Punoi : Sadrita ullini

The causes of divorce are different for every marriage. If you feel you simply must leave your
marriage that is a decision that you and no one else can make. At the same time, take a look at
the top most common causes of divorce below and see which issues seem most like your
marriage. This report is from a 2003 study of the most commonly reported causes of divorce
among couples.

The two nearly-tied top reasons for divorce are actually fixable problems.
1. Infidelity
It can feel like its the end of the world if your spouse cheats on you. While repeated infidelity is
definitely a reason to leave a marriage, you can recover from a solitary indiscretion. It requires clear
communication about how the incident happened, and steps to make sure it doesnt happen again.
Cheating is a sign that there are serious underlying marriage issues that need to be addressed. Its not
necessarily one of the causes for divorce on its own.
2. Incompatibility
You must have been compatible at some point to decide to get married. Everybody grows and changes
on their own personal journey through life. Its true, your spouse and you will be a different person than
who you married at almost every point in your marriage. As long as you still have love and affection for
each other, a happy marriage is completely possible even if you are very different.
3. Drinking or Drug use
Any sort of addiction or substance abuse is a clear sign to get out of a marriage. Because you care for
you spouse, it can be hard to know when to leave. If you choose to work together to beat the drinking or
drug use, make sure you can see tangible changes and improvement in his/her behavior. If the problems
continue, no matter how well meaning you spouse may be, its time to leave.
4. Extravagance
The issue of unnecessary spending during marriage ceremony is an invincible hand that has the
greatest chance of creating flaming atmosphere in the marital homes. The idiom that says 'cut your
coat according to your size' should be the first guiding principle when thinking of how to celebrate
your marriage, most couple end up piling debt when they refuse to listen to their inner feelings and
capabilities rather than succumbing to external pressures.
In this case, women are always falling victim; they always want that special day in their life to be
spectacular and very indelible. In life, every action you take has its own price you pay.
If you want to please people, you have a price for that, and if you will also want to swim within the
realms of your resources you also have a price to pay, the tormenting price is the price you pay for
pleasing people. I have witnessed several wedding ceremonies where money were lavishly spent,
later you see these couple hopping from area to area looking for accommodation.
This mistake that served as the preface of our wedding history can go a long way to create
discomfort and hatred especially if one of the couples pushed for that stylish and talk of town
ceremony, this will degenerate into hatred and loss of trust.
It will also afflict hardship at the initial stages of the marriage as the couples go through unbearable
moment of settling the debt, if this conflict is not managed at the early stage.

It will put the marriage in a state of jeopardy. We should learn to finance our marriage ceremonies
within our financial strength so we can happily enjoy the marriage without necessary thinking of how
to settle huge debts especially, at very early stages of your honeymoon.

5. He/she is not the same person I married

Growing apart, personality problems and lack of communication are all issues that can be addressed
with skills-based marriage counseling. You can learn relationship skills to improve communication, deal
with differences and grow closer.

6. Communication
People in loving marriages keep the relationship exciting and new through open communication. It's
easy to get caught up in the stresses of day-to-day life and for two people to lose sight of what made
them fall in love in the first place. Maintaining a strong connection through open communication
keeps the bond of love strong in a marriage. Lack of communication can cause two people to drift
apart and to feel like they're just going through the motions in a marriage. Many relationships failed
because of poor communication. Many couples find it hard to express how they feel for each other.
They don't know how to verbalize their needs and they don't know how to listen carefully. If you are
one of those people, then it might be time to read some tips for an effective communication.
Be tactful. Before you even say something, you have to think about it. Is it something that you really
have to tell your husband or wife? Do you really mean what you are going to say?
Pay attention. When your spouse wants to say something to you, you've got to listen very carefully.
Don't just pretend that you are listening.
Wait for your turn to talk and have some patience. When your spouse is talking, you need to listen
first before you talk. Don't interrupt the person. It's a way of showing respect your partner.
Be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Don't fabricate things to cover up your true emotions.
Find time to talk. No matter how busy you are with your jobs and kids (if you have any) you need to
find the best time to talk. You need to talk to understand each other.
Express your resentments in a nice way. Don't just keep it inside. Let the person know how you
really feel. Don't use silence as a weapon because it is deadly.
Communication is one of the keys to a better marriage. It is very important to be a good listener by
giving your spouse your full attention and also expressing yourself in a healthy, honest and loving
manner.
Be a student of your spouse. Know their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, and
their fears. Then, pray that God will show you how to show love and respect to your spouse
accordingly.
Communication has taken most of my words because it is the prevalent factor that has caused a lot
of marriages . I am not saying this is the absolute reason of divorce rate in the country; there are
other unique reasons that are not so prevalent. Lack of proper communication creates insecurity in

