HSC Creative Writing-How To Get A Band 6

!
" $%&& '()* +

!
"""#$%&'()*+)&#,($
,-. /- 012*&
3%&(/24& .%2/2)0
!"#$%&' '&) *!$+"#%"#
EXAMPLES
!"#$ best
&'( )* +',)$- (*.-
$/)0-$ 123 ,(44'5.,6
7/40/$68
9$44' :*#/,*/
;;6<= >">?
!"#!$ &' (&)*& +',-
myLdCnllne.com | MasLer your enLlre PSC Syllabus. AnyLlme. Anywhere. Cnllne. 4

About the Author - Ch|oe n|gg|ns

Chloe began wrlLlng for fun flve years ago. lL Look her a couple of years Lo work up
Lhe nerve Lo follow her passlon serlously, and ls now enLerlng her flnal year of a
8achelor of CreaLlve ArLs (CreaLlve WrlLlng) aL 1he unlverslLy of Wollongong.

She ls Lhe CreaLlve WrlLlng rogram CoordlnaLor aL LACLL 8AS, where she Leaches
creaLlve wrlLlng as boLh a Lool Lo help young people make poslLlve cholces ln Lhelr
llfe, and Lo prepare Lhem for Lhe creaLlve wrlLlng componenL of Lhelr Lngllsh PSC
exam.

Chloe has worked as an Lngllsh LuLor for several years. She also wrlLes for unlverslLy
of Wollongong's sLudenL magazlne, !"#$%&'%(%, and ls Lhe 2013 co-edlLor.

She hopes you en[oy readlng Lhls book as much as she loved wrlLlng lL.

CopyrlghL 2012 Chloe Plgglns - CeL a 8and 6 ln PSC Lngllsh CreaLlve WrlLlng
CopyrlghL 2012 8especLlve AuLhors of PSC 8elonglng CreaLlve WrlLlng leces
AuLhor: Chloe Plgglns
1lLle: CeL a 8and 6 ln PSC Lngllsh CreaLlve WrlLlng: 14 8and 6 PSC Lngllsh CreaLlve
WrlLlng leces and Pow Lo Culde
llrsL LdlLlon 2012
ub||sher: myLd Cn||ne (www.myedonllne.com)


About myLd Cn||ne

We've Laken 8 years of research wlLh AusLralla's Lop sLudenLs and developed
myLdCnllne.com - Lhe besL way Lo masLer your PSC courses onllne. Anywhere.
AnyLlme.

We have creaLed an exLenslve llbrary of engaglng vldeos LaughL by PSC sub[ecL
experLs LhaL cover your enLlre PSC syllabus doL polnL by doL polnL, so you can geL
ahead of your class, or revlse Lo prepare for your assessmenLs.

AddlLlonally, we've developed 1000s of PSC Lxam SLyle pracLlce quesLlons Lo help
you LesL and reflne your knowledge so you can easlly smash your PSC.

1here's so much more ln myLdCnllne.com, buL Lhe besL way Lo flnd ouL ls Lo use lL
yourself.

CeL sLarLed Loday aL hLLp://myedonllne.com

1ab|e of Contents (C||ck the numbers on the r|ght to [ump to the page)
AbouL Lhe AuLhor - Chloe Plgglns ............................................................................................. 4
AbouL myLd Cnllne.................................................................................................................... 3
!"#$%&' ) * +,%'-./0%1-, 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 3
MeJlocte wtltets bottow. Cteot wtltets steol. ****************************************************************** +
- !*, -(./$* ****************************************************************************************************************************** +
!"#$%&' 4 * Wbat makes a 'good' story? 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 ))
LeL's make Lhlngs easy! lollow our easy sLeps Lo wrlLe your sLory! ....................................... 11
!"#$%&' 5 * Wbat differentiates a 'good' story from a 'bad' story? 22222222222222222 )4
8elevance ................................................................................................................................ 12
urpose .................................................................................................................................... 12
uoes Lhls llne/deLall/acLlon move my sLory closer Lo lLs purpose? ........................................ 13
LeL's sLarL wlLh purpose now... ................................................................................................ 13
!"#$%&' 6 * 7&#,1,89 #,. 7-'#:9 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 )6
A stoty lsot o stoty ooless lt 5A5 5OM1nlNC ****************************************************************** 01
CuL Lo Lhe chase! WhaL are you golng Lo say abouL 8elonglng? ............................................. 14
;1%:&< =10%/'& -> =&'>&0%1-, 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 )?
AuLhor: Cary Zhu ..................................................................................................................... 13
WhaL can you Lake from Lhls plece and apply Lo your own work? ......................................... 17
;1%:&< ;'&#9/'&9 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 )@
AuLhor: allavl Slnghal ............................................................................................................. 18
!"#$%&' ? * !'#>%1,8 !"#'#0%&' 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 4)
More quesLlons Lo ask your characLer .................................................................................... 21
LasL quesLlon on characLer. ..................................................................................................... 22
2#.$" $3" 044 5/#67 &/5* *************************************************************************************************** 88
8uL whaL abouL secondary characLers? ................................................................................... 22
;1%:&< A-B& 19 C"&'& %"& A&#'% 19 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 45
AuLhor: Clarlsse Lam ................................................................................................................ 23
;1%:&< D:C#E9 F#>& 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 4G
AuLhor: lsolde uanlell .............................................................................................................. 26
!"#$%&' G * =:-% 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 43
9:$ 3/5 6/ ;/: $:#& $3.7 .&$/ % <(/$= ********************************************************************************** 8+
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 29
;1%:&< + #B H"B&' 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 54
AuLhor: Amy Clany .................................................................................................................. 32
1967 ......................................................................................................................................... 32
Aprll 17, 1973 .......................................................................................................................... 32
!anuary 14, 1976...................................................................................................................... 33
!anuary 16, 1976...................................................................................................................... 34
!"#$%&' I * F&%%1,8 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 5?
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 33
;1%:&< 7E ;-C, 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 5I
AuLhor: !esslca 1lsshaw ........................................................................................................... 37
;1%:&< J'&#B1,822222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 53
AuLhor: naLasha Armen .......................................................................................................... 39
!"#$%&' @ * F%'/0%/'& 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 64
>"#" %#" 7/?" "@%?<("7 /A /$3"# 7$#:B$:#"7C ********************************************************************* 18
8uL dld you noLlce Lhey all have one Lhlng ln common? ......................................................... 43
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 43
;1%:&< !1'0/9 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 66
AuLhor: Cellne 1ruong ............................................................................................................. 44
!"#$%&' 3 * K#''#%1-, #,. =-1,% -> L1&C 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 6I
D%##%$./& - 53/ .7 !-EEFDG ************************************************************************************************ 1H
I/.&$ /A J."5 - 53/ .7 ,--FDG ********************************************************************************************* 1H
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 48
;1%:&< D:: %"& :-,&:E $&-$:& 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 63
AuLhor: 8egan Caucl ................................................................................................................ 49
!"#$%&' )M * F"-C N92 ;&:: 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 ?5
>/5= *********************************************************************************************************************************** KL
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 33
;1%:&< + #B H"B&' 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 ?6
AuLhor: Amy Clang .................................................................................................................. 34
1967 ......................................................................................................................................... 34
Aprll 17, 1973 .......................................................................................................................... 34
!anuary 14, 1976...................................................................................................................... 33
!anuary 16, 1976...................................................................................................................... 36
;1%:&< K- O-,8&' O-0#: 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 ?I
AuLhor: Llanne 1an .................................................................................................................. 37
!"#$%&' )) * J&90'1$%1-, #,. 7&%#$"-' 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 GM
9:$ 53%$ 6/"7 $3.7 %B$:%((; ?"%&= M&6 3/5 B%& ;/: %<<(; .$ $/ ;/:# 5/#N= ******************** O4
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 60
Title: See tbe luck I've bad 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 G4
AuLhor: Lmma Saunders ......................................................................................................... 62
;1%:&< D:C#E9 F#>& 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 G6
AuLhor: lsolde uanlell .............................................................................................................. 64
!"#$%&' )4 * P&81,,1,89 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 GI
P:"7$./&C 23%$ 6/ $3" A/((/5.&' /<"&.&' (.&"7 3%J" .& B/??/&= ************************************ OH
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 67
;1%:&< FC&$% DC#E 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 G@
AuLhor: Cary Zhu ..................................................................................................................... 68
;1%:&< Q,>-:.1,8 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 IM
AuLhor: Llanne 1an .................................................................................................................. 70
!"#$%&' )5 - R,.1,89 222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 I5
!3" 7/(" <:#</7" /A ;/:# "&6.&' .7 $/ #".&A/#B" $3" ?"%&.&' /A $3" <."B" - 53.B3 %(( B/?"7
Q%BN $/ 9"(/&'.&'* *************************************************************************************************************** HL
!3" 7/(" <:#</7" /A ;/:# "&6.&' .7 $/ #"J"%( $/ $3" #"%6"# 53"$3"# /# &/$ ;/:# B3%#%B$"#
%B3."J"6 $3".# '/%(* ************************************************************************************************************* HL
CuL Lo Lhe chase! ..................................................................................................................... 73
;1%:&< 7-,9%&' 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 I6
AuLhor: Lrln 8org ..................................................................................................................... 74
;1%:&< =10%/'& -> =&'>&0%1-, 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 II
AuLhor: Cary Zhu ..................................................................................................................... 77
!"#$%&' )6 * S&%/',1,8 %- %"& ;"'&& !9 -> # T--. F%-'E< !"#::&,8&U !"-10&
#,. !"#,8& 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 @M
PA? W8l1lnC! ..................................................................................................................... 80

Chapter 1 - Introduct|on
"Mediocre writers borrow. 6reot writers steo/."
- "#$ %&'()#

lf you Lhlnk LhaL Lhe LlLle of Lhls book suggesLs LhaL we are encouraglng you Lo copy
oLher sLudenLs work - you are absoluLely correcL. We are.

Shocked? Well, you shouldn'L be ... on Lhe paLhway Lo greaLness all wrlLers copy by
way of an apprenLlceshlp.

1ake !ohn keaLs Lhe famous Lngllsh 8omanLlc poeL (who you may have Lo sLudy ln
PSC Lngllsh LxLenslon 1) - keaLs developed hls wrlLlng ablllLles by readlng Lhe works
of Lhe greaLesL 17
Lh
and 18
Lh
cenLury wrlLers, and copylng Lhelr sLyle and form,
Lweaklng Lhem sllghLly so LhaL over Llme he developed hls own unlque (and
successful) volce.

Wllllam Shakespeare (whose play PamleL you may sLudy ln Module 8 Advanced
Lngllsh) ls perhaps Lhe mosL successful copler of all Llme. Pls plays are heavlly
lnfluenced by Lhe anclenL 8oman poeL Cvld, from hlsLory lLself (Lhlnk Penry v &
8lchard lll) and from books (30 years before he wroLe 8omeo & !ulleL a book was
publlshed called '!3" !#%'.B%(( >.7$/#;" /A R/?":7 %&6 S:(."$).

ls Lhls Lechnlque only llmlLed Lo wrlLers ln pasL cenLurles? 1hlnk agaln...

lnLernaLlonal besL-selllng auLhor SLeven ressfleld, Lhe auLhor of '1be wot of Att
recounLs LhaL when he was flrsL sLarLlng ouL, he Lyped ouL pages and pages of LrnesL
Pemmlngway [usL Lo geL a sense of how Lo wrlLe well.

Great wr|ters |earn by copy|ng.

And Lhls ls exacLly why we have puL Lhls book LogeLher. 1o allow you Lo learn how Lo
wrlLe a 8and 6 creaLlve wrlLlng plece for your PSC by copylng oLher 8and 6 creaLlve
wrlLlng pleces.

lL's aL Lhls polnL however we wanL Lo draw a dlsLlncLlon.

Whlle we advocaLe copylng as a paLhway Lo lmprovlng your wrlLlng, we cerLalnly
don'L advocaLe plaglarlsm - Lhe word for word copylng, wlLhouL referenclng from
someone else's work.

As 1.S LllloL sLaLed, 'G#"%$ 5#.$"#7 7$"%(' - and as such, as you work Lhrough Lhls book
we encourage you Lo Lake Lhe ldeas, sLyle, volce, and form expressed ln Lhe case
sLudles lncluded ln Lhls book and Lransform Lhem Lo make lL your own, so LhaL Lhey
are longer recognlsable as belng 'copled' buL raLher someLhlng LhaL ls compleLely
unlque.

All Lhe besL on your PSC creaLlve wrlLlng [ourney,

8owan kunz

myLd Cnllne
hLLp://www.myedonllne.com

S. All of Lhe CreaLlve WrlLlng PSC 8elonglng pleces lncluded wlLhln Lhls book have
nC1 been edlLed or enhanced. Why? We wanLed Lo show you whaL sLudenLs' real
composlLlons acLually look llke, so you can see Lhey are noL perfecL, and LhaL Lhls ls
Ck!

Chapter 2 - What makes a 'good' story?

So you wanL Lo wrlLe a 'good' sLory. 1he alm ls afLer all Lo geL a band 6, rlghL? 8uL,
leL's be honesL - whaL ls a good sLory?

As usual, Coogle has Lhe answer. lL seems Lo Lhlnk 'good' ls 'Lo be deslred or
approved of' buL LhaL doesn'L really Lell you much.

So how do you Lake all Lhose ldeas - ploL, proLagonlsL, narraLlon, Lheme-LhaL your
Lngllsh Leacher has posslbly been golng on abouL, and Lurn Lhem lnLo a good sLory?

Well, ldeally, read everyLhlng you can abouL creaLlve wrlLlng . 8uL, l know as a PSC
sLudenL wlLh llLLle Llme, loLs of readlng ls probably Lhe lasL Lhlng you wanL Lo do.

So, leL's cuL Lo Lhe chase. 1he flrsL sLep Lo wrlLlng a good sLory ls maklng sure your
sLory has Lhree Lhlngs:

1. Challenge
2. Cholce
3. Change

All greaL sLorles have Lhese Lhree Lhlngs. 1ake 1oy SLory 3 as an example. lL has all
Lhree on mulLlple levels!

Andy ls faced wlLh a B3%(("&'" - he ls movlng ouL of home Lo go Lo college.

8uL whaL should he do wlLh Woody, 8uzz LlghLyear and Lhe gang? Leave Lhem aL
home, or Lake Lhem wlLh hlm? TB3/.B"U

LvenLually, he reallzes LhaL he shouldn'L hold on Lo Lhem, buL raLher allow anoLher
chlld Lo en[oy Lhem as he dld. TB3%&'"U

Woody ls faced wlLh a B3%(("&'" - should he go wlLh Andy Lo college or sLay wlLh
8uzzllghLyear and Lhe crew?

AfLer seelng 8uzz LlghLyear and Lhe gang mlsLakenly geL puL ln Lhe Lrash he makes a
declslon Lo rescue Lhem and rlsk belng lefL behlnd. TB3/.B"U

LvenLually Woody reallzes LhaL hls place ls no longer wlLh Andy, buL wlLh Lhe gang.
TB3%&'"U

Let's make th|ngs easy! Io||ow our easy steps to wr|te your story!

LeL's make Lhls creaLlve wrlLlng Lhlng as easy as posslble. As we work our way
Lhrough Lhls book, lf you answer Lhe acLlvlLy quesLlon aL Lhe end of each chapLer, by
Lhe end of Lhe book you should have a plan for your creaLlve wrlLlng plece. Lasy!
Chapter 3 - What d|fferent|ates a 'good' story from a 'bad'
story?

Pave you ever read a shorL sLory LhaL Llcks all Lhe boxes? roLagonlsL, check. loL,
check. SeLLlng, check. 1he llsL goes on.

8uL somehow, lL sLlll doesn'L 5/#N.

And you can'L qulLe puL your flnger on Lhe reason why.

AfLer wadlng Lhrough plles of my own (good and bad) shorL sLorles, l began Lo noLlce
a couple of Lhlngs:

CfLenLlmes, bad sLorles conLaln Lhe same elemenLs as good sLorles. 1hey boLh have
an awesome devll-flghLlng proLagonlsL, a unlque seLLlng, a cool message and all Lhe
resL of lL.

8uL whaL separaLes Lhe good from Lhe bad sLorles are Lwo llLLle (make or break)
Lhlngs:

1. 8elevance
2. urpose

LeL's break lL down.

ke|evance

We've goL a proLagonlsL who's an allen Lrylng Lo save LarLh, buL spend half our word
counL havlng hlm exchange dlalogue wlLh a MarLlan from Mars abouL whaL Lype of
poeLry Lhey llke Lo read. Agaln, cool - yes. 8uL relevanL? no.

urpose

So how do you geL your planeL-savlng allen back on Lrack and Lurn hls [ourney lnLo a
good sLory?

8y asklng yourself:

WhaL ls Lhe purpose of Lhls sLory? (l.e. WhaL am l Lrylng Lo achleve/say?)

Cnce you know LhaL, every Llme you Lhlnk of a cool llne or deLall you wanL Lo add ln,
you slmply ask LhaL same quesLlon:

Does th|s ||ne]deta||]act|on move my story c|oser to |ts purpose?

lf Lhe answer ls no, hasLa la vlsLa baby.

lf Lhe answer ls yes, usher LhaL llne/deLall/acLlon sLralghL Lhrough Lhe fronL door lnLo
your sLory.

Let's start w|th purpose now...

WhaL ls Lhe purpose of your sLory? WhaL are your Lrylng Lo achleve? 1ake a look aL
your assessmenL noLlflcaLlon. WhaL ls lL asklng you Lo achleve?

lor example - ls lL asklng you Lo explore how belonglng changes over Llme? 1hls ls
your purpose.

WrlLe your purpose down. now.

Chapter 4 - Mean|ngs and Mora|s

WrlLlng a 'good sLory' probably already seems llke a paln. Challenge. Cholce. Change.
urpose.

And LhaL's when 'meanlng' enLers Lhe room.

Meanlng, moral, message . whaLever you wanL Lo call lL, Lhe senLlmenL ls Lhe same:

?our sLory musL SA? SCML1PlnC. And lL musL say someLhlng abouL 8LLCnClnC.

ln some ways, all pleces of wrlLlng (feaLure arLlcles, essays, speeches, flcLlon eLc) alm
Lo do Lhe same Lhlng: convlnce Lhe reader of someLhlng Lhe wrlLer belleves ln.

CreaLlve wrlLlng alms Lo do Lhe same Lhlng, buL uslng a dlfferenL form and dlfferenL
Lools. Whereas a [ournallsL's Lools are quoLes and facLs, a creaLlve wrlLer's Lools are
ploL, meLaphor, characLer and Lhe llsL goes on.

1he ldea of wrlLlng Lo say someLhlng can be a really useful way of sLarLlng a sLory.

Cnce you have flgured ouL your message (e.g. Lhe end of chlldhood, and Lhe
lmporLance of love and meanlng ln llfe ln 1oy SLory 3), you can Lhen bulld your
characLers (Woody and Andy), ploL (Andy leavlng home for college, and Woody
resculng 8uzz LlghLyear and Lhe gang), and seLLlng (Sunnyslde uay Care) around
maklng your meanlng clear.

noL only do you Lhen have someLhlng Lo focus on, buL you can begln Lo creaLe
boundarles for yourself so you know whaL deLalls are relevanL and whaL deLalls are
noL.

4 story isnt o story un/ess it 54Y5 5OM1nlN6

Cut to the chase! What are you go|ng to say about 8e|ong|ng?

lor example - lf your purpose ls Lo explore belonglng over Llme, whaL are you golng
Lo say abouL Lhls? WhaL ls Lhe meanlng you wanL Lo convey?

lL could be ... LhaL Lhe passlng of Llme creaLes allenaLlon.

lf you had Lo sum up Lhe message/meanlng whaL you wanL your sLory Lo say abouL
8elonglng ln one senLence (ln relaLlon Lo your purpose), whaL would lL be?

Wr|te the sentence down now.
1|t|e: |cture of erfect|on
Author: Gary 2hu

8esLlng ln Lhe glass cablneL were numerous unLouched baskeLball Lrophles,
remlnders of pasL Lrlumph and honour. !uxLaposed, was Lhe phoLo of Lhe meeLlng of
hlmself and hls faLher wlLh Archblshop Cranbrook for Lhe flrsL Llme. SLandlng
shoulder Lo shoulder hls faLher greeLed Lhe Archblshop by hls flrsL name, a famlllarlLy
whlch made hlm proud of Lhe pleLy underplnnlng all aspecLs of hls famlly llfe. 1he
plcLure of perfecLlon.

Pere ln hls room, holdlng Lhe phoLo frame LlghLly, he should have felL honoured and
prlvlleged, yeL hls eyes slmply could noL smlle. Pe shlfLed uncomforLably and
evaslvely looked away, losL ln conLemplaLlon.

***

1he college baskeLball seml-flnals sLlll resonaLed ln hls consclousness. Seven seconds
had remalned on Lhe clock and Lhey were sLlll down by Lwo polnLs. lL was ln Lhe
Leam's collecLlve blood Lo fall back on Lhelr essenLlal 'bread and buLLer' play - LhaL he
would Lake Lhe lasL shoL. As Lhe clock Llcked down Lhe seconds, he drlbbled Lhe ball
deLermlnedly Lowards Lhe Lhree polnLer arc and prepared Lo shooL Lhe game wlnner.
1hen, for a sllghL momenL, hls faLher's ouLbursL over Lhe mornlng's news sLory on
gay marrlage echoed ln hls head. lL was noL unLll Lhe buzzer, LhaL he reallsed hls
cosLly mlsLake.

1hose words now resounded WhaL's wrong wlLh Lhese gay people?"

lL was as Lhough dlfference was a personal aLLack on hlm - as Lhough homosexuals
should noL even exlsL.

Walklng off Lhe courL ln blLLer dlsappolnLmenL, hls LeammaLe, Chrls, enqulred
sollclLously.

WhaL's wrong, broLher? lL lsn'L llke you Lo make a mlsLake llke LhaL!"

lrusLraLed, he explalned how hls faLher's words had annoyed hlm LhaL mornlng,
dlsLracLlng hlm. Pow could he be all Lhey expecLed when Lhey gave no real supporL?
Always [udgemenLal. Always obsessed by rellglon, unLhlnklngly asserLlng Cod's
dlsapproval of homosexuallLy. 1helr vlew based on Lhe ldea LhaL humans were noL
born homosexual, buL had dellberaLely chosen a llfe of sexual perverslon.
Chrls regarded hlm a momenL, never havlng seen hls besL frlend so senslLlve.
ls Lhere someLhlng you're noL Lelllng me?"

no, no.lL's [usL lLs [usL.Lhey're always pushlng Lhelr values onLo me, lL's llke l
belong Lo Lhem!" buL he dld noL volce Lhe resL of hls LhoughL, noL llke l belong!"
!"##$%& (!)*+ Right from the start, we
get a sense that pride, honour and public
appearances are integral to this story.
!"##$%& (!,*+ 1he use of Lhe phoLo
frame Lles ln wlLh Lhe ldea of 'puLLlng your
besL face forwards' for Lhe publlc Lo see.
!"##$%& (!-*+ We begln Lo sense LhaL
Lhlngs are noL as Lhey should be.
!"##$%& (!.*+ CLher people have hlgh
expecLaLlons of hlm.
!"##$%& (!/*+ Pere we geL a hlnL of
whaL mlghL be Lhe Lrouble.
Approachlng Lhe locker room, Chrls's face brlghLened enLhuslasLlcally, Why don'L
you ask krlsLlne ouL, you know she llkes you and lL'll help relleve your sLress."
1he words were losL ln an awkward sllence, hls eyes evadlng Chrls'.

