To Traverse a Microcosm

The following text is a series of five dense narratives designed to convey

my own conscious experience of the world. Though this work does include
portions of philosophy it offers no claim of being a philosophical treatise
by any stretch of the imagination. Rather the work is that of a psychonaut
one concerned with providing a meditation of the process of
consciousness and being human. In writing this I hope to provide a lucid
illustration of my own encounters and opinions on multiple issues that
many I have met on the internet and in real life have shared.

The treatise will begin in December 2009 and end early 2011 in serving as
a record for what I hope to develop. The five books serve as a
contemplative framework and follow in the tradition laid out by Myamoto
Musashi and his book of the 5 rings. (Mainly because this seems cooler by
association)

I give my sincerest thanks to those that have read, encouraged, criticised,

liked and despised this work.

Contents

The Numinous (AIR)

The numinous attempts to explore the very way in which one contemplates
the world by questioning underlying suppositions, motives and concepts
engaged within a philosophy. It also attempts to posit possible modes of
analysis by which one might confront a mythological text to support as a
process of introspection to examine the numinous. The entire function
serves as a practical application of the methodology posited and serves to
explicate notions of fundamental concern to all the other books.

Augoeides (WATER)
This book attempts to deliver an eclectically designed mysticism as a
synthesis of different Buddhist traditions. The book provides a refined
methodology that I myself have found useful in lucid dreaming
experiences. It also examines a dzogchen tradition of Mahayana
Buddhism in relation to the concept of causal relationships of karma and
attachment. The book ends with a brief interpretation of the Zen
 teachings of Huang Po. The book aims to take previous analysis given in
The Numinous and apply it practically to forming the eclectic practice so
profoundly important to the Psychonaut.

The Phoenix (FIRE)

This book attempts to look at the current world of philosophy as the
world moves forward into a post modern condition and the perpetual
dystopia it essentially creates culturally. It looks to the present and
future and attempts to argue for an alternative process and engagement
of philosophy. The book then attempts to posit a model of Socratic
philosophy as an integral part of the analysis set forth and the
beginnings of recovering a neo-stoicism in contemporary times. Arriving
in affect to a resurrection of meaning that was previously posited in a
metaphysical teleological construct of external deity.

The Garden of Babylon (EARTH)

This book attempts to look at four unrelated topics that of exercise,

study, chess and identity with the only fundamental relationship being
an analogue of movement and importance of awareness. Of all the
books this one is the least decisive of all of it’s treatise but looks
specifically to apply the understandings of other senses and ranges of
consciousness to a principle of subjective synthesis and kinetic concepts
of thought.

Pandaemonium (SPIRIT)

This book attempts to posit the understanding conceived in the other 4

books in a produced mythological lexicon inspired by the hermetic corpus
as a philosophical equivalent to the Holy Guardian Angel ritual of western
magick. The book attempts to resurrect the philosopher’s god of Socrates
by drawing a circle about the psychonaut from previous understandings
and experience to develop the otherness using the complete
understanding of the other four books in a process inspired by Tibetans
Creation and Completion.
 Introduction

To speak open and honestly is what I aim to do here, using

broad strokes of reason and indeed bold claims to attempt to
succinctly represent all I intend too. Because of this I will pull
no punches I think the votes are in folks TRANSCENDENTALISM
IS SOME BULLSHIT. With science and philosophers defining
such a vast knowledge and framework to which immaterial
forces and finding no necessity for a god the concept of an
external deity becomes nonexistent or removed to such a
distance that it becomes utterly impersonal. With hundreds of
years of philosophical reasoning tying up all true objective
values, ethics and meaning accessible to humans within the
confines and domain of this deity to burst it’s bubble is to lose
all of these. When this occurs the affect can be likened to taken
candy from a baby where the candy is all that is good in its
world. The culture essentially weeps as it confronts a dystopia,
an abyss and the world seems like a much darker place.

Confronted with such a reality I think one has two options to

look at the quintessential (intrinsic) meaningless of the post
modern condition and join the lament and sorrow. Or one can
choose another path I am not going to posit a false binary
where this is the only way to tackle the problem that is not true
this is my way. However one can choose to regard the abyss or
meaningless as something else other then saddening for this
utterly leaves one with giving meaning to meaninglessness in
the first place.

I choose to try and develop a post modern mysticism within the

framework I have been given. I mean post modern in the
strictest sense of trying to respond to the post modern
condition not that this work in of itself represents or claims any
lineage from post modern philosophers themselves. I am
attempting to produce a work which carries all my biased and
all my invested interest into trying to make a psychic alchemy
to make the milk and honey of the gods manifest in the flesh.

