Ye Olde Panopticalme

La Garde ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pg 1
Matt Wong
Te Lodestone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pg 11
Nick Nordlinger
Strapped to the Rack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pg 19
Jared Law
Haikus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pg 23
Various Poets
Medieval Quiz ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pg 25
Jon Opray
Panopticalm Press
May 2014
All works belong to the original authors
panopticalm.blogspot.com
email jaredelaw@gmail.com to enquire or submit
LA GARDE
MATT WONG
1
La Garde, France 1345
Te hood was violently pulled from over his face. When his eyes
adjusted to the brightness of the sunlight, he could see that he
was standing on an elevated platform, surrounded on all sides by
a large gathering of people. Te members of the audience arrived
from the countryside to watch the ceremony and public proces-
sions taking place that afernoon in the main square of the Chateau
Meurtes-Moselle La Garde, as it was known, was a fortress sur-
rounded by two concentric layers of defensive walls, considered by
the leading military tacticians to be impregnable. It was amongst
the most heavily fortifed castles in all of the kingdom.
Te accused man stood besides a throng of men lined up side-to-
side. Several tomatoes were hurled and splattered on the wood
planks. Te accused man was shackled by his wrists and ankles. Te
crowd was loud, jeering, and inconsolable. Directly in front of him,
he saw a lavish booth that extended from the centre castle walls,
currently occupied by around twenty high-ranking ofcials, some
dressed in black satin robes. Among those present included vassals
and lords from nearby provinces dressed in full regalia, fanked
by knights covered tip-to-toe in armor. Te Princess had arrived.
She was unspeakably pale, avoiding sufcient eye contact with the
procession below.
As the ceremony was about the begin, the accused man heard a
loud whisper from the audience behind the stage. When he turned
around, he saw the man and immediately recognized his voice,
though he had worn a veil to conceal his identity.
Pssst! Can you hear me, Semifractus? When they call you, tell
them it was all a mistake, just an honest mistake. Tell them you
1
mis-struck your instrument. Like a a hapless fool, you knew no
better. Flatter them with your deepest condolences. Tell them you
had played unfatteringly because about the generous consumption
of ale and spirits
Te voice that drew from the crowd belonged to one of the most
powerful men in the entire Kingdom. It was the Count of La Garde,
the sovereign ruler of the most fortifed Chateau in the country.
When Semifractus heard what the Count had told him, he turned
around and spoke freely.
My dear Sire, for weeks I have lamented these circumstances. My
death is approaching soon. But I have acknowledged that my fate
is sealed. My Lord, Sire, I quaver about my fate this evening, but I
cannot permit myself, in the good name of divine Music, to say that
I had committed a simple error. I played divinely!
My friend, how rare it is to meet such a lute extraordinaire as you
are. I am blessed by all the things that you are. But in a moment
times you will be given one last chance to confess. You must! Please
confess! You could be pardoned. My goodness, I would forfeit any
lofy amount of gold to have you restored to good faith with the
powers of the Church, but only you can save yourself now! Look,
the Papal inquisitors have all arrived. Exsulo himself has expressed
some leniency for skillful court musicians.
Pardon me, my faith is not as strong as the power of my music. It
is truth and I am its loyal servant.
Goodness, can you not see?! Tat, over there, is the Rack, a torture
device created by the cunning Spanish machinists. Tey are so very
eager to see it used. Teyll burn you at the stake when theyve had
enough watching you scream in agony!
If God is fair, they He shall see.
Armed guards take the frst prisoner, unshackle him, and escort
him to a machine on display. Te robed men stand and an inquisi-
tor begins to speak in Latin.
I cannot bare see you go like this, the Count said.
If I live, I may never play great music again. And I would choose
not to live in a world without beautiful music than to live in one
bound by ancient rules and ecclesiastical laws.
Te Count covered his face and absconded from the scene. Armed
guards soon escorted Semifractus toward the rack, where he is
being tied. As the mechanical gears initiates and the wheels begin
to spin, the audience begins to chant, Repent, penance, repent! A
high-pitched scream of the Princess is drowned out by sound of the
audience jeering in delight.
2
Dublin 1336
Te Waterbridge Pub was suspended over the Lifey River, sup-
ported by a handful of obstinately rufed columns, so tarnished
in appearance that, from a distance, it appeared to dip ever so
precariously into the water, sinking an inch each year, its wooden
planks just barely catching the crests of waves of the muddy green
river. Every now and then, somebody who had not yet successfully
mastered the navigation of the interior tavern would by chance slip
through one of the man-sized cracks in the fooring nearly invisi-
ble on nights when the club was at capacity - and plummet straight
down into the jade-tinted river. Teir splashing and waddling
around and cries for help would have surely been missed, awash by
the music and howling sounds of drunken revelry. No doubt, this
inadvertently weeded out the more unfortunate fellows who lacked
any experience in water, though in the most cases, the hapless vic-
tim would in his drunken stupor found his way back onshore and,
without much hesitation, walked back straight through the pubs
entrance hardly without any bystander batting an eyelid. In all hon-
estly it was not hard to spot such a person drenched and nor-
2 3
mally beyond his wits. It was Ivan Vasily Romanovich who, in fact,
seen this happen on numerous occasions, and though he wished to
laugh rudely, he found, has his companions not been so completely
amused by their own stupid joyous laughter, that he was completely
alone in this realization. A man shivering in drenched clothes stood
out no better than any other person present. Te crowd shared a
similar condition, coming from a people whose dreams and aspi-
rations for a better future had yet remained unflled, whose lives in
stuck on the same track, and whose pleasures had yet been satis-
fed. Tey were mostly men at the Waterbridge who spent all their
disposable income on booze, peed it back into the river, and then
lost the rest on the sordid wenches who always lined the sides of the
pub
Afer Grenda, Ivan said enough was enough. It was unfair, he
thought, that a simple wench could make the same amount in one
night as he earned selling fsh and dried fruit products a day. He
was born into a family of fshmongers who found refuge in the
Kingdom of Ireland afer spending a decade escaping persecution
in search of a better place.