Look, lf Lhere's anyLhlng l can do, [usL call me," and Lhen Lhey enLered Lhe locker
room.

lmmedlaLely he noLlced hls surroundlngs, LeammaLes undresslng, cracklng crude
[okes. Pe shlfLed uncomforLably ln hls seaL, hls eyes on Lhe ground, avoldlng conLacL
wlLh Lhe oLhers fllcklng Lowels and cloLhlng around. 1hey seemed Lo be connecLed
wlLhln Lhe scene, whlle he was aware of waLchlng. An ouLslder looklng ln.. Pe had
always conformed Lo hls parenLs' expecLaLlons - Lo Lhelr rellglous codes and values.
erhaps lL had been hls amblvalence and anxleLy LhaL lead hlm Lo pursue Lhe
LradlLlonal manly paLh of sporL so asslduously. lndeed, he reallsed keeplng hls eyes
lowered, hls aLLempL Lo prove he flLLed ln had only made Lhlngs worse. WhaL a
paradox. Pls aLLempL Lo conform had only conflrmed hls fears.

***

Lscaplng hls lnLrospecLlon, he sLared back aL Lhe phoLograph. 1hroughouL hls
upbrlnglng he had been LaughL Lo percelve Lhem - 3.?7"(A - as blasphemous, as
ouLcasLs. ulsgusLed wlLh hlmself, he knew he had dlsgraced Lhe famlly and he musL
noL leL Lhem know. 1here was no way Lhey would accepL hls sexuallLy, especlally hls
faLher who had always llved a llfe bounded by repuLaLlon and prlde.
Purry up, darllng, we are golng Lo be laLe. WhaL wlll people say?" hls moLher
lmporLuned.

Was Lhe [udgemenL of oLher people always LhaL lmporLanL, he wondered? Pe could
noL endure Lhls paln, Lhls frusLraLlon and Lhrew Lhe phoLo frame aL Lhe wall,
waLchlng Lhe glass shaLLer, Lhe frame screeched as lL crumpled. 1hen he noLlced
someLhlng. SomeLhlng unusual.

Pe walked Lowards Lhe broken glass and Lhe envelope LhaL had been hldden behlnd
Lhe phoLograph. M ("$$"# he LhoughL, buL from whom and - more perLlnenLly - Lo
whom? 8emovlng Lhe noLe, everyLhlng he once knew became allen and sLrange.

V"%# W.B3%"(X

F$ 3%7 Q""& % 53.(" %&6 F %? '(%6 ;/: B%?" $/ 7"" ?" %'%.&* Y/: 3%J" % 5/&6"#A:(
A%?.(; %&6 ;/:# 7/& 3%7 % J"#; Q#.'3$ A:$:#"* >.7 B/?<%77./& #"?.&67 ?" /A ;/:
wbeo we speot tbot colJ, wloJy olqbt lockeJ lo eocb otbets otms ot yoot motbets
boose. Altbooqb we boJ to pott woys.

Pe glanced aL Lhe slgnaLure. lL was Cranbrook.

!"##$%& (!0*+ 1hese senLences
suggesL lL can be more palnful Lo be whaL
oLher people expecL Lhan Lo face Lhe LruLh.
!"##$%& (!1*+ 8elnforces Lhe ldea of
Lrylng Lo llve up Lo oLher people's
expecLaLlons of us.
!"##$%& (!2*+ lL ls Lhe sLory's endlng
LhaL dellvers Lhe message: Lhlngs are noL
always as Lhey seem. 8uL evenLually, Lhe
LruLh wlll be revealed.
What can you take from th|s p|ece and app|y to your own work?

?our characLers' cholces wlll change Lhe meanlng of Lhe sLory.
AlLhough you shouldn'L reveal lL sLralghL away, your sLory should be llLLered
wlLh hlnLs of lLs underlylng message all Lhe way Lhrough.

1|t|e: 1reasures
Author: a||av| S|ngha|

Clara ran Lhrough Lhe open fleld, Lhe dewy grass Llckllng her legs and her red
halr fannlng ouL behlnd her. 8y Lhe Llme she goL Lo Lhe dormanL classroom and
peered Lhrough lLs foggy wlndows, she had pulled off Lhe woollen gloves her moLher
had Lugged onLo her lcy hands LhaL mornlng. Per mlsLy breaLh mlngled wlLh Lhe
opaque glass Lo lend a greyness Lo Lhe normally brlghL classroom, and Clara hurrled
around Lo Lhe door, knocklng repeaLedly. She had seen her moLher and all Lhe oLher
adulLs knock once before genLly pushlng lL open, buL Clara llked belng ushered lnslde
Lhe warm lnLerlor by Ms. 8oyLon, wlLh lLs comforLlngly famlllar yellow walls, rows of
bookshelves and cluLLer of desks and plasLlc chalrs LhaL she had all Lo herself Lhls
early ln Lhe mornlng.

Cnce lnslde, she duLlfully pulled off her coaL and carefully lay lL over Lhe back of her
chalr before reachlng lnLo Lhe pockeL and pulllng ouL a handful of pebbles, varylng ln
colour and slze, buL all nesLled lnLo her small palm. Clara puL Lhem down onLo Lhe
Lable and began playlng wlLh Lhem, arranglng Lhem ln a llne and rolllng Lhem across
Lhe smooLh Lable-Lop, Lhe sound remlndlng her of Lhe sofL rumble of her broLher's
car.

uL away your Loys, Clara, lL's Llme Lo pracLlse."

She spun around aL Lhe sound of her Leacher's volce and qulckly gaLhered up Lhe
pebbles, sllpplng Lhem back lnLo her pockeL. Mummy goL me LexLas on Lhe
weekend, Ms. 8oyLon, you wanL Lo see?" she held up her hands, speckled ln green
and blue.

1haL's lovely," Ms. 8oyLon smlled aL Lhe glrl's LooLhy grln and lndlcaLed Lo Lhe chalr
nexL Lo her, now slL down. uo you remember whaL l LaughL you?" She held up a
cupro-nlckel medal wlLh a fadlng blue and red rlbbon.

Clara nodded slowly. 1haL's my greaL-greaL granddaddy's medal. Pe was a cap-l-Laln
ln Lhe navy."

CapLaln."
CapLlan," Lhe glrl repeaLed solemnly.
And lL's lmporLanL Lo you because?"
8ecause he's famlly, and brave, and proud."
Who's proud?" Clara fldgeLed ln her seaL. ?ou're proud. uo you remember why
you're proud, Clara?"
8ecause he foughL ln a war for all of us."
Cood glrl," Ms. 8oyLon smlled aL her and Clara beamed back. 1he Leacher now
produced a cresL sLlLched onLo a small plece of fabrlc, and whaL can you Lell me
abouL Lhls one?"
1haL's-my-school-cresL-and-lL's-very-speclal-because-lL-unlLes-us-all."
!"##$%& (!3*+ 1he flrsL hlnL aL Lhe
polnL of Lhe sLory ls casually lnserLed ln Lhe
seL-up. 8uL lf lL's a reader's flrsL Llme
readlng Lhe sLory, Lhe rocks blend ln as one
of many seemlngly arblLrary deLalls.
!"##$%& (!)4*+ LsLabllshes
relaLlonshlp of auLhorlLy, whlch agaln aL
flrsL readlng seems arblLrary, buL laLer
becomes lmporLanL.
!"##$%& (!))*+ 1hese llLLle llnes LhaL
aL flrsL seem llke llLLle more Lhan flll-ln
deLalls are very subLly hlnLlng aL
someLhlng. ln Lhls llne, lL ls clear Lhe
Leacher ln auLhorlLy ls Lhe one wlLh Lhe
'rlghL answers', whlle Lhe young glrl ls
presenLed as an lgnoranL chlld needlng Lo
galn knowledge from her 'older and wlser'
Leacher.
!"##$%& (!),*+ 8elnforces Lhe 'wlse
Leacher, lgnoranL sLudenL' ldea.
!"##$%& (!)-*+ 1he chlld ls belng fed
someone else's answers.
More slowly, Clara."
1haL's my school's cresL and lL's very, very speclal because lL unlLes us all," she
repeaLed.

1haL was wonderful. now, whaL abouL Lhls?" Ms. 8oyLon unfolded a recLangular
plece of blue cloLh, Lhe unlon [ack adornlng one slde and sLars sLrewn across lL.

1haL's Lhe AusLrallan flag," Clara sald proudly, as she had been LaughL.
WhaL does lL mean Lo you?"
lL rep-ar-asenLs my counLry and glves me ldenLlLy. lL makes me proud, [usL llke my
greaL-greaL granddaddy's medal."
1he Leacher smlled and began packlng away Lhe ob[ecLs. 1haL was absoluLely
superb. ?ou'll remember LhaL for Lhls afLernoon, yes Clara?"
?es, Ms. 8oyLon."
Cood glrl. now go ouLslde and play wlLh your frlends."

Clara hurrled Lo her chalr and gaLhered Lhe pebbles ln her hands, and ran ouL of Lhe
classroom Lowards a group of chlldren. Lmlly, Lmlly!" she called, holdlng ouL her
hands, l goL a new one." Clara handed Lhe oLher glrl a smooLh, whlLe rock wlLh velns
and valleys runnlng across lLs surface. lL can be yours."
Lmlly grlnned her own LooLhy grln aL Clara and Lhe Lwo glrls saL down on Lhe grass ln
Lhelr ldenLlcal Lunlcs Lo play wlLh Lhelr Lreasures.

1he school audlLorlum buzzed wlLh conversaLlon and laughLer, and four chlldren
sLood nervously ouLslde. 1wo klcked aL Lhe dlrL wlLh Lhelr shlny black shoes, one
sLood wlLh hls ear pressed agalnsL Lhe door, and Clara cllnked Lwo of her pebbles
agalnsL each oLher, grlnnlng ln surprlse every Llme Lhey ellclLed a sound.
1hey all sLood up sLralghLer ln Lhelr neaLened school unlforms and four heads craned
Lo peer Lhrough Lhe doorway when a Leacher sLepped ouL.

Cscar, you're up flrsL."

Cne of Lhe boys sLepped away from Lhe group and dlsappeared lnLo Lhe brlghL room
behlnd Lhe door.

Clara waLched as one by one, each of Lhe oLher Lhree chlldren sLepped Lhrough Lhe
door unLll she was sLandlng on Lhe concreLe alone. She eagerly sLepped forward
when she was beckoned lnslde, buL Lhe slghL of her enLlre school slLLlng lmpaLlenLly
ln fronL of her made her lnexpllcably nervous, her knees Lrembllng and Lhe faces of
her frlends LhaL she'd promlsed Lo flnd becomlng a blur ln Lhe confuslon of faces and
reverberaLlon of volces. She lnched away from Lhe wall she had pressed herself
agalnsL when Lhree adulLs slLLlng behlnd a desk held up Lhe famlllar medal. Clara
qulckly reclLed her speech, Lrylng her hardesL Lo remember everyLhlng she had been
Lold Lo say, clearly and slowly, as she had been Lold Lo say lL.

When Lhe lady flnally folded Lhe flag, Clara sLepped back and peeked aL Ms. 8oyLon.
She pulled ouL one of her pebbles and rolled lL around ln her hands, lLs famlllar, cool
!"##$%& (!).*+ 1he reader ls agaln
subLly dlrecLed Lowards Lhe symbollc rocks.
!"##$%& (!)/*+ 1he repeLlLlon ls
beglnnlng Lo suggesL Lhe rocks hold more
lmporLance Lhan whaL ls belng dlrecLly
sLaLed.
!"##$%& (!)0*+ Card-board cuL ouL
bellefs and ldenLlLy enforced by Lhe
auLhorlLy flgures.
!"##$%& (!)1*+ Agaln, Lhe language
and Lone (an order, noL a quesLlon) hlnLs aL
how Lhe chlldren are havlng an ldenLlLy
sLamped onLo Lhem.
surface maklng Lhe sea of faces sLarlng aL her seem a llLLle less lnLlmldaLlng, unLll she
was calm enough Lo plck ouL her frlends. She sLarLed wavlng aL Lhem, and Lhen
qulckly sLopped when one of Lhe ladles obscured by Lhe desk as Lall as Clara
beckoned her over. She hld her hand behlnd her back.

WhaL's LhaL you're holdlng?"

Clara was sure she was ln Lrouble for wavlng Lo her frlends unLll she noLlced Lhe lady
sLarlng aL her rlghL flsL. Clara unfurled lL slowly and held up Lhe small rock llke a
prlzed [ewel nesLled safely agalnsL Lhe plnk cushlon of her palm.
1he lady peered aL lL closely, and whaL ls LhaL?"

Clara looked down aL lL, and Lhen aL Lhe medal, badge and flag LhaL Lhe oLher adulLs
were examlnlng. She reached lnLo her pockeL and pulled ouL her oLher pebbles,

Lhese are my real Lreasures."

1he lady looked Laken aback for a second, and whaL do Lhey mean Lo you?"

Clara LhoughL for a momenL, Lhey rep-ar-asenL all Lhe people l love. 1haL one's my
mummy's, LhaL one's my blg broLher's, LhaL one's Lmlly's, and LhaL's my daddy's."

LaLer LhaL afLernoon, Clara's moLher and Ms. 8oyLon chaLLed happlly abouL famlly
hlsLorles and Lhe predlcLablllLy of speaklng compeLlLlons, and boLh smlled proudly as
Lhey waLched Clara pass Lhe plasLlc Lrophy Lo each of her frlends.


8epeLlLlon ls an effecLlve Lool for hlnLlng aL a plece's meanlng.
Symbollsm/meLaphor ls a greaL way Lo Lell an old sLory ln a unlque way.
1he ouLcome of your ploL wlll deLermlne Lhe message your sLory Lells. lor
example, lf Clara had goL ln Lrouble and losL because of her rocks, Lhls sLory
would send a very dlfferenL message.

!"##$%& (!)2*+ 1hls llne sums up Lhe
polnL of Lhe whole sLory: desplLe oLher
people Lrylng Lo puL Lhelr values and
ldenLlLy on us, we cannoL/musL noL walk
away from Lhe Lhlngs we belleve
ln/value/LhaL deflne our ldenLlLy (even
when lL does noL maLch whaL Lhose ln
auLhorlLy are Lelllng us).
!"##$%& (!)3*+ 8y Clara wlnnlng Lhe
speech compeLlLlon Lhe above polnL ls
relnforced (whlch suggesLs even Lhe
auLhorlLy flgures agreed wlLh her ln Lhe
end).
Chapter S - Craft|ng Character

So you've goL Lhls awesome ldea Lo use your sLory Lo say someLhlng. Llke, #"%((; say
someLhlng. 8uL now you need a characLer Lo well, say lL. 8uL maybe you're noL sure
where Lo sLarL.

LeL's sLarL by palnLlng ourselves a plcLure. 1ry Lo lmaglne whaL your maln man (or
woman) looks llke. Maybe he wears denlm overalls. Cr has dreadlocks Lo hls walsL.
Cr refuses Lo sleep on anyLhlng buL organlc coLLon sheeLs and never leaves home
wlLhouL a waLch sLrapped Lo hls wrlsL. Cool. vlvld. unlque. All good Lhlngs.

1he besL way Lo sLarL creaLlng your characLer ls Lo u8AW A lC1u8L Cl ?Cu8
CPA8AC1L8. Crab some scrap paper and draw your characLer now.

lf you suck aL drawlng do lL anyway - [usL use words as well Lo descrlbe parLs of your
characLer your lack of drawlng prowess renders you lncapable of vlsuallzlng.

now we've goL LhaL sorLed, lL's Llme Lo Lhlnk abouL how besL Lo puL your leadlng
characLer Lo use. ?ou may have heard Lhe ldea LhaL a character |sn't a usefu|
character unt|| they want for someth|ng.

So how do you Lackle Lhls one?

1ry answerlng Lhe followlng:

CuesLlon: WhaL does your characLer wanL?

Answer: WrlLe lL down underneaLh your awesome drawlng of your characLer.

Ior Lxamp|e: ln 1oy SLory 3, whaL does Woody Lhe cenLral characLer wanL?

1. Woody wanLs Lo rellve hls pasL and Lhe playful Llmes he had wlLh Andy.
2. Woody wanLs Lo sLay wlLh Andy as he goes Lo college.
3. Woody wanLs Lo sLay wlLh 8uzz LlghLyear and Lhe gang.

As you can see Woody wanLs a loL - and hls wanLs are ln some ways Lhe drlvlng force
of Lhe fllm!

More quest|ons to ask your character

Cnce you've flgured ouL whaL your characLer wanLs, Lry asklng Lhem Lhe followlng
quesLlons. WrlLe your answers down. uo lL now - don'L procrasLlnaLe!

1. Pow do Lhey see Lhemselves?
2. Pow oLhers see Lhem?
3. Pow do Lhey feel abouL Lhelr llfe?
4. Pow do Lhey feel abouL socleLy as a whole?

Awesome! ?ou are almosL Lhere. 8uL Lhe nexL sLep ls flgurlng ouL how on LarLh you
reveal Lhls Lo your readers?

Pere are a few Lrlcks good wrlLers llke Lo use:

V.#"B$ $"((.&' - 1renL's breaLh sLunk.
Z/?<%#.7/&[7.?.("[?"$%<3/# - lL smelL llke he had a whole flsh markeL ln hls
mouLh.
MB$./&[B3/.B"7 - 1renL declded, early on ln hls youLh, he would never clean
hls LeeLh more Lhan once a week.
R"%B$./&7 T"?/$./&%( %&6[/# <3;7.B%(U - Cupplng hls hands over hls mouLh
and nose, 1renL lnhaled a lung full of hls own breaLh. WlLhln seconds, hls face
was screwed up and he erupLed lnLo a coughlng flL. Cross," he spluLLered.

Last quest|on on character.

Pow wlll you reveal who your characLer ls, and whaL Lhey wanL, Lo your readers?

1ake your awesome plcLure of your characLer, and your answers Lo Lhe quesLlons
above (abouL whaL your characLer wanLs and how Lhey feel/appear) and wrlLe a 100
word descrlpLlon of your characLer.

use aL leasL Lwo of Lhe sLraLegles above Lo reveal aspecLs of your characLer.

*+'), )-, .// 0(+12 3(0#

8ut what about secondary characters?

Secondary characLers have Lwo maln funcLlons:

1. AcL as an obsLacle Lo Lhe proLagonlsL reachlng Lhelr goal, and/or
2. 8eveal someLhlng (llmlLlng bellefs, values, back-sLory eLc) abouL Lhe maln
characLer.

1hlnklng abouL whaL your characLer wanLs - does your sLory need a secondary
characLer?

If so, wr|te down now who th|s secondary character |s and what the|r re|at|onsh|p
|s to your protagon|st.
1|t|e: nome |s where the neart |s
Author: C|ar|sse Lam

Pello."

Lucas's volce ls sweeL and mellow, muffled by a wall of plllows. Pls breaLh ls
even buL hls eyellds are so llghL and pale LhaL !oshua can see hlnLs of hls broLher's
lllac velns. lL ls as lf Lhese splder web cracks across hls skln are Lhe only way Lo Lell
where Lucas ends and hls whlLe coLLon sheeLs begln. 1he maLLress dlps genLly as
Lucas rolls from beslde Lhe wlndow, eyes dlsappearlng lnLo a smlle.

!oshua blLes hls Longue. Pe doesn'L llke lL when he can'L see Lucas's eyes. 1he colour
of Lucas's eyes never changes, and Lo !oshua, lL ls an anchor.

Pow are you," !oshua says, slldlng lnLo a chalr. Pe remembers Lhe flrsL Llme he'd
used lL, how mummy had dressed hlm up LhaL day ln a collared shlrL and orange Lle.
Pe also remembers how Lucas had recelved hlm, rolllng up hls sleeves and musslng
hls broLher's halr lnLo someLhlng more approprlaLe. Pello, he had sald.

Lucas ls Lhlnner now.

l broughL you a presenL," says !oshua. Pe pulls ouL a carefully wrapped box and
waLches Lucas's eyes. lrom mummy. And me. lor ChrlsLmas." Lucas says Lhankyou
and peels off Lhe paper, followlng every crease and llne. !oshua does noL rush hlm,
glngerly plcklng up scraps of Lape and sLlcklng Lhem Lo Lhe bedposL. When Lucas ls
ready Lhey peer lnslde Lhe box LogeLher.

A sweaLer," Lucas mumbles happlly. Pe Lraces Lhe maLerlal wlLh hls flngerLlps
before slnklng Lhem lnLo Lhe warm folds. !oshua waLches Lucas pull hls presenL over
hls Lhln L-shlrL and smlles. Maybe now Lucas wlll be warm.

uo you wanL Lo sLay for dlnner?" Lucas asks. Pls volce ls shy, eyes glanclng up from
Lhe floor and rlghL back down as lf he ls afrald Lo look aL one place for Loo long. 1he
acLlon ls famlllar and Lakes !oshua back Lo Lhe pasL, back home, wlLh Lucas holdlng
ouL a flsL of someLhlng LhaL mlghL have been uncooked rlce -l made you dlnner lf
you wanL some"-wlLh Lhe same qulverlng volce and unsuspecLlng smlle. 1he same
LllL of Lhe head. !usL a quleL space beLween Lwo broLhers on a cold nlghL and a sLaLlc
1v before everyLhlng spun ouL of conLrol.

Sure. l would love Lo."

So as Lhey slL LogeLher and eaL ham and poLaLoes Lucas Lells hlm exclLedly whaL
books he ls readlng and whaL he ls sLudylng, and !oshua Lells hlm a cllpped, abrldged
verslon, LhaL he ls dolng well, Lhey are all dolng well, and everyLhlng ls flne. Lvery
mornlng LhaL !oshua wakes up wlLh a Lucas-slzed hole ln Lhe mlddle of hls house ls
compleLely flne.
!"##$%& (!,4*+ !oshua's focus on
Lucas reveals hls values.
!"##$%& (!,)*+ 1he Lhlngs !oshua
noLlces Lells Lhe reader whaL ls lmporLanL
Lo hlm.
!"##$%& (!,,*+ !oshua dldn'L have Lo
brlng a presenL. Pls declslon Lo do so agaln
relnforces how lmporLanL Lucas ls Lo hlm.
!"##$%& (!,-*+ 1he auLhor uses Lhe
conLrasL beLween !oshua's lnLernal
LhoughLs and exLernal dlalogue Lo creaLe
characLer depLh.

See, !oshua knows Lucas ls Loo much llke Lhls: balanced precarlously beLween okay,
and curllng up lnLo corners shrleklng geL off, geL off, geL off when noLhlng ls Lhere.
1he paLlenL, Lhey call hlm. 8uL !oshua calls hlm Lucas and plugs hls ears when anyone
calls hlm anyLhlng else.

AfLer dlnner Lhey waLch an old Amerlcan movle on 1v. Lucas ls lnspecLlng !oshua's
nalls wlLh careful lnLenslLy, new sweaLer pulled down Lo Lhe deflned llnes of hls
hlpbones, when a nurse hands Lucas a paper cup wlLh pllls Lhe deep purple of
brulses. !oshua walks Lo Lhe Lap Lo geL some waLer for Lucas Lo use Lo drlnk Lhem
down. !usL ln case he needs lL.

!usL ln case Lucas needs hlm.

Pe only sLarLs Lo cry once Lucas appears Lo have fallen asleep, because !oshua never
crles ln fronL of Lucas. Pe worrles LhaL Lhe Lears slldlng off hls cheeks and onLo
Lucas's nose wlll dry salLy and sLlcky and wake Lucas up, or LhaL Lucas's forehead wlll
be weL and Lhen he wlll be upseL and confused. So !oshua breaLhes deeply and
counLs hlmself back from panlc. Pe has Lo be able Lo Lake care of Lucas. Pe has Lo be
a blg boy.

Pe makes hlmself sLand up and press goodbye klsses Lo Lucas's eyellds.

Colng already?" Lucas whlspers, Lense, and hls volce ls so desperaLe and so slncere
LhaL !oshua knows ln LhaL momenL Lhere ls noLhlng meddllng wlLh Lucas's head,
laughlng and danclng cruelly beLween Lhe synapses when Lhey shouldn'L be. lL has
been Lwo monLhs slnce Lucas was senL away, and he's dolng so much beLLer here,
Lhe cheery volces say, you [usL have Lo keep bellevlng and sLay sLrong. Pe waLches
Lucas sLruggle Lo keep awake Lo make sure he hasn'L been lefL alone, buL Lhe pllls
soon Lake hold, and Lucas's face relaxes wlLh sleep.

