Professional Documents
Culture Documents
We deal in
Illusion
Hypnosis and confusion
And this institution has its eye on all below
A liberal college
Of weird forbidden knowledge
Our classes cover everything Man Wasn't Meant to Know
Behold the ancient buildings where our scholars work and dwell
They move when no one's looking and they all connect to Hell
Through these eldritch portals
We don't get many mortals
And everything considered, guess it's just as well
CHORUS1
There's too many labs
Too many people
Making too many projects
And not enough funds to go around
Can't you see we're trying to achieve cold fusion!
CHORUS2
CHORUS2
CHORUS1
Well this is the lab we work in... oh
And these are the funds we're given... oh
Use them and let's start trying... oh
To make it a power worth working towards.
Well this is the lab we work in
And these are the funds we're given
Stand up and let's start asking
Just where our money is going too....
Illuminati . . .
They put a thing made of tinfoil on top of my door . . .
What is it for?
Illuminati . . .
Shooting a ray at my cornflakes to make them turn green . . .
What does it mean?
The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
Illuminati . . .
Doing unspeakable things in the night to a cow . . .
Where are they now?
Illuminati . . .
Sent an impostor in place of the Popsicle man . . .
What is their plan?
The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
Illuminati . . .
They cancelled Star Trek, The Fonz, and My Mother, the Car . . .
Are they bizarre?
You can't escape them;
Even if you take a plane to Nepal or Peru . . .
They'll be there, too . . .
The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
Illuminati . . .
Hide their assassins' instructions in newspaper text . . .
Who will be next?
They're all around us . . .
Underline every third word in the Times and you'll see . . .
How can it be?
The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
Illuminati . . .
Go through my garbage and count all the pop bottles there . . .
Why do they care?
They're out to get me . . .
They're fluoridating my water from their UFO . . .
What do they know?
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere, I see.
The Illuminati . . . And no one knows but me.
(Repeat chorus)
(Repeat chorus)
Trollshadow, trollshadow,
Trollshadow, trollshadow.
Quit, List, or number to read :I know so LITTLE Latin that I can translate it.
("Oh no! Not again!")
MOON OF SILVER
(We Three Kings)
.
CHORUS:
Oh, Moon of Silver, Sun of Gold,
Gentle Lady, Lord so bold!
Guide us ever, failing never,
Lead us in ways of old.
.
Maiden, Mother, Ancient Crone,
Queen of Heaven on your throne,
Praise we sing Thee, Love we bring Thee,
For all that you have shown.
CHORUS
.
Lord of Darkness, Lord of Light,
Gentle Brother, King of Might,
Praise we sing thee, Love we bring Thee
On this Solstice night.
CHORUS
SILENT NIGHT
.
Silent night, winter night,
All is calm, all is right.
Nature slumbers in forest and glen
Till in Springtime She wakens again,
Sleeping spirits grow strong.
Sleeping spirits grow strong.
.
Silent night, solstice night,
Silver moon, shining bright.
Snowfall blankets the slumbering Earth.
Yule fires welcome the Sun's rebirth.
Hark! Our Lord is reborn!
Hark! Our Lord is reborn!
.
Silent night, winter night.
Quiet rest, 'till the light.
Turning ever, the rolling wheel
Brings the winter to comfort and heal.
Rest your spirit in peace.
Rest your spirit in peace.
YE CHILDREN ALL
(It came upon a midnight clear)
.
Ye children all of Mother Earth
Join hands and we'll circle around
To celebrate this Solistice night
When our lost Lord is found.
Rejoice! The year has begun again.
The Sun blesses skies up above.
So share this season together now
In everlasting love.
(more)
Hopeless Warren
-or-
Spaceship Down
by Harry Smothers (c) 1992
[A few millenia later, Mankind had almost wiped animal life off the face
of the Earth. There was still no definitive sign of life in the Outer
Reaches. We seemed doomed to poverty and war - and vegetables.
