18/10/2012 01:48 Paying visits and its etiquette - Islamic Network

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Thursday, 2 Dhu 'l -Hijjah 1433 AH / 18th October 2012 CE
Paying visits and its etiquette
by 'Abdul-Br ibn Awad ath-Thubayt
Jumadal-ulaa 6, 1422 (July 29, 2000)
All praise due to Allaah. May peace and blessings be upon the Messenger, his household and companions.
Brothers in Faith! Man by his nature loves comradeship and Islaam being a religion of togetherness and love encourages
social relationship and familiarisation among people as some of its fundamental teachings. That is why the Prophet loves
the person who mixed with people more than the one who keeps away from them. He said:

The believer, who mixes with people and endures their harm is better than the one who does not
associate with people nor endure their harm. (Ibn Maajah).
Paying visits is a means of socialization. It leads to sound relationship, promotes love, strenghtens bonds, reminds the
unheedful, teaches the ignorant, refreshes the souls and alleviates sorrow.
The Prophet was authentically reported to have visited a number of his companions. He used to visit Aboo Bakr
frequently. Urwah narrated on the authority of Aaishah that she said:

I reached the age of discretion while may parents had already been practising the religion (of Islam) and
not a single day passed without the Prophet coming to visit us in the morning and evening. One midday,
we were sitting in the house of Aboo Bakr when somebody announced: Here is the Prophet coming to
visit us at a time he do not usually visit us. (Al-Bukhaaree)
Anas Ibn Maalik narrated that:

the Prophet visited some of the Ansaar in their house and ate some food there. When he wanted to leave,
he odered that a place be prepared for him where he could pray. He then prayed there and supplicates for
his hosts. (Al-Bukhaaree)
Visiting is of different kinds. Some of which are obligatory while others are commendable. Holidays are opportunity to fulfil
obligations and to spent ones time with useful things. This is a reminder, for the reminder benefits the believers and in
order that beauties of this world may not make us forget this obligation. It is also clear that pressures of these days make
many of us oblivious of matters that are of priority just as the mass media unnecessarily magnifies useless things in this
life and neglects obligations that are of importance.
Visiting ones parents, needless to say, is an act of being kind to them. Paying regular visits to them should include
fulfilling their obligations, assisting them and being gentle with them. Being busy should not be an excuse for neglecting
ones parents. Allaah gives importance to their rights and commands us to honour them when He says:

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And
that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them
attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect,
nor shout at them, but address them in terms of honours. And
lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through
mercy, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did
bring me up when I was young. (Al-Israa 17:23-24)

18/10/2012 01:48 Paying visits and its etiquette - Islamic Network
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bring me up when I was young. (Al-Israa 17:23-24)
A man came to the Prophet asking him permission to go for Jihaad and the Prophet asked him,

Are your parents alive? He said, Yes. The Prophet then said, Make your Jihaad by taking good care of
them. (Al-Bukhaaree).
Paying visits to the kith and kin with the intention of being kind to them and extending material and moral support to them
is also commendable. Being kind to the kith and kin is an act that Allaah loves. Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet
said:

Allaah created the creation and when He finished, the womb got up and caught hold of Allaah whereupon
Allaah said, What is the matter? On the that it said, I seek refuge with You from Al-Qateeah (those who
sever the ties of kith and kin). On that Allaah said, Will you accept (be satisfied) if I bestow my favours on
him who keeps your ties and withhold My favours from him who severs your ties? On that it said, Yes, O
my Lord! Then Allaah said, That is for you.
Aboo hurayrah then recites:
Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kindship.
(Muhammad 47:22)
It is also commendable to visit neighbours in order to know their conditions and assist them and to share with them their
happiness and sorrow. The Prophet underscored the importance of being kind to them when he said:

Jibreel kept admonishing me of being kind to the neighbour until I thought that he would make him an
inheritor. (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)
The sick Muslim also has a right of visit from his fellow Muslims because of its good effect. It makes him happy and
makes him forget his sickness as well. Supplicating for him also alleviates his pains. Islaam regards reluctance to visit the
sick as a negligence of a right that is due to Allaah. the Prophet said:

Allaah will say on the Day of Resurrection: O son of Adam! 1 was sick and you did not visit Me. He will
say, O my Lord! How could I visit You while You are the Lord of all the worlds? Allaah will then say,
Dont you know that My slave so and so was sick and you did not visit him? Dont you know that, if you
had visited him, you would have found Me with him?. . . (Muslim).
Would you not then, dear brother, seek the mercy of Allaah by visiting the sick and earn by that forgiveness for your sins?
! Brothers in Faith! When you visit a sick person, his illness become alleviated and say as the Prophet was reported to
have said when visiting the sick:

Laa basa tahoorun, Insha Allaah Meaning, never mind! It is a purification. Inshaa Allaah. (Al-
Bukhaaree)
When you visit the sick, remind him of Allaah and that He is the only One that can cure. Remind Him of the virtues of
being patient and being satisfies with Allaahs decree.
Do also visit your bereaved brothers and remember the Prophets saying:

Any believer who consoles his brother who is afflicted with a calamity, Allaah will make him wear a
garment of honour on the Day of Resurrection. (Ibn Maajah).
It is also commendable to visit the orphans and show them compassion. The Prophet said,

I and the guardian of orphan will be like this in Paradise -demonstrating his index and middle fingers and
separating between them a little. (Al-Bukhaaree).