But it was Grenda who Ivan counted on for satisfying his intermit-
tent lust. He was driven to sex, but the sex had driven him to be
poor, destitute and accentuated his loneliness. Lately he had even
stolen some of his parentss money to get with Grenda. He had
considered doing something special for her, an act of love, if only
driven by the economic necessity of the situation.
When Ivan lef the pub, he heard the sound of a person playing the
lute. He found the man strumming his instrument in an alleyway
that reeked of lingering urine. He wore a strange garb that difered
in texture and shape from his. Te instrument was in horrid con-
dition; there was a fst-sized hole in the body, as if somebody had
gotten in an altercation with it. Ivan paused and, recuperating from
all the drinking and sex, quietly sat next to the river. Te moon was
quite full, which lit the streets like the evening daylight.
Ye, ye, all ye become
Te lute player stopped playing. Fidgeting on the strings, he made
another attempt.
Ye, ye, all become we the oh, dagnamit I have forgotten yet an-
other song.
Ivan approached the man. He had been listening for over an hour
in the corner.
You play beautifully. If you only you could fnish that song, said
Ivan. Te old man was clearly senile. He had the look of a survivor,
a runaway. His memory had faltered many times during the night,
but something very unusual and poignant about the music had
piqued Ivans interest.
Where can I learn to play like that?
What?
I want to play that instrument. Can you teach me?
I have forgotten everything. I cannot even play a damn chord
now.
But you are good. I can tell.
I once played for the royal court, where the mistrals came out and
danced and the women sang. I know. What a feeling.
What kind of music do you play? I am quite intrigued.
Ah, diabolus...
What did you say?
Ah, never-mind. You must learn from Apollo. He was my brightest
4 5
student.
Apollo?
Now, I believe he would be rightful heir of pricipal court musician
at La Garde, a great fortress in Galecia. You will not miss it. When
you reach him, he will teach you everything about the lute; he is
the fnest player in the Kingdom, and a great inventor of harmony.
You must know that there within lies the Crimson King, who is the
greatest patron of his music and a powerful ruler.
Suddenly, the musician struck for his heart, dropping the instru-
ment on the dirt foor.
My time is coming to an end. I am run out of breathe...
Why are you here?
Tey have followed me here. I havent stopped running. But I
avoided a grisly fate, and for that I am blessed. He fell on the dirt,
and he drew no more breath. Ivan immediately picked up the
instrument and picked the strings. It made a discordant bah-wow
sound, which immediately fascinated him. With his new instru-
ment, he quickly began to develop technique. He played at the
Waterbridge on quiet nights, and he gained knowledge every year
from the traveling bands that passed through in Spring.
3 La Garde 1340
Music was the most divine gif Ivan had ever received. He put his
heart and soul into the instrument he received from the old man,
and the music gave back a second life. His parents noticed that his
overall disposition, once irritable and lonesome, improved mirac-
ulously. In company he became quite gay and charming, capable of
disarming a stranger through wit or a clever tune.
On his 23rd birthday, he packed all his belongings and lef the
Lordship of Ireland aboard a trading vessel. He landed on the
coast of Normandy, where he immediately found gigs playing for
the lower class and smaller courts. Here became very profcient at
performance at weddings and funerals, always able to modify his
musical selection to ft or enhance the mood of the setting. Tere,
he met a beautiful woman named Else from a dairy family and pro-
duced a child named Josiah out of wedlock.
Several years passed and he grew insatiable. He mastered the stan-
dard popular songs of the time and tried fddling with some new
songs of his own, though with little success. He found that the, the
same songs repeated over and over, became tiresome. While day-
dreaming, he ofen thought about the old man who lent him his
frst musical instrument. He now possessed a much fner instru-
ment, richer in tone and complete with a set of 15 strings, com-
pared to 9 in the older version, with a soundbox made out of high
quality spruce wood.
Ivan was not aware at the time but he was practically obsessed -
from the moment he frst heard the lute played - with fnding the
most beautiful song in the world. Most decent musicians in their
careers will seek out stronger or higher forms of music, but the
pull for Ivan was exceptional. In dreams he imagined performing a
song that could bring any woman to tears and the bravest of men to
solemnly kneel in respect in a matter of seconds. He wanted to fnd
music as badly as the rapid alchemist seeking gold through experi-
mentation.
Leaving behind his lover and child, he embarked on a quest for the
quasi-mythical town of La Garde. One night, he overheard several
knights planning a trip to the Holy Land. When they lef, he joined
them, leaving Else and his child behind. When they reached the
town of Collioure, the knights departed east and he set of on foot.
