25/7/2014

The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

Liz Ryan

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CEO and Founder, Human Workplace

The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes

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If you make a bad mistake on the job search, what's the worst that can happen? You might
not get the job, and as frustrating as that is, sometimes it's just not meant to happen. If you
really fumble the ball and you don't get hired, maybe those people didn't deserve you.
As an HR person I've seen countless gaffes and missteps made by job-seekers, of course.
(And let's not even talk about the cringe-worthy social errors and faux pas hiring managers
make in the recruiting process. The worst half-dozen of those incidents collectively took a
couple years off my lifespan, at least.)
Hiring managers will give a job-seeker slack if they like the guy (a unisex term) and feel they
could do great work together. I don't want you to make mistakes on your job search,
forgetting job interviews and that sort of thing, of course, but I also understand that a job
search is stressful. When we are stressed it's hard to keep all the details together.
As for hiring managers, anyone who doesn't understand that a job search is stressful (and
that job interviews give most people jitters) shouldn't be making hiring decisions in the first
place.
If you mess up an interview or blow a job opportunity, be easy on yourself. What is
experience for, but to try and fall on your face and get up and try again? We wouldn't learn
anything if we did everything perfectly the first time.
It's different with networking. Networking mistakes are typically not victimless crimes. People
who don't understand networking routinely throw their friends and trusted colleagues under
the bus, and even when it's inadvertent, that kind of thing stings. Unfortunate networking
behaviors can damage your relationships or destroy them altogether.

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

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So how do you keep your networking nose

clean? If you avoid these Five Deadliest
Networking Mistakes, you'll be ahead of the
game.

T. Boone Pickens
Founder, Chairman and CEO at BP Capital a
Seguir

DON'T PUSH FOR A TRANSACTION

Networking is a slow and patient activity, like gardening. When you network, you plant seeds,
and over time you water them and give them sun. You're cultivating relationships and learning
about people and their perspectives.
Networking is a personal growth activity and a way to give back.
If you're focused on the win you have in mind -- a prized introduction, a resume walked into
HR on your behalf or some free website design, for instance - then you're not really
networking.
You're creating a social space and social energy, in a coffee shop for instance, in order to
justify your request for a business service or good. That is impolite, and it isn't networking.
When you invite people to coffee to get them to buy from you, hire you or make an
introduction for you, you're turning a relationship-building activity into a transaction, and that is
wrong.
You're not paying the person who is so kindly lending you time and attention, so unless the
two of you have agreed otherwise, the only topic you can properly introduce at at one-on-one

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networking date that you suggested is "Tell me about yourself!"
Be happy for the networking time and any advice that you are offered. Don't push people to
extend themselves for you when you have little or no social capital invested with them.
DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU
A woman came up to me after a conference and asked
"What am I doing wrong in my job-search networking?"
"What are you doing right now?" I asked her.
"Well," she said, "My friends introduce me to people they
know, and I ask them to coffee and I go to coffee with them.
At the coffee meeting, I pull out my resume and walk
through it job by job, and ask them if they have any
questions. Then at the end I ask them who else I should talk
to in their company, and ask for an introduction to that
person."
I started hyperventilating just listening to the job-hunter's story.On the flight home I wondered
how those noble people sat through a forcible "walk through my resume" coffee date without
running screaming into the parking lot. The woman with the resume doesn't realize she's
throwing her friends under the bus -- the friends who made the introductions that sentenced
their friends to those painful all-about-my-resume coffee dates.
When someone introduces you to a friend, go to the meeting without your resume. Sit and ask
questions. "How long have you lived in town?" "Tell me your career story!" Keep this rule top
of mind: it's okay to ask people for their advice on slight association; it's never okay to ask for
introductions before you're invited to.
DON'T STEAL INTRODUCTIONS
Wherever Dante stopped digging the rungs of hell,
there is yet a lower one for people who use your
name irresponsibly to swipe an introduction they
didn't ask you for. It's happened to me a few times.
A sort-of-friend found out about a guy I know who
was doing a lot of investing a/k/a had a lot of money,
and the sort-of-friend wrote to the guy and tried to
sell him Florida beachfront property, using my name
as the connective tissue between her and the guy
(and extrapolating his email address, which I hadn't
given her).
I heard about the beachfront-property pitch and expressed my displeasure. The lady didn't
understand what she had done wrong. "You're his friend, I used your name, so what?" she
said. "I don't need your permission to use your name when I write to a guy."
The woman is mistaken. An introduction is offered or it's not. Don't drop names of friends who
haven't blessed the use of their names as door-openers.
DON'T ASK FAVORS OF STRANGERS
A fundamental misconception about networking is that it's appropriate to call or write to
perfect strangers and ask them to do things for you -- to pass your resume on to the head of
HR, for instance.
Some poor guy is sitting at his desk and the phone
rings. "Hi, is this Abishek?" a voice says. "Yes," you
say, mind racing as you try to imagine who it could be.
"Yeah, I found you on LinkedIn, and I'm looking for a job
in your company," says the voice. "Will you open some
doors for me?"
That's not networking. That's another abuse of the
social frame for commercial purposes. Talk to your
friends instead, and see who they know. Go to
networking events. Try the stuff I teach, Pain Letters and Human-Voiced Resumes. Step out
there. Don't call people you don't know and ask them to go out of their way for you.
It wouldn't be good judgment on their part if they did. What does "vouch for" mean, anyway? It
means that you can speak for someone. How can a stranger speak for you?

