatic Tantrikas (Tantric adepts) enter Tantric practice
and lovemaking with no goals and few expectations. Being in the now and
honoring pleasure makes them receptive to the higher, finer frequencies of
orgasmic energy. If they were to hold fast to mandatory outcomes and push to
create exceptional orgasms, they might well be distracted and miss the tickles and
cues now. Results happen later, feelings happen now.
If you relax, don't worry about where you're going or how fast you're getting
there, and never despair when it takes longer than you think it should, soon you'll
get inklings, then surges, and finally waves that will bowl you over. Be patient.
You'll probably need to practice numerous times for weeks before the magic will
occur.
Of course, instant breakthroughs do happen. But you can't depend on them. Be
patient with yourself and your partner. And don't forget to practice regularly.
Practice is what embeds the process into your body and mind so that it becomes
automatic.
Three exercises follow shortly to help you train your mind and body to relax: the
Corpse Posture, Muscle Relaxation, and Body-Breathing Practices.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Presence
Here are some questions to reflect on, write about in your Sexploration Journal,
or talk about.
How relaxed are you when you make love, especially as you approach a
peak of pleasure?
During lovemaking, how aware are you of your inner world and your
surroundings?
Does your mind ever wander when you're making love? What distracts
you?
Can you get turned-on from small subtle titillation or do you need strong
stimulation?
SOLO SEXERCISE: Corpse Posture
Description
There's a Yoga position called the Corpse Posture that's a good place to start
making relaxation a sensual discipline. As you might guess from the name, you
just lie down and well, play dead.
Purpose
To consciously relax by lying down and letting everything go.
1. Lay down.
Lie down on your back and close your eyes. Use a pillow under your knees and
neck if you need them to be entirely comfortable.
2. Loosen your limbs.
Spread your legs slightly and let your arms fall away from your body with your
palms up.
3. Feel your weight.
Imagine the weight of your body pressing down into the earth while being
entirely supported all around.
4. Just let go.
Just let all the tensions in your body go completely, allowing all your muscles to
relax. Let your mind float free.
5. BREATHE!
Focus on the slow steady natural rhythm of your breathing. Let that be the only
thing you're aware of while your mind relaxes.
6. Float.
Just float this way for 20 minutes while you witness what your mind and body
experience.
You can practice this regularly before other exercises or anytime you want to
dissolve any of the stresses that you accumulate during normal life. Some find
that by recording these instructions on an audio tape and listening to them in
their own voice helps them relax more and faster.
SOLO SEXERCISE: Muscle Relaxation
Description
In this exercise, you'll systematically isolate, tense, and then relax each muscle
group in your body, starting with your toes. When muscles are tense, it's common
for most of us to clench our jaw muscles. So a good tip for all exercises in this e-
course, especially the relaxation ones, is to keep your tongue lightly touching the
roof of your mouth, your palate. Then you can't unconsciously bite down hard or
gnash your teeth.
Please read the entire practice with your partner before beginning. If you'd like,
tape the following instructions, giving plenty of time for the practice. Then you
can stop your mind and listen to your own instructions on the tape.
Purpose
To consciously relax all your muscles one by one.
1. Lay down.
Lie down and close your eyes in the Corpse Posture or any other way you feel
comfortable. If the Corpse Posture isn't comfortable, find another lying or sitting
position where you can totally relax.
2. Focus on your toes.
Focus your awareness on your toes, tense them tightly for a count of five, and
then relax them for several breaths.
3. Focus on your feet.
Focus your awareness on your feet, tense them tightly for a count of five, and
then relax them for several breaths.
4. Focus on every single part of your body, one by one.
Get the idea? Continue doing the same with your lower legs, thighs, jewels, butt,
stomach, lower back, chest, upper back, hands, forearms, upper arms, shoulders,
neck, and jaw. (If you're making a tape of this practice, separate each of these into
steps.)
5. Repeat.
Check all over your body. If you feel tension remaining anywhere, repeat the
complete cycle from feet to head until you feel relaxed all over.
6. BREATHE!
Take a few moments just breathing gently and feel the complete sense of
relaxation sink in deeply.
With enough relaxation practice, your body will remember the sensation and
you'll be able to go into this floating state quickly and easily at will.
