Professional Documents
Culture Documents
t
b
e
r
e
a
d
i
n
g
t
h
i
s
!
Y
o
u
w
a
i
t
.
.
.
w
a
i
t
a
s
e
c
o
n
d
.
H
-
h
o
w
c
a
n
a
b
a
b
y
r
e
a
d
?
A
H
!
W
I
T
C
H
B
A
B
Y
!
B
U
R
N
T
H
E
W
I
T
C
H
B
A
B
Y
!
T
h
e
a
v
e
r
a
g
e
p
e
n
i
s
s
i
z
e
i
s
b
e
t
w
e
e
n
f
i
v
e
a
n
d
s
i
x
i
n
c
h
e
s
s
o
w
i
t
h
t
h
i
s
l
e
n
g
t
h
y
o
u
c
a
n
d
e
s
c
r
i
b
e
y
o
u
r
s
e
l
f
a
s
a
n
e
v
e
r
y
m
a
n
i
n
y
o
u
r
o
n
l
i
n
e
p
r
o
f
i
l
e
.
I
t
d
o
e
s
a
n
h
o
n
e
s
t
d
a
y
s
w
o
r
k
f
o
r
a
n
h
o
n
e
s
t
b
u
c
k
.
C
h
i
p
s
p
e
n
i
s
i
s
6
.
7
5
l
o
n
g
,
s
o
y
o
u
h
a
v
e
t
h
e
s
a
m
e
l
e
n
g
t
h
p
e
n
i
s
o
f
a
v
e
r
y
s
a
d
N
Y
T
b
e
s
t
s
e
l
l
i
n
g
d
i
l
d
o
d
r
a
w
e
r
!
B
i
g
e
n
o
u
g
h
t
h
a
t
y
o
u
m
a
y
j
u
s
t
l
e
t
y
o
u
r
o
t
h
e
r
s
k
i
l
l
s
l
a
p
s
e
,
l
i
k
e
o
r
a
l
s
e
x
,
f
o
r
e
p
l
a
y
,
d
r
i
v
i
n
g
,
s
h
o
w
e
r
i
n
g
,
e
t
c
.
M
a
n
,
m
u
s
t
h
u
r
t
t
h
a
t
i
t
s
j
u
s
t
n
o
t
q
u
i
t
e
a
f
o
o
t
l
o
n
g
,
e
h
?
W
a
t
c
h
t
h
i
s
O
N
E
C
O
O
L
T
R
I
C
K
t
o
g
a
i
n
a
n
E
X
T
R
A
I
N
C
H
.
I
t
s
p
r
e
t
t
y
g
o
o
d
,
b
u
t
r
e
a
l
l
y
i
t
s
j
u
s
t
0
.
0
0
0
1
2
6
2
6
3
m
i
l
e
s
s
o
d
o
n
t
g
e
t
a
l
l
c
o
n
c
e
i
t
e
d
.
O
h
,
i
t
s
n
o
t
t
h
a
t
b
a
d
.
T
h
e
r
e
s
o
r
a
l
s
e
x
a
n
d
f
i
n
g
e
r
s
a
n
d
f
i
s
t
s
a
n
d
d
i
l
d
o
s
a
n
d
b
e
c
o
m
i
n
g
t
h
e
C
E
O
o
f
a
m
a
j
o
r
c
o
r
p
o
r
a
t
i
o
n
.
B
u
t
i
t
l
o
o
k
s
S
U
P
E
R
-
t
h
i
c
k
t
h
o
u
g
h
.
Y
o
u
c
a
n
a
t
l
e
a
s
t
s
h
o
u
t
M
T
H
E
F
A
N
T
A
S
T
I
C
F
O
U
R
w
h
e
n
y
o
u
m
a
k
e
s
e
x
.
1
1
0
1
1
1
2
W
o
w
!
D
o
y
o
u
h
a
v
e
a
p
e
r
m
i
t
f
o
r
t
h
a
t
?
I
m
e
a
n
,
I
r
e
a
l
l
y
h
o
p
e
y
o
u
d
o
b
e
c
a
u
s
e
I
m
p
r
e
t
t
y
s
u
r
e
w
a
l
k
i
n
g
a
r
o
u
n
d
w
i
t
h
y
o
u
r
d
i
c
k
h
a
n
g
i
n
g
o
u
t
o
f
y
o
u
r
p
a
n
t
s
i
s
i
l
l
e
g
a
l
.
U
n
n
e
c
e
s
s
a
r
i
l
y
l
a
r
g
e
,
i
m
o
.
twerging
HOT POSITIONS
Into bondage?
I mean, like,
REALLY into
bondage?
auto-erotic
twerging
Mask and bind two friends
like so, then masturbate all
by yourself like a bonobo on
shore leave.
the user agreement
Tired of endlessly clicking I Agree
while launching new applications
and just wishing you had
someones rod between your
tootsies? Silicon Valley hears you.
