You Can Win - A Step by Step To - Shiv Khera - 1934

By
Courtesy:
Shahid Riaz
Islamabad Pakistan
shahid.riaz@gmail.com
http://esnips.com/UserProfileAction.ns?id=ebdaae62-b650-4f30-a4-3!6c0a0"4226
You Can Win By Shiv Khera 2
Winners don't do different things. They do things differently.
CON!NS
#hapter % &'P()*A+#, (- A**&*U.,
/0ildin1 a positi2e attit0de
#hapter 2 3U##,33
4innin1 strate1ies
#hapter 3 '(*&5A*&(+
'oti2atin1 6o0rself and others e2er6 da6
#hapter 4 3,7--,3*,,'
/0ildin1 positi2e self-esteem and ima1e
#hapter 5 &+*,)P,)3(+A7 38&773
/0ildin1 a pleasin1 personalit6
#hapter 6 3U/#(+3#&(U3 '&+. A+. 9A/&*3
-ormin1 positi2e habits and character
#hapter ! :(A7-3,**&+:
3ettin1 and achie2in1 6o0r 1oals
#hapter " 5A7U,3 A+. 5&3&(+ 223
.oin1 the ri1ht thin1 for the ri1ht reason
C"#P!R $
I%POR#NC! O& #I'(!
/0ildin1 a positi2e attit0de
There was a man who made a living selling balloons at a fair. He had all colors of
balloons, including red, yellow, blue, and green. Whenever business was slow, he
would release a helium-filled balloon into the air and when the children saw it go up,
they all wanted to buy one. They would come up to him, buy a balloon, and his sales
would go up again. He continued this process all day. One day, he felt someone tugging
at his jacet. He turned around and saw a little boy who ased, !"f you release a blac
balloon, would that also fly#! $oved by the boy's concern, the man replied with
empathy, !%on, it is not the color of the balloon, it is what is inside that maes it go up.!
*he same thin1 applies to o0r li2es. &t is ;hat is inside that co0nts. *he thin1 inside of
0s that ma<es 0s 1o 0p is o0r attit0de.
9a2e 6o0 e2er ;ondered ;h6 some indi2id0als= or1ani>ations= or co0ntries are more
s0ccessf0l than others?
&t is not a secret. *hese people simpl6 thin< and act more effecti2el6. *he6 ha2e learned
ho; to do so b6 in2estin1 in the most 2al0able asset--people. & belie2e that the s0ccess
of an indi2id0al= or1ani>ation or co0ntr6= depends on the ?0alit6 of their people.
& ha2e spo<en to e@ec0ti2es in maAor corporations all o2er the ;orld and as<ed one
?0estion: B&f 6o0 had a ma1ic ;and and there ;as one thin1 6o0 ;o0ld ;ant chan1ed=
that ;o0ld 1i2e 6o0 a c0ttin1 ed1e in the mar<etplace res0ltin1 in increased prod0cti2it6
and profits= ;hat ;o0ld that be?B *he ans;er ;as 0nanimo0s. *he6 all said that if
people had better attit0des= the6Cd be better team pla6ers= and itCd c0t do;n ;aste=
impro2e lo6alt6 and= in 1eneral= ma<e their compan6 a 1reat place to ;or<.
4illiam Dames of 9ar2ard Uni2ersit6 said= B*he 1reatest disco2er6 of m6 1eneration is
that h0man bein1s can alter their li2es b6 alterin1 their attit0des of mind.B
,@perience has sho;n that h0man reso0rces is the most 2al0able asset of an6
b0siness. &t is more 2al0able than capital or e?0ipment. Unfort0natel6= it is also the most
;asted. &eople can be your biggest asset or your biggest liability.
)P**O#+ )'#+I, P!OP+!
9a2in1 been e@posed to a n0mber of trainin1 pro1rams= s0ch as c0stomer ser2ice=
sellin1 s<ills= and strate1ic plannin1= & ha2e come to the concl0sion that all these are
1reat pro1rams ;ith one maAor challen1e: +one of them ;or<s 0nless the6 ha2e the
ri1ht fo0ndation= and the ri1ht fo0ndation is *EP. 4hat is *EP? *EP is *otal E0alit6
People-- people ;ith character= inte1rit6= 1ood 2al0es= and a positi2e attit0de.
.onCt 1et me ;ron1. Fo0 do need all the other pro1rams= b0t the6 ;ill onl6 ;or< ;hen
6o0 ha2e the ri1ht fo0ndation= and the fo0ndation is *EP. -or e@ample= some c0stomer
ser2ice pro1rams teach participants to sa6 Bplease=B and Bthan<-6o0=B 1i2e smiles and
handsha<es. /0t ho; lon1 can a person <eep on a fa<e smile if he does not ha2e the
desire to ser2e? /esides= people can see thro01h him. And if the smile is not sincere= it
is irritatin1. '6 point is= there has to be s0bstance o2er form= not form o2er s0bstance.
4itho0t a do0bt= one does need to remember BpleaseB and
Bthan<-6o0=B the smiles= etc.--the6 are 2er6 important. /0t <eep in mind that the6 come a
lot easier ;hen accompanied b6 a desire to ser2e.
%omeone once approached 'laise &ascal, the famous (rench philosopher and said, !"f
" had your brains, " would be a better person.! &ascal replied, !'e a better person and
you will have my brains.!
The )algary Tower stands at *+,.- meters. The total weight of the tower is *,,--. tons,
of which /,0.+ tons is below ground 1appro2imately /,34. This shows that some of the
greatest buildings have the strongest foundations. 5ust lie a great building stands on a
strong foundation, so does success. 6nd the foundation of success is attitude.
,O'R #I'(! CONRI-'!S O S'CC!SS
6 study attributed to Harvard 7niversity found that when a person gets a job, -83 of the
time it is because of their attitude, and only *83 of the time because of how smart they
are and how many facts and figures they now. %urprisingly, almost *,,3 of education
dollars go to teach facts and figures which account for only *83 of success in wor9
*his boo< is all abo0t that "5G of s0ccess. Attit0de is the most important ;ord in the
,n1lish lan10a1e. &t applies to e2er6 sphere of life= incl0din1 oneCs personal and
professional life. #an an e@ec0ti2e be a 1ood e@ec0ti2e ;itho0t a 1ood attit0de? #an a
st0dent be a 1ood st0dent ;itho0t a 1ood attit0de? #an a parent= teacher= salesman=
emplo6er= emplo6ee be 1ood in their roles ;itho0t a 1ood attit0de?
*he fo0ndation of s0ccess re1ardless of 6o0r chosen field= is attit0de.
&f attit0de is s0ch a critical factor in s0ccess= sho0ldnCt 6o0 e@amine 6o0r attit0de to;ard
life and as< ho; 6o0r attit0de ;ill affect 6o0r 1oals?
ACRES OF DIAMONDS
There was a farmer in 6frica who was happy and content. He was happy because he
was content. He was content because he was happy. One day a wise man came to him
and told him about the glory of diamonds and the power that goes along with them. The
wise man said, !"f you had a diamond the si:e of your thumb, you could have your own
city. "f you had a diamond the si:e of your fist, you could probably own your own
country.! 6nd then he went away. That night the farmer couldn't sleep. He was unhappy
and he was discontent. He was unhappy because he was discontent and discontent
because he was unhappy.
The ne2t morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, too care of his family and
went in search of diamonds. He looed all over 6frica and couldn't find any. He looed
all through ;urope and couldn't find any. When he got to %pain, he was emotionally,
physically and financially broe. He got so disheartened that he threw himself into the
'arcelona <iver and committed suicide.
'ac home, the person who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream
that ran through the farm. 6cross the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone
and made it sparle lie a rainbow. He thought it would loo good on the mantle piece.
He piced up the stone and put it in the living room. That afternoon the wise man came
and saw the stone sparling. He ased, !"s Hafi: bac#! The new owner said, !=o, why
do you as#! The wise man said, !'ecause that is a diamond. " recogni:e one when "
see one.! The man said, no, that's just a stone " piced up from the stream. )ome, "'ll
show you. There are many more.! They went and piced some samples and sent them
for analysis. %ure enough, the stones were diamonds. They found that the farm was
indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.>
What is the moral of this story#
There are five morals?
.1 When our attitude is right, we reali:e that we are all waling on acres and
acres of diamonds.
06ttributed to @r <ussel )onwell .
0Opportunity is always under our feet. We don't have to go anywhere. 6ll we need to
do is recogni:e it.
A. The grass on the other side always loos greener.
.3 While we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are
dyeing the grass on our side. They would be happy to trade places with us.
.4 When people don't now how to recogni:e opportunity, they complain of
noise when it nocs.
.5 The same opportunity never nocs twice. The ne2t one may be better or
worse, but it is never the same one.
(#.I( #N( /O+I#"
We all now the story of @avid and Boliath. There was a giant who was bullying and
harassing the children in the village. One day, a *C-year-old shepherd boy came to visit
his brothers and ased, !Why don't you stand up and fight the giant#! The brothers
were terrified and they replied, !@on't you see he is too big to hit#! 'ut @avid said, !=o,
he is not too big to hit, he is too big to miss.! The rest is history. We all now what
happened. @avid illed the giant with a sling. %ame giant, different perception.
(0r attit0de determines ho; ;e loo< at a setbac<. *o a positi2e thin<er= it can be a
steppin1 stone to s0ccess. *o a ne1ati2e thin<er= it can be a st0mblin1 bloc<.
:reat or1ani>ations are not meas0red b6 ;a1es and ;or<in1 conditions= the6 are
meas0red b6 feelin1s= attit0des and relationships.
4hen emplo6ees sa6= B& canCt do it=B there are t;o possible meanin1s. Are the6 sa6in1
the6 donCt <no; ho; to or the6 donCt ;ant to? &f the6 donCt <no; ho; to= that is a trainin1
iss0e. &f the6 are sa6in1 the6 donCt ;ant to=
it ma6 be an attit0de iss0e Hthe6 donCt careI or a 2al0es iss0e Hthe6 belie2e the6 sho0ld
not do itI.
# "O+ISIC #PPRO#C"
& belie2e in the holistic approach. 4e are not an arm and a le1= b0t a complete h0man
bein1. *he ;hole person 1oes to ;or< and the ;hole person comes home.
4e ta<e famil6 problems to ;or< and ;or< problems to the famil6. 4hat happens ;hen
;e ta<e famil6 problems to ;or<? (0r stress le2el 1oes 0p and prod0cti2it6 comes
do;n. 3imilarl6= ;or< and social problems ha2e an impact on e2er6 aspect of o0r li2es.
*a<e an6 one of those items and e@trapolate it into sophisticated ad0lt terms and appl6
it to 6o0r famil6 life or 6o0r ;or< or 6o0r 1o2ernment or 6o0r ;orld and it holds tr0e and
clear and firm.
&#CORS "# (!!R%IN! O'R #I'(!
Are ;e born ;ith attit0des or do ;e de2elop them as ;e mat0re? 4hat are the factors
that form o0r attit0des?
&f 6o0 ha2e a ne1ati2e o0tloo< on life beca0se of 6o0r en2ironment= can 6o0 chan1e
6o0r attit0de? 'ost of o0r attit0de is shaped d0rin1 o0r formati2e 6ears.
*here are primaril6 three factors that determine o0r attit0de. *he6 are:
1. en2ironment
2. e@perience
3. ed0cation
*hese are called the triple ,s of attit0de. 7etCs e2al0ate each of the factors indi2id0all6.
$. !n0ironment
,n2ironment consists of the follo;in1:
09ome: positi2e or ne1ati2e infl0ences
03chool: peer press0re
04or<: s0pporti2e or o2er critical s0per2isor
0'edia: tele2ision= ne;spapers= ma1a>ines= radio= mo2ies
0#0lt0ral bac<1ro0nd
0)eli1io0s bac<1ro0nd
0*raditions and beliefs
03ocial en2ironment
0Political en2ironment
All of these en2ironments create a c0lt0re. ,2er6 place be it a home= or1ani>ation or a
co0ntr6 has a c0lt0re.
9a2e 6o0 noticed that sometimes 6o0 1o to a store and 6o0 find the salesperson polite=
the s0per2isor= mana1er and o;ner polite as ;ell? Fet 6o0 1o to another shop and 6o0
find e2er6one r0de and disco0rteo0s.
Fo0 1o to a home and 6o0 find the <ids and parents ;ell-beha2ed= co0rteo0s and
considerate. Fo0 1o to another home ;here e2er6one is fi1htin1 li<e cats and do1s.
&n co0ntries ;here the 1o2ernment and political en2ironment is honest= 1enerall6 6o0
;ill find that the people are honest= la; abidin1 and helpf0l. And the re2erse is tr0e too.
&n a corr0pt en2ironment= an honest person has a to01h time. 4hereas in an honest
en2ironment= the corr0pt one has a to01h time.
&n a positi2e en2ironment= a mar1inal performerCs o0tp0t 1oes 0p. &n a ne1ati2e
en2ironment= a 1ood performerCs o0tp0t 1oes do;n.
#0lt0re in an6 place al;a6s 1oes top do;n= ne2er bottom 0p. 4e need to step bac< and
loo< at ;hat <ind of en2ironment ;e ha2e created for o0rsel2es and those aro0nd 0s. &t
is to01h to e@pect positi2e beha2ior in a ne1ati2e en2ironment. 4here la;lessness
becomes the la;= honest citi>ens become cheats= croo<s and thie2es.
&snCt it time to e2al0ate the en2ironment that ;e are in or ;e ha2e created for others?
1. !23eriences
(0r beha2ior chan1es accordin1 to o0r e@periences ;ith people and e2ents in o0r life. &f
;e ha2e a positi2e e@perience ;ith a person= o0r attit0de to;ard him becomes positi2e
and 2ice 2ersa.
4. !ducation
& refer to both formal and informal ed0cation= not A0st academic ?0alifications.
8no;led1e strate1icall6 applied translates into ;isdom= ens0rin1 s0ccess. & tal< of
ed0cation in the broader sense. &t ma<es the role of the J ed0cator 2ital. A teacher
affects eternit6. *he ripple effect is immeas0rable.
4e are dro;nin1 in information b0t star2in1 for <no;led1e and ;isdom. ,d0cation
o01ht to teach 0s not onl6 ho; to ma<e a li2in1 b0t also ho; to li2e.
"O5 (O ,O' R!CO/NI6! P!OP+! 5I" # POSII.! #I'(!7
D0st li<e an absence of ill health does not e?0al 1ood health= an absence of ne1ati2it6
alone does not ma<e a person positi2e.
People ;ith positi2e attit0des ha2e certain personalit6 traits that are eas6 to reco1ni>e.
*he6 are carin1= confident= patient= and h0mble. *he6 ha2e hi1h e@pectations of
themsel2es and others. *he6 anticipate positi2e o0tcomes. A person ;ith a positi2e
attit0de is li<e a fr0it of all seasons. 9e is al;a6s ;elcome.
"! -!N!&IS O& # POSII.! #I'(!
*hese are man6 and eas6 to see. /0t ;hat is eas6 to see is also eas6 to miss. *o
mention a fe;= a positi2e attit0de
0increases prod0cti2it6
0fosters team;or<
0sol2es problems
0impro2es ?0alit6
0ma<es for con1enial atmosphere
0breeds lo6alt6
0increases profits
0fosters better relationships ;ith emplo6ers= emplo6ees= and c0stomers
0red0ces stress
0helps a person become a contrib0tin1 member of societ6 and an asset to their
co0ntr6
0ma<es for a pleasin1 personalit6
"! CONS!)'!NC!S O& # N!/#I.! #I'(!
(0r life is an obstacle co0rse and ;e become o0r o;n bi11est obstacle b6 ha2in1 a
ne1ati2e attit0de. People ;ith a ne1ati2e attit0de ha2e a hard time <eepin1 friendships=
Aobs= marria1e and relationships. *heir attit0de leads to
0bitterness
0resentment
0a p0rposeless life
0ill health
0hi1h stress le2el for themsel2es and others
*he6 create a ne1ati2e en2ironment at home and ;or< and become a liabilit6 to societ6.
*he6 also pass on their ne1ati2e beha2ior to others aro0nd them and to f0t0re
1enerations.
5"!N 5! -!CO%! #5#R! O& O'R N!/#I.! #I'(!8 5", (ON9 5!
C"#N/!7
90man nat0re 1enerall6 resists chan1e. #han1e is 0ncomfortable. )e1ardless of its
positi2e or ne1ati2e effect= chan1e can be stressf0l. 3ometimes ;e 1et so comfortable
;ith o0r ne1ati2it6 that e2en ;hen the chan1e is for the positi2e= ;e donCt ;ant to
accept it. 4e sta6 ;ith the ne1ati2e.
)harles @icens wrote about a prisoner who stayed for many years in a dungeon. 6fter
serving his sentence, he got his freedom. He was brought out from his cell into the
bright daylight of the open world. This man looed all around and after a few moments
was so uncomfortable with his newly acDuired freedom that he ased to be brought
bac to his cell into confinement. To him, the dungeon, the chains and the darness
were more secure and comfortable than accepting the change of freedom and the open
world.
S!PS O -'I+(IN/ # POSII.! #I'(!
.0rin1 childhood= ;e form attit0des that last a lifetime. Undo0btedl6= it ;o0ld be a lot
easier and better to ha2e ac?0ired a positi2e attit0de d0rin1 o0r formati2e 6ears. .oes
that mean if ;e ac?0ire a ne1ati2e attit0de= ;hether b6 desi1n or b6 defa0lt= ;e are
st0c< ;ith it? (f co0rse not. #an ;e chan1e? Fes. &s it eas6? Absol0tel6 not.
9o; do 6o0 b0ild and maintain a positi2e attit0de?
0/ecome a;are of the principles that b0ild a positi2e attit0de
0.esire to be positi2e
0#0lti2ate the discipline and dedication to practice those principles
As ad0lts= re1ardless of o0r en2ironment= ed0cation and e@perience= ;ho is responsible
for o0r attit0de?
4e are. 4e ha2e to accept responsibilit6 some time in o0r li2es. 4e blame e2er6one
and e2er6thin1 b0t o0rsel2es. &t is 0p to 0s to choose o0r attit0de e2er6 mornin1. As
ad0lts= ;e need to accept responsibilit6 for o0r beha2ior and actions.
People ;ith ne1ati2e attit0des ;ill blame the ;hole ;orld= their parents= teachers=
spo0se= the econom6 and the 1o2ernment for their fail0res.
Fo0 ha2e to 1et a;a6 from the past. .0st 6o0rself off= 1et bac< into the mainstream. P0t
6o0r dreams to1ether and mo2e for;ard. *hin<in1 of the positi2e thin1s that are tr0e=
honest and 1ood= ;ill p0t 0s in a positi2e state of mind.
&f ;e ;ant to b0ild and maintain a positi2e attit0de= ;e need to conscio0sl6 practice the
follo;in1 steps:
Ste3 $: Change &ocus8 +ook :or the Positi0e
4e need to become 1ood finders. 4e need to foc0s on the positi2e in life. 7etCs start
loo<in1 for ;hat is ri1ht in a person or sit0ation instead of loo<in1 for ;hat is ;ron1.
/eca0se of o0r conditionin1= ;e are so att0ned to findin1 fa0lt and loo<in1 for ;hat is
;ron1 that ;e for1et to see the positi2e pict0re.
,2en in paradise= fa0lt finders ;ill find fa0lts. 'ost people find ;hat the6 are loo<in1 for.
&f the6 are loo<in1 for friendship= happiness and the positi2e= that is ;hat the6 1et. &f
the6 are loo<in1 for fi1hts or indifference= then that is ;hat the6 1et. #a0tion loo<in1 for
the positi2e does not mean o2erloo<in1 fa0lts.
LOOKING FOR THE GOLD
6s a young %cots boy, 6ndrew )arnegie came to 6merica and started doing odd jobs.
He ended up as one of the largest steel manufacturers in the 7nited %tates.
6t one time he had .0 millionaires woring for him. %everal decades ago, a million
dollars used to be a lot of moneyE even today it is a lot of money. %omeone ased $r.
)arnegie how he dealt with people# 6ndrew )arnegie replied, !@ealing with people is
lie digging gold? When you go digging for an ounce of gold, you have to move tons of
dirt to get an ounce of gold. 'ut when you go digging, you don't go looing for the dirt,
you go looing for the gold.!
4hat is 6o0r foc0s? /ecome a di11er for 1old. &f 6o0 are loo<in1 for ;hat is ;ron1 ;ith
people or ;ith thin1s= 6o0 ;ill find man6. 4hat are 6o0 loo<in1 for? Andre; #arne1ieCs
repl6 has a 2er6 important messa1e. *here is somethin1 positi2e in e2er6 person and
e2er6 sit0ation. 3ometimes ;e ha2e to di1 deep to loo< for the positi2e beca0se it ma6
not be apparent. /esides= ;e are so 0sed to loo<in1 for ;hat is ;ron1 ;ith other people
and sit0ations= ;e for1et to see ;hat is ri1ht. 3omeone once said that e2en a stopped
cloc< is ri1ht t;ice a da6.
)emember ;hen 6o0 1o loo<in1 for 1old= 6o0 ha2e to mo2e tons of dirt to 1et to an
o0nce of 1old. /0t ;hen 6o0 1o loo<in1= 6o0 donCt 1o loo<in1 for the dirt= 6o0 1o loo<in1
for the 1old.
Negative People will Always Critii!e
3ome people critici>e no matter ;hat. &t does not matter ;hich side 6o0 are on= the6 are
al;a6s on the other side. *he6 ha2e made a career o0t of critici>in1. *he6 are
Bcareer critics.B *he6 critici>e as if the6 ;ill ;in a pri>e at a contest. *he6 ;ill find fa0lt
;ith e2er6 person and e2er6 sit0ation. Fo0 ;ill find people li<e this in e2er6 home=
famil6= office. *he6 1o aro0nd findin1 fa0lt and tellin1 e2er6bod6 ho; bad thin1s are and
blamin1 the ;hole ;orld for their problems. 4e ha2e a name for these people. *he6 are
called ener16 s0c<ers. *he6 ;ill 1o to the cafeteria and dro;n themsel2es in 20 c0ps of
tea and coffee and smo<e to their heartsC content ;ith one e@c0se: the6 are tr6in1 to
rela@. All that the6 are doin1 is ca0sin1 more tension for themsel2es and for others
aro0nd them. *he6 spread ne1ati2e messa1es li<e a pla10e and create an en2ironment
cond0ci2e to ne1ati2e res0lts.
)obert -0lton in2ented the steamboat. (n the ban<s of the 90dson )i2er he ;as
displa6in1 his ne; in2ention. *he pessimists and the s<eptics ;ere 1athered aro0nd to
obser2e. *he6 commented that it ;o0ld ne2er start. 7o and behold= it did. As it made its
;a6 do;n the ri2er= the pessimists ;ho said it ;o0ld ne2er 1o= started sho0tin1 that it
;o0ld ne2er stop. 4hat an attit0deK
SOME PEOPLE AL"A#S LOOK FOR THE NEGATI$E
There was a hunter who bought a bird dog, the only one of its ind in the world. That
could wal on water . He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this miracle. 6t the
same time, he was very pleased that he could show off his new acDuisition to his
friends. He invited a friend to go duc hunting. 6fter some time, they shot a few ducs
and the man ordered his dog to run and fetch the birds. 6ll day-long, the dog ran on
water and ept fetching the birds. The owner was e2pecting a comment or a
compliment about his ama:ing dog, but never got one. 6s they were returning home, he
ased his friend if he had noticed anything unusual about his dog. The friend replied,
!Fes, in fact, " did notice something unusual. Four dog can't swim.!
3ome people al;a6s loo< at the ne1ati2e side. 4ho is pessimist? Pessimists
0are 0nhapp6 ;hen the6 ha2e no tro0bles to spea<
0feel bad ;hen the6 feel 1ood= for fear the6 ;ill feel ;orse ;hen the6 feel better
0spend most of their life at complaint co0nters
0al;a6s t0rn o0t the li1hts to see ho; dar< it is
0are al;a6s loo<in1 for crac<s in the mirror of life
0stop sleepin1 in bed ;hen the6 hear that more people die in bed than an6;here else
0cannot enAo6 their health beca0se the6 thin< the6 ma6 be sic< tomorro;
0not onl6 e@pect the ;orst b0t ma<e the ;orst of ;hate2er happens
0donCt see the do01hn0t= onl6 the hole
0belie2e that the s0n shines onl6 to cast shado;s
0for1et their blessin1s and co0nt their tro0bles
0<no; that hard ;or< ne2er h0rts an6one b0t belie2e B;h6 ta<e a chance?B
4ho is an optimist? &t is ;ell described b6 the follo;in1:
/e so stron1 that nothin1 can dist0rb 6o0r peace of mind.
*al< health= happiness= and prosperit6 to e2er6 person 6o0 meet.
'a<e all 6o0r friends feel there is somethin1 in them.
7oo< at the s0nn6 side of e2er6thin1.
*hin< onl6 of the best= ;or< onl6 for the best= and e@pect onl6 the best.
/e as enth0siastic abo0t the s0ccess of others as 6o0 are abo0t 6o0r o;n.
-or1et the mista<es of the past and press on to the 1reater achie2ements of the f0t0re.
:i2e e2er6one a smile.
3pend so m0ch time impro2in1 6o0rself that 6o0 ha2e no time left to critici>e others.
/e too bi1 for ;orr6 and too noble for an1er.L
Ste3 1: %ake a "abit o: (oing It No;
4e ha2e all procrastinated at some time in o0r li2es. & <no; & ha2e= onl6 to ha2e
re1retted it later. Procrastination leads to a ne1ati2e attit0de. *he habit of
procrastination fati10es 6o0 more than the effort it ta<es to do it.
A completed tas< is f0lfillin1 and ener1i>in1J an incomplete tas< drains ener16 li<e a
lea< from a tan<.
&f 6o0 ;ant to b0ild and maintain a positi2e attit0de= 1et into the habit of li2in1 in the
present and doin1 it no;.
9e slept beneath the moon 9e
bas<ed beneath the s0n 9e
li2ed a life of 1oin1 to do and
died ;ith nothin1 done.
--Dames Alber6
"%e& I 'eo(e a 'ig 'oy
*his is li<e the little bo6 ;ho sa6s ;hen & become a bi1 bo6= & ;ill do this and this and &
;ill be happ6. And ;hen he becomes a bi1 bo6 he sa6s= ;hen & finish colle1e and do
this and this and & ;ill be happ6. And ;hen he finishes colle1e he sa6s ;hen & 1et m6
first Aob and do this and this & ;ill be happ6. And ;hen he 1ets his first Aob he sa6s ;hen
& 1et married and do this and this and then & ;ill be happ6. And ;hen he 1ets married he
sa6s ;hen the <ids 1et o0t of school and & do this and this & ;ill be & happ6. And ;hen
the <ids 1et o0t of school= he sa6s ;hen & retire and do this and this= & ;ill be happ6. And
;hen he retires ;hat does he see? 9e sees life has A0st 1one b6 in front of his e6es.
L B#reed for (ptimistsB b6 #hristian .. 7arsen= in *he /est of ... /its Pieces=
,conomics Press= -airfield= +D= %4= p. 3.
3ome people practice procrastination b6 hidin1 behind hi1h so0ndin1 ;ords= sa6in1 B&Cm
anal6>in1B and si@ months later the6 are still anal6>in1. 4hat the6 donCt reali>e is that
the6 are s0fferin1 from a disease called= BParal6sis of Anal6sisB and the6 ;ill ne2er
s0cceed.
*hen there is another breed of people ;ho procrastinate b6 sa6in1 B&Cm 1ettin1 read6B
and a month later the6 are still 1ettin1 read6 and si@ months later the6 are still 1ettin1
read6. 4hat the6 donCt reali>e is the6 are s0fferin1 from a disease called
B,@c0sitis.B *he6 <eep ma<in1 e@c0ses.
7ife is not a dress rehearsal. & donCt care ;hat philosoph6 6o0 belie2e in--;e ha2e 1ot
onl6 one shot at this 1ame called life. *he sta<es are too hi1h. *he sta<es are the f0t0re
1enerations.
4hat time is it and ;here are ;e? *he ans;er is no; and ;e are here. 7etCs ma<e the
best of no; and 0tili>e the present to the f0llest. *he messa1e is not that ;e donCt need
to plan for the f0t0re. *he messa1e is that ;e do need to plan for the f0t0re. &f ;e 0tili>e
o0r present to its f0llest= ;e are so;in1 the seeds for a better f0t0re a0tomaticall6= arenCt
;e?
&f 6o0 ;ant to b0ild a positi2e attit0de= learn the phrase= Bdo it no;B and stop the habit of
procrastination.
*he saddest ;ords in life are:
0B&t mi1ht ha2e been.B
0B& sho0ld ha2e.B
0B& co0ld ha2e.B
0B& ;ish & had.B
0B&f onl6 & had 1i2en a little e@tra.B
=ever leave till tomorrow which you can do today.
--'enjamin (ranlin
& am s0re all ;inners ;anted to be procrastinators b0t ne2er 1ot aro0nd to it.
4hen people sa6= B& ;ill do it one of these da6s=B 6o0 can be s0re it means none of
these da6s.
3ome people <eep ;aitin1 for all li1hts to t0rn 1reen before the6 lea2e home. *hat ;ill
ne2er happen and the6 fail e2en before the6 start. *hat is sad.
3top procrastinatin1: &snCt it time that ;e p0t off p0ttin1 thin1s off?
Ste3 4: (e0elo3 an #ttitude o: /ratitude
#o0nt 6o0r blessin1s= not 6o0r tro0bles. *a<e time to smell the roses. &t is not
0ncommon to hear that someone= beca0se of an accident or illness= became blind or
paral6>ed b0t ;on a million dollars in settlement. 9o; man6 of 0s ;o0ld li<e to trade
places ;ith that person? +ot man6. 4e are so foc0sed on complainin1 abo0t thin1s ;e
donCt ha2e that ;e lose si1ht of the thin1s ;e ha2e. *here is a lot to be than<f0l for.
4hen & sa6 co0nt 6o0r blessin1s= not 6o0r tro0bles= the messa1e is not to become
complacent. &f complacence ;as the messa1e 6o0 1ot= then & ;o0ld be 10ilt6 of fa0lt6
comm0nication and 6o0 of selecti2e listenin1.
To give you an e2ample of selective listening, let me share with you a story " heard
about a medical doctor who was invited as a guest speaer to address a group of
alcoholics. He wanted to mae a demonstration that would be powerful enough to mae
people reali:e that alcohol was injurious to their health. He had two containers, one with
pure distilled water and one with pure alcohol. He put an earthworm into the distilled
water and it swam beautifully and came up to the top. He put another earthworm into
the alcohol and it disintegrated in front of everyone's eyes. He wanted to prove that this
was what alcohol did to the insides of our body. He ased the group what the moral of
the story was and one person from behind said, !"f you drin alcohol you won't have
worms in your stomach.! Was that the message# Of course not. That was selective
listening--we hear what we want to hear and not what is being said.
$any of our blessings are hidden treasures--count your blessings and not your
troubles.
Ste3 <: /et into a Continuous !ducation Program
7etCs 1et some m6ths o0t of the ;a6. &t is a 1eneral belief that ;e 1et ed0cated in
schools and colle1es. & r0n seminars in man6 different co0ntries and as< m6 a0diences
all the time= B.o ;e reall6 1et ed0cated in schools and colle1es?B :enerall6= there is a
consens0s that some do b0t most donCt. 4e recei2e a lot of information in schools and
colle1es. .onCt 1et me ;ron1. 4e do need information to be ed0cated. /0t ;e need to
<no; the tr0e meanin1 of ed0cation.
&ntellect0al ed0cation infl0ences the head and 2al0es based ed0cation infl0ences the
heart. &n fact= ed0cation that does not train the heart can be dan1ero0s. &f ;e ;ant to
b0ild character in o0r offices= homes and societ6= ;e m0st achie2e a minim0m le2el of
moral and ethical literac6. ,d0cation that b0ilds f0ndamental traits of character-- s0ch as
honest6= compassion= co0ra1e= persistence and responsibilit6--is absol0tel6 essential.
4e donCt need more academic ed0cationJ ;e need more 2al0es ed0cation. & ;o0ld
stress that a person ;ho is morall6 ed0cated ;ill be a lot better e?0ipped to mo2e 0p in
life or s0cceed than a morall6 ban<r0pt person ;ith e@cellent academic ?0alifications.
#haracter b0ildin1 and teachin1 2al0es and ethics come in the formati2e 6ears beca0se
a child is not born ;ith this <no;led1e.
E)*atio& "it%o*t $al*es
*r0e ed0cation is trainin1 of both the head and the heart. An 0ned0cated thief ma6 steal
from the frei1ht car b0t an ed0cated one ma6 steal the entire railroad.
7niversities are turning out highly silled barbarians because we don't provide a
framewor of values to young people, who more and more are searching for it.
--3te2en '0ller= President= Dohns 9op<ins Uni2ersit6
4e need to compete for <no;led1e and ;isdom= not for 1rades. 8no;led1e is pilin1 0p
facts= ;isdom is simplif6in1 it. (ne co0ld ha2e 1ood 1rades and a de1ree ;itho0t
learnin1 m0ch. *he most important thin1 one can learn is to Blearn to learn.B People
conf0se ed0cation ;ith the abilit6 to memori>e facts. ,d0cation of the mind ;itho0t
morals creates a menace to societ6.
ED+CATION DOES NOT MEAN GOOD ,+DGEMENT
There is a story about a man who sold hot dogs by the roadside. He was illiterate, so he
never read newspapers . He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His
eyes were wea, so he never watched television. 'ut enthusiastically, he sold lots of hot
dogs. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and
a better stove. 6s his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from
college, joined his father.
Then something strange happened. The son ased, !@ad, aren't you aware of the great
recession that is coming our way#! The father replied, !=o, but tell me about it.! The
son said, !The international situation is terrible. The domestic is even worse.
We should be prepared for the coming bad time.! The man thought that since his son
had been to college, read the papers, and listened to the radio, he ought to now
and his advice should not be taen lightly. %o the ne2t day, the father cut down his order
for the meat and buns, too down the sign and was no longer enthusiastic. Gery soon,
fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hot dog stand. 6nd his sales started
coming down rapidly. The father said to his son, !%on, you were right. We are in the
middle of a recession. " am glad you warned me ahead of time.!
"%at is t%e (oral o- t%e story.
.1 $any times we confuse intelligence with good judgment.
.2 6 person may have high intelligence but poor judgment.
.3 )hoose your advisers carefully and use your judgment.
.4 6 person can and will be successful with or without formal education if they
have the
5 )s?
0character
commitment
conviction
courtesy
courage
.5 The tragedy is that there are many waling encyclopedias who are
living failures.
&ntelli1ence is ?0ic<ness to leam. Abilit6 is the s<ill to appl6 ;hat is learned.
#ompetence is the abilit6 and the desire to appl6 ;hat is learned. .esire is the attit0de
that ma<es a s<illf0l person competent. 'an6 s<illf0l people are incompetent. Abilit6
;itho0t the ri1ht attit0de is ;asted.
The first duty of a university is to teach wisdom, not tradeE character, not technicalities.
--Winston )hurchill
!ducated
4hom= then= do & call ed0cated?
(irst, those who manage well the circumstances which they encounter day by dayE and
those who can judge situations appropriately as they arise and rarely miss the suitable
course of action.
=e2t, those who are honorable in their dealings with all men, bearing easily what is
unpleasant or offensive in others, and being as reasonable with their associates as is
humanly possible.
(urthermore, those who hold their pleasures always under control and are not unduly
overcome by their misfortunes, bearing up under them bravely and in a manner worthy
of our common nature.
$ost important of all, those who are not spoiled by their successes, who do not desert
their true selves, but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober-minded men,
rejoicing no more in the good things that have come to them through chance than in
those which through their own nature and intelligence are theirs since birth.
Those who have a character which is in accord, not with one of these things, but with all
of them these are educated--possessed of all the virtues.
--3ocrates H4!M3 /.#.I
&n a n0tshell= ed0cated persons are those ;ho can choose ;isel6 and co0ra1eo0sl6
0nder an6 circ0mstances. &f the6 ha2e the abilit6 to choose bet;een ;isdom and
foolishness= bet;een 1ood and bad= bet;een 2irt0o0sness and 20l1arities= re1ardless
of the academic de1rees the6 ha2e= then the6 are ed0cated.
An e@pert is someone ;ho <no;s all the ans;ers if 6o0 as< the ri1ht ?0estions.
4hat is a /road-/ased ,d0cation?
, %ome animals in a forest decided to start a school. The students included a bird, a
sDuirrel, a fish, a dog , a rabbit H a mentally retarded eel. 6 board was formed and it
was decided that flying, tree climbing, swimming, and burrowing would be part of the
curriculum in order to give a broad-based education. 6ll animals were reDuired to tae
all subjects.
The bird was e2cellent at flying and was getting 6's but when it came to burrowing, it
ept breaing its bea and wings and started failing. &retty soon, it started maing )'s
in flying and of course in tree climbing and swimming it was getting ('s. The sDuirrel
was great at tree climbing and was getting 6's, but was failing in swimming. The fish
was the best swimmer but couldn't get out of the water and got ('s in everything else.
The dog didn't join the school, stopped paying ta2es and ept fighting with the
administration to include baring as part of the curriculum. The rabbit got 6's in
burrowing but tree climbing was a real problem. "t ept falling and landing on its head,
suffered brain damage, and soon couldn't even burrow properly and got )'s in that too.
The mentally retarded eel, who did everything half as well became the valedictorian of
the class. The board was happy because everybody was getting a broad-based
education.
What a broad-based education really means is that the student is prepared for life,
without losing their areas of speciali:ation or competence.
"e are All Gi-te) wit% So(e Stre&gt%s
*he small si>e of the h0mmin1bird= ;ei1hin1 onl6 a tenth of an o0nce= 1i2es it the
fle@ibilit6 to perform complicated mane02ers= s0ch as beatin1 its ;in1s !5 times a
second. *his enables the h0mmin1bird to drin< nectar from flo;ers ;hile ho2erin1 b0t it
cannot soar= 1lide or hop. *he ostrich= at 300 po0nds= is the lar1est bird b0t it canCt fl6.
9o;e2er= its le1s are so stron1 that it can r0n at 0p to 50 miles per ho0r= ta<in1 strides
of %2--%5 feet.
Ignorance
&ll0sion of <no;led1e is not ed0cation= b0t i1norance. -oolish people ha2e a stran1e
<ind of confidence ;hich comes onl6 ;ith i1norance.
'eing ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn to do things the right
way.
--'enjamin (ranlin
*here is nothin1 ;ron1 ;ith i1norance= b0t ma<in1 a career o0t of it is st0pidit6. 3ome
people acc0m0late i1norance and the6 conf0se it ;ith ed0cation. &1norance is not bliss.
&t is miser6= tra1ed6= po2ert6= and sic<ness. &f i1norance ;ere bliss= ho; come not more
people are happ6? &f a little <no;led1e is dan1ero0s= so is a lot of i1norance ;hich
leads to pettiness= fear= do1matism= e1otism= and preA0dice. 4isdom is nothin1 more
than dispellin1 i1norance.
4e li2e in an information a1e. &t is estimated that the amo0nt of <no;led1e is do0blin1
e2er6 6ear. 4ith information so readil6 a2ailable= it is eas6 to dispel i1norance. &t is sad
to see that ;e are ta01ht e2er6thin1 b0t the most essential thin1s. 4e are ta01ht the
three )Cs Hreadin1= ;ritin1= arithmeticI= b0t ;hat 1ood is intellect0al ed0cation ;itho0t
0nderstandin1 h0man di1nit6 and compassion?
3chools are a fo0ntain of <no;led1e: some st0dents come to drin< = some to sip and
others A0st to 1ar1le.
Co((o& se&se
,d0cation and <no;led1e ;itho0t common sense has little meanin1. #ommon sense is
the abilit6 to see thin1s as the6 are and do them as the6 o01ht to be done.
4e are born ;ith fi2e senses to0ch= taste= si1ht= smell= and hearin1. /0t s0ccessf0l
people ha2e a si@th sense common sense. #ommon sense is 1ained in spite of= not
necessaril6 as a res0lt of= ed0cation. *he best ed0cation ;itho0t common sense is
;orthless. An ab0ndance of common sense is called ;isdom.
SHARPEN #O+R A/E
5o 5ohn, a woodcutter, wored for a company for five years but never got a raise. The
company hired 'ill and within a year he got a raise. This caused resentment in 5ohn
and he went to his boss to tal about it. The boss said, !Fou are still cutting the same
number of trees you were cutting five years ago. We are a result-oriented company and
would be happy to give you a raise if your productivity goes up.! 5ohn went bac,
started hitting harder and putting in longer hours but he still wasn't able to cut more
trees. He went bac to his boss and told him his dilemma. The boss told
5ohn to go tal to 'ill. !$aybe there is something 'ill nows that you and l don't.! 5ohn
ased 'ill how he managed to cut more trees. 'ill answered, !6fter every tree l cut, l
tae a brea for two minutes and sharpen my a2e. When was the last time you
sharpened your a2e#! This Duestion hit home lie a bullet and 5ohn got his answer.
'6 ?0estion is= ;hen ;as the last time 6o0 sharpened 6o0r a@e? Past 1lor6 and
ed0cation donCt do it. 4e ha2e to contin0o0sl6 sharpen the a@e.
Fee) #o*r Mi&)
D0st li<e o0r bodies need 1ood food e2er6 da6= o0r minds need 1ood tho01hts e2er6
da6. *he <e6 ;ords in the precedin1 sentence are 1ood food and 1ood tho01hts. &f ;e
feed o0r bod6 ;ith A0n< food and o0r mind ;ith bad tho01hts= ;e ;ill ha2e both a
sic< bod6 and mind. 4e need to feed o0r mind ;ith the p0re and the positi2e to sta6 on
trac<. *hro01h constant practice and e@pos0re= ;e can learn the principles that ma<e a
person s0ccessf0l A0st li<e ;e learn to pla6 bas<etball.
K&owle)ge is Power
4e hear e2er6 da6 that <no;led1e is po;er. +ot reall6. 8no;led1e is information. &t is
potential po;er and it becomes po;er onl6 ;hen it is acted 0pon.
4hat is the difference bet;een a person ;ho cannot read and a person ;ho can b0t
does not read? +ot a ;hole lot.
7earnin1 is li<e eatin1 food. &t is not ho; m0ch 6o0 eat that matters= ;hat co0nts is ho;
m0ch 6o0 di1est.
8no;led1e is potential po;er= ;isdom is real po;er.
,d0cation ta<es man6 forms= it is not A0st 1rades and a de1ree. &t is
0c0lti2atin1 6o0r stren1th
0learnin1 self-discipline
0listenin1
0desirin1 to learn
(0r minds= li<e m0scles= stretch or shrin< dependin1 on ho; m0ch or ho; little ;e
e@ercise them.
"f you thin education is e2pensive, try ignorance.
--@ere 'o
#ontin0o0s positi2e ed0cation leads to positi2e thin<in1.
E)*atio& is a Reservoir
Positi2e thin<ers are li<e athletes ;ho= thro01h practice= b0ild an inner reser2oir of
stamina that the6 dra; on in competition. &f the6 donCt practice= the6 ha2e nothin1 to
dra; on.
3imilarl6= positi2e thin<ers re10larl6 b0ild a reser2e of positi2e attit0de b6 constantl6
feedin1 their mind on the p0re= the po;erf0l and the positi2e on a dail6 basis. *he6
reali>e that ;e are all 1oin1 to be faced ;ith the ne1ati2e and if ;e ha2e the reser2e of
positi2e attit0de ;e ;ill be able to o2ercomeJ other;ise the ne1ati2e ;ill pre2ail.
Positi2e thin<ers are not fools and the6 are not 1oin1 thro01h life ;ith blinders. *he6 are
;inners ;ho reco1ni>e their limitations= b0t foc0s on their stren1ths. 7osers= on the
other hand= reco1ni>e their stren1ths b0t foc0s on their ;ea<nesses.
Ste3 =: -uild a Positi0e Sel:*!steem
5hat is Sel:*!steem7
3elf-esteem is the ;a6 ;e feel abo0t o0rsel2es. 4hen ;e feel 1ood ;ithin= o0r
performance 1oes 0p= o0r relationships impro2e both at home and at ;or<. *he ;orld
loo<s nicer. 4hat is the reason? *here is a direct correlation bet;een feelin1 and
beha2ior.
"o; (o 5e -uild Positi0e Sel:*!steem7
&f 6o0 ;ant to b0ild positi2e self-esteem ?0ic<l6= one of the fastest ;a6s is to do
somethin1 for others ;ho cannot repa6 6o0 in cash or <ind.
6 few years ago l started volunteering my time to teach attitude and self-esteem
programs to jail inmates. "n just a few wees, " learned more than l had learned in years
.
6fter attending my program for two wees Eone of the inmates stopped me and said,
!%hiv, l want to tal to you. "'m going to be released from prison in a couple of wees.! l
ased him what he learned through the attitude development program. He thought for a
while and then said that he felt good about himself. l said, !Bood doesn't tell me
anything. Tell me specifically what behavior has changed#! l believe that learning has
not taen place unless behavior changes. He told me he read his 'ible every day since
l started the program. l then ased him what reading the 'ible did to him. He replied
that he felt comfortable with himself and others which he hadn't felt before. l said, !That
is nice, but the bottom line is, what are you going to do when you leave jail#! He told me
he was going to try to be a contributing member of society. Then l ased him the same
Duestion again and he gave me the same answer. (or the third time l ased him the
same Duestion What are you going to do when you leave jail#! Obviously, l was looing
for a different answer. 6t this point, in an angry tone, he said, l am going to be a
contributing member of society.! l pointed out to him that there was a world of difference
in what he said then and what he said now. ;arlier he had said, l am going to try to be!
and now he said !" am going to be.! The difference is the word !try.! He got rid of the
word trying and that made sense. ;ither we do it or we don't. The word !trying! eeps
the door open for him to come bac to jail.
6nother inmate, who was listening in on our conversation, ased, !%hiv, what do you get
paid to do all this#! l told him that the feeling that l just e2perienced was worth more than all
the money in the world. He then ased, !Why do you come here#! l said, l come here for
my own selfish reason, and my selfish reason is that l want to mae this world a better
place to live.! This ind of selfishness is healthy. "n a nutshell, what you put into the system,
you always get bac, and most times more than you can ever put in. 'ut you don't put it in
with the desire to get something bac.
6nother inmate said, !What anybody does is their business. When people tae drugs, it
is none of your business. Why don't you leave them alone#! l replied, !$y friend, even
though l disapprove, l will compromise and accept what you are saying that it is none of
my business. "f you can guarantee that when someone taes drugs, and when they get
behind the wheel of a car and have an accident, the only thing they will ever hit is a
tree, l will compromise. 'ut if you cannot guarantee that when they tae drugs and have
an accident, then you or your ids or l or my ids could be dead under the wheels, you
better believe it is my business. l have to get this person off the road.!
*his one phrase= B&t is m6 life= & ;ill do ;hat & ;ant=B has done more dama1e than 1ood.
People choose to i1nore the spirit and deri2e the meanin1 that is con2enient to them.
30ch people ha2e tied this phrase to selfishness and &Cm s0re that ;as not the intent.
*hese people for1et that ;e donCt li2e in isolation. 4hat 6o0 do affects me and ;hat & do
affects 6o0. 4e are connected. 4e ha2e to reali>e that ;e are sharin1 this planet and
;e m0st learn to beha2e responsibl6.
*here are t;o <inds of people in this ;orld--ta<ers and 1i2ers. *a<ers eat ;ell and
1i2ers sleep ;ell. :i2ers ha2e hi1h self-esteem= a positi2e attit0de= and the6 ser2e
societ6. /6 ser2in1 societ6= & do not mean a r0n-of-the-mill pse0do leader-t0rned-
politician ;ho ser2es himself b6 pretendin1 to ser2e others.
As h0man bein1s= ;e all ha2e the need to recei2e and ta<e. /0t a health6 personalit6
;ith hi1h self-esteem is one that not onl6 has its need to ta<e b0t also to 1i2e.
6 man was washing his new car when his neighbor ased him, !When did you get the
car#! He replied !$y brother gave it to me.! The neighbor's response was, !" wish l had
a car lie that.! The man replied, !Fou should wish to have a brother lie that.! The
neighbor's wife was listening to the conversation and she interrupted, !" wish " was a
brother lie that.! What a way to go9
Ste3 >: Stay #;ay :rom Negati0e In:luences
*oda6Cs teena1ers learn from ad0lt beha2ior and the media. *he6 face peer press0re.
Peer press0re is not A0st limited to teena1ers= it is also pre2alent in ad0lts. &t sho;s a
lac< of self-esteem ;hen people do not ha2e the co0ra1e to sa6 B+o= than< 6o0=B and
sta6 a;a6 from ne1ati2e infl0ences: 4hat are the ne1ati2e infl0ences?
01 Negative People
6n eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicen. The egg hatched and the
little eagle grew up thining it was a prairie chicen. The eagle did what the prairie
chicens did. "t scratched in the dirt for seeds. "t cluced and cacled. "t never flew
more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chicens did. One day he saw an
eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sy. He ased the prairie chicens?
!What is that beautiful bird#! The chicens replied, !That is an eagle. He is an
outstanding bird, but you cannot fly lie him because you are just a prairie chicen.! %o
the eagle never gave it a second thought, believing that to be the truth.
He lived the life of and died a prairie chicen, depriving himself of his heritage because
of his lac of vision. What a waste9 He was born to win, but was conditioned to lose.
The same thing is true of most people. The unfortunate part of life is as Oliver
Wendall Holmes said, !$ost people go to their graves, with music still in them.! We
don't achieve e2cellence because of our own lac of vision.
&f 6o0 ;ant to soar li<e an ea1le= 6o0 ha2e to learn the ;a6s of an ea1le. &f 6o0
associate ;ith achie2ers= 6o0 ;ill become one. &f 6o0 associate ;ith thin<ers= 6o0 ;ill
become one. &f 6o0 associate ;ith 1i2ers= 6o0 ;ill become one. &f 6o0 associate ;ith
complainers= 6o0 ;ill become one.