SOLO SEXERCISE: Body-Breathing
Description
This practice is very similar to the previous one. However, instead of relaxing by
tensing and releasing your muscles, here you use your breath. This exercise uses
the breath to help your consciousness focus, wash, and cleanse each part of your
body.
Breath is one of the Four Cornerstones of Supreme Bliss because of its spiritual
power. In the West, we don't pay much attention to how we're breathing. In this
e-course, you've already used your breath to meditate, get into your body, ground
yourself, and connect with your lover. Soon you'll discover how it can
supercharge your pleasure.
Again, you can tape the following instructions for repeated use.
Purpose
To consciously relax all your muscles using your breath.
1. Lay down.
Lie down and close your eyes in the Corpse
Posture or any other way you feel
comfortable. If the Corpse Posture isn't
comfortable, find another lying or sitting
position where you can totally relax.
2. Focus on your toes.
Focus your awareness on your toes and visualize the air you take into your lungs
streaming down and washing your toes. Keep this up for several normal breaths
until your toes relax.
3. Focus on your feet.
Focus your awareness on your feet and breathe into them for a few cycles.
4. Focus on every single part of your body, one by one.
Get the idea? Continue doing the same with your lower legs, thighs, jewels, butt,
stomach, lower back, chest, upper back, hands, forearms, upper arms, shoulders,
neck, and jaw. (If you're making a tape of this practice, separate each of these into
steps.)
5. Repeat.
Check all over your body. If you feel tension remaining anywhere, repeat the
complete cycle from feet to head until you feel relaxed all over.
6. BREATHE!
Take a few moments just breathing gently and feel the complete sense of
relaxation sink in deeply.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Tantric Relaxation
Here are some statements to complete by reflecting, journaling, or talking.
How easy was it for you to relax completely?
What parts of your body let go most easily? Least easily?
Where did your mind do while you were trying to relax?
What did you do when you mind began racing?
Where did your mind go when you became relaxed?
What method helped you relax most quickly and easily?
Tantric Meditating
To Reach the Pinnacles of Pleasure, Enter the No-Mind Zone
As we get closer and closer to the lovemaking stage of the Tantric Sextasy
Ritual, we hope you're getting the point that the Tantric Attitude is the
foundation of all these preparations. The first cornerstone, presence, is integral.
Tantric Sextasy adepts first center themselves in the now, awaken their
consciousness, and open their senses before entering any spiritual, sensual, or
erotic practice.
This is the way you reach the pinnacles of pleasure, use orgasmic energy to fuel
transformation, and enter into the timeless void where sex becomes meditation.
Of course, living by the Tantric Attitude is a great way to practice meditation in
life, just as meditation is a great way to practice consciousness while sitting still.
We introduced the no-mind concept and the practice of meditation in Chapter 2
(Day 1) as a way to practice the first "E" of YES-BE, namely how to experience the
now. Here's our complete definition of one form of meditation.
Sitting and emptying the mind by reciting mantras, watching the
breath, or witnessing ideas floating by, intended to create a "no-
mind" condition of deep inner peace filled with stillness.
Meditation is another great way to create the foundation for relaxation, a critical
doorway to ecstasy. A busy mind, or monkey-mind, cannot relax. The rush of
thoughts makes the body tense and the sensations limited. Think about the times
you felt ecstatic. Couldn't you describe it as being excited and relaxed at the same
time? No performance anxiety there. No fear of missing a goal. And no judgments
about anything.
Meditation on a regular basis teaches the body to move into a relaxed state
without focusing on thoughts. This is the ideal state to become aroused in.
Remember, ecstasy is high arousal while relaxed.
When we introduced meditation in Chapter 2 (Day 1) we offered a practice
describing a Sitting Meditation. Did you try it? Because it's such a vital method of
relaxation and presence, we've reproduced it here. To help you appreciate the
power of your own breath, another of the four cornerstones, we changed its name
to the Conscious Breathing Meditation.
SOLO SEXERCISE: Conscious Breathing Meditation
Description
The simple method of clearing your mind and relaxing just guides you to put all
your attention and awareness on your breath.
Purpose
To develop relaxation, inner comfort, and stillness by simply watching the breath.
