Flight

A Novel
Sherman Alexie


To Diane

"Po-tee-weet?"
--Kurt Vonnegut,
Slaughterhouse-Five

Contents
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-one
A!nowle"g#ent$
A %iogra&hy of Sher#an Alexie

One
'A(( )E *+TS,
Every-o"y all$ #e *it$,
That'$ not #y real na#e, of our$e, )y real na#e i$n't
i#&ortant,
Thi$ #orning, + wa!e in a roo# + "o not reogni.e, + often wa!e
in $trange roo#$, +t'$ what + "o, The alar# lo! -ee&$ at #e, + !now
+ "i"n't $et that thing, + alway$ $et alar# lo!$ to &lay wa!e-u&
#u$i, So#ething goo" li!e the /hite Stri&e$ or P0 1arvey or 2eah
2eah 2eah$ or Kanye /e$t, So#ething to $tart your -rain, oo! your
gut$, an" get you angry an" horny at the $a#e ti#e, So#eti#e$ +
wa!e to #y #other'$ favorite #u$i, li!e )arvin 3aye or %loo", Sweat
4 Tear$,
2e$, there u$e" to -e a -an" alle" %loo", Sweat 4 Tear$,
+$n't that the #o$t a#a.ing na#e for a ro! -an" you ever
hear"? /hen it o#e$ right "own to it, everything in the worl" i$
a-out -loo", $weat, an" tear$, So that na#e i$ &erfet, No, it'$ al#o$t
&erfet, The &erfet na#e woul" -e %loo", Sweat, Tear$ 4 'o#e, -ut +
won"er if &eo&le woul" -uy a 'D -y a -an" na#e" $o gra&hially,
All of the guy$ in %loo", Sweat 4 Tear$ ha" long $tringy hair an"
grea$y -ear"$ an" -loo"$hot eye$, They were ugly, %a! in the
$eventie$, all of the ro!$ $tar$ were ugly, An" they were great
#u$iian$, Do ugly guy$ o#&en$ate for their ugline$$ -y -eo#ing
great guitar &layer$? Or "o ertain guitar$ hoo$e their ho#ely &layer$
li!e Exali-ur ho$e (anelot? + wi$h + live" -a! in the $eventie$, A$
ugly a$ + a#, + #ight have -een the -igge$t ro! $tar in the worl",
+ love %loo", Sweat 4 Tear$ -eau$e they're ugly an" -eau$e
they ro! har", An" -eau$e they were #y #other'$ favorite ro!
-an", 1er favorite $ong wa$ the one alle" "+ (ove 2ou )ore Than
2ou'll Ever Know,"
She u$e" to $ing that to #e when + wa$ a -a-y, + re#e#-er her
$inging it to #e, + !now +'# not $u&&o$e" to re#e#-er it, %ut + "o,
)y #e#ory i$ $trange that way, + often re#e#-er &eo&le +'ve
never #et an" event$ an" &lae$ +'ve never $een,
+ "on't thin! +'# $o#e #y$tial -a$tar", + 5u$t thin! + &ay
attention to the "etail$,
+ re#e#-er #y #other an" father $low-"aning to that %loo",
Sweat 4 Tear$ $ong, + re#e#-er how #y father whi$&er-$ang "+ (ove
2ou )ore Than 2ou'll Ever Know" to #y #other, + re#e#-er how they
oneive" #e that night, O!ay, + "on't exatly re#e#-er it, + an't $ee
#y #other an" father na!e" in -e", -ut + an feel a lightning -all
re-oun" off #y $oul whenever + thin! a-out it,
+ figure #y father'$ $&er# an" #y #other'$ egg were e6ual &art$
eletriity an" water,
So, ye$, + wa$ reate" -eau$e of that -loo"y, $weaty, tearful,
an" $ex-$oa!e" $ong, An" $o #y #other alway$ $ang it to #e to
ele-rate #y reation,
)y #other love" #e #ore than any of you will ever !now,
%ut + "on't li!e to thin! a-out #y #other or father, E$&eially
thi$ early in the #orning, An" #y alar# lo! i$n't &laying %loo",
Sweat 4 Tear$ or any other !in" of #u$i, $o + &unh it 6uiet, get out
of -e", wal! into the $trange &in! -athroo#, an" &ee for three
#inute$,
+ !ee& trying to figure out where + a#, an" then + re#e#-er7
Thi$ i$ #y new fo$ter ho#e,
+ an hear #y new fo$ter fa#ily -u#&ing aroun" in the other
roo#$, + "on't are a-out the#, There are #ore i#&ortant thing$ to
thin! a-out, $o + loo! in the #irror an" ount the .it$ on #y fae,
One, two, three, four, all the way u& to forty-$even,
Fourteen .it$ on #y forehea", Twenty-one on #y left hee!, Six
on #y right hee!, Five on #y hin, A huge North Star .it $hine$
-rightly on the en" of #y no$e,
+ an't even ount the )il!y /ay on #y -a!, There are -illion$
an" -illion$ of tho$e &i#&le-$tar$, + -et + oul" $ell the right$ to na#e
eah of the#, )ay-e +'ll $tan" at a freeway exit an" $hout at all of
tho$e lonely o##uter$7 "Back zits for sale! Back zits for sale! Yes,
you can purchase the rights to name one of my back pimples! Give it
as a birthday gift! Buy one for your alentine! !ame one after your
clear-skinned and beautiful teenage daughter to remind her ho" lucky
she is!"
The $!in "otor tell$ #e + have $ix #onth$ to live, +'#
exaggerating, + "on't have a $!in "otor an" you an't atually "ie of
.it$, %ut you an "ie of $ha#e, An", tru$t #e, #y .it-$ha#e i$ !illing
#e,
+'# "ying fro# a-out ninety-nine !in"$ of $ha#e,
+'# a$ha#e" of -eing fifteen year$ ol", An" -eing tall, An"
$!inny, An" ugly,
+'# a$ha#e" that + loo! li!e a -ag of .it$ tie" to a -roo#$ti!,
+ won"er if loneline$$ au$e$ ane, + won"er if -eing +n"ian
au$e$ ane,
)y father wa$ an +n"ian, Fro# thi$ or that tri-e, Fro# thi$ or
that re$ervation, + never !new hi#, -ut + have a &hotogra&h of hi$
ane--la$te" fae, +'ve inherite" hi$ ruine" o#&lexion an" -la! hair
an" -ig +n"ian no$e,
)y father wa$ a "run!, too, #ore in love with -eer an" vo"!a
than with #y #other an" #e,
1e vani$he" li!e a ruel #agiian a-out two #inute$ after + wa$
-orn,
)y #other "ie" of -rea$t aner when + wa$ $ix, + re#e#-er a
few thing$ a-out her, 1er voie, her re" hair, an" the way $he rai$e"
one eye-row when $he laughe", + $o#eti#e$ wi$h $he'" "ie" when +
wa$ younger $o + woul"n't re#e#-er her at all,
+ re#e#-er her green eye$,
She wa$ a white wo#an, +ri$h, + gue$$, + have a &hotogra&h of
her, too, an" $he i$ gorgeou$, )y eye$ are green, li!e her$, -ut +'# not
&retty, + wi$h + loo!e" #ore li!e her,
2e$, + a# +ri$h an" +n"ian, whih woul" -e the oole$t -len" in
the worl" if #y &arent$ were aroun" to teah #e how to -e +ri$h an"
+n"ian, %ut they're not here an" haven't -een for year$, $o +'# not
really +ri$h or +n"ian, +'# a -lan! $!y, a hu#an $olar eli&$e,
A $oial wor!er, a wo#an who wore -lue eyegla$$e$ with a green
$tri&e an" &erfet -la! &ant$, one tol" #e that + ha" never
"evelo&e" a $en$e of iti.en$hi&,
"+t'$ all in the $#all ere#onie$," $he $ai", "For in$tane, "o you
!now how to !not a ne!tie?"
"No," + $ai",
"Do you !now how to $hine a &air of $hoe$?"
"No," + $ai",
"/hen you wal! aroun" thi$ ity, how #any #en "o you $ee
wearing ne!tie$ an" $hiny $hoe$?"
"A lot, + gue$$,"
"1un"re"$ of #en, right?"
"Pro-a-ly,"
"Thou$an"$ in Seattle, thou$an"$ in other itie$, hun"re"$ of
thou$an"$ in the ountry,"
"So what?"
"So what "o you thin! it #ean$ for you?"
She $tare" at #e with $y#&athy, + hate $y#&athy,
"Thi$ i$ -ull$hit," + $ai",
"/hat i$ -ull$hit?" $he $ai",
+ laughe" at her, + hate it when $oial wor!er$ ur$e to &rove
how onnete" they are to youth an" $treet ulture,
"2ou're a fu!ing "rea#er," + $ai" to her, "/hat "o you thin! thi$
i$, the nineteen-fiftie$ or $o#ething? Do you really thin! +'" -eo#e
$o#e !in" of a$$hole iti.en if + wore a tie an" $hiny $hoe$?"
"+t woul" hel&," $he $ai",
"/hatever,"
She leane" lo$e to #e, She $#elle" li!e igarette$ an"
inna#on gu#,
"1ere'$ the thing," $he $ai", "2ou've never learne" how to -e a
fully reali.e" hu#an -eing,"
0e$u$, what !in" of overe"uate" -ith $ay$ that to a !i"?
She #a"e #e $oun" li!e + wa$ rai$e" -y wolve$ when, in fat, +
haven't -een rai$e" -y any-o"y,
No, that'$ not true,
+'ve -een &artially rai$e" -y too #any &eo&le,
+'ve live" in twenty "ifferent fo$ter ho#e$ an" atten"e" twenty-
two "ifferent $hool$, + own only two &air$ of &ant$ an" three $hirt$
an" four &air$ of un"erwear an" one -a$e-all hat an" three &air$ of
$o!$ an" three &a&er-a! novel$ #Grapes of $rath, $inter in the
Blood, an" %he &ead 'one( an" the &hotogra&h$ of #y #other an"
father,
)y entire life fit$ into one $#all -a!&a!,
+ "on't !now any other Native A#erian$, exe&t the ho#ele$$
+n"ian$ who wan"er aroun" "owntown Seattle, + li!e to run away fro#
#y fo$ter ho#e$ an" get "run! with tho$e $treet +n"ian$, 2eah, +'# a
"run!, 5u$t li!e #y father, +'# a goo" "run!, too, 3ifte", you #ight
$ay, + an out"rin! any of tho$e ho#ele$$ +n"ian$ an" re#ain on #y
feet an" $till tell #y $torie$, Tho$e $treet +n"ian$ en5oy #y o#&any,
+'# goo" at -egging, + #a!e goo" oin an" -uy whi$!ey an" -eer for
all of u$ to "rin!,
Of our$e, tho$e wan"ering +n"ian$ are not the only +n"ian$ in
the worl", -ut they're the only one$ who &ay attention to #e,
The rih an" e"uate" +n"ian$ "on't give a $hit a-out #e, They
&reten" + "on't exi$t, They $ay, %he drunken )ndian is *ust a racist
cartoon+ They $ay, %he lonely )ndian is *ust a ghost in a ghost story+
+ wi$h + oul" learn how to hate tho$e rih +n"ian$, + wi$h + oul"
ignore the#, %ut + want the# to &ay attention to #e, + want
every-o"y to &ay attention to #e,
So + $ho&lift an"y an" foo" an" #aga.ine$ an" igarette$ an"
-oo!$ an" 'D$ an" anything that an fit in #y &o!et$, The &olie
alway$ ath #e an" &ut #e in 5uvenile 5ail,
+ get into argu#ent$ an" fi$tfight$ with every-o"y,
+ get $o angry that + go -lin" an" "eaf an" #ute,
+ li!e to $tart fire$, An" +'# a$ha#e" that +'# a fire $tarter,
+'# a$ha#e" of everything, an" +'# a$ha#e" of -eing a$ha#e",
Thi$ #orning, a$ + ount #y .it$ in the #irror, +'# a$ha#e" that
+ an't re#e#-er the na#e$ of #y new fo$ter #other an" father,
+'ve only -een living here in thi$ $trange hou$e, with it$ $trange
&in! -athroo#, for two "ay$,
+ an't re#e#-er the na#e$ of #y new fo$ter &arent$' two real
!i"$, either, or the na#e$ of the other five fo$ter !i"$,
/hen it o#e$ to fo$ter &arent$, there are only two !in"$7 the
goo" -ut #e$$y &eo&le who are trying to hel& !i"$ or the a-$olute
welfare vulture$ who li!e to a$h govern#ent he!$ every #onth,
+t'$ ea$y to tell what !in" of &eo&le #y late$t fo$ter &arent$ are,
Their real !i"$ have new $hoe$8 the fo$ter !i"$ are wearing ra& $hoe$,
%ut who are$, right? +t'$ not li!e +'# going to -e here #uh
longer, +'# never in any one &lae long enough to are,
There'$ thi$ law alle" the +n"ian 'hil" /elfare At that'$
$u&&o$e" to &rotet half--ree" or&han$ li!e #e, +'# only $u&&o$e" to
-e &lae" with +n"ian fo$ter &arent$ an" fa#ilie$, %ut +'# not an
offiial +n"ian, )y +n"ian "a""y gave #e hi$ loo!$, -ut he wa$ never
legally e$ta-li$he" a$ #y father,
Sine +'# not a legal +n"ian, the govern#ent an &ut #e
wherever they want, So they &ut #e with any-o"y who will ta!e #e,
)o$tly they're white &eo&le, + $u&&o$e that #a!e$ $en$e, + a# half
white, An" it'$ not li!e any of thi$ #a!e$ any "ifferene, +'ve ha" two
+n"ian fo$ter father$, an" they were -igger 5er!$ than any of #y
eighteen white fo$ter father$,
Of our$e, + a$$u#e" tho$e +n"ian #en woul" auto#atially -e
-etter father$ to #e than any white guy, -ut + wa$ wrong,
+ ha" thi$ one +n"ian fo$ter "a""y, E"gar, who wa$ great at the
-eginning, 1e wa$ a 5o!, a #u$ular #ahine, 1e too! #e to
Seahaw!$ ga#e$, /e &laye" touh foot-all an" one-on-one hoo&$ in
the &ar!, 1e -ought #e -oo!$,
One ti#e, he gave #e thi$ a#a.ing re#ote ontrol air&lane, an
F-9: fighter 5et, + love" that thing, +t wa$ the #o$t a#a.ing gift +'"
ever reeive", +t #u$t have o$t three hun"re" "ollar$, E"gar -ought
one for hi#$elf, too, an" we "rove out to thi$ re#ote air&lane fiel" in
the 'a$a"e )ountain foothill$,
"+'ve -een raing &lane$ for year$," E"gar $ai", "So "on't ta!e it
too har" if you lo$e, o!ay?"
"O!ay," + $ai", -ut + "i"n't &lan on lo$ing,
/e &ilote" our &lane$ aroun" thi$ irular our$e #ar!e" -y
flag$ an" lan"e" the# on a gra$$y runway,
+ -eat hi# three rae$ in a row,
"/ow," he $ai", "%eginner'$ lu! i$ $o#ething el$e, huh?"
"+ gue$$," + $ai",
+ oul" tell he wa$ getting #a", An" if + were a $#arter !i" or a
"i&lo#at, + woul" have let hi# win the next rae, %ut + oul"n't "o
that, /ho want$ to lo$e?
"There #u$t -e $o#ething wrong with #y &lane," E"gar $ai",
"2ou want to $with?" + $ai",
"2eah,"
So we $withe" &lane$ an" + -eat hi# two #ore ti#e$, lan"ing
#y &lane in the gra$$ #ore 6ui!ly an" $#oothly than he ever woul",
"There'$ $o#ething wrong with thi$ &lane, too," E"gar $ai",
"2eah, the &ilot," + $ai",
E"gar too! #y re#ote ontrol out of #y han"$, taxie" #y &lane
"own the runway, lifte" it into the air, an" flew it full $&ee" into a tree,
,rash+
+ ran over to the &lane, &i!e" it u&, an" $tare" at the "a#age,
One wing wa$ -ro!en8 the ru""er wa$ -ent8 the #iniature &ilot wa$
#i$$ing hi$ hea", + wa$ $are" an" $a", %ut + oul"n't $how it, +'"
alway$ -een &uni$he" for $howing e#otion, +t'$ -e$t to $tay a$ re#ote
a$ tho$e air&lane$,
"/hat "o you thin! of that?" E"gar a$!e", an" li&-&ointe" at the
wre! in #y han"$,
"Thi$ i$ your &lane," + $ai",
2e$, E"gar ha" forgotten we'" $withe" &lane$, %ut + $u&&o$e it
"i"n't #atter -eau$e he flew the other &lane into a tree, too,
,rash+
1e "i"n't yell or u$$ or get all ra.y, E"gar al#ly "e$troye" $ix
hun"re" "ollar$' worth of #o"el air&lane,
,rash, crash+
+f we'" ha" twenty air&lane$, E"gar woul" have ra$he" all of
the#, too,
So who are$ if E"gar wa$ an +n"ian or not? 1i$ +n"ian i"entity
wa$ o#&letely $eon"ary to hi$ &ri#ary i"entity a$ a &lane-ra$hing
a$$hole,
2e$, that'$ #y life, a $erie$ of ruel -a$tar"$ an" air&lane
ra$he$, Twenty little air&lane ra$he$, + a# a fla#ing 5et, ra$hing
into eah new fo$ter fa#ily,
An" here + a#, for the twenty-fir$t ti#e, ra$hing into a $trange
&in! -athroo# in a $trange hou$e in a $trange worl", an" all + an "o
i$ ount #y .it$, 1ow la#e, The only &o$itive thing + an "o i$ hange
their na#e, )ay-e +'ll $tart alling the# $&ot$, li!e the %riti$h "o, That
al#o$t #a!e$ .it$ $oun" har#le$$, "oe$n't it?
+ an hear #y new fo$ter fa#ily, + "on't want to $ee the#, + wi$h
+ oul" $tay in thi$ roo# forever, + wi$h + ha" a televi$ion in #y
-e"roo#, +'ve never #et any &er$on who i$ a$ intere$ting a$ a goo" TV
$how,
+ never un"er$too" the &eo&le who thin! that TV i$ -a" for you, +
gue$$ they've never $een the Di$overy 'hannel, 2ou an learn
$iene, hi$tory, geogra&hy, an" &oliti$ fro# TV, +f you want to fin"
$o#e faith in hu#an -eing$, 5u$t wath one e&i$o"e of Storm Stories
on the /eather 'hannel, an" you'll $ee heroi &eo&le ri$! their live$ to
$ave $tranger$,
+ "on't un"er$tan" hu#an -eing$, + "on't un"er$tan" the &eo&le
who ri$! their live$ to $ave $tranger$, + wi$h + !new &eo&le li!e that,
Everything + !now a-out +n"ian$ ;an" + oul" ea$ily -eat <<
&erent of the worl" in a Native A#erian ver$ion of Trivial Pur$uit=
+'ve learne" fro# televi$ion,
+ !now a-out fa#ou$ hief$, -ro!en treatie$, the &olitial
ativi$# of the 9<>?$ an" 9<@?$, an" the +n"ian war$ of the
nineteenth entury,
+ !now all thi$ $tuff -eau$e it #a!e$ #e feel #ore li!e a real
+n"ian, )ay-e + an't live li!e an +n"ian, -ut + an learn how real
+n"ian$ u$e" to live an" how they're $u&&o$e" to live now,
0e$u$, +'# &atheti, + #a!e it $oun" li!e +'# 5u$t a televi$ion
a""it, %ut +'# al$o a""ite" to -oo!$, An" + !now there ha$ never
-een a hu#an -eing or a televi$ion $how, no #atter how great, that
oul" #ea$ure u& to a great -oo!,
%ut there are no -oo!$ in thi$ -athroo# or in #y -e"roo#, an"
+'ve alrea"y rea" the -oo!$ in #y -a!&a! a hun"re" ti#e$ eah, So
+'# living a new life without new -oo!$,
+ -et you a #illion "ollar$ there are le$$ than five -oo!$ in thi$
whole hou$e, /hat !in" of life an you have in a hou$e without -oo!$?
+ give u& ounting #y $&ot$, wal! into the !ithen, an" loo! at a
roo# full of $tranger$,
"3oo" #orning," the fo$ter #other $ay$, "Do you want a -owl of
ornfla!e$?"
She'$ a $hort fat wo#an, +f thi$ were a fairy tale, $he'" -e the
evil $te&#other who eat$ hil"ren, Thi$ i$n't a fairy tale, $o $he'$ 5u$t a
lo$er who gorge$ on foo" li!e aloholi$ "rin! -oo.e,
The fo$ter father grunt$ fro# -ehin" hi$ new$&a&er, Fo$ter
father$ li!e to grunt an" rea" new$&a&er$, +f + ha" to "e$ri-e thi$ guy
to a &olie $!eth arti$t, +'" $ay he loo!$ li!e the $&ort$ $etion with a
-a" hairut,
"Exu$e #e," the fo$ter #other $ay$ to #e, "+ $ai" goo"
#orning,"
+ "on't $ay anything,
"1ey, young #an," the fo$ter #other $ay$, "/e have rule$
aroun" here, An" rule nu#-er one i$ -e nie,"
"/hatever," + $ay,
The fo$ter father &ut$ "own hi$ &a&er an" $tare$ at #e li!e +
wa$ a new$ $tory a-out a !iller t$una#i, 1e'$ got one eye-row an" a
thi! forehea" li!e a ave#an,
1e'$ eating ereal fla!e$, -ut hi$ -reath $#ell$ li!e -eer an"
onion$,
"3oo" #orning," he $ay$,
"/hatever," + $ay again,
The other !i"$, the real an" the fa!e one$, all $tare at #e, +t'$ a
riot of ol" -lue eye$, Tho$e !i"$ !now what +'# "oing, So#e of the#
alrea"y hate #e for -eing a 5er!, The re$t of the# are -ore", They've
$een it all -efore,
"3oo" #orning," the fo$ter father $ay$ again,
1e'$ hallenging #e, 1e thin!$ he'$ $tronger than + a#, 1e'$
-igger an" taller an" ol"er, $ure, an" ha$ a #illion #ore #u$le$ than
+ "o, -ut + a# $tronger, + a# $tronger than all of #y father$,
"/hatever," + $ay, for the thir" ti#e,
An" + $ay it $low an" har" an" #ean, li!e eah letter wa$ a
u$$wor", An" + "on't #ean the little u$$wor"$ li!e dick an" shit+ +
#ean the -ig one$ li!e cock an" cunt an" motherfucker+ + thin! it'$
$trange how ur$e wor"$ frighten an" "i$gu$t $o#e &eo&le, 2e$, there
are &eo&le afrai" of ertain o#-ination$ of vowel$ an" on$onant$,
+$n't that hilariou$? Don't tho$e wi#&$ reali.e that eah an" every
wor" only ha$ the &ower an" #eaning you a$$ign to it? +f + "ei"e"
that plop wa$ a "irty wor", an" $tarte" u$ing it to ur$e &eo&le, an"
onvine" enough &eo&le to u$e it a$ a ur$e wor" al$o, it woul"
eventually -eo#e an o-$enity,
"1ey," the fo$ter father $ay$, "(oo! at #e,"
1e'$ one hun"re" an" eighty-five &oun"$ of -loo", an" + want to
&unh hi# in the aroti" artery,
"Don't you loo! at #e that way," he $ay$, "Don't try to $tare #e
"own,"
Of our$e, + !ee& $taring at hi#,
"Sto& $taring at #e," he $ay$,
"Plo&," + $ay,
"/hat "i" you $ay?"
"Plo&&ing &lo&,"
0e$u$, + $oun" li!e a &i$$e"-off Dr, Seu$$ harater, That thought
#a!e$ #e laugh,
"Are you laughing at #e?" he a$!$,
"2ou -et your &lo&&ing a$$ +'# laughing at you," + $ay,
+ !now he want$ to &unh #e,
"+'# going to $ay goo" #orning one #ore ti#e," he $ay$, "An" if
you "on't return the favor, you "on't get to eat -rea!fa$t,"
2eah, li!e that'$ a real threat, 2eah, li!e + haven't -een hungry
-efore, 2eah, li!e + are,
"3oo" #orning," the fo$ter father $ay$,
"Fu! you," + $ay,

Two
)2 *+TS 3+VE )E $u&er&ower$,
After + u$$ out #y new fo$ter father, + &ut on #y a&e an" fly
right through the roof of the hou$e,
) am 'it -an, master of the .niverse!
O!ay, + "on't fly, + "o"ge the fo$ter father'$ angry $la& at #y
hea", $hove #y fo$ter #other again$t the wall, an" run out the front
"oor,
+ run the ity $treet$, ran"o#ly turning left an" right an" left
an" right, -eau$e it 5u$t feel$ goo" to run, + u$e" to "rea# that +
oul" run fa$t enough to -urn u& li!e a #eteor an" "ro& little &iee$ of
#e all over the worl",
+ run ;an" -urn= until a &olie ar &ull$ u& in front of #e, +'# an
a-$olute geniu$, $o + turn aroun" an" run the other way,
'o#e on, fu.. -oy$, you an't ath #e, +'# an or&han #eteor,
Two o&$ 5u#& out of their rui$er, +t ta!e$ the# only thirty-five
$eon"$ to ath #e,
They ra$h into #e an" $en" #e $&rawling to the $i"ewal!,
They try to gra- #y ar#$, -ut + &unh one of the# in the ear,
an" + -ite the other o& on the han", They hol" #e "own an" han"uff
#e,
+'# fighting an" !i!ing -eau$e that'$ what + "o, +t'$ how +'#
wire", +t'$ #y &rogra##ing, + rea" one that if a !i" ha$ enough -a"
thing$ ha&&en to hi# -efore he turn$ five, he'$ $rewe" for the re$t of
hi$ life, So that'$ #e, a $rewe" half--ree" who an't "o anything -ut
$&it an" !i! an" -ite an" &unh,
"*it$A *it$A" one of the o&$ yell$, "'al# "ownA 'al# "ownA +t'$
#eA +t'$ #eA"
+ reogni.e hi$ voie, + !now thi$ guy, 1e'$ arre$te" #e a few
"o.en ti#e$, 1e'$ alway$ -een &retty ool, + tru$t hi# not to hurt #e,
$o + al# "own a little,
"Offier Dave," + $ay, "+t'$ goo" to $ee you again,"
The o&$ laugh, +'# a funny !i", even in han"uff$,
"*it$, why you thin! you're $o -a"?" Offier Dave a$!$ #e, "1ow
o#e you alway$ &unh the #o#$ an" never the "a"$?"
"+ 5u$t &unhe" your &artner in the ear," + $ay, "An" he'$ a "u"e,
+ thin!,"
"2ou &unh li!e a girl," that o& $ay$,
"Fu! you," + $ay, "+ "i"n't &unh that fo$ter #o#, + &u$he" her,
(oo! in the "itionary, There'$ a -ig "ifferene -etween &unh an"
&u$h,"
"Tell that to 0u"ge +relan"," Offier Dave $ay$, "+'# $ure $he'll
a&&reiate the voa-ulary le$$on,"
Dave i$ a -ig white "u"e, %ut he'$ got one of tho$e gentle voie$
li!e he'$ tal!ing you "own fro# the le"ge of a tall -uil"ing, )o$t o&$
are &retty ool, + gue$$, +t'$ a tough 5o-, An" #o$t of the# 5u$t !ee&
6uiet an" "o the wor!,
+ "on't li!e o&$, o!ay? + 5u$t have re$&et for the#, A tiny -it of
re$&et, + thin! a lot of the# ha" "run!, $hitty, or #i$$ing father$, 5u$t
li!e + "i", + thin! #any of the# en"ure" haoti an" -rutal hil"hoo"$,
$o they -eo#e o&$ -eau$e they want to reate or"er in the worl",
An" tho$e o&$, forever re#in"e" of their trou-le" youth, often try to
re$ue !i"$ li!e #e, 3oo" o&$ are lifeguar"$ on the $hore$ of (a!e
Fu!e",
(i!e Offier Dave, 1e'$ never $ai" #uh a-out hi$ life, -ut + an
tell he'$ $arre", An" he !now$ +'# $arre", too, The woun"e" alway$
reogni.e the woun"e", /e an $#ell eah other,
"2ou an" #e aren't $o "ifferent," Offier Dave ha$ $ai" #ore than
one, "/e're li!e the $un an" #oon, !i", Different -o"ie$, -ut we're
or-iting in the $a#e $!y,"
2e$, Offier Dave i$ a &oet, 1e even for#e" a &olie offier
&oetry $la# tea# an" #eta&horially -attle" again$t tea#$ of
firefighter$, 5u"ge$, "efen$e attorney$, an" ho#ele$$ !i"$,
Dave i$ o!ay,
Of our$e, &lenty of o&$ 5u$t li!e to -e a$$hole$, an" having a
-a"ge #ean$ you get to -e a &rofe$$ional a$$hole,
"2ou thin! you'll get Bu$$ell a$ your lawyer?" Offier Dave a$!$
#e,
Bu$$ell i$ a &u-li "efen"er, the talle$t, $!innie$t, white$t lawyer
in Seattle, An" #an, oh, #an, "oe$ he tal! fa$t, + #ay-e ath every
thir" or fourth wor", 1e'$ ra.y goo", + gue$$, -ut + won"er why he
"oe$n't go #a!e ton$ of #oney at $o#e or&oration or $o#ething, +
gue$$ he'$ yet another lifeguar" who li!e$ to $ave "rowner$ li!e #e, +
-et you anything that Bu$$ell ha$ a-out twenty-nine $tray at$ $tin!ing
u& hi$ hou$e,
"+'# an +n"ian," + $ay to Offier Dave, "an" we hate lawyer$,"
The o&$ laugh, They !ee& laughing a$ they "rive #e to !i" 5ail
in Seattle'$ 'entral Di$trit, The 'D u$e" to -e a -la! fol!$'
neigh-orhoo", Now it'$ fille" with rih white &eo&le who li!e to &reten"
it'$ $till a -la! fol!$' neigh-orhoo", %ut the !i" 5ail i$ $till here, right
aro$$ the $treet fro# a fany offee $ho&,
Star-u!$ an !i$$ #y $hiny re" a$$,
They &ut #e in a hol"ing ell with a -la! !i" an" a white !i"
an" a 'hine$e !i", /e're the Cnite" Nation$ of 5uvenile "elin6uent$,
"/here you fro#?" the -la! !i" a$!$ #e, -eau$e he want$ to
!now what gang + run with an" if he $houl" fight #e or not,
"+'# fro# a little town alle" Eat )e," + $ay,
The white !i" an" the 'hine$e !i" laugh, The -la! !i" "oe$n't
"o anything, 1e'$ alrea"y -eaten -y #y wor"$ an" "oe$n't want to get
-eaten -y #y fi$t$, + an tell he i$n't a gang-anger, 1e'$ 5u$t an
or"inary $a" -la! !i", + oul" $teal hi$ -a$!et-all $hoe$ right off hi$
feet if + wante" to, -ut + "on't, +'# a nie guy, An" tho$e fany $hoe$
#ight -e the only valua-le thing the !i" own$,
"/hat'$ your na#e?" the white !i" a$!$ #e,
"*it$," + $ay,
"+'ve hear" of you," he $ay$,
"/hat you hear?"
"+ hear you're tough,"
"Tougher than you," + $ay,
There'$ no rea$on to tal! after that, /hy woul" we tal!? /e're
-oy$, %oy$ aren't $u&&o$e" to tal!, So we $it there in our -oy $ilene,
Pretty $oon, the 'hine$e !i"'$ &arent$ &i! hi# u& an" $&an! hi#
li!e he wa$ five year$ ol", an" the -la! !i" get$ tran$ferre" to
another ell,
An" then it'$ the white !i" an" #e,
1e $it$ on the floor at one en" of the ell, + $it on the floor at the
other en", 1e $tare$ at #e for a long ti#e, 1e'$ studying #e,
"/hat are you loo!ing at?" + a$!,
"2our fae," he $ay$,
"/hat a-out #y fae?"
"+t "oe$n't have to -e li!e that," he $ay$, "They got all $ort$ of
#e"iine now, + $ee it on TV, They got #irale .it $tuff, 'lear your fae
right u&,"
+'ve $een tho$e o##erial$ too, The one$ where fa#ou$ &eo&le
li!e P, Di""y an" 0e$$ia Si#&$on an" %roo!e Shiel"$ tal! a-out their
.it$ an" how they got ure" -y thi$ #irale fae rea# #a"e fro#
$are" )exian #u" an" the $weet $&it of a &ro# 6ueen, An", yeah,
+'" love to -uy that $tuff, -ut it o$t$ fifty -u!$ a 5ar, The$e "ay$, you
$ee a !i" with -a" ane, an" you !now he'$ &oor, Bih !i"$ "on't get
ane any#ore, Not really, They 5u$t get a few $&ot$ now an" again,
"/hy "o you are $o #uh a-out #y fae?" + a$! the white !i",
"2ou $o#e !in" of fag?"
+ "on't are if he'$ a fag, + 5u$t !now that fag i$ a &owerful in$ult,
"0u$t tal!ing," he $ay$, "+'# not loo!ing for a fight,"
An" the thing i$, + an tell he'$ not loo!ing for a fight, 1e $tare$
at #e with kindness+ Beal !in"ne$$, + 5u$t #et the guy, an" + feel li!e
he are$ a-out #y $!in an" #e,
1i$ o#&lexion i$ $o lear that it'$ tran$luent, + an $ee the -lue
vein$ running through hi$ $!in li!e river$, + have to a"#it, he'$ a goo"-
loo!ing guy, +n fat, he'$ &retty li!e a girl,
Da#n, #ay-e )'m a fag,
"1ow o#e you "on't get .it$?" + a$! hi#,
"%eau$e + &ray," he $ay$,
+ laugh har",
"/hat'$ $o funny?" he a$!$,
"2ou're one of the# fu!ing 'hri$tian$, aren't you?" + a$!, Tho$e
-a$tar"$ are alway$ trying to $ave #e, a &oor +n5un heathen, "Are you
going to give #e a ti!et to 1eaven?" + a$!,
An" now thi$ &retty white -oy laugh$ har", "%eware of the #an
who$e 3-" i$ in the $!ie$," he $ay$,
"/hat "oe$ that #ean?"
"3eorge %ernar" Shaw wrote it,"
"So what?"
"So it #ean$ +'# not 'hri$tian," he $ay$, "+ hate 'hri$tian$, +
hate )u$li#$ an" 0ew$ an" %u""hi$t$, + hate all organi.e" religion$
an" all "i$organi.e" one$, too,"
"That'$ a lot of hate," + $ay,
"+ $u&&o$e, %ut hate an -e e#&owering,"
"That'$ a -ig wor","
"2ou "on't !now what it #ean$, "o you,"
"+ !now what it #ean$,"
"Tell #e, then,"
Thi$ guy &ro-a-ly thin!$ +'# 5u$t another $tu&i" $treet !i", A
"y$lexi "rone in the $oial welfare $y$te#, %ut +'# $#art, Beally
$#art,
/ell, o!ay, #ay-e not that $#art, + a# urrently $itting in a 5ail
ell,
Peo&le go to 5ail for a rea$on, /ell, for a ou&le of rea$on$,
They're in 5ail -eau$e they're $tu&i" enough to o##it ri#e$, An"
-eau$e they're $tu&i" enough to get aught, An" $o, yeah, #ay-e +'#
$#art -ut +'# al$o "ou-le-$tuff $tu&i", A"ult$ are alway$ telling #e +
"on't live u& to #y &otential,
+ $ay, fu! &otential an" any-o"y who $ay$ that fu!ing wor" to
#e,
"2ou $oun" li!e a teaher," + $ay to the &retty white -oy, "Or a
&reaher,"
"An" you $oun" li!e a hil"," he $ay$,
"/hat are you, #y gran"father?"
"+'# wi$e for #y age," he $ay$, an" laugh$, li!e he'$ #a!ing fun
of hi#$elf, li!e &eo&le have "e$ri-e" hi# that way -efore an" he
thin!$ it'$ goofy,
"1ow ol" are you?" + a$!,
"Seventeen, 1ow ol" are you?"
"Fifteen,"
"All right, )r, Fifteen," he $ay$, "Tell #e what it #ean$ to -e
e#&owere","
All of a $u""en, + feel the nee" to i#&re$$ thi$ !i", + want hi# to
li!e #e, )ore than that, + want hi# to a"#ire #e,
"E#&owere" #ean$ you feel &owerful," + $ay,
"/ell, ye$, that'$ o-viou$," he $ay$, "%ut how "o you o-tain that
feeling of &ower? An" what "o you "o with your &ower after you've
foun" it?"
"+ "on't !now," + $ay,
1e $#ile$, + an $ee all thirty-two of hi$ teeth,
"+ an $how you," he $ay$,

