About the Author

Mike Pollak hails from Worcestershire. What he really

wanted to be when he grew up was a professional
cricketer...
But instead he went into sales and marketing working
mainly in the food and drink industry.
Starting his career in sales with Cadbury he then moved into
marketing; firstly as an assistant Brand Manager with
Cadbury Confectionery and eventually becoming Director
of Marketing at Taunton Cider. He also held various
marketing roles with the drinks company Matthew Clark,
the baby food brand Cow & Gate and more recently, in the
dairy industry with Yeo Valley. In addition, he worked as
Marketing Consultant for several years.
This is his insight into what really happens in the world of
business in general, and marketing in particular.

Enjoy!










Dedication


To my lovely supportive family: Donna, my wife; my
children Josh and Amy; my grandson Ethan; Mum and Dad
and big sister Sandra. Not forgetting Billy and Nancy the
cats







Mi chael Pol l ak


POWERPOI NT AND
COFFEE



























Copyright Michael Pollak

The right of Michael Pollak to be identified as author of this work
has been asserted by him in accordance with section 77 and 78 of
the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the
publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this
publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims
for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British
Library.


ISBN 978 184963 958 3


www.austinmacauley.com

First Published (2014)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd.
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LB








Printed and bound in Great Britain










I havent called any of the characters by their real names



But if the names in this book bear any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, it is purely coincidental



Any opinions expressed about places tend to be true



Any opinions expressed about the companies mentioned in
this book are the authors own and no one elses











Acknowledgments



To Donna, for her skill and patience in re-crafting my many
drafts. Im so glad I married someone with a degree in
English!

To Nycki Owen for her fantastic cartoons. Such a talented
artist.

And finally, to Niki Martini for re-typing my one and only,
early, draft, hardcopy after my laptop was stolen.




Contents

The Prologue 13
Marketing and Branding 18
The Launch Years 24
The Growth Period 29
The Mature Years 33
The Extra Mature Years 37
Smoke and Mirrors 43
A Day in the Office 48
Working at Home 52
The Brand Plan 55
Meetings, Meetings and More Bloody Meetings 59
Jollies and All That 64
Food, Facts, Focus Groups and Faffing 68
Gotno Tech 72
The Appraisal 75
Sticking to the Knitting 79
One More Time with Feeling 84
Glossary 88





The Pr ol ogue





I can see you now, picking up this book in Waterstones or
some other well-known high street book chain (I should be so
lucky) convinced its just another tedious marketing text book.
Meanwhile, your other half is checking out some quality
reading matter in the fiction section.
I can hear you now thinking: Heres another so-called
marketing expert out to earn a quick buck by sounding off
about his wonderful career. If he thinks having ten roles in six
years sounds impressive all it actually means is he moved on
so fast that no one noticed he was all wind and piss. Now he
wants to impart his wit and wisdom to the next clutch of would
be go-getting marketers. Its bound to be a load of tedious
waffle.
Hopefully though, youve flicked through a few more
pages and discovered that its not just another marketing

textbook at all. It does include a bit of serious stuff that you
may need to know if you want to succeed in the job, but its
mostly a lighthearted look at the industry and the people who
work in it.
I hope it strikes a chord with those of you who have
worked in marketing and that it will bring a smile to your face.
I hope, too, that those readers who knew nothing much about
marketing when they began reading, learn a little and laugh a
lot; both at us and with us.
Mike Pollak is my real name not a pseudonym, by the way.
All the other names mentioned are made up for obvious
reasons; injunctions, court cases, paternity suits etc.
Let me tell you how I got into this career.
Ill start at the beginning.
I was born in Evesham, Worcestershire and brought up in
the delightful Cotswold village of Broadway a few miles away.
I used to spend all my spare time playing cricket as I was not
exactly academic, or maybe thats why I was not exactly
academic. I failed my Eleven + which meant I was destined for
a Secondary Modern education but I even managed to fail to
get into that level, ending up at the equivalent of the Bash
Street Kids School for delinquents. Fortunately, that was only
for a couple of months as my family then moved to Kent
where I went to a better Secondary Modern, and not only
continued to excel at cricket (I got a trial for Kent you know!)
but also started to get the hang of learning. I even got a few
O levels.
A levels then beckoned by then the family had moved to
Worcester and I managed to scrape a D and E in Geography
and Economics at Worcester Tech. I know the grades are a bit
of a joke but exams were a lot tougher in those days so this
was quite some achievement. I enjoyed the marketing bits of
the Economics A level, so I applied to do an HND or (Higher
National Diploma) in Business Studies at Redditch Technical
College. Redditch doesnt get a pseudonym; I dont think it
deserves any protection. Today it is called North East
Worcestershire College, which sounds much grander.