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

DON'T USE PEOPLE
Each person is valuable as an individual. The worst thing
a networker can do is to treat another person like a
conduit, a pass-through or a means to an end. It feels bad
when people do that to you.
When I first landed in Colorado in 2001 I had got some
networking invitations. A woman was breathless to meet
me. "I'm so excited to meet you!" she gushed. We met for
coffee.
"I want to tell you everything about myself!" she said, an
inauspicious start.
"Then, if we have time, I want to learn what you do for a
living."
You know that thing where your spit catches in your throat and it makes you cough? I
coughed so hard I almost flew out of my chair.
"I'm trying to piece this together," I said. "You wanted to meet me very badly, but you don't
know what I do for a living? Help me understand how this meeting came to be."
"Oh," she said, "about fifty different people told me that you know a ton of people. You could
make introductions for my business.That's why I was excited to meet you!"
That's the kind of networking I want you to avoid, the kind where you value people based on
the size of their networks.
What matters in networking and in the workplace is energy. If the energy between you and
another person is good energy, you might become friends. That's when the concrete stuff introductions, job leads and favors - will come in. Don't rush the transaction.
The power of the relationship, the communitrons that flow between you and your friend and
the mojo boost for both of you, when you can see those things, are the real prize.
Our company is called Human
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Thanks for 224,000 Follows on LinkedIn and over 300,000 Human Workplace members!
Our company, Human Workplace, was founded in 2012 to reinvent work for people. Our CEO
and Founder Liz Ryan was a Fortune 500 HR SVP and is now the world's most widely-read
career and workplace advisor.
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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

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Tibor Gaal
Business Development Manager at Dension
Great article with an ironic hint to it: it is published on LinkedIn, the breeding ground for
networking mistakes... :-)
Hope this article will also help to eliminate the most.

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

Gostei (34)

Responder

9 dias atrs

Arlan Mallone, Stephanie Staub, Brian Stevens, +31

Ness Ergarac
Solutions Architect at MIT Services
I had a bit of a giggle when i read this - because many people cannot help it but make it about
them, however much they try to disguise it. They do it under the pretense of "Lets just have a
coffee and a chat", and it can turn into any conversation BUT the job networking. I think at the
end of the day, if you love what you do, and it shows through your work and your
achievements, people will come to YOU, not the other way around. Being passionate about
what you do is a lot more attractive than coming across as someone who is interested in
networking just so they can score that 'dream job'. So love what you do, not what others can
do for you!:)
Gostei (16)

Responder(3)

8 dias atrs

Wilfred DeVoe, Andrew Cepeda, Elizabeth Miller, +13

3 respostas

Jeffrey Reagan
Environmental Specialist Water Monitoring E&SC Natural Resource
Management Community Engagement and Stewardship
Perfectly said!
Gostei (1)

8 dias atrs

Steven Rivera

Shree Nanguneri
President and CEO, Millennium Global Business Solutions Inc. USA
Yes indeed, "Pull," instead of "Push."
Gostei (6)

8 dias atrs

Garreth Hartley FOREX / GOLD / GBPUSD / DOW / AUDNZD, Ernie Trapp,

Jeffrey Reagan, +3

Exibir mais

Nobathembu Letsoenyo
Faculty Librarian at University of Johannesburg
Good read. Not sure which is worse - After I accept LinkedIn invitation - I receive an
aggressive sales pitch with outside links to products and services - asking for my telephone
number AND anyone else I would be willing to subject to the same. OR Someone wants to
know the job prospects in SA often in industries I am not connected to, expect me to walk
them through the work permit administration so they can gauge their chances of getting into
the country at a certain pay level. Generates such warm and fuzzy all the time.
Gostei (13)