Three
SCDDEN(2, T1E PBETT2 /1+TE -oy i$ #y -e$t frien", )ay-e the
only real frien" of #y life,
/e tal! for hour$, 1e understands #e, 1e'$ only two year$ ol"er,
-ut it $ee#$ li!e he'$ live" for two thou$an" year$,
+ fall in love with hi#, Not ro#antially8 it'$ not a-out $ex or
anything &hy$ial li!e that, No, thi$ !i" i$ $o#e !in" of 0e$u$, + !now
it'$ $illy, An" + !now thi$ !i" "oe$n't even li!e or re$&et 0e$u$--or Allah
or %u""ha or (e%ron 0a#e$ or any other 3-", %ut + really get the
feeling thi$ white !i" oul" $ave #e fro# -eing lonely, + -et he oul"
$ave the whole worl" fro# -eing lonely,
/hen + tell hi# #y #other i$ "ea" an" #y father i$ invi$i-le, the
white !i" $ay$, "Santayana $ay$ there i$ no ure for -irth an" "eath $o
you -etter en5oy the interval,"
/hen + tell hi# +'# an +n"ian, he $ay$, "+'# $orry that #y &eo&le
nearly "e$troye" your &eo&le, Thi$ ountry, the $o-alle" Cnite"
State$, i$ evil, An" you +n"ian$ were the only &eo&le who fought
again$t that white evil, Every-o"y el$e thin!$ we live in a "e#oray,
Every-o"y el$e thin!$ we're free,"
"+n"ian$ have never -een free," + $ay,
"Exatly," he $ay$, "Do you !now what Te""y Boo$evelt $ai"
a-out +n"ian$? 1e $ai", '+ "on't go $o far a$ to thin! that the only goo"
+n"ian$ are "ea" +n"ian$, -ut + -elieve nine out of ten are, an" +
$houl"n't in6uire too lo$ely into the a$e of the tenth,' 1ow an it -e a
"e#oray when &re$i"ent$ tal! li!e that?"
/hen + tell hi# + li!e to $tart fire$, he $ay$, "+t'$ wrong to -urn
goo" thing$, +f you want to $et fire$, you #u$t -urn "own -a" thing$,
Be#e#-er, revolution i$ not a-out $&ontaneou$ o#-u$tion, The true
revolutionary #u$t $et hi#$elf afla#e,"
/hen + tell hi# that + get lonely, he $ay$, "The in"ivi"ual ha$
alway$ ha" to wor! har" to avoi" -eing overwhel#e" -y the tri-e, +f
you try it, you will -e lonely often an" $o#eti#e$ frightene", %ut no
&rie i$ too high for the &rivilege of owning your$elf,"
"/ho $ai" that?"
"Niet.$he,"
1e a#a.e$ #e, +'ve never !nown any-o"y, e$&eially a !i", who
an tal! li!e hi#,
"2ou're $o "a#n $#art," + $ay, "1ow #any -oo!$ have you
rea"?"
"All of the#," he $ay$,
/e laugh,
An" he hug$ #e, +'# not afrai" of hi#, +'# not afrai" that the
o&$ #ight $ee u$ hugging, +'# not afrai" of #y$elf for hugging hi#,
+'# a fatherle$$ !i" who want$ another teenager to -e #y father,
Thi$ &retty -oy get$ out of 5ail -efore + "o, -ut he &ro#i$e$ #e
he'll o#e re$ue #e fro# wherever they $en" #e,
+ hate #y ountry, There are $o #any rih &eo&le who "on't
$hare their $hit, They're li!e $&oile" little ten-year-ol" -ullie$ on the
&laygroun", They hog the #on!ey -ar$ an" the $li"e an" the $ee$aw,
An" if you o#&lain even a little -it, if you try to get 5u$t one $&in on
the #erry-go-roun", the -ullie$ -eat the $hit out of you,
+ get $o angry $o#eti#e$ that + want to hurt &eo&le, + "rea#
a-out hurting &eo&le, A-out !illing the#, +'ve alway$ ha" tho$e !in" of
"rea#$,
+ have thi$ reurring "rea# where +'# atta!e" -y thi$ gang of
-la! #en, They're &unhing an" !i!ing #e, an" + thin! +'# going to
"ie, %ut $o#ehow + get to #y feet an" turn into a raving #ania, +
tear tho$e -la! guy$ a&art, + !ill the# an" go anni-al, + ri& o&en
tho$e -la! guy$' -ellie$ an" he$t$ an" eat their liver$ an" lung$, +
-rea! o&en their $!ull$ an" eat their -rain$,
Soun"$ rai$t, right?
%ut + "on't thin! +'# a rai$t, + #ea$ure #en -y the ontent of
their harater, not the olor of their $!in, an" + fin" all of the# are
a$$hole$,
A ou&le year$ -a!, thi$ !i" &$yhiatri$t tol" #e + have violent
"rea#$ an" fanta$ie$ -eau$e +'ve $een $o #uh violene in #y life,
"2ou "rea# a-out !illing an" eating -la! guy$," he $ai",
"-eau$e, in A#erian $oiety, -la! #en are the #eta&hori
e#-o"i#ent of rage an" fear an" &ain,"
/hat the hell i$ a #eta&hori e#-o"i#ent? An" why "o + want
to eat it?
The !i" $hrin! tol" #e + wa$ &rogra##e" for violene,
"2ou an get -etter," he $ai", "%ut your fir$t re$&on$e will alway$
-e to fight, To hurt, To au$e &ain an" fear,"
Doe$n't that 5u$t give you ho&e for #e?
The $hrin! al$o tol" #e + have attah#ent i$$ue$, "All you !now
a-out i$ a-$ene," he $ai", "An" you're alway$ loo!ing to fill that
a-$ene,"
An" "o you !now what + $ai" to hi#? "2ou an $ti! your hea"
u& your hairy &u$$-fille" a-$ene,"
1a, ha, ha, ha, +$n't that funny? + threw a &un in hi$ fae, Of
our$e, it wa$ a violent &un, $o #ay-e that "otor wa$ right a-out #e,
)ay-e +'# "oo#e" to fill #y e#&ty life with fire$ an" fi$t$, )ay-e +'#
"oo#e" to $&en" the re$t of #y life in 5ail ell$ li!e thi$ one,
So +'# #ulling the$e thing$, feeling "ou-le-"i&-"oo#e", when
Offier Dave vi$it$ #e,
"1ey," he $ay$,
"1ey," + $ay,
"Aren't you getting tire" of $&en"ing all your ti#e in 5ail?"
"0ail here, 5ail there, it'$ all the $a#e,"
"2ou're too young to -e tal!ing li!e that," he $ay$,
"/hatever," + $ay,
Dave $ha!e$ hi$ hea", 1e loo!$ "i$a&&ointe", De&re$$e", even, +
figure he'$ going to wal! away an" never return,
"2ou're running out of hane$," he $ay$,
"/hat hane$?" + a$!,
"The hane to hange your life,"
"/hatever," + $ay,
"/ell, li$ten u&, )r, /hatever," Dave $ay$, "+ got you one #ore
hane, +n$tea" of #ore 5ail, + tal!e" the 5u"ge into $en"ing you to a
halfway hou$e,"
"1alfway to where?" + a$!,
Offier Dave laugh$ an" leave$ #e to #y 5ailer$, An" tho$e "ang
-ullie$ ta!e #e out of #y ell an" $hi& #e to a halfway hou$e for
5uvenile offen"er$, + hate grou& ho#e$ even #ore than + hate fo$ter
ho#e$,
+'ve ha" $o#e na$ty oun$elor$ an" $u&ervi$or$ in grou& ho#e$,
)ean &eo&le, ugly &eo&le, an" tho$e $i! -a$tar"$, tho$e Cnle 'ree&y
ty&e$, who try to $ti! their han"$ "own your &ant$, + got $ent to 5ail
one -eau$e + &unhe" one of tho$e &e"o&hile$ in the roth, +
wante" to -rea! hi$ "i! in half,
So +'# lying awa!e in a groun"-floor -e"roo# of thi$ 5uvie
halfway hou$e, where all the oun$elor$ are Cnle 'ree&y ty&e$ who
want to give you an"y, an" +'# thin!ing a-out running away when
there'$ a !no! on the win"ow,
+ &ull -a! the urtain$ an" $ee hi#, the -eautiful white !i", #y
new -e$t frien",
+ "on't !now how he foun" #e, %ut there he i$, )y hero,
1e $#ile$ an" -rea!$ the win"ow,
+ li#- out an" we e$a&e together,
/e run to an a-an"one" warehou$e in SoDo, an in"u$trial
$etion of Seattle "own near the waterfront,
/e li#- the "angerou$ $tair$ to the to& floor where the white
!i" ha$ #a"e a ho#e out of gar-age an" a-an"one" offie furniture,
/e $it on hair$ #a"e out of new$&a&er$, + laugh,
"/hat'$ $o funny?" he a$!$,
"+ "on't even !now your na#e," + $ay,
1e $#ile$, wal!$ over to the orner, &ull$ $o#ething out of a
$a!, an" wal!$ -a! to #e,
"Thi$ i$ #y na#e," he $ay$, an" han"$ #e two &i$tol$, One of
the# loo!$ li!e a regular gun an" the other one loo!$ li!e a Star /ar$
la$er,
"That one i$ a thirty-eight $&eial," the &retty -oy $ay$, "an" the
other one i$ a &aint gun,"
+'ve $een &aint-gun o#&etition$ on ESPN, tho$e fa!e fight$
where fat white guy$ run aroun" fa!e -attlefiel"$ an" $hoot eah other
with -all$ of Day-3lo "ye,
They li!e to fight fa!e war$ -eau$e there aren't enough real
one$,
+'ve $een real &eo&le get $hot -y real gun$, %ut +'ve never hel" a
real gun, +'ve alway$ hear" an" rea" that gun$ are ol" #etal, %ut not
thi$ one, +t feel$ war# an" o#forta-le, li!e a leather reliner $itting in
front of a $ixty-inh 1DTV,
+ laugh again,
"/hat'$ funny thi$ ti#e?" he a$!$,
"2our na#e i$ 3un$," + $ay, "That'$ a really $tu&i" na#e,"
+t'$ hi$ turn to laugh, ")y na#e i$n't 3un$," he $ay$, ")y na#e i$
0u$tie,"
/e laugh together,
"That i$ a orny-a$$ na#e," + $ay, "/here'" you get it?"
"+ gave it to #y$elf," he $ay$, "%ut + wi$h +'" -een given #y
na#e -y +n"ian$, 2ou guy$ u$e" to give out na#e$ -eau$e &eo&le
earne" the#, %eau$e they "i" $o#ething a#a.ing, An" it wa$ the ol"
&eo&le who gave out tho$e na#e$7 the el"er$, the wi$e one$, + wi$h
the wi$e one$ were $till here,"
+ thin! of the great Oglala Sioux warrior 'ra.y 1or$e, who wa$
given hi$ na#e after he -attle" heroially again$t other +n"ian$,
2e$, +n"ian$ have alway$ love" to !ill other +n"ian$, +$n't that
twi$te"?
+ thin! of how 'ra.y 1or$e wa$ $&eare" in the $to#ah -y a C,S,
'avalry $ol"ier while hi$ -e$t frien", (ittle %ig )an, hel" hi$ ar#$, +
thin! of the #illion$ of "ea" an" "ying +n"ian$,
"Do you !now a-out the 3ho$t Dane?" + a$!,
"No," 0u$tie $ay$, "Teah #e,"
"+t wa$ thi$ ere#ony reate" -y the Paiute holy #an /ovo!a,
-a! in the eighteen-$eventie$, 1e $ai", if the +n"ian$ "ane" thi$
"ane long enough, all the "ea" +n"ian$ woul" return an" the white
&eo&le woul" "i$a&&ear,"
"Soun"$ li!e #y !in" of "ane," 0u$tie $ai",
"2eah, -ut it "i"n't wor!, All the 3ho$t Daner$ were
$laughtere","
")ay-e they "i"n't have the right !in" of #u$i,"
"2eah, they $houl" have ha" )etallia,"
0u$tie an" + laugh, An" then he $to&$ laughing,
"Di" you ever try to 3ho$t-Dane?" he a$!$,
"No-o"y'$ 3ho$t-Dane" in over a hun"re" year$," + $ay, "An" +
"on't thin! one &er$on an "o it well enough to #a!e it wor!, + thin!
you nee" all +n"ian$ to "o it,"
"/ell, + thin! you're $trong enough to 3ho$t-Dane all -y
your$elf, + thin! you an -ring -a! all the +n"ian$ an" "i$a&&ear all
the white &eo&le,"
+ want to tell 0u$tie that the only +n"ian + want to -ring -a! i$
#y father an" the only white &eo&le + want to "i$a&&ear are #y evil
fo$ter fa#ilie$,
+ gue$$ 0u$tie "oe$n't reali.e that a $ue$$ful 3ho$t Dane
woul" #a!e hi# "i$a&&ear, too, %ut #ay-e he "oe$n't thin! he'$ white,
Or #ay-e he thin!$ he'$ invini-le,
"The thing i$," 0u$tie $ay$, "what if thi$ 3ho$t Dane i$ real?
/hat if you an -ring -a! your &arent$ if you "ane?"
"+ "on't have rhyth#," + $ay,
"%e $eriou$," he $ay$, an" fla$he$ the &i$tol$ at #e, "/hat if you
oul" re$urret your &arent$ with the$e? /oul" you !ill a white #an if
it woul" -ring -a! your #other?"
0e$u$, what a 6ue$tion,
0u$tie let$ #e thin! a-out #y an$wer for two or three #inute$,
-ut + an't $ay ye$ or no, + "on't !now what + woul" "o if + !new that
!illing $o#eone woul" -ring #y #other -a! to life,
Then 0u$tie $ay$ he'$ hungry, $o he hi"e$ the &i$tol$ again an"
we go on a foo" 6ue$t, ru##aging through $u&er#ar!et Du#&$ter$
an" re$taurant tra$h an$,
For two wee!$, we hunt for foo" "uring the night an" tal! "uring
the "ay,
/hen we tal!, 0u$tie let$ #e hol" the real &i$tol, /e ta!e the
-ullet$ out of it, an" + &ratie &ulling the trigger,
,lick, click+
Then we ta&e u& new$&a&er an" #aga.ine &hoto$ of &eo&le we
hate, li!e 3eorge / %u$h an" Di! 'heney an" )ihael 0a!$on an"
that %riti$h "u"e fro# /merican )dol, an" + &ratie $hooting at the#
with the e#&ty gun,
,lick, click, click+
Then we go u& on the roof of the warehou$e, an" + &ratie
$hooting at ar$ "riving -y on the freeway, An" at &eo&le wal!ing the
$treet$ "own -elow u$,
,lick, click, click, click+
So#e night$, 0u$tie an" + go out with the &aint gun, hi"e in
"ar! &lae$, an" $hoot &eo&le,
The thing i$, when two !i"$ 5u#& out of an alley an" &oint a gun
at you, it i$n't li!e you're going to thin!, 0h, it's *ust a paint gun+
No&e, you're going to thin!, 0h, shit, t"o kids are going to kill
me!
So, #an, oh, #an, "o + hear $o#e &eo&le $rea#, 2ou !now
what'$ really funny? /hen &eo&le thin! they're going to "ie, they all
$rea# li!e nine-year-ol" girl$,
One night, "own on the waterfront, a -ig ol" white guy faint$
when + &oint the gun at hi#, + "on't even have to over hi# with re"
"ye, 1e 5u$t fall$ "own on the $i"ewal! an" twithe$,
0u$tie an" + $tan" over the unon$iou$ "u"e, 1e loo!$ "ea",
an" + feel &owerful,
There are #o#ent$ when a -oy an feel i##ortal,
+ &ratie !illing &eo&le until it feel$ li!e +'# really !illing the#, +
won"er how long it woul" ta!e #e to really $hoot $o#e-o"y, + won"er
what woul" ha&&en if + !ille" ten, twenty, or thirty &eo&le, +f + !ille"
enough &eo&le for real, woul" it -egin to feel li!e &ratie?
Every night, after hour$ of tal!ing an" &ratie-$hooting with the
real gun an" fa!e-$hooting with the &aint gun, 0u$tie a$!$, "/hat
woul" you "o if the 3ho$t Dane i$ real?"
1i$ 6ue$tion ehoe$ in #y hea", +t $tay$ there an" + want to
give 0u$tie the -e$t an$wer, The only an$wer, The an$wer he want$,
"/hat if the 3ho$t Dane i$ real?" 0u$tie a$!$ #e again an"
again,
The 6ue$tion rawl$ into #y lothe$ an" &u$he$ it$ way through
#y $!in an" into #y $to#ah, The 6ue$tion fee"$ #e,
"Do you thin! the 3ho$t Dane i$ real?" 0u$tie a$!$,
After hearing that 6ue$tion a thou$an" ti#e$, + finally have the
an$wer,
"2e$," + $ay,
0u$tie laugh$ an" hug$ #e, + a# $o &rou", + feel li!e + finally
"e$erve hi$ love,
"O!ay, o!ay," he $ay$, "Now you an "ane, Now you
un"er$tan", Now you have the !nowle"ge, Now you have the &ower,
So what are you going to "o with that &ower?"
+ $tare at the &i$tol in #y han",
"+'# going to $tart a fire," + $ay,
"2e$," 0u$tie $ay$, an" !ee&$ on hugging #e, 1e love$ #e, An"
+ love 0u$tie,
The next "ay, "uring lunh hour, + $tan" in the lo--y of a -an! in
"owntown Seattle, Fifty or $ixty &eo&le are here with #e7 #en,
wo#en, an" hil"ren of #any "ifferent olor$, + hear four or five
"ifferent language$ -eing $&o!en, An" + gue$$ the$e &eo&le have
#any "ifferent religion$, %ut none of that #atter$, + !now the$e
&eo&le #u$t "ie $o #y #other an" father an return,
+ -reathe, try to relax, an" &ull the real an" &aint &i$tol$ out of
#y &o!et, + $ay a little &rayer an" "ane through the lo--y, + ai# #y
&i$tol$ at the fae$ of the$e $tranger$, They $rea# or fall to the floor
or run or free.e or wee& or ur$e or lo$e their eye$,
One #an &oint$ at #e,
"2ou're not real," he $ay$,
/hat a $trange thing to $ay to a -oy with a gun, %ut then +
won"er if he'$ right, )ay-e +'# not real, An" if +'# not real, none of
the$e &eo&le are real, )ay-e all of u$ are gho$t$,
'an a gho$t !ill another gho$t?
+ &u$h the real an" &aint &i$tol$ into the #an'$ fae, An" + &ull
the trigger$,
+ $&in in irle$ an" $hoot an" $hoot an" $hoot, + !ee& &ulling
the trigger$ until the -an! guar" $hoot$ #e in the -a! of the hea", +
a# $till alive when + $tart to fall, -ut + "ie -efore + hit the floor,

Four
"/AKE CP, K+D8 'O)E ON, it'$ ti#e to go,"
+ o&en #y eye$, +'# lying in a ho$&ital -e", No, +'# in a #otel-
roo# -e", a $#all an" hea& an" filthy #otel roo#, A roo# where a
#illion ugly &eo&le have "one a #illion ugly thing$, There are $tain$ on
the wall$, an" you "on't even want to gue$$ what au$e" the#,
/hy a# + in thi$ horri-le #otel roo#? /ell, + "i" one of the
uglie$t thing$ a &er$on an "o, right? + 5u$t $hot u& a -an! full of
&eo&le, 1ow oul" + have "one that? + thin! a-out that #an who "i"n't
thin! + wa$ real, )ay-e + wa$n't real, )ay-e none of it ha&&ene", +
&ray to 3-" that it "i"n't ha&&en,
%ut + re#e#-er the -an! $o learly, + an hear the $rea#$ an"
$#ell the gun&ow"er, No night#are an feel that real, an it?
+ want to vo#it,
+ one rea" that twenty or thirty &eo&le 5u#& off Seattle'$ Aurora
Avenue %ri"ge every year, An" +'# $ure that all of the# &ro-a-ly
hange" their #in"$ a-out $uii"e the #o#ent after they 5u#&e", (et
#e tell you, + feel li!e one of tho$e 5u#&er$, + feel li!e + 5u#&e" off
$o#e !in" of -ri"ge an" hange" #y #in" too late to $ave any of u$,
%ut why a# + alive? Di" + really $urvive a -ullet to the -rain?
"Da#n it, !i"," a #an $ay$, "3et u&, we only have a few
#inute$,"
+ "on't reogni.e the #an'$ voie, + $it u& in -e" an" $ee hi#
$itting on the other -e", 1e &ut$ on hi$ $hoe$, 1e'$ a $eriou$ white
guy, #ay-e forty year$ ol", wearing a -lue $hirt an" -lue 5ean$, 1e'$
fat -ut $trong-loo!ing at the $a#e ti#e, li!e a &rofe$$ional wre$tler,
1e'$ al$o got a &i$tol in the hol$ter on hi$ -elt,
A o&,
+'# not "ea", -ut + a# un"er arre$t, %ut how oul" + not -e
"ea"? + felt that -ullet ra$h through #y -rain, + $aw white light, An"
then it went "ar!, An" + "on't #ean a$lee& "ar!, + #ean $hot-in-the-
-rain-until-you're-"ea" "ar!,
%ut + gue$$ they $ave" #e, So#e a#a.ing "otor$ an" nur$e$
#u$t have $ave" #e, They $ave" the life of a !iller, + won"er if it
#a!e$ the# #a" or $a" when they "o that, + won"er if + "e$erve to
live, /hat the hell wa$ + thin!ing? /hat !in" of -a$tar" a# +? +'# 5u$t
another .it-fae" frea! with a gun, )an, + ha" no i"ea + wa$ thi$ evil,
An" then it #a!e$ #e won"er, Do evil &eo&le kno" they're evil? Or "o
they 5u$t thin! they're "oing the right thing?
+ thin! a-out 0u$tie, + thin! he foole" #e, + thin! he
-rainwa$he" #e, +f he wa$ $o righteou$, why wa$n't he in the -an!
with #e?
1e'$ free an" +'# tra&&e",
That -ullet #u$t have "one $o#e #a5or "a#age, + ho&e + $till
have a fae an" o#&lete $!ull, + reah u& to touh the -an"age$, %ut
there are no -an"age$, An" there'$ no -loo" or $ar$ or any other
"i$gu$ting hea"-woun" $hit, + "on't feel any &ain at all, +n fat, + feel
$tronger than ever -efore,
+ "on't un"er$tan" what ha$ ha&&ene", + $urvive" a -ullet to the
-rain, An" +'# in a #otel roo# with a o&,
"/here a# +?" + a$! the o&,
"/e'll -oth -e in a $hit $tor# if we #i$$ thi$ #eeting, /e fell
a$lee&, 'o#e on, 3et u&, get your $tuff, an" let'$ go,"
"/here are we going?"
"0ee., 1an!, $ha!e the $lee& out of your -rain an" get #oving,"
1an!? Di" he 5u$t all #e 1an!?
")y na#e i$n't 1an!," + $ay,
"Duit fooling aroun", 1an!, you're getting #e #a","
"Duit alling #e 1an!,"
The o& $tan"$ an" wal!$ over to #e, 1e lean$ over #e an"
$tare$ har" at #e, 1i$ -reath $#ell$ li!e -eer an" onion$,
2e$, +'ve ha" 6uite a few ugly $#elly guy$ lean over #y -e", +
get the urge to &unh thi$ o& in the roth,
"Are you $till a$lee&?" he a$!$,
"No,"
"2ou're in one of the# wa!ing "rea#$, aren't you?" he a$!$,
"(i!e $lee&wal!ing or $o#ething, right?"
1e $la&$ #y hee! lightly, Then $la&$ #e har"er,
"Di" that hel&, 1an!?" he a$!$,
"2ou all #e 1an! one #ore ti#e," + $ay, "an" +'# going to !i!
your a$$,"
1e laugh$, &ull$ #e off the -e" an" to #y feet, an" $hove$ #e
aro$$ the roo#, + tri& over a &air of $hoe$ an" -u#& the -a! of #y
hea" again$t a #irror,
"That'$ &olie -rutalityA" + $hout,
The o& 5u$t laugh$, +'ve alway$ -een goo" at #a!ing o&$
laugh, %ut +'# not trying to -e funny thi$ ti#e,
"+ 5u$t got $hot in the -rain," + $ay, "Are you trying to !ill #e?"
1e laugh$ again, gra-$ a hol$tere" &i$tol off the ta-le, an" han"$
it to #e,
"O!ay, $ol"ier u&, funny guy," he $ay$, "/e got real wor! to "o,"
+ a# $tunne", + a# the &$yho teen who $hot u& a -an! fille"
with &eo&le an" a o& 5u$t han"e" #e a giganti frea!in' gun! A ,E:@
-agnum! At lea$t, + thin! it'$ a )agnu#, + "on't !now gun$ #uh, -ut
+'ve $een thi$ one in the #ovie$,
+ turn aroun" to loo! at #y$elf in the #irror, + ex&et to $ee #e
&reten"ing to -e 'lint Ea$twoo", %ut in$tea" + a# loo!ing at a fae
that i$ not #y own,
1uh, +$n't that $o#ething?
They #u$t have "one &la$ti $urgery on #e, That -ullet #u$t
have ta!en off #y fae, An" $o they ha" to ta!e #y .itty teenage
+n"ian #ug an" re&lae it with a han"$o#e white guy'$ fae,
2e$, + a# loo!ing at a very han"$o#e white guy in the #irror,
1i$ hair i$ -lon", 1i$ eye$ are -lue, 1i$ $!in i$ lear, Thi$ guy ha$n't
ha" a .it in hi$ whole life, An" thi$ guy i$ #e,
+$n't #o"ern #e"iine a#a.ing?
"/ow," + $ay to the o&, "+ really li!e #y new fae,"
1e 5u$t $tare$ at #e,
"+t'$ li!e that #ovie with 0ohn Travolta," + $ay, "The one where he
$withe$ fae$ with Niola$ 'age, + "i"n't !now that $tuff wa$ real,"
The o&'$ fae hange$ ex&re$$ion, All of a $u""en he loo!$ a
little onfu$e", An" worrie", "Di" you have a $tro!e or $o#ething,
1an!?" he a$!$, "2ou're not tal!ing or loo!ing right,"
+ an't figure out why he !ee&$ alling #e 1ank+ /ell, #ay-e
they hange" #y fae and #y na#e, An" $o + loo! "own an" reali.e +
a# $horter than + u$e" to -e, +n fat, + reali.e +'# a-out $ix or $even
inhe$ $horter than + u$e" to -e, +'# a $hort guy now, -ut + have a lot
#ore #u$le$, )y ar#$ are huge, + have the fae an" -o"y of a
-o"y-uil"er white guy, + a# -eautiful,
0ee., + $houl" get $hot in the -rain every "ay,
+ $u""enly get an i"ea, + reah "own an" he! the $i.e of #y
groinal region, an" + reali.e that +'# "ifferent "own there, too, + a# a
-ig guy in all $ort$ of way$,
"Are you $ure you're o!ay?" the o& a$!$ #e, "+'# alling thi$ off
if you're not o!ay, +t'$ too "angerou$ if you're not o!ay,"
"No, no, no," + $ay, "Everything i$ goo","
Of our$e, +'# lying, + "on't !now that everything i$ goo", + a#
very onfu$e",
"Tell #e you're o!ay," the o& $ay$, "/e're not leaving thi$ roo#
unle$$ you $ay you're o!ay,"
"+'# o!ay," + $ay,
1e -elieve$ #e,
"3oo", 3oo", &artner, let'$ go !i! $o#e -utt," the o& $ay$, an"
to$$e$ #e a wallet, )y wallet, + o&en it u& an" $ee a gol" -a"ge, )y
-a"ge, An" then + &ull an +D ar" out of the wallet an" loo! at the
&hoto, +t'$ #e,
/ell, it'$ a &iture of a guy with #y new white fae, %ut that +D
$ay$ that thi$ fae -elong$ to a guy na#e" 1an! Stor#, an" that he'$
thirty-five year$ ol", an" that he'$ an F%+ agent, 2e&, a fe"eral agent,
A $u&ero&,
"+'# 1an! Stor#?" + a$! the other o&, who #u$t -e an F%+ guy,
too,
"2e$," he $ay$, "2ou're finally awa!e, 0ee., 1an!, you really ha"
#e worrie" there, All right, let'$ go $ave the worl","
+ &ut on #y $hoe$ an" follow hi# out the "oor,

