The FEBO* Trip

(F*** Everything Bug-Out)

Margaret Franklin

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Beep... beep....beep... went the instant teller machine as I started to walk away from it. Oh no!
Don't tell me I've forgotten something. I muttered.
Do you need more time? the words flickered on the screen. I pushed the No button and retrieved
my card, which I otherwise would have forgotten. Bear with me, there's been a death in the family. I
said to the man waiting behind me as I fumbled with getting my card back into my wallet. I'd forget my
head if it wasn't attached.
The instant teller probably wasn't the only thing to have made a slow beeping sound that morning.
I was feeling hungry but I didn't want to stop. I did what I had to; walked all the way downtown, took
money out of the bank and just turned around and went home, listening to CBC radio the whole way
there and back.
It was a program about lawyers and mental health. Did you know that of all professions, lawyers have
the fourth highest suicide rate. Mainly because they're supposed to be stoic and not show any emotion
even though they are constantly exposed to highly emotional situations.
I had my money and that was that. I'd taken out $140 and only had $19 left in my account. At least I
remembered that I still had just over $100 left of my American money left over from my last carousel
convention.
Little did I know the night before that, the day after this one, I'd be taking off on an emergency Niagara
trip and definitely not under the most pleasant circumstances.
I was still sound asleep the first time Janette had phoned and Dave wasn't home to answer because
he was at his leg appointment.
I forgot who phoned who when I finally got in touch with Janette. Everything just felt surreal. Her dad
had just passed away at 7:30 that morning. She and her brother, Michael, both left the workplace
together and stopped in Ajax to pick up his wife, Margaret. They had to go to Millbrook to make
arrangements at the funeral home.
Janette proposed the idea of us taking off for Niagara tomorrow. Her brother would drop her off at my
place and we'd spend the night here.
It was a strange day. I brought my suitcase out of the garage but hadn't packed it yet. I had no idea
how long we were going for or what to bring. I spent most of the day working on my embroidery while I
listened to Boy George and then watched a couple episodes of Ugly Betty.
I put a St. Hubert's chicken pie in the oven when Janette phoned to let me know when she was
arriving. I figured if she was still hungry when she got here I could always heat up the rest.
She arrived shortly after 8:00. Both of use have been feeling strange like everything has been going in
slow motion.
We made our hotel reservations shortly after she arrived. We looked up the Clifton Hill Comfort Inn on
the computer, I made the phone call and she handed me her credit card. Just as I was about to give
the receptionist the number, the damned smoke detector started blipping so I had to drop everything
and grab the broom to un-beep it. When I sat back down, we had a moment of panic because as a
result of this distraction I misplaced the credit card. Can I call you back?

Sure enough, the moment I hung up the phone I found the card right next to my mouse! So I hit redial
to compete the transaction.
Later that evening, Janette was on the phone with her friend Cathy and her cell phone started to beep
because it was losing battery power. She fumbled frantically for the recharger and erupted into the
worst meltdown I've ever actually seen her have in person, violently flailing from side to side as she
spilled everything out of her bag onto the floor. She finally did find her recharger in another bag in the
bedroom so she could plug it in and continue her conversation in the bathroom but both Dave and I
were really scared. I was terrified that we might have to cancel our trip and book her into the hospital.
When she'd been having her meltdown we were scared she was going to totally lose control and trash
the place.
While she was on the phone in the bathroom I managed to pick up everything that had been thrown on
the floor. Including Mama Apple. It would have been the end of the world if Janette's favorite iPod had
gotten stepped on.
I thought I'd never get to sleep last night. The first time I finally started to drift off I bit my tongue!
FUCK! I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS! It makes me wish I could RIP IT OUT and STUFF IT INTO A
GLASS overnight! At least Janette got to sleep but she kept suddenly twitching.
I gave up trying to sleep at around 2 am. I was feeling hungry so I had a bowl of cereal with sliced
banana and four Tim-Bits. I went on the computer for about an hour. I was there looking at carousel
pictures on DeviantArt until my computer froze up and refused to cooperate anymore.
Janette woke up before I did this morning. She had already eaten so I made coffee for us and had a
bowl of cereal. We were running late but that was okay. At least we'd miss the rush hour crowd. I
packed a bunch of my last-minute items and made sammiches for the journey; Swiss cheese and
chicken slices, along with a few pickles.
We caught the 403 Park bus and took a rather scenic route to the GO Station. Along the way, I
showed her where Kerry's Place and my husband's work place were.
We arrived there in plenty of tie to catch the next train and Janette had time to get some money from
the ATM.
The Go train journey seemed to flow along quietly enough. We found our way around Union Station
easily enough and made a bathroom stop and then we found our way outside and hopped into a cab
to take us to the bus terminal.
As the cab neared the Eaton Centre, there was a street musician playing the drums. I Hear Drums,
With My Ear Drums. I sang.
We had roughly an hour until the next bus so I went downstairs to the magazine store but,
unfortunately, there were no Archie comics.
Soon it was time to get on the bus. We both gave a groan when we saw that there would be a baby on
board. They got on first so we hightailed it to the back of the bus to be as far away from the repulsive
little vermin as possible.
As the bus pulled out of the station, I flipped through my list on my MP3 player and seemed to find the
most appropriate, comforting thing at the moment to be the music of the Bay City Rollers.

