Professional Documents
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Thinking
Doesnt Work
Without question, the essential key to human personality and behavior is the self-image. Even our
achievements are limited by how we view ourselves.
The self-image is the overall average of the various attitudes which we hold towards our capabilities
in a multitude of areas. It is the picture we have of ourselves. Our self-image, therefore, is of utmost
importance because we cannot be any more effective, more successful, better coordinated, more
creative or more anything other than what our self-image says we are.
It is the ceiling on the effectiveness with which we can use our true potential.
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Think of the person enrolled in the famous Dale Carnegie program. He is fearful of speaking in public
and avoids doing so virtually at all costs. Even in small groups, at work or in his church, perhaps
even in his family, he is reluctant to assert himself and express his ideas. But in the Dale Carnegie
classes, he is forced if you will to learn some skills about speaking and to use those skills, by
standing up and speaking, in a supportive environment.
When he makes his speech, people laugh at his stories and applaud his efforts. As a result, he begins
to see himself as someone who CAN present ideas to a group and gain favorable acceptance. He
begins feeling that he is an effective communicator to groups.
His self-image changes. His E-Range expands. His behavior reflects that. At work and elsewhere,
he finds himself speaking out.
Now, about the word forced. I said he was forced to speak. But he chose to be forced, by enrolling
in the class, by showing up for the class, and by not bolting from the room. So it is an inch-by-inch
cycle. He must first courageously choose to put himself in a situation where
he must test his limiting beliefs.
When those limits are tested, self-discovery occurs. The new discoveries alter the self-image. The
new self-image tells the E-Range to be bigger. Higher performance and changed behavior result.
And this usually leads to choosing to test another limit. And so on.
Inferiority
Feelings of inferiority are experienced to some degree by almost 95 percent of the worlds population.
To a major portion of these people, these feelings are a severe disadvantage in the attainment of
fulfillment and satisfaction in life. Inferiority feelings do not usually arise from actual experience, but
from our own judgments and interpretations of events and experiences.
Inferiority complexes, which can intrude upon our lives, are developed from the feelings of inferiority
that originate because we judge our performance and measure our abilities against someone elses
and not against our own. When this happens, we will always feel like a runner-up. When we evaluate
our achievements by these criteria, we feel second-rate and unhappy. Consequently, we arrive at
the erroneous assumption that we dont measure up.
Feelings of inferiority and superiority are conflicting feelings.
The plain reality is:
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We all have worries and problems; but Ive learned not to let them intrude upon my eight hours set
aside for sleep. By far the greatest reasons for insomnia are tension, anxiety, or negative feelings that
make us restless and prevent us from falling asleep.
Relaxation is the best preparation for sleep, because sleep is deep relaxation in itself. To relax is not
easy these days, but we still can make a habit of it when, during the eight hours of diversion, we
take five minutes off and walk into the room of our mind.
Of course this is an imaginary room. But since we live with our imagination every day, whether
we realize it or not, we should take advantage of this imaginary room where we relax, look out the
window, and see a geyser letting off steam.
This is a symbol for us to release a geyser, to let go of tensions for the moment, to break the electric
circuit of distress even for a second. Making a habit of this is making a habit of sleep.
Whenever we think of troubles, we are not prepared for sleep. When we prepare ourselves for sleep
we must not let troubles interfere. Try my prescription. It may take time; but sooner or later it will work,
and you wont need a pill.
Remember the words of Publius Syrus, He sleeps well who knows not that he sleeps ill.
ARE YOU EASILY HURT?
Many people are hurt terribly by tiny pinpricks or what we call social slights. Im sure you know
someone in your family, your office, your circle of friends who is so thin-skinned and sensitive that
others must be continually on guard lest offense be taken at some innocent word or act.
It is a well-known psychological fact that people who become offended easiest have the lowest
self-esteem.
They are hurt by things they conceive as threats to their ego or self-esteem; fancied emotional
thrusts that pass unnoticed by a person with wholesome self-esteem slice these people up terribly.
Even real digs and cuts that inflict painful linjury to the ego of the person with low self-esteem do
not make a dent in the ego of the person who thinks well of himself.
It is the person who feels undeserving, who doubts his own capabilities and has a poor opinion
of himself who becomes jealous at the drop of a hat. It is the person who secretly doubts his own
worth and feels insecure within himself who sees threats to his ego where there are none, who
exaggerates and overestimates the damage from real threats.
We all need a certain amount of emotional toughness and ego security to protect us from real and
fancied ego threats. It wouldnt be comfortable for the physical body to be covered over completely
with a hard shell like a turtles. We would be denied the pleasure of all sensual feeling.
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But the human body does have a layer of outer skin for the purpose of protecting us from invasion
of bacteria, small bumps and bruises, and pinpricks. That skin is thick enough and tough enough to
offer protection against small wounds, but not so thick or hard that it interferes with all feeling.
Many people have no covering over their ego. They have only the thin, sensitive inner skin. They
need to become thicker-skinned, emotionally tougher, so that they will simply ignore petty cuts and
minor ego threats.
They need to build their self-esteem, get a better and more adequate self-image so that they will not
feel threatened by every chance remark or innocent act. A big strong man does not feel threatened
by a small danger; a little man does. In the same way, a healthy strong ego, with plenty of selfesteem, does not feel itself threatened by every innocent remark.
Your Self-Image
Can Give You A Starring Role
on Lifes Stage
Imagine that you are seated in a theatre, looking at the curtain which hides the blank screen, as you
wait for the feature movie to begin.
What will this picture do for you? How will it affect you? What impact will it have on your life?
Will you feel moved-perhaps even to tears? Will you laugh at a comedy, or feel terrified at the
crises faced by the hero or heroine? Will you feel wonderful waves of love and compassion-or
surges of resentment?