Actually I did want to go to more vibrant places like
Bristol or Manchester to study but I couldnt get a student
grant for any of those so Redditch it was.
Some of you may have heard of Redditch but Id deny it
anyway. Some of you may even have been there. An
unfortunate few of you may actually live there. So I wont
pretend Redditch is the Cultural Capital of the West Midlands
in case Im caught out overstating things a wee bit. Its a new
town created for people who dont like walking or perhaps
they just couldnt afford the pavements and who have an
excellent sense of direction as there are loads of areas all called
Winyates: North, South, East and West I recollect, and they all
look absolutely identical. Kevin Turvey also comes from here.
Enough said.
I got my HND just and decided to go on to do The
Chartered Institutes Diploma in Marketing. We studied
Advertising and Media very glamorous, I thought Products
and how to promote them, Forecasting and Finance, Research
and PR all good stuff.
I got friendly with a guy called Patrick MeltonWilson;
lovely bloke and obviously not from Redditch. We had a good
laugh and both passed our exams (although I cant claim with
flying colours). We then left to enter the big, bad world of
business.
Patrick, needless to say went into advertising, but more
about him later. I wanted a job in marketing though. I had got a
taste for it (literally) during one of my student summer
holidays in the marketing department of the Cadbury Cake
factory in Worcester. I was assigned to shadow/ support one of
the brand managers who appeared to spend most of his time
testing out new recipes for Cadbury Mini Rolls and going off
to London to meet up with the Advertising agency for lunch.
Nice life, I thought, thatll do for me.
I applied to loads of companies after finishing college. It
was the 70s and times were tough. I did manage to get an
interview with M&S probably because I worked there on
Saturdays during A levels. I also got one with Gallaghers,
because I smoked, and with Christian Salverson, because I had

a student job with them for a time at their Droitwich frozen
depot. I was in charge of freezing strawberries. Fun it was not.
The Gallaghers interview was interesting to say the least.
Talk about a Spanish Inquisition.
Wearing a suit for the first time, my long hair parted in the
middle, I sat in a vast dingy conference room in a Birmingham
hotel that had seen better days. Facing me behind a large table
were three guys conducting the interview, plus one either side
of the room and two more at the back. Questions flew left,
right and centre. God knows what format they used when
selecting for a senior role. Possibly something out of
Guantanamo Bay? I wasnt offered anything. My hair was too
long apparently.
M+S and Christian Salverson also produced blanks.
A career in advertising also appealed to me. If Patrick
could blag a gig somewhere, I was sure I could. I landed an
interview with Benton and Bowles, probably because I
exaggerated a little in my application. Personal attributes were
highly prized in ad land, so I told them I was witty, charming
and very good looking.
The interviewer (who was female) obviously did not agree.
So with no offers resulting from all these endeavours, I
took a job manning the pumps at a petrol station back in
Redditch of all places. It was winter and in those days petrol
forecourts were uncovered but at least I suppose I did at least
learn how versatile WD40 could be for the hapless motorist
It was on my way to this job several months on that I
bumped into one of my lecturers from college who suggested I
try Cadburys Confectionery in Birmingham as she knew the
Sales Training Manager there and would put a good word in
for me. It really is not what you know but who you know.
I pitched up at Bourneville, Cadburys HQ, and was sent
up to the Directors floor to meet said Training Manager. He
took it well when I told him I didnt want to be a Sales Rep but
told me that all good marketers start life at Cadburys in selling
so they get a good grounding in the commercial world...blah,
blah, blah.


I didnt argue.

He took me on.