marriages and I can say this with a fact that, Marriages that hit rocks always start from negligence of
good communication and the consequence of this gives birth to other factors that slowly usher the
marriage onto the path of divorce.

7. Young age. Marriage at a very young age increases the likelihood of divorce,
especially in the early years of marriage. Those who marry in their teens have
much higher divorce rates. By about age 21 or 22, however, that risk goes
down dramatically .
8. Less education. Researchers have estimated that individuals who have some
college education (vs. not finishing high school) have a lower chance of
divorce.
10. Finances. Money talks and can make your life better or in some cases worse than you were. If
money becomes a consistent topic of disagreement, the road to divorce is certain.

11. Lies .A lot of men win the hearts of their ladies through lies and deceit that makes them also to
pitch high expectation and is common to see a man making unachievable promises to a lady in the
quest of wanting to marry her.
A lady once told me her husband promised to take her to Dubai for shopping after their marriage and
he will also set a very big retail shop for her with workers around her, so this lady will expect all
these promises to be fulfilled right after the marriage and if it turns out to be a lie, you can imagine
where that marriage will be heading to. This is common of men, instead of being real and
communicate our true feelings and intent to our partners, we turn to swagger with our proposal;
there is nothing like swaggering in marital home, after all you have nothing to hide again when both
of you share one roof. Is better to win the heart of a woman with your true nature than using
cosmetic means. Fake things don't last and therefore if you happen to be a bachelor or a spinster,
you go clean and honest when you are about to choose a partner for marriage.

12. Trust. Do you really trust your spouse? Trust is one of the leading factors in having a successful
relationship and marriage. Your marriage is unlikely to survive if you dont trust your spouse.
This is one of the major reasons why divorce happens. Distance is created quickly if you dont share your
feelings, dont tell your partner whats happening, and keep your feelings to yourself. A successful
relationship constantly keeps the lines of TRUST

13. High Expectations

Men and women both make a lot of assumptions when it comes to marriage and what to expect from

a marriage. These assumptions are based on many variables and problems arise when the outcome
(marriage) doesn't meet the assumptions or expectations.
If you expect perfection from other people, your whole life will be a series of disappointments,
grumbling and complaints. If, on the contrary, you pitch your expectations low, taking folks as the
inefficient creatures which they are, you are frequently surprised by having them perform better than
you had hoped.
In relationships, many people have high expectations of their partners, and become disappointed
when their loved ones do not live up to their expectations. Is common for a lady to fall in love with
man because of his car and his nice mansion, the axiom is simple because she feels that man will
take good care of her financially without excogitating the other recipes that makes a very good
relationship. If the man short fall of that expectations, that is when the situation will start to perforate
the happiness bag of the relationship.

14. Your spouse doesnt understand / fulfill your needs and desires. Its common knowledge that we all
have different needs and wants. A partner who wont acknowledge your interests and desires wont go
the distance to fulfill your needs and wants.
15. Quick change in lifestyle. Couples that cant compromise and meet in the middle are unable to
adapt to new changes and be together in harmony.
16. Insecurity. Jealousy and insecurity can lead to fights, and questioning each others intentions can put
a dent into trust and your relationship moving forward.
17. Religious and cultural differences. Religious beliefs and cultural values can cause conflict, which
affects the way you live your life and raise your children. If you arent committed to adapting and
practicing these values, this can be an ultimate deal breaker.
18. Abuse. Lastly, if youve been in a situation where your partner has been abusive or controlling in any
manner, discuss this rationally with your spouse. If need be, contact a trusted family, friend, or your
attorney about this matter .

