A-More Spaghetti

Written by Joshua Powlison

Giraldo
Federico
Carlotta
Loretta/Loretto/Lorita
Giovanni
Scene 1 (Family Restaurant, itchen!
"#$ "ights %p
Giraldo is on stage with a big pot of spaghetti resting on a table. Hes stirring and
checking it. Could have a sign out, Giraldos Spaghetti Kitchen.
"#$ &oor 'pen(Ringing )ell soun* e++ect (+aint!
Giraldo: Hey, Federico, we have more customers coming, do you have the extra
noodles yet? (pause Federico? (pause F!"!#$C%&
Federico: 'es, (apa& (runs in )rom *L+ (lops some ,ags o) spaghetti on the ta,le
,eside the pot
Giraldo: $s that all? -here.s your sister? (calls Carlotta?
Carlotta: (comes in )rom *L 'es, (apa?
Giraldo: "o we have any more spaghetti?
Carlotta: /o, (apa+
Giraldo: 'ou are 0idding me& $t.s almost lunch hour& Federico&
Federico: 'es?
Giraldo: (lease call the local store and see i) they have any more spaghetti in stoc0&
Federico: 1lright+ (goes to wall phone, starts dialing a num,er, pic0s phone up
Carlotta: -hat are you going to do i) they.re out o) pasta, (apa?
Giraldo: "on.t tal0 cra2y tal0, you tend to this spaghetti while $ go get some more
sauce, o0ay sweetie?
Carlotta: 1ll right+
134ore *paghetti
565
Federico: 7han0 you sir+ (hangs up the phone (apa, they.re all out&
Giraldo: 1ll out o) spaghetti?
ederico nods. Giraldo sits down, hold his hand to his head.
Giraldo: 4ama mia8
Carlotta: -hat are you thin0ing, (apa?
Federico: -e.re not going to have to shut down the pasta shop early, are we?
Carlotta: 7here must ,e other spaghetti shops in $taly&
Giraldo: (grieving %h, ,ut none that ma0e noodles the way your mama used to
ma0e them& -ith dough8
Children: 8and amore+
Giraldo: #est her soul+ -ell, my children, $ thin0 there.s only one thing we can do+
Federico: -hat.s that?
Giraldo walks over to a bookshelf, takes out an old book and dusts it off
Giraldo: 1ccording to ancient legends, deep in the /orthern woods, there is a tree
that grows spaghetti8
Federico: 1 tree that grows spaghetti?&
Giraldo: 7he ,est spaghetti in the entire world&
Carlotta: 1re we going to the /orthern woods then, (apa?
Giraldo: "on.t get ahead o) me8 ,ut yes+
Federico: -ow, $.ve always wanted to go there+ -hen do we leave?
"#$ "ights 'ut
,able an* props ta-en o++ stage
!ll e"it
Scene . (/orthern woo*s!
Set out trees an* bushes +or hi*ing
Giovanni and #oretta hide behind the trees and bushes. Giovanni has an a"e.
"#$ "ights %p
134ore *paghetti
595
Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta enter S$. Could have a s%all wooden sign, &orthern
'oods. Giraldo is holding a %ap.
Giraldo: 7he spaghetti tree should ,e this way8
Loretta: (steps )rom the ,ushes into their path Going somewhere?
Carlotta: :m8 yes8
Federico: -ho are you?
Loretta: 7he name.s Loretta+
Giraldo: Good to meet you+ $.m Giraldo, and these are my two children, Federico
and Carlotta+ -hat do you want?
Loretta: "o you see0 the spaghetti tree?
Carlotta: 'es&
Loretta: $ thought so, that.s why $.m here too+
Federico: -hat do you want with the spaghetti tree?
Loretta: *paghetti, what else?
Federico: %h, right+
Loretta: $.ve ,een to the spaghetti tree many times since my childhood+ $ 0now
these woods li0e the ,ac0 o) my hand+
Giraldo: 7hen we.d ,e o,liged to have your company, we.ve never ,een to it
ourselves+ -ould you ;oin us?