Mar ke t i ng and Br andi ng





Hundreds of textbooks have been written on this subject, many
by far more highly reputed marketers than this one. There are
the legends of marketing theory like Kotler and Baker who
recommend lots and lots of strategy followed by even more
strategy. Then there are the books written by entrepreneurial
people who started their own businesses from scratch and
made them into super brands, such as Richard Branson and
Bill Gates. And then there are the books written by people like
me, who have worked at the marketing coalface for decades,
and who really know what goes on.
The uninitiated tend to confuse marketing with advertising;
those spectacular, glossy sort of TV adverts for brands like
Guinness, Audi and Apple that cost hundreds of thousands of
pounds to make and millions of pounds to air. Other people

think its just about packaging and design and others its just
about selling.
Lets try and define what Marketing actually is.
The theorists describe it like this:-
Marketing is the management process responsible for
identifying, anticipating and satisfying consumers
requirements profitably (The Chartered Institute of
Marketing)

Or
Satisfying consumer needs and wants through an
exchange process (Philip Kotler)

Or
Marketing is not about providing products or services- it
is essentially about providing changing benefits to the
changing needs and demands of the customer (P. Taylor).

All these definitions are true to some extent. What they
dont tell you, though, is exactly what marketing people
actually do. My dear mum still doesnt know after thirty years.
For me, working in a marketing department is about being
part of the business process. Marketing shouldnt be a separate
element in its own right. In the seventies /eighties, marketing
people were often accused of working in an ivory tower; once
removed from the realities of day-to-day commercial life. This
was sometimes the case, but it happens less often now that
companies understand the benefits of inter departmental co-
operation.
The classic blue chip companies like Cadbury, Kelloggs,
Heinz, Unilever and so on big on structure, formulas and
spend have marketing departments that fit into the company
culture.
With newer, more entrepreneurial challenger brands such
as Innocent, GU and Dorset Cereals marketing has led. These
are leaner organizations and have, perhaps, been more focused
on understanding consumer needs and desires (sorry about the
jargon).

The former is the traditional style of operating; the latter,
the more modern approach. Both can work equally well but the
degree of success will depend on various factors including
marketing investment, new product development, how and
where they communicate with their target market and the
ability to adapt to changing market conditions
Marketing used to be referred to as the four Ps, then a
fifth P was added. In recent years this was increased to seven
by some commentators. Four are quite enough I think.
Lets have a look at them.
Whats absolutely paramount in each case and which sets
leading brands apart from the others of course is the quality of
the Product. The vast amount of time and money spent on
packaging design compared to the attention given to the recipe
has constantly amazed me over the years. If you have a proven,
established product; say, a Heinz Baked beans or a Marmite
then it wouldnt make any sense to radically change the recipe.
Tweaking it a little (and I mean tweaking not twerking!) at
regular intervals to keep up with consumer demands and
changing trends is all thats required.
But many inferior brands have been allowed to trundle on
year after year without any modifications at all, when there are
obvious improvements that could be made. This is changing
though and will continue to do so due to the various food
scares witnessed in recent years, such as the horse meat
debacle and the various health implications associated with
certain products due to salt, fat and sugar levels.
However, brand owners spend tens of thousands of pounds
on design makeovers, usually to improve shelf stand out.
This is done at least once a year and in reality means theyve
just increased the size of the logo. This very often happens
after a new brand manager has been appointed. He/she needs
to make their mark quickly and there is no better way to
impress colleagues than to walk around the office with a stack
of design concepts tucked under your arm. Of course,
packaging design needs to evolve to reflect the latest trends,
announce recipe changes or introduce new varieties but it

astonishes me how much is spent in this area. No one, of
course, can accuse me of wasting budgets in the past!
A brand does have to look beautiful and eye-catching on
the supermarket shelf. But if you are going to amend it, it
should be because its starting to look a bit ugly or dated
alongside its competitors, not because someone wants to make
an impression on the boss.
The point is, and this should be obvious to anyone, that
having the right product recipe is the number one priority.
Secondly Price. This is a pretty key element of the
marketing mix and perhaps after product, has become more
and more significant since the recession started in 2008. Price
enables consumers to judge a product and decide whether or
not its relevant to them. It tells retailers what margin they can
make and, from the manufacturing perspective, to know what
profit (or loss) the product is likely to contribute.
And then theres Place. That is, where youre going to sell
it, otherwise known as listings. Today, if youre in the grocery
trade and you want to create a major brand, listings mean
Tesco. If youre not in Tesco forget it well almost!