4hene2er people s0cceed in life= pett6 people ;ill ta<e crac<s at them and tr6 to p0ll
them do;n. 4hen 6o0 ref0se to fi1ht pett6 people= 6o0 ;in. &n martial arts= the6 teach
that ;hen someone ta<es a crac< at 6o0= instead of bloc<in1 6o0 sho0ld step a;a6.
4h6? ,2en to bloc< 6o0 re?0ire ener16. 4h6 not 0se it more prod0cti2el6?
3imilarl6= in order to fi1ht pett6 people= 6o0 ha2e to come do;n to their le2el. *his is
;hat the6 ;ant= beca0se no; 6o0 are one of them.
.onCt let ne1ati2e people dra1 6o0 do;n.
)emember= a personCs character is not onl6 A0d1ed b6 the compan6 he or she <eeps b0t
also b6 the compan6 he or she a2oids.
1. Smoking8 (rugs and #lcohol
One reason that " don't drin is that " want to now when " am having a good time.
--7ad6 Astor
@rining maes a person lose his inhibitions and give e2hibitions.
&n m6 tra2els= & ha2e noticed that in some co0ntries drin<in1 has become a national
pastime. &f 6o0 donCt drin<= the6 loo< at 6o0 as if there is somethin1 ;ron1. *heir motto
is: B&t doesnCt matter ho; bad 6o0r ,n1lish is= as lon1 as 6o0r 3cotch is 1ood.B &f a
ban<er as<ed them ;hat their li?0id assets are= the6 ;o0ld brin1 t;o bottles of
3cotch.
.rin<in1 and smo<in1 are 1lamori>ed toda6. &t all starts ;ith the first time. &f 6o0 as<
people ;h6 the6 cons0me alcohol or ta<e dr01s= the6 ;ill 1i2e 6o0 a host of reasons=
s0ch as: to celebrateJ to ha2e f0nJ to for1et problemsJ to rela@J to e@perimentJ to impress
Hit is cool to drin<IJ to be fashionableJ to min1leJ for b0siness p0rposes.
People ;ant to conform to peer press0re. & am ama>ed at the ;a6 peer press0re
compels ;ith phrases s0ch as: BArenCt 6o0 m6 friend?BJ B(ne for the roadBJ B(ne for m6
health.B
*he follo;in1 poem from an 0n<no;n a0thor e@plains the dilemma of a social drin<er
;ell
&C2e dr0n< to 6o0r
9ealth in ta2erns=
&C2e dr0n< to 6o0r
9ealth in m6 home=
&C2e dr0n< to 6o0r
9ealth so damn
man6 times=
*hat &C2e almost
r0ined m6 o;nK
.rin<in1 and dri2in1 cost li2es. Accordin1 to Derr6 Dohnson=L the American 9ospital
Association reports that half of all hospital admissions are alcohol-related and
accordin1 to the +ational 3afet6 #o0ncilCs %" Accident -acts ,dition= a person is
inA0red in an alcohol-related crash e2er6 60 seconds.
4. Pornogra3hy
Porno1raph6 is nothin1 short of deh0mani>in1 ;omen and children.
*he conse?0ences of porno1raph6 are that it
0deh0mani>es ;omen
02ictimi>es children
0destro6s marria1es
0enco0ra1es se@0al 2iolence
0ma<es f0n of ethical and moral 2al0es
0destro6s indi2id0als= families= and comm0nities
A ;oman is raped in the United 3tates e2er6 46 seconds. H+ational 5ictim #enter/crime
5ictims )esearch and *reatment #enter= %2I. ,i1ht6-si@ percent of rapists admit to
re10lar 0se of porno1raph6= ;ith 5! percent admittin1 imitation of porno1raph6 scenes
;hen committin1 se@ crimes H.r. 4illiam 'arshall= %""I.L L
&t is sad to see ho; lo; some people ;ill stoop to ma<e a b0c< b6 ma<in1 porno1raph6
their b0siness. 4hat abo0t the sic< people ;ho b06 it?
0*CC&n his boo< &tCs 8illin1 (0r 8ids= 4ord P0blishin1= p. @2.
0**-rom the +ational #oalition for the Protection of #hildren and -amilies= Ann0al
)eport=
%5.
<. Negati0e %o0ies and ele0ision Programs
*oda6Cs <ids are learnin1 their attit0des and 2al0es more from tele2ision and mo2ies
than from an6;here else. &t is estimated that in the United 3tates= b6 the time a
6o0n1ster 1ets o0t of hi1h school= he has ;atched more than 20=000 ho0rs of tele2ision=
;itnessed %5=000 m0rders= and ;atched %00=000 alcohol-related commercials.L
*he6 con2e6 the messa1e that drin<in1 is f0n= smo<in1 is 1lamoro0s= and dr01s are the
BinB thin1. +o ;onder the crime rate is so hi1hK
3oap operas 1lamori>e premarital and e@tramarital se@. +o ;onder commitments are
lac<in1 in relationships and di2orce rates are hi1h. &mpressionable 2ie;ers set their
standards and benchmar<s based on ;hat the6 see and hear in the media. And no
matter ;ho it is= ;e are all impressionable to 2ar6in1 de1rees.
=. Pro:anity
Usin1 profanities sho; a lac< of self-control and discipline.
>. Rock %usic
*he l6rics of some hit son1s are obscene. 4e can be s0bconscio0sl6 infl0enced b6 the
m0sic ;e hear and the performance ;e ;atch.
Ste3 ?: +earn to +ike the hings hat Need to be (one
3ome thin1s need to be done ;hether ;e li<e them or notJ for e@ample= mothers carin1
for their 6o0n1. *he6 ma6 not be f0n and 1ames= and ma6 e2en be painf0l. /0t if ;e
learn to li<e the tas<= the impossible becomes possible.
%tart by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the
impossible.
--%t. (rancis of 6ssisi
Ste3 @: Start ,our (ay ;ith a Positi0e
)ead or listen to somethin1 positi2e first thin1 in the mornin1. After a 1ood ni1htCs sleep
;e are rela@ed and o0r s0bconscio0s is recepti2e. &t sets the tone for the da6= and p0ts
0s in the ri1ht frame of mind to ma<e e2er6 da6 a positi2e da6. &n order to brin1 abo0t
chan1e= ;e
need to ma<e a conscio0s effort Andre committed to ma<e positi2e tho01hts and
beha2ior part of o0r li2es. Practice ha2in1 positi2e tho01hts and beha2ior dail6 0ntil the6
become a habit.
4illiam Dames of 9ar2ard Uni2ersit6 said= B&f 6o0 are 1oin1 to chan1e 6o0r life= 6o0
need to start immediatel6 and do it flambo6antl6.B
L As mentioned in Derr6 DohnsonCs boo< &tCs 8illin1 (0r 8ids= p. @2i.
5INN!RS .!RS'S +OS!RS
0*he 4inner is al;a6s part of the ans;erJ
*he 7oser is al;a6s part of the problem.
0*he 4inner al;a6s has a pro1ramJ
*he 7oser al;a6s has an e@c0se.
0*he 4inner sa6s= B7et me do it for 6o0BJ
*he 7oser sa6s= B*hat is not m6 Aob.B
0*he 4inner sees an ans;er for e2er6 problemJ
*he 7oser sees a problem for e2er6 ans;er.
0*he 4inner sa6s= B&t ma6 be diffic0lt b0t it is possibleBJ
*he 7oser sa6s= B&t ma6 be possible b0t it is too diffic0lt.B
04hen a 4inner ma<es a mista<e= he sa6s= B& ;as ;ron1BJ
4hen a 7oser ma<es a mista<e= he sa6s= B&t ;asnCt m6 fa0lt.B
0A 4inner ma<es commitmentsJ A
7oser ma<es promises.
04inners ha2e dreamsJ
7osers ha2e schemes.
04inners sa6= B& m0st do somethin1BJ 7osers
sa6= B3omethin1 m0st be done.B
04inners are a part of the teamJ
7osers are apart from the team.
04inners see the 1ainJ
7osers see the pain.
04inners see possibilitiesJ
7osers see problems.
04inners belie2e in ;in-;inJ
7osers belie2e for them to ;in someone has to lose.
04inners see the potentialJ
7osers see the past.
04inners are li<e a thermostatJ
7osers are li<e thermometers.
04inners choose ;hat the6 sa6J
7osers sa6 ;hat the6 choose.
04inners 0se hard ar10ments b0t soft ;ordsJ
7osers 0se soft ar10ments b0t hard ;ords.
04inners stand firm on 2al0es b0t compromise on pett6 thin1sJ
7osers stand firm on pett6 thin1s b0t compromise on 2al0es.
N 4inners follo; the philosoph6 of empath6: B.onCt do to others ;hat 6o0 ;o0ld not ;ant
them to do to 6o0BJ
7osers follo; the philosoph6= B.o it to others before the6 do it to 6o0.B
04inners ma<e it happenJ
7osers let it happen.
04inners plan and prepare to ;in. *he
<e6 ;ord is preparation.
-! # 5INN!R**#CION S!PS
7et me close this chapter ;ith the ei1ht action steps disc0ssed earlier:
1. /e a 1ood finder.
2. 'a<e a habit of doin1 it no;.
3. .e2elop an attit0de of 1ratit0de.
4. :et into a contin0o0s ed0cation pro1ram.
5. /0ild positi2e self-esteem.
6. 3ta6 a;a6 from ne1ati2e infl0ences.
7. 7earn to li<e the thin1s that need to be done.
8. 3tart 6o0r da6 ;ith a positi2e.
#CION P+#N :
.1 4rite these action steps do;n on a 3-b6-5 inde@ card and read them e2er6
da6 for the ne@t 2% da6s.
-or the ne@t 30 min0tes= ans;er the follo;in1 ?0estions.
.2 9o; can 6o0 0se each step
0at home?
0at ;or<?
0sociall6?
.3 'a<e a list of the thin1s 6o0 ;o0ld li<e to chan1e abo0t 6o0rself.
.4 *hen list the benefits to 6o0 Hand othersI of each chan1e.
.5 -inall6 establish a timetable and commit 6o0rself to ma<e the
chan1es.
C"#P!R 1
S'CC!SS
4inin1 3trate1ies
30ccess is not an accident. &t is the res0lt of o0r attit0de and o0r attit0de is a choice.
9ence s0ccess is a matter of choice and not chance.
'ost crac<pots <eep ;aitin1 for a Aac<pot. /0t can that brin1 s0ccess?
A priest ;as dri2in1 b6 and sa; an e@ceptionall6 bea0tif0l farm. 9e stopped his car to
appreciate the bo0ntif0l crop. *he farmer ;as ridin1 on his tractor and sa; the priest at
the corner. 9e dro2e to;ards the Priest and ;hen he 1ot there the priest said= B:od has
blessed 6o0 ;ith a bea0tif0l farm. Fo0 sho0ld be 1ratef0l for it. *he farmer replied= BFes=
:od has blessed me ;ith a bea0tif0l farm and & am 1ratef0l for it= b0t 6o0 sho0ld ha2e
seen this farm ;hen :od had the ;hole farm to himselfKB
9o; come one person mo2es for;ard ;ith one s0ccess after another= and 6et some are
still 1ettin1 read6?
9o; come one man 1oes thro01h life crossin1 one h0rdle after another= accomplishin1
his 1oals ;hile another str011les and 1ets no;here?
&f the ans;er to these t;o ?0estions can become part of the c0rric0l0m= it co0ld
re2ol0tioni>e the ed0cational s6stem. *he 0ncommon man see<s opport0nit6= ;hereas
the common man see<s sec0rit6. 4e need to <eep o0r minds on ;hat ;e ;ant= not on
;hat ;e donCt ;ant.
5"# IS S'CC!SS7
A lot of research has 1one into the s0bAect of s0ccess and fail0re. All that ;e need to do
is learn o0r lessons from histor6. 4hen ;e st0d6 the life histories of s0ccessf0l people=
;e find that the6 ha2e certain ?0alities in common no matter ;hich period of histor6
the6 li2ed in. 30ccess lea2es cl0es and if ;e identif6 and adopt the ?0alities of
s0ccessf0l people= ;e shall be s0ccessf0l. 3imilarl6= there are characteristics common
in all fail0res. &f ;e a2oid those characteristics= then ;e shall not be fail0res. 30ccess is
no m6ster6= b0t simpl6 the res0lt of consistentl6 appl6in1 some basic principles. *he
re2erse is A0st as tr0e: -ail0re is simpl6 a res0lt of ma<in1 a fe; mista<es repeatedl6. All
of this mi1ht so0nd too simplistic= b0t the fact is that most tr0ths are 2er6 simple. &Cm not
sa6in1 the6 are eas6= b0t the6 certainl6 are simple.
*o la01h often and lo2e m0chJ
*o ;in the respect of intelli1ent persons
and the affection of childrenJ
*o earn the appro2al of honest critics and
end0re the betra6al of false friends J
*o appreciate bea0t6J *o
find the best in othersJ
*o 1i2e off oneCs self ;itho0t the
sli1htest tho01ht of ret0rnJ
*o ha2e accomplished a tas<= ;hether
b6 a health6 child= a resc0ed so0l= a
1arden patch= or a redeemed social conditionJ *o
ha2e pla6ed and la01hed ;ith ,nth0siasm and
s0n1 ;ith e@altationJ
*o <no; that e2en one life has breathed
easier beca0se 6o0 ha2e li2edJ
*his is to ha2e s0cceeded.
Anon6mo0s
"O5 (O 5! (!&IN! S'CC!SS7
4hat ma<es a person s0ccessf0l? 9o; do ;e reco1ni>e s0ccess?
*o some people= s0ccess mi1ht mean ;ealth. *o others= it is reco1nition= 1ood health=
1ood famil6= happiness= satisfaction= and peace of mind. 4hat this reall6 tells 0s is that
s0ccess is s0bAecti2e. &t can mean different thin1s to different people. *he definition that
& feel s0mmari>es Bs0ccessB ;ell is:
%uccess is the progressive reali:ation of a worthy goal.
,arl +i1htin1ale
7etCs loo< at these definitions caref0ll6.
BPro1ressi2eB means that s0ccess is a Ao0rne6= not a destination. 4e ne2er arri2e. After
;e reach one 1oal= ;e 1o on to the ne@t and the ne@t and the ne@t.
B)eali>ationB means it is an e@perience. (0tside forces cannot ma<e me feel
s0ccessf0l. & ha2e to feel it ;ithin m6self. &t is internal not e@ternal.
B4orth6B refers to o0r 2al0e s6stem. 4hich ;a6 are ;e headin1? Positi2e or ne1ati2e?
4orthiness determines the ?0alit6 of the Ao0rne6. *hat is ;hat 1i2es meanin1 and
f0lfillment. 30ccess ;itho0t f0lfillment is empt6.
4h6? B:oalsB are important. /eca0se the6 1i2e 0s a sense of direction.
30ccess does not mean bein1 accepted b6 e2er6one. *here are some 1ro0ps & ;o0ld
not ;ant to be accepted b6= o0t of choice. & ;o0ld rather be critici>ed b6 fools than
appreciated b6 0nsa2or6 characters.
& define s0ccess as a manifestation of 1ood l0c< that res0lts from inspiration= aspiration=
desperation and perspirationJ 1enerall6 in that se?0ence.
30ccess and happiness 1o hand in hand. 30ccess is 1ettin1 ;hat 6o0 ;ant and
happiness is ;antin1 ;hat 6o0 1etK
,@istence alone is not s0ccessK &t is a lot moreK
.o more than e@ist -- li2e
.o more than to0ch -- feel
.o more than loo< -- obser2e
.o more than read -- absorb
.o more than hear -- listen
.o more than listen -- 0nderstand
Dohn 9. )hodes
SO%! O-S#C+!S O S'CC!SS AR!#+ OR I%#/IN!(B
0,1o
0-ear of fail0re s0ccess J lac< of self esteem
0+o plan
07ac< of formali>ed 1oals
07ife chan1es
0Procrastination
0-amil6 responsibilit6
0-inancial sec0rit6 iss0es
07ac< of foc0s= bein1 m0ddled
0:i2in1 0p 2ision for promise of mone6
0.oin1 too m0ch alone
0(2er-commitment
07ac< of commitment
07ac< of trainin1
07ac< of persistence
07ac< of priorities
"! 5INNIN/ !(/!
&n order to 1et the ;innin1 ed1e = ;e need to stri2e for e@cellence= not perfection.
3tri2in1 for perfection is ne0roticJ stri2in1 for e@cellence is pro1ress= beca0se there is
nothin1 that canCt be done better or impro2ed.
All that ;e need is a little ed1e. *he ;innin1 horse in the races ;ins 5-to-% or %0-to-%.
.o 6o0 thin< he is fi2e or ten times faster than the other horses? (f co0rse not. 9e ma6
onl6 be faster b6 a fraction= b6 a nose= b0t the re;ards are fi2e or ten times 1reater.
&s it fair? 4ho cares? &t doesnCt matter. *hose are the r0les of the 1ame. *hat is the ;a6
the 1ame is pla6ed. *he same is tr0e in o0r li2es. Success:ul 3eo3le are not ten
times smarter than the 3eo3le ;ho :ail. hey may be better by a nose8 but the
re;ards are ten times bigger.
4e donCt need to impro2e %=000G in an6 one area. All ;e need is to impro2e %G in
%=000 different areas= ;hich is a lot easier. *hat is the ;innin1 ed1eK
STR+GGLE
Trials in life can be tragedies or triumphs, depending on how we handle them. Triumphs
don't come without effort.
6 biology teacher was teaching his students how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. He
told the students that in the ne2t couple of hours, the butterfly would struggle to come
out of the cocoon. 'ut no one should help the butterfly. Then he left.
The students were waiting and it happened. The butterfly struggled to get out of the
cocoon, and one of the students too pity on it and decided to help the butterfly out of
the cocoon against the advice of his teacher. He broe the cocoon to help the butterfly
so it didn't have to struggle anymore. 'ut shortly afterwards the butterfly died.
When the teacher returned, he was told what happened. He e2plained to this student
that by helping the butterfly, he had actually illed it because it is a law of nature that the
struggle to come out of the cocoon actually helps develop and strengthen its wings. The
boy had deprived the butterfly of its struggle and the butterfly died.
6pply this same principle to our lives. =othing worthwhile in life comes without a
struggle. 6s parents we tend to hurt the ones we love most because we don't allow
them to struggle to gain strength.
O.!RCO%IN/ O-S#C+!S
People ;ho ha2e o2ercome obstacles are more sec0re than those ;ho ha2e ne2er
faced them . 4e all ha2e problems and ;e feel disco0ra1ed some time. 'ost people
1et disappointedJ b0t ;inners donCt 1et disheartened. *he ans;er is perse2erance.
An ,n1lish pro2erb sa6s= BA smooth sea ne2er made a s<illf0l mariner.B ,2er6thin1 is
diffic0lt before it becomes eas6. 4e cannot r0n a;a6 from o0r problems. (nl6 losers
?0it and 1i2e 0p.
30icide is a permanent sol0tion to a temporar6 problem.
--Abi1ail 5an /0ren
"O5 (O 5! %!#S'R! S'CC!SS7
*r0e s0ccess is meas0red b6 the feelin1 of <no;in1 6o0 ha2e done a Aob ;ell and ha2e
achie2ed 6o0r obAecti2e.
30ccess is not meas0red b6 o0r position in life b0t b6 the obstacles ;e o2ercame to 1et
there.
30ccess in life is not determined b6 ho; ;e are doin1 compared ;ith others= b0t b6
ho; ;e are doin1 compared ;ith ;hat ;e are capable of doin1. 30ccessf0l people
compete a1ainst themsel2es. *he6 better their o;n record and <eep impro2in1
constantl6.
30ccess is not meas0red b6 ho; hi1h ;e 1o 0p in life b0t b6 ho; man6 times ;e
bo0nce bac< ;hen ;e fall do;n. &t is this bo0nce bac< abilit6 that determines s0ccess.
E$ER# S+CCESS STOR# IS ALSO A STOR# OF GREAT FAIL+RE
(ailure is the highway to success. Tom Watson %r. said, !"f you want to succeed, double
your failure rate.!
"f you study history, you will find that all stories of success are also stories of great
failures. 'ut people don't see the failures. They only see one side of the picture and
they say that person got lucy? !He must have been at the right place at the right time.!
Iet me share someone's life history with you. This was a man who failed in business at
the age of A* E was defeated in a legislative race at age AAE failed again in business at
age A.E overcame the death of his sweetheart at age A/E had a nervous breadown at
age ACE lost a congressional race at age 0.E lost a senatorial race at age .8E failed in an
effort to become vice-president at age .CE lost a senatorial race at age .+E and was
elected president of the 7nited %tates at age 8A.
This man was 6braham Iincoln.
Would you call him a failure# He could have Duit. 'ut to Iincoln, defeat was a detour
and not a dead end.
"n *+*0, Iee @e (orest, inventor of the triodes tube, was charged by the district
attorney for using fraudulent means to mislead the public into buying stocs of his
company by claiming that he could transmit the human voice across the 6tlantic. He
was publicly humiliated. )an you imagine where we would be without his invention#
6 =ew For Times editorial on @ecember *,, *+,0, Duestioned the wisdom of the
Wright 'rothers who were trying to invent a machine, heavier than air, that would fly.
One wee later, at Jitty Haw, the Wright 'rothers too their famous flight.
)olonel %anders, at age /8, with a beat-up car and a K *,, chec from %ocial %ecurity,
reali:ed he had to do something. He remembered his mother's recipe and went out
selling. How many doors did he have to noc on before he got his first order# "t is
estimated that he had noced on more than a thousand doors before he got his first
order. How many of us Duit after three tries, ten tries, a hundred tries, and then we say
we tried as hard as we could#
6s a young cartoonist, Walt @isney faced many rejections from newspaper editors, who
said he had no talent. One day a minister at a church hired him to draw some cartoons.
@isney was woring out of a small mouse infested shed near the church. 6fter seeing a
small mouse, he was inspired. That was the start of $icey $ouse.
%uccessful people don't do great things, they only do small things in a great way.
One day a partially deaf four year old id came home with a note in his pocet from his
teacher, !Four Tommy is too stupid to learn, get him out of the school.! His mother read
the note and answered, !$y Tommy is not stupid to learn, " will teach him myself.! 6nd
that Tommy grew up to be the great Thomas ;dison. Thomas
;dison had only three months of formal schooling and he was partially deaf.
Henry (ord forgot to put the reverse gear in the first car he made.
@o you consider these people failures# They succeeded in spite of problems, not in the
absence of them. 'ut to the outside world, it appears as though they just got lucy.
6ll success stories are stories of great failures. The only difference is that every time
they failed, they bounced bac. This is called failing forward, rather than bacward. Fou
learn and move forward. Iearn from your failure and eep moving.
"n *+*., Thomas ;dison, at age /C, lost his factory, which was worth a few million
dollars, to fire. "t had very little insurance. =o longer a young man, ;dison watched his
lifetime effort go up in smoe and said, !There is great value in disaster. 6ll our
mistaes are burnt up. Than Bod we can start anew.! "n spite of disaster, three wees
later, he invented the phonograph. What an attitude9
/elo; are more e@amples of the fail0res of s0ccessf0l people:
%. *homas ,dison failed appro@imatel6 %0=000 times ;hile he ;as ;or<in1 on the li1ht b0lb.
2. 9enr6 -ord ;as bro<e at the a1e of 40.
3. 7ee &acocca ;as fired b6 9enr6 -ord && at the a1e of 54.
4. Fo0n1 /eetho2en ;as told that he had no talent for m0sic= b0t he 1a2e some of
the
best m0sic to the ;orld.
3etbac<s are ine2itable in life. A setbac< can act as a dri2in1 force and also teach 0s
h0milit6. &n 1rief 6o0 ;ill find co0ra1e and faith to o2ercome the setbac<. 4e need to
learn to become 2ictors= not 2ictims. -ear and do0bt short-circ0it the mind.
As< 6o0rself after e2er6 setbac<: 4hat did & learn from this e@perience? (nl6 then ;ill
6o0 be able to t0rn a st0mblin1 bloc< into a steppin1 stone.
I& ,O' "INC
&f 6o0 thin< 6o0 are beaten= 6o0 are.
&f 6o0 thin< 6o0 dare not= 6o0 donCtK
&f 6o0 li<e to ;in= b0t thin< 6o0 canCt=
&tCs almost a cinch 6o0 ;onCt.
6o0 thin< 6o0Cll lose= 6o0Cre lostJ
-or o0t in the ;orld ;e find
30ccess be1ins ;ith a fello;Cs ;illJ
&tCs all in the state of mind.
&f 6o0 thin< 6o0 are o0tclassed= 6o0 are=
Fo0C2e 1ot to thin< hi1h to rise=
Fo0C2e 1ot to be s0re of 6o0rself before
Fo0 can e2er ;in a pri>e.
7ifeCs battles donCt al;a6s 1o
*o the stron1er and faster man=
/0t sooner or later the man ;ho ;ins
&s the man ;ho thin<s he can.
"! /R!#!S /I&
'an= of all creat0res= is ph6sicall6 the most ill e?0ipped in this ;orld. 9e cannot fl6 li<e a
bird= can be <illed b6 a tin6 insect= cannot o0tr0n a leopard= cannot s;im li<e an
alli1ator= cannot climb the tree li<e a mon<e6= doesnCt ha2e the e6e of an ea1le= nor
does he ha2e the cla;s and teeth of a ;ild cat. Ph6sicall6= man is helpless and
defenseless.
/0t nat0re is reasonable and <ind. +at0reCs 1reatest 1ift to man is the abilit6 to thin<. 9e
can create his o;n en2ironment= ;hereas animals adapt to their en2ironment.
3adl6= 2er6 fe; people 0se the 1reatest 1ift the abilit6 to thin< to its f0ll potential.
-ail0res are of t;o <inds: those ;ho did and ne2er tho01ht and those ;ho tho01ht and
ne2er did. :oin1 thro01h life ;itho0t 0sin1 o0r abilit6 to thin< is li<e shootin1 ;itho0t
aimin1.
7ife is li<e a cafeteria. Fo0 ta<eC 6o0r tra6= select 6o0r food and pa6 at the other end. Fo0
can 1et an6thin1 6o0 ;ant as lon1 as 6o0 are ;illin1 to pa6 the price. &n a cafeteria= if
6o0 ;ait for people to ser2e 6o0= 6o0 ;ill ;ait fore2er. 7ife is li<e that too. Fo0 ma<e
choices and pa6 the price.
+I&! IS &'++ O& C"OIC!S #N( CO%PRO%IS!S
*here is a contradiction here. &f life is f0ll of choices= ;here is the ?0estion of
compromises? )emember= e2en a compromise is a choice. 7etCs e2al0ate this.
"o; is +i:e &ull o: Choices7
4hen ;e eat too m0ch= ;e ma<e a choice to be o2er;ei1ht. 4hen ;e drin< too m0ch=
;e ma<e a choice to ha2e a headache the ne@t da6. &f 6o0 drin< and dri2e= 6o0 ma<e a
choice to ris< bein1 <illed or <illin1 someone in an accident. 4hen ;e ill treat people= ;e
ma<e a choice to be ill treated in ret0rn. 4hen ;e donCt care abo0t other people= ;e
ma<e a choice not to be cared for b6 other people.
#hoices ha2e conse?0ences. 4e are free to ma<e o0r choice b0t after ;e ha2e
chosen= the choice controls 0s. 4e ha2e e?0al opport0nit6 to be 0ne?0al. *he choice is
o0rs. 7ife can be compared to a potter6 ma<er ;ho shapes cla6 in an6 form he ;ants.
3imilarl6= ;e can mold o0r li2es into an6 shape ;e ;ant.
"o; is +i:e &ull o: Com3romises7
7ife is not A0st part6 and pleas0reJ it is also pain and despair. Unthin<able thin1s
happen. 3ometimes e2er6thin1 t0rns 0pside do;n. /ad thin1s happen to 1ood people.
3ome thin1s are be6ond control= s0ch as ph6sical disabilit6 and birth defects. 4e
cannot choose o0r parents or the circ0mstances of o0r birth. 3o if the ball bo0nced that
;a6= sorr6. /0t ;hat do ;e do from hereJ cr6 or ta<e the ball and r0n? *hat is a choice
;e ha2e to ma<e.
(n a clear da6= there are h0ndreds of boats sailin1 in all different directions in a la<e.
9o; come? ,2en tho01h the ;ind is blo;in1 in one direction= the sailboats are 1oin1 in
different directions. 4hat is the difference? &t depends on the ;a6 the sail is set= and
that is determined b6 the sailor. *he same is tr0e of o0r li2es. 4e canCt choose the
direction of the ;ind= b0t ;e can choose ho; ;e set the sail.
4e can choose o0r attit0de e2en tho01h ;e cannot al;a6s choose o0r circ0mstances.
*he choice is either to act li<e a 2ictor or a 2ictim. &t is not o0r position b0t o0r
disposition that determines o0r destin6.
&t ta<es both rain and s0nshine to create a rainbo;. (0r li2es are no different. *here is
happiness and sorro;. *here is the 1ood and the bad J dar< and bri1ht spots. &f ;e can
handle ad2ersit6= it onl6 stren1thens 0s. 4e cannot control all the e2ents that happen in
o0r li2es= b0t ;e can control ho; ;e deal ;ith them.
)ichard /lechn6den ;anted to promote &ndian tea at the 3t. 7o0is 4orld fair in %04. &t
;as 2er6 hot and no one ;anted to sample his tea. /lechn6den sa; that all the other
iced drin<s ;ere doin1 flo0rishin1 b0siness. &t da;ned on him to ma<e his tea into an
iced drin<= mi@ in s01ar and sell it. 9e did and people lo2ed it. *hat ;as the introd0ction
of iced tea to the ;orld.
4hen thin1s 1o ;ron1= as the6 sometimes ;ill= ;e can react responsibl6 or resentf0ll6.
90man bein1s are not li<e an action ;hich has no choice. An action cannot decide
;hether to become a 1iant tree or to become food for the s?0irrels. 90man bein1s ha2e
choices. &f nat0re 1i2es 0s a lemon= ;e ha2e a choice: either cr6 or ma<e lemonade.
)'#+II!S "# %#C! # P!RSON S'CC!SS&'+
01 Desire
The motivation to succeed comes from the burning desire to achieve a purpose.
=apoleon Hill wrote, !Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, the mind
can achieve.!
6 young man ased %ocrates the secret to success. %ocrates told the young man to
meet him near the river the ne2t morning. They met. %ocrates ased the young man to
wal with him toward the river. When the water got up to their nec, %ocrates too the
young man by surprise and duced him into the water. The boy struggled to get out but
%ocrates was strong and ept him there until the boy started turning blue.
%ocrates pulled his head out of the water and the first thing the young man did was to
gasp and tae a deep breath of air. %ocrates ased, 'What did you want the most when
you were there#! The boy replied, !6ir.! %ocrates said, !That is the secret to success.
When you want success as badly as you wanted the air, then you will get it.! There is
no other secret.
6 burning desire is the starting point of all accomplishment. 5ust lie a small fire cannot
give much heat, a wea desire cannot produce great results.
1. Commitment
&nte1rit6 and ;isdom are the t;o pillars on ;hich to b0ild and <eep commitments. *his
point is best ill0strated b6 the mana1er= ;ho told one of his staff members= B&nte1rit6 is
<eepin1 6o0r commitment e2en if 6o0 lose mone6 and ;isdom is not to ma<e s0ch
foolish commitments.B
Prosperit6 and s0ccess are the res0lt of o0r tho01hts and decisions. &t is o0r decision
;hat tho01hts ;ill dominate o0r li2es. 30ccess is not an accident. &t is the res0lt of o0r
attit0de.
Playing to 5in ReDuires Commitment
*here is a bi1 difference bet;een pla6in1 to ;in and pla6in1 not to lose. 4hen ;e pla6
to ;in= ;e pla6 ;ith enth0siasm and commitmentJ ;hereas ;hen ;e pla6 not to lose=
;e are pla6in1 from a position of ;ea<ness. 4hen ;e pla6 not to lose= ;e are pla6in1 to
a2oid fail0re. 4e all ;ant to ;in= b0t 2er6 fe; are prepared to pa6 the price to prepare
to ;in. 4inners condition and commit themsel2es to ;innin1. Pla6in1 to ;in comes o0t
of inspiration= ;hereas pla6in1 not to lose comes o0t of desperation.
*here are no ideal circ0mstances. *here ;ill ne2er be. *o reach an6;here ;e cannot
A0st drift nor lie at anchor. 4e need to sometimes sail ;ith the ;ind and sometimes
a1ainst it= b0t sail ;e m0st.
As< an6 coach or athlete ;hat the difference bet;een the best and the ;orst team is.
*here ;o0ld be 2er6 little difference in their ph6si?0e= talent and abilit6. *he bi11est
difference 6o0 ;ill find is emotional difference. *he ;innin1 team has dedication and
the6 ma<e the e@tra effort.
*o a ;inner= the to01her the competition
0the 1reater the incenti2e
0the more moti2ated he is
0the better the performance
0the s;eeter the 2ictor6
+e; challen1es de2elop ne; potential. 'ost athletesC best performances ha2e come
;hen the odds are sli1htl6 a1ainst them. *hat is ;hen the6 di1 deeper into their
reser2oir.
When "'d get tired and want to stop, "'d wonder what my ne2t opponent was doing.
When " could see him still woring, "'d start pushing myself. When " see him in the
shower, "'d push myself harder.
--@an Bable, Olympic gold medalist in wrestling
30ccess is not in the achie2ement b0t in the achie2in1. 3ome people ne2er tr6 beca0se
the6 are afraid to lose. At the same time= the6 donCt ;ant to sta6 ;here the6 are
beca0se the6 are afraid to be left behind. *here is a ris< either ;a6. 3hips that 1o o0t
into the open ;ater face ris< from a storm. /0t if the6 sit in the harbor= the6 ;o0ld r0st
and that is not ;hat the6 ;ere b0ilt for. *hat is the difference bet;een
pla6in1 to ;in and pla6in1 not to lose. (ne cannot be committed and not ta<e ris<s.
People ;ho pla6 to ;in thri2e on press0re and those ;ho pla6 not to lose donCt <no;
ho; to s0cceed.
Press0re ma<es people ;ho pla6 to ;in= prepare harder. -or those ;ho pla6 not to lose=
the press0re saps the ener16. *he6 ;ant to ;in b0t the6 are so afraid to lose that the6
canCt reach their f0ll potential. *he6 lose ener16 ;orr6in1 abo0t losin1 instead
concentratin1 their efforts on ;innin1.
7osers ;ant sec0rit6= ;inners see< opport0nit6. 7osers are more afraid of life than
death. -ailin1 is not a crime b0t lac< of effort is.
The Duality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to e2cellence,
regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
Gince Iombardi
Con0iction +eads to Commitment
*here is a difference bet;een preferences and con2iction. Preferences are ne1otiableJ
con2ictions are not. Preferences 1i2e ;a6 0nder press0reJ con2ictions become stron1er.
*hat is ;h6 it is important to ha2e a 1ood 2al0e s6stem so that o0r con2ictions are
;orth6 beca0se con2ictions in t0rn lead to commitment.
4. Res3onsibility
6 duty which becomes a desire will ultimately become a delight.
--Beorge Britter
People ;ith character accept responsibilities. *he6 ma<e decisions and determine their
o;n destin6 in life. Acceptin1 responsibilities in2ol2es ta<in1 ris<s and bein1
acco0ntable ;hich is sometimes 0ncomfortable. 'ost people ;o0ld rather sta6 in their
comfort >one and li2e passi2e li2es ;itho0t acceptin1 responsibilities. *he6 drift thro01h
life ;aitin1 for thin1s to happen rather than ma<in1 them happen. Acceptin1
responsibilities in2ol2es ta<in1 calc0lated= not foolish= ris<s. &t means e2al0atin1 all the
pros and cons= then ta<in1 the most appropriate decision or action. )esponsible people
donCt thin< that the ;orld o;es them a li2in1.
Fou cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. Fou
cannot strengthen the wea by weaening the strong. Fou
cannot enrich the poor by impoverishing the rich.
Fou cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
Fou cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage pay or .
Fou cannot build character and courage by taing away man's initiative and
independence. Fou cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
Fou cannot eep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
Fou cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for
themselves.
--Abraham 7incoln
*he retirin1 president of a compan6 after a standard fare;ell= 1a2e t;o en2elopes
mar<ed +o. % and +o. 2 to the incomin1 president= and said= B4hene2er 6o0 r0n into a
mana1ement crisis 6o0 cannot handle b6 6o0rself = open en2elope +o. %. At the ne@t
crisis= open the second one.B
A fe; 6ears later= a maAor crisis came. *he president ;ent into the safe and p0lled o0t
the first en2elope. &t said= B/lame it on 6o0r predecessor.B A fe; 6ears later a second
crisis came. *he president ;ent for the second en2elope= and it said= BPrepare t;o
en2elopes for 6o0r s0ccessor.B
)esponsible people accept and learn from their mista<es. 3ome people ne2er learn.
4e can do three thin1s abo0t mista<es:
0&1nore them
0.en6 them
0Accept and learn from them
*he third alternati2e ta<es co0ra1eJ it is ris<6 b0t re;ardin1. &f= instead= ;e defend o0r
;ea<nesses= ;e act0all6 start b0ildin1 o0r li2es aro0nd them= ma<in1 them a center
point= rather than o2ercomin1 them.
<. "ard 5ork
30ccess is not somethin1 that 6o0 r0n into b6 accident. &t ta<es a lot of preparation and
character. ,2er6one li<es to ;in b0t ho; man6 are ;illin1 to p0t in the effort and time to
prepare to ;in? &t ta<es sacrifice and self-discipline. *here is no s0bstit0te for hard
;or<. 9enr6 -ord said= B*he harder 6o0 ;or<= the l0c<ier 6o0 1et.B
*he ;orld is f0ll of ;illin1 ;or<ers= some ;illin1 to ;or< and the others ;illin1 to let
them.
" lie to wor half a day. " don't care if it is the first *A hours or the second *A hours.
--Jammons Wilson, );O of Holiday "nn
(ne cannot de2elop a capacit6 to do an6thin1 ;itho0t hard ;or<= A0st as a person
cannot learn ho; to spell b6 sittin1 on a dictionar6. Professionals ma<e thin1s loo< eas6
beca0se the6 ha2e mastered the f0ndamentals of ;hate2er the6 do.
"f people new how hard " had to wor to gain my mastery, it wouldn't seem wonderful
at all.
--$ichaelangelo
An e@ec0ti2e called a compan6 to chec< on a potential candidate. 9e as<ed the
candidateCs s0per2isor= B9o; lon1 has he ;or<ed for 6o0?B *he man replied= B*hree
da6s.B *he e@ec0ti2e said. B/0t he told me he ;as ;ith 6o0 for three 6ears.B *he man
replied= B*hat is ri1ht= b0t he ;or<ed three da6s.B
The average person puts only A83 of his energy and ability into his wor. The world
taes off its hat to those who put in more than 8,3 of their capacity, and stands on its
head for those few and far between souls who devote *,,3.
--6ndrew )arnegie
30ccess is the res0lt of belie2in1 in as<in1 ho; m0ch ;or< and not ho; little ;or<= ho;
man6 ho0rs not ho; fe; ho0rs. *he best m0sicians practice e2er6 da6. 4inners donCt
need to apolo1i>e for ;innin1 beca0se the6 ;or< hard and lon1. &t didnCt come eas6.
,2er6thin1 that ;e enAo6 is a res0lt of someoneCs hard ;or<. 3ome ;or< is 2isible and
other ;or< 1oes 0nseen= b0t both are e?0all6 important. 3ome people stop ;or<in1 as
soon as the6 find a Aob. )e1ardless of the 0nemplo6ment statistics= it is hard to find
1ood people to ;or<. 'an6 people donCt 0nderstand the difference bet;een idle time
and leis0re time. &dle time amo0nts to ;astin1 or stealin1 timeJ leis0re time is earned.
Procrastinatin1 amo0nts to not ;or<in1.
,@cellence is not l0c<J it is the res0lt of a lot of hard ;or< and practice. 9ard ;or< and
practice ma<e a person better at ;hate2er he is doin1.
Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.
--6braham Iincoln
9ard ;or< is both a be1innin1 and an end in itself. *he harder a person ;or<s= the
better he feelsJ and the better he feels= the harder he ;or<s. *he best ideas ;ill not
;or< 0nless 6o0 ;or< the ideas. :reat talent ;itho0t ;ill po;er and hard ;or< is a
;aste.
We need to learn from nature. The duc eeps paddling relentlessly underneath but
appears smooth and calm on top.
Once when (rit: Jreisler, the great violinist, finished a concert, someone came up to
the stage and said, !"'d give my life to play the way FO7 do.! Jreisler replied, !" did9!
There is no magic wand for success. "n the real world, success comes to doers, not
observers. 6 horse that pulls cannot icE a horse that ics cannot pull. Iet's pull and
stop icing.
Without hard wor there is no success.
=ature gives birds their food but does not put it in their nest. They have to wor hard for
it. =othing comes easy. $ilton rose every morning at . a.m. to write &aradise
Iost. "t too =oah Webster 0/ years to compile Webster's @ictionary.
;ven small accomplishments reDuire hard wor and are better than big tal.
=. Character
#haracter is the s0m total of a personCs 2al0es= beliefs and personalit6. &t is reflected in
o0r beha2ior= in o0r actions. &t needs to be preser2ed more than the richest Ae;el in the
;orld. *o be a ;inner ta<es character. :eor1e 4ashin1ton said= B& hope & shall al;a6s
possess firmness and 2irt0e eno01h to maintain ;hat & consider the most 2al0able of all
titles= the character of an honest man.B
&t is not the polls or p0blic opinions b0t the character of the leader that determines the
co0rse of histor6. *here is no t;ili1ht >one in inte1rit6. *he road to s0ccess has
man6 pitfalls. &t ta<es a lot of character and effort not to fall into them. &t also ta<es
character not to be disheartened b6 critics.
9o; come most people lo2e s0ccess b0t hate s0ccessf0l people? 4hene2er a person
rises abo2e a2era1e= there ;ill al;a6s be someone tr6in1 to rip him apart. #hances are
prett6 1ood ;hen 6o0 see a person on top of a hill= that he A0st didnCt 1et there= b0t had
to end0re a to01h climb. &tCs no different in life. &n an6 profession= a s0ccessf0l person
;ill be en2ied b6 those ;ho are not. .onCt let criticism distract 6o0 from reachin1 6o0r
1oal. A2era1e people pla6 it safe to a2oid criticism= ;hich can be easil6 a2oided b6
sa6in1= doin1 or bein1 nothin1. *he more 6o0 accomplish= the more 6o0 ris< bein1
critici>ed. &t seems there is a relationship bet;een s0ccess and criticism. *he 1reater
the s0ccess the more the criticism.
#ritics ha2e al;a6s been sittin1 at the sidelines. *he6 are 0nderachie2ers ;ho sho0t at
doers= tellin1 them ho; to do it ri1ht. /0t remember critics are not the leaders or doers
and it is ;orth;hile as<in1 them to come do;n to ;here the action is.
The critic is one who nows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde
*here is another breed of people ;ho are ;illin1 to help others 0ntil the others are able
to help themsel2es. /0t as soon as the6 are able to help themsel2es= this 1ro0p of
people ma<e life as miserable and as 0ncomfortable as possible. *his is part of life and
if ;e ha2e to s0cceed= ;e ha2e to do it in spite of them. *his <ind of beha2ior is the
res0lt of Aealo0s6.
Character is a Combination
#haracter is a combination of inte1rit6= 0nselfishness= 0nderstandin1= con2iction=
co0ra1e= lo6alt6 and respect.
4hat is a pleasant personalit6 ;ith character?
0&t is a class b6 itself.
0&t is compos0re.
0&t is poise.
0&t is s0refootedness and confidence ;itho0t arro1ance.
0&t is bein1 considerate.
0&t is ne2er ma<in1 e@c0ses.
0&t is <no;in1 that co0rtes6 and 1ood manners ta<e man6 small sacrifices.
0&t is learnin1 from past mista<es.
0&t has nothin1 to do ;ith mone6 or bl0e blood.
0&t ne2er b0ilds itself b6 destro6in1 others.
0&t is s0bstance= not A0st form.
0&t can ;al< ;ith the elite and 6et maintain the common to0ch.
0&t is a 1entle ;ord= a <ind loo< and a 1ood-nat0red smile.
0&t is the secret pride that stands a1ainst t6rann6.
0&t is comfortable ;ith itself and others.
0&t is the classic to0ch that 1i2es the ;innin1 ed1e.
0&t ;or<s ;onders.
0&t accomplishes miracles.
0&t is eas6 to reco1ni>e= hard to define.
0&t is acceptin1 responsibilit6.
0&t is h0milit6.
0&t is 1racio0sness in 2ictor6 and defeat.
0&t is not fame and fort0ne.
0&t is not a pla?0e.
0&t is permanent.
0&t is intan1ible.
0&t is bein1 co0rteo0s and polite ;itho0t bein1 s0bser2ient.
0&t is bein1 class6 ;itho0t bein1 cor<6.
0&t is self-discipline and <no;led1e.
0&t is self-contained.
0&t is a 1racio0s ;inner and an 0nderstandin1 loser.
'ore diffic0lt than s0ccess itself isJ ho; ;e handle s0ccess. 'an6 people <no; ho; to
become s0ccessf0l b0t after the6 become s0ccessf0l= the6 donCt <no; ho; to handle it
*hat is ;h6 abilit6 and character 1o hand in hand. Abilit6 ;ill 1et 6o0 s0ccess= character
;ill <eep 6o0 s0ccessf0l.
4e donCt 0nfold or disco2er o0rsel2es = ;e create and b0ild o0rsel2es into the <ind of
person ;e ;ant to be.
#haracter b0ildin1 starts from infanc6 and 1oes on 0ntil death. #haracter does not need
s0ccess. &t is s0ccess. D0st li<e a 1ardener has to <eep ;eedin1 to pre2ent ;eeds from
eatin1 the life of the 1arden= ;e need to <eep b0ildin1 and de2elopin1 o0r character b6
;eedin1 o0t o0r fa0lts.
#d0ersity -uilds andEor Re0eals Character
Under ad2erse circ0mstances= some people brea< records and others brea< do;n. A
1em cannot be polished ;itho0t friction= nor can 6o0 1et the finest steel ;itho0t p0ttin1 it
thro01h fire. 3imilarl6= ad2ersit6 re2eals a personCs character and introd0ces it to
himself.
*here is a sa6in1 that came from )0ssia: BA hammer shatters 1lass b0t for1es steel.B
*here is a lot of tr0th in it. Are ;e made of 1lass or steel? &t is the same hammer. D0st
li<e carbon determines the ?0alit6 of steel= character determines the ?0alit6 of man.
>. Positi0e -elie0ing
4hat is the difference bet;een positi2e thin<in1 and positi2e belie2in1? 4hat if 6o0
co0ld act0all6 listen to 6o0r tho01hts? Are the6 positi2e or ne1ati2e? 9o; are 6o0
pro1rammin1 6o0r mind= for s0ccess or fail0re? 9o; 6o0 thin< has a profo0nd effect on
6o0r performance.
9a2in1 a positi2e attit0de and bein1 moti2ated is a choice ;e ma<e e2er6 mornin1.
7i2in1 a positi2e life is not eas6J b0t then neither is ne1ati2e li2in1. :i2en a choice= &
;o0ld 1o for positi2e li2in1.
Positi2e thin<in1 is better than ne1ati2e thin<in1 and it ;ill help 0s 0se o0r abilities to the
f0llest.
Positi2e belie2in1 is a lot more than positi2e thin<in1. &t is ha2in1 a reason to belie2e
that positi2e thin<in1 ;ill ;or<. Positi2e belie2in1 is an attit0de of confidence that comes
;ith preparation. 9a2in1 a positi2e attit0de ;itho0t ma<in1 the effort is nothin1 more
than ha2in1 a ;ishf0l dream. *he follo;in1 ill0strates positi2e belie2in1.
@oes Iocheed organi:ation have a reason to believe positively# Fou bet.
%everal years ago Iocheed introduced the I -*,** Tristar plane. "n order to ensure
safety and test the strength of the jetliner, Iocheed e2posed the plane to the roughest
treatment for *- months, costing K*.8 billion. Hydraulic jacs, electronic sensors and a
computer put the airplane through its paces for more than 0/,,,, simulated flights,
amounting to *,, years of airline service, without one single malfunction. (inally after
hundreds of tests the aircraft was given the seal of approval. >
There is every reason to believe that this plane would be safe to fly, because of all the
effort put into preparation.
?. /i0e %ore han ,ou /et
&t is eas6 to s0cceed toda6. 4e ha2e no competition. &f 6o0 ;ant to 1et ahead in life= 1o
the e@tra mile. *here is no competition on the e@tra mile. Are 6o0 ;illin1 to do a little
more than 6o0 1et paid for ? 9o; man6 people 6o0 <no; are ;illin1 to do a little bit
more than ;hat the6 1et paid for? 9ardl6 an6. 'ost people donCt ;ant to do ;hat the6
1et paid for and there is a second cate1or6 of people ;ho onl6 ;ant to do ;hat the6 can
1et b6 ;ith. *he6 f0lfill their ?0ota A0st to <eep their Aobs. *here is a small fraction ;ho
are ;illin1 to do a little bit more than ;hat the6 1et paid for. 4h6 do the6 do more? &f 6o0
fall into the last cate1or6= then ;here is 6o0r competition?
*he ad2anta1es of doin1 more than 6o0 1et paid for are :
0Fo0 ma<e 6o0rself more 2al0able= re1ardless of ;hat 6o0 do and ;here 6o0 ;or<.
0&t 1i2es 6o0 more confidence.
0People start loo<in1 at 6o0 as a leader.
0(thers start tr0stin1 6o0.
030periors start respectin1 6o0.
0&t breeds lo6alt6 from both 6o0r s0bordinates and 6o0r s0periors.
0&t 1enerates cooperation.