Five
T1E OT1EB F%+ DCDE an" + $te& out of our #otel roo#, +t'$ "ar!
an" lear an" + an $ee $tar$ in the $!y, )ore $tar$ than +'ve ever
$een, + al$o $ee a $ign that $ay$ thi$ i$ the Be" Biver )otor +nn,
Be" Biver, Be" Biver, Be" Biver8 that na#e i$ $o fa#iliar, + thin! +
rea" a-out it $o#ewhere, An" then + re#e#-er, Be" Biver i$ on the
Nanna&u$h +n"ian Be$ervation,
"Be" Biver, +"aho," + $ay,
"2e&," the other F%+ $ay$, "The a$$hole of A#eria,"
"(ot of +n"ian$ here,"
"2eah, + wi$h 'u$ter woul" have !ille" a few #ore of the$e "a#n
te&ee ree&er$,"
"/ow," + $ay, "2ou really hate +n"ian$, "on't you?"
"+ "i"n't !now any +n"ian$ until they $ent #e to wor! here, An"
then + #et +n"ian$, An" tru$t #e, none of the# i$ worth #uh, /ell,
#ay-e $o#e of the !i"$, So#e of the !i"$ are $till o!ay, %ut they're
going to go -a", too, 0u$t you wath, There'$ $o#ething -a" in$i"e
the$e +n"ian$, They an't hel& the#$elve$,"
+ won"er what thi$ rai$t F%+ #an woul" "o if he !new hi$
&artner wa$ really a half--ree" +n"ian, + want to tell hi#, -ut + "on't
want to get &unhe", Or $hot in the hea", Again,
So + !ee& 6uiet, A$ 6uiet a$ thi$ re$ervation,
+ loo! at the #a& in$i"e #y #e#ory an" reali.e +'# $ix hun"re"
#ile$ fro# the neare$t real ity, An" there are $o #any $tar$, + !now
ity light$ -ut + "on't !now $tar$,
"The $!y i$ -eautiful," + $ay, "(i!e a $tarry -lan!et,"
The other F%+ laugh$ an" laugh$, "0ee.," he $ay$, "2ou go to
$lee& a !iller an" you wa!e u& li!e $o#e !in" of &oet,"
"+'# a !iller &oet," + $ay,
The other F%+ love$ that, 1e $la&$ #e har" on the -a!, -ut it
"oe$n't hurt at all -eau$e + a# very #u$ular,
"/hat ti#e i$ it anyway?" + a$!,
"Three in the #orn," the other F%+ $ay$, "/e have to hurry,"
So we get into the govern#ent $e"an an" the other F%+ "rive$
u$ through a #a.e of "irt roa"$ to an ol" $ha! $itting out the #i""le
of a "ar! nowhere, +t'$ $o "ar! + an't $ee #ore than four or five feet
away, +t'$ li!e -eing in the -elly of a whale,
"+ -et you an't get ell &hone ree&tion out here," + $ay,
"/hat'$ a ell &hone?" the other F%+ a$!$,
+t'$ #y turn to laugh,
"+$ the F%+ too hea& to give ell &hone$ to it$ agent$?" + a$!,
"+ "on't !now what you're tal!ing a-out," he $ay$,
/ow, thi$ guy i$n't !i""ing, 1e "oe$n't !now a-out ell &hone$, +
gue$$ he'$ ol"-fa$hione", + want to a$! hi# if he'$ hear" of eletriity,
Then + $ee hea"light$ o#ing "own the roa" -ehin" u$,
"All right, all right, get your ga#e fae on, !i"," $ay$ the other
F%+, "Thing$ oul" get ugly real 6ui!,"
1e &ull$ out hi$ &i$tol an" he!$ the a##o,
"Are we going to have a gunfight?" + a$!,
"/oul"n't -e the fir$t ti#e," he $ay$,
So + &ull out #y &i$tol an" he! the a##o, O!ay, + thin!, +
have to -e in $o#e !in" of "rea#, Thi$ an't -e real, + annot -e
getting rea"y for a gunfight, +'# exite" an" $are", An" then + reali.e
$o#ething,
"1ey," + $ay to the other F%+, "/hat'$ your na#e?"
1e reat$ li!e + 5u$t $la&&e" hi#,
"2ou're not o!ay, are you?" he a$!$, + an $ee -ig fear in hi$
eye$, That fear "oe$n't $ee# fa!e, +t "oe$n't feel li!e a "rea#, The
hea"light$ -ehin" u$ #ove lo$er,
"+'# o!ay," + $ay, "+ 5u$t forgot your na#e,"
"2ou lie" to #e," he $ay$, "There is $o#ething wrong with you,
i$n't there? 0ee., you ha" one of the# $tro!e$, "i"n't you? Ah, #an,
we're in trou-le,"
1e loo!$ -a! at tho$e hea"light$ traveling towar" u$, There
#u$t -e $eriou$ly "angerou$ "u"e$ in that ar,
"0u$t tell #e your na#e," + $ay,
"Art," he $ay$, ")y na#e i$ Art, 2ou an" + have -een &artner$ for
twelve year$,"
"That'$ a long ti#e," + $ay,
The other ar &ull$ u& -e$i"e u$, + loo! in$i"e an" $ee two +n"ian
guy$, They loo! fa#iliar, + $tare at the#, An" they $tare at #e, An"
then + reali.e who they are, They're ativi$t$ fro# +BON, whih i$ the
arony# for +n"igenou$ Bight$ NowA
"1ey, Art," + $ay, "tho$e guy$ are fa#ou$,"
Art al#o$t ga$&$ an" let$ out thi$ $6uea!y whine, li!e a little girl
on a roller oa$ter,
"The &a$$enger, what'$ hi$ na#e?" + a$!,
+ re#e#-er that the #e#-er$ of +BON gave u& their -irth
na#e$ -eau$e they were "olonial &oi$on" an" na#e" the#$elve$
after ani#al$,
"Oh, + re#e#-er, hi$ na#e i$ 1or$e," + $ay,
"2eah," Art $ay$, 1i$ voie ra!$,
"An" the "river, that'$ El!," + $ay,
Art 5u$t no"$ hi$ hea", 1e loo!$ at #e -ug-eye",
"Tho$e guy$ are $u&er fa#ou$," + $ay, "Fa#ou$ for +n"ian$, at
lea$t, + $aw the# -oth in thi$ "ou#entary a-out the ivil war in Be"
Biver, 2ou !now, that'$ where +BON wa$ &roteting tra"itional +n"ian$
fro# the evil +n"ian tri-al govern#ent "u"e$, /hat were they alle"?"
"1A))EB," Art $ay$,
"2eah, 1A))EB," + $ay, "/hat wa$ that $hort for?"
"Nothing, they 5u$t all the#$elve$ 1A))EB,"
"2eah, +BON ver$u$ 1A))EB, +t wa$ li!e a 3-""a#n #on$ter
#ovie," + $ay,
Art'$ eye$ are wi"e li!e he'$ loo!ing at a gho$t, An" he'$ loo!ing
at #e, $o + gue$$ he is loo!ing at a gho$t, 1e loo!$ over at 1or$e an"
El!, the +BON "u"e$ in the other ar, They're tal!ing to eah other, %ut
we an't hear the# through the gla$$, Every-o"y ha$ $eret$,
"Oh, yeah, #an, + re#e#-er now," + $ay, "Tho$e 1A))EB guy$
were !illing every-o"y -a! then, An" then the F%+ 5oine" u& with
1A))EB an" $tarte" !illing &eo&le, too, )an, when wa$ that, -a! in
9<@: or 9<@>?"
"1an!, you are fu!ing ra.y," Art $ay$, "Thi$ is 9<@:, an"--you
an" #e--we are the F%+,"
+ laugh, %ut Art i$ not !i""ing, 1e'$ telling the truth, Oh, #y 3-"A
Tho$e "a#n "otor$ hange" #y fae an" -o"y an" &ut #e in a ti#e
#ahine, No, wait, + reali.e the -an! guar" "i" !ill #e when he $hot
#e in the -rain, An" + "i" "ie, an" now +'# living in 1ell, +'ve -een
$ent to 1ell, An" 1ell i$ Be" Biver, +"aho, in 9<@:,
"A# + in 1ell?" + a$!,
Art'$ anger $u""enly hange$, There'$ a little -it of water in hi$
eye$, 1e loo!$ all o#&a$$ionate,
"Ki"," he $ay$, "+'# $orry, -ut + thin! your #in" 5u$t $na&&e",
%ut you got to hol" it together--o!ay?--5u$t for a little while, +'ll get you
through thi$ $hit, an" we'll get you out of here a$ $oon a$ we an,
o!ay? /e'll get you a hea" "otor, o!ay?"
"O!ay," + $ay, + won"er if #ay-e + "i" $urvive that -an! guar"'$
-ullet -ut it &ut #e into $o#e !in" of o#a, + ho&e thi$ i$ 5u$t a o#a
night#are,
"Art," + $ay, "+'# getting a little frea!e" out here,"
)y &artner'$ o#&a$$ion run$ away, 1i$ eye$ get #ean,
"+ love you, 1an!," he $ay$, "+ really "o, 2ou're #y -e$t frien",
2ou an" #e, #an, together we've -een &artner$ for twelve year$, +
re$&et you for that, o!ay? + love you for it, %ut if you $rew thi$ u&,
+'# going to $hoot you in the fae,"
+ -elieve Art "oe$ love #e, + a# hi$ -e$t frien", An" "e$&ite all
that love an" frien"$hi&, + a# onvine" that he will !ill #e if he ha$
to,
Art roll$ "own hi$ win"ow, 1or$e roll$ "own hi$ win"ow, 1e ha$ a
-lue feather tie" to hi$ long -la! -rai",
"1ey, Art," 1or$e $ay$,
"1ey," Art $ay$,
"1ey, 1an!," 1or$e $ay$,
1e !now$ #e,
The "river, El!, who ha$ a $6uare fae li!e he'$ $o#e !in" of
+n"ian Fran!en$tein, "oe$n't $ay anything, 1e 5u$t trie$ to loo! tough,
an" he'$ "oing a &retty goo" 5o- of it, +'# $are" of hi#,
An" then + won"er why the$e two fa#ou$ +n"ian guy$ are having
a #eeting with u$, the white F%+, + thought they hate" the F%+, +
thought they were fighting against the F%+,
An" then + reali.e that El! an" 1or$e are "ou-le agent$, They
are traitor$ to +BON,
Thi$ i$ #a5or new$, %a! in the future, the$e guy$ are $till
heroe$, Every-o"y $till thin!$ they fought against the F%+, )y heart i$
-eating a &un! ro! $ong again$t #y he$t,
"2ou rea"y to "o thi$?" El! a$!$ Art,
"Bea"y $tea"y," Art $ay$,
All four of u$ get out of the ar$,
Then El! an" 1or$e o&en their trun! an" &ull out another +n"ian
guy7 a young "u"e, #ay-e twenty, 1i$ han"$ are tie" -ehin" hi$ -a!,
1i$ #outh i$ gagge", An" hi$ fae i$ -loo"y an" -eaten, 1e'$ terrifie",
An" then + notie that all the finger$ on hi$ right han" are #i$$ing,
So#e-o"y ut the# off,
+ thin! +'# going to "ie tonight, Again,
"+$ thi$ hi#?" Art a$!$, "Doe$ he !now what we nee" to !now?"
"2eah," El! $ay$, "%ut he won't tell u$,"
"/hat'$ hi$ na#e?"
"0unior,"
"(oo!$ li!e you torture" &oor 0unior," Art $ay$,
"2eah, -ut we hea& &ri#itive +n5un$," El! $ay$, "/e "on't have
fany interrogation tehni6ue$ li!e the F an" % an" +,"
"+ "on't !now anything fany," Art $ay$, "Ta!e off hi$ gag,"
El! &ull$ the gag out of 0unior'$ #outh, All of hi$ teeth are
$#a$he" an" -ro!en, + al#o$t vo#it,
"1ow'$ he going to tal! with a #outh li!e that?" Art a$!$,
"Di"n't #ean to &unh hi# that har"," 1or$e $ay$,
"2ou "i" that #uh "a#age with one &unh?" Art a$!$,
"2eah," 1or$e $ay$, 1e'$ &rou", An" + "o vo#it a little -it into #y
#outh an" $wallow it -a! "own,
"All right," Art $ay$, "1ol" hi$ ar#$,"
El! an" 1or$e hol" 0unior'$ ar#$, 1e "oe$n't fight -a!,
"All right, 0unior," Art $ay$, "Are you going to tell #e what + want
to !now?"
0unior $ha!e$ hi$ hea",
+n #y hea", + $rea#, %ell them, 2unior, tell them everything!
+ wi$h + !new what Art wante" to !now, )ay-e + oul" $ave
0unior if + !new,
Art ta!e$ out hi$ &i$tol an" &re$$e$ it again$t 0unior'$ forehea",
Poor 0unior -arely even reat$, 1e'$ alrea"y given u&,
+ loo! at El! an" 1or$e, They're $#iling, + reali.e they aren't
free"o# fighter$ or anything li!e that, They "on't are a-out &roteting
the &oor an" "efen$ele$$, No, #an, the$e guy$ 5u$t li!e to hurt &eo&le,
An" + loo! at the weir" light in Art'$ eye$, 1e i$n't a law#an, 1e
"oe$n't &rotet our ountry, 1e 5u$t li!e$ to hurt &eo&le, too,
"All right, 0unior," Art $ay$, "2ou get one hane, Tell #e what +
want to !now,"
An" then 0unior, a#a.ing little 0unior, he get$ thi$ loo! in hi$
eye$, +t'$ &eaeful an" "efiant at the $a#e ti#e, +t'$ li!e he'$ $aying,
3ill me if you "ant+ )t doesn't matter+ )'m still a better person than
you+
"Are you going to tal!?" Art a$!$,
0unior $ha!e$ hi$ hea",
"Are you going to tal!?" Art a$!$ again,
"No," 0unior $ay$,
1or$e an" El! relea$e 0unior'$ ar#$ an" $te& -a!, 1e oul" run
now if he wante" to, -ut he woul"n't get far,
"Are you going to tal!?" Art a$!$ for the thir" ti#e,
"Fu! you," 0unior $ay$,
Art $hoot$ hi# in the fae an" 0unior "ro&$, 1e'$ gone,
"2ou got -loo" on #e," El! $ay$ to Art,
"/e all got -loo" on u$," Art $ay$,
1e'$ right a-out that,
Art loo!$ at #e, + $tare -a!, An" then + $&in aroun" an" vo#it
all over the &lae,
Art !ille" that guy $o ea$ily, 2ou "on't !ill that ea$ily unle$$
you've "one it lot$ of ti#e$ -efore, + won"er who taught Art how to
$hoot &eo&le with a real gun,
An" all of thi$ 5u$t #a!e$ #e vo#it $o#e #ore,
/hen + loo! u&, El! an" 1or$e $#ir! at #e,
"/hat'$ wrong with you, F%+?" El! a$!$, "+t'$ not li!e thi$ i$ your
fir$t one,"
"/hat?" + a$!,
"Don't &lay "u#-," he $ay$, "+ !now what you "i", + $aw you,"
El! $#ile$, + hate that $#ile, 1e kno"s #e,
1ave + !ille" $o#e-o"y out here on the re$ervation? /hy "on't +
re#e#-er it? )ay-e 1an! Stor# !ille" &eo&le, %ut then + re#e#-er
the -an!, +'# not any -etter than the$e #en, +'# not any -etter than
the real 1an! Stor#,
+ a# 1an! Stor#, too,
"Don't worry a-out 1an!," Art $ay$, "1e i$n't hi#$elf tonight,"
"2eah," + $ay, "+ a# #o$t "efinitely not the ol" 1an! Stor#, +'# a
whole "ifferent !in" of 1an!,"
"/hat are we going to "o a-out 0unior'$ -o"y?" El! a$!$,
"(et hi# rot," Art $ay$,
"1e'$ a tra"itionali$t," El! $ay$, "1i$ $oul won't get to 1eaven if
we "on't -ury hi# the +n"ian way,"
"/hy "o you are?" Art a$!$,
"%eau$e + wa$ taught to," El! $ay$, 1e'$ thin!ing har", Then he
$ur&ri$e$ #e, "/hy "on't you guy$ get going," he $ay$, "/e'll -ury hi#
the right way,"
1or$e grunt$ in agree#ent,
El! an" 1or$e torture" 0unior an" "elivere" hi# to hi$
#ur"erer$, %ut now they are going to -ury hi# with re$&et, + "on't
un"er$tan" &eo&le,
"All right," Art $ay$, "%ut + nee" $o#ething el$e fir$t,"
"/hat?" El! a$!$,
Art loo!$ har" at #e, "Shoot 0unior," he $ay$,
"/hat?" + a$!,
"Shoot 0unior," Art $ay$ again,
"1e'$ alrea"y "ea","
"Shoot hi#," Art $ay$ an" &oint$ hi$ gun at #e, "Or +'ll $hoot
you,"
"+ "on't un"er$tan"," + $ay, "1e'$ alrea"y "ea", 2ou an't !ill hi#
twie,"
"+ want your -ullet in hi#," Art $ay$, "+ want u$ to -e in thi$ one
together,"
"%ut that'$ not re$&etful, i$ it?" + a$! El!, "That'$ not the +n"ian
thing to "o, i$ it?"
"2ou're not +n"ian," El! $ay$,
"Shoot hi#," Art $ay$, "Now,"
Sare", + &ull out #y &i$tol an" $tan" over 0unior'$ -o"y, 1e
loo!$ $o young, 1e'$ a !i", (i!e #e, + ai# #y gun at hi$ he$t, At hi$
heart,
+ an't "o thi$, +t $o#ehow $ee#$ wor$e to $hoot a "ea" -o"y
than to $hoot a living #an, 0u$tie #a"e !illing #a!e $en$e, %ut it
"oe$n't #a!e $en$e, "oe$ it?
+'# going ra.y, + am ra.y, + want $o#e-o"y to tell #e that +'#
not real,
"Shoot hi#," Art $ay$,
+ lo$e #y eye$ an" &ull the trigger,
)ay-e you an't !ill $o#e-o"y twie for real, -ut it $ure hurt$
your heart 5u$t the $a#e,

Six
/1EN + OPEN )2 eye$, +'# in a ho$&ital roo#, For a #o#ent +
won"er if +'# -a! to -eing #y$elf, to -eing *it$, -ut then + $ee Art
$itting in a hair at the foot of #y -e", +'# $till tra&&e" in$i"e 1an!
Stor#, %ut then + won"er if +'ve alway$ -een 1an! Stor# an" wa$ only
*it$ in a night#are, )ay-e + "i"n't $hoot u& that -an! full of &eo&le, +
ho&e +'# 5u$t the #an who $hot an alrea"y "ea" guy in the fae,
0e$u$, what !in" of $i! on$olation an that -e?
"1ey, 1an!," Art $ay$, "/elo#e -a!,"
"/here have + -een?" + a$!,
"A$lee&,"
+ 5u$t $tare at hi#,
"1ow you feeling?" he a$!$,
Fu!e" -y ti#e, + thin!, an" fu!e" -y #e#ory,
"Art," + $ay, "you have no i"ea where #y -rain i$ right now,"
"2ou're tal!ing a-out that thing -a! on the re$ervation?" Art
a$!$,
Not really, + thin!, -ut + #ight a$ well tal! a-out that awful $hit,
too,
"2eah," + $ay, "The la$t thing + re#e#-er wa$ $tan"ing over that
guy, an"--"
+ an't fini$h the $entene,
"After you "i" what + tol" you to "o," Art $ay$, "you &a$$e" out,"
'an you -la#e #e? + want to get out of -e" an" run away fro#
Art, -ut +'# too wea!,
"/hat ha&&ene" after + &a$$e" out?" + a$!,
"+ thought you'" gone #ental," he $ay$, "-ut it turn$ out you ha"
$o#e viru$,"
"+'# $i!?"
"2eah, After you &a$$e" out, + $hove" you into the ar an" "rove
fa$t, + -arely got you to the ho$&ital in ti#e, + thought you were going
to "ie,"
+ thin! a-out El! an" 1or$e,
"/hat ha&&ene" to tho$e two other guy$?" + a$!,
"+ left the# there," Art $ay$, "They ha" $tuff to "o,"
"1ow long have + -een out?" + a$!,
"Three "ay$,"
"/ow," + $ay,
"2eah, the "otor$ thought you #ay-e "a#age" your -rain with
that fever,"
"A# + going to -e o!ay?" + a$!,
"2eah, the "o$ $ay you'll -e here a few #ore "ay$8 then they're
$en"ing you -a! to D,', 2ou're going to wor! a "e$! until you get
$trong again,"
"(i$ten," + $ay, "A-out la$t night--"
"0u$t $hut u& a-out it," Art $ay$, "/e "on't nee" to tal! a-out it
any#ore, /e're at war, /e're $ol"ier$, An" $ol"ier$ have to "o $o#e
tough thing$, That'$ why we're $ol"ier$, An" $o#e of the thing$ we
have to "o, they hurt u$, you !now? They hurt u$ in$i"e,"
Art'$ eye$ fill with tear$, %ut he "oe$n't even notie he'$ rying,
1e 5u$t !ee&$ tal!ing,
"+n or"er to fight evil, $o#eti#e$ we have to "o evil thing$," he
$ay$,
Art ga$&$ for -reath, + "on't thin! he'$ ever $ai" the$e thing$
-efore, + "on't thin! he'll ever $ay the# again,
"+ -elieve that what we "i" the other night wa$ nee$$ary," he
$ay$, "1orri-le an" nee$$ary, Do you un"er$tan" that?"
Art an" 0u$tie fight on o&&o$ite $i"e$ of the war -ut they $oun"
exatly li!e eah other, 1ow an you tell the "ifferene -etween the
goo" guy$ an" the -a" guy$ when they $ay the $a#e thing$?
"+'# $are" of you, Art," + $ay,
"Oh, !i"," he $ay$, "+'" never hurt you, Never, + love you, #an,
So #any &eo&le love you,"
Three -eautiful -oy$ an" a -eautiful wo#an wal! into the roo#,
+ "on't !now who they are, -ut they !now #e,
"Da""yA Da""yA" the -oy$ $rea# an" 5u#& on the -e" with #e,
They 5u#& on #e,
+'# a father,
"O!ay, o!ay," Art $ay$, an" &ull$ the !i"$ off #e, "2our "a""y i$
$i!, 2ou got to give hi# $o#e roo#,"
"Cnle Art, Cnle ArtA" the !i"$ $hout, "Do you have any toy$ for
u$?"
They all hi# .ncle Art,
Thi$ guy an" + are -e$t frien"$, Thi$ guy love$ #e, 1e love$ #y
hil"ren, 1e love$ #y wife, Thi$ guy i$ &art of #y fa#ily,
2e$, thi$ i$ the loving #an who $hot another #an in the fae,
"1ey, !i"$," Art $ay$, "why "on't we hea" to the afeteria an" let
your #o# an" "a" have a little ti#e alone?"
)y !i"$ heer a$ their Cnle Art, the !iller, ta!e$ the#
"own$tair$ for hoolate &u""ing,
After they're gone, the -eautiful wo#an lean$ over #e, She i$
#y wife an" + "on't !now her,
"Oh, 1an!," $he $ay$, "+t'$ $o goo" to $ee you awa!e,"
"2e$," + $ay,
"Are you ontagiou$?" $he a$!$,
+f you an ath ra.y, +'# a wal!ing e&i"e#i,
"+t'$ only a viru$," + $ay, "+ "on't thin! you an ath what +
have,"
")ay-e + want to," $he $ay$,
+ an't -elieve thi$ wo#an i$ #y wife, She i$ -eautiful, %la! hair,
-lue eye$, &ale $!in, She i$ #ay-e the #o$t -eautiful wo#an + have
ever $een in &er$on,
+ won"er if +'ll get to have $ex with her,
+ !now thi$ $exy wo#an i$ 1an!'$ wife, %ut +'# 1an! right now,
An" $he love$ hi# $o $he love$ #e, too, + won"er if $he !now$ that
1an! !ill$ &eo&le, + won"er if $he !now$ that 1an! hel&e" !ill a #an a
few night$ ago, + won"er if $he woul" $till love 1an! if $he !new, +
$u$&et $he #ight, + $u$&et $he $ee$ 1an! a$ her &rotetor, a$ her
hil"ren'$ &rotetor,
1an! #a!e$ the worl" $afe, 1e i$ a goo" an" loving hu$-an"
an" father, 1e i$ one hun"re" "ifferent ver$ion$ of hi#$elf, an" only
one of the# i$ a !iller,
"+ hear you're o#ing ho#e," #y wife $ay$,
"+ thin! $o," + $ay,
"That'$ goo", we've #i$$e" you $o #uh,"
She !i$$e$ #e on the #outh, +t #a!e$ #e feel &owerful, + lo$e
#y eye$ again an" !i$$ her -a! a$ har" a$ + an,
3-", + thin! + woul" !ill for her !i$$,

Seven
+') BCNN+N3 T1BOC31 T1E "ar!, + run towar" the $oun" of
laughter, + run towar" a -right light in the "i$tane,
+ run $u&er fa$t, An" + won"er if +'# not running at all, /hat if
+'# flying? /hat if + have -eo#e that -an! guar"'$ -ullet? /hat if +'#
the -ullet that -la$te" through #y -rain?
%ut, wait, no, + $u""enly -ur$t through the -right light, whih i$
really the o&ening of a -uffalo-$!in te&ee, an" + run out$i"e an" $to&,
+ a# $tan"ing in the #i""le of a giganti +n"ian a#&, An" +
"on't #ean $o#e Di$neylan", Ni!elo"eon, roller-oa$ter, $tuffe"-
ani#al, otton-an"y +n"ian a#&,
No&e,
+ a# $tan"ing in the #i""le of a real +n"ian a#&, o#&lete with
thou$an"$ of real +n"ian te&ee$ an" ten$ of thou$an"$ of real ol"-ti#e
+n"ian$,
The te&ee$ go on forever, They're grou&e" in little irle$ in$i"e
-igger irle$ in$i"e the -igge$t irle$, Thi$ a#& $it$ -e$i"e a $#all
river, S#all "u$ty hill$ ri$e a-ove the water, Thin "ry tree$ over the
hill$,
+ -reathe "u$t8 it #a!e$ #u" in #y #outh,
An" there are $o #any +n"ian$,
2e&, a -unh of real ol"-ti#e +n"ian$, +'# not exatly $ure what
year it i$, +t'$ tough to tell the "ifferene -etween $eventeenth-an"
eighteenth-an" nineteenth-entury +n"ian$,
The$e are how +n"ian$ u$e" to -e, how +n"ian$ are $u&&o$e" to
-e, 0u$tie alway$ tal!e" with a"#iration a-out +n"ian$ li!e thi$,
The$e ol"-ti#e +n"ian$ have "ar! $!in, There aren't any half-
-ree" &ale--eige green-eye" +n"ian$ here, No&e, unli!e #e, the$e
+n"ian$ are the real "eal,
+ "on't hear any of the# $&ea!ing Engli$h, + "on't !now what
+n"ian language they are $&ea!ing, + an't un"er$tan" it, -ut all of
the# are $&ea!ing it, +n fat, a$ + li$ten #ore lo$ely, + reali.e the$e
+n"ian$--#en, wo#en, hil"ren, an" ol" &eo&le--are $&ea!ing a -unh
of "ifferent language$, So there are a lot of "ifferent tri-e$ here,
Even the "og$ $ee# to -e -ar!ing in +n"ian, An" there are a lot
of "og$, hun"re"$ of "og$,
An" it $tin!$ $o#ething fiere,
There are ten$ of thou$an"$ of hu#an -eing$ living in lo$e
6uarter$ in the $u##er heat, An" ye$, it ha$ to -e $u##er -eau$e
the $un i$ huge in the -lue $!y an" it #u$t -e a-out 9F? "egree$,
So i#agine a a#& fille" with ten$ of thou$an"$ of $weating
+n"ian$, "og$, an" hor$e$, along with what a&&ear$ to -e the rotting
an" "rying or&$e$ of hun"re"$ of -uffalo, "eer, &oru&ine$, -a"ger$,
$6uirrel$, rat$, an" who-!now$-what other ani#al$, hanging on ra!$
everywhere + loo!,
The$e +n"ian$ eat a lot of #eat,
An" "eo"orant ha$ not -een invente" yet,
An" it'$ hotter than the &i..a hee$e that get$ $tu! to the roof
of your #outh an" -urn$ you $o -a" you an have one of tho$e $!in
fla&$ hanging "own,
+#agine what thi$ $#ell$ li!e,
0u$tie never $ai" anything a-out the $#ell of ol"-ti#e +n"ian$, +
never rea" anything a-out thi$ $#ell, + never $aw a televi$ion $how
that #entione" it,
+ "on't #ean to -e "i$re$&etful, -ut it $#ell$ li!e the Devil
"ro&&e" a $hit right here in the #i""le of thi$ a#&,
%ut you !now what'$ really ra.y? + $ee# to -e the only one
-othere" -y the $tenh, Every-o"y el$e i$ $#iling an" go$$i&ing an"
$inging an" laughing an" living their way-ool ol"-ti#e +n"ian live$,
None of the# are gagging an" overing their no$e$ li!e #e,
An" then + re#e#-er how $o#e &eo&le'$ hou$e$ 5u$t $#ell
funny, They "on't $tin!, Not really, %ut they $#ell "ifferent, A few
ti#e$ in #y life, + wal!e" into new fo$ter ho#e$ an" !new +'" never -e
a-le to live there -eau$e of the $trange $#ell,
Every-o"y'$ hou$e $#ell$ "ifferent, So#e of the# $#ell goo",
#o$t of the# 5u$t $#ell "ifferent, an" a few of the# $tin!,
So thi$ huge village i$ li!e one of tho$e $tin! hou$e$, An" the
&eo&le who live here "on't notie the $tin!,
Peo&le $#ell "ifferent, too, So#eti#e$ you #eet &eo&le an" you
thin! they're nie an" "eent, an" it $ee#$ li!e you #ight -e frien"$,
%ut you get lo$er to the# an" they $tin!, They $#ell li!e rotten fi$h
or "ea" raoon$ or $o#ething, An" you 5u$t have to run away,
(ater, you #ention the -a" $#ell to your other frien"$ an" they
$ay they "i"n't $#ell anything "ifferent, That $tin! i$ re$erve"
e$&eially for you,
%ut, hey, it wor!$ the other way, too, So#eti#e$ you #eet a
&er$on, an" you ath the $ent an" it'$ li!e you've $#elle" a gar"en in
1eaven, -eau$e all you want to "o i$ follow that &er$on aroun" an"
-reathe in for the re$t of your life,
An" later you #ention thi$ great $ent to your other frien"$, an"
they $ay they "i"n't $#ell anything "ifferent,
+ re#e#-er thi$ one ti#e, when + wa$ ta!ing a vi"eo la$$ at a
$&eial &rogra# for ho#ele$$ !i"$ in Seattle, + wa$ learning how to
u$e a o#&uter to e"it #ovie$, An" the teaher--her na#e wa$ Sue--
$he $#elle" exatly li!e 'a#&-ell'$ vegeta-le $ou&,
Now + never thought the $#ell of 'a#&-ell'$ vegeta-le $ou& wa$
$exy, + alway$ li!e" it, -ut it "i"n't get #e all hor#onal or anything,
%ut when + $#elle" Sue, + -egan to thin! that 'a#&-ell'$ vegeta-le
$ou& #ight -e the $exie$t thing in the worl",
Of our$e, -eing young an" $tu&i" an" in love, + tol" Sue that
$he $#elle" exatly li!e 'a#&-ell'$ vegeta-le $ou&, She 5u$t laughe"
at #e,
%ut, wait, why a# + tal!ing a-out $ou&? )ay-e it'$ 5u$t $afer an"
funnier to thin! a-out $ou& an" $exy wo#en na#e" Sue than it i$ to
fin" your$elf tran$&orte" to an ol"-ti#e +n"ian a#&,
An" then + loo! "own at #y$elf an" reali.e that +'# an ol"-ti#e
+n"ian !i", #ay-e twelve or thirteen year$ ol", +'# thin an" #u$ular,
an" the only thing +'# wearing i$ a loinloth,
+ get $hy for a $eon" -eau$e +'# al#o$t na!e", %ut then +
reali.e that every -oy an" #an in the a#& i$ wearing only a loinloth,
An" a few of the wo#en an" girl$ are &retty #uh na!e", too,
Then + $olve a #y$tery7 + loo! un"er #y loinloth,
O!ay, + !now for $ure now that +n"ian$ "i"n't have un"erwear
-eneath their loinloth$,
Then + $ee thi$ huge +n"ian guy, li!e the Arnol" Shwar.enegger
of +n"ian warrior$, wal!ing towar" #e, 1e get$ lo$er an" lo$er, 1e'$
fiere, 1i$ fae an" -o"y are war-&ainte" in ten "ifferent olor$, he'$
arrying thi$ e&i to#ahaw!, an" + get $are", + won"er if he'$ #agi,
)ay-e he !now$ +'# not really thi$ ol"-ti#e +n"ian -oy, )ay-e he an
feel that +'# 5u$t -orrowing thi$ -o"y,
+ want to run -ut +'# fro.en, /here woul" + run to anyway?
/hen you're trying to e$a&e fro# +n"ian$, it'$ &ro-a-ly -e$t if you
"on't $tart your e$a&e fro# in$i"e their huge a#&,
%ut 5u$t when + thin! the warrior guy i$ going to ho& off #y
hea", he lean$ over, &i!$ #e u&, an" hug$ #e tightly, An" + reali.e
thi$ i$ #y father,
-y father+
/ell, o!ay, he'$ the father of the !i" who$e -o"y +'# in$i"e at
the #o#ent, %ut a$ long a$ +'# thi$ !i", thi$ #an i$ #y father, An"
$ine + never !new #y real +n"ian father, + feel li!e +'# going to
ex&lo"e,
+ want to hug thi$ guy forever an" forever,
+ $rea# out &addy! %ut nothing o#e$ out of #y #outh, 1uh,
/hat ha&&ene"? + try to $rea# &addy! again, Nothing,
)y father $et$ #e "own an" then ta!e$ #y han" an" lea"$ #e
through the a#&, + !ee& trying to $rea# &addy! -ut nothing
ha&&en$,
+ reah u&, touh #y throat, an" feel a huge fle$hy !not, +t'$ on
#y voie -ox, + "on't !now if + wa$ atta!e" -y a &er$on or -y a
"i$ea$e, -ut #y voie ha$ -een ta!en away,
Da#n,
%ut + feel o!ay, Thi$ guy love$ #e, 1e'$ $inging to #e, /ho !new
that ol"-ti#e +n"ian -rave$ $erena"e" their $on$? +t'$ -eautiful, +'# in
love,
+ won"er if thi$ i$ 1eaven, )ay-e 3-" $ent #e to 1ell fir$t,
)ay-e he #a"e #e wath Art !ill 0unior -eau$e + nee"e" to learn
fro# #y #i$ta!e$,
)ay-e + learne" $o#ething,
)ay-e 3-" forgave #e an" $ent #e to 1eaven,
)ay-e thi$ +n"ian a#& i$ 1eaven--a $tin!y 1eaven,
An", o!ay, #ay-e 3-" "i"n't forgive #e o#&letely, $o he &ut
#e in the -o"y of a !i" without a voie, %ut that'$ o!ay, + an live
without a voie a$ long a$ thi$ #an, #y new father, !ee&$ loving #e
li!e he "oe$,
An" then + a# hit with #ore love lightning, + -et #y new father
i$ arrying #e to our fa#ily te&ee, where #y new #other an" #y new
-rother$ an" $i$ter$ are waiting for #e, + have a fa#ily, A real fa#ily,
A true fa#ily,
+ a# ha&&y for the fir$t ti#e in #y life,

Eight
1APP+NESS NEVEB (ASTS (ON3, "oe$ it?
A$ #y new father lea"$ #e through a#&, + reali.e thi$ annot
-e 1eaven,
All the$e ol"-ti#e +n"ian$ are "oo#e", They're going to "ie of
"i$ea$e, An" they'll -e $laughtere" -y C,S, 'avalry $ol"ier$, They'll -e
&a!e" into train ar$ an" $hi&&e" off to re$ervation$, An" they'll
$tarve in winter a#&$ near ie"-over river$,
The hil"ren are going to -e !i"na&&e" an" $ent off to -oar"ing
$hool$, Their hair will -e ut $hort an" they will -e -eaten for
$&ea!ing their tri-al language$, They'll -e -eaten for "aning an"
$inging the ol"-ti#e +n"ian $ong$,
All of the# are going to $tart "rin!ing -oo.e, An" their hil"ren
will "rin! -oo.e, An" their gran"hil"ren an" great-gran"hil"ren will
"rin! -oo.e, An" one of tho$e great-gran"hil"ren will grow u& to -e
#y real father, the one who "ei"e" that "rin!ing -oo.e wa$ #ore
i#&ortant than -eing #y father, The one who a-an"one" #y #other
an" #e,
That'$ what i$ going to ha&&en to all the$e ol"-ti#e +n"ian$,
That'$ what'$ going to ha&&en to #e, Thi$ i$ what 0u$tie wa$ alway$
tal!ing a-out, Ol"-ti#e +n"ian$ were $o -eautiful, an" they were
"e$troye",
+t #a!e$ #e angry, + want to $&it an" !i! an" &unh an" $la&, +
want to ry an" $ing, -ut + annot u$e #y voie,
An" then #y father $to&$ to tal! to a funny-loo!ing +n"ian guy, +
li$ten to the# tal! +n"ian, + "on't !now exatly what they're $aying,
-ut + "o !now they're arguing,
Thi$ new +n"ian guy i$ $hort, -arely taller than + a#, An" he'$
very &ale, al#o$t white-$!inne", +n fat, he'$ got &athe$ of $!in
&eeling off hi$ -a!, he$t, an" ar#$, Thi$ +n"ian i$ $o white he get$
$un-urne",
1i$ hair i$n't -la! at all, No&e, it'$ light -rown, an" $o#e
$tran"$ of it are al#o$t -lon", 1e'$ got a $ingle eagle feather tie" into
hi$ -rai" an" white lightning -olt$ &ainte" on hi$ -o"y,
Oh, #y 3-"A Thi$ &ale little "u"e i$ 'ra.y 1or$e, the $trange
#an of the Oglala$A
2e$, thi$ i$ the fa#ou$ #y$tial +n"ian warrior who !ille"
hun"re"$ of white &eo&le, Thi$ guy wa$ the greate$t warrior ever,
+ a# loo!ing at 'ra.y 1or$e, the #agial one, %ullet$ oul"n't hit
hi#, 1e oul" never -e &hotogra&he", 1e wa$ a holy gho$t, the Sioux
0e$u$, /ell, $ort of li!e 0e$u$, + #ean, 0e$u$ "i"n't !ill any-o"y, you
!now? So 'ra.y 1or$e wa$ li!e 0e$u$, if 0e$u$ ha" -een a warrior,
+ a# $tan"ing right next to hi#, An" hi$ eye$ are gol"-olore",
+ thin! the greate$t warrior in Sioux hi$tory i$ a half--ree"
#y$tery, + thin! thi$ legen"ary !iller of white #en is half white, li!e
#e,
+ loo! aroun" again at the +n"ian a#&, Thou$an"$ of te&ee$,
Ten$ of thou$an"$ of +n"ian$, 1ot $u##er "ay, Du$ty hill$ $urroun"ing
u$, The $!inny river lo$e -y,
'ra.y 1or$e i$ here, An" that ol"er +n"ian "u"e $tan"ing over
there -y the hor$e$? 1e $ure loo!$ li!e Sitting %ull "oe$ in the hi$tory-
-oo! &itorial$,
+ reali.e thi$ $!inny river i$ the (ittle %ighorn, an" + have -een
tran$&orte" -a! to 0une 9G@>,
+ gra- #y father'$ leg an" $ha!e hi#,
+ $rea#, &addy! &addy! %his is the camp at the 4ittle Bighorn!
,uster is coming! ,uster is coming! 1e's bringing the Seventh ,avalry
and they're coming to kill us! %ut of our$e + annot atually $ay
anything -eau$e + "on't have a wor!ing voie -ox,
)y father $tare$ at #e, + "on't nee" to $&ea! hi$ language to
!now he want$ #e to $hut u&, even if +'# not really #a!ing any noi$e,
An" then + re#e#-er that the +n"ian$ at (ittle %ighorn alrea"y
!now that 'u$ter i$--wa$--o#ing, +n fat, they $et u& thi$ a#& $o
that 'u$ter woul" o#e for the#, +t'$ a tra&,
3eorge Ar#$trong 'u$ter an" hi$ Seventh 'avalry are #arhing
here, There are only a-out $even hun"re" white $ol"ier$ ri"ing with
'u$ter, An" waiting here in the a#& for hi# are three or four or five
thou$an" +n"ian warrior$, 'u$ter i$ #arhing towar" hi$ $laughter,
'u$ter i$ a ra.y ego#ania who thin!$ he i$ going to -e
&re$i"ent of the Cnite" State$, 'u$ter i$ one of the to& two or three
"u#- a$$e$ in A#erian hi$tory,
+ an't -elieve +'# here, Thi$ i$ the %attle of the (ittle %ighorn,
Thi$ i$ 'u$ter'$ (a$t Stan", + won"er when it'$ going to $tart,
An" then + hear gunfire in the "i$tane, /e all hear that gunfire,
The +n"ian warrior$ rae for their wea&on$ an" their hor$e$,
Thou$an"$ of hot an" angry +n"ian "u"e$ ri"e out to #eet
'u$ter an" hi$ "oo#e" $ol"ier$,