8:41 pm
Gordon Bennet!! It feels so much later than it is!
We arrived at the hotel at around 4:00 and just flopped down on our beds for a jolly good rest. It has
been so nice and peaceful in this room and these beds are so comfortable. It was just so nice to veg
out for awhile and enjoy the peace and quiet for the next hour, so glad we finally made it here.
We finally left our room and headed down to Kelsey's for supper at around 5:00. We just felt so
peaceful and mellow as we enjoyed the view of Clifton Hill and the colourful music that was playing.
Waddle and Dotty just had to get up and dance. The menu had changed since the last time we were
here. Janette ordered the tomato basil penne and I had some kind of burger with a fancy Spanish
name. I forget what it was called but it had bacon and avocado and I was able to request it on a
pretzel bun. It came with fries, of course, which I had with mayonnaise, the real Dutch way.
It's a good thing we had an early supper because just as we were leaving, a family with a baaaybee
had to arrive right across from us!
We then drifted along from gift shop to gift shop. In the convenience store Janette bought me one of
those purple I <3 Niagara T-shirts that I'd been wanting and we stocked up on a few goodies. I've had
a craving for Twizzlers and those sour cream and onion rings. Haven't been able to find the latter
anywhere. And I've been on the lookout for more patches to add to my collection. So far every store I'd
been to only has Canadian flags or maple leaves. I want patches that specifically say Niagara Falls.
We made our way up one side of the street and down the other, disappointed to discover that the drug
store was no longer a drug store but a more uber gift shop. They didn't even have magazines
anymore, just clothing and sports merchandise. I was noticing a row of teddy bears with hockey logos
on the bottom shelf but none of them had Boston Bruins logos or I might have bought one for Dave.
We soon found ourselves at the Sky Wheel. It looks so magical all lit up at night.

This was the first time I'd ever ridden it at night and I enjoyed seeing all the colourful lights everywhere
along with Clifton Hill and the illuminated Falls as well as a building on the States side that lit up I all
kinds of brilliant colours. After the commentary played over the speakers, the music began. It was an
instrumental version of the Beatles In My Life which I knew all the words to and sang along.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui2u9XIqD9Q

I guess I got my Karaoke fix after all in the most unlikely place. It seemed a fitting tribute to Janette's
dad and an anthem to our survival, as if it had been specifically chosen just for us.
When that song ended, a beautiful piece of classical music began. We've heard it before but don't
know what it's called or who composed it. I will ask about it when I post the video on YouTube.
When our ride was over we continued along down Clifton Hill. The Fudge Factory was closed but at
least we knew it would be open in the morning. We found ourselves at the arcade where we tried our
luck at the claw game until we gave up in frustration. Or at least I did. I couldn't even get it to grab a
piece of candy. I think the smaller claw is supposed to keep going until you get something but I didn't
have the patience. I was getting sensory overload and becoming anxious to leave.
We made our way to the big gift shop on the corner where I finally found a small, oval patch with a
picture of the Falls. Still no sour cream and onion rings but I did buy a couple bags of pork rinds. I
don't have these very often.
It felt later than it really was and we found ourselves gearing down. The walk back to the hotel didn't
seem to take as long as it did last time we were here together for Janette's birthday last year. In fact,
compared to the brutally cold weather we ad last year, this has been a tropical heat wave!! I didn't
even bother with boots today and I probably would have roasted if I'd worn my green coat instead of
my Technicolour Dream Coat with all its patches.
Once back in the hotel we flopped down on our beds and rested for awhile. My feet ached so I was
mighty glad of a darned good soak in the bathtub. Go figure. This has literally been my first bath of
2015. Up until tonight all I've had is showers. I've been trying to get myself used to pretending I don't
have a tub because there are NONE at the place we're staying for this year's carousel convention.
The acoustics in the bathroom were amazing so I enjoyed singing while I was in there.
When I was done we enjoyed some of the goodies we'd bought. I had a few maple cookies and some
Twizzlers before I brushed my teeth. It's so nice to be able to go at our own pace and have a room
with an OLD-FASHIONED phone that has a NORMAL amount of buttons, unlike the technonightmare we had in our New York hotel room. We don't even NEED to use this phone because we
don't have to worry about wake-up calls.
Thursday, January 22nd

I WANT BOY GEORGE'S ROBE!!!!