1. Find your zone.
Make some free time in a quiet uninterrupted space. Some people like to do this
next to a partner, but it's not essential since it's a personal, private, inner
experience. Yes, you have to turn off your phone, answering machine, pager, and
TV. Please don't answer the door either.
2. Sit.
Sit in a comfortable position. The classic posture is the lotus position with one leg
crossed over the other. We can't get all the way there, and it may not be easy for
you either. It's fine if you get as close as you can to this posture, insuring at least
that you sit upright.
A great aid is a zafu, a round Japanese meditation pillow that's rather firm and
shaped like a fat pancake, to keep the pelvis higher than the semi-crossed legs.
You can also meditate sitting straight in a comfortable chair or sofa. Gurus agree
that the one most important component of your position for meditation is that
you keep your spine straight.
3. Just be.
Meditation is not doing anything -- it's simply being. So don't set any goals or
preconceptions of what's going to happen. Just sit for a moment and relax.
4. Be your own witness.
As you settle into a comfortable state, you'll undoubtedly discover that your mind
is busy. Don't do anything about it, just let it happen. Witness and watch ideas,
thoughts, and pictures floating by like clouds in a brisk wind.
5. Watch your breath.
To quiet the mind without force, watch your breath coming in and out. Notice the
sensation of air entering your nostrils, filling your lungs, and streaming out.
Don't consciously try to change or control your breathing, just pay attention to it.
6. Come back.
You'll probably find your concentration wandering away from your breath. When
this happens, don't beat yourself up. It's natural. When you realize you've strayed,
just come back to watching your breath. You may have to do this repeatedly.
7. Give yourself a few minutes.
Gurus advise 15 minutes of sitting meditation morning and afternoon. Since you
shouldn't be watching the clock, we're not sure how you time it unless you set an
alarm clock. Heres a rule of thumb: just remain still until you relax and your
mind settles.
Meditation Unblocks Sexual Energy Channels
Use this practice to train yourself to relax and become present quickly. Use it so
you can release tension that could block the flow of orgasmic energy. Use it so
that you can open your senses and really, really feel. And it's OK with us if you
use it because it makes you deal with the stresses and strains of life and makes
you feel better.
Meditation also helps you practice mental focusing, an important skill in Tantric
Lovemaking. Shortly, we'll show you how to use the power of your mind to
visualize subtle energy. This, in essence, is how you tune your receiver to pick up
stronger orgasmic energy signals. It's really hard to do when you're tense,
distracted, and absorbed in your too-busy mind.
Meditation is more than just a still sit-down retreat in a quiet room, more than
just a means to clear your mind. To use it during Spiritual Sex to open your subtle
energy channels, you need to be present when there's a lot going on around you.
The following exercise begins this training process. In it, you use relaxation,
presence, and mental focus to concentrate on your senses.
SOLO SEXERCISE: The Walking Meditation
Description
This Walking Meditation starts with the same goals as Conscious Breathing
Meditation: emptying the mind so you can become more conscious and open
your senses. But it continues by getting you moving and, one by one, shining the
light of your awareness on four of your five senses: hearing, touch, sight, and
smell.
Allow about 45 minutes for this exercise. The Walking Meditation is best done
outside. However, if you live in a cold climate, or it's pouring down rain, you can
certainly do it indoors.
Please read the entire practice together before beginning and then try it as best
you can remember. You can make a tape of these instructions, but don't listen to
it with tight earphones or you'll cut off your sense of outside sound.
Purpose
To clear your mind and open your senses while walking consciously.
1. Walk the earth.
Take off your shoes, if you can. Feel the
ground, earth, grass or carpeting beneath
your feet. Take a few deep breaths and then
take one, slow, methodical step. Be aware of
each muscle, each sensation, each
movement, each shift of weight and new
pressure. As you continue walking ever so slowly, put pure focus on all that your
body is doing to keep itself going. Notice the changes in your feet, toes, legs, and
the rest of your body with each deliberate step. Walk like this for five minutes.
2. Hear the earth.
As you continue walking, shift your attention to what you're hearing. This could
be wind in the trees, music playing, people talking, birds singing, cars going by,
your refrigerator humming, or your computer buzzing. Focus on all the sounds at
the same time. Open your aural sense as wide as you can. Continue for five
minutes.