Sorry" !oshua says. Colng home now."

8uL whaL !oshua does noL say could flll all of Lucas's bookshelves and sLack ouL Lhe
resL of Lhe hosplLal and fllLer onLo Lhe sLreeLs, breaklng Lucas's hearLs lnLo llLLle
pleces. 8ecause lL doesn'L feel llke he's golng home. lL feels llke golng back Lo a
house wlLh an exLra room and falllng asleep Lo Lhe sound of hls own breaLh and
eyellds all weL. no. Pome, !oshua Lhlnks, ls rlghL here, sleeplng on Lhls bed and belng
LreaLed for hls severe panlc aLLacks. aranola. Manlc depresslve Lendencles.
1reaLable, Lhey say, wlLh Llme. !oshua doesn'L undersLand all Lhese words, and ls
slowly loslng falLh ln spoken language. Pe's spenL Loo many Llmes waLchlng Lucas
Lrylng Lo explaln how lL feels when you are scared and alone and you Lhlnk you are
golng Lo dle.

Cn Lhe Lraln rlde back !oshua presses hls cheek Lo Lhe frozen glass. Pe waLches Lhe
counLryslde spln Lhrough Lhe fog of hls exhales, curllng genLly ln aL Lhe edges.

!"##$%& (!,.*+ !oshua makes a
consclous cholce Lo lgnore Lhe names and
labels oLher people puL on hls broLher.
!"##$%& (!,/*+ !oshua's cholce Lo noL
cry ln fronL of Lucas reveals someLhlng
abouL hls characLer: he feels he musL be
sLrong for hls broLher.
!"##$%& (!,0*+ Agaln, lL ls !oshua's
cholces (Lo klss hls broLher) LhaL palnL a
plcLure of hls values.
!"##$%& (!,1*+ 1he sLrong conLrasL
beLween !oshua's lnLernal LhoughLs and
exLernal dlalogue makes Lhe characLer
more Lrue Lo llfe.
lL ls cold.


1he dlfference beLween exLernal dlalogue and lnLernal monologue ls an
effecLlve way Lo creaLe characLer depLh.
Lvery cholce your characLer makes reveals someLhlng abouL who Lhey are
and whaL Lhey value.
1he Lhlngs your characLer spends Llme Lhlnklng abouL and looklng aL ofLen
says more abouL Lhem Lhan Lhelr dlalogue.

!"##$%& (!,2*+ 1he exLernal world
mlrrors !oshua's lnLernal feellngs.
1|t|e: A|ways Safe
Author: Iso|de Dan|e||

lL ls a hard Lhlng Lo do, Lo be alone ln Lhe cold, wlLh only your blue llps and
sLlff flngers for company. Marle moved, sLralghL-backed, Lhrough Lhe sllenL, snow-
blown sLreeLs, llke Lhe lasL survlvor. Per sklrL pushed flrmly Lhrough Lhe slushy lce,
even as lL swlshed lnLo her booLs and mercllessly llcked her frozen Loes. Per nose
proLruded from her bonneL, adorned wlLh llLLle qulverlng flakes of snow.

Per sklrL ballooned around her, llke swaLhes of curLaln around a sllm pole. Per sllm,
frall flgure appeared Lo be only held uprlghL by Lhe masses of lce-crusLed wool, llke a
doll perched precarlously on a blrLhday cake. She carrled Lhe sklrL (or lL carrled her)
wlLh heavy reslgnaLlon, born of years' pracLlce.

She had had lL wlLh her from Lhe age of seven, when her moLher had dressed her ln
lL for Lhe flrsL Llme. 'lL wlll always keep you safe,' she had whlspered, her fumbllng
flngers aL her walsL. Marle, squlnLlng up aL her, had belleved her, and she would
never sLop yearnlng Lo recapLure Lhe warmLh of LhaL momenL.

1he nexL monLh, her moLher was dead: kllled by communlsL rebels who lefL a
drlpplng, red Lrall behlnd Lhelr rampage. Marle, Lurned ouL lnLo Lhe 8usslan wlnLer,
shlvered from orphanage Lo orphanage, feellng llke a bundle of lnconvenlenL
flrewood. She owned preclous few belonglngs: a few books, a mug, Lwo penclls and
a broken doll. ln her chlld's way, she Look Lo keeplng Lhem ln her sklrL, Lo keep Lhem
close Lo her ln her uncerLalnLles. CLher chlldren always LhoughL her odd, wlLh her
lumpy, heavy sklrL. Lven ln summer, she never ran around ouLslde.

Lach year she sLowed away more llLLle Lreasures: someLlmes a sLolen spoon or plaLe,
someLlmes a page from a book. AL flrsL, lL was a game of darlng, and a way of
connecLlng each of her dls[olnLed, mlserable homes. As she grew older, however,
and unable Lo brlng herself Lo dlscard Lhe sllly Lreasures, she convlnced herself LhaL
Lhey were a klnd of lnsurance, a Lallsman agalnsL Lhe assaulLs of llfe. She felL forLlfled
wlLh her sklrL wlde around her. She felL llke someLhlng of value.

1o Lhe nuns and benefacLors of Lhe orphanages, however, she [usL looked llke a
Lhlevlng urchln, and ln her slxLeenLh wlnLer, wlLh a sklrL as wlde as she was Lall,
doors began Lo slam ln her pale face.

'?ou've a repuLaLlon,' hlssed one nun Lhrough a crack ln Lhe wood. 'Lveryone knows
you nlck Lhe cuLlery. ?ou won'L even flL Lhrough Lhe door, for Cod's sake.'

And so, glrl and sklrL were Lurned, wlLh one fllck, lnLo Lhe guLLer, lnLo Lhe brown
snow. 1he sky, fadlng slowly from dull grey Lo black, waLched wlLh sympaLhy as Lhe
llLLle flgure, flngers ln Lhe snow, carefully sLralghLened herself up and dusLed off her
sklrL.
!"##$%& (!,3*+ We begln Lo geL a
sense of Lhe characLer's personallLy, slmply
by waLchlng Lhe way she moves.
!"##$%& (!-4*+ 1he auLhor uses an
ob[ecL (Lhe sklrL) as an enLry polnL lnLo Lhe
back-sLory, whlch laLer becomes relevanL
for undersLandlng Lhe proLagonlsL's cholces
and moLlvaLlons.
!"##$%& (!-)*+ 1he sklrL becomes a
symbol of Lhe proLagonlsL's
personallLy/moLlvaLlon: she ls unable Lo leL
go of Lhe pasL. 1he auLhor uses Lhls
lmage/symbol Lo Lell us abouL Lhe
characLer wlLhouL resorLlng Lo cllche
language.
!"##$%& (!-,*+ 8ecause of Lhe way
Lhe auLhor has bullL up Lhe proLagonlsL
prevlously, we know Lhls Lo be unLrue.
ln Lhe followlng weeks, she would sLop carlng abouL lce on her sklrL. 1here would, ln
facL, be lce ln her neck, her Loes, her bellybuLLon. Cnly her sklrL seemed Lo lead her
on, wlLh lLs own energy and deLermlnaLlon. ln Lhe day, she walked, swlshlng Lhrough
empLy sLreeLs, pushlng her way Lhrough Lhe slush. LlLLle brlck houses llned each
sLreeL, each wlLh Lwo mocklng eyes, glowlng gold. She walked pasL wlLh lmposslble
polse, refuslng Lo feel shame, wlLh her sklrL around her, and her belonglngs cllnklng
lnslde lL, alLhough, ln facL, lL dld hurL her Lo know LhaL noL a slngle person ln Lhe
world wanLed her.

ln Lhe nlghL, she would crouch anywhere she could, snuggled down lnLo her sklrL, her
concave sLomach Lensed agalnsL Lhe peneLraLlng cold. She made an odd plcLure: a
dellcaLe parcel of bones cradled ln an enormous woolen sklrL.

lL was on one of Lhese frozen nlghLs, when Lhe alr lLself held lLs breaLh agalnsL Lhe
blLlng lce, when a bearded genLleman, comlng ouL of hls fronL gaLe, saw Marle curled
near lL, and, belng of a phllanLhroplc naLure, he sLopped and benL over her.

'She can'L be more Lhan Lwelve,' he murmured Lo hlmself, Louchlng her caved-ln
cheeks.
SwlfLly, he llfLed her Lo her feeL, and she swayed feebly. 1he man, dlsLracLed, was
calllng up Lo hls house, and a servanL [ogged ouL. 1ogeLher, Lhey plcked Marle up,
and held her beLween Lhem. Per sklrL, enormous wlLh snow and her belonglngs,
sLaggered Lhem, and Lhey glanced aL each oLher, wonderlng lf Lhls chlld was a dream,
or someLhlng from anoLher world.

1he bore her Lo Lhe fronL door of Lhe grand house. 1he mald greeLed Lhem
lncredulously.
'l'm sorry, slr- buL she won'L flL ln Lhe door, ln LhaL ouLflL.'

So Lhey seL abouL Laklng off Lhe sklrL. Marle sLlrred ln surprlse and embarrassmenL,
buL she was so small and weak, even once Lhe heavy welghL was llfLed from her, LhaL
she could move no more. And ln Lhelr lmpaLlence Lhey Lhrew Lhe whole sklrL ouL
onLo Lhe fronL lawn, where lL fell ln Lhe fresh snow, and Lhey carrled Lhe glrl, ln her
whlLe peLLlcoaL, lnslde.

When Marle woke up Lhe nexL mornlng, ln a sLrange, clean, warm bed, ln a small,
clean, warm room, she could noL remember geLLlng Lhere aL all, buL she felL LhaL she
was ln a very large house, and looklng ouL Lhe wlndow, she saw lLs shadow falllng
over Lhe fronL garden. And ln Lhe snow on Lhe lawn, dlscarded and fallen open, was
her sklrL, and every one of her belonglngs exposed: Lhe books' pages fluLLerlng ln Lhe
wlnd, Lhe spoons gllnLlng ln Lhe folds of weL wool. And she felL, Louchlng Lhe cold
wlndow pane, LhaL Lhls musL be Lhe way lL musL be.

!"##$%& (!--*+ Agaln, Lhe auLhor
crafLs characLer by descrlblng Lhe way Lhe
proLagonlsL moves.
!"##$%& (!-.*+ 1he flnal progresslon
ln Lhe characLer's [ourney (accepLance,
leLLlng go of Lhe pasL) ls relnforced by her
new reacLlon Lo Lhe ob[ecL orlglnally used
Lo characLerlse her personallLy.

Lvery sLory belongs Lo a characLer(s). WlLhouL a characLer Lo
see/Lell/experlence Lhe evenLs LhaL make up Lhe ploL, Lhere ls no sLory.
1here are many unlque ways Lo crafL characLer. uslng ob[ecLs (such as a sklrL)
provldes an lnLeresLlng way Lo explore a characLer's personallLy wlLhouL
resorLlng Lo cllche explanaLlons.
As Lhe ploL changes (from seL-up, Lo confronLaLlon, Lo resoluLlon), so Loo
musL Lhe characLer (physlcally, psychologlcally and/or emoLlonally).

Chapter 6 - |ot

So you've goL Lhls characLer LhaL's been klcklng around ln your head for a few days,
and you've lmaglned hlm or her vlslLlng a couple of places, geLLlng up Lo some
mlschlef, and havlng a few close calls.

45) -(0 1( 6(5 )5+3 )-'2 '3)( 7 8&()9

An obvlous way Lo Lhlnk abouL ploL ls a sequence of evenLs, each one caused by Lhe
prevlous one.

8uL an even beLLer way Lo Lhlnk abouL ploL? A Lenslon machlne. uh-huh, LhaL's rlghL.
Any evenL LhaL's golng Lo lead Lo Lenslon deserves a spoL ln your klller ploL. (!usL
don'L forgeL Lo Lhrow a llLLle causallLy ln Lhere.)

23%$ .7 $"&7./&X F 3"%# ;/: %7N=

l llke Lo Lhlnk of Lenslon as Lhe opposlLlon beLween Lwo forces. 1he Lhlng LhaL pulls
Lhe rope LaughL. 1he sLuff LhaL makes your proLagonlsL's (and hopefully reader's)
Loes Lap Lhe floor ln a dance of nerves, walLlng Lo see whaL wlll happen nexL.

Cut to the chase!

Pere are some pracLlcal sLeps (1he Pero's !ourney) Lo achleve Lhls ln your sLory. 1ry
ploLLlng your sLory ouL wlLh each sLep.

oo Joot oeeJ to locloJe oll of tbe steps. cbeck oot Amy Clooqs stoty lo tbe
A/((/5.&' <%'"7 $/ 7"" 3/5 73" "@B(:6"6 % B/:<(" /A 7$"<7 %&6 7$.(( B#%&N"6 $3"
$"&7./& ?%B3.&"*

:;) <
1. SeL-up Lhe 'ordlnary' world (before characLer undergoes change): lnLroduce
characLer(s) and Lhe Lhlng lacklng ln Lhelr world.
2. 1he call Lo advenLure: Lhe proLagonlsL ls presenLed wlLh a challenge/problem.
3. 1he refusal of Lhe call: an obsLacle (ofLen lnLernal such as fear, uncerLalnLy
eLc) prevenLs Lhe proLagonlsL from sLepplng up Lo Lhe challenge.

:;) <<
4. Crosslng of Lhe flrsL Lhreshold: Lhe proLagonlsL beglns Lo enLer Lhe new world
of Lhe sLory/quesL.
3. MeeLlng wlLh Lhe menLor: (can be lnLernal, such as Lhelr 'beLLer' self, or
exLernal).
6. 1he 8oad of Lrlals: a serles of LesLs and challenges.
7. Approach Lo Lhe lnmosL cave: Lhe proLagonlsL's darkesL momenL.
8. 1he supreme ordeal: a crlsls from whlch Lhe proLagonlsL emerges
symbollcally reborn.
9. 8eward/lnslghL: Lhe reward LhaL follows Lhe ordeal.
10. 1he road block: Lhe proLagonlsL re-ad[usLs Lhelr goal Lo escape, flnd more
advenLure or reLurn home.

:;) <<<
11. 1he cllmax: Lhe lasL LesL for Lhe proLagonlsL Lo pass Lhrough, from whlch Lhey
re-emerge a changed person.
12. 8esoluLlon: someLhlng ls changed/galned on a llLeral or meLaphorlc level.

LeL's revlslL Woody ln 1oy SLory 3, and zoom ln Lo Lhe momenL he ls presenLed wlLh a
challenge.

:;) .=
1. lnLroduced Lo Woody, 8uzz LlghLyear and gang - as unused Loys sLored away
and forgoLLen.
2. 1hey are presenLed wlLh a problem when Andy leaves for college and decldes
Lo leave everyone excepL Woody behlnd. 1he gang Lhen geL mlsLaken for
Lrash and geL Lhrown ouL.
3. 1he Loys belleve Andy Lhrew Lhem ouL on purpose - Lhey refuse Woody's call
LhaL Andy does love Lhem sLlll.

:;) >=
4. 1he Loys opL Lo go Lo Sunnyslde uay Care lnsLead.
3. Woody arrlves and acLs as Lhelr 'consclence' or lnner volce - remlndlng Lhem
LhaL Lhey are Andy's Loys. Pe vows Lo reLurn Lo Andy.
6. Andy geLs Laken home by a glrl from Sunnyslde, whlle Lhe gang remaln aL
Sunnyslde and experlence a dlcLaLorshlp run by Lhe Lop LoLsa.
7. 1he darkesL momenL comes when 8uzz ls 're-seL' and all Lhe Loys are
lmprlsoned
8. Woody reLurns and wlLh hls help Lhey enacL an escape plan from Sunnyslde.
9. lnslghL - Lhe gang reallze Woody was correcL
10. 1he gang on Lhe verge of escape geL caughL by LoLsa and hls crew of enforces

:;) ?=
11. 1he cllmax - Woody and gang are Laken Lo Lhe garbage Llp and face compleLe
desLrucLlon all LogeLher, emerglng reallzlng LhaL whaL ls lmporLanL ls love and
frlendshlp
12. 8esoluLlon - Woody reallzes he needs Lo be wlLh hls frlends raLher Lhan golng
wlLh Andy. Andy reallzes LhaL he needs Lo move on and allow anoLher chlld Lo
en[oy

now LhaL you have seen 1he Pero's !ourney mapped ouL Lo 1oy SLory 3 Lry Laklng Lhe
sLrucLure and uslng your characLer LhaL you have creaLed map ouL your ploL
followlng each of Lhe sLeps.

WrlLe lL down now.
1|t|e: I am khmer
Author: Amy G|any

1967

osLers adorned wlLh hls radlanL face plasLered every sLreeL corner, clLlzens
flocked Lo Lhe clnemas Lo waLch hls fllms and hls muslc could be heard blasLlng
Lhrough radlos across Lhe counLry. Pe was Lhe Cod-klng, ordalned by a hlgher power
Lo lead Cambodla lnLo prosperlLy. Pad lL noL been for klng Slhanouk, 1rong would
have been desLlned Lo follow ln hls faLher's fooLsLeps, worklng Llrelessly on Lhe land
for very llLLle reward.

hnom enh was an enLlrely dlfferenL world. 1he busLllng Lrafflc, sLreeLs congesLed
wlLh scooLers and Lhe sLreeL vendors who saL perlodlcally along Lhe slde of Lhe road
selllng Lhelr wares were compleLely allen Lo 1rong. lL was hard Lo belleve LhaL hls
enLlre llfe, elghLeen years, Lhls had only been a Lwo hour bus rlde away. Pls new
surroundlngs only moLlvaLed hlm Lo work harder aL unlverslLy, graLeful for Lhe
opporLunlLy Lo fulfll hls dream Lo one day become a docLor and perhaps buy hls own
house ln Lhe clLy.

?ou are vleLnamese, yes?" Molekah, one of 1rong's unlverslLy frlends asked.
l am LLhnlc vleLnamese.why do you ask?"

1he khmer 8ouge? ?ou musL have heard abouL Lhem? 1hey have a new leader, ol
oL. Pe desplses Lhe vleLnamese. Pls parLy ls galnlng popularlLy LhroughouL Lhe
counLry."

8uL l am khmer. We have llved here for Lhree generaLlons. ?ou cannoL call me
vleLnamese"

uo you Lhlnk he cares?"

1rong had been aware of Lhe war raglng [usL across Lhe border, Lhe Amerlcans had
been dropplng bombs all over Cambodla for Lhe lasL few years aLLempLlng Lo rld Lhe
area of norLh vleLnamese CommunlsLs. 1he deeply craLered land now resembled
someLhlng oLherworldly. 8uL lL wasn'L a khmer War, greaL rlnce Slhanouk had
prevenLed lL from belng so. 1he khmer 8ouge would be no maLch for Lhe greaL
rlnce, 1rong Lold hlmself. Pe had no reason Lo worry.

Apr|| 17, 197S

!usL LhaL mornlng Lhey had flooded ouL onLo Lhe clLy sLreeLs ln Lhelr Lhousands,
over[oyed, noL because of Lhelr love for Lhe khmer 8ouge, buL because Lhey were
fllled wlLh rellef LhaL Lhe flve year long clvll war had flnally ended. 1rong had Lorn
!"##$%& (!-/*+ 1he ordlnary world
(pre-clvll war): Lhe proLagonlsL and seLLlng
are lnLroduced and all seems well and
good.
!"##$%& (!-0*+ 1he call Lo advenLure:
alLhough Lhe proLagonlsL ls unaware as of
yeL, Lhese llnes of dlalogue are Lhe flrsL hlnL
of Lhe comlng confronLaLlon.
!"##$%& (!-1*+ 8efusal of Lhe call: Lhe
proLagonlsL ls yeL Lo dlscover he has a role
ln Lhe war.
!"##$%& (!-2*+ Crosslng Lhe flrsL
Lhreshold: someLhlng has changed and Lhe
proLagonlsL moves lnLo a 'new world' (l.e.
Lhe end of Lhe clvll war).
down Lhe road, [olnlng ln Lhe communal celebraLlons. never had he felL so
connecLed aL once Lo so many oLhers as Lhey smlled and hugged one anoLher. rlde
welled up lnslde of hlm, Lhe greaLness of hls fellow khmer would once agaln shlne
Lhrough.

1rong had waLched hls counLry, hls people crumble before hlm. ln [usL under Len
years Lhe greaL naLlon of Cambodla had fallen, Lhelr Cod-klng deposed by hls very
own rlme MlnlsLer. ln Lhls fleeLlng momenL, 1rong belleved LhaL llfe would reverL Lo
as lL had been under rlnce Slhanouk.

1rong caughL Lhe eyes of one of Lhe soldlers marchlng Lhrough Lhe sLreeLs. Pe dldn'L
seem Lo share Lhe ecsLasy felL by hls fellow counLrymen. An lcy sLare was carved lnLo
hls face, hls eyes spoke of Lhe experlences of Lhe pasL flve years, a man of hardened
resolve.

All hall uemocraLlc kampuchea!" Lhey meLhodlcally chanLed as Lhey
marched near-perfecLly Lhrough Lhe sLreeLs, Lhe dumbfounded gazes of Lhe people
followlng Lhem around Lhe corner.

Suddenly, a new reglmenL came runnlng down Lhe road, Lhelr loud, heavy fooLsLeps
Lhunderlng down Lhe blLumen ln sLeady beaL, Lhe ground quaklng beneaLh Lhem.

1he Amerlcans are comlng Lo bomb Lhe clLy! ?ou musL all evacuaLe Lo Lhe
counLryslde!"

WhaL had [usL mlnuLes before been a celebraLlon now Lurned lnLo frenzy and panlc
as moLhers swooped up Lhelr chlldren and Lhe crowd dlspersed, rushlng back Lo Lhelr
homes so Lhey could hurrledly gaLher up Lhelr belonglngs. 1rong could noL leL
hlmself belleve LhaL Lhe war was comlng Lo Cambodla, yeL he Loo found hlmself
runnlng Lhrough Lhe sLreeLs wlLh a new sense of urgency.

Ianuary 14, 1976

1rong had never lmaglned LhaL he would once agaln be llvlng wlLh hls parenLs ln Lhe
counLryslde. 1he ham house had become a makeshlfL surgery as people from
nelghbourlng vlllages became lncreaslngly aware of 1rong's occupaLlon. Pls
LheoreLlcal unlverslLy educaLlon had noL prepared hlm for whaL he now encounLered
on a dally basls, malnourlshed chlldren, bulleL wounds and vlcLlms of land mlnes.
Lach day, he would llsLen lnLenLly Lo Lhe khmer 8ouge radlo sLaLlon, now Lhe only
source of news, nervously hoplng LhaL Lhe beauLlful clLy had noL been bombed. Pe
no longer had any percepLlon of Llme, wlLh Lhe khmer 8ouge lmplemenLaLlon of ?ear
Zero. 1he greaL uemocraLlc kampuchea was Lo sLarL from scraLch, ol oL had
proclalmed all Lhose monLhs ago. 1he khmer 8ouge clalms of Amerlcan bomblng ln
hnom enh seemed Lo have dlssolved, lnsLead Lhe volce of ol oL could be heard
blarlng LhroughouL Lhe vlllages on a dally basls. lL was a volce LhaL was hard Lo love,
one whlch had dlslocaLed 1rong's prevlously hopeful llfe.
!"##$%& (!-3*+ AlLhough Lhere ls no
llLeral meeLlng of Lhe menLor, Lo some
exLenL, Lhe proLagonlsL's connecLlon wlLh
Lhose around hlm somewhaL fulfllls Lhe
same funcLlon as he ls happy Lo follow ln
Lhelr sLeps.
!"##$%& (!.4*+ 8ecause of Lhe lengLh
of Lhls sLory, Lhe hero's [ourney sLrucLure
has been condensed by excludlng Lhe road
of Lrlals sLage.
!"##$%& (!.)*+ Approach Lo Lhe
lnmosL cave
!"##$%& (!.,*+ 1he supreme ordeal:
a crlsls whlch causes Lhe proLagonlsL Lo
change.
!"##$%& (!.-*+ 8eward/ lnslghL: Lhe
proLagonlsL galns new knowledge of Lhe
way Lhe world works.
!"##$%& (!..*+ 1he road block: Lhe
proLagonlsL seLs hlmself a new goal Lo
survlve and look afLer hls frlends and
famlly.
Mrs ok came scrambllng lnLo Lhe house, nurslng her young son. Pls rlbs proLruded
Lhrough hls paper-Lhln skln.

lease help me 1rong, please. Pe has noL eaLen ln a week," she crled,
desperaLlon laden ln each word she spoke.

