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By Tim Urban

!"# %&'(&)*+,-)+'&* %&'(&)*+,-)+.


/&'0(&)*0+,0-)0+,'- |prekrastenSHen, pr-|
noun
the action of delaying or postponing something: your first tip is to avoid procrastination.
Who would have thought that after decades of struggle with procrastination, the dictionary, of all
places, would hold the solution.
Avoid procrastination. So elegant in its simplicity.
While were here, lets make sure obese people avoid overeating, depressed people avoid apathy, and
someone please tell beached whales that they should avoid being out of the ocean.
No, "avoid procrastination is only good advice for fake procrastinators-those people that are like, "I
totally go on Facebook a few times every day at work-Im such a procrastinator! The same people
that will say to a real procrastinator something like, "|ust dont procrastinate and youll be fine.
The thing that neither the dictionary nor fake procrastinators understand is that for a real
procrastinator, procrastination isnt optional-its something they dont know how to not do.
In college, the sudden unbridled personal freedom was a disaster for me-I did nothing, ever, for any
reason. The one exception was that I had to hand in papers from time to time. I would do those the
night before, until I realized I could |ust do them through the night, and I did that until I realized I could
actually start them in the early morning on the day they were due. This behavior reached caricature
levels when I was unable to start writing my 90-page senior thesis until 72 hours before it was due, an
experience that ended with me in the campus doctors office learning that lack of blood sugar was the
reason my hands had gone numb and curled up against my will. (I did get the thesis in-no, it was not
good.)
Even this post took much longer than it should have, because I spent a bunch of hours doing things like
seeing this picture sitting on my desktop from a previous post, opening it, looking at it for a long time
thinking about how easily he could beat me in a fight, then wondering if he could beat a tiger in a fight,
then wondering who would win between a lion and a tiger, and then googling that and reading about it
for a while (the tiger would win). I have problems.
To understand why procrastinators procrastinate so much, lets start by understanding a non-
procrastinators brain:
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Pretty normal, right? Now, lets look at a procrastinators brain:
Notice anything different?
It seems the Rational Decision-Maker in the procrastinators brain is coexisting with a pet-the Instant
Cratification Monkey.
This would be fine-cute, even-if the Rational Decision-Maker knew the first thing about how to own a
monkey. But unfortunately, it wasnt a part of his training and hes left completely helpless as the
monkey makes it impossible for him to do his |ob.
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The fact is, the Instant Cratification Monkey is the last creature who should be in charge of decisions-
he thinks only about the present, ignoring lessons from the past and disregarding the future
altogether, and he concerns himself entirely with maximizing the ease and pleasure of the current
moment. He doesnt understand the Rational Decision-Maker any better than the Rational Decision-
Maker understands him-why would we continue doing this |og, he thinks, when we could stop, which
would feel better. Why would we practice that instrument when its not fun? Why would we ever use a
computer for work when the internet is sitting right there waiting to be played with? He thinks humans
are insane.
In the monkey world, hes got it all figured out-if you eat when youre hungry, sleep when youre tired,
and dont do anything difficult, youre a pretty successful monkey. The problem for the procrastinator is
that he happens to live in the human world, making the Instant Cratification Monkey a highly
unqualified navigator. Meanwhile, the Rational Decision-Maker, who was trained to make rational
decisions, not to deal with competition over the controls, doesnt know how to put up an effective fight
-he |ust feels worse and worse about himself the more he fails and the more the suffering
procrastinator whose head hes in berates him.
Its a mess. And with the monkey in charge, the procrastinator finds himself spending a lot of time in a
place called the Dark Playground.*
The Dark Playground is a place every procrastinator knows well. Its a place where leisure activities
happen at times when leisure activities are not supposed to be happening. The fun you have in the
Dark Playground isnt actually fun because its completely unearned and the air is filled with guilt,
anxiety, self-hatred, and dread. Sometimes the Rational Decision-Maker puts his foot down and refuses
to let you waste time doing normal leisure things, and since the Instant Cratification Monkey sure as
hell isnt gonna let you work, you find yourself in a bizarre purgatory of weird activities where everyone
loses.**
And the poor Rational Decision-Maker |ust mopes, trying to figure out how he let the human hes
supposed to be in charge of end up here again.

Civen this predicament, how does the procrastinator ever manage to accomplish anything?
As it turns out, theres one thing that scares the shit out of the Instant Cratification Monkey:

The Panic Monster is dormant most of the time, but he suddenly wakes up when a deadline gets too
close or when theres danger of public embarrassment, a career disaster, or some other scary
consequence.
The Instant Cratification Monkey, normally unshakable, is terrified of the Panic Monster. How else could
you explain the same person who cant write a papers introductory sentence over a two-week span
suddenly having the ability to stay up all night, fighting exhaustion, and write eight pages? Why else
would an extraordinarily lazy person begin a rigorous workout routine other than a Panic Monster
freakout about becoming less attractive?
And these are the lucky procrastinators-there are some who dont even respond to the Panic Monster,
and in the most desperate moments they end up running up the tree with the monkey, entering a state
of self-annihilating shutdown.
Quite a crowd we are.
Of course, this is no way to live. Even for the procrastinator who does manage to eventually get things
done and remain a competent member of society, something has to change. Here are the main reasons
why:
]M 3+R* N-/O.)*)-+L Far too much of the procrastinators precious time is spent toiling in the Dark
Playground, time that could have been spent en|oying satisfying, well-earned leisure if things had been
done on a more logical schedule. And panic isnt fun for anyone.
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potential, which eats away at him over time and fills him with regret and self-loathing.
:M ;". <)K.0;'0A'* J)# ")//.-7 UN+ -'+ +". !)-+0;'0A'*L Even if the procrastinator is in the type
of career where the Panic Monster is regularly present and hes able to be fulfilled at work, the other
things in life that are important to him-getting in shape, cooking elaborate meals, learning to play the
guitar, writing a book, reading, or even making a bold career switch-never happen because the Panic
Monster doesnt usually get involved with those things. Undertakings like those expand our
experiences, make our lives richer, and bring us a lot of happiness-and for most procrastinators, they
get left in the dust.
So how can a procrastinator improve and become happier? See Part 2, How To Beat Procrastination.
---
* A lot of you are probably reading this article while in the Dark Playground.
** I spent two hours in the Dark Playground right before I drew the Dark Playground drawing, because
I was dreading having to draw the signpost, which I knew would be hard and take forever (which it did).
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October 30, 2013 at 1:57 am - Reply
I was trying to work and then I said to myself "Well its tuesday, lets check wait but why !.
Damn Monkey
October 30, 2013 at 2:04 am - Reply
|ust realized how reading this article caused me to procrastinate.
October 30, 2013 at 3:08 am - Reply
My wife sent this me with the comment "its YOU. She was underselling.
October 30, 2013 at 3:17 am - Reply
Where is the unnecessary masturbation Food court??
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October 30, 2013 at 3:23 am - Reply
I remembered that my grandmother recently learned that this blog existed and knows how
to access it.
October 30, 2013 at 4:57 pm - Reply
Hahaha thats a pity!
October 30, 2013 at 5:34 pm - Reply
The Instant Cratification Monkey is a Bonobo.
October 30, 2013 at 10:12 pm - Reply
"unnecessary masturbation? I dont follow.
November 1, 2013 at 7:34 pm - Reply
yes this
November 4, 2013 at 3:00 pm - Reply
This is a great post EXCEPT equating depressions with apathy is really, really far afield.
Kind of frustrating to a person (me) who struggles with it a lot. A person with depression may give
the appearance of apathy, but thats not the whole story. Its kind of like saying a procrastinator is
getting a lot done: look at them checking the fridge! checking their email! drawing pictures of their
IC monkey!!!
Many of us depressed folks feel like we care a lot more than the people around us do. Sometimes I
even find myself wanting to withdraw (therefore appearing apathetic) |ust to avoid (what appears
to me at that moment to be) the shallow, self-serving apathy of others.
Please note the parentheses and dont flame me.
G)+
October 30, 2013 at 3:52 am - Reply
"So how can a procrastinator improve and become happier? Thats the topic of next weeks
post.
I see what you did there.
As a career procrastinator, I simply found that line amusing. Thats part of the self-loathing thing,
though. You learn to recognize what might appear to be excuses for the type of behavior you yourself
own, and get that certain little twinge of guilt at knowing that you may |ust use that line in as a defense.
