Anchor Recovery Newsletter

INSIDE
THIS
ISSUE:

V O L U M E

Merry Christmas 1
from Anchor and
RICARES

2 ,

I S S U E

1 2

D E C E M B E R

2 0 1 4

MERRY CHRISTIMAS AND

A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Recovery Coach
Academy Class
of 2014

FROM ANCHOR and RICARES

RICARES Corner 2
Three Cs of
Coping with the
Holidays

Inspiration from
Behind the Walls

Jims Corner

Michelles Corner

The Goal of
Anchor

Special Dates to
Remember

From The
Editors Desk

Recovery Coach Academy Graduating Class of 2014

PAGE

Three Cs of Coping With the Holidays

RICARES Corner
Kenneth J. Doka, HFA Bereavement Consultant
With the rollercoaster-like emotions of grief, the holidays can be an especially tough
time. We remember the Chanukah that Aunt Sophia danced in the snow, the Christmas
that we received a bike, the Thanksgiving when the turkey was undercooked. These
memories remind us of our loss. Other reminders such as cards addressed to the person
who died, holiday movies, gifts that seem perfect, can make us feel out of sorts with the
season. Everyone else seems so happy and joyful.
The holidays are a tough time to grieve. Knowing that does not make them any easier,
but at least it may help us understand and accept our reactions, and tap into the things
we can do to help ourselves cope with the holidays.

Mil HerndonOutreach Coordinator

Came to us in August from DARE and has
launched the LGBTQ Recovery Support
Group on Nov. 18 with much success. It will
be held every Tuesday 10am - 11:0am in
the RICARES Community Room. All family
and friends are welcome.

We are happy to announce another

Recovery Academy Graduation on
November 14, 2014. 33 graduates are
ready for placement.

.
Thank You,
Holly Cekala
Executive Director,

CHOOSE
During the holidays it is easy to drift into activities that increase our pain. But we do
have choices. We can decide what activities we wish to participate in, who we want to
be with, what we want to do. After her husband died, June was invited, actually pressured, to join her sister-in-law for the holidays. She decided that she would retain the
freedom to choose where she wanted to be on Christmas until that morning. "I never
know how much energy I'll have, or how I feel until that day," she explained. On Christmas morning, she decided to have dinner with a few women she had met in a local widow's support group. She chose to go to her sister-in-law's house for dessert.
One of the choices we may want to consider is how to mark the loss during the holidays. During the holidays we feel the presence of that person's absence. Finding ways
to recognize and acknowledge that individual can bring a positive focus to our grief. This
may be done in a number of ways -- lighting a candle, creating a ritual, placing a memento on a tree, a moment of silence or a holiday toast are simple ways to
acknowledge the loss.
COMMUNICATE
It is important that we discuss our choices with others, especially those who are affected by them. They have needs as well. Their ways of dealing with grief may be different.
June, for example talked with her sister-in-law, explaining her feelings and asking if she
could make a decision that day. Once her sister-in-law understood June's feelings and
needs, she was willing to be flexible. Marcy's family had to have a considerable discussion over whether or not they would have a Christmas tree after the death of one of her
children.
COMPROMISE
Each of us deals with loss in our own particular way. There is no right or wrong way to
grieve. When we communicate, we may find that our feelings and needs, the very ways
that we cope, will differ. We need to find space to compromise. For example, some people in Marcy's family saw the Christmas tree as an important tribute to their late son
and brother. Other family members saw it as disrespectful. They talked through each
point of view, and decided that this year they would have a small tree, not in the central
living room but in the family room. Those who wanted to help decorate could, but those
who chose not to would also be respected. All could deal with their loss in their own
way.