&f 6o0 ;or< for a man for hea2enCs sa<e ;or< for him.
--8im 90bbard
*hese people are al;a6s ;anted e2er6;here re1ardless of a1e= e@perience or
academic ?0alifications: hard;or<in1 people ;ho can ;or< ;itho0t s0per2isionJ people
;ho are p0nct0al and considerateJ people ;ho listen caref0ll6 and carr6 o0t instr0ctions
acc0ratel6J people ;ho tell the tr0thJ people ;ho donCt s0l< ;hen called 0pon to pitch in
at the time of an emer1enc6J people ;ho are res0lt rather than tas< orientedJ people
;ho are cheerf0l and co0rteo0s.
Al;a6s thin< in terms of 1i2in1 2al0e added ;hether to c0stomers= friends= 6o0r spo0se=
parents or children. 4hene2er 6o0 do an6thin1= as< 6o0rself= B9o; can & add 2al0e to
;hat & am doin1?B or B9o; can & 1i2e added 2al0e to others?B
*he <e6 to s0ccess can be s0mmed 0p in fo0r ;ords: Band then some more.B 4inners
do ;hat the6 are s0pposed to and then some more. 4inners do their d0t6 and then
some more. 4inners are co0rteo0s and 1enero0s and then some more. 4inners can be
co0nted on and then some more. 4inners p0t in %00G and then some more.
Abilit6 ;itho0t dependabilit6= responsibilit6 and fle@ibilit6 is a liabilit6.
". Adapted from .ail6 'oti2ations for African American 30ccess b6 .ennis 8imbro= D0ne
2=%3= -a;cett Press= +e; For<.
4h6 are some hi1hl6 intelli1ent people= ;ith impressi2e academic ?0alifications li2in1
fail0res= or at best practicin1 mediocrit6? /eca0se the6 become e@perts at ;h6 thin1s
;onCt ;or< and b0ild a reser2e of ne1ati2e ener16. *he6 donCt ;ant to do ;hat the6 1et
paid for or the6 onl6 ;ant to do ;hat the6 can 1et b6 ;ith. +o ;onder the6 are li2in1
fail0res. 4hen ;e 1i2e or do more than ;hat ;e 1et paid for= ;e eliminate o0r
competition. &n fact= ;e become the competition. *his attit0de is m0ch more important
than intelli1ence or a de1ree.
@. he Po;er o: Persistence
=othing will tae the place of persistence. Talent will not ? =othing is more common than
unsuccessful people with talent . Benius will not ? 7nrewarded genius is a proverb.
;ducation will not? The world is full of educated derelicts. &ersistence and determination
alone are omnipotent.
--)alvin )oolidge
*he Ao0rne6 to bein1 6o0r best is not eas6. &t is f0ll of setbac<s. 4inners ha2e the abilit6
to o2ercome and bo0nce bac< ;ith e2en 1reater resol2e.
(ON9 )'I
4hen thin1s 1o ;ron1=
As the6 sometimes ;ill=
4hen the road 6o0Cre tr0d1in1 seems all 0phill=
4hen the f0nds are lo; and the debts are hi1h=
And 6o0 ;ant to smile= b0t 6o0 ha2e to si1h=
4hen care is pressin1 6o0 do;n a bit
)est if 6o0 m0st= b0t donCt 6o0 ?0it.
7ife is ?0eer ;ith its t;ists and t0rns=
As e2er6 one of 0s sometimes learns=
And man6 a fail0re t0rns abo0t
4hen he mi1ht ha2e ;on had he st0c< it o0t.
.onCt 1i2e 0p tho01h the pace seems slo;
Fo0 ma6 s0cceed ;ith another blo;.
30ccess is fail0re t0rned inside o0t
*he sil2er tint of the clo0ds of do0bt=
And 6o0 ne2er can tell ho; close 6o0 are=
&t ma6 be near ;hen it seems so far J
3o stic< to the fi1ht ;hen 6o0Cre hardest hit
&tCs ;hen thin1s seem ;orst that 6o0 m0stnCt ?0it.
-rit> 8reisler= the 1reat 2iolinist= ;as once as<ed= B9o; do 6o0 pla6 so ;ell? Are 6o0
l0c<6?B 9e replied= B&t is practice. &f & donCt practice for a month= the a0dience can tell the
difference. &f & donCt practice for a ;ee<= m6 ;ife can tell the difference. &f & donCt practice
for a da6= & can tell the difference.B
Persistence means commitment and determination. *here is pleas0re in end0rance.
#ommitment and persistence is a decision. Athletes p0t in 6ears of practice for a fe;
seconds or min0tes of performance.
Persistence is a decision. &t is a commitment to finish ;hat 6o0 start. 4hen ;e are
e@ha0sted= ?0ittin1 loo<s 1ood. /0t ;inners end0re. As< a ;innin1 athlete. 9e end0res
pain and finishes ;hat he started. 7ots of fail0res ha2e be10n ;ell b0t ha2e not
concl0ded an6thin1. Persistence comes from p0rpose. 7ife ;itho0t p0rpose is driftin1. A
person ;ho has no p0rpose ;ill ne2er perse2ere and ;ill ne2er be f0lfilled.
F. Pride o: Per:ormance
&n toda6Cs ;orld= pride in performance has fallen b6 the ;a6side beca0se it re?0ires
effort and hard ;or<. 9o;e2er= nothin1 happens 0nless it is made to happen. 4hen one
is disco0ra1ed= it is eas6 to loo< for shortc0ts. 9o;e2er these sho0ld be a2oided no
matter ho; 1reat the temptation. Pride comes from ;ithin= ;hich is ;hat 1i2es the
;innin1 ed1e.
Pride of performance does not represent e1o. &t represents pleas0re ;ith h0milit6. *he
?0alit6 of the ;or< and the ?0alit6 of the ;or<er are inseparable. 9alf-hearted effort
does not prod0ce half res0ltsJ it prod0ces no res0lts.
Three people were laying brics and a passerby ased them what they were doing. The
first one replied, !@on't you see " am maing a living#! The second one said, !@on't you
see " am laying brics#! The third one said, !" am building a beautiful monument.! Three
people doing the same thing gave totally different replies. The Duestion is ? did they
have different attitudes# 6nd would their attitude affect their performance# The answer
is a clear yes.
,@cellence comes ;hen the performer ta<es pride in doin1 his best. ,2er6 Aob is a self-
portrait of the person ;ho does it= re1ardless of ;hat the Aob is= ;hether ;ashin1 cars=
s;eepin1 the floor or paintin1 a ho0se.
.o it ri1ht the first time= e2er6 time. *he best ins0rance for tomorro; is a Aob ;ell done
toda6.
$ichelangelo was woring on a statue for several days and he was taing a long time to
retouch every small detail which seemed rather insignificant to a bystander.
When ased why he did it, $ichelangelo replied, !Trifles mae perfection and perfection
is no trifle.!
$ost people forget how fast you did a job, but they remember how well it was done.
"f a man is called to be street sweeper, he should sweep streets
even as $ichelangelo painted, or 'eethoven composed music, or
%haespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that
all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a
great street sweeper who did his job well.
--$artin Iuger Jing, 5r.
One cannot compromise on Duality and service. "t is said that <ay Jroc, founder of
$c@onald's, found a fly during one of his visits at a franchise. Two wees later the
franchisee lost his franchise. <ay Jroc said, !Fou should wor for pride and
accomplishment. " was brought up to understand that reward will come later.!
The feeling of a job well done is a reward in itself. "t is better to do small things well than
do many things poorly.
$G. -e 5illing to -e a Student**/et a %entor
&f :od and the teacher H10r0I are standin1 to1ether= ;ho does the st0dent sal0te first?
Accordin1 to &ndian c0lt0re= the ans;er is the teacher= beca0se ;itho0t his direction and
help= the st0dent co0ld not ha2e met :od.
A mentor or a teacher is a person ;hose hindsi1ht can become 6o0r foresi1ht. 7oo< for
someone ;ho can accept 6o0 as a mentee or a st0dent. #hoose 6o0r mentor caref0ll6.
A 1ood one ;ill 10ide and 1i2e directionJ a bad one ;ill mis10ide. 3ho; respect. /e an
interested st0dent. *eachers li<e interested st0dents.
*he best teachers ;ill not 1i2e 6o0 somethin1 to drin<= the6 ;ill ma<e 6o0 thirst6. *he6
;ill p0t 6o0 on a path to see< ans;ers.
There is a story about a ing in ancient times who wanted to honor a person that made
the greatest contribution to society. 6ll inds of people came, including doctors and
entrepreneurs, and they all presented their case for receiving the honor. The ing
wasn't impressed. (inally an elderly person with a glow on his face waled in and said
he was a teacher. The ing came down from his throne and bowed to honor the
teacher. "t is the teacher who maes the highest contribution in shaping the future of
society.
(O 5! "#.! 5"# I #C!S O -! S'CC!SS&'+7
.o all of 0s ha2e the ?0alities for s0ccess? 3ome people feel the6 donCt. *he6 sta6
mediocre and fail. /0t it doesnCt ha2e to be that ;a6. All of 0s ha2e all of these ?0alities.
*he6 ma6 not be de2eloped to the le2el that ;e ;ant them b0t the6 are there. 4e ma6
not <no; that the6 are there= b0t ;hen ;e find o0t= o0r performance chan1es.
*his is li<e ha2in1 a million dollars b0ried in 6o0r bac<6ard and not <no;in1 abo0t it. Fo0
;o0ldnCt be able to 0se it. /0t the moment 6o0 find o0t= 6o0r thin<in1 and beha2ior ;ill
chan1e.
*he same thin1 is tr0e ;ith people. 4e all ha2e hidden treas0res. All ;e need to do is
brin1 them to the s0rface and 0se them.
5"# IS "O+(IN/ 'S -#CC7
4hat ;o0ld happen if ;e dro2e o0r car ;ith the bra<es on? &t ;o0ldnCt be smart= ;o0ld
it? 4hat ;o0ld happen to o0r car? &t ;ill ne2er 1o f0ll speed beca0se the bra<es offer
resistance. *he car ;ill o2erheat and brea< do;n. &f it doesnCt brea< do;n= the
resistance ;ill strain the en1ine. Fo0 ha2e t;o choices. Fo0 can either press the
accelerator harder and ris< dama1e= or release the bra<es to ma<e the car 1o faster.
*his is a 1ood parallel to life= beca0se ;e 1o thro01h life ;ith o0r emotional bra<es on.
4hat are the bra<es? *he6 are the factors that pre2ent 0s from achie2in1 s0ccess. *he
;a6 to release o0r emotional bra<es is b6 b0ildin1 a positi2e attit0de= hi1h self-esteem
and b6 acceptin1 responsibilit6.
R!#SONS &OR &#I+'R! 5", 5! (ON9 #C"I!.! !HC!++!NC!
Iife is lie a ten speed bicycle. $ost of us have gears we never use.
--)harles %chult:
$. 'n;illingness to ake Risks
30ccess in2ol2es ta<in1 calc0lated ris<s. )is< ta<in1 does not mean 1amblin1 foolishl6
and beha2in1 irresponsibl6. People sometimes mista<e irresponsible and rash beha2ior
as ris<-ta<in1. *he6 end 0p ;ith ne1ati2e res0lts and blame it on bad l0c<.
)is<-ta<in1 is relati2e. *he concept of ris< 2aries from person to person and can be a
res0lt of trainin1. *o both a trained mo0ntain climber and a no2ice= mo0ntain climbin1 is
ris<6= b0t to the trained person it is not irresponsible ris<-ta<in1.
)esponsible ris<-ta<in1 is based on <no;led1e= trainin1= caref0l st0d6= confidence
and competence ;hich 1i2e a person the co0ra1e to act ;hile facin1 fear. *he person
;ho ne2er does an6thin1 ma<es no mista<es. 9o;e2er= he doesnCt reali>e that not
doin1 an6thin1 is his bi11est mista<e.
'an6 opport0nities are lost beca0se of indecision. &t is habit-formin1 and conta1io0s.
*a<e ris<s b0t donCt 1amble. )is<-ta<ers 1o ;ith their e6es open. :amblers shoot in the
dar<.
Once someone ased a farmer if he had planted wheat for the season. The farmer
replied, !=o. " was afraid it wouldn't rain.! Then the man ased, !@id you plant corn#!
The farmer said, !=o. " was afraid of insects eating one corn. Then the man ased , !
What did you plant # ! The farmer said, !=othing. " played it safe.!
RISCS
*o la01h is to ris< appearin1 the fool.
*o ;eep is to ris< appearin1 sentimental.
*o reach o0tfo@ another is to ris< in2ol2ement.
*o e@pose feelin1s is to ris< e@posin1 6o0r tr0e self.
*o place 6o0r ideas= 6o0r dreams= before a cro;d is to ris< their loss.
*o lo2e is to ris< not bein1 lo2ed in ret0rn. *o
li2e is to ris< d6in1.
*o hope is to ris< despair. *o
tr6 is to ris< fail0re.
/0t ris<s m0st be ta<en= beca0se the 1reatest
ha>ard in life is to ris< nothin1.
*he person ;ho ris<s nothin1= does nothin1= has
nothin1= and is nothin1.
*he6 ma6 a2oid s0fferin1 and sorro;= b0t the6
cannot learn= feel= chan1e= 1ro;= lo2e= or li2e.
#hained b6 their attit0des= the6 are sla2es= the6
ha2e forfeited their freedom.
(nl6 a person ;ho ris<s is free.
1. +ack o: 3ersistence
4hen problems seem ins0rmo0ntable= ?0ittin1 seems to be the easiest ;a6 o0t. &t is
tr0e for e2er6 marria1e= Aob and relationship. 4inners are str0c< b0t not destro6ed.
4e all ha2e had setbac<s in life. -ailin1 does not mean ;e are fail0res.
'ore people fail not beca0se the6 lac< <no;led1e or talent b0t beca0se the6 ?0it.
*he total secret of s0ccess lies in t;o ;ords= persistence and resistance. Persist in
;hat m0st be done and resist ;hat o01ht not be done.
6 man is a hero not because he is braver than anyone else, but because he is brave for
ten minutes longer.
--<alph Waldo ;merson
4. Instant /rati:ication
4e thin< short term= not lon1 term. *hat is limited 2ision. 4e are li2in1 in an a1e of
instant 1ratification. *here is a pill for e2er6thin1= from ;a<in1 6o0 0p to p0ttin1 6o0 to
sleep. People ;ant to ta<e a pill to 1et rid of their problems. 4hen people ;ant to be
instant millionaires= the6 ta<e shortc0ts and compromise on their inte1rit6.
*he desire to ma<e a million o2erni1ht has made the lotter6 a flo0rishin1 b0siness.
)emember that instant 1ratification ne2er thin<s of conse?0ences= onl6 of momentar6
pleas0res.
*oda6Cs 1eneration defines the ideal diet as one that ;ill ta<e off fi2e po0nds for 1ood
intentions. *hese are people ;ho donCt ;ant an6 more birthda6s b0t ;ant all the
presents.
<. +ack o: Priorities
People ma<e s0bstit0tes ;here the6 o01ht not to. -or e@ample= in relationships= the6
trade mone6 and 1ifts for affection and time. 3ome people find it easier to b06 thin1s for
their children and spo0se to compensate for their absence.
4hen ;e donCt ha2e o0r priorities ri1ht= ;e ;aste time= not reali>in1 that time ;asted is
life ;asted. Prioriti>in1 re?0ires discipline to do ;hat needs to be done rather than 1oin1
b6 o0r moods and fancies. *oo m0ch emphasis is placed on s0ccess and fail0re rather
than doin1 oneCs best.
9o; do 6o0 cope ;ith defeat and problems?
Fo0r response to this ?0estion sa6s a lot abo0t 6o0r character. (ne of the <e6s to
sol2in1 this m6ster6 to s0ccess is 0nderstandin1. 3ome people ha2e their mind set on
mone6= po;er= fame or possessions. 4e ha2e to 0nderstand o0r priorities.
30ccess does not come b6 readin1 or memori>in1 the principles that lead to s0ccess=
b0t b6 0nderstandin1 and appl6in1 them.
=. +ooking :or Shortcuts
No Free L*&%
There is a story about a ing who called his advisers and ased them to write down the
wisdom of the ages so that he could pass it on to future generations. 6fter a lot of wor,
the advisers came up with several volumes of wisdom and presented them to the ing.
The ing called his advisers and said that it was too long, people would not read it. They
had to condense it. The advisers went bac to wor and came bac with one volume.
The ing said the same thing. They came bac again with one chapter and then one
page, and the ing said the same thing still until they came up with one sentence that
satisfied the ing. He said that if there was one piece of wisdom that he wanted to pass
on to future generations, it is this one sentence?
!There is no free lunch.!
"n every organi:ation or society, there are freeloaders. They are people who want to get
a benefit without paying for it. They are looing for freebies. 'y and large, sometime or
the other, most of us have been guilty of being a freeloader. This is typically seen in
associations and organi:ations. $ost members are inactive. They want and get the full
benefit of the effort of the active ones.
T%e Easier "ay May At*ally 'e t%e
To*g%er "ay
Once there was a lar singing in the forest. The lar stopped him and ased, !What do
you have in the bo2 and where are you going#! The farmer replied that he had worms
and that he was going to the maret to trade them for some feathers. The lar said, !"
have many feathers. " will pluc one and give it to you and that will save me looing for
worms.! The farmer gave the worms to the lar and the lar pluced a feather and gave
it in return. The ne2t day the same thing happened and the day after and on and on
until a day came that the lar had no more feathers. =ow it couldn't fly and hunt for
worms. "t started looing ugly and stopped singing and very soon it died.
What is the moral of the story#
The moral is Duite clear what the lar thought was an easy way to get food turned out to
be the tougher way after all.
"sn't the same thing true in our lives# $any times we loo for the easier way, which
really ends up being the tougher way.
+osers +ook :or )uick &i2es
*here are t;o ;a6s of 1ettin1 rid of ;eeds in 6o0r 6ard. *he eas6 ;a6 and the not so
eas6 ;a6. *he eas6 ;a6 ma6 be to r0n a la;n mo;er and the 6ard loo<s fine for a
;hile= b0t that is a temporar6 ans;er. 3oon the ;eeds are bac<. /0t the not-so-eas6
;a6 ma6 mean 1ettin1 do;n on 6o0r hands and <nees and p0llin1 o0t the ;eeds b6 the
roots. &t is time cons0min1 and painf0l= b0t the ;eeds ;ill sta6 a;a6 for a lon1er time.
*he first sol0tion appeared eas6= b0t the problem remained. *he second sol0tion= ;as
not so eas6= b0t too< care of the problem from the roots. *he <e6 is to 1et to the root of
the problem.
*he same thin1 is tr0e of o0r attit0de in life. 3ome people spread their attit0de of
bitterness and resentment and this attit0de <eeps croppin1 0p in different parts of their
li2es. *he problem ;ith people toda6 is that the6 ;ant instant ans;ers. *he6 are loo<in1
for one-min0te sol0tions to e2er6thin1. D0st li<e instant coffee= the6 ;ant instant
happiness. *here are no ?0ic< fi@es. *his attit0de leads to disappointment.
>. Sel:ishness and /reed
&ndi2id0als and or1ani>ations that ha2e a selfish attit0de to;ard each other and to;ard
their c0stomers ha2e no ri1ht to e@pect 1ro;th. *heir attit0de is to <eep passin1 the
b0c< ;itho0t re1ard for the ;elfare of others. :reed al;a6s ;ants more.
+eeds can be satisfied b0t 1reed cannot. &t is a cancer of the so0l. :reed destro6s
relationships. 9o; do ;e 1a01e o0r 1reed inde@? /6 as<in1 o0rsel2es three ?0estions:
0#an & afford it?
0.o & reall6 need it?
0&f & ha2e it= ;ill it 1i2e me peace of mind?
:reed comes o0t of poor self-esteem= ;hich manifests itself as false pride= pretense or
<eepin1 0p ;ith the Doneses. *he ;a6 o0t of 1reed is to learn to li2e ;ithin 6o0r means
and be satisfied. /ein1 contented does not mean lac<in1 ambition.
5"!R! (O!S I !N(7
*here is a stor6 abo0t a ;ealth6 farmer ;ho ;as once offered all the land he co0ld ;al<
on in a da6= pro2ided he came bac< b6 s0ndo;n to the point ;here he started. *o 1et a
ne; start= earl6 the ne@t mornin1 the farmer started co2erin1 1ro0nd ?0ic<l6 beca0se he
;anted to 1et as m0ch land as he co0ld. ,2en tho01h he ;as tired= he <ept 1oin1 all
afternoon beca0se he didnCt ;ant to miss this once in a lifetime opport0nit6 to 1ain more
;ealth.
7ate in the afternoon he reali>ed the condition he had to f0lfill to 1et the land ;as to 1et
bac< to the startin1 point b6 s0ndo;n. 9is 1reed had 1otten him far eno01h. 9e started
his ret0rn Ao0rne6= <eepin1 an e6e on ho; close he ;as to s0ndo;n. *he closer it 1ot to
s0ndo;n= the faster he ran. 9e ;as e@ha0sted= o0t of breath and p0shed himself
be6ond the point of end0rance. 9e collapsed 0pon reachin1 the startin1 point and died.
9e did ma<e it before s0ndo;n. 9e ;as b0ried and all the land he needed ;as a small
plot.
*here is a lot of tr0th in this stor6 and a lesson to be learned. 4hether the farmer ;as
;ealth6 or not= an6 1reed6 person ;o0ld ha2e ended the same ;a6.
?. +ack o: Con0iction
People ;ho lac< con2iction ta<e the middle of the roadJ and 10ess ;hat happens in the
middle of the road? *he6 1et r0n o2er.
People ;itho0t con2iction do not ta<e a stand. *he6 1o alon1 to 1et alon1 beca0se the6
lac< confidence and co0ra1e. *he6 conform in order to 1et accepted e2en ;hen the6
<no; that ;hat the6 are doin1 is ;ron1. *he6 beha2e li<e part of a herd.
3ome people consider themsel2es a shade better beca0se the6 do not s0pport the
;ron1J ho;e2er= the6 lac< the con2iction to oppose. *he6 do not reali>e that b6 not
opposin1 the6 are act0all6 s0pportin1.
(ne of the important secrets to s0ccess is= instead of bein1 a1ainst somethin1= be for
somethin1. *hat ;a6= 6o0 donCt become part of the problem= b0t part of the sol0tion. &t
ta<es con2iction to ta<e a stand.
Con0iction akes &aith
(aith without action is delusion. (aith does not wait for miracles but produces them. "f
you thin you can or if you thin you can't, you are right.
--Henry (ord
4e all ha2e lo; moments= ;e all fall do;n and 1et h0rt. 4e all ha2e moments ;hen ;e
do0bt o0rsel2es and 1et into self-pit6. *he point is to o2ercome these feelin1s and
restore 6o0r faith.
*here are three <inds of people in this ;orld:
0People ;ho ma<e thin1s happen
0People ;ho ;atch thin1s happen
0People ;ho ;onder ;hat happened
4hich cate1or6 do 6o0 fall into?
@. +ack o: 'nderstanding o: Nature9s +a;s
30ccess is a matter of la;s and these are the la;s of nat0re. #han1e is nat0reCs la;.
4e are either mo2in1 for;ard or ;e are 1oin1 bac<;ard. 4e are either creatin1 or
disinte1ratin1. *here is no stat0s ?0o.
A seed= if it is not planted in the earth to create= disinte1rates. #han1e is ine2itable. &t is
1oin1 to happen ;hether ;e li<e it or not. All pro1ress is chan1e b0t all chan1e is not
pro1ress. 4e m0st e2al0ate chan1e and accept it onl6 if it ma<es sense. Acceptance
;itho0t e2al0ation amo0nts to conformin1 beha2ior= a si1n of lac< of confidence and of
lo; self-esteem.
*here is a lot to be said abo0t tradition. :ro;th for the sa<e of 1ro;th is the philosoph6
of a cancero0s cell. &t is ne1ati2it6 spreadin1 all o2er. *hat is not 1ro;th= that is
destr0ction. :ro;th= in order to be meanin1f0l= m0st be positi2e.
30ccess is not a matter of l0c<= b0t of la;s.
+a; o: Cause and !::ect
&n order to s0cceed= ;e need to 0nderstand the la; of ca0se and effect and the
relationship bet;een actions and res0lts.
-or e2er6 effect= there is a ca0se. *he la; of ca0se and effect is the same as the la; of
so;in1 and reapin1. *he la; of so;in1 and reapin1 sa6s fi2e thin1s:
04e m0st ha2e the desire to so;. .esire is the startin1 point.
04hat ;e so;= so shall ;e reap. &f ;e so; potatoes= ;e are onl6 1oin1 to reap
potatoes= not tomatoes.
04e m0st so; before ;e reap. 3o;in1 ta<es place before reapin1J ;e m0st 1i2e
before ;e 1et. 4e cannot e@pect the fireplace to 1i2e 0s heat before ;e p0t in the
f0el.
3ome people are constantl6 loo<in1 to 1et before the6 1i2e. &t does not ;or< this
;a6.
04hen ;e so; a seed= ;e do not reap a fr0it--o0r har2est is manifold. &f ;e so; a
positi2e seed o0r har2est ;ill be manifold in the positi2e= and if ;e so; a ne1ati2e
one the har2est shall be manifold in the ne1ati2e. &t is not 0ncommon to see people
1oin1 a1ainst nat0reCs la;.
0A farmer <no;s that ;e cannot so; and reap in the same da6. *here is al;a6s a
period of 1estation.
&t is li<e the la; of ph6sics. -or e2er6 action= there is an e?0al and opposite reaction.
'ost of the time people are tr6in1 to chan1e the effect ;hile the ca0se remains. ,ither
;e feed o0r mind ;ith positi2es constantl6 or ne1ati2it6 a0tomaticall6 fills the
2ac00m. 'an6 ancient sa1es ha2e said ;hat Dames Allen said in his boo< 6s a $an
Thineth. A manCs mind is li<e a 1arden. &f ;e plant 1ood seeds= ;e ;ill ha2e a 1ood
1arden. /0t if ;e donCt plant an6thin1= somethin1 ;ill 1ro; and the6 ;ill be ;eeds. *hat
is nat0reCs la;.
*he same is tr0e in o0r li2es. & ;o0ld 1o a step f0rther. ,2en if ;e plant 1ood seeds=
;eeds ;ill still 1ro;. *he process of ;eedin1 1oes on fore2er.
&f 6o0 p0t ;ater in a 1lass and p0t it in s0b->ero temperat0re= it ;ill free>e. *hat is not
s0rprisin1= that is nat0reCs la;. &n fact= that is the onl6 thin1 that ;ill happen.
(0r tho01hts are ca0ses. Fo0 so; a tho01ht= 6o0 reap an action. Fo0 so; an action=
6o0 reap a habit. Fo0 so; a habit= 6o0 reap a character. Fo0 so; a character= 6o0 reap
a destin6. &t all starts ;ith a tho01ht.
+a;s o: #ttraction
4e attract to o0rsel2es not ;hat ;e ;ant b0t ;hat ;e are. *he old phrase= B/irds of a
feather floc< to1ether=B holds tr0e.
+e1ati2e thin<ers are dan1ero0s. *he6 attract other ne1ati2e people= react ne1ati2el6=
e@pect the ;orst and the6 are not disappointed.
9a2e 6o0 obser2ed ho; at an6 social occasion s0ccessf0l people attract other
s0ccessf0l people? -ail0res attract other fail0res= and to1ether the6 ;ill moan= 1roan
and complain.
(0r friends are not the <ind of people ;e ;ant b0t the <ind of people ;e are.
F. 'n;illingness to Plan and Pre3are
;veryone has a will to win but very few have the will to prepare to win.
--Gince Iombardi
'ost people spend more time plannin1 a part6 or 2acation than plannin1 their li2es.
Pre3aration
#onfidence comes from preparation= ;hich is nothin1 b0t plannin1 and practicin1.
4inners p0t press0re on themsel2es. *hat is the press0re of preparin1 and not ;orr6in1
abo0t ;innin1.
&f ;e practice poorl6= ;e pla6 poorl6J beca0se ;e pla6 as ;e practice. *he difference
bet;een s0ccess and fail0re is the difference bet;een doin1 e@actl6 ri1ht and almost
ri1ht.
A complete mental and ph6sical preparation is the res0lt of sacrifice and self-discipline.
&t is eas6 to be a2era1e b0t to01h to be the best. +o ;onder the a2era1e people ta<e
the eas6 ;a6.
Preparation is the necessar6 ed1e to s0cceed in an6 field.
P0rpose O Principle O Plannin1 O Practice O Perse2erance O Patience O Pride =
Preparation
Pre3aration leads to Con:idence
Preparation means toleratin1 fail0re b0t ne2er acceptin1 it. &t means ha2in1 the co0ra1e
to face defeat ;itho0t feelin1 defeated= bein1 disappointed ;itho0t bein1 disco0ra1ed.
Preparation means learnin1 from o0r mista<es. *here is nothin1 ;ron1 ;ith ma<in1
mista<es. 4e all do. A fool is one ;ho ma<es the same mista<e t;ice. A person ;ho
ma<es a mista<e and doesnCt correct it= commits a bi11er one.
*he best ;a6 to handle a mista<e is to
0admit it ?0ic<l6
0not d;ell on it
0learn from it
0not repeat it
0not assi1n blame or ma<e e@c0ses
Press0re comes from bein1 0nprepared. *here is no s0bstit0te for preparation= practice
and hard ;or<. .esire and ;ishf0l thin<in1 ;onCt do it. (nl6 preparation ;ill 1i2e 6o0 the
competiti2e ed1e.
Press0re can paral6>e ;hen a person is not prepared. D0st li<e ;ater 1ra2itates to its
o;n path= s0ccess 1ra2itates to those ;ho are prepared. 4ea< effort 1ets ;ea< res0lts.
Persistence is a name ;e 1i2e to
0a p0rpose
0preparation
0patience
0principles
0positi2e attit0de
0a plan .
0price .
0practice
0pride
#sk yoursel::
0.o 6o0 ha2e a clearl6 defined p0rpose?
0.o 6o0 ha2e a plan of action?
04hat effort are 6o0 p0ttin1 into preparation?
04hat price are 6o0 ;illin1 to pa6? 9o; far are 6o0 ;illin1 to 1o?
0.o 6o0 ha2e the patience to ;ithstand the 1estation period?
0Are 6o0 ;illin1 to practice to;ard e@cellence?
0.o 6o0 ha2e an6 firm principles to stand on?
0.o 6o0 ha2e pride in 6o0r performance?
0.o 6o0 ha2e the Bcan doB attit0de?
$G. Rationalizing
4inners ma6 anal6>e b0t ne2er rationali>e that is a loserCs 1ame. 7osers al;a6s ha2e a
boo< f0ll of e@c0ses to tell 6o0 ;h6 the6 co0ld not.
4e hear e@c0ses li<e:
&Cm 0nl0c<6.
&Cm born 0nder the ;ron1 stars.
&Cm too 6o0n1.
&Cm too old.
&Cm handicapped.
&Cm not smart eno01h.
&Cm not ed0cated.
&Cm not 1ood loo<in1.
& donCt ha2e contacts.
& donCt ha2e eno01h mone6.
& donCt ha2e eno01h time.
*he econom6 is bad.
&f onl6 & had the opport0nit6.
&f onl6 & didnCt ha2e a famil6.
&f onl6 & had married ri1ht.
*he list can 1o on and on.
HO" THE# CATCH MONKE#S IN INDIA
$oney-hunters use a bo2 with an opening at the top, big enough for the money to
slide its hand in. "nside the bo2 are nuts. The money grabs the nuts and now its hand
becomes a fist. The money tries to get its hand out but the opening is big enough for
the hand to slide in, but too small for the fist to come out. =ow the money has a
choice, either to let go off the nuts and be free forever or hang on to the nuts and get
caught. Buess what it pics every time# Fou guessed it. He hangs on to the nuts and
gets caught.
4e are no different from mon<e6s. 4e all han1 on to some n0ts that <eep 0s from 1oin1
for;ard in life. 4e <eep rationali>in1 b6 sa6in1= B& cannot do this beca0se . . .B and
;hate2er comes after Bbeca0seB are the n0ts that ;e are han1in1 on to ;hich are
holdin1 0s bac<.
30ccessf0l people donCt rationali>e. *;o thin1s determine if a person ;ill be a s0ccess:
reasons and res0lts. )easons donCt co0nt ;hile res0lts do. A 1ood ad2ice for fail0re is:
.onCt thin<= donCt as< and donCt listen. D0st rationali>e.
$$. Not +earning :rom Past %istakes
People ;ho do not learn lessons from histor6 are doomed. -ail0re is a teacher if ;e
ha2e the ri1ht attit0de. -ail0re is a deto0r= not a dead end. &t is a dela6= not a defeat.
,@perience is the name ;e 1i2e to o0r mista<es.
3ome people li2e and learn= and some onl6 li2e. 4ise people learn from their mista<es
;iser people learn from other peopleCs mista<es. (0r li2es are not lon1 eno01h to learn
onl6 from o0r o;n mista<es.
$1. Inability to Recognize O33ortunity
(pport0nities come dis10ised as obstacles. *hat is ;h6 most people donCt reco1ni>e
them. )emember that the bi11er the obstacle= the bi11er is the opport0nit6.
$4. &ear
-ear can be real or ima1inar6. &t ma<es people do stran1e thin1s and primaril6 comes
beca0se of a lac< of 0nderstandin1. *o li2e in fear is li<e bein1 in an emotional prison.
-ear res0lts in insec0rit6= lac< of confidence= procrastination. -ear destro6s o0r potential
and abilit6. 4e cannot thin< strai1ht. &t r0ins relationships and health.
3ome of the common fears are:
0fear of failin1
0fear of the 0n<no;n
0fear of bein1 0nprepared
0fear of ma<in1 the ;ron1 decision
0fear of reAection
3ome fears can be described= others felt. -ear leads to an@iet6= ;hich in t0rn leads to
irrational thin<in1= ;hich act0all6 sabota1es o0r sol0tion to the problem. *he normal
response to fear is escape. ,scape p0ts 0s in o0r comfort >one and red0ces the impact
temporaril6= ;hile <eepin1 the ca0se. &ma1inar6 fear ma1nifies the problem. -ear can
1et o0t of hand and destro6 happiness and relationships.
-ear of fail0re often can be ;orse than fail0re itself. -ail0re is not the ;orst thin1 that
co0ld happen to someone. People ;ho donCt tr6 ha2e failed before attemptin1. 4hen
infants learn to ;al<= the6 <eep fallin1J b0t to them it is not failin1 so the6 1et 0p. &f the6
1ot disheartened= the6 ;o0ld ne2er ;al<. &t is better to die on oneCs feet than to li2e ;ith
fear on oneCs <nees.
$<. Inability to 'se alent
Albert ,instein said= B& thin< & 0sed abo0t 25G of m6 intellect0al capacit6 d0rin1 m6 life.B
Accordin1 to 4illiam Dames= h0man bein1s 0se onl6 %0-%2G of their potential.
*he saddest part of most peopleCs li2es is that the6 die ;ith the m0sic still in them. *he6
ha2enCt li2ed ;hile ali2e. *he6 r0st o0t rather than ;ear o0t. & ;o0ld rather ;ear o0t than
r0st o0t. *he saddest ;ords in life are B& sho0ld ha2eB.
)0stin1 o0t is not to be conf0sed ;ith patience. )0stin1 o0t is idleness and passi2it6.
Patience is a conscio0s decision= it is acti2e and in2ol2es perse2erance and
persistence.
3omeone as<ed an elderl6 person= B4hat is lifeCs hea2iest b0rden?B *he elderl6 person
replied sadl6= B*o ha2e nothin1 to carr6.B
$=. +ack o: (isci3line
9a2e 6o0 e2er ;ondered ;h6 some people ne2er reach their 1oals? 4h6 the6 are
al;a6s fr0strated ;ith re2ersals and crises? 4h6 is it some people ha2e contin0ed
s0ccess= ;hile others ha2e endless fail0res? An6one ;ho has accomplished an6thin1
;orth;hile has ne2er done so ;itho0t discipline= ;hether in sports= athletics= academia
or b0siness.
People ;itho0t discipline tr6 to do e2er6thin1= b0t commit themsel2es to nothin1. 3ome
so-called liberal thin<ers ha2e interpreted lac< of discipline as freedom. 4hen & am in an
aircraft & ;ant a pilot ;ho is disciplined and does ;hat he is s0pposed to do and not
;hat he feels li<e doin1. & donCt ;ant him to ha2e the philosoph6= B&Cm free. & donCt ;ant
an6one from the
L 4illiam Dames= '.)* *imeless *reas0re= *he 4hole Person= p. %62.
control to;er tellin1 me ;hat to do.B
7ac< of consistenc6 is poor discipline. .iscipline ta<es self-control= sacrifice= and
a2oidin1 distractions and temptations. &t means sta6in1 foc0sed. 3team does not mo2e
the en1ine 0nless it is confined. +ia1ara -alls ;o0ld not 1enerate po;er 0nless it ;ere
harnessed.
We all now the story of the tortoise and the hare. The hare used to brag about his
speed and challenged the tortoise to a race. The tortoise accepted the challenge. They
appointed the fo2 as the judge who gave them the starting and finishing points. The
race started and the tortoise ept going steadily. The hare ran Duicly, left the tortoise
behind and decided to tae a nap since he was so confident he would win the race. 'y
the time he woe up, remembered the race and started running, he saw that the tortoise
had already reached the finish line and won.
#onsistenc6 ta<es discipline and is more important than erratic effort.
.iscipline and re1ret are both painf0l. 'ost people ha2e a choice bet;een the t;o.
:0ess ;hich is more painf0l.
:enerall6 children bro01ht 0p ;ith e@cessi2e freedom and a lac< of discipline 1ro; 0p
not respectin1 themsel2es= their parents or societ6= and ha2e a hard time acceptin1
responsibilit6.
$>. Poor sel:*esteem
Poor self-esteem is a lac< of self-respect and self-;orth. &t leads to ab0se of oneCs self
and others. ,1o ta<es the dri2erCs seat. .ecisions are ta<en more to satisf6 the e1o than
to accomplish an6thin1 ;orth;hile. People ;ith lo; self-esteem are constantl6 loo<in1
for identit6. *he6 are tr6in1 to find themsel2es. (neCs self is not to be fo0nd b0t to be
created.
&dleness and la>iness are conse?0ences of poor self esteem and so is ma<in1 e@c0ses.
&dleness is li<e r0st that eats into the most brilliant metal.
$?. +ack o: Cno;ledge
*he first step to;ards <no;led1e is a;areness of areas of i1norance. *he more
<no;led1e a person 1ets= the more he reali>es ;hat areas he is i1norant in. A person
;ho thin<s he <no;s e2er6thin1 has the most to learn.
&1norant people donCt <no; the6 are i1norant. *he6 donCt <no; that the6 donCt <no;. &n
fact more than i1norance= the bi11er problem is the ill0sion of <no;led1e= ;hich can
mislead a person.
$@. &atalistic #ttitude
A fatalistic attit0de pre2ents people from acceptin1 responsibilit6 for their position in life.
*he6 attrib0te s0ccess and fail0re to l0c<. *he6 resi1n themsel2es to their fate. *he6
belie2e and accept the predestined f0t0re ;ritten in their horoscope or stars= that
re1ardless of their effort ;hate2er has to happen ;ill happen. 9ence the6 ne2er p0t in
an6 effort and complacenc6 becomes a ;a6 of life. *he6 ;ait for thin1s to happen rather
than ma<e them happen. 30ccess is a matter of l0c<= as< an6 fail0re.
4ea<-minded people fall eas6 pre6 to fort0ne-tellers= horoscopes and self-proclaimed
:odCs men ;ho are sometimes conmen. *he6 become s0perstitio0s and rit0alistic.
3hallo; people belie2e in l0c<. People ;ith stren1th and determination belie2e in ca0se
and effect. 3ome people consider a rabbitCs foot l0c<6J b0t it ;asnCt l0c<6 for the rabbit=
;as it?
So(e People T%i&2 T%ey are ,*st +&l*2y
*his breeds a fatalistic attit0de. People ;ho 1et in2ol2ed halfheartedl6 sa6 thin1s li<e:
0B& ;ill 1i2e it a tr6BJ
0B& ;ill see if it ;or<sBJ
0B& ;ill 1i2e it a shotBJ
0B& ha2e nothin1 to loseBJ
0B& ha2enCt p0t m0ch into it an6;a6.B
*hese people 10arantee fail0re beca0se the6 1et into a proAect ;ith no dedication or
determination. *he6 lac< co0ra1e= commitment and confidence. *he6 are startin1 ;ith
complacence and call themsel2es 0nl0c<6.
A man bo01ht a racehorse and p0t him in a barn ;ith a bi1 si1n= B*he fastest horse in
the ;orld.B *he o;ner didnCt e@ercise the horse nor train it to <eep it in 1ood shape. 9e
entered the horse in a race and it came last. *he o;ner ?0ic<l6 chan1ed the si1n to
B*he fastest ;orld for the horse.B /6 inaction or not doin1 ;hat sho0ld be done= people
fail and the6 blame l0c<.
E--ort Does it
7ife ;itho0t 2ision= co0ra1e and depth is simpl6 a blind e@perience. 3mall= la>6= and
;ea< minds al;a6s ta<e the easiest ;a6= the path of least resistance.
Athletes train %5 6ears for %5 seconds of performance. As< them if the6 1ot l0c<6. As<
an athlete ho; he feels after a 1ood ;or<o0t. 9e ;ill tell 6o0 that he feels spent. &f he
doesnCt feel that ;a6= it means he hasnCt ;or<ed o0t to his ma@im0m abilit6.
7osers thin< life is 0nfair. *he6 thin< onl6 of their bad brea<s. *he6 donCt consider that
the person ;ho is prepared and pla6in1 ;ell still 1ot the same bad brea<s b0t o2ercame
them. *hat is the difference. 9is threshold for toleratin1 pain becomes hi1her beca0se in
the end he is not trainin1 so m0ch for the 1ame b0t for his character.
L+CK FA$ORS THOSE "HO HELP THEMSEL$ES
6 flood was threatening a small town and everyone was leaving for safety e2cept one
man who said, !Bod will save me. " have faith.! 6s the water level rose a jeep came to
rescue him, the man refused, saying !Bod will save me. " have faith.! 6s the water level
rose further, he went up to the second storey, and a boat came to help him. 6gain he
refused to go, 'elying, !Bod will save me. " have faith.! The water ept rising and the
man climbed on to the roof. 6 helicopter came to rescue him, but he said, !Bod will
save me. " have faith.! Well, finally he drowned. When he reached his $aer he angrily
Duestioned, !" had complete faith in you. Why did you ignore my prayers and let me
drown#! The Iord replied, !Who do you thin sent you the jeep, the boat, and the
helicopter#!
*he onl6 ;a6 to o2ercome the fatalistic attit0de is to accept responsibilit6 and belie2e in
the la; of ca0se and effect rather than l0c<. &t ta<es action= preparation and plannin1
rather than ;aitin1= ;onderin1 or ;ishin1= to accomplish an6thin1 in life.
L*2 S%i&es o& t%e Deservi&g
6le2ander Braham 'ell was desperately trying to invent a hearing aid for his partially
deaf wife. He failed at inventing a hearing aid but in the process discovered the
principles of the telephone. Fou wouldn't call someone lie that lucy, would you#Bood
luc is when opportunity meets preparation. Without effort and preparation, lucy
coincidences don't happen.
L+CK
He wored by day
6nd toiled by night.
He gave up play
6nd some delight.
@ry boos he read,
=ew things to learn.
6nd forged ahead,
%uccess to earn. He
plodded on with (aith
and plucE 6nd when
he won, $en called it
luc.
--6nonymous
$F. +ack o: Pur3ose
&f ;e read stories of people ;ho o2ercame serio0s disabilities= it becomes e2ident that
their b0rnin1 desire to s0cceed ;as their dri2in1 force. *he6 had a p0rpose in life. *he6
;anted to pro2e to themsel2es that the6 co0ld do it in spite of all odds--and the6 did.
.esire is ;hat made a paral6tic 4ilma )0dolph the fastest ;oman on the trac< at the
%60 (l6mpics= ;innin1 three 1old medals.
Accordin1 to :len #0nnin1ham= B.esire is ;hat made a bo6 ;ith b0rnt le1s set the
;orld record in the one mile r0n.B
A polio 2ictim at the a1e of fi2e started s;immin1 to re1ain stren1th. &t ;as beca0se of
her desire to s0cceed that she ;ent on to become a ;orld record holder at three e2ents
and ;on the 1old at the %56 (l6mpics at 'elbo0rne. 9er name is 3helle6 'ann.
4hen people lac< p0rpose and direction= the6 see no opport0nit6. &f a person has the
desire to accomplish somethin1= the direction to <no; his obAecti2e= the dedication to
sta6 foc0sed= and the discipline re?0ired to p0t in the hard ;or<= then other thin1s come
eas6. /0t if 6o0 donCt ha2e them= it doesnCt matter ;hat else 6o0 ha2e.
#haracter is the fo0ndation 0pon ;hich all else is b0ilt. &t end0res.
1G. +ack o: Courage
30ccessf0l people are not loo<in1 for miracles or eas6 tas<s. *he6 see< co0ra1e and
stren1th to o2ercome obstacles. *he6 loo< at ;hat is left rather than ;hat is lost.
4ishes donCt come tr0eJ beliefs and e@pectations s0pported b6 con2iction do.
Pra6ers are onl6 ans;ered ;hen the6 are s0pported ;ith co0ra1eo0s action. &t is
co0ra1e and character that is the deadl6 combination for s0ccess. *his is the difference
bet;een the ordinar6 and the e@traordinar6.
4hen o0r minds are filled ;ith co0ra1e ;e for1et o0r fears and o2ercome obstacles.
#o0ra1e is not absence of fear b0t the o2ercomin1 of fear. #haracter HA0stice and
inte1rit6I ;itho0t co0ra1e is ineffecti2e= ;hereas co0ra1e ;itho0t character is
oppression.
# R!CIP! &OR S'CC!SS
30ccess is li<e ba<in1 a ca<e. Unless 6o0 ha2e A0st the ri1ht recipe= it is not 1oin1 to
;or<. *he in1redients m0st be of the finest ?0alit6 and in the ri1ht proportions. Fo0 canCt
o2erta<e it or 0ndercoo< it. (nce 6o0 ha2e the ri1ht recipe and ;ith practice and the
occasional disaster= it becomes a lot easier.
4hat is the difference bet;een persistence and obstinac6? *he difference is that
persistence represents a stron1 ;ill and obstinac6 represents a stron1 ;onCt.
Fo0 ha2e the recipe. *o 0se it is 6o0r choice.
# CR#S" CO'RS! &OR S'CC!SS
0Pla6 to ;in and not to lose.
07earn from other peopleCs mista<es.
0Associate ;ith people of hi1h moral character.
0:i2e more than 6o0 1et.
0.onCt loo< for somethin1 for nothin1.
0Al;a6s thin< lon1 term.
0,2al0ate 6o0r stren1ths and b0ild on them.
0Al;a6s <eep the lar1er pict0re in mind ;hen ma<in1 a decision.
0+e2er compromise 6o0r inte1rit6.
#CION P+#N
1. #ome 0p ;ith three s011estions ho; 6o0 can do 6o0r Aob better= faster= and more
effecti2el6:
HaI
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HbI
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HcI
PPPPPPPPPPPP
2. 4rite do;n three ;a6s 6o0 can 0se the s0ccess principles in each area of 6o0r life:
HaI 4or<
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HbI 9ome
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HaI 3ociall6
PPPPPPPPPPPP
3. 7ist the areas in 6o0r life ;here lac< of discipline is h0rtin1 6o0. ,stimate its cost
to 6o0.
4. *he ne@t time 6o0 meet ;ith ad2ersit6= stop and as< 6o0rself these t;o
?0estions: 4hat
can & learn from this challen1e? 9o; can & t0rn this lesson in life to m6 ad2anta1e?
5. 4rite 6o0r definition of s0ccess.
PPPPPPPPPPPP
6. .efine 6o0r 1oals in life.
PPPPPPPPPPPP
4h6 are the6 important?
PPPPPPPPPPPP
!. *hin< bac<: 9a2e 6o0r 1oals chan1ed in the last %0 6ears? &f 6es= ;h6?
PPPPPPPPPPPP
C"#P!R 4
%OI.#ION
'oti2atin1 6o0rself Q others e2er6 da6
& belie2e in t;o premises: HiI most people are 1ood people= b0t can do betterJ and HiiI
most people alread6 <no; ;hat to do= so ;h6 arenCt the6 doin1 it?
4hat is missin1 is the spar<--moti2ation. 3ome self help boo<s adopt the approach of
teachin1 ;hat to doJ ;e ta<e a different approach. 4e as<= B4h6 donCt 6o0 do it?B &f 6o0
as< people on the street ;hat sho0ld be done= the6 ;ill 1i2e 6o0 all the correct ans;ers.
/0t as< them ;hether the6 are doin1 it and the ans;er ;ill be no. 4hat is lac<in1 is
moti2ation. *he 1reatest moti2ation comes from a personCs belief s6stem. *hat means
he needs to belie2e in ;hat he does and accept responsibilit6. *hat is ;here moti2ation
becomes important. 4hen people accept responsibilit6 for their beha2ior and actions=
their attit0de to;ard life becomes positi2e. *he6 become more prod0cti2e= personall6
and professionall6. *heir relationships impro2e both at home and at ;or<. 7ife becomes
more meanin1f0l and f0lfilled.
After a personCs basic ph6sical needs are met= emotional needs become a bi11er
moti2ator. ,2er6 beha2ior comes o0t of the Bpain or 1ainB principle. &f the 1ain is 1reater
than the pain= that is the moti2ator. &f the pain is 1reater than the 1ain= then that is a
deterrent.
:ains can be tan1ible= s0ch as: monetar6 re;ards= 2acations= and 1ifts. *he6 can be
intan1ible= s0ch as: reco1nition= appreciation= sense of achie2ement= promotion= 1ro;th=
responsibilit6= sense of f0lfillment= self ;orth= accomplishment= and belief.
