5 Cases of Excessive Commas

by Mark Nichol
The rules about commas can seem so complicated and contradictory that writers can
(almost) be forgiven for tossing in an extra one or two. Here are several examples of overly
generous deployment of commas.
1. If a killer asteroid was, indeed, incoming, a spacecraft could, in theory, be launched
to nudge the asteroid out of Earths way, changing its speed and the point of
intersection.
This thirty-word sentence is littered with six commas one for every five words five of
them appearing before the halfway point. By simply bending the rule about bracketing
interjections with commas a rule that advocates of open punctuation flout routinely
anyway the number is reduced by two, rendering the sentence more free flowing: If a
killer asteroid was indeed incoming, a spacecraft could, in theory, be launched to nudge the
asteroid out of Earths way, changing its speed and the point of intersection.
One more comma can be eliminated by relocating the parenthetical phrase in theory to an
earlier position in the sentence, so that the comma after incoming does double duty: If a
killer asteroid was indeed incoming, in theory, a spacecraft could be launched to nudge the
asteroid out of Earths way, changing its speed and the point of intersection.
2. The metaphor, The world is a machine, began to replace the metaphor, The world
is a living organism.
In this sentence, the comma preceding each instance of metaphor implies that that metaphor
is the only one not just in the sentence, but anywhere. (But two metaphors are expressed
here, and innumerable others exist.) Metaphor, appearing in apposition to the two brief
quotations, should not be set off from them: The metaphor The world is a machine began
to replace the metaphor The world is a living organism.
3. The event is part of a catchy, public health message about the importance of
emergency preparedness.
Catchy and public health are not coordinate adjectives. The point is not that the message is
catchy and public health; its that the public health message is catchy. Therefore, no comma
is necessary: The event is part of a catchy public health message about the importance of
emergency preparedness.
If, by contrast, the sentence read, for example, The event is part of a catchy, quirky message
about the importance of emergency preparedness, note that because catchy and quirky are
parallel they are coordinate adjectives a comma should separate them.
4. The report was completed in December, 2012.
A comma is necessary between a month and a year only if a date is specified (The report
was completed on December 1, 2012): The report was completed in December 2012. (The
same rule applies when the name of a season appears in place of the name of a month: The
report was completed in fall 2012.)

5. Jones traveled by boxcar from California to New York with fellow fledgling artist,
John Smith, sketching the American landscape along the way.
Commas are necessary with this type of apposition only if the epithet is preceded by an
article (Jones traveled by boxcar from California to New York with a fellow fledgling artist,
John Smith, sketching the American landscape along the way): Jones traveled by boxcar
from California to New York with fellow fledgling artist John Smith sketching the American
landscape along the way. Unfortunately, this type of error has gone viral its ubiquity is
mistaken for propriety and is seemingly ineradicable.
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