Once youve sorted out those three Ps, you need to tackle
the fourth one; Promoting it. So back to advertising and PR
again. If you have the money and the margin then advertising
is the way to go. But in todays world, where the consumer has
become a lot more savvy, people want a bargain, a deal, a
multi-buy, a BOGOF (buy one get one free) and if possible
they want it wellfree!
Stir that little lot together in the marketing mix bowl and,
hopefully out pops your brand
But what makes a brand, a great brand, rather than just
another one? When a consumer prefers to buy one brand rather
than a rival or substitute one, even though there might be very
little difference in the actual products, and they might have to
pay a bit more for it; then youve got a great brand.
The reason why people choose a certain brand is really
more emotional than rational. Successful brands just feel better
than rival brands or cheaper substitutes. They make people feel
good about themselves when using it. Building a successful
brand doesnt so much mean owning a word, logo or range of
products, its about owning a distinctive emotional benefit.
Here are some examples:

Shopping at Waitrose makes people feel they have a
quality lifestyle
Using Google makes people feel that they can
accomplish almost anything with ease
Choosing Guinness makes people feel like discerning
drinkers
Using Ecover cleaning products makes people feel
that they can care for the environment as well as their
families
Going into a Lidl makes people feel like savvy
shoppers
Eating Green & Blacks chocolate makes people feel
they can help make the world a better place
Buying Heinz Baked Beans makes me feel I am
getting the best there is

A great brand, in short, subliminally programmes
your brain to prefer one product to another
So thats marketing. Done! As Gordon Ramsey would
say. Its all about having the right product, in the right
pack, in the right place backed by the right promotion
with just the right amount of emotion sprinkled on top.
Shed loads of daily grind goes into getting the four Ps
right. Theres the market research, the analysis of all
that sales and market data (yawn), endless meetings of
varying sorts; one to ones, three to twos; the monthly
report, the bi-monthly report, the marketing plan, the
strategic plan, the snack breaks, the gossiping around
the water cooler, and most important of all, ... lots of
PowerPoint and Coffee!




The Launc h Ye ar s





Now, where was I?
Oh yes, Id joined Cadburys as a relief sales rep which
meant that once Id completed my training I could be sent
anywhere in the country to cover for holiday or sickness leave.
Today they would be called Graduate Trainee Account
Managers.
I joined twenty or so other raw recruits at the Cadbury
Training Centre (or boot camp) for a two-week induction
course. This took place in a leafy part of Birmingham, called
Bournville. (Yes, there are trees in the West Midlands). There
we learnt all about chocolate how its made, how to sell it
and most importantly how to fill up display stands.
This was actually called merchandising, which I thought
would be about titivating the displays and putting up some

cardboard signage. Oh no, far from it. In the fast moving
impulse chocolate market, merchandising was a very serious
business. We had instructions from seasoned Cadbury pros in
the art of building displays for Crunchies, Dairy Milk bars, and
the trickiest of them all, Frys Chocolate Cream. Because of
their shape, they didnt conform to the normal brick building
techniques used for the others. You needed a degree in
engineering to understand the geometry of each bar and how it
related to the next one seriously!
We were taught how to overcome objections by buyers
who didnt want to buy and how to complete the paperwork.
No mobiles, handhelds or laptops in those days. We were also
taught how to drive the Cadbury way! It was like taking an
advanced driving test with a bit of Formula 1 thrown in. Foot
down wherever possible was the rule and if you didnt come
up to scratch you didnt get taken on. And it all took place in
your company car. Mine was a bright blue Vauxhall Viva 1.3
litre ... deluxe!
Two weeks later we set off on our first selling venture. We
spent a fortnight up in the Tyne Tees region selling a new
popcorn product that Cadbury had just launched in the region
called Crackerjack. We were given a map of the area, the
address of the cash and carry where we drew our supplies from
and off we went randomly calling on small shops we happened
to pass, using our new found selling skills to take orders and
get payment at the same time. It was a tough induction. It was
January. It snowed a lot. And the locals spoke with a funny
accent.
Introducing myself in my poshest voice generally left
shopkeepers unimpressed. Id get the once over and some
utterly unintelligible response. Luckily, flirting wasnt a
sackable offence then and it often worked. Selling to women
was tougher though!
I did alrightish. Some good days, some bad. But I passed
the induction and was dispatched to Region D (The North
West) to continue with my training and relieving more reps.
Why I was sent to Region D, God knows. I lived in Region C
(South West) so every day I had to drive at least fifty miles