5"# IS "! (I&&!R!NC! -!5!!N INSPIR#ION #N( %OI.#ION7
& r0n seminars internationall6 and people often as< me if & can moti2ate others. '6
ans;er is no= & cannot. People moti2ate themsel2es. 4hat & can do= ho;e2er= is inspire
them to moti2ate themsel2es. 4e can create a cond0ci2e en2ironment ;hich can be
moti2atin1. &n order to inspire people to moti2ate themsel2es= ;e need to 0nderstand
their needs and ;ants. *here is a direct correlation bet;een moti2ation and prod0cti2it6.
People ;ho do A0st eno01h to 1et b6 so the6 donCt 1et fired ;ill ne2er be 2al0able to an6
or1ani>ation.
&nspiration is chan1in1 thin<in1J moti2ation is chan1in1 action.
'oti2ation is li<e fire 0nless 6o0 <eep addin1 f0el to it= it dies. D0st li<e e@ercise and food
donCt last lon1= neither does moti2ation. 9o;e2er= if the so0rce of moti2ation is belief in
inner 2al0es= it becomes lon1--lastin1.
4hat is the 1reatest moti2ator? &s it mone6? )eco1nition? &mpro2ement in o0r ?0alit6 of
life? Acceptance b6 those ;e lo2e? All these can be moti2atin1 forces.
,@perience has sho;n that people ;ill do a lot for mone6= more for a 1ood leader= and
do most for a belief. 4e see this happenin1 e2er6 da6 all o2er the ;orld. People ;ill die
for a belief. '6 obAecti2e is to share the fact that ;hen ;e belie2e that ;e are
responsible for o0r li2es and o0r beha2ior= o0r o0tloo< to;ard life chan1es for the better.
+!9S R!(!&IN! %OI.#ION
*he ne@t lo1ical ?0estion is= ;hat is moti2ation? 'oti2ation is somethin1 that
enco0ra1es action or feelin1. *o moti2ate means to enco0ra1e and inspire. 'oti2ation
can also mean to t0rn on or i1nite the feelin1 or action.
'oti2ation is po;erf0l. &t can pers0ade= con2ince and propel 6o0 into action. &n other
;ords= moti2ation can be defined as moti2e for action. &t is a force that can literall6
chan1e 6o0r life.
4h6 do ;e need to 1et moti2ated?
'oti2ation is the dri2in1 force in o0r li2es. &t comes from a desire to s0cceed. 4itho0t
s0ccess there is little pride in lifeJ no enAo6ment or e@citement at ;or< and at home.
(ften life becomes li<e a lopsided ;heel 1i2in1 a b0mp6 ride.
*he 1reatest enem6 of moti2ation is complacence. #omplacence leads to fr0stration=
and ;hen people are fr0strated the6 1i2e 0p beca0se the6 cannot identif6 ;hat is
important.
%OI.#ION**"O5 (O!S I 5ORC7
(nce 6o0 0nderstand the principle that moti2ates the moti2ator= 6o0 can proceed to
achie2e 6o0r 1oal and can moti2ate others too.
Fo0r internal moti2ation is 6o0r dri2e and attit0de. &t is conta1io0s. Attit0de is the <e6 to
1ettin1 the response 6o0 ;ant from others. 9o; does a person sta6 moti2ated and
foc0sed? (ne important tool that has been 0sed b6 athletes for a lon1 time is called
a0to-s011estion. A0to s011estions are positi2e statements made in the present tense
and repeated re10larl6. &n other ;ords it is positi2e self-tal<.
'oti2ation is classified into t;o t6pes: e@ternal and internal.
!H!RN#+ %OI.#ION
,@ternal moti2ation comes from o0tside= s0ch as mone6= societal appro2al= fame or fear.
,@amples of e@ternal moti2ation are fear of 1ettin1 span<ed b6 parents and fear of
1ettin1 fired at ;or<.
A compan6 ;anted to set 0p a pension plan. &n order for the plan to be installed= it
needed %00G participation. ,2er6one si1ned 0p e@cept Dohn. *he plan made sense
and ;as in the best interest of e2er6one. Dohn not si1nin1 ;as the onl6 obstacle. DohnCs
s0per2isor and other co-;or<ers had tried to pers0ade him ;itho0t s0ccess.
*he o;ner of the compan6 called Dohn into his office and said= BDohn= here is a pen and
these are the papers for 6o0 to si1n to enroll into the pension plan. &f 6o0 donCt enroll=
6o0 are fired this min0te.B Dohn si1ned ri1ht a;a6. *he o;ner as<ed Dohn ;h6 he hadnCt
si1ned earlier. Dohn replied= B+o one e@plained the plan ?0ite as clearl6 as 6o0 did.B
&ear %oti0ation
*he ad2anta1es of fear moti2ation are:
0&t 1ets the Aob done ?0ic<l6.
0&t is instantaneo0s.
0&t pre2ents loss= b6 meetin1 deadlines.
0&n the short r0n the personCs performance ma6 impro2e.
Per:ormance /oes '3
&t is not 0ncommon to see the pre6 o0tsmartin1 the predator= beca0se one is r0nnin1 for
its food and the other for its life.
4e learn from histor6 that the p6ramids ;ere b0ilt b6 sla2es. *he6 had to be constantl6
;atched and reprimanded for nonperformance. *he disad2anta1es of fear moti2ation
are:
0&t is e@ternal= ;hich means the moti2ation is there ;hile the moti2ator is there. 4hen
the moti2ator 1oes= the moti2ation also 1oes.
0&t ca0ses stress. Performance is limited to compliance.
0&n the lon1 r0n= performance 1oes do;n. &t destro6s creati2it6.
0*he6 1et 0sed to the stic< and then need a bi11er stic<.
A c0stomer as<ed an emplo6ee= B4hen did 6o0 start ;or<in1 here?B 9e replied= B,2er
since the6 threatened to fire me.B
Incenti0e %oti0ation
,@ternal moti2ation can also ta<e the form of incenti2es= bon0ses= commission=
reco1nition= etc.
4hat are the ad2anta1es of incenti2e moti2ation? *he maAor ad2anta1e is that it can
;or< 2er6 ;ell as lon1 as the incenti2e is stron1 eno01h. *hin< of a don<e6 ;ith a carrot
dan1lin1 in front and ;ith a cart behind. &ncenti2e moti2ation ;ill onl6 ;or< if the don<e6
is h0n1r6 eno01h= the carrot is s;eet eno01h and the load is li1ht eno01h. -rom time to
time= 6o0 ha2e to let the don<e6 ta<e a bite of the carrotJ other;ise it is 1oin1 to 1et
disco0ra1ed. After the don<e6 ta<es a bite= its stomach is f0ll= and 6o0 need to ;ait for
the don<e6 to 1et h0n1r6 a1ain before it ;ill p0ll the cart. *his is t6picall6 seen in o0r
b0siness en2ironment. *he moment salespeople meet their ?0ota= the6 stop ;or<in1.
*his is beca0se their moti2ation is limited to meetin1 their ?0ota. *hat is e@ternal= not
internal.
"E ARE ALL MOTI$ATE EITHER POSITI$EL# OR NEGATI$EL#
When " was in Toronto, " heard a story of two brothers. One was a drug addict and a
drun
who freDuently beat up his family. The other one was a very successful businessman
who was respected in society and had a wonderful family. %ome people wanted to find
out why two brothers from the same parents, brought up in the same environment,
could be so different.
The first one was ased, !How come you do what you do# Fou are a drug addict, a
drun, and you beat your family. What motivates you#! He said, !$y father.! They
ased, !What about your father#! The reply was, !$y father was a drug addict, a drun
and he beat his family. What do you e2pect me to be# That is what " am.!
They went to the brother who was doing everything right and ased him the same
Duestion. !How come you are doing everything right# What is your source of
motivation#! 6nd guess what he said# !$y father. When " was a little boy, " used to see
my dad drun and doing all the wrong things. " made up my mind that that is not what "
wanted to be.! 'oth were deriving their strength and motivation from the same source,
but one was using it positively and the other negatively.
=egative motivation brings the desire to tae the easier way which ends up being the
tougher way.
(I&&!R!N "IN/S %OI.#! (I&&!R!N P!OP+!
"nternal motivation comes from within, such as pride, a sense of achievement,
responsibility and belief.
There was a young boy who used to come for regular practice but always played in the
reserves and never made it to the soccer eleven. While he was practicing, his father
used to sit at the far end, waiting for him.
The matches had started and for four days, he didn't show up for practice or the Duarter
or semifinals. 6ll of a sudden he showed up for the finals, went to the coach and said,
!)oach, you have always ept me in the reserves and never let me play in the finals.
'ut today, please let me play.! The coach said, !%on, "'m sorry, " can't let you. There are
better players than you and besides, it is the finals, the reputation of the school is at
stae and " cannot tae a chance.! The boy pleaded, !)oach, " promise " will not let you
down. " beg of you, please let me play.! The coach had never seen the boy plead lie
this before. He said, !OJ, son, go, play. 'ut remember, " am going against my better
judgment and the reputation of the school is at stae. @on't let me down.!
The game started and the boy played lie a house on fire. ;very time he got the ball, he
shot a goal. =eedless to say, he was the best player and the star of the game. His team
had a spectacular win.
When the game finished, the coach went up to him and said, !%on, how could " have
been so wrong in my life. " have never seen you play lie this before. What happened#
How did you play so well#! The boy replied, !)oach, my father is watching me today.!
The coach turned around and looed at the place where the boy's father used to sit.
There was no one there. He said, !%on, your father used to sit there when you came for
practice, but " don't see anyone there today.! The boy replied, !)oach, there is
something " never told you. $y father was blind. 5ust four days ago, he died. Today is
the first day he is watching me from above.!
Internal %oti0ation
&nternal moti2ation is the inner 1ratification= not for s0ccess or ;innin1= b0t for the
f0lfillment that comes from ha2in1 done it. &t is a feelin1 of accomplishment= rather than
A0st achie2in1 a 1oal. )eachin1 an 0n;orth6 1oal does not 1i2e the 1ratif6in1 feelin1.
&nternal moti2ation is lastin1= beca0se it comes from ;ithin and translates into self-
moti2ation.
'oti2ation needs to be identified and constantl6 stren1thened to s0cceed. 8eep 6o0r
1oals in front of 6o0 and read them mornin1 and e2enin1.
*he t;o most important moti2atin1 factors are reco1nition and responsibilit6.
)eco1nition means bein1 appreciatedJ bein1 treated ;ith respect and di1nit6J and
feelin1 a sense of belon1in1.
)esponsibilit6 1i2es a person a feelin1 of belon1in1 and o;nership. 9e then becomes
part of the bi11er pict0re. 7ac< of responsibilit6 can become demoti2atin1.
'onetar6 re;ards are temporar6 and short-li2edJ the6 are not 1ratif6in1 in the lon1 r0n.
&n contrast= seein1 an idea bein1 implemented can be emotionall6 1ratif6in1 b6
itself. People feel that the6 are not bein1 treated li<e obAects. *he6 feel part of a
;orth;hile team. *he re;ard of doin1 the ri1ht thin1 b6 itself is moti2atin1.
"! &O'R S#/!S &RO% %OI.#ION O (!%OI.#ION
$. %oti0ated Ine::ecti0e
4hen is an emplo6ee most moti2ated in the c6cle of emplo6ment? 4hen he Aoins an
or1ani>ation. 4h6? /eca0se he ;ants to pro2e that b6 hirin1 him= the emplo6er made
the ri1ht decision. 9e is moti2ated b0t beca0se he is ne; to the en2ironment= he does
not <no; ;hat to do. 3o he is ineffecti2e.
*his is the sta1e ;hen the emplo6ee is most open minded= recepti2e and eas6 to mold
to the c0lt0re of the or1ani>ation. *rainin1 and orientation become imperati2e.
Unprofessional or1ani>ations ha2e none or 2er6 poor orientation pro1rams. *he first da6
on the Aob= the s0per2isor sho;s the ne; emplo6ee his place of ;or< and tells him ;hat
to do and lea2es. 9e teaches all the bad alon1 ;ith the 1ood that he is doin1. *he ne;
emplo6ee ?0ic<l6 learns all the mista<es the s0per2isor is ma<in1 beca0se that is ;hat
he has been ta01ht. *he or1ani>ation loses the opport0nit6 to mold the indi2id0al to the
c0lt0re of that or1ani>ation.
Professional or1ani>ations= on the other hand= ta<e special care to ind0ct people into
their or1ani>ations. *he6 e@plain to them= amon1 other thin1s= the follo;in1:
0the hierarch6
0e@pectations of each other
0doCs and don0ts
0parameters and 10idelines
0;hat is acceptable and ;hat is not
0;hat are the reso0rces
9o; can one e@pect performance 0nless e@pectations are made clear 0p front? &f
ind0ction and orientation are done ;ell= man6 potential problems ;o0ld not s0rface at
all.
1. %oti0ated !::ecti0e
*his is the sta1e ;hen the emplo6ee has learned ;hat to do and does it ;ith dri2e and
ener16. 9e has learned the trade and it reflects in his performance. *hen he mo2es on
to the ne@t sta1e.
4. (emoti0ated !::ecti0e
After some time the moti2ation le2el 1oes do;n and the emplo6ee starts learnin1 the
tric<s of the trade. *his is the sta1e ;hen the emplo6ee is not moti2ated. 9e contin0es
doin1 A0st eno01h so that the emplo6er has no reason to fire him b0t he is reall6 not
moti2ated.
*his sta1e is detrimental to 1ro;th--most people in or1ani>ations fall into this third
sta1e. A moti2ated professional learns the trade and lea2es the tric<s to cheats and
croo<s= b0t a demoti2ated emplo6ee starts sabota1in1 the compan6. 9is performance is
mar1inal. 9e ma<es f0n of the 1ood performers. 9e reAects ne; ideas and spreads the
ne1ati2it6 all aro0nd.
(0r obAecti2e is to brin1 them bac< to the second sta1e of moti2ated effecti2e thro01h
trainin1. An emplo6ee o01ht not to sta6 in the third sta1e too lon1J beca0se from here
either the6 mo2e bac< to the second sta1e= ;hich is bein1 moti2ated and effecti2e= or
the6 mo2e into the fo0rth sta1e.
<. (emoti0ated Ine::ecti0e
At this sta1e= the emplo6er does not ha2e m0ch choice b0t to fire the emplo6ee= ;hich
ma6 be the most appropriate thin1 to do an6;a6 at this point.
)emember= emplo6ers ;ant the same thin1 as emplo6ees do. *he6 ;ant to s0cceed
and impro2e b0siness and if emplo6ees help in this obAecti2e= then the6 ma<e
themsel2es 2al0able and achie2e their o;n s0ccess.
(!%OI.#IN/ &#CORS
3ome of the demoti2ators are:
0Unfair criticism
0+e1ati2e criticism
0P0blic h0miliation
0)e;ardin1 the non performer ;hich can be demoti2atin1 for the performer
0-ail0re or fear of fail0re
030ccess ;hich leads to complacence
07ac< of direction
07ac< of meas0rable obAecti2es
07o; self-esteem
07ac< of priorities
0+e1ati2e self-tal<
0(ffice politics
0Unfair treatment
096pocris6
0Poor standards
0-re?0ent chan1e
0)esponsibilit6 ;itho0t a0thorit6
A satisfied person is not necessaril6 a moti2ated person. 3ome people are satisfied ;ith
2er6 little. &n this case= satisfaction ma6 lead to complacence. 'oti2ation comes from
e@citement and e@citement does not come 0nless there is f0ll commitment.
+e; methods of moti2ation ;ill not ;or< till the demoti2atin1 factors are remo2ed. 'an6
times= A0st remo2in1 the demoti2atin1 factors can spar< moti2ation.
%oti0ators
4hat ;e reall6 ;ant to accomplish is self-moti2ation= ;hen people do thin1s for their
o;n reasons and not 6o0rs. *hat is lastin1 moti2ation.
)emember= the 1reatest moti2ator is belief. 4e ha2e to inc0lcate in o0rsel2es the belief
that ;e are responsible for o0r actions and beha2ior. 4hen people accept res-
ponsibilit6= e2er6thin1 impro2es: ?0alit6= prod0cti2it6= relationships and team;or<.
A fe; steps to moti2ate others:
0:i2e reco1nition
0:i2e respect
0'a<e ;or< interestin1
0/e a 1ood listener
0*hro; a challen1e
09elp b0t donCt do for others ;hat the6 sho0ld do for themsel2es
&eople do things for their own reasons, not yours. This is illustrated by a story about
<alph Waldo ;merson. He and his son once were struggling to get a calf into the barn.
'oth father and son were e2hausted, pulling and pushing. 6 little girl was passing by
and she sweetly put her little finger into the calf's mouth and the calf lovingly followed
her to the barn.
#CION P+#N
1. .e2elop a sense of pride thro01h trainin1.
2. )e;ard performance.
3. 3et ;ell-defined= clear 1oals.
4. 3et hi1h e@pectations.
4. 3et clear= meas0rable benchmar<s.
6. ,2al0ate the needs of others.
7. 'a<e others part of 6o0r bi1 pict0re. 3et a 1ood e@ample b6 bein1 a
positi2e role model.
/0ild the self-esteem of others.
C"#P!R <
S!+&*!S!!%
/0ildin1 a positi2e self-esteem Q ima1e
6 beggar was sitting at the train station with a bowl full of pencils. 6 young e2ecutive
passed by and dropped a dollar in the bowl. He then boarded the train. 'efore the
doors closed, something came to his mind and he went bac to the beggar, grabbed a
bunch of pencils, and said, !They are priced right. 6fter all you are a business person
and so am ",! and he left.
%i2 months later, the e2ecutive attended a party. The beggar was also there in a suit
and tie. The beggar recogni:ed the e2ecutive, went up to him and said, !Fou probably
don't recogni:e me but " remember you.! He then narrated the incident that happened
si2 months before. The e2ecutive said, !=ow that you have reminded me, " do recall that
you were begging. What are you doing here in your suit and tie#! The beggar replied,
!Fou probably don't now what you did for me that day. Fou were the first person in my
life who gave me bac my dignity. Fou grabbed the bunch of pencils and said, 'They are
priced right. 6fter all, you are a business person and so am *.' 6fter you left, " thought to
myself, what am " doing here# Why am " begging# " decided to do something
constructive with my life. " paced my bag, started woring and here " am. " 5ust want to
than you for giving me bac my dignity. That incident changed my life.!
4hat chan1ed in the be11arCs life?
4hat chan1ed ;as that his self-esteem ;ent 0p and so did his performance. *his is the
ma1ic of self-esteem in o0r li2es.
3impl6 p0t= self-esteem is ho; ;e feel abo0t o0rsel2es. (0r opinion of o0rsel2es
criticall6 infl0ences e2er6thin1= from o0r performance at ;or<= o0r relationships= and o0r
role as a parent to o0r accomplishments in life. 3elf esteem is a maAor component in
determinin1 s0ccess or fail0re. 9i1h self-esteem leads to a happ6= 1ratif6in1 and
p0rposef0l life. Unless 6o0 percei2e 6o0rself as ;orth;hile= 6o0 cannot ha2e hi1h self-
esteem. All 1reat ;orld leaders and teachers thro01ho0t histor6 ha2e concl0ded that
one m0st be internall6 dri2en in order to be a s0ccess.
4e transfer o0r 0nconscio0s self-appraisal to others and the6 respond to 0s
accordin1l6.
People ;ith hi1h self-esteem 1ro; in con2iction= competence and ;illin1ness to accept
responsibilit6. *he6 face life ;ith optimism= ha2e better relationships and f0lfillin1 li2es.
*he6 are moti2ated and ambitio0s. *he6 are more sensiti2e. *heir performance and
ris<-ta<in1 abilit6 1o 0p. *he6 are open to ne; opport0nities and challen1es. *he6 can
1i2e and recei2e criticism and compliments= tactf0ll6= and ;ith ease.
3elf-esteem is a feelin1 ;hich comes from an a;areness of ;hat is 1ood and ha2in1
done it.
Sel:*!steem is Our Sel:*Conce3t
*here is a stor6 abo0t a farmer ;ho planted p0mp<ins on his land. -or no reason= he
p0t a small p0mp<in= han1in1 b6 the 2ine into a 1lass Aar.
At har2est time= he sa; that the p0mp<in had 1ro;n= e?0i2alent onl6 to the shape and
si>e of the Aar. D0st as the p0mp<in co0ld not 1ro; be6ond the bo0ndaries restrictin1 it=
h0man bein1s cannot perform be6ond the bo0ndaries of their self-concept= ;hate2er it
ma6 be.
SO%! #(.#N#/!S O& "I/" S!+&*!S!!%
*here is a direct relationship bet;een peopleCs feelin1s and their prod0cti2it6. 9i1h self-
esteem is e2ident in respect for oneCs self= others= propert6= la;= parents and oneCs
co0ntr6. *he re2erse is also tr0e.
Sel:*esteem :
0/0ilds stron1 con2iction.
0#reates ;illin1ness to accept responsibilit6.
0/0ilds optimistic attit0des.
07eads to better relationships and f0lfillin1 li2es.
0'a<es a person more sensiti2e to othersC needs and de2elop a carin1 attit0de.
0'a<es a person self-moti2ated and ambitio0s.
0'a<es a person open to ne; opport0nities and challen1es.
0&mpro2es performance and increases ris<-ta<in1 abilit6.
09elps a person 1i2e and recei2e both criticism and compliments tactf0ll6 and easil6.
9o; do ;e reco1ni>e poor self-esteem? 4hat are the beha2ior patterns of a person
;ith poor self-esteem? *he follo;in1 is a brief list= ;hich is not all incl0si2e b0t is
indicati2e.
0*he6 are 1enerall6 1ossip mon1ers.
0*he6 ha2e a critical nat0re. *he6 critici>e as if there is a contest 1oin1 on and the6
ha2e to ;in a pri>e.
0*he6 ha2e hi1h e1os the6 are arro1ant and belie2e the6 <no; it all.
People ;ith lo; self-esteem are 1enerall6 diffic0lt to ;or< ;ith and for. *he6 tear
do;n
others to 1et a feelin1 of s0periorit6.
0*he6 are closed minded and self-centered.
0*he6 constantl6 ma<e e@c0ses--al;a6s A0stif6in1 fail0res.
0*he6 ne2er accept responsibilit6--al;a6s blamin1 others.
0*he6 ha2e a fatalistic attit0de no initiati2e and al;a6s ;aitin1 for thin1s to happen.
0*he6 are Aealo0s b6 nat0re.
0*he6 are 0n;illin1 to accept positi2e criticism. *he6 become defensi2e.
0*he6 are bored and 0ncomfortable ;hen alone.
0Poor self-esteem leads to brea<do;n in decenc6. People ;ith lo; self-esteem donCt
<no; ;here to dra; the line--;here decenc6 stops and 20l1arit6 starts. &t is not
0n0s0al for people to tell Ao<es at social 1et-to1ethers b0t ;ith e2er6 drin<= the Ao<es
1et dirtier and dirtier.
N *he6 donCt ha2e 1en0ine friends beca0se the6 are not 1en0ine themsel2es. &
0*he6 ma<e promises the6 <no; the6 are not 1oin1 to <eep. A person ;ith lo; self-
esteem ;o0ld promise the moon to ma<e a sale. Un<ept promises lead to loss of
credibilit6. A person ;ith hi1h self esteem ;o0ld prefer loss of b0siness than loss of
credibilit6 beca0se the6 reali>e that one cannot p0t a price on oneCs credibilit6.
0*heir beha2ior is senseless and erratic. *he6 s;in1 from one end of the pend0l0m to
another. *he6 ma6 be all s01ar and hone6 toda6 b0t the same people ma6 be o0t to
c0t 6o0r throat tomorro;. *he6 lac< balance.
0*he6 alienate people and tend to be lonel6.
0*he6 are to0ch6 in nat0re--this is called the fra1ile e1o. An6time somethin1 is said= a
person ;ith a fra1ile e1o ta<es it personall6 and 1ets h0rt. &t leads to deAection.
4hat is the difference bet;een bein1 to0ch6 and bein1 sensiti2e? *o0chiness is the
cact0s approachJ 6o0 to0ch me and & ;ill h0rt 6o0. /ein1 sensiti2e is the positi2e
approach= the carin1 approach. 'an6 times the t;o are 0sed interchan1eabl6. People
sa6 be caref0l ;hen tal<in1 to so and so= he or she is 2er6 sensiti2e. 4hat the6 are
reall6 sa6in1 is that the person is to0ch6= so be caref0l.
0*he6 ha2e ne1ati2e e@pectations of themsel2es and others and are seldom
disappointed.
0*he6 lac< confidence.
.1 *he6 constantl6 see< appro2al and 2alidation from others. 3ee<in1 appro2al
is different from see<in1 a second opinion= ;hich reall6 means cons0ltation.
2. /ra11in1 abo0t themsel2es is also a si1n of lac< of confidence.
3. 30bmissi2e or timid beha2ior. *hese are people ;ho constantl6 apolo1i>e for their
e@istence. *he6 are al;a6s p0ttin1 themsel2es do;n= ;hich is different from bein1
h0mble. 90milit6 comes from confidence ;hereas p0ttin1 6o0rself do;n comes from
lac< of it.
A person ;ho lac<s confidence cannot be an effecti2e leader. (thers sense this lac< of
confidence= ;hich res0lts in a lac< of respect.
4. 7ac< of asserti2eness. People ;ith lo; self esteem are not ;illin1 to stand 0p for their
belief. (n the other hand= bein1 0nd0l6 a11ressi2e is also a si1n of poor self-esteem.
/ein1 a11ressi2e in sit0ations that re?0ire compassion does not amo0nt to
asserti2eness.
5. A lac< of confidence res0lts in conformist beha2ior. &f e2er6bod6 is doin1 it= then so
sho0ld &. ,2er6 da6 ;e see people 1i2in1 in to peer press0re= <no;in1 f0ll ;ell ;hat
the6 are doin1 co0ld be detrimental 6et the6 do it to be accepted. People ;ith lo;
self-esteem 1o alon1 to 1et alon1. *he6 are loo<in1 for o0tside 2alidation beca0se
the6 lac< confidence in themsel2es.
6. 8eepin1 0p ;ith the Doneses--pretense
4hen people tr6 to <eep 0p ;ith the Doneses= the6 spend mone6 the6 ha2enCt earned=
the6 b06 thin1s the6 donCt need= and the6 tr6 to impress people the6 donCt li<e.
!. +onconformist or attention-see<in1 beha2ior.
&n order to 1ain attention= people ;ith poor self esteem mi1ht do senseless thin1s A0st to
stand o0t and be noticed. *he6 1et a <ic< and a sense of importance from per2ersion.
3ome people choose to do ;ron1 and be ;ron1 A0st to be deferent and 1ain attention.
,@amples are people ;ho bra1 e@cessi2el6= the classroom clo;n= etc.
0*he6 are indecisi2e and do not accept responsibilit6. 7ac< of co0ra1e and fear of
criticism lead to indecisi2e beha2ior.
0*he6 rebel a1ainst a0thorit6. & ma<e a distinction bet;een rebellin1 o0t of the co0ra1e
of oneCs con2ictions and rebellin1 beca0se of poor self esteem. All the 1reat ;orld
leaders= s0ch as 'ahatma :andhi= 'artin 70ther 8in1 and Abraham 7incoln= ;ere
rebels. *he6 rebel a1ainst a0thorit6 o0t of the co0ra1e of their con2ictionsJ a person
;ith lo; self-esteem rebels a1ainst a0thorit6 A0st beca0se it is a0thorit6= e2en ;hen
the a0thorit6 is ri1ht.
0*he6 are anti-social and ma6 be ;ithdra;n.
0*he6 lac< a sense of direction and ha2e an B& donCt careB attit0de ;hich is reflected in
their beha2ior. *he6 ha2e a hard time 1i2in1 or recei2in1 compliments. &n 1i2in1= the6
feel the6 mi1ht be misconstr0ed and in recei2in1 the6 feel the6 are 0ndeser2in1.
-eelin1 0n;orth6 is not h0milit6.
0*oo m0ch emphasis on material thin1s
People ;ith poor self-esteem A0d1e a personCs ;orth b6 his possessions= not b6 ;ho he
is. *he6 constantl6 loo< at ;hat <ind of car 6o0 are dri2in1= ;hat <ind of home 6o0 li2e
in= ;hat <ind of clothes and Ae;elr6 6o0 ;ear. *he6 for1et that people ma<e thin1s= and
not 2ice 2ersa. People ;ith poor self esteem place more emphasis on net ;orth than
self ;orth. *heir li2es re2ol2e aro0nd ads and fads. .esi1ner labels are their stat0s
s6mbols. *a<e a;a6 their thin1s and the6 ;ill die of shame. *he6 1et into a rat race.
B*he problem ;ith the rat race is that e2en if 6o0 ;in= 6o0 are still a rat.BL
07ac< of pride in themsel2es--the6 are shabbil6 dressed and 0nco0th.
0*he6 are ta<ers= not 1i2ers.
7o; self-esteem co0ld lead to e@tremes of beha2ior. A person ;ith hi1h self-esteem
co0ld choose identical beha2ior for different reasons: 9e ma6 be alone beca0se he
prefers solit0de= ;hereas a person ;ith lo; self-esteem prefers to be alone beca0se he
is 0ncomfortable in 1ro0ps.
Some characteristics o: 3eo3le ;ith:
9i1h 3elf-,steem 7o; 3elf-,steem
*al< abo0t ideas *al< abo0t people
#arin1 attit0de #ritical attit0de
90milit6 Arro1ance
)espects a0thorit6 )ebels a1ainst a0thorit6
#o0ra1e of con2iction :oes alon1 to 1et alon1
#onfidence #onf0sion
#oncerned abo0t character #oncerned abo0t rep0tation
Asserti2e A11ressi2e
Accepts responsibilit6 /lames the ;hole ;orld
3elf-interest 3elfish
(ptimistic -atalistic
Understandin1 :reed6
4illin1 to learn 8no; it all
3ensiti2e *o0ch6
3olit0de 7onel6
.isc0ss Ar10e
/elie2es in self-;orth /elie2es in net ;orth onl6
:0ided 'is10ided
.iscipline .istorted sense of freedom
&nternall6 dri2en ,@ternall6 dri2en
)espects others 7oo<s do;n on others
,nAo6s decenc6 ,nAo6s 20l1arit6
8no;s limit ,2er6thin1 1oes
:i2er *a<er
*he obAecti2e of this list is to pro2ide a basis for self e2al0ation rather than prod0ce
10ilt. &t is not necessar6 to ha2e all the traits. 3ome characteristics ma6 be present to a
1reater or lesser de1ree. 3o lon1 as ;e are able to reco1ni>e them= ;e can ma<e an
effort to correct o0rsel2es.
THE# P+T ON A MASK
6 young e2ecutive with poor self-esteem was promoted but he couldn't reconcile
himself to his new office and position. There was a noc at his door. To show how
important and busy he was, he piced up the phone and then ased the visitor to
come in. 6s the man waited for the e2ecutive, the e2ecutive ept taling on the phone,
nodding and saying, !=o problem, " can handle that.! 6fter a few minutes he hung up
and ased the visitor what he could do for him. The man replied, !%ir, "'m here to
connect your phone.!
5hat is the %essage7
4h6 pretend? 4hat are ;e tr6in1 to pro2e? 4hat do ;e ;ant to accomplish? 4h6 do
;e need to lie? 4h6 loo< for feelin1s of false importance? All of this comes from
insec0rit6 and poor self-esteem.
5hy Pretend7
(0r character can be A0d1ed b6 e2er6thin1 ;e do or donCt do= li<e or donCt li<e= s0ch as:
0*he <ind of mo2ies ;e enAo6.
0*he <ind of m0sic ;e listen to.
0*he <ind of compan6 ;e <eep or a2oid.
0*he <ind of Ao<es ;e tell or la01h at.
0*he <ind of boo<s ;e read.
,2er6 action of o0rs 1i2es 0s a;a6 an6;a6= so ;h6 pretend? & belie2e that if a person
li2es ;ith con2iction= sensiti2it6 and cooperation= he can mo2e others ;ith his effort.
*hat person becomes ;orth6 of self-respect.
Positi0e Sel:*!steem
Negati0e Sel:*
!steem
%. self-respect self-p0t do;n
2. self-confidence self-do0bt
3. self-;orth self-ab0se
4. self-acceptance self-denial
5. self-lo2e self-centered +ess
6. self-<no;led1e self-deceit
!. self-discipline self-ind0l1ence
3elf-esteem does not mean ha2in1 a bi1 e1o. Unless a person is at peace ;ith himself=
he cannot be at peace ;ith others. D0st as ;e cannot 1i2e to others ;hat ;e donCt ha2e.
Unless ;e possess the components of self esteem= ;e cannot share it ;ith others. 4e
need to first 1et in to0ch ;ith o0rsel2es and p0t o0rsel2es in order.
,2en in an aircraft= the safet6 instr0ctions tell 6o0 to p0t on an o@61en mas< on 6o0rself
first and then on 6o0r child. 4e are not tal<in1 abo0t selfishness.
3elf-esteem can be defined as the ;a6 ;e feel abo0t o0rsel2es. 3elf-ima1e is the ;a6
;e see o0rsel2es. 4hen ;e feel 1ood= o0r prod0cti2it6 1oes 0p.
C#'S!S O& +O5 S!+&*!S!!%
4e start formin1 o0r self-esteem= positi2e or ne1ati2e= from the da6 ;e are born. 4e
de2elop feelin1s abo0t o0rsel2es that are reinforced b6 others.
+e1ati2e 3elf-*al< or +e1ati2e A0to-3011estions
*his is ;hen ;e sa6 to o0rsel2es= conscio0sl6 or 0nconscio0sl6= statements s0ch as:
0& ha2e a poor memor6.
0&Cm not 1ood at math.
0&Cm not an athlete.
0&Cm tired.
30ch statements onl6 reinforce the ne1ati2e and p0t o0rsel2es do;n. 5er6 soon o0r
mind starts belie2in1 these statements and o0r beha2ior chan1es accordin1l6. *he6
become self-f0lfillin1 prophecies.
!n0ironment
"ome
*he 1reatest thin1 that a parent can 1i2e to his children are roots. *he best part of a
famil6 tree is the roots. +oticin1 a little 1irlCs co0rteo0s and polite beha2ior= the teacher
as<ed= B4ho ta01ht 6o0 to be so co0rteo0s and polite?B *he 1irl replied= B+o one. &t A0st
r0ns in o0r famil6.B
'3bringing
!(ellow citi:ens, why do you turn and scrap every stone to gather wealth and to tae so
little care of your children to whom one day, you must relinDuish it all#!>
&n order for o0r children to t0rn o0t ;ell= ;e need to spend t;ice the time and half the
mone6. &t is less painf0l to learn in 6o0th than be i1norant as an ad0lt.
Parents ;ith hi1h self-esteem breed confidence and hi1h self-esteem in their children
b6 1i2in1 them positi2e concepts= beliefs= and 2al0es. *he re2erse is also tr0e.
&t is a 1reat herita1e to ha2e honest parents. Parents ;ho participate in croo<ed
b0siness deals 0nfort0natel6 set bad e@amples for their f0t0re 1enerations.
A stron1 role model or mentor co0ld be a parent= relati2e or teacher ;ho is held in hi1h
re1ard. .0rin1 their formati2e 6ears= children loo< 0p to ad0lts in positions of infl0ence.
,2en as ad0lts= ;e loo< to o0r s0per2isors and mana1ers as role models.
L 3ocrates
+I+! !,!S 'PON ,O'II
*here are little e6es 0pon 6o0
and the6Cre ;atchin1 ni1ht and da6.
*here are little ears that ?0ic<l6 ta<e
in e2er6 ;ord 6o0 sa6.
*here are little hands all ea1er to
do an6thin1 6o0 doJ
And a little bo6 ;hoCs dreamin1 of
the da6 heCll be li<e 6o0.
Fo0Cre the little fello;Cs idol=
6o0Cre the ;isest of the ;ise. &n
his little mind abo0t 6o0 no
s0spicions e2er rise.
9e belie2es in 6o0 de2o0tl6= holds all
that 6o0 sa6 and doJ 9e ;ill sa6 and
do= in 6o0r ;a6= ;hen heCs 1ro;n 0p
li<e 6o0. *hereCs a ;ide-e6ed little
fello; ;ho belie2es 6o0Cre al;a6s
ri1htJ And his e6es are al;a6s
opened= and he ;atches da6 and
ni1ht.
Fo0 are settin1 an e@ample
e2er6 da6 in all 6o0 do=
-or the little bo6 ;hoCs ;aitin1 to
1ro; 0p to be li<e 6o0.
'+ILDING CONFIDENCE
6 young couple used to leave their daughter at a day-care center every day before
going
to wor. 6s they parted company, the parents and child issed each other's hands and
then put the isses in their pocets. 6ll during the day when the little girl got lonely she
would tae out a iss and put it on her chee. This little routine made them feel together
even though they were physically apart. What a wonderful thought.
4hat 'a<es a #hild a .elin?0ent?
0*each him to p0t a price ta1 on e2er6thin1 and he ;ill p0t his inte1rit6 for sale.
0*each him ne2er to ta<e a stand and then he ;ill fall for an6thin1.
0**-rom *he 'oral #ompass= edited b6 4illiam D. /ermett= 3imon "M
3ch0ster= +e; For<= %5= pp. 52M24.
0'a<e him belie2e that ;innin1 is not e2er6thin1. &t is the onl6 thin1 and he ;ill ma<e
e2er6 effort to ;in b6 hoo< or b6 croo<.
0:i2e a child e2er6thin1 he ;ants ri1ht from infanc6 and he ;ill 1ro; 0p belie2in1 that
the ;orld o;es him a li2in1 and e2er6thin1 ;ill be handed to him on a platter.
04hen he pic<s 0p bad lan10a1e= la01h at him. *his ;ill ma<e him thin< he is c0te.
0.onCt e2er 1i2e him an6 moral or ethical 2al0es. 4ait 0ntil he is 2% and let him
Bdetermine his o;n.B
0:i2e him choices ;itho0t direction. +e2er teach him that e2er6 choice has a
conse?0ence.
0+e2er tell him he is ;ron1= he mi1ht de2elop a comple@. *his ;ill condition him to
belie2e that societ6 is a1ainst him ;hen he 1ets arrested for doin1 somethin1 ;ron1.
0Al;a6s pic< 0p thin1s that he lea2es l6in1 aro0nd--boo<s= shoes= clothes= etc. .o
e2er6thin1 for him so that he ;ill learn to p0sh all responsibilities onto others.
07et him read= ;atch and hear an6thin1 he ;ants. /e caref0l ;hat he feeds his bod6=
b0t let his mind feed on 1arba1e.
0&n order to be pop0lar ;ith his peers= he m0st 1o alon1 to 1et alon1.
0E0arrel fre?0entl6 ;hen he is present. *his ;a6 he ;onCt be s0rprised ;hen thin1s
fall apart at home.
0:i2e him as m0ch mone6 as he ;ants. +e2er teach him respect for or the 2al0e of
mone6. 'a<e s0re he does not ha2e thin1s as to01h as 6o0 did.
0Pro2ide instant 1ratification for all sens0al desires s0ch as food= drin<= comfort.
.epri2ation can ca0se fr0stration.
03ide ;ith him a1ainst nei1hbors= teachers= etc.= as the6 are preA0diced a1ainst him.
04hen he 1ets into real tro0ble= e@c0se 6o0rself b6 sa6in1= B& tried m6 best b0t co0ld
ne2er do an6thin1 ;ith him.B
0.onCt p0t 6o0r foot do;n beca0se 6o0 belie2e discipline ta<es a;a6 freedom.
0Prefer remote control to parental control in order to teach independence.
04hat children 1et= the6 1i2e to societ6.
C"I+(R!N +!#RN 5"# "!, +I.!
"f a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. "f
a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. "f a
child lives with hostility, he learns tonight.
"f a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. "f a
child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
"f a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. "f a
child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
"f a child lives with approval, he learns to lie himself. "f
a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
"f a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. "f
a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
!ducation
/ein1 i1norant is not shamef0l= b0t bein1 0n;illin1 to learn is. )ole models can teach
thro01h e@ample. #hildren ;ho are ta01ht the importance of inte1rit6 d0rin1 their
formati2e 6ears 1enerall6 donCt lose it. &t becomes a part of life= ;hich is ;hat ;e are
loo<in1 for in an6 profession= ;hether in a contractor= attorne6= acco0ntant= politicians
police officer= or A0d1e. &nte1rit6 is a lot stron1er than honest6. &n fact= it is the fo0ndation
of honest6.
Fo0ths are impressionable. 4hen the6 see their mentors--s0ch as parents= teachers= or
political leaders--cheatin1 ;ith pride or bra11in1 abo0t pett6 dishonest6 s0ch as stealin1
a to;el in a hotel or c0tler6 from the resta0rants= the follo;in1 happens:
0*he6 are disappointed.
0*he6 lose respect for their mentors.
0#onstant e@pos0re breeds acceptance in them.
POOR ROLE MODELS
6 schoolteacher ased a little boy what his father did for a living. The boy replied,
!"'m not sure, but " guess he maes pens, pencils, light bulbs, toilet rolls, etc., because
that is what he brings home every day in his lunch bo2.!
%aking 'n:air Com3arison
-air comparisons are (8 b0t 0nfair comparisons ma<e a person feel inferior.
#omparison basicall6 brin1s o0t the competiti2e spirit to o0tperform the ne@t person.
People ;ith hi1h self-esteem donCt compete ;ith othersJ instead= the6 impro2e their o;n
performance. *he6 compete a1ainst themsel2es. *he6 compare their performance
a1ainst their capabilities.
&ailure or Success: # Ri33le !::ect
*here is a lot of tr0th in the statement= Bs0ccess breeds s0ccess and fail0re breeds
fail0re.B &n sports= ;e often see that ;hene2er the championCs morale is lo;--and it does
1et lo; at some point--the coach ;ill ne2er p0t him 0p a1ainst a 1ood fi1hter beca0se if
he s0ffers one more defeat= his self-esteem ;ill 1o e2en lo;er. *o brin1 his self-
confidence bac<= the coach pits him a1ainst a ;ea< opponent= and that 2ictor6 raises
his self-esteem. A sli1htl6 stron1er opponent is ne@t and that 2ictor6 brin1s 0p the le2el
of confidence= and on and on 0ntil the da6 comes ;hen the champion is read6 to face
the 0ltimate challen1e.
4ith e2er6 s0ccess= self-confidence 1oes 0p and it is easier to s0cceed the ne@t time.
-or this reason= an6 1ood leader= be it a parent= teacher or s0per2isor= ;o0ld start a
child off ;ith eas6 tas<s. 4ith e2er6 s0ccessf0l completion= the childCs le2el of
confidence and self-esteem 1o 0p. Add to that positi2e stro<es of enco0ra1ement= and
this ;ill start solidif6in1 positi2e self-esteem. (0r responsibilit6 is to help brea< the chain
of fail0re and p0t o0rsel2es and o0r children into the chain of s0ccess.
Con:using &ailing ;ith &ailure
4hen people fail in an6 partic0lar e2ent= most 1et so disheartened that the6 start
loo<in1 at themsel2es as fail0res= not reali>in1 that failin1 does not e?0al fail0re. & mi1ht
ha2e failed b0t & am not a fail0re. & ma6 be fooled b0t & am not a fool.
'nrealistic !23ectations o: Per:ection by Parents8 eachers and Su3er0isors
30ppose a child comes home ;ith a report card ;ith fi2e As and one /. Us0all6 the first
thin1 his parents ;ill sa6 is= B4h6 the /?B 4hat do 6o0 thin< ;ill 1o thro01h the childCs
mind? .id he tr6 for the /? (r sho0ld his parents con1rat0late the child for the / and
accept a lo;er standard? +ot at all.
4hat the child is reall6 loo<in1 for is ac<no;led1ement and enco0ra1ement for the
effort in 1ettin1 the fi2e ACs. A parent= after ac<no;led1in1 and praisin1 the As= can
ma<e clear his e@pectations of seein1 all si@ ACs and offer help if needed. &f ;e lo;er o0r
standards= the chances are prett6 1ood that the performance ne@t time ;o0ld drop to
those e@pectations.
3imilarl6 at ;or<= an emplo6ee does %00 thin1s ri1ht and one thin1 ;ron1. :0ess ;hat
the boss pic<s on. Ac<no;led1e the positi2e b0t donCt lo;er 6o0r standards.
+ack o: (isci3line
5hat is (isci3line7
&s it absol0te freedom to do ;hat a person ;ants? &s freedom re1ardless of
conse?0ences? .oes it mean correcti2e action after a problem occ0rs or a ;ron1 is
done? &s it imposition? &s it ab0se? .oes it ta<e a;a6 freedom?
*he ans;er is none of the abo2e. .iscipline does not mean that a person ta<es a belt
and beats 0p <ids. *hat is madness. .iscipline is lo2in1 firmness. &t is direction.
&t is pre2ention before a problem arises. &t is harnessin1 and channelin1 ener16 for 1reat
performance. .iscipline is not somethin1 6o0 do to b0t 6o0 do for those 6o0 care abo0t.
@iscipline is an act of love. %ometimes you have to be unind to be ind? =ot all
medicine is sweet, not all surgery is painless, but we have to tae it. We need to leam
from nature. We are all familiar with that big animal, the giraffe. 6 mama giraffe
gives birth to a baby giraffe, standing. 6ll of a sudden, the baby falls on a hard surface
from the cushion of mama's womb, and sits on the ground. The first thing mama does is
to get behind the baby and give him a hard ic. The baby gets up, but his legs are
wea and wobbly and the baby falls down. $ama goes behind again and gives him one
more ic. The baby gets up but sits down again. $ama eeps icing till the baby gets
on its feet and starts moving. Why# 'ecause mama nows that the only chance of
survival for the baby in the jungle is to get on its feet. Otherwise it will be eaten up by
wildcats and become dead meat.
$y Duestion to you is? "s this an act of love# Fou bet it is.
)hildren brought up in a loving, disciplined environment end up respecting their parents
more and become law-abiding citi:ens.
*he re2erse is A0st as tr0e.
"f discipline is practiced in every home, juvenile delinDuency would be reduced by +83.
--5. ;dgar Hoover
:ood parents are not afraid of momentar6 disli<es b6 children to enforce the s0bAect.
(isci3line /i0es &reedom
Allo;in1 a child to eat a bo@ of chocolate co0ld lead to sic<ness. At the same time= the
discipline of eatin1 one or t;o pieces a da6 can be an enAo6able e@perience for a lon1er
time.
(0r instinct ma<es 0s do ;hate2er ;e ;ant re1ardless of the conse?0ences.
(reedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired but controlling the
desire.
--,pictet0s
*here is a misconception that freedom means doin1 6o0r o;n thin1. (ne cannot al;a6s
ha2e ;hat one desires. 'an6 times it is not eas6 to comprehend the benefits of 1ood
2al0es and discipline. &t ma6 e2en seem more profitable= enAo6able and con2enient to
do other;ise. All ;e need to do is see co0ntless instances ;here lac< of discipline has
pre2ented people from s0cceedin1. 4hat ;e thin< is p0llin1 0s do;n is reall6 ta<in1 0s
0p. *hat is ;hat discipline is all abo0t.
6 boy was flying a ite with his father and ased him what ept the ite up. @ad replied,
!The string.! The boy said, !@ad, it is the string that is holding the ite down.!
The father ased his son to watch as he broe the string.
Buess what happened to the ite# "t came down. "sn't that true in life# %ometimes the
very things that we thin are holding us down are the things that are helping us fly. That
is what discipline is all about.
I 5ant to -e &ree
4e hear this phrase all the time: B& ;ant to be free.B &f 6o0 ta<e the train off the trac<= it
is free= b0t ;here does it 1o? &f e2er6one co0ld ma<e their o;n traffic &a;s and dri2e on
an6 side of the road ;o0ld 6o0 call that freedom or chaos? 4hat is missin1 is discipline.
/6 obser2in1 the r0le= ;e are act0all6 1ainin1 freedom= arenCt ;e?
It is +o0ing &irmness
& ha2e as<ed this ?0estion to man6 participants in m6 seminars: B&f 6o0r child had a
fe2er of %05de1- and did not ;ant to 1o to the doctor= ;hat ;o0ld 6o0 do?B &n2ariabl6
the6 said the6 ;o0ld 1et medical help e2en if the child resisted. 4h6? /eca0se it is in
the best interest of the child.
Pare&ti&g is Not a Pop*larity Co&test
6 judge, when sentencing a man for robbery, ased if he had anything to say. The man
replied, !Fes, your honor. &lease sentence my parents to jail also.! The judge ased,
!Why#! The prisoner answered, !When " was a little boy, " stole a pencil from school.
$y parents new about it but never said a word. Then " stole a pen. They nowingly
ignored it. " continued to steal many other things from the school and the neighborhood
till it became an obsession. They new about it, yet they never said a word. "f anyone
belongs in jail with me, they do.!
He is right. "n not discharging their responsibilities, his parents are also to blame
although it does not absolve him of his responsibility.
Biving choices to children is important, but choices without direction result in disaster.
)omplete mental and physical preparation is the result of sacrifice and self discipline.
&arents spend an average of *8 minutes a wee in !meaningful dialog! with their
children--children who are left to glean whatever values they can from peers and TG.
--5ournal of the 6merican (amily 6ssociation
As< 6o0rself: 4itho0t discipline=
0can a captain r0n a ship effecti2el6?
0can an athlete ;in a 1ame?
0can a 2iolinist pla6 ;ell at a concert?
*he ans;er is= B(f co0rse not.B 4h6 then do ;e ?0estion toda6= in matters of personal
cond0ct= or to achie2e an6 standard= if discipline is necessar6? &t is absol0tel6
necessar6.