Credits

Emails

erincleidy@yahoo.com

The Numinous

My thanks to Ben Carruth and Jason King for allowing me to use their
materials and to XXXX for helping me edit this work.

In the act of interpreting literature one of the most fascinating concepts

that came to light was the idea of the dharmakaya. Fascinated by the
concept of employing it as a literary criticism where the readers own
experience becomes actively involved within the experience of reading
and indeed even the practice of the concepts of the text therein. Though
one can utilise the idea of the dharmakaya in other ways it suits our
purposes to stick to this for now. This idea of the dharmakaya parallels the
notion of Gter-ma a Tibetan word that literally translates into “hidden
treasure” that explicates an idea of finding and interpreting one’s own
idea of the numinous. This is of great interest to any professed
psychonaut who normally recognises and uses an eclectic range of
philosophy and exercises in cultivating their own mystical craft. Gter-ma is
founded on two assumptions that the numinous is definitive even if
perceptually constrained and that only certain types of people are fit to
comment on the numinous. I am essentially leaving the Tibetan Criteria
for one who is suitable at the door because that would probably rule me
out.
Alternatively I decided to define my own criteria that I thought would
sincerely represent some clear ideas that could provide the beginning and
foundational considerations of this process. The ideas I chose to adapt the
work of Gesamkuntswerk which is a four part video series presented by
Ben Carruths into a brief lexicon testing my idea by interpreting the book
John Milton’s Paradise Lost. The video series Gesamkuntswerk presents a
dialog which questions the very foundations of how we encounter and
regard participating in a philosophical process I have by no means
extrapolated all the ideas contained within it and would recommend the
video series be watched in its entirety which can be found in the
references at the end of this chapter.

When one engages with a philosophical process and analysis one often
questions their foundational assumptions as foundational premises they
hold in regarding to a notion or issue. This does not however tell us
anything to do with the actual reasoning why one engaged with the
process to begin with or of the empathetic connection one’s invested
interest has with the work to begin with. This in of itself can lead to a false
sense of innateness as one’s self expression becomes problematic as it
becomes a lens that the work is unquestioningly viewing their work
through. It can lead to a false sense of innateness in the interpretation of
the work as the ends one uses to approach the work become the filter
through which the work is initially interpreted. This can be a mistake as
one ultimately loses meaning or alternative paths through which to pursue
the work they engage. By denying one’s own empathetic connection to
the work the human experience to the work itself becomes isolated and
the human process of analysis becomes in some way passive which
seems counterintuitive when philosophy is essentially a human
experience to which a human mind is obviously necessary.

In the regard for thought there seems an almost sterile nature and want
to remove the active engagement of the analysis as mechanical by many
but by no means all those in philosophic pursuits I have met. The very
notion of thinking takes on a mechanistic quality and an empathetic
connection to the work somehow vacuous. However this ultimately
misses the inherent human biased in the personification of expected
experience and emotional by which one came to regard the thing they are
initially dealing with in the first place.

A psychonaut one who is ultimately concerned with the journey and

process not necessarily the conclusion cannot engage the process in the
same way. Because the psychonaut must recognise the terrain they
traverse as having inherent biased and an active existence both in their
own consciousness and in their experience of the world. There is no
recognition or need to depersonalise the reality they experience as this
would ultimately reduce their experience to one of passivity and must
thus be regarded as self deprecating.

Because this would ultimately deny that a human mind is the one
engaging within the process and that one lives in a human world. That one
has in many ways been given a construction of culture, identity and
language to which the bubble or isolating void of complete deconstruction
is but or near enough an impossible experience. There seems within it a
bitter impotence where one’s fruitless attempts to codify one’s notion of
reality inevitably leads one to the intellectual predicament of being a
passive commentator. Instead I would suggest that one engages as the
notion of the conscious experience as one of a journey where they can
choose their own path or that of an artist that can paint their own
landscape.

The proposition of focus shifts and questions of desires quickly arise as

we contemplate the symbolic construction of this landscape. Philosophy
then becomes the artistic intent, thought the artists hand and the
language employed the colour pallet to animate one’s own conscious
experience. There seems a suspicious intent then in regarding one’s
notions of reality in a dichotomy of construction and deconstruction for as
we build our conscious experience we also give a correspondence of
association to how that construct came to be built in the first place. By
engaging the process of philosophy as a process of understanding of the
subject at hand whilst simultaneously expressing ones view on it not for
the sake of merely expressing the idea but for being understood. The
desire to understand and the desire to be understood becomes unified in
the very act of engaging with the process of philosophy and conscious
experience itself and the emotionally invested interest in the actions
therein. The process of understanding must include in itself the measure
of self understanding or in understanding the subject at hand then we has
failed in our endeavour entirely for the two are mutually linked.

