Reflective Essay : Know Thyshelf !

SUMIT KUMAR
M2014HRM054
" Starting from the build up of my life I would start with the humanistic approach which is
explained in the later course of the essay. Our respective lives are pretty much like the graph we
have in the cardiac monitor. We are sometimes happy, sometimes sad and when nothing works then
we take the indifferent stand. ife is beautiful and we should live it with an open mind. !very
failure we commit should really become the source of learning for our future. So that it broadens
our "erspective and perception of seeing it through different angles".
"It#s all about digging deep into our shelves and reflecting it so that we can learn from our past
experiences and maybe implement it in the long run ".
I was born in the state of $ihar in a bureaucratic family. I grew up in an environment where I was
not allowed to interact with any outsider untill the age of % when I started my schooling. &he
primary reason behind that was my dad#s posting in not so well to do place.
I was directly admitted to class ' so it was indeed difficult for me to go into a totally different
environment and settle. I used to cry everyday when my parents used to drop me to the school. It
took a good time to finally settle in the school. &o add to this I was given a special security in the
school which really isolated me from talking to others. !ven if someone wanted to talk to me,
he(she really had to think twice thanks to the police personnel who walked with my shadow.
In '))*, my father was transferred for central deputation to +ew ,elhi. I was admitted to Sanskriti
School, which was coined to be the best school for atleast the civil servants. I was really eager and
looking forward for the new experience. I really had lots of expectations from the new environment
because I will finally get a chance to out my shackles and really live life like a free bird.
I was really impressed by the infrastructure and teachers with whom I interacted prior to my
admissions. $ut, my first day at the school really didn#t out to be one to remember. &he -uality of
education which I received in $ihar was completely different from that I will receive at Sanskriti.
$ut, it will take me about one year to really talk myself out thanks to the regular teasing from my
peer group and my poor communication skills which was indeed frustrating for me. It was a hard
time for me to grow as almost everyone in my class really teased me for what I was. I was a .at boy
who had /ust come from $ihar 0 bihari babu 1 with very poor communication skill compared to my
peers. 2y ob/ective at that point of time was really to seek attention of others, which was really
cheap at my part but I had to do that because I really didn#t had a single friend to really talk to. &he
.irst year was really a big learning experience for me which I would reali3e in latter part of my life.
In my 4lass 5th examinations I worked hard to get good grades but still I lagged behind by big
margins but I really gave an intent to other people in my class. "eople by /ust seeing improvement
in my grades started giving me attention which gave me an internal satisfaction. I continued
working hard for my class 6th exams and results started to reap. I scored highest in my mathematics
examination which started my new beginning. "eople started talking to me and I really started
feeling a part of the system. &he entire experience made me really strong. Initially I was succumbed
by the peer group which I fought and won. &he winning pri3e was /ust the friendship which I craved
for but latter I will understand that fake friends are only made by such stunts.
&his entire experience makes up for a part of my current lifestyle. I really don#t believe in the
concept of friendship. !verything is incentive and interest driven, both of these words come with a
expiry date. So does the concept of " friendship ".
"$eing a science student I had always learned through theories, facts and proof. I tried to introspect
myself, people around me and the society from a scientific point of view. I always tried to search for
a rationale and scientific reason for every phenomenon. ost in this scientific world of proofs and
facts, I had never sat and reflected about the much deeper aspects of my personality, as to why I
react in a particular manner in some situations, why I get anxious or stressed easily, the way I
interact and behave with different people and many such aspects of my personality. 7eading the
psychological principles of .reud, Skinner, 4arl 7ogers, 2aslow and other such great psychologist
actually introduced me to a totally new, exciting, surprising and unexplored arena. Initially I had
mixed reactions and was a bit bewildered as it was totally different from what I had known and
learned till date. I was being ac-uainted to a new 8uman Side of 2an as well as myself. It was
challenging and tough to accept these new ideas, but as I went on reading, understanding and
applying them I actually developed interest and wanted to know more and more of it".
