Physical Abuse

Emotional Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Male Abuse
Physical Abuse
The Cycle of Violence
Learn to recognize the patterns in an abusive relationship. The cycle begins with Tension Building,
continues to the Battering Incident, and ends with the Calm Respite...then the cycle continues back to
Tension Building. The cycle continues over...and over...and over! See the pattern below:
1. TENSION BUILDING
The Batterer

The Victim

Irritable, Frustrated, Unable to cope with everyday stresses

Will attempt to appease the batterer by becoming compliant,

nurturing, or staying out of his/her way

Fears that the victim will leave him/her and the batterer's fears
are reinforced by the victim's coping strategy of withdrawing and
avoiding the batterer.

Often assumes responsibility for controlling the batterer's anger.

Denies the inevitability of the beating, as well as their terror.

2. THE BATTERING INCIDENT

The Batterer

The Victim

Intent is to teach the victim a lesson, not to inflict injury. In the

process, the batterer loses control of his/her rage.

Will deny the incident, his/her injuries, or his/her terror.

Is the only one who can end this phase.

Needs a safe place during this phase.

3. CALM RESPITE OF "THE HONEYMOON"

The Batterer
Is kind and charming. Is very afraid the victim will leave.

The Victim
Wants to believe that the suffering is over. Believes that this
"good" side of the batterer's personality is the person they love,
and develops learned helplessness.

12 Signs of a Batterer
Jealous
Blames others (including you) for their faults.
Blames circumstances for their problems. ("If I only had a job, I wouldn't be so upset")

Behavior is unpredictable.
Belittles you verbally.
Cannot control their anger.
Always asks for a second chance.
Say they'll change and they won't do it again.
Their family resolves problems with violence.
Plays on your guilt. ("if you love me, you'd ....")
Behavior often worsens when using alcohol and/or drugs.
Are close-minded. Their way is the only way.
Emotional Abuse
Signs of an Emotional Abuser

If your partner or someone you care for is treating you in the following ways...they are an Emotional
Abuser. Know the signs!
Ignored your feelings
Ridiculed or insulted you or your most valued beliefs (your religion, heritage, or class)
ridiculed or insulted women/men as a group
Continually criticized you, called you names
Shouted at you
Claimed you were "crazy" or "stupid"
Withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment
Insulted or drove away your friends or family
Refused to socialize with you
Kept you from working, controlled your money, refused to give you money
Made all decisions about you, your children, and your activities, etc.
Took car keys away or disabled your car

Regularly threatned to leave or told you to leave

Threatened to hurt you or your family
Punished or deprived the children when he/she was angry at you
Threatened to kidnap your children if you left him/her
Abused pets to hurt you
Told you about his/her affairs
Harassed you about affairs he/she imagined you having
Manipulated you with lies and contradictions
Sexual Abuse
"The pain of rape and abuse can be very intense and at times it may feel like it never goes away. You
may feel as though it's out of control and you can do is try and ride it out as best you can"

Who is the victim of sexual assault? In one simple word...ANYONE! The victim is young or old, male or
female, attractive or unattractive, married or unmarried, employed or unemployed. Even strong
individuals can be overpowered.

Definition of Sexual Violence/Assault

Sexual violence violates a person's trust and feeling of safety. It occurs any time a person is forced,
coerced, and/or manipulated into any unwanted sexual activity. The continuum of sexual violence
includes rape, incest, child sexual assault, ritual abuse, date and acquaintance rape, statutory rape,
marital or partner rape, sexual exploitation, sexual contact, sexual harassment, exposure, and
voyeurism.

Rape is a crime. It is motivated by the need to control, humiliate, and harm. It is not motivated by sexual
desire. Rapists use sex as a weapon to dominate others.

Know the Facts on Sexual Assault

Rape is a crime of violence and aggression. NOT A SEXUAL ACT.
Almost all victims are threatened with death or serious bodily injury.

Victims DO NOT provoke the attack. They are generally chosen because they appear vulnerable or
defenseless. Over 90% of all rapes are planned.
Most rapists know their victims. Over half of all rapes occur in the victim's home.
A rape occurs every eight minutes
Intra-family sexual assault or incest is not uncommon.
Rape is a crime against society. It affects everyone who is close to the victim: spouse, children and
friends. It can have a devastating affect on all involved.
Reporting the Sexual Assault
If you are sexually assaulted...
DO NOT wash, douche, or change your clothes.
DO NOT touch the evidence or any struggle or disarray.