*oda6 the philosoph6 is: B&f it feels 1ood= do it.B
& ha2e heard parents innocentl6 sa6in1= B& donCt care ;hat m6 <ids do so lon1 as it
ma<es them happ6. *hat is all that matters.B & as< them= B4o0ldnCt 6o0 ;ant to <no;
;hat ma<es them happ6?B &f beatin1 people 0p on the streets and ta<in1 their thin1s
a;a6 are ;hat ma<e them happ6= there is a ;ord in the ,n1lish lan10a1e for them= it is
called Bper2ersion.B
9o; and ;here ;e deri2e o0r happiness from is A0st as important as the happiness
itself. &t is a res0lt of o0r 2al0es= discipline and responsibilit6.
4e <eep hearin1 Bdo ;hat 6o0 li<e.B *he re2erse is A0st as tr0e. 7i<e ;hat 6o0 do. 'an6
times ;e need to do ;hat o01ht to be done ;hether ;e li<e it or not.
A mother comes home after a lon1 da6Cs ;or<= ta<es care of the ho0sehold chores=
loo<s after the bab6 and 1oes to sleep e@ha0sted. &n the middle of the ni1ht the bab6
cries. .oes mama feel li<e 1ettin1 0p? +o= b0t she 1ets 0p an6;a6. 4h6? -or three
reasons:
07o2e
0.0t6
0)esponsibilit6
4e cannot li2e o0r li2es b6 emotions alone. 4e need to add discipline= no matter ;hat
a1e ;e are. 4innin1 in life comes ;hen ;e do not s0cc0mb to ;hat ;e ;ant to do b0t
do ;hat o01ht to be done. *hat re?0ires discipline.
+abeling and Put*(o;ns -y Parents8 eachers and Su3er0isors
9a2e 6o0 heard some parents pla6f0ll6 or affectionatel6 callin1 their <ids Bd0mm6B and
Bst0pidB? 7abels stic< for life. 4hen the <ids 1ro; 0p the6 ;ill be s0re to pro2e the
parents ri1ht. 7abels do not onl6 stic< for life b0t for 1enerations. *he caste s6stem in
&ndia is a prime e@ample of ho; labelin1 can h0rt. Upper caste or lo;er caste= B&f it is
not a label= ;hat is it?B
#ommon p0t-do;ns parents sa6 to their <ids are:
0Fo0 are d0mb.
0Fo0 ne2er do an6thin1 ri1ht.
0Fo0 ;ill ne2er amo0nt to an6thin1.
eaching the Right .alues
'an6 times= inad2ertentl6 and innocentl6= ;e end 0p teachin1 ;ron1 2al0es ;ithin o0r
families and or1ani>ations. -or e@ample= ;e tell o0r children or staff to lie for 0s.
0*ell them & am not here.
0*he chec< is in the mail.
4e all loo< to o0r parents= teachers and s0per2isors to teach 0s inte1rit6. And man6
times ;e are disappointed. Practicin1 these pett6 lies t0rns a person into a
professional liar. 4hen ;e teach others to lie for 0s= a da6 ;ill come ;hen the6 ;ill lie to
0s too. -or e@ample= a secretar6 calls in sic< ;hen she reall6 ;ants to 1o shoppin1.
'a6be the boss 1a2e her eno01h practice l6in1 for him that she has become an e@pert
in l6in1 to him.
S!PS O -'I+(IN/ # POSII.! S!+&*!S!!%
T*r& Sars i&to Stars
<ead the life histories of people who have turned a negative into a positive, adversity
into advantage, stumbling blocs into stepping stones. They refuse to let
disappointment and failures pull them down.
%ome of the best music was composed by 'eethoven. What was his handicap# He was
deaf. %ome of the best poetry written on nature was written by $ilton. What was his
handicap# He was blind. One of the greatest world leaders was 7% &resident (ranlin
@. <oosevelt. What was his handicap# He served from a wheelchair.
THE "ILMA R+DOLPH STOR# 3
Wilma <udolph was born into a poor home in Tennessee. 6t age four, she had double
pneumonia with scarlet fever, a deadly combination which left her paraly:ed with polio.
%he had to wear a brace and the doctor said she would never put her foot on the earth.
'ut her mother encouraged herE she told Wilma that with Bod-given ability, persistence
and faith she could do anything she wanted. Wilma said, !" want to be the fastest
woman on the trac on this earth.! 6t the age of nine, against the advice of the doctors,
she removed the brace and too the first step the doctors had said she never would. 6t
the age of *0, she entered her first race and came way, way last. 6nd then she entered
her second, and third and fourth and came way, way last until a day came when she
came in first.
6t the age of *8 she went to Tennessee %tate 7niversity where she met a coach by the
name of ;d Temple. %he told him, !" want to be the fastest woman on the trac on this
earth.! Temple said, !With your spirit nobody can stop you and besides, " will help you.!
The day came when she was at the Olympics and at the Olympics you are matched
with the best of the best. Wilma was matched against a woman named 5utta Heine who
had never been beaten. The first event was the *,,-meter race. Wilma beat
5utta Heine and won her first gold medal. The second event was the A,,- meter race
and Wilma beat 5utta a second time and won her second gold medal. The third event
was the .,,-meter relay and she was racing against 5utta one more time. "n the relay,
the fastest person always runs the last lap and they both anchored their teams. The first
three people ran and changed the baton easily. When it came to Wilma's turn, she
dropped the baton. 'ut Wilma saw 5utta shoot up at the other endE she piced the
baton, ran lie a machine, beat 5utta a third time and won her third gold medal. "t
became history? That a paralytic woman became the fastest woman on this earth at the
*+/, Olympics.
LAdapted from 3tar 7ed1er= +o2ember %3= %4.
4hat a lesson to be learnt from 4ilma. &t teaches 0s that s0ccessf0l people do it in spite
of= not in absence of= problems.
4hen ;e hear or read stories of people ;ho ha2e t0rned ad2ersit6 into opport0nit6=
doesnCt it moti2ate 0s? &f ;e re10larl6 read bio1raphies and a0tobio1raphies of s0ch
people= ;onCt ;e sta6 moti2ated?
Lear& I&tellige&t Ig&ora&e
;ducation teaches us what we can do and also teaches us what we cannot do.
"'m looing for a lot of men with an infinite capacity for not nowing what cannot be
done.
--Henry (ord
Henry (ord gave this world the G- engine. He did not have much formal education. "n
fact, he did not go to school beyond the age of *.. He was intelligent enough to now
there had to be a G- engine but he was ignorant and didn't now how to build it. %o he
ased all his
highly Dualified, educated people to build one. 'ut they told him what could be done
and what couldn't. 6ccording to them, a G- was an impossibility. 'ut Henry (ord
insisted on having his G-. 6 few months later he ased his people if they had the G-
and they replied, !We now what can be done and we also now what cannot be done
and G- is an impossibility.! This went on for many months and still Henry (ord said, !"
want my G-.! 6nd shortly thereafter the same people produced his G- engine.
How come# They let their imagination run beyond academic limitation. ;ducation
teaches us what can be done and sometimes also teaches us false limitations.
THE '+M'LE'EE
We need to learn from nature. 6ccording to scientists, the bumblebee's body is too
heavy
and its wing span too small. 6erodynamically, the bumblebee cannot fly. 'ut the
bumblebee doesn't now that and it eeps flying.
When you don't now your limitations, you go out and surprise yourself. "n hindsight,
you wonder if you had any limitations. The only limitations a person has are those that
are self-imposed. @on't let education put limitations on you.
Do So(et%i&g -or Ot%ers "%o Ca&&ot Repay
#o* i& Cas% or Ki&)
@r. Jarl $enninger, a world-renowned psychiatrist, was once ased, !What would you
advise someone if you new that person was going to have a nervous breadown#!
The audience e2pected @r. $enninger to advise consulting a professional. 'ut he
didn't. He said, !" would advise that person to loc home, go to the other side of town,
find someone in need and help that person. 'y doing that we get out of our own way.! 6
lot of times we get in our own way, don't we#
/e a 2ol0nteer. &t b0ilds self-;orth. 9elpin1 others as 6o0 ;o0ld e@pect others to help
6o0 1i2es a feelin1 of 1ratification. &t is a 1ood feelin1 ;hich represents hi1h self-
esteem. *he process of 1i2in1 ;itho0t ha2in1 e@pectations or 1ettin1 an6thin1 in ret0rn
raises oneCs self esteem.
A health6 personalit6 has the need not onl6 to 1et b0t also to 1i2e.
+earn to /i0e and Recei0e Com3liments
.onCt miss o0t on an6 opport0nit6 to 1i2e sincere compliments. )emember= the <e6
;ord is sincerit6. 4hen others 1i2e 6o0 a compliment= accept it 1racio0sl6 and
1racef0ll6 ;ith t;o ;ords= B*han< 6o0.B *hat is a si1n of h0milit6.
#cce3t Res3onsibility
4e need to accept responsibilit6 for o0r beha2ior and o0r actions and ins0late
o0rsel2es from e@c0ses. .onCt be li<e the st0dent ;ho failed A0st beca0se he didnCt li<e
the teacher or the s0bAect. 4ho is he h0rtin1 the most? 4e ha2e to accept responsibilit6
and stop blamin1 others= then= and onl6 then= ;ill prod0cti2it6 and ?0alit6 of life impro2e.
Our privileges can be no greater than our obligations. The protection of our rights can
endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities.
-5ohn (. Jennedy
,@c0ses ma<e the problem ;orse than the problem itself. 4e o;e responsibilit6
0to self
0to famil6
0to ;or<
0to societ6
0en2ironment
4e can add to the 1reener6 b6 plantin1 trees= stoppin1 soil erosion= preser2in1 nat0ral
bea0t6.
4e cannot li2e as if ;e ha2e another earth ;e can mo2e to. (n a dail6 basis= ;e need
to do somethin1 that ma<es this ;orld a better place to li2e. 4e are c0stodians for the
f0t0re 1enerations. &f ;e do not beha2e responsibl6= ho; can f0t0re 1enerations for1i2e
0s?
&f the a2era1e life e@pectanc6 of a person is !5 6ears and if 6o0 are 40 6ears old= 6o0
ha2e 365 da6s @ 35 6ears= to li2e. As< 6o0rself this ?0estion: 4hat are 6o0 1oin1 to do
;ith this time? 4hen ;e accept or add responsibilit6= ;e ma<e o0rsel2es more
2al0able. .onCt ;e?
3elf-discipline does not <ill Ao6 b0t b0ilds it. Fo0 see people ;ith talent and abilit6= and
6et the6 are 0ns0ccessf0l. *he6 are fr0strated and the same beha2ior pattern affects
their b0siness= their health= and their relationships ;ith others. *he6 are dissatisfied and
blame it on l0c< ;itho0t reali>in1 that man6 problems are ca0sed b6 lac< of discipline.
Set /oals
4ell-defined 1oals 1i2e a person a sense of direction= a feelin1 of accomplishment
;hen he reaches his 1oals. 'ore important than 1oals is a sense of p0rpose and 2ision.
&t 1i2es meanin1 and f0lfillment to life.
4hat ;e 1et 0pon achie2in1 o0r 1oals is a lot less important than ;hat ;e become. &t is
the becomin1 ;hich 1i2es 0s a 1ood feelin1. *hat is ;hat self-esteem is all abo0t.
&n 1oal-settin1= ;e need to be realistic. Unrealistic 1oals remain 0naccomplished=
leadin1 to poor self-esteem= ;hereas realistic 1oals are enco0ra1in1 and b0ild hi1h self-
esteem.
#ssociate ;ith Peo3le o: "igh %oral Character
6ssociate yourself with people of good Duality if you esteem your reputation for it is
better to be alone than to be in bad company.
Beorge Washington
est o: &riendshi3
+e1ati2e infl0ences come in the form of peer press0re. People sa6= BArenCt 6o0 m6
friend?B )emember= tr0e friends ne2er ;ant to see their friends h0rt.
&f & e2er sa; that a friend had had one drin< too man6= & ;o0ld p0t m6 foot do;n and not
let him dri2e. & ;o0ld rather lose the friendship than lose a friend.
&t is common to see people doin1 ;ron1 thin1s to 1et accepted= sa6in1= Bit is cool=B not
reali>in1 the6 ;ill be left cold.
4hat starts as peer press0re ma6 be in realit6 a test of friendship. 4here ;ill the6 be
;hen 6o0 are in tro0ble? 9o; far ;ill the6 1o to help 6o0? And the bi11est ?0estion is: &f
the6 donCt ha2e the character toda6= ho; ;ill the6 ha2e the character tomorro; to help
6o0? Associatin1 ;ith people of hi1h moral character helps b0ild self esteem.
Peer Pressure
4hen the desire to belon1 to the herd becomes stron1er than the desire to stand 0p for
;hat is ri1ht= it is e2ident that ;hat is lac<in1 is co0ra1e and character. &t is less
contro2ersial. :oin1 alon1 to 1et alon1 is a safer ;a6= <eeps oneCs peers happ6 and one
does not ris< bein1 la01hed at. *hat is ;here people ;ith hi1h self-esteem dra; the
line. *hat is ;hat separates the men from the bo6s.
,@amples:
03chool <ids conform beca0se the6 do not ;ant to be la01hed at.
0*he6 donCt 1i2e the ans;ers beca0se others ;ill ma<e f0n of them.
0-actor6 ;or<ers <eep performance lo; to <eep peers happ6.
%oderation
'an6 people sa6= B&n moderation= it is (8. & tr6 a little and ?0it.B *he ?0estion is= B&n
moderation= is it reall6 o<a6?B
0to cheat?
0to steal?
0to ta<e dr01s?
0to lie?
0to ha2e illicit affairs?
3ome people fre?0entl6 rationali>e= B& can ?0it ;hene2er & ;ant.B *he6 donCt reali>e that
ne1ati2e infl0ences are more po;erf0l than ;ill-po;er.
-ecome Internally (ri0en8 Not !2ternally (ri0en
One day, if someone gets up on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, !Fou
are the greatest person on earth. Fou are doing a great job and " want you to now " am
honored to call you a friend,! " now he is sincere. How does it mae me feel# Breat.
'ut the ne2t day, he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, pics up the phone and says,
!Fou rascal, you cheat, you croo9 Fou are the biggest fraud in town.! How does it mae
me feel# Terrible.
%o the first day when he says !you are the greatest guy,! " feel great and the ne2t day
when he says !you rascal,! " feel terrible. Who is controlling my life# Obviously, he is. "s
that the way " want to go through life# =ot at all. That is being e2ternally driven.
" want to be internally driven. When he calls me and says " am the greatest guy, it is
good to hear those words. 'ut even if he doesn't say those words, in my own
estimation, " am still a good human being. 6nd the ne2t day when he rips me apart, he
can't really, because in my own estimation, " am still a good human being. When people
mae statements lie, !Fou mae me angry,! the focus of control is e2ternal.
'ut if " say " am angry or " choose to be angry, the focus of control is internal.
=o one can mae you feel inferior without your permission.
--;leanor <oosevelt
There is a story about an ancient "ndian sage who was called ugly names by a
passerby. The sage listened unperturbed till the man ran out of words. He ased the
man, !"f an offering is not accepted, who does it belong to#! The man replied, !"t
belongs to the person who offered it.! The sage said, !" refuse to accept your offering,!
and waled away, leaving the man da:ed. The sage was internally driven.
3o lon1 as ;e blame o0tside so0rces= o0r miseries ;ill contin0e and ;e ;ill feel
helpless. Unless ;e accept responsibilit6 for o0r feelin1s and beha2ior= ;e cannot
chan1e. *he first step is to as<:
04h6 did & 1et 0pset?
04h6 am & an1r6?
04h6 am & depressed?
*hen ;e start 1ettin1 the cl0es to o2ercome them.
9appiness is a res0lt of positi2e self-esteem. &f 6o0 as< people ;hat ma<es them happ6=
6o0 ;ill 1et all <inds of ans;er. 'ost of them ;o0ld incl0de material thin1s b0t that is
not reall6 tr0e. 9appiness comes from bein1 and not ha2in1. (ne can ha2e e2er6thin1
in life and 6et not be happ6. *he re2erse is also tr0e.
9appiness is internal. 9appiness is li<e a b0tterfl6. Fo0 r0n after it= it <eeps fl6in1 a;a6.
&f 6o0 stand still= it comes and sits on 6o0r sho0lder.
(e0elo3 a %indset hat -rings "a33iness
/itterness is a si1n of emotional fail0re. &t paral6>es o0r capacit6 to do 1ood. 3et 6o0r
o;n standards. /e honest to 6o0rself. #ompete a1ainst 6o0rself. .o the follo;in1:
07oo< for the positi2e in e2er6 person and in e2er6 sit0ation.
0)esol2e to be happ6.
03et 6o0r o;n standards A0dicio0sl6.
0.e2elop an imm0nit6 to ne1ati2e criticism.
07earn to find pleas0re in e2er6 little thin1.
0)emember all times are not the same. Ups and do;ns are part of life.
0'a<e the best of e2er6 sit0ation.
08eep 6o0rself constr0cti2el6 occ0pied.
09elp others less fort0nate than 6o0rself.
07earn to 1et o2er thin1s. .onCt brood.
0-or1i2e 6o0rself and others. .onCt hold 10ilt or bear 1r0d1es.
/i0e ,oursel: Positi0e #uto*Suggestions
.e2elop the habit of 1i2in1 6o0rself positi2e self-tal<. A0to-s011estions alter o0r belief
s6stem b6 infl0encin1 the s0bconscio0s mind. (0r beha2ior reflects o0r belief s6stem.
9ence a0to-s011estions affect o0r beha2ior b6 infl0encin1 o0r belief s6stem. &t
becomes a self-f0lfillin1 prophec6. ,@amples:
0& can handle it.
0& can do it.
0& am 1ood at math.
0& ha2e a 1ood memor6.
Our /reatest Strength Can -ecome Our /reatest 5eakness
An6 stren1th o2ere@tended becomes a ;ea<ness. -or e@ample= in sales= 1ood spea<in1
abilit6 is a stren1th. &t is not 0ncommon to see salespeople ;ith 1ood spea<in1 abilit6
tal< themsel2es into a sale= then tal< too m0ch and tal< themsel2es ri1ht o0t of the sale.
*heir stren1th 1ot them into itJ ho;e2er= o2ere@tended= it became a ;ea<ness and the6
lost the sale. 7istenin1 is a stren1th. (2ere@tended= ho;e2er= it co0ld mean that a
person listens a lot b0t does not spea< eno01h. &t becomes a ;ea<ness.
Our /reatest 5eakness Can -ecome Our /reatest Strength
An1er is a ;ea<ness. 9o; can it be t0rned into a stren1th? (ne lad6 demonstrated b6
1ettin1 'A..K 'A.. stands for 'others A1ainst .r0n< .ri2in1. *his lad6 lost her child
beca0se of a dr0n< dri2er. 3he 1ot so an1r6 that she resol2ed not to tolerate this <ind of
thin1 in societ6. 3he or1ani>ed people all o2er the United 3tates to fi1ht dr0n< dri2in1.
*oda6 she and her association ha2e become a si1nificant force= ;ith tho0sands of
members= and are s0cceedin1 in their p0rs0it to chan1e le1islation in #on1ress. *hat is
t0rnin1 a ne1ati2e emotion= li<e an1er= into a stren1th b6 doin1 positi2e.
"a0e Patience
6 lot of times we hear people saying that one e2posure to a positive or a negative
material does not have any impact. That is not true. The difference may not be visible
but something is happening.
"n )hina there is a bamboo tree which is planted, watered and fertili:ed for the first four
years and nothing happens. There is no visible sign of growth. 'ut sometime during the
fifth year, the bamboo tree grows about +, feet in si2 wees. The Duestion is? @id the
bamboo tree grow in si2 wees or did it tae five years to grow even though there was
no visible sign it was taing root in the ground# When there was no visible sign, if
someone had stopped watering and fertili:ing it, would this have happened# )ertainly
not. The bamboo tree would have died. We need to learn from nature and the lesson is
pretty clear. Have patience and faith and eep doing the right thing. ;ven though the
results may not be visible, something is happening.
ake In0entory: %ake a +ist o: #ll ,our
Strengths and 5eaknesses
30ccessf0l people reali>e their limitations b0t b0ild on their stren1ths. Unless ;e <no;
these thin1s= ho; can ;e b0ild on them? -oc0s on ;hat 6o0 ;ant to do and be= rather
than ;hat 6o0 donCt.
3*),+:*93 4,A8+,33,3
*he cr0@ of self-esteem cannot be e@pressed better than the follo;in1 ;ords b6
Abraham 7incoln.
"ORLD4 M# SON STARTS SCHOOL TODA#53
World, tae my child by the hand--he starts school today9
"t is all going to be strange and new to him for a while, and " wish you would sort of treat
him gently. Fou see, up to now, he has been ing of the roost. He has been the boss of
the bacyard. " have always been around to repair his wounds, and " have always been
handy to soothe his feelings.
'ut now things are going to be different. This morning he is going to wal down the front
steps, wave his hand, and start on a great adventure that probably will include wars and
tragedy and sorrow.
To live in this world will reDuire faith and love and courage. %o, World, " wish you would
sort of tae him by his young hand and teach him the things he will have to now. Teach
him-but gently, if you can.
He will have to learn, " now, that all people are not just that all men and women are not
true. Teach him that for every scoundrel, there is a heroE that for every enemy, there is a
friend. Iet him learn early that the bullies are the easiest people to lic.
Teach him the wonder of boos. Bive him Duiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of
birds in the sy, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill. Teach him that it is far
more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if
everyone tells him they are wrong.
Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is getting on
the bandwagon. Teach him to listen to others, but to filter all he hears on a screen of
truth and to tae only the good that comes through.
Teach him never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Teach him to close his ears on
the howling mob-and to stand and fight if he thins he is right. Teach him gently,
World, but do not coddle him, because only the test of fire maes fine steel.
This is a big order, World, but see what you can do. He is such a nice son.
3i1ned= Abraham 7incoln
Ladapted from BP0lpit 9elpsB -ebr0ar6 %%= ?0oted in Apple 3eeds= 5ol0me %0= +o.
%=%4.
#CION P+#N
%. )ead life stories of people ;ho ha2e t0rned ne1ati2es into positi2es. 'a<e readin1 1ood
boo<s or listenin1 to inspirational a0dio tapes part of 6o0r dail6 ro0tine.
2. )e10larl6 and s6stematicall6 commit a portion of 6o0r time and/or mone6 to charitable
acti2it6 ;itho0t an6 e@pectations in cash or <ind.
3. 3ta6 a;a6 from ne1ati2e infl0ences. .onCt 1i2e into peer press0re.
4. Practice 1i2in1 and recei2in1 sincere compliments 1racio0sl6.
5. 3tart acceptin1 responsibilit6 for 6o0r beha2ior and actions.
6. Practice self-discipline e2en ;hen it is not comfortable.
7. Associate ;ith people of hi1h moral character.
8. /e creati2e and find ;a6s to t0rn 6o0r ;ea<nesses into stren1ths.
9. Practice patienceJ perse2ere e2en if the res0lts are not 2isible.
C"#P!R =
IN!RP!RSON#+ SCI++S
" will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for any other ability under the sun.
--5ohn <ocefeller
4e do not ha2e b0siness problems. 4e ha2e people problems. 4hen ;e sol2e o0r
people problems= o0r b0siness problems are s0bstantiall6 resol2ed. People <no;led1e
is more important than prod0ct <no;led1e. 30ccessf0l people b0ild pleasin1 and
ma1netic personalities= ;hich is ;hat ma<es them charismatic. *his helps in 1ettin1
friendl6 cooperation from others. A pleasin1 personalit6 is eas6 to reco1ni>e b0t hard to
define. &t is apparent in the ;a6 a person ;al<s and tal<s= his tone of 2oice= the ;armth
in his beha2ior and his definiti2e le2el of confidence. 3ome people ne2er lose their
attracti2eness re1ardless of a1e beca0se it flo;s both from the face and the heart. A
pleasin1 personalit6 is a combination of a personCs attit0de= beha2ior= and e@pressions.
4earin1 a pleasant e@pression is more important than an6thin1 else 6o0 ;ear. &t ta<es a
lot more than a shoeshine and a manic0re to 1i2e a person polish. #harmin1 manners
0sed to dis10ise a poor character ma6 ;or< in the short r0n= b0t re2eal themsel2es
rather ?0ic<l6. )elationships based on talent and personalit6 alone= ;itho0t character=
ma<e life miserable. #harisma ;itho0t character is li<e 1ood loo<s ;itho0t 1oodness.
*he bottom line is= a lastin1 ;innin1 combination re?0ires both character and charisma.
/e co0rteo0s to all= b0t intimate ;ith a fe;= arid let those fe; be ;ell tried before 6o0
1i2e them 6o0r confidence.
*r0e friendship is a plant of slo; 1ro;th= and m0st 0nder1o and ;ithstand the shoc<s of
ad2ersit6 before it is entitled to the appellation.
:eor1e 4ashin1ton= Dan0ar6 %5=%!"3
LIFE IS AN ECHO
6 little boy got angry with his mother and shouted at her, !" hate you, " hate you.!
'ecause of fear of reprimand, he ran out of the house. He went up to the valley and
shouted, !" hate you, " hate you,! and bac came the echo, !" hate you, " hate you.! This
was the first time in his life he had heard an echo. He got scared, went to his mother for
protection and said there was a bad boy in the valley who shouted !" hate you, " hate
you.! The mother understood and she ased her son to go bac and shout, !" love you,
" love you.! The little boy went and shouted, !" love you, " love you,! and bac came the
echo. That taught the little boy a lesson that our life is lie an echo? We get bac what
we give.
'enjamin (ranlin said, !When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.!
LIFE IS A 'OOMERANG
Whether it is our thoughts, actions or behavior, sooner or later they return and with great
accuracy.
Treat people with respect on your way up because you will be meeting them on your
way down.
The following story is taen from The 'est of. . . 'its H &ieces.>
$any years ago two boys were woring their way through %tanford 7niversity. Their
funds got desperately low, and the idea came to them to engage "gnacy &aderewsi for
a piano recital. They would use the funds to help pay their board and tuition.
The great pianist's manager ased for a guarantee ofLKA,,,,.
L ,conomics Press= -airfield= +D= %4= pp. "4--"5.
The guarantee was a lot of money in those days, but the boys agreed and proceeded to
promote the concert. They wored hard, only to find that they had grossed only K*,/,,.
6fter the concert the two boys told the great artist the bad news. They gave him the
entire K*,/,,, along with a promissory note for K.,,, e2plaining that they would earn
the amount at the earliest possible moment and send the money to him. "t looed lie
the end of their college careers.
!=o, boys,! replied &aderewsi, !that won't do.! Then, tearing the note in two, he
returned the money to them as well. !=ow,! he told them, !tae out of this K*,/,, all of
your e2penses and eep for each of you *, percent of the balance for your wor.
Iet me have the rest.!
The years rolled by. World War " came and went. &aderewsi, now premier of
&oland, was striving to feed thousands of starving people in his native land. The only
person in the world who could help him was Herbert Hoover, who was in charge of the
7% (ood and <elief 'ureau. Hoover responded and soon thousands of tons of food
were sent to &oland.
6fter the starving people were fed, &aderewsi journeyed to &aris to than Hoover for
the relief sent him.
!That's all right, $r. &aderewsi ,! was Hoover's reply. !'esides, you don't remember it,
but you helped me once when " was a student at college, and " was in trouble.!
"t is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help
another without helping himself.
:oodness has a ;a6 of comin1 bac<J that is the nat0re of the beast. (ne doesnCt ha2e
to do 1ood ;ith a desire to 1et bac<. &t A0st happens a0tomaticall6.
"E SEE THINGS NOT THE "A# THE# ARE '+T THE "A# "E ARE
There is a legend about a wise man who was sitting outside his village. 6 traveler came
up and ased him, !What ind of people live in this village, because " am looing to
move from my present one#! The wise man ased, !What ind of people live where you
want to move from#! The man said, !They are mean, cruel, rude.! The wise man
replied, !The same ind of people live in this village too.! 6fter some time another
traveler came by and ased the same Duestion and the wise man ased him, !What
ind of people live where you want to move from#! 6nd the traveler replied, !The people
are very ind, courteous, polite and good.! The wise man said, !Fou will find the same
ind of people here too.!
Benerally we see the world not the way it is but the way we are. $ost of the time, other
people's behavior is a reaction to our own.
R'S
& belie2e all relationships are tr0st relationships= s0ch as emplo6er emplo6ee=
parentchild= h0sband ;ife= st0dent / teacher= b06er / seller= c0stomer / salesperson. 9o;
can ;e ha2e tr0st ;itho0t inte1rit6? #risis in tr0st reall6 means crisis in tr0th.
*r0st res0lts from bein1 tr0st;orth6.
4hat are the factors that b0ild tr0st?
0)eliabilit6 --1i2es predictabilit6 and comes from commitment.
0#onsistenc6 --b0ilds confidence.
0)espect--to self and others 1i2es di1nit6 and sho;s a carin1 attit0de.
0-airness--appeals to A0stice and inte1rit6.
0(penness--sho;s t;o-;a6 traffic.
0#on1r0ence--action and ;ords harmoni>e. &f a person sa6s one thin1 and beha2es
differentl6= ho; can 6o0 tr0st that person?
0#ompetence--comes ;hen a person has the abilit6 and the attit0de to ser2e.
0&nte1rit6--the <e6 in1redient to tr0st.
0Acceptance in spite of o0r effort to impro2e ;e need to accept each other ;ith o0r
pl0ses and min0ses.
0#haracter--a person ma6 ha2e all the competence b0t if he lac<s character he canCt
be tr0sted.
*r0st is a 1reater compliment than lo2e. *here are some people ;e lo2e b0t ;e canCt
tr0st them. )elationships are li<e ban< acco0nts: *he more ;e deposit= the 1reater the6
become= therefore= the more ;e can dra; from them. 9o;e2er= if 6o0 tr6 to dra; ;itho0t
depositin1= it leads to disappointment.
'an6 times ;e feel ;e are o2erdra;n b0t in realit6 ;e ma6 be 0nder deposited. /elo;
are some of the conse?0ences of poor relationships and the lac< of tr0st.
3tress Poor health
7ac< of comm0nication .istr0st
&rritation An1er
#lose-mindedness PreA0dice
+o team spirit /rea<do;n of morale
7ac< of credibilit6 Uncooperati2e beha2ior
Poor self-esteem #onflict
30spicion -r0stration
7oss of prod0cti2it6 Unhappiness
&solation
5hat are Some &actors hat Pre0ent -uilding and %aintaining Positi0e
Relationshi3s7
'ost of them are self-e@planator6 or elaborated on later in this chapter.
03elfishness
07ac< of co0rtes6
0&nconsiderate beha2ior
0+ot meetin1 commitments
0)0de beha2ior
07ac< of inte1rit6 and honest6
03elf-centeredness --- person all ;rapped 0p in himself ma<es a prett6 small pac<a1e.
0Arro1ance --- An arro1ant person is content ;ith his opinion and <no;led1e. *hat ;ill
10arantee him perpet0al i1norance.
0#onceit---3ince nat0re abhors a 2ac00m= she fills empt6 heads ;ith conceit.
92
Dohn bra11ed= B'6 son 1ets his intelli1ence from me.B 9is ;ife replied= B& am s0re he
does= beca0se & ha2e still 1ot mine.B
0+e1ati2e attit0de
0#losed mind
07ac< of listenin1
030spicio0s nat0re
07ac< of respect for 2al0es Hlo; moralsI
07ac< of discipline
07ac< of compassion Hcr0elt6 is a si1n of ;ea<nessI
0&mpatience
0An1er--*emper 1ets a person in tro0ble and e1o <eeps him there.
0'anip0lati2e beha2ior
0,scapist beha2ior
0*o0ch6 nat0re
0&nconsistenc6
0Un;illin1ness to accept the tr0th
0Past bad e@perience
0An 0ncarin1 attit0de bein1 i1nored is not a 1ood feelin1. &t sho;s a lac< of concern.
0:reed--is li<e sea ;ater: *he more 6o0 drin<= the thirstier 6o0 1et.
*his probabl6 is not an all-incl0si2e list. 'ost of 0s ma6 ha2e some of the characteristics
mentioned abo2e. 3ome ma6 ha2e more of one than the other. *he obAecti2e is to
e2al0ate and adA0st co0rse in those areas.
"! (I&&!R!NC! -!5!!N !/O #N( PRI(!
*he bi11est h0rdle in b0ildin1 a positi2e relationship is ,1o. ,1o is self-into@icatin1. ,1o
is ne1ati2e pride res0ltin1 in arro1ance. 9ealth6 pride is a feelin1 of the pleas0re of
accomplishment ;ith h0milit6. ,1o 1i2es a s;ollen head ;hile pride 1i2es a s;ollen
heart. A bi1 head 1i2es a bi1 headache ;hereas a bi1 heart 1i2es h0milit6.
+o matter ;hat the si>e of a personCs accomplishments are= there is ne2er an e@c0se
for ha2in1 a bi1 head. Pride= 6esJ bi1 head= no.
!go**he JI Cno; It #llJ #ttitude
*o an e1ocentric person= the ;orld be1ins= ends and re2ol2es aro0nd him. An e1otist
can be f0nn6 b6 defa0lt. A boss as<ed one of his emplo6ees ho; badl6 he ;anted a
raise. *he emplo6ee said= B)eal badl6. & ha2e been pra6in1 to :od for one.B *he boss
replied= BFo0 are not 1oin1 to 1et it beca0se 6o0 ;ent o2er m6 head.B
An e1otist tal<s and loo<s do;n on others.
You Can Win By Shiv Khera
;gotism is the anaesthetic that deadens the pain of stupidity.
--Jnute <ocne
5"# IS "! (I&&!R!NC! -!5!!N S!+&IS"N!SS #N( S!+&**IN!R!S7
&t is important to 0nderstand the distinction bet;een these t;o ;ords.
3elfishness is ne1ati2e and destr0cti2e. &t destro6s relationships beca0se it is based on
ne1ati2e 2al0es. &t belie2es in the ;in/lose principle. 3elf-interest is positi2e. &t
;elcomes prosperit6= peace of mind= 1ood health and happiness. 3elf-interest belie2es
in ;in/;in.
E&vy6,ealo*sy77Cra8 Me&tality
What is crab mentality# @o you now how they catch crabs# They put a bo2 with one
side open for the crabs to wal in. "t has a base but no lid. When the bo2 is full, they
close the fourth side. The crabs could easily crawl out of the bo2 and go free. 'ut this
doesn't happen, because the crab mentality doesn't let it happen. The moment one crab
starts crawling up, the others pull it down and nobody gets out. Buess where they all
end up# They all get cooed.
*he same thin1 is tr0e ;ith people ;ho are Aealo0s. *he6 ne2er 1et ahead in life and
pre2ent others from s0cceedin1. Dealo0s6 is a si1n of poor self-esteem. &t is a 0ni2ersal
trait. *he bi11est challen1e comes ;hen Aealo0s6 becomes a national character.
#o0ntries start de1eneratin1= res0ltin1 in disastro0s conse?0ences for comin1
1enerations. Dealo0s6 corr0pts people.
One Should "a0e an O3en %ind Rather han an !m3ty %ind
4hat is the difference bet;een an open mind and an empt6 mind? An open mind is
fle@ibleJ it e2al0ates and ma6 accept or reAect ideas and concepts based on merit. An
empt6 mind is a d0mpin1 1ro0nd for 1ood and bad. &t accepts ;itho0t e2al0ation.
S!PS O -'I+(IN/ # POSII.! P!RSON#+I,
Ste3 $: #cce3t Res3onsibility
!<esponsibilities gravitate to the person who can shoulder them.!
--;lbert Hubbard
4hen people accept additional responsibilit6 the6 are act0all6 1i2in1 themsel2es a
promotion.
)esponsible beha2ior is to accept acco0ntabilit6 and that represents mat0rit6.
Acceptance of responsibilit6 is a reflection of o0r attit0de and the en2ironment ;e
operate in. 'ost people are ?0ic< to ta<e credit for ;hat 1oes ri1ht b0t 2er6 fe; ;o0ld
accept responsibilit6 ;hen thin1s 1o ;ron1. A person ;ho does not accept responsibilit6
is not absol2ed from bein1 responsible. (0r obAecti2e is to c0lti2ate responsible
beha2ior. )esponsible beha2ior sho0ld be inc0lcated ri1ht from childhood. &t cannot be
ta01ht ;itho0t a certain de1ree of obedience.
%top the 'lame Bame
A2oid phrases s0ch as:
0e2er6one else does it=
0or no one does it= or
0it is all 6o0r fa0lt.
People ;ho donCt accept responsibilit6 shift the blame to their parents= teachers= 1enes=
:od= fate= l0c< or the stars.
Dohnn6 said= B'ama= Dimm6 bro<e the ;indo;.B 'ama as<ed= B9o; did he do it?B
Dohnn6 replied= B& thre; a stone at him and he d0c<ed.B
People ;ho 0se their pri2ile1es ;itho0t acceptin1 responsibilit6 0s0all6 end 0p losin1
them.
)esponsibilit6 in2ol2es tho01htf0l action.
&ettiness )auses 7s to "gnore Our <esponsibilities
*hin< abo0t it. Pett6 minds are b0s6 passin1 the b0c< rather than doin1 ;hat needs to
be done.
%ocial <esponsibility
Ancient &ndian ;isdom teaches 0s that o0r first responsibilit6 is to the comm0nit6=
second to o0r famil6 and third to o0rself. A societ6 starts de1eneratin1 ;hen this order is
re2ersed. 3ocial responsibilit6 o01ht to be the moral obli1ation of e2er6 citi>en.
)esponsibilit6 and freedom 1o hand in hand. A si1n of a 1ood citi>en is that he is ;illin1
to p0ll his o;n ;ei1ht.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
--Winston )hurchill
3ocieties are not destro6ed b6 the acti2ities of rascals b0t b6 the inacti2it6 of 1ood
people. 4hat a parado@K &f the6 can tolerate destr0ction b6 bein1 inacti2e= ho; can the6
be 1ood? *he ?0estion is= are the6 dischar1in1 their social responsibilit6?
(or evil to flourish, good people have to do nothing and evil shall flourish.
--;dmund 'ure
Ste3 1: Consideration
One day, a ten-year-old boy went to an ice cream shop, sat at a table and ased the
waitress, !How much is an ice-cream cone#! %he said, !seventy-five cents.! The boy
started counting the coins he had in his hand. Then he ased how much a small cup of
ice-cream was. The waitress impatiently replied, !si2ty five cents.! The boy said, !" will
have the small ice-cream cup.! He had his ice-cream, paid the bill and left. When the
waitress came to pic up the empty plate, she was touched. 7nderneath were ten one-
cent coins as tip. The little boy had consideration for the waitress before he ordered his
ice-crearn. He showed sensitivity and caring. He thought of others before himself.
&f ;e all tho01ht li<e the little bo6= ;e ;o0ld ha2e a 1reat place to li2e. 3ho;
consideration= co0rtes6= and politeness. *ho01htf0lness sho;s a carin1 attit0de.
Ste3 4: hink 5in E 5in
A man died and 3t. Peter as<ed him if he ;o0ld li<e to 1o to hea2en or hell. *he man
as<ed if he co0ld see both before decidin1.
3t. Peter too< him to hell first and the man sa; a bi1 hall ;ith a lon1 table= lots of food
on it and m0sic pla6in1. 9e also sa; ro;s of people ;ith pale= sad faces. *he6 loo<ed
star2ed and there ;as no la01hter. And he obser2ed one more thin1. *heir hands ;ere
tied to fo0r-foot for<s and <ni2es and the6 ;ere tr6in1 to 1et the food from the center of
the table to p0t into their mo0ths. /0t the6 co0ldnCt.
*hen= he ;ent to see hea2en. *here he sa; a bi1 hall ;ith a lon1 table= ;ith lots of food
on the table and m0sic pla6in1. 9e noticed ro;s of people on both sides of the table
;ith their hands tied to fo0r-foot for<s and <ni2es also. /0t he obser2ed there ;as
somethin1 different here. People ;ere la01hin1 and ;ere ;ell-fed and health6-loo<in1.
9e noticed that the6 ;ere feedin1 one another across the table. *he res0lt ;as
happiness=
prosperit6= enAo6ment= and 1ratification beca0se the6 ;ere not thin<in1 of themsel2es
aloneJ the6 ;ere thin<in1 ;in/;in. *he same is tr0e of o0r li2es. 4hen ;e ser2e o0r
c0stomers= o0r families= o0r emplo6ers and emplo6ees= ;e a0tomaticall6 ;in.
Ste3 <: Choose ,our 5ords Care:ully
A person ;ho sa6s ;hat he li<es 0s0all6 ends 0p hearin1 ;hat he doesnCt li<e. /e
tactf0l. *act consists of choosin1 oneCs ;ords caref0ll6 and <no;in1 ho; far to 1o. &t
also means <no;in1 ;hat to sa6 and ;hat to lea2e 0nsaid. *alent ;itho0t tact ma6 not
al;a6s be desirable. 4ords reflect attit0de. 4ords can h0rt feelin1s and destro6
relationships. 'ore people ha2e been h0rt b6 an improper choice of ;ords than b6 an6
nat0ral disaster. #hoose ;hat 6o0 sa6 rather than sa6 ;hat 6o0 choose. *hat is the
difference bet;een ;isdom and foolishness.
,@cessi2e tal<in1 does not mean comm0nication. *al< lessJ sa6 more.
A fool spea<s ;itho0t thin<in1J a ;ise man thin<s before spea<in1.
4ords spo<en o0t of bitterness can ca0se irreparable dama1e. *he ;a6 parents spea<
to their children in man6 instances shapes their childrenCs destin6.
SPOC!N 5OR(S C#N9 -! R!RI!.!(
A farmer slandered his nei1hbor. )eali>in1 his mista<e= he ;ent to the preacher to as<
for for1i2eness. *he preacher told him to ta<e a ba1 of feathers and drop them in the
center of to;n. *he farmer did as he ;as told. *hen the preacher as<ed him to 1o and
collect the feathers and p0t them bac< in the ba1. *he farmer tried b0t co0ldnCt as the
feathers had all blo;n a;a6. 4hen he ret0rned ;ith the empt6 ba1= the preacher said=
B*he same thin1 is tr0e abo0t 6o0r ;ords. Fo0 dropped them rather easil6 b0t 6o0
cannot retrie2e them= so be 2er6 caref0l in choosin1 6o0r ;ords.B
Ste3 =: (on9t Criticize and Com3lain
4hen & tal< of criticism & refer to ne1ati2e criticism. 4h6 sho0ld ;e not critici>e? 4hen a
person is critici>ed= he becomes defensi2e. .oes that mean ;e sho0ld ne2er critici>e=
or can ;e 1i2e positi2e criticism?
A critic is li<e a bac<-seat dri2er ;ho dri2es the dri2er mad.
&ositive )riticism
4hat is constr0cti2e criticism? #ritici>e ;ith a spirit of helpf0lness rather than as a p0t-
do;n. (ffer sol0tions in 6o0r criticism. #ritici>e the beha2ior= not the person= beca0se
;hen ;e critici>e the person= ;e h0rt their self esteem. *he ri1ht to critici>e comes ;ith
the desire to help. As lon1 as the act of critici>in1 does not 1i2e pleas0re to the 1i2er= it
is o<a6. 4hen 1i2in1 criticism becomes a pleas0re= it is time to stop.
3ome s011estions for 1i2in1 criticism that moti2ates others:
0/e a coach--critici>e ;ith a helpf0l attit0de. A coach critici>es to help impro2e
performance of the athlete.
0Understandin1 and concern ;ill act as a moti2ator.
0*he attit0de sho0ld be correcti2e rather than p0niti2e.
0/e specific= rather than sa6in1 thin1s li<e B6o0 al;a6sB or B6o0 ne2er.B 5a10e criticism
ca0ses resentment.
0:et 6o0r facts ri1ht. .onCt A0mp to concl0sions. 4e all ha2e the ri1ht to o0r opinions
b0t ;e donCt ha2e the ri1ht to incorrect facts. .onCt r0sh to critici>e.
0'aintain 6o0r cool b0t be firm.
0#ritici>e to pers0ade= not intimidate.
0&f criticism is 1i2en appropriatel6= it ;ill red0ce the need for repetition.
0#ritici>e in pri2ate not in p0blic. 4h6? /eca0se it maintains 1ood;ill ;hereas p0blic
criticism can be h0miliatin1.
0:i2e the other person an opport0nit6 to e@plain his side.
03ho; them ho; the6 ;o0ld benefit from correctin1 their mista<e.
0#ritici>e the performance= not the performer. .onCt e@press personal resentment.
03impl6 point o0t the loss arisin1 from the action and the ad2erse conse?0ences of not
correctin1 it.
0As< for s011estions for impro2ement.
0E0estion the action= not the intent. &f intent is in ?0estion= then it is better to terminate
the relationship.
08eep criticism in perspecti2e. .onCt o2erdo it. #riticism is li<e 1i2in1 medication. *he
medication sho0ld be the ri1ht mi@t0re ;ith a perfect dosa1e. *oo m0ch ;ill ha2e
ad2erse effects and too little 4illie ineffecti2e. 3imilarl6= criticism sho0ld be <ept in
perspecti2e. :i2en in a positi2e ;a6 in the ri1ht dosa1e= it can ;or< ;onders.
0&f people ;ho are bein1 critici>ed accept their mista<e and come 0p ;ith positi2e
s011estions= con1rat0late them.
0#lose on a positi2e note ;ith appreciation.
Recei0ing Criticism
*here ma6 be times ;hen ;e are critici>ed= A0stl6 or 0nA0stl6. *he 1reatest people in the
;orld ha2e been critici>ed. D0stified criticism can be 2er6 helpf0l and sho0ld be ta<en
positi2el6 as feedbac<. UnA0stified criticism reall6 is a compliment in dis10ise. A2era1e
people hate ;inners. 4hen people are not s0ccessf0l= critics ha2e nothin1 to tal< abo0t.
*he onl6 ;a6 6o0 ;ill ne2er be critici>ed is if 6o0 do nothin1= sa6 nothin1 or ha2e
nothin1. Fo0 ;ill end 0p bein1 a bi1 nothin1.
UnA0st criticism comes from t;o so0rces:
%. Ignorance. 4hen criticism comes o0t of i1norance= it can easil6 be eliminated or
corrected b6 brin1in1 a;areness.
2. Kealousy. 4hen criticism comes o0t of Aealo0s6= ta<e it as a compliment in dis10ise.
Fo0 are bein1 0nA0stl6 critici>ed beca0se the other person ;ants to be ;here 6o0
are. *he tree that bears the most fr0its also 1ets the most stones.
An inabilit6 to accept constr0cti2e criticism is a si1n poor self-esteem. 3011estions for
acceptin1 criticism:
*a<e it in the ri1ht spirit. Accept it 1racio0sl6 rather than 1r0d1in1l6. 7earn from it.
Accept it ;ith an open mind= e2al0ate it and if it ma<es sense= implement it.
/e than<f0l to the person ;ho 1i2es constr0cti2e criticism beca0se he means ;ell and
has helped 6o0.
A person ;ith hi1h self-esteem accepts positi2e criticism and becomes better= not bitter.
*he problem ;ith most people is the6 ;o0ld rather be praised and lose than be
critici>ed and ;in.
Com3laints
3ome people are chronic complainers. &f it is hot= it is too hot. &f it is cold= it is too cold.
,2er6 da6 is a bad da6. *he6 complain e2en if e2er6thin1 1oes ri1ht. 4h6 is it not a
1ood idea to complain? /eca0se 50G of the people donCt care if 6o0 ha2e 1ot a
problem and the other 50G are happ6 that 6o0 ha2e 1ot a problem. 4hat is the point of
complainin1? +othin1 comes o0t of it. &t becomes a personalit6 trait. .oes that mean ;e
sho0ld ne2er complain or in2ite complaints? +ot at all. D0st li<e criticism= if it is done in a
positi2e ;a6= complaints can be 2er6 0sef0l. A constr0cti2e complaint:
1) sho;s that the complainer cares.
2) 1i2es the recei2er of complaints a second chance to correct himself.
Ste3 >: Smile and -e Cind
S%I+!I
A smile costs nothin1= b0t it creates m0ch.
&t enriches those ;ho recei2e it ;itho0t impo2erishin1
those ;ho 1i2e it.
&t happens in a flash= and the memor6 of it ma6 last
fore2er.
+one are so rich that the6 can 1et alon1 ;itho0t it= and none
so poor that the6 cannot be richer for its benefits. &t creates
happiness in the home= fosters 1ood;ill in a b0siness= and
is the co0ntersi1n of friends.
&t is rest to the ;ear6= da6li1ht to the disco0ra1ed= s0nshine
to the sad= and nat0reCs best antidote for tro0ble. Fet it cannot
be be11ed= bo01ht= borro;ed= or stolen= for it is somethin1
that is ;orth nothin1 to an6one 0ntil it is 1i2en a;a6.
L from *he /est of . . . /its Q Pieces= ,conomics Press= -airfield= +D= %4= p.l!0.
&n the co0rse of the da6= some of 6o0r ac?0aintances ma6 be
too tired to 1i2e 6o0 a smile. :i2e them one of 6o0rs.
+obod6 needs a smile so m0ch as those ;ho ha2e none
&eft to 1i2e.
#heerf0lness flo;s from 1oodness. A smile can be fa<e or 1en0ine. *he <e6 is to ha2e
a 1en0ine one. &t ta<es more m0scles to fro;n than to smile. &t is easier to smile than
fro;n. &t impro2es face 2al0e. A simile is conta1io0s and is an ine@pensi2e ;a6 to
impro2e loo<s. A smilin1 face is al;a6s ;elcome. 4ho li<es to be aro0nd a 1ro0ch? +o
one= e@cept ma6be a bi11er 1ro0ch. A ;arm sincere smile sho;s thro01h A0st li<e an
insincere one.
Ste3 ?: Put Positi0e Inter3retation on Other Peo3le9s -eha0ior
&n the absence of s0fficient facts= people instincti2el6 p0t a ne1ati2e interpretation on
othersC actions or inactions. 3ome people s0ffer from BparanoiaBJ the6 thin< the ;orld is
o0t to 1et them. *hat is not tr0e. /6 startin1 on a positi2e note= ;e ha2e a better chance
of b0ildin1 a pleasin1 personalit6 res0ltin1 in 1ood relationships.