3. Hearing & walking together.
With your ears wide open, add the awareness of your walking movement as you
did in Step 1. Focus on both at the same time. Continue for five minutes.
4. Touch.
While walking, focus your attention solely on what your skin is experiencing.
Slowly and gently touch what's near you. Feel the texture of things, the breeze on
your face, the weight of your clothes, the watch or bracelet on your arm, the shoes
on your feet, the earth or floor underneath. Brush up against some leaves,
furniture, or other textures in your environment. Continue for five minutes.
5. Touching, walking, & hearing.
While maintaining your awareness of your sense of touch, include your sense of
sound and your attention to walking. Open yourself to feel, hear, and walk
consciously, all at once. Continue for five minutes.
6. See.
Continue walking while focusing your attention on seeing. Notice color,
movement, texture, size. Take it all in simultaneously. Open your eyes and your
visual field to include everything at the same time. Continue for five minutes.
7. Seeing, touching, walking, & hearing.
The human tendency is to focus on one thing at a time. When you find yourself
doing this, open wider. Feel, see, touch, and walk without separation. Continue
for five minutes.
8. Smell.
Open your olfactory sense (smell). Smell the fragrance of the flowers, the trees,
the cars, the people, perfumes, whatever may be within smelling range. Continue
for five minutes.
9. All senses.
Continue walking and open your attention as wide as you possibly can so that you
may experience hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, and walking as a whole
experience without division. Continue for five minutes.
10. Journal your experience.
Sit and journal your experience. What was the hardest? The easiest? Did you have
any moments when you "got it"? What did that feel like? Share with your partner,
if you choose.
Tantric Breathing
Do Not Underestimate the Sexual Power of Sensual Breathing
Have you noticed that your breath is an often-used and powerful tool in Tantric
practice? We've just used it as a powerful relaxation technique. We've urged you
to be more conscious of it and use it to heighten your consciousness of your body.
You've already seen its benefits too in the Eye-Gazing, Sitting Meditation, Being
In Your Body, Sensory Delight, Grounding, and Body-Breathing Practices.
Since the breath is one of the Four Cornerstones of Supreme Bliss, you're going to
be seeing it and using it lots more very soon to inflame your sexual energy.
Yet, unfortunately in the West, most of us take breathing for granted.
We aren't very conscious of the continuous life-giving process. We tend to
breathe shallowly, as if we were living on a beggar's ration of oxygen. The average
person typically inhales only one pint of air, while our fully expanded lungs can
hold seven. We may not be able to burn enough fuel efficiently this way. And
when we don't exhale fully, we're retaining waste products and toxins that can't
do our bodies any good.
Maybe this is why exercise is so good for modern men and women.
Contrast that with Yoga masters. They believe that the breath fills the body with
prana, the universal life force energy. Some are so sensitive to prana that they
can shut down their breathing to almost nothing and stay in a state of suspended
animation for extended periods.
The More You Breathe, The More Orgasmic Energy You Create
The more oxygen you take in, the more energy you build up in your body. The
more deeply and fully you breath, the more you charge your body's systems. The
more active your respiration, the faster your blood circulates and the more your
vital organs are fed. As your metabolism heats up, the nerve endings under your
skin become more sensitive. You feel more like you're tingling with goose bumps.
With just a few full breaths, you feel more vibrant and alive, brightening the
whole world.
The deeper you breathe, the more you connect with your sexual center, the more
orgasmic energy you can create.
The more conscious you are of your breath, the more you will be aware of your
physical sensations and emotional feelings. In fact, as you increase the
consciousness of your breathing process, you'll find that you can focus more
intently on any part of your body. It's like touching yourself from the inside. You
do this by imagining that the air you take in seeps towards, streams in, and fills
up your heart, your belly, your jewels, or anywhere else. Imagining your breath
fully penetrating a limb, gland, or organ brings sensations of warmth and
aliveness.
Try it now. Close your eyes, relax, and visualize the air you breathe flowing down
your right arm into your hand. Listen to the energy, welcome the current, feel the
warmth of your consciousness infiltrating your hand. Can you feel it? What does
it feel like? Yes, it's subtle, but distinctive when you learn to tune in. This is just
one way in which your breath is a tool that can heighten your sexual experience.