&his entire episode has helped in making me the person that I am.

". 9ccording to .reud:s psychoanalytic personality theory 07eef, '));1 the id, ego, and
superego are three parts of the human personality which result in the complex behavior of human
beings. &he superego develops last, and is based on morals and /udgments about right and wrong.
!ven though the superego and the ego may reach the same decision about something, the superego:s
reason for that decision is more based on moral values< while the ego:s decision is based more on
what others will think or what the conse-uences of an action could be. If these are not satisfied, a
person gets anxious. 07eef, '));1.
Once after my first semester examination got over, I decided to hangout with my college friends for
a while. &he "lan was of roaming around in 4" but it turned out that people had different ideas.
!veryone was super excited because the first ever college examination was over. So we decided to
buy $eer "ints and drink it in some shady place at 4". &he idea of buying $eer pints was I,= ridden
We /ust neglected what might be the conse-uences of such a stunt. Ignorance is not always bliss,
we were caught red=handed by the police and that point of time we were barely ;5. I tried
everything but the policemen really didnt#t leave. I had to bite his hands hard so that I can run.
&aking notice of reality even when the id has remained rigid and unyielding is my !go. So the
conse-uences of getting caught made me bite the policemen#s hand where my superego was the
dominating force.
"&he ego deals with reality, trying to meet the desires of the id in a way that is socially
acceptable in the world 07eef, '));1 I remember this incident, once when my mom gave me
7s.'%)) and asked me to get some grocery from nearby Safal. 8owever, /ust by the temptation of
the summer sale I almost ended up spending the amount on ' 2an united >erseys. So, buying the
/erseys here was my I,. $ut then reali3ation struck my head and I had to cancel the bill which was
indeed embarrassing but if had bought it then It would have come at the cost of grocery. So, the
self=embarrassment which happened to me is my Superego as it was against my moral principles.
&hus relating to .reud, in this case my ego lead me to suppress my desire and behave in a socially
acceptable framework"".
"!ven though the superego and the ego may reach the same decision about something, the
superego#s reason for that decision is more based on moral values, while the ego#s decision decision
is based more on what others will think or what the conse-uences of action could be0 7eef, ')); 1.
So this incident happened with my team a couple of days back. We were selected for the case study
competition by S9$2iller according to the mail we received. $ut when our pri3e distribution
happened some other team received the certificates which basically caused lots of confusion. atter
it was made cleared that some other team had -ualified for with the same name. &his was
heartbreaking because we had already prepared for our presentation and devoted good two days.
$ut taking someone#s place who deserve was not at all ethical at our part. We went upto the /udges
and asked them that can we withdraw our names but somehow the luck was on our side as they
allowed both the teams to give their respective presentation . &his was when I, came in the picture
as my desire to compete was over. $y considering the reality my ego took the back seat as at that
pointof time it was my super ego which made me aware that cheating others is wrong and against
my ethics and values".
"I always used to think that this happens due to my stressful and hectic life I tend to forget things.
$ut after reading .reud, I came across this concept of .reudian slip 0"arapraxis1. .reudian slip says
that, the unconscious actually exists and the slips are created by two opposing intentions in people#s
mind, acting in opposition or against each other 0 .reud, ;6);1. I reali3ed that in all the above
situations, it:s my unconscious, which alters my conscious reality to some extent and results in the
slips. Since school days, I used to get too anxious before exams and once the exam was over I
would be totally relaxed. I suffered from vague psychosomatic symptoms like acidity, stomach
cramps and headaches. I always looked at it from a scientific perspective, that anxiety is caused due
to the release of some neurotransmitters in the brain. $ut after reading .reud I reali3ed that it:s a
much deeper concept involving our ego. 9ccording to .reud, ego does three main functions, of
handling impulses from external world, Id impulses and demands of super=ego. When the
ego stops handling them, three types of anxieties" result?
realistic anxiety = danger from external world 0not handling outside environment1
neurotic anxiety = conflict of ego with Id 0not handling the Id impulse1
moral anxiety = conflict of ego with super=ego 0pressure of moral dilemma1 0 .reud, $unker, ;6@A1.