Ianuary 16, 1976

Pe was awoken by Lhe Lhumplng fooLsLeps of several men approachlng ouL of Lhe
darkness. Pe squlnLed ouL Lhe wlndow, aLLempLlng Lo dlscern Lhe vlslLors Lhrough
Lhe gloom. 1rong no longer slepL soundly, Lhe desperaLely lll could noL conLrol Lhelr
slcknesses, ofLen vlslLlng LhroughouL Lhe nlghL. 1he moon was noL presenL on Lhls
nlghL, and he could only walL for Lhem Lo arrlve aL Lhe house. Pe walLed for Lhe
pause ouLslde Lhe door and Lhen Lhe knock. 8uL Lhls Llme, Lhere was no pause or
knock as muffled volces shouLed LhroughouL Lhe vlllage, klcklng open Lhe hams'
door.

1rong ham! 1rong ham!" could be heard dlsLlncLly, Lhe male volces
reverberaLlng LhroughouL Lhe nlghL.

Cne gunshoL followed anoLher as Lhey barged lnLo 1rong's sleeplng quarLers.

Are you 1rong ham?" Lhey yelled
?es, my name ls 1rong ham."
?our famlly are dlrLy vleLnamese plgs!" yelled one of Lhe men, as several
oLhers selzed hlm by Lhe arms.
no! We are Lhlrd generaLl-,"
?ou are also a docLor, a new person. uemocraLlc kampuchea does noL need
people llke you. Scum of Lhe earLh," crled anoLher soldler, as he punched hlm ln Lhe
slde of hls face.
no, we are khmer!"

AnoLher gunshoL rang ouL Lhrough Lhe vlllage, buL Lhls Llme a llfeless body [olned Lhe
resL LhaL llLLered Lhe floor of Lhe house.


1he Pero's !ourney provldes a rough framework for ploL.
1he sLrucLure ls flexlble: you can plck and choose whaL ls relevanL Lo your
sLory and lLs purpose.
1he sLrucLure ls an effecLlve way Lo bulld sLory Lenslon (whlch keeps readers
engaged).

!"##$%& (!./*+ 1he cllmax: Lhe
proLagonlsL's lasL LesL.
!"##$%& (!.0*+ 8esoluLlon
Chapter 7 - Sett|ng

?ou know who your proLagonlsL ls and whaL Lhey wanL. ?ou've mapped ouL your
ploL, and you're feellng good abouL all Lhe obsLacles up your sleeve (evll sofL 1oy
8ears and ken 8arbles anyone?)

now LhaL you've goL who, whaL, and why sorLed, lL's Llme Lo Lackle Lhe 'where'.

lL can be easy Lo [usL plck a random seLLlng and run wlLh lL, buL my LhoughLs are, why
noL plck a seLLlng you can use Lo your advanLage?

Why noL use seLLlng as a Lool Lo up Lhe anLe and maxlmlse Lenslon? 1haL ls,
flnd ouL whaL obsLacles are speclflc Lo your seLLlng, and weave Lhem lnLo
your sLory.

use Lhe seLLlng Lo glve Lhe reader a menLal plcLure Lo hold onLo (and geL lnLo
Lhe characLer's sLory).

use seLLlng as a Lrlp down memory lane. A characLer's surroundlngs can
become an enLry polnL for golng lnLo back-sLory and characLer psychology.

CoL someLhlng Lo say, buL wanL Lo 'show' lL lnsLead of [usL 'say' lL? 1ry uslng
seLLlng as a meLaphor.

1hlnk back Lo 1oy SLory. 1he ma[orlLy of Lhe fllm ls seL aL Sunnyslde uay Care, whlch
on Lhe face of lL appears Lo be an unusual cholce of seLLlng.

8uL lL works. Why?

lL provldes many of us wlLh a Lrlp down memory lane from when we were klds. lL
works wonderfully as a meLaphor for deallng wlLh change and age - change from
belng new Loys owned by a slngle owner, Lo belng old Loys used and abused by any
number of chlldren.

lL also provldes wonderful obsLacles from small chlldren Lo cunnlng and evll Loys.

Cut to the chase!

uraw a plcLure of your seLLlng. Why more drawlng? Pavlng a vlsual of your seLLlng
helps Lo ensure Lhe acLlon flows loglcally.

1hlnk abouL Lhe meanlng behlnd your sLory. Pow could you use your characLer's
exLernal surroundlngs Lo mlrror Lhelr lnLernal world? Pow would Lhls change as Lhe
characLer progresses?


now llsL Lhree obsLacles LhaL are unlque Lo Lhls seLLlng. (lor example, you won'L flnd
wlld llons, crazy zoo keepers wlLh a penchanL for leLLlng Lhe bears loose, and uneven
ground ln your school classroom, buL you wlll flnd Lhem ln a zoo!)
1|t|e: My 1own
Author: Iess|ca 1|sshaw

?ou never Lhlnk you'll mlss someLhlng when lLs gone, buL when lLs gone,
you're full of regreL and plLy. Llke a buLLerfly, lLs slmpllclLy and grace ls beauLlful Lo
look aL, buL when lLs flown away, you wonder whaL lf. LhaL's how l came Lo vlew
myself and my surroundlngs.
Looklng back aL Lhls place, whaL had become of lL, Lhe abuse and Lhe dlsgrace. lLs
hard Lo lmaglne LhaL l once loved Lhls place and l belonged here.
now Lhey, Lhe developers own lL, and l merely sLand by waLchlng lL crumble.
l was always Lold by my parenLs Lo sLand up for whaL you belleve ln, so why can'L l?
many of my heroes have, nelson Mandela sLood up for whaL he belleved ln and look
aL hls slLuaLlon, half of hls llfe ln [all, for Laklng a sLance for hls love and passlon for
hls counLry. l do have prlde for my counLry, heck l've llved here longer Lhan Lhey, so
why am l so sLuck on Lhls whaL lf", lL should be whaL nexL".
l walk Lowards a large, dllapldaLed bulldlng. no wlndows, only shadows surroundlng
Lhe bulldlng. l can hear chlldren screamlng and yelllng and l wonder, how Lhey
would reacL Lo Lhelr home belng Lransformed lnLo a monsLrous lle ln Lhelr lnnocenL
young llves. We llved here our enLlre llves. My broLher and l would go Lo Lhe local
hamburger sLand every 1hursday and order a chocolaLe mllkshake, frles and a
hamburger. noL LhaL lL was Lhe besL hamburger buL lL was home. A feellng you can
only have when you know you belong Lo a place wlLh famlllar places and faces. lar
from my oplnlon of my llfe Loday. l approach a small bulldlng wlLh a slgn.
lL reads All resldenLs are prohlblLed from Lhls area"
l reallse Lhls was Lhe old hlghway hoLel. lL was never a fancy esLabllshmenL,
you would only sLay lf you were desperaLe, buL now lnsLead of lLs cheap blue
palnL[ob, lL holds many sLucco seashells, and now ls palnLed a brlghL, #"J/($.&'
?%'"&$% <.&N. 1he hoLel has been shuL down and wlll evenLually become Lhe land Lo
house a large, shopplng cenLre. 1hls place l once loved, l shake my head, Lears ln my
eyes, Lhls Lown, Lhe one l loved was a dlsLanL memory and l felL no connecLlon Lo Lhls
place.
1he buLLerfly flles pasL, gracefully flapplng lLs wlngs, suddenly a drop of raln
falls onLo lLs wlngs, noneLheless lL conLlnues, llke lL had a prevlous obllgaLlon,
noLhlng llke l have, l'm a forelgner Lo Lhls place, as Lhe buLLerfly conLlnues, l
lmmedlaLely follow lL up Lhe wlndlng, beaLen Lrall.

As l walk Lhe Lrall l use Lo follow as a chlld, l feel a sense of calmness and LranqullllLy.
1hls Lrack was fllled wlLh many hldden Lreasures, lL sLays Lhe same, unLouched. 8ows
of rocks wlLh palnLed murals ln memoraLlon of Lhose losL and Lhose loved. 1here ls
Lhe park bench LhaL l use Lo slL on and read. 1here ls Lhe small, clean pond LhaL lles
near Lhe rocks. lL's so beauLlful Lo look aL. Pow l wlsh l could rellve Lhese momenLs.
ConLlnulng up Lhe wlndy Lrack, collecLlve LhoughLs come Lo mlnd, l see a buLLerfly
land on a dellcaLe flower, slowly lL fluLLers lLs ma[esLlc wlngs, llke lL had a sense of
purpose by landlng on Lhe flower. Maybe LhaL's my purpose, Lo land on a flower,
!"##$%& (!.1*+ 8lghL from Lhe sLarL,
Lhe seLLlng ls lnLegral Lo Lhe sLory, ln Lhls
case, wlLhouL seLLlng, Lhere ls no sLory.
!"##$%& (!.2*+ SeLLlng = sLory.
!"##$%& (!.3*+ 8rlngs Lhe reader lnLo
Lhe seLLlng (and sLory) by creaLlng a vlsual
lmage of lL.
!"##$%& (!/4*+ 1he seLLlng ls more
Lhan [usL a physlcal place, lL's an emoLlonal
and psychologlcal connecLlon Lo Lhe pasL,
famlly and frlends.
!"##$%& (!/)*+ 1he seLLlng becomes
an enLry polnL lnLo Lhe back sLory.
!"##$%& (!/,*+ 1he seLLlng's
desLrucLlon becomes Lhe sLory's
confronLaLlon and symbollzes Lhe
proLagonlsL's feellngs.
beglnnlng a fresh sLarL, movlng far away from Lhls place, because llke LhaL buLLerfly l
should wander from flower Lo flower. l no longer belong Lo Lhls place. nor wlll l ever
agaln.


SeLLlng ls Lhe ulLlmaLe symbol!
lf you have Lo wrlLe a sLory buL aren'L sure where Lo sLarL, Lry creaLlng Lhe
seLLlng flrsL, and Lhen flndlng a sLory LhaL would only work ln LhaL conLexL.
use seLLlng as an enLry polnL (lnLo back-sLory, characLer psychology,
symbollsm, ploL eLc).
Croundlng a sLory ln a clear and vlvld seLLlng can help Lhe reader creaLe a
menLal plcLure ln Lhelr mlnd (and Lherefore go furLher lnLo your characLer's
sLory).

!"##$%& (!/-*+ 1he [uxLaposlLlon
beLween Lhe seLLlngs ls used Lo show Lhe
proLagonlsL's movemenL from anger
(confronLaLlon) Lo accepLance (resoluLlon).
1|t|e: Dream|ng
Author: Natasha Armen

lt ls lmpottoot to teollze tbot os loJlqeooos people tbe eovltoomeot o&6 B:($:#" %#"
/&"
AoJ tbe some, tbey coexlst ooJ ote oot sepotote.
W"(.77% G"/#'"X % 2:(':#:N%Q% 5/?"&

1he gums blew sofLly wlLh Lhe breeze, as Lhelr glossy leaves escaped from Lhe
branches and eleganLly danced Lhrough Lhe alr.

1he sweeL aroma of Lhe eucalypLus Llckled hls nosLrlls as ken[ll's bare feeL sunk lnLo
Lhe warm gralny earLh. 1he crlsp wlnd dellcaLely brushed agalnsL hls face as hls body
swayed Lo Lhe harmonlc overLones of Lhe dldgerldoo. Pe felL hls hearL pulsaLe
fervenLly- synchronlzed wlLh Lhe euphonlous poundlng of Lhlghs and Lhe baLLerlng of
drums. 1he Lhunderous Lhuds of feeL pummelllng Lhe parched land resonaLed
LhroughouL Lhe flelds all under Lhe adulaLlon of Lhe maLernal gllsLenlng sun.

lnebrlaLed by Lhe splendours of naLure and canopled ln a salubrlous red smoke, Lhe
?lrrlkala people danced Lo Lhelr land, Lhelr home and Lhelr ldenLlLy.

Powever, Lhe fesLlvlLles came Lo a close as elder Amarangu ralsed her hands and
called for Lhe cessaLlon of all dance and muslc. 1he Lrlbe began Lo enclrcle Lhelr
elder, eager Lo hear her message of wlsdom.

AfLer momenLarlly observlng Lhe Lrlbe, elder Amarangu knelL down and pulled genLly
aL a nearby waLLle and wlLh a Lug, deLached lL from lLs orlgln- Lo be held glngerly ln
her hands. She dellcaLely pulled off Lhe brlghL yellow lnflorescences and blew Lhem
lnLo Lhe wlnd. She waLched Lhe golden specs drlfL Lhrough Lhe alr before she broke
Lhe sllence by saylng, "No motter if they ore fish, onimo/s, birds, men, women,
+(;@2A 0'31 (+ +7'3###7&& ,&,B,3)2 7+, (3,# < 7B 7 87+) (C )-, &731# "-, &731 '2 7 87+)
of me."

1he call of Lhe kookaburra echoed LhroughouL Lhe vasL plalns- uncannlly llke loud,
wlLh Lhe semblance of rldlcule and laughLer.
Suddenly, dark clouds could be seen approachlng ln Lhe dlsLance, as a vlolenL roar
bellowed from Lhe heavens.
1he Lrlbe repeaLed Lhe solemn words of Lhelr elder before Lhey reLurned Lo Lhelr
huLs.
"l om o port of the /ond. 1he /ond is o port of me."
1he sun was exLlngulshed wlLh a lasL fllckerlng exerLlon.
" 1he /ond is o port of me..."
Lvanescence.

!"##$%& (!/.*+ 1he envlronmenL ls
used as a meLaphor for Lhe proLagonlsL's
lnLernal world.
!"##$%& (!//*+ 1he descrlpLlon of
seLLlng and Lhlngs ln lL ls used Lo con[ure up
feellngs of happlness and freedom.
!"##$%& (!/0*+ 8uL when Lhe feellngs
shlfLs, so does Lhe envlronmenL.
!"##$%& (!/1*+ 1he land ls noL merely
a backdrop for Lhe sLory, Lhe (loss of) land
lS Lhe sLory.
D: 20'+&'3E F(+),G# %3E5&C'3E 17+@3,22# "-, 1'&7)'3E H7;@E+(531 (C )'B, 731
spoce.*

***

Alone.

1he sllence Lrlckled down Lhe walls, seeplng Lhrough Lhe floor as lL quleLly observed
Lhe sollLary flgure LhaL LhreaLened lLs lmpercepLlble exlsLence. uarkly unlnvlLlng, Lhe
room echoed wlLh Lhe empLlness lL guarded. Lncased ln darkness and chalned ln
perpeLual reLlcence, Lhe oppresslve mood suffocaLed ken[ll- awakenlng hlm from
LherapeuLlc dreams of a long-losL pasL.

MoLlonless, he lay ln bed flrmly shuLLlng hls eyellds- flghLlng Lo brlng back hls
pleasanL memorles. however Lhe lnLense darkness seemed Lo suffocaLe all LhoughL
and feellng. uefeaLed, he opened hls eyes and Lrled Lo grapple wlLh reallLy by
conLemplaLlng hls surroundlngs.

A cold aparLmenL harboured by sour walls. laulLy plumblng flecklng Lhe flowered
wallpaper wlLh brown spoLs. A musLy odour permeaLed Lhe house on an
undercurrenL of sLale cheese and washlng deLergenL. 1he celllng fan was sLlll loose.
lLs lelsurely spln creaLlng Llny arrhyLhmlc squeaks as lL swlrled ln Lhe alr around Lhe
vacuous room.

8lslng Lo hls feeL, ken[ll peered ouL of hls wlndow and was greeLed wlLh Lhe vlew of a
bleak and Lenebrous clLy llL by Lhe superflclal glow of corporaLe adverLlsemenLs and
saLuraLed ln an omlnous blue haze of swlrllng clgareLLe smoke. 1he pallld sun
sLruggled Lo provlde lllumlnaLlon Lhrough Lhlck sheeLs of polluLlon whllsL Lall sky-
scrapers sLood sllhoueLLed agalnsL Lhe backdrop of Lhe ash-blackened heavens. A
blazlng lnferno of greed, lusL, haLe and avarlce- lnsaLlable, gluLLonous and gllded
wlLh envy.

1urnlng away from Lhe horrlflc vlew, ken[ll lefL hls aparLmenL and moved sllenLly
Lhrough Lhe world, drlfLlng beLween people and places, obllvlous Lo hls
surroundlngs. ConversaLlons were muffled.losL ln Lhe consLanL drone of machlnery
and Lhe dull Llnkllng of meLal. 8aLhed ln Lhe slckly yellow of a dylng sun, he pushed
agalnsL Lhe crowd- hls expresslon blank and unwaverlng. Powever, ln hls mlnd he
sLruggled Lo brlng LogeLher a coherenL plcLure of Lhe world and hls place ln lL. lL
seemed Lo be ln fragmenLs. llke pleclng LogeLher shards of glass from a shaLLered
mosalc.

Arrlvlng aL Lhe park, he lay on Lhe bench wlLh hls face Lowards Lhe heavens. Pls vlew
unhlndered by arLlflclal barrlers and dlsLracLlons, only wlLh Lhe wavlng branch above
hls head separaLlng hlm from Lhe eLernal blue. Pe slld off Lhe bench, hls body
relaxlng agalnsL Lhe cool ground, comforLlng ln lLs solldarlLy. 1he llghL zephyr fllLLed
wlLh Lhe sun's rays and saLuraLed ken[ll ln a warmLh so profound LhaL he almosL
drowned ln lLs amenlLy. Pe closed hls eyes and slowly drlfLed lnLo a deep sleep.
!"##$%& (!/2*+ Sharp conLrasL Lo
prevlously belng surrounded by people and
anlmals.
!"##$%& (!/3*+ 1he world around hlm
(seLLlng) ls how he makes sense of hls
lnLernal world.
!"##$%& (!04*+ uescrlpLlon of seLLlng
acLs as a meLaphor for Lhe change/loss.
!"##$%& (!0)*+ 1hls paragraph ls a
sLrong conLrasL Lo Lhe flrsL seLLlng. 1he
exLernal confllcL mlrrors Lhe characLer's
lnLernal confllcL.

Cnce agaln swaLhed ln Lhe benlson of Lhe pasL he dreamed of a chlldhood of klnshlp,
ceremonles, hunLlng and dance.unLll Lhe vlslon spllnLered ln Lhe erupLlon of deeply
burled memorles.

ken[ll saw elder Amarangu sLandlng amldsL a frenzy of clamourlng bulldozers,
crashlng Lrees and screechlng drllls- wlLh a Lear drop Lraclng Lhrough her flesh and
easlng down her cheekbones, formlng a Lrall upon her dry skln. Pe saw hls home ln
rulns.

1he dream shlfLed, and a sLream golden waLLle specs floaLlng Lhrough Lhe alr came
lnLo vlew.

Pe exLended hls hands and almosL Louched Lhem, buL Lhey danced LanLallzlngly [usL
ahead of hls grasp, amorphous and eluslve. Pe knew LhaL he would dle wlLhouL ever
havlng reached Lhem.


SeLLlng can be more Lhan [usL a backdrop for Lhe sLory, seLLlng can acLually be
Lhe sLory.
Applylng a characLer's LhoughLs and feellngs Lo Lhelr seLLlng ls a useful way Lo
allow Lhe reader lnLo Lhelr head.
SeLLlng ls Lhe ulLlmaLe meLaphor.

Chapter 8 - Structure

So you've goL your super suave proLagonlsL all gelled up and ready Lo be puL Lhrough
Lhe Lenslon machlne, and you've goL all Lhese ldeas abouL sLlcky slLuaLlons Lo puL
Lhem lnLo.

8uL whaL now?

Pow do you geL all Lhose one-llners, close calls and secondary characLers Lo fall lnLo
llne on Lhe page, and creaLe a serles of uh-huh momenLs where your reader goes
'Wow, LhaL's LoLally cool!'?

And whaL abouL all LhaL back-sLory you'd haLe your readers Lo mlss ouL on [usL
because lL doesn'L flL lnLo 1he Pero's !ourney ploL formaL?

As we saw ln Lhe analysls of Amy Clang's shorL sLory 'l am khmer', you don'L acLually
need Lo follow all of Lhe Pero's !ourney sLeps exacLly. lL's Lhere as a guldellne wlLh
one purpose: Lo bulld Lenslon.

As long as you have Lhe Lhree essenLlals we spoke abouL earller, lL's LoLally ok for you
Lo creaLe your own sLrucLure.

Pere's a qulck recap on Lhose Lhree essenLlal elemenLs:

1. Challenge - Lhe proLagonlsL ls presenLed wlLh an (lnLernal or exLernal)
obsLacle
2. Cholce - Lhe proLagonlsL musL choose how Lo respond Lo Lhls challenge
3. Change - Lhe proLagonlsL musL undergo a (physlcal, psychologlcal or
emoLlonal) change as a resulL of Lhe challenge and cholce.

Cnce you have your head around Lhese Lhree elemenLs, you can begln Lo play wlLh
Lhe order of Lhe puzzle pleces. Check ouL Cellne 1ruong's sLory ln Lhe followlng pages
Lo see how she's sLrucLured her plece. She uses a serles of flashbacks, lnserLed
LhroughouL Lhe presenL sLory, Lo bulld Lenslon and reveal back-sLory.

I,+, 7+, 2(B, ,G7B8&,2 (C ()-,+ 2)+5;)5+,2=

lragmenLed - W/&$; I;$3/& \ $3" >/(; G#%.(
Cne-acL - W"%& ,$#""$7
1wo-acL - ]:(( W"$%( S%BN"$
A serles of dlfferenL narraLors, one afLer Lhe oLher - I:(< ].B$./&
Several slmulLaneous narraLors - ,(.6.&' V//#7X I/77"77./&
CuL of sequence - !3" F&J.7.Q(" W%&
Compound (a mlx of several sLrucLure Lypes) - !3" ^7:%( ,:7<"B$7

8ut d|d you not|ce they a|| have one th|ng |n common?
"%J$<KJ#
*-69 4,;752, )-,6 7&& -7L, 7 ;-7&&,3E,A ;-(';, 731 ;-73E,#

Cut to the chase!

1hlnk abouL whaL you are Lrylng Lo achleve ln your sLory. lck Lwo dlfferenL
sLrucLures LhaL mlghL work well, and bralnsLorm on Lhe beneflLs and drawbacks of
boLh.
1|t|e: C|rcus
Author: Ce||ne 1ruong

under dark llghLs, l would hear Lhe whlsperlng volces of Lhose who came Lo
waLch us. Crouched underneaLh Lhe fllled sLands, l heard feeL scuLLllng ln search of
Lhelr seaLs before Lhe grand openlng. 1he slckly smell of popcorn smoLhered ln
buLLer lnfused Lhe aLmosphere as Lhe drum beaLs lncreased ln loudness and speed.
1helr volces were drowned by Lhe run down sound sysLem blarlng ouL Lhe recorded
volce of grandpa, Ceorge Lhe CreaL. 1he llghLs dlmmed as l mouLhed Lhe openlng Lo
1he CreaLesL Show on LarLh". eeplng Lhrough Lhe low wooden beams, apa's
shlny shoes llL up Lhe sLage as a ralnbow of clowns sLumbled around confused
members of Lhe audlence. 1he adrenallne of Lhe show kepL me enLhralled Lo Lhe
kaleldoscope of Lrlcks, Lwlrls and mld-alr swlrls. 1hls was deflnlLely worLh mlsslng
sleep for. nexL up, apa would perform hls vanlshlng acL. Cnly now, l would rlsk
belng caughL as l sllLhered from under Lhe benches for a beLLer vlew. 1he asphalL
ground felL cold on my knees whlle my eyes sLared lnLo confuslon as Lo how Lhe
rabblL wenL CCl!

l'd always asked apa where dld Lhe rabblL go?"