Nine
T1E2 NA)ED T1E %ATT(E all wrong,
They $houl"n't have alle" it 'u$ter'$ (a$t Stan", Oh, it wa$ hi$
la$t $tan", 1e "ie" there, 1ere, + #ean, %ut 'u$ter wa$n't i#&ortant,
1e wa$ ea$ily re&lae", There were &lenty of other $ol"ier$ who were
$#arter an" -etter at !illing +n"ian$,
(ittle %ighorn wa$ the la$t real -attle of the +n"ian /ar$, After
that, the +n"ian$ gave u&, So 'u$ter'$ (a$t Stan" wa$ really the
+n"ian$' la$t $tan", %ut, oh, on that "ay, thi$ "ay, the +n"ian$ are ra.y
goo", An" ra.y rea"y,
+'# not $tu&i", + "on't want to get $hot again, +'# only twelve or
thirteen year$ ol", an" +'# $#all, So + $tay in a#& an" li$ten to the
$oun"$ of -attle,
+ an't $ee anything, -ut + !now what'$ ha&&ening, + rea" a-out
thi$ fight, + wathe" a TV $how a-out it on the 1i$tory 'hannel,
A few "ay$ ago, 'u$ter ignore" hi$ $u&erior offier'$ or"er$ an"
fore-#arhe" hi$ #en towar" the (ittle %ighorn, They were only
$u&&o$e" to #arh twenty #ile$ a "ay -ut 'u$ter #a"e the# #arh
$eventy #ile$ a "ay,
1e wa$ $u&&o$e" to ta!e hi$ ti#e an" not arrive here ahea" of
the $ol"ier$ who were hauling the huge an" heavy 3atling gun$,
'u$ter "ei"e" he "i"n't nee" the 3atling gun$, tho$e ol"-ti#e
#ahine gun$ that -la$te" one hun"re" -ullet$ a #inute,
/hat an overonfi"ent a$$hole, huh?
/hen 'u$ter arrive" on the hill$ a-ove the (ittle %ighorn, he wa$
$u&&o$e" to wait for the other ar#y "u"e$ to $how u&, A ou&le
thou$an" #ore $ol"ier$,
%ut he "i"n't wait, 1e wante" all the glory for hi#$elf, So he $ent
half of hi$ #en to atta! one $i"e of the +n"ian a#&, an" he too! the
other half an" ro"e towar" the o&&o$ite en" of the a#&,
1e thought he wa$ going to terrify the +n"ian$ an" #a!e the#
run away, -ut he ran into a few thou$an" organi.e" +n"ian$--with
re&eating rifle$,
2e&, the$e &artiular +n"ian$ $ai", "Fu! -ow$ an" arrow$, /e're
going to get tehnologialA"
After #eeting the $u&erior nu#-er$ of +n"ian$, 'u$ter or"ere"
the retreat, The avalry ro"e -a! u& into the hill$ with the +n"ian$ in
hot &ur$uit, %ut it wa$ too late, +t wa$ going to -e 'u$ter'$ la$t "ay,
+t is hi$ la$t "ay, + $tan" in the a#& an" li$ten to the -attle,
+t'$ all gunfire an" $rea#$ an" +n"ian $inging an" $ilene an"
#ore $ilene an" then the $oun"$ of ele-ration, + $wear + hear
laughter,
The -attle i$ over, +t only ta!e$ a-out an hour, A 6ui! an" -rutal
fight,
So + wal! towar" the hill where 'u$ter an" hi$ $ol"ier$ he "ea"
an" "ying, + wal! with hun"re"$ of other +n"ian$, /o#en, hil"ren, ol"
&eo&le,
/e wal! to 5oin the warrior #en, An" $o#e warrior wo#en, A lot
of wo#en &ut on war &aint an" ro"e out into -attle again$t 'u$ter, +
never !new +n"ian wo#en oul" -e warrior$, too,
+t'$ hor#onal to $ay thi$, -ut tho$e wo#en warrior$ are $exy in
their war &aint,
%ut there i$ nothing $exy or -eautiful on 'u$ter'$ 1ill, There are
hun"re"$ of "ea" avalry $ol"ier$, %loo"y or&$e$ everywhere, They
loo! li!e re" an" white flower$ -loo#ing in the green gra$$,
+ feel $i! in #y $to#ah an" -rain, + feel $i! in #y $oul, +
re#e#-er that in another life + !ille" &eo&le li!e thi$, + left -ehin" a
-an! lo--y fille" with "ea" -o"ie$,
%ut thi$ i$ war, The +n"ian$ were &roteting the#$elve$ fro# the
$ol"ier$, 'u$ter ha" ri""en into a#& to !ill #en, wo#en, an"
hil"ren, 1e ha" to -e $to&&e",
+ un"er$tan" why he'$ "ea", + un"er$tan" why he ha" to -e
!ille", +t wa$ $elf-"efen$e, /a$n't it $elf-"efen$e?
+ un"er$tan" why the $ol"ier$ ha" to -e !ille", -ut + "on't
un"er$tan" what i$ ha&&ening to the $ol"ier$ now, To their -o"ie$,
All aroun" #e, +n"ian #en, wo#en, an" hil"ren are "e$erating
the -o"ie$ of the "ea" white $ol"ier$,
Bight there, an +n"ian gran"#other i$ $ta--ing a $ol"ier with hi$
own -ayonet, 1e'$ "ea" an" -loo"y, -ut $he !ee&$ $ta--ing hi# over
an" over again,
+ $tan" an" wath a$ $he $tri&$ off hi$ lothe$, She want$ hi# to
-e na!e" an" a$ha#e" in the afterlife,
An" now $he ut$ off hi$ &eni$ an" $tuff$ it into hi$ #outh, She
want$ the 3-"$ to laugh at hi# when he arrive$ in the afterlife, "1ey,
!i"," the 3-"$ will $ay to hi#, ""o you !now you have your own o!
$tuffe" -etween your teeth?"
All aroun" #e, gran"#other$ are utting off &eni$e$ an" ear$
an" han"$ an" finger$ an" feet,
+ $ee a young wo#an, a girl, #ay-e ten year$ ol", "igging at a
"ea" $ol"ier'$ eye$, + run over to her an" &u$h her away, She'$ trying
to ta!e hi$ eye$,
She $hout$ at #e in her tri-al language, + "on't !now exatly
what $he'$ $aying, -ut $he'$ ur$ing, An" then + reali.e that $he thin!$
) want hi$ eye$, She thin!$ )'m fighting for hi$ eye$,
She &u$he$ #e, + &u$h her -a!, She &u$he$ #e, + &unh her in
the fae,
An" then $o#e-o"y gra-$ #e, + a# -eing "ragge" aro$$ the
gra$$, u& the hill, towar" the $u##it, )y father "rag$ #e,
+ loo! -a! an" wath that girl ut out the "ea" $ol"ier'$ eye$,
1e'll -e -lin" in the afterlife an" he won't -e a-le to fin" 1eaven, (o$t
an" alone, hi$ gho$t will wan"er thi$ -attlefiel" forever,
)y father "rag$ #e to the $u##it,
There + $ee a hun"re" +n"ian warrior$ have $urroun"e" $ix white
$ol"ier$, the only $urvivor$, They are -eing torture",
The warrior$ $la& an" !i! an" &unh the white $ol"ier$, They
to$$ the# to the groun", Then they &i! the# u& an" throw the#
"own again, They ut the# with arrowhea"$ an" !nive$ an" hathet$,
A thou$an" little ut$,
Thi$ i$ war,
)y father "rag$ #e into the irle, The other +n"ian warrior$
$to& to wath thi$, So#ething i#&ortant i$ ha&&ening, + a# $o#e-o"y
i#&ortant,
)y father gra-$ one of the white $ol"ier$, 1e'$ 5u$t a !i", li!e
#e, + "i"n't !now they let !i"$ 5oin the avalry,
)y father to$$e$ the !i" to the groun" an" $te&$ on hi#, 1ol"$
hi# "own, Then #y father ta!e$ the long !nife out of hi$ -elt an"
han"$ it to #e,
+ $ee the !nife i$ the -ro!en en" of a avalry -ayonet, The
han"le i$ a thi! wra& of -ea"e" -u!$!in,
)y father $ay$ $o#ething to #e in hi$ language, + "on't
un"er$tan",
1e $ay$ the $a#e thing again, + $till "on't un"er$tan",
1e &oint$ at #e, at #y throat, + reah u& an" touh the huge
$ar on #y ne!,
An" then + re#e#-er7 A white $ol"ier ut #y throat, +n another
a#& on a "ifferent river, a white $ol"ier gra--e" #y hair, lifte" #y
hin, an" $la$he" #y throat with a -ayonet, An" now #y father want$
revenge, 1e want$ #e to want revenge,
+ re#e#-er, -a! when + wa$ *it$, -a! when + wa$ eight year$
ol", an" + wa$ living in thi$ fo$ter ho#e on a #ountain near Seattle, A
rih white fa#ily, + thought their #oney #a"e #e rih, too, They
-ought #e new $hoe$, +t wa$ the fir$t ti#e + ever wore new $hoe$,
+ re#e#-er +'" -een living there for a wee!, with #y new
-rother an" new $i$ter an" new #other, when #y new father too! #e
into the -a$e#ent to $how #e hi$ #o"el train$, 1e ha" #ile$ an"
#ile$ of railroa" tra! "own there, Thou$an"$ of #ile$ an" hun"re"$ of
train$, 1e ha" -uilt itie$ an" town$ an" #ountain$ an" fore$t$,
+ re#e#-er + &laye" with tho$e train$ for hour$ an" hour$,
Playe" until + oul" -arely !ee& #y eye$ o&en, Then #y new father
too! #e into another "ar! roo# in the -a$e#ent, one without any
train$, an" "i" evil thing$ to #e, Thing$ that hurt, Thing$ that #a"e
#e -lee",
+ $tare at the white !i", the $ol"ier, lying on the groun" of (ittle
%ighorn, + $tare at the -ayonet in #y han",
+ $tare at #y +n"ian father, + notie that he ha$ little han"$ war-
&ainte" on hi$ he$t, hil"ren'$ han"$, + won"er if he &aint$ hi#$elf
that way to re#e#-er the +n"ian hil"ren who have -een "e$troye" -y
white $ol"ier$,
+ $tare at the white $ol"ier again,
+ won"er what + woul" "o now if that #o"el-train #an were lying
on the gra$$ here at (ittle %ighorn, /oul" + !ill hi#? /oul" + ta!e
revenge on hi# for what he "i" to #e in the "ar! -a$e#ent roo#?
+ "on't !now,
All aroun" #e, +n"ian #en, wo#en, an" hil"ren wath #e,
They all want revenge, They all want #e to want revenge,
The other white $ol"ier$, -loo"y an" -ro!en, wath #e, They
!now they are going to "ie an" they wee&, They want to live,
2e$, they are $ol"ier$, They are !iller$, An" they want to live,
/e all want to live, + "on't !now what to "o,
+ feel the anger -uil"ing in$i"e of #e, + feel the nee" for
revenge, )ay-e +'# only feeling the ol"-ti#e +n"ian !i"'$ nee" for
revenge, Or #ay-e +'# only feeling my nee" for revenge, )ay-e +'#
feeling -oth nee"$ for revenge,
An" then + won"er if that'$ the rea$on + !ille" all the &eo&le in
the -an!,
Di" + want revenge? Di" + -la#e tho$e $tranger$ for #y
loneline$$? Di" they "e$erve to "ie -eau$e of #y loneline$$?
Doe$ thi$ little white $ol"ier "e$erve to "ie -eau$e one of hi$
fellow $ol"ier$ $la$he" #y throat?
+f + !ill hi#, "o + "e$erve to -e !ille" -y thi$ white $ol"ier'$
fa#ily an" frien"$?
+$ revenge a irle in$i"e of a irle in$i"e of a irle?
+ loo! away fro# the white !i"'$ eye$, + loo! aro$$ the "i$tane
an" $ee 'ra.y 1or$e a$tri"e a &ony on another hill, 1e'$ alone, 1e'$
alway$ alone,
1e wathe$ u$, 1e i$ not &artii&ating, 2e$, he !ille" "o.en$ of
$ol"ier$ "uring thi$ fight, An" he !ille" 'u$ter, %ut then he ro"e away
to wath the re$t of it, Alone,
+ re#e#-er that he alway$ a#&e" alone, That he often left hi$
&eo&le an" travele" into the wil"erne$$, + re#e#-er that he went
#i$$ing for wee!$ an" #onth$ at a ti#e, No-o"y !new where he went,
An" now + wath hi# ri"e over the hill an" "i$a&&ear,
Soon, he will -e !ille", Not -y a -ullet, Aor"ing to legen",
'ra.y 1or$e wa$ -ullet&roof, 'ra.y 1or$e will -e #ur"ere" -y one of
hi$ ol" frien"$7 -y (ittle %ig )an,
Another +n"ian warrior will -etray 'ra.y 1or$e, (ittle %ig )an will
hol" 'ra.y 1or$e'$ ar#$ a$ a white $ol"ier &unhe$ a -ayonet into the
$trange one'$ -elly,
A -ayonet will !ill 'ra.y 1or$e, (i!e the -ayonet in #y han",
)y father yell$ at #e in hi$ language, 1e want$ #e to -e a
warrior,
+'# only twelve or thirteen, Thi$ -o"y i$ only twelve or thirteen, +
a# only a hil",
+ $tare at the white $ol"ier in front of #e, 1e'$ &ro-a-ly
eighteen, Or younger, 1e'$ $eventeen or $ixteen or fifteen, 1e'$ a hil"
an" +'# a hil" an" +'# $u&&o$e" to $la$h hi$ throat,
/hat "o + "o?
+ lo$e #y eye$,

Ten
+ OPEN )2 E2ES to reveille, So#e-o"y -lare$ away on hi$
tru#&et, No, a -ugle, The #ilitary u$e$ a -ugle, /hat i$ the "ifferene
-etween a tru#&et an" a -ugle? + try to &iture a -ugle in #y #in",
An" a tru#&et,
The -ugle "oe$n't have valve$ or !ey$, The -ugle i$ a na!e"
tru#&et, + won"er who &lay$ that -ugle,
+ get out of -e", No, it'$ a ot, An" + reali.e +'# in a tent, with
#ay-e ten or twelve other ot$, %ut they're all e#&ty, +'# alone here,
+ an hear &eo&le running an" yelling out$i"e the tent,
Oh, yeah, that'$ reveille, That #ean$ it'$ #orning, Every-o"y
#u$t -e u& getting -rea!fa$t or getting rea"y to fight, + gue$$ + #u$t
-e a $ol"ier now, + won"er whih war +'# going to -e fighting,
+ won"er who + #ight have to !ill now, + want thi$ to $to&, %ut
what an + "o? There #u$t -e $o#e way to e$a&e, + have to #a!e
$o#ething ha&&en, So + wal! out$i"e the tent,
One hun"re" C,S, 'avalry $ol"ier$ are ru$hing aroun", The$e are
ol"-ti#e $ol"ier$, nineteenth or eighteenth entury, li!e the $ol"ier$ at
the (ittle %ighorn, + thin!, 0e$u$, + ho&e thi$ i$n't 'u$ter'$ Seventh
'avalry,
+ nee" a #irror, + want to loo! at #y refletion to $ee who + a#
thi$ ti#e, %ut then + notie that the other $ol"ier$ are loo!ing at #e,
So#e are laughing an" &ointing, Then all of the# are laughing an"
&ointing,
There'$ $o#ething wrong, /ith #e,
+ loo! at #y$elf7 + a# na!e" a$ a -ugle,
+ gue$$ thi$ guy li!e$ to $lee& na!e",
+'# e#-arra$$e" -ut al$o relieve", + a# not that !i" $ol"ier,
No&e, + a# an ol" #an, $!inny an" wrin!ly, That'$ -a" enough, -ut
you !now what'$ wor$e? )y &u-i hair i$ gray,
So, o!ay, + $u""enly reali.e +'ve -een $taring at #y na!e"ne$$
for way too long, + loo! u& to $ee the $ol"ier$ laughing even har"er at
#e, So + "a$h -a! into #y tent, /ell, + go a$ fa$t a$ + an, + li#&,
really, %ut + li#& fa$t, "a#n it, + notie that #y -o"y i$ not too
re$&on$ive to #y o##an"$, )y leg$ hurt, e$&eially #y !nee$, + -et
+ have arthriti$8 ol" &eo&le get that "i$ea$e, an" +'# ol",
So + li#& to #y ot an" loo! for lothe$, #y unifor#, + fin" it, +
gue$$ it'$ #y unifor#, +t $ee#$ to -e #y $i.e, + $niff it, +t $#ell$ li!e
the ol" #an + a# now, + try to &ut the thing on, -ut it ha$ $na&$ an"
-utton$ an" $u$&en"er$ an" -elt$ + "on't un"er$tan", An" #y finger$
"on't wor! too well, + have to onentrate on #a!ing the# wor! right,
An" they hurt, +t'$ li!e little !nive$ $ta--ing #y !nu!le$,
Then + re#e#-er that 3-" i$ really, really ol", So #ay-e 3-" ha$
3-" arthriti$, An" #ay-e that'$ why the worl" $u!$, )ay-e 3-"'$
han"$ an" finger$ "on't wor! a$ well a$ they u$e" to,
)ay-e 3-" loo!$ "own on earth an" $ee$ the -a" guy$ an" trie$
to &i! the# u&, )ay-e he want$ to $6ui$h the# li!e -ug$, %ut 3-"'$
arthriti$ i$ $o -a" he an't #a!e hi$ finger$ wor!,
)ay-e 3-" $aw #e &ull out #y gun$ in the -an! an" trie" to
reah "own an" $6ui$h #e -efore + oul" !ill any-o"y, %ut 3-"'$ han"$
were too $low, 1e got #e, -ut only after + $hot a -unh of &eo&le,
+'# a$ha#e" of #y$elf, /ho wa$ +? /ell, + wa$ #e, + "on't have
any exu$e$, + $hot &eo&le, That'$ all + an $ay, + "e$erve whatever
&uni$h#ent o#e$ #y way,
%ut no &uni$h#ent will -e -ig enough, )y &uni$h#ent will not
-ring -a! the "ea", +t "oe$n't wor! that way,
+ will -e &uni$he" an" the "ea" will $tay "ea", An" the worl" will
!ee& going on li!e that,
Fru$trate", + !ee& lo$ing #y gri& a$ + try to -utton #y unifor#, +
a# late for reveille, An" +'# $ure it'$ -a" to -e late for reveille,
So, o!ay, now +'# "re$$e" an" + li#& out of the tent to 5oin the
other $ol"ier$, Every-o"y el$e i$ alrea"y line" u& in neat row$--or
$e#i-neat row$, + gue$$, All of the$e $ol"ier$ are young an" hungry, +
won"er how long they've -een on the #arh, They're not $tarving to
"eath, -ut they loo! hollow-eye" an" -arren, li!e they've -een fe" 5u$t
enough foo" -ut never enough ha&&ine$$,
%ut why a# + $o worrie" a-out their ha&&ine$$? A-out their
loneline$$? + !now +'# going to get #y a$$ !i!e" if + an't figure out
where + -elong in thi$ for#ation, %ut + "on't $ee a $ign that $ay$ O(D-
FABT SO(D+EBS %E(ON3 1EBE,
"3u$A"
+ hear $o#e-o"y $hout that na#e -ut + "on't onnet to it, $o +
!ee& wal!ing u& an" "own the row$ of young $ol"ier$, loo!ing for #y
&lae, +'# a-out to $hove $o#e !i" a$i"e an" ta!e hi$ &lae in line, +
alrea"y hate the$e little $hit$, They're $till laughing an" in$ulting #e
with 6uiet voie$, They $ni!er,
Are $ol"ier$ allowe" to $ni!er? + thought #ilitary training get$
ri" of $ni!ering,
Thi$ feel$ li!e a no#a"i high $hool in the #i""le of the Ol"
/e$t, The$e guy$ are $ol"ier$, $ure, an" they #ight -e goo" $ol"ier$,
%ut they're $till 5u$t !i"$, ruel an" i#&ul$ive,
+t re#in"$ #e of the ti#e when + wa$ twelve year$ ol", an" thi$
rih Seattle "u"e "ei"e" to $tart a harity for "i$a"vantage" youth,
1e wa$ going to ta!e u$ ho#ele$$ an" &ointle$$ !i"$ on "e"uational
5ourney$" all over the worl",
The rih guy'$ #otto7 "1ow an you -e a &art of the worl" if you
haven't $een the worl"?"
)y #otto7 "+ "on't nee" to $ee the worl" in or"er to !now the
worl" i$ fille" with ho#ele$$ an" &ointle$$ !i"$,"
Eah "ay, worl"wi"e, twelve thou$an" hil"ren $tarve to "eath,
%hat i$ fu!e" u&,
So, anyway, thi$ rih guy &i!e" twelve of u$ Seattle !i"$ an" we
went to New 2or! 'ity, +t wa$ fun, + gue$$, /e $taye" in a fany hotel
an" went to #u$eu#$ an" %roa"way &lay$ an" the Statue of (i-erty,
%ut it wa$ at Newar! Air&ort where + reeive" a real e"uation,
At the -aggage lai#, + $aw a -unh of ar#y $ol"ier$ waiting for
their -aggage, Three or four $ol"ier$ gra--e" another $ol"ier'$ -ag an"
&laye" !ee&-away with it, They were all "re$$e" in their -e$t unifor#$
with all their little #e"al$ an" ri--on$, an" they were &laying !ee&-
away fro# thi$ ner" $ol"ier, who wa$ wearing thi! -la! ar#y gla$$e$
an" ha" -ig ol" ar#y-ner" .it$ on hi$ fae, 1i$ .it$ were wor$e than
#ine,
2eah, $ure, the$e guy$ were $erving their ountry, an" a few of
the# #ight -eo#e -ig-ti#e heroe$, -ut they were 5u$t !i"$, all
eighteen or nineteen year$ ol"7 i##ature an" goofy an" #ean an"
ane-$arre" an" funny an" $tu&i" an" $illy an" un$ure a-out
everything,
An" the$e are the hil"ren we $en" to fight our war$, +'# the
hil" that 0u$tie $ent to war, An" all of u$ hil"ren fight to "efen"
a"ult$, Doe$n't that $ee# -a!war"?
"3u$A 2ou "eaf "u$ty -a$tar"A 3et u& hereA"
So#e-o"y i$ yelling at #e, + gue$$ #y na#e i$ 3u$, Stu&i"
na#e, really, %ut who a# + to 5u"ge? +'# a ti#e-traveling #a$$
#ur"erer an" #y na#e i$ *it$,
"3u$A" the guy $hout$ again, 1e'$ a little general "u"e with a
#u$tahe that &ro-a-ly weigh$ #ore than he "oe$, "1ave you gone
#a"? Plea$e, $ir, get u& here now,"
"All right, all right," + $ay, an" + notie that +'# $&ea!ing with thi$
weir" aent, li!e +'# +ri$h or $o#ething, )ay-e + a# finally +ri$h, 3u$
"oe$n't $oun" li!e an +ri$h na#e, -ut *it$ i$n't exatly a highly $are"
+n"ian na#e, either,
"O!ay, troo&$," 3eneral )u$tahe $hout$ to the a$$e#-le"
hil"ren, "+ want you to #eet Augu$tu$ Sullivan, 2ou an all hi# 3u$,
1e'$ the -e$t +n"ian tra!er in the entire C,S, Ar#y,"
Oh, $hitA +'# in the -o"y of a guy who hunt$ +n"ian$, 3-" i$
"efinitely one funny "eity-"u"e,
"+ want you all to ta!e a goo" har" loo! at 3u$," 3eneral
)u$tahe $ay$, "1e'$ an ol" #an, an" you #ight thin! he'$ wea! an"
u$ele$$, -ut thi$ i$ the -rave$t, $tronge$t #an + have ever !nown, +
have fought along$i"e hi# for twenty year$, + -elieve in hi#, + tru$t
hi#, + woul" follow hi# anywhere,"
+ gue$$ + a# $o#e !in" of hero,
"Two #onth$ ago, in Kan$a$," 3eneral )u$tahe ontinue$, "a
grou& of $ettler$ wa$ atta!e" -y wil" +n"ian$, They were all
$laughtere"7 #en, wo#en, an" hil"ren, /hole fa#ilie$, Tho$e
$avage$ #ur"ere" twenty-five 'hri$tian fol!$, An" 3u$ here, all on hi$
own, went loo!ing for the +n"ian$ who "i" it, An" he foun" their a#&
on the 'olora"o Biver an" he'$ going to lea" u$ there, An" we are
going to "eliver unto the# the $wift an" "ea"ly -low of 5u$tie,"
O!ay, $o thi$ i$ not goo", + a# $u&&o$e" to lea" one hun"re"
white $ol"ier$ into an +n"ian village,
+ an't "o it,
+'# in ontrol of 3u$ now $o +'# 5u$t going to lea" all the$e
$ol"ier$ away fro# the +n"ian village, That #ight -e a little "iffiult, +
$u&&o$e, $ine + have no i"ea where the village i$, + "on't even !now
north fro# $outh, %ut #y la! of "iretion will &ro-a-ly -e a goo"
thing, + "on't nee" to get lo$t on &ur&o$e,
So that'$ #y &lan, +'# 5u$t going to get on #y hor$e, &oint it in a
ran"o# "iretion, an" get very, very lo$t,
Of our$e, when you're a ti#e-traveling #a$$ #ur"erer, you
an't really ex&et thing$ to wor! out a$ &lanne", +f there are rule$ for
ti#e traveler$, + "on't !now the#,
%ut thing$ are not 5u$t ha&&ening, None of thi$ i$ ran"o#,
2ou $ee, + try to get lo$t, + try to lea" the $ol"ier$ a$tray, %ut it
"oe$n't wor! that way,
So#e &art of the ol" 3u$ re#ain$ in$i"e of #e, + $till have 3u$'$
a-ilitie$, /henever + .ig, 3u$ #a!e$ #e .ag an" $o, .ig.agging
through the tree$ an" gra$$ an" hill$, we #a!e our way towar" the
+n"ian a#&, An" even though + !ee& thin!ing, ) "ant to be lost, )
"ant to be lost, ) "ant to be lost, + an't "o it, 3u$ won't let #e, /hat
it o#e$ to i$ thi$7 + an't o#&letely ontrol 3u$, + an #ove hi$ ar#$
an" leg$, + an tal! with hi$ voie, An" + an thin! #y own thought$,
%ut 3u$ i$ $tronger than + a#, 1i$ #e#orie$ -eo#e #y #e#orie$,
too, Thi$ i$ new, + oul"n't $ee into the &a$t of the other -o"ie$ +'ve
inha-ite", +'# $are" that 3u$ #ight relai# hi$ -o"y an" "rown #e in
hi$ -loo",
An" $o here we are on the ri"ge a-ove the +n"ian a#&, The $un
i$ hot over the hill$, An" 3u$ re#e#-er$--an" + re#e#-er--what he
$aw when he a#e u&on tho$e $laughtere" white $ettler$,
Dea" white -o"ie$ $tri&&e" na!e" an" #utilate" an" ruine",
There wa$ the -o"y of a little girl, -lon", -lue-eye", &retty even
in "eath, She wa$ $till wearing her little -lue gingha# "re$$, She wa$
the only &er$on $till wearing her lothe$, The +n"ian$ ha" $hown her
that #uh re$&et7 They #ur"ere" her, -ut they "i"n't $tri& her na!e",
They let her "ie a$ an innoent,
Three arrow$ in her $to#ah, She wa$ $till luthing a rag "oll,
3u$'$ eye$ water at the #e#ory, )y eye$ water,
+ wee& on the ri"ge a-ove the +n"ian a#&, + $tare with watery
vi$ion "own on the a#& where that little girl'$ #ur"erer$ are $lee&ing
an" eating an" laughing an" telling $torie$ an" having $ex an" "aning
an" $inging,
+t'$ +n"ian$ "own there, An" +'# an +n"ian, %ut we're not all the
$a#e !in" of +n"ian$, are we?
No, tho$e +n"ian$ "own there !ille" a little girl, Shot three
arrow$ into her -elly an" left her to "ie, An" two feet away fro# that
little girl'$ -o"y lay the na!e" -o"y of a wo#an, Three arrow$ in her
-elly, too, A -lon" an" -lue-eye" wo#an, -loo"y an" violate", her
right han" forever reahing out towar" the little girl,
2e$, the girl'$ #other, a$ $he wa$ "ying, rawle" aro$$ the gra$$
towar" her "ying "aughter an" "i"n't #a!e it,
The #other "ie" two feet away fro# her "aughter, Se&arate",
They are ur$e" to -e gho$t #other an" gho$t "aughter an" will
wan"er the gra$$y &lain$ in the en"le$$ $earh for eah other,
The$e are not #y thought$, Thi$ i$ not #y $a"ne$$, Thi$ all
-elong$ to 3u$, an" hi$ grief an" rage are huge, $o #y grief an" rage
are huge, too, an" + $rea# a$ + lea" one hun"re" $ol"ier$ "own the
hill into the +n"ian a#&,