"I reali3ed, that I actually suffer from realistic anxiety caused due to fear of exams and pressure to
get good grades. 8owever, over the years, through yoga and meditation, I have been able to control
my anxiety to a great extent".
".reud:s concepts of defense mechanisms, 0 .reud, ;6AA1 I reali3ed that I could actually
relate to so many of them. With almost every concept I read, I could remember incidences of life
where I had used these mechanisms. In the following few paragraphs I have tried to capture some of
these prominent incidents and integrate them with theory ".
" 2any times it happens that I am angry with someone but can:t tell them directly so I end
up either slamming the doors of my room or cupboard. 9lthough, I always thought it is /ust one of
the ways of venting my anger, after understanding .reudian principles I reali3ed it is a concept
called displacement 0 .reud, ;6AA1 one of the defense mechanisms, where in a person reacts by
taking out impulses on a less threatening target. One more incident I remember is when I was really
angry with someone for something but vented it out by arguing with and being rude to my close"
friend.
"7ecollecting another incident, I made some controversial point during one of my interviews and
then later kept denying it that I had actually said something wrong and /ustifying it even though in
some corner of my mind I knew that what I had said was wrong and would get me into trouble.
&his incident can be related to .reud:s concept of ,enial=9rguing against an anxiety provoking
stimuli by stating it doesn#t exist"0 .reud, ;6AA1
In pro/ection, the ego which can:t handle Id impulse, externali3es the impulse and the
person starts seeing and pro/ecting the impulse on others, not being aware that the particular trait is
actually theirs 0 .reud, ;6AA1. I am really very scared of dogs and I keep asking people if they too
are scared of dogs. 9fter understanding .reud, I reali3ed that I keep pro/ecting my fear of dogs on
others by asking them if even they are scared of dogs. So actually it:s my fear but I keep pro/ecting
it on others as well.
Once when I lost a competition, I told my parents that the other girl won because she
already knew the /udge and thus the /udge was partial to her. 9t that time I never thought that I was
actually using .reud:s defense mechanism concept of rationali3ation. .or me it was /ust about
trying to /ustify my failure, showing that it was not my fault. 9ccording to .reud, rationali3ation is
a defense mechanism that involves explaining an unacceptable behavior or feeling, in a rational or
logical manner, avoiding the true reasons for the behavior 0 .reud, ;6AA1.
7eaction .ormation 0 .reud, ;6AA1 occurs when a person feels an urge to do or say
something and then actually does or says something that is effectively the opposite of what they
really want. While in college I was given the award for !xcellence in designing and event
management so people in my team who might have deserved the same award, congratulated me in
not such a congratulatory manner. "robably they were trying to hide their true feelings.
While Sigmund .reud emphasi3ed on libido as the driving force for all human action,
$...Skinner came up with a totally different concept of behaviorism. 8e was a firm believer of the
idea that human free will was actually an illusion and any human action was the result of the
conse-uences of that same action.0Skinner,;6BA1 9naly3ing my personality from Skinner:s
perspective I have tried relating and understanding few of my life incidences with Skinner:s
concepts and principles.
While reading .reud:s concepts of fixations 0Cahn,'))'1 and the personality traits associated with
them, I wondered, if even I am fixated in any of these stages. Introspecting, I reali3ed that one of
my -ualities is that I am very organi3ed and re-uire things to be in the proper place and neat and
tidy 0compulsive1. 9lso I am very stubborn and don:t budge easily. &hough I don:t remember my
childhood experiences clearly, I decided to dig into them by asking my mother for inputs. It was
from her that I came to know that when I was about '=@ years old I used to spend a considerable
amount of time on mowing my kitchen garden and looking after samplings. 9t that moment, I
reali3ed that I could be fixated in the anal retentive stage in which the child takes pleasure in
holding its faeces in spite of the parents training and grows up to have traits of being orderly,
parsimonious and stubborn. Initially, I was bit reluctant to accept this fact but, on further reading
and understanding .reud, I came to terms with it.