In describing being there is a transient quality of the descriptions we can

apply describing what it is in relation to its execution, action and relation
to other things. It seems perplexing to me that one can ever feel alone in
a world of seven billion people and with an existence where one can
simultaneously look out onto the world and into their own mind as they
witness a mental projection of the world. By applying this understanding
to other people, places, things and the world we observe then the world
becomes a bigger place. And one is overcome with a sense of awe bearing
witness to a complexity of things in motion and in doing so ultimately
coming to realise of the complexity of operation of our own existence and
the complexity of the wider world.

By engaging in the process of understanding all that exists in this sense of

otherness the more insights and tools gained ourselves albeit subjectively
a sense of gnosis. This gnosis does not come from an ideation of false
security or expectations for the more we force our own incumbent
expectations the more we deny the plurality in experiencing the world.
Nor do I believe this gnosis will confirm in some way a numinous answer
the question WHY? But rather that this gnosis is representative of the
ways and operation of experiencing the world which I see as no less
profound.

It is in this fashion it is with this motivation that the Tibetan notion of

gTer-ma which translates into “hidden treasure” becomes a sufficient
idea. To develop an understanding to truly walk in the vastness of their
own mind and perceive that same vastness in others and the otherness of
the world itself. The kinetic perception of values then is the only thing that
generates a characterising experience is the only thing that gives it a
sense of category in the first place one need only thinks of a river flowing
to illustrate this point. Thus in perceiving the numinous one does not
generate a map of transcendent timeless truth but rather a model or
narrative of the things as they are and anticipated to change in
accordance to their own kinetic nature which form the foundational
properties of the category in the first place. The use of category is
necessary I think one could almost conceive of language as a shared
symbol set to convey what could not be otherwise conveyed through a
metaphorical correspondence. One cannot escape the language and
categorical usage when generating a narrative but one can hold the
notion that categories are infinitely permeable and not inexorable in their
nature.

Notes on analysis of Paradise Lost

Serves by adapting many ideas of critical thought of interpretive theory

brought to light by Jason King in his 5 books of Cain Volume one.
 1.

In assessing mythology one might be tempted to view the narrative with a

particular frame or contemplative theory which allows for eclecticism. But
this would pointedly be a mistake in assessing the work as intended and
misconstrue the intentional meaning of the text and deny the internal
epistemology and ontology the text itself asserts. By doing this one
ultimately obfuscates the precise nature of potential lexicons that might
be generated and presents a falsehood with which little could be
redeemable. Such analysis also removes a narrative from the social
conditions to which it was responding and in doing so removes any
corelatable conditions of the particular culture and time to the
contemporary conditions of the one undertaking the analysis.

2.

In commenting on the numinous one should adopt a progressive model

due to the idea that the numinous in of itself is its ability to remain
beyond ideation of categories and label. Commentaries on the numinous
occur thus in contradictory narratives yet are still valid within the cultural
context in which they occur. Thus cross cultural interpretations or
commentaries fail to adequately define a notion of equivalence to which
the process can be universally applied. Universal archetypes thus that
would categorise multiple deities to a specific function or type are
mistaken because it removes these identities from their original systemic
meaning these systems are a part of. This leaves the deities in any
specific claim to their original meaning a classic example might be to liken
the roles of Prometheus to Satan as both adversaries. Yet Prometheus is
conceived as a hero and in many respects a demiurge creator often
associated with the process of consciousness and creativity he also
tricked Zeus and made only offal a necessary offering. Satan
paradoxically serves as god’s adversary and cannot trick the omnipotent
creator he is also a punisher and serves as a destructive entity. The idea
of classifying these in both to an overarching category of adversary gives
us no valuable information.

3.

The idea of Gter’ma therefore assumes some types of symbolic representations

are valid whilst others must be rejected in the principle interpretations of the
numinous. This serves to ensure that one can update categories and models to the
availability of new data and therefore guarantee a narratives progression to
available evidences with the times. Models thus can evolve or are discarded for
more favourable models of analysis. The second impetus stressed is not everyone
can comment on the numinous and that opinions cannot be validated with but a
simple relativism conceived. One might posit there is a certain numinous quality to
the origins of life as many things remain largely unknown but given current
evidence one that interprets the bible as literally being true has no reasonable
claim to any kind of truth.

