Polishing Ourselves to Deserve an Ideal Soul mate

Buddhism teaches that all problems and their solutions come from within our own
lives.Therefore. If we have been experiencing difficulties in finding the ideal soul mate ,
we know that we ourselves are the ultimate sources for the answers on how to succeed
in this goal.
The first thing we can do for our lives is to sculpt ourselves.
Our minimum goal is to make ourselves become lovable. The ultimate goal is to polish
our lives so that we attract ideal candidates like magnets, for all kinds of premium
prospects to entrust us with their hearts.
To reach those goals, before anything else, it is recommended that we launch a daimoku
campaign to elevate our life state and let wisdom emerge. According to the principle of
oneness of life and its environment, unless we lift ourselves from the level where we are
at now, we will always be caught up in the same old troublesome environment and
disturbing occurrences, which reflect our life state perfectly.
A snake mates with a snake while a human being marries another human being. A
person whose basic life condition is in the World of Tranquility would not normally seek a
close relationship with a person whose life state is constantly in the World of Animality or
Hunger.
Regarding our ideal soul mate, we all have terms & conditions in mind. If we are humble
& conservative, we would at least pursue people with a similar quality level as ourselves.
Most of us tend to wish for someone who is or potentially will be loftier than us in
character, ability, achievement or finance. As human beings, it is natural that we adore,
cherish and admire people with higher qualities.
If we want to pursue someone of better traits as our life long companion, the surest way
is to develop ourselves so that we live up to the same or higher criteria than that which
we expect from our soul mate. Thus we wont be going after someone, stretching
ourselves in vain trying to catch the unreachable. In other words, we had better fix &
upgrade our whole being so that we deserve the love of our ideal soulmate. To reach this
goal, human revolution is the 1st key.
In his writing Letter to the Brothers Nichiren Daishonin gives a very vivid explanation of
the close relationship between husband and wife:
When a husband is happy, his wife will be fulfilled. If a husband is a thief, his wife will
become one too. This is not a matter of this life alone. A husband and wife are as close
as a form and shadow, flowers and fruit, or roots and leaves, in every existence of life,
insects eat the trees they live in, and fish drink the water in which they swim. If grasses
wither, orchids grieve, if pine trees flourish, cypresses rejoice.;
WND p