In any case, I thought it a very cogent article. Ive only recently become less of a procrastinator. It might
be chemical, it might be age, it might be the stresses of being a father for thirteen years - whatever it
was, I highly value the level of patience and perseverance Ive recently been able to attain.
I cant stress any more than you already have, however, that procrastination isnt something someone
intentionally "does as much as it is who they "are. Brilliant point there, I have to say.
Looking forward to next weeks installment.
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November 4, 2013 at 3:02 pm - Reply
Oops put that dont-say-were-apathetic post in the wrong place sorry.
November 11, 2013 at 12:45 pm - Reply
Am I the only one who needed to look up "bonobo?
bonobo ]benb] n: bonobo; plural: bonobos 1. a chimpanzee with a black face and black hair,
found in the rain forests of the Democratic Republic of Congo (formerly Zaire).
|Kimberly: Quelle concidence. I registered for "Blogger" |ust last night in order to respond to this
blog. I wondered why some people have photos by their replies and happened to click on yours
first. What are the chances the first profile I happen to explore belongs to a person who attended
the same university I happen to be attending? Weird. Small world. I'm a senior in
Accounting]Finance, by the way. Also, per the topic of this blog (I'm not kidding), this is my fourth
year as a senior. It's okay, though. I only have one year left.]
November 11, 2013 at 1:36 pm - Reply
Anonymous: "unnecessary masturbation? I dont follow.
Walking my dogs one day, listening to my Sansa Clip FM radio, NPRs Splendid Table did a show on
"leftover wine. By the time I got home, I was so confused I googled the phrase (with quotes).
Wikipedia said, "Leftover Wine is a live album released by Melanie in 1970. That made the
confusion worse, so I dug deeper. I found a few |okes about "spare change, and a reference to
punk rock group, "Leftver Crack, but nothing to explain what NPR meant by "leftover wine.
I used to think I was smart, but that episode truly broke me. Some mysteries I |ust cant solve.
February 14, 2014 at 5:50 am - Reply
Unnecessary masturbation was my go-to to relieve the stress and pressure of all the college
work I had to do that I wasnt doing because I was stressed lol dark pattern. It relieved my stress
but also made me feel tired and more like sleeping rather than focused and excited about doing
work, as I ideally should be. Ritalin would have helped, or if I cared more (apathy). While I knew the
problem and the solution was to simply "work, the work didnt seem fun or interesting, so I didnt
have the emotional heart]gut buy-in to do it, because I was taking classes I was forced to take for
Ceneral Ed. even though I really wanted to |ust study business in college. I felt like I was doing high
school all over again, which was a waste of time and therefore, unnecessary.
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October 30, 2013 at 8:26 am - Reply
This Blog has become part of my dark playgroundI have to slap my monkey! ;-]
October 30, 2013 at 9:09 am - Reply
love this so much. Literally wait for this all tuesday for it to enter my dark playground!
October 30, 2013 at 9:33 am - Reply
Cuilty as hell! Definitely in the dark playground!
October 30, 2013 at 12:45 pm - Reply
I am the total opposite of a procrastinator, but I feel for you - that is not a fun place to be at
all - thanks for explaining it in such a coherent way. Also, you might spend lots of time in the dark
playground, but your posts are brilliant and I look forward to them every week (or almost every week
October 30, 2013 at 12:53 pm - Reply
You forgot about reddit highway built nearby your dark playground!
October 30, 2013 at 3:25 pm - Reply
So right on about the procrastinator. Im typing this comment sitting in my bed with a list of
things-to-do, and thinking about YouTube-ing last nights X-Factor.
October 30, 2013 at 3:44 pm - Reply
"* A lot of you are probably reading this article while in the Dark Playground.
So busted
Oh, and I work from home. My entire life is the dark playground.
October 30, 2013 at 4:12 pm - Reply
you have best blog ever! I hang onto every word.
http:]]theinternetandtheunicorn.blogspot.com]
F,WW*+.&
March 2, 2014 at 12:59 pm - Reply
I see what you did there.
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November 1, 2013 at 8:02 pm - Reply
Ok if u are no procrastinator how did u got this far in this particular article? 2nd thought - if
u do it for somebody else maybe u sent him] her |ust hte article
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November 2, 2013 at 12:18 pm - Reply
Reddit takes up a huge percentage of my dark playgound time.
;."&..J
November 5, 2013 at 9:31 am - Reply
plus 1..!
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October 30, 2013 at 4:20 pm - Reply
I read this article with the voice of the Panic Monster. My panic rose with every paragraph as I tried not
to glance over at the pro|ect that is due later today.
October 30, 2013 at 4:29 pm - Reply
Absolutely Brilliant!! I havent laughed so hard in quite a while.
October 30, 2013 at 4:32 pm - Reply
I totally climbed the tree in college and didnt come down. I want somebody to chop down
the tree and kill the monkey.
October 30, 2013 at 4:34 pm - Reply
my procrasturbation is at dangerous levels - so much so im lost in a weak fountain of
nothing
October 30, 2013 at 4:38 pm - Reply
Currently trying to stay out of the Dark Playground. Not being all that successful seeing as
how Im at workTomorrow will be better. Yeah, tomorrow
October 30, 2013 at 4:42 pm - Reply
This blog is everything that I am.
October 30, 2013 at 4:42 pm - Reply
This is easily the best blog on the internet.if I was creative enough to write like this, I
probably would be writing about 75% of the topics that you have touched on. So spot on, cant wait for
next week. Lets see if I can get some work done on MY thesis this week!
October 30, 2013 at 4:56 pm - Reply
Its like youre in my head, calmly observing my instant gratification monkey while he does
his thing, keeping my life a constant exercise of extinguishing fires only as a result of the tireless efforts
of my panic monster (who is woefully overworked).
Kudos on an excellent post. That you are able to churn out these wonderfully written, thought
provoking and entertaining posts as regularly as you do is a testament to how far you have come. Cood
on you. The follow through is an obvious and marked departure from the worst kind of procrastinator.
Youre in much better shape than some of us out there.
As to the omitted over-indulgent-and-excessive-masturbation-that-makes-you-question-your-own-
sense-of-sexual-propriety tea cup ride, I find it usually sandwiches both sides of the depressing nap
action slingshot as well as being disproportionately interspersed throughout the measure of time spent
in the dark playground, often built into travel time from one productivity wasteland to another.
Thanks for brightening my day and being a constant beacon for the monkey to steer towards.
October 30, 2013 at 5:08 pm - Reply
I |ust signed onto the mallist and, in view of todays post, was HICHLY amused to find that it
is managed by "MailCHIMP (emphasis inserted).
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October 30, 2013 at 5:29 pm - Reply
|ust happened yesterday when I had to give a presentation for university and havent started
until the night before? Also - havent started writing my bachelor thesis until 2 days before deadline
(and yes, I managed it, and yes, I scored okayish). Y U DOINC THIS INSTANT CRATIFICATION MONKEY
October 30, 2013 at 5:37 pm - Reply
You captured it perfectly. Now I understand the phrase "monkey business! With that kind of
insight Id love to hear your thoughts on "ok, what now?.
October 30, 2013 at 5:42 pm - Reply
Busted. Accurately, totally, unquestionably busted.
October 30, 2013 at 6:16 pm - Reply
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November 11, 2013 at 7:26 pm - Reply
Anonymous: Before Id read your post yesterday (24+ hours ago), Id never heard of "MailChimp.
If youd asked me, Id have wagered the words "mail and "chimp were syntactically incongruous,
and had likely never been used in the same sentence together, ever, in the entire history of the
English language, much less used together in the same compound word.
Then, as I was working last night, listening to the same classical radio station Ive listened to a
thousand times before, what do you think I heard? You guessed it: "Tonights program brought to
you in part by MailChimp
Isnt that cool? No? Maybe we should look into this
Youd think Id learn to expect the unexpected. Fortunately, humans are surprisingly adept at
overlooking inconvenient data, such as evidence that our existence is fully comprised by a quantum
web of universally interconnected inevitability that if acknowledged would invalidate not only our
concepts of choice, self-determination, and dignity, but also any notions of right and wrong, hope,
or anticipation. Did I say "fortunately? In truth, such acknowledgement would also have
advantages, such as neutralizing fear and shame, and all perceptions of loss, regret, sadness, and
despair. That might be a profitable trade, depending on how my day was going.
