Girls group mentoring in Bristol

Notes from 21 September meeting

o 12 women present: Fen Bagias, Daphne Kourkounaki, Nina Wara, Rachel Jacobson, Eve
Bartlett, Rosalind Turner, Val Cowan, Shala Tantrika, Liz Elsey, Sarah Ball, Sheena Mapson,
Amy Behrens Clark.
o Meeting took place at Eastern Yoga Centre, Easton from 3-6pm.
Key discussions:
o How is group mentoring with young people different to one to one mentoring?
Group mentoring gives teenage girls the opportunity to benefit from the support of a range of
women of different ages and backgrounds, with a range of life experiences. It also provides a unique
setting for girls and women to come together to learn from and support eachother, and engage in
creative activities together. Circle work can also enable girls and women to recognise their important
and unique roles within a wider community.
o Is the term youth mentor appropriate for this type of work?
The group discussed whether youth mentoring is the best term to accurately reflect this type of
group work this needs to be discussed further in future meetings. However, the group agreed that
mentoring is a term that young people, parents and people who work with young people will
understand/relate to.
The definition of youth mentoring from the Victorian Youth Mentoring Alliance in Australia is as
follows:
Youth mentoring provides a structured and trusting relationship that brings young people together
with caring individuals who offer guidance, support and encouragement.
o Why does group mentoring happen in a circle?
Women and men have met together in circle for thousands of years; the circle represents
wholeness, inclusion and the connectedness of nature. Meeting in this way creates a non-
hierarchical space where each person has equal status and equal responsibility. The circle is
dependent on every member for its strength.
o What should be the age range of the girls and young women we work with?
We discussed that girls from around age 8 and upwards would benefit from this type of support;
however the needs of younger girls will be different from the older girls, particularly those between
14-17. We will therefore need to have further discussions to help us clarify the age range for girls in
our mentoring circle. There are several girls groups in Stroud and we can invite mentors from these
groups to future meetings where they can share their experiences.



o What skills and attributes would be helpful for mentors?
o Active listening skills
o Patience
o Non judgment
o Presence
o Compassion
o Being truthful
o Authenticity
o Acceptance of others despite differences to ourselves
o Passion and ability to inspire
o Seeing and acknowledging the gifts in others
o Fostering self decision-making
o Challenging girls in constructive ways
o Mentors displaying a clear set of values
o Mentors coming from diverse backgrounds and
o Awareness of the potential social, cultural and economic differences among
mentees and ability to create an inclusive space
o Mentors coming from different social and cultural backgrounds, being of varying
ages and representing difference in terms of sexuality
o Displaying experience of overcoming obstacles
o Aware of their own challenges and truths enabling them to recognise the
difference between their own experience and that of a young person.
o Group facilitation skills eg how to manage challenging behaviour and techniques to
encourage participation such as asking open questions
o Ability to create a safe, confidential space
o Willingness to enter a real relationship and allow depth in the relationship
o Not afraid to be vulnerable
o Not afraid to shine in front of the girls and eachother
o Not afraid of silence
o Dedicated to non-competitiveness when relating to young people and modelling this
within our relationships with eachother

o What qualities are unhelpful for mentors to model in front of young people?
o Judging
o Giving unsolicited advice
o Gossiping
o Not having good boundaries
o Not listening
o Trying to fix or take responsibility for others
o Controlling
o Dominating
o Manipulating
o Colluding


o Are there any known frameworks that set out a code of modelling for mentors?
Yes, organisations like The Rose Circle, Boys to Men International and Journeyman UK use a
model called LAAMB and FRAP.
Mentors should LAAMB as follows:
LISTEN
ACCEPT
ADMIRE
MODEL
BLESS