Then the ship landed. The first true sign of life. Giant rabbits
emerged from the ship; mankind's eyes lit up as a whole. After learning
how to communicate with the big bunnies, they determined that the
nearest ship (to the best of the rabbits' knowledge) was light-centuries
away, and that it had taken themselves many generations to reach Earth.
Mankind now had a purpose in life; To Hunt!]
[Alternative:
And today our wonderful coats and belts
Are made now from space rabbits' pelts
Our slippers and gloves are, too!]
{All those years of not being able to finish anything... Well, I'm not saying
it's great, but it's DONE.}
One night, just for fun, his friends spiked his drink,
And he liked it and had him some more,
And when he came to he was somewhere in Wales,
In the arms of a second-class whore.
But he never forgot the advice of his mome,
For more than a weekend or two,
He always drank whiskey and kept his sword sheathed,
No matter what else he might do.
The Filksing was crowded and lusty when I wandered in just before five<
But off in a corner, all rumpled and dusty, sat a youth about two-thirds
alive.
It twisted my heart just to see him; he was shaking and hungry and pale.
When I patted his knee, he smiled waekly at me, and said, "just let me tell
you my tale!
"Oh,here I sit with my song at the ready and nobody letting me sing
here I sit with my song at the ready; I even bought new strings!
Oh, here I sit, but I don't give up easy, I don't give up with out a
fight.
For I've been here with my song at the ready since day before yesterday
night.
Every tine that another song ended, he would hoist his guitat toward his
chin;
He'd say, "I have a song! You can all sing along!" and then somebody else
would begin.
And he'd sigh, andd he'd sag toward his capo, too tired and discouraged to
speak.
It was clear he'd get no song in edgewise, if he sat there the rest of the
week.
Singing, Chorus
Well' the rules said that I couldn't tell him; but I did what I had to do.
I told him what happens to filk-hogs that never let others play through.
They don't go directly to Heaven, they first must make a punitive stop,
Where they sit on hard chairs, and for Seventeen years, they listen to
Mundanes sing pop!
Chorus.
Thank you David Weingart for the new version of the persistant spider
song. Another nursery rhyme that's been around for aeons is
Also:
Row row row your boat
Underneath the stream
ha ha fooled you
I'm a submarine.
From "Singout"
McDonalds is your kind of place
Hamburgers in your face
French fries up your nose
Pickles between your toes
Ketchup running down your back
I want my money back
Before I have a heartattack.
(This was in a column by the really great male folksinger who was in a
car accident a number of years back, and came back to full function
after many many years.)
Totally Marred
by Raoul I. Benefiche (c) 1992
Tune: Calm Down, It's Only Ones and Zeros
... and a few other Kathy Mar tunes
Now, Kathy wrote Shai Hulud, and she wrote it very well;
Kanef turned it to Just Say No and blew it all to hell.
It might work with Cthulhu, and to write that one I crave,
But it might make Kathy was to put some flowers on my grave...
(In case anyone has problems, it's "Twinkle, twinkle little star" <g>).
Anyway, the anthem story (according to my rusty memory of how she told
it at our filk two years ago) was that "Hope Eyrie" somehow got to
Poland, where the eagle is the national symbol; a Polish translation
became one of the inspirational songs of Solidarnosc, the underground
union.
And yes, you can transcribe the story; it'll save me from the typing!
8-)
(Chorus)
Dance, dance, wherever you may be
for we are the media of the Dance, that's we.
We tell you what to think and we show you what to see.
And we pray that you don't turn off your t.v.
We'll dance with your daughters and we'll dance with your sons
and we'll dance if and when Armageddon has begun.
We'll dance with empathy and dance with delight
and we'll pray that our viewers never see the light.
ONE
----------------------------------------------------------------
The first compilation of filksongs collected from the FILK Echo
and provided for download via the auspices of Kay Shapero, moder-
ator of same. Publication date, May 1990. All copyrights belong
to the writers.