William |ames (father of Pragmatism as a movement in philosophy) once wrote, "The art of being
wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. Would William |ames have commented on
MailChimps sudden brand-proliferation? Perhaps the dual appearance of MailChimp in my world
only SEEMS to indicate the existence of a universal interconnected web of cosmic inevitability. If we
presume the universe is infinite, we may safely also presume that anything is possible. Whew!
Dont bother checking my math. If Ive overlooked anything significant, I assure you I would have
noticed. |See what I did there?]
Similarly, Albert Schweitzer (theologian, physician, and medical missionary) wrote this: "Happiness
is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. If thats true, then I thank my lucky stars I
havent learned to expect the unexpected. Lets I hope I never do. Except for stock market crashes
(if I ever own stocks). Or pedestrians entering the roadway when Im operating a motor vehicle.
Theres nothing wrong with defensive driving. Right?
What about "defensive living? What if MailChimp is an NSA surveillance platform? Should I fear
this possibility, or overlook it? Perhaps Ive already overlooked it in the past, and Ive been happier
all this time because Id forgotten. Wisdom and happiness may be incompatible. Lets overlook that
possibility. Entertaining dangerous ideas is procrastination in the extreme.
Ill stop now. Carry on.
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im scaredi need to shoot that motherf****** monkey
October 30, 2013 at 6:21 pm - Reply
Thank you for giving me a language to describe my vicious cycle. You actually described it so
perfectly that I am a little pissed off that I have to wait til next week to hear the end of the story. Which
then makes me wonderdid you put it til next week because the monkey says its okay? =)
Seriously though, this might have changed my life. Thank you so much.
October 30, 2013 at 6:36 pm - Reply
The worst part for me is postponing doctors appointments.
I have so many I should visit and I never get around to it. I think one of my moles is about to turn into
skin cancer, seriously.
Why do you make us wait until next week for part 2????
October 30, 2013 at 6:51 pm - Reply
Procrastination is a luxury. It is very mich a firstt world issue.
October 30, 2013 at 6:51 pm - Reply
Cenius
October 30, 2013 at 7:01 pm - Reply
4 papers due in 2 days. Instead here I am reading this. I am dead.
October 30, 2013 at 7:36 pm - Reply
Wait youre going to make me wait a week before telling me how to fix my life?!
October 30, 2013 at 8:15 pm - Reply
Actually, I couldnt agree more. Creat blog!
October 30, 2013 at 9:32 pm - Reply
As a lifelong procrastinator, I loved this post. But now that Im into my mid-40's, Ive
discovered that the reason I procrastinate is because I can. Im generally smart and creative enough
that I can crank out an acceptable product in flurry of last-minute activity. Sure, I could spend 3 or 4
days working on it and tweaking it until its done, but whenever Ive done that Ive found that the
difference between it and the stuff I do at the last minute is negligible.
As a result, I can pretty much goof off 3-4 days a week (like reading this site), work in short bursts, and
still be considered one of the more productive people at my office. Im sure if I werent as creative
and]or intelligent, I would HAvE to do things differently, because whatever I would do at the eleventh
hour would suck and I would suffer the consequences (bad performance reviews, firings), which
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October 31, 2013 at 10:49 am - Reply
No its not
November 7, 2013 at 8:52 pm - Reply
Dear know it all, I dont live in a first world country and trust me we procrastinate here
too Also its not a luxury. You didnt get the article at all.
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eventually would cause me to change my behaviors. But as it stands
I procrastinate because I can.
October 30, 2013 at 11:41 pm - Reply
This is so brilliant! Bravo! Looking forward to next weeks post!!
October 31, 2013 at 12:51 am - Reply
I have to go to a meeting as a national representative in 15 minutes, and havent finished my
prep reading. But I read this Damn you, monkey!
October 31, 2013 at 1:15 am - Reply
This is my dark playground.
Yes, I am at work.
October 31, 2013 at 1:17 am - Reply
I knew you were a kindred spirit, |udging by your shifting subtitle - and "new post every
Tuesday is probably perfect, because posting twice a week at this quality would probably kill you (or,
as tragic, your monkey).
|ust make sure you give the monkey its due: youll never see a non-procrastinator dream up anything
as inventive as this blog, because its impossible to dream if youre a one-dimensional doer. (The trade-
off, as youve said, though, is that the potential will probably never be actualized so the procrastinating
creative will probably never achieve peace of mind.) As they say: the Instant Cratification Monkey
giveth, and the Instant Cratification Monkey taketh away.
Cant wait for your thoughts on how the hell to tame him.
October 31, 2013 at 3:02 am - Reply
Hi, my name is C and Im a procrastinator.
I graduated uni with a CPA of 0.95 because half way through the course I stopped responding to the
Panic Monster and started shutting down before due dates. As a result I failed and had to redo more
than half my sub|ects and ended up with uni fees multitudes more than what normal people pay. I have
a |ob now but nothing has changed. I dont know it it ever will.
October 31, 2013 at 5:19 am - Reply
thankyou for this post, its has really helped me realize my pattern of thinking. thankyou.
October 31, 2013 at 6:13 am - Reply
Your procrastination is my profit say youtube, facebook, wimp, twitter, tumblr.
99% of the content on these sites is the "Dark Playground for us
October 31, 2013 at 6:35 am - Reply
This is a really healthy exploration. You are on the right path.
October 31, 2013 at 9:59 am - Reply
Takes a wee bit longer for all those electron thingies to get down the wire to Western
Australia, so I dont get this till now.Thursday night, then its golf on Fridays, then the weekend, so its
Monday before I can put any of this stuff into practice and by then Ive forgotten anything I might have
read 4 days ago. Not sure if thats what youd call procrastination but it frustrates the shit out of me.
*'O'J'-W)N*+
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
?'-,)
)/*#("'O'Q,*+
October 31, 2013 at 11:51 am - Reply
Procrastination pretty much derailed my life. I became increasingly immune to the spurs
panic monster and got stuck in that tree for endless night after endless night. Basically, after several
excruciating three years of gradual deterioration, I ended up failing a Bachelor of Arts Id started with
straight distinctions because I simply couldnt submit work. Whenever people asked me why I was
struggling, Id say depression or anxiety in the hope theyd take me seriously rather than |ust assume I
was lazy. Depression and anxiety eventually came too, but they were both products of that vicious cycle.
Your description of it is spot on. Thanks for talking about this as the serious, crippling issue it is for
some people rather than |ust a quirky annoyance.
October 31, 2013 at 11:53 am - Reply
I would love to understand our reason for letting the monkey take control. For me, it was
being overwhelmed and intellectually over-challenged at an elite US engineering school after coming
from a small town college in Europe. I only got into the extremely fancy university because I can
present myself very well and had a super-prestigious fellowship for the same reason. Obviously, that
did not help me with research or classes. Seeing most people around me understanding the material
while I was sitting there |ust not getting it made me very frustrated. I started procrastinating. However,
I do not procrastinate when I love what Im doing. I only do it, when I hate my work or |ob - like right
now. Its quite irrational really. After all, one does not really en|oy the time on the dark playground as
the panic monster could wait for you behind every corner. As described in the article, Im always half
scared on the dark playground. It would be so much better |ust to get the darn work done and then go
to the real playground without the monkey.
Maybe an exploration in the psychology of what caused the monkey to appear in the first place would
be in order. Maybe some people can throw the monkey over board when they find the reason how he
made it there.
Id love to know what your monkeys reasons are to appear on your deck in the first place? Again, my
monkey |umped on board when I landed in elite-university harbor with my little fishing boat between all
the sailing frigates.
October 31, 2013 at 1:54 pm - Reply
Felt like I was reading about Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) which has much in common
with chronic procrastination. You are brilliant. (Another ADD commonality). very curious what next
weeks post will bring
October 31, 2013 at 2:16 pm - Reply
Absolutely loved it! My monkey took full charge of my life during my first year of grad school.
It was excruciatingly difficult for me to take charge of my life again, but I did it. Even now I often spend
a lot of time in the dark play ground and absolutely hate it. But I try to push myself a little harder every
time, and sometimes, I beat the monkey without the help of the panic monster. Thanks for the
wonderful post. I am Eagerly waiting for the next post.