They should not FRAP:
FIX
RESCUE
ADVISE
PROJECT ONTO

o What training could be helpful for us as mentors? (recognising that women within our
network may be skilled in some of these areas and could deliver training to the group)
o Counselling skills
o Child protection training
o Shadow Work (training that supports us to look at the parts of ourselves that we are
uncomfortable with or unaware of. This includes feelings of shame or beliefs we
hold about ourselves and others. This type of work can help us to accept these
aspects as part of ourselves, and support ourselves to work towards wholeness).
o Peer supervision / a resource circle around the mentor circle (potentially including a
Psychotherapist and a safeguarding expert)
o Tools to facilitate change through movement, art or voice work
o Training that connects us to the experiences of our inner teen and our relationships
with our mothers
o A reading list / resource centre
o Conflict resolution and mediation skills
o Training on supporting girls who self-harm or have eating disorders

o What is personal development/self-development work and why is it important?
As mentors, its important for us to consider how we can support ourselves emotionally,
psychologically, physically and spiritually, so that in turn we are able to effectively support others.
Potential approaches to supporting ourselves include:
o Checking in with ourselves regularly, asking the question How can I best support
myself/my own needs, so that I can in turn support others? This involves
considering our emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual needs.
o Looking after ourselves first, ensuring we allow time and space to recharge our
batteries (the following analogy was shared in the discussion: when were on a
plane, we are told that we should always put on our own oxygen mask before
helping anyone else with theirs).
o Developing regular practices that help us connect to our feeling nature, our bodies
and our sensuality - such as dance, yoga, massage, voice work or joining a regular
womens group eg the Bristol Red Tent.
o Bringing awareness to aspects of ourselves that we find difficult to accept or are
ashamed of, for example feelings of anger. Consider approaches or techniques that
could help us deal with these aspects or feelings, for example Shadow Work,
somatic experiencing, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or counselling.
o Being able to identify and express our needs and desires, which can support us to
make healthy choices that benefit ourselves and our loved ones.
o Actively seeking the support of experienced and self-aware older women (elders).
We discussed a desire within the group to seek out and invite older women to join
the mentoring circle, as well as women from culturally diverse backgrounds.
o Mentoring eachother providing mutual support, helping eachother to be
accountable, to be fearless and courageous, and to reflect on our strengths and
development needs.
o Accessing training and reading materials that support our growth and development.

o Who will the teenage girls be that join the mentoring circle?
Other organisations that run mentoring circles for young people, such as The Rose Circle, Journey of
Young Women, Boys to Men Mentoring Network and Journeyman UK highlight that its important
that these groups are not just for badly behaved young people, or those from disadvantaged
backgrounds. The idea is that all young people need a range of healthy role models in their life to
help guide them towards adulthood and support them to know the kind of adult they want to be.
And that they mix with young people from different backgrounds so they understand the ways they
are similar/connected despite social, cultural or economic differences.
Organisations and community groups who run girls groups say that its important for mentors to go
where the girls are, in order to make it as easy as possible for them to participate in the group. This
might mean we consider running a group within a school setting, or a local community centre.
We could engage girls via word of mouth, by putting up flyers in the local area or running our group
in a school setting. In time, we could also invite referrals through other organisations/services who
support young people.
o What will the ratio of women to girls be in the mentoring circle?
This needs to be discussed further within the group and could be explored with girls themselves
once we are ready to start inviting them to join the circle. A number of group mentoring initiatives,
including Journeyman UK, work to a suggested ratio of 3:1 young people to adults.
While girls may initially feel a little intimidated by sitting in circle with a number of older women,
they should soon start to feel comfortable and safe within this setting, especially if the women are
honest and authentic about their lives and convey a genuine desire to build relationship.
o When are we aiming to begin working with girls?
We discussed working towards a date of Spring 2015 to start inviting girls to participate in the
mentoring group. We could invite a very small number initially, such as 2-3 girls. This could increase
to 10 girls once we have gained experience and confidence. We would be looking to find out from
the girls how they want the group to be run, the sorts of topics they would like to discuss and the
kinds of activities they would like to take part in.