Eleven
T1+S +S /1AT BEVEN3E an "o to you,
+ lea" tho$e one hun"re" $ol"ier$ "own the hill towar" the +n"ian
a#&,
/e are !iller$,
A$ we ri"e to the -otto# of the hill an" rae the $hort "i$tane
aro$$ the flat$ towar" a#&, + an feel 3u$'$ rage an" grief leaving
#y -o"y, /ith eah hoof--eat, + lo$e &iee$ of #y rage, until + a# left
with only #y fear,
+ ha" wante" to !ill, -ut now + 5u$t want to $to&,
+ throw away #y rifle, + "on't want to u$e it, %ut + !ee& ri"ing, +
a# unar#e", + thin! + want to "ie, + thin! + want 3u$ to "ie,
+ thin! + want to lo$e thi$ fight,
/e "i"n't really $ur&ri$e the +n"ian$ with our atta!, /e "i"n't
even try to $nea! u& on the#, /e wante" the# to !now we were
o#ing, An" $o, ye$, they !new we were o#ing, an" they're rea"y,
%ut only twenty-five +n"ian warrior$ ri"e out to #eet u$, )o$t of
the# are -oy$, An" only a few of the# have rifle$,
The re$t have -ow$ an" arrow$, An", $ure, they're aurate, +
$ee one $ol"ier get hit in the he$t with an arrow an" another get hit
in the $to#ah,
%ut we have re&eating rifle$,
+t'$ one hun"re" re&eating rifle$ ver$u$ $even rifle$ an" eighteen
-ow$,
/e only lo$e a few #en a$ we roar towar" the +n"ian warrior$,
They are $rea#ing an" rying, They #u$t &revent u$ fro# reahing
their a#&, +f we reah it, we will !ill ol" &eo&le, wo#en, an" hil"ren,
/e will "e$troy fa#ilie$, %ut the warrior$ an't $to& u$, They are ri"ing
to their "eath$, An" they are $inging their "eath $ong$,
)o$t of the# fall -efore we're even lo$e to the#, One hun"re"
rifle$ e6ual$ one hun"re" -ullet$ every three $eon"$, +n the twenty-
one $eon"$ it ta!e$ u$ to lo$e the "i$tane, we $hoot $even hun"re"
-ullet$,
Only a few of the warrior$ $urvive that ra$h of -ullet$,
An" then we $war# into the#, Ninety-five $urviving white
$ol"ier$ atta! eleven +n"ian warrior$, /e -arely &au$e a$ we !ill all of
the#, with -ullet an" fi$t an" $a-er an" -oot,
+ "on't !ill any-o"y, %ut + ri"e with !iller$, $o that #a!e$ #e a
!iller,
/e ri"e into a#&, There'$ only twenty or thirty tent$ arrange"
in loo$e irle$, + "on't !now what tri-e, 3u$ "oe$n't are, 1e al#o$t
#a!e$ #e not are,
/e are atta!e" a$ we ri"e through the a#&, A few of the
wo#en have -ow$ an" arrow$, too, An" a few ol" #en,
An" one tiny +n"ian -oy, 1e an't -e #ore than five year$ ol", 1e
hol"$ a -ow, 1e i$ %ow %oy, +$ he $trong enough to even u$e hi$
wea&on? 'an he &ull -a! the $tring an" let loo$e an arrow?
No, he an't,
1e -loo"ie$ hi$ finger$ on the taut $tring, An" he rie$ out in
&ain, %ut he !ee&$ trying to $hoot u$, An" he -loo"ie$ hi$ han" again
an" again,
+ $ee a $ol"ier $la# hi$ hor$e into an ol" wo#an, She fall$, The
$ol"ier $&in$ hi$ hor$e aroun" an" tra#&le$ her, 1e $&in$ again an"
ri"e$ over her one #ore ti#e,
A $ol"ier "i$#ount$ an" ha$e$ "own a wo#an an" her little
"aughter, 1e $hoot$ the wo#an in the -a!, She fall$, The "aughter
"ro&$ to her !nee$ -e$i"e her #other, Daughter wail$, The $ol"ier
$hoot$ at the "aughter, %ut hi$ gun 5a#$, 1e &ull$ the trigger again,
Nothing, So he gra-$ the -arrel of hi$ rifle, $till $o hot that it -urn$ hi$
han"$, %ut he "oe$n't feel the &ain, not yet, a$ he $#a$he$ the gun
"own on the girl'$ $!ull, 1e hit$ her again an" again, Kee&$ hitting her
until hi$ rifle -rea!$ in half,
A grou& of $ol"ier$, $even or eight of the#, "rag two $rea#ing
an" !i!ing wo#en into a tent,
A $ol"ier 5u#&$ u& an" "own on the -elly an" he$t of an ol"
#an,
An" everywhere, everywhere, other $ol"ier$ are $hooting
+n"ian$,
%ullet after -ullet after -ullet after -ullet,
+ $ee 3eneral )u$tahe "own on one !nee, ta!ing areful ai# at
the wo#en an" hil"ren an" ol" &eo&le who flee fro# u$, They run
towar" the faraway hill$, To the thi! woo"$ on the faraway hill$, Two
or three #ile$ away,
The general &ull$ the trigger, Again an" again, An" a &er$on fall$
eah ti#e he $hoot$,
+t'$ #a"ne$$,
+ wi$h + ha" !e&t #y rifle $o + oul" $hoot #y$elf, + "on't want to
$ee any#ore, + want to -e -lin", + want to leave thi$ &lae, + "on't are
where + go, + "on't are a-out whih -o"y or ti#e &erio" i$ waiting for
#e, + will gla"ly float in the nowhere, + will gla"ly -e a gho$t, if + an
-e a gho$t who an't $ee or hear,
An" then a $tray -ullet $tri!e$ #y hor$e, %low$ #y hor$e'$ hea"
into &iee$, 'over$ #e with -loo" an" launhe$ #e towar" the $!y,
+ thin! the 6ui!e$t &rayer of #y life a$ + fly7 4-rd, please break
my neck+
An" then + ra$h into the groun" an" roll through a a#&fire an"
lan" on a &ile of "ea" -o"ie$,
+ $rea#,
+ loo! u& to $ee %ow %oy running, Oh, #y 3-", 1e'$ only five
year$ ol", 1i$ han"$ are -loo"y, 1i$ father #u$t have "ie" with the
other warrior$, An" hi$ #other, oh, where i$ hi$ #other?
An" now + $ee a $ol"ier running after %ow %oy, The $ol"ier
arrie$ a $a-er--a $wor"--the $i#&le$t !illing #ahine, Thi$ white
$ol"ier, a -oy hi#$elf, #ay-e $ixteen year$ ol", ha$e$ %ow %oy,
Oh, 0e$u$, $to& thi$, Oh, 3-", reah "own an" ru$h all of u$ li!e
in$et$,
%ut when have 0e$u$ an" 3-" ever $to&&e" a #an fro# ta!ing
revenge?
%ow %oy run$ fa$t, The white $ol"ier annot ath hi#, %ow %oy
$&in$ in irle$, "o"ge$, "u!$, an" $&in$ -a! towar" #e,
+ $tagger to #y feet, + will &rotet hi#, + will $ave hi#,
+ run towar" %ow %oy, -ut + a# ol" an" hurt, )y !nee$ give out,
an" + $tagger an" fall again, + -loo"y #y fae in the "irt,
+ loo! u& to $ee %ow %oy fall, too, /ith $a-er rai$e" high, the
white $ol"ier rae$ towar" %ow %oy, + a# going to wath thi$ #ur"er,
Thi$ i$ #y &uni$h#ent, 2e$, thi$ i$ 3-"'$ final &uni$h#ent for
#e, + will wath thi$ -oy "ie,
%ut, no,
/ait,
/ithout $to&&ing, that white $ol"ier reahe$ "own an" &i!$ u&
%ow %oy, 'ra"le$ the hil" in one ar#, An" the white $ol"ier !ee&$
running, 1e'$ running towar" the faraway hill$, Towar" tho$e faraway
tree$, Towar" over, Towar" $afety, 'arrying an +n"ian hil", a white
$ol"ier i$ running with +n"ian$,
+ an't -elieve it, +t an't -e true, %ut it i$ true,
That white $ol"ier, a $#all $aint, i$ trying to $ave %ow %oy,
+ won"er if the other e$a&ing +n"ian$ $ee thi$, + won"er if it
give$ the# ho&e, + won"er if thi$ at of love #a!e$ it ea$ier for the#
to fae "eath,
+n the #i"$t of all thi$ #a"ne$$ an" #ur"er, one $ol"ier ha$
refu$e" to &artii&ate, 1e ha$ ho$en the o&&o$ite of revenge,
So#ehow that one white -oy, that $#all $aint, ha$ hel" on to a goo"
an" !in" heart, A ourageou$ an" -eautiful heart,
+ have to hel& hi#,
The other $ol"ier$ haven't notie" S#all Saint'$ e$a&e, They are
too -u$y with -loo",
%ut they will $ee hi# $oon enough, An" they will !ill hi#, too,
+ $tan" an" run-li#&, loo!ing for a rifle an" a hor$e, )y tool$, +
nee" #y tool$, The tool$ of war, The tool$ of revenge, The tool$ of
offen$e an" "efen$e, Of atta! an" &rotetion, Of goo" an" evil,
+ fin" a rifle, $tringe" with -ea"$ an" -u!$!in, lying on the
groun", One of the fallen warrior$' gun$, an anient $ingle-$hot rifle, +
"on't even !now if it wor!$, %ut + &i! it u& an" run after a &ainte"
&ony that $&in$ in irle$, The &ony "oe$n't !now where to go,
+ reah hi#, rawl &ainfully onto hi$ -a!, an" rae after S#all
Saint an" %ow %oy,
A$ + ri"e, + $ee that 3eneral )u$tahe ha$ finally notie" the#,
too,
"+t'$ a "e$erterA" )u$tahe yell$, "1e'$ gone +n"ianA"
/hat "oe$ that #ean, gone )ndian? + "on't !now, )u$tahe ai#$
at S#all Saint'$ -a!, Ai#ing for the enter of #a$$, A !ill $hot, 1e will
not #i$$,
+ ri"e har" towar" )u$tahe, 1e "oe$n't !now + a# o#ing, +
"on't !now if + will reah hi# -efore he fire$,
S#all Saint run$ with %ow %oy, 'onfu$e", terrifie", %ow %oy
$truggle$ to get free, %ut S#all Saint will not let go, 1e run$ an" run$
an" run$,
3eneral )u$tahe ta!e$ areful ai#, 1e want$ to !ill thi$
traitorou$ $ol"ier, 1e hate$ $ol"ier$ who refu$e to !ill, An" he hate$
the one$ who have !ille" -ut refu$e to !ill again, The one$ who "ro&
their wea&on$ an" run, The one$ who "ro& their wea&on$ an" $tan"
$till, The one$ who $hoot the#$elve$ in the foot, heart, an" hea",
Traitor$, all traitor$,
+ $rea# a$ + reah 3eneral )u$tahe, 1e turn$, an" fire$ hi$
wea&on at #e, %ut he #i$$e$ wi"e a$ + $wing #y rifle an" $#a$h hi#
in the fae, 1e fall$,
An" + ri"e after S#all Saint an" %ow %oy,
Other $ol"ier$ &ur$ue #e, + an hear the ur$e$ an" hoof-eat$
-ehin" #e, + an hear an" feel their gunfire, All aroun" #e, running
+n"ian$, the ol" &eo&le, wo#en, an" hil"ren, $o #any of the# fall to
gunfire,
1ow #any rifle$ are -ehin" #e? 1ow #any $ol"ier$? + "on't
!now,
So#e &art of #e, the &art that i$ 3u$, want$ #e to $to&, to turn
aroun" an" re-$wear #y allegiane to the other $ol"ier$, %ut + an
"efeat 3u$ now, + a# "oing the right thing, + a# trying to $ave the
$ol"ier who i$ trying to $ave %ow %oy,
)y &ainte" &ony i$ fa$t, fa$ter than the other hor$e$, 1e run$ for
hi$ life, too, + won"er if the $ol"ier$' hor$e$ are ur$ing thi$ +n"ian
&ony, + won"er if hor$e$ 5u"ge eah other -a$e" on their hu#an
ri"er$,
+ ath u& to S#all Saint an" %ow %oy, For a $eon", S#all Saint
thin!$ he'$ -een aught, that + a# there to !ill the#,
%ut + reah out a han", S#all Saint gra-$ it, an" + haul hi# an"
the -oy on the hor$e, all of thi$ at full gallo&,
/ith hi$ anient -ro!en -o"y, 3u$ oul" never have "one that, +
own thi$ -o"y now,
An" how an thi$ $#all &ony arry three &eo&le an" not olla&$e
or $low "own?
%eau$e of fear, %eau$e of grae, %eau$e we want to live,
Terrifie", overloa"e", on our &owerful &ony we outrae the
$ol"ier$ an" their hor$e$,
/e all rae for the faraway hill$, The faraway tree$, 3etting
lo$er now, $o lo$e,
Fa$ter, fa$ter now, fa$ter than + thought &o$$i-le, + won"er if the
&ony will ath fire, +f the &ony ha$ aught fire, +f the &ony i$ leaving
-ehin" hoof&rint$ that $&ar! an" $#ol"er,
/e are two hun"re" yar"$ fro# the tree$, one hun"re" yar"$,
fifty yar"$,
+ "on't want to loo! -ehin" #e, -ut the $oun"$ of gunfire an"
hoove$ an" ur$e$ grow fainter an" fainter, /e are leaving our
ene#ie$ -ehin", They will not ath u$ on hor$e-a!, %ut they an $till
ath u$ with gunfire,
+ hear the -ullet$ $i..le &a$t u$,
Thirty, twenty, ten yar"$, The &ony lea&$ into the air, +t grow$
wing$ an" flie$ into the fore$t,
No, of our$e not, +t "oe$n't grow wing$, 1ow an a hor$e grow
wing$?
That !in" of extraor"inary #agi i$ not &er#itte" here, No, the
only #agi here i$ or"inary, +t'$ $o or"inary that it #ight not -e #agi
at all, +t #ight only -e lu!,
%ut +'ll ta!e lu!,
A$ we ra$h through the un"er-ru$h an" lea& over $tu#&$ an"
fallen tree$, + &rai$e lu!, A$ we leave -ehin" the $ol"ier$ who want to
!ill u$, who have !ille" $o #any other$, + &rai$e lu!, A$ + hear the
wee&ing of S#all Saint an" %ow %oy, who are ha&&y to -e alive,
however te#&orarily, + &rai$e lu!, A$ we outrun hor$e$ an" -ullet$, a$
we outrun that #on$ter revenge, + &rai$e lu!,

Twelve
T1+S +S /1AT +T feel$ li!e to -e ol",
After ra$hing hea"fir$t off a hor$e into a a#&fire, an" $winging
two &eo&le onto the -a! of your &ony with one ar#, an" all the
exite#ent of outrunning !iller $ol"ier$ with rifle$, you have a few
-rui$e$ an" -urn$ an" $ra&e$ an" ut$ an" $ore #u$le$,
+n fat, after you ri"e fa$t an" har" a #ile or two into the tree$,
an" thin! you have left -ehin" your ene#ie$, you nee" to $low "own,
An" when an ol" guy relaxe$, when the fear 5uie$ leave hi$
-o"y, he i$ i##e"iately re#in"e" of exatly how ol" he i$,
1ow ol" a# +? 1ow ol" i$ thi$ -o"y?
After + relax, #y -a! $ei.e$ u&, +t goe$ o#&letely $tiff, li!e +'#
#a"e out of $teel, An" + fall off #y &ony,
+ hit the groun" an" hurt #y ri-$, + thin! + #ight have ra!e"
$o#ething, + an -arely -reathe,
S#all Saint an" %ow %oy are $till on the hor$e, S#all Saint ha$
ta!en the rein$ an" $&in$ the &ony -a! towar" #e,
There are $ixteen tiny little #en with $har& !nive$ $la$hing #y
$&ine, +'# urle" into a -all, An" every ti#e + try to $traighten u&, or
even #ove or -reathe, another tiny little guy $how$ u& with a $har&
!nife,
+f the $ol"ier$ aught u& to u$ right now, + woul"n't -e a-le to
"efen" #y$elf, They oul" wal! right u& to #e an" +'" 5u$t -e urle"
into a -all li!e a -ug, An" one of the#, or all of the#, woul" rai$e their
-oot$ an" $6ui$h #e,
+'# u$ele$$,
An" then it'$ over, )y -a! relaxe$, The !nife-wiel"ing little guy$
run away, An" + an $lowly $traighten #y -a!, + "on't want to $tan"
u& yet, + an $till feel little tre#or$ in #y #u$le$, a$ if #y -o"y wa$
5u$t waiting an" &re&aring for another -ig 6ua!e, Or for tho$e little
-a$tar"$ to o#e -a! with hain $aw$,
So + lie on the groun" an" + loo! u& at S#all Saint an" %ow %oy
$till on the &ony, The +n"ian -oy ha$ urle" into the white $ol"ier, 1a$
hi$ little ar#$ wra&&e" aroun" the $ol"ier'$ ne!, %ow %oy love$ S#all
Saint li!e he wa$ hi$ father, Or hi$ #other, Or -oth,
+ re#e#-er + u$e" to -e li!e that little -oy, hol"ing tightly on to
any-o"y who $howe" #e even the tinie$t -it of love, + haven't -een
li!e that in a long ti#e,
"Are you o!ay, $ir?" S#all Saint a$!$ #e,
"Define o!ay," + $ay,
S#all Saint $#ile$, 1e'$ #i$$ing half hi$ teeth, + gue$$ "ental
are wa$n't a high &riority in the nineteenth entury,
"/e an't $tay here long, $ir," S#all Saint $ay$, "They're going to
-e o#ing after u$, They're not going to let u$ go,"
1e'$ right, +'# not a $ol"ier, -ut + !now that we 5u$t "i" a-out
two #illion of the wor$t thing$ any $ol"ier an "o, /e "i$o-eye"
or"er$, + $#a!e" a general in the fae with a rifle, + #ight have !ille"
hi#,
An" + thin! + -ro!e #y rifle, + notie +'# $till hol"ing on to it, The
rifle overe" with -u!$!in an" -ea"$, +t wa$ an +n"ian warrior'$ rifle8
now it'$ #ine, + won"er if it wor!$, Di" + -rea! it when + $#a$he" it
over the general'$ hea"?
An" how #uh + alrea"y love thi$ wea&on, +t $ave" #e, +t $ave"
S#all Saint an" %ow %oy, + "i"n't have to fire a -ullet to u$e it,
Even after falling off the &ony, + !e&t hol" of thi$ rifle, An ol"
$ol"ier'$ reflexe$, + gue$$, Or #ay-e it'$ -eau$e #y han"$ are fro.en
$hut fro# that arthriti$ $tuff,
+'# not #uh of a hero,
S#all Saint an" + $ave" an +n"ian !i", That #a!e$ u$ traitor$,
An" traitor$ are never, ever forgiven or forgotten,
"+ 5u$t nee" to re$t a few #ore #inute$," + $ay, ")y -a! i$
fu!e", +'# afrai" it will !no! #e "own again if + try to $tan" u& too
$oon,"
+ laugh at #y aent, +'# trying to $oun" li!e #e, -ut + an only
$oun" li!e +ri$h 3u$,
"+'# +ri$h," + $ay,
")y gran""a""y'$ fro# there, $ir," S#all Saint $ay$,
%ow %oy "oe$n't $ay anything,
"Are you a-out rea"y to get u&, $ir?" S#all Saint $ay$, 1e !ee&$
loo!ing -a! an" li$tening har", "They're out there o#ing, + an feel
the#,"
"+ thin! + #ight have -ro!en a ri-," + $ay, "+t hurt$ to -reathe,"
"+ !now you're hurting, $ir," S#all Saint $ay$, "+'# hurting, +n"ian
-oy'$ hurting, /e're all hurting, $ir, -ut we're going to -e hurting a lot
#ore if they ath u$,"
+ !now + $houl" get u&, + want to get u&, %ut + an't $ee# to fin"
the will&ower,
All + !now i$ that + nee" to $tan", $ha!e off the &ain an" fear,
get -a! on that &ony, an" ri"e away fro# here,
An" +'# going to get u& in a #inute,
+'# going to $tan" in a $eon",
Any #o#ent now,
Bight now,
Pretty $oon,
Any #o#ent,
"Sir," S#all Saint $ay$, "+ hate to -other you again, %ut we really
nee" to go now, Bight now, + an hear the# o#ing,"
+ li$ten har", + an't hear anything, %ut +'ve got ol" ear$, +'#
tire" an" -ro!en an" -eaten, an" + "on't !now if + an get u&, Part of
#e want$ to -eo#e a &art of the "irt an" gra$$,
Other $ol"ier$ are o#ing to !ill #e, an" + an't even fin" the
ourage or $trength to $tan" u&, + !now that it woul" -e ea$ier to give
u& than to $tan" u&, Ea$ier for #e,
%ut %ow %oy an" S#all Saint nee" #e,
+ nee" #e,
So + roll over onto #y $to#ah, onto #y han"$ an" !nee$, an"
&u$h #y$elf u&, +'# on #y feet, )y -a! tre#-le$, + an feel the little
&ain that want$ to -e -igger &ain,
'o#e on, 3u$A Toughen u&A
+ ta!e a little $te&, +'# wal!ingA + ta!e a -ig $te&A + loo! aroun"
for #y a"oring au"iene, + feel li!e + nee" a&&lau$e, +'# u& an" rea"y
to go, +'# u& an" rea"y to run fro# the !iller$,
"All right, !i"," + $ay to S#all Saint, "(et'$ go,"
"2ou want to ri"e with u$?" he a$!$,
"No, + thin! it'$ -etter for #y -a! if + wal!,"
So S#all Saint an" %ow %oy ri"e the &ony an" + wal!, An" we
-egin our $low-#otion e$a&e,
/ith #y ol" ear$, + an hear the $ol"ier$ athing u& to u$,
"1ow far -a! you thin! they are?" + a$! S#all Saint,
")ay-e three #ile$, $ir, Pro-a-ly lo$er to two,"
"'an we outrun the#?" + a$!,
+ !now that 3u$ i$ $u&&o$e" to -e the ex&eriene" $out, -ut +'#
not going to #a!e gue$$e$, Thi$ !i" !now$ #ore than + "o,
1e'$ thin!ing har",
"'an we outrun the#?" + a$! again,
"Pro-a-ly not, $ir," he $ay$, "%ut we have to try,"
"1ow long -efore they ath u$?"
"At thi$ rate, ten-fifteen #inute$, #ay-e,"
"All right, then," + $ay, -eau$e + "on't !now what el$e to $ay,
An" then + thin! to a$! $o#ething el$e, "1ey, !i"," + $ay, "/hy'" you
"o it?"
"Do what, $ir?" S#all Saint a$!$,
"/hy'" you $ave the +n"ian -oy?"
S#all Saint thin!$ for a #o#ent, "+ 5oine" the #ilitary to "efen"
&eo&le," he $ai", "An" that'$ what +'# "oing right now,"
+ will never -e a$ goo" or a$ -rave a$ thi$ !i",
+ try to wal! fa$ter, an" then + 5og a -it, )y !nee$ an" -a! are
hurting, %ut + &i! u& the &ae, +'# trying to re&lae 3u$'$ ol" -o"y
with #y young $&irit,
+'# trying to re&lae 3u$'$ !nee$ with #y !nee$,
An" $o S#all Saint &u$he$ the &ony to a $low trot, An" +'#
&u$hing 3u$ to a $low trot, An" we go,
+ !now + won't -e a-le to !ee& u& thi$ &ae, + !now thi$ ha$e i$
unfair, %ut we have to run, /e have to !ee& running,
An" $o we run,
%ehin" u$, the ur$e$ an" hoof-eat$ of the avalry, Ahea" of u$,
who !now$?
%ehin" u$, "eath,
An" $o we run,
An" then + tri& over a fallen -ranh an" fall -e$i"e it, )y -a!
$ei.e$ u& again, + url, An" + $rea#,
"SirA" S#all Saint $hout$, "SirA Are you o!ay?"
All + an "o i$ $rea#, The &ain i$ $o huge, li!e a thou$an" little
#en are "igging a train tunnel through #y -a!,
Plea$e, &lea$e, #a!e the &ain $to&,
"SirA" S#all Saint $hout$, "SirA /hat $houl" + "o?"
The $ol"ier$ are $o lo$e now, + i#agine + an $#ell the#, +
$#ell gun&ow"er an" $weat an" -loo" an" hate,
"3oA" + yell, "BunA"
"%ut what a-out you, $irA" S#all Saint $hout$, "+ wont leave a
#an -ehin", $irA"
"2ou have toA 3oA 3oA"
"No, $irA No, $irA"
+ an tell -y the loo! in hi$ eye$ that he'$ rea"y to #a!e hi$
$tan" here, That he will fight a #illion $ol"ier$ to $ave the +n"ian -oy,
%ut thi$ i$ not $u&&o$e" to -e hi$ en",
There are two hil"ren ri"ing that &ony, They're $u&&o$e" to -e
hil"ren an" $tay hil"ren for a$ long a$ &o$$i-le,
"2ou have to $ave hi#A" + $hout, "Save the !i"A"
An" now S#all Saint un"er$tan"$, 1e !now$ he #ight e$a&e if
he leave$ #e -ehin", 1e !now$ he ha$ a -etter hane, +t'$ a horri-le
hoie to #a!e, -ut he #u$t #a!e it,
"+'ll hol" the# off," + $ay, "+'ll -uy you #ore ti#e,"
1ow ra.y, + an't even unurl #y -a! an" +'# going to fight
harging avalry $ol"ier$?
"3o," + $ay, "Plea$e,"
+t'$ the please that "oe$ it, Funny how a little &olitene$$ an
hange &eo&le'$ #in"$,
S#all Saint $alute$ #e an" then he'$ off, gallo&ing at full tilt, to
"i$a&&ear into the "ar! tree$,
+'# lying alone,
The $ol"ier$ ri"e lo$er an" lo$er,
+n great &ain, + roll over on #y $to#ah, an" then rawl to a log,
)y over, + -rae #y rifle on the log, + "on't even !now if thi$ ol"
+n"ian rifle wor!$ any#ore, %ut +'# going to try,
+ ta!e areful ai# at the tree line,
The avalry roar$ lo$er an" lo$er, 5u$t #inute$ an" $eon"$
away,
+ ta!e areful ai#, Then + laugh, Thi$ 5ourney $tarte" when +
$hot a -unh of $tranger$ in a -an!, A horri-le, evil at, An" now +'#
lying in the "irt, getting rea"y to $hoot a -unh of other $tranger$,
Thi$ ti#e in $elf-"efen$e an" in "efen$e of the two -oy$ who are ri"ing
farther an" farther away fro# #e,
+$ there really a "ifferene -etween that !illing an" thi$ !illing?
Doe$ 3-" a&&rove of $o#e !illing an" not other !illing? +f + !ill the$e
$ol"ier$ $o that S#all Saint an" %ow %oy an e$a&e, "oe$ that #a!e
#e a hero?
+ "on't !now, 1ow a# + $u&&o$e" to !now? + "on't even have a
goo" gue$$,
+ ta!e areful ai# at the tree$, +n #y fear, + reali.e the tree$
loo! li!e &eo&le, 3iant$, An au"iene of eager giant$, All waiting for
the $how,
)e ver$u$ the $ol"ier$,
+ ta!e areful ai# at the "o.en $ol"ier$ who ra$h into #y view,
They $ee #e an" ur$e an" laugh, They are ha&&y to have aught #e,
They ri"e har" towar" #e,
The general i$ with the#, 1i$ fae a #a$$ of -loo"y -an"age$,
+ ta!e areful ai#, + "on't !now if + have the heart to !ill the#,
+$n't that o""? + one fille" a roo# with -ullet$, + $hot &eo&le who
woul" never "o #e har#, An" now +'# not $ure + an $hoot at the #en
who &lan to !ill #e,
+ hear $rea#ing, + reali.e it i$ #e $rea#ing,
+ hear wee&ing, + reali.e it i$ #e wee&ing,
+ lo$e #y eye$,

Thirteen
+') F(2+N3,
+ o&en #y eye$ in an air&lane7 a $#all &lane, There'$ enough
roo# for two or three &eo&le, -ut +'# alone,
+'# the &ilot, +'# in$i"e the -o"y of the &ilot,
No, + have -eo#e the &ilot, + "on't feel $e&arate fro# hi#,
+ fly 5u$t -elow a eiling of lou"$ an" a-ove the oean, +f +
fli&&e" the &lane over, the oean woul" -e #y eiling an" the lou"$
#y floor, an" it woul" not #atter,
+t i$ #y &lane, the lou"$, the oean, an" #e, All of it i$
-eautiful an" interhangea-le, All of it i$ e6ually i#&ortant an"
uni#&ortant, All of it i$ onnete",
+ a# the &ilot an" the lou"$ an" the oean an" the &lane,
)an, thi$ ha$ to -e 1eaven,
+ laugh,
2e$, it i$ 1eaven,
+ have $urvive" #y 5ourney through ti#e an" &lae an" &er$on
an" war an" have now arrive" in #y 1eaven,
An" #y 1eaven i$ a $#all air&lane that will forever fly, +t will
never lan",
)ay-e that $oun"$ -oring, A $#all &art of #e thin!$, $ell, yeah,
that is boring+ %ut + a# ha&&y right now, +t feel$ li!e the !in" of ha&&y
that an la$t forever,
+ won"er a-out S#all Saint an" %ow %oy, Di" they e$a&e? /hat
ha&&ene" after + left ol" 3u$'$ -o"y? Di" he $u""enly wa!e u& an" $hit
hi#$elf when he $aw hi$ ol" frien" 3eneral )u$tahe $hooting at hi#?
%ut + an't won"er an" worry too #uh, +'ll go in$ane, + thin!,
%ut if -eing ra.y #ean$ + get to fly a &lane, then +'ll ta!e ra.y,
The really funny thing i$ that +'# $are" of flying, Terrifie",
really,
+'ve only -een on two flight$ -efore7 the one to vi$it New 2or!
with that rih Seattle "o-goo"er an" the other with #y #other, /hen
$he wa$ &regnant with #e, + !now +'# not $u&&o$e" to re#e#-er it,
An" + "on't re#e#-er it, not really, %ut + an feel it, + have the
#e#ory of it in #y DNA,
+ have the &hotogra&h of #y #other $itting in the air&lane7 a -ig
5et, + "on't !now who too! the &hotogra&h, + thin! it wa$ #y +n"ian
father, + thin! $o -eau$e #y #other $#ile$ in that &hotogra&h, She
$tare$ into the a#era an" $#ile$,
+t'$ o-viou$ that #y #other love" #y father,
A few #onth$ after that &hotogra&h, #y #other wa$ in la-or
with #e, an" #y father wa$ leaving, %y the ti#e #y #other hel" #e,
a new-orn, in her ar#$, #y father wa$ alrea"y hun"re"$ of #ile$
away, never to return,
Fu!ing -a$tar",
An" then $ix year$ after he left, #y #other wa$ "ea" of -rea$t
aner, + thin! $he #i$$e" #y father $o #uh that it !ille" her, + thin!
her $a"ne$$ au$e" her aner, + thin! her grief grew tho$e tu#or$,
+ #i$$ #y #other, + #i$$ her all the ti#e, + want to $ee her
again, An" now here + a# in the -o"y of a &ilot a$ he flie$,
+t #a!e$ $en$e,
The la$t ti#e #y #other wa$ ha&&y $he wa$ on an air&lane, So
#ay-e thi$ i$ #y la$t &lae to -e ha&&y, )ay-e +'ll -e a$ ha&&y a$ #y
#other, )ay-e + a# flying to #eet her,
%ut no, that'$ not it,
+ an feel thi$ -o"y re#e#-ering, Every &art of you ha$ "ifferent
#e#orie$, 2our finger$ re#e#-er the feel of a velvet oat, 2our feet
re#e#-er a war# $an"y -eah, 2our eye$ re#e#-er a fae,
)y eye$ re#e#-er a fae,
+ re#e#-er a -rown-$!inne" #an, %la! hair, urly -la! hair,
%rown eye$, Eyegla$$e$, A $hort #an, thin -ut #u$ular, 1e wore a
-la! $hirt an" -lue 5ean$ every "ay of hi$ life, every "ay that + !new
hi#, /ho i$ he? /ho i$ thi$ #an +'# re#e#-ering? +$ it #e? A# + the
#an + a# re#e#-ering?
No, + a# a &ale #an, %lon", -lue-eye", %ig, Strong, + fill u& thi$
air&lane,
+ a# #uh larger than the #an + a# re#e#-ering, + a#
reon$truting hi#, 1i$ na#e i$ A--a", 1e i$ an Ethio&ian, a )u$li#,
1e'$ live" in the Cnite" State$ for fifteen year$, 'a#e here for
ollege, to $tu"y #ehanial engineering, an" never went -a! ho#e,
+ loo! over at the e#&ty $eat -e$i"e #e, an" A--a" i$ there, Or
the #e#ory of hi# i$ there, Or hi$ gho$t i$ there,
"0i##y," he $ay$ to #e, "tell #e the truth, 2ou #u$t tell #e the
truth,"
1i$ Engli$h i$ $lightly aente", +t i$ a -eautiful aent, A--a" i$
a -eautiful #an, S#all an" "ar! an" -eautiful,
"2ou annot hi"e the truth fro# #e, 0i##y," A--a" $ay$, an"
laugh$, "+ an $#ell your lie$, They $#ell li!e onion$ an" -eer,"
)y na#e i$ 0i##y, + a# 0i##y the &ilot,
"A--a"," + $ay, "+ "i"n't thin! you were a terrori$t,"
"2ou are a liar, 0i##y, /hen + a#e to your "oor, when + $ai", )
"ant to be a pilot, you i##e"iately thought of Se&te#-er eleventh,
2ou i##e"iately thought + wa$ another ra.y terrori$t who wante" to
learn how to fly &lane$ into $!y$ra&er$,"
"No, + "i"n't,"
"2e$, you "i", Of our$e you "i", An" "o you !now how + !now
you thought $uh thing$?"
"1ow?"
"%eau$e + wa$ turne" away fro# $even flight in$trutor$ -efore
+ a#e to you, One flight in$trutor &ulle" a gun on #e,"
"Now you're lying," + $ay,
"+ wi$h + were lying," A--a" $ay$, "%ut no, he tol" #e to wait a
#inute while he gra--e" $o#e &a&erwor!, Then he went into the -a!
roo# an" a#e out with a $hotgun, 1e alle" #e a $an" nigger an"
$ai" he wa$ going to -low off #y hea" if + "i"n't get the fu! out of hi$
&lae of -u$ine$$,"
A--a" laugh$,
"2ou A#erian$ love a&itali$# $o #uh," he $ay$, "That #an
"i"n't tell #e to get out of hi$ hou$e, or out of hi$ life, 1e "i"n't tell #e
to go to hell or -a! to Afria or -a! to wherever he thought + a#e
fro#, No, he tol" #e to get out of hi$ place of business+ %u$ine$$A
That'$ all he oul" thin! a-out,"
A--a" laugh$,
/hat !in" of #an an laugh at $uh a horri-le $tory? A !in" an"
funny an" forgiving #an,
"So, 0i##y, now tell #e the truth, 2ou thought + wa$ a terrori$t,
"i"n't you?"
+ laugh,
"2ou "i", "i"n't you?" A--a" a$!$,
"2e$," + $ay, ")ay-e + wa$ a little worrie" a-out you,"
"1a, $ee, + !new it," A--a" $ay$, an" laugh$, 1e ro!$ -a! an"
forth in hi$ $eat, The $#all &lane -oune$, A--a" i$ ha&&y tur-ulene,
"An" now? /hat "o you thin! now?" A--a" a$!$,
"+ thin! you're an a$$hole," + $ay,
A--a" laugh$ even lou"er, 1e laugh$ $o har" that he ho!e$,
'oughing an" ho!ing, he !ee&$ laughing, + laugh with hi#,
/e are frien"$,
An" then A--a" i$ gone, 1i$ #e#ory fa"e$ away, An" + a#
alone in the air&lane again,
+ an fall $o far in$i"e a &er$on, in$i"e hi$ #e#orie$, that + an
&lay the# li!e a #ovie,
An" + an feel the &ilot'$ e#otion$, 1e #i$$e$ A--a", )i$$e$ hi#
very #uh, + an feel hi$ heart-rea!,
0i##y'$ han"$ wor! the ontrol$, $withing -utton$, fli&&ing
$withe$, gui"ing the &lane fro# left to right aro$$ the $!y, + gue$$
that &ilot$ all it &ort an" $tar-oar", -ut + all it left an" right, +t'$ all +
!now, %ut it "oe$n't #atter that +'# a flying #oron, + have nothing to
"o with thi$, + a# a $&etator,
An" that'$ o!ay, + an relax an" en5oy the flight,
Thi$ i$ not 1eaven, after all, -ut it feel$ great to fly, 0i##y i$ not
afrai" of flying, $o +'# not afrai", + have -orrowe" hi$ ourage an" 5oy,
a$ well a$ hi$ $a"ne$$ an" regret,
An" + feel the 5oy an" $a"ne$$ in e6ual &art$ a$ 0i##y float$ the
&lane lower an" lower towar" a $#all air&ort, + $ee the air&ort in the
"i$tane, (an"ing light$, ontrol tower, ter#inal, hangar, All i$ gol" an"
green,
0i##y $#ile$ a$ the &lane touhe$ "own, + un"er$tan" that he
never ta!e$ flight for grante", 1e i$ alway$ ha&&y to fly an" ha&&ier to
lan" $afely,
1e taxie$ the &lane into the hangar an" $hut$ it "own,
1e o&en$ the "oor, $te&$ out onto the wing, an" 5u#&$ "own
onto the floor, 1e wal!$ over to a large $in!, fill$ a -u!et with $oa&
an" water, an" -egin$ to wa$h hi$ air&lane,
1e "oe$ thi$ with great are, even affetion,
A$ he wa$he$ eah air&lane &art, he $ay$ it$ na#e alou"7
stabilizer, rudder, lift, "ing, elevator, aileron, spoiler, slat, "heel+
+ re#e#-er #y #other na#ing #y &art$ a$ $he -athe" #e, 1ow
oul" + re#e#-er that? + wa$ 5u$t a -a-y, She ha" to wa$h #e in a
tu- that $at on the !ithen ta-le, Do + really re#e#-er that? Or a# +
&reten"ing to re#e#-er it?
A$ 0i##y wa$he$ hi$ &lane, he again re#e#-er$ A--a", An" a$
he re#e#-er$, A--a" a&&ear$ again, Al$o arrying a -u!et an"
$&onge,
"0i##y, you are a fool," A--a" $ay$, "2ou have a -eautiful wife
at ho#e an" you $&en" all your ti#e with your air&lane,"
")y air&lane i$ #ore "e&en"a-le," 0i##y $ay$,
"Ah, you A#erian$, you let your wive$ ontrol your "e$tiny, That
i$ not our way,"
"2ou're full of it, A--a", 2ou #ight thin! you ontrol your
wo#en, -ut it'$ alway$ the other way aroun", )u$li# wo#en 5u$t have
to -e raftier, They an't $ay they're in harge, -ut they're in harge,"
"No, )y wife !now$ that + wear the -ig &ant$ in our fa#ily,"
"2ou #ean you wear the &ant$,"
"That'$ what + $ai","
"No, you $ai" -ig &ant$, They're 5u$t &ant$,"
"+ "on't un"er$tan","
A--a"'$ Engli$h i$ nearly &erfet, -etter than #o$t native
$&ea!er$, -ut he "oe$n't !now how to u$e lih$,
A--a" $ha!e$ hi$ hea", "That "oe$n't #a!e $en$e," he $ay$,
"1ow an you -e the !ing if you "on't have -ig &ant$?"
"Forget it," 0i##y $ay$,
"+ "on't forget anything," A--a" $ay$, An" he $ay$ it $o $eriou$ly
that it #a!e$ 0i##y laugh,
+t #a!e$ #e laugh,
An" then A--a"'$ ell &hone ring$, 1e loo!$ at the aller +D,
"+t'$ #y wife," he $ay$,
"Aren't you going to tal! to her?"
"No, $he'$ $till #a" at #e -eau$e + forgot to -ring ho#e #il!
la$t night,"
A--a" $tare$ at the aller +D for a #o#ent, then he $#ile$, An"
laugh$,
0i##y laugh$, too,
"+ gue$$ + a# the !ing of #il!," A--a" $ay$,
The #en laugh har"er, The laughter ehoe$ in the hangar, An"
then it fa"e$ away,
A--a" fa"e$ away,
0i##y i$ alone again with hi$ air&lane,
No, he'$ not alone,
"1ello, 0i##y," A wo#an'$ voie,
She'$ $tan"ing in a near-y "oorway, She wear$ a T-$hirt an" -lue
5ean$, She'$ young, #ay-e twenty, Be" hair, green eye$, An" $he'$
&retty, Very $hort an" very urvy, 'heerlea"er urvy,
+ ho&e thi$ i$ 0i##y'$ wife, An" + won"er why he want$ to $&en"
#ore ti#e with hi$ air&lane than he "oe$ with thi$ wo#an,
"1ello, 1el"a," he $ay$,
1el"aA 1er na#e i$ 1el"a? 1ow "oe$ a -eautiful girl get $uh an
ugly na#e? 1er &arent$ #u$t have -een ruel an" ol" &eo&le,
"1ow wa$ it u& there to"ay?" $he a$!$,
"%eautiful, + oul" $ee for #ile$ an" #ile$," he $ay$, "2ou $houl"
let #e ta!e you u&,"
"No way," $he $ay$, "2ou !now + hate flying,"
"2ou'll get over it," 0i##y $ay$, + an feel hi$ i#&atiene with
her, 1e want$ her to love flying a$ #uh a$ he "oe$,
"Are you hungry?" 1el"a a$!$,
+ an't -elieve her na#e i$ 1el"a,
"+ oul" eat," he $ay$,
"3oo", + -rought a little &ini,"
0i##y wal!$ into the offie, She'$ lai" out a fea$t on a -lan!et
on the floor, %rea", fruit, frie" hi!en, wine, /ow, thi$ wo#an i$
ro#anti, She'$ trying to woo 0i##y, Oh, that'$ $o ute, Their #arriage
#u$t -e fragile, )arrie" &eo&le only have &ini$ when their #arriage$
are in trou-le, + rea" that $o#ewhere, %ut 0i##y i$ touhe" -y thi$, +
an feel hi$ ha&&ine$$, +t #a!e$ #e ha&&y,
"1ave a $eat," $he $ay$,
0i##y $it$ on the floor, 1e gra-$ a &iee of frie" hi!en, a leg,
an" ta!e$ a -ite, +t'$ a little "ry, So, o!ay, 1el"a i$n't #uh of a oo!,
%ut that'$ o!ay, That'$ &erfetly o!ay, %eau$e $he turn$ on a 'D
&layer an" $tart$ "aning,
She dances for 2immy! &ances for me!
Thi$ ha$ never ha&&ene" to #e -efore, An" fro# the way that
0i##y feel$, + "on't thin! it'$ ha&&ene" to hi# -efore either,
An" that'$ $a", 2ou'" thin! $o#e -eautiful wo#an woul" have
"ane" for 0i##y -efore to"ay,
%ut who'$ to 5u"ge? 1el"a "ane$ for 0i##y now, She $exe$
their #arriage, An" +'# getting to en5oy a little -it of that $ex,
+ won"er if 1el"a will ta!e off her lothe$,
An" then + hear another wo#an'$ voie, Or, rather, + hear a
ho!e" $o-,
+ turn to $ee another wo#an $tan"ing in the "oorway, She'$
ol"er, gray-haire", a little -it &retty an" a little -it hu--y, 1er -rown
eye$ are huge, 1er !nee$ -u!le, %ut $he athe$ her -alane, &ut$ a
han" again$t the "oor5a#- for $u&&ort, an" over$ her #outh, She
$o-$,
Then $he turn$ an" run$ away,
"/ho wa$ that?" 1el"a a$!$,
")y wife," 0i##y $ay$,