That has to be the official catch phrase of this tour!
We woke up at roughly around 9:00 am, got dressed and dragged ourselves to the breakfast buffet. At
that moment we wanted coffee more than anything else in the world.
We had waffles for breakfast. Janette went first. This time we remembered the rule about making sure
we sprayed the waffle iron. Or at least Janette did although I had to remind her not to forget the top
one. It was still written on the instruction card in my handwriting from last year's visit in order to save
future guests from further tragedy like I'd had the first time I used it.
We felt kind of dazed and discombobulated as we navigated our way through breakfast. I finished my
waffle and had some scrambled eggs. POWDERED eggs was more like it! They were so dry and
crumbly and there was NO BACON. Neither of us care for sausage patties. I also had a bowl of Froot
Loops. I could barely stand them because they were too sweet but I ate them anyway.

When we were finished eating, Janette was feeling energized and ready to go but I still felt draggy.
She still had to go to the front desk to inquire about Wifi for her iPod Touch so I made my way back to
our room ahead of her.
I arrived just as our room was being cleaned and met Sherry, our housekeeper. We chatted as se
cleaned and vacuumed and I brushed my hair and teeth. Janette arrived moments later.
After Sherry left our room, Janette was feeling weary again so we vegged out for awhile. I plugged in
my Angry Bird speaker to listen to some Boy George in our room but the three consecutive songs
were all kind of melancholy.
I worked on some embroidery and we left at around 11:00.
Our original plan was to visit the Bird Aviary first, have lunch at the Secret Garden and then visit the
Upside-Down House, but we were feeling so draggy we decided that we would just skip the Bird
Aviary and have an early lunch at the Secret Garden.
We stopped at the Fudge Factory where Janette bought herself a pecan butter-tart and an adorable
pastel bunny-rabbit which she named Faith. I was tempted by the Kermit the Frogs but stuck with a
small jar of candy shaped like R2D2 for Dave and an M&M's brownie to eat later.
We made our way to the Secret Garden only to be disappointed that the restaurant was closed.
At least there were many interesting things at the gift shop and I bought myself a couple more
patches.
At first Janette suggested Ruby Tuesday's for lunch but we didn't feel like walking that far so we were
glad to discover that the Hard Rock Cafe was just across the street. We entered through the gift shop
and up a huge flight of stairs. The nice thing about so many stairs is that it is highly unlikely that
anyone would be crazy enough to bring a baby carriage up all of them!
We were delighted to discover that we were practically the only customers in the entire place. It didn't
take long to decide what we wanted to order for lunch. Janette had the salmon and I had the honeycitrus chicken salad.
While we waited for our food, we got out of our seats and darted around all over the place taking
pictures of everything.

There was beautiful art and stained glass windows and an amazing collection of guitars everywhere
including one autographed by Ace Frehley!

But the thing that impressed me most was a beautiful teal Oriental silk robe that used to belong to
BOY GEORGE, displayed along with a platinum single award for Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?

It was so beautiful and luxurious looking and the fact that it used to belong to Boy George made me
wish I could even pay to try it on for just tow minutes! I got Janette to take a video of me pretending to
make a huge fuss. I WANT BOY GEORGE'S ROBE! I shrieked in a voice similar to Miss Piggy and
stomped my feet; WAAAAA!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0vU5Z3Aarw
Wouldn't it be a corker if this went viral on YouTube and several drag queens in purple wigs and fat
suits started parodying me! I have been laughing about this all day. I believe the original robe can be
seen in this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFVuuRxM2VU