-or e@ample= ho; often ha2e ;e p0t thro01h a call and not 1otten a repl6 from the other
part6 for t;o da6s and the first tho01ht that comes to o0r mind is= B*he6 ne2er cared to
ret0rn m6 callB or B*he6 i1nored me.B *hat is ne1ati2e. 'a6be:
0the6 tried= b0t co0ldnCt 1et thro01h
0the6 left the messa1e ;e didnCt 1et
0the6 had an emer1enc6
0the6 ne2er 1ot the messa1e
*here co0ld be man6 reasons. &t is ;orth 1i2in1 the benefit of do0bt to the other person
and startin1 on a positi2e note.
Ste3 @: -e a /ood +istener
As< 6o0rself these ?0estions. 9o; does it ma<e 6o0 feel ;hen 6o0 ;anted somebod6
to listen to 6o0 and
0*he6 did more tal<in1 than listenin1?
0*he6 disa1reed ;ith the first thin1 6o0 said.
0*he6 interr0pted 6o0 at e2er6 step.
0*he6 ;ere impatient and completed e2er6 sentence 6o0 started.
0*he6 ;ere ph6sicall6 present b0t mentall6 absent.
0*he6 heard b0t didnCt listen. Fo0 had to repeat the same thin1 three times beca0se
the other person ;asnCt listenin1.
0*he6 came to concl0sions 0nrelated to facts.
0*he6 as<ed ?0estions on 0nrelated topics.
0*he6 ;ere fid1et6 and distracted.
0*he6 ;ere ob2io0sl6 not listenin1 or pa6in1 attention.
All these thin1s sho; disinterest in the person or the topic and a total lac< of co0rtes6.
.o the follo;in1 ;ords describe the feelin1 of not bein1 listened to?
+e1lected /elittled
)eAected Anno6ed
You Can Win By Shiv Khera100
.eAected 3t0pid
7et do;n 4orthless
Unimportant ,mbarrassed
3mall .emoti2ated
&1nored .isheartened
7etCs re2erse the scenario. 9o; does it ma<e 6o0 feel ;hen 6o0 ;ant someone to listen
to 6o0 and the6
0ma<e 6o0 comfortable.
01i2e 6o0 their 0ndi2ided attention.
0as< appropriate and rele2ant ?0estions.
0sho; interest in 6o0r s0bAect.
.o the follo;in1 ;ords describe the feelin1 of bein1 listened to?
&mportant :ood
Pleased 9app6
3atisfied Appreciated
4orth;hile ,nco0ra1ed
#ared for &nspired
4hat are some of the barriers to effecti2e listenin1?
,@ternal /arriers &nternal /arriers
ph6sical distractions preocc0pation or absent-mindedness
noise preA0dice and preA0d1in1 people
fati10e no interest in s0bAect or spea<er
*here co0ld be intellect0al barriers= s0ch as lan10a1e= comprehension= etc. &n order to
inspire others to spea<= be a 1ood listener.
7istenin1 sho;s carin1. 4hen 6o0 sho; a carin1 attit0de to;ard another person= that
person feels important. 4hen he feels important= ;hat happens? 9e is more moti2ated
and more recepti2e to 6o0r ideas.
6n open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.
--@avid 6ugsburger
&n order to be a 1ood listener:
0,nco0ra1e the spea<er to tal<.
0As< ?0estions. &t sho;s interest.
0.onCt interr0pt.
0.onCt chan1e the topic.
03ho; 0nderstandin1 and respect.
0Pa6 attention= concentrate.
0A2oid distractions.
03ho; empath6.
0/e open-minded. .onCt let preconcei2ed ideas and preA0dices pre2ent 6o0 from
listenin1.
0#oncentrate on the messa1e and not on the deli2er6. )eco1ni>e the non2erbal
comm0nication= s0ch as facial e@pressions= e6e contact= etc. *he6 mi1ht be
comm0nicatin1 a different messa1e from the 2erbal.
07isten to feelin1s and not A0st ;ords.
Ste3 F: -e !nthusiastic
=othing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm.
,nth0siasm and s0ccess 1o hand in hand= b0t enth0siasm comes first. ,nth0siasm
inspires confidence= raises morale= b0ilds lo6alt6K and is priceless. ,nth0siasm is
conta1io0s. Fo0 can feel enth0siasm b6 the ;a6 a person tal<s= ;al<s or sha<es hands.
,nth0siasm is a habit that one can ac?0ire and practice.
$any decades ago, )harles %chwab, who was earning a salary of a million dollars a
year, was ased if he was being paid such a high salary because of his e2ceptional
ability to produce steel. )harles %chwab replied, !" consider my ability to arouse
enthusiasm among the men the greatest asset " possess, and the way to develop the
best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.!
7i2e ;hile 6o0 are ali2e. .onCt die before 6o0 are dead. ,nth0siasm and desire are ;hat
chan1e mediocrit6 to e@cellence. 4ater t0rns into steam ;ith a difference of onl6 one
de1ree in temperat0re and steam can mo2e some of the bi11est en1ines in the ;orld.
*hat is ;hat enth0siasm helps 0s to do in o0r li2es.
Ste3 $G: /i0e "onest and Sincere #33reciation
*he ps6cholo1ist 4illiam Dames said= B(ne of the deepest desires of h0man bein1s is
the desire to be appreciated. *he feelin1 of bein1 0n;anted is h0rtf0l.B
,@pensi2e Ae;els are not real 1iftsJ the6 are apolo1ies for shortcomin1s. 'an6 times ;e
b06 1ifts for people to compensate for not spendin1 eno01h time ;ith them. )eal 1ifts
are ;hen 6o0 1i2e a part of 6o0rself.
3incere appreciation is one of the 1reatest 1ifts one can 1i2e to another person. &t
ma<es a person feel important. *he desire to feel important is one of the 1reatest
cra2in1s in most h0man bein1s. &t can be a 1reat moti2ator.
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of being
unwanted.
--$other Teresa
Appreciation= in order to be effecti2e= m0st meet certain criteria:
1. &t m0st be specific. &f & tell someone that he did a 1ood Aob= and ;al< a;a6=
;hat ;ill 1o thro01h his mind? 9e ;ill thin<= B4hat did & do 1ood.?B 9e ;ill be
conf0sed. /0t ;hen & sa6= B*he ;a6 6o0 handled that diffic0lt c0stomer ;as
1reat=B then he <no;s ;hat he is bein1 appreciated for.
2. &t m0st be immediate. *he effecti2eness is dil0ted if ;e sho; o0r appreciation
for someone si@ months after he has done somethin1 commendable.
3. &t m0st be sincere. &t m0st come from the heart. Fo0 m0st mean e2er6 ;ord.
4hat is the difference bet;een appreciation and flatter6? *he difference is
sincerit6. (ne comes from the heart= the other from the mo0th. (ne has an
0lterior moti2e and the other is sincere. 3ome people find it easier to flatter
than to 1i2e sincere praise. .onCt flatter or 1et ta<en in b6 flatterers.
"t's an old ma2im in the schools that
flattery's the food of fools Fet now
and then you men of wit will
condescend to tae a bit.
--5onathan %wift
4. .onCt ?0alif6 praise ;ith a b0t. /6 0sin1 the b0t as a connector= ;e erase the
appreciation. Use Band=B Bin addition to thatB or some other appropriate connector.
3a6 somethin1 li<e B& appreciate 6o0r effort and ;o0ld 6o0 please ...B rather than B&
appreciate 6o0r effort b0t ...B
5. After 1i2in1 appreciation= it is not important to ;ait for a receipt or ac<no;led1ement.
3ome people are loo<in1 for a compliment in ret0rn. *hat is not the p0rpose of
appreciation.
&f 6o0 are recei2in1 appreciation= accept it 1racio0sl6 ;ith a Bthan<-6o0.B
&t is easier to deal ;ith honest reAection than insincere appreciation. At least the person
<no;s ;here he stands. &nsincere appreciation is li<e a mira1e in the desert. *he closer
6o0 1et= the more disappointed 6o0 become beca0se it is nothin1 more than an ill0sion.
People p0t 0p a front of sincerit6 as a co2er 0p.
Ste3 $$: 5hen 5e %ake a %istake8 5e Should #cce3t It immediately and 5illingly
4hen & am ;ron1= ma<e me eas6 to chan1eJ and ;hen & am ri1ht= ma<e me eas6 to li2e
;ith. *his is a 1ood philosoph6 to li2e b6.
3ome people li2e and learn ;hile others li2e and ne2er learn. 'ista<es are to be
learned from. *he 1reatest mista<e a person can ma<e is to repeat it. .onCt assi1n
blame and ma<e e@c0ses. .onCt d;ell on it. 4hen 6o0 reali>e 6o0r mista<e= it is a 1ood
idea to accept it and apolo1i>e. .onCt defend it. 4h6? Acceptance disarms the other
person.
Ste3 $1: 5hen the Other Person Realizes and #dmits hat "e "as %ade a
%istake8 Congratulate "im and /i0e "im a 5ay Out to Sa0e &ace
&f ;e donCt let him sa2e face= ;e are h0rtin1 his self esteem.
Ste3 $4: (iscuss -ut (on9t #rgue
*here are some personalities that can be labelled as ar10mentati2e and that sho;s in
their beha2ior and relationships.
Ar10ments can be a2oided and a lot of heartache pre2ented b6 bein1 a little caref0l.
*he best ;a6 to ;in an ar10ment is to a2oid it. An ar10ment is one thin1 6o0 ;ill ne2er
;in. &f 6o0 ;in= 6o0 loseJ if 6o0 lose= 6o0 lose. &f 6o0 ;in an ar10ment b0t lose a 1ood
Aob= c0stomer= friend or marria1e= ;hat <ind of 2ictor6 is it? Prett6 empt6. Ar10ments
res0lt from inflated e1o.
Ar10in1 is li<e fi1htin1 a losin1 battle. ,2en if one ;ins= the cost ma6 be more than the
2ictor6 is ;orth. ,motional battles lea2e a resid0al ill ;ill e2en if 6o0 ;in.
&n an ar10ment= both people are tr6in1 to ha2e the last ;ord. Ar10ment is nothin1 more
than a battle of e1os and res0lts in a 6ellin1 contest. A bi11er fool than the one ;ho
<no;s it all is the one ;ho ar10es ;ith him.
Is It wort% It.
*he more ar10ments 6o0 ;in= the fe;er friends 6o0 ha2e. ,2en if 6o0 are ri1ht= is it
;orth ar10in1? *he ans;er is prett6 ob2io0s. A bi1 no. .oes that mean one sho0ld
ne2er brin1 0p a point? (ne sho0ld= b0t 1entl6 and tactf0ll6 b6 sa6in1 somethin1 ne0tral
s0ch as Bbased on m6 information . . .B &f the other person is ar10mentati2e= e2en if 6o0
can pro2e him ;ron1= is it ;orth it? & donCt thin< so. .o 6o0 ma<e 6o0r point a second
time? & ;o0ldnCt. 4h6? /eca0se the ar10ment is comin1 from a closed mind tr6in1 to
pro2e ;ho is ri1ht rather than ;hat is ri1ht.
-or e@ample= at a social 1et-to1ether= especiall6 after a fe; drin<s= someone ma6 sa6
a0thoritati2el6= B*he c0rrent 6earCs e@port fi10res are R50 billion.B Fo0 happen to <no;
that his information is incorrect and the ri1ht fi10re is R45 billion. Fo0 read it in the paper
that mornin1 or 6o0 heard it on the radio on the ;a6 to the 1et-to1ether and 6o0 ha2e a
b0lletin in 6o0r car to s0bstantiate it. .o 6o0 ma<e 6o0r point? Fes= b6 sa6in1= B'6
information is that the e@port fi10re is R45 billion.B *he other person reacts= BFo0 donCt
<no; ;hat 6o0 are tal<in1 abo0t. & <no; e@actl6 ;hat it is and it is R50 billion.B
At this point= 6o0 ha2e se2eral choices:
%. 'a<e 6o0r point a1ain and start an ar10ment.
2. )0n and brin1 the b0lletin from 6o0r car and ma<e s0re 6o0 pro2e him ;ron1.
3. A2oid it.
4. .isc0ss b0t donCt ar10e.
*he ri1ht choice is n0mber 3 onl6.
&f one ;ants to accomplish 1reat thin1s in life one has to practice mat0rit6. 'at0rit6
means not 1ettin1 entan1led in 0nimportant thin1s and pett6 ar10ments.
4hat is the .ifference /et;een an Ar10ment and a .isc0ssion?
0An ar10ment thro;s heatJ a disc0ssion thro;s li1ht.
0(ne stems from e1o and a closed mind ;hereas the other comes from an open mind.
0An ar10ment is an e@chan1e of i1norance ;hereas a disc0ssion is an e@chan1e of
<no;led1e.
0An ar10ment is an e@pression of temper ;hereas a disc0ssion is an e@pression of
lo1ic.
0An ar10ment tries to pro2e ;ho is ri1ht ;hereas a disc0ssion tries to pro2e ;hat is
ri1ht.
&t is not ;orth;hile to reason ;ith a preA0diced mindJ it ;asnCt reasoned into him so 6o0
canCt reason it o0t. A narro; mind and a bi1 mo0th 0s0all6 lead to interestin1 b0t
pointless ar10ments.
&n order to disc0ss= let the other person state his side of the case ;itho0t interr0ption.
7et him blo; steam. .onCt tr6 to pro2e him ;ron1 on e2er6 point. +e2er let him dra1 6o0
to his le2el. *reat him ;ith co0rtes6 and respectJ that ;ill conf0se him.
)e1ardless of the ca0se= the best ;a6 to diff0se the sit0ation is to:
%. 1i2e a patient hearin1.
2. not fi1ht bac< or retaliate that--;ill conf0se the other person beca0se he ;as
e@pectin1 a
fi1ht.
3. not e@pect an apolo16. -or some people= apolo1i>in1 is diffic0lt e2en if the6 ha2e made
a mista<e.
4. not ma<e iss0es o0t of pett6 matters.
.isc0ssion entails not onl6 sa6in1 the ri1ht thin1 at the ri1ht time b0t also lea2in1 0nsaid
;hat need not be said.
#hildren sho0ld be ta01ht the art of spea<in1 0p b0t not tal<in1 bac<. As ad0lts ;e
sho0ld learn the art of disa1reein1 ;itho0t bein1 disa1reeable.
*he ;a6 a person handles an ar10ment reflects their 0pbrin1in1.
" learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a pig. Fou get dirty and besides, the pig
lies it.
--)yrus )hing
3teps to (penin1 a .isc0ssion
1. /e open-minded.
2. .onCt be dra11ed into an ar10ment.
3. .onCt interr0pt.
4. 7isten to the other personCs point of 2ie; before 1i2in1 6o0r o;n.
4. As< ?0estions to clarif6. *hat ;ill also set the other person thin<in1.
5. .onCt e@a11erate.
7. /e enth0siastic in con2incin1= not forcef0l.
8. /e ;illin1 to 6ield.
9. /e fle@ible on pett6 thin1s b0t not on principles.
10. .onCt ma<e it a presti1e iss0e.
%%. :i2e 6o0r opponent a 1racef0l ;a6 to ;ithdra; ;itho0t h0rtin1 his pride. )eAection can
be h0rtf0l.
%2. Use soft ;ords b0t hard ar10ments rather than hard ;ords Q soft ar10ments .
&t is impossible to defeat an i1norant man in an ar10ment. 9is stron1 and bitter ;ords
onl6 indicate a = ;ea< ca0se.
.0rin1 a disc0ssion= it ma6 be a 1ood idea to 0se phrases s0ch as:
0&t appears to me ...
0& ma6 be ;ron1 ...
Another ;a6 to def0se ar10ments is b6 sho;in1 i1norance and as<in1 ?0estions s0ch
as:
04h6 do 6o0 feel that ;a6?
0#an 6o0 e@plain a little?
0#an 6o0 be more specific?
&f nothin1 ;or<s= it ma6 be ;orth;hile to politel6= 1entl6= and ;ith co0rtes6= a1ree to
disa1ree.
Ste3 $<: (on9t /ossi3
)emember= people ;ho 1ossip ;ith 6o0 also 1ossip abo0t 6o0 in 6o0r absence.
:ossipin1 and l6in1 are closel6 related. A 1ossip listens in haste and repeats at leis0re.
A 1ossip ne2er minds his o;n b0siness beca0se he neither has a mind nor a b0siness.
A 1ossip is more concerned abo0t ;hat he o2erhears than ;hat he hears. :ossip is the
art of sa6in1 nothin1 in a ;a6 that lea2es nothin1 0nsaid.
3omeone said it ;ell: B3mall people tal< abo0t other people= mediocre people tal< abo0t
thin1s= 1reat people tal< abo0t ideas.B
:ossip can lead to slander and defamation of character. People ;ho listen to 1ossip are
as 10ilt6 as those ;ho do the 1ossipin1.
A 1ossip 0s0all6 1ets ca01ht in his o;n mo0th trap.
:ossip has no respect for A0stice. &t brea<s hearts= it r0ins li2es= it is c0nnin1 and
malicio0s. &t 2ictimi>es the helpless. :ossip is hard to trac< do;n beca0se it has no face
or name. &t tarnishes rep0tations= topples 1o2ernments= ;rec<s marria1es= r0ins
careers= ma<es the innocent cr6= ca0ses heartaches and sleepless ni1hts. *he ne@t time
6o0 ind0l1e in 1ossip= as< 6o0rself.
0&s it the tr0th?
0&s it <ind and 1entle?
0&s it necessar6?
0Am & spreadin1 r0mors?
0.o & sa6 positi2e thin1s abo0t others?
0.o & enAo6 and enco0ra1e others to spread r0mors?
0.oes m6 con2ersation be1in ;ith= B.onCt tell an6one?B
0#an & maintain confidentialit6?
)efrain from ind0l1in1 in 1ossip. )emember= small tal< comes o0t of bi1 mo0ths.
Ste3 $=: urn ,our Promises into Commitments
4hat is the difference bet;een a promise and a commitment? A promise is a statement
of intent. A commitment is a promise that is 1oin1 to be <ept no matter ;hat. &n the no
matter ;hat= & e@cl0de ille1al and immoral thin1s. #ommitment comes o0t of character
and leads to con2iction.
#an 6o0 ima1ine ;hat <ind of a ;orld it ;o0ld be if no one made a commitment to one
another? 4hat ;o0ld happen to relationships bet;een
0spo0ses?
0emplo6ers and emplo6ees?
0parents and children?
0st0dents and teachers?
0b06ers and sellers?
Uncommitted relationships are prett6 shallo; and hollo;. *he6 are a matter of
con2enience and are temporar6. +othin1 lastin1 has e2er been created ;itho0t
commitment.
#ommitment sa6s= B& am predictable in the 0npredictable f0t0re.B
'an6 people conf0se commitment ;ith confinement. *hat reall6 is not tr0e.
#ommitment does not ta<e a;a6 freedomJ it act0all6 1i2es more freedom beca0se it
1i2es a sense of sec0rit6.
*he most important commitment ;e e2er ma<e is to o0r 2al0es. *hat is ;h6 it is
imperati2e to ha2e the ri1ht 2al0e s6stem. -or e@ample= if & committed m6self to s0pport
a leader ;ho later becomes a dr01 dealer= do & contin0e m6 commitment? +ot at all.
#ommitment leads to end0rin1 relationships thro01h thic< and thin. &t sho;s in a
personCs personalit6 and relationships.
Ste3 $>: -e /rate:ul -ut (o Not !23ect /ratitude
:ratit0de is a bea0tif0l ;ord. 4e m0st be than<f0l. :ratit0de is a feelin1. &t impro2es
o0r personalit6 and b0ilds character. :ratit0de de2elops o0t of h0milit6. &t is a feelin1 of
than<f0lness to;ard others. &t is con2e6ed thro01h o0r attit0de to;ards others and
reflects in o0r beha2ior. :ratit0de does not mean reciprocatin1 1ood deeds beca0se
1ratit0de is not 1i2e and ta<e. A 1ood deed cannot be canceled b6 a co0nter act. *hin1s
s0ch as <indness= 0nderstandin1= and patience cannot be repaid. 4hat does 1ratit0de
teach 0s? &t reall6 teaches 0s the art of cooperation and 0nderstandin1. :ratit0de m0st
be sincere. A simple than<-6o0 can be 1racio0s. 'an6 times ;e for1et to be than<f0l to
the people closest to 0s= s0ch as o0r spo0se= o0r relati2es= o0r friends. :ratit0de ;o0ld
ran< amon1 the top ?0alities that form the character and personalit6 of an indi2id0al ;ith
inte1rit6. ,1o stands in the ;a6 of sho;in1 1ratit0de. A 1racio0s attit0de chan1es o0r
o0tloo< in life. 4ith 1ratit0de and h0milit6= ri1ht actions come nat0rall6.
:ratit0de o01ht to be a ;a6 of life= somethin1 ;hich ;e cannot 1i2e eno01h of. &t can
mean a smile= or a than< 6o0= or a 1est0re of appreciation.
*hin< of 6o0r most precio0s possessions. 4hat ma<es them special? &n most cases=
the 1ift is less si1nificant than the 1i2er. 3eldom are ;e 1ratef0l for the thin1s ;e
alread6 possess.
*hin< bac< and tr6 to recall the people ;ho had a positi2e infl0ence on 6o0r life. Fo0r
parents= teachers= an6one ;ho spent e@tra time to help 6o0. Perhaps it appears that
the6 A0st did their Aob. +ot reall6. *he6 ;illin1l6 sacrificed their time= effort= mone6 and
man6 other thin1s for 6o0. *he6 did it o0t of lo2e and not for 6o0r than<f0lness. At some
point= a person reali>es the effort that ;ent in to help them shape their f0t0re. Perhaps it
is not too late to than< them. And it is time to reciprocate. 7o2e re?0ires sacrifice.
T%e Story o- C%rist
6s the story goes, once )hrist healed ten lepers and when he turned bac they were all
gone e2cept one who had the courtesy to than )hrist. )hrist said, !" didn't do a thing.!
1. Human beings are ungrateful.
2. 6 grateful person is the e2ceptional person.
3. )hrist literally gave them a new life and said, !" didn't do a thing.!
4. Iie )hrist we should not e2pect gratitude.
How does this translate in our behavior and personality# We feed or give shelter to
someone for a few days and say !Ioo what " did for the other person.! We blow our
giving out of proportion in our own mind. "t is not uncommon to hear people saying, !"f it
wasn't for me, this person would be on the street.! What an ego9
'y t%e "ay
4hen people as< others to do somethin1 for them b6 0sin1 the phrase B/6 the ;a6= can
6o0 do this for me?B the6 0ndermine the importance of doin1 or not doin1. & ha2e fo0nd
that if ;e ha2e to do an6thin1 for an6one it is ne2er Bb6 the ;a6=B it is al;a6s Bo0t of the
;a6.B
*his does not amo0nt to doin1 fa2ors from the doerCs perspecti2e. &f one doesnCt do
thin1s that can be done to help another person= then it is sad. /0t & am con2inced that
there is no s0ch thin1 as B/6 the ;a6=B it is al;a6s Bo0t of the ;a6B and it is ;orth it.
Ste3 $?: -e (e3endable and Practice +oyalty
*he old ada1e= Ban o0nce of lo6alt6 is ;orth more than a po0nd of cle2erness=B is
0ni2ersal and eternal.
Abilit6 is important b0t dependabilit6 is cr0cial. &f 6o0 ha2e someone ;ith all the abilit6
b0t if he is not dependable= do 6o0 ;ant him as part of 6o0r team? +o= not at all.
I KNE" #O+ "O+LD COME
There were two childhood buddies who went through school and college and even
joined the army together. War broe out and they were fighting in the same unit. One
night they were ambushed. 'ullets were flying all over and out of the darness came a
voice, !Harry, please come and help me.! Harry immediately recogni:ed the voice of his
childhood buddy, 'ill. He ased the captain if he could go. The captain said,
!=o, " can't let you go, " am already short-handed and " cannot afford to lose one more
person. 'esides, the way 'ill sounds he is not going to mae it.! Harry ept Duiet. 6gain
the voice came, !Harry, please come and help me.! Harry sat Duietly because the
captain had refused earlier. 6gain and again the voice came. Harry couldn't contain
himself any longer and told the captain, !)aptain, this is my childhood buddy. " have to
go and help.! The captain reluctantly let him go. Harry crawled through the darness
and dragged 'ill bac into the trench. They found that 'ill was dead. =ow the captain
got angry and shouted at Harry, !@idn't " tell you he was not going to mae it# He is
dead, you could have been illed and " could have
lost a hand. That was a mistae.! Harry replied, !)aptain, " did the right thing. When "
reached 'ill he was still alive and his last words were 'Harry, " new you would come.!'
Bood relationships are hard to find and once developed should be nurtured.
We are often told? Iive your dream. 'ut you cannot live your dream at the e2pense of
others. &eople who do so are unscrupulous. We need to mae personal sacrifices for
our family, friends, and those we care about and who depend on us.
Ste3 $@: #0oid -earing /rudges. &orgi0e and &orget
@on't be a garbage collector. Have you heard the phrase " can forgive but " can't forget#
When a person refuses to forgive, he is locing doors that some day he might need to
open. When we hold grudges and harbor resentment, who are we hurting the most#
Ourselves.
5im and 5erry were childhood friends but for whatever reasons, the relationship fell
apart and they hadn't spoen for A8 years. 5erry was on his deathbed and didn't want to
enter eternity with a heavy heart. %o he called 5im, apologi:ed and said, !Iet's forgive
each other and be done for the past.! 5im thought it was a good idea and decided to
visit
5erry at the hospital.
They caught up on A8 years, patched up their differences and spent a couple of hours
together. 6s 5im was leaving, 5erry shouted from behind, !5im, just in case " don't dieE
remember, this forgiveness doesn't count.! Iife is too short to hold grudges. "t is not
worth it.
S%a(e o& Me
4hile it is not ;orth holdin1 1r0d1es= it doesnCt ma<e sense to be bitten time and a1ain.
&t is ;ell said= BFo0 cheat me once= shame on 6o0J 6o0 cheat me t;ice= shame on me.B
Dohn 8enned6 once said= B-or1i2e the other person b0t donCt for1et their name.B & am
s0re that his messa1e ;as that one sho0ld not 1et cheated t;ice.
Ste3 $F: Practice "onesty8 Integrity8 and Sincerity
3ometimes the bri1htness of tr0th does not enli1hten b0t blinds the e2il.
9onest6 means to be 1en0ine and real 2ers0s fa<e and fictitio0s.
/e labeled or b0ild a rep0tation of bein1 tr0st;orth6. &f there is one thin1 that b0ilds an6
<ind of relationship at home= at ;or<= or sociall6= it is inte1rit6.
+ot <eepin1 commitments amo0nts to dishonest beha2ior.
9onest6 inspires openness= reliabilit6= and fran<ness. &t sho;s respect for oneCs self and
others. 9onest6 is in bein1= not in appearin1 to be. 7ies ma6 ha2e speed b0t tr0th has
end0rance. &nte1rit6 is not fo0nd in compan6 broch0res or titles b0t in a personCs
character.
&s it ;orth compromisin1 oneCs inte1rit6 and ta<in1 shortc0ts to ;in? A person ma6 ;in a
troph6 b0t <no;in1 the tr0th= can ne2er be a happ6 person. 'ore important than
;innin1 a troph6 is bein1 a 1ood h0man bein1.
# PO'N( O& -'!R
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baer. One day the baer decided
to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This
angered him and he too the farmer to court. The judge ased the farmer if he was
using any measure. The farmer replied, amour Honor, " am primitive. " don't have a
proper measure, but " do have a scale.! The judge ased, !Then how do you weigh the
butter#! The farmer replied !Four Honor, long before the baer started buying butter
from me, " have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. ;very day when the baer
brings the bread, " put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. "f anyone
is to be blamed, it is the baer.! What is the moral of the story# We get bac in life what
we give to others.
Whenever you tae an action, as yourself this Duestion? 6m " giving fair value for the
wages or money " hope to mae#
Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. %ome people practice dishonesty and can lie
with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even now what the truth is
anymore. 'ut who are they deceiving# Themselves--- more than anyone else.
Honesty can be put across gently. %ome people tae pride in being brutally honest. "t
seems they are getting a bigger ic out of the brutality than the honesty. )hoice of
words and tact are important.
Tr*t% May Not Always 'e "%at #o* "a&t to Hear
(ne can be tr0thf0l ;itho0t bein1 cr0el b0t that ma6 not al;a6s be the case. *he most
important responsibilit6 of an honest friend is to be tr0thf0l. 3ome people= in order to
a2oid confrontin1 painf0l tr0ths= select friends ;ho tell them ;hat the6 ;ant to hear.
*he6 <id themsel2es despite the fact that deep do;n the6 <no; the6 are not bein1
tr0thf0l. 9onest criticism can be painf0l. &f 6o0 ha2e man6 ac?0aintances and fe;
friends= it is time to step bac< and e@plore the depth of 6o0r relationships.
A lac< of honest6 is sometimes labeled as tact= p0blic relations or politics. /0t is it reall6
so?
*he problem ;ith l6in1 is that one has to remember oneCs lies.
9onest6 re?0ires firmness and commitment. 9o; man6 times ha2e ;e all been 10ilt6 of
0little ;hite lies?
0flatter6?
0omittin1 facts or 1i2in1 half-tr0ths?
0tellin1 the 1reatest lies b6 remainin1 silent?
$ae yourself an honest man and then you may be sure there is one rascal less in the
world.
--Thomas )arlyle
Cre)i8ility
We all now the story of the shepherd boy who cried wolf. The boy decided to have
some fun at the e2pense of the villagers. He shouted, !Help, help, the wolf is here.! The
villagers heard him and came to his rescue. 'ut when they got there, they saw no wolf
and the boy laughed at them. They went away. The ne2t day, the boy played the same
tric and the same thing happened.
Then one day, while the boy was taing care of his sheep he actually saw a wolf and
shouted for help. The people in the village heard him but this time nobody came to his
rescue. They thought it was another tric and didn't trust him anymore. He lost his
sheep to the wolf. What is the moral of the story#
The moral of the story is
0When people tell lies, they lose credibility.
0Once they have lost credibility, even when they tell the truth, no one believes them.
T%e 9*ality o- a Goo) C%arater is Ho&esty
*r0th can be misrepresented in t;o ;a6s:
1. &ncomplete facts or information
2. ,@a11eration
-!5#R! O& "#+&*R'"S OR %ISR!PR!S!N#ION O& R'"S
There was a sailor who wored on the same boat for three years. One night he got
drun. This was the first time it ever happened. The captain recorded it in the log, !The
sailor was drun tonight.! The sailor read it, and he new this comment would affect his
career, so he went to the captain, apologi:ed and ased the captain to add that it only
happened once in three years which was the complete truth. The captain refused and
said, !What " have written in the log is the truth.!
The ne2t day it was the sailor's turn to fill in the log. He wrote, !The captain was sober
tonight.! The captain read the comment and ased the sailor to change or add to it
e2plaining the complete truth because this implied that the captain was drun every
other night. The sailor told the captain that what he had written in the log was the truth.
/oth statements ;ere tr0e b0t the6 con2e6ed misleadin1 messa1esJ
E:aggeratio&
,@a11eration does t;o thin1s:
1. &t ;ea<ens a personCs case and ma<es him lose credibilit6.
2. &t is li<e an addiction. &t becomes a habit. 3ome people canCt tell the tr0th ;itho0t
e@a11eratin1.
'e Si&ere
3incerit6 is a matter of intent and hard to pro2e. 4e can achie2e o0r 1oals b6 ha2in1 a
sincere desire to help others.
Stay Away -ro( Prete&se
As<in1 a friend in tro0ble= B&s there an6thin1 & can do for 6o0=B is reall6 anno6in1. &t is
more of an e6e;ash and pretense. &f 6o0 reall6 ;ant to help= thin< of somethin1
appropriate to be done and then do it.
'an6 people p0t on the cloa< of sincerit6 more o0t of selfishness than s0bstance=
hopin1 that some da6 the6 co0ld claim the ri1ht to recei2e help.
3ta6 a;a6 from meanin1less and phon6 pleasantries.
#a0tion--3incerit6 is no meas0re of 1ood A0d1ment. 3omeone co0ld be sincere= 6et
;ron1.
#CIONSL SP!#C +O'(!R "#N 5OR(S
5"IC" +O.!( -!S7
B& lo2e 6o0= 'other=B said little DohnJ *hen=
for1ettin1 his ;or<= his cap ;ent on= And he
;as off to the 1arden s;in1=
And left her the ;ater and ;ood to brin1. B&
lo2e 6o0= 'other=B said ros6 +ell--
B& lo2e 6o0 better than ton10e can tellBJ
*hen she teased and po0ted f0ll half the da6= *ill
her mother reAoiced ;hen she ;ent to pla6. B& lo2e
6o0= 'other=B said little -anJ
B*oda6 &Cll help 6o0 all & canJ
9o; 1lad & am that school doesnCt <eepKB
3o she roc<ed the babe till it fell asleep.
*hen= steppin1 softl6= she fetched the broom=
And s;ept the floor and tidied the roomJ
/0s6 and happ6 all da6 ;as she=
9elpf0l and happ6 as child co0ld be.
B& lo2e 6o0= 'other=B a1ain the6 said=
*hree little children 1oin1 to bedJ
9o; do 6o0 thin< that mother 10essed
4hich of them reall6 lo2ed her best?
--Do6 AllisonL
Mai&tai& I&tegrity
Ancient ;isdom sa6s= BAn6thin1 that is bo01ht or sold has no 2al0e 0nless it contains
the secret= priceless in1redient-that= ;hat cannot be traded.B 4hat is it? *he secret=
priceless in1redient of e2er6 prod0ct is the credibilit6= the honor and inte1rit6 of the one
;ho ma<es it. &t is not so secret b0t it is priceless.
Here is A&ot%er Si)e to I&tegrity779*estio&a8le
*hree e@ec0ti2es ;ere fi1htin1 o2er ;ho ;o0ld pa6 the bill for l0nch. (ne said= B& ;ill
pa6= & can 1et a ta@ ded0ction.B *he other said= B7et me ha2e it= & ;ill 1et reimb0rsement
from m6 compan6.B *he third said= B7et me pa6= beca0se & am filin1 for ban<r0ptc6 ne@t
;ee<.B
Ste3 1G: Practice "umility
)onfidence without humility is arrogance. Humility is the foundation of all virtues. "t is a
sign of greatness. %incere humility attracts but false humility detracts.
L &n *he /oo< of 5irt0es= edited b6 4illiam D. /ennett= 3imon Q 3ch0ster= +e; For<=
%3= p. 204.
$any years ago, a rider came across some soldiers who were trying to move a heavy
log without success. The corporal was standing by as the men struggled. The rider
ased the corporal why he wasn't helping. The corporal replied, !" am the corporalE i
give orders.! The
rider dismounted, went up and stood by the soldiers and as they were lifting the log, he
helped them. With his help, the log got moved. The rider Duietly mounted his horse and
went to the corporal and said, !The ne2t time your men need help, send for the
)ommander-in-)hief.! 6fter he left, the corporal and his men found out that the rider
was Beorge Washington.
*he messa1e is prett6 clear. 30ccess and h0milit6 1o hand in hand. 4hen others blo;
6o0r horn= the so0nd 1oes f0rther. D0st thin< abo0t it? 3implicit6 and h0milit6 are t;o
hallmar<s of 1reatness. 90milit6 does not mean self-demeanin1 beha2ior. *hat ;o0ld
amo0nt to belittlin1 oneself.
Ste3 1$: -e 'nderstanding and Caring
&n relationships ;e all ma<e mista<es and sometimes ;e are insensiti2e to the needs of
others= especiall6 those 2er6 close to 0s. All this leads to disappointment and
resentment. *he ans;er to handlin1 disappointment is 0nderstandin1.
)elationships donCt come abo0t beca0se people are perfect. *he6 come abo0t beca0se
of 0nderstandin1.
*here is more 1ratification in bein1 a carin1 person than in A0st bein1 a nice person. A
carin1 attit0de b0ilds 1ood;ill ;hich is the best <ind of ins0rance that a person can
ha2e and it doesnCt cost a thin1.
3ome people s0bstit0te mone6 for carin1 and 0nderstandin1. /ein1 0nderstandin1 is far
more important than mone6 and the best ;a6 to be 0nderstood is to be 0nderstandin1.
And the basis of real comm0nication is also to be 0nderstandin1.
Pratie Ge&erosity
&t is a si1n of emotional mat0rit6. /ein1 1enero0s is bein1 tho01htf0l and considerate
;itho0t bein1 as<ed. :enero0s people e@perience the richness of life ;hich a selfish
person cannot e2en dream of.
/e considerateJ selfishness brin1s its o;n re2en1e. /e sensiti2e to other peopleCs
feelin1s.
'e Tat-*l
*act is 2er6 important in an6 relationship. *act is the abilit6 to ma<e a point ;itho0t
alienatin1 the other person.
Ki&)&ess
'one6 ;ill b06 a 1reat do1 b0t onl6 <indness ;ill ma<e him ;a1 his tail. &t is ne2er too
soon for <indness beca0se ;e donCt <no; ho; soon is too late.
8indness is a lan10a1e the deaf can hear and the blind can see. &t is better to treat a
friend ;ith <indness ;hile he is li2in1 than displa6 flo;ers on his 1ra2e ;hen he is dead.
An act of <indness ma<es a person feel 1ood re1ardless of ;hether he is doin1 it or it is
done to him. 8ind ;ords ne2er h0rt the ton10e.
Ste3 11: Practice Courtesy on a (aily -asis
#o0rtes6 is nothin1 more than consideration for others. &t opens doors that ;o0ld not
other;ise open. A co0rteo0s person ;ho is not 2er6 sharp= ;ill 1o f0rther in life than a
disco0rteo0s b0t sharp person.
&t is the little thin1s that ma<e a bi1 difference. 9a2e 6o0 e2er been bitten b6 an
elephant? *he most ob2io0s ans;er is no. 9a2e 6o0 e2er been bitten b6 a mos?0ito?
'ost of 0s ha2e. &t is the little irritants that test patience. #o0rtes6 is made of nothin1
more than man6 pett6 sacrifices.
3mall co0rtesies ;ill ta<e a person m0ch f0rther than cle2erness. #o0rtes6 is an
offshoot of deep moral beha2ior. &t costs nothin1 b0t pa6s ;ell.
+o one is too bi1 or too b0s6 to practice co0rtes6. #o0rtes6 means 1i2in1 6o0r seat to
the elderl6 or to the disabled. #o0rtes6 can be a ;arm smile= a than<-6o0. &t is a small
in2estment b0t the pa6offs are bi1. &t enhances the other personCs self-;orth.
#o0rtes6 re?0ires h0milit6. &t is 0nfort0nate ;hen people become obno@io0s= beca0se
the6 detract from their positi2e traits. & ha2e o2erheard people sa6in1 ;ith pride= B& can
be prett6 obno@io0s.B
3catter the seeds of co0rtes6 ;here2er 6o0 can. 3ome are bo0nd to ta<e root and
ele2ate 6o0 in the e6es of others.
Ma&&ers
#o0rtes6 and manners 1o hand in hand. &t is e?0all6 important= if not more= to practice
manners at home and not A0st on o0tsiders. 3ho;in1 consideration and 1ood manners
brin1s o0t a feelin1 of ;armth and acceptance in the home. #o0rtes6 means practicin1
1ood manners.
/esides bein1 self-satisf6in1= politeness and co0rtes6 ha2e man6 more ad2anta1es
than r0de beha2ior. #onsiderin1 that= & ;onder ;h6 more people donCt practice co0rtes6.
)0de and disco0rteo0s people ma6 1et short term res0lts. 'ost people li<e to a2oid
dealin1 ;ith s0ch beha2ior and in the lon1 r0n= r0de people are disli<ed. #o0rteo0s
beha2ior o01ht to be ta01ht to children at an earl6 a1e so that the6 can 1ro; and
become mat0re= considerate ad0lts. #o0rteo0s beha2ior= once learned= sta6s for life. &t
demonstrates a carin1 attit0de and a sensiti2it6 to other peopleCs feelin1s. &t seems
tri2ial and 0nimportant= b0t little phrases s0ch as= Bplease=B Bthan< 6o0B and B&Cm sorr6B
ta<e a person a lon1 ;a6.
)emember= bein1 co0rteo0s ;ill breed co0rtes6 in ret0rn. Practice as m0ch and as
often as 6o0 can. &nitiall6= it ma6 ta<e some effort= b0t the effort is ;ell ;orth it.
Politeness is the hallmar< of 1entleness. #o0rtes6 is another name for politeness. &t
costs a little b0t pa6s a lot= not onl6 to the indi2id0al b0t to the entire or1ani>ation.
9a2e 6o0 noticed that sometimes ;hen one person is tellin1 a Ao<e= another person ;ill
A0mp in and 1i2e the p0nch line= dra;in1 attention to himself. And after e2er6one la01hs
he ;ill re2eal ;here he read it. *his ma6 sho; s0perior <no;led1e b0t it sho;s inferior
manners.
Co*rtesy S%ows Goo) +p8ri&gi&g
'an6 brilliant and talented people ha2e destro6ed their o;n s0ccess beca0se the6 lac<
co0rtes6 and manners. Politeness and co0rtes6 are si1ns of bein1 c0lt0red. )0deness
and disco0rtes6 sho; the lac< of it. *reat other people ;ith respect and di1nit6.
)0deness is the ;ea< manCs imitation of stren1th.
--,ric 9offer
Ste3 14: (e0elo3 a Sense o: "umor
9a2e a sense of h0mor and 6o0 ;ill possess the abilit6 to la01h at 6o0rself. A sense of
h0mor ma<es a person li<able and attracti2e. 3ome people are h0mor-impaired. 7earn
to la01h at 6o0rself beca0se it is the safest h0mor. 7a01hin1 at 6o0rself 1i2es 6o0 the
ener16 to bo0nce bac<. 7a01hter is a nat0ral tran?0ili>er for people all o2er the ;orld.
90mor ma6 not chan1e the messa1e= b0t it certainl6 can help to ta<e the stin1 o0t of the
bite.
"! "!#+IN/ PO5!R O& "'%OR
.r. +orman #o0sins= a0thor of Anatom6 of an &llness= is a prime e@ample of ho; a
person can c0re himself of a terminal illness. 9e had a %-in-500 chance of reco2er6= b0t
#o0sin ;anted to pro2e that if there ;as an6thin1 li<e mind o2er matter= heCd ma<e it a
realit6. 9e fi10red if ne1ati2e emotions ca0sed ne1ati2e chemicals in o0r bod6= then the
re2erse m0st be tr0e too. Positi2e emotions= li<e happiness and la01hter= ;o0ld brin1
positi2e chemicals into o0r s6stem. 9e mo2ed from the hospital to a hotel and rented
h0moro0s mo2ies and literall6 c0red himself b6 la01hin1. (f co0rse= medical help is
important= b0t the ;ill to li2e for the patient is e?0all6= if not more= important.
A f0nn6 bone co0ld be a lifesa2er. /esides= it ma<es lifeCs ad2ersities easier to handle.
Ste3 1<: (on9t -e Sarcastic and Put Others (o;n
+e1ati2e peopleCs h0mor ma6 incl0de sarcasm= p0tdo;ns and h0rtf0l remar<s. An6
h0mor in2ol2in1 sarcasm that ma<es f0n of others is in poor taste. An inA0r6 is for1i2en
more easil6 than an ins0lt.
When someone blushes with embarrassment, when someone carries away an ache,
when something sacred is made to appear common, when someone's weaness
provides the laughter, when profanity is reDuired to mae it funny, when a child is
brought to tears or when everyone can't join in the laughter, it's a poor joe.
--)liff Thomas
*o a sadist e2er6thin1 is f0nn6= so lon1 as it is happenin1 to someone else. &t is not an
0ncommon si1ht to see bo6s thro;in1 stones at fro1s A0st to ha2e f0n. *he bo6sC f0n
means death to the fro1s. &t is not f0n for the fro1s.
90mor can be 2al0able or dan1ero0s= dependin1 on ;hether 6o0 are la01hin1 ;ith
someone or at someone. 4hen h0mor in2ol2es ma<in1 f0n of or ridic0lin1 others= it is
not in 1ood taste nor is it innocent. 90rtin1 othersC feelin1s can be cr0el. 3ome people
1et their f0n b6 p0ttin1 others do;n. 3arcasm alienates people. &t is a 1ood idea to <eep
h0mor lo; ris<.
Ste3 1=: o "a0e a &riend8 -e a &riend
4e <eep loo<in1 for the ri1ht emplo6er= the ri1ht emplo6ee= spo0se= parent= child= and
so on. 4e for1et that ;e ha2e to be the ri1ht person too. ,@perience has sho;n that
there is no perfect person= no perfect Aob= no perfect spo0se. 4hen ;e loo< for
perfection= ;e are disappointed beca0se all ;e find is that ;e traded one set of
problems for another set of problems. 9a2in1 li2ed in the 4est for o2er 20 6ears= & ha2e
obser2ed that ;ith the hi1h di2orce rate the ;a6 it is= people find after the6 1et married
for the second time that their ne; spo0se doesnCt ha2e the problems of the first one b0t
has a totall6 ne; set of problems. 3imilarl6= people chan1e Aobs or fire emplo6ees
loo<in1 for the ri1ht one onl6 to find that the6 traded one set of problems for another.
7etCs tr6 and ;or< aro0nd these challen1es and ma<e di2orcin1 or firin1 the last rather
than the first resort.
Sari-ie
-riendship ta<es sacrifice. /0ildin1 friendships and relationships ta<es sacrifice= lo6alt6=
and mat0rit6. 3acrifice ta<es 1oin1 o0t of oneCs ;a6 and ne2er happens b6 the ;a6.
3elfishness destro6s friendships. #as0al ac?0aintances come eas6 b0t tr0e friendships
ta<e time to b0ild and effort to <eep. -riendships are p0t to tests and ;hen the6 end0re=
the6 1ro; stron1er. 4e m0st learn to reco1ni>e co0nterfeit relationships. *r0e friends
do not ;ant to see their friends h0rt. *r0e friendship 1i2es more than it 1ets and stands
b6 ad2ersit6.
Fair7"eat%er Frie&)
6 fair-weather friend is lie a baner who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and taes it bac the minute it rains.
Two men were traveling through the forest and came across a bear. One of them
Duicly climbed a tree but the other was unable to, so he lay on the ground and played
dead. The bear sniffed around his ear and left. The fellow from the tree came down and
ased him, !What did the bear tell you#! The man replied, !He said, don't trust a friend
who deserts you in danger.! The message is as dear as daylight.
'0t0al tr0st and confidence are the fo0ndation stone of all friendship.
People Ma2e Frie&)s -or Di--ere&t Motives
-riendships can be cate1ori>ed as follo;s:
1. -riendship of pleas0re. Fo0 are a friend so lon1 as the relationship is entertainin1
and f0n= i.e.= a fair ;eather friend.
2. -riendship of con2enience. *his is ;here people ma<e friendships to 1ain fa2ors.
*hese friendships last 0ntil the 0sef0lness of the other person ends. *hese
friendships are not permanent.
3. *r0e friendship. *his is based on m0t0al respect and admiration. *r0e friends are
people ;ho ha2e the 1ood of each other at heart and act accordin1l6. :ood deeds
come bac< to 0s in the form of 1ood friends. *here is lastin1 1oodness on both
sides. &t is based on character and commitment.
Prosperit6 brin1s friends= ad2ersit6 re2eals them. -air ;eather friendship is described
;ell b6 the follo;in1 poem:
)eAoice= and men ;ill see< 6o0J
:rie2e= and the6 t0rn and 1oJ
*he6 ;ant f0ll meas0re of all 6o0r pleas0re=
/0t the6 do not need 6o0r ;oe.
/e 1lad= and 6o0r friends are man6J /e
sad= and 6o0 lose them all
*here are none to decline 6o0r nectar ,d ;ine=
/0t alone 6o0 m0st drin< lifeCs 1all.
--,lla 4heeler 4ilco@
People ;ho are tr0e friends in the real sense help one another= b0t these are not fa2ors.
*he6 are acts incidental to friendship. And if the6 donCt help the6 ;o0ld be failin1 in their
relationships.
)elationships donCt A0st happen= the6 ta<e time to b0ild. *he6 are b0ilt on <indness=
0nderstandin1= and self sacrifice= not on Aealo0s6= selfishness= p0ffed 0p e1os= and r0de
beha2ior.
)elationships sho0ld ne2er be ta<en for 1ranted. (nce relationships are established=
the6 need to be n0rt0red constantl6. +obod6 is perfect. ,@pectin1 perfection is settin1
6o0rself 0p for disappointment.
Frie&)ly Cooperatio&
&t is diffic0lt to achie2e s0ccess ;itho0t the friendl6 cooperation of others. A pleasin1
personalit6 is fle@ible and adaptable ;hile maintainin1 compos0re. -le@ibilit6 does not
mean flims6 or helpless beha2ior. &t means assessin1 and respondin1 appropriatel6 and
in a timel6 manner to a 1i2en sit0ation. -le@ibilit6 does not stretch to principles and
2al0es.
Ste3 1>: Sho; !m3athy
*he ;ron1 ;e do to others and ;hat ;e s0ffer are ;ei1hed differentl6. ,mpath6 alone is
a 2er6 important characteristic of a positi2e personalit6. People ;ith empath6 as<
themsel2es this ?0estion: B9o; ;o0ld & feel if someone treated me that ;a6?B
# P'PP,
6 boy went to the pet store to buy a puppy. (our of them were sitting together, priced at
K8, each. Then there was one sitting alone in a corner. The boy ased if that was from
the same litter, if it was for sale, and why it was sitting alone. The store owner replied
that it was from the same litter, it was a deformed one, and not for sale.
The boy ased what the deformity was. The store owner replied that the puppy was
born without a hip socet and had a leg missing. The boy ased, !What will you do with
this one#! The reply was it would be put to sleep. The boy ased if he could play with
that puppy. The store owner said, !%ure.! The boy piced the puppy up and the puppy
liced him on the ear. "nstantly the boy decided that was the puppy he wanted to buy.