I'm doing this first one in vanilla ascii with the bare minimum
of formatting so as not to create problems for anyone reading it
directly off the system. If folks would like me to provide
margins and form feeds between pages, please let me know.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
by Charlie Kellner
(to the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer")
Then how the dragons loved her, as they shouted out in glee,
"Ramoth the golden dragon, you went back in history!"
*****
A FILKER'S NIGHTMARE
by Rich Kabakjian
(tune: "That Old Time Religion")
*****
(Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck...) <fade out over running feet, urping
fen, whatever...)
*****
Chorus:
(Chorus)
(extended Chorus)
*****
An Oar!
by Charlie Kellner
CYBERSAGA
by Kay Shapero
(tune:"Black Denim Trousers", with acknowledgements to Ted John-
stone's "Corduroy Trousers"...)
He streaked his face with red and he streaked his hair with green
He had rows of ruby rhinestones on the ridges of his eyes.
On the back of his right arm was a Moebius-type tattoo
That told the time in Tokyo in shades of red and blue.
chorus
The other hackers warned him not to play with magic spells.
They said "These things could send you to a dozen diff'rent
hells."
He didn't hear, he didn't care, his mind was in a spin
At the worlds that now existed and the worlds that might have
been.
*****
FRODO'S THEME
by Cheryl Mathison
*****
FURRY
by Kay Shapero
(tune: Richter Scale)
I am a
Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry
Every time I'm at a con I draw crowds in a hurry
My artwork is erotic
Though it isn't quite obscene
I'm having lots of fun with this, as odd as it might seem.
At the top, the president just smiled and said "Don't worry,
I think we can solve this little problem in a hurry.
Bypass the computer;
And discuss it one on one.."
We're at an SF con right now and say we're having fun
'Cause he's a
Dragon, merman, centaur, griffin, unicornish high elf
Couldn't be a better match if I'd dreamed him up myself
Together we're the strangest pair
That folks have ever seen
Come to the Furry Party room and you'll see what I mean!
*****
LOCKED OUT
by Kay Shapero
(tune: Londonderry Air)
(the above written chiefly to prove you can, too, write a humor-
ous song to the Londonderry Air...)
*****
MORETA
by Kay Shapero
(tune: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer... see "Rudolph's Ride")
*****
ON DRAGONS
by Charlie Kellner
On Dragons...
Dragon Summer
Dragon Winter
In your dreams
the dragon speaks
As you reach
for what you yearn
So you find
the truth
that burns
*****
RUDOLPH'S RIDE
by Kay Shapero
(tune: "Moreta" by Anne Harlan Prather, as sung on the "Rat
Mastersongs" tape.)
Rudolph...
Rudolph...
Rudolph...
*****
SNAKES ALIVE
(by Kay Shapero)
(tune: MacNamara's Band - chorus to either verse tune or "You
Can Build A Mainframe From The Things You Find At Home")
CHORUS:
Yes madam, I'm aware that there's a snake around my neck
It won't stay in my hair and so I figured what the heck?
The lizards on my shoulders really do not seem to care
They get along just fine with all the reptiles that I wear.
I went to see the art show and I'd say it's really fine
Although the dragon sculpture isn't quite as good as mine.
Alas, the time I entered mine the concom disapproved.
When someone taped the bid sheet on the consarned beastie moved!
CHORUS
The dealer's room sells books and tapes and also other things
Like posters, costumes, weapons, belts and sundry magic rings.
One dealer said his garter (jeweled) was something I should see
I told him that my garter (snake) was quite enough for me!
CHORUS
CHORUS
CHORUS
*****
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THREADFALL
by Charlie Kellner
'Twas the night before Threadfall, when all through the weyr,
Not a creature was stirring, except the watch-wher.
The firesacks were hung by the weyrlings with care
In hopes that a dragon would someday be theirs.
The dragons were nestled all snug in their caves
While dreaming of silver thread falling in waves.
And Lessa in her kerchief and F'lar in his cap
Had just settled down for a long preflight nap
When out in the bowl there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
I raced down the tunnel and woke up F'lar,
Climbed up to the Eye Rock and sighted the Star;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a small clump of thread and eight tiny watch-whers!