We enjoyed our meals and apple cobbler with ice cream for dessert.
On our way out we stopped at the gift shop where we bought a few souvenirs. Janette bought herself
a guitar-shaped fridge magnet with the Falls in the background and a glittery pink guitar key ring. I
bought a KISS pin, a cool set of earrings and a KISS T-shirt. Right, as if I need any more. I bet I have
a KISS T-shirt for every day of the week by now. I also bought a Hard Rock Cafe patch of the British
Flag in the background. My purchases cost me just over $80 which I had to charge on my VISA card
since I wouldn't have enough cash. Sop much for New Year's Resolutions. Two down one more to go.
The one about not swearing was the first to get broken. Biting my tongue and being frightened by loud
noises are definitely F-bomb triggers. When I originally made the rule about not buying anything else
on my VISA until after it was paid off, the only extenuating circumstance at the time would have been if
Culture Club rescheduled their next tour.
They were supposed to play in November but they had to be canceled because Boy George had
polyps in his throat and needed surgery. I sincerely hope he's feeling better soon. ((((HUGS)))) <3
I believe our next stop was the Hershey outlet. I was tempted by a bright orange tie-dye shirt with the
Reese's logo. It is here where we buy our traditional cupcakes. We each chose four. Mine are York
Peppermint Patty, S'mores, Peanut Butter Cup and Vanilla Caramel. Red Velvet looked tempting but
after my experience in New York I don't trust anything that may contain beets. I had t open the box
later this evening to refresh my emory as I couldn't remember if I'd bought vanilla caramel or
Chocolate Lovers. I ended up eating it right away because it needed rescuing! It had fallen and all the
frosting stuck to the inside of the box.
Anyway, we found ourselves in another gift shop just a few doors down. I think we were here last night
but until that moment hadn't seen those beautiful crystal decorations that were glistening in the
window, hanging from revolving displays. There was a glittering assortment of different animals and
things including a train, Cinderella coach, a pineapple, etc. I chose a Pegasus and Janette chose an
apple. We had a lovely chat with the cashier who mentioned that she has a friend who also likes
ladybirds. I got to tell her about my patches and all the carousels I've visited.
We made our way backup along Clifton Hill and found ourselves in yet another gift shop, one we've
been to many times before but which wasn't open yesterday. There was a selection of personalized
key-chains including one that said Margaret! You almost NEVER see things with MY name on them
anymore! This one was turquoise which was nice enough but I was hoping to find one in purple. None
of these were in alphabetical order so I figured they were probably just clearing out whatever was left
over. I chose my turquoise key-chain and a Grumpy Cat hand puppet. It was the only one left. But not
the only Grumpy Cat plushie. There was a whole selection of Grumpy Cats in various shapes and
sizes as well as Grumpy Cat stickers, but I stuck with my puppet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KCVHJJj9Vo
Janette bought a Grumpy Cat sticker for Michael and Margaret. I also bought a Kit-Kat bar for later.
We eventually made our way to the Upside-Down House, but to our disappointment, the place was
closed AGAIN!!! It seems like we're FATED never to get there. We asked the lady at the Crystal Caves
Mirror Maze if she knew and she said it would likely be open on the weekend. Some attractions this
time of year are open on various weekdays, yadyayadayada...Just as well, we were starting to feel
tired and cranky and starting to lose spoons so to speak. We didn't mind going back to the hotel
room to veg out for awhile.
We rested for about an hour before heading down the hall and having supper at Kelsey's again. The
mushroom ravioli sounded good but we both wanted to share some appetizers so we had the apple

butter barbecue chicken wings and the wonton nachos.

After supper we were content to just go back to our room for the evening. Janette had a bath and I
worked on my embroidery. I finished the penultimate panel on my Aboriginal Quilt and started the last
one.

Janette phoned Paul to let him know she was okay and then Mark but all she got was the answering
machine. She also phoned Michael but he wasn't home yet so she talked briefly with Margaret. I
prayed silently that there would be no drama with the phone. That was one of her major meltdown
triggers.
I thought of phoning my husband and playing a really mean prank. Hello! Dave! We're in JAIL! and I
had cooked up a story about how we were at a bar and we got into a fight with these obnoxious guys
who were harassing us about being lesbians. We're not, but is it really such a BAD thing? Some of the
coolest, most intelligent, creative and talented people we know are LGBTQ!
Anyway, here we are just gearing down for the evening. This last hour has just flown by. I'm either
going to do some more embroidery or have another bath. I haven't decided yet.
P.S We also went to Sugar Mountain this afternoon where I bought some chocolate rocks and a box of
Lucky Elephant popcorn and I got Dave two little tins of candy shaped like Darth Vader and
Stormtrooper heads. Also while we were resting this evening I designed another carousel horse using
the racing car stickers that were in my box of Lucky Elephant popcorn and a flourish of colourful
acanthus swirls cut from a brochure about the Bumper Cars.

DAVE, WE'RE IN JAIL

Friday, January, 23rd
I thought I would never get to sleep last night. It wasn't until at least well after 2 am.
At the time I thought that the events that had unfolded the rest of the evening would make a good
story to send to CBC's Vinyl Cafe Story Exchange. I felt better once I could imagine Stuart McLean
reading the following letter which I wrote in front of our hotel window by the light of the Sky Wheel.
I wrote:
Dear Stuart,
I don't know how bullies do it! I play one stupid little practical joke and I feel like the Worst
Person Who Ever Lived.
Let me backtrack for a moment;
On the morning of Tuesday, January 20th, my best friend's dad passed away. He was scheduled
to be cremated that day but the memorial service wasn't going to be until well into the
springtime.
Meanwhile, Janette had the rest of the week off and an overwhelming desire to escape so she
proposed that the two of us take off to Niagara Falls.
It has been a surreal and bittersweet journey to say the least, full of its share of highlights,
one of which was seeing Boy George's robe on display when we had lunch at Hard Rock Cafe.
That afternoon when we arrived back at our hotel room to let her landlord, her brother and her
boyfriend know that she was okay. I held off on talking to my husband just yet. But I had a
totally twisted, wicked idea. Imagine if I told him we were in jail.
The more I thought of it the wilder and juicier my story became. It was a brilliant idea in theory
but when I did call all I got was the answering machine. So I proceeded to tell my tail anyway.
Dave, I'm in jail! I began and I explained that I had smashed a chair over a guy's head and that
he was unconscious and probably wouldn't make it through the night. I barely begun to tell my
tale when the answering machine cut me off. So I called back and continued. I told Dave that
Janette and I were at Margaritaville and these two guys at the next table were bugging us and
making rude comments about us being lesbians. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But
the one guy lunged at me and grabbed my breasts and said Now I'm going to make you a REAL
woman!! So I stood up and smashed my chair over his head and----BAZINGA!!! Only kidding,
dear! I hope I didn't give you a heart attack. Janette and I roared with laughter like a couple
of sixth graders as we hung up the phone.