19. Children, another cause of divorce

The children are also among one of the leading causes of divorce, since many couples believe that
having children is something included in the marriage. However, when an unwanted pregnancy either by
the father or the mother the child could become a light that can burn the marriage. Children and the
lack of communication often financial stress of marriage.
Children need lots of support from both parents, especially if a divorce occurs, and when only one
parent is responsible for this work is not enough. This situation means that many married couples
discuss financial issues with regard to children if one disagrees with another.
In addition, children require a great deal of attention during the raising and although this needs to be
made by both parents, usually only a short time for them. Often this means that spouses feel jealous

because they think they are not getting the attention it once had and this can lead to adultery. Many
couples experience this conflict in marriage and as a result see the divorce as a quick exit.
20. Money, another frequent cause of divorce
Many people say that money is the root of all evil and in a marriage can be the source of all problems
that lead to divorce When one spouse makes all financial decisions and one does not agree with it,
can a conflict between them. Financial obligations that accompany the birth of a child, can also cause a
conflict in the couple and even lead to divorce.
This financial responsibility can drastically affect the marriage, because what seemed to be enough for
both and is not to support a family. For many married couples, excess expenditure of funds by one or
both spouses can occur, which would put the couple in debt and cause a burden on the marriage. No
matter how much two people love each other have, it takes money to live a normal life.
21 . Physical and mental abuse .These are the biggest get out now danger signs in a relationship.
Unfortunately, it is twice a common among women as men to be reported among causes of divorce. If
you or your children are being abused, physically or emotionally, leave immediately.

CAUSES OF DIVORCE IN YOUNG COUPLES WITHOUT CHILDREN

The difference in character and culture of 2 people, their families, and their
attitude toward following Halal/Haram rules is a major cause of divorce in this
age group.
Financial problems of both sides, not able to live independently. Both sides
have to rely on their parents for help.
Desire to have fancy cars, clothes, home, jewelry, and not being able to obtain
it causes serious disagreements.
Competition with other young couples who have more than they do to obtain
worldly things.

At times, divorce may be inevitable. But work towards a better marriage, see the signs
when things get bad and put in the effort to bring the relationship back into the happy
place. Itll make all the difference.

Top reasons for divorce in new marriages :

Are you in a marriage thats less than three years old? Well, then youre probably going to
experience any of these little signs that may not seem like such a big deal to begin with.

You may still be infatuated by each other or may be too deep in mad love to see any signs
of a bad marriage. But if you care to take a peep and find one of these signs, take a good
look and work on it before its too late.
#1 You think youre too good. Have you ever felt like youre too good for your partner?
Or do you think you deserve someone better than your spouse? It may seem like a petty
and funny thought now, but dissatisfaction over time will trick you into making mistakes you
may end up regretting. Your spouse may have a lot of great qualities too, only if you can
get your head out of the clouds and take a good look at them.
#2 You feel constrained. Ever felt like the marriage is holding you back from achieving
your true potential, be it a career option or racking up notches on the bedpost? If you feel
like youre too good to be tied down, big chances are, youll look for every opportunity to
break out of the cage when no ones looking.
#3 Lack of communication. Communication isnt just about talking to each other.
Communication is about understanding each other clearly and learning more about each
other.

Most

couples

talk,

but

dont

communicate.

relationship

without

good

communication is a bomb waiting to explode.

#4 Expectations from each other. For many, marriage is the next step in the great way
of life. But thats not the case for everyone. When two lovers get married, they have
expectations from each other and the relationship. And at times, the expectations arent
mutual and end up distancing two people who havent communicated each others wants
and expectations at the time of marriage.
#5 Difference in cultural backgrounds. At the beginning, the stark differences in
families and friends, and different religious beliefs may seem cute and worth a petty fight.
But all it takes is a few months of suppressed ideas and opposing thoughts to wreak havoc
in a marriage.
#6 Your spouse doesnt understand your needs or wants. This is far more common
than most people assume. As we evolve as individuals, we have our own needs and wants
from life. Have you ever felt like your partner doesnt understand your passion or interests
in life?
#7 A sudden change in lifestyle. A marriage isnt just a ring around the finger. Its a
whole new life and a new lifestyle. If you havent moved in with each other, you may never
understand the real issues of living together. If you love your space and privacy and hate