Responder(2)

9 dias atrs

Ty Marinkov, CPA, Steven Rivera, Ness Ergarac, +10

2 respostas

Shree Nanguneri
President and CEO, Millennium Global Business Solutions Inc. USA
That could be one of the reasons to filter and screen prior to accepting the
invitation from strangers.
Gostei (1)

8 dias atrs

Cecile Brevet

Susan Hoffman
Award-Winning Blogger | Editor | Marketing Copywriter | Social Media
Teacher
Thankfully, LinkedIn has that blocking feature. :-)
Gostei (5)

8 dias atrs

Steven Rivera, Elizabeth Darlene Weathers, Shree Nanguneri, +2

Abhishek Narayan
Business Development Consultant at Catenon Worldwide Executive Search
Great read! Especially the point where I saw my name AND the exact same incident that
happened to me :)
Gostei (12)

Responder(2)

8 dias atrs

Kevin Layton, irmgard megens, Steven Rivera, +9

2 respostas

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

Adam J. Smith
Supply Chain Management Intern at Raytheon SAS
If there is another Abhishek who hasn't received this call, give me your number
and I'll let you join the club ;)
Gostei (1)

8 dias atrs

Ernie Trapp

Abhishek Dayal
Business & Technology Associate
Wow, I was about to write the same thing! All Abhishek's are stunned :D
Gostei (5)

8 dias atrs

Abhishek Narayan, Ernie Trapp, Cheryl Mitchell, +2

Marc Hackel
Business Development Manager at Brunel
Liz, yet another stupendous piece! Networking really is like gardening, and you cannot force a
particular seed to grow; that's why you have to sow a lot of them. One of my pet peeves is
people who have no compunction about disappearing and then ringing me in two years, as if
they had seen me yesterday, and asking for a favor - or even asking me anything. People and
their time should be treated with respect! A network is not something to be tapped and used
the way you would tap a bucket into a maple tree which you had ignored forever for its sap.
Gostei (11)

Responder(1)

9 dias atrs

Kevin Layton, Chris Osborn, lisa sale, +8

1 resposta

Shree Nanguneri
President and CEO, Millennium Global Business Solutions Inc. USA
Nice example. Network works when one works the group as a two-way street.
Gostei (1)

8 dias atrs

Marc Hackel

Graham Parker
Quality Assurance Genius, Usability Mastermind
"Deadly"
You Keep Using That Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.
Gostei (5)

Responder(1)

8 dias atrs

Kathi Hostetter, lisa sale, Matt Flaig, +2

1 resposta

Derrick Knight
Acoustic Consultant at Knight Acoustics
No Graham, you are doing it Wrong. Try this instead: "There is one word in this
article that is destroying your credibility with the world....PM me to find out which
one."
Click-bait title aside, I do normally find useful information in Liz Ryan's articles.
Gostei (4)

8 dias atrs

irmgard megens, Kathi Hostetter, Cheryl Mitchell, +1

Marzia Neri
Multilingual Quality Assurance Specialist Video Games Localisation Automotive
Publishing Experience
I would be indeed excited if I met you.
But I would be curious to know what brought you to your current way of thinking. How you were
as a teenager. How dreams can come true.
And would like to entertain you with some of my stories.
Sometimes, when you ask you get what you ask for. But if there is no counterpart this
transaction is full of bad karma. I don't beliave much in karma, but I know myself that when
your focus is helping others while looking for help, offering what you look for, wonderful things
happen.
Gostei (3)

Responder(2)

9 dias atrs

Adam J. Smith, Fred Stawitz e Shree Nanguneri

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

2 respostas

Adam J. Smith
Supply Chain Management Intern at Raytheon SAS
I couldn't agree more Marzia. A consistent focus on others is the the best
approach. This methodology yields itself more to extroverts, so it's incredibly
important to be mindful and observational of the other person's introvert/extrovert
balance. Know your audience to better engage them in conversation!
Gostei

8 dias atrs

Marzia Neri
Multilingual Quality Assurance Specialist Video Games Localisation
Automotive Publishing Experience
Sorry for the misspellings. With a smartphone set in Italian it's difficult to avoid
them. :-)
Gostei (4)