DO call the police or go directly to the hospital (Although you are not required to involve the police, this
is the recommended course of action)

A police officer will come and ask you the following questions:
Where the assault took place?
What the suspect looks like?
How the suspect left the scene?
Where there any witnesses to this crime?
If You Have Been Raped
Go to a safe place.
Call the police. Whether or not you choose to prosecute, you may save someone else from being the
next victim.
Do not change your clothes, bathe, douche, or wash away the evidence.
Go to a hospital to be checked and to have injuried treated.

Try to recall as many facts as possible about the attacker and circumstances of the assault. Write down
anything you remember including the attacker's clothes, height, weight, skin color, car, license number,
etc.
Call C.A.P.S.E.A.,Inc. or PCAR (800-692-7445). Services are available regardless of whether or not you
choose to report the incident to the police.
A Sexual Assault Counselor will provide transportation and accompaniment to the hospital and police
station. The couselor is there to offer support and answer your questions.
Child Sexual Assault
Children are innocent and are so hungry for love, affection, and acceptance that they accept any actions
they view as providing things to them.

If this "affection" comes to a child as bad, the child may not know whether or not to tell, who to tell, or
how to tell. Often the child has been threatened in some way which will prevent the child from tellingeven if the child wants to tell someone.

If you suspect that your child may be the victim of sexual assault or incest, it is important for you to
encourage your child to talk about what may or may not have happened. Discuss the idea of "good
secrets" and "bad secrets" as well as the concept of "good touches" and "bad touches" with your child.
Contact CAPSEA, Inc. for help and further information.

Helpful Pointers in Talking to your Child about Sexual Assault

Try to remain calm
Children usually do not lie about sexual assault
Find out your child's name for his or her different body parts.
Let your child tell their story in their own words.
Talk to our child in a room where they are very comfortable.
Let your child know you believe them and are glad they talked with you.
Indicators that Sexual Abuse May be Occurring to your Child
Sudden academic difficulties

Depression, crying
Withdrawal, few friends
Regression: child may return to earlier forms of behavior whenever under stress. Examples: Bedwetting, thumb sucking, excessive clinging behavior
Increased irritability and hostility
Fears: Child might report new fears, experience frightening nightmares, fearful of going into a particular
place, etc.
Self-destructive behavior, drug & alcohol abuse, runaway behavior
Seductive behaviors, promiscuity
Excessive sexual interest
Physical Signs of Sexual Assault
Unexplained bruises or cuts
Swelling of the genitals, buttocks or inner thighs
Recurrent bladder or vaginal infections
Torn, stained or bloody underclothing
Aftermath of Sexual Assault
Aside from the obvious physical ailments resulting from rape and abuse, pain can take silent or hidden
forms often resulting in depression or self-injury. Another effect of rape can be post traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD).

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

1. Physical Symptoms:
Hyper vigilance
Exaggerated startle response
Difficultly sleeping
Difficulty with concentration or memory

Mood irritability-especially anger and depression

2. Intrusive Symptoms:
Recurring distressing recollections (thoughts, memories, flashbacks, dreams, and nightmares).
Physical or psychological distress at an event that symbolizes the trauma.
Grief or survivor guilt.
3. Avoidant Symptoms:
Avoiding specific thoughts, feelings, activities, or situation
Diminished interest in significant activities
Restricted range of emotions (numbness)
4. Depression

5. Self Injury
Male Abuse
Approximately one in six boys is sexually abused before age 16.

If you lived in medieval France and you were physically abuse by your wife, you were forced to wear a
dress and ride on a donkey backwards through the town. Can you imagine the shame and
embarrassment of having to do that? It is similar to the shame that abused men are faced with today.
But there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

There are many reasons that men do not report abuse. Here are a few of the more common ones:

Less men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women.
Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of
bruises and other signs of injury from a man.
Our justice system sometimes takes the word of the woman above the word of the man. It is just more
believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman.

Men will tolerate more pain than women. They are more likely to "grin and bear it." And again, many
are ashamed to seek medical help.
Unless a woman uses a weapon (and many do), a woman usually does not have the strength of a man.
Men often use the same excuses as a woman does for staying with a loved one that abuses them. "It'll
stop when, they are better adjusted...her job is not so frustrating...when the children get more
responsible...etc...etc...etc." THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BEING ABUSED!!!