Loretta: Gladly, these woods are8 <uite dangerous+ (to Giraldo %h8 and you
won.t ,e needing that8
#oretta snatches Giraldos %ap awa( fro% hi%. Cru%ples it into a ball and throws it
behind her. #aughs unco%fortabl(. Heads S$.
Loretta: Follow me&
Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta follow #oretta off S$, happ( to have a guide.
Giovanni co%es out fro% behind the bushes with the a"e, grabs the %ap and looks at it.
#aughs.
134ore *paghetti
5=5
Giovanni: 7he spaghetti tree will ,e mine&
Giovanni gives another laugh, runs off S# with the %ap.
#oretta, Giovanni, ederico, and #oretta co%e in S$. !ll e"cept #oretta are e"hausted.
Giraldo: "id we ;ust go in a circle?
Loretta: "on.t ,e cra2y+
Carlotta: 7hat loo0s li0e the ,ush we ;ust passed+
Loretta: $t.s your imagination+
Federico: Loo0, are those our )ootprints?
Loretta: /o+
Carlotta: -ell, they must ,e some,ody.s )ootprints+
)ver(bod( stops for a %inute.
Giraldo: 1re you sure you 0now where you.re going, Loretta?
Loretta: (pause, getting angry 4y name.s not really Loretta+
#oretta takes off her wig, e"posing shorter hair *actresss hair pulled up+, and sl(l( puts
on a fake %ustache. Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta gasp. ,ause.
Federico: (to Giraldo -ho is she, (apa?
Giraldo: $ don.t 0now+
Loretto: /ot she& H!& $ am Loretto& (pulls out a gun 1nd you.re coming with me&
Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta all shout. )vil laughing fro% S#. Giovanni enters.
Giovanni: Giraldo& -e meet again+
Giraldo: Giovanni& -hat are you doing here?
Carlotta: 1re you still trying to destroy (apa.s ,usiness?
Giovanni: -hat do you thin0?
,ause.
134ore *paghetti
5>5
Federico: /o?8
Giovanni: (upset 'es& 'es, o) course $ am&
Carlotta: ?ut i) you.re here, that must mean you.re a)ter the8
Gasps fro% ederico and Carlotta. -he( look at each other and e"clai%,
Children: 7he spaghetti tree&
Giovanni: (laughs ?rilliant o,servation, children+ ?ut my <uarrel isn.t with you+ $t.s
with the old man+
Giraldo: -hy must you do this, Giovanni?
Giovanni: -ell, $ )igured that ro,,ing your local noodle shop pro,a,ly wouldn.t do
your ,usiness in without additional action+
Giraldo: -hat, you ro,,ed the noodle shop?&
Giovanni: %ur )ather told us numerous stories o) the spaghetti tree when we were
children, how it cures every 0nown disease, summons )airies, and not to mention that it.s
very tasty too+ $ )igured you might ,elieve the tales and )ind your way here+
Giovanni brandishes the a"e
Giovanni: *o $ guess $.ll have an audience as $ )inish up ,usiness+ (practice swings
the axe+ Laughs
Carlotta: 'ou wouldn.t&
Loretto: He would+
Giovanni: $ would+ Loretto& ?ind their hands+
Loretto: 'es, sir&
#oretto binds their hands.
Giovanni: 7he spaghetti tree should ,e over this way8
Giovanni goes S#, #oretto walks behind Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta with the gun.
-he( all e"it S#.
"#$ "ight 'ut
)ring spaghetti tree on stage, put upstage +rom #S0
134ore *paghetti
5@5
Scene 1 (/orthern woo*s, Spaghetti ,ree!
"#$ "ights %p
Giovanni enters fro% S$, followed b( Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta, followed b(
#oretto.
Giovanni: 1h, the legendary spaghetti tree& (turns to others $ am more than pleased
to do the honors+
Giovanni brandishes the a"e, swings at the tree as the heroes shriek. -he a"e .ust
bounces off the tree, doing no da%age.
Giovanni: -hat?& (0eeps swinging, ,ut isn.t damaging the tree
Loretto: $ told you you should.ve stretched this morning+
Giovanni: -hat is going on?