Only a week later, he saw through the morning mist a magnifcent
structure on the horizon. When he drew closer, the walls appeared
in a somber blackish grey, which contoured beautifully to the eleva-
tion of the hill which it was founded upon. Te design was ornate,
6 7
with such attention to detail that it served an aesthetic as well as
defensive purpose. Te night before, he asked an old peasant in the
outskirts how long it took to erect the fortress. Te peasant re-
sponded, More than I have been alive. Tey say it is over 300 years
old. It has never had to be rebuild - no siege has ever conquered its
inhabitants. Tey called itLa Garde. Ivan was glad to have found
the place, but it was more mythically beautiful than he had ever
imagined.
When he reached the gates, the portcullis was shut, the vibration
causing his lute to reverberate. Tere were three armed guards,
in full metal jackets. Teir armored skullcaps covered their eyes
and showed no expression. One of the guard came forward on the
bridge and stopped Ivan, while the others raised their pikes in a
cross to form an X-shape.
Halt! Greetings. We are required to inspect all random visitors as it
is under the name of our Lord and holy spirit. What is your name?
My name is Semifractus, son of Semicadus.
What is your status?
I descend from a family of prominent musicians, my father being
a legendary lute player who worked in the court of Charles IV. Yes,
that one. I have arrived to solicit my request to perform for the
sovereign ruler of this magnifcent town.
Please describe your ability.
I play the lute. My instrument was created by the most experi-
enced Yorkish crafsmen, who have bestowed upon me a remark-
able work on art and invention. I lute with great passion and fery
zest.
At the end of the statement, the knight drew his sword from the hilt
and began moving over the bridge toward Ivan.
Hail! Arnaud, I have identifed a suspect intruder! You shall go no
further.
I have meant no harm!
You shall not move until my men arrive to arrest you.
What have I done?!
Suddenly, the guard, wearing full metal carapace amour, struck
the musician in the face, sending him into a dizzy stupor. Blood
dripped down Ivans nose as he fell down.
Around an hour later, the sound of hoof beats grow stronger rattled
the lute and woke Ivan. As Ivan wiped the crusted blood of his
nose, he saw fve extremely well-dressed men on horses approach
the bridge from the felds.
Get this oaf out of the way! Clear the road! shouted one of the
riders.
Te armed guard dragged Ivan of the path of the road, dust caught
all over his bags and musical instrument. His bags were still in the
road when one of the riders wearing a crown of laurels dismounted
and grabbed the bag.
I spy a lute. He touched the instrument, stopping to looks at Ivan
lying on the side of the road.
Ivan nodded.
Can you play?
Well, it is my rightful profession.
8 9
Play me something.
Ivan played. Te man with laurels was satisfed and returned to his
horse. When he nodded, the rest of the riders relaxed. Te guard
stole there patiently.
Te court is currently lacking a qualifed lute player. Recently we
have sufered the loss of some of our fnest musicians. I am the
Count of La Garde. We welcome your stay. Guards, get this man
some food and a warm bed. Tonight is an important night. In atten-
dance will be a number of respected guests and rulers from many
neighboring towns and cities. Tere will be sufcient food and
wine, if that is your liking. Your music would be greatly appreciat-
ed. I ascertain your skill and believe you may be a good ft for our
court. He added, I must warn you, however, that if a man in dark
robes stops you, you shouldnt worry too much.
Shocked, Ivan replied, Why?
To put it simply, the entire chateau is currently under lockdown.
Tere is much tension in the air. Te Vatican has sent a team of
Papal inquisitors to our castle to conduct a formal search and crim-
inal investigation. Tey have reason to believe that there is a crimi-
nal lurking around. If you are asked any question, be very clear and
honest. Is this clear?
Ivan swallowed and couldnt pay attention to this. He was the hap-
piest he had ever been in years. He smirked at the guard who hit
him when he crossed the bridge with the porters carrying his goods
and instrument.
What is your name, young musician?
I am Semifractus.
Very well. See you later.
THE LODESTONE
NICK NORDLINGER
Castle Grunwald sat squat and black in the middle of the likewise
moat, a lone drawbridge the only means of entry, now fastened up
so none could cross. Te moat was rumored to be full of pike and
crocodile and even river serpents, but in truth the water was too
fetid and mucked from castle waste to sustain any life.
Sir Leofrick stumbled from the thick of trees and fell to his knees
by the moat. His necklace with the stone-carved woman dangled
about his neck, pulsing in contrast to his still chest. He was dead,
and he looked it. His skin had gone a slack pale and no mist of
breath emanated from his nose or mouth to fog the cold, wet air. He
moved like a thing newborn, the deep sword wound in his side co-
agulated and black afer days of bleeding. Tere was no blood lef.

From her high tower Princess Diane saw the grey fgure on the far
shore. Her breath caught in her throat and she fngered the little
stone-carved man that hung about her neck. She considered it a
moment, felt the beat of its geological heart, squeezed it once, and
then it ripped it forward, breaking the chain. She ran, clutching the
necklace, down the spiral steps to the foor of the court.
In the court King Pendleton slumped in his throne, anxiously
awaiting Kip, who was overdue to return with news of the battle at
Orkland. Dinah was sure he would not bring good news, as Ork-
land was the place her grey, dead Leofrick had returned from in
such a state. Next to her Father, sat his Child Bride, a confused little
girl with sick, dark eyes.
Before him danced the Fool, jesting with his jingling hat. Te Fool
was talented in his art and descended from a long line of fools, but
there was no hope for her Fathers humor this day, he could not be
coaxed to laugh, or even smile.
10 11
On the foor, a few paces from the throne, kneeled Catarina, her
hair long and brown down her back, her blouse and bloomers grey
and splotched with labor. She was hard at her daily business, scrub-
bing the grimy tiles of the Court foor from a yellow dinge to their
original, bone-bright shine. Te bated Court resonated with no
sounds but Catarinas scrubbing and the jingling bells of the Fools
hat.