having someone breathing down your neck all the time, perhaps moving in together first
would be a better way to test the waters.
#8 Jealousy and insecurity. Insecurity is a little worm that crawls into your heart and
grows over time. It may be your spouses fault, or they may have nothing to do with it.
Jealousy can be cute at first, but not if it leads to big fights or confusions.
#9 Incompatible personalities. At times, both of you may be two perfect individuals who
are just completely imperfect for each other. Both of you may share nothing in common and
over time, you may find that both of you are better off getting divorced and dating or
marrying other people.

Top reasons for divorce in seasoned marriages :

Many people assume that long marriages are indestructible. After all, theyve weathered the winds of
change and have survived the storm. But in most cases, theyve just learnt to live with the differences.

#1 Infidelity. The idea of infidelity almost always crops up in a marriage at some point or the other. You
could find someone else extremely interesting or you may find yourself constantly trying to cheat, either
for the excitement or in the hope of satisfying your urges. What matters here is figuring out whether the
juice is worth the squeeze.

#2 Money. Money always has a way of making life better or making life worse. There are only two
extremes and no middle ground with money. Are you dissatisfied with your spouses earnings or
monetary investment towards the marriage in any manner? This may start off as a nagging thought to
begin with, but unless you discuss this with your spouse, you could be heading down the road of divorce
over time.

#3 Abusive or controlling relationships. If youve ever felt like your partner is trying to control you
or abuse you in some manner, its best to have a conversation about it. At times, your spouse may not
even realize that theyre trying to manipulate you or control you.

#4 Priorities change. A marriage is a lifetime of togetherness. And as individuals, our priorities in life
too change all the time. If you want to have a successful marriage and avoid any reason for divorce, learn
to understand each others priorities. Dont expect your partner to stay the same forever. Talk to each
other and help each other become better individuals, and youll learn to fall more in love with each other.

#5 Emotional affairs. Emotional affairs are the easiest to fall into. And at most times, you may not
even realize it. Do you feel really comfortable with a coworker at your workplace, perhaps of the opposite
sex? And do you feel like this person really understands you and gives you the perfect advice for all your

doubts? Or do you feel really happy and refreshed every time you have a long conversation with this
friend of the opposite sex?If you ever feel like you emotionally connect better with someone other than
your spouse, chances are, youre already in an emotional affair. Just how bad or troublesome it is, thats
something you need to think about. But dont worry, emotional affairs are far more common than you
think.

#6 Difference in sexual interests. As relationships grow, the sexual excitement and the arousal too
start to change. You see the same naked person every night. Is it really possible to get wet or hard in an
instant, every time you see your naked spouse lying in bed?One of you may enjoy sex while the other just
doesnt enjoy sex anymore. Or perhaps, things have just started to get really boring. Sex plays a pretty
important part in a successful marriage. Work on it and get better at it.

#7 Your spouse doesnt excite you. This can happen to spouses who are not fascinated or awed by
their partners. It isnt just about sexual interest. You may like your spouse as a friend, but theres no
passion or happiness when youre with each other. Both of you just live together, lead two separate lives
and have your good friends. And after some time, you may wonder why youre even together anymore.

#8 Theres more to life than this. Youre scared your life will be too meaningless with your spouse.
Youve been together for several years, and yet have no memories or special thoughts that excite you. If
you feel like you need to go out there and see the world in all its hues, then perhaps a trial separation or a
break may be the best way forward.

#9 Friends who are bad for the marriage. Some friends are just the worst thing that can happen to
a marriage. They probably lead sad, lonely lives themselves or just cant get along with your spouse. And
they do everything possible to convince you that you can get a better catch, if only you tried.

#10 Addictions. Addictions are little things that come between two partners in a big way. Do you have
any addictions that bother your spouse, be it sexual or something alcoholic? Addictions may not affect
relationships directly. But your dependence on the addiction and the way it affects your life may affect
your marriage. Overcome addictions, or try to get your partner to support you and understand you better
while you try to overcome it.