Pe'd always reply 1o a beLLer place".

8uL Lhere was no beLLer place Lhan here. apa Lold me l would learn one day buL l
could never comprehend how purple velveL sheeL engulfed Lhe creaLure.. now, l
may never know.

llve Lhousand mlles away l lay powerless ln a forLress of cold sLale sheeLs, closed ln
by sLrlcL lron wroughL bars. 1he dreary grey walls sLared down aL me as lf Lhey would
devour me aL any momenL. l had noLhlng Lo defend myself wlLh buL a dlrLy deflaLed
plllow. 1he dull LasLe of empLlness was no subsLlLuLe for Lhe comforLlng wafL of fresh
falry floss and deep frled hoLdogs. My sLomach fllnched as l fllpped Lo face my
reallLy. Lndless rows of sllenL adolescenL boys deep ln Lhelr sleep llned Lhe oLherwlse
empLy boardlng house. As Lhe dread of Lomorrow Lrled Lo creep Lhrough Lhe sLeel
caged wlndows l wondered: Why dld l agree Lo Lhls? Palf asleep- l became possessed
by my box of memorles. l was llke Lhe vanlshed rabblL buL Lhls was noL a beLLer
place.

CuLslde, crlckeLs chlrped an empLy Lune, as my eyes became rlveLed on Lhe seasonal
brochures LhaL Look me back where l belonged. l regreL pursulng Lhls educaLlon. As l
sLared lnLo Lhe candy cane colours of Lhe blg Lop, a sudden rush of comforL and
nosLalgla wrapped me round. 1he reassurlng smlles of apa and Mama welcomed
me lnLo Lhe blg Lop as confused llnes of elephanLs and clowns formed a clrcle of
brlghLenlng colour and dellghL. A slngle Lear fell. ln Lhe arms of Mama, my head
!"##$%& (!0,*+ 1hls whole paragraph
ls a flashback from Lhe pasL, seLs up Lhe
'why'.
!"##$%& (!0-*+ 1hls whole paragraph
ls Lhe seL-up, we geL a clear sense of who
Lhe proLagonlsL was Q"A/#" Lhe
confronLaLlon and change.
!"##$%& (!0.*+ Lndlng Lhls paragraph
wlLh Lhese Lhree senLences uLlllses Lhe
sLory's sLrucLure Lo creaLe Lenslon by
ralslng an unanswered quesLlon before
swlLchlng Llme/place.
!"##$%& (!0/*+ resenL ploL.,
esLabllshes Lhe 'whaL'.
would nesLle under her bosom as her scenL of rose waLer fllled my nose and l felL
secure. apa would draw me ln wlLh hls maglc wand as l preLended Lo be hls rabblL.
Pe'd llfL me onLo hls shoulders and Lell me l could fly. We'd zoom around Lo land aL
varlous anlmal cages as Lhough Lhey were exoLlc desLlnaLlons.

1he clrcus aL nlghL was my favourlLe place. 1he maglcal array of red and blue flashlng
llghLs enLhralled me Lo sneak ouL of bed and vlslL my clrcus famlly before Lhe show.
under Lhe Larp l would crawl amongsL bugs and beeLles Lo reach Lawrence Long
8eard. A whlLe shroud of halr would lle lnnocenLly ouLslde hls LenL Lo noLlfy hls
presence wlLhln, hls LlLle dld noL belle hlm. As l pulled away Lhe enLrance flap, a
mounLaln of lmpeccably brushed faclal halr was lald ouL llke a whlLe carpeL. We
would wlckedly laugh and munch on lollypops and falry floss, as lf Lhe world ouLslde
dld noL exlsL. Pls sLorles would always grab my aLLenLlon, especlally when lL lnvolved
hls beard savlng Lhe day. SomeLlmes Carrle Lhe one-legged ConLorLlonlsL would
sllLher ln and [oln our prlvaLe parLy. She would perform wlLh her arms LwlsLed
around her slngle leg. Carrle's Lraglc sLory always made me angry, as one day l
wanLed Lo geL revenge on LhaL Lrucker wlLh Lhe plnk haL and small beady eyes. l was
amazed how she could [usL puL Lhls ln Lhe pasL and en[oy Lhe presenL.

l bllnked back Lo grey reallLy. 1he drab aLmosphere of Lhe unlformed boys could
never compare Lo a quarLer of my memorles. l wondered lf my clrcus folk ever felL
llke Lhls? 8ack Lhen, people would LaunL us as ouLcasLs and freaks", buL Lhey could
never undersLand Lhe value of my exLended famlly. We weren'L your usual famlly buL
we were a famlly. 1hey speak of runnlng away Lo Lhe clrcus, buL now l wlsh l could
run back.

lrom Lhe box l felL someLhlng sofL and round. urawlng lL closer, a caLch of dawn
revealed a crlmson red nose LhaL once belonged Lo CurLls Lhe Clown. A famlllar echo
of llghL laughLer from chlldren and adulLs allke broughL me back home. CurLls's
purple and green cosLume was hard Lo mlss as he pulled clumsy sLunLs LhaL wldened
Lhe youngesL of smlles and chuffed Lhe oldesL of bellles. 8uL Lhls aLmosphere
changed when CurLls Lold me abouL hls prevlous llfe. Pe Lold me of hls sufferlng afLer
hls wlfe had dled. Pow he had been consumed by darkness as he deLached hlmself
from socleLy. Pe Lold me Lhe clrcus lead hlm Lo a beLLer place.

8ack Lhen, l could never undersLand how my world so fllled wlLh colourful
advenLures could ever be cuL lnLo hls Lraglc slLuaLlon. AnoLher Lear fell as l
remembered Lhe peLLy naLure of my slLuaLlon ln comparlson Lo CurLls's.

l'd been glven Lhls chance, l chose Lhls paLh and would conLlnue Lo llve ouL Lhe
consequences.

lor Mama.

lor apa.

lor my clrcus famlly and myself.
!"##$%& (!00*+ MosL of Lhe whole
plece's mlddle secLlon ls Lhe confronLaLlon,
Lhe proLagonlsL ls locked ln an lnLernal
baLLle of holdlng onLo Lhe pasL and leLLlng
lL go Lo move lnLo Lhe fuLure.
!"##$%& (!01*+ llashback.
!"##$%& (!02*+ resenL ploL.

uawn seeped Lhrough Lhe barred wlndows of Lhe boardlng house. As a puL my box
away under my bed, a fuzzy whlLe ball hopped lnLo Lhe black dlsLance. l plnched
myself and closed my eyes-maybe Lhls was my beLLer place.


llashbacks are a useful way of provldlng back-sLory (and explalnlng why a
characLer ls acLlng a cerLaln way ln Lhe presenL).
llashbacks are a useful was Lo bulld Lenslon. 8y endlng each paragraph wlLh
an unanswered quesLlon, before swlLchlng Llme/place, Lenslon rlses as Lhe
reader ls eager Lo flnd ouL whaL wlll happen.
So long as Lhere ls a beglnnlng, mlddle and end, Lhe order Lhese evenLs are
shown ln can be played wlLh (so long as Lhere ls a purpose, such as bulldlng
Lenslon).
llashbacks allow you Lo creaLe a sLory/ploL wlLh very llLLle deLalls - so you
don'L need Lo elaboraLe and creaLe a large llnear sLory. l.e. Lhe 53; (back-
sLory) becomes [usL as lmporLanL (and fllls up Lhe word counL!) as Lhe 53%$
(Lhe ploL).

!"##$%& (!03*+ 8esoluLlon, Lhe
proLagonlsL has made a psychologlcal
movemenL (ploL sLrucLure) from longlng for
Lhe pasL Lo now accepLlng Lhe presenL.
Chapter 9 - Narrat|on and o|nt of V|ew

Popefully you're feellng good abouL your sLory plan so far. ?ou've drawn yourself a
llLLle sLlck man verslon of your proLagonlsL, goL a few obsLacles up your sleeve Lo
Lhrow aL Lhem, and maybe you even have your meanlng sorLed. Awesome. We are
almosL Lhere.

1he nexL Lhlng Lo do ls work ouL who wlll narraLe your sLory, and from whose polnL
of vlew. Puh? l hear you say.

never fear! We've come up wlLh a llsL Lo break lL all down and keep you on Lrack Lo
hlL LhaL bull's eye.

Narrator: Lhe person who 1LLLS Lhe sLory.
o|nt of v|ew: Lhe person who SLLS Lhe sLory.

J7++7)'(3 - 0-( '2 "%MM<JN

1. Ins|de the story - a characLer who ls parL of Lhe ploL Lells Lhe sLory.
8enef|ts: vlvld, hlghly lnvolved, deepens characLerlsaLlon.
Drawbacks: lacks ob[ecLlvlLy and ls Lherefore poLenLlally blased, can someLlmes lead
Lo a focus on Lhelr lnLernal world aL Lhe cosL of exLernal acLlon.

2. Cuts|de the story - an observer, who ls noL parL of Lhe ploL, Lells Lhe sLory.
8enef|ts: appears more ob[ecLlve, narraLor can see/say Lhlngs Lhe proLagonlsL
couldn'L.
Drawbacks: Lhe reader ls dlsLanced from Lhe proLagonlsL.
a. lnvlslble narraLor - Lhe focus ls on Lhe sLory and all commenLs come from Lhe
characLers, noL Lhe narraLor.
b. vlslble narraLor - Lhe narraLor can commenL on Lhe sLory and characLers Lo
boLh enLerLaln and bulld a relaLlonshlp wlLh Lhe reader. Can be used Lo
relnforce a Lheme.

O('3) (C L',0 - 0-( '2 $%%<JN

1. I|rst person po|nt of v|ew: l puL my haL on.
8enef|ts: lmmedlaLe, emoLlonally lnLense, hlgh reader lnvolvemenL.
Drawbacks: hard Lo creaLe suspense because you can'L show whaL Lhe characLer
doesn'L see, and Lhe characLer can become self-absorbed.
a. Slngular: one characLer's perspecLlves.
b. MulLlple: numerous characLers' perspecLlves.

2. Second person po|nt of v|ew: ?ou puL your haL on.
8enef|ts: puLs Lhe reader ln Lhe proLagonlsL's seaL so Lhey feel Lhey are Lhe ones
golng on Lhe [ourney.
Drawbacks: hard Lo malnLaln, can be easy Lo bore or allenaLe your reader.

3. 1h|rd person po|nt of v|ew: Parry puL hls haL on.
8enef|ts: avolds Lhe drawbacks of flrsL person.
Drawbacks: can be more dlsLanL and less emoLlonally lnLense Lhan flrsL person.
a. llxed/llmlLed: Lhe narraLor knows Lhe LhoughLs of only one characLer.
b. varlable/open: Lhe narraLor knows Lhe LhoughLs of mulLlple characLers.

P(5+ 37++7)'(3 731 C(;7&'27)'(3 ;-(';,2 0'&& 1,8,31 (3 )-, 85+8(2, (C 6(5+ 2)(+6#

Cut to the chase!

1hlnk abouL Lhe purpose of your sLory (whaL are you Lrylng Lo say?). WhaL Lype of
narraLor would be mosL sulLable Lo achleve Lhls purpose? Why? WrlLe down your
cholce now.

WhaL abouL polnL of vlew? Whlch polnL of vlew, and why, would work besL? WrlLe
down your cholce now.

1|t|e: A|| the |one|y peop|e
Author: kegan Gauc|

_3X (//N %$ %(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("
_3X (//N %$ %(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("***

1he guesLs had long slnce lefL ln order Lo conLlnue wlLh Lhe fesLlvlLles LhaL
usually followed a weddlng. CuleLed murmurs from Lhe brlde, groom and pasLor,
Lhough muLLered qulLe some Llme ago, sLlll seemed Lo echo from Lhe sLone walls and
hlgh celllng of Lhe now desolaLe church. 1he scraLchlng of broom brlsLles from
ouLslde Lhe church revealed a woman, looklng far more aged Lhan she acLually was,
sweeplng Lhe rlce LhaL Lhe guesLs had showered over Lhe newlyweds ln revelry.
Lveryone knew Lleanor 8lgby as a devouL ChrlsLlan woman, aLLendlng mass each
Sunday, buL never speaklng a word Lo anyone. nobody knew where she was from,
for she had noL always llved ln PunL's Cross vlllage, or why she had moved Lhere Len
years ago, all alone. uesplLe Lhelr curloslLy of her pasL, nobody asked her abouL her
sLory. 8aLher, Lhe people of PunL's Cross vlllage accepLed her as Lhe quleL, recluslve
woman LhaL kepL herself Lo herself.

unperLurbed by Lhe sullen eerlness Lhe place now possessed, Lleanor , who had
flnlshed cleanlng up Lhe lasL of Lhe day's celebraLlons, locked up Lhe church and
began her [ourney home.

E.J"7 .& % 6#"%?***

She mlssed AlberL Lerrlbly, and had so slnce she recelved Lhe noLlflcaLlon of hls deaLh
ln 1942. Pe was kllled durlng Lhe llrsL baLLle of Ll Alameln, ln LgypL, havlng been shoL
down by a member of Lhe Axls forces. AL Lhe Llme, she was worklng as a nurse aL Lhe
SL 1homas' PosplLal ln London, and had so slnce AlberL had lefL for Lhe war ln 1940.
She and AlberL had been marrled almosL flve years, buL had noL had any chlldren.
Pavlng Lo reLlre Lo her slngle room lodglng for Lhe nlghL, raLher Lhan Lo her home
wlLh husband and Lhe chlldren Lhey could have had, Look lLs Loll on Lleanor ln Lhe
monLhs followlng hls deaLh. Powever, Lhough she sLlll mourned Lhe loss of her
husband, worklng ln a hosplLal full of wounded, dylng men dlsLracLed her from Lhe
dlsLraughL sLaLe she fell lnLo whenever she LhoughL hlm. Lleanor needed Lhe hosplLal
as much as lL needed her. Soon, Lhe young men, Lhough only a few years younger
Lhan herself, became Lhe sons LhaL she never had. Per fellow nurses, some of whlch
had also losL Lhelr husbands durlng Lhe war, became her slsLers and close frlends.
1he lodglng she once dld noL wanL Lo reLurn Lo soon became her home, she fllled Lhe
room wlLh boLh memorles of AlberL and phoLographs and memenLos of her Llme
worklng ln Lhe hosplLal.

Lleanor developed a deep connecLlon Lo Lhe place afLer worklng Lhere for several
years. lL had become her home, a source of comforL and a place where she felL as
!"##$%& (!14*+ 1he auLhor uses an
exLernal narraLor Lo mlrror whaL ls
happenlng ln Lhe sLory: people are
waLchlng oLher people from afar, wlLhouL
knowlng Lhem.
!"##$%& (!1)*+ lL feels llke people-
waLchlng ln real llfe: you can only waLch
from a dlsLance, and wonder whaL Lhelr
sLory ls and why Lhey are dolng Lhe Lhlngs
Lhey are. CreaLes dlsLance and lnLrlgue.
!"##$%& (!1,*+ LxLernal narraLor
zooms lnLo Lhlrd person polnL of vlew.
AlLhough Lhere ls sLlll a sense of dlsLance,
Lhe gap has been narrowed.
!"##$%& (!1-*+ Lven ln Lhlrd person,
we can sLlll 'hear' her LhoughLs, buL lL ls
[usL 'sald' Lhrough Lhe narraLor's volce.
Lhough she was noL alone, Lhe bonds she had formed wlLh Lhe nurses and wardens,
and ln some cases, Lhe soldlers, proved LhaL.

2%.$7 %$ $3" 5.&6/5X 5"%#.&' $3" A%B" $3%$ 73" N""<7 .& % `%# Q; $3" 6//#
23/ .7 .$ A/#=

8y dusk, Lleanor had seaLed herself ln her favourlLe chalr by Lhe sllghLly opened
wlndow, looklng forward Lo compleLlng Lhe [umper she was knlLLlng for Lhe wlnLer
LhaL was soon approachlng. A cool breeze swepL Lhrough Lhe room, carrylng Lhe sofL
scenL of Lhe pansles growlng ln Lhe poLs by Lhe fronL door. She looked up from her
work, smlllng as she gazed ouL aL Lhe fadlng llghL of Lhe sky. 1he garden of Lhe house
she once llved ln wlLh AlberL had beds of pansles, Lhelr sofL scenL remlnded her LhaL
once day, she would be wlLh hlm once more, where she belonged.

M(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("X 53"#" 6/ $3"; %(( B/?" A#/?=
M(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("X 53"#" 6/ $3"; %(( Q"(/&'=

A mlddle-aged prlesL sLood aL Lhe lecLern of a church LhaL had losL lLs parlshloners
from over Lhe years, underllnlng a llne from a blble passage LhaL was parL of
Sunday's gospel readlng. AlLhough no one had aLLended mass for Lhe pasL flve years,
he sLlll llked Lo prepare for mass ln Lhe evenL LhaL some parlshloners declded Lo go.
1hose who had once aLLended Lhe church seemed Lo have goLLen caughL up ln Lhelr
own llves, or else had more lmporLanL Lhlngs Lo geL on wlLh. ln facL, Lhe lasL weddlng
Lo occur ln Lhe church happened over flve years ago.

8efore Lhe numbers had dwlndled, PunL's Cross vlllage parlsh was a LlghL-knlL, llvely
bunch. lor many, lL was a supporL group, a place where, no maLLer who you were, or
whaL you dld, you were welcomed wlLh Lhe open arms of Lhose who had embraced
Lhe love and accepLance laLher Mckenzle preached each Sunday. now, wheLher
Lhose LhaL lefL dld noL have Llme for church, or for Cod, he dld noL know. erhaps
belng a prlesL made hlm blas, he LhoughL, buL he could noL lmaglne how one could
slmply sLop belng a parL of someLhlng as consollng and welcomlng as a church
parlsh. WrlLlng down Lhe lasL few senLences of hls sermon, he placed hls noLes ln Lhe
well-worn blble and packed up for Lhe day, locklng up Lhe church and maklng hls way
home.

D/ /&" B/?"7 &"%#

8y nlghLfall, laLher Mckenzle had seLLled hlmself by Lhe flre, llsLenlng Lo Lhe radlo
whllsL darnlng a palr of socks LhaL had parLlcularly bad holes ln Lhem. Pe llved ln a
small, cosy coLLage, ln a quleL sLreeL noL Loo far from Lhe church. Pls nelghbours
once aLLended hls masses, buL now merely gave hlm a nod and a qulck hello, before
belng on Lhelr way. erhaps Lhey felL dlscomflLed Lalklng Lo Lhe prlesL of Lhe church
Lhey no longer aLLended, or slmply dld noL have Llme for a conversaLlon over Lhe
garden hedge separaLlng Lhelr houses.

!"##$%& (!1.*+ We begln Lo 'see' lnLo
her world. lf you saL aL your wlndow and
waLched your nelghbour for a number of
weeks, alLhough you would noL be lnslde
Lhelr head, you would evenLually geL a
sense of Lhelr world and personallLy.
!"##$%& (!1/*+ 1he auLhor uses Lhelr
narraLlon and polnL of vlew cholces Lo
relnforce Lhe lsolaLlon and lonellness ln Lhe
sLory.
!"##$%& (!10*+ LxLernal narraLor now
shlfLs lnLo anoLher characLer's polnL of
vlew.
!"##$%& (!11*+ Cnce agaln, as wlLh
Lhe prevlous characLer, we begln Lo geL Lo
know Lhls characLer by waLchlng hlm
Lhrough a wlndow.
Pe LhoughL back Lo when he Lold hls parenLs LhaL he wanLed Lo [oln Lhe prlesLhood.
1hough supporLlve of hls cholce, Lhey worrled LhaL he would noL be able Lo cope
wlLh Lhe llfesLyle LhaL lL would enLall. Pls moLher, ln parLlcular, quesLloned wheLher
he was he was wllllng Lo glve up marrlage, chlldren and a regular [ob, ln order Lo llve
a llfe devoLed Lo Cod, and Lhe Leachlngs of Lhe church. She dld noL wanL her only son
Lo llve a lonely llfe, Lo be alone when people LhaL love hlm could surround hlm.
When she Lold hlm Lhls, he LhoughL abouL whaL she sald before replylng.
1he church has always been a place LhaL l feel aL peace wlLh myself, a place LhaL l
have noL only a splrlLual connecLlon wlLh, buL also an emoLlonal connecLlon. l cannoL
envlsage a llfe wlLhouL Lhe feellngs of accepLance and solace belng a member of a
church congregaLlon sLlrs wlLhln me. As a prlesL, l wanL Lo evoke such feellngs wlLhln
every member of Lhe congregaLlon, Lo Leach love, compasslon and Lolerance.
AlLhough l can never marry, l wlll have a deep, splrlLual relaLlonshlp wlLh Cod.
1hough l wlll noL have chlldren of my own, my parlshloners wlll be my chlldren.
1hose who aLLend my masses shall always feel as Lhough Lhey are loved and
accepLed, for ln Lhe house of Cod, everyone ls welcome, and are loved equally."

23%$ 6/"7 3" B%#"=

1hlnklng back on such Lhlngs made hlm reallse LhaL, alLhough he no longer seemed
Lo have a congregaLlon, he never felL alone. 1hough lL was upseLLlng Lo see an empLy
church, when Sunday mass should have been happenlng, Lhe feellng of comforL and
belonglng sLlll washed over hlm every Llme he enLered Cod's house. Pe reallsed LhaL,
whllsL he sLlll had Lhe love of Cod ln hls hearL, he would always belong Lo someLhlng
greaLer Lhan anyLhlng LhaL was on LarLh.

A knock aL Lhe door broke laLher Mckenzle ouL of hls rlvlere. SeLLlng Lhe socks down,
he answered Lhe door.

_3X (//N %$ %(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("
_3X (//N %$ %(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("***

1haL nlghL, laLher Mckenzle dlscovered why one of hls once mosL devouL
parlshloners had sLopped aLLendlng hls masses. Lleanor 8lgby, a devouL ChrlsLlan
woman LhaL kepL Lo herself, had passed away peacefully ln her sleep Lwo days ago,
havlng spenL Lhe lasL Lhree years ln Abbey Lawns nurslng Pome. She requesLed Lo be
burled ln Lhe graveyard ad[olnlng Lhe church ln PunL's Cross vlllage, and laLher
Mckenzle, belng Lhe parlsh prlesL, was Lhe one who was Lo bury her. no famlly were
Lo aLLend Lhe funeral, as Lhe nurse explalned LhaL she dld noL have any famlly lefL.

D/Q/6; B%?"

Pavlng never performed a funeral ceremony before, laLher Mckenzle organlsed Lhe
deLalls for Lhe small servlce, and posLed noLlce ln Lhe local newspaper LhaL Lleanor
8lgby was Lo be burled on Lhe Sunday. As no one knew Lleanor personally, no eulogy
was Lo be sald.

AL nlne o'clock LhaL Sunday mornlng, Lleanor's body lay ln a slmple wooden caskeL
beslde Lhe freshly dug grave she was Lo be lald Lo resL ln. lL seemed as Lhough no one
was aLLendlng Lhe funeral, so laLher Mckenzle blessed Lhe grave and Lleanor's body
wlLh holy waLer. WlLh a llLLle dlfflculLy, he managed Lo lower her coffln lnLo Lhe
grave, and reclLed Lhe 8esurrecLlon and Lhe Llfe" anLlphon.

AfLer Lhe flnal blesslng, he began Lo shovel dlrL over Lhe caskeL, slowly fllllng up Lhe
grave. SLandlng up and observlng Lhe now fllled grave, he declded LhaL lL looked
qulLe bare. Some wlld pansles had grown nearby, so he plcked a bunch, lald Lhem
over Lhe small mound of dlrL, and brushed her gravesLone clean. Walklng away from
Lhe grave, he wlped Lhe dlrL from hls hands, reLurnlng Lo Lhe desolaLe church Lo pray
LhaL Lhough she was alone ln deaLh, she had found Lhe love and salvaLlon of Cod,
LhaL she was had been saved.