Leofrick felt his necklace tug him toward the Castle, the pull of the
twin beacon within. True motives had gone out of him with the life,
but the singular inclination beat on. My lady he wheezed, his
voice that of a strangled bullfrog. My lady She was but a vague
notion in his static, festering brain, a silhouette of grey stone, shad-
owed in his monochrome vision, subsumed by the great edifce of
Castle Grunwald looming before him. He waded forward into the
moat, ofering no resistance as the water flled him like a sponge.
He walked along the mucked bottom, slowly through the frigid
water toward his goal.
Diane clutched the torn necklace, the stone-carved man growing
hot in her grip. She eyed Catarina, a worn thing, perhaps her equal
at birth but conditioned by years of serfdom to a muscular, tan,
trim body, that of a peasant and of no taste to the royal men who
had come to ask Pendleton for her own hand. Dianes body was pale
and plump, royally desirable by all accounts. But Diane would not
be courted by any man, particularly not Duke Lancaster as she had
intended, if her courtly love, her secret nightly visitor, Leofrick, was
discovered.
She had known him a long time now, had frst secreted him to
her chambers seven moons past, had given him the Lodestone on
his departure to Orkland with whispered promises that no matter
whom she wedded it would be Leofricks sons fathered under the
royal name.
Such were all the poems, and lais, and songs of the Court. None
were ever of marriage or the love found in loyalty, but all of the for-
bidden lovers, Courtly romances, as Leofrick and Diane had found
in the dark nights of shame and excitement.
But the living man Leofrick had known discretion, a crucial
tenant of their consort, while the wretch stumbling grey toward
her ill-summons would know only rotten, animal impulse. She
had thought the Lodestone but a charm, something to keep him
safe. She had not known it for black magic, a vestige of the pagan
wisdom found in but scant, surviving customs of their purifed,
Christian kingdom. Her mind was a litter of noise and snow, and
her cheeks felt hot. Ceasing fevered thought she marched forward
to the servant girl.
Catarina, she called, her silk-shoed clopping across the stone tiles.
Te mousey eyes of the servant girl looked up.
Yes mlady,
Catarina, up, come with me, I require you
Her Father, King Pendleton, glanced over, and his Child Bride
(whose named Diane did not remember as she was his fourth,
the frst three stricken dead by the Childrens Pox that had spread
so rapidly in the past half-decade of plague) snuck a look as well.
But the Fool, ever committed to his life-long trade, continued his
deliberate dance, until the King and his Brides attention was once
more focused on his practiced jig, as Diane led Catarina down the
hallway into a dark corner by a low torch.
Canny be of service mlady
Yes.nowell Te Princess stumbled for words. She inhaled
12 13
sharply, grating her teeth. Catarina waited patiently, her eyes wide.
Catarina, you are. Te Princess Diane smiled, but her eyes did
not smile. Catarina you are so very good at your station. You are
you are a fne Maid do you know? I wanted to thank you for service
to the Castle.
Catarina blushed. Tankyou mlady, she said, curtseying.
And to thank you I wanted to give you this. Princess Diane thrust
the hot stone from her palm into Catarinas unsure clutch. Te
servant girl held it out for a glance. Afer a moment she said thank
you mlady, a right bonny sculpture it isa stout knightanyone
in fashion?
Princess Diane shook her head, some ancestor of mine Im sure. It
is a family heirloom and I hope you will keep it dear to you.
An heirloom, Catarina balked. But mlady I cant possibly sept an
heirloom from such as yourself. She held it forward, ofering the
little stone man back. Diane swatted her hand down, as though it
were a hornet.
Nonsense, she spat. You must accept it. It would be an insult to
me for you to refuse it. Her dignifed tone masked a subcurrent of
anger.
Yes mlady Catarina clutched the warm stone tightly. It seemed
to be almost drumming against her palm, like a heartbeat, though
Catarina was sure it was but her own pulse quickened in fear of
ofending her Lady.
And you must go home at once, Diane continued. I wont see you
work another moment. Go on, of with you. Take my gif with you.
You work hard enough as it is, you deserve a midday to yourself for
once.
Catarina felt unstill, for though her lady spoke all kindness she
could detect a force of motive beneath each command.
Aye my lady, she replied, curtseying once more. I am ever grate-
ful for your kindness.
Catarina walked out the Scullerys rear door, down the path that
led around the mire, across the Kings road to the circle of thatched
houses and entered her single-room hovel.
It was a comfortable little home, a capsule for her maidenhood,
and proof that even in such an age a working woman could sustain
her own household. She was not so old, but fve and twenty years,
still marriageable, though past the prime age for wooing. Tough
maidenhood was present in her very title, she knew neither the
King nor his family would protest if she were to take a husband.
Tere had been gentlemen callers, a Mason from another kingdom
whom she had found burly and dull, a traveling Bard who had com-
posed songs for her that resonated of stif piety and melancholy,
and a Fisherman named Robert who had come in with the tide and
stayed among the servants for two moons before setting out again.
Robert she had liked best of all, had even considered giving up her
maidenhood in brief passion to him, but that his eyes were always
on the horizon, swimming with the curiosities of his next voyage,
and never resting on her own fesh for more than passing consider-
ation. She did not wish to share her bed with any who did not take
equal interest in her as she took in them, and so let Robert sail of
to unsure horizons.