before I set foot in the area. Knackered before 9am! And no
Costa Coffees to keep you going en route just the odd Little
Chef /Happy Eater if you were lucky dotted along the A38
between Tamworth and Derby
In those days we called on all branches of the
supermarkets to sell and merchandise except Sainsbury and
good old Kwiksave. I wore out a number of suits scrambling
over boxes in filthy stockrooms to locate my last delivery of
Cadburyness in order to fill up the shelves. I thought being a
sales rep would be a lot more glamorous tipping up at a
store, scratching the order pad and then off to the next one and
home by three.
Still, there were some bonuses; two weeks providing
holiday cover in the Lake District during the summer months
was a bit like being on holiday myself, and the occasional
romantic encounter with a Fine Fare shelf filler or a hotel
receptionist, stay in the memory. As does staying in the same
hotel in Huyton as the great Liverpool team of the 1970s
where the players used to congregate before travelling to away
games
The downsides however were many. Six months working
in East Liverpool (arrite dare la), the long hours spent driving
up and down the M6 and building displays of chocolate in the
Birkenhead Asda on a Monday. In the 70s Asdas were closed
to shoppers on Monday, as well as on Sunday. Can you believe
that? And of course there was Stoke on Trent
The more I did this, the more I thought selling wasnt my
bag. And then surprise surprise, I got offered my own patch. In
Liverpool! Now theres nothing wrong with Scousers, but they
are hard to understand. However I ended up marrying one after
all, but she is from the posh part of Merseyside called the
Wirral.
My area manager was a straight talking Yorkshire man
called Ron. He was, um, what you might call, a bit anal. My
car always had to be spotlessly clean, my overcoat had to be
buttoned up (even in summer) and, he would have preferred it
if I was married! It would mean I was committed and focused
on the job. Needless to say, we didnt get on very well.

I met some really dodgy (as well as well as some lovely,
witty) characters during this period, as you might expect. The
odd bribe (free cases of chocolate) to a Tesco store manager to
secure an order and cover his leakage as it was called was
common place as was the request for samples I could give the
staff.
I did this for a couple of years but was always pushing to
get into Marketing and after much pressure I was offered an
Assistant Brand Managers position at Cadburys HQ in
Birmingham. Here, my initiation into the world of marketing at
Cadbury had begun and, at the same time, I bought my first
house. If you havent already guessed it, it was in Redditch of
all places .In Winyates East!
My first job was to assist the NPD manager for biscuit
products. He was a Doctor (I never did find out what he was a
doctor of), a bit camp and thought he was superior to all the
other marketing managers. Anyway back to biscuits. Cadbury
had this mission to take on Penguin and Jacobs Club with
their own chocolate biscuit countline called Whistler. You
must have heard of it! It was tested in the Granada TV region
(Lancashire) with huge advertising and promotional support
but it failed. The law of marketing is to get the product right.
Remember! Whistler had coconut in it and so had limited
appeal. There was no chance, therefore, of it ever becoming
another Penguin.
We also considered launching some savoury biscuit count
lines but the project got shelved early on because Cadbury =
chocolate, not cheese. Kraft, who = cheese, not chocolate, have
cleverly combined the two since they bought Cadbury a few
years ago, and produced a Philadelphia chocolate cheese
spread! The combination of two category experts and a good
dose of advertising and promotion seems to have made this a
success so far
I was ambitious and thought that NPD was a bit of a cul de
sac so applied for a transfer into the mainstream marketing
department. I landed a position in what was called the Count
Lines marketing team. In those days, it was regarded as the
sexy category of the chocolate world. I was an ABM (Assistant