M(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("X 53"#" 6/ $3"; %(( B/?" A#/?=
M(( $3" (/&"(; <"/<("X 53"#" 6/ $3"; %(( Q"(/&'=


Make Lhe mosL your narraLlon and polnL of vlew cholces. use Lhem Lo
relnforce Lhe purpose of your sLory.
An exLernal narraLor creaLes dlsLance beLween your characLer and reader.
Pavlng mulLlple characLers' polnL of vlew allows Lhe reader Lo see Lhe sLory
from dlfferenL angles.

Chapter 10 - Show vs. 1e||

Pave you ever had a frlend or famlly member reLurn from an overseas hollday full of
sLorles and advenLures? ?ou ask Lhem abouL Lhe Lrlp, Lhey begln Lo Lell you abouL lL,
and lL sounds amazlng buL you wlsh you could have seen Lhe slghLs for yourself.

And Lhen Lhey pull ouL Lhelr vldeo camera, press play, and bam! ?ou're Lhere, ln Lhe
mlddle of lL all. ?ou're lmmersed ln Lhe husLle and busLle of Lhe markeLs, and Lhen
you're looklng up lnLo Lhe sky aL Lhe Lop of Lhe Lemple.

And Lhen you connecL wlLh Lhe sLory.

WheLher a reader wlll connecL wlLh your sLory or noL ofLen depends on how much
you $"(( and how much you 73/5.

lL's easy Lo Lell a frlend your Lour gulde was angry. 8uL unless Lhey have experlenced
lL Lhemselves, 'angry' means very dlfferenL Lhlngs Lo dlfferenL people.

So why noL palnL a plcLure wlLh words, and show Lhem how angry he was.

I(09

Show us Lhe Lour gulde's acLlons. WrlLe abouL Lhe way he slammed hls flsL on Lhe
Lable. Lxplaln how he klcked Lhe dog away. uescrlbe hlm screamlng aL Lhe young kld
walklng pasL.

LeL Lhe reader experlence a characLer's acLlons, and Lhey wlll flgure ouL Lhe resL.

Cut to the chase!

1hlnk abouL whaL your proLagonlsL wlll be feellng aL Lhe beglnnlng of your sLory,
before Lhey reach Lhelr goal. now descrlbe LhaL feellng uslng boLh show and Lell.

Show:

1ell:

now Lhlnk abouL whaL your proLagonlsL wlll be feellng aL Lhe end of your sLory, once
Lhey have reached Lhelr goal. now descrlbe LhaL feellng uslng boLh show and Lell.

Show:

1ell:

Wh|ch one |s more exc|t|ng and v|sua|?
1|t|e: I am khmer
Author: Amy G|ang

1967

osLers adorned wlLh hls radlanL face plasLered every sLreeL corner, clLlzens
flocked Lo Lhe clnemas Lo waLch hls fllms and hls muslc could be heard blasLlng
Lhrough radlos across Lhe counLry. Pe was Lhe Cod-klng, ordalned by a hlgher power
Lo lead Cambodla lnLo prosperlLy. Pad lL noL been for klng Slhanouk, 1rong would
have been desLlned Lo follow ln hls faLher's fooLsLeps, worklng Llrelessly on Lhe land
for very llLLle reward.
hnom enh was an enLlrely dlfferenL world. 1he busLllng Lrafflc, sLreeLs congesLed
wlLh scooLers and Lhe sLreeL vendors who saL perlodlcally along Lhe slde of Lhe road
selllng Lhelr wares were compleLely allen Lo 1rong. lL was hard Lo belleve LhaL hls
enLlre llfe, elghLeen years, Lhls had only been a Lwo hour bus rlde away. Pls new
surroundlngs only moLlvaLed hlm Lo work harder aL unlverslLy, graLeful for Lhe
opporLunlLy Lo fulfll hls dream Lo one day become a docLor and perhaps buy hls own
house ln Lhe clLy.
?ou are vleLnamese, yes?" Molekah, one of 1rong's unlverslLy frlends asked.
l am LLhnlc vleLnamese.why do you ask?"
1he khmer 8ouge? ?ou musL have heard abouL Lhem? 1hey have a new leader, ol
oL. Pe desplses Lhe vleLnamese. Pls parLy ls galnlng popularlLy LhroughouL Lhe
counLry."
8uL l am khmer. We have llved here for Lhree generaLlons. ?ou cannoL call me
vleLnamese"
uo you Lhlnk he cares?"
1rong had been aware of Lhe war raglng [usL across Lhe border, Lhe Amerlcans had
been dropplng bombs all over Cambodla for Lhe lasL few years aLLempLlng Lo rld Lhe
area of norLh vleLnamese CommunlsLs. 1he deeply craLered land now resembled
someLhlng oLherworldly. 8uL lL wasn'L a khmer War, greaL rlnce Slhanouk had
prevenLed lL from belng so. 1he khmer 8ouge would be no maLch for Lhe greaL
rlnce, 1rong Lold hlmself. Pe had no reason Lo worry.

Apr|| 17, 197S

!usL LhaL mornlng Lhey had flooded ouL onLo Lhe clLy sLreeLs ln Lhelr Lhousands,
over[oyed, noL because of Lhelr love for Lhe khmer 8ouge, buL because Lhey were
fllled wlLh rellef LhaL Lhe flve year long clvll war had flnally ended. 1rong had Lorn
down Lhe road, [olnlng ln Lhe communal celebraLlons. never had he felL so
connecLed aL once Lo so many oLhers as Lhey smlled and hugged one anoLher. rlde
welled up lnslde of hlm, Lhe greaLness of hls fellow khmer would once agaln shlne
Lhrough.
!"##$%& (!12*+ 1.1he posLers and
eagerness of Lhe people Lo see Lhe klng's
fllms SPCWS us Lhe people love Lhelr klng.
2.1he cholce of words (e.g. 'radlanL face',
'flocked Lo Lhe clnema') palnLs a plcLure Lo
relnforce Lhls.
!"##$%& (!13*+ 1LLLlnC.
!"##$%& (!24*+ SPCWlnC.
A balance of boLh Lelllng and showlng ls a
good Lhlng. 1he Lhlng Lo avold, ls wrlLlng an
enLlre sLory ln 'Lelllng' mode.
!"##$%& (!2)*+ 1elllng.
!"##$%& (!2,*+ Cn one level, Lhls
phrase ls Lelllng, buL aL a larger level lL ls a
symbol of (and Lherefore showlng) Lhere ls
a war.
l.e.
1elllng = 1here ls a war.
A blL of boLh = 8ombs have been dropplng
all day.
Showlng = A greaL force falls from Lhe sky
and lands [usL ouLslde Lhelr fronL door.
1helr belonglngs are scaLLered.
!"##$%& (!2-*+ Shows Lhe movemenL
ln Llme.
!"##$%& (!2.*+ Showlng.
!"##$%& (!2/*+ 1elllng.
1rong had waLched hls counLry, hls people crumble before hlm. ln [usL under Len
years Lhe greaL naLlon of Cambodla had fallen, Lhelr Cod-klng deposed by hls very
own rlme MlnlsLer. ln Lhls fleeLlng momenL, 1rong belleved LhaL llfe would reverL Lo
as lL had been under rlnce Slhanouk.
1rong caughL Lhe eyes of one of Lhe soldlers marchlng Lhrough Lhe sLreeLs. Pe dldn'L
seem Lo share Lhe ecsLasy felL by hls fellow counLrymen. An lcy sLare was carved lnLo
hls face, hls eyes spoke of Lhe experlences of Lhe pasL flve years, a man of hardened
resolve.
All hall uemocraLlc kampuchea!" Lhey meLhodlcally chanLed as Lhey
marched near-perfecLly Lhrough Lhe sLreeLs, Lhe dumbfounded gazes of Lhe people
followlng Lhem around Lhe corner.

Suddenly, a new reglmenL came runnlng down Lhe road, Lhelr loud, heavy fooLsLeps
Lhunderlng down Lhe blLumen ln sLeady beaL, Lhe ground quaklng beneaLh Lhem.
1he Amerlcans are comlng Lo bomb Lhe clLy! ?ou musL all evacuaLe Lo Lhe
counLryslde!"
WhaL had [usL mlnuLes before been a celebraLlon now Lurned lnLo frenzy and panlc
as moLhers swooped up Lhelr chlldren and Lhe crowd dlspersed, rushlng back Lo Lhelr
homes so Lhey could hurrledly gaLher up Lhelr belonglngs. 1rong could noL leL
hlmself belleve LhaL Lhe war was comlng Lo Cambodla, yeL he Loo found hlmself
runnlng Lhrough Lhe sLreeLs wlLh a new sense of urgency.

Ianuary 14, 1976

1rong had never lmaglned LhaL he would once agaln be llvlng wlLh hls parenLs ln Lhe
counLryslde. 1he ham house had become a makeshlfL surgery as people from
nelghbourlng vlllages became lncreaslngly aware of 1rong's occupaLlon. Pls
LheoreLlcal unlverslLy educaLlon had noL prepared hlm for whaL he now encounLered
on a dally basls, malnourlshed chlldren, bulleL wounds and vlcLlms of land mlnes.
Lach day, he would llsLen lnLenLly Lo Lhe khmer 8ouge radlo sLaLlon, now Lhe only
source of news, nervously hoplng LhaL Lhe beauLlful clLy had noL been bombed. Pe
no longer had any percepLlon of Llme, wlLh Lhe khmer 8ouge lmplemenLaLlon of ?ear
Zero. 1he greaL uemocraLlc kampuchea was Lo sLarL from scraLch, ol oL had
proclalmed all Lhose monLhs ago. 1he khmer 8ouge clalms of Amerlcan bomblng ln
hnom enh seemed Lo have dlssolved, lnsLead Lhe volce of ol oL could be heard
blarlng LhroughouL Lhe vlllages on a dally basls. lL was a volce LhaL was hard Lo love,
one whlch had dlslocaLed 1rong's prevlously hopeful llfe.

Mrs ok came scrambllng lnLo Lhe house, nurslng her young son. Pls rlbs proLruded
Lhrough hls paper-Lhln skln.

lease help me 1rong, please. Pe has noL eaLen ln a week," she crled,
desperaLlon laden ln each word she spoke.

!"##$%& (!20*+ Showlng.
!"##$%& (!21*+ 1elllng.
!"##$%& (!22*+ Showlng.
!"##$%& (!23*+ Showlng.
!"##$%& (!34*+ 1elllng.

Ianuary 16, 1976

Pe was awoken by Lhe Lhumplng fooLsLeps of several men approachlng ouL of Lhe
darkness. Pe squlnLed ouL Lhe wlndow, aLLempLlng Lo dlscern Lhe vlslLors Lhrough
Lhe gloom. 1rong no longer slepL soundly, Lhe desperaLely lll could noL conLrol Lhelr
slcknesses, ofLen vlslLlng LhroughouL Lhe nlghL. 1he moon was noL presenL on Lhls
nlghL, and he could only walL for Lhem Lo arrlve aL Lhe house. Pe walLed for Lhe
pause ouLslde Lhe door and Lhen Lhe knock. 8uL Lhls Llme, Lhere was no pause or
knock as muffled volces shouLed LhroughouL Lhe vlllage, klcklng open Lhe hams'
door.
1rong ham! 1rong ham!" could be heard dlsLlncLly, Lhe male volces
reverberaLlng LhroughouL Lhe nlghL.
Cne gunshoL followed anoLher as Lhey barged lnLo 1rong's sleeplng quarLers.
Are you 1rong ham?" Lhey yelled
?es, my name ls 1rong ham."
?our famlly are dlrLy vleLnamese plgs!" yelled one of Lhe men, as several
oLhers selzed hlm by Lhe arms.
no! We are Lhlrd generaLl-,"
?ou are also a docLor, a new person. uemocraLlc kampuchea does noL need
people llke you. Scum of Lhe earLh," crled anoLher soldler, as he punched hlm ln Lhe
slde of hls face.
no, we are khmer!"
AnoLher gunshoL rang ouL Lhrough Lhe vlllage, buL Lhls Llme a llfeless body [olned Lhe
resL LhaL llLLered Lhe floor of Lhe house.


A balance of boLh Lelllng and showlng ls a good Lhlng. 8uL avold wrlLlng an
enLlre sLory ln 'Lelllng' mode.
use acLlons Lo SPCW (raLher Lhan words Lo Lell) characLers' feellngs and
cholces.
Showlng Lhe acLlons/feellngs allows Lhe reader Lo geL lnslde Lhe sLory, raLher
Lhan [usL llsLenlng from Lhe ouLslde.

!"##$%& (!3)*+ Showlng.
1|t|e: No Longer Loca|
Author: L|anne 1an

1he clLy was exacLly llke when l lefL lL. An aqua sky LhaL looked llke lL had
been smudged over wlLh a grey crayon, a Lhln vell of smoky polluLlon from facLorles
whose effecL from Lhelr lsolaLed counLryslde locaLlons carrled over Lo Lhe lsland slde
of Pong kong. May was a monLh ln whlch Lhe clLy hovered beLween swelLerlng hoL
and coollng breezes, summer and sprlng. 1he skyscrapers sLlll Lowered above a large
plece of ocean, Lhe gllnLlng exLerlor of Lhe bulldlngs reflecLlng wlsps of whlLe clouds
LhaL slld slowly across Lhe sky.

1he aparLmenL had changed Lhough. lresh Lower blocks had sprung up around Lhe
Lwo LhaL already exlsLed, and Lhe ouLslde of Lhe bulldlng had been paLched wlLh
gllLLerlng off-whlLe sLones. lrom afar, Lhe meLhodologlcal sLeps-llke paLLern LhaL ran
up Lhe 30 levels creaLed by Lhe [uLLed ouL semlclrcle balconles on each floor looked
llke sLeps leadlng up Lo Lhe sky.

A new shopplng mall had opened nearby Lhe aparLmenL. lL was a small bulldlng, only
Lhree sLoreys hlgh, and Lhe shops lnslde were local buslnesses, cheap remakes of
cloLhes, shoes and bags wlLh hlgher values. Lach shop had only a small lnLerlor
space, each wall crammed wlLh cloLhes or shoes, sLaLlonary or books, Loys or
Lechnology sLarLlng from Lhe ground Lo Lhe celllng. A CanLonese radlo channel was
blared over speakers lnslde Lhe mall.

1he lncldenL happened on my second Lrlp Lo Lhe mall. A shop on Lhe Lop floor LhaL
sold remakes of Amerlcan branded cloLhes had sLayed open laLer Lhan usual because
of Lhe surge of cusLomers. l walked ln mlndlessly, lacklng any speclflc desLlnaLlon,
and fllcked Lhrough a rack full of whaL appeared Lo be Abercromble and llLch 1-
shlrLs.

1here were abouL flve cusLomers ln Lhe shop, all Chlnese excepL for a woman wlLh
rusLy blond halr who looked Lo be on unlverslLy vacaLlon, sklmmlng Lhrough a rack of
Amerlcan Lagle [eans. 1he shop asslsLanL was leanlng agalnsL a small Lable aL Lhe far
corner of Lhe shop, ldly varnlshlng her nalls, feeL Lapplng on Lhe ground. WhaL
orlglnally was black halr had been dyed a pale orange, almosL llke deserL sand. She
consLanLly ralsed her eyes Lo Lhe clock on Lhe wall, her feeL Lapplng Lwlce as fasL as
Lhe seconds LhaL Llcked by. A moblle phone was wedged beLween her shoulder and
her ear, her head LllLed Lo Lhe rlghL Lo keep Lhe phone ln place.

1he woman wlLh rusLy halr Lurned Lo Lhe asslsLanL. "Lxcuse me. uo you have a
blgger slze for Lhls palr of [eans?" She spoke slowly.

1he asslsLanL muLLered "hold on" ln CanLonese lnLo her phone and looked up. l
waLched her eyes narrow, a scornful look crossed her face fleeLlngly. She eyed Lhe
woman, who spoke wlLh a 8rlLlsh accenL, up and down, Lhen shook her head and
!"##$%& (!3,*+ 1he auLhor uses Lhe
characLer's exLernal observaLlons Lo SPCW
Lhe characLer's feellngs, raLher Lhan [usL
Lelllng us how she felL.
!"##$%& (!3-*+ We lnsLanLly know,
wlLhouL belng Lold, Lhls ls a ma[or clLy
slLuaLed on a coasLllne.
!"##$%& (!3.*+ Per lmpaLlence ls
expressed Lhrough her acLlons raLher Lhan
her words.
replled ln heavlly CanLonese accenLed Lngllsh, "no (%," Lhen, under her breaLh ln
mocklng CanLonese, "no slze LhaL wlll flL ;/:, anyway."

1he woman looked confused. "She [usL sald Lhere aren'L any blgger slzes," l Lold her,
sympaLhy expandlng ln my chesL.

"Ch." She looked cresLfallen. "1haL's Loo bad. 1hls would have worked wlLh a Lop l
boughL yesLerday." 8eplaclng Lhe [eans on Lhe rack, she glanced aL me curlously.
"?ou have an Amerlcan accenL. Where do you come from?" She spoke much more
rapldly Lo me Lhan she had Lo Lhe asslsLanL earller.

"Ch, l'm local. l [usL wenL overseas Lo sLudy." l replled.

We had a pleasanL conversaLlon for flve mlnuLes. 1hen Lhe asslsLanL flnally sLood up,
Lhe phone sLlll pressed Lo her ears.

Clvlng a flnal blow on her nalls, she Lurned Lo say Lo Lhe remalnlng cusLomers ln
lmpaLlenL CanLonese: "We're closlng ln flve mlnuLes."

Per eyes flew over Lo me. 1he same scornful look came lnLo her eyes, only Lhls Llme
lL remalned ln Lhem, almosL llke a challenge. lL was llke a she had placed a plece of
paper ln Lhe mlddle of a brldge, and was darlng me Lo plck lL up. When she spoke,
she repeaLed whaL she sald before buL ln dellberaLe Lngllsh: "We're closlng ln flve
mlnuLes."

She reLurned Lo her phone conversaLlon, and her words, spoken clearly and loudly ln
CanLonese, floaLed over Lhe small conversaLlon ln Lhe shop. "Cod, you know Lhose
Chlnese glrls LhaL don'L even speak CanLo? 1hey annoy me so much. WesLern
wannabes, LhaL's whaL Lhey are."

1he Lhree local schoolglrls also ln Lhe shop aL Lhe Llme snorLed and glggled, shooLlng
amused glances ln my dlrecLlon. 1he plece of paper lay, qulLe sLlll, ln Lhe mlddle of
Lhe brldge.

ln every cockLall of paln, Lhere ls humlllaLlon Lhrown ln wlLh shame, shock and
dlsbellef, all Lhe lngredlenLs Lhen whlrred ln a blender before poured lnLo a cup and
Lhen Lhrown ln your face. l felL llke l had an exLra large cockLall splashed all over me.

8efore l could speak, Lhe glrl was brlskly gaLherlng people ouL of Lhe door. 1he plece
of paper was blown away by Lhe wlnd. l glanced around Lhe sLore, fllled wlLh fake
Amerlcan branded cloLhlng-PolllsLer, Abercromble and llLch, Amerlcan Lagle.

1he shop asslsLanL was walLlng by Lhe door, hand on hlp, eyebrows ralsed, halr
gleamlng almosL blonde. l lefL wlLhouL a word.

!"##$%& (!3/*+ 1he reader ls able Lo
vlsuallse Lhe challenge and Lherefore more
clearly undersLand Lhe characLer's feellngs.
!"##$%& (!30*+ 8epeLlLlon of Lhe
lmage/challenge relnforces Lhe characLer's
feellngs.
!"##$%& (!31*+ 1he descrlpLlon of Lhe
shop asslsLance's blond halr and Amerlcan
cloLhes show us LhaL perhaps lL's noL Lhe
proLagonlsL who ls Lhe 'WesLern wannabe'.

use Llny deLalls Lo show us Lhe 'whole'. L.g. numerous skyscrapers agalnsL an
ocean backdrop lnsLanLly shows readers we are ln a large coasLal clLy.
1he Lhlngs your characLers noLlce (or don'L noLlce!) abouL Lhe ouLslde world
show us a loL abouL who Lhey are.
AcLlons speak louder Lhan words: reveal your characLers' feellngs Lhrough
Lhelr acLlons.

Chapter 11 - Descr|pt|on and Metaphor

AfLer hearlng LhaL Lhe way Lo score a 8and 6 ln creaLlve wrlLlng ls Lo make your sLory
sLand ouL, you wouldn'L be unlque lf you're feellng a llLLle sLressed.

Pow am l posslbly golng Lo do LhaL, you mlghL be wonderlng?

Lspeclally when Lhey say Lhere are only so many sLorles Lo Lell, and mosL new fllms
and books are [usL re-lmaglnlngs of old sLorles.

never fear! Pere's where descrlpLlon and meLaphor come Lo Lhe rescue.

1he Lrlck Lo maklng your sLory sLand ouL from Lhe crowd ls noL WPA1 sLory you Lell,
buL PCW you Lell LhaL sLory.

A blg parL of Lhe PCW you Lell your sLory ls Lhe descrlpLlon and meLaphor you use.

LeL's see whaL Coogle has Lo say abouL Lhese Lwo small (buL blg lmpacL) words.

Descr|pt|on: 1he spoken or wrlLLen represenLaLlon or accounL of a person, ob[ecL,
or evenL".

Metaphor: A Lhlng regarded as represenLaLlve or symbollc someLhlng else."

45) 0-7) 1(,2 )-'2 7;)57&&6 B,739 :31 -(0 ;73 6(5 788&6 ') )( 6(5+ 0(+@9

A useful way of Lhlnklng abouL descrlpLlon ls LhaL every slngle deLall ln your sLory
should hold some symbollc meanlng (or leasL polnL Lowards lL). lor example,
dresslng your characLer ln a brlghL yellow [umper (unless Lhey have Lo wear lL) sends
a very loud message abouL LhaL characLer's mood.

A useful way of Lhlnklng abouL meLaphor ls LhaL lL allows Lhe reader Lo apply
whaLever feellngs/LhoughLs Lhey have abouL Lhe meLaphorlcal symbol you are uslng,
Lo Lhe llLeral ob[ecL you are applylng lL Lo. lor example, comparlng a characLer Lo a
llon, as opposed Lo a mouse, sends a very sLrong message abouL LhaL characLer's
personallLy.

Cut to the chase!

WrlLe down Lhree words LhaL descrlbe your characLer.

nexL, llsL Lhree descrlpLlve deLalls LhaL hlnL aL Lhese characLer LralLs wlLhouL acLually
namlng Lhem.

WrlLe down Lhe meanlng you declded earller on ln 'Meanlng and Morals ChapLer'
you wanL your creaLlve plece Lo be abouL.

nexL, come up wlLh a meLaphor LhaL would allow you Lo descrlbe LhaL Lheme,
wlLhouL acLually namlng lL.

1|t|e: See the |uck I've had
Author: Lmma Saunders

Pe saL Lhere aL Lhe markeL sLall, caged ln behlnd Lhe foldable Lables collecLed
around hlm ln a way whlch appeared Lo have no rhyme or reason.

Pe pushed hls sunglasses up Lowards hls brow and sllpped hls feeL back lnLo hls old
Lhongs, Lhelr once-vlvld blue now losL as a resulL of Lrlps Lo Lhe beaches, fesLlvals and
parks of hls youLh.

Pere he was, selllng a collecLlon of all LhaL he had found ln hls aLLlc. Cld Cus, Lapes,
even old records - LhaL would shock Lhe young'n's who dldn'L seem Lo even know
whaL L sLood for, or, lndeed, whaL 'vlnyl' meanL - wlLh Lhelr faded paper [ackeLs,
cards and posLers LhaL he had made and never sold, hls beloved collecLlon of !oy
ulvlslon merchandlse. All of lL.

CuL here, ln Lhe sun. 8elng furLher bleached, Lhelr pasL seeplng ouL of Lhem.
1hls rlckeLy collapslble plasLlc Lable was fllled Lo Lhe brlm wlLh Lhe ephemera
of hlm.