Fourteen
OKA2, SO + 3CESS that 0i##y the &ilot i$ a "irty liar an" a
heat,
)y +n"ian father wa$ a "irty liar an" a heat,
So + gue$$ thi$ i$ another !in" of 5u$tie, +'ve -een "ro&&e" into
the -o"y of a #an 5u$t li!e #y father,
%ut + "o !now that 0i##y feel$ terri-le, There'$ ai" -u--ling in
hi$ $to#ah an" ri$ing u& hi$ throat into hi$ #outh, +t ta$te$ awful,
%urning awful, + gue$$ that'$ what guilt ta$te$ li!e,
"0e$u$," 1el"a $ay$, "+ "i"n't #ean--"
She "oe$n't !now what to $ay, She 5u$t $tan"$ there an" $tare$
at the "oorway where 0i##y'$ wife u$e" to -e,
"She'$ never -een here -efore," 0i##y $ay$, "+'ve -een flying
&lane$ for twelve year$, an" never, not one in all that ti#e, ha$ $he
ever o#e "own here,"
0i##y i$ a traitor, +'# #a" at hi#, $ure, -ut + al$o feel $orry for
hi#, Or #ay-e he'$ 5u$t feeling $orry for hi#$elf, an" $o + feel hi#
feeling $orry,
"/hat are we going to "o?" 1el"a a$!$,
0i##y loo!$ at her, 1e "oe$n't love her, + an feel that he "oe$n't
love her,
1e i$ having an affair with a wo#an he "oe$n't love, So he'$
heating on her, too, $ort of, + #ean, + "on't thin! you're $u&&o$e" to
have $ex with &eo&le you "on't love, + !now, + !now, + !now, Peo&le "o
it all the ti#e, %ut + really thin! you're $u&&o$e" to -e a little -it in
love with the#, At lea$t a tiny -it, An" + an feel that 0i##y "oe$n't
love 1el"a at all, +n fat, he thin!$ $he'$ irritating,
"0i##y," 1el"a $ay$ again, "/hat are we going to "o now?"
"+'# going to go fin" #y wife," 0i##y $ay$,
"%ut what a-out #e?" $he a$!$,
"+ love #y wife," 0i##y $ay$,
1el"a $tart$ rying,
0i##y i$ a #a5or-league 5er!, 1e'$ #a"e two wo#en wee& an"
wail in two #inute$, An" he #a"e 1el"a ry -y $aying, "+ love #y
wife," + #ean, nor#ally, tho$e four wor"$ are ro#anti an" lovely,
right? %ut right now they're a$ ol" an" $har& a$ an iile $ta--e" into
the heart,
/hy "o &eo&le hurt eah other li!e thi$?
+ 5u$t !now + never want to -e a$ #uh in love with any-o"y a$
the$e wo#en are in love with 0i##y, 2ou an't tru$t &eo&le with your
love, Peo&le will u$e your love, They'll ta!e a"vantage of you, They'll lie
to you, They'll heat you,
"+ love #y wife," 0i##y $ay$ again,
"%ut what a-out #e?" 1el"a a$!$,
"+ have to go," 0i##y $ay$,
1e leave$ her li!e that, + try to #a!e hi# $tay, + try to hol" hi#
-a!, %ut + have .ero ontrol of hi$ -o"y, + try to influene hi$ #in", +
$hout, %ut he an't hear #e,
1e wal!$ out the "oor an" leave$ 1el"a -ehin", + an hear her
rying har" a$ 0i##y wal!$ into the &ar!ing lot, 0i##y 5u#&$ into a
-ig &i!u& an" "rive$ off,
1e thin!$ a-out -etrayal, $o + thin! a-out -etrayal,
1e thin!$ of how #any wive$ an" hu$-an"$ are heating on eah
other, An" thin!$ of how #any father$ are a-an"oning their hil"ren,
1e thin!$ of how #any &eo&le are going to war again$t other &eo&le,
/e're all -etraying one another all the ti#e,
+ thin! how + -etraye" tho$e &eo&le in the -an!, Tho$e &eo&le in
the -an! tru$te" #e to -e $o-er an" $#art an" !in", + -etraye" the#,
+'# a -etrayer,
+ want to wee&, -ut it'$ !in" of har" to "o that when you "on't
have a -o"y, + want to #a!e 0i##y wee& for #e, -ut hi$ eye$ are
fille" with hi$ own tear$,
1e'$ rying a-out hi$ #arriage an" he'$ rying a-out other $hit,
too,
1e'$ rying a-out A--a", + thin!, -eau$e that -eautiful -rown
#an $u""enly #ateriali.e$ in the tru! with u$,
"0i##y, 0i##y," he $ay$, "you A#erian$ are $o arrogant, 2ou
thin! the whole worl" want$ to -e li!e you,"
"All + !now for $ure i$ thi$," 0i##y $ay$, "2ou've live" in our
ountry for fifteen year$, An" you've "one really well--for your$elf, for
your wife, an" for that new -a-y, Fifteen year$, A--a", fifteen goo"
year$,"
"2e$, 0i##y," A--a" $ay$, "+'ve live" here for fifteen year$, an" +
have -een $a" an" lonely for #y real ho#e on every one of #y "ay$, +
live in the Cnite" State$ -eau$e #y real ho#e ha$ -een "e$troye","
A--a" i$ rying, 1e wi&e$ hi$ eye$ an" fa"e$ away,
0i##y i$ alone in hi$ tru!, 1e "rive$ fa$t,
1e ha$ "e$troye" hi$ ho#e, hi$ #arriage, 1e "rive$ fa$t,
1e ha$ turne" hi$ wife into a refugee,
0i##y "rive$ into a $#all town, turn$ a orner onto a 6uiet
$treet, an" &ull$ into the "riveway of a green hou$e7 hi$ ho#e,
1i$ wife i$ there, too, An" $he'$ throwing hi$ lothe$ out the
front "oor onto the lawn7 $hirt$, &ant$, $hoe$,
0i##y $it$ in the tru! an" wathe$,
She'$ now throwing out #aga.ine$ an" -oo!$ an" 'D$ an" DVD$
an" tro&hie$ an" everything el$e that #ight -elong to hi#,
0i##y $it$ an" wathe$,
Then $he throw$ out &la$ti air&lane$, toy air&lane$, #o"el
air&lane$, re#ote ontrol air&lane$, They ra$h onto the lawn, They
ra$h into the a&&le tree in the front yar", They ra$h onto the
"riveway, They gli"e an" ra$h into the $treet,
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty little &lane ra$he$,
0i##y $it$ an" wathe$ it ha&&en, 1e wathe$ hi$ wife "e$troy
all hi$ thing$,
1e !now$ he "e$erve$ it,
She arrie$ out &hoto al-u#$, o&en$ the# u&, an" tear$ out any
&hoto of 0i##y, any &hoto that inlu"e$ 0i##y, an" any &hoto that
re#in"$ her of 0i##y,
Soon enough $he reali.e$ that every &hoto re#in"$ her of
0i##y, $o $he throw$ all the &hoto al-u#$ into the yar",
She want$ to tear out the &art$ of her -rain an" heart that
re#e#-er 0i##y, -ut $he an't "o that, So $he tear$ off her we""ing
ring an" throw$ that into the $treet, +t lin!$ again$t the &ave#ent
an" roll$ an" roll$ an" roll$ an" "i$a&&ear$,
That ta!e$ the la$t of her energy, She fall$ to her !nee$ on the
&orh, She &u$he$ her forehea" again$t the floor an" $he wee&$,
0i##y $it$ an" wathe$,
+ won"er if #y #other #ourne" li!e thi$ when #y father left her,
+ won"er if 0i##y'$ wife will get aner fro# her $a"ne$$,
Finally, 0i##y get$ out of hi$ tru! an" wal!$ towar" hi$ wife, 1e
$te&$ over an" aroun" hi$ thing$ $trewn all over the lawn, 1e $te&$
onto the &orh an" $tan"$ a-ove hi$ wife,
"(in"a," he $ay$,
1er na#e i$ (in"a, A $i#&le, &retty na#e,
"(in"a," he $ay$ again,
She "oe$n't re$&on", She !ee&$ wee&ing,
"(in"a," he $ay$, for the thir" ti#e,
/ithout loo!ing u&, without #oving, $he $&ea!$,
"1ow long ha$ thi$ -een going on, 0i##y?"
"A year, thirteen #onth$," he $ay$,
"Do you love her?"
"No,"
She wail$ lou"er, /hy i$ $he rying har"er now? + "on't
un"er$tan", /oul" it have -een -etter if he'" $ai" ye$?
"(in"a," he $ay$, for the fourth ti#e,
Doe$ thi$ guy thin! he an fix thing$ if he !ee&$ $aying her
na#e? +$ he that $tu&i"? 1e #ight -e, Peo&le are that $tu&i",
"Di" you ever "o it in our -e"?" $he a$!$,
"No," he $ay$,
"2ou're lying," $he $ay$, "Tell #e the truth, o!ay? For one, tell
#e the truth, Di" you $lee& with her in our -e"?"
"2e$," he $ay$,
(in"a $u""enly $it$ u&, She &ull$ a &i$tol fro# her oat, a little
&i$tol, an" &oint$ it at 0i##y,
An" at #e,

Fifteen
0+))2 /ANTS TO D+E,
A$ he $tan"$ there an" $tare$ at the &i$tol in hi$ wife'$ han",
0i##y reali.e$ he want$ her to &ull the trigger,
0i##y want$ hi$ wife to !ill hi#,
That'$ ra.y,
%ut it ha&&en$ all the ti#e, right?
Stranger$ har"ly ever !ill $tranger$, All over the worl",
thou$an"$ of ti#e$ a "ay, hu$-an"$ an" wive$ !ill one another,
+t'$ #o$tly hu$-an"$ !illing wive$, + thin!,
%ut $o#eti#e$ a wife will !ill a hu$-an",
(i!e, right now, a$ (in"a &oint$ a &i$tol at 0i##y an" &ull$ the
trigger,
,lick+
0i##y "oe$n't flinh, Doe$n't #ove,
"+ too! the -ullet$ out," (in"a $ay$, "+ 5u$t wante" to $ee you $hit
your &ant$, you -a$tar","
%ut 0i##y i$ $trangely "i$a&&ointe", 1e want$ to -e &uni$he"
for hi$ ri#e$, + want to -e &uni$he" for #y ri#e$,
"/hy are you 5u$t $tan"ing there?" (in"a a$!$, "Aren't you going
to $ay anything to #e?"
"+ wi$h there were -ullet$ in the gun," 0i##y $ay$,
"2ou're $a"," $he $ay$, "2ou've alway$ -een $o $a","
+ an feel hi$ $a"ne$$, +t feel$ li!e he'$ wearing a $a" oat with
ro!$ in hi$ &o!et$,
"+'# going to #y #other'$," (in"a $ay$, "An" when + o#e -a!,
+ want you an" your $hit gone, + "on't ever want to $ee you again,"
"O!ay," 0i##y $ay$,
"+$ that all you have to $ay?" $he a$!$, "0kay5 That'$ all you're
going to $ay? )arrie" for twenty year$ an" all you've got for #e i$
okay?"
"2eah," 0i##y $ay$,
"Fu! you, 0i##y," She wal!$ over to her little ar an" "rive$
away,
0i##y loo!$ aroun" hi$ yar", A few neigh-or$ are wathing,
They've hear" the fight, They're not $ur&ri$e", They ex&ete" thi$ to
ha&&en $o#e"ay,
0i##y thin!$ he $houl" lean u& the yar", 1e thin!$ he $houl"
throw everything into the -a! of hi$ tru! an" "rive away, An" he
"oe$ $tart the leanu&, 1e &i!$ u& a -ro!en #o"el &lane, a D'-9?,
+t'$ $na&&e" in half,
1e arrie$ the -ro!en &lane into the hou$e an" $it$ in hi$ hair in
the living roo#,
1e $it$ there alone an" 6uiet for a long ti#e,
1e $tare$ at the -lan! televi$ion,
An" then a #e#ory o#e$ to hi#, An" #e,
That #e#ory &lay$ on the televi$ion,
+t'$ a ho#e vi"eo of A--a", 1e'$ $&ea!ing "iretly to the a#era,
An" then he'$ $houting in a foreign language, hi$ language, + "on't
!now what he'$ $aying, -ut he'$ angry, Furiou$,
Then another ho#e vi"eo, $hot fro# a -oat in the har-or, of a
&a$$enger air&lane falling fro# the $!y into "owntown 'hiago, An
ex&lo$ion, Fla#e$ ri$ing,
Then a &hotogra&h of A--a", hi$ wife, an" hi$ -a-y,
Then a new$ re&orter $&ea!$,
"(ate thi$ afternoon, in 'hiago'$ )i"way Air&ort, A--a" H an"
hi$ wife an" -a-y "aughter -oar"e" a o##uter flight along with
thirty-$ix other &a$$enger$, Shortly after ta!eoff, it a&&ear$ that A--a"
too! over the air&lane, The "etail$ are not lear at thi$ ti#e, -ut it
a&&ear$ that A--a" an" hi$ wife $o#ehow "i$a-le" the &a$$enger$
an" rew, A--a" then too! ontrol of the air&lane an" ra$he" it into
"owntown 'hiago "uring ru$h hour,"
)ore vi"eo of ar$ an" -uil"ing$ on fire, Fire tru!$, a#-ulane$,
&olie ar$,
"All &a$$enger$ on the air&lane "ie" in$tantly, an" it a&&ear$ that
"o.en$ of &eo&le on the groun" have -een in5ure", Polie won't
$&eulate on the nu#-er, -ut initial e$ti#ate$ are that at lea$t nine
&eo&le on the $treet have -een !ille","
A vi"eo of a little -oy, wee&ing an" wailing, a$ a fire#an arrie$
hi# through the $#o!e,
0i##y taught A--a" how to fly a &lane, An" one you !now how
to fly a &lane, you al$o !now how to ra$h it,
0i##y $it$ in hi$ hair an" $tare$ at the -lan! televi$ion,
0h, /bbad, you are a murderer+ 0h, /bbad, you are a betrayer+
Furiou$, 0i##y $tan"$ an" throw$ the &iee$ of hi$ #o"el &lane
aro$$ the roo#, They ra$h into a wall an" -rea! into #ore &iee$,
1ow an 0i##y ever -e aero"yna#i again?
1e run$ out to hi$ tru!, 5u#&$ in, an" $&ee"$ away,
1e re#e#-er$ the re&orter$ who a#e to hi$ "oor, The fir$t one,
a wo#an, &ro#i$e" to -e fair,
"0i##y," $he $ai", "/hat an you tell u$ a-out A--a"?"
0i##y oul" not an$wer the 6ue$tion, 1e "i"n't want to an$wer
the 6ue$tion,
"0i##y," $he $ai", "2ou taught A--a" how to fly a &lane, 1ow "i"
it #a!e you feel when he u$e" that !nowle"ge to !ill "o.en$ of
&eo&le?"
1e oul" not an$wer that 6ue$tion, 1e "i"n't want to an$wer it,
"0i##y," $he $ai", "Do you want to "efen" your$elf?"
1e oul" not "efen" hi#$elf, 1e "i"n't want to "efen" hi#$elf,
1e wa$ guilty, 1e ha" not #ur"ere" any-o"y, 1e ha" never wante" to
hurt any-o"y, %ut it wa$ hi$ fault, 1e ha" tru$te" A--a",
0i##y rae$ hi$ tru! -a! to the air&ort, 1e &ull$ into the
&ar!ing lot, 5u#&$ out, an" run$ into the hangar,
1el"a i$ gone, (in"a i$ gone, A--a" i$ gone, Every-o"y i$ gone,
gone, gone,
0i##y li#-$ into hi$ air&lane, $tart$ it u&, an" taxi$ onto the
runway,
1e ta!e$ off, lifting hi$ &lane into the $!y,
The lou"$ are the eiling, the groun" i$ the floor, Everything i$
green an" gol"en,
Flight i$ $u&&o$e" to -e -eautiful, +t'$ $u&&o$e" to -e &ure,
"O!ay, A--a", are you rea"y to ta!e the ontrol$?" 0i##y $ay$,
A--a" #ateriali.e$ in the next $eat,
"+ "on't !now if +'# rea"y," A--a" $ay$, "+ "on't thin! +'# rea"y
to "o it alone,"
"2ou're not alone," 0i##y $ay$, "+'# right here,"
"O!ay, o!ay, 5u$t give #e a #o#ent, +'ll -e rea"y in a #o#ent,
0u$t give #e a #o#ent,"
"+'# right here, A--a", 0u$t tru$t #e, o!ay? 0u$t tru$t the &lane,
She'll ta!e are of you,"
A--a" reahe$ out an" ta!e$ the ontrol$, The &lane feel$ lighter
than it $houl",
"O!ay, you have the hel#," 0i##y $ay$, "2ou have ontrol,"
A--a" flie$ the &lane, 1e'$ $#iling, An" then he laugh$,
"+'# flyingA" A--a" $rea#$,
"2e$, you are," 0i##y $ay$, "1ow "oe$ it feel?"
"+t'$ -eautiful, it'$ $o -eautiful, Nothing i$ a$ -eautiful a$ thi$,"
0i##y laugh$ at A--a"'$ &oetry, 1e ha$ hear" it -efore, All fir$t-
ti#e &ilot$ have thi$ #o#ent, when they $ee the fae of 3-" in the $!y
ahea" of the#,
"Ah, fu! the -ir"$A" A--a" $hout$, "Fu! the#, they get to fly
li!e thi$ whenever they wantA"
2e$, 0i##y thin!$, 2e$, fu! the -ir"$ an" their fu!ing wing$,
0i##y re#e#-er$ A--a"'$ fir$t lan"ing, how they $!i""e" to a
$i"eway$ $to&,
"0i##y, + al#o$t wre!e" your &lane," A--a" $ai",
"+t'$ o!ay, fir$t lan"ing$ are alway$ rough," 0i##y $ai",
"/hat woul" you have "one if + wre!e" your &lane?"
"+ woul" have !ille" you,"
They laughe",
0i##y re#e#-er$ getting "run! with the le$$ than "evout
A--a" later that night, +n ele-ration,
"To A--a"A" 0i##y toa$te",
"To flightA" A--a" toa$te",
They "ran! whi$!ey an" wine an" goo" -eer an" hea& -eer,
They tal!e" a-out $ex an" love an" #arriage an" &lane$ an" religion
an" &oliti$ an" -oth !in"$ of foot-all,
Too "run! to "rive, they wal!e" -a! to the air&ort an" fell "own
on the hangar floor -eneath 0i##y'$ gloriou$ air&lane,
"To your &laneA" A--a" toa$te",
"1er na#e i$ (in"aA" 0i##y $houte", 1i$ &lane an" hi$ wife,
0i##y'$ two love$ $hare" the $a#e na#e,
"To (in"aA" A--a" toa$te",
"To (in"aA" 0i##y agree",
(ying on the floor, 0i##y reahe" out an" gra--e" A--a"'$
han",
"2ou are #y -e$t frien"," 0i##y $ai",
"2ou are #y -rother," A--a" $ai",
0h, /bbad, you are a murderer+ 0h, /bbad, you are a betrayer+
Alone in hi$ air&lane, 0i##y flie$, + a# with hi#, 0i##y flie$ out
over the water, over the great la!e, until the -lue of the water an" the
-lue of the $!y are the $a#e -lue, 1e flie$ until he annot $ee any
lan", Then he &u$he$ "own on the ontrol$ an" $en"$ the &lane
&lu##eting towar" the water,
A$ we fall, + thin! a-out #y #other an" father, + thin! a-out the
&eo&le + love", + thin! a-out the &eo&le + hate", + thin! a-out the
&eo&le + -etraye", + thin! a-out the &eo&le who have -etraye" #e,
/e're all the $a#e &eo&le, An" we are all falling,
+ lo$e #y eye$ an" &ray,
0i##y $tay$ $ilent all the way "own,

Sixteen
/1EN + OPEN )2 eye$ + a# $taring at a rat,
No, wait,
The rat $tare$ at #e,
+t'$ a huge wharf rat, two feet long, with intelligent eye$, An" the
rat $ee#$ to -e thin!ing, You're too big to kill, but )'m going to take a
bite out of your ass any"ay+
+ &ani an" roll away, thin!ing that the rat'$ violent intention$
#ight atually -e a#orou$, /hat if +'ve "ro&&e" into the -o"y of a rat?
/hat if +'# a-out to get fu!e" -y another rat?
Shit,
%ut, no, + feel hu#an, + a# hu#an, A hu#an who roll$ away
fro# a rat,
+ roll through rotten foo" an" "og $hit an" ran! water an" #ol"y
new$&a&er, An" then + $la# into a Du#&$ter, Da#n, it hurt$,
%ut + have no ti#e to o#&lain, /hat if that rat ha$ followe"
#e? /hat if it'$ rea"y to atta!? + loo! -a! for it, #y ene#y,
+t ha$n't #ove", +t $tare$ at #e,
"Fu! you, rat," + $ay,
)y wor"$ are 6ui!ly followe" -y &ro5etile vo#it, + $&ew half-
"ige$te" foo" an" -oo.e towar" the rat,
That $are$ it away, an" + laugh,
Da#n rat wa$n't ex&eting that, Of our$e, if + ha"n't $are"
hi#, the rat woul" have gla"ly eaten #y vo#it, An" that "i$gu$ting
thought #a!e$ #e vo#it again,
+ reth, )y $to#ah onvul$e$, An" + $ee -loo" in #y vo#it,
A# + "ying?
/ell, +'# ertainly a $treet "run!, a lo$er who$e -elly i$ torn
a&art -y -oo.e, That'$ why they all it rotgut,
A lih now, -ut $o#e-o"y oine" that wor" enturie$ ago, An"
i#agine how funny an" $a" an" aurate it wa$ the fir$t ti#e
$o#e-o"y $ai" it,
Yeah, that "hiskey "ill rot your guts+ )t's rotgut+
/hy the hell a# + thin!ing thi$ $tu&i" $hit? Pro-a-ly -eau$e +'#
$till "run!,
"1ey, -u""yA"
So#e-o"y yell$ at #e,
"1ey, -u""yA"
+ $ee two &air$ of $hoe$ wal!ing towar" #e, + !now tho$e $hoe$
are onnete" to leg$, -o"ie$, an" fae$, -ut + an't lift #y hea" high
enough to $ee any "etail$,
"2ou all right, "u"e?" A young #an'$ voie,
+ roll onto #y -a! an" loo! u& at a young #an an" wo#an, A
ou&le, Pretty white &eo&le, 'a#era$ aroun" their ne!$, genuine
onern in their eye$,
3orgeou$ touri$t$,
"2ou o!ay?" the young #an a$!$ again,
"+'# "run!," + $ay,
"2e$, you are,"
"/hat "o + loo! li!e?" + a$!,
"/hat "o you #ean?"
"A# + young or ol"?"
The young ou&le loo! at eah other an" laugh, + "on't #ean to
a#u$e the#, + 5u$t want to !now who$e -o"y +'ve "ro&&e" into thi$
ti#e,
"A# + young or ol"?" + a$! again,
"2ou loo! a-out fifty," the young wo#an $ay$, "(i!e #y father,"
"A# + white?"
"No," $he $ay$, "2ou're +n"ian,"
"1ow "o you !now +'# +n"ian?"
"2our -rai"$, An" your $hirt,"
+ loo! "own at #y "irty T-$hirt, e#-la.one" with a -la!-an"-
white &hotogra&h of the A&ahe warrior 3eroni#o an" the irone"-on
a&tion F+31T+N3 TEBBOB+S) S+N'E 9I<F,
"Do you nee" $o#e hel&?" the young wo#an a$!$,
"/hat'$ your na#e?" + a$!,
"Pa#," $he $ay$, "An" thi$ i$ Paul,"
"Pa# an" Paul," + $ay, "That'$ too fu!ing ute,"
They laugh again, 1e laugh$ $o har" that he $tu#-le$ an"
al#o$t $te&$ in #y vo#it, 1e "ane$ an" $&in$ away fro# it, an" that
#a!e$ the# laugh har"er, Are they "run!, too?
"/here a# +?" + a$!, "/hat ity?"
"Tao#a," Paul $ay$,
0u$t thirty #ile$ fro# Seattle, +'# getting lo$er to ho#e, if not
lo$er to #y own -o"y,
"/hat year i$ it?" + a$!,
That #a!e$ the# laugh, too,
"Du"e," Paul $ay$, "you are way "run!,"
"0u$t tell #e what year it i$," + $ay, "Plea$e,"
"Two thou$an" $even," he $ay$,
"+t'$ now," + $ay,
"/ell, no #atter where you are, "u"e, it'$ alway$ now, ain't it?"
3reat, a fu!ing &hilo$o&her,
"'an you hel& #e get u&?" + a$!,
"Sure," he $ay$,
Pa# an" Paul hel& #e to #y feet, +'# "i..y, An" + vo#it again,
Pa# an" Paul lea& away a$ + fall to #y !nee$, + vo#it again,
An" it'$ fille" with -loo", too #uh -loo",
+ #u$t -e "ying,
"Du"e," Paul $ay$, "2ou nee" a "otor,"
"'all nine-one-one," Pa# $ay$,
Paul &ull$ hi$ ell &hone out of hi$ &o!et an" all$ for hel&,
"They're on the way," he $ay$,
%ut + "on't want hel&,
No, wait, %his body "oe$n't want hel&, +'# vo#iting -loo" -ut +
want to flee,
That "oe$n't #a!e any $en$e, %ut + an't ontrol #y e#otion$,
)y fear$, 2e$, +'# afrai",
"+ have to go," + $ay to Pa# an" Paul,
+ "on't want to $ay it, %ut + an't $to& #y$elf, Thi$ -o"y i$
$tronger than #e, An" thi$ -o"y want$ to e$a&e,
An" $o + run, No, + $ha#-le,
0e$u$, that'$ the a-$olute wor$t way in whih any hu#an an
travel7 $ha#-ling, Shit,
"'o#e -a!," Pa# an" Paul all after #e, + an hear the onern
in their voie$, -ut + "on't hear any &a$$ion, They're not going to
"etain #e or follow #e or let #e -eo#e anything other than an
ane"ote to tell at "inner &artie$,
/nd then there "as the time "e helped this homeless )ndian
guy
Of our$e, they'" revi$e hi$tory in or"er to #a!e the#$elve$ loo!
#ore heroi, to give the $tory a ha&&y fu!ing en"ing,
/nd then the ambulance came and saved him+ /nd the
paramedic said the )ndian dude "ould have died if "e'd called, like,
five minutes later+
+ "on't loo! -a! at Pa# an" Paul a$ + ontinue to $ha#-le away,
+ hate their alliteration al#o$t a$ #uh a$ + hate their reflexive
o#&a$$ion,
+ want to hurt the#,
So + turn aroun" an" &oint a finger at the#, + want to au$e
the#, To ur$e the#,
"+t'$ all your fault," + $ay,
"/hat?" Paul a$!$,
"+t'$ all your fault," + $ay again,
"/hat'$ our fault?"
"/hite &eo&le "i" thi$ to +n"ian$, 2ou #a!e u$ li!e thi$,"
+ "on't even !now if + -elieve that, %ut + thin! thi$ ho#ele$$
-o"y -elieve$ it, + thin! thi$ fifty-year-ol" guy want$ to -la#e
$o#e-o"y for hi$ &ain an" hi$ hunger,
%ut what if it'$ hi$ fault? /hat if he #a"e all the "ei$ion$ that
le" hi# to thi$ $a"-a$$ fate?
Fu! #e, + thin!, an" fu! thi$ -o"y +'# ou&ying,
"An" fu! you," + $ay to Pa# an" Paul, "An" fu! your
whitene$$,"
0e$u$, + won"er if thi$ ho#ele$$ guy un"er$tan"$ the "ifferene
-etween white an" whitene$$, An" then + won"er if + $houl" -e $o
on"e$en"ing, on$i"ering that + a# thi$ ho#ele$$ guy,
"Plea$e," Pa# $ay$, "/e're 5u$t trying to hel&,"
"Fu! you," + $ay again, + "on't want to $ay it, Not really, %ut thi$
ho#ele$$ guy'$ anger i$ even $tronger than #y anger, An" anger i$
never a""e" to anger, +t #ulti&lie$,
"The a#-ulane will -e here $oon," Pa# $ay$, "Plea$e wait,"
"Di" you tell the# + wa$ +n"ian?"
"2e$," Paul $ay$,
"Di" you tell the# + wa$ ho#ele$$?"
"2e$,"
"Then they ain't o#ing, Not for a long ti#e, at lea$t, +'# way
"own on their &riority li$t,"
"%ut you're i#&ortant to u$," Pa# $ay$,
+ laugh,
%ut + an tell $he #ean$ it, An" + hate her for #eaning it, 1er
$inerity #a!e$ her wea! an" ea$ily #ani&ulate",
"2ou want to fu! #e?" + a$!,
"/hat?" Pa# an" Paul $ay together,
"Do you want to fu! #e?" + a$! again, $lowly,
+ an $ee the $u""en anger in Paul, 1i$ eye$ go lightning, 1i$
han"$ #a!e -eautiful fi$t$, 3oo", 1e'$ not a &u$$y, 3reat, + want hi#
to hit #e, + want to fight,
"'o#e on, Pa#," he $ay$, "(et'$ get out of here,"
"She "oe$n't want to go with you," + $ay, "She want$ to $tay here
an" fu! #e,"
Paul ta!e$ a 6ui! $te& towar" #e, -ut Pa# gra-$ hi$ ar#,
"No," $he $ay$, "(eave hi# alone, 1e "oe$n't !now what he'$
$aying,"
3-", $he'$ tough, She won't let #e ta!e away her o#&a$$ion,
)ay-e $he an't -e #ani&ulate", )ay-e + an't "efeat her with #y
rage an" $elf-hatre",
0e$u$, + "on't un"er$tan" her,
"1e an't tal! to you li!e that," Paul $ay$,
"+t'$ all he !now$ how to "o," $he $ay$, "Don't let it get to you,"
1e relaxe$ a -it, + an tell that he li$ten$ to her, 1e &ay$
attention, 1e ta!e$ her a"vie, 1e $ee!$ her oun$el, 1e re$&et$ her,
+ hate hi# for it, An" + hate her for in$&iring hi#,
"1ey, Paul," + $ay, "Doe$ $he li!e it in the a$$?"
She an't $to& hi# thi$ ti#e, 1e ru$he$ towar" #e an" &unhe$
#e in the fae,