Unfortunately, only moments later, a pang of immense guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. Given the
circumstances of our departure and the emotional state we've been in, one wouldn't put it past
us to open a can of whoop-ass like that for real! Especially when I realized that it was already
past 11:00 pm and if my husband were on day shift he'd already be sound asleep and not receive
this message until morning, which meant he'd be getting up at around 4:30 am.
I phoned once more, leaving a message to apologize but there was no way I could get to sleep.
We should leave the ringer on so he can call me when he gets this message. I said to Janette
since it was her cell phone. I do not have a phone of my own.
So I called one more time to apologize.
This time he actually answered, much to my surprise and relief. I told him I felt like the worst
person who ever lived. All was forgiven and we had a good laugh about the situation.
Sincerely,
Margaret Franklin,
Oshawa, Ontario
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4VM2zomGIc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4VM2zomGIc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Rj_Uk-vuO8
I finally did manage to sleep much better than I thought I would and this morning Janette and I decided
we would enjoy a leisurely brunch at iHop.
Until now the only iHops I knew of were in the States. In fact the first time I'd eaten at one was in 2013
when I was in Kansas for my penultimate carousel convention.
We had to take an elevator to the third floor of the building, above an arcade and Pirate Golf. Our
hearts gave a groan when we saw at least three or four families with small children. We sat ourselves
as far away from them as possible. The waitress wanted us to sit closer so she wouldn't have to walk
as far but we explained our sensory issues and kept our devices and ear-buds close at hands. You
never know what kids under three will suddenly cry about.
After we ate, we made our way down Clifton Hill and along Falls Avenue down to the Bird Kingdom. It
was overcast and much colder than it was yesterday. It was nice to see all the birds and animals, but
we found ourselves feeling draggy and having to rest often. Two pregnant women with a baby and a
toddler seemed to keep loitering ahead of us and we found ourselves witing for them to go ahead.
The birds were pretty noisy and I had fun at first interacting with them. Unfortunately, one cockatoo in
particular seemed to have picked up a very annoying habit. I think that damned bird has learned to
imitate screaming babies!!! Ay Carumba!! Somebody give that ornery buzzard a nice hot bath-- and
throw in some carrots and onions!!!! You may want to hit your MUTE button before watching this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjD6m4nXQB8

One of the keepers brought out a tarantula for Janette to get a clear look at and we got some amazing
pictures.

I took some footage of the bats flying around in the bat cave.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IX9OIDXC77U
We enjoyed the small bird aviary. We found ourselves losing spoons, however, when we were in the
large bird aviary and the two pregnant women with the baby and the toddler seemed to keep cutting
us off everywhere. Janette tried to get away from them by running ahead but there was only one way
out so I flagged her to brave back past them so they could go ahead while we waited for them to
leave.
We ducked into the Javanese Tea House. That place is supposed to have snacks, but like the UpsideDown House, we've NEVER seen it open. Still, it was a good place to rest and admire the intricately
carved acanthus all over the walls.

We've noticed acanthuses everywhere on this trip! Even the tiles in the washroom. I took a picture of
one of those. I'd like to embroider that on something one of these days.
I was feeling so drained and frazzled today I didn't even feel like feeding the rainbow lorikeets like I
usually do when we're here. Two dollars will buy you a cup of nectar and the birds will land all over you
for a sip of it. It's all fun and games until you've got bird poop running down your face. And frankly,
today I just wasn't in the mood for that.