But she rarely dwelt on these men. She was content with herself and
her little thatched room, her bed of woven down, her hearth, kept
warm and well-scented with colorful and aromatic lumber, and her
mill, pestle, and stove where she cooked well for herself, using what
ingredients she was allowed to salvage from the Kitchen and Scul-
lery.
14 15
She set Dianes gif upon the hearth and set to making a fre, for
though the sun still graced the sky the day was full of a cold fog,
She felt the moist chill down to her bones. Afer a time she fell
asleep in a feline sprawl before the gentle embers, and curled in
upon herself, into her own warmth.
An hour and a half later, Catarina awoke with a start, as though
she had been struck, started and stood. She groaned and stretched
before walking to her stovetop and holding a light piece of brush to
the heat of the coals within her iron furnace. It took up and fared.
She placed the fame into a pyramid of wood beneath her large,
stone pot, then ladled a full spoon of water from the bucket aside
the stovetop. She eyed the vegetables in her basket, potatoes, leeks,
a smidgen of radish, and a salted, dried piece of lamb, for strewing
and favoring the broth. Her eyes began to search for her handblade
when her focus was broken by the sound of footsteps coming clos-
er, a scufing dragging gait that settled right outside her door.
But all others from the village were at labor? It was midday? Surely
no gentleman of the feld or farm would dare approach her quarters
when she was alone. She heard a low, windy moan.
Mlady, came the soggy whisper behind the door. Her heart leapt
up, and light fashed in the corner of her eye. She startled back,
near knocking over the water pot. It sloshed back and forth above
the fame. With her back to the wall, she eyed the door, shaded by
whatever large fgure stood behind. A fash shone in the corner of
her eye once more and she turned to see the little man Diane had
handed her atop her table, the little sculpture of white stone aglow,
beaming a deep emerald light.
*
Molly Waternak had the loosest tongue about the Grunwald ser-
vant village. It was never long afer her stories were told than the
word spread to Castle Grunwald itself. Many a girl and young maid
would sit afore the fat, old woman, her worn cut hands ever dipping
from bucket to bucket on the chore of her households laundry.
Catarina has taken up a suitor, her tongue wagged today. Te little
girls and young maids scooted closer.
but no they cooed.
She wouldnt
She has, said Molly Waternak with a proud nod of her head, her
loose cheeks faring red. It was her chiefest pleasure to win interest
with her gossip. She was a skilled observer, her eyes and ears ever
keen to catch new happenings and information. She spent most of
her day, when she was fnished scrubbing and darning, spying and
eavesdropping.
Last night I saw Catarina open her door to a male visitor, said
Molly. He was all in chainmail.
A little girl close to her feet gasped. A knight!
Aye a knight. Right haggard fellow, most like back from Orkland.
Poor fellow could barely stand. Went right down on one knee the
moment Cat opened the door. I saw the poor lass scream, near
swoon. I suppose she had thought him dead with how afright
she looked. But afer a fashion he calmed her down I saw, and she
brought him in. I havent seen him come out so I must say theyve
taken to bedmark my words shell announce her betrothal soon.
Another maid, behind Molly shook her head. No, she chided.
Not a Knight.
16 17
Molly scofed and turned from her task. And why is that? she
asked, hands on her hips.
A knight doesnt want a servant girl, said the young maid. May-
haps for a toss in the hay, but not for a bride.
Molly gasped, and shot an eye from the maid to the little girls
sitting near, aghast they should hear such language. Ten her face
sofened and she laughed. Tats what I thought, said Molly. But
the way he looked at her, whyI forgot to mention..he lifed her
upa weak fellow it seemed but he lifed her all the sameand
he looked at her with his green eyesmore grey reallyI swear
as Christ is my witness he looked at her like she was a Princess
like she was the PrincessIve seen men come to the servant girls
quarters many a time, drunk, loutish, demandinghe was nothing
of the sorthe looked at her like she was Queen of all this Fief.
Passing lust, said the young maid, shaking her head. Te little girls
scooted from before Molly to the open door and peered timidly
toward Catarinas closed cottage, dreaming of what sort of man
lay within. Tere was a faint glow coming through the thin thatch
walls, as of two stars merging in a cloudy, night sky.
STRAPPED TO THE RACK
JARED LAW
A dusty cluster of cobwebs hung from the ceiling next to the
westernmost wall, catching the few rays of sunlight that managed
to steal through the tiny slit at the top of the cell. I watched as dust
spun through the golden rays. I felt the thin line of light slowly
ascend my immobilized frame. Right before sunset, this sliver of
light would pass over my eyes, and I would close them, relishing the
calm, warm pink that appeared directly behind my eyelids.
I savored this moment each day for the past fourteen days. It only
lasted a few minutes. Te sliver of light inevitably moved upwards
and out of reach as the sun descended and disappeared. In this mo-
ment, I could escape my body and pretend to be free from the ache
of my broken ribs and the sharp, incessant pain that came from
my ruined hands. Te dust, the roaches, the cobwebs and the dank
stench of the dungeon all dissolved into a pink oblivion.
Te moment passed again. I opened my eyes. I looked around
the dungeon. I was nearly one thousand years removed from my
original timeline and stuck in a small cellar. I watched as the daddy
long-legs climbed about their messy webs. As a child, I watched this
same species construct their chaotic arial cities on the prefab poly-
mer roof of my family home. I took perverse pleasure in watching
as the larger spiders hunted the smaller ones. Tey performed the
same show for me here, in the dismal medieval dungeon.