Carlotta: 4ay,e you.re ;ust too wea0+
Giovanni: -hat? Giovanni, wea0? (laughs at the a,surdity, starts pacing, thin0ing Let.s
see8 ah8 oh8 the ,oo0, the ,oo0, the ,oo0, the ,oo0, the ,oo0, the ,oo0, the ,oo0&
Loretto: -hat ,oo0?
Federico: -hat ,oo0?
Carlotta: (to Giraldo -hat ,oo0, papa?
Giraldo: (smug, to Giovanni -hat ,oo0?
Giovanni: (ta0es the gun )rom Loretto, storms over to Giraldo A-hat ,oo0B, you
0now what ,oo0& 7hin0 ,ac0, Giraldo+ 7hin0 ,ac0 a long ways8
Giraldo pretends he has to think about it+
Giovanni: (out,urst 7he ,oo0 our )ather gave to you, )or (etre.s sa0e& (sad ?ecause
$ was Anot ready,B he said+ A4ay,e he.ll li0e spaghetti when he.s olderB, he said+
Giraldo: /ot to mention you were evil+
Giovanni: -1* evil?& (o))ended $.ll let that one slide+
Giraldo: $.ll ma0e a deal with you, Giovanni8 $.ll give you the ,oo0 i) you let my
children go+
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5C5
Carlotta: (apa&
Federico: "on.t do it, (apa&
Giovanni: 1greed+ :ndo his ,onds, Loretto+
/otions for #oretto to undo his bonds.
Giovanni: /ow8 where is it?
Giraldo: (ta0es it out o) poc0et $n my poc0et+
Giovanni reaches for it, but Giraldo throws it behind hi%, where it lands behind his kids.
ight scene as the( scra%ble for the book. *in the end, edericos and Carlottas bonds
are undone, and Giovanni snatches the book for a brief %o%ent, #oretto pointing the gun
at Giraldo, ederico, and Carlotta.+
Giovanni: (reading A$n order to destroy the spaghetti tree, one o) pure heart must8B
Loretto: ((oints gun away )rom three to Giovanni+ 7o Giovanni *top right there&
Giovanni: (con)used+ Loo0s up, ;umps -hoa, Loretto& -atch where you.re pointing
that thing&
Loretto: $ am& 1nd $.ve gotten all the evidence $ need now, Giovanni+ (undoes hair,
it )alls down $.m actually a spy )or the F?$&
Federico: 7he F?$?
Loretto: 7hat.s right, the Federal ?ureau o) $talians+ (ta0es o)) )a0e mustache
Carlotta: *o you.re not Loretto?
Loretto: 7hat.s right, my name is8 Lorita&
Giraldo: *o you were a girl disguised as a ,oy, disguised as a girl8
Lorita: 7hat.s right& (to Giovanni 'ou, Giovanni, under order o) the $talian
Government, are under arrest&
#orita grabs spaghetti fro% the tree.
Giovanni: :nder arrest? For what?
134ore *paghetti
5D5
Lorita: For ro,,ing a noodle shop+ 'ou admitted it yoursel), did you not?
Giovanni: ?ut8 ,ut $8
Lorita: *ave it )or the court& 'ou have the right to remain silent+ 1nything you say
can and will ,e used against you+
#orita starts binding Giovannis hands with the spaghetti.
Giovanni: (to Giraldo Giraldo8 you haven.t seen the last o) me&
Lorita: 'ou.re right a,out that, Giovanni, he.ll ,e a witness at your trial& Come
on&
#orita takes Giovanni off S$. Giovanni still has the book. Suddenl(, it occurs to Giraldo,
ederico, and Carlotta0
Giraldo,
Federico,
and Carlotta: 7H! ?%%E&&
-he( look over, Carlotta and ederico look read( to run after the%, but Giraldo stops
the%.
Giraldo: /ever mind, we.ll get the ,oo0 ,ac0 come court date+ $ have it memori2ed
)rom cover to cover anyway+ /ow, let.s get some spaghetti&
-he three run over to the tree, start getting spaghetti.
"#$ "ights 'ut
#urtain #all
134ore *paghetti
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