Pls flndlngs had sLarLed once Lhe papers had gone Lhrough, flnallslng ln a
Lechnlcal way Lhe helplessness he had felL for years now. 1he world had alerLed hlm
of Lhls by means of a slngle yellow envelope, recelved ln Lhe mall, amongsL an
elecLrlclLy blll and a leLLer from Lhe real esLaLe agenL, noLlfylng hlm LhaL Lhey were
looklng for properLy Lo sell ln Lhe area, 'We have a loL of lnLeresLed buyers'. Pe
pulled Lhem ouL of Lhe leLLer box and conLlnued abouL hls dally rouLlne - openlng
Lhe door, enLerlng Lhe alarm's code, placlng leLLers ln Lhe klLchen, slldlng off hls
saLchel onLo Lhe sLool, fllcklng Lhe swlLch off Lhe [ug.
A week laLer Lhe lmpacL and he colllded. Pe was dlvorced.

lorLy-Lhree. Alone. WlLh only a blcycle and a renLed one-bedroom flaL Lo hls
name.

MonLhs passed. Pls work became hls refuges. Pls moLher became concerned.
'Come home, come home,' she urged. Pe grunLed and decllned, Lhe dlvorce
LransporLlng hlm lnLo Lhe relaLlonshlp he had wlLh hls moLher when sevenLeen, fllled
wlLh love and concern on one slde, monosyllablc gruffness on Lhe oLher.
LvenLually she lured hlm back. She had some [obs LhaL needed dolng and her
arLhrlLls was crawllng lLs way Lhrough her [olnLs, geLLlng Lhe beLLer of her.

lL Look flve monLhs of weekend pllgrlmages Lo flnally sorL Lhrough Lhe bulld-
up of hls llfe Lo daLe. 1he aLLlc had remlnded hlm of hls love affalr wlLh L-shlrLs, Lhe
marrlage of LexL and lmage ln wearable form, Lhe perfecL unlon ln hls unlverslLy-
lnformed eyes. lL pulled hlm closer wlLh Lhe sounds of hlgh-school angsL, allowlng
hlm Lo submerge lnLo Lhe melodlous depLhs of lan CurLls's volce and Morrlsey's
begglng, 'lease, leL me geL whaL l wanL.'
!"##$%& (!32*+ 1he descrlpLlon of Lhe
characLer's physlcal surroundlngs lmply
how he ls feellng lnslde.
!"##$%& (!33*+ AlmosL a meLaphor
for hls pasL.
!"##$%& (!)44*+ 1he descrlpLlon of
Lhe Lable parallels Lhe characLer's feellngs.
1hls Llme. 1hls Llme lL was changed, he was changed. Pls halr was shorLed, hls
belly was larger, hls skln peppered wlLh sun-spoLs, and hls flnger bearlng Lhe lmprlnL
of a weddlng rlng newly removed.

1hls Llme Lhe plles were sorLed. Chuck, keep, sell.

8y Lhe Llme Lhe shadows deepened over Lhe church courLyard, Lhe sandsLone
dellghLlng ln Lhe coolness once more, he had sold all, well, nearly all. Some of Lhe
records and Lapes remalned, as dld Lhe vldeo recordlng of Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe
mlllennlum, Lhe nlghL LhaL he dellghLed ln hls engagemenL.

As he slowly packed away all LhaL was lefL, lncludlng Lhe red and whlLe
checked Lable cloLh donaLed Lo Lhe cause by hls moLher, he slghed deeply before
scufflng hls Lhongs along Lo Lhe old van a sLreeL away, boxes ln hls arms.

Pe had losL hls wlfe, losL hls house, losL hls car, losL hls muslc and losL hls way
for a whlle, buL he sLlll had hls collecLlon of L-shlrLs.


1he Lhlngs noLlced and descrlbed Lhrough your characLer's eyes reveal Lhelr
personallLy/[ourney.
?our characLer's reacLlons Lo Lhelr envlronmenL are a symbol of Lhelr values
and feellngs.
Changes ln a characLer's exLernal world acL as a meLaphor for changes ln Lhelr
lnLernal world.

!"##$%& (!)4)*+ 1he [uxLaposlLlon of
Lhe Lhlngs LhaL deflned hlm ln hls youLh,
compared Lo Lhe Lhlngs LhaL deflne hlm
now, symbollse Lhe change he has gone
Lhrough.
!"##$%& (!)4,*+ lL's all comlng Lo an
end: geLLlng rld of everyLhlng from Lhe
pasL.
!"##$%& (!)4-*+ 1he llsLlng of Lhlngs
losL and Lhlngs found reverses Lhe
LradlLlonal Lra[ecLory of youLh Lo
adulLhood: he feels he has gone
backwards.
1|t|e: A|ways Safe
Author: Iso|de Dan|e||

lL ls a hard Lhlng Lo do, Lo be alone ln Lhe cold, wlLh only your blue llps and
sLlff flngers for company. Marle moved, sLralghL-backed, Lhrough Lhe sllenL, snow-
blown sLreeLs, llke Lhe lasL survlvor. Per sklrL pushed flrmly Lhrough Lhe slushy lce,
even as lL swlshed lnLo her booLs and mercllessly llcked her frozen Loes. Per nose
proLruded from her bonneL, adorned wlLh llLLle qulverlng flakes of snow.

Per sklrL ballooned around her, llke swaLhes of curLaln around a sllm pole. Per sllm,
frall flgure appeared Lo be only held uprlghL by Lhe masses of lce-crusLed wool, llke a
doll perched precarlously on a blrLhday cake. She carrled Lhe sklrL (or lL carrled her)
wlLh heavy reslgnaLlon, born of years' pracLlce.

She had had lL wlLh her from Lhe age of seven, when her moLher had dressed her ln
lL for Lhe flrsL Llme. 'lL wlll always keep you safe,' she had whlspered, her fumbllng
flngers aL her walsL. Marle, squlnLlng up aL her, had belleved her, and she would
never sLop yearnlng Lo recapLure Lhe warmLh of LhaL momenL.

1he nexL monLh, her moLher was dead: kllled by communlsL rebels who lefL a
drlpplng, red Lrall behlnd Lhelr rampage. Marle, Lurned ouL lnLo Lhe 8usslan wlnLer,
shlvered from orphanage Lo orphanage, feellng llke a bundle of lnconvenlenL
flrewood. She owned preclous few belonglngs: a few books, a mug, Lwo penclls and
a broken doll. ln her chlld's way, she Look Lo keeplng Lhem ln her sklrL, Lo keep Lhem
close Lo her ln her uncerLalnLles. CLher chlldren always LhoughL her odd, wlLh her
lumpy, heavy sklrL. Lven ln summer, she never ran around ouLslde.

Lach year she sLowed away more llLLle Lreasures: someLlmes a sLolen spoon or plaLe,
someLlmes a page from a book. AL flrsL, lL was a game of darlng, and a way of
connecLlng each of her dls[olnLed, mlserable homes. As she grew older, however,
and unable Lo brlng herself Lo dlscard Lhe sllly Lreasures, she convlnced herself LhaL
Lhey were a klnd of lnsurance, a Lallsman agalnsL Lhe assaulLs of llfe. She felL forLlfled
wlLh her sklrL wlde around her. She felL llke someLhlng of value.

1o Lhe nuns and benefacLors of Lhe orphanages, however, she [usL looked llke a
Lhlevlng urchln, and ln her slxLeenLh wlnLer, wlLh a sklrL as wlde as she was Lall,
doors began Lo slam ln her pale face.

'?ou've a repuLaLlon,' hlssed one nun Lhrough a crack ln Lhe wood. 'Lveryone knows
you nlck Lhe cuLlery. ?ou won'L even flL Lhrough Lhe door, for Cod's sake.'

And so, glrl and sklrL were Lurned, wlLh one fllck, lnLo Lhe guLLer, lnLo Lhe brown
snow. 1he sky, fadlng slowly from dull grey Lo black, waLched wlLh sympaLhy as Lhe
llLLle flgure, flngers ln Lhe snow, carefully sLralghLened herself up and dusLed off her
sklrL.
!"##$%& (!)4.*+ 8y palnLlng a plcLure
Lhe reader can vlsuallse, Lhe reader ls glven
an enLry polnL lnLo noL only Lhe physlcal
seLLlng, buL also Lhe menLal/emoLlonal
seLLlng.
!"##$%& (!)4/*+ 1he descrlpLlon of
Lhe characLer's movemenL reveals
someLhlng abouL her personallLy.
!"##$%& (!)40*+ 1he slmlle allows
Lhe reader Lo beLLer undersLand Lhe
feellng/lmage Lhe auLhor ls Lrylng Lo
porLray.
!"##$%& (!)41*+ Agaln, Lhe auLhor
uses slmlle Lo relnforce her meanlng and
provlde a menLal lmage for Lhe reader Lo
hold onLo.
!"##$%& (!)42*+ 1hls paragraph glves
us Lhe flrsL gllmpse of Lhe larger meLaphor
Lhe sklrL represenLs: Lhe pasL.
!"##$%& (!)43*+ rovldes a vlsual
lmage of an emoLlonal experlence.
!"##$%& (!))4*+ lL ls Lhrough Lhe Llny
deLalls and descrlpLlons we begln Lo bulld
up an undersLandlng of Lhe proLagonlsL.
!"##$%& (!)))*+ 1hls lmage ls Lhe
cenLre of Lhe whole plece: llLerally, glrl and
sklrL (meLaphorlcally, glrl and her pasL).
!"##$%& (!)),*+ We sense Lhe
characLer's feellngs Lhrough Lhe descrlpLlon
of her surroundlngs.
ln Lhe followlng weeks, she would sLop carlng abouL lce on her sklrL. 1here would, ln
facL, be lce ln her neck, her Loes, her bellybuLLon. Cnly her sklrL seemed Lo lead her
on, wlLh lLs own energy and deLermlnaLlon. ln Lhe day, she walked, swlshlng Lhrough
empLy sLreeLs, pushlng her way Lhrough Lhe slush. LlLLle brlck houses llned each
sLreeL, each wlLh Lwo mocklng eyes, glowlng gold. She walked pasL wlLh lmposslble
polse, refuslng Lo feel shame, wlLh her sklrL around her, and her belonglngs cllnklng
lnslde lL, alLhough, ln facL, lL dld hurL her Lo know LhaL noL a slngle person ln Lhe
world wanLed her.

ln Lhe nlghL, she would crouch anywhere she could, snuggled down lnLo her sklrL, her
concave sLomach Lensed agalnsL Lhe peneLraLlng cold. She made an odd plcLure: a
dellcaLe parcel of bones cradled ln an enormous woolen sklrL.

lL was on one of Lhese frozen nlghLs, when Lhe alr lLself held lLs breaLh agalnsL Lhe
blLlng lce, when a bearded genLleman, comlng ouL of hls fronL gaLe, saw Marle curled
near lL, and, belng of a phllanLhroplc naLure, he sLopped and benL over her.

'She can'L be more Lhan Lwelve,' he murmured Lo hlmself, Louchlng her caved-ln
cheeks.
SwlfLly, he llfLed her Lo her feeL, and she swayed feebly. 1he man, dlsLracLed, was
calllng up Lo hls house, and a servanL [ogged ouL. 1ogeLher, Lhey plcked Marle up,
and held her beLween Lhem. Per sklrL, enormous wlLh snow and her belonglngs,
sLaggered Lhem, and Lhey glanced aL each oLher, wonderlng lf Lhls chlld was a dream,
or someLhlng from anoLher world.

1he bore her Lo Lhe fronL door of Lhe grand house. 1he mald greeLed Lhem
lncredulously.

'l'm sorry, slr- buL she won'L flL ln Lhe door, ln LhaL ouLflL.'

So Lhey seL abouL Laklng off Lhe sklrL. Marle sLlrred ln surprlse and embarrassmenL,
buL she was so small and weak, even once Lhe heavy welghL was llfLed from her, LhaL
she could move no more. And ln Lhelr lmpaLlence Lhey Lhrew Lhe whole sklrL ouL
onLo Lhe fronL lawn, where lL fell ln Lhe fresh snow, and Lhey carrled Lhe glrl, ln her
whlLe peLLlcoaL, lnslde.

When Marle woke up Lhe nexL mornlng, ln a sLrange, clean, warm bed, ln a small,
clean, warm room, she could noL remember geLLlng Lhere aL all, buL she felL LhaL she
was ln a very large house, and looklng ouL Lhe wlndow, she saw lLs shadow falllng
over Lhe fronL garden. And ln Lhe snow on Lhe lawn, dlscarded and fallen open, was
her sklrL, and every one of her belonglngs exposed: Lhe books' pages fluLLerlng ln Lhe
wlnd, Lhe spoons gllnLlng ln Lhe folds of weL wool. And she felL, Louchlng Lhe cold
wlndow pane, LhaL Lhls musL be Lhe way lL musL be.

!"##$%& (!))-*+ 1he lce becomes a
meLaphor for llfe's Lroubles.
!"##$%& (!)).*+ SklrL = her pasL = her
moLher. l.e. lL was Lhe memory of her
moLher LhaL allowed her Lo carry on.
!"##$%& (!))/*+ 1he lmage of a
concave sLomach ls used here Lo represenL
Lhe characLer's lacklng.
!"##$%& (!))0*+ 1hese Lwo lmages
sum up Lhe characLer's currenL llfe: only
[usL survlvlng, unable Lo leL go of Lhe pasL.
!"##$%& (!))1*+ ConnecLs us back Lo
her feellngs.
!"##$%& (!))2*+ Speaks, on a
meLaphorlcal level, of Lhe slze of her
dlfflculLles.
!"##$%& (!))3*+ !uxLaposed agalnsL
Lhe glrl's lacklng.
!"##$%& (!),4*+ 1he [arrlng
[uxLaposlLlon beLween where she was
before and where she ls now shows Lhe
characLer's (lnLernal and exLernal) change.
!"##$%& (!),)*+ We see, Lhrough Lhe
use of Lhe sklrL as a meLaphor for Lhe
characLer's pasL, her movemenL from an
lnablllLy Lo leL go of Lhe pasL Lo an
accepLance LhaL lL's gone.

vlsual descrlpLlons of Lhe exLernal world provlde an enLry polnL for Lhe reader
Lo undersLand a characLer's lnLernal world.
Slmlles and meLaphors allow Lhe reader Lo draw on Lhelr feellngs and
LhoughLs abouL a famlllar ob[ecL and apply Lhem Lo a new ob[ecL/experlence
ln Lhe sLory (and Lherefore have a beLLer undersLandlng of Lhe characLer).
uslng an exLended meLaphor (Lhe sklrL) allows Lhe wrlLer Lo explore famlllar
sLorles/evenLs (leLLlng go of Lhe pasL) ln a new and unlque way.
Chapter 12 - 8eg|nn|ngs

So your sLory probably looks llke Lhls . leL's be honesL, you haven'L sLarLed. lL's a
blank page sLarlng back aL you. ?ou've read all Lhls lnformaLlon, had a few 'ah-ha'
momenLs whlle readlng oLher sLudenLs' work, buL now lL's your Lurn. And you're noL
sure where Lo begln. Cr how Lo begln, rlghL?

AfLer readlng a falr few sLorles, l have reallsed Lhe maLLer of beglnnlng ls as easy as
Llcklng Lhree boxes:

8alse some quesLlons
lnLroduce Lhe characLer and seLLlng
PlnL aL Lhe comlng confronLaLlon.

And Lhere you have lL, a beglnnlng. And so long as you don'L acLually answer Lhe
quesLlons you ralse, lL should be a preLLy good beglnnlng Loo.
Q5,2)'(3= *-7) 1( )-, C(&&(0'3E (8,3'3E &'3,2 -7L, '3 ;(BB(39

1. lL was a warm and sunny day.
2. Locked ln a dark room, veronlca was desperaLely Lrylng Lo break free from
Lhe ropes holdlng her hands behlnd her back.

Answer: noLhlng!

ln Lhe flrsL llne, we are glven a small amounL of descrlpLlon and llLLle else. ln Lhe
second openlng llne, noL only have we esLabllshed Lhe seLLlng and proLagonlsL ln Lhe
flrsL senLence, we have also learned whaL Lhe proLagonlsL wanLs, ralsed some
lnLrlgulng quesLlons and are LhrusL sLralghL lnLo Lhe ploL.

Cut to the chase!

1o help you geL sLarLed, Lry flnlshlng Lhese senLences:

1. 1hlnk abouL Lhe meanlng of your sLory. WrlLe down Lhree quesLlons you can ralse
ln your beglnnlng LhaL wlll geL readers Lhlnklng abouL relevanL Lhlngs.

2. 1hree deLalls l can use Lo esLabllsh seLLlng ln my openlng are (remember, a bored
16-year-old would noLlce very dlfferenL deLalls Lhan an allen vlslLlng Lhe planeL for
Lhe flrsL Llme):

3. My characLer wanLs

4. l wlll show Lhls by
1|t|e: Swept Away
Author: Gary 2hu

1o lryana

l'm headlng Lo Lhe wharf soon, so expecL my arrlval near Lhe end of Lhls week. Pope
Lhe LurbulenL waves and LhundersLorms wlll be klnd Lo me. SLlll, you beLLer be
healLhy when l see you and don'L forgeL Lo Lake your medlcaLlon. 1ake care.
Love Paklm

1haL was a week ago, buL she hadn'L heard from hlm slnce.

****

She ofLen found herself rememberlng Lhe deparLure. Co flnd my uncle
Cmrl! l'll come Lo AusLralla afLer l collecL enough money. uon'L worry you won'L be
alone!" Paklm had Lrled weakly Lo smlle. And Lhen Lhe boaL had rushed off. A vasL
blue world had swepL her away from lraq, a counLry Lorn by clvll haLreds. And for
whaL? SLablllLy and a new beglnnlng? lryana reslgned relucLanLly Lo leave lraq and
sever relaLlonshlps wlLh her famlly and culLure. now she was lsolaLed ln a forelgn
land of whlch she knew llLLle, and for whlch she felL noLhlng. She never forgoL Lhe
sense of anxleLy of Lhe flrsL day walklng Sydney's suburban sLreeLs. 8owdy
pedesLrlans [eered dlsapprovlngly and yeL Lhe confldence of her every sLep was
apparenLly unshaken on Lhe nolsy, polluLed sLreeLs. She hoped such raclal abuse
would abaLe ln Llme. !usL as her sense of loss of everyLhlng she had felL connecLed
Lo.

****

Per Lraln of LhoughL was lnLerrupLed by LenLaLlve fooLsLeps. lL was uncle Cmrl,
nervous and uneasy, cluLchlng a newspaper. knowlng LhaL lryana was affllcLed wlLh
hearL Lrouble, he spoke cauLlously, hls phraslng searchlng for euphemlsms and
vaguerles, breaklng Lo her slowly Lhe posslblllLy of Paklm's deaLh. ln broken
senLences, he hlnLed LhaL Paklm's delay mlghL relaLe Lo Lhe day's news. ChrlsLmas
lsland 1ragedy" Lhe fronL cover read. CreaL loss of llfe!" aralysed and lncredulous,
lryana wepL her sLorm of grlef, locklng herself ln her room. 1empLed Lo leap from Lhe
balcony, she was Loo fearful of Lhe fall lLself. lnsLead, she sLared blankly, her deslre
Lo esLabllsh a famlly and Lo Lreasure new experlences here wlLh Paklm seemed
swepL away. Llke Paklm.

lryana sLood dlsLressed and moLlonless, dlsLracLed by Lhe nolses of Lhe world beyond
Lhe dull glaze of her eyes. Cars fumed, men sprlnLed Lo bus sLops, were all obllvlous
Lo her. lf only Lhey knew whaL lraqls experlence each day, she reflecLed. 8lLLerly
frusLraLed, she dropped Lo Lhe erslan rug, her one prlzed possesslon from home, Lo
weep. LxcepL no Lears came.

!"##$%& (!),,*+ WlLhln Lhe flrsL
senLence, we know Lhe characLer ls golng
on a [ourney. And slnce sLory = [ourney,
Lhls can only be a good Lhlng!
!"##$%& (!),-*+ 1he menLlon of
LurbulenL waves and LhundersLorms hlnLs
aL Lhe challenges Lo come. And slnce a
sLory wlLhouL confronLaLlon ls merely
words on a page, Lhls ls good news.
!"##$%& (!),.*+ 8alses quesLlons:
Why wouldn'L lryana be healLhy?
!"##$%& (!),/*+ 8alses more
unanswered quesLlons.
!"##$%& (!),0*+ ?eL agaln, more
unanswered quesLlons: Why hasn'L lryana
wrlLLen back? uoes lL have someLhlng Lo do
wlLh her healLh? Wlll she ever wrlLe back?
Wlll she be ok? Wlll Paklm geL Lhere ln
Llme . Cr wlll he be Loo laLe?
unexpecLedly, lryana felL someLhlng else, someLhlng sLrange LhaL she anLlclpaLed
fearfully. She could noL recognlse lL, Loo subLle and eluslve ln naLure, buL she could
feel lL. She began Lo Lremble as her sharp breaLhs sLruggled Lo flll her lungs. She
gasped, Lrylng Lo suppress lL wlLh her wlll buL her breaLhlng became heavler,
wheezlng ln and ouL. lf Lhls was a hearL aLLack, she LhoughL Lhere was no polnL ln
Laklng anyLhlng, she had noLhlng Lo llve for. Per ldeals and falLh for solace and
securlLy ln AusLralla had been crushed yeL she, somehow survlved. 1hen came Lhe
eplphany. lryana knew LhaL desplLe Lhelr lnLlmacy, desplLe belonglng Lo hlm as a
good wlfe, desplLe love's complex mysLery, she now sensed a greaLer purpose Lo llve
for. lor herself. 1o belong ln her own Lerms.

uncle Cmrl banged aL Lhe door, lmporLunlng her for admlsslon. lryana, don'L be llke
Lhls. AccldenLs happen, we [usL have Lo accepL Cod's wlll." 8econclled now, she rose
and opened Lhe door, embraclng hlm. Pe was sLunned, lL was Lhe flrsL Llme he had
seen her smlle. uncerLaln, buL reassured, uncle Cmrl hugged her, offerlng Arablan
coffee?" lryana eagerly nodded.

She leaned over Lhe klLchen bench, amused aL uncle Cmrl's coffee brewlng. 1he
exqulslLe aroma of hls dark, roasLed coffee beans fllled Lhe room, remlndlng her lL
was Paklm's favourlLe drlnk. Per eyes wandered around Lhe room, seeklng for
dlsLracLlons Lo erase hlm from her mlnd. She noLlced a large phoLo on 1he ually
1elegraph's cover. lnLrlgued, she focused on Lhe lmage and recognlsed Lhe weL
flgure. Pe was lean, overrldden by faLlgue yeL he sLlll waved ln Lhe hlghesL of splrlLs.
lL was Paklm. Allve. AsLonlshed LhaL he had been so careless, Cmrl snaLched Lhe
newspaper, buL lL was Loo laLe.

When Lhe docLors arrlved, Lhey sald she had dled of hearL fallure - of Lhe surprlse
LhaL kllls.


8y esLabllshlng Lhe Lheme and Lone ln Lhe openlng (and hlnLlng aL Lhe
forLhcomlng [ourney), Lhe reader can begln Lo seLLle lnLo Lhe world of Lhe
sLory.
PlnLlng aL a challenge/confronLaLlon/danger yeL Lo come creaLes Lenslon and
hooks readers ln. 1hls ls Lhe goal of all sLorles.
unanswered quesLlons arouse curloslLy. CurloslLy ls whaL keeps readers
readlng.

1|t|e: Unfo|d|ng
Author: L|anne 1an

uaddy, look!"

Anna held up a crookedly folded paper alrplane and Lhrew lL across Lhe room.
1he plane hlL Lhe yellow and plnk flowery wallpaper-Lhe same colours as Anna's
dress-and benL before crashlng head flrsL onLo Lhe fluffy whlLe carpeL.

!effrey Saunders was leanlng agalnsL Lhe wall waLchlng hls daughLer. Pe sucked ln
hls cheeks Lo sLop hlmself laughlng as he genLly Lugged on one of hls daughLer's
plgLalls. l don'L Lhlnk your passengers are very happy wlLh you aL Lhe momenL,
Annle."