As we made our way to the gift shop, that same bunch of people were taking their annoying sweet
time at the checkout counter.
I didn't see anything in the gift shop that I was tempted to buy, but when they appeared to be gone I
treated us to ice cream. Janette had a chocolate Klondike cone and I had the Magnum Gold bar. At
this point, they were taking forever in the coat check room and shortly after we sat down, they paraded
past us, inching along at a pace that would have made the average snail look like Speedy Gonzales,
and of course they HAD to make sure we heard their conversation, complete with words like
pregnancy and miscarriage. UGH!! BREEDERS!!! Can't they talk about ANYTHING else! It's like
once they've decided to procreate they've joined some kind of stupid CULT and all they can talk about
is BABIES!!! And the sad part is they feel sorry for US because they think WE don't have a life.
Frankly, compared to them, I think WE'VE got it MADE!!! No screaming little buggers with shitty
diapers demanding all our time and energy! We could NOT do it!! We'd just end up killing the little
buggers! We can barely take care of OURSELVES!!!!
We seemed to be going in slow motion as we wearily dragged ourselves back up Clifton Hill. We had a
look at the gift shop next to Tim Horton's before we retreated to the sanctuary of our room for the next
couple hours. I ate the brownie I'd bought yesterday at the Fudge Factory and Janette had her buttertart. I finished off the rest of my Lucky Elephant popcorn and my other bag of pork rinds. We felt like
we could just eat and eat. Janette dozed off for awhile.
Shortly after 4:00 we headed back to Kelsey's for supper. We were going to sit at our usual table but
once again had to share the premises with ANOTHER FAMBLY with a BAYBEE!! So we hightailed it
as far away fro them as possible. We try to eat early to avoid this sort of thing.
I had been wanting to try the mushroom ravioli and Janette wanted the tomato penne again. We were
concerned about the lack of protein so we shared the Thai popcorn shrimp as an appetizer.
After supper we came back to the room and listened to Enya while we rested and I did some
embroidery. Janette phoned Paul and asked him if he could buy her a loaf of bread. For the past 20
minutes of so there have been these noisy people catting around in the hallway. I think I'm going to
have to call the front desk to complain about the noise. I'm afraid if I talk to them myself things could
get ugly.

ALL HELL HAS OFFICIALLY BROKEN LOOSE

9:26 pm
Janette is on her way to the hospital in St. Catharines. I'll be okay here holding fort while she gets the
help she needs. No use trying to talk to her brother. When I tried to tell him what happened he went
absolutely apeshit!
The noise was so bad next door we had to change rooms. I was so angry that I threw mu cupcakes at
the door and Janette has snapped and had the worst meltdown I've EVER seen. She was waving a
cloth bag at me and screaming at me to rip it. I thought it was my cloth embroidery bag. She was so
hysterical that I was so scared that I panicked and slapped her and bent the arm of her glasses in the
process. Things have been so bad we pretty much had the ARMY in here! I called 9-11 but the line
was busy, of course. So I called the front desk. We've had security guards, police and assorted
personnel here. I'm going to be okay here by myself. I have peace of mind knowing that Janette is
finally getting the help she needs. I don't want her killing herself. One funeral in the family is bad
enough. Three if you count me. I'm not surprised if her brother wants to kill me. Better he yell at me
than her anyway. I'll gladly take a bullet for her. I think I'm burnt out from having to be strong for both of

us.
I wouldn't be surprised if this ends up being our last Niagara Trip. She's not ready to go back to work.
To be honest I was terrified thinking about anything happening to her during the journey home.
I'm just relieved that she's getting the care she needs. I've been feeling like I'm the only person she
has left and I've been hanging by a thread myself because of all this.

FIREWORKS
10:07pm
I just got off the phone with Lorraine as I started hearing loud banging noises. At first I thought Oh no!
Not again! I thought people next door were throwing furniture.
So I opened the door to the balcony to see if I could figure out where the noise was coming from and I
could not believe my eyes! FIREWORKS!!! I had forgotten that Niagara has fireworks on a Friday
night and I certainly didn't expect there to be any in the WINTER!! I grabbed my camera and filmed the
whole performance. I didn't care that it was cold outside. I had no coat on and my bare feet were
freezing on the cold concrete. It felt like a sign. Janette has to see this. If I'd gone with her to the
hospital I wouldn't have been able to record this for her. Everything has GOT to get better. The
fireworks were an unexpected bonus, a delightful serendipity. God is looking after both of us. Janette
is getting the care she needs while I hold fort and recharge.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEGQeTvO69M
We're going to be all right.
I'm going to see what's on TV
1:25 pm
This has been the worst evening of my life. At least I know they've got her feeling better and she'll be
back soon but I still don't know when. I watched a bit of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives but I couldn't
enjoy it. I can't tell if I'm hungry or nauseous. I ate three maple cookies and a couple chips but
everything just tastes like shit. At least I had a good chat with Cathy.
When I got off the phone with her I found a note under the door saying that the hospital was trying to
reach me and to call back immediately. I kept trying for about an hour and all I kept getting were busy
signals. What kind of rinky-dink establishment is this? I wondered. Whoever heard of busy signals at
a hospital? Don't they usually have a more sophisticated system? I called the front desk and was
informed that I'm supposed to dial 9 first before making any outgoing calls. Of course, THIS time
when I called I got a message saying that the number was not in service. I tried TWICE! WTF???!!!!
So I called the front desk again. They had given me the WRONG number!! It was 378, NOT 358!!
Argh! The stupidity of people!
I was relieved when I finally got through. They said she was feeling better and she'd be coming back
sometime later tonight or tomorrow morning. I don't know yet. Uncertainty has been my lot in life these
days, go figure.
I am exhausted. I feel like I've been through a WAR! In fact I Have been through a war! I've been
fighting on the front lines and I can't take it anymore. I took a bullet for Janette when I tried to talk to
Michael. I've been sitting on a ticking time bomb all week. I was terrified enough on Tuesday night.
Cathy was terrified and Dave was terrified. He doesn't want me bringing her back to our place. For the
last four years she's had medication and counseling but I'm afraid she's gotten worse and worse
instead of better. And she's obviously SO NOT ready to go back to work.