Brand Manager) working on some household names like Flake
and Fudge.
So what did I actually do in those formative years? Well, I
spent a lot of time in the Cadbury information library looking
at Nielson figures; interrogating why Turkish Delights share
had dropped 0.2% in the Tyne Tees sales region. This would
cause deeply worried frowns on the upper floors. It might have
only been -0.2% but those sort of figures would set alarm bells
ringing among the senior suits. And yes, we all wore suits in
the 70s. There was none of the casual wear thats practically
standard now. Oh goodness me, no!
I attended lots of meetings, occasionally enjoyed long
lunches in town with the luvvies from ad land and endless
hours with the guys in the accounts dept trying to understand
Profit and Loss sheets.
However, over time I began to realise that marketing was
not just about advertising, or promotions or PR for that matter.
It was about managing a variety of projects and persuading
people to give your needs priority. In marketing, you rely
heavily on others to execute your instructions, so its vital to
learn how to be nice and friendly, sometimes smarmy and
occasionally flirty, although this last is something I wouldnt
admit to in our current PC climate.
Working with the Count Line team was really good fun but
after three years I needed to take stock of my career and, as I
wasnt planning to be a Cadbury lifer, it was time to move on.
After one of the best marketing apprenticeships to be had,
where Id managed to increase the size of the logo on Frys
Turkish Delight (yes, I too was guilty of this one), launched 99
Flake in a box and ensured that a Finger of Fudge was just
enough, it was time to see what I could do in the drinks
industry.



The Gr owt h Pe r i od





I arrived at The Taunton Cider Company as Brand Manager
for Dry Blackthorn; the companys first fully fledged brand
manager. No pressure then! Taunton was owned by a
collection of brewers; Guinness, Courage, Scottish &
Newcastle and the daddy of them all in those days, Bass. This
meant the company had access to these brewers distribution
networks which was a bit of a bonus given that Blackthorns
brand awareness was almost non-existent compared to its
much bigger and more glamorous rival, Strongbow.
Day three was spent in the cider drinking capital of the
world, Bristol, with the rep responsible for that area. All new
arrivals had to be initiated into the cider drinking culture so by
11 am, I was sampling the delights of the local brew; Taunton
Traditional Draught Cider, otherwise known as Scrumpy. It
was customary to test your product at each call, which meant
downing at least half a pint in each pub and we had eight calls

scheduled for the day. You can imagine how I felt by
lunchtime and the rest of the day is a bit of a blur.
Fortunately, I wasnt driving and the rep I was with was a
seasoned Trad Drinker with hollow legs and a very steady
hand. He dropped me off at Gordano Service Station on the
M5 where Id left my car. Hope you enjoyed the day. Lets do
it again sometime! I sat in the caf and drank endless cups of
coffee. By 8pm I felt just about fit enough to drive home,
although I was probably still over the limit.
That was my first and last Scrumpy drinking session.
Back in the office, I got stuck into proper brand
management for the first time; writing plans, developing new
campaigns and growing the brand. OK, I didnt do it all on my
own but Im allowed to brag a bit, its my book! I must have
done something right because within a year I got promoted to
Marketing Manager and for the first time I was responsible for
a team of people: two Brand Managers, the promotions team,
the PR Dept, and a bloke who reported the sales figures, but
spent most of the time on the phone to his bookie.
Talk about being thrown in at the deep end! No training,
no guidance, no nothing. Then again, thats been my
experience of management throughout my working life.
Sounds grand doesnt it? Marketing Manager. In reality, I
spent a lot of time listening to the gripes and moans of the staff
about pay reviews, workloads and holiday requests on a daily
basis. On top of that, I had appraisals to prepare, run and write
up, recruitment to manage and the Marketing Director to keep
happy at the same time. In addition, I still had to oversee the
brand portfolio, develop the NPD programme and prepare for
the various monthly meetings.
It was a busy time to say the least, but generally rewarding.
In other words, I got well-paid and good bonuses. I did like
managing people though despite the hassles and our NPD
programme was perceived by many pundits to be one of the
most innovative of that era, not only in the cider industry but
for the whole alcoholic drinks industry.
Two stand out in particular. The first of these was
Diamond White, which was, in effect, the forerunner of the