9 dias atrs

Kathi Hostetter, Jan Hindrik Knot, Dr. Bob Tobin, +1

Lorena Oviedo Astorquiza

Project Management Assistance | Multilingual | International Experience | Fundraising |
Social Media Whiz
I learn everyday more and more about how to behave by making LinkedIn connections. My
connections are people that I admire and that are awesome to talk to about professional stuff. I
haven't asked anyone to give me a job. This is very impolite. It's like meeting somebody in a
bar...you never ask straight away if she/he wants to be the mother/father of your children...let
things flow.
Gostei (3)

Responder(6)

8 dias atrs

Ajit John, Fred Stawitz e Thomas Bauman

6 respostas

Elizabeth Darlene Weathers

Executive Assistant to the CEO, CFO & COO
Yes, I do understand! Thank you so much for responding! Funny thing is, I did say
this to my brother, if I am going to ask them will you tell them you suggested that I
ask them for help! As far as treating others the way I would like to be treated,
excellent advice, but I am asked on a daily basis to provide assistance in this
area, due to my position as an Executive Assistant to the CEO, COO & CFO of an
IT company, I am flooded with requests to pass on a resume. So, I just do it. I
guess I don't think anything of it. They are either qualified and get the job or they
don't. So honestly I don't mind people contacting me and asking me for help to get
a job. I actually would be irritated to have someone approach me and ask me to
have a drink or go out then find out they wanted me to pass on a resume to one of
my bosses. Above all I appreciate people being direct and honest and up front. So,
this part of the article confused me but I only have my own values and perceptions
to work from. I was raised in W.D.C. where people do schmooz you first so the
direct approach is refreshing and what I prefer. I guess that is what makes the
world so wonderful, that we each have our own perception and what would bother
one person is appreciated by another! Thanks again! It was very kind of you to
respond to me!
Gostei (2)

7 dias atrs

Kent Hervey e Lorena Oviedo Astorquiza

Lorena Oviedo Astorquiza

Project Management Assistance | Multilingual | International Experience |
Fundraising | Social Media Whiz
Elizabeth Darlene Weathers I understand you as well. In your case (that's what I
would do), I would ask my brother to tell his contacts in advance that I will contact
them concerning "help/advice".
I have a sister, the smartest person I know, but even though she is my sister I
wouldn't advice her to just contact my connections. I will help her as well by being
a sort of bridge between them. In that way she will feel supported and my
connections won't react in a weird way. When I use the word flow, I mean it like if
the contacts think you are a talented person, the job offer aspect will come by
itself maybe, maybe not).
In my opinion you should put in the shoes of the others. Would you like if people
contact you just because they are looking for a job? I hope you understand my
point of view. Have a great day and I wish you the best of luck!
Gostei (1)

8 dias atrs

Elizabeth Darlene Weathers

Exibir mais

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Narmina Tyger
Scientist, Sensory Research at IFF
I don't think there's anything wrong with asking someone you barely know to pass along your resume.
What's the worst that can happen? They may say no, big deal. Of course you shouldn't be pushy after that,
but it's not like you're asking a stranger for a personal loan.
I'm always willing to pass along a resume to any HR contacts I may have, because you never know, maybe
its the right person for the job and it's an easy-to-do selfless act.
If you're annoyed with people who try to ask you for favors that require nothing more than the click of a
button, considering it flattering that someone thinks you're influential enough to possibly help their career.
Gostei (6)

Responder(2)

8 dias atrs

Kent Hervey, Mabrook Shah, Courtney Klatt, +3

2 respostas

James Karasek
Coach/Advisor at Insight
Well said! I think "deadliest " might be a self serving title for this article but does make valid
points.
Gostei

8 dias atrs

Elizabeth Darlene Weathers

Executive Assistant to the CEO, CFO & COO
I hear all of these comments and I do not know how to let things "flow" if you are looking for
another job? My brother told me to go to his contacts and then ask them for help. He said that
is how it works. How do I let it flow with someone I have never met? I was honest and said my
brother is your friend and asked me to connect to you because you work, for example, at
Johnson & Johnson, would you link to me? I don't really understand how to do this other than
being honest and direct. I am not trying to "use" them in a way that is unacceptable am I? My
brother is a Sr. V.P. and he said this is what he and his friends do. I am confused. Thanks! Dar
Weathers
Gostei