Seventeen
+ T1+NK 1E %BOKE #y 5aw,
+ $ha#-le through an alley, -loo" filling #y #outh an" no$e, an"
won"er if a #an an "rown in hi$ own -loo", /ell, ye$, of our$e, a
#an an "rown in hi$ -loo", %ut an he "rown while wal!ing? +f + $tay
u&right, will + $tay alive?
Thi$ alley $#ell$ li!e rotten foo", 1uge Du#&$ter$ an" gar-age
an$ line -oth $i"e$, They're fille" with ex&ire" foo" an" half-eaten
#eal$, Thi$ #u$t -e an alley -etween row$ of re$taurant$,
Other ho#ele$$ fol!$ forage, Flo!$ of $&arrow$, &igeon$, an"
$eagull$ forage, An" #ur"er$ of row$ -ully the other -ir"$ an" -ully
the hu#an$, too,
+ wi$h +'" wa!e u& in$i"e a row,
No-o"y loo!$ at #e a$ + $tagger &a$t, +'# not an uno##on
$ight, +'# a -eaten -loo"y +n"ian, /ho turn$ to loo! at $uh a #an?
There are other -eaten -loo"y +n"ian$ in thi$ alley,
/hat "o you all a grou& of -eaten -loo"y +n"ian$, a #ur"er of
+n"ian$? A her" of +n"ian$? A -ottle of +n"ian$?
+ want the other +n"ian$ to reogni.e #e, To $hout out #y
na#e, %ut they are hungry, An" their &ain i$ #ore i#&ortant than #y
&ain,
+ "on't re#e#-er how + got here, + re#e#-er that Paul &unhe"
#e, An" then + re#e#-er $te&&ing into thi$ alley, + "on't re#e#-er
the in--etween, + have lo$t ti#e,
(o$ing ti#e7 That'$ all + !now how to "o now,
0e$u$, +'# &atheti, Di"n't + 5u$t fore that &oor guy to hit #e?
Di"n't + want hi$ violene? Fu! #e, +'# leaving thi$ alley,
+'# going to wal! out of thi$ $a"-$a! alley an" fin" a -athroo#,
An" +'# going to wa$h #y fae an" lothe$, No, +'ll $teal $o#e lothe$,
3oo" lothe$, A white $hirt an" -la! &ant$, An" +'ll $teal goo" $hoe$,
too, %la! leather $hoe$, a& toe$, with intriate "e$ign$ ut into the
leather, +n goo" lothe$, + an -e a goo" #an,
An" $o + $ha#-le out of the alley, No, + $u! in #y $to#ah
#u$le$, $traighten #y $&ine, an" hol" #y hea" level an" + $trut out
of the alley,
An" + horrify #y au"iene, Peo&le $&rint aroun" #e, A few 5u$t
turn aroun" an" wal! in the o&&o$ite "iretion, One wo#an $rea#$,
0e$u$, + #u$t loo! li!e a horror #ovie, %ut that "oe$n't #atter, +
a# overe" with the $a#e -loo" that i$ in$i"e every-o"y el$e, They
an't 5u"ge #e -eau$e of thi$ -loo",
"+ want $o#e re$&et," + $ay,
No-o"y hear$ #e, /or$e, no-o"y un"er$tan"$ #e,
"+ want $o#e re$&et," + $ay again, lou"er thi$ ti#e,
A #an wal!$ aroun" the orner, al#o$t -u#&$ into #e, an" then
ontinue$ on, 1e "i"n't notie #e, 1e "i"n't $ee #y -loo", + follow
hi#, A gray #an, he wear$ a hea& three--utton $uit with -etter
$hoe$, 1e tal!$ lou"ly into a %luetooth ear&iee,
"+ want $o#e re$&et," + $ay to hi#,
1e $to&$, turn$ aroun", an" loo!$ at #e, 1e regar"$ #e,
"+ want $o#e re$&et," + $ay,
"+'ll all you -a!, 0i#, + got $o#e "run! guy tal!ing to #e," he
$ay$ into hi$ ear&iee, an" hit$ the hangu& -utton, An" then he a$!$
#e, "/hat the fu! "o you want, hief?"
1e thin!$ the ur$e wor" will $are #e, 1e thin!$ the ur$e wor"
will let #e !now that he one $hot a #an 5u$t to wath hi# "ie,
"+ !new 0ohnny 'a$h," + $ay, "an" you ain't 0ohnny 'a$h,"
The #an laugh$, 1e thin!$ +'# ra.y, + laugh, + a# ra.y, 1e
offer$ #e a han"ful of $&are hange,
"There you go, hief," he $ay$,
"+ "on't want your #oney," + $ay, "+ want your re$&et,"
The #an laugh$ again, +$ laughter all + an ex&et?
"Don't laugh at #e," + $ay,
"All right, all right, hief," he $ay$, "+ won't laugh at you, 2ou
have a goo" "ay,"
1e turn$ to wal! away, -ut + gra- hi$ $houl"er, 1e gra-$ #y
wri$t an" 5u"o$ #e into the -ri! wall,
"All right, all right, hief," he $ay$, "+ "on't want you touhing
#e,"
1e oul" $na& #y -one$ if he wante" to, 1e oul" "rive hi$
thu#- into #y te#&le an" !ill #e, + an feel hi$ $trength, hi$ $!ill, hi$
#u$le #e#ory,
+t'$ #y turn to laugh,
"/hat'$ $o funny?" he a$!$,
"+'# 5u$t won"ering how #any white guy$ are going to -eat #y
a$$ to"ay,"
"'hief, you !ee& ating thi$ way an" we're all going to -eat your
a$$ to"ay,"
/e -oth thin! that'$ funny, $o we laugh together, An" we al#o$t
-on" -eau$e of our $hare" a#u$e#ent,
"+'# going to let you go," he $ay$, "An" when + "o, + want u$
-oth to at li!e gentle#en, o!ay?"
"+ want $o#e re$&et," + $ay,
"Are you going to -e a gentle#an?"
"+ want $o#e re$&et,"
"1ow #any ti#e$ are you going to $ay that?"
"+'# going to $ay it until + get $o#e re$&et,"
The #an loo!$ aroun", 1e reali.e$ that he'$ &inne" a -loo"y
ho#ele$$ #an again$t a -ri! wall, Not one of hi$ &rou"er #o#ent$,
%ut he'$ $are" to let #e go,
"All right, all right," he $ay$, "1ow "o + $how you $o#e re$&et?"
Shit, + "on't have an an$wer for that, An" then + reali.e that
re$&et i$n't exatly what + want, Thi$ -o"y want$ re$&et, + "on't
!now what + want, An" + "on't !now how to "efine re$&et, for #e or
for thi$ ho#ele$$ guy, So + ta!e a gue$$,
"Tell #e a $tory," + $ay,
"2ou want #e to tell you a $tory?"
"2eah,"
"An" that will give you re$&et?"
"2eah,"
The guy &au$e$ again, 1e i$ fla--erga$te" to -e in thi$ $ituation,
An" +'# fla--erga$te" that + have u$e" the wor" flabbergasted+ Thi$
ho#ele$$ +n"ian ha$ an ol"-fa$hione" voa-ulary wire" into hi$ -rain,
"All right," he $ay$, "/hat !in" of $tory "o you want to hear?"
"So#ething &er$onal," + $ay, "So#ething you haven't tol"
any-o"y, So#ething $eret,"
"+ an't tell you $eret$," he $ay$, "+ "on't even !now you,"
An" then the guy reali.e$ that he an tell #e anything &rei$ely
because he "oe$n't !now #e, 1e reali.e$ that any $tranger an -e
your &rie$t,
"All right," he $ay$, "+ got a -ir" $tory,"
"%ir" $torie$ are #y favorite $torie$,"
"2ou liar," he $ay$, an" let$ #e go,
1e ta!e$ a $te& -a!, + turn an" fae hi#, 1e wait$ to $ee if +'#
going to atta! hi#,
"+'# li$tening," + $ay,
"All right," he $ay$, "+ have a "aughter, 0ill, She'$ $even, An"
$he'$ -een rying a-out getting a &et, A "og, a at, a turtle, anything
with four leg$, right?"
"Ki"$ li!e &et$," + $ay,
"0u$t let #e tell the $tory, 'a&tain O-viou$," he $ay$,
"Then tell it,"
"So, o!ay, we "on't want to get a at or "og or turtle or whatever
-eau$e we "on't want to lean u& $hit, Or we "on't want to lean u& a
lot of $hit, So #y wife an" +, we go to the &et $tore, an" we a$! the
ler! what !in" of ani#al $hit$ the lea$t,"
"Fi$h," + $ay,
"See there, that'$ what + thought, too, (ittle fi$h, little &oo&, %ut
then the ler! $ay$ that fi$h #ight $hit $#all -ut they $hit in their own
water--"
"--$o the a6uariu# it$elf -eo#e$ one -ig $hit," + $ay,
"3allon$ of $hit an" &i$$," he $ay$, "So the ler! $ay$ that $na!e$
only eat one a #onth, $o they only $hit one a #onth,"
"An" then you a$!e" hi# what !in" of a$$hole father woul" give
a $na!e to hi$ $even-year-ol" "aughter,"
"/ell, + "i"n't $ay it in $o #any wor"$, -ut that'$ e$$entially what
+ $ai","
"Then what "i" the ler! $ay?"
"%ir","
"/hat?"
"1e $ai" &ara!eet,"
"S#all -ir", $#all $hit,"
"Exatly,"
"An" you -elieve" hi#?"
"2eah, $tu&i" of #e, right? + #ean, we too! that little -ir" ho#e
an" he wa$ a $hit-#a$ter, Poo&, &oo&, &oo& everywhere,"
"An" you hate" it, right?"
"/ell, + "i"n't li!e the $hit, -ut + love" that -ir","
The #an i$ e#-arra$$e" to a"#it that, + li!e hi# for it,
"2ou $ee, he wa$ a $#art little fu!er," the #an $ay$, "'oul" tal!,
li!e" to "ane to A'JD', an" $at on #y $houl"er,"
"2ou let hi# out of hi$ age?" + a$!,
"/ell, hi$ wing$ were li&&e","
"A li&&e"-wing -ir" ain't a -ir"," + $ay,
"All right, all right, Dr, Earth Fir$t, +'# not the one who li&&e"
the#, 1e wa$ li&&e" when we -ought hi#, An" it wa$n't li!e we
-ought hi# to -e a tiny little Than!$giving "inner, /e love" that -ir", +
love" hi#, )y "aughter na#e" hi# 1arry Potter,"
"That'$ ute,"
"Da#n right, it'$ ute, 2ou want to hear the ute$t &art?"
"2eah,"
"+'# the oo! of the fa#ily, the "o#e$ti, an" 1arry Potter love"
to $it on #y $houl"er while + wa$ oo!ing an" in$ult #y foo","
"No,"
"2e$, #y wife an" "aughter tol" hi# to $ay %oo much salt an"
)'m being poisoned an" ) "ant pizza instead,"
"That'$ hilariou$,"
"2e$, it i$, An" there'$ #ore, 2ou $ee, #y "aughter'$ favorite "i$h
i$ &a$ta-anything, So +'# alway$ -oiling water, An" 1arry Potter i$
alway$ $itting on #y $houl"er,"
"Oh, $hit," + $ay, alrea"y gue$$ing at the en" of the $tory,
"2ou got that right, A few "ay$ ago, 1arry Potter 5u#&e" off #y
$houl"er, An" #ay-e he forgot he oul"n't fly or #ay-e he thought the
&ot of -oiling water wa$ a -ir"-ath, All + !now i$ that he fu!ing
$&la$he" into the water,"
"2ou oo!e" hi#?"
"1e wa$ only in there a $eon", + $oo&e" hi# out with a $&oon,"
"/here wa$ your "aughter?"
"She wa$ right there, an" $he wa$ $rea#ing li!e $he wa$
-urning to "eath,"
"/ell, you !ille" her -ir","
"+ "i"n't !ill the -ir", The -ir" o##itte" $uii"e, Atte#&te"
$uii"e, 1e wa$n't "ea", 1e wa$ #oving aroun" in #y han", An" he
wa$ $truggling to -reathe, An" #y "aughter wa$ $rea#ing at #e to
$ave her -ir", An" + wa$ trying to figure out how to "o 'PB on a
fu!ing &ara!eet,"
"So you &ani!e", then,"
"+ fro.e, %ut #y wife wa$ on the &hone, alling u& the all-night
e#ergeny vet &lae, + #ean, #an, + "i"n't even !now there wa$ $uh
a thing a$ an all-night ani#al EB,"
"Di" they $en" an a#-ulane?"
"Oh, fu! you, you !now they "i"n't $en" an a#-ulane, They
tol" u$ to get that -ir" into the EB a$ $oon a$ we oul", An" $o we all
&ile" into #y ar an" -u$te" a$$ over there,"
"/here wa$ the -ir"?" + a$!,
")y wife ha" it wra&&e" in a towel on her la&,"
"An" it $urvive" the ri"e to the ho$&ital?"
"Tough -ir", #an, 1e #a"e it to the ho$&ital, An" the "otor$
too! hi# into the -a! roo# an" we waite" in the waiting roo#, An"
#y "aughter wa$ rying an" #y wife wa$ rying,"
"/ere you rying?"
"2eah, + wa$ -awling li!e a -a-y, An" there were, li!e, twenty
other &eo&le in the waiting roo# rying for their &et$, +t wa$ the
/aiting Boo# of the Da#ne","
"/hat ha&&ene" to the -ir"?"
"1e wa$ $till alive, The EB "o a#e out, li!e it wa$ a fu!ing
#ovie, an" tol" u$ the -ir" wa$ in ritial on"ition an" #ight not
#a!e it through the night, So #y "aughter a$!$ if we oul" $ee 1arry
Potter, an" the "o $ay$ ye$, $o he lea"$ u$ -a! into the +'C, an" we
$ee the -ir", an" he'$ hoo!e" u& to thi$ tiny little oxygen #ahine an"
thi$ tiny little oxygen tu-e i$ running "own hi$ throat,"
"No," + $ay, + try not to laugh, whih #a!e$ #e laugh, "+'# $orry,
+ "on't #ean to laugh, +t'$ not funny,"
"Oh, no, that'$ the whole thing, +t is funny, +t'$ horri-le, too, %ut
it'$ hilariou$ at the $a#e ti#e, An" when + $aw that -ir" hoo!e" u& to
tho$e tiny little #ahine$, ) laughe","
"No,"
"2e$, + laughe" $o har" that + forgot #y wife an" "aughter were
$tan"ing there, An" when + re#e#-ere", + turne" an" loo!e" at the#,
an" they were $taring at #e with tho$e eye$, Do you !now what !in"
of eye$ +'# tal!ing a-out?"
"Di$a&&ointe" eye$,"
"2eah, "i$a&&ointe" eye$, %ut +'# u$e" to tho$e eye$, + #ean,
+'# #arrie", right? )y wife give$ #e tho$e eye$ $ixteen ti#e$ a "ay,
%ut #y "aughter wa$ giving #e tho$e eye$, An" you !now what'$
wor$e?"
"/hat?"
"She wa$ a$ha#e" of #e, )y little girl wa$ a$ha#e" of #e, +
turne" her love an" &ain into a -ig fu!ing laugh,"
The #an wa$ rying $low tear$,
"An" then #y wife an" "aughter left #e, They got into the ar
an" left #e, They went to #y #other-in-law'$ hou$e an" they won't
tal! to #e,"
"0e$u$," + $ay,
"'hri$t," he $ay$,
"/hat ha&&ene" to the -ir"?" + a$!e",
"1e "ie", you $tu&i" $hit, 2ou thin! there'$ a long li$t of -ir"$
who $urvive a &ot of -oiling water? 2ou thin! 3-" &ar"on$ a few
&ara!eet$ every fu!ing )e#orial Day?"
"+'# $orry," + $ay,
"2ou !ee& your $orrow to your$elf," he $ay$,
"O!ay,"
"Do you feel re$&ete" now?" he a$!$,
"2e$,"
"'an + go now?"
"2e$--no, wait," + $ay, "Do you have a &iture?"
"Of the -ir"?"
"No, of your "aughter,"
1e o&en$ hi$ wallet an" $how$ #e a $hool &hoto of a &retty
little -lon"e with #i$$ing teeth,
"She'$ great," + $ay,
"2eah," he $ay$, "An" now $he hate$ #e,"
"She'll forgive you," + $ay,
"Do you have any !i"$?"
That $tartle$ #e, + "on't !now thi$ ho#ele$$ +n"ian'$ na#e, let
alone if he ha$ any !i"$, Doe$ he arry a wallet? + reah into #y
&o!et$ an" fin" a #e$$ of ar"$, &hoto$, an" reei&t$ fa$tene" with a
ru--er -an",
+ $na& the ru--er -an" an" $ort through the #e$$ until + o#e
aro$$ a fa#iliar &hoto,
"+$ that your $on?" the #an a$!$,
+ $tu"y the -oy'$ eye$ an" no$e an" hin,
"+$ that your $on?" the #an a$!$ again,
"No," + $ay, "+t'$ #e,"
"2ou arry aroun" &iture$ of your$elf?" he a$!$,
"+ "on't #ean to," + $ay,
"All right, then," he $ay$, "+'# late for wor!, +'ll $ee you later,"
/ithout further e#otion, the #an leave$ #e, + $tare at the
&hotogra&h, +t is #e, the five-year-ol" #e, The five-year-ol" *it$, The
real #e, 1ow "i" thi$ ho#ele$$ guy get #y &hotogra&h? Di" #y
#other $en" it to hi#?
+ wal! over to a "elivery tru! an" turn the $i"e-view #irror, +
$tare at #y -loo"y refletion, + a# ol"er than + u$e" to -e, + a#
-attere", -rui$e", an" -ro!en, %ut + !now who + a#,
+ a# #y father,

Eighteen
/1O 'AN SCBV+VE SC'1 a revelation?
+t wa$ father love an" father $ha#e an" father rage that !ille"
1a#let, +#agine a new at, +#agine that 1a#let, after -eing &oi$one"
-y hi$ own $wor", wa!e$ in the -o"y of hi$ father, Or, wor$e, in$i"e the
-o"y of hi$ ine$tuou$ Cnle 'lau"iu$?
/hat woul" 1a#let "o if he loo!e" into the #irror an" $aw the
fae of the #an who'" -etraye" an" #ur"ere" hi$ father?
An" what $houl" + "o now that + a# loo!ing into the #irror at
the fae of the #an who -etraye" an" a-an"one" #y #other an" #e?
+f + ha" a $wor", + #ight $li"e it into #y -elly an" &ull u&war"
until + fell "ea", -ut + have no wea&on, An" what $ati$fation i$ there
in !illing a #an who want$ to "ie?
All #y life, +'ve -een wanting to $ee #y father, to #eet hi# for
the fir$t ti#e, +'ve wante" to a$! hi# 6ue$tion$, To interrogate hi#,
+ $tare at hi$ fae in the #irror,
"/hy "i" you leave #e?" + a$!,
1e "oe$n't an$wer,
"/hy "o you have a &hotogra&h of #e when + wa$ five? Di" #y
#other $en" it to you? /hy "i" you want to arry a &hotogra&h of #e
-ut not me?"
+ an feel hi# fighting #e, 1e "oe$n't want to re#e#-er the "ay
he left #e,
%ut + a# younger an" $tronger, + a# -etter, + will #a!e hi#
re#e#-er, + will fore hi# to re#e#-er, + will !ill hi# if + have to,
An" $o + &u$h again$t #y father'$ #in" an" $oul, + ra$h through
hi$ fortifiation$ an" ra#&age into hi$ #e#ory an" tear through hi$
ho#e$, well$, an" $treet$, until + $ee it7 the ho$&ital where + wa$ -orn,
Or, rather, the #e#ory of that ho$&ital, An" + -ur$t in$i"e an" rae u&
the $tair$, an" -a! through the year$, an" ru$h through a "oor into
the #aternity war" hallway where #y father &ae$,
So#ewhere on thi$ floor, #y #other i$ giving -irth to #e, %ut
#y father i$ not in that roo#, No, he'$ out$i"e, re#ove", re#ote,
"Sir?" a nur$e a$!$ hi#, "'an + hel& you?"
")y wife i$ giving -irth," he $ay$,
"Do you !now where?"
"2e$, roo# eight-twelve,"
The nur$e i$ onfu$e", /hy i$ he $tan"ing here while hi$ wife i$
giving -irth? )en "on't wait out$i"e any#ore, )en aren't allowe" to
wait out$i"e any#ore, Or #ay-e there are &ro-le#$, )ay-e it'$ a
"iffiult -irth, )ay-e thi$ &oor #an nee"$ o#&a$$ion,
"Sir," the nur$e $ay$, "your wife an" hil" are going to -e o!ay,
/e have the fine$t--"
1e &ut$ hi$ han" over her #outh, She "oe$n't $to& hi#, She'$
too $ur&ri$e", 'onfu$e", No father ha$ ever touhe" her fae li!e that,
1a$ violate" her -oun"arie$ li!e that, Ex&etant an" fearful father$
have gra--e" her, Even &u$he" or &ulle" her, %ut no-o"y ha$ ever
trie" to $ilene her, 1e reali.e$ hi$ error, 1e &ull$ hi$ han" away,
"+'# $orry, +'# $orry," he $ay$, "+t'$ 5u$t--+ an't $tan" wor"$ right
now, + an't $tan" to hear any-o"y $ay anything, Plea$e, 5u$t go, 0u$t
go an" leave #e alone,"
She 6ui!ly wal!$ away, won"er$ -riefly if $he $houl" all
$eurity, -ut then reali.e$ that the #an ha$ enough &ro-le#$, She
!now$ he'$ 5u$t a wea! #an a$ha#e" of hi$ wea!ne$$,
She &ray$ for hi#, Dear 3-", $he thin!$, hel& thi$ #an -eo#e a
-etter #an than he i$ now,
)y father "oe$n't feel her &rayer$,
1e only feel$ a $har& &ain in hi$ he$t, So#ething ha$ -ro!en,
1e !now$ he i$ $i! an" "a#age", %ut what ha$ #a"e hi# $i!? An"
what ha$ "a#age" hi#?
)y father re#e#-er$ -eing eight year$ ol", lying in -e" while a
#an $tan"$ in the "ar! "oorway, /ho i$ that #an?
+t i$ #y father'$ father,
"+ !now you're awa!e," #y gran"father $ay$, 1e i$ "run!, $lur$
hi$ wor"$, an" waver$ in the "oorway,
)y father "oe$n't #ove, 1e -elieve$ that hi$ father will go away
if he "oe$n't #ove, +t'$ a #agi $&ell that get$ re&eate" every Fri"ay
an" Satur"ay night,
"2our #o##a $ai" you went out $hooting to"ay," 3ran"father
$ay$,
/hen #y father hunt$, he i#agine$ the ani#al$, the target$, are
hi$ father,
"Di" you -ring "own anything?" 3ran"father a$!$,
)y father i#agine$ &re$$ing the rifle -arrel again$t #y
gran"father'$ te#&le, +#agine$ &ulling the trigger,
"Di" you !ill anything? Any #eat?" 3ran"father a$!$,
That "ay, #y father $hot at an" #i$$e" three 6uail an" one "eer,
"+ a$!e" you if you got any #eat," 3ran"father $ay$,
)y father "oe$n't want to tell the truth, The truth will get hi#
hurt, A lie will al$o get hi# hurt, 1e'$ going to get hurt no #atter what
he "oe$,
"+f you "on't an$wer #y 6ue$tion, -oy, +'# gonna get #a","
Silene,
"+'# gonna a$! you one #ore ti#e," 3ran"father $ay$, "Di" you
$hoot anything to"ay?"
"No," #y father $ay$,
"0e$u$," 3ran"father $ay$, "/hat goo" are you? /hat !in" of
#an are you? Ain't + taught you how to $hoot? An" you wa$te #y ti#e
an" #y -ullet$ an" #y energy, 2ou're 5u$t a &u$$y -oy, + an't -elieve
you are &art of #e, + wi$h you'" 5u$t go away,"
An" then #y gran"father leave$ #y father alone in the "ar!,
)y father want$ to wee&, 1e want$ to ry out for hi$ father, 1e
want$ to -e forgiven, to -e love", %ut if he $&ea!$ he will only -e
ri"iule" again, 1e will only -e "i#ini$he",
An" then #y gran"father wal!$ -a! into the roo#, 1e $tan"$
over #y father,
"+ want you to !now what + !now," #y gran"father $ay$, "2ou
ain't worth $hit now, An" you ain't ever gonna -e worth $hit,"
)y father $tare$ at a $tain on the eiling, 1e ha$ #e#ori.e" the
$ha&e of that $tain,
"Say it," #y gran"father $ay$,
"Say what?" #y father a$!$,
"Say you ain't worth $hit,"
)y father want$ to re$i$t, to re-el, -ut he !now$ the &uni$h#ent
will en" only if he $u-#it$,
"+ ain't worth $hit," #y father $ay$,
"Say it again,"
"+ ain't worth $hit,"
"(ou"er,"
"+ ain't worth $hitA" #y father $rea#$,
"(ou"er,"
"+ ain't worth $hitA" #y father $rea#$, "+ ain't worth $hitA + ain't
worth $hitA + ain't worth $hitA + ain't worth $hitA"
)y father $rea#$ long after #y gran"father ha$ left the roo#,
An" now #y father, whi&&e" an" -loo"ie" -y hi$ #e#ory, $to&$
&aing in the ho$&ital hallway, So#ewhere on thi$ floor, #y #other i$
giving -irth to #e, %ut #y father annot -e a &artii&ant, 1e annot
-e a witne$$, 1e annot -e a father,
An" $o he run$, An" a$ he run$, he lo$e$ hi$ eye$, An" a$ he
lo$e$ hi$ eye$, + lo$e #y eye$,

Nineteen
/1EN + OPEN )2 eye$, +'# $tan"ing in a -an! in "owntown
Seattle,
2e$, that -an!,
+ have two &i$tol$ in #y oat, a &aint gun an" a ,EG $&eial,
2e$, tho$e gun$,
+'# $u&&o$e" to &ull the# out an" $hoot every-o"y + $ee,
2e$, +'# $u&&o$e" to !ill for 0u$tie,
+ "i" it -efore7 a long ti#e ago, a little while ago, a $eon" ago, +
"on't un"er$tan" how ti#e wor!$ any#ore,
There'$ that #an again, the one who tol" #e + wa$n't real,
+ thin! he'$ wrong8 + thin! + a# real,
+ have returne" to #y -o"y, An" #y ugly fae, An" #y anger,
An" #y loneline$$,
An" then + thin!, )ay-e + never left #y -o"y at all, )ay-e +
never left thi$ -an!, )ay-e +'ve -een $tan"ing here for hour$, #inute$,
$eon"$, trying to "ei"e what + $houl" "o,
Do + &ull out #y gun$ an" $hoot all the$e &eo&le?
Do + $hoot that little -oy over there with hi$ #other? 1e i$
#ay-e five year$ ol", 1e ha$ -lue eye$ an" -lon" hair, 1e'$ wearing
goo" $hoe$, A 5ean 5a!et, Kha!i &ant$, %lue $hirt, 1e'$ -eautiful, A
-eautiful little #an, 1i$ #other, al$o -lon" an" -lue-eye", $#ile$ "own
at hi#, She love$ hi#, She $ee$ #e wathing the# an" $he $#ile$ at
#e, For #e, She want$ #e to !now how #uh $he love$ her $on, She'$
&rou" of the little guy,
Di" #y #other love #e li!e that? + ho&e $o,
+ wave at the little -oy, 1e wave$ -a!,
+ hate hi# for -eing love" $o well,
+ want to -e hi#,
+ lo$e #y eye$ an" try to $te& in$i"e hi$ -o"y, %ut it "oe$n't
wor!, + annot -e hi#,
+ o&en #y eye$, + thin! all the &eo&le in thi$ -an! are -etter
than + a#, They have -etter live$ than + "o, Or #ay-e they "on't,
)ay-e we're all lonely, )ay-e $o#e of the# al$o hurtle through ti#e
an" $ee war, war, war, )ay-e we're all in thi$ together,
+ turn aroun" an" wal! out of the -an!, + $te& out onto Fir$t
Avenue,
+t'$ not really raining, -ut thi$ i$ Seattle, There are only fifty-
eight $unny "ay$ a year in our ity, So it alway$ feel$ li!e it'$ 5u$t
a-out to rain, even when the $un i$ out,
+ u$e" to hate the rain, %ut now + want it to &our, + want it to
$tor#, + want to -e lean,
+ a# $urroun"e" -y &eo&le who tru$t #e to -e a re$&etful
$tranger, A# + tru$tworthy? Are any of u$ tru$tworthy? + ho&e $o,
+ re#e#-er #y fir$t "ay of $hool, Kin"ergarten, )y #other
wal!e" #e there, +t wa$ only $ix -lo!$ away fro# our a&art#ent, -ut
$ix -lo!$ i$ forever to a hil",
A$ we wal!e", #y #other tal!e" to #e,
"+t'$ going to -e o!ay," $he $ai", "Shool i$ a goo" thing, 2ou're
going to have lot$ of frien"$, An" you'll learn $o #uh, An" the
teaher$ will ta!e are of you, o!ay? + love you, o!ay? 2ou'll -e o!ay,
+'# going to wait right here for you, All "ay, +'ll wait right here,"
She wa$ wrong, of our$e, Shool wa$ not goo" for #e,
+ never #a"e frien"$,
+ "i"n't learn #uh,
+ wa$ not o!ay,
An" #y #other "i"n't wait for #e, She "ie",
After $he "ie", + went to live with her $i$ter, #y aunt,
2e$, that'$ the "irtie$t $eret + own,
Thi$ i$ what + "on't tell any-o"y, + "on't tal! a-out it, + "on't
"rea# a-out it, + "on't want any-o"y to !now,
)y aunt wa$ $u&&o$e" to ta!e are of #e, She ha" &ro#i$e" her
$i$ter $he woul" ta!e are of #e, She wa$ the only fa#ily + ha",
)y father wa$ gone, )y #other wa$ gone, )y gran"&arent$
were gone, Every-o"y wa$ gone,
)y aunt wa$ all + ha",
Aunt *ooey, Auntie *,
She live" in an a&art#ent with her -oyfrien", A #an who
$#elle" of onion$ an" -eer, A #an who leane" over #y -e" in the
#i""le of the night, A #an who hurt #e,
+ tol" Auntie *,
She $la&&e" #e,
+ tol" Auntie * again,
She $la&&e" #e again,
+ wa$ $ix year$ ol", + rie" for #y #other, (i!e a lo$t "og, +
howle" all night, + oul" not $to& rying, + #i$$e" #y #other,
-y mommy+ -y mommy+ -y mommy+
+ rie" for one wee!, Then two wee!$, Then three wee!$,
Every night, Auntie * ru$he" into #y roo#, $hoo! #e, $la&&e"
#e, an" $rea#e" at #e,
Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying+
) miss her, too+ ) miss her, too+ ) miss her, too+
She's not coming back+ She's not coming back+ She's not coming
back+
So#e night$, her -oyfrien" a#e to $ee #e, 1e hurt #e an"
whi$&ere" to #e in the "ar!,
&on't tell anybody, don't tell anybody, don't tell anybody+
6verybody kno"s you're a liar+ 6verybody kno"s you're a liar+
6verybody kno"s you're a liar+
!obody loves you anymore+ !obody loves you anymore+ !obody
loves you anymore+
+ learne" how to $to& rying,
+ learne" how to hi"e in$i"e of #y$elf,
+ learne" how to -e $o#e-o"y el$e,
+ learne" how to -e ol" an" nu#-,
/hen + wa$ eight year$ ol", + ran away for the fir$t ti#e,
/hen + wa$ nine, + &oure" lighter flui" on #y aunt'$ -oyfrien"
an" trie" to $et hi# on fire, 1e wo!e u& an" &unhe" #e into the
ho$&ital, They $ent hi# to 5ail,
After he got out of 5ail, he left #y aunt, She -la#e" #e,
/hen + wa$ ten, Auntie * gave #e twenty "ollar$ an" $ent #e to
-uy $o#e ha#-urger$ an" frie$, /hen + got -a! to the a&art#ent,
$he wa$ gone, She never a#e -a!,
/hen + wa$ eleven, + ran away fro# #y fir$t fo$ter ho#e an"
got "run! in the $treet with three ho#ele$$ +n"ian$ fro# Ala$!a,
/hen + wa$ twelve, + ran away fro# #y $eventh fo$ter ho#e,
/hen + wa$ thirteen, + $#o!e" ra! for the fir$t ti#e,
/hen + wa$ fourteen, + $tole a ar an" wre!e" it into a -uil"ing
-eneath the Ala$!a /ay Via"ut,
/hen + wa$ fifteen, + #et a !i" na#e" 0u$tie who taught #e
how to $hoot gun$,
%ut + a# tire" of hurting &eo&le, + a# tire" of -eing hurt,
+ nee" hel&,
+ wal! fro# $treet to $treet, loo!ing for hel&, + wal! &a$t Pi!e
Plae )ar!et an" Nor"$tro#'$, + wal! &a$t 3a#ewor!$ an" the S&ae
Nee"le, + wal! &a$t (a!e /a$hington an" (a!e Cnion, + wal! for #ile$,
+ wal! for "ay$, + wal! for year$,
+ "on't un"er$tan" how ti#e wor!$ any#ore,
+ wal! until + $ee a &olie ar &ar!e" in front of a re$taurant,
+ wal! in$i"e,
+t'$ a hea& "iner, Eight ta-le$, Two waitre$$e$, A oo! in the
-a!,
At one of the ta-le$ $it two o&$, Offier Dave an" hi$ &artner,
They've arre$te" #e #ore often than any other "uo,
+ wal! u& to the#,
"Offier Dave," + $ay,
"1ey, *it$," he $ay$, "/hat'$ going on?"
+ want to tell hi# the entire $tory, + want to tell hi# that + fell
through ti#e an" have only now returne", + want to tell hi# + learne"
a valua-le le$$on, %ut + "on't !now what that le$$on i$, +t'$ too
o#&liate", too $trange, Or #ay-e it really i$ $i#&le, )ay-e it'$ $o
$i#&le it #a!e$ #e feel $tu&i" to $ay it,
)ay-e you're not $u&&o$e" to !ill, No #atter who tell$ you to "o
it, No #atter how goo" or -a" the rea$on, )ay-e you're $u&&o$e" to
-elieve that all life i$ $are",
"Offier Dave," + $ay, an" rai$e #y han"$ high in the air, "+ want
you to !now that + re$&et you, An" +'# here for a goo" rea$on, +'#
rai$ing #y han"$ u& -eau$e + have two gun$ in$i"e #y oat, One of
the# i$ 5u$t a &aint gun, -ut the other one i$ real,"
Offier Dave an" hi$ &artner 6ui!ly get to their feet, Their han"$
touh their gun$, rea"y to &ull the# out of their hol$ter$,
"Thi$ i$n't funny, *it$," Offier Dave $ay$, "2ou $ay $tuff li!e that,
you're going to get $hot,"
+ $tart laughing,
"/hat'$ $o funny?" Offier Dave a$!$,
"+'# not trying to -e funny," + $ay, "An" + "on't want to get $hot,
+ really "o have two gun$, + want you to ta!e the# fro# #e, Plea$e,
ta!e the# away,"