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Paying visits to the Ulamaa and righteous people is also a fruitful, for one learns from their acts of worship, their
indifference to worldly things and their peity. While it is commendable to visit the contemporary Ulamaa, it is also
rewarding to spend some time with the early scholars of Islaam by visiting them through their books.
Brothers in Islam! Exchanging visits for the sake of Allaah among Muslims gladdens the hearts and it is a cause for
Allaahs love. The Prophet said:

A man visited a brother of his in another town. Allaah sent an angel to lie in wait for him along his way.
When he came upon the angel, he asked him, Where are you going? He anwered: I am going to visit a
brother of mine in this town? The angel asked further: Is there any favour that you want to get from him?
The man said, No, it is only that I love him for Allaahs sake. The angel then said: I am a messenger of
Allaah to you (to tell you) that, Allaah loves you as you love your brother for His sake. (Muslim).
In a Qudsee hadeeth, Allaah says:

My loves becomes due for those who love each other for My sake;
those who sit with one another for My sake, those who visit one
another for My sake and those who spend for one another for My
sake. (Maalik and Ahmad).

Fellow Muslims! Paying visits, however has manners that strengthen social relationships.
Among its etiquette is to choose the proper time and day; for invading other peoples homes without their permission
negates Islamic manners. Also, paying unnecessarily frequent visits leads to boredom, wastes time and is likely to breed
hatred. This fact must especially be considered when visiting people of high responsibility like scholars because of their
many responsibilities and scarce time. Paying a lot of purposeless visits leads to idle talk, backbiting and engaging in
forbidden amusements. One should also keep away from gatherings in which there are free mix of men and women as it
happens in some family visits for, that leads to temptation and corruption and leaves the door open for Satan to wreck his
havoc.
Of the lofty manners that Islaam teaches is the etiquette of seeking permission before one enters other peoples houses.
The Prophet used to teach his companions this manner.

A man of Banoo Aamir tribe related that he asked for the Prophets permission to enter upon him while he
was in a house and said, can I enter? The Prophet then ordered his servant to go to that man and teach
him the manner of seeking permission that he should say, Assalaamu alaykum. Can I enter? (Aboo
Daawod)
Islaam so respects the sanctity of peoples homes that it treats it with impunity if the eye of the person who peeps into
other peoples house is gouged out. Aboo Harayrah narrated that he heard the Prophet saying,

If a man peeps at you without your permission and you cast a pebble at him and his eye is gouged out,
there is no blame on you. (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim).
It is also an etiquette of visit to knock the door gently, you should not stand in front of the door nor look into the house
before you are permitted to enter. This is in order to protect peoples homes and their privacy.
Visitor should ask for permission thrice and if permission is not given, he should go back. The Prophet said:

if any one of you seeks permission to enter a house three times and he is not given permission to enter,
he should go back. (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim).
Allaah says:
18/10/2012 01:48 Paying visits and its etiquette - Islamic Network
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And if you asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you. (An-
Noor 24:28).

One should not therefore get angry if he is told to go back, for people have their excuses and are entitled to their privacy.
This is the Islamic teaching that reforms the social life and impart in people noble feelings and sublime conduct.
There is also a kind of visit that is recommended for men only: visiting the graveyard. Paying visit to graveyard softens
hearts, makes one indifferent to this worldly life and gives admonition. The Prophet infact encouraged it when he said
, I had forbidden you from visiting graveyard, you can now visit it. (Muslim)
When you visit the graves , you will remember death and know that you will one day lie in one of those graves.
Dear brother! Whenever you heart becomes forgetful and your soul becomes totally occupied with this life, visit the
graveyard and ponder over those who are buried there. Yesterday, they were eating, drinking and enjoining life like you.
They are now being held responsible for their deeds. Nothing benefits them except their good deeds.
Visiting the graveyard reminds of the life after death. So that he strives to do good deeds and remembers the reward that
is with Allaah.
However, paying visit to graveyards should not mean travelling there, rubbing oneself with the soil thereof,
circumambulating them, kissing them, dedicating sacrifices to them or invoking the dead. All these are forbidden.
Ibn Al-Qayyim said

: The Prophet has initially forbidden the visit to the graveyard in order to block the means that leads to shirk, but when
tawheed became firm-rooted in the peoples hearts, he permitted them to visit them in a way which he prescribed. So,
whoever visits them in a way that is contrary to the way that Allaah and His Prophet loves, his visit is not permissible.
However, some visitors go to graveyard to invoke the dead and seek for their intercession in getting their needs. Islaam
forbids this, because invocation and supplication are rights that solely belong to Allaah Alone. He is Near and He is the
All-Hearing of all complaints and capable of answering supplications. No living or dead person is capable of doing any of
that. The Prophet said:

Whenever you ask, ask form Allaah. And whenever you seek for assistance seek it from Allaah. (Al-
Tirmidhee )
Further, asking ones needs from others beside Allaah is akin to invoking him. It is also an act of associating partners with
Him. The Prophet said,
Making Duaa is the act of worship. (Aboo Daawood and others).
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