Marriage!!!

Marriage a tradition that every country follows they have their own ways and
rules for this ceremony.
In India where I belong, since earlier times it is the ceremony where parents choose
the partners for their children who have crossed 18 years to spend their whole life
with. Parents see the status, family background and financial position of the guy or
the girl and then select the most suitable out of them along with their childrens
approval. These are called arranged marriages; parents arrange everything for the
marriage of their child.
Lovesomething that is immortal, a feeling that no one knows why happens and
why people who are in love cant stay apart and want to spend their whole life with
each other. With increase in freedom and girls and boys studying together in same
school and college, there has been an increase in the cases of love and love
marriages. It is not that in earlier times people never fell in love before marriage,
love has always been there but at that time they never had that courage to go
against their parents and society. Now, there are laws to protect people in love and
allow them to marry. Also, these days girls and boys are more financially stable and
they dont have to depend on their parents. So now people in love have the
courage to go against their family and society and marry the person they want to
spend their life with. Parents have also become broad minded and are accepting
love marriages today.. but not every parent!!
Parents think as compared to arrange marriages, love marriages break very easily,
to a point its true also and to a point its not true also. There are cases where love
marriages have been successful and there are cases where arrange marriages are
not a success.
I am here not to say whether love marriage is a success or arrange marriage. I just
wanna share what I feel about why marriages fail whether its love or arrange.
When we take a case of arranged marriage parents are older to us and are
experienced so we respect their decision that they will take best decisions. But
when it comes to marriage what they see is the family background, financial status
and all but what they dont see is the compatibility of both the people who has to
stay together, whether their thinking matches or not. It is said and seen that
marriages are successful because of some adjustments and compromises that the
husband wife make because of each other, and thats true also whether its love or
arrange. In arrange marriage the husband wife know that they have to compromise
in order to make it a success and parents also support them and help them with
their experience and love in starting a new life. Therefore in most of the cases
arrange marriages are a success. But.

Today the youth are so independent, and have been living a life with freedom and a
personal space, when they marry they dont want compromises and any
interference in their personal space. A girl is also given the same freedom before
she marries and after marriage she starts expecting more or less the same freedom.
If their thinking dont match, and nobody is ready to adjust, quarrels start and their
egos take these quarrels upto divorce which are also being very popular these days.
I have seen many cases in my neighborhood that the girl after marriage when she
comes to husbands house, she is expected to be a very good housewife, no matter
if she hasnt worked in kitchen at her own home. She is expected to be a good
homemaker and if she works then handle both the household and her career or she
is made to choose to be a homemaker. The girl, to live a happy married life starts
adjusting to this family. If she adjusts its good but if she doesnt and chooses her
career, then quarrels in family start. Actually the problem that I think is that when
the guy gets married he starts expecting his wife to be more or less similar to his
mom in household works and the girl who doesnt know anybody more than her
husband wants him to support her everywhere, which he thinks that she wants her
to go against his family. In arrange marriages when the girl is sent to her in laws I
have heard most of the time her parents saying beta, adjust kar lena thoda bahut
to karna padta hai, and I have also seen that when these girls do some mistakes or
argue with her in laws, the husband starts abusing her whether its physical or
mental. I have also seen in laws saying beta abhi se control kar k rakha karo isko.
The girl doesnt say anything but when the abuse goes over her then she tells it to
her family or others and then we see that arrange marriages are also not successful
but its hid from society to not get a bad name of their family.
Its not that always its the husbands fault, there are girls also who dont want her
husband to be with his family, she wants him to leave his parents and think only
about their future. So there are husbands also who compromise for a peaceful
family.
In all these cases of arrange marriage, parents are always there to support their
children and there are more compromises and adjustments by husband and wife.
Now when we see the cases of love marriages, the guy and the girl select their lifepartners for themselves. Some parents accept it but some dont because its against
their egos. Or it may be that they have seen love marriages fail so they dont want
their children to go for love marriages. In love marriages what the guy and the girl
see is only the husband and wife and they dont realize that marriage is not just
between girl and boy, its between two families. If they marry very early and without
realizing the responsibilities that come after marriage, it fails. They have always
remain independent since their school and college and after marriage also they
want the same freedom, what they dont think is that after marriage they are no
more two people, they are one, now its their family they have to go on with
.TOGETHER. Before marriage, the guy was living on his parents money, was on

his own and had no responsibilities. Also the girls all the needs were fulfilled by her
parents, but after marriage the responsibilities come which the girl and the boy had
not thought of much. Also the parents dont support them emotionally because they
think that their children have gone against their wishes and the husband wife are on
their own, which results in quarrel and failure of the marriage. In love marriages if
parents would have been in support of the kids and accept their marriage then it
could be a success, they are experienced and they know how to handle certain
situations which their children would face. Also if the husband and wife could have
made some compromises which they mostly dont do these days (because of their
ego and freedom they have been living with), they could have managed some
differences or arguments that come after marriage.
I am not married so I dont know exactly what problems are faced after marriage
but what I have seen in my family and neighborhood that after arrange marriages
the girl has to completely leave her family she has been living with since years and
adjust to a new family which takes time and also she cannot completely leave her
own parents where she belonged and who have given her the identity she is now. If
the new family gives her time for adjustments and treat her as a daughter then
definitely the family would be happy because a girl wants love and her family
becomes her world after she gets married. The guy also faces problems in adjusting
with a new partner as till now he was living alone and his mom was taking all care
of him but now he has to be responsible for two people, so there should be
understanding and adjustments between them to stay happily and lovingly.
In love marriages also the guy and the girl may have chosen the partners on their
own but problems they face after marriage is same as people face after arrange
marriage but there parents support and here in love marriages parents dont
because they are thinking about the society. Parents think that their children have
brought a bad name to the family in society. But is it the main reason, I think NO,
parents dont accept love marriages because its against their ego. They can allow
their children to study with their own preferences but when it comes to marriage
they cant allow them to select their own partners.