Twenty
OFF+'EB DAVE TAKES )2 gun$,
An" then he ta!e$ #e to the &olie $tation, 1e $tan"$ near-y a$
a "etetive interview$ #e, 1e'$ a -ig -la! #an with -ig eyegla$$e$,
1e all$ it an interview, +t'$ really an interrogation, + "on't #in", +
gue$$ + "e$erve to -e interrogate",
"/here "i" you get the gun$?" Detetive Eyegla$$e$ a$!$,
"+ got the# fro# a !i" na#e" 0u$tie," + $ay,
"/a$ 0u$tie hi$ fir$t or la$t na#e?"
"1e 5u$t alle" hi#$elf 0u$tie, That'$ all, 1e $ai" he gave hi#$elf
the na#e,"
"2ou "on't !now hi$ real na#e?"
"No,"
"/here "i" you #eet hi#?"
"+n 5ail,"
"/hen wa$ thi$?"
"A few #onth$ ago, + gue$$, Don't really re#e#-er, +'ve -een in
5ail a lot,"
"O!ay, $o you #et hi# in 5ail, %ut you "on't re#e#-er exatly
when, An" you $ay hi$ na#e i$ 0u$tie, %ut that'$ not hi$ real na#e,"
"2eah,"
"None of that infor#ation hel&$ u$ #uh, "oe$ it? +t'$ not very
$&eifi, i$ it?"
"No, + gue$$ not,"
+ an tell that Detetive Eyegla$$e$ "oe$n't -elieve #e, 1e thin!$
+ invente" 0u$tie,
"2ou $ay thi$ guy na#e" 0u$tie i$ the one who tol" you to go to
the -an! an" !ill &eo&le?" Eyegla$$e$ a$!$ #e,
"2eah," + $ay,
The "etetive $tare$ at #e har", li!e hi$ eye$ were twin $un$, +
feel -urne",
1e &ull$ a TV art into the roo# an" &lay$ a vi"eo for #e, +t'$ a
o&y of the -an! $eurity ta&e,
Eyegla$$e$, Offier Dave, an" + wath a !i" na#e" *it$ wal! into
the -an! an" $tan" near a huge &otte" &lant,
+ laugh,
"/hat'$ $o funny?" Eyegla$$e$ a$!$,
"+ 5u$t loo! $tu&i" next to that -ig &lant, (oo! at #e, +'# trying
to hi"e -ehin" it,"
+t'$ true, +'# u$ing it for over, Eyegla$$e$ an" Offier Dave have
to laugh, too, +t i$ funny, %ut it'$ only funny -eau$e + "i"n't "o what +
wa$ $u&&o$e" to "o, +t'$ only funny -eau$e +'# alive to wath it, +t'$
only funny -eau$e every-o"y in that -an! i$ $till alive,
So #ay-e it'$ not really funny at all,
)ay-e we're all laughing -eau$e it'$ $o fu!ing unfunny,
+n the vi"eo, + &at #y oat one, twie, three ti#e$,
"/hat are you "oing?" Eyegla$$e$ a$!$,
"+'# he!ing to $ee if #y gun$ are $till there," + $ay,
"Are you thin!ing a-out u$ing the#?"
"2eah,"
"%ut you "i"n't, /hy not?"
On the vi"eo, #y i#age "i$a&&ear$ for a $eon", +'# gone, An"
then + rea&&ear,
"/hoa," Offier Dave $ay$, "Di" you $ee that?"
The "etetive rewin"$ the ta&e, Pre$$e$ P(A2, +'# there in the
-an!, Then +'# gone--poof+ An" then + rea&&ear,
"That'$ weir"," Offier Dave $ay$,
"Aw, it'$ 5u$t a flaw in the ta&e," Eyegla$$e$ $ay$, "They reu$e
the$e ta&e$ over an" over, The 6uality goe$ "own, They got weir"
-u#&$ an" ut$ in the#,"
Eyegla$$e$ i$ &ro-a-ly right,
On the vi"eo, + a# $taring at the little -lon" -oy an" hi$ #other,
+ $#ile an" wave,
"/ho i$ that?" Eyegla$$e$ a$!$ #e,
"+t'$ 5u$t a -oy an" hi$ #other," + $ay,
"Do you !now the#?"
"No,"
"Then why are you -eing $o frien"ly to the#?"
"They were -eautiful," + $ay,
Detetive Eyegla$$e$ $nort$ at #e, 1e thin!$ +'# goofy, %ut
Offier Dave $#ile$, 1e #u$t -e a father,
"Do you !now where we #ight fin" thi$ 0u$tie?" Eyegla$$e$ a$!$
#e,
")ay-e," + $ay, "/e live" together in thi$ warehou$e "own in
SoDo,"
"0e$u$," he $ay$, "/hy "i"n't you tell u$ thi$ -efore?"
"2ou "i"n't a$!,"
+ lea" the# to the warehou$e, + wait out$i"e with two roo!ie
o&$ while Dave an" Eyegla$$e$ an" a S/AT tea# he! out the whole
-uil"ing,
No-o"y i$ there,
Pretty $oon, Eyegla$$e$ o#e$ out an" ta!e$ #e u&$tair$ to the
roo# where 0u$tie an" + live" for a few wee!$,
There are e#&ty an$, -ottle$, an" &la$ti ontainer$, There are
two -e"$ #a"e out of new$&a&er an" ar"-oar", There are new$&a&er
&hoto$ an" #aga.ine artile$ ta&e" on the wall$, All the &eo&le in
tho$e &hoto$ an" artile$ have ro$$hair$ &ainte" over their fae$,
They were all target$,
"Thi$ i$ where you an" 0u$tie live"?" Eyegla$$e$ a$!$ #e,
"2eah,"
"/ell, if he wa$ here, he'$ gone now,"
"2eah,"
+ !now that + won't $ee 0u$tie again,
Eyegla$$e$ $tare$ at #e har", 1e'$ goo" at $taring har",
"*it$," he $ay$, "+'# ha&&y you hange" your #in" a-out u$ing
tho$e gun$,"
+'# ha&&y, too, -ut + an't $ay that,
(ater, a$ + $it in a hol"ing ell, waiting for a tran$fer to yet
another halfway hou$e or 5uvie hall or real &ri$on, Offier Dave vi$it$
#e,
1e lean$ again$t the -ar$ of #y ell,
"2ou're going to "ie," he $ay$,
+'# trying to -e a$ tough a$ + u$e" to -e, -ut it'$ not wor!ing, +
feel li!e a arton of egg$ hol"ing u& an ele&hant,
"2ou are going to "ie," Dave $ay$ again, 1e $ay$ eah $ylla-le
li!e it wa$ a u$$wor", Or a &rayer,
"So +'# going to "ie," + $ay, "/hat "oe$ it #atter? + "on't #atter,
+'# nothing,"
"*it$," he $ay$, "2ou #atter, Every-o"y #atter$, 2ou #atter to
#e,"
"2ou're a o&," + $ay, "2ou "on't are a-out anything,"
"+ are too #uh, #an," Dave $ay$,
+ loo! at hi#, Tear$ are rolling "own hi$ -ig o& fae, /ho !new
that o&$ oul" ry?
"/hat'$ wrong with you?" + a$!,
Dave wi&e$ hi$ fae, 1e'$ e#-arra$$e" -y hi$ tear$, %ut he ha$
$o#ething i#&ortant to $ay, $o he $ay$ it,
"A few wee!$ ago, we got thi$ nine-one-one all," he tell$ #e, "A
#an $ai" there wa$ thi$ ra.y $rea#ing in the hou$e next "oor, (i!e
-a-ie$ 5u$t rying an" rying, lou"er than he ever hear" -efore,"
Dave loo!$ at the eiling a$ if hi$ #e#ory wa$ &laying li!e a
#ovie u& there, + loo! u& an" $ee it, too,
+ an't 5u#& into Dave'$ -o"y -ut + an feel an" $ee an"
un"er$tan" a little -it a-out hi$ &ain, + gue$$,
+n their $6ua" ar, Dave an" hi$ &artner &ull u& in front of a
hou$e, A $#all, "irty hou$e, 3ar-age on the lawn, Two -ro!en ar$ in
the "riveway,
The o&$ !no! on the front "oor,
No an$wer,
They !no!,
No an$wer,
Dave &ut$ hi$ ear to the "oor,
"'an you hear that?" he a$!$,
"/hat i$ it?" hi$ &artner a$!$,
"+t $oun"$ li!e water running,"
Dave $te&$ "own on the lawn an" &eer$ through the front
win"ow, Through a ra! in the urtain$, he an $ee two &eo&le lying
on the floor,
"Two &eo&le "own, two &eo&le "own," he $ay$,
Dave an" hi$ &artner "raw their gun$ an" -ur$t through the
front "oor,
Two &eo&le lying on the living roo# floor, A #an an" a wo#an,
Dea",
No, alive7 &a$$e" out,
%eer -ottle$, wine -ottle$, vo"!a -ottle$, ra! &i&e$, the $tin!
of #eth,
"0e$u$, + hate that $#ell," the &artner $ay$, 1e !i!$ the #an,
"/a!e u&," he $ay$,
The #an "oe$n't #ove, 0u$t -reathe$ heavy,
1e !i!$ the #an again, 1ar"er, "/a!e the fu! u&," he $ay$,
The #an 5u$t lie$ there,
"+ hate the$e frea!$," the &artner $ay$,
%ut Dave i$ alrea"y #oving into another roo#, 1e'$ following
that $oun"7 running water, 1e $te&$ into a &ool of water in the hallway,
'ol" water, /here'$ it o#ing fro#? The -athroo# at the en" of
the hallway,
"/e got $o#ething going on here," Dave $ay$ to hi$ &artner,
Together, they wal! "own the hallway, Through the water,
3etting "ee&er, Floo"ing the hou$e,
They reah the -athroo# "oor,
/ith hea" no"$ an" han" $ignal$, they tal! to eah other,
/re you ready to go in5
Yes+
0kay, on three+
0ne, t"o, three+
Dave turn$ the !no- an" &u$he$ again$t the "oor,
+t'$ lo!e",
No, it'$ 5u$t $tu!, A "iffiult "oor, Dave &u$he$ har", The "oor
$reehe$ o&en,
An" they $ee two to""ler$, a -oy an" a girl, two or three year$
ol", lying $till on the floor,
'overe" with -urn$7 their leg$, their -a!$, their -ellie$,
1ot-water $al"$,
The tu- fauet &our$ out water, Overfill$ the tu-, Floo"$ the
roo#,
+t'$ ol" water now, +e ol", %ut it wa$ -oiling hot when it
overflowe" the tu-, when the two -a-ie$ were tra&&e" -y the "iffiult
"oor, when they $rea#e" $o lou" that the neigh-or oul" hear the#,
-ut not $o lou" that it wo!e their &arent$ fro# their "run!en $tone"
$lu#-er,
"Oh, #y 3-"A Oh#y3-"A" Dave $hout$, "3et an a#-ulane
here, now, now, nowA"
Dave'$ &artner all$ for hel&,
Dave !neel$ "own in the water an" &i!$ u& the -a-ie$, one in
eah ar#, Their eye$ are o&en an" -lue an" -lin", They're gone,
Dave rie$,
1e want$ to go -a! in ti#e, 1e only nee"$ to travel -a! an
hour--5u$t one hour--an" he'll -e a-le to $ave the$e !i"$, 1e'll ta!e
the# away fro# their terri-le &arent$, fro# thi$ terri-le life, an" he'll
love the#, 1e'll !ee& the# $afe,
"They were 5u$t -a-ie$," Dave $ay$ to #e, "1el&le$$ little -a-ie$,
+ oul"n't $ave the#, + wa$ too late,"
+ "on't !now what to $ay,
Dave wee&$, + wee& with hi#,
1e lean$ again$t the -ar$ of #y ell, + "on't !now if +'# the one
in 5ail, or if he i$,

Twenty-one
AFTEB )ONT1S OF 'OCNSE(+N3, $oial wor!, #ental thera&y,
an" a-$olute -ore"o#, the #e"ial &rofe$$ional$ an" $oial wor!er$
an" o&$ "ei"e that + a# not going to !ill any-o"y, + a# not
"angerou$,
Beally, that'$ what they $ay to #e7 "*it$, we "on't thin! you're
"angerou$,"
1ow a# + $u&&o$e" to re$&on" to $o#ething li!e that?
"Oh, uh, than! you, #a'a#,"
+ #ean, 5ee., +'# a fifteen-year-ol" fo$ter !i" with a hi$tory of
fire $etting, ti#e traveling, -o"y $hifting, an" #a$$-#ur"er
onte#&lation, + thin! +'# a lot #ore than 5u$t "angerou$,
+ thin! + #ight -e unlova-le,
%ut a$ "angerou$ an" unlova-le a$ + a#, the $tate &lae$ #e in
a te#&orary fo$ter ho#e,
/ith Offier Dave'$ -rother an" $i$ter-in-law,
"They "on't have any !i"$," Offier Dave $ay$, "%ut they alway$
wante" a -a-y,"
+ "on't thin! + exatly 6ualify a$ a -ouning -a-y -oy, -ut who
a# + to o#&lain?
"+$ your -rother a o&?" + a$!,
"1e'$ a fire#an," Dave $ay$, ")y other -rother wor!$ for the
&o$t offie,"
"0e$u$," + $ay, "2ou guy$ are li!e the ivil $ervant hall of fa#e or
$o#ething,"
Dave laugh$, + alway$ oul" #a!e hi# laugh, + ho&e + an #a!e
hi$ -rother laugh,
)an, + an't -elieve that a firefighter i$ going to -e #y new
fo$ter father, -ut it "oe$ #a!e $o#e !in" of #eta&horial $en$e,
"oe$n't it?
+ gue$$ they really want #e to -e un"er lo$e $u&ervi$ion, /ell,
+'# ha&&y it'$ only going to -e te#&orary, +'ll go ra.y living with a
firefighter, They alway$ wal! aroun" loo!ing for $#o!e,
+ want to a$! Dave why he'$ $en"ing #e to hi$ -rother, /hy
"oe$n't Dave 5u$t ta!e are of #e -y hi#$elf? + thin! + !now the
an$wer, + thin! he'$ $are" of "i$a&&ointing #e,
The $oial wor!er$ "eliver #e to the firefighter'$ hou$e in the
#i""le of the night, li!e $o#e $ort of #a5or-league &ri$oner or
$o#ething, They "on't have #e in han"uff$, -ut + feel han"uffe", if
you !now what + #ean,
They &ut #e in thi$ little -e"roo#, An" + lie there in the "ar!
an" won"er if + an fall a$lee& in a $trange -e", %ut + fall a$lee& while
worrying that + #ight not fall a$lee&,
The alar# lo! wa!e$ #e u& at @ A,), +t &lay$ %loo", Sweat 4
Tear$, Beally,
That $ong alle" "+ (ove 2ou )ore Than 2ou /ill Ever Know," The
one #y #other u$e" to $ing to #e,
+t #a!e$ #e want to gag, 1ow ruel i$ thi$? +'# living in a
firefighter'$ hou$e an" the alar# &lay$ #y #other'$ favorite $ong,
+ turn off the #u$i, go into the -athroo#, an" &ee for two
#inute$,
Then + wal! out into the !ithen,
Offier Dave i$ eating -rea!fa$t with hi$ -rother an" $i$ter-in-
law7 oat#eal an" fruit an" $au$age, +t $#ell$ great, Dave an" the
firefighter are wearing their unifor#$, The wife i$ wearing a nur$e'$
unifor#, An" $he'$ !in" of hot, you !now, She'$ really tall an" ha$ long
-rown hair an" -rown eye$, 1er hee!-one$ are -ig, too, li!e +n"ian
hee!-one$, + won"er if $he'$ a little -it +n"ian, She $#ell$ &retty
great, too, She $#ell$ even -etter than the oat#eal, fruit, an"
$au$age,
"3oo" #orning," $he $ay$ to #e, "Do you want $o#e oat#eal?"
"/hatever," + $ay, an" $it "own,
The firefighter loo!$ at #e, 1e'$ not rea"ing a new$&a&er, 1e'$
not ignoring #e, 1e loo!$ right at #e,
")y na#e i$ Bo-ert," he $ay$ an" offer$ hi$ han", + ta!e it, /e
$ha!e li!e gentle#en,
Offier Dave $tare$ at #e, too, + thin! he'$ thin!ing a-out tho$e
two -a-ie$ in the -athroo#, + won"er if he'll alway$ loo! at #e an"
$ee tho$e two -a-ie$ in the -athroo#, + ho&e not, + ho&e $o#e"ay he
loo!$ at #e an" 5u$t $ee$ #e,
"1ey, *it$," he $ay$, "After wor! to"ay, +'# thin!ing all of u$ #en
$houl" go to the )ariner$ ga#e, /hat "o you thin!?"
+ want to $ay /hatever, -ut it "oe$n't o#e out that way, +
reali.e that Dave i$n't leaving #e to hi$ -rother, Dave i$ going to ta!e
are of #e, too, That #a!e$ $en$e, + $u&&o$e, + nee" a$ #any father$
a$ &o$$i-le,
"2ou ever -een to a -a$e-all ga#e?" Bo-ert a$!$ #e,
"+'ve never $een one in &er$on," + $ay,
A -a$e-all ga#eA 0e$u$, how A#erian, Next thing you !now,
Dave an" the firefighter an" + will -e &laying ath in the -a!yar",
"/ell, + got $o#e ti!et$," Dave $ay$,
"They're $hitty $eat$," Bo-ert $ay$, ")y -rother i$ a hea&-a$$
-a$tar", /e're going to -e way u& in the $!y, %ehin" ho#e &late, %ut
they're fun anyway, /e'll wath the ga#e an" eat hot "og$ an" "rin!
le#ona"e, 1ow "oe$ that $oun"?"
%efore + an an$wer, hi$ wife $&ea!$ u&,
"2ou will not eat 5un!," $he $ay$, "+'ll &a! you $o#e fruit$ an"
vegeta-le$, An" you'll "rin! water, (ot$ of water,"
She $#ile$ at #e, 1er teeth are the -righte$t teeth in the worl",
Every one of tho$e teeth i$ a $tatue of $o#e-o"y -eautiful,
")y na#e i$ )ary," $he $ay$, "+'# ha&&y you're here with u$,"
"+t'$ only te#&orary," + $ay,
"/ell, Bo-ert an" + are ho&ing to #a!e it &er#anent," $he $ay$,
"1ow "oe$ that $oun" to you?"
For a $eon", + an't even re#e#-er what that wor" #ean$, For
a #o#ent, + forget that the wor" permanent ever exi$te",
"/ow," + $ay, "Per#anent #ight -e &retty ool,"
+ loo! at Dave, 1e'$ $#iling, 1ow often "o o&$ $#ile? Not very
#uh, + gue$$, -eau$e Dave'$ $#ile i$ goofy an" -ig, +f he !new how
goofy an" -ig it wa$, he'" &ratie #ore,
1e'$ trying to $ave #e, An" he'$ $#iling a-out it, + gue$$ that'$
o!ay, )ay-e + an $ave hi#, too,
"O!ay, !i"," he $ay$, "/e got to go, +'ll $ee you -a! here after
wor!,"
Bo-ert !i$$e$ )ary an" leave$, Dave tou$le$ #y hair an" leave$,
2e$, he tou$le$ #y hair, No father ha$ tou$le" a !i"'$ hair $ine 9<::, +
won"er if + have "ro&&e" into $o#e weir" ti#e-travel thing again, %ut
no, Dave i$ 5u$t a "eent guy, /ow,
So +'# here alone with )ary, +'# in love,
+$ it o!ay to -e in love with your fo$ter #other? /ell, to -e
hone$t, + "on't are if it'$ o!ay or not,
"All right," $he $ay$, "After -rea!fa$t, +'# going to ta!e you "own
to the new $hool an" get you enrolle", An" then +'# going to wor! for
a few hour$, An" then +'ll o#e -a! an" &i! you u& after, o!ay?"
She'$ giving #e a $he"ule,
"/hat ti#e will you &i! #e u&?" + a$!,
"/ell," $he $ay$, "Shool get$ out at two-thirty, So +'ll #eet you
in front a-out two-forty-five, 1ow "oe$ that $oun"?"
"Are you really going to -e there?" + a$!,
She $#ile$, -ut there'$ a little $a"ne$$ in her eye$, too, She
!now$ +'ve -een lie" to a #illion ti#e$,
"+'ll -e there," $he $ay$, "+ &ro#i$e,"
Pro#i$e, /hat a goo" wor", /hat a ho&eful wor",
"/hatever," + $ay, -eau$e it hurt$ to have ho&e,
"1ey, li$ten," $he $ay$, an" lean$ "own lo$e to #e, 1er fae i$
three inhe$ fro# #ine, She loo!$ right into #y eye$, "/hen + #a!e
&ro#i$e$, + !ee& the#, Do you un"er$tan"?"
"2e$," + $ay,
"Do you -elieve #e?"
"2e$," + $ay, An" you !now what'$ weir"? + do -elieve her,
"All right, then," $he $ay$, "Fini$h your -rea!fa$t,"
So + eat until #y -elly i$ $tuffe" an" then + go into #y -athroo#
to get rea"y,
+ have #y own -athroo#A
Pretty $oon there'$ a !no! on the "oor,
"2e$," + $ay,
"'an + o#e in?" $he a$!$,
"2eah, +'# "eent," + $ay, an" laugh, +'ve never -een "eent, not
one, An" +'ve never u$e" that wor" -efore, +'# getting $oft,
)ary o#e$ in, She loo!$ a little nervou$, She'$ arrying a -ag of
$tuff,
"+$ there $o#ething wrong?" + a$!,
"No," $he $ay$, "+t'$ 5u$t--well, thi$ i$ "iffiult, %ut an + $ay
$o#ething really &er$onal to you?"
"O!ay, + gue$$,"
"/ell, it'$ a-out your fae,"
"+ !now, +'# ugly,"
"No, you're not ugly, 2ou're han"$o#e, atually, %ut your $!in--
we nee" to $tart wor!ing on your $!in, 2ou'll -e a lot ha&&ier if we "o,"
She reahe$ into the -ag an" &ull$ out three 5ar$ an" $et$ the#
on the $in!,
"O!ay," $he $ay$, "Thi$ i$ $o#e $!in-are treat#ent $tuff, o!ay?
+'# going to teah you how to u$e it, o!ay?"
"O!ay," + $ay,
"/ell, fir$t of all, you nee" to wa$h your fae with thi$ $tuff, +t'$
an ane $ru-, +t will lean your &ore$ an" get ri" of the ol" "ea" $!in,
o!ay?"
"O!ay," + $ay, an" wa$h #y fae,
"3oo", goo"," $he $ay$, "Then we u$e thi$ $tuff to &ut right on
your &i#&le$, Thi$ goe$ after the -ateria in there, So 5u$t &ut a little
on your fingerti& an" "a- it on the -ig .it$, o!ay?"
That ta!e$ #e awhile, + have a lot of .it$,
"O!ay, goo"," $he $ay$, "Now thi$ la$t $tuff, it'$ an all-over
#oi$turi.er an" oil-re"uing rea#, +t'$ funny, -ut it will !ee& your
$!in #oi$t -ut "ry at the $a#e ti#e,"
"+ "on't get it," + $ay,
"+ "on't either," $he $ay$, "-ut it wor!$, o!ay? Tru$t #e,"
+ ru- that $tuff all over #y fae,
"There, that'$ goo"," $he $ay$, "/e "o thi$ twie a "ay, an" your
fae $houl" $tart learing u& in a wee! or two, A few #onth$ fro#
now, you'll -e -ran"-new,"
That 5u$t get$ #e in the $oul, Bight there, + $tart to ry, Beally, +
5u$t wee& an" wail,
)ary hug$ #e, She hug$ #e tightly, +t feel$ great, + haven't -een
hugge" li!e that $ine #y #other "ie",
+'# ha&&y,
+'# $are", too, + #ean, + !now the worl" i$ $till a ol" an" ruel
&lae,
+ !now that &eo&le will alway$ go to war again$t eah other,
+ !now that hil"ren will alway$ -e target$,
+ !now that &eo&le will alway$ -etray eah other,
+ !now that + a# a -etrayer,
%ut +'# -eginning to thin! +'ve -een given a hane, +'#
-eginning to thin! + #ight get unlonely, +'# -eginning to thin! + #ight
have an al#o$t real fa#ily,
"+'# $orry, +'# $orry, +'# $orry," + !ee& $aying,
"+t'$ o!ay," $he $ay$, "2ou'll -e o!ay,"
")ihael," + $ay, ")y real na#e i$ )ihael, Plea$e, all #e
)ihael,"

Acknowledgments
+ O/E SPE'+A( T1ANKS to Nany Stauffer, for her ontinuing
grae an" frien"$hi&8 to )organ, Eli$a-eth, De-, Eri, an" every-o"y
el$e at 3rove, who were there in the -eginning an" are $till with #e in
the #i""le8 to 'hri$ty 'ox, who !ee&$ or"er in #y in$ane life8 an" to
#y #other an" $i-ling$, who let #e write a-out the# an" "on't
o#&lain &u-lily,

A Biography of Sherman Alexie
Sher#an Alexie wa$ -orn in Oto-er 9<>>, A S&o!aneJ'oeur
"'Alene +n"ian, he grew u& on the S&o!ane +n"ian Be$ervation in
/ell&init, /a$hington, a-out fifty #ile$ northwe$t of S&o!ane,
Alexie wa$ -orn hy"roe&hali--#eaning hi$ -rain wa$
over&ro"uing ere-ral $&inal flui"--an" un"erwent an o&eration at the
age of $ix #onth$, whih he wa$ not ex&ete" to $urvive, /hen he
a#e through, hi$ "otor$ warne" that he woul" live with $evere
#ental "a#age, 1owever, Alexie -eat the o""$ an" &rove" hi#$elf
$o#ewhat of a &ro"igy, De$&ite $uffering fro# $ei.ure$ throughout hi$
hil"hoo", he learne" to rea" -y age three, an" ha" "evoure" $uh
novel$ a$ 0ohn Stein-e!'$ %he Grapes of $rath -y age five, though he
$ay$, "+ ertainly #i$$e" &lenty of nuane, %eing &reoiou$ly literate
i$ not the $a#e a$ -eing literary,"
/hile $tu"ying at the /ell&init $hool, Alexie wa$ han"e" a
text-oo! that ha" hi$ #other'$ na#e in it, Beali.ing the -lea!ne$$ of
e"uation on the re$ervation an" feeling o$trai.e" -y hi$ &eer$, Alexie
-ea#e "eter#ine" to -rea! away, Shortly thereafter, he #a"e u& hi$
#in" to atten" Bear"an 1igh Shool, a $hool off the re$ervation an"
thirty #ile$ $outh of /ell&init, whih &ro#i$e" to $ati$fy hi$ raving for
a new an" -etter ex&eriene,
The only +n"ian there, exe&t for the $hool #a$ot, he exelle"
in aa"e#i$ an" -ea#e the $tar of the -a$!et-all tea#--whih,
ini"entally, in$&ire" hi$ fir$t young a"ult novel, %he /bsolutely %rue
&iary of a 7art-%ime )ndian+
C&on gra"uating fro# Bear"an 1igh in 9<G:, Alexie went on to
atten" 3on.aga Cniver$ity, an" tran$ferre" after two year$ to
/a$hington State Cniver$ity, where he initially &lanne" to $tu"y
#e"iine -efore fainting $everal ti#e$ in hu#an anato#y la$$e$, +t
wa$, learly, ti#e for a hange,
Stu#-ling into a &oetry wor!$ho& le" -y Alex Kuo ;author of
4ipstick and 0ther Stories=, Alexie reali.e" that he ha" foun" hi$ true
&a$$ion, 1e gra"uate" fro# /SC with a %A in A#erian $tu"ie$, an"
reeive" the /a$hington State Art$ 'o##i$$ion Poetry Fellow$hi& in
9<<9, a$ well a$ the National En"ow#ent for the Art$ Poetry
Fellow$hi& in 9<<F, The $a#e year, hi$ fir$t two &oetry olletion$, %he
Business of Fancydancing an" ) $ould Steal 1orses, were &u-li$he",
Thi$ &rove" to -e the -eginning of a long an" $torie" areer,
lan"#ar!e" -y nu#erou$ &re$tigiou$ awar"$, inlu"ing a S&eial
'itation for the PENJ1e#ingway Awar" for %e$t Fir$t %oo! of Fition, a
(ila /allaeBea"er'$ Dige$t /riter$' Awar", a National %oo! Awar" for
2oung Peo&le'$ (iterature, the PENJFaul!ner Awar", the PENJ)ala#u"
Awar", an" a four-ti#e /orl" 1eavyweight Poetry 'ha#&ion title,
Alexie al$o venture" into fil#, writing an" &ro"uing the ritially
alai#e" Smoke Signals, whih wa$ relea$e" at the Sun"ane Fil#
Fe$tival an" won the Au"iene Awar" a$ well a$ the Fil##a!er'$
Tro&hy, Su-$e6uently &i!e" u& an" "i$tri-ute" -y )ira#ax Fil#$,
S#o!e Signal$ wa$ Alexie at hi$ -e$t, "e$ri-e" a$ "un&retentiou$,
funny an" $oulful" -y the San Francisco ,hronicle+
De$&ite hi$ $ue$$, Alexie'$ $en$e of $oial on$iou$ne$$ never
left hi#, 1e i$ a voraiou$ &u-li $&ea!er on ethni tolerane,
in$o#nia, an" aloholi$#, all of whih have influene" hi# at "ifferent
&oint$ in hi$ life, 'urrently, Alexie live$ in Seattle with hi$ wife an" two
$on$,


Sherman Alexie's grandfather (at right) in 1944.


Sherman Alexie's father Sherman Alexie Sr. as the
"!ndian Co"#oy $oddler."


Sherman Alexie Sr. in his yo%th.


Sherman Alexie Sr. as he matri&%lated in &atholi& s&hool.


Sherman Alexie Sr. donning f%ll regalia at age sixteen in
19'(.


$he a%thor's parents (at left) in their early t"enties "ith
the ")ames *ean !ndian" and the "+os +o#os !ndian."


A "ig,"earing Alexie (at left) "ith his #ig #rother Arnold
in 19(-.


Sherman Alexie (at #a&. left) "ith his t"in sisters #ig
#rother and dad (partially hidden) in 19(9.


/i&t%red in San Fran&is&o the a%thor (at middle right)
"ith his family in 19-4.


Sherman Alexie's father on his "ay to a mid,19-0s dis&o
Christmas party.


Sherman Alexie #efore his fo%rth,grade Christmas sho"
in 19-'.


Sherman Alexie's paternal great,grandmother in the mid,
19-0s.


Sherman Alexie "earing #ig government,iss%ed glasses
in 19-(.


Sixth,grader Sherman Alexie in 19--.

All right$ re$erve", inlu"ing without li#itation the right to
re&ro"ue thi$ e-oo! or any &ortion thereof in any for# or -y any
#ean$, whether eletroni or #ehanial, now !nown or hereinafter
invente", without the ex&re$$ written &er#i$$ion of the &u-li$her,
Thi$ i$ a wor! of fition, Na#e$, harater$, &lae$, event$, an"
ini"ent$ either are the &ro"ut of the author'$ i#agination or are u$e"
fititiou$ly, Any re$e#-lane to atual &er$on$, living or "ea",
-u$ine$$e$, o#&anie$, event$, or loale$ i$ entirely oini"ental,
'o&yright F??@ -y Sher#an Alexie
'over "e$ign -y 'onnie 3a--ert
<@G-9-IG?I-:@F>-E
Thi$ e"ition &u-li$he" in F?9E -y O&en Boa" +ntegrate" )e"ia,
+n,
EI: 1u"$on Street
New 2or!, N2 9??9I
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