4.

Employing the literary analysis of the dharmakaya to the experience of John

Milton’s paradise lost I pose a twofold process of analysis. The first will conceive of
my experience of a reader the second will focus on the possible use I may have
with these for conceptual analysis later on. The reason for this is that one might
conceive of this process as much like the subject of consciousness where there are
two different possible out looks one are the anatomical features that make up
consciousness and the other might deal with conscious experience. The relevance
of this is that the two different narratives are not necessarily related in a holistic
sense of the subject but in utility have taken on divergent meanings and purposes
to the ends the narratives themselves are produced. Thus one narrative will be
concerned more with the anatomy of the concepts as they emerge in the verse
and the second the second my own scope to the utility of the concepts.

5.

The critique or methodology to which the book will be assessed will be the original
criterion to which the book was posed. This being as a testament of modern
prophecy many academic works associated with Milton treat the text in
comparative literature analysis and in specific frames of perspective such as
psychology. The other way the book might be encountered is in thematic
deconstruction whilst these pursuits might be valuable in their own end I do not
think it will suffice in what is attempted here. I will thus treat Milton’s Paradise Lost
as the third testament and modern prophecy that it poses and boldly declares
itself to be. The entire poem is a collection of twelve distinct verses that deals with
the fall of man. Although the book is definitely posing a battle of metaphysical
forces it does so in a way that the metaphor has equal bearing on culture,
socioeconomics and psychology of an individual thus making it a useful text.

6.
Book 1

The first book sets the tone for all other books to come Milton announces his intent
to surpass previous poems and a longing for his hand to move as that of a scribe
for god praying for divine inspiration and guidance built into the verse. Uniquely
the verse makes no attempt to hide its concern equal with the nature of the fallen
angels and concern with setting up a demonological theogony. Setting up Satan as
the prime or root cause of the fall and temptation of man Milton makes clear his
attempt the longing to understand this evil to transmit this knowledge to his fellow
man and teach the ways of god to his fellow man. I was moved by this sentiment
of benevolence and the grand claim Milton was sincerely willing to make upon
taking to task in writing the verse. Milton wants to meditate into the very nature of
Satan, the demons and understand the power that is adverse to god. To
understand the indomitable will that wished to stood eternally opposed to the will
of god.

The verse finds itself in the throes of a fallen Satan and rebel angel armies upon a
new and fallen place that seems foreign to them but also make indication of
knowledge of it to be their intended home. As they lament for some new sense of
meaning and purpose they find their minds and spirits intact but absence of
heavenly essence. The scenes of hell as empty and vacuous accept for fire and
darkness paints the lament and anger felt by these fallen as they turn to each
other for answers. Milton paints the state of affairs and the fallen with such tact I
was drawn in with a sense of empathy as heroes apart of an epic tragedy. Satan
stands in earnest unwilling to change his mind and stands as the apostate angel
one is moved as those demons that look to him are met with new found hope to
seize now a destiny for themselves in this misery away from god and to begin their
own state of affairs in dark designs. I found the verse incredibly cerebral as Satan’s
own will and volition carried through as Satan declares his own mind his own will
shall rule the dominion of hell not the abyssal nature of it’s appearance. With a will
to overcome Satan boldly declares the mind its own place which resonates as so
human a thing to wonder of the transformative power of one owns consciousness
conceived as independent.

One is then swept by Beelzebub who then calls upon the fallen and there is a
sense of purpose in this quintessential abyss. One is then swept across landscapes
Egypt, Lybia and Rome and the demons to which these great cities become
associated that will inevitably become the root of evil. Through the temptation of
Eve in the garden becomes one that travels throughout all of history. It is at this
point I was taken in by the scope of the work that Milton was trying to cover with
his verse as metaphysical identities that had equal applicability in describing
human beings themselves and the world they find themselves in. The books
multilevel verse is perplexing and the list of demons and cultural correspondences
Milton creates I think I truly only appreciated the immensity of the thesis Milton
puts forth.