October 31, 2013 at 7:44 pm - Reply
Hi. Yes, you are brilliant. Yes, are extremely creative. Yes, these attributes contribute to your
@-'-#J'N*
November 4, 2013 at 11:39 pm - Reply
Exactly! This is largely describing the ADD brain. Im surprised more people did not make
that connection. For ADD, procastination is the symptom of the distraction. And we have to learn to
hyper-focus when the panic monster comes out. The monkey relating to instant gratification is a
fun way to look at it. However, the ADD brain is not significantly connected to gratification as much
as |ust a monkey bouncing around creating static in the brain. Either way, I hope tomorrow brings
good tips on handling both the static and the procratstination!
)/*#("'O'Q,*+
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
problem. Yes, it is a real problem. I am a Feuerstein trained psychologist who knows how to help people
with issues such as yours. For starters, you have a cluster of traits that would make you an excellent
psychologist. As far as remediating your deficiencies, you need to work on such skills as prioritizing,
categorizing, and planning behavior. In a nutshell, you need to follow the advice of Rabbi Avigdor
Miller: |ust say "no to yourself. IT IS NOT EASY. IT IS NOT FAST. BASICALLY, IT REQUIRES AN EXTREME
AMOUNT OF SELF DISCIPLINE. YOU DO HAvE THE ABILITY TO DO IT. YOU DO USE SELF DISCIPLINE
WHEN YOU FINALLY WORK ON A PRO|ECT. Learn to plan ahead in baby steps. Do it in the smallest steps
you can possibly imagine. It is the way to break any habit. Cive yourself a huge amount of credit for any
progress you make and forgive yourself for failing. This is a huge long term pro|ect. Actually, it is a
great skill to be able to live in the present. Its probably a more difficult problem than planning ahead.
Cood luck.
October 31, 2013 at 7:47 pm - Reply
correction of "Its probably a more difficult problem than planning ahead. Not being able to
live in the present is probably a more difficult problem than not knowing how to plan ahead in an
efficient way.
October 31, 2013 at 9:39 pm - Reply
this is my favorite thing ever written in the history of the written word. thank you for
articulating (and illustrating!) the inside of my brains. im glad im not alone.
October 31, 2013 at 10:04 pm - Reply
First footnote: yup.
Second footnote: kudos on ever getting your thing done. You give me hope for myself!

*stares blankly at this page for like 15 minutes, thinking about stuff and things*

Screw it, Im gonna go home and take some Ritalin. Panic Monsters been making me hide instead of
running lately so Im pretty much useless unless pumped full of drugs >_<
November 1, 2013 at 2:40 am - Reply
I thought you were amazing when I read your CYPSY post, but youve outdone yourself this
time!
November 1, 2013 at 5:48 am - Reply
Creat post!
I love the Panic Monster, as an ex-procrastinator on the mend I could really relate to it. Ill look forward
to your next post, but I hope youll also cover some psychological backgroundsBesides |ust our
personality types, there are usually family history etc reasons underneath procrastination.
November 1, 2013 at 9:26 pm - Reply
Welcome reader, yes u made it to the actual bottom of this thread. If this should not be the
bottom of this thread anymore the great procrastination monkey god is asking u to write a good post.
U can only avoid to write a post by not reading on those comments. The great Monkey Cod is furhter
willing to do You, dear reader, a great favour. If u brush ur teeth and lie into Your bed he wants to let
You sleep immidietly. Should You have found this text before 23:00 and would normally go to bed at
3:42 the great Monkey god is willing to let u sleep anyways. Cood nightnighty night (yes this is
supposed to be a poemic stop-codon)
*'J.T".&.,-W&)-(.
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
QN-J.+)OQ.,*")
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
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1.--,W.& ?+.O('
b)&O F)&+O.++
2GXP3;?>2<3;
@-'-#J'N*
November 1, 2013 at 10:52 pm - Reply
This article is a riddle. The answer to the question of how to rid of or work with the monkey is
hidden within the article itself. Right?
November 2, 2013 at 12:16 am - Reply
How to get rid of the monkey? procrastination.ca
November 2, 2013 at 9:04 am - Reply
Im |ust gonna say it: I love you.
November 2, 2013 at 11:51 am - Reply
Thank you. Cained more insight from this than I did a recent counseling session set up solely
to find out how to overcome this monkey. The counselor has an adult brain and no monkey. Looking
forward to Tuesdays continuation.
November 3, 2013 at 2:13 am - Reply
This. Is. Me. Its like you read my past or something. And spun it into something hilarious.
November 3, 2013 at 7:15 pm - Reply
I completely saw myself in this! And it really freaked me out Thank you for delivering this
message in a light-hearted comic-like medium, and softening the blow, or I might have gotten rather
depressed : P. To fellow compulsive procrastinators out there, have any of you managed to deal with
your procrastination, and win against it? Im getting concerned, because for many years now Ive had
serious issues with procrastination-and now, those well-worn habits are threatening to |eopardize my
career as a graduate PhD student. If something doesnt change soon, I could very well get kicked out
the program! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
November 4, 2013 at 7:42 am - Reply
And in reading this I have procrastinated further. On the plus side it has energised me to get
some work done after a short stint on youtube. Then facebook. Then youtube again. Looking forward
to next weeks article for obvious reasons. x
November 4, 2013 at 10:15 am - Reply
Its all so painfully true
November 4, 2013 at 12:00 pm - Reply
You, my friend, are fucking awesome.
November 4, 2013 at 2:22 pm - Reply
I am still a chronic procrastinator and will always fight the trait, but 20 years ago I managed
to actually study for my graduate school oral exams for a period of 6 weeks by taping this sign over my
Tv screen: "Discipline is remembering what you want. (I passed). Today with the Internet, its much
harder.
February 27, 2014 at 3:57 pm - Reply
Heres an idea. Instead of procrastinating with no fixed ob|ective, how about going through
what youve written, and correcting the spelling and punctuation. It would be "procrastination with
a purpose and therefore one step in the right direction.
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
3-- G'")&
))&'- /",OU#
C-Y-'T-
November 4, 2013 at 3:01 pm - Reply
This is a great post EXCEPT equating depressions with apathy is really, really far afield.
Kind of frustrating to a person (me) who struggles with it a lot. A person with depression may give the
appearance of apathy, but thats not the whole story. Its kind of like saying a procrastinator is getting a
lot done: look at them checking the fridge! checking their email! drawing pictures of their IC monkey!!!
Many of us depressed folks feel like we care a lot more than the people around us do. Sometimes I even
find myself wanting to withdraw (therefore appearing apathetic) |ust to avoid (what appears to me at
that moment to be) the shallow, self-serving apathy of others.
Please note the parentheses and dont flame me.
November 4, 2013 at 4:49 pm - Reply
"A lot of you are probably reading this article while in the Dark Playground.
You are absolutely right. Oh Cod, why.
November 5, 2013 at 4:19 am - Reply
u;re right. only a true procrastinator will understand this. totally. shite.
November 5, 2013 at 1:23 pm - Reply
Im eagerly anticipating your next post.
November 5, 2013 at 1:45 pm - Reply
its Tuesday, where is the post?
@-'-#J'N*
November 6, 2013 at 7:48 pm - Reply
"Discipline is remembering what you want. That is so good I came back to dig through the
comments to find it and copy it down. Thank you, Anonymous. I have to tape that over my ipad
screen.
!),+ FN+ !"#
?'-,)
@-'-#J'N*
November 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm - Reply
I procrastinated throughout the week, so it wont be up until tonight.
November 5, 2013 at 2:12 pm - Reply
I was hitting the refresh button for the last half an hour at work. Thanks for replying. We
are waiting. with our monkeys on our shoulders. Oh-the-pressure! Cood luck!
November 6, 2013 at 10:13 am - Reply
Why not post it at all? Amazing how angry procrastinators can make others. I have in the
mean time gone elsewhere on the web in search of how procrastinators answers for this problem -
there seems to be only attempts by people who think they know So do you? If you did, then the
article would have been finished.
Your comment: "Of course, this is no way to live. - You live like this
Also is it interesting that in the 3 reasons you give on why the behavior has to change are all self-
centered. You totally forgot about how irritated others get because they cannot rely on you. Wed
like strive toward predictability and you are screwing this up. You are unpredictable.