All these feelings will pulse through you-and more. For the picture you will see is about the most
fascinating person in the world-yourself.
In this theatre, which is in the mind and heart of each of us, you are the producer, director, writer,
actor or actress, hero and the villain.
The exciting story unfolding upon this inner screen is one which is invented every second of your
life-yesterday, tomorrow, but most important, right now.
You watch the image upon that screen and you invent the image upon that screen right now.
Will the story have a happy ending? Is it full of happiness and success or sorrow and failure? The
story line is already there and the discerning eye can tell the direction in which the story will go.
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But one realization can comfort you. Since you are the dramatist, the director, and the actor, you can
change the story as it unfolds. Now. This instant. And for your whole lifetime.
You can make this a success story. You can be the hero and conquer the villain. And you can
make this a heartwarming story which will enrich the lives of all who know you-rather than a drab
mechanical tale, a chronicle of boredom.
Its all inside you.
It all depends on what you do with an image you carry inside you, an image which is your most
important tool for good or for ill.
It all depends on you-and your self-image.
There is a wonderful comfort in one fact, embodied in two little words- as if. You see, I said you
act as if the picture were true. But is it? Since this picture, self-image, can change and has been
changed in millions of cases, there is no cause for despair.
Understand this: You are the writer; you are the director; you are the actor starring in this picture. All
you have to learn is how to change that picture by investing a little more time and energy in it, by
following time-proved methods which are so easy and so close to each of us
that its no wonder weve overlooked them. It just takes a new insight.
We will work together to change this mental picture of yourself. Over and over, we will use the
powerful tool of mental picturing to redefine your concept of yourself, to enhance the appreciation of
the unique individual that you are.
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Why Be Shy?
The shy person often finds it difficult to make friends. Inhibiting his free expression, out of fear, he
limits his contacts with other people.
Martin Tolchins description is poignant in The Roots of Shyness. (New York Times Magazine,
June 19, 1960.)
He is a quiet child-too quiet, and too well-behaved. He lacks the bellyful of fire that the late William
Bryon Mowery thought all small boys had-or should have. Instead he stands wistfully on the sidelines,
unable to wade into the rough and tumble savored by a boy among boys.
Left to his own devices he may outgrow his shyness, or learn to live with it. Or he may abandon
effort to establish contact with the rest of the world.
The experience can be humbling. Shyness can come between a man and the woman he needs.
It can undermine his usefulness to society by preventing him from getting the job for which he
qualifies. It can place an intelligent, accomplished person in the position of a social beggar who is
thrown conversational crumbs at functions he cannot evade.
Unfortunately, there are many shy people in this world. Life can teach, but it can also frighten people,
driving them into shells.
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If you are shy, you can learn to be more outgoing. It is, once again, mainly a question of changing
your false truth about yourself-because shyness is a technique for hiding from people.
Before youre ready for real friendship, however, you must have the courage to burst through your shell.
Lets try out our mental picturing apparatus again. Sit down, make yourself comfortable in a quiet
place, and relax in the playhouse of your mind.
Scene 1: Picture yourself going to a party. Imagine that you knock timidly on the door, feeling uneasy
because you wont know many of the people. Then you see Ted who was invited by Cora, whom he
knows casually in the library where he works. Hes 35, has worked as librarian for almost ten years,
is lonely. The hostess greets him and he shuffles into the living room which is crowded with talking,
laughing people.
Hello. A girl comes over to him and smiles.
He returns her greeting, wondering nervously what he should talk about. Whats your name?
Ted introduces himself, forcing himself to ask hers and feeling all fingers and thumbs as he wonders
what to do with his hands.
What do you do?
Oh, oh, here comes that question again, he thinks, groaning inwardly. Ill have to tell her Im nothing
but a librarian. His shoulders slump and he avoids her gaze as he answers her.
(Here is a sure blueprint for failure. This mans basic quality is a self-hatred that tramples all his
intelligence and his potential for creative expression. He must strengthen his self-image before he is
ready for the warm givingness that constitutes friendship.)
Scene 2: Its the same party, half an hour later. John arrives and greets his hostess. Hes also a
librarian; its a clannish gathering. Hes also in his thirties, unmarried, but hes looking forward to the
evening. Hes eager to meet Cora socially and see her in a pretty dress. Perhaps theyll dance and
talk and flirt, and perhaps he could take her home later.
How nice you look! he says to the hostess, meaning every word.
He laughs as she blushes and shakes hands with Peter and Frank, both of whom he knows at work.
Theyre glad to see him and bring him over to meet other people.
What do you do? one fellow asks.
Im a librarian, John says, looking curiously, yet with a friendly smile, at the other man. Ive always
loved good books. What do you do?
He finds some of the people at the party interesting to talk to, and enjoys the exchange of ideas,
the food and drink. People come over to chat with him, enjoying his easy friendliness, and his lack
of pretension and arrogance.
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as you are, if hes worth his salt. It is a serious mistake to try to force another person to conform
to your preconceived ideas. If you resort to such domineering tactics, youll likely have an enemy,
not a friend.
5. Try to meet others needs. Too often this world is a cutthroat place in which people think of their
own needs-and then stop thinking! Go out of your way to be considerate and youll be a valued
friend. Many people talk at people; they deliver lectures and the other fellow is just an ear. Never
do this to a friend; talk with him!
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Psycho-Cybernetics and
Self-Improvement:
Maxwell Maltz Theatre of the Mind
Psycho-Cybernetics
The New Psycho-Cybernetics
The Flow Seminar
Zero Resistance Living
Expect to Win - Hate to Lose
The Unbeatable Man
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