Child-Rearing in the Islamic Middle East

Children are greatly valued in traditional Middle Eastern society, within all religious
groups, whether Muslim, Christian, or Jewish. In each of these traditions men and women
are not considered mature and completely fulfilled as adults until they have married and
produced children.

All these religious traditions emphasize the importance of marriage and family. Until
recently, large families were common since child mortality rates were high and children were
needed to help in the workforce, whether in the cities or in the countryside. Today, as
economic conditions are changing, men and women are reducing the size of their families
(three to four children is considered an ideal family size by many young people).

The birth of a child is the occasion for great rejoicing in the Middle East. A son bears
the family name, receives the principal inheritance from the father, and is responsible for the
care of his parents in old age; thus every family hopes to have at least one son. But a
daughter is also welcomed, particularly by the mother, who looks forward to a new
companion and helper. Under Islamic law, a father leaves a daughter only half the share of a
son. Mothers, however, may will their property to their children in whatever way they
choose.

For the first two years of life a child is much indulged and loved. The baby is fed on
demand, and is scarcely given an opportunity to cry. Toilet training takes place very early,
with positive encouragement from the mother.

Around age two, the child is weaned and by the age of three or four is given simple tasks
to perform: girls watch their younger sisters and brothers; boys carry messages. At an early
age boys and girls begin to be socialized for the roles they will play in later life. Both boys
and girls are taught to respect their elders, to be hospitable and polite to guests, and to learn
the basic duties of religious practice. They are taught to care for the family reputation and
are educated about their kinfolk and their ancestors. The child is always socialized to the
family as a group and learns early that the welfare of the group is more important than
his/her personal welfare.

By the age of five or six, boys and girls have specific tasks. In the countryside, this might
mean caring for chickens or a calf, herding goats or sheep, or helping with the harvest. In the
cities, boys help their artisan fathers, apprentice to a trade, or help in a shop. Girls help their
mothers in the home. Today more than half of all Middle Eastern boys and girls attend
school regularly, but many still have chores to do in addition to their school work. Sibling
rivalry is common, but tends to be dissipated among large families. Boys and girls play
together until the age of puberty, when girls begin to spend more time in the house helping
their mothers and boys spend more time with their fathers. Marriage tends to occur at an
earlier age in the country than in the city.

Child-rearing is the cooperative task of the entire extended family. The father is the
head of the household and the mother is responsible for her own children; but aunts, uncles,
cousins, and grandparents also may become involved, especially in cases where difficulties
arise between parents and children. Affection and discipline come from many people and
children grow up in an atmosphere of emotional concern and security, with a clear idea of
their roles in the family and in the society.

Elizabeth W. Fernea

Bibliography

Ammar, Hamid: Growing Up in an Egyptian Village. Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1954

Atiya, Nayra: Khul-Khaal: Five Egyptian Women Tell Their Stories. Syracuse University Press, 1983.

Diqs, Isaak: A Bedouin Boyhood. Allen & Unwin, 1967.

Nesin, Aziz: Istanbul Boy: Vol. I and II. University of Texas Press, 1978, 1979.

Prothro, Terry: Child-Rearing in the Lebanon. Harvard University Press, 1961.

SUGGESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1. How are children brought up in the Middle East? The United States? What are some of
the differences and some of the similarities?

2. Describe a day in the life of a six-year-old Middle Eastern child, and compare it to a day
in the life of a six-year-old American child. Do the same for an 18-year-old girl and boy, both
in the Middle East and the United States.