As per your reason 1 you know that this was going to be unpleasant.
?'-#)
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
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g,J.-) >'*.-K)**.&
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November 5, 2013 at 5:05 pm - Reply
We need the second chapter very much)
November 5, 2013 at 5:33 pm - Reply
I want some magic trick
November 5, 2013 at 7:39 pm - Reply
The "I procrastinate because I can guy here.
I guess maybe I dont understand something. To me "procrastination is when you unnecessarily put
something off and instead let the IC monkey drive, but eventually (usually at the last minute) you get
that something done. Thats what I do. I still get things done and theyre typically of good quality.I
|ust do them in a hurried rush right before theyre due.
What I see expressed often in these comments is something entirely different. When I see
"procrastination ruined my life and similar comments, the only way I can see how that happens is if
you put things off, but then dont do them. In my mind, thats not procrastination; thats being
irresponsible.
IOW, "procrastination = "puts things off until the last minute
"Irresponsible = "puts things off and never does them
See the difference? In "procrastination, the key word is "until. Yeah, its at the last minute and you
caused yourself a lot of undue stress by waiting, but you still got it done. If you never get it done, youre
not procrastinating; youre |ust irresponsible.
So even though Im a chronic procrastinator, it would never even occur to me to simply not do things.
And btw, my co-workers are now calling me "the personification of the instant gratification monkey.
Yep, Im that guy who comes into your office and says, "You gotta see this!
November 6, 2013 at 7:21 pm - Reply
I love this, its nice to know Im not the only one. In case any of you havent already seen this
Hyperbole and a Half post, it also will probably make you nod sadly in recognition:
http:]]hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com]2010]06]this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
November 8, 2013 at 3:35 pm - Reply
I |ust wanted to say that you drew a fantastic signpost.
November 8, 2013 at 3:37 pm - Reply
Creat!!!!
November 10, 2013 at 8:20 am - Reply
Thank you very much. This hit home.
@-'-#J'N*
December 9, 2013 at 7:24 am - Reply
I think you have this backwards - if you think about it its pretty irresponsible to put things
off till the last minute, assuming you dont have to.
Im already ashamed of my procrastination thanks - I dont need to be shamed about it more.
G# F)Z ?.OW
November 10, 2013 at 10:15 am - Reply
"Discipline is remembering what you want. Well said, comrade.
My cousin sent me the link to this blog article (which appears to have been written only 12 days ago), as
well as the link to the follow-up to it (Part Two). My cousin said the descriptions were spot-on, and that
Id really en|oy it. I knew from experience that both of these opinions would be validated: I knew the
blog would be spot-on, and I knew that Id en|oy it, because my cousin knows me like few others, and
his opinions may be trusted.
HOWEvER: unlike those of you who look forward to the weekly thoughts of this very talented thinker, I
was unfamiliar with his]her work, and rather than fill a paradigm of Dark Playground for me, this blog
and the other one (which I havent read yet) for me primarily represent the archetype of "Something
Im Supposed to Be Doing. Therefore, though I received these links from my cousin two days ago, Im
not reading them until now, which is a victory of sorts, because if Id waited any longer, I most likely
would have never gotten around to it at all. Still, lets not celebrate until Ive read both parts, which is in
no way guaranteed.
By the way, I did read fairly closely all the comments made up to this point. One of the best forms of
procrastination for me-my favorite, truth be told-is to turn simple tasks into forms of rocket science,
thereby creating the illusion of "thoroughness, which most would say carries a connotation of
"productivity, which thereby delays the total collapse of my self-esteem another hour or two. For
example, I tried very hard not to post a response, because I knew I would get carried away and write
waaaay too much, and then feel bad later for making bad decisions. Yes, I tried very hard not to post a
response, and succeeded in delaying having posted this response by an estimated 40 seconds.
FURTHERMORE: meanwhile, Im feeling terribly guilty for not reading the draft of my good friends
novel that he sent me two months ago-another pro|ect that I know Ill en|oy-ONCE I CET STARTED.
Unfortunately, since reading my friends novel draft is on my official To-Do List, it automatically
becomes associated in my brain as yet another Something Im Supposed to Be Doing (instead of as
something I make willing sacrifices to experience as soon as possible). Thus associated, reading his
novel becomes yet another valuable pro|ect I instead willfully put off for fear that Im forgetting
something else Im "supposed to be doing, or for fear that it wont be as good as I thought, or for fear
that it will be so good that Ill feel bad for not writing a novel myself, etc., etc.
Whats my point? I have two. FIRST, I would say that procrastination has destroyed my life, except that I
am 100% certain that procrastination is a symptom of the conditions that did the damage, not the cause
in and of itself. To wit, as one of the commenters mentioned above, other factors in our pasts are as
much to blame as any of us individually. |And since my full post |ust got re|ected for being too long, I
shall continue this in reply to myself. In case youre curious, the limit is 4,096 characters. You can see
why Ive never used my Twitter account.]
G# F)Z ?.OW
November 10, 2013 at 10:26 am - Reply
|Contd from above, due to character limit. Creat. Now my character is even more limited.]
Permit me to expound upon my first point. These days, "personal responsibility seems vogue to
propone, but for anyone with even a passing understanding of brain chemistry and emotional
development, "personal responsibility should be obvious as simply the modern version of a
phenomenon far older than even written history itself (and we know this because the earliest
writings we have already refer to it as ancient). The phenomenon is that of the village scapegoat,
better known nowadays as "blaming the victim. Since any manageable rubric of life requires some
modicum of unquestioned optimism, all humans who arent patently suicidal are living on some
unconscious level with the axiomatic belief that the "universe (if not outright even Cod Her- or
Himself) is on some level "|ust, meaning that "|ustice is somehow an inherent characteristic of
existence. Humans by and large ARE capable of believing that life is NOT ALWAYS fair, but we are
fundamentally INCAPABLE of believing life is NEvER fair.
Humans are unable to entertain seriously the notion that "fairness is a concept with no reality
outside of necessary human conceptualization. Even I, myself, here and now, can talk and write
about existence as being devoid of inherent |ustice, but if I truly believed that, I would stop typing
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
November 11, 2013 at 12:47 pm - Reply
Reading this at 745a Monday morning instead of starting work.
AWWWW YEAAAAAAHHHHHH
November 13, 2013 at 4:08 pm - Reply
Forget LOL, this was so hilarious I laughed so hard I cried! You gotta share this with Conan O
G# F)Z ?.OW
right now, because that would mean that any attempts toward human communication and
empathy are absurd and futile. Am I right? Can I get a witness?
Didnt I have a point? Didnt I have two? Fine, if you insist, heres my first point in a nutshell:
humans necessarily live with hope that we can control our destinies, even at the expense of the
dignity of those among us who are failing to do |ust that. If youre failing to live on your own terms;
if youre failing to determine your own destiny (as I am); you neednt get too discouraged (as least
not immediately). Despite how we may sometimes see ourselves, and despite how others may
sometimes see us, the evidence indicates that people like us are in fact NOT moral degenerates
without self-control or sense of propriety. That would be reprehensible. Were much better than
that. Were |ust plain-old vanilla losers.
|Are you laughing? Aren't I a riot? I was more fun at parties before I quit drinking, so if anyone
finds this depressing, they are free to blame it on my sobriety from alcohol (four years this past |uly
9th). Better yet, let's blame it on the caffeine, Wellbutrin, and Adderall I'm on right now, because if I
weren't hopped up on stimulants, I'd have long ago died of sedative overdose. Better yet, let's
blame it on the doctors who prescribed them, or on the mother who sent me to the doctors, after
she screwed me up as a child with her misdirected, pathological resentment of my absent, clueless
father. Ah, yes, that's it: the father. Let's do blame the father, shall we?]
My SECOND (and final) point is this: since I only now am reading this blog, written 12 days ago, then
I wont have to wait a week to read the follow-up. See? Procrastination is good; procrastination is
not only the filter by which we discover what truly matters, but also our insurance that well never
be embarrassingly early to parties that dont require our attendance.
November 10, 2013 at 11:04 am - Reply
PS: Although I had the original, sincere intention of |umping straight to Wait But Why for
the answer to avoiding procrastination, the above commentary (1,139 words, or 6,506 characters,
including spaces) has now taken over three and a half hours of my prime procrastination time.