SOLO SEXERCISE: Sexual Belly Breathing
Description
Many Westerners don't know how to breathe
fully. We breathe shallowly, just filling the
top of our lungs. This limits our energy and
tends to keep us in our heads. When you fill
all of your lungs, you activate more life forces
in your body. It's worth the few moments of
practice to master it.
You can learn to breathe deeper and more fully by expanding all of your lungs.
We call this Sexual Belly Breathing. Actually, the air isn't going into your
stomach. Your lungs don't actually extend down that far. When you breathe
deeply, your diaphragm moves down pushing your belly out. So it looks as if your
belly is breathing.
Purpose
To learn how to fill your lungs fully and breathe deep into your belly.
1. Lay down.
Lay on the floor flat on your back.
2. Paper.
Put a piece of paper on your stomach. You can also do this by putting an open
hand on your stomach.
3. Breathe.
Open your mouth and breathe slowly and deeply into your belly.
4. Is the paper moving?
Did the paper move up? If not, concentrate on filling your belly with the first air
that comes in.
5. Fill up.
Once your belly moves outward, it means you've filled your lower lungs. Keep
inhaling and you'll find your chest expanding, too. There's no need to strain,
however, by trying to force ever last drop of air inside. You're aiming for
comfortably full lungs.
6. Continue.
Repeat this kind of breathing for a few minutes until you get accustomed to it.
Practice Sexual Belly Breathing regularly until it becomes automatic. You can do
this anywhere, almost anytime. Once you get the hang of it and can tell where
your breath is going, you can, of course, do it in any position.
The Tantric Breath
When you learn to breathe deeper and use the full oxygen-absorbing capacity of
your lungs, you open up sensual and sexual options you didn't have before. Inhale
more and you charge your body, exhale more and you discharge. For example,
with conscious breathing you can...
Relax, balance, and center yourself when you're distracted or under stress.
Take in more air to energize your sensations when you want more
pleasure.
Regulate your excitement when you get too close to exploding
prematurely.
Coordinate your breathing with your lover to heighten your intimacy and
intensify your connection.
The breath becomes a powerful tool when you learn to use it wisely.
The kind of breathing that we use most during Spiritual Sex is the Tantric breath.
The Tantric breath is relaxed, slow, deep in the belly, and through the mouth. It
has four distinct steps: inhale, hold, exhale, and hold.
In our experience, when you breathe through the nose you're more likely to stay
in your head, inhibiting your ability to be fully present with all senses open.
Breathing through the mouth immediately puts you into your body. That's what
you want and that's where you want to be during Tantric practice. Breathing
tantrically is such a basic part of generating and channeling orgasmic energy that
we could go on and on about going slow and savoring.
Actually, a great way to master Tantric breathing is by recognizing its four parts...
in,
pause,
out,
pause.
This is slower and more conscious than the way we normally breathe. The in- and
out-breaths might last for a count of five, longer than the pauses which you might
hold just for a count of one.
The point is not to strain your lugs over-full or hold your breath for as long as you
can. We just don't want you rushing ahead to the next in or out (which by the way
applies to other kinds of stroking, too!). Everything governed by the Tantric
Attitude is conscious and deliberate. When you're breathing tantrically, simply
pause for a distinct moment between inhaling and exhaling, and exhaling and
inhaling; then you'll have more chance to notice what's going on and savor the
sensations.
SOLO SEXERCISE: Tantric Breathing
Description
Here's a chance to practice Tantric breathing. This kind of breathing is slow and
through the mouth. Westerners tend to want to rush this process. To shift that,
this is something you'll want to do regularly until it becomes second nature.
Remember, the more air you take in rhythmically, the more energy you can
generate. So you'll want to get comfortable filling your lungs nearly full, just
before the point of straining. Some recommend that you take in 95% of your
capacity.
Purpose
To learn Tantric breathing so it becomes second nature in Tantric
Lovemaking.
1. Position yourself.
Do this exercise lying down, or standing with loose knees, sitting on a chair, or
sitting on a pillow. A great Tantric position is on a zafu. If you can imagine
squashing a ball of hamburger meat with your palm, you'll recognize a zafu when
you see one. Because the zafu is so firm, it insures that all your weight isn't on
your knees. You can sit cross-legged or put it sideways under your genitals while
kneeling on your knees.