Book 2

Book Two Finds itself in an assembly of the fallen as they discuss their future plans
and ambitions, first confronted again by Satan. One is bombarded with an image of
wealth creating an attraction and power he possesses as he begins to bring forth
an imaginative speech to play to the passions of his fellow demons. One can
instantly make the connection to politics and identify the deceitful nature of much
of human communication it is also interests me as an idea of how I lie to myself.
Satan Speaking first to ensure his authority he covets the sense he has of himself
being god’s equal and seeks now as a tyrant to make himself a god amongst his
peers. Satan then allows his other demon peers to speak and this is
important as this entire dialectical process going into the poem seems to be
reflective metaphorically as to the types of phenomenon in which to call evil and
the type of thought process and in visual metaphor perhaps the types of nature or
desire that gives birth to evil initially.

Moloch the demon most strong and fierce is made known to be despaired,
Moloch’s strength is painted however as his ultimate weakness in his longing to be
known as the strongest he lost all other concerns or cares fear of god hell or worst.
One is struck by irony that his greatest strength the source of his pride is
ultimately the same thing that forces his despair it is he who first calls for war on
heaven. Moloch seems to be a voice for the passions of the fallen who cannot
conceive of their new inverse nature, feels dishonoured to have fallen and has the
notion to rise. It is he that is a voice unquestioning to a world he was born into and
it is he who laments his creator conceiving of no other relationship other then king
and serf for power is but his obsession and thus lusts for war. He lost all sense of
himself and his argument was not persuasive for but passion alone did not move
his audience.

Belial represents something far more seductive and eloquent his appeal was made
known but so that it is all superficial. As the reader you cannot help thus but
instantly to want access to sincerity, desire and the ‘true’ Belial. His true nature is
described to be slothful but his voice carried seductive tone one hears a
convincing argument about the hard problem of attack of heaven which he were to
support if it was not so difficult. In this immense difficulty he then reasons that the
difference of power is the reason why they must accept the creators will as fete
and not seeks open war to oppose him. In such with reasons hid Belial opts for
ignoble acceptance of the situation and to be a peaceful because of the ultimate
futility of it all. Belial represents subversive psychology, personal investment and
serves to the contemplation of motive in ethics not just the actions taken.

Mammon speaks next and questions the very way one regards god in a sense how
he is conceived of in thought or as a construct. Mammon gives the reasoning of
Belial little thought and think it arbitrary if forced worship and praise be given. It
becomes obvious here that Mammon is the demon that lusts most after status and
thinks that the best course of action is to build an empire in hell. In a sense he
argues that one should be one’s own god and if their pleasures and will cannot be
sensate in the natural order that they should manipulate hell to be a home that
can. One notes the very materialistic thinking of this particular demon and can see
his thinking reminiscent of many I have encountered.

Beelzebub is the next demon to speak and it is important to note this happened
just after a mention of Michael the warring aspect of god the wrath all the fallen
succumbed to. He is painted as the fallen sage the demon second only to Satan in
status he is intensely political and voices the idea Satan expressed that the fallen
destiny should lie in the corruption of mankind. Beelzebub seems concerned with a
meditation of prudence his status is confirmed through Satan and their alliance
seems true. As such Beelzebub points out to stay in this intended prison is to have
succumbed ultimately to god’s desire and to go to war folly. So he justifies that the
best plan is to corrupt but a more favoured creature of god as a pointed act of
rebellion and beginnings of revenge. One notes the relationship between Satan
and Beelzebub and can see a meditation for socially vested interests on the part of
Beelzebub.

Satan enamours himself to the prospect of finally being able to secure leadership
not just politically but in the hearts of the other fallen. One can see Satan sincerely
wants to be a god a king in hell and now seeks to do what he needs to in order to
maintain his currently enjoyed status. In this way one sees Satan as the very
desire to become a god his desire is to be equal and surpass the omnipotent.
Satan alone announces that he will do the deed of corruption and fight against all
those that oppose him. Travelling across the expanse of hell one is taken through
a meditation of Satan’s philosophy where the idea of a godless world makes it
come down to fete. The devil’s philosophy itself is likened to magic and seduction
and once again the contemplative world of Milton becomes apart of the sweeping
landscape in the four rivers styx as hate, Acheron as sorrow, Cocytus lamentation
and Phlegthon as regretful rage. Though cliché in modern use it was at this point
the poem for me became truly an epic as Satan as Satan sets to truly claim hell as
his own.
Satan next stands at the foot of the gate of hell confronted by two mysterious
shapes one is instantly curious as to what will transpire. Satan is first confronted
with death, a grotesque and fierce shape that attacks him with his poison sting
which he forced back with a fiery serpent. He is next then confronted by Sin
presented as an automomous sign she tries to endear herself to Satan. With no
nature of her own she serves as an idol to which power is handed characterised as
the deceiver who shall forever bar the way to heaven. Satan is the creator of the
two both of which are cast as foul essences unfit for heaven and find new purpose
in the world as given to them by Satan. By opening the gates the destructive and
chaos forces once contained are unleashed and one is confronted with the
proposition that the hell the chaos from this quintessential abyss topples the
natural order. As the reader I was moved to take this analogy as a critique against
pure materialism or atheism leading to a meaningless or abyssal like world.
Satan’s labours are reconciled to be an act of futility because they deny the
oneness of god and one is struck with the idea of the abyss in Satan’s concept of
destiny of purpose alienated from god as one being ultimately futile. This moved
me for it painted Satan as all to human as the moving great deeds and labours
that may all be for naught, faulted, imperfect or doomed to fail Satan echoes the
Faustian consciousness of man.