Besides, 210 minutes of uninterrupted typing]editing on any couch-even a comfy one like mine -
becomes terribly uncomfortable, and may even result in in|ury, without a dedicated period of
abstention. Therefore, Im leaving now at 2:38AM Pacific Time to walk my wonderful two aging dogs
through the dark, damp streets of my suburban neighborhood, while listening to my Sansa Clip set
to FM radio, which, at this very moment, is playing the Divertimento in E flat, K 563, by Mozart,
Wolfgang Amadeus, as performed (according to the stations website) by Henning Kraggerud
(violin), Lars Anders Tomter (viola), and Christoph Richter (cello). EQUALLY IMPORTANT: I cannot
overemphasize the profound effect upon ones priorities, and in turn upon ones habits of
procrastination, of a task being moved from the status of something one does INSTEAD of what one
is "supposed to be doing, to the status of being on the Official To-Do List. Now that Ive made this
post-Im NOT |oking-the task of reading and responding to the follow-up blog (the next Wait But
Why) is now "Something Im Supposed to Be Doing, and therefore a prime ob|ect of
procrastination. Im sorry, seriously, if you en|oyed anything Ive added, and had been perhaps
hoping for more. I guess youll |ust have to (wait for it, wait for it)-I guess youll |ust have toer
wait. As one of the commenters pointed out, the price paid by the procrastinator is compounded by
the chaos, inefficiency, and frustration that We Procrastinators in|ect into the lives of others. The
Cood News, if you were hoping for more, is that it is now 3:00AM Pacific Time exactly-the
proverbial "middle of the night-and chances are good that by the time you read this, what had
been my Dark Playground will have already manifested an opportunity for your continued self-
ruination.
S.K,-
@-'-#J'N*
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2GXP3;?>2<3;
4.K#-
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Brian for the greater good! The drawings are priceless.
November 15, 2013 at 11:18 pm - Reply
Prognosis is bad: took me 16 days to unfreeze this tab from my Chrome tab-tree and read
this.
November 17, 2013 at 11:36 pm - Reply
Yikes! That hit home!
November 19, 2013 at 4:48 pm - Reply
Whats missing here is for me is the fear factor BEFORE the panic monster gets involved. Part
of the reason why I dont want to do a piece of written work is because I know what I produce will be
|udged by others. Anticipating that feeling and imagining that person reading my work and potentially
finding it lacking often works alongside the instant gratification monkey to stop me writing anything.
Ive found that being less of a perfectionist and writing down whatever is in my head at the time is a
great way of making progress rather than expecting everything that goes down on the page should
sound great first time. Ive been thinking this way since reading a book about procrastination which
argued that procrastinators are at heart perfectionists which is why they dont get anything done
(presumably until fear of failing to hand in anything at all outweighs fear of being found out as a bad
writer]poor student). This fear of being found out also helps to explain under achievement of
procrastinators because they are afraid that their efforts will be |udged and come up wanting. Do these
ideas fit in with the model outlined above or can they be included in some way?
November 24, 2013 at 11:20 am - Reply
Ive been thinking of this article since I first read it. Your analogies are fucking genius. Ive
come to realize that the Instant Cratification Monkey is actually the id, the rational decision maker = the
ego and the suffering procrastinator who berates him = super ego.
November 26, 2013 at 7:07 am - Reply
I have a friend who is *THE* perfect procrastinator. It frustrates the living crap out of me
when Im left waiting for HOURS for him |ust to get something done. Every Christmas its the same
thing - everyone gets here I have to call him up a little bit later. I try to be understanding, but
seriously, it feels like hes expecting me to wait around for him which infuriates the living crap out of
me
No one ever thinks of the henchmans family.
December 2, 2013 at 9:20 am - Reply
This is me. I am this. We are one.
December 3, 2013 at 1:29 am - Reply
I put off going back to college until I was 50. I put off graduating until I was 56. I put off
finishing going to school until I turn 61.next year. How did you get inside my head?
December 4, 2013 at 2:03 pm - Reply
Sigh. if this wasnt so horrible it would be funny. Most of my life is spent in the Dark
Playground and it took me days to even read this article. I would open it up and then the stupid monkey
1)*'-
|anuary 12, 2014 at 11:03 am - Reply
HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA YES!
@Z)J <,O*'- <,O*'-
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
@-'-#J'N*
1NNNN*+ W,-.
would remind me of some interesting video on Youtube or that I might have something Im watching
on Ebay end without bidding on it. I think he realized that my realization that Im not |ust lazy, Im a
chronic procrastinator and its all his fucking fault might put his life in |eopardy. At any rate, Im glad to
see Im not alone. Though, I wish my teachers would have cut me some slack. My panic monster is
present, for sure, though it doesnt like to show up until the very last second which is usually too late.
He screams like theres time, though, scaring the shit out of the monkey, me, and anyone unfortunate
enough to be in my general vicinity. Is there really any hope in beating this? Really? I opened up Part 2
and immediately went back to Part 1 to read the comments.
December 15, 2013 at 12:22 pm - Reply
Why on earth youve to make it clear with a monkey? Its so disappointing to consider a
monkey in my head! Because Im a procrastinator too!!! Damn it. But Im getting recovered from this
site.lol
December 17, 2013 at 9:32 am - Reply
I am a procrastinator but with the panic monster in role from time to time
December 26, 2013 at 3:56 am - Reply
My panic monster has been working overtime this past year lol! I got so much accomplished
all of a sudden.
December 27, 2013 at 1:39 am - Reply
I have been like this since childhood and the cause was not a monkey, it was fear of not
doing things perfectly or fear of not being liked-in the case of lack of participation.
December 30, 2013 at 9:54 pm - Reply
Writing my life with your words. Seriously. I laughed, I cried and I feel thankful for the
realisation that I am not alone in having this issue. Allo my life and its incredibly depressing. Its like
having no impulse control. I head to my office and find myself walking upstairs to my room instead to
play yet another stupid game on my iPad. I sit down at my desk and start working, but even when I am
incredibly motivated I find myself INCREDIBLY bored after only a few minutes. I have wondered
whether I have adult ADHD. The anxiety and panic attacks I get as a result of not being able to get out
of the Dark Playground are beyond horrid. They wake me at 2am and propel me down the stairs back to
my desk to work on something that should really only take 2 hours but ends up taking me all night. Its
shocking. Please keep writing about how you are addressing this - god knows its great to laugh at
oneself but this year, I would really like to kick the Monkey in his fat, furry little face and get on with
feeling like I am genuinely worthwhile and I actually have talent, instead of feeling like I am faking all
the time!
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|anuary 3, 2014 at 1:20 am - Reply
The finished product is everything. EvERYTHINC. I include your physical health and
happiness in the "product, by the way. So the only problems with waiting until the last 72 hours to
write your 90 page paper was (1) you fucked up your health and (2) the paper was bad. But unless you
screwed up your health writing this post, your method worked perfectly. It did not matter that you
paused before drawing the signposts. Not. One. Bit.
Honestly, getting something done can be separated into the "information gathering phase and the
"putting that information to action phase. Who cares if you spend 90% in the information gathering
phase? Who cares if you take breaks? Who says you have to be 50]50? Fuck that noise.
Finished product is everything. *drops microphone*
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|anuary 3, 2014 at 6:02 pm - Reply
A friend send me the link to this article this morning and I immediately headed for the Dark
Playground, indeed. This is precisely how my head works. Laughed out loud all the way through (while
crying on the inside because, of course, its so true). Coing to the other side of the park now to read
part two because, you know, all the things I really should have accomplished by this time today can wait
|ust a little while longer.
I am certain Ill be back to read more here.
|anuary 3, 2014 at 9:16 pm - Reply
I hate you so much because this is a perfect description of myself, except you had to throw in
this:
"Why would we practice that instrument when its not fun?
Actually, practicing the piano is a Dark Playground activity for me. Sure, I get better at it, but only mildly
so (its usually songs I already know, not new ones), and meanwhile I dont get any real work done.
This is probably why I basically havent played any games in the past year or so. Being perpetually in
the Dark Playground, outright gaming feels way too cheap and Id feel too guilty to actually do it
(instead I waste my time on the Internet).