The store owner said !That is not for sale9! The boy insisted.
The store owner agreed. The boy pulled out KA from his pocet and ran to get K.- from
his mother. 6s he reached the door the store owner shouted after him, !" don't
understand why you would pay full money for this one when you could buy a good one
for the same price.! The boy didn't say a word. He just lifted his left trouser leg and he
was wearing a brace. The pet store owner said, !" understand. Bo ahead, tae this
one.! This is empathy.
-e Sym3athetic
4hen 6o0 share sorro;= it di2idesJ ;hen 6o0 share happiness= it m0ltiplies.
L &n *he /oo< of 5irt0es= edited b6 4illiam D. /ennett= 3imon Q 3ch0ster= +e; For<=
%3= p. 553.
"%at is t%e Di--ere&e 'etwee& Sy(pat%y a&) E(pat%y.
36mpath6 is= B& 0nderstand ho; 6o0 feel.B ,mpath6 is= B& feel ho; 6o0 feel.B /oth
s6mpath6 and empath6 are important. /0t of the t;o= empath6 is certainl6 more
important.
4hen ;e empathi>e ;ith o0r c0stomers= emplo6ers= emplo6ees= and families= ;hat
happens to o0r relationships? *he6 impro2e. &t 1enerates 0nderstandin1= lo6alt6= peace
of mind= and hi1her prod0cti2it6.
9o; do 6o0 A0d1e the character of a person or= for that matter= of a comm0nit6 or a
co0ntr6? &t is 2er6 eas6. D0st obser2e ho; the person or comm0nit6 treats these three
cate1ories of people:
1. *he disabled
2. *he elderl6
3. *heir s0bordinates
*hese are the three 1ro0ps of people ;ho cannot stand 0p as e?0als for their ri1hts.
-e a -etter Person
<esolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with
the striving and tolerant of the wea and wrong. 'ecause some time in our lives we
would have been all of these ourselves.
--Iloyd %hearer, *+-/
#CION P+#N
1. #ommit to acceptin1 responsibilit6 for 6o0r actions.
2. &dentif6 specificall6 one area in each cate1or6 ;here 6o0 ;ill accept
1reater responsibilit6:
1) 9ome
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HbI 4or<
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HaI 3ocial 7ife
PPPPPPPPPPPP
4hat three items are 6o0 committin1 to practice after 6o0 finish this chapter?
HiI
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HiiI
PPPPPPPPPPPP
HiiiI
PPPPPPPPPPPP
4rite do;n 6o0r commitments and read them dail6 for the ne@t 2% da6s.
C"#P!R >
S'-CONSCIO'S %IN( M "#-I
4e are all born to lead s0ccessf0l li2es b0t o0r conditionin1 leads 0s to fail0re. 4e are
born to ;in b0t are conditioned to lose. 4e often hear statements li<e= this person is A0st
l0c<6= he to0ches dirt and it t0rns to 1old or= he is 0nl0c<6= no matter ;hat he to0ches= it
t0rns to dirt. *his is not tr0e. &f 6o0 anal6>e= the s0ccessf0l person is doin1 somethin1
ri1ht in each transaction and the fail0re is repeatin1 the same mista<e in each
transaction. )emember= practice does not ma<e perfect. (nl6 perfect practice ma<es
perfect. Practice ma<es permanent ;hate2er 6o0 do repeatedl6. 3ome people <eep
practicin1 their mista<es and the6 become perfect in them. 3o their mista<es become
perfect and a0tomatic.
Professionals ma<e thin1s loo< eas6 beca0se the6 ha2e mastered the f0ndamentals of
;hate2er the6 do. 'an6 people do 1ood ;or< ;ith promotions in mind. /0t the one to
;hom 1ood ;or< becomes a habit is deser2in1.
#0lti2atin1 a habit is li<e plo;in1 the field. &t ta<es time. &t has to 1ro; from ;ithin.
9abits 1enerate other habits. &nspiration is ;hat 1ets a person started= moti2ation is
;hat <eeps him on trac< and habit is ;hat ma<es it a0tomatic.
*he abilit6 to sho; co0ra1e in the face of ad2ersit6J sho; self-restraint in the face of
temptationJ choose happiness in the face of h0rtJ sho; character in the face of despairJ
see opport0nit6 in the face of obstacles. *hese traits are not coincidencesJ the6 are the
res0lt of constant and consistent trainin1= both mental and ph6sical. &n the face of
ad2ersit6 o0r beha2ior can onl6 be the one ;e ha2e practiced= re1ardless of ;hether it
is positi2e or ne1ati2e. 4hen ;e practice ne1ati2e traits s0ch as co;ardice or
dishonest6 in small e2ents= hopin1 to handle the maAor ones in a positi2e ;a6= the latter
;o0ldnCt happen beca0se that is not ;hat ;e ha2e practiced.
4hen ;e permit o0rsel2es to tell a lie once= it is a lot easier to do it a second and a third
time 0ntil it becomes a habit. 30ccess lies in the philosoph6 of s0stain and abstain.
30stain ;hat needs to be done and abstain from ;hat is detrimental 0ntil this becomes
habit0al. 90man bein1s are more emotional than rational. 9onest6 and inte1rit6 are
both the res0lt of o0r belief s6stem and practice. An6thin1 ;e practice lon1 eno01h
becomes in1rained into o0r s6stem and becomes a habit. A person ;ho is honest most
of the time 1ets ca01ht the first time he tells a lie. 4hereas a person ;ho is dishonest
most of the time 1ets ca01ht the first time he tells the tr0th. 9onest6 and dishonest6 to
self and others both become habits.
(0r thin<in1 pattern becomes habit0al. 4e form habits and habits form character.
/efore 6o0 reali>e that 6o0 ha2e 1ot the habit= the habit has 1ot 6o0. 4e need to form
the habit of thin<in1 ri1ht.
3omeone once said= B(0r tho01hts lead to actions= actions lead to habits= and habits
form character.B #haracter leads to destin6.
&OR% /OO( "#-IS
'ost of o0r beha2ior is habit0al. &t comes a0tomaticall6 ;itho0t thin<in1. #haracter is
the s0m total of o0r habits. &f a person has positi2e habits= then he is considered a
positi2e character. A person ;ith ne1ati2e habits is a ne1ati2e character. 9abits are a lot
stron1er than lo1ic and reasonin1. 9abits start b6 bein1 too ;ea< to be felt= and end 0p
becomin1 too stron1 to 1et o0t of. 9abits can be de2eloped b6 defa0lt or determination.
& remember as a child m6 parents tellin1 me= BFo0 sho0ld form 1ood habits beca0se
habits form character.B
How Do "e For( Ha8its .
An6thin1 ;e do repeatedl6 becomes a habit. 4e learn b6 doin1. /6 beha2in1
co0ra1eo0sl6= ;e learn co0ra1e. /6 practicin1 honest6 and fairness= ;e learn these
traits. /6 practicin1 these traits= ;e master them. 3imilarl6 if ;e practice ne1ati2e traits
s0ch as dishonest6= 0nA0st beha2ior= or lac< of discipline= that is ;hat ;e become 1ood
at. Attit0des are habits. *he6 are beha2ior patterns. *he6 become a state of mind and
dictate o0r responses.
CON(IIONIN/
'ost of o0r beha2ior comes as a res0lt of conditionin1-it is habit0al. &f ;e ;ant to do
an6thin1 ;ell= it m0st become a0tomatic. &f ;e ha2e to conscio0sl6 thin< abo0t doin1 the
ri1ht thin1 ;e ;ill ne2er be able to do it ;ell. *hat means ;e m0st ma<e it a habit.
4e are all bein1 conditioned contin0o0sl6 b6 the en2ironment and the media= and ;e
start beha2in1 li<e robots. &t is o0r responsibilit6 to condition o0rsel2es in a positi2e
manner.
4hen & ;as a st0dent of martial arts= & obser2ed that e2en the blac< belts ;ere
practicin1 bloc<p0nch= the basics= beca0se if the6 needed to 0se these s<ills= the6 had
to come a0tomaticall6.
:ood habits are hard to come b6 b0t eas6 to li2e ;ith. /ad habits come eas6 b0t are
hard to li2e ;ith.
"O5 (O 5! /! CON(IION!( 7
*hin< of the mi1ht6 elephant ;ho can lift in e@cess of a ton of ;ei1ht ;ith A0st its tr0n<.
9o; do the6 condition the elephant to sta6 in one place ;ith a ;ea< rope and a sta<e?
*he elephant= ;hen it is a bab6= is tied to a stron1 chain and a stron1 tree.
*he bab6 is ;ea< b0t the chain and tree are stron1. *he bab6 is not 0sed to bein1 tied.
3o it <eeps t011in1 and p0llin1 the chain= all in 2ain. A da6 comes ;hen it reali>es that
all the t011in1 and p0llin1 ;ill not help. &t stops and stands still. +o; it is conditioned.
And ;hen the bab6 elephant becomes the mi1ht6 1iant elephant= he is tied ;ith a ;ea<
rope and a small sta<e. *he elephant co0ld= ;ith one t01= ;al< a;a6 free= b0t it 1oes
no;here= beca0se it has been conditioned.
90man bein1s are constantl6 bein1 conditioned= conscio0sl6 or 0nconscio0sl6= b6
e@pos0re to:
0the <ind of boo<s ;e readJ
0the <ind of mo2ies and *5 pro1rams ;e ;atchJ
0the <ind of m0sic ;e listen toJ
0the <ind of compan6 ;e <eep.
4hile dri2in1 to ;or<= if ;e listen to the same m0sic e2er6 da6 for se2eral da6s= and if
the tape dec< brea<s do;n= 10ess ;hat t0ne ;e ;ill be h0mmin1?
&nsanit6 is defined as doin1 the same thin1 o2er and o2er and e@pectin1 different
res0lts. &f 6o0 <eep doin1 ;hat 6o0 ha2e been doin1= 6o0 ;ill <eep 1ettin1 ;hat 6o0
ha2e 1otten. *he most diffic0lt thin1 abo0t chan1in1 a habit is 0nlearnin1 ;hat is not
;or<in1 and learnin1 positi2e habits.
"! /I/O PRINCIP+!
*he comp0ter phrase :&:( H1arba1e in= 1arba1e o0tI is 2er6 so0nd.
+e1ati2it6 inJ ne1ati2it6 o0r.
Positi2it6 inJ positi2it6 o0t.
:ood inJ 1ood o0t.
(0r inp0t e?0als o0r o0tp0t. (0r s0bconscio0s mind does not discriminate. 4hate2er
;e choose to p0t into o0r s0bconscio0s mind it ;ill accept and o0r beha2ior ;ill reflect
that accordin1l6.
*he tele2ision has a considerable impact on infl0encin1 o0r morals= thin<in1= and
c0lt0re= for 1ood or bad. *5= ;hile brin1in1 in lots of 0sef0l information= has also made
an o0tstandin1 contrib0tion to de1radin1 o0r tastes= corr0ptin1 o0r morals= and
increasin1 A02enile delin?0enc6. *hat is a prett6 hi1h price for so-called free speech or
free tele2ision. *he n0mber of 2iolent acts seen on *5 b6 the a1e of %" tops
200=000.L
Ad2ertisers are 1ood at conditionin1 their a0dience. (b2io0sl6 ad2ertisements sell
prod0cts= other;ise ;h6 ;o0ld companies ad2ertise? 4hen ;e ;atch *5 or listen to a
radio ad2ertisement= o0r conscio0s mind is not listenin1= b0t o0r s0bconscio0s is open
and ;e recei2e ;hate2er is bein1 d0mped in. 9a2e 6o0 e2er ar10ed ;ith the *5? (f
co0rse notK
4hen ;e 1o to the mo2ies ;e la01h and ;e cr6. &s it beca0se the6 p0t somethin1 in the
seats or beca0se the emotional inp0t has an immediate emotional o0tp0t?
#han1e the inp0t and the o0tp0t chan1es.
"! CONSCIO'S #N( S'-CONSCIO'S %IN(
)emember= o0r conscio0s mind has the abilit6 to thin<. &t can accept or reAect. /0t the
s0bconscio0s onl6 accepts= it ma<es no distinction re1ardin1 inp0t. &f ;e feed o0r mind
;ith tho01hts of fear= do0bt= and hate= the a0to-s011estions ;ill acti2ate and translate
those thin1s into realit6. *he s0bconscio0s is the data ban<. (f the t;o= the
s0bconscio0s is more po;erf0l. *he s0bconscio0s is li<e the a0tomobile ;hile the
conscio0s is li<e the dri2er. *he po;er is in the a0tomobile b0t the control is ;ith the
dri2er.
*he s0bconscio0s mind can ;or< for or a1ainst 0s. &t is not rational. 4hen ;e are not
s0ccessf0l ;e need to repro1ram the s0bconscio0s.
*he s0bconscio0s mind is li<e a 1ardenJ it doesnCt care ;hat 6o0 plant. &t is ne0tralJ it
has no preferences. /0t if 6o0 plant 1ood seeds= 6o0 ;ill ha2e a 1ood 1ardenJ other;ise
6o0 ;ill ha2e a ;ild 1ro;th of ;eeds. &Cd 1o a step f0rther to sa6= e2en ;hen 6o0 plant
1ood seeds= ;eeds still 1ro; and the ;eedin1 process m0st contin0e constantl6.
*he h0man mind is no different. )emember= positi2e and ne1ati2e tho01hts canCt
occ0p6 the mind sim0ltaneo0sl6.
#ompanies spend close to a million dollars for a 30second ad d0rin1 a maAor e2ent.
(b2io0sl6= the6 are 1ettin1.res0lts. 4e see an ad for a partic0lar brand of soft drin< or
toothpaste and ;e 1o to the s0permar<et and b06 that brand. 4e donCt ;ant an6 soft
drin< b0t onl6 that brand. 4h6? /eca0se ;e are pro1rammed and act accordin1l6.
&n order to s0cceed= ;e need to 1et pro1rammed in a positi2e ;a6.
L so0rce: BAs in 3ellin1 Po;erB= +ational *imes= 'arch %6= p. 40.
"O5 (O 5! /! PRO/R#%%!( 7
*hin< ho; ;e learned to ride a bi<e. *here are fo0r sta1es: *he first sta1e is called
0nconscio0s incompetence. *his is a sta1e ;here ;e donCt <no; that ;e donCt <no;.
*he
child doesnCt <no; ;hat it is to ride a bi<e H0nconscio0sI nor can he ride a bi<e
HincompetenceI. *his is the sta1e of 0nconscio0s incompetence.
*he second sta1e is called conscio0sl6 incompetent. *his is the sta1e ;here the child
1ro;s and becomes conscio0s of ;hat it is to ride a bi<e b0t cannot ride one himself= so
he is conscio0sl6 incompetent.
/0t then he starts learnin1 and no; comes a third sta1e ;hich is called conscio0sl6
competent. +o; he can ride a bi<e b0t has to thin< e2er6 time to do it. 3o ;ith all the
conscio0s tho01ht and effort= the child is competent to ride a bi<e.
*he fo0rth sta1e is called 0nconscio0sl6 competent. &t comes ;hen the child has
practiced conscio0sl6 ridin1 the bi<e so m0ch that he doesnCt ha2e to thin<. &t becomes
an a0tomatic process. 9e can tal< to people and ;a2e to others ;hile ridin1. *hat
means he has reached the sta1e of 0nconscio0s competence. At this le2el= ;e donCt
need the concentration and thin<in1 beca0se the beha2ior pattern has become
a0tomatic.
*his is the le2el that ;e ;ant all o0r positi2e habits to reach. Unfort0natel6= ;e ha2e
some ne1ati2e habits too ;hich are at the 0nconscio0s competence sta1e and are
detrimental to o0r pro1ress.
3t0dies ha2e sho;n that appro@imatel6 0G of all smo<ers became smo<ers b6 the a1e
of 2%. &f a person has not become a smo<er b6 the a1e of 2%= then there is a 2er6 small
chance that that person ;ill e2er become a smo<er. *his onl6 pro2es that smo<in1 is
conditioned s0bconscio0sl6 and o0r conditionin1 starts at a 6o0n1 a1e.
N#'R! #-"ORS # .#C''%
& ha2e t;o nephe;s a1ed %2 and %4 ;ho are tennis b0ffs. (ne da6 their father said to
me= B*his 1ame is 1ettin1 2er6 e@pensi2e. *he bo6s 1o thro01h the rac<ets= balls= la;n
fees and no; the6 ha2e a coach. &t all costs mone6.B 3o & as<ed him= B&t is 1ettin1
e@pensi2e compared ;ith ;hat?B 9e co0ld ha2e them stop pla6in1 tennis and sa2e
some mone6. /0t if the6 stopped= and came home from school ;ith all their time and
ener16 at hand= ;hat ;o0ld the6 do? 9e stopped to thin< ?0ietl6 for some time and then
said= B& thin< & ;ill ha2e them contin0e. &t is cheaper this ;a6.B 9e reali>ed the
importance of <eepin1 them in2ol2ed in positi2e acti2ities. (ther;ise the6 ;o0ld be
attracted to the ne1ati2e beca0se nat0re abhors a 2ac00m. ,ither ;e ha2e a positi2e or
;e ha2e a ne1ati2eJ there is no ne0tral 1ro0nd here.
#haracter b0ildin1 becomes a habit. &f ;e ;ant to b0ild a pleasin1 personalit6= ;e ha2e
to e@amine o0r habits closel6. 4hat be1ins as an occasional ind0l1ence t0rns into a
permanent fla;. As< 6o0rself the follo;in1 ?0estions:
1. .o 6o0 let the ?0alit6 of 6o0r ;or< deteriorate?
2. .o 6o0 ind0l1e in 1ossip?
3. Are en26 and e1o a constant companion?
4. &s empath6 in short s0ppl6?
4e co0ld 1o on and on. 4e are creat0res of habit. &t is 1ood that it is that ;a6 beca0se
if ;e ha2e to constantl6 thin< before doin1 an6thin1= ;e ;o0ld ne2er 1et an6thin1 done.
*here is A0st not eno01h time.
4e control o0r habits b6 e@ercisin1 control and self discipline o2er o0r tho01hts. 4e
need to harness the po;er of the s0bconscio0s mind. 4e need to c0lti2ate the habits
d0rin1 childhood ;hich b0ild character in ad0lthood. Plant the ri1ht thin1s earl6 in life.
/0t it is ne2er too late to start. ,2er6 e@pos0re to a positi2e or ne1ati2e ma<es a
difference. 7earnin1 ne; habits ta<es time b0t positi2e habits= once mastered= 1i2e ne;
meanin1 to life.
(ptimism or pessimism is a habit. 9abits are a matter of the pain and pleas0re principle.
4e do thin1s either to a2oid pain or to 1ain pleas0re. 3o lon1 as the 1ain is more than
the pain= ;e contin0e ;ith the habit. /0t if the pain e@ceeds the 1ain= ;e drop it. -or
e@ample= ;hen the doctor tells the smo<er to stop= he replies B& canCtK &t is a habit and &
enAo6 itKB and he 1oes on smo<in1. 9ere the pleas0re is 1reater than the pain. Until one
da6 he is faced ;ith a maAor medical problem= and the doctor sa6s
BFo0 better stop smo<in1 immediatel6 if 6o0 ;ant to li2eB and he stops. 9ere the pain is
1reater than the pleas0re.
R!SIS#NC! O C"#N/!
4hen people reco1ni>e or become a;are of their ne1ati2e habits= ;h6 donCt the6
chan1e?
*he reason the6 donCt chan1e is beca0se the6 ref0se to accept responsibilit6. /esides=
the pleas0re of contin0in1 is 1reater than the pain. *he6 ma6:
07ac< the desire to chan1e
07ac< the discipline to chan1e
07ac< the belief that the6 can chan1e
07ac< the a;areness for the need to chan1e
All these factors pre2ent 0s from 1ettin1 rid of o0r ne1ati2e habits. 4e all ha2e a choice.
4e can i1nore ne1ati2e beha2ior and hope it ;ill 1o a;a6--the ostrich approach--or face
0p to it and o2ercome it for life. /eha2ior modification comes from o2ercomin1 irrational
fears and 1ettin1 o0t of the comfort >one. )emember= fear is a learned beha2ior and
can be 0nlearned.
*he follo;in1 e@c0ses are the most common e@planations for not chan1in1 ne1ati2e
habits:
1. 4e ha2e al;a6s done it that ;a6.
2. 4e ha2e ne2er done it that ;a6.
3. *hat is not m6 Aob.
4. & donCt thin< it ;ill ma<e an6 difference.
5. &Cm too b0s6.
&OR%IN/ POSII.! "#-IS
&t is ne2er too late to chan1e. )e1ardless of o0r a1e or ho; old the habit has been= this
can be done b6 a;areness and 0sin1 techni?0es that modif6 beha2ior. 4e hear all the
time that 6o0 canCt teach an old do1 ne; tric<s. 4e are h0man bein1s= not do1s. +either
are ;e performin1 tric<s. 4e can 0nlearn self-destr0cti2e beha2ior and learn positi2e
beha2ior.
*he secret of s0ccessf0l people is that the6 form the habit of doin1 thin1s that fail0res
donCt li<e to do and ;onCt do. D0st thin< abo0t the thin1s that fail0res donCt li<e to do.
*he6 are the same thin1s that s0ccessf0l people donCt li<e to do b0t the6 do them
an6;a6. -or e@ample= fail0res donCt li<e discipline= hard ;or<= or <eepin1 commitments.
30ccessf0l people also disli<e discipline= hard ;or< Han athlete doesnCt li<e and ;ant the
discipline to 1et 0p and train e2er6 da6 b0t he does it re1ardlessI= b0t the6 do it an6;a6
beca0se the6 ha2e formed the habit of doin1 thin1s that fail0res donCt li<e to do.
All habits start small b0t end 0p e2ent0all6 bein1 2er6 diffic0lt to brea<. Attit0des are
habits and can be chan1ed. &t is a ?0estion of brea<in1 and replacin1 old ne1ati2e
habits ;ith ne; and positi2e ones.
&t is easier to pre2ent bad habits than to o2ercome them. :ood habits come from
o2ercomin1 temptation. 9appiness and 0nhappiness are a habit.
,@cellence is the res0lt of repeated conscio0s effort 0ntil it becomes a habit. &t needs
eno01h practice to become a habit.
4e all ha2e some ne1ati2e habits that are p0llin1 0s do;n. *a<e %5 min0tes alone and
0ndist0rbed to ma<e a list of all the ne1ati2e habits that are p0llin1 6o0 do;n.
PP*a<e %5 min0tes alone and 0ndist0rbed to ma<e a list of all positi2e habits 6o0 ;ant
to de2elop.
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
1$*(#, &OR%'+# O &OR% POSII.! "#-IS
#uto*Suggestion
4hat is a0to-s011estion? An a0to-s011estion is a statement made in the present tense=
of the <ind of person 6o0 ;ant to be. A0to-s011estions are li<e ;ritin1 a commercial to
6o0rself abo0t 6o0rself= for 6o0rself. *he6 infl0ence both 6o0r conscio0s and
s0bconscio0s mind ;hich in t0rn infl0ence attit0de and beha2ior.
A0to-s011estions are a ;a6 to pro1ram 6o0r s0bconscio0s mind. *he6 can be either
positi2e or ne1ati2e.
,@amples of ne1ati2e a0to-s011estions are:
0&Cm tired.
0&Cm not an athlete.
0& ha2e a poor memor6.
0&Cm not 1ood at math.
4hen ;e repeat to o0rsel2es a ne1ati2e a0to-s011estion= o0r s0bconscio0s mind
belie2es it and it becomes a self-f0lfillin1 prophec6 and starts reflectin1 in o0r beha2ior.
-or e@ample= ;hen & am tal<in1 to someone and & for1et ;hat & had to sa6= & tell the
other person= B3ee= & for1ot ;hat & ;anted to sa6. & ha2e s0ch a poor memor6.B
People ;ho come into contact ;ith crime the first time= hate it. 4ith constant e@pos0re
the6 1et 0sed to it and if the e@pos0re is lon1 eno01h= the6 ma6 embrace it. And the6
become creators of their o;n misfort0ne.
4hen a person repeats a belief lon1 eno01h= it sin<s into the s0bconscio0s and
becomes realit6. A lie repeated lon1 eno01h becomes accepted as the tr0th.
Positi2e a0to-s011estions are bein1 ;idel6 0sed in the field of sports and medicine.
4h6 ma<e positi2e statements? /eca0se ;e ;ant to create a pict0re in o0r minds of
;hat ;e ;ant to ha2e rather than ;hat ;e donCt. An6 pict0re that ;e hold in o0r mind
becomes realit6. A0to-s011estions are a process of repetition. A person ;ho repeats a
statement lon1 eno01h lets it sin< into the s0bconscio0s mind. -or e@ample= & am
rela@ed. & am cool= calm and collected.
A0to-s011estions sho0ld not be practiced in a ne1ati2e ;a6 & am not tense. & ;onCt be
an1r6.
Positi2e statements are made beca0se ;e thin< in pict0res and not in ;ords. &f & sa6
B.onCt thin< of the bl0e elephant=B ;hat is the first pict0re that comes to 6o0r mind?
*he bl0e elephant.
&f & sa6 Bmother=B ;hat comes to 6o0r mind? A pict0re of 6o0r mother. .id 6o0 start
spellin1 m-o-t-h-e-r? (f co0rse notK
4hen a ne1ati2e ;ord comes in the a0to-s011estion= it forms a ne1ati2e pict0re ;hich
;e ;ant to a2oid.
4h6 in the present tense? /eca0se o0r mind cannot tell the difference bet;een a real
e@perience and an ima1ined one. -or e@ample= parents are e@pectin1 their child to
come home at :30 p.m. b0t the <id is not home and it is no; % a.m. 4hat is 1oin1
thro01h the parentsC mind? *he6 are probabl6 hopin1 e2er6thin1Cs o<a6. B& hope the
<id didnCt 1et into an accident.B 4hat is happenin1 to their blood press0re? &t is 1oin1 0pK
*his is an ima1ined e@perience. *he realit6 co0ld be that the <id is ha2in1 f0n at a part6=
is irresponsible= and did not 1et home ;hen he ;as s0pposed to.
+o; re2erse the scenario. 30pposin1 the <id ;as 2er6 responsible and ;as act0all6
comin1 home at :30 p.m. b0t 1ot into an accident= and still didnCt 1et home at % a.m.
4hat is happenin1 to the parentsC blood press0re? &t is still 1oin1 0pK *he first scenario
;as an ima1ined e@perience. *he second one ;as a real e@perience b0t the bod6Cs
response in both cases ;as identical. (0r mind cannot tell the difference bet;een a real
and an ima1ined e@perience.
Pre3are the Subsconscious
9o; can ;e 0se a0to-s011estions to eliminate ne1ati2e habits and de2elop positi2e
ones? 4e ha2e all 0sed a0to-s011estions 0nconscio0sl6. -or e@ample= ;hen 6o0 ha2e
to catch an earl6 mornin1 fli1ht= 6o0 a0tomaticall6 tell 6o0rself that 6o0 ha2e 1ot to 1et
0p. And in2ariabl6= 6o0 do Hsometimes= e2en ;itho0t an alarm cloc<I. A prepared
s0bconscio0s mind has h0nches and 10t feelin1s.
A0to-s011estion is a ;a6 to pro1ram and condition o0r mind to ma<e a statement into a
self-f0lfillin1 prophec6.
A0to-s011estion is a repetiti2e process thro01h ;hich ;e feed o0r s0bconscio0s ;ith
positi2e statements ;hich translate into realit6. )epetition alone is not eno01h= 0nless it
is accompanied b6 emotions and feelin1s.
A0to-s011estions ;itho0t 2is0ali>ation ;ill not prod0ce res0lts. *he first time o0r mind
recei2es an a0tos011estion it reAects it. 4h6? &t is an alien tho01ht= contrar6 to o0r belief
s6stem. 30ccess ;o0ld depend on o0r abilit6 to concentrate and repeat the process.
3teps to follo; on a0to-s011estions.
1. :o to a spot ;here 6o0 ;onCt be dist0rbed.
2. 4rite do;n 6o0r s011estions.
*he self-discipline to finish ;hat one starts= is imperati2e. A0to-s011estion is a po;erf0l
character b0ildin1 tool.
*ranslatin1 A0to-3011estion into )ealit6
1. 'a<e a list of 6o0r a0to-s011estions in the present tense.
2. )epeat a0to-s011estions at least t;ice a da6: first thin1 in the mornin1 and at the
end of the da6. *his is beca0se in the mornin1= the mind is fresh and recepti2e and
at ni1ht 6o0 deposit the positi2e pict0re into 6o0r s0bconscio0s o2erni1ht.
3. )epeat it consec0ti2el6 for 2% da6s 0ntil it becomes a habit.
4. A0to-s011estions alone ;ill not ;or<. *he6 need 2is0ali>ation.
.IS'#+I6#ION
5is0ali>ation is the process of creatin1 and seein1 a mental pict0re of the <ind of thin1
6o0 ;ant to ha2e or do= or the <ind of person 6o0 ;ant to be. 5is0ali>ation 1oes hand in
hand ;ith a0to-s011estion. A0to-s011estion ;itho0t 2is0ali>ation is mechanical
repetition and ;ill be ineffecti2e. &n order to see res0lts= a0to-s011estion m0st be
accompanied b6 feelin1s and emotions H2is0ali>ationI.
#AU*&(+K A0to-s011estion ma6 not be acceptable to the mind the first time 6o0 do it
beca0se it is an alien tho01ht. -or e@ample= if for the past fe; decades & ha2e belie2ed
that & ha2e a poor memor6 and no; all of a s0dden= & tell m6self= B& ha2e a 1ood
memor6KB= m6 mind ;ill thro; it o0t= sa6in1= BFo0 liarK Fo0 ha2e a bad memor6KB
/eca0se that is ;hat it has belie2ed 0p to this point. &t ;ill ta<e 2% da6s to dispel this
notion. 4h6 2% da6s? /eca0se it ta<es a minim0m of 2% da6s of conscio0s= consec0ti2e
practice to form0late a habit.
*he bi1 ?0estion is: &s 2% da6s of conscio0s effort a hea26 price to pa6 to chan1e a
lifetime for the better? &t all so0nds simple b0t it is not eas6. & am not s0rprised to see
ho; fe; people 1o thro01h this ro0tine.
#CION P+#N
%. 'a<e a list of 6o0r a0to-s011estions
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
2. )epeat the 2%-da6 pro1ram ;ith 2is0ali>ations.
C"#P!R ?
/O#+*S!IN/
3ettin1 Q Achie2in1 6o0r 1oals
8no;led1e helps 6o0 to reach 6o0r destination pro2ided 6o0 <no; ;hat the destination
is.
6n ancient "ndian sage was teaching his disciples the art of archery. He put a wooden
bird as the target and ased them to aim at the eye of the bird. The first disciple was
ased to describe what he saw. He said, !" see the trees, the branches, the leaves, the
sy, the bird and its eye..!
The sage ased this disciple to wait. Then he ased the second disciple the same
Duestion and he replied, !" only see the eye of the bird.! The sage said, !Gery good,
then shoot.! The arrow went straight and hit the eye of the bird.
What is the moral of the story# 7nless we focus, we cannot achieve our goal. "t is hard
to focus and concentrate, but it is a sill that can be learned.
On the journey to life's highway, eep your eyes upon the
goal. (ocus on the donut, not upon the hole.
--6nonymous
C!!P ,O'R !,!S 'PON "! /O#+
On 5uly ., *+8A, (lorence )hadwic was on her way to becoming the first woman to
swim the )atalina )hannel. %he had already conDuered the ;nglish )hannel. The
world was watching. )hadwic fought the dense fog, bone-chilling cold and many times,
the shars. %he was striving to reach the shore but every time she looed through her
goggles, all she could see was the dense fog. 7nable to see the shore, she gave up.
)hadwic was disappointed when she found out that she was only half a mile from the
coast. %he Duit, not because she was a Duitter but because her goal was not in sight
anywhere. The elements didn't stop her. %he said, !"'m not maing e2cuses. "f only " had
seen the land, " could have made it.!
Two months later, she went bac and swam the )atalina )hannel. This time, in spite of
the bad weather, she had her goal in mind and not only accomplished it but beat the
men's record by two hours.
5hy are /oals Im3ortant7
On the best sunny day, the most powerful magnifying glass will not light paper if you
eep moving the glass. 'ut if you focus and hold it, the paper will light up. That is the
power of concentration.
6 man was traveling and stopped at an intersection. He ased an elderly man, !Where
does this road tae me#! The elderly person ased, !Where do you want to go#! The
man replied, !" don't now.! The elderly person said, !Then tae any road. What
difference does it mae#!
How true. When we don't now where we are going, any road will tae us there.
%upposing you have the football eleven enthusiastically ready to play the game, all
charged up, and then someone too the goal post away. What would happen to the
game# There is nothing left. How do you eep score# How do you now you have
arrived# ;nthusiasm without direction is lie wildfire and leads to frustration. Boals give
a sense of direction.
Would you sit in a train or a plane without nowing where it was going# The obvious
answer is no. Then why do people go through life without having any goals#
(R!#%S
People conf0se 1oals ;ith dreams and ;ishes. .reams and ;ishes are nothin1 more
than desires. .esires are ;ea<. .esires become stron1 ;hen the6 are s0pported b6
0direction
0dedication
0determination
0discipline
0deadlines
*hat is ;hat differentiates a desire from a 1oal. :oals are dreams ;ith a deadline and
an action plan. :oals can be ;orth6 or 0n;orth6. &t is passion= not ;ishin1= that t0rns
dreams into realit6.
3teps to t0rn a dream into realit6:
1. 9a2e a definite= clear ;ritten 1oal.
2. 9a2e a plan to accomplish it.
3. )ead the first t;o t;ice a da6.
5hy (on9t %ore Peo3le Set /oals7
*here are man6 reasons= incl0din1:
1. A pessimistic attit0de--Al;a6s seein1 the pitfalls rather than the
possibilities.
2. -ear of fail0re--4hat if & donCt ma<e it? People feel s0bconscio0sl6 that if the6 donCt
set 1oals and if the6 donCt ma<e it= then the6 ha2enCt failed. /0t the6 are fail0res to
be1in ;ith.
3. A lac< of ambition--*his is a res0lt of o0r 2al0e s6stem and lac< of desire to li2e a
f0lfilled life. (0r limited thin<in1 pre2ents 0s from pro1ress. *here ;as a fisherman
;ho= e2er6 time he ca01ht a bi1 fish= ;o0ld thro; it bac< into the ri2er= <eepin1 onl6
the smaller ones. A man ;atchin1 this 0n0s0al beha2ior as<ed the fisherman ;h6
he ;as doin1 this. *he fisherman replied= B/eca0se & ha2e a small fr6in1 pan.B 'ost
people ne2er ma<e it in life beca0se the6 are carr6in1 a small fr6in1 pan. *hat is
limited thin<in1.
4. A fear of reAection--&f & donCt ma<e it= ;hat ;ill other people sa6?
5. Procrastination--B3omeda6= & ;ill set m6 1oals.B *his ties in ;ith a lac< of
ambition.
6. 7o; self-esteem--/eca0se a person is not internall6 dri2en and has no
inspiration.
7. &1norance of the importance of 1oals--+obod6 ta01ht them and the6 ne2er learned
the importance of 1oal-settin1.
8. A lac< of <no;led1e abo0t 1oal-settin1--People donCt <no; the mechanics of settin1
1oals. *he6 need a step-b6-step 10ide so that the6 can follo; a s6stem.
:oal settin1 is a series of steps. 4hen 6o0 b06 a plane tic<et= ;hat does it sa6?
3tartin1 point Price
.estination 3tartin1 date
#lass of tra2el ,@pir6 date
&f 6o0 as< most people ;hat is their one maAor obAecti2e in life= the6 ;o0ld probabl6 1i2e
6o0 a 2a10e ans;er= s0ch as= B& ;ant to be s0ccessf0l= be happ6= ma<e a 1ood li2in1=B
and that is it. *he6 are all ;ishes and none of them are clear 1oals. :oals m0st be
3'A)*:
%. 3--specific. -or e@ample= B& ;ant to lose ;ei1ht.B
*his is ;ishf0l thin<in1. &t becomes a 1oal ;hen & pin m6self do;n to B& ;ill lose %0
po0nds in 0 da6s.B
2.'--m0st be meas0rable. &f ;e cannot meas0re it= ;e cannot accomplish it.
'eas0rement is a ;a6 of monitorin1 o0r pro1ress.
3.A--m0st be achie2able. Achie2able means that it sho0ld be o0t of reach eno01h to be
challen1in1 b0t it sho0ld not be o0t of si1ht= other;ise it becomes disheartenin1.
4. )--realistic. A person ;ho ;ants to lose 50 po0nds inM30 da6s is bein1
0nrealistic.
5. *--time-bo0nd. *here sho0ld be a startin1 date and a finishin1 date.
:oals can be:
1. short-term--0p to one 6ear.
2. mid-term--0p to three 6ears.
3. lon1-term--0p to fi2e 6ears.
:oals can be lon1er than fi2e 6ears b0t then the6 become a p0rpose of life. And ha2in1
a p0rpose is 2er6 important beca0se ;itho0t one= it is possible to de2elop t0nnel 2ision=
;here ;e are onl6 obsessed ;ith achie2in1 o0r 1oals. :oals are more easil6 achie2ed if
the6 are bro<en into small ones.
Iife is hard by the yard,
but by the inch,
it's a cinch.
--Bean Bordon
/oals %ust -e -alanced
(0r life is li<e a ;heel ;ith si@ spo<es.
1. -amil6. (0r lo2ed ones are the reason to li2e and ma<e a li2in1.
2. -inancial. )epresents o0r career and the thin1s that mone6 can b06.
3. Ph6sical. (0r health= ;itho0t ;hich nothin1 ma<es sense.
3. 'ental. )epresents <no;led1e and ;isdom.
4. 3ocial. ,2er6 indi2id0al and or1ani>ation has social responsibilit6 ;itho0t ;hich
societ6
starts d6in1.
6. 3pirit0al. (0r 2al0e s6stem represents ethics and character.
&f an6 of these spo<es is o0t of line= o0r life 1oes o0t of balance. *a<e a fe; min0tes and
A0st thin<. &f 6o0 had an6 one of the si@ missin1= ;hat ;o0ld life be li<e?
-#+#NC!
&n %23= ei1ht of the ;ealthiest people in the ;orld met. *heir combined ;ealth= it is
estimated= e@ceeded the ;ealth of the 1o2ernment of the United 3tates at that time.
*hese men certainl6 <ne; ho; to ma<e a li2in1 and acc0m0late ;ealth. /0t letCs
e@amine ;hat happened to them 25 6ears later.
%. President of the lar1est steel compan6= #harles 3ch;ab= li2ed on borro;ed capital for
fi2e 6ears before he died ban<r0pt.
2. President of the lar1est 1as compan6= 9o;ard 90bson= ;ent insane.
3. (ne of the 1reatest commodit6 traders= Arth0r #0tton= died insol2ent.
4. President of the +e; For< 3toc< ,@chan1e= )ichard 4hitne6= ;as sent to
Aail.
5. A member of the PresidentCs #abinet= Albert -all= ;as pardoned from Aail to 1o
home and die in peace.6. *he 1reatest BbearB on 4all 3treet= Dessie 7i2ermore=
committed s0icide.
7. President of the ;orldCs 1reatest monopol6= &2ar 8r0e1er= committed
s0icide.
8. President of the /an< of &nternational 3ettlement= 7eon -raser= committed
s0icide.
4hat the6 for1ot ;as ho; to ma<e a lifeK &t is stories li<e this that 1i2e the readers the
false impression that mone6 is the root of all e2il. *hat is not tr0e. 'one6 pro2ides food
for the h0n1r6= medicine for the sic<= clothes for the need6. 'one6 is onl6 a medi0m of
e@chan1e.
4e need t;o <inds of ed0cation. (ne that teaches 0s ho; to ma<e a li2in1 and one that
teaches 0s ho; to li2e.
*here are people ;ho are so en1rossed in their professional life that the6 ne1lect their
famil6= health and social responsibilities. &f as<ed ;h6 the6 do this the6 ;o0ld repl6 that
the6 ;ere doin1 it for their famil6.
(0r <ids are sleepin1 ;hen ;e lea2e home. *he6 are sleepin1 ;hen ;e come home.
*;ent6 6ears later= ;e t0rn bac<= and the6 are all 1one. 4e ha2e no famil6 left. *hat is
sad.
)uality Not )uantity
&t is not 0ncommon to hear that it is not the ?0antit6 of time that ;e spend ;ith o0r
families b0t the ?0alit6 that matters. D0st thin< abo0t it= is it reall6 tr0e?
30pposin1 6o0 ;ent to the best resta0rant in to;n ;here the6 1a2e 6o0 ;hite-1lo2e
ser2ice ;ith c0tler6 from ,n1land= croc<er6 from -rance= chocolates from
3;it>erland= and on and on. Fo0 pic<ed 0p the 1old plated men0 and ordered a dish of
barbec0ed chic<en. *he ;aiter ;ithin min0tes bro01ht bac< a small c0be of the most
delicio0sl6 prepared chic<en. Fo0 ate it and as<ed= B&s that all & am 1oin1 to 1et?B *he
;aiter replied= B&t is not the ?0antit6 b0t the ?0alit6 that matters.B Fo0 said that 6o0 are
still h0n1r6 and he 1a2e 6o0 the same repl6.
& hope the messa1e is clear. (0r families need both= ?0alit6 and ?0antit6.
"ealth
4e lose o0r health in the process of earnin1 mone6 and then ;e lose mone6 in tr6in1 to
re1ain health.
Social Res3onsibility
&n the process of ma<in1 mone6= ;e ne1lect o0r social responsibilities and let the
s6stem deteriorate till ;e become 2ictims o0rsel2es.
Scrutinize ,our /oals
A person ;ho aims at nothin1 ne2er misses. Aimin1 lo; is the bi11est mista<e. 4inners
see obAecti2es= losers see obstacles.
(0r 1oals sho0ld be hi1h eno01h to moti2ate 6et realistic eno01h to a2oid
disco0ra1ement. An6thin1 ;e do= either ta<es 0s closer to o0r 1oal or f0rther a;a6.
,ach 1oal m0st be e2al0ated in li1ht of the follo;in1 Hsimilar to the )otar6Cs -o0r-4a6
*estI:
1. &s it the tr0th?
2. &s it fair to all concerned?
3. 4ill it 1et me 1ood;ill?
4. 4ill it 1et me health= ;ealth= and peace of mind?
5. &s it consistent ;ith m6 other 1oals?
6. #an & commit m6self to it?
he :ollo;ing e2am3les :ail the test:
1. &f one of m6 1oals is to be the embodiment of 1ood health ;ith no mone6= it is ?0ite
ob2io0s that it ;ill be hard to s0r2i2e. *hat means it is not consistent ;ith m6 other
1oals.
2. A person co0ld ma<e all the mone6 in the ;orld= 6et if he loses his famil6 and
health= it is not ;orth it= is it?
3. A person co0ld ma<e a million dollars b6 sellin1 dr01s b0t then for the rest of his
life= he ;o0ld be r0nnin1 from the la;. &t ;o0ld ta<e a;a6 his peace of mind. And
this <ind of beha2ior ;o0ld not be fair to all concerned nor ;ill it 1i2e him 1ood;ill.
,ach 1oal m0st be e2al0ated b6 p0ttin1 it to the test and all 1oals m0st be in
con1r0ence.
:oals ;itho0t action are empt6 dreams. Actions t0rn dreams into 1oals. ,2en if ;e miss
o0r 1oals= it does not ma<e 0s a fail0re. .ela6 does not mean defeat. &t onl6 means one
has to replan to accomplish oneCs tar1et.
D0st li<e a camera needs foc0s to ta<e a 1ood pict0re= ;e need 1oals to ma<e a
prod0cti2e life.
/oals Should -e Consistent ;ith Our .alues
:oals lead to p0rpose in life. &t is the startin1 point for s0ccess. Aim for the moon. ,2en
if 6o0 miss= 6o0 ;ill become one of the stars.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you tae your eyes off your goal.
--Henry (ord
All of 0s in this ;orld ha2e a p0rpose in life. And that p0rpose ma6 2ar6 from person to
person. An orchestra ;o0ld be prett6 d0ll if e2er6one pla6ed the same instr0ment.
'a<e no little plans= the6 ha2e no ma1ic to stir menCs blood. . .
'a<e bi1 plans= aim hi1h in hope and ;or<.
--.aniel 9. /0rn ham
&t doesnCt matter ;here ;e are. 4hat reall6 matters is in ;hat direction ;e are headin1.
,ffort and co0ra1e ;itho0t p0rpose is ;asted. 4orr6 leads to ne1ati2e 1oal-settin1. &t is
thin<in1 abo0t thin1s 6o0 donCt ;ant to happen.
#cti0ity is Not the Same as #ccom3lishment
There is a big difference between activity and accomplishment. This was demonstrated
by a (rench scientist named (able. He conducted an e2periment with processionary
caterpillars. )aterpillars follow the one in front of them blindly. (able arranged them in a
circle in a flowerpot so that the lead caterpillar actually was behind the last one forming
a circle. He put pine needles 1food for the caterpillars4 in the center of the flowerpot.
The caterpillars ept going in a circle in the pot. ;ventually, after a wee of circling
around, they dropped dead of e2haustion and starvation with food only inches away
from them. We need to learn a lesson from the caterpillars. 5ust because you are doing
something, doesn't mean you are getting anywhere. One must evaluate one's activity in
order to have accomplishment.
6 man was out driving with his wife and the wife said, !Honey, we are going the wrong
way.! The husband replied, !Who cares, we are maing great time9!
"f we confuse activity with accomplishment, we could be maing great time but we won't
get anywhere.
%!#NIN/+!SS /O#+S
6 farmer had a dog who used to sit by the roadside waiting for vehicles to come around.
6s soon as one came he would run down the road, baring and trying to overtae it.
One day a neighbor ased the farmer !@o you thin your dog is ever going to catch a
car#! The farmer replied, !That is not what bothers me. What bothers me is what he
would do if he ever caught one.!
$any people in life behave lie that dog who is pursuing meaningless goals.
#CION P+#N
1. 'a<e definite 1oals.
2. 4rite them do;n.
3. )ead 6o0r 1oals t;ice a da6= mornin1 and ni1ht.
4. 'a<e 1oals sli1htl6 o0t of reach b0t not o0t of si1ht.
5. #hec< 6o0r pro1ress periodicall6.
C"#P!R @
.#+'!S M .ISION
.oin1 the ri1ht thin1 for the ri1ht reason
*he se2en deadl6 sins accordin1 to 'ahatma :andhi are ;ealth ;itho0t ;or<J pleas0re
;itho0t conscienceJ <no;led1e ;itho0t characterJ commerce Hb0sinessI ;itho0t
moralit6 HethicsIJ science ;itho0t h0manit6J reli1ion ;itho0t sacrificeJ and politics ;itho0t
principle.
4hen a child is born= ;ho reAoices? *he parents= relati2es= and friends. /0t ;ho cries?
*he child. 9o;e2er= ;hen ;e die= it sho0ld be the other ;a6 ro0nd. 4e sho0ld be
reAoicin1 and ha2e the satisfaction that ;e made a contrib0tion to the ;orld and left the
;orld a little better place than ;e fo0nd it. 7et the ;orld cr6 that it has lost a 1ood so0l
and become poorer. 4e ;ere not A0st ta<ers= ;e ;ere also 1i2ers.
9ind0 philosoph6 belie2es that ;hen 1ood people pass a;a6= the6 donCt die= the6 onl6
depart. *heir names li2e on fore2er thro01h their 1ood deeds.
*hin< of the last time 6o0 heard a e0lo16. As people pa6 their respects= the most
common thin1s tal<ed abo0t are the little acts of <indness performed b6 the person
d0rin1 his lifetime. 7ittle acts of <indness donCt 1o 0n-noticed. &n fact= the6 are
remembered a lot more after a person is 1one. *hat is the time people reali>e ho;
m0ch those little acts of <indness meant to them.
=o person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what
he gave.
--)alvin )oolidge
"O5 (O 5! K'(/! O'R .#+'! S,S!%7
9o; do ;e p0t o0r 2al0e s6stem to the test? & belie2e there are onl6 t;o tests. *he
0ltimate test is called the 'ama *est. 4hene2er 6o0 are doin1= ;hate2er 6o0 are doin1=
;here2er and ;ith ;home2er= at home or at ;or<= alone or ;ith someone= if 2al0es are
in ?0estion= as< 6o0rself= B&f m6 mama ;ere to see me doin1 ;hat & am doin1 ri1ht no;=
;o0ld she be pro0d of me and sa6 BAttabo6KB or ;o0ld she han1 her head in shame?B
Fo0r 2al0es ;o0ld be clarified rather ?0ic<l6. &f 6o0 passed the
'ama *est and failed all other tests= 6o0 ha2e passed. &f 6o0 failed the 'ama *est and
passed all other tests= 6o0 ha2e failed.
*his is ;orth repeatin1. *hin< abo0t it. 4hene2er 6o0 need 2al0e clarification= as<
6o0rself= B&f m6 mama ;ere to see me doin1 ;hate2er & am doin1 ;o0ld she be pro0d of
me and sa6 BAttabo6KB or ;o0ld she han1 her head in shame?B *he clo0ds ;ill clear
rather ?0ic<l6 and 6o0 ;ill 1et 6o0r ans;ers easil6.
&f the 'ama *est doesnCt do it= & ha2e another test called the /aba *est. 4hene2er 6o0
are doin1= ;hate2er 6o0 are doin1= ;here2er and ;ith ;home2er= at home or at ;or<=
alone or ;ith someone= if 2al0es are in ?0estion= as< 6o0rself= B&f m6 children ;ere to
see me doin1 ;hat & am doin1 ri1ht no;= ;o0ld & ;ant them to see it= or ;o0ld & be
embarrassed?B A1ain the clo0ds ;ill clear rather ?0ic<l6 and 6o0 ;ill 1et 6o0r ans;ers.
