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PERSONALITY
DEVELOPMENT

istening is as good a part of

conversation as talking. Atwell says,
The art of conversation consists as
much in listening politely as in
talking agreeably.
One of the best rules in conversation
is never to say a thing which any of the
company can reasonably wish had been
left unsaid, says Swift.
This is aptly said. Good conversation is
nothing but a tete-a-tete between two
equals.
The reason why so many fail to talk
agreeably is that each one is thinking what
to say next, rather than listening to what is
being said.
Lord Chesterfield counsels: Never hold
anyone by the button, or the hand, in order
to be heard out; for if people are unwilling
to listen to you, you had better hold your
tongue than their hand.
That is why wisdom lies in following
the suggestion. Silence is more eloquent
than speech in some situations.
Wit and a sense of humour are basic
ingredients of good conversation. George
Bernard Shaw and G.K. Chesterton were
sparkling.
Shaw was tall and lean, Chesterton was
a mini mountain of flesh.
Chesterton poked fun at Shaw with:
Shaw, to look at you, it would seem there
is a famine in England.
Shaw retorted, To look at you, it
would seem you were the cause of it!
There are certain principles which any
one can adopt to shine and sparkle as a
conversationalist.
Conversation is expression of your
personality, yet how often we hear people
trying to talk like someone else. They try to
adopt a special tone and accent for certain
situations. There are many who imitate
Shah Rukh Khan. They would do far better
to try to be there own selves.
Of course, if you are trying to emulate
a worthy for a purpose then the attempt

L
By and large,
the successful
conversationalist is
the one who
radiates
happiness
and goodwill.

will be part of your genuine personality.

That concerns the manner of our
speech. Akin to this is naturalness in
matter. We should not pretend interest or
knowledge. Insincerity in conversation is
soon detected.
Again, this does not preclude an
attempt at self-improvement. Someone
who speaks angrily and irritably most of
the time is certainly reflecting his nature.
But here is a case for trying to alter that
nature.
Much unnatural speech springs from
nervousness, perhaps from fear of making
a fool of oneself. Try the quite simple
expedient of taking a very deep breath or
two before speaking. The effect is almost
magical on a nervous conversationalist.
Obviously, there are certain situations
of seriousness and solemnity when tact
and sympathy are called for.
But by and large, the successful
conversationalist is the one who radiates
happiness and goodwill.
The person with a chip on his
shoulder, with a constant grudge against
something or someone, makes an
undesirable companion.
If people always seem to be in a hurry
to get away when we make conversation
with them, we might well ask ourselves
whether it is not because we are so
obviously just about to launch into a tale of
woe.
We may have the effect of driving
people away from us for other reasons
than that of a gloomy story, however. Your
conversation may be downright boring.
Perhaps, of itself, the thing we want to
say may have interest. But maybe those we
are about to tell have heard it before.
If a conversation turns to a subject of
which you have special knowledge, then
you should make your contribution as
especially as you can.
But it is a different thing from turning
every conversation deliberately to your pet

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Sparkle With Sunny Conversation

PERSONALITY
DEVELOPMENT
subject. This way you get reputation
for being a bore.
Another aspect of poor
conversation is gossip. Informed,
friendly, appreciative comment
is different from the whispered, and
wicked
suggestion,
enquiry,
or innuendo. Gossip is verbal
cannibalism.
People
eat
up
their friends and neighbours
reputations. Gossip is essentially,
snapping lies.
Gordon Byron writes: A good
rule is to ask yourself before you
repeat a piece of gossip. Is it true? If
it is true, will my repeating it do any
good? Is it necessary for me to
repeat it?
If you check every report you
hear about someone else against
these three questions, I think you
will find that there will be mighty
few such comments you will repeat.
Dont gossip.
Conversation is not a battle.
Arguments at worst may end in
abuse; you rarely achieve anything
except convincing each that you
were wrong and your opponent
right.
Also, arguments exhaust. A
good conversation should be
refreshing.
Many assume that being a good
conversationalist means doing all
the talking. They play the game but
keep the shuttlecock in their own
court!
Conversation is two-way traffic
of talking and listening, and the one
is as important as the other. Good
conversation has been likened to a
game in which the ball is constantly
passed from one player to the other.
Being
a
good
listener
contributes as much to a
conversation as talking does. If you
watch people when they are talking,
you will find that some people are
not at all interested in what is being
said by someone else. They are
poised ready to leap in the moment
there is a break in the current
speech.
Listening sympathetically helps

those who are talking to us. But it

can help us too. We can learn a great
deal by listening to others.
Max
Erhmann
says
of
conversation: Speak your truth
quietly and clearly and listen to
others, even the dull and the
ignorant. They too have their story.
Creative
listening
is
an
important element in conversation.
There is a place in conversation
for using specialised knowledge we
may have.
A good test of the quality of a
conversation is the number of Is
and mes and mines it has in it.
The standard of the conversation is
in reverse proportion to the number
of those pronouns.

The best conversationalists are

those who take in as well as
give out information to others.
They read widely. They keep
abreast of events. They are
interested in life and people.
One way to establish a
reputation
as
a
good
conversationalist is to find out what
other people are interested in and
talk about that.
People are always flattered
when you enquire about their
interests and activities.
Of all the faults in conversation,
sarcasm is the most damaging.
Sarcasm is meant to hurt, and
therefore can have no proper place
in conversation.
Those who regard sarcasm as
a form of humour would do well
to remember the poet and
author Rudyard Kiplings injunction
about mirth that has no bitter
springs.
Otherwise, the sparkling stream
of conversation can become
muddied and fouled.
Do not give the impression that
you are an oracle. Nothing is more

damaging to the reputation of a

conversationthat he does not
know what he is talking about.
The best conversationalists are
those who take in, as well as give out
information to others. They read
widely. They keep abreast of events.
They are interested in life and
people.
Equip
yourselves
for
conversation by the breadth of your
interests. Reading helps. But your
conversation must be fluent, natural
and convincing.
You cannot converse with your
own self. It is a social occupation
between two or more people, and
this factor determines its character.
Conversation is not an academic
exercise.
It
is
a
personal
relationship. It springs from a
deeply
implanted
desire
to
communicate
and
to
be
communicated with. Of all forms of
communicationnewspapers,
books, art, music, broadcasting,
films,
drama,
advertising
conversation remains the most vital
and personal means.
The principle is respect for
personalityyour own, and that of
the people with whom you engage in
conversation.
The humdrum conversation
between wife, and husband, which
goes all the day long, provides an
acid test.
The two are likely to rub each
other the wrong way. If they follow
the basic principles of sparkling
conversation, the possibility of
flinging verbal hurts is diminished,
if not eliminated.
Respect for our own personality
will lead to integrity in what we
say, in a passion for truth and
dignity in speech, in an endeavour
to express our true self through
what we say. Respect for others
will lead to tolerance and
understanding.
Keep these ten commandmentsand
conversation
will
become a satisfying and rewarding
occupation.

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