Then again, I somehow managed to spend 4 straight hours writing a blog post that I was supposed to
write last night, so maybe theres hope. Maybe. This doesnt happen very often.
I shall now watch as I manage to spend at least 4 hours wasting time instead of spending the 1 hour
doing the productive thing that I ought to get done ASAP (in this case, my periodic Kan|i practice -
which, as Im using a spaced repetition system, gets worse and more work piles up the longer I leave it
aside. Ive |ust come out of 3 months of procrastination on it. Im hoping I dont spiral back into that
again, but Im not holding my breath.)
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|anuary 5, 2014 at 4:50 am - Reply
No I am not in the dark playground. I am on down time after a day of watching football
where i used all the commercials and half time to do all my work that is prescribed for today AND
tomorrow. I |ust wanted to come here for some insight into the procrastinator because i have a good
friend who has it bad and I cant relate. Most of all I |ust wanted a good laugh at how pathetic
procrastinators are.
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|anuary 5, 2014 at 12:54 pm - Reply
This is brilliant. And so accurate.
|anuary 5, 2014 at 4:45 pm - Reply
I love that drawing of the panic monster. I am sad watching my gifted daughter struggle with
her monkey! she is so clever and was way ahead at first but now struggling with school coz they
persecute her all the time for humming fidgeting and doodling which she actually cant help? I ended
up being excluded fro school for similar and never knew what I was doing wrong! I tried to the best of
my ability but couldnt ever do stuff on time! I would be told to tidy my room and get lost in a magazine
and dream about a pro|ect etc the. Be in huge trouble for not listening, it has been a lifelong struggle
for me and I have definitely not reached my potential but spent years planning and dreaming then
getting ill with stress. I want to teach my daughter to conquer this so she doesnt waste her talent.
|anuary 6, 2014 at 6:52 am - Reply
I find that my procrastination worsens the older I get. I am 75; in 5 years I wont be
accomplishing one single thing.
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|anuary 7, 2014 at 3:30 pm - Reply
What a wonderful article, thank you for this.
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|anuary 7, 2014 at 8:31 pm - Reply
Oh my I love this post. Being able to break this down is something to be applauded. Creat
work
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|anuary 8, 2014 at 8:32 am - Reply
This article addresses only the negative consequences of procrastination. Sometimes
procrastination is the masterstroke of strategy. Think about a game of chess - or anything that it
mirrors, a competitive endeavor with tactics of any kind - anything from a basketball game to a military
engagement. Procrastination is not |ust "putting off to tomorrow that which you could do today; it can
also be formulated as "not committing prematurely to a consequential decision you do not yet have to
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make. Creat sportsmen, coaches, generals, and tacticians procrastinate all the time
The key is educating the procrastinators brain to do it when it is productive, and avoid it when it is
inappropriate.
|anuary 8, 2014 at 10:47 am - Reply
This is a fabulous way to describe procrastination. Its clear that this is a place youve lived
for a while. Thank you for writing this. (am now going back to work as I am currently procrastinating. of
course.)
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|anuary 8, 2014 at 11:59 am - Reply
Thank you, nice |ob and helpful
Would write more but Im working on some clinical records that need completingvery soon
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|anuary 8, 2014 at 2:58 pm - Reply
I am not sure why you assumed that all obese people are overeaters, and people with
depression |ust need to be understood.
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|anuary 10, 2014 at 9:11 pm - Reply
Been there and done that!
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|anuary 14, 2014 at 6:05 am - Reply
This is a very cool article. I have struggled with procrastination most of my life, so I do find
this interesting.
Here are two areas with regard to procrastination that I think are worthy of more consideration and
exploration:
1. There likely are "unconscious benefits that those of us who procrastinate get out of procrastinating.
Psychologists have a term for this: "Secondary Cain, but I think it is a poor term that does little to
clarify what is going on. Here is a simple example of what I mean by "unconscious benefit, which I
think will make it clear: Suppose I have chronic back pain. And suppose that I use that more and more
as an excuse to get out of things that I really do not want to do, such as helping my mother in law
rearrange her furniture every month or so, or taking my wife ballroom dancing. In both cases my
chronic "bad back allows me, (or we could even say gives me the benefit), of being able to say to my
mother in law, "You know, Louise, I would love to come spend my Saturday moving the furniture all
around your house. But, Im so sorry, Ive got this bad back so I cant move your furniture. sorry! Or,
"Honey, I would love to take you ballroom dancing, but Ive got this bad back and the doctor told me
that things like dancing are |ust not safe for me.
In both cases I got to gracefully get out of something I really did not want to do, and I got out of them
without having to be a "bad guy. So that is a very real benefit from having chronic back pain.
It seems to be a universal characteristic of human emotional functionality that when we are faced with
some impediment, "negative condition or anything that we consciously do not want, but which we
seem to be stuck with for at least a significant length of time, our unconscious minds find multiple
benefits from the condition. In my more than 35 years as a holistic health researcher and practitioner I
have never seen any chronic condition where this is not a factor. And I have observed it in myself
whenever I have had an in|ury or other limitation that lasted more than a day or so.
Further, I have found that many measures that I expected to fix the primary problem rather quickly
either do not fix it at all, or do so very, very slowly until or unless these unconscious benefits have been
brought into the conscious and identified and then consciously released or renounced.
Ill bet that most procrastinators get unconscious benefits from the behavior. I am going to investigate
this in my own case and see if it helps.
2. Those familiar with Neurolinguistic Programming or "NLP know that whenever we see a conscious
decision to behave a certain way in order to achieve certain results, but where the person is actually
behaving in ways that make the results unlikely or even impossible, there are unconscious beliefs at
work that do not support the conscious choice but that lead to what look like self-sabotaging behaviors
and choices. Again, Ill furnish and example. Suppose someone is in financial stress. They could make
conscious decisions and changes that seem like they should fix the problem, or at least substantially
improve their financial circumstances. Thats pretty obvious, right? But then we observe that their
actual behavior makes it almost certain that they will stay in financial distress.
An NLP practitioner, or anyone who knows even a little about NLP might observe and ask a question
such as: "What would |ohn have to believe in order to want to have financial security but still work for
far less than his he and his skills are worth? If we ask questions like that and then sit in observant
stillness and wait for the answers to bubble up, we likely will see things like: "I dont really believe that I
deserve financial comfort and security. Of course, this is in the unconscious until you take the time and
effort to uncover it and bring it into the light of day. Most people will not consciously choose poverty
when they seem to have a choice. But the unconscious is another matter entirely.
Again, it seems likely that there are unconscious beliefs that support procrastination. In fact, in the
process of writing this, one |ust bubbled up to the surface for me: On at least some level I believe that if
I stop procrastinating and become more dependable and predictable in terms of meeting deadlines
that the people around me will come to depend on me much more. Then I am at greater risk than ever
of disappointing them. That is scary for me.
|ust thought I would share these 2 crucial ideas. I hope they are helpful. Now I need to get back to the
work I have been procrastinating and that I promised a couple of clients I would get done!
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|anuary 15, 2014 at 4:39 am - Reply
Amusing and insightful post!
I think you may have missed a step. You know, the one where you do truly amazing and inspired work
on other pro|ects as a therapeutic form of procrastination on the pro|ect with the incredibly close,
looming deadline.
Thats how the whole dysfunctional system stays afloat year after year.
|anuary 16, 2014 at 3:13 pm - Reply
Organized planners have a hard time understanding Procrastinators.But procrastinators
cant understand non- procrastinators.It causes us anxiety if the pro|ect is not done a week ahead of
time.We always fear something would come up that would delay getting it done.
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|anuary 17, 2014 at 1:47 pm - Reply
These two blog posts have been changing my life for the last two weeks. Finally I understand
some of the mechanisms that have been going on in my brain and caused me to stagnate and struggle
immensly whenever Ive tried to get a pro|ect done. Im getting things done for the first time now, and
it looks like Im going to be able to keep it up. Im setting new routines and positive habits for myself
when getting on with a task! Thank you so much!
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|anuary 18, 2014 at 11:47 am - Reply
Cenuinely terrified of the Panic Monster!
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|anuary 19, 2014 at 3:09 pm - Reply
Thrilled to hear it.
