23/10/2014

5 Ways to Determine If Your Communication Style is Hurting Your Career - Forbes

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Kathy Caprino Contributor

I cover careers, leadership and women in business

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FORBESWOMAN

2/02/2012 @ 2:32PM 52,218 view s

5 Ways to Determine If Your

Communication Style is Hurting
Your Career
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Our communication style and approach speak volumes

about how we view ourselves and others. It also reveals
important clues about our sense of worth, power and
ability to lead and manage effectively. Everything we
do is communication we cant NOT communicate.
Unfortunately, for a large number of professional
women, communicating powerfully and authoritatively
in the workplace and in their professional endeavors is
a deep challenge.
Why do so many women struggle to be confident and
authoritative communicators?
There are numerous colliding factors that contribute to womens
communication challenges in the workplace.
First, gender stereotypes abound. For instance, research shows that success
and likability in the professional arena are positively correlated for men and
negatively correlated for women. This means that the more successful or
assertive a woman appears, the more she is judged negatively and disliked for
it. Being criticized harshly for success consciously and subconsciously
impacts how strident, self-assured and successful a woman wishes to appear.
Secondly, as senior leadership remains the bailiwick of men (women make up
only 16% of senior corporate leadership in the U.S. today), a more male
style of communicating remains dominant and is more accepted and
understood. Recent research findings have shown that men and womens
communication approaches differ in 10 important ways. Further, men and
women are culturally encouraged and trained (from early childhood on) to

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5 Ways to Determine If Your Communication Style is Hurting Your Career - Forbes

focus on different outcomes and tasks through their communication (and

brain anatomy plays a part as well). These core differences in style and
approach affect how womens communication is received and perceived.
Women can use the above realities as excuses to hold them back, or they can
navigate through them, and insist on nothing less than powerful and
authoritative communication.
Does your communication approach need modification? Heres
how you can determine if your communication style is hurting your
career:
1) People dont respond well to your words and actions
In a seminar I gave last week at Pepperidge Farm on Fostering Collaboration
in Communications and Relationships, we discussed how you can see,
immediately, without question, how well you communicate by the outcomes
you receive.
When you speak, or present at a meeting or run your staff meetings, what
happens? Do your colleagues respond positively? Do they want to follow-up
on your initiatives and suggestions, or shoot them down? Do they support you,
or criticize your contribution? In the end, do you engender loyalty, support
and trust, or do people walk over you or put you down when you
communicate?
2) Your point doesnt get made
Another indicator of your communication effectiveness is if you feel you get
your point across, and that your input is considered. When you speak, do
others listen well, and get what youre saying? Does the conversation build on
what youve offered, or does it veer off immediately to focus on another topic,
or another persons input?
3) Youre not taken seriously
You cant grow your career and advance to leadership if youre not taken
seriously. Do you communicate in a way that makes people believe that you
know what youre talking about? Have you mastered the necessary
information/skills/material you need to be an expert in what youre sharing?
And can you communicate in a way that demonstrates your intellectual and
professional abilities? Have you developed the personal clout that will ensure
youll be listened to, even if you dont have the necessary data to support you at
that moment?
4) Theres backlash from your words
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If theres negative backlash every time you offer a suggestion or initiative to

consider, then its time to look at how (and why) youre presenting your ideas.
Perhaps you havent considered the ramifications or repercussions of your
ideas, or are threatening others without knowing it. A powerful
communicator knows his/her audience well, and understands the hidden
agendas there. S/he knows what to do to neutralize the fear others may have.
The effective communicator knows what emotions and thoughts her words will
elicit in the mind of the listener.
5) Nothing is remembered from what youve shared
Finally, do you feel invisible? Do you contribute at meetings or in
conversation but simply get talked over, and no one recalls that you spoke? If
so, this is a sign that your internal and external power as a contributor and a
player isnt sufficient to hold others attention. You can change your power
quotient, but first you have to acknowledge the power dynamic at work.
If any of these outcomes describe your experience, its important to become
accountable for whats happening and not blame others. After all, if youre
not getting the outcomes you desire, you have to look inward and own your
part of it.
Get help to power up your verbal and non-verbal communication. Dont make
the mistake that some of my executive coaching clients do in thinking, Well,
thats just me. I cant change how I speak or behave thats my personality.
You can indeed improve your communication style and approach, and make
them more effective, successful and empowered. And your career with thank
you when you do.
What do you struggle with most in your communications?

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