2. Relax.
Close your eyes and relax. At first, just notice what your breath is doing without
changing anything.
3. Breathe deeper.
Gently and slowly, open your mouth and breathe more deeply in your belly, first
filling your lungs from the bottom before you fill your chest.
4. In, hold, out, hold.
Settle into the rhythm of the four stages of the Tantric breath: in for a count of
five, pause for a count of one, out for a count of five, pause for a count of one.
5. Feel.
Experience every nuance of your breath, including your belly's extension plus the
feel and temperature of the air rushing in and out.
6. Reflect.
After a few minutes of this, let your breathing return to normal gradually. Write
in your Sexploration Journal about your feelings and sensations or share with
your partner.
Chakras - The Chambers of Sexual Energy
Many ancient cultures, both in the East and
West, studied subtle energies and created
methods to gain greater mastery over them.
Common to many practices are the chakras,
the Indian word for wheels. Chakras are:
whirlpools or vortices of energy centered
near the spinal column extending out from
the body where subtle energy is generated,
collected, and stored.
We want to introduce you to the chakras because of their importance in
understanding how your mind, body, and spirit interact. Becoming aware of your
chakras can help you focus Tantric energy practices in order to better master your
orgasmic energy. Understanding the chakras will also prepare you for the next
stage of the Tantric Sextasy Ritual which is Energizing Turn-On (Chapter
7, Day 4).
Most systems throughout the world identify seven chakras residing from the
bottom of the spine to the top of the head. Here is a relatively universal list.
# Chakra Location
1st Root Base of spine
2nd Belly 2 inches below navel
3rd Solar Plexus Below breast bone
4th Heart Center of chest
5th Throat Throat
6th Third Eye Forehead
7th Crown Top of head
Though energy is energy, when it's generated or settles in a one chakra, it feels
different from the others.
When we talk about sexual energy, we're actually referring to vibrations of the
first two chakras at the belly and pelvic floor. At the heart, you perceive this life
force as the warm embrace of love. In the brain, it fuels higher awareness. At the
crown, it connects us to the spiritual plane. With Tantric Sextasy we learn to
move orgasmic energy from the lower chakras to wherever we choose.
Chakras, Up Close and Personal
Chakras are funnel-shaped energy vortices like little cyclones. They connect our
energy body with our physical body. The first one extends downward and the
seventh extends upwards. The others extend outward from the spinal column
both front and back approximately 12 to 20 inches.
When we're in nature and feeling relaxed, our chakras are usually more extended.
When we're stressed and around a lot of people -- like when we're in a big city --
they don't extend out quite as far. That's where the idea of personal space comes
from.
We urge all students of Tantric Sextasy to familiarize themselves with the
chakra system. When you're meditating on a chakra, it's great to be able to focus
on the color or plant associated with that chakra. Also, specific gemstones are
associated with each chakra and can be used to strengthen a specific chakra.
Each chakra has an organ or group of organs connected to it. Many health issues
can be traced to weakness in a particular chakra. No chakra can completely close
down, but it can become clogged in ways where only a small amount of energy
gets through.
Because chakras work as a system, they all affect one another. For example, if you
have a diminished third chakra, you may be suffering from self-esteem issues, the
central focus of this energy center. Your third chakra can strongly influence your
first and second which would affect your sexual energy and health. If the fourth
chakra gets involved, your capacity to open your heart could lessen. In other
words, the other chakras might not function optimally when one is particularly
decreased in energy and power.
A Prescription for Prolonged Peak Pleasure
Let us explain how your chakras figure in so pivotally with Spiritual Sex. There
are two main reasons. First, most love partners want more than just a lust
connection at the sex chakras. Merging energy at multiple chakras is immensely
more satisfying.
Second, you can use the invisible channel that connects the chakras internally to
move orgasmic energy throughout your body. We call this invisible energy
conduit the inner flute, because you can use it to create beautiful energetic music
inside. It's also been likened to a hollow bamboo.