But it danced and it darted, so lively and quick,
I thought for a moment it might be St. N'ick.
More rapid than wherries F'lars dragons they came,
And he whistled, and shouted and called them by name:
"Now, Mnementh! now, Tuenth! now, Munth and Piyanth,
On, Lioth! on, Valenth! on, Tagath and Canth!
To the top of the ledge! to the top of the wall!
Now, dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
*****
Ohhhhhh...
*****
WHO LU?
(words Kay Shapero)
(tune - Camptown Races)
End of list.
TWO
----------------------------------------------------------------
What, already??? The second compilation of filksongs collected
from the FILK Echo and provided for download via the auspices of
Kay Shapero, moderator of same. Publication date, June 1990.
All copyrights belong to the writers.
*****
COMPUTERWOCKY
by David Dyer-Bennet
*****
DRAGON'S BREATH II
by Charlie Kellner
*****
I LEFT BY BART
by Charlie Kellner
(tune: I Left My Heart in San Francisco)
*****
*****
RENFESTIE
words by Jane Rogge Fredericksen.
(tune: Wild Rover)
(chorus)
And it's no, nay, never
No, nay, never, no more
Will I ever be normal?
No, never, no more
chorus....
chorus....
This makes a good singalong. If you are one of the variant bunches that
sings Wild Rover with four sharp claps after the first line of the chorus, you
may choose to add the (traditional Minnesota Renaissance Festival) phrase
"Right up your kilt!" in place of the clapping, varying it with "We want a
raise!" if the song is being sung ON site.
*****
SUPER-FRAGILE...
words by Susie Lee
tune: "Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious" from the movie, "Mary
Poppins"
Super-fragile-calculistic-extra-expeditious!
It's the science of which (has to have been)
quite fictitious
If you write a tome of this
you might be held suspicious!
Super-fragile-calculistic-extra-expiditious!
don't power it with D.C. comics,
only A.C. Clarke..
and dashes of some Bradbury and Simak
(for a lark!)
you pour it down an Aldiss-ian abyss just for me,
while I go into retrogression, jabb'ring in my tree!
(OH! lum di-deedle-eedle, lum deedle,la!)
((do that again if you really want TA!))
Super-fragile-calculistic-extra-expiditious!
this described a fellow who
a lady thought delicious
but then after she ate him,she
was sick into her dishes!
Super-fragile-calculistic-extra-expiditious!
*****
SWINGING ON STARS
words by Beth Friedman, Sharon Kahn, Elise Krueger and Cally
Soukup
... Fan?
A Fan in an animal with books in its lair,
It won't wash its face or comb its hair.
It knows every story Heinlein ever wrote,
From his laundry lists to his grocery notes,
So if you think that you really are a slan
Then you are probably a Fan.
CHORUS: ...Pro?
CHORUS: ...Agent?
CHORUS: ...Editor?
CHORUS: ...Artist?
CHORUS: ...Critic?
A Critic is an animal.
CHORUS: Reader?
A New Chorus
words by David Emerson
****
THE MAVEN
by Charlie Kellner
*****
*****
Fly, Phoenix!
Into the dark of night
The world has need of your magic
Wonderful and bright
----
Fly, Phoenix!
Borne on the winds of change
The world has need of your magic
Wonderful and strange
----
Fly, Phoenix!
Where no one else would dare
The world has need of your magic
Wonderful and rare
----
Fly, Phoenix!
Into the endless night
All worlds have need of your magic
Beautiful and bright
*****
*****
Choruses:
for "Banks of Sicily"
------end of file----------
End of list.
Erect a statue
Engrave MY name
With a map to show how far we came
I'll be RESPECTED
I'll be REVERED
By every interstellar pioneer
Answering children's questions with the wisdom of a sage
I'll be a living legend with no friends of my own age
I will accept this
I won't get weird
'Cause after all
I VOLUNTEERED