Book 3

Starting with God sitting on his throne watching Satan’s flight toward the world
and showed his son it is here where an important theological principle is conveyed.
Man’s fall is painted distinct from Satan’s it occurs not because of his own malice
but because he was seduced. The idols Satan is employed is manifest as man’s
worship of the godhead. This is essentially a 2 fold critique one on the trinity of
Catholicism with the critique being the idea of looking at god as being three
entities one creates separateness in the conception of god. Man’s salvation is also
assured in the manifestation of the son but what strikes me even though the
textual reference one would assume is Jesus as the primary manifestation of the
son the indelible essence of his name still remains unnamed. I think this is
significant because for me it reveal Milton making a categorical distinction
between Jesus as a finite expression of this essence which is under the immortal
essence of the son.

Satan’s interaction with Uriel offers a curious dialog as Satan now truly the
deceiver through his journey through the abyss and taken up mastery of sin and
death attempts now to trick Uriel to gain access to Man’s habitation.
 Winters Night

Across the mountains plains vast and endless sea North Is a kingdom formed of ice
and snow

In the endless winter icy and cold upon the frozen throne upon which Kara sits
queen

Upon her crown laid a jewel so clear pristine and lucid too look upon it was to look
through water

The Jewel fell from the night sky from heavens far afield that only numinous
cosmos could yield

The Jewel priceless could buy the world a thousand times over all were taken by its
allure and charm

To all those who fell for it met dooming harm sealed for all time in lusts fatal pose
eternally froze

Brought the cunning maiden of ice no end of mirth witnessing the idol mind daring
girth

Bored of immortality she made wager with Eros goddess of the darkness she could
make non fairer
With clouds swelling grim as the sea was swallowed by the sky blinding heaven
above

Eros had been challenged and all of nature roared with thunder rumble and
lightening cracked

The goddess of all nature let her insult be known To heaven with chilling wind and
storm she spoke

The prime mover weaver of all space and time cast omnipotent eye knowing what
insult was done

Response came swift making heavens motion through darkness of cloudy malice
one light did appear

Lightening fast Shining dazzling red piercing the darkness made rapid descent and
to earth crashed

The ice cracked and foundations stirred like the impact caused the whole world to
shudder

Kara but quivered realising that naught could be done the fury of all nature and
heavens upon her

She made her way to the deep crater toward the smoky haze to meet champion of
divine in wager

There upon she saw a rock glowing strange white dismal light which caused not
fright or fear

For she was immortal that none could move she would live if she was cut down a
thousand times

She did not understand verse of suffering death or tear to the dismal pale light she
felt merely home

AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

An airy mix of romance and bliss you cast images in my mind of seduction and
mystery

The facts of your benefit though seem to cast another light giving good reason to
loathe you
Addicted to your form, movement and scent your airy ways much of my day lives
to breathe you

But one might contemplate why rationally in a not to sophisticated reduction why I
call you friend

You cost me money and time and yet with weaker health you bring my short life
even closer to an end

I have to die of something this is true but after all I have given why the fuck should
it be you ?

I feel underappreciated and with all the harm you do to me my love seems
unreciprocated

For sake of my sanity and so that I do not have to utter any more profanity in this
verse it is you I curse

I am leaving you because you did not treat me well goodbye good riddance I will
see you in hell

My world without you is colder but as I grow older brightness I will see the sun will
rise again for me

Goodbye sweet love forlorn but to be your servant was not the reason I was born

I choose this path of all available because it seems most right and true for all my
promises to bear fruit

I shall not try to barter, steal or buy one more cigarette lest I once again fall for
your abusive lie