&f these t;o tests donCt clarif6 a personCs 2al0es= then that person is no lon1er a h0man
bein1 and has no conscience left.
"O5 (O!S O'R .#+'! S,S!% C"#N/!7
4ith constant e@pos0re= ;hat is intolerable becomes acceptable and translates into
in2ol2ement.
And all thro01h the transition process= A0stification <eeps ta<in1 place.
I%!S #R! C"#N/IN/
4e tal< of the 6o0n1er 1eneration. 4here ;ill the6 end? 4hat abo0t their 2al0e
s6stem? /efore ;e point a fin1er at them= letCs e2al0ate ;ho is to blame.
4e o01ht to remember that 2al0es and 2irt0es are not hereditar6= the6 are learnt. 4e
need to 1et o0r priorities ri1ht.
5"# 5! (O &OR # +I.IN/ .!RS'S 5"# 5! (O 5I" # +I.IN/
'one6 is not the pa6off for e2er6 <ind of ;or<. Parents brin1 0p the children ;ith no
pa6chec< in mind. 'an6 people ha2e lots of mone6 b0t the6 are 2er6 poor. (0r
obAecti2e o01ht to be both to ha2e mone6 and be rich.
4hen mone6 tal<s it doesnCt al;a6s tal< sense and tr0th remains silent. *he most
0nfort0nate part of life is ;hen people plan to 1et mone6 ;itho0t earnin1 it. &t is easier to
ma<e mone6 and harder to <eep it.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen
or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
--Helen Jeller
9ard ;or< teaches a person the 2al0e of mone6. *hat is ;h6 it is important that parents
teach their children this lesson. & feel sorr6 for the 6o0n1er 1eneration ;ho inherits
mone6 ;itho0t 2al0e. 4itho0t lessons and 10idance= the6 often e?0ate e2er6thin1 ;ith
mone6. *he6 thin< e2er6thin1 can be bo01ht and sold. (f co0rse this is not tr0e. People
;ho ha2e 2al0es ha2e no price ta1 and neither do the6 2al0e themsel2es.
I IS PRIC!+!SS C"#R#C!R
*he mo2ie &ndecent Proposal brin1s o0t the point rather clearl6. (ne act of ad0lter6 ;as
;orth a ?0ic< million dollars. People ;ant to be an o2erni1ht s0ccess at the cost of their
conscience and it still doesnCt ;or<. /eca0se tr0e 2al0es are priceless. *he moment a
price is set on 2al0es= the 2al0es lose their 2al0e. +o possible 1ain can ma<e 0p for that
loss.
&t is 1ood to ha2e mone6 and the thin1s it can b06= b0t in the process of ac?0irin1
mone6= ;e donCt ;ant to lose the thin1s that mone6 canCt b06. 'one6 can onl6 b06 ;hat
mone6 can b06. And in fact= the most precio0s thin1s are those that mone6 A0st canCt
b06.
5"# %ON!, 5ON9 -',
*he most precio0s thin1s in life mone6 A0st canCt b06. &t is not 0ncommon to hear that
e2er6one has a price. People ;ho tal< that lan10a1e are reall6 0p for sale themsel2es.
People ;ith character= inte1rit6 and the ri1ht 2al0es are not for sale. 'one6 ;ill b06:
0Am0sements b0t not happiness.
0A bed b0t not sleep.
0/oo<s b0t not ;isdom.
0A cloc< b0t not more time.
0#ompanions b0t not friends.
0-iner6 b0t not bea0t6.
0-ood b0t not appetite.
0A ho0se b0t not a home.
0'edicine b0t not health.
0A rin1 b0t not a marria1e.
"!R! #R! 5O CIN(S O& R#/!(I!S IN +I&!
%. +ot :ettin1 4hat 4e 4ant
# CR!!( &OR "OS! 5"O "#.! S'&&!R!(
& as<ed :od for stren1th= that & mi1ht achie2e.
& ;as made ;ea<= that & mi1ht learn h0mbl6 to obe6 . . .
& as<ed for health= that & mi1ht do 1reater thin1s.
& ;as 1i2en infirmit6= that & mi1ht do better thin1s ...
& as<ed for riches= that & mi1ht be happ6.
& ;as 1i2en po2ert6= that & mi1ht be ;ise ...
& as<ed for po;er= that & mi1ht ha2e the praise of men.
& ;as 1i2en ;ea<ness= that & mi1ht feel the need of :od .. .
& as<ed for all thin1s= that & mi1ht enAo6 life.
& ;as 1i2en life= that & mi1ht enAo6 all thin1s ...
& 1ot nothin1 & as<ed for--b0t e2er6thin1 & had hoped for.
Almost despite m6self= m6 0nspo<en pra6ers ;ere ans;ered.
&= amon1 all men= am most richl6 blessedK
--Anon6mo0s
1. /etting 5hat 5e 5ant
4hen o0r 2al0e s6stem is not clear= 1ettin1 ;hat ;e ;ant can be a bi11er tra1ed6. *he
stor6 of 8in1 'idas sa6s it all.
THE MIDAS TO+CH
We all now the story of the greedy ing named $idas. He had a lot of gold and the
more he had the more he wanted. He stored
all the gold in his vaults and used to spend time every day counting it.
One day while he was counting a stranger came from nowhere and said he would grant
him a wish. The ing was delighted and said, !" would lie everything " touch to turn to
gold.! The stranger ased the ing, 6re you sure#! The ing replied, !Fes.! %o the
stranger said, !%tarting tomorrow morning with the sun rays you will get the golden
touch.!
The ing thought he must be dreaming, this couldn't be true. 'ut the ne2t day when he
woe up, he touched the bed, his clothes, and everything turned to gold. He looed out
of the window and saw his daughter playing in the garden. He decided to give her a
surprise and thought she would be happy. 'ut before he went to the garden he decided
to read a boo. The moment he touched it, it turned into gold and he couldn't read it.
Then he sat to have breafast and the moment he touched the fruit and the glass of
water, they turned to gold. He was getting hungry and he said to himself, !" can't eat
and drin gold.! 5ust about that time his daughter came running and he hugged her and
she turned into a gold statue. There were no more smiles left.
The ing bowed his head and started crying. The stranger who gave the wish came
again and ased the ing if he was happy with his golden touch. The ing said he was
the most miserable man. The stranger ased, !What would you rather have, your food
and loving daughter or lumps of gold and her golden statue#! The ing cried and ased
for forgiveness. He said, !" will give up all my gold. &lease give me my daughter bac
because without her " have lost everything worth having.! The stranger said to the ing,
!Fou have become wiser than before! and he reversed the spell. He got his daughter
bac in his arms and the ing learned a lesson that he never forget for the rest of his
life.
*. @istorted values lead to tragedy.
2. %ometimes getting what you want may be a bigger tragedy than not getting what
you want.
3. 7nlie the game of soccer where players can be substituted, the game of life allows
no substitutions or replays. We may not get a second chance to reverse our
tragedies, as the ing did.
"O5 5O'+( ,O' +IC! O -! R!%!%-!R!(7
6bout a hundred years ago, a man looed at the morning newspaper and to his
surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The newspapers had
reported the death of the wrong person by mistae. His first response was shoc. 6m "
here or there# When he regained his composure, his second thought was to find out
what people had said about him. The obituary read, !@ynamite Jing @ies.! 6nd also !He
was the merchant of death.! This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read
the words !merchant of death,! he ased himself a Duestion, !"s this how " am going to
be remembered#! He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the
way he wanted to be remembered. (rom that day on, he started woring toward peace.
His name was 6lfred =obel and he is remembered today by the great =obel &ri:e.
5ust as 6lfred =obel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values, we should
step bac and do the same.
What is your legacy# How would you lie to be remembered# Will you be spoen well
of# Will you be remembered with love and respect# Will you be missed#
I IS "! +I+! "IN/S "# %#C! # -I/ (I&&!R!NC!
There was a man taing a morning wal at or the beach. He saw that along with the
morning tide came hundreds of starfish and when the tide receded,
they were left behind and with the morning sun rays, they would die. The tide was fresh
and the starfish were alive. The man too a few steps, piced one and threw it into the
water. He did that repeatedly. <ight behind him there was another person who couldn't
understand what this man was doing. He caught up with him and ased, !What are you
doing# There are hundreds of starfish. How many can you help# What difference does
it mae#! This man did not reply, too two more steps, piced up another one, threw it
into the water, and said, !"t maes a difference to this one.!
4hat difference are ;e ma<in1? /i1 or small= it does not matter. &f e2er6one made a
small difference= ;eCd end 0p ;ith a bi1 difference= ;o0ldnCt ;e?
IS ,O'R +I&! 5OR" S#.IN/7
6 boy was drowning in a river and he shouted for help. 6 man passing by jumped in the
river and saved the boy's life. 6s the man was leaving the boy said, Than-you.''
The man ased, !(or what#! The boy replied, !(or saving my life.! The man looed into
the boy's eyes and said, 7pon, mae sure when you grow up that your life was worth
saving.!
&t is time to thin<. *his is a ;a<e-0p call.
30ccess ;itho0t f0lfillment is meanin1less. Unless there is a sense of meanin1 and
p0rpose= life is empt6 and 0nhapp6 re1ardless of ho; m0ch presti1e= mone6 or de1rees
a person has.
30ccess be1ins ;ith de2elopin1 6o0r personal s0ccess philosoph6= abo0t 6o0r health=
mone6= famil6= societ6 and 2al0es. 4itho0t a clearl6 defined p0rpose and a philosoph6
to 10ide 6o0= life is 10ided b6 fantasies. &f people ha2e not defined a philosoph6 of
s0ccess= the6 ha2e act0all6 defined a philosoph6 of fail0re b6 defa0lt.
3ometimes ;e o2erloo< the thin1s that o01ht not to be o2erloo<ed and donCt o2erloo<
the thin1s that o01ht to be o2erloo<ed.
An inte1ral part of a 1ood 2al0e s6stem is commitment.
CO%%I%!N
4hen o0r 2al0e s6stem is clear it becomes a lot easier to ma<e decisions and
commitments.
,@ample: Fo0 canCt ma<e a commitment to 6o0r co0ntr6 b6 sellin1 secrets to the enem6.
Fo0 canCt <eep a friend b6 re2ealin1 to others ;hat he told 6o0 in confidence.
Fo0 canCt <eep a commitment to a Aob b6 tr6in1 to do as little as possible.
Un<ept commitments res0lt in dishonest beha2ior. & ;onder ho; an6 relationship=
re1ardless of ;hether personal or professional= ;o0ld ;or< if people said somethin1 to
the effect.
0& ;ill tr6 b0t & canCt commit.
0& ;ill do it b0t donCt co0nt on me.
0& ;ill be there if & can= b0t donCt 1et 6o0r hopes 0p.
0& ;ill be there= so lon1 as 6o0 do ;ell.
0& ;ill be there so lon1 as 6o0 are in 1ood health.
0& ;ill stic< ;ith 6o0 till & find somethin1 better.
&f the follo;in1 relationships cannot co0nt and depend on one another= & ;onder ho;
an6thin1 ;o0ld e2er ;or< in this ;orld.
Parent / child 90sband / ;ife
3t0dent / teacher #0stomer / salesman
,mplo6er / emplo6ee -riend / friend
*he 0ncertaint6 co0ld lead to insanit6. (0r stron1est relationships are tied to1ether ;ith
the in2isible somethin1 called commitment. *oda6= brea<in1 a promise is consi-dered no
bi1 deal. All relationships 1o so0r ;itho0t commitment.
7ac< of commitment ;o0ld destabili>e relationships and lead to insec0rit6. +o one
;o0ld <no; ;here the6 stand ;ith each other.
#ommitment implies:
1. .ependabilit6
2. )eliabilit6
3. Predictabilit6
4. #onsistenc6
5. #arin1
6. ,mpath6
7. A sense of d0t6
8. 3incerit6
9. #haracter
10. &nte1rit6
11. 7o6alt6
&f one of these in1redients is missin1= commitment loses stren1th.
4hen a person ma<es a commitment to someone= he is reall6 sa6in1= BFo0 can co0nt
on me no matter ;hat=B and B& ;ill be there ;hen 6o0 need me.B
Unconditional commitment sa6s= B'6 beha2ior is predictable in an 0npredictable f0t0re.B
4hat ma<es the f0t0re 0npredictable?
0#han1es in 6o0r life and circ0mstances.
0#han1es in m6 life and circ0mstances.
0#han1es in the e@ternal conditions.
)e1ardless of the 0ncertaint6= commitment sa6s BFo0 can co0nt on me.B A person ;ho
ma<es a commitment is ;illin1 to 1i2e 0p a lot. -or ;hat? *he ans;er is prett6 clear.
*he re;ards can be priceless.
#ommitment sa6s:
1. & am ;illin1 to sacrifice beca0se & care.
2. & am a person of inte1rit6 and 6o0 can tr0st me.
3. & ;ill not let 6o0 do;n.
4. .espite pain= & ;ill still be there.
5. & ;ill not let 6o0 do;n in 1ood times or in bad times.
#ommitment is not li<e a le1al contract ;hich is enforceable. &ts fo0ndation is not a
si1ned piece of paper b0t character= inte1rit6= and empath6.
#ommitment does not mean stic<in1 to somethin1 ;hen a person has no choice. &t
means stic<in1 in spite of choices. 4itho0t the abo2e in1redients= no one ;o0ld ma<e a
serio0s lon1-lastin1 commitment to others.
4hat ma<es a commitment ;orth <eepin1? &t brin1s:
0Predictabilit6.
03ec0rit6.
0Personal 1ro;th.
03tron1 relationships bet;een indi2id0als and comm0nit6.
07astin1 personal and professional relationships.
,2en 1an1sters and croo<s are loo<in1 for committed s0pporters. #ommitment creates
a patch of 1reen in a 2ast A0n1leJ ;e call this sec0rit6 in an insec0re ;orld. 8eepin1
commitments is ;orth the effort. #ommitment means s0rrenderin1 o0r personal ;ants
for another personCs needs.
)emember and <eep in mind= needs are stron1er than ;ants. #ommitments act as a
1l0e ;hich bonds relationships. #ommitment implies sacrificin1 f0n and ;illin1ness to
accept sorro;.
-or e@ample=
1. #ommitment to friendship implies maintainin1 confidentialit6.
2. #ommitment to c0stomer implies 1i2in1 1ood ser2ice.
3. #ommitment to marria1e implies fidelit6.
4. #ommitment to decenc6 implies sta6in1 a;a6 from 20l1arit6.
5. #ommitment to patriotism implies sacrifice.
5. #ommitment to Aob implies inte1rit6.
6. #ommitment to comm0nit6 implies responsibilit6.
#ommitment is a si1n of mat0rit6. #ommitment means not ?0ittin1 at the first option or
si1n of problems. &ndi2id0als ;ith stron1 commitments b0ild stron1 comm0nities.
)elationships are based on commitment= not A0st on closeness and intimac6. A person
can be intimate and close and 6et not be committed. 4ith chan1in1 2al0es= it is e2en
considered 1ood to ha2e 0ncommitted relationships.
'an6 people are not ;illin1 to ma<e commitments beca0se the6 feel the6 are not read6
for it. 9o;e2er= in the meantime= for 6ears the6 <eep sharin1 and 0sin1 an6thin1 and
e2er6thin1 of one another. *heir prete@t is= B4e are still chec<in1 o0t each other before
;e commit.B 4hat are the6 chec<in1 o0t that the6 ha2enCt alread6 chec<ed o0t in a fe;
da6s or a fe; months or a fe; 6ears?
&n m6 opinion the6 are selfish parasites ;ho are tr6in1 to 1et as m0ch as possible ;hile
the 1oin1 is 1ood. *he6 are onl6 ta<ers ;ho are a liabilit6 to societ6. 'an6 people
conf0se commitment ;ith confinement.
)elationships donCt last beca0se of passion and lo2e b0t beca0se of commitment and
empath6. A commitment implies p0ttin1 the other personCs needs ahead of oneCs o;n.
3ometimes 1ood people ;ith the best intentions are faced ;ith conflictin1 commitments.
-or instance=
1. A policeman is committed to carin1 for his ;ife ;ho is on her death bed. /0t all of
a s0dden he 1ets an emer1enc6 call to handle a sit0ation= at the other end of
to;n ;here ten li2es are at sta<e. 4hat does he do?
2. A s0r1eon is loo<in1 for;ard to his da01hterCs 1rad0ation. 9e is committed to this
once-in-a-lifetime e2ent. 4ith all 10ests at the f0nction= 20 min0tes before the
ceremon6= he 1ets an emer1enc6 call to operate on an accident 2ictim to sa2e
his life. 4hat choice does he ha2e?
#hoosin1 one does not mean lac< of commitment to the other. *he process of ma<in1 a
choice bet;een the t;o commitments ;o0ld in2ol2e priorit6= responsibilit6 and d0t6. +ot
<eepin1 one o2er the other ;o0ld not ma<e the person feel 10ilt6.
Probabl6 ;hat the s0r1eon feels li<e doin1 is attendin1 his da01hterCs 1rad0ation. &t
doesnCt matter ;hat he feels li<e. #ommitment in2ol2es the %% elements ;e tal<ed abo0t
before= ;hether ;e feel li<e it or not.
8eepin1 commitment sho;s stren1th of character. &t ta<es s0bordinatin1 o0r desires to
the other personCs needs b0t not his ;hims and fancies.
+eeds are essential= ;hereas desires are infinite. And in case of conflict of needs= one
has to prioriti>e responsibilities and d0ties. &n a relationship s0ch as a marria1e= t;o
people are committed to each other. 30pposin1 one de2elops cancer a 6ear after?
3ho0ld one feel cheated? .epri2ed? )esentf0l? /lame the other person for r0inin1 his /
her life? *hat is not commitment. *hat is A0st selfishness.
*he most painf0l part of commitment is acceptin1 a breach ;hen it happens. *he
commitment 1oes on if the breach res0lts from an error of omission. 9o;e2er= it needs
e2al0ation if it is a res0lt of commission. /reach of omission can be handled ;ith
compassion and for1i2eness. 4hereas the breach of commission sa6s= BFo0 cheat me
once= shame on 6o0. Fo0 cheat me t;ice= shame on me.B
,ither ;a6= for oneCs o;n self-interest the ans;er is for1i2eness. As the6 sa6= B*he
;o0nds 1et healed b0t the scars remain.B #ommitments can rarel6 be <ept ;itho0t
for1i2eness. -or e@ample= a child ma6 betra6 his parentsC tr0st b6 l6in1 or cheatin1.
People a2oid ma<in1 commitments beca0se man6 times the6 are li2in1 for toda6.
5"# IS O'R /R!#!S CO%%I%!N7
4hat if ;e made a commitment that is ;ron1 or 0nethical inad2ertentl6 ;hich totall6
1oes a1ainst o0r 2al0es and conscience?
*hat is the time to ree2al0ate ;hether or not to 1o for;ard.
CO%%I%!N O .#+'!S
7o6alties cannot be bo01ht= the6 are earned. And to ;hom do ;e o;e lo6alties? &s it
indi2id0als or or1ani>ations? *he ans;er is none of them. 4e o;e lo6alties to 2al0es.
4here the 2al0e s6stem is conflictin1= people cannot li2e in the same home= the6
cannot ;or< in the same or1ani>ation.
4hen a person ma<es a commitment of lo6alt6 to either an indi2id0al or an
or1ani>ation= ;hat is he reall6 sa6in1? 9e is sa6in1= B& stand b6 6o0 beca0se & belie2e in
;hat 6o0 belie2e in.B
4hat if the person & am committed to= be it a leader= spo0se= emplo6er= emplo6ee
becomes a sp6 for an enem6 co0ntr6? .o & contin0e m6 s0pport beca0se & committed
earlier? Absol0tel6 not. & am not committed to s0pport 0nethical and ille1al beha2ior.
Un<ept commitments lead to:
0/ro<en homes
0Abandoned children
0Poor relationships
09i1h stress le2els
0:0ilt
0Unf0lfilled life
07oss of b0siness
0&solation
0.epression
'a<e a commitment and sta6 committedK
!"ICS
/ad circ0mstances are not e@c0ses for ma<in1 bad choices and leadin1 poor li2es.
5al0es and ethics are not A0st desi1ned for 1ood times= b0t also to pre2ent bad times.
*he6 are li<e the la;s of the land ;hich 6o0 need ;hen people are 1ood and 6o0 need
e2en more to protect them from the bad.
'ost choices are not ethical choices. -or e@ample= ;hat clothes to b06 or ;hat *5 to
1et are personal choices based on ;hat is more appropriate. *he6 are not ethical
choices. -or some people the ri1ht choice ma6 be Panasonic instead of 3on6 for
affordabilit6. Personal choices are s0bAecti2e= not obAecti2e= and e2en tho01h these are
not ethical iss0es the6 certainl6 in2ol2e responsibilit6. ,thical choices reflect obAecti2it6
bet;een ri1ht and ;ron1.
*hat is ;h6 o0r conscience h0rts ;hen ma<in1 an 0nethical choice and does not h0rt
;hen ma<in1 a ;ron1 personal choice. #hoices are personal beca0se the person
ma<es it= b0t the ri1htness or ;ron1ness does not chan1e from person to person.
D0st li<e in a math test= ;ho ta<es it and ;hat ans;er the6 1i2e 2aries from person to
person= b0t ;hat ma<es it ri1ht is not the choice= b0t the independence of the correct
ans;er. (f co0rse= ethical choices are not al;a6s li<e ma<in1 choices in math= A0st li<e
bein1 a nice person is not the same thin1 as bein1 a 1ood and ethical person.
A person co0ld be sociall6 nice 6et be a cheat and a liar. *hat ma<es him nice 6et
0nethical. +iceness reflects social acceptabilit6. +ice does not mean 1ood.
&n fact= most of o0r choices toda6 are based on:
%. (0r desire for con2enience= comfort= and pleas0re.
2. (0r feelin1--do ;hat feels 1ood= it is 1ood for 6o0. *he criteria is to feel 1ood rather
than doin1 ;hat is responsible.
3. 3ocial fads and ads--e2er6one else is doin1 it= so sho0ld &.
&t is a common belief that ethics and ethical choices are conf0sin1. *he bi1 ?0estion is
to ;ho? (nl6 to those ;ith 0nclear 2al0es.
SI'#ION#+ !"ICS
*hose ;ho belie2e that ethics cannot be 1enerali>ed b0t 2ar6 ;ith e2er6 sit0ation= come
0p ;ith A0stification and <eep chan1in1 their ethics from sit0ation to sit0ation= and
person to person. *his is called sit0ational ethics. *his is ethics of con2eniences rather
than con2iction.
-!NC"%#RCS
4h6 do ;e ha2e standards? *he6 are a meas0re. (ne meter in ,0rope is one meter in
Asia. (ne <ilo1ram of flo0r is one <ilo1ram of flo0r ;here2er 6o0 1o. People ;ho do not
;ant to adhere to an6 moral standards <eep chan1in1 the definition of moralit6 b6
sa6in1 nothin1 is ri1ht or ;ron1= 6o0r thin<in1 ma<es it so. *he6 p0t the on0s on
interpretation rather than on their beha2ior. *he6 feel Bm6 beha2ior is (8= 6o0r
interpretation ;as messed 0p.B
-or e@ample= 9itler co0ld ha2e belie2ed he ;as ri1ht. /0t the bi1 ?0estion is= B4as he
ri1ht?B :i2in1 mone6 to the h0n1r6 for food is ri1ht b0t at the same time 1i2in1 mone6 to
b06 dr01s is not ri1ht.
*he 1enerali>ation sets the benchmar<= the e@ception is the sit0ation. -or e@ample=
m0rder is ;ron1. *hat is a 1eneral statement and a 1enerali>ed tr0th and ethical
standard. Unless it is in self- defense. *his doesnCt sa6 that it is (8 to m0rder if the
;eather is 1ood or if 6o0 feel li<e it.
A personCs interests= other than his Aob= tells m0ch abo0t him. *he ;a6 a person spends
his leis0re time reflects on his performance at ;or<. A dr01 addict if r0nnin1 short of
mone6 ;o0ld be more li<el6 to embe>>le than a person ;ho is not an addict.
(0r standard of ethics is re2ealed b6 the ad2isors ;e hire= the s0ppliers ;e pic<= and
the b06ers ;e deal ;ith.
(pinions ma6 2ar6 from c0lt0re to c0lt0re. /0t 2al0es s0ch as fairness= A0stice= inte1rit6
and commitment are 0ni2ersal and eternal. *he6 ha2e nothin1 to do ;ith c0lt0re. +e2er
has there been a time ;hen societ6 has not respected co0ra1e o2er co;ardice.
,thics and A0stice in2ol2e the follo;in1:
0,mpath6
0-airness
0#ompassion for the inA0red
0*he lar1er interest of societ6
D0st beca0se more people a1ree on somethin1 doesnCt ma<e it ri1ht. -or e@ample= if ten
per2erts a1ree on a sadistic act to h0rt an innocent= does that ma<e it ri1ht? +o.
D0st li<e the la;s of 1ra2it6= ethics are prett6 0ni2ersal. D0st as freedom ;itho0t
discipline leads to destr0ction= similarl6= societ6 ;itho0t a set of principles destro6s
itself. &f 2al0es ;ere so s0bAecti2e= no criminals sho0ld be in Aail. 4h6 ha2e a police
force?
A societ6 becomes 1ood or bad= based on the ethical 2al0es of indi2id0als. And ;hat
1i2es societ6 its stren1th is ethical 2al0es. 3ome people enAo6 ta<in1 dr01s--it ma<es
them feel 1ood. .oes that ma<e it 1ood?
People ;ho belie2e in the theor6 of relati2it6= act0all6 1et st0c< in their o;n parado@.
*he6 sa6= B,2er6thin1 is relati2e.B *hat is the absol0te tr0th. &t is self-contradictor6. *he
distinction bet;een ri1ht and ;ron1= dishonest6 and honest6 pres0pposes their
e@istence. #han1in1 terminolo16 does not chan1e the meanin1. D0st li<e chan1in1 the
labels does not chan1e the contents.
People are chan1in1 moral 2al0es b6 1i2in1 ne; names and it is 1lamori>ed b6 the
media. 7iars are called e@tro2erts ;ith an ima1ination.
4hen 'ichael 3o2ern= the president of #ol0mbia Uni2ersit6 resi1ned in %3= a reporter
as<ed him if there ;as an6 tas< left incomplete. BFes=B replied :o2ern. B&t so0nds
complacent= b0t there is reall6 onl6 one.B 9e referred to the lac< of instr0ctions in
ethics.... *he a2era1e 0nder1rad0ate= ho;e2er= 1ets no trainin1 in these areas. 'ost
ed0cators are afraid to to0ch the s0bAect. ,thics are 0s0all6 left to be addressed b6
parents. *he res0lt is that in this co0ntr6 6o0n1 people ;ho need moral and ethical
trainin1 more than e2er are 1ettin1 less than e2er. 'orals and ethics are not a reli1ion.
*he6 are lo1ical= sensible principles of 1ood cond0ct that ;e need for a peacef0l
societ6. L
L Adapted from Dohn /ec<le6= B&snCt &t *ime to 4a<e Up?B in *he /est of. . . /its MU
Pieces= ,conomics Press= -airfield= +D= %4= p. %2.
!"ICS #N( +!/#+I,
'ost ;ill a1ree that le1alit6 and ethics are not the same thin1. 4hat ma6 be ethical ma6
or ma6 not be le1al and 2ice 2ersa.
-or e@ample:
1. An ins0rance salesperson more concerned ;ith 1ettin1 a lar1er commission as
opposed to sellin1 the most s0itable polic6 sells the ;ron1 <ind of polic6 to a
prospecti2e client. *his ma6 be le1al b0t 0nethical.
2. A 6o0n1 e@ec0ti2e is dri2in1 o2er the speed limit= tr6in1 to reach the hospital ;ith
his bleedin1 child in the bac< seat of his car. 9ardl6 an6one ;o0ld ?0estion the
ethics of brea<in1 the la; in this sit0ation. &t ;o0ld be 0nethical not to 1et medical
help to sa2e the <idCs life= e2en if it meant brea<in1 the la;.
7e1alit6 establishes minim0m standards= ;hereas ethics and 2al0es 1o be6ond those
standards. ,thics and 2al0es are abo0t fairness and A0stice. &t is not abo0t pleasin1 or
displeasin1 people. &t is abo0t respectin1 peopleCs needs and ri1hts.
P'RPOS! O& +I&!
*here are man6 <inds of desire. .esire for s0ccess= desire to do oneCs d0t6 e2en at the
cost of pleas0re. .esire for p0rpose. 3omethin1 ;orth d6in1 for ;hich 1i2es meanin1 to
life.
4hat 1ood is it if 6o0 1ain the ;hole ;orld and lose 6o0r conscience?
A p0rposeless life is a li2in1 death. 4hat is 6o0r p0rpose? .o 6o0 ha2e one? P0rpose
brin1s passion. -ind or create a p0rpose and then p0rs0e it ;ith passion and
perse2erance.
,2er6 da6 ;e need to as< o0rsel2es the ?0estion: BAm & 1ettin1 an6 closer to m6
p0rpose in life? Am & ma<in1 this a better place to li2e?B &f the ans;er is no= then & ha2e
A0st ;asted a da6 of m6 life. 7ife ;ill re;ard 0s in proportion to o0r contrib0tion.
*he earlier ;e find a p0rpose in life= the better it is. &t appears that the 1reatest
challen1e comes in the 0nendin1 search for the p0rpose of life. +ot onl6 as an indi2id0al
b0t for o0r families= or1ani>ations and co0ntr6. (nce o0r p0rpose and 2al0es are clear=
conflicts bet;een self-interest and social obli1ations find a moral balance bet;een
themsel2es. 4e become a;are of ;hen to ta<e a stand. *hat is the time ;e start
ma<in1 the ri1ht decisions for lon1-term 1ain rather than ma<in1 the ;ron1 decisions for
short-term 1ain. 4isdom and mat0rit6 lead to 1reater 0nderstandin1 of maAor iss0es.
%tudy as if you were to live forever. Iive as if you were to die tomorrow.
--$ahatma Bandhi
4e cannot help o0rsel2es ;itho0t helpin1 others.
4e cannot enrich o0r li2es ;itho0t enrichin1 others.
4e cannot prosper ;itho0t brin1in1 prosperit6 to others.
--+anette #ole= 3pellman #olle1e
Danette #ole once said= B3ho; me a person ;ho is content ;ith mediocrit6 and & ;ill
sho; 6o0 a person destined for fail0re.B 7ife is not a spectator sport. 4e cannot sit bac<
and ;atch thin1s happen. 4e need to find a p0rpose in order to ma<e life meanin1f0l
and then stri2e to achie2e that p0rpose.
+I.IN/ 5I" # P'RPOS!
All of 0s are p0t on this planet for a p0rpose. 4e are part of a bi1 pict0re. /0t 2er6 fe;
people disco2er their p0rpose in life. 'ost of 0s A0st e@ist and <eep co0ntin1 o0r da6s
rather than ma<in1 o0r da6s co0nt.
.r. Albert ,instein ;as once as<ed= B4h6 are ;e here?B 9e replied= B&f the 0ni2erse is
an accident= ;e are accidents. /0t if there is meanin1 in the 0ni2erse= there is meanin1
in 0s also.B And he added= B*he more & st0d6 ph6sics= the more & am dra;n to;ards
metaph6sics.B
" would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately succeed than succeed in a cause that
would ultimately fail.
--Wood row Wilson
5"!R! (O 5! +!#RN O'R .#+'!S &RO%7
& recentl6 read the stor6 of a hi1h-school 2al0es clarification class cond0cted b6 a
teacher in *eanec<= +e; Derse6. A 1irl in the class had fo0nd a p0rse containin1 R%=000
and ret0rned it to its o;ner. *he teacher as<ed for the classCs reaction. ,2er6 sin1le one
of her fello; st0dents concl0ded the 1irl had been foolish. 'ost of the st0dents
contended that if someone ;as careless= the6 sho0ld be p0nished. 4hen the teacher
;as as<ed ;hat he said to the st0dents= he responded= B4ell= of co0rse= & didnCt sa6
an6thin1. &f & come from the position of ;hat is ri1ht and ;hat is ;ron1= then &Cm not their
co0nselor. & canCt impose m6
2ie;s.BL
&f ;e do not learn 2al0es from o0r parents and teachers= ;ho do ;e learn them from?
And ;hen the6 donCt teach 0s 2al0es= ;e pic< them 0p b6 defa0lt from tele2ision and
other s0ch 0ndesirable so0rces. +o ;onder societ6 1ets messed 0p. *he teacher s0ch
as in the e@ample abo2e is not onl6 irresponsible ;ith distorted 2al0es b0t does not
deser2e to be teachin1 o0r <ids.
5INNIN/ .!RS'S 5INN!RS
4hat is the difference bet;een ;innin1 and bein1 a ;inner? 4innin1 is an e2ent.
/ein1 a ;inner is a spirit. 4inners ha2e <ept ;innin1 in perspecti2e based on their
2al0e s6stem.
THREE INSPIRATIONAL "INNERS
1. Olympics is a lifetime event. Iawrence Iemieu2 stopped racing in a yacht race to
help a fellow competitor who was in trouble. The whole world was watching. His
priority of safety for other people's lives was greater than his desire to win. ;ven
though he did not win the race, he was a winner. He was honored by ings and
Dueens all over the world because he ept the spirit of the Olympics alive.
2. " heard the story about <euben Bon:ales when he was in the final match of the
racDuetball tournament. This was an important event and he was playing for the
world title. "n the final game at match point, Bon:ales played a super shot to save
point. The referee and the linesman both confirmed that the shot was good and he
was declared the winner.
> 5ournal of the 6merican (amily 6ssociation, =ovember M @ecember *++*.
'ut Bon:ales, after a little pause and hesitation, turned bac to shae his opponent's
hand and said, !The shot was faulty.! 6s a result, he lost the serve and eventually, lost
the match.
;veryone was stunned. Who could imagine that a player with everything officially in his
favor, with winning in his pocet, would disDualify himself and lose. When ased why he
did it, Bon:ales replied, !"t was the only thing to do in order to maintain my integrity.! He
lost the match, yet he was a winner.
3. 6 group of salespeople left town for a meeting and told their families they would be
bac home (riday evening for supper. 'ut as with meetings the way they are, one thing
leads to another and they didn't finish on time. They were delayed and had to catch a
flight. They came to the airport just at the last minute, with ticets in hand, and ran,
hoping the plane hadn't departed. While running, one of them hit a table and on the
table was a fruit baset. 6ll the fruit got scattered and bruised but they didn't
have time to stop. They ept running and made it to the plane and all of them breathed
a sigh of relief that they had made it, e2cept one. He got in touch with his feelings, got
up, said good-bye to his friends and went. What he saw made him glad that he came
out. He went to the table that was noced down and behind the table was a ten-year-
old blind girl who was selling the fruits to mae a living. He said, !" hope we haven't
ruined your day.! He pulled out K*, from his pocet, handed it to her and said, !This will
tae care of the fruits,! and he left. The girl couldn't see what was going onE all she
could hear was the footsteps leaving. 6s the footsteps faded away, she shouted from
behind, !6re you Bod#! He missed his flight but was he a winner# Fou bet. One can be
a winner without a medal and one can be a loser with a medal if winning is not ept in
perspective.
5INNIN/ IS #N !.!NL -!IN/ # 5INN!R IS # SPIRI
*hree people ran a marathon besides h0ndreds of others. *he medal ;as ;on b6 a
fo0rth person. /0t does that mean that these three people ;ere losers? +ot at all. *he6
all ;ent into the race ;ith different obAecti2es. *he first one ;ent in to test his end0rance
and he did and came o0t better than his e@pectations. *he second ;anted to impro2e
on his pre2io0s performance= and he did. *he third person had ne2er r0n a marathon in
his life. 9is obAecti2e ;as to complete the race and reach the finish line and he did.
4hat does that tell 0s? All three ;ith different obAecti2es met them and the6 ;ere all
;inners= re1ardless of ;ho ;on the medal.
As 'ar< *;ain said= it is better to deser2e an honor and not ha2e it than to ha2e it and
not deser2e it. /eca0se di1nit6 is not in possessin1 b0t deser2in1.
&f ;innin1 is the onl6 obAecti2e= a person ma6 miss o0t on the internal re;ards that come
;ith ;innin1. 'ore important than ;innin1 is ;innin1 ;ith honor and deser2in1 to ha2e
;on. &t is better to lose honorabl6 than to s0cceed ;ith dishonest6. 7osin1 honorabl6
ma6 si1nif6 lac< of preparation b0t dishonest ;innin1 si1nifies lac< of character.
*he real test of a personCs character is ;hat he ;o0ld or ;o0ld not do if he <ne; he
;o0ld ne2er be fo0nd o0t. &t is not ;orth compromisin1 oneCs inte1rit6 and ta<in1
shortc0ts to ;in. Fo0 ma6 ;in a troph6 b0t <no;in1 the tr0th 6o0 can ne2er be a happ6
person. 'ore important than ;innin1 a troph6 is bein1 a 1ood h0man bein1.
4inners li2e and ;or< e2er6 da6 as if it ;ere the last da6. /eca0se one of these da6s it
is 1oin1 to be the last and ;e donCt <no; ;hich one it is 1oin1 to be. 4hen the6 lea2e=
the6 lea2e as ;inners.
There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.
--$ichael de $ontaigne
5INN!RS #R! /R#CIO'S
)emember= ;inners are 1racio0s. *he6 ne2er bra1 abo0t themsel2es= the6 respect and
appreciate their team members and opponents.
'an6 people <no; ho; to be s0ccessf0l . 5er6 fe; <no; ho; to handle s0ccess. And
there is al;a6s somethin1 abo0t s0ccess that displeases some other people.
-+'!PRIN &OR S'CC!SS
4e cond0ct a three -da6 seminar titled B/l0eprint for 30ccessB 1loball6 for or1ani>ations
in-ho0se and open p0blic pro1rams. *his is based on the philosoph6 B4inners donCt do
different thin1s= the6 do thin1s differentl6.B *his philosoph6 came as a co0nter to the
belief B4innin1 is not e2er6thin1= it is the onl6 thin1.B *his latter philosoph6 leads me to
?0estion the inte1rit6 of people ;ho belie2e it to be tr0e. &t 1i2es a distorted meanin1 to
the ;ords B<iller instinct.B &f 6o0 as< a person on the street= B4hat is the meanin1 of
<iller instinct=B most responses ;o0ld be= BFo0 ha2e to ;in b6 hoo< or b6 croo<.B *hat is
not <iller instinct= that is p0re dishonest6.
*o a 1ood sportsman= <iller instinct means:
%. Fo0 donCt p0t in %00G b0t 6o0 p0t in 200G.
2. *o ;in= ;e m0st cash in on o0r opponentCs mista<e. +ot cashin1 in on an
opponentCs mista<e is a mista<e. 9o;e2er= pla6in1 fo0l to ;in is not <iller instinct= it
is o0tri1ht dishonest6. Unfair ;innin1 ma6 1i2e temporar6 s0ccess b0t certainl6 not
f0lfillment.
*he realit6 is that life is a competition and ;e ha2e to compete. &n fact= competition
ma<es competiti2e people 1ro;. *he obAecti2e is to ;in= no ?0estion--b0t to ;in fairl6=
s?0arel6= decentl6 and b6 the r0les.
5INN!RS +!#.! # +!/#C,
:reat people lea2e somethin1 behind. 4inners reco1ni>e that no one can ma<e it
alone. ,2en tho01h champions 1et the medals= the6 reali>e that there are man6 people
behind their s0ccess= ;itho0t ;hom it ;o0ld not ha2e been possible. *heir teachers=
parents= coaches= fans= and mentors. (ne can ne2er f0ll6 repa6 those ;ho ha2e helped
;inners. *he onl6 ;a6 to sho; a little 1ratit0de is b6 helpin1 those ;ho are follo;in1.
*he follo;in1 poem sa6s it all.
"! -RI(/! -'I+(!R
An old man= 1oin1 a lone hi1h;a6= #ame=
at the e2enin1= cold and 1ra6= *o a chasm=
2ast= and deep= and ;ide= *hro01h ;hich
;as flo;in1 a s0llen tide.
*he old man crossed in the t;ili1ht dimJ
*he s0llen stream had no fears for himJ /0t he
t0rned= ;hen safe on the other side=
And b0ilt a brid1e to span the tide.
B(ld man=B said a fello; pil1rim= near=
BFo0 are ;astin1 stren1th ;ith b0ildin1 hereJ
Fo0r Ao0rne6 ;ill end ;ith the endin1 da6J Fo0
ne2er a1ain m0st pass this ;a6J
Fo0 ha2e crossed the chasm= deep and ;ide--
4h6 b0ild 6o0 the brid1e at the e2entide?B
*he b0ilder lifted his old 1ra6 head:
B:ood friend= in the path & ha2e come=B he said=
B*here follo;eth after me toda6
A 6o0th= ;hose feet m0st pass this ;a6.
*his chasm= that has been na01ht to me= *o
that fair-haired 6o0th ma6 a pitfall be. 9e=
too= m0st cross in the t;ili1ht dimJ
:ood friend= & am b0ildin1 the brid1e for him. B
--4ill Allen .rom1oole
3ocrates ta01ht PlatoJ Plato ta01ht AristotleJ Aristotle ta01ht Ale@ander the :reat.
8no;led1e= had it not been passed alon1= ;o0ld ha2e died.
(0r 1reatest responsibilit6 is to pass on a le1ac6 that the comin1 1enerations can be
pro0d of.
C"#N/IN/ .#+'!S**O(#,9S .#+'!S
#han1e is ine2itable. 4hether ;e li<e it or not= it is 1oin1 to be there. 4e ha2e had
eno01h of the BmeB 1eneration and sit0ational ethics ;hich ha2e led to the loss of
stron1 comm0nities. *here is sadness for 1ettin1 ca01ht rather than remorse for ha2in1
done ;ron1.L
A s0r2e6 of hi1h school principals in %5" as<ed this ?0estion: 4hat are the main
problems amon1 6o0r st0dents? *he ans;er ;as:
1. +ot doin1 home;or<.
2. +ot respectin1 propert6--for e@ample= thro;in1 boo<s.
3. 7ea2in1 li1hts on and doors and ;indo;s open.
4. *hro;in1 spitballs in class.
5. )0nnin1 thro01h the halls.
*he same s0r2e6 ?0estion ;as as<ed 30 6ears Hone 1enerationI later= in %"". *he
ans;ers ;ere startlin1l6 different. 9ere are the main problems of toda6Cs hi1h school
st0dents:
1. Abortion
2. A&.3
3. )ape
4. .r01s
5. -ear of 2iolent death= m0rder= 10ns= and <ni2es in school
Try not to be a man of success but rather try to be a man of value.
--6lbert ;instein
L smo<in1 #hoices b6 Peter 8reeft= pp. %S2.
O+( .#+'!S #R! NO O-SO+!!
5al0es s0ch as responsibilit6= inte1rit6= commitment= and patriotism are considered old
b6 some. *hese ma6 be old 2al0es b0t the6 are certainl6 not obsolete. *he6 ha2e stood
the test of time and ;ill be here fore2er. *hese 2al0es ha2e the same meanin1 in +e;
For< as in +e; .elhi or +e; Tealand. *he6 are 0ni2ersal. & donCt <no; of an6 time or
c0lt0re in histor6 ;hich does not respect these 2al0es.
.#+'!S #R! # #N #++*I%! +O5
&n an6 societ6= basic immoralit6 and inA0stice lead to despair. *he 1reed6 and
inconsiderate ;ho see< immoral pleas0res m0st be stopped b6 those committed ;ith
2al0es. 4e ha2e stra6ed in the process of chan1e.
An6 societ6 that has lost its moral bearin1 is headin1 for disaster beca0se all fail0res in
histor6 ha2e been moral fail0res.
'ore than half a cent0r6 a1o= America ;as in the middle of a ;renchin1 depression.
(ne-third of o0r nationCs ;ealth 2anished in a matter of months. 'an0fact0rin1 declined
!!G. (ne-fo0rth of the labor force ;as left idle. 'an6 cities co0ld not afford to <eep
schools open. *;ent6 percent of +e; For< schoolchildren ;ere malno0rished. At one
point= 34 million men= ;omen= and children ;ere ;itho0t an6 income at all.
Fet in the depths of that hardship= ;ith its so0p <itchens= ban< closin1s= and h0n1er=
-ran<lin )oose2elt co0ld tell the nation in a radio address= B(0r diffic0lties= than< :od=
concern onl6 material thin1s.BL
5"# IS /OO(N!SS7
&f ;e too< a s0r2e6= as<in1 people one ?0estion= BAre 6o0 1ood?B most people ;o0ld
respond= BFesKB As< them= B4hat ma<es 6o0 1ood?B )esponses ;ill be:
0& donCt cheat so &Cm 1ood.
0& donCt lie so that ma<es me 1ood.
0& donCt steal= so &Cm 1ood.
&f 6o0 anal6>e the abo2e rationales= there is not m0ch s0bstance in them. D0st thin< of
the person ;ho sa6s= B& donCt cheat.B 4ell= that onl6 means that he is not a cheat. And
the persons ;ho sa6 the6 donCt lie and steal= onl6 mean that the6 are not liars and
thie2es. /0t that doesnCt ma<e them 1ood. A person becomes 1ood ;hen he act0all6
does 1ood rather than not doin1 ;ron1. A person of 2al0es ;o0ld be one ;ho has
?0alities s0ch as fairness= compassion= co0ra1e= inte1rit6= empath6= h0milit6= lo6alt6 and
co0rtes6. 4hat ma<es a person ;ith these ?0alities 1ood person? &t is beca0se these
are the <ind of people ;ho are dependable= stand 0p for A0stice= help the need6= ma<e
life better for themsel2es and those aro0nd them. *o reco1ni>e 1oodness in all its forms=
;e need benchmar<s and standards. /enchmar<s can be ethical= or le1al= or both.
,thical ones deal ;ith ri1ht and ;ron1 and all the 1ra6 areas that are in bet;een leadin1
to ;hat is 1ood and more 1ood and ;hat is bad and more bad.
LAo0rnal of the American -amil6 Association= +o2ember / .ecember %%.
"O5 "I/" #R! O'R !"IC#+ S#N(#R(S7
4hat ;o0ld 6o0 do in the follo;in1 sit0ations?
.1 Fo0 <no; the ta@i fare from 6o0r home to the airport is R64. Fo0 ha2e paid it
before= 6o0 <no; it is the correct fare. *his time the ta@i dri2er as<s for R32.
4hat ;o0ld 6o0 do?
.2 Fo0 are dinin1 in a resta0rant and 6o0 ordered fo0r dishes and the ;aiter
bro01ht all fo0r b0t b6 mista<e= billed 6o0 for onl6 three. 4hat ;o0ld 6o0 do?
.3 Fo0r best friend is terminall6 ill and 6o0 are a life ass0rance salesman. *he6
needed R%00=000 ;orth of ins0rance. +o one <no;s and no one can find o0t
that 6o0r friend is d6in1. 4o0ld 6o0 ;rite the polic6?
Fo0 cannot le1islate ethics. 4hat ad2ice ;o0ld 6o0 1i2e to 6o0r children 0nder the
same circ0mstances? &s 6o0r beha2ior conformin1 ;ith the ad2ice 6o0 ;o0ld 1i2e 6o0r
children in the same sit0ation? 4e start learnin1 ethics ri1ht after birth and all thro01h
o0r li2es. #an ;e chan1e ethical beha2ior? Fes= ;e need ethical trainin1.
5"# #&&!CS !"ICS7
0:reed
0-ear
0Press0re
Press0re to perform does not A0stif6 0nethical acts. *o be treated fairl6 is not the same
thin1 as bein1 treated e?0all6.
!"ICS IN -'SIN!SS
,thics or lac< of it is e2ident in e2er6 profession. :reed6 doctors do 0nnecessar6
proced0res and s0r1er6. 7a;6ers bend the tr0th. Parents and children ali<e tell ;hite
lies. Acco0ntants and secretaries often falsif6 reports.
4hen ;e cheat the people aro0nd 0s= most of all ;e are cheatin1 o0rsel2es. 4e are
preparin1 o0rsel2es to be cheated. Prosperit6 brin1s responsibilit6. 4e cannot b0ild
ind0str6 and infrastr0ct0re ;hile destro6in1 the moral and social fiber.
*he conse?0ences of not follo;in1 ethical beha2ior are the same as not follo;in1 le1al
beha2ior. 3ome people ;ill ne2er be ethical. *he6 thin< the6 are ta<in1 the eas6 ;a6. &n
realit6 it is the to01her ;a6. #o0ld 6o0 face 6o0rself if 6o0 didnCt do the ri1ht thin1 for
6o0r client? #o0ld 6o0 bra1 to 6o0r <ids and be pro0d and feel 1ood? &f 6o0 canCt= then
that beha2ior is 0nethical.
A sense of h0mor and pride in oneself <eep a person on co0rse.
.ISION
4h6 donCt people achie2e e@cellence? *he bi1 reason is the lac< of 2ision or limited
2ision. 4e need to dream be6ond ;hat is possible. ,2er6thin1 that ;e see toda6 ;as a
dream before it became realit6. 7i2e ;ith enth0siasm= direction and ;ith a sense of
p0rpose. .o 6o0 ha2e a dream? 4hat is 6o0r dream? ,2er6 da6 that 6o0 li2e= are 6o0
1ettin1 closer to 6o0r p0rpose? :et 6o0r ad2ice from s0ccessf0l people and not from
li2in1 fail0res ;ho ;ill tell 6o0 ho; to s0cceed.
4here the 2ision is one 6ear= c0lti2ate flo;ers.
4here the 2ision is ten 6ears= c0lti2ate trees.
4here the 2ision is eternit6= c0lti2ate people.
(riental sa6in1
)emember= ;inners donCt do different thin1s= the6 do thin1s differentl6K

You Can Win - A Step by Step To - Shiv Khera - 1934

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