alcopops revolution. Diamond White was actually an existing
product dressed up in new clothes. The staffs favourite tipple
was a sparkling cider called Pommia (like Pomagne) but it was
a dead product, unfashionable and down market. Consumers
had moved on from these cheap celebratory drinks to more
sophisticated products like wine and premium lagers. The
business needed to make cider more attractive to younger
drinkers and get rid of its rustic, straw in the mouth, Wurzel
image.
So Diamond White was born, packed in small green
bottles with a smart black and silver label. From humble
beginnings, sales exploded as word spread amongst the student
population and in a short period of time, it became the biggest
selling premium packaged alcoholic drink in the UK. Why?
Nice product, nice look but most important factor of all, it was
stuffed full of alcohol, 8.5% in fact: twice the strength of
standard lager and just bordering on wine strength.
That success led to another new cider brand called Red
Rock a new draught cider for the 90s. It had lager imagery,
a lagery taste and lager style advertising. It featured the comic
actor Leslie Nielson from Airplane, Police Squad and Naked
Gun films, and was based on wit and humour. The, Its not
red, theres no rocks in it TV ads were voted the Number 1
drinks campaign of the year in 1991, winning loads of gongs
and plaudits by my peers in the industry. Good times.
I clearly remember the advertising agency pitch on this
one. Youll need humour they said because all lager ads
are funny, and youll need a celebrity to star in it. I was
thinking that maybe they would suggest a second rate British
comedy act, like Cannon and Ball, not an American star. And
we can get him to shoot two ads for just Two hundred
thousand pounds! A BOGOF! So we did!
I met Leslie on a couple of occasions at the advertising
shoots. He was a lovely man, charming and very witty with
loads of anecdotes about life in Hollywood, and he always
carried a whoopee cushion around with him. Really
Other new, smaller boutique style cider brands were
launched to fill gaps in our portfolio like Brody and Diamond

Blush. This was a weaker version of the more infamous mother
brand, and was known in the trade as a knicker dropper! The
business was in pretty good shape.
But nothing stays the same forever. The company was put
up for sale by the brewery owners following the Monopolies
and Mergers Commission report into pub ownership (long
subject so I wont bore you). The business was bought by the
Companys directors (unfortunately I wasnt one of them!) and
a year later floated on the stock market.
Within three years, the directors sold the business to one of
its competitors, Matthew Clark who in the previous year had
also acquired one of our smaller rivals, Showerings.
I can clearly remember the time when the MD announced
to the employees that one of our competitors had made an offer
for the company. He guaranteed that there would be no
redundancies and that he would remain as MD of the new
company. Within a month he had left pocketing no doubt a
multimillion-pound payoff. His fellow directors quickly
followed.
This takeover led to the usual fall out; brand share
declined, the Taunton factory was closed down resulting in
huge redundancies, myself included. So, after many happy and
successful years, I moved on to the next chapter in my life.



The Mat ur e Ye ar s





I banked the redundancy cheque and thought Id put my feet
up for the next few months, do some gardening and watch
some cricket. After about two days I started to paint the
outside of the house.
Then my conscience really got the better of me and I
started actively job searching. With a wife and two teenage
kids to support, I felt I needed to keep the money coming in. I
updated my CV and dispatched it to the usual marketing
recruitment companies: Ball and Hooligan; who may still be
operating but I havent heard from them in 20 years or so;
Tarsh Bizzare (ditto), and Stop Space, (ditto again).

The ones who actually contacted me were fond of saying
that there were lots of opportunities for people with my skills,
especially in the North East.
I kept telling them that I didnt want to work in Hull
I decided to take a course in self-employment because I
thought it might be a useful string to my bow. So I enrolled at
some workshops run by Business Link. It was designed, it
seemed, for people with a certain style of self-presentation;
nose piercings, and pink hair were the norm and they all
wanted to open a coffee shop. Somehow, I didnt really fit in.
One day, I was in my local stationers. I used to love going
in and buying random pens and envelopes (sad but true), when
I bumped into someone who knew someone at the local
college. They were looking for someone to teach marketing to
people who were studying how to become self-employed.
So I started off on a new career as a freelance marketing
consultant entirely by accident. I tipped up the first morning
with a fifty slide PowerPoint presentation (youll see the
relevance more and more from now on) and boxes of handouts
photocopied from the course I had attended, to be faced by a
dozen or so mature ladies all wanting to open their own coffee
shops!
Our only common ground was a love of coffee but thanks
to the handouts and twenty years of marketing knowledge, the
seminars went quite well. I did this for a few more months and
in between times started to get work through friends and ex-
colleagues and by linking up with other consultancy networks.
The businesses I advised were varied to say the least; from
Bed retailers and Catering Service Companies to Plant
Nurseries and Pubs. Although the recommendations I gave
them were, of course spot on, unfortunately because they were
small businesses by the time they had paid my fee and other
associated costs that was their marketing budget wiped out for
the year. Often, they couldnt afford to make the changes Id
recommended, however keen they were to do so. There wasnt
much I could do about that really. I only charged the going
rate.