Te door creaked open and two squat men entered. Tey could
have been identical twins, as far as I knew. I didnt really care to
select individual features on either of them or to humanize them in
any way.
For most of my life, I considered myself a progressive person. I
was a frm believer in cultural relativism, and thought that no one
18 19
group of people was inherently superior or inferior to any other.
I changed my mind afer meeting these men. Tey were evil in a
way that I couldnt conceive of in a person from my own time. Sure
there were serial killers, mass murderers and genocidal rulers, but
never before had I witnessed acts of vitriolic hatred performed with
such ghoulish glee. I swear, these two were more demon than man.
I almost stopped believing in evolution man was not begotten
from the apes, but from the gaping maw of hell. Just the thought
that one of them might be counted amongst my ancestors made my
stomach retch.
Most of my peers existed out of phase just enough so that they
could observe and occupy the timeline without having an impact
on history itself. Tere were many of us. We actually existed at most
points along the accessible timeline. We were all well educated and
ostensibly here for research purposes, but we knew that the future
was far too crowded for us to ever return.
I was an entomologist. My specifc task involved micro-studies of
population dynamics, making me one of the few researchers who
ever actually phased in and manually manipulated history. I would
eradicate small insect populations, confrm population changes
with researchers further down on the timeline, and then perform a
temporal manipulation that would negate my previous actions. Te
efect that I had on history was essentially nil, save for the data that
was gathered by my partner.
In an unprecedented fuke, I inadvertently phased in over a bear-
trap, which crippled my leg and destroyed a piece of equipment
that would have been instrumental in my escape. Te ghoul-men
found me and, assuming that I was either an angel or a demon
(mostly from the then-impeccable condition of my teeth), decided
that the only appropriate course of action was to lock me in a cellar,
strap me to a rack, and torture me for unknown reasons that I now
assume are primarily pleasure. Sure, they threw in some quasi-re-
ligious jargon, but I am convinced that I am being martyred to the
gods of personal hedonism and depravity.
Te shorter of the two men lurched over to the far corner of the
cellar, where they kept their tools.

Arye, the skies are right flled with red worms. Te doing of your
kind, no doubt. You who come here accursed. Pollute the purer
world. Born of the sows belly and into the bear trap... Eh he heh eh
eh...
He picked up a simple stone hammer and a small iron nail. He
threw the hammer across the room hard, so that it slammed into
my stretched and emaciated stomach. I felt a searing pain in my rib
and let out a shocked gufaw. Both men cackled.
Yiss, demon creature, suckled from a sows teat. Corrupted as this
world is, it still must be purifed
Te taller picked up the hammer and leaned in close. His breath
smelled like manure.
Sinful as I am, I can still serve the lord. I can preserve the heavens
and the earth from your kind.
Yes... we have seen your siblings moving in the shadows the
shorter tossed the spike to his partner but the world will be
cleansed.
We know the tall man dragged the spike lightly from my armpit
to my hand, stopping at my open palm.
He drew his mallet back, eyes fxed on the point where the spike
made contact with my skin.
Te room flled with a shrill scream. I was not sure if it was my
own. My head cleared, but my hand didnt feel any diferent. Te
tall man was lying on the ground, clutching at his throat. He was
gurgling incomprehensible words. THe shorter of the two was cow-
20 21
ered in the corner.
Valarie was standing in the middle of the room. Her face was fresh,
compared to my two captors, but it was fxed with an anguished
and ecstatic expression. She looked like a madwoman. Te shorter
man made for the exit, but she gunned him down where he stood.
She quickly cut through my binds.
She reached into her pocket, where her phase device should be.
Hold on, Im getting us out.
She gasped, patted her other pockets and turned to me in fear. Te
device was gone. She was fading too. I looked down at my own
hands. Tey, too, were disappearing. I closed my eyes and dissolved
into a pink oblivion.
Haikus
Steve Micko
Few serfs work the land
Tey are tired boys and girls.
Nobles reap the grain
Ida Fischer
Middle ages are
unkind. No fun then or now
unless you are pope.
Anita Nuechterlein
Come all ye maidens
Get thee to a nunnery
eat a pudding pie.
22 23
Rebecca Sicile-Kira
Te Middle Ages
I dont know much about you
You dont know me either
Katie McConnell
Plague stalks the cells, frst
Of the old wheat thresher, then
on to royal blood
LYMRIC
Ida Fischer
With melodies so sweet,
that rats poured down the street
the kids were a perk
the pied piper a lurk-
er, the extermination
quite a feat.
Medieval Quiz
Jon Opray
Havent you always wanted to know which early Medieval civiliza-
tion best matches *you*? Well now you can fnd out!
1. Youre walking down a street at night and are mugged at knife
point. How do you react?
A. Give the man your wallet. Tis would be the most typical
recommendation, and has the advantage that youre the least likely
to get hurt. Unfortunately, its also the least likely to leave you with
any dignity.
B. Try to escape. Te second safe choice, provided you have room
to run and theres a location with people nearby.
C. Pull out your own knife and ask for his wallet instead. Speak-
ing of robbers, Luciano Lutring was one of the most prolifc robbers
ever, holding up hundreds of people from the early 1960s until
1965. He used a submachine gun hidden in a violin case to threaten
victims, and stole an estimated 30 billion lire (roughly $400 million
today). He is the only person ever to have been pardoned by two
presidents (Italian and French).