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|anuary 30, 2014 at 7:58 am - Reply
I can identify with this post and loved it! EXCEPT for that one "4-letter-word beginning with
s If you could change that word to something a little more reader-friendly, I would totally share this
with every single person I know! (Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! :D)
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February 4, 2014 at 10:06 pm - Reply
I |ust love this post! So accurate. Thankyou!
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February 7, 2014 at 6:50 am - Reply
Why do you know my life?! In the dark playground now, meant to start my homeowrk 8
hours ago, oops.
February 7, 2014 at 1:27 pm - Reply
I think this article is very interesting. However, it depicts procrastination as inherently bad
like a distraction form more important things. I believe procrastination can be very good too. It can help
you focus on yourself and letting yourself and thoughts go in times when everything is about MUSTs
and HAvE TOs. I found this interesting pro-procrastination list here: http:]]procrastinators-
united.tumblr.com]post]75573164345]pro-procrastination-3-procrastination-saves-timenotes
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February 15, 2014 at 7:29 pm - Reply
While reading this I ended up moving to the Primate Awards and reading all of that, and then
reading the Bunny Manifesto and reading all of that. Finally I came back here only to be distracted by a
browser game Im playing. Soon I finished this post. This is my life.
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February 18, 2014 at 2:40 am - Reply
This sums up my academic career. Thank you for making it past the dark playground and
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posting this. I am determined to try these tips out now.
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February 26, 2014 at 3:13 pm - Reply
This is a totally awesome and completely accurate depiction. I would write more, but Im
procrastinating. LOL
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February 27, 2014 at 7:49 am - Reply
y god you are so right about things here! I am supposed to be studying but here I am in the
dark playground. Cood article!
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February 27, 2014 at 8:57 pm - Reply
my girlfriend was so excited about this article and the fact that she is not alone, that she
started crying and wanted to send a thankful email to the author of this text. However, as she is a true
procrastinator, she will probably never manage to write it, so I do it: Thank you!
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February 28, 2014 at 2:19 pm - Reply
I love reading all your comments and the blog post, of course. Here is another page that
should speak from your heart. http:]]procrastinators-united.tumblr.com Its kind of paradoxical how we
are so aware of who we are but still dont manage to change our bad behaviors
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March 6, 2014 at 5:59 pm - Reply
This is so nice. And so true. Not that I didnt know it. But coming from someone else, it
sounds so much better and more logical. And more real. Creat |ob. Thank you!
March 16, 2014 at 3:09 am - Reply
So the real questionWhy would the tiger win?
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March 19, 2014 at 2:23 am - Reply
Ill read this later.
March 19, 2014 at 3:23 pm - Reply
hi
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March 23, 2014 at 3:25 am - Reply
That Panic Monster made me laugh so hard, most likely because I was looking at him
today Aaaaaaahhhhhhh
That section pretty much described my day
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April 9, 2014 at 7:56 am - Reply
I look up music and articles about procrastination when Im procrastinating. I have |ust come
down from that tree, took control of the steering wheel one week ago, and Im debating whether or not
to give up and let go again, right now. I am not a lucky procrastinator. I dont even consider myself a
procrastinator anymore. I have "graduated with a BA in Procrastination. I am a Never Do-er. My panic
monster and monkey are best friends. They play together, without me.
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April 10, 2014 at 9:24 pm - Reply
Its too funny how long the comment list is on an article about procrastination. I wish I could
say I was writing this comment from somewhere other than the Dark Playground, but what are you
gonna do.
I read this at least once a week, and I |ust wanted to say that I think its one of the most insightful,
brilliant pieces of writing on the Internet. Its helped me tremendously to use your visualizations to
break through procrastination. Do I always wrangle the monkey? No, but Im winning more than I used
to.
Its funny, but I dont even know what the rest of your blog is about. Ill get around to checking your
other posts, but it will have to be from the Happy Playground.
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April 12, 2014 at 1:41 am - Reply
This article makes "Spanking the Monkey now ambiguous.
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April 25, 2014 at 8:20 am - Reply
I beat procrastination with the pomodoro technique. I |ust told the monkey, yes well read
about which medieval kings were related to each other then argue with people on wikipedia, AFTER we
do 25 mins of work. Once i got on the work it felt good so I continued it. For me, tomatoes are a bit like
procrastination anyway so it came easy. Maybe I am not a true procrastinator? NO, but I am, because if
I dont do tomatoes I actually have no other incentive to work, the phd doesnt matter, its all about the
tomatoes. see http:]]www.mytomatoes.com if interested.
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April 26, 2014 at 10:03 pm - Reply
Fantastic post which really unpicks whats going on when anything in the world seems more
appealing than sitting down and writing my novel. The terms Instant Cratification Monkey and The
Dark Woods will stick hereafter in my mind! I even have Instant Cratifcation Monkey as my screensaver
as a reminder. Creat stuff!
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April 27, 2014 at 9:15 pm - Reply
I have a procrastination problem but would say I have more of a Lemming of Lethargy than
a Instant Cratification Monkey
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May 7, 2014 at 4:24 am - Reply
Cood post. Im dealing with some of these issues as well..
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May 12, 2014 at 5:56 am - Reply
oh no where is my panic monster. Im in my Dark playground. Panic monster I need you
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May 21, 2014 at 11:46 am - Reply
Man I don't even know what to say this is perfect and brilliant! Monkey, panic monster, dark
playground are all describes my life. That's crazy. I thought I was the only one suffering from this damn
thing. I hope we all(real procrastinators) kick this monster's ass and reach our real potential.
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May 30, 2014 at 4:23 pm - Reply
I feel like my feelings are exagerating but I want to cryfor feeling so identified and
somehow slightly relived that Im not alone -|ust because I
|une 8, 2014 at 6:16 am - Reply
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|uly 4, 2014 at 3:33 pm - Reply
I wanted to print it out, so that I can read it without any distraction. But the print-layout of
your site is totally messed up!
|uly 6, 2014 at 5:06 pm - Reply
yeah the three of us were like that until we took acid. now me and my monkey |ust sit around
laughing at literally everything because nothing really matters in life or trying to cheer up the panic
monster from his bad trip
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|uly 12, 2014 at 12:35 pm - Reply
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The problem with this article is though, that the procrastinator youre describing is not really a
procrastinator Let me explain.
Most people I know, works in the way that you described, they want to do fun stuff all the time and
rather watch Youtube, play video games and watch Facebook rather than studying. And then when a
test comes up and when its panic, they do everything at the same time, often the night before. But this
is a description of the common person tbh.
A true procrastinator in my option, is a person like me who have problems motivating myself to even do
stuff that I find interesting and funny. For example, I have to motivate myself to do my hobbies like
playing video games and watch series and stuff like that, which other people at least do without even
have to think about it. Thats what I call true procrastinating. Even when I am unemployed and can use
all my days for whatever I want and have a TODO list on all fun stuff I want to do, the result is more like
I walk around the apartment doing nothing and then do something useless at the computer and maybe
read forums.
The people I know who I consider the opposite of a procrastinator is the description you use of a
procrastinator. At least they spend their time with their interests and effectively use their time for fun
stuff they have as interests. They are very intense at doing stuff which they consider funny to do. Which
in my option is not a procrastinator, because they actually do a lot of stuff. These people are the true
instant-gratification people, because they can without thinking about it start up a video game and play
all day. While people like me can wait days before I even start one.
Anyone agree?
|uly 13, 2014 at 7:08 pm - Reply
Checking to see if this site allows anonymous comments. I dont bother with sites that dont.
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|uly 15, 2014 at 5:42 pm - Reply
BORINC
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|uly 23, 2014 at 10:45 pm - Reply
Thanks for some other informative website. Where else could I get that kind of information
written in such a perfect way? Ive a challenge that I am |ust now operating on, and Ive been on the
look out for such information.
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|uly 29, 2014 at 3:22 pm - Reply
what can be more obvious sign of procrastination than having this article open in one of
browers tab and not reading it for about two months? The truth is painful and fearful and these are
real reasons to procrastinate
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August 8, 2014 at 10:04 am - Reply
Cood info. Lucky me I came across your blog by chance (stumbleupon). Ive book marked it
for later!
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August 23, 2014 at 2:35 am - Reply
I LOvE YOUR SITE. very insightful articles.
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September 9, 2014 at 2:07 pm - Reply
Ill read this later.
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September 15, 2014 at 1:44 pm - Reply
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