This survivor of the dot-com boom
was created by beloved Pets.com
sock puppet Cumrag."
Have sex while standing up (for the
rights of gays & lesbians to marry
their partners).
A fun, sexy tattoo for guys would
be to make it look like your penis
is a strap-on.
Do not refer to your partners penis as:
Hmm Interesting, Sexual Gary Jr.,
Tickle Stick, Mr. Nuisance, The Crying
Noodle, Stinkpeen, Adorable, Wubby
Nubby, Is It In, Discount Hot Dog,
Non-Detachable Dildo, Non-Vibrating
Dildo, Dildo That Suddenly Becomes
Soft, Cute Lil Thing, Ha Ha Ha
fun at parties
which prominently
feature fucking
ASK THE SEXPERTS
Whats the worst thing either of you
have done trying to get sex?
Fingerbanging Amy Barnes really, really poorly at
the movies, maybe? -Matt
Whats the most visually appealing
way of trimming/styling pubic hair
for ladies?
An Aladdin Sane lightning bolt. -Matt
Shave it all off and glue it back to your body one
inch to the left and two inches higher. -Chip
Pretending to be Amy Barnes that one time. -Chip
finger a butthole
HOW TO
DIRTY TALK DIRTY TALK
yeah, lick it like its a stamp
going on your angry letter to
our socialist president
dont you fucking dare
look me in the eye you
beautiful piece of shit
nothing can make me cum!
nothing of this earth!
put a finger where i make
the poops to stop the poop
you filthy plumber!
Im so wet for you the
rest of my body is
shrivelling up help me
help
mmm, fuck me with
your meat wand you
fan fic librarian
for when youre in the throes
of passion or pre-thro
If she doesnt want to go down on
you, try improving the taste of your
semen by eating watermelon,
celery, her pussy.
Pre-ejaculate is natures lubricant, so
feel free to drag your freshly erect penis
along your bike chain every few months.
Remember, slow and steady wins the
race. And it IS a race. Never forget that
if you want to be a winner.
Feet are EXTREMELY sexy and should
be paid attention to in bed. Oh, also,
did you know Quentin Tarantino is a
foot fetishist, Iwait, where are you
drive them WILD in bed with
these hot tips until you have to
call animal control on them
If you find you dont have time during
your busy day for sex then start having
microsex while you go for coffee or fold
laundry. Just super tiny sex.
Spice things up by using a vacuum
cleaner during sex if your fetish is
emergency rooms.
Join the mile-high club and fuck
an airplane.
Ladies! When faking your orgasms,
dont forget to contrive a convincing
backstory and family history for each,
just in case he quizzes you later.
Use these tips for good, not evil.
Dont travel back into the past &
give this book to baby hitler.
Denying your partner satisfaction can
be a real turn-on for both of you.
Blindfold them, tease them with light
touches and then move to a new city.
Dont feel bad if your partner needs to
touch themselves and your best friend
in order to get off.
Having sex in new locations can be
exciting, like when Neil Armstrong
fucked the moon.
Shower sex is great because you can
fantasize that youre having sex out in
the rain but the rain is hot because
these are the End Times.
Use these tips for good, not evil.
Dont travel back into the past &
give this book to baby hitler.
HOT POSITIONS
Created in tribute to the late
Diana, Princess of Wales, who
loved it so much she was
known affectionately as The
Pee Poles Princess. Did you
know this book cannot be
sold in the United Kingdom
because of that joke?
the candle in
the winde
This fun move was
created by Lighttube
Flashlights to promote
flashlights as an erotic
device. They went out
of business when
people confused them
with fleshlights,
horribly cutting their
penises.
the fleshy
lightswitch
The creators of Gee, Your
Hair Smells Terrific!
werent stopping with
shampoo: in 1976, the Gee
Your Company Isnt
Litigious corporation
revealed this sexual
possibility to coincide with
the American bicentennial.
brimping
Remember this simple mnemonic:
Stuck in a rut? Thumb in the butt.
Need to slow down? Grab your cock
and punch it as hard as you can.
Crossing your fingers has a 0% birth
control effectiveness rate, but I dont
know, maybe this time?...
Remember this simple mnemonic:
Feelin kinky? Stick in a pinky!
Feelin romantic? Grab your cock
and punch it as hard as you can.
Fella! Want to drive her wild? Then
learn how to fold a goddamn bath
towel, Gerry, jesus FUCK
Do not attempt these
hot tips without parental
supervision
BDSM stands for BONDAGE
DISCIPLINE SPIDER-MAN.
Ladies! Looking to blow his mind in
bed? Invent a time machine in bed.
If youre with a man who finishes
too quickly, whisper 99% of all
pregnancies are caused by sex to
slow him down.
If you have trouble getting it up
draw tiny balls on your knuckles and
pretend your fingers are dicks
These will for sure get you a
marriage proposal or a divorce,
whichever floats your boat.