Anna sLuck ouL her Longue and !effrey laughed. 1he sound of squeals and hlgh-
plLched laughLer dlsLracLed Lhem and Lhey boLh Lurned Lowards Lhe mlddle of Lhe
llvlng room, where Lhe oLher chlldren were playlng muslcal chalrs. 1here were only
Lwo chalrs lefL ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe room and Lhree klds-Lwo boys, one glrl-
marched ln Llme Lo Lhe muslc, glggllng, whllsL Lhe oLher chlldren cheered Lhem on.

Cne of Lhe moLhers was sLandlng by Lhe speakers, lod ln hand, smlllng and en[oylng
Lhe show. Above her, a ralnbow banner LhaL had been sLreLched across Lhe room
whlch read: PA? 6
1P
8l81PuA?, LlLLlL! ln large, gllLLerlng leLLers had deLached
lLself from one slde of Lhe wall, and she qulckly reached up Lo flx lL, puLLlng down Lhe
lod and drawlng complalnLs from Lhe klds Lo hurry and sLop Lhe muslc.

LeLLlng ouL a heavy breaLh, !effrey glanced down aL hls daughLer, who had Lurned
away from Lhe game and was sLarlng ouL Lhe wlndow, flddllng wlLh Lhe hem of her
parLy dress. She had never Lalked Lo hlm abouL her feellngs before, buL !effrey could
Lell from her expresslons. 1he Lhlng wlLh slx-year-olds, he LhoughL, was LhaL Lhey
were noL very good aL hldlng Lhelr feellngs, and Lhe expresslon on her face now was
enough Lo break hls hearL.

Cne of Lhe moLhers ln a long red flowery dress and a sparkly parLy haL leaned over Lo
Lalk Lo hlm. l'm sorry Anna can'L [oln ln," she whlspered loudly over Lhe muslc. lL's
[usL Lhe klds llke Lo run around, see. Pavlng Lhem slL for Lhe whole parLy really won'L
do." 1he moLher casL a glance aL Lhe seaLed Anna. We'd undersLand lf you wanLed
Lo leave early."

!effrey felL anger burn lnslde hls chesL, a monsLer rearlng up flercely. Pe Look a few
momenLs Lo wage baLLle wlLh Lhe monsLer, held lL under conLrol, Lhen resLed a hand
proLecLlvely on Lhe handle of hls daughLer's wheelchalr and smlled pollLely. We'll
keep LhaL ln mlnd."

!"##$%& (!),1*+ We lnsLanLly geL a
sense of Lhe characLer's age by Lhe
language she uses.
!"##$%& (!),2*+ LsLabllshes Lhe
seLLlng, Lone and 'world' of Lhe plece.
!"##$%& (!),3*+ AlLhough Lhls
openlng does a fanLasLlc [ob of esLabllshlng
characLer and seLLlng, lL doesn'L ralse any
quesLlons or hlnL aL Lhe comlng
confronLaLlon. lf Lhe purpose of Lhe
beglnnlng ls Lo geL Lhe reader lnLeresLed,
Lhls could be problemaLlc. 1he problem
could be flxed by lnserLlng one senLence
LhaL hlnLs aL whaL's Lo come.
1he moLher reLurned Lhe smlle and walked away. Looklng down agaln aL hls
daughLer, !effrey leL ouL a breaLh and felL Lhe anger expel. Anna had been ln a
wheelchalr slnce she was born wlLh cerebral palsy whlch affecLed her ablllLy Lo walk.

1here was no cure for Lhls Lype of condlLlon-!effrey and hls wlfe Melanle had
vlslLed almosL all Lhe docLors ln Sydney only Lo be meL wlLh Lhe same plLeous look
every Llme-buL Lhey had Lrled hard Lo leL Anna have a normal chlldhood. Powever
lL was aL Llmes llke Lhese where Lhe dlfference beLween hls daughLer and oLher
chlldren was hlghllghLed excruclaLlngly clear.

!effrey heard Lhe muslc sLop, Lhe scuffle of feeL as Lhe klds raced Lo slL down flrsL,
and Lhe wall of Lhe glrl who falled Lo slL down qulck enough. As a moLher rushed
over Lo consol her, Lhe muslc sLarLed up agaln wlLh one chalr lefL. Pe waLched Lhe
remalnlng Lwo klds play, runnlng ln a clrcle, laughlng, and felL for a momenL a sLlng
of blLLerness of why hls daughLer wasn'L born Lhe same way - whaL dld everyone
else deserve LhaL he dldn'L?-buL Lhe LhoughLs were washed away as qulckly as Lhey
came, replaced wlLh a gullLy feellng whlch surfaced each Llme Lhese LhoughLs arose
ln hls mlnd.

uaddy?"

!effrey pulled hlmself away from hls LhoughLs and leaned over hls daughLer.

WhaL's wrong honey?"

Could you help me geL my plane?" Anna polnLed Lowards Lhe benL sorry-looklng
plane lylng sldeways on Lhe carpeL.

8emember whaL you have Lo say?" Pe asked her.

Per face scrunched up as she Lrled Lo remember. Ch, please!" She laughed.

Pe suddenly felL overwhelmed wlLh love and leaned over Lo klss hls daughLer on Lhe
forehead. 1haL's rlghL," he sald, [olnlng ln hls daughLer's laughLer. Pe headed over
Lo Lhe fallen plane, LhoughLs fllLLed Lhrough hls mlnd and he wondered lf he should
suggesL Lhe posslblllLy of leavlng early Lo hls daughLer.

lcklng up Lhe plane, he handed lL Lo her. 1hanks, uad." She smlled, her flngers
already worklng Lo smooLh over Lhe plece of paper and refold Lhe plane. AL LhaL
momenL, Lhe muslc sLopped, and a cheer wenL up as Lhe wlnnlng boy grlnned
proudly around, flrmly seaLed on Lhe lasL chalr.

1lme for Lhe cake, everyone!" 1here was general chaLLer and laughLer as Lhe
chlldren gaLhered around Lhe Lable. 1he blrLhday glrl, Llllle-one of Anna's
classmaLes aL school-Lossed her curly blonde halr and wrlggled ln her seaL, eyes
shlnlng. She suddenly caughL Anna slLLlng across Lhe room ln her wheelchalr, flngers
fumbllng wlLh Lhe paper plane.

Pey, Anna," Llllle called. uon'L you wanL cake?"

!effrey waLched hls daughLer's head shooL up, a smlle blossomed on her face. l'm
comlng," she replled, and Lhen looked up aL her faLher. uaddy?"

8eallslng, !effrey qulckly grasped Lhe handles of hls daughLer's wheelchalr and
moved her over Lo Lhe Lable, nexL Lo Llllle, who scooLed her chalr over Lo make
space. 1he wheelchalr [uLLed ouL from Lhe resL of Lhe clrcle of klds because of lLs
slze. 1he cake arrlved - chocolaLe, wlLh ralnbow M&Ms decoraLed around Lhe edge
and slx candles glowlng ln a clrcle.

SLepplng back Lo [oln Lhe oLher parenLs, !effrey accldenLally sLepped on Lhe paper
plane. Pe plcked lL up, heslLaLed, Lhen crumpled Lhe plane lnLo a ball and dropped lL
lnLo a bln behlnd hlm. Closlng hls eyes, he sLralned Lo locaLe her volce-and when
he heard lL mlngled wlLh Lhe oLhers, a sense of glad rellef flowed Lhrough hlm. Pe
Look a deep breaLh and [olned ln Lhe off-key rendlLlon of Pappy 8lrLhday".


lnLroduclng Lhe seLLlng and proLagonlsL ln your openlng llnes ls a greaL way Lo
lnLroduce Lhe reader Lo Lhe world of Lhe sLory.
lf you wanL your reader Lo be eager Lo keep readlng, ralse some quesLlons ln
Lhe flrsL couple of senLences.


Chapter 13 - Lnd|ngs

Ahh! ?ou're almosL done. ?ou've been keeplng one eye on your characLer and one
eye on Lhe clock. 1he exam supervlsor says you have flve mlnuLes Lo go before Lhe
dreaded 'pens down'. 8uL you sLlll haven'L wrlLLen your endlng yeL. WalL - come Lo
Lhlnk of lL, you haven'L even worked ouL whaL your endlng wlll be!

8efore you freak ouL any furLher, Lhlnk of Lhe good news. 'ens down' means LhaL
your hand whlch ls falllng off your arm afLer Lhree hours sLralghL of non-sLop wrlLlng
wlll flnally geL a break.

And wlLh Lhe followlng llLLle gem of wlsdom, you'll be sure Lo hammer Lhe flnal nall
ln LhaL characLer's coffln ln no Llme flaL!

Are you ready for lL? 1hls ls lL:

"-, 2(&, 85+8(2, (C 6(5+ ,31'3E '2 )( +,'3C(+;, )-, B,73'3E (C )-, 8',;, - 0-';- 7&&
;(B,2 H7;@ )( 4,&(3E'3E#

And ln oLher words:

"-, 2(&, 85+8(2, (C 6(5+ ,31'3E '2 )( +,L,7& )( )-, +,71,+ 0-,)-,+ (+ 3() 6(5+
;-7+7;),+ 7;-',L,1 )-,'+ E(7&#

uone. 1haL's all Lhere ls Lo lL.

Cut to the chase!

1hlnk of Lwo dlfferenL ways you could end your sLory. WrlLe Lhem down now.

now Lhlnk abouL whaL message each endlng would leave your reader wlLh.

lor example, leL's preLend your sLory ls abouL a characLer LhaL always loses buL never
sLops Lrylng. WhaL message wlll Lhe reader Lake away lf, ln Lhe end, your characLer
flnally wlns someLhlng? WhaL abouL lf even aL Lhe end, hls besL was never good
enough and he wasn'L able Lo secure a wln? Lach endlng sends a very dlfferenL
message Lo your reader.

1|t|e: Monster
Author: Lr|n 8org

l sLared longlngly aL Lhe [ungle before me.

1he sllver Llnged vlnes and deep green leaves fluLLered abouL, danclng wlldly ln Lhe
cool summer breeze comlng from behlnd. ushlng me Lo Lhe edge. ulllng me ln.
MoonllghL leaked lnLo shadows casL by Lhe canopy above, allowlng me Lo gllmpse
lnLo lLs mysLerlous and lnvlLlng depLhs.

1he vlllage behlnd me lay forgoLLen ln all lLs unevenLful exlsLence. Crass huLs, floors,
walls, chores, order...

...humans...

lL had noLhlng Lo compare Lo Lhe sooLhlng Lrlckle of Lhe rlver, Lhe sweeL scenL of
bloomlng flowers, or even Lhe lush feel of decaylng leaves whlch Lhe [ungle offered.
l grabbed aL my long, plalLed halr and glared aL lL ln dlsgusL. My eyes flowed down
my hour-glass flgure wlLh Lhe same expresslon. l raked Lhrough my knoLs and
snapped Lhe sLrlng boundlng my halr. 8lack sLrands flew franLlcally abouL my sLrong
cheeked face wlLh Lhe vlnes as Lhe wlnd plcked up speed. l played wlLh Lhe cord
around my wrlsL. My lungs drew breaLh.

l sLepped forward.

SLop!" a man's volce boomed from Lhe huLs.

l clenched my LeeLh.

uamn lL. SpoLLed.

LlghLs fllckered on ln Lhe vlllage. eople scrambled from every whlch way and where,
moLhers sporLlng chlldren on Lhelr chesLs, men wlLh Lorches rushlng Lowards me,
chlldren cluLchlng each oLher and polnLlng aL my moon sllhoueLLed body
undoubLedly wlLh fear ln Lhelr eyes. 1wo of Lhe men wlLhouL flre sLlcks ran sLralghL
aL me, Lackllng me Lo Lhe ground, holdlng me wlLh Lhelr groLesque hands.

l sLruggled vlolenLly agalnsL Lhelr LlghLenlng grlp. 1hey grunLed under Lhe sLraln. 1he
crowd of people gasped and fled Lo safeLy behlnd Lhe llne of Lorch bearers as l
flashed my sharp gllsLenlng LeeLh and roared.

1hey began Lo murmur.

uevll chlld."
She's Loo close Lo Lhe forbldden place!"
She musL have Lhe slckness."
1hey musL punlsh her! lL's Lhe Lhlrd Llme she's-
SlLLnCL!"

1he vlllagers ceased Lhelr harsh whlspers and made way for Lhe leader of Lhe Lrlbe.
l sLopped. l looked up lnLo Lhe old man's plerclng blue eyes. llre and shadow
fllckered along hls rlgld [aw. Pe llfLed hls dull brown, lnLrlcaLely carved walklng sLlck
Lowards my capLors.

Leave. LeL me speak wlLh her."

1hey released me and backed away. 1he old man reached ouL Lo sLeady me as l
found my feeL. l rubbed Lhe sand from my sore skln.

Pe looked aL me and slghed.

Langar my dear. ?ou know Lhe rules. lL ls Lhe forbldden realm! no one ls allowed
pasL Lhe sand border! Lspeclally noL young women llke yourself!"

l snlckered under my breaLh. Menaclng gazes rlppled Lhrough Lhose close enough Lo
hear.

Pobbler, you of all humans should know LhaL l don'L care for your laws."
Pls eyes wldened aL my reply. 1he vlllagers hlssed. Pe bashed hls sLaff on Lhe
ground.

?ou mlghLn'L wlsh Lo respecL our laws and LradlLlons buL you have no cholce! ?ou
were lefL ln my care and l shall noL have you wanderlng abouL such a dangerous
place. WhaL would your moLher Lhlnk?"

l crouched Lo Lhe ground and growled.

uon'L you uA8L brlng her lnLo Lhls! ?ou have no rlghL Lo old man!"

My now glowlng eyes flxed Lhemselves on Lhe shocked expresslon of one of Lhe
Lorch bearers. 1he one holdlng Lhe oLher half of my cord braceleL ln hls flsL. My hearL
fllled wlLh sorrow as l fllpped my gaze from Lhe glorlous [ungle Lo my only Lrue
frlend.

l glared back aL Pobbler.

l have every rlghL Lo Langar," he conLlnued, now be a good glrl and go back Lo your
huL."

My hackles rose and l dug my claws lnLo Lhe grass spoLLed sand. WhaL l was abouL Lo
say l knew would paln my frlend for Lhe resL of hls llfe. 8uL l had Lo.

no."

MoLhers began Lurnlng Lhelr chlldren away.

Pobbler's nosLrlls flared.

...WhaL dld you [usL say?"

My muscles flexed. My Lall fllckered.

l sald nC!"

1he roar echoed LhroughouL Lhe crowd. l Lurned and bolLed on all fours lnLo Lhe
[ungle, Lhe wlnd cascadlng Lhrough Lhe black fur whlch now encompassed my body. l
Lore my scrap dress wlLh my LeeLh and felL lL Llckle as lL flew away, never Lo be seen
agaln.

l dldn'L sLop runnlng Llll Lhe screamlng of Lhe Lrlbe had faded, and all l could hear was
Lhe screechlng of blrds, Lhe chlrplng of crlckeLs, and Lhe Lwlgs snapplng beneaLh my
paws.


?our characLers' cholces wlll deLermlne Lhe endlng of your sLory.
1he meanlng of your sLory changes dependlng on how lL ends.

!"##$%& (!)-)*+ 1he descrlpLlon of
Lhe characLers' faces/bodles hlnLs aL Lhe
enormlLy of Lhe proLagonlsL's declslon.
!"##$%& (!)-,*+ 1he proLagonlsL
makes her declslon and we move lnLo Lhe
resoluLlon.
!"##$%& (!)--*+ 1he proLagonlsL's
declslon Lo dlsobey Lhe man's orders
(desplLe noL wanLlng Lo upseL hlm)
suggesLs elLher: Lhe characLer values
freedom over frlendshlp (ln Lhls slLuaLlon)
and/or someLlmes we have Lo make
sacrlflces Lo reach a goal.
1|t|e: |cture of erfect|on
Author: Gary 2hu

8esLlng ln Lhe glass cablneL were numerous unLouched baskeLball Lrophles,
remlnders of pasL Lrlumph and honour. !uxLaposed, was Lhe phoLo of Lhe meeLlng of
hlmself and hls faLher wlLh Archblshop Cranbrook for Lhe flrsL Llme. SLandlng
shoulder Lo shoulder hls faLher greeLed Lhe Archblshop by hls flrsL name, a famlllarlLy
whlch made hlm proud of Lhe pleLy underplnnlng all aspecLs of hls famlly llfe. 1he
plcLure of perfecLlon.

Pere ln hls room, holdlng Lhe phoLo frame LlghLly, he should have felL honoured and
prlvlleged, yeL hls eyes slmply could noL smlle. Pe shlfLed uncomforLably and
evaslvely looked away, losL ln conLemplaLlon.

***

1he college baskeLball seml-flnals sLlll resonaLed ln hls consclousness. Seven seconds
had remalned on Lhe clock and Lhey were sLlll down by Lwo polnLs. lL was ln Lhe
Leam's collecLlve blood Lo fall back on Lhelr essenLlal 'bread and buLLer' play - LhaL he
would Lake Lhe lasL shoL. As Lhe clock Llcked down Lhe seconds, he drlbbled Lhe ball
deLermlnedly Lowards Lhe Lhree polnLer arc and prepared Lo shooL Lhe game wlnner.
1hen, for a sllghL momenL, hls faLher's ouLbursL over Lhe mornlng's news sLory on
gay marrlage echoed ln hls head. lL was noL unLll Lhe buzzer, LhaL he reallsed hls
cosLly mlsLake.

1hose words now resounded WhaL's wrong wlLh Lhese gay people?"

lL was as Lhough dlfference was a personal aLLack on hlm - as Lhough homosexuals
should noL even exlsL.

Walklng off Lhe courL ln blLLer dlsappolnLmenL, hls LeammaLe, Chrls, enqulred
sollclLously.

WhaL's wrong, broLher? lL lsn'L llke you Lo make a mlsLake llke LhaL!"

lrusLraLed, he explalned how hls faLher's words had annoyed hlm LhaL mornlng,
dlsLracLlng hlm. Pow could he be all Lhey expecLed when Lhey gave no real supporL?
Always [udgemenLal. Always obsessed by rellglon, unLhlnklngly asserLlng Cod's
dlsapproval of homosexuallLy. 1helr vlew based on Lhe ldea LhaL humans were noL
born homosexual, buL had dellberaLely chosen a llfe of sexual perverslon.

Chrls regarded hlm a momenL, never havlng seen hls besL frlend so senslLlve.
ls Lhere someLhlng you're noL Lelllng me?"

no, no.lL's [usL lLs [usL.Lhey're always pushlng Lhelr values onLo me, lL's llke l
belong Lo Lhem!" buL he dld noL volce Lhe resL of hls LhoughL, noL llke l belong!"
Approachlng Lhe locker room, Chrls's face brlghLened enLhuslasLlcally, Why don'L
you ask krlsLlne ouL, you know she llkes you and lL'll help relleve your sLress."

1he words were losL ln an awkward sllence, hls eyes evadlng Chrls'.

Look, lf Lhere's anyLhlng l can do, [usL call me," and Lhen Lhey enLered Lhe locker
room.

lmmedlaLely he noLlced hls surroundlngs, LeammaLes undresslng, cracklng crude
[okes. Pe shlfLed uncomforLably ln hls seaL, hls eyes on Lhe ground, avoldlng conLacL
wlLh Lhe oLhers fllcklng Lowels and clwonlng around. 1hey seemed Lo be connecLed
wlLhln Lhe scene, whlle he was aware of waLchlng. An ouLslder looklng ln.. Pe had
always conformed Lo hls parenLs' expecLaLlons - Lo Lhelr rellglous codes and values.

erhaps lL had been hls amblvalence and anxleLy LhaL lead hlm Lo pursue Lhe
LradlLlonal manly paLh of sporL so asslduously. lndeed, he reallsed keeplng hls eyes
lowered, hls aLLempL Lo prove he flLLed ln had only made Lhlngs worse. WhaL a
paradox. Pls aLLempL Lo conform had only conflrmed hls fears.

***

Lscaplng hls lnLrospecLlon, he sLared back aL Lhe phoLograph. 1hroughouL hls
upbrlnglng he had been LaughL Lo percelve Lhem - 3.?7"(A - as blasphemous, as
ouLcasLs. ulsgusLed wlLh hlmself, he knew he had dlsgraced Lhe famlly and he musL
noL leL Lhem know. 1here was no way Lhey would accepL hls sexuallLy, especlally hls
faLher who had always llved a llfe bounded by repuLaLlon and prlde.

Purry up, darllng, we are golng Lo be laLe. WhaL wlll people say?" hls moLher
lmporLuned.

Was Lhe [udgemenL of oLher people always LhaL lmporLanL, he wondered? Pe could
noL endure Lhls paln, Lhls frusLraLlon and Lhrew Lhe phoLo frame aL Lhe wall,
waLchlng Lhe glass shaLLer, Lhe frame screeched as lL crumpled. 1hen he noLlced
someLhlng. SomeLhlng unusual.

Pe walked Lowards Lhe broken glass and Lhe envelope LhaL had been hldden behlnd
Lhe phoLograph. M ("$$"# he LhoughL, buL from whom and - more perLlnenLly - Lo
whom? 8emovlng Lhe noLe, everyLhlng he once knew became allen and sLrange.

V"%# W.B3%"(X

F$ 3%7 Q""& % 53.(" %&6 F %? '(%6 ;/: B%?" $/ 7"" ?" %'%.&* Y/: 3%J" % 5/&6"#A:(
A%?.(; %&6 ;/:# 7/& 3%7 % J"#; Q#.'3$ A:$:#"* >.7 B/?<%77./& #"?.&67 ?" /A ;/:
wbeo we speot tbot colJ, wloJy olqbt lockeJ lo eocb otbets otms ot yoot motbets
boose. Altbooqb we boJ to pott woys.

Pe glanced aL Lhe slgnaLure. lL was Cranbrook.
!"##$%& (!)-.*+ 8elnforces Lhe
pressure Lhe proLagonlsL feels Lo be whaL
oLher people expecL.
!"##$%& (!)-/*+ PlnLs aL Lhe lnLernal
change Lhe proLagonlsL ls golng Lhrough,
maybe he can break hls parenLs' pressure.
!"##$%& (!)-0*+ 8rllllanL endlng!
LveryLhlng seL up ln Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe
sLory ls reversed. 1he proLagonlsL reallses
Lhe pressure he felL from hls faLher was
abouL hls own lssues. Pe reallses LhaL
everyLhlng ls noL as lL seems.

?our endlng should reveal how Lhe proLagonlsL has changed because of Lhe
[ourney Lhey experlenced ln Lhe sLory.
8everslng Lhe orlglnal slLuaLlon ls a good way Lo do Lhls.
8eaders wlll Lake away a dlfferenL message from your sLory dependlng on
how you end lL.

Chapter 14 - keturn|ng to the 1hree Cs of a Good Story:
Cha||enge, Cho|ce and Change

now LhaL you've goL your sLrucLure, ploL, seLLlng, meanlng and characLer sorLed (and
hopefully have a handle on show vs. Lell, narraLlon, beglnnlngs, endlngs and
descrlpLlon), Lhere's one Lhlng lefL Lo do before you begln wrlLlng -answer Lhese
Lhree quesLlons:

1. WhaL ls Lhe cha||enge (and goal) your proLagonlsL faces?

2. WhaL cho|ce do Lhey make Lo overcome Lhls challenge and move Lowards
Lhelr goal?

3. WhaL change do Lhey undergo as a resulL?

now LhaL you've goL your plan, leL's geL Lyplng (or plck up LhaL pen).

nA WkI1ING!

!"#$ best
&'( )* +',)$- (*.-
$/)0-$ 123 ,(44'5.,6
7/40/$68
9$44' :*#/,*/
;;6<= >">?
!"#!$ &' (&)*& +',-

HSC Creative Writing-How To Get A Band 6

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

HSC Creative Writing-How To Get A Band 6

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

!

" $%&& '()* +

You might also like