I wish there could be a happy ending to this story. I feel burnt out. I feel...so..fucking..burnt..out!!
Saturday, January 24th
Janette arrived back here shortly after 2am. I was surprised to hear her fumbling at the door because
the people at the hospital told me they were going to phone to let me know when her cab was arriving
so I could meet her at the lobby and help her with her bags. Not that she had any anyway.
Last night feels like it wasn't real, like the whole experience was a bad dream. We must have been
totally wiped. I drifted off into an exhausted slumber, the best I've had all week here. It was almost
NOON when we woke up. It would have been too late for the breakfast buffet.
We didn't even bother to get dressed. I pulled on some track pants over my KISS nightshirt and
Janette just put her coat on over her pajamas. We didn't even bother with socks. I had to stop at the
front desk to get another key card because we lost the cards in last night's shuffle.
It didn't help that the guy who helped us carry the luggage to our room last night was totally rubbing
Janette the wrong way. His attitude exacerbated the situation causing things to escalate.
On the way to Tim Horton's we saw THREE baby strollers in a row cross the street.
I didn't know what I wanted so at first I thought I'd just have whatever Janette was having. But I didn't
want chili. I still wanted BREAKFAST food. The problem is, they didn't serve breakfast food at the
moment. So I settled quickly on a grilled cheese sandwich and cream of broccoli soup with coffee and
a chocolate doughnut. The soup and coffee, as well as Janette's chili were WAY TOO HOT so I ran
back to the counter and asked for some ICE!!!
When we finished eating I was in a hurry to leave but Janette was determined to clean up our trays. If
it were up to my hurried state I would have inadvertently made her forget our Tim-Bits.
At least this morning was the most energetic I'd felt in days. It was definitely as though something had
been purged and lifted.
We made our way to the Rock Legends gift shop. Before we even went in I saw two things I wanted; a
KISS solo albums patch and a colourful little mushroom.
And of course I saw even more patches in there. I must have bought at least a dozen or more. They
are as follows: 2 different sized KISS logos, my colourful mushroom, two different Betty Boop patches;
one of her in the famous Marilyn Monroe pose and the other of her in front of a peace sign in colourful
60's attire, the KISS Xerox patch as they call it, the KISS Army crest, Gene's axe bass, a purple
Grateful Dead teddy bear. I can't remember if there were others.

At first I couldn't find the KISS T-shirts but the saleslady took me to them. They were hiding behind a
Def Leppard shirt. Tsk-tsk! KISS belong in a category all by themselves! I finally chose one with sort of
an American flag-postage stamp design. I also chose three different Grumpy Cat buttons and a pair of
Gene Simmons guitar pick earrings. There was a pair of KISS earrings right next to them and I am
kicking myself for not buying them too. As it was I'd spent close to $100 anyway.
And right next door there was a tattoo shop. I don't usually choose flash from the wall display but I
was strongly tempted by a unicorn head with a checkered collar. A unicorn with want-a-tins as we call
it. But I decided not to. A. I didn't want to spend anymore on my VISA card and B. Tattoos literally
make me feel high! I only just got my two-headed clown over two months ago and I was bouncing off
the walls over that. I think that being inked gives me an adrenaline rush. For me being tattooed is even
better than sex! If I had more money than brains I'd probably be COVERED in pictures. Then I could
charge people money to gawk at me; the human art gallery! Four is enough for the time being.
When we returned to the hotel, we pigged out on some of our goodies. I felt like a wood-chipper
grinding down my Twizzlers. We just enjoyed a quiet afternoon here in the room.
We couldn't face the idea of going back out to a restaurant so we came up with the brilliant idea of
ordering Chinese Food to be delivered to our room. I flipped through the phone book but I couldnt find
the New Yorker. Fortunately, they were able to recommend it from the front desk and gave us the
number. When in doubt, dial 2022 has become the next catch phrase of our journey after I Want
Boy George's Robe! WAAAAA!
We ordered the basic dinner for two with chicken balls and it came to our door in about a half an hour.
We enjoyed a good salubrious feast that also contained wings, fried rice, chow mein and egg rolls and
there was lots left over.
The Month Python song I Like Chinese was going through my mind so I hooked up my MP3 player
and played it for us along with a few other Monty Python songs including Eric the Half a Bee and
HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH2P_pVze6s
I was looking for Not Dead Yet but I can't seem to find Spamalot even though I know it's there
somewhere.
We talked to Mark this afternoon and I was telling Janette about that scene. His mom answered when
I was in med sentence of BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!
We've just had a quiet evening. We each had a bath and we're just resting quietly at the moment. I'd
be tempted to spend one more night here but I don't have the rest of my medication.
Janette is SO NOT ready to go back to work. She needs SEVERAL MONTHS off.
Sunday, January 25th,
5:30 am
I still haven't been able to get back to sleep. We've had to pull ANOTHER bug-out because this time
the people ABOVE us were being assholes, stomping around like elephants in wooden shoes! We
called the front desk who sent security but they only seemed to keep getting worse. People have no
respect for authority these days! They just think it's funny and see it as a challenge.
So we called the front desk and relocated to another room AGAIN! At least most of our stuff was
already packed so this bug-out ran more efficiently. The security guard who gave us our cards and