8 dias atrs

Aninda Baruah
Project Manager (Prince 2 Practitioner), Business Analyst, Pricing Analyst - Consultant
I think people "rush the transaction" because they start networking quite late in relation to their
professional goals. If I have to achieve something in 6 months time then I have to start
networking today and not when there is just 1 month left. I have made this mistake quite a few
times.
Gostei (5)

Responder

8 dias atrs

siddiqur rehman, lisa sale, Rosamund H., +2

Maureen Stroup, MSM - Program Manager, Trainer

VP of Public Relations - Today Club at Toastmasters International
You have made some great points Liz. However, if" you are in job-seeking activities there is
nothing wrong in asking to learn more about a persons company and job. Buy them lunch or
coffee just to hear what they have to say! It could be a good friendship too. I feel it is also
important to offer to help them in some way, through a connection on Linked-In or someone
else you know in your own network. Its 6 degrees of separation in the world. Also if that
particular person asked for your resume and you get hired, many times they can obtain a
referral fee. These fees provided at many companies can be from a few 100 to a few 1000
dollars. A person should reach out, but be able to make it a win-win, not a take-take. IMHO
Gostei (5)

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8 dias atrs

Kent Hervey, JJ Childs, Rumana Abdullah, +2

Patrick Clark
Passionate and committed learning and development and management professional
And great drawings!
Gostei (4)

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9 dias atrs

lisa sale, Cheryl Mitchell, Steven Green, +1

KALPAN DESAI
Senior HR Business Partner - India, USA, UK, UAE
A very very useful and important article and at a right place "LinkedIn".
Gostei (4)

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9 dias atrs

Vickie de Vries, lisa sale, Cheryl Mitchell, +1

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

Tom Bettle
Business Development Manager at Dryad Maritime Intelligence Service
WOW!
What an excellent article and, shame on me, I think I currently break all of those deadly
networking sins!
I will learn... I will and slowly I may actually get better at appropriately engaging with my own
network.
Thanks you for the wisdom.
Tom
Gostei (4)

Responder

9 dias atrs

Roy Holland, Rumana Abdullah, Shree Nanguneri, +1

Bill Bricker
Director of Sales at WibiData
Well put Liz, you'd think that these 5 points should be obvious and you could sum it by saying
"Be a decent human, not a machine". Unfortunately, networking is not an explicit lesson taught
in school, so it's good to have sage advice like this out there!
I'd posit a 6th Networking "mistake" that people make is simply: neglecting to network.
Because of the abrasive way bad networkers go about business (as you eloquently depicted),
the concept of networking often elicits a visceral, negative response when brought up. If
networkers act on your advice and capitalize on the long term, mutual benefits of networking
the right way, the practice would move from something relegated to selfish salesmen towards a
highly regarded success strategy that should be repeated continuously.
Gostei (3)

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8 dias atrs

Priya Narayanan, lisa sale e Brian Schnitzler

Mark Sherry Brennan

New Business Acquisition Account Development at Accident Exchange >Identify
>Engage >Deliver
Boom! Pure gold from Liz...
Gostei (2)

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9 dias atrs

Thomas Bauman e R James

Catherine Hilliard
Marketing and Communications Professional
Subtlety, manners and appropriate boundaries seem to be what you are focusing on here Liz.
I agree with this and Tibor Gaal...
Through using social platforms and the internet for research people begin to expect to get to
the point immediately often forgetting that not only themselves but all the people involved in
our interactions hope to get their needs met.
Gostei (2)

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9 dias atrs

Darrell Drystek e Dr. Bob Tobin

Michael S. Erisman
Chief Human Resources Officer
This is spot on and captures all the elements in one place. I am sharing with some of the
people I know doing these very things today and then wondering why it isn't working. In my
opinion and experience, I have used LinkedIn primarily to help others, and focusing on what I
can do for someone else may or may not open some doors for me later, but that has no
correlation at all for whether or not I help. Sharing what I have learned, and helping others on
their journey is the value of networking. To whom much is given, much is expected.
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8 dias atrs

Florence Goins e Stephen Plourde

William Alexander
Helping Companies Grow and Achieve Success through Internet Marketing, Web Design
& Development, SEO and Social Media
Very nice article. Love the artwork!
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9 dias atrs

lisa sale e Thomas Bauman

Christopher S. Bennett
Business-savvy Data Scientist
Thank you for a very insightful and instructive piece.
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8 dias atrs

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

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