This is the key to revitalizing your chakras and healing whatever needs to be
healed. Learn to stream orgasmic energy life force up and down your inner flute
and you'll be able to clear the mental, emotional, and physical blocks that are in
your way to creating an ecstatic life. This is one aspect of the healing power of sex
in Tantric Sextasy.
Those who practice orgasmic energy Yoga believe this orgasmic energy sleeps at
the base of the spine. Others in the Quodoshka tradition of Native Americans
believe the first chakra is at the clio (clitoris) or tip of vajra (penis). The Q'ero
tribe of Peru believe there are nine chakras. Other traditions recognize more.
They all agree, however, that we should awaken the orgasmic energy in us.
Awaken the sleeping serpent of sexual fire, spread the energy upward, and not
only do you create exciting sexual experiences, but you rejuvenate your entire
mind, body, and spirit.
Breathe Into Your Chakras
The Chakra Breathing Meditation is one potent way to use your breath. OK,
you don't really breathe into the chakras. We know that breath goes into the
lungs. But this metaphor is a powerful doorway into learning to vitalize your
chakras and stream energy up and down your inner flute. You use your intention
to imagine your breath flowing into each chakra.
In this refreshing exercise, you move your body and breathe strongly and rapidly
imagining the air rushing in and out of each chakra in turn. Don't confuse this
type of breathing with Sexual Belly Breathing because it's much faster.
Chakra Breathing helps you cleanse your inner flute, energize your chakras, and
tune into the subtler frequencies of orgasmic energy. With regular practice, you'll
become more attuned to these subtle frequencies that you'll be working with
throughout Tantric rituals and in Tantric Lovemaking.
SOLO SEXERCISE: Chakra Breathing Meditation
Description
Chakra Breathing isn't a silent, sitting meditation by any means, but a
stimulating, dynamic, and exciting one. Though most of the time you're moving,
it's actually a meditation process because it guides you to focus your mind. This
exercise is a terrific way for you to get you out of your mind and into your body
where you want to feel ecstatic sexual energy flowing.
This is a different kind of breathing exercise than we've introduced you to before.
We suggest you use music specifically made for Chakra breathing (there are
plenty online). You can also just use any lively CD music you can use to the steps
below.
The entire process takes about an hour. We find it's best to do this meditation
early in the morning. If that doesn't work, try to clear some unpressured time
when you have an empty stomach. Be sure to wear loose clothing or none at all so
that you can move freely.
Purpose
To develop your sensitivity and mastery of energy by breathing into, cleansing,
and charging your chakras.
1. Stand up.
Stand comfortably with your feet shoulder-width apart and your knees slightly
bent.
2. Turn up the music.
Start a favorite CD, waiting for the opening chords to settle into a steady rhythm.
Then close your eyes.
3. Breathe.
Breathe in and out through your open mouth in time with the music. Put equal
emphasis on inhaling and exhaling so you neither deplete nor overcharge each
chakra.
4. Your first chakra.
In time with the breathing and the music, visualize your breath going in and out
of your first chakra at the base of the spine, the perineum (the soft area between
your genitals and rosetta, your anus). It may help you focus by swirling your
hands in front (and sometimes in back) of the chakra part or all of the time.
5. Bounce.
So that you don't build up tension, relax your body as much as possible. A great
way to stay loose and let the breath do its work is by bouncing up and down
slightly in time with the breath and music. Just remember it's a subtle little up-
down dance, not an athletic event.
6. Move up.
Continue this way for a couple of minutes and then move up to the second
chakra. Repeat this process with all the chakras.
7. Down.
After you've "breathed" into the seventh chakra at the top of the head, set a few
minutes to ground the energy you've generated. As you visualize the energy
settling and washing down through your body like a waterfall, gradually slow
your breathing back to a natural, relaxed pace. When the energy reaches your
feet, feel the energy streaming into Mother Earth then stretch or sit for a moment
and relax.
8. More rounds.
After this cycle, do two more 15-minute rounds where you repeat the same
process up and down all seven chakras.
9. Sit.
After the third round of breathing, allow for a quiet 15-minute period. During this
final phase, sit or lie comfortably and simply feel and observe what's going on
inside your body.
Sometimes when we're pressed for time we only do one or two rounds followed
by a quiet period. By the way, we've found this meditation to be really powerful
before sexual play. For Tantrikas, opening the energy channels and allowing us to
be fully present is a great prelude to other kinds of lovemaking.
PARTNER SEXERCISE: Chakra Spooning
Description
Here's a simple way to begin using the subtle power of the chakras with your
partner. Breathe into the each one while you're entwined together in a spooning
position. We call it Chakra Spooning.
Chakra Spooning is a lovely way to open yourselves to sexuality by synchronizing
your systems before Spiritual Sex. You can use it in the closing stage of the
Tantric Sextasy Ritual when you want to
transition into sleeping, working, or eating. You can
also use Chakra Spooning as a great way to maintain
the connection of all your energies after Tantric
Lovemaking. And we especially like it as a way to fall
asleep in harmony.
Purpose
To connect the energies of each chakra with your
partner by breathing into them together in a
spooning position.
1. Lay down.
Lay on something soft and cushy, like your bed.
2. Spoon one another.
This means lay down on the same side with your knees bent. Snuggle up together
so that one of you is hugging the other's back. Although it's often easier for the
smaller one to be on the inside, it's fun and different to switch sometimes. Try it
and see if it changes the energy.
3. Hand on chakra.
The person at the back places one hand on the other's first chakra.
4. Follow inside breath.
The one in the inner position leads with deep, slow, tantric, belly breathing. The
outside partner follows the rhythm of the inside partner.
5. Visualize.
Simultaneously, visualize your breaths drawing energy into your first chakras,
commingling, and swirling together. As you exhale, imagine the energy releasing.
6. Three or more.
Breathe into each chakra a minimum of three times. If you feel or sense that the
particular chakra needs more breath, continue where you're at. Trust that you
will know when you're complete with a particular chakra.
7. Exchange energy.
Accomplished Tantrikas may pump their sexual muscles, move the energy
around inside their own bodies, and exchange orgasmic energy with their
partner. (More about this in the next chapter!)
8. Move up.
When ready, the inside person moves the hand on their first chakra up to the
second. Breathe three or more times in each chakra in this way.
9. Enjoy.
When you've completed breathing into the seventh chakra at the crown, just lie
together and feel the energy in your bodies. What do you notice? Do you feel
connected? Share with your partner what you experienced if you like.
Be sure to note how different this practice feels before and after having sex.
Charge Those Chakras!
Now that you have even more ways to employ your breath as a relaxation and
charging force, you'll find even more in the next chapter, culminating in the most
powerful Tantric use of the breath which we call Orgasmic Breathing. See you
in Day 4!
Day 3 Tantric Sextasy Private Session
Closing
As youve learned specifically today, nearly everything plays a role in your
orgasmic pleasure. Lets revisit your Tantric achievements in a bit more detail
below, shall we?
In Chapter 5, you discovered how you can honor and connect with your lover in
your Tantric Sacred Space via the Kissing, Eye-Gazing, Ritual
Undressing, and Tantric Hugging sexercises. You learned that being honest
about your sexual needs and honoring the ones of your lover pave the way for
better, higher, more earth-shattering sexual pleasures for you both.
You also learned that offering thanks (gratitude) to your lover and the orgasmic
pleasures she gives you now is equally important to ensuring her willing
participation in your future both as Tantric sex practitioners.
In Chapter 6, you started to master the first two cornerstones of supreme bliss,
namely presence and breathing. You discovered that your mind is currently
conditioned to be too busy when youre making love, which in turn hinders your
capacity for mind-blowing orgasms. The sexercises you learned enabled you to
enter a no-mind zone so that you can focus on every inch of pleasure, every
breath of orgasmic energy, and every hair of Tantric sexual awareness.
If you think of the years youve been living in such a state of sexual deprivation,
dont you feel so proud now that youre slowly but surely able to unlearn all these
sexually damaging thoughts and activities? But dont dwell on that. Think instead
of NOW and the high-voltage Tantric pleasures of the future.
Speaking of Tantric pleasures, next up How to Tap, Unleash and Exploit Your
Sexual Orgasmic Energy (The Orgasm From Every Body Pore Module)!

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Tantric Sextasy 5 Sexually Decadent Days of Orgasmic Mastery

2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D ii

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