helped us move remembered us from last night and was super nice. I'm glad we didn't get the guy
who helped us move last night. The last thing we need is anymore meltdowns. The new room is
almost identical to our first room, except that the railing in the bathtub runs vertically instead of
diagonally.
I had no idea how handy this little light on my key-chain would be. The other night when I had to write
in the dark, I was writing by the light of the Sky Wheel. At that time the whole thing was lit up. At the
moment all that are lit up are the gondolas ans that doesn't give me enough light to see.
I miss Dave. I miss my computer and I miss my own bed. I hate hotel pillows. They're too squishy and
puffy and they refuse to stay put!
Later that day:
This morning has been hell, hell, hell! I haven't seen so many fucking BABIES in one place since the
last day of the 2006 Geneva Symposium. The breakfast buffet was a ZOO!! We just felt like we
wanted to shove everyone and it felt like we were running out of hands because we were desperate to
just grab something to take back to our room.
At checkout time those repulsive little creatures were everywhere we looked and there were even two
outside when we ran out to wait for our cab.
I paid for our bus tickets home and the next bus to Toronto was there within the next five minutes. We
were grateful that there were no nasty little screamers at the bus terminal or on the bus. We plopped
down in seats across from each other.
At least a dozen more people got on in St. Catharines. It was like a clown car in reverse. They seemed
to keep coming and coming and we hoped nobody wanted to sit next to either of us because we
needed our space and didn't want to move our stuff. I felt like I wished I could deliberately mae a big
fart so that way for sure no one would want to invade our bubble.
As we moved along, Janette showed me the hospital where she'd stayed the other night.
I was glad Mark would be meeting her at Union. I would have been terrified if she had to take that
journey home alone. We were frustrated to discover that in the area near Cinnabon where we usually
meet each other or others, they had gotten rid of the benches!!
I still had to buy my train ticket and I had no choice but to leave Janette on her own because I had to
proceed to the platform immediately.
There was no way I wanted to lug this big suitcase up all those stairs. I needed the elevator.
Unfortunately, so did a family with another damned baby stroller. I braved it because at least the kid
looked to old to be NEEDING a stroller. Unfortunately the fucking elevator got stuck on the second
level and refused to go any further so I ended up having to haul my hulking pink behemoth the rest of
the way up the stairs after all.
The bus trip had gone fast. I had been listening to Vinyl Cafe. It had been a rerun. It was the story
about everyone in Dave's family having the flu and Dave feeling lik a soldier on the front line. That's
how I've been feeling all week.
I was still listening to CBC radio as I rode home on the Go train but I turned off Mary Hinds' Tapestry
when the topic was being introduced. This woman started off by saying that the decision to have a
child is like allowing your heart to run around loose outside your body for the rest of your life. I don't
have and DON'T EVER WANT children but I feel like my heart has been outside my body all week!!

Like it's been battered around like a hockey puck, trampled by elephants, sliced, diced and made into
thousands of julienne fries and pureed to a bloody, smoldering pulp.
I took a cab home from the Go train station. Dave was still home when I arrived. Things have been a
blur. I've been somewhat catatonic, moving in slow motion. The first thing I did was unpack my
suitcase and put all my merchandise back. Then I phoned Lorraine while Dave left to do the grocery
shopping.
I wanted to fix up my hair colour so I decided to kill two birds with one stone by bleaching my roots
while I took a nice, long hot bath, complete with an Archie comic digest I hadn't read yet. I will finish
re-purpling my hair tomorrow.
When I finished my bath all I wanted to do was sleep.
Dave made us tomato soup with Goldfish crackers for supper and we watched The Simpsons. At the
end of the second episode there was this beautiful song by David Bowie; There's a Star Man, waiting
in the sky...
I went into the bathroom to unplug my MP3 player now that it was finished recharging. It had left off at
a Boy George song called My Star. Two songs with star in the title. Cosmic.
Speaking of stars, I wonder if I still have that black plastic star earring I found in the ladies' washroom
at Maple Leaf Gardens the night Janette and I went to see Culture Club in concert way back in 1984.
That was the first concert we'd ever been to together.
I hope she got home safely. I'm sure if anything else had gone wrong she would have told me by now.
I am exhausted. All I want to do for now is sleep.
After I browse through my collection of patches one more time....