Whenever I am disturbed or thinking about something throughout the day, I eventually
happen to see the same in my dreams e.g. during exams I get dreams of reaching late for the exam
or not completing the exam. 7elating it to .reud:s views, dreams are nothing but all forms of wish
fulfillment=attempts by the unconscious to resolve a conflict of some sort, whether something recent
or something from the past 0.reud, ;66B1. I had never thought in the wildest of my dreams that, my
dreams could actually be related to my subconscious and fulfillment of some wishes.
" Since childhood my parents have always ensured that I grow up to be a good human being
with the right set of values and principles. One of the most prominent of these principles has been
Dsharing everything : no matter what the situation, or the conse-uences can be. ,ue to this
conditioning since childhood I rarely stopped myself from expressing. While I was reading about
skinners principles of operant conditioning I faintly remembered one of my childhood life incidents,
where my father had used this principle of having a EC -ui3 when we had a family trip or an
outing. Somehow, I used to win all the -ui33es. &his in turn motivated me to study still harder for
the next trip#s -ui3 so that I can win it again get. 9t the surface it was /ust a matter of being
rewarded but a deeper understanding shows the applicability of Skinner:s principle of positive
reinforcement=a stimulus that increases the probability of a response when presented following that
response " 0 .avell,;6BB1.
" While Sigmund .reud gave psychodynamic and Skinner gave behaviorist explanations of
personality these theories ignored the -ualities that make humans uni-ue among animals, such as
striving for self=determination and self=reali3ation. 9t that time two psychologists, 9braham
2aslow and 4arl 7ogers, became well known for their humanistic theories. 8umanistic
psychologists try to see people:s lives as those people would see them. &hey tend to have an
optimistic perspective on human nature and focus on the ability of human beings to think
consciously and rationally, to control their biological urges, and to achieve their full potential. In the
humanistic view, people are responsible for their lives and actions and have the freedom and will to
change their attitudes and behavior " 0 Shaffer, ;6B5 1
" While reading the humanistic perspective of behavior, I came across 7ogers:s concept of
the fully functioning person. I could relate many of my life:s stories to the characteristics of a fully
functioning person listed by him. $ut still I wasn#t completely convinced by all his points.
9ccording to 7oger, optimal development, results in a certain process rather than static state. 8e
describes this as the good life, where the organism continually aims to fulfill its full potential.
07ogers,;6A;1. Eiven below are some of the characteristics, relating to my own life experiences of
trying to achieve my fullest potential".
" I am always open to learning and growing with a positive frame of mind. !very morning I
start my day with a belief to challenge myself and experience something new. While in college one
thing which will stay with me will be various events and conference I organi3ed. Staring from being
a volunteer for blood donation camp to co=founding and challenging the very existence of I+C
4onference in India. I am always willing and more than happy to experience life in a new way. I was
very introvert initially but when I reali3ed that event management is really my cup of tea, I started to
challenge myself on daily basis as to how to make the next event even better. I had my share of
failures but in turn they became my single and biggest source of motivatio. .ailures are indeed the
biggest source of learnings. I don:t crib about small things in life but instead en/oy every moment of
life even if it:s /ust about buying a new 2an Fnited merchandise.. &his results in lack of rigidity and
brings excitement and spontaneity in life. 07ogers,;6A;1
" 9nother concept of 7oger:s I can relate to is increasing organism trust and freedom of
choice. While everyone opted for a >ob or go for a masters degree, I dared to take a year off, sit and
relax and look back on what have I done and what I could have done. I did not shackle myself in the
restrictions that restrict an individual from making a wider range of choices".07ogers, ;6A;1
" Fnderstanding myself by integrating my life experiences with the various theories of
psychology and looking at my personality from the psychodynamic, behaviorist and humanistic
perspective I believe that I am responsible, trust worthy, volatile , adaptable, tolerant and chaotic all
of which are a must to be a good 0 new1 87 professional. &here are some short comings as well
which I definitely need to work on. While some amount of anxiety is good, as the negativity
actually gets channeli3ed into positivity, too much of anything can be bad. I have definitely started
working towards controlling it through controlling my mind through challenging myself on day to
day basis. 2y openness to new experiences and living life on my terms and experiencing /oy in
every little aspect of life will also help me as a 87 professional to have a broad perspective towards
each issue and not be biased. Sometimes, I do face conflicting situations but I have to learn to take
the decision that is in everyone:s best interest.
