The 5 Scariest Grammar Issues: Your Guide to Fearless Writing

COLUMN BY SUSAN DEFREITAS OCTOBER 24, 20141.

1. The Semicolon
Before you break the rules, know the rulesso you can stride forth, fearless, in that great and powerful
act of making sense.
Vonnegut hated them. William James loved them. Whatever your feelings on this highly charged
punctuation mark, you should know how to use it correctly.
The semicolon is used to CONNECT two independent clauses not joined by a conjunction in a way that's
closer than a period. For example: He looked the way she remembered him; she looked like a whole
different person. Not: He looked the way she remembered him; cool but a bit stiff.
Alternately, semicolons can be substituted for commas when the items that would fall between your
commas contain commas themselves. As in: He'd forgotten the way she laughed, soundlessly; recklessly,
like a teenager; and guilelessly, unlike anyone he'd met since moving to the city.
Style exception: Are you Ursula K. Le Guin? All righty then, you can use semicolons pretty much however
you want. (Example: But the light always brought him up again; and finally he was awake, seeing the
high gray walls about him and the slant of sunlight through glass.) Just bear in mind that unless you
write about alien race relations in a mode that Shakespeare might have EMPLOYED, you might want to
either omit the conjunction or use a comma instead.
2. Comma before but, or then, or any other damn word
Are you possessed by some vague (or even deeply ingrained) sense that the word but (or then) must be
preceded by a comma? Let me now relieve you of this notion. It's not the word but the way it's being
EMPLOYED that matters.
Commas are used to separate independent clauses joined by conjunctions: They walked to a cafe in his
neighborhood, but she didn't seem impressed by the menu. Not: They walked to a cafe in his
neighborhood, but couldn't find a tablein this case, no comma is needed.
Because, when you think about it, even the following sentence, as long as it is, is clear without commas:
They walked to a cafe in his neighborhood but couldn't find a table or any of the friends who'd promised
to meet them there and so decided to ditch the whole reunion and get well and drunk on the sort of
sweet wine they'd downed by the gallon as first-year art students. That's because they are the only ones
who are really doing anything in this sentence.
One of the many fine things that commas do (in conjunction with conjunctions) is to help us keep track
of who is doing what. Which is helpful in a sentence like Jeremy sat their bottle of Boone's on the
counter in front of the register, and the stout older man standing there shook his head in disbelief.

Without the comma, you might have to go hunting back through this sentence to get a handle on who,
exactly, was shaking his head.
As for then, well, that's not actually a conjunction, though we often use it that way: He OPENED the
door, then walked inside. Technically, that's He OPENED the door and then walked inside. Again, no
comma needed.
3. Coordinating vs. Compound Adjectives
A little learning is a dangerous thing. Because a little learning might lead you to write something like She
was a tall, Hispanic woman. Because tall and Hispanic are coordinating adjectives, right?
The Chicago MANUAL of Style (CMS 6.33) has this to say on the subject: As a general rule, when a noun
is preceded by two or more adjectives that could, without affecting the meaning, be joined by and, the
adjectives are normally separated by commas.
And this: Such adjectives, which are called coordinate adjectives, can also usually be reversed in order
and still make sense. If, on the other hand, the adjectives are not coordinatethat is, if one or more of
the adjectives is essential to (i.e., forms a unit with) the noun being modifiedno commas are used.
Clear as mud, right? And it's not just you. There are some rules in grammar that are issues for
everyoneeditors includedbecause they REQUIRE a judgment call. But the fact is that most editors of
most books will make the call that the word Hispanic has in some way mystical bonded with the word
woman hereand point out, also, that no native speaker of English is likely to reverse these adjectives.
Thus: She was a tall Hispanic woman. Just as tricky (and judment-cally) is the compound adjective.
CMS points out that adverbs ending in ly generally cannot be misread as nouns, the way many
compound adjectives could (for example: I sat inside the roach-infested Charleston apartment, without
the hyphenation, could at first appear to read I sat inside the roachwhich, you'll have to agree, is a
whole different story). Therefore, the guide holds, such terms don't need to be hyphenated: it's a freshly
painted wall, not a freshly-painted wall.
Beyond that, though, things get kind of complex. Is it a light gray suit or a light-gray suit? If the fabric
itself is light, it's the former; if it's the color you're talking about, it's the latter.
Just another way the asinine rules of grammar and punctuation are here to help us understand what the
hell other people are really trying to say.
4. Section Breaks
Slight pause in the action of your story? A section break may not be neededand even a longer break in
time, if you've got a nice little segue from scene to summary and back again, may not REQUIRE that
single blank line.

But if you're switching from one time frame to another (in a story with multiple timelines), jumping
forward in time (in a regular linear sequence), and/or switching locations without smoothing the jump
with summary, chances are, you need a section break.

Otherwise, your reader is likely to experience the sort of WHIPLASH you'd associate with dropping from
fifth gear into second while driving without having employed the clutch. The pace slows abruptly
because your reader thought she knew where she was and what was happening and suddenly realizes at
some point that she does not.
Don't give your reader WHIPLASH. Clearly signal that you're about to shift: Push in the clutch. Use a
section break.
5. Sequential vs. Simultaneous
Let's face it: a lot of things have to happen in storiespeople have to go places, do things, and
accomplish stuff. Which means that if you don't vary your style of sentence construction, you're going to
wind up with some boring-ass (yes, that's a compound adjective) prose. As in: He tilted the bottle of
two-buck chuck over his head. He reminded her of the time they'd yarn-bombed the urinal. He laughed
and choked. He nearly upchucked on the plush white carpet of his new apartment.
So maybe you're inclined to get clever with something more like: Tilting the bottle of two-buck chuck
high overhead, he reminded her of the time they'd yarn-bombed the urinal and laughed and nearly
upchucked on the plush white carpet.
But beware, writers. Because what's implied by this sentence construction is that he's actually pouring
some sort of liquid on himself while telling this story, which appears to be about the time they yarnbombed the urinal and laughed and threw up. Which may not be what you actually mean.
In cases like this, remember that sentence construction is not just a matter of style, it's a matter of
sense. Which means that if things are not happening at the same time, you need to take care to present
them as sequential rather than simultaneous: Tilting the bottle of two-buck chuck overhead, he drank it
down. (Tilting a bottle actually is something you can do as you're drinking from it.) But: He reminded her
of the time they'd yarn-bombed the urinal, and before long he was laughing so hard he nearly
upchucked on the plush white carpet. In this construction, it's clear what's happening when.
These are, of course, but a few of those finely interlocking rules governing the uses of the English
language, and there are many writers who flaunt them as a matter of style. But before you break the
rules, know the rulesso you can stride forth, fearless, in that great and powerful act of making sense.