RICARES

ANCHOR

RECOVERY

NEWSLETTER

VOLUME

2,

ISSUE

12

PAGE

In-spiration from Behind the Walls

The following poetry was written and shared for the Rally4Recovery Behind the Walls. Although the writers privacy is protected, it was their wish that the poetry may be shared Outside the Walls with their Anchor family. In
the future, we hope to share more of our experience, healing and hopes through the Anchor Monthly Newsletter.
Thank you, Beth Fielding
Beep.
Hi, Its me.
I wanted to let you know that Ive filed for divorce.
Im doing this in a message because I know how you are. Your sweet talk and cajoling and promises that it will get
better, time after time, have caused me to let my guard down long enough for you to seep back into my life like fine
sand through fingers.
Once I allow you in, you proceed, before long, to isolate me from my family, my friends, my beloved animals and from
all that, before you, was dear to me.
They told me you were bad for me, that we were a mismatch. They told me it would never work and that you would
break my heart. You did. More than once. In fact, looking back I realize that everything and everyone that tried to
come between you and I, I have lost. If only I could have lost you.
The police were even involved a few times. Each time you returned and begged forgiveness, I forgave you, yes. But
my mistake is that I forgot promises of salvation, gratification, relief and unconditional love. I will do everything in my
power to warn them about you, your charisma and your sheeps clothing. I will tell my story, loud and proud, but be
advised. I will also show them the way that I was able to break your spell on me. I will offer help and insight should
they choose to listen. I will lead them to the crack in the wall through which the light shines and coax them to crawl
through as I have.

So, this is goodbye. Should we ever see each other in a public place, I will not acknowledge you. You were part of my
darkness and you will never have another chance. I hereby release you from your attachment. When I disconnect, it is
forever. I would wish you luck, but that would be insincere. I am done, and you, Jose Cuervo, are not a friend.
Click.

Jims Corner
No matter what holiday you celebrate, be it , Hannakuh, Christmas, or Kwanza, we are
all ONE in Recovery!

Michelles Corner
Happy Holidays! Remember self-care; you cannot take care of anyone else if you cannot take
care of yourself!

Anchor Recovery Community Center

249 Main Street, Pawtucket, RI 02860
Tel 401-721-5100 Fax 401-721-5107

The goal of the Anchor Recovery

Community Center is to provide
recovering Rhode Islanders, their
family members and friends, easy
access to opportunities that will
assist them in enhancing their lives
in recovery as contributing members in society.

Anchor Recovery Community Center

890 Centerville Road, Warwick, RI 02886
Tel 401-615-9945 Fax 401-615-9963

Were on the Web

www.anchorrecovery.org

What has Anchor done for

you?
Please let us know what Anchor has done for
you by e-mail to: ajoseph@provctr.org,
hcekala@provctr.org or jgillen@provctr.org

Special Dates to Remember

December 2-30th 10:00 AM Every Tuesday in Pawt.- LGBT Support
December 2-30th 11:00 AM Every Tuesday in Warwick- Spiritual Guidance
December 3-31st 10:00 AM Every Wednesday in Pawt. Grief Support
December 4-25th 11:30 AM Every Thursday in Warwick- Women's 12 Steps
December 5-26th 9:30 AM Ev ery Friday in Warwick- Men's Recovery
December 6th 4:30 PM from Pawt. to LaSalette Holiday Lights
December 9th and 23rd in Pawt. Volunteer Training
December 13th 2:00-5:00 PM Cookies with Santa
December 13th and 22nd 6:00 PM Recovery Karaoke
December 20th Feed 1000 at Prov. Convention Center
Annette and Jen would like to thank everyone who has contributed to the success of
the Anchor Newsletter, and wish you a safe
and sober Christmas Day. Thank you.
If you would like to contribute to the Anchor Newsletter, please submit your success stories, sober event dates, recovery
humor, art, and dates for special events to
Annette Joseph at ajoseph@provctr.org or
call 401-475-7370.

From the Editors Desk

Annette Joseph, Founder and Editor of the Anchor

Newsletter with Jen Palo, the Anchor Newsletter
Assistant Editor and Proofreader