9lso the 4arl >ung personality 08uman 2etrics, ');@1 test that I took shows that my
personality type is " I+." " 9s an I+.", my primary mode of living is focused internally, where i
deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value
system. Gour secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
I+."s, more than other i+tuitive .eeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for
people. &heir primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purposeH 8ow can they
best serve humanity in their livesH &hey are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard
in their -uest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves. &he goal at the end of the
path is always the samte = the I+." is driven to help people and make the world a better place.
Eenerally thoughtful and considerate, I am a good listener and put people at ease. 9lthough I may
be reserved in expressing emotion, I have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in
understanding people. I can be -uite warm with people.
4onsidering one of the most controversial theory by .reud "&he Oedipal complex" in his theory of
psychosexual stages of development to describe a boy#s feelings of desire for his mother and
/ealously and anger towards his father, I came to conclusion after recalling my past experiences that
I haven#t been over attached my mom. 2y hatred and love for both mom and dad has been
synchronistic in nature. 4onsidering the !motions, I am an emotional person which I learnt from
2yers=$riggs theory but that is pretty much restricted to myself.
In order to develop into a successful adult with a health identity, the child must identify with the
same=sex parent in order to resolve the conflict. .reud suggested that while the primal id wants to
eliminate the father, the more realistic ego knows that the father is much stronger.
"9ccording to .reud, I will experience what he called castration anxiety = a fear of both literal and
figurative emasculation. .reud believed that as the child becomes aware of the physical differences
between males and females, he assumes that the female#s penis has been removed and that his father
will also castrate him as a punishment for desiring his mother ##. $ut as far as my recalling goes I
was never so much attached to my parents that I will think in those lines.
In order to resolve the conflict, the boy then identifies with his father. It is at this point that the
super=ego is formed. &he super=ego becomes a sort of inner moral authority, an internali3ation of
the father figure that strives to suppress the urges of the id and make the ego act upon these
idealistic standards.
In &he !go and the Id, .reud explained, "&he super=ego retains the character of the father, while the
more powerful the Oedipus complex was and the more rapidly it succumbed to repression 0under
the influence of authority, religious teaching, schooling and reading1, the stricter will be the
domination of the super=ego over the ego later onIin the form of conscience or perhaps of an
unconscious sense of guilt."
"9ll these above theories have actually exposed me to a side of myself I was never aware of.
&hey have made me sit down in solitude and reflect about my personality. I had never imagined that
every action in my life would have some psychological theory or principle behind it. $ut in the
process I have definitely reali3ed that there is much more to life than we /ust see superficially. It has
helped me know myself better, Fnderstand my weaknesses 0which I should work on 1 my
strengths0that I should leverage 1 and how my behavior and personality affects the others around me
as well. &hey have forced me to think still deeper about myself. Initially I was a bit reluctant to
accept the facts of my personality that these theories brought forth, but ultimately I reali3ed they
were /ust another tool of understanding my inner self and my unconscious better.
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