D. Shout loudly for help. In California, robbery is defned as tak-
ing and carrying away the personal property of another with the
intent to steal from the victim by force, and the maximum penalty
is 9 years. Pickpocketing and purse snatching do not fall under this
defniton, because they lack the threat of force.
E. Put your martial arts to good use. A choice tip from wikiHow
on their Deal With a Treat article: If you are involved in any
underground activities (drugs, birds of the night, gangs) make
sure youre always in good company
24 25
Sources:
http://milano.corriere.it/milano/notizie/cronaca/13_maggio_13/
morto-luciano-lutring-solista-mitra-poeta-pittore-2121108754360.
shtml
http://fxtop.com/en/historical-exchange-rates.php
http://www.dollartimes.com/calculators/infation.htm
http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Treat
2. Where would you chose to go on vacation?
A. Cabin in the woods. Lake Tahoe cabin prices peaked at $478k
in 2006, and currently sit at $319k. Zillow recommends it as a buy-
ers market.
B. Anywhere else, just not where you live. Immigration in Amer-
ica has recently risen, such that the current percentage of foreign
born (13%), matches a period of 60 years from 1860 to 1920, where
this number hovered in the 13-14% range. Of course, these num-
bers pale in comparison to the percentage of foreign born at the
United States inception. Benjamin Franklin once complained that
Tis will in a few years become a German Colony, in part due to
the frustration at the Quaker-German voting bloc.
C. Ocean-side. Nearly every medieval civilization on this quiz
bordered the ocean at some point, but a few stand out more than
others.
D. Venice. It is believed that Venice was probably founded by
waves of refugees from nearby Roman cities during the fall of
Rome, especially during the Visigoth and Hunnish invasions. Later,
Venice was attacked by the Franks under direction of Chargle-
magnes son, Pepin of Italy.
E. Somewhere exotic. Only 10-12% of humans live south of the
equator, and because of this, the Southern Hemisphere is signif-
cantly less polluted than the Northern Hemisphere. Tere is also
roughly twice as much land in the Northern Hemisphere vs the
Southern, which leads to milder climates in the south.
http://www.zillow.com/south-lake-tahoe-ca/home-values/
http://www.migrationpolicy.org/programs/data-hub/charts/
immigrant-population-over-time?width=1000&height=850&i-
frame=true
http://ojs.libraries.psu.edu/index.php/phj/article/view-
File/25467/25236
http://phl.upr.edu/library/notes/distributionofandmassesofhepal-
eo-earth
3. Whats your favorite sport?
A. Football. Medieval football was frst referred to by name in
1440. Te earliest medieval ball games known to have been played
typically included the hands and feet, but in the end of the 15th
century, a Latin account of a football game in England bore strong
resemblance to the game known as soccer in the US.
B. Baseball. A French document from the 14th century contains
an illustration of clerics playing a game similar to baseball. Refer-
ences to baseball as Americas national pasttime are found as early
as 1856, and the current National League formed in 1876.
C. Basketball. References to ball games have been found on
Egyptian monuments. Te Romans ofen played ball games in the
bath with several varieties of balls, including leather balls flled with
either air or feathers.
D. Tennis. In 13th century France, a game similar to tennis was
played, but using hands instead of racquets. Louis X of France, who
readmitted the Jews into France and freed the serfs, built the frst
indoor tennis courts in modern style. In 1316, afer a tiring game of
26 27
tennis, Louis drank too much cooled wine, contracted pneumonia,
and died.
E. Track. At the frst Olympic games in 776 BC, the stadion foot-
race, a naked 190m sprint, was the only event. One thousand years
prior, the Celtic Tailteann Games featured a thirty day competi-
tion including running and stone throwing.
4. Which sibling are you?
A. Eldest. Pop psychology ofen states that the eldest is an intel-
ligent high-achiever. However, research has found low to no difer-
ence in IQ between the eldest child and thons/zers/hirs/xyprs/vis/
jeirs/pers/hus/eirs younger siblings.
B. Youngest. Siblings, and children brought up in close proximity,
become desensitized to each other sexually in a process termed the
Westermarck Efect.
C. Only child. Research has shown that children with no siblings
are more likely to make outside friends and are more motivated
to achieve. However, only children have much higher variance in
self-control.
D. Middle. A 3/4 sibling is a sibling whose unshared parents
share 50% of their genes. For example, two sisters who have chil-
dren with the same man will yield 3/4 siblings. Te other way to get
3/4 siblings is for a woman to have children with a father and his
son.
E. Twin. Te twin birth rate rose 76% in the United States over
the last 30 years, and now sits at 33.1 twins per 1000 births. Tis
can be explained by the rise in later pregnancies and use of fertility
drugs
http://lccn.loc.gov/81006552
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/multiple.htm
5. If you were to create something, what would it be?
A. A drawing or painting. I fnd that a medium sized painting
takes at least four hours, if a sufcient level of detail is present.
Drawing is much less work, but feel less permanent.
B. A song. Did you know that you can buy a decent Midi control-
ler for ~$70? Pair that with a $20 microphone and some torrented/
free sofware, and you can start banging out music.
C. A story. Short story compendiums are a terrifc format for
thought provoking entertainment without eating up too much of
your time.
D. Something 3D printed. Can anyone tell me what all the hype is
about? I get that its great for prototyping boxes and stuf, but I have
yet to see the use for poorly created plastic knick knacks.
E. Not really interested in making things. Whats your deal? Just
too busy?
Well, time to tally up your scores. If you get a tie, redo an answer.
Romans: Get a point for 1D, 2D, 3A, 4A, 5C
Byzantines: Get a point for 1A, 2C, 3B, 4E, 5D
Goths: Get a point for 1B, 2D, 3E, 4B, 5B
Vandals: Get a point for 1B, 2C, 3D, 4D, 5B
Franks: Get a point for 1E, 2A, 3A, 4D, 5D
Anglo-Saxons: Get a point for 1D, 2A, 3B, 4C, 5C
Huns: Get a point for 1C, 2B, 3D, 4B, 5E
Umayyad Caliphate: Get a point for 1C, 2E, 3C, 4C, 5A
Now fnd the ending corresponding to your choices
28 29
If you got the Romans:
Congratulations on being infuential enough in the past that your
disintegration causes the Dark Ages. You are disciplined and intel-
ligent. However, you are prone to juggling too many problems at
once.
You are represented by Teodosius I, the last ruler of the united
Roman empire, who attempted to drive the Goths from the Empire,
but ultimately failed. Teodosius I fought and won two incredibly
destructive civil wars. He also marked the end of religious toler-
ation of the old religions, banned pagan rituals, and ignored the
destruction of notable temples, including the Temple of Apollo in
Delphi. You should be wary of becoming excessively reactionary
against new things.
If you got the Byzantines:
Congratulations on outliving your peer by a millenia. Technically,
the Byzantines werent a peer of the old empire, they were the con-
tinuation of the old empire, and even wrested much of the Western
Empire from the Vandals and the Goths in the early 6th century,
including regaining Rome (at least for a few decades) in 540.
As a Byzantine, you are diplomatic and protective of others. You are
more of an introvert than an extrovert, and in general, value stabil-
ity and security over dynamism and creativity. You are represented
by Justinian I, the son of a peasant who rose to emperor. Justinian I
was responsible for much of the reconquest of the West, defending
Rome from the Persian, and repelling the Huns.
If you got the Goths:
Te Goths were the most immediate cause of the fall of Rome.
Driven by the Huns in the 4th century, the Goths moved towards
Rome and defeated the Roman Empire at the Battle of Adrianople.
Te Visigoths, afer allying with Rome, then sacking it, then re-al-
lying with Rome, defeated Attila the Hun with the Romans at the
decisive Battle of the Catalaunian Plains in 451.
Te Ostrogoths, a faction of the Goths subjugated by the Huns,
defeated the Huns three years later, and invaded Italy under the
command of Teodoric the Great. Te Ostrogoths eventually took
control of the entire Italian peninsula.
As a Goth, you are resourceful and capable, but ofen at odds with
proud or dominant people. You adapt easily to your friends and
may have trouble maintaining your identity in a crowd. You are
represented by Teodoric the Great,
If you got the Vandals:
You love to travel and see the world, and feel especially at ease
around bodies of water. You are crafy in your dealings with others,
but are merciful when you have the advantage. Te Vandals migrat-
ed from northeastern Europe, to France, to Spain, and eventually
to North Africa, where they conquered Carthage from Rome in
439AD.
You are represented by Genseric, the leader of the Vandals, who
conquered Carthage, sacked Rome, and defeated a dual naval
invasion from Rome and Constantinople by the use of fre ships.
Te Vandal sack of Rome was actually relatively non-destructive, as
Pope Leo the Great voluntarily opened the gates of Rome afer the
Vandals pledged to not kill or destroy, but only pillage wealth.
If you got the Franks:
You feel a strong desire to be free and uninhibited. You havent
always been popular, but are known to many people. People avoid
getting in your way, lest they face your fury.
You are represented by Charles Martel. Charles Martel, though nev-
er king, consolidated Gaul (roughly France), reconciled the Franks
with the Pope, and stemmed the Muslim invasion of Europe at the
Battle of Tours against a superior force of heavy cavalry. Later, his
grandson Charlemagne created the largest political state in West-
ern Europe since the Western Roman Empire, dubbed Te Holy
30 31
Roman Empire.
If you got the Huns:
You are focused, very competitive, and achievement oriented. You
are uneasy with your current conditions, and want to do more with
your life. You absorb your friends into your path and may have
turbulent relationships. You are creative and dynamic.
You are represented by Attila. Attila was responsible for hastening
the end of the Western Roman Empire by stimulating barbarian
migration and by ravaging the Roman Empire. Leading a group of
mounted nomads, profcient in archery, Attila conquered a territory
as large as the Roman Empire and upset the traditional balance of
power.
If you got the Anglo-Saxons:
You live simply and feel at peace in nature, and tend to reject large
cities. You have strong bonds with your friends and family, even if
you occasionally fght. You enjoy reading.
Te Anglo-Saxons were originally German migrants into England,
and had little impact on the rest of Europe in the Early Medieval
Ages. You are represented by King Alfred the Great, who defended
England from the Viking invasion and undertook structural reform
of the state, improving the legal system and education.
If you got the Umayyad Caliphate:
You are expansive and gregarious, but sometimes demand a lot
from people. Because of your nature, you have many friends. You
enjoy warm weather. You take charge in stressful situations.
You are represented by Umar, who helped transition control of the
Muslim empire peacefully afer the death of Muhammed, and lead
a number of invasions throughout Africa and Europe. Te Uma-
yyad Caliphate, under Umar, encouraged conversion and tolerated
Christians and Jews, although they forced nonbelievers to pay rel-
atively high taxes. Umar helped initiate a Muslim welfare state and
saved hundreds of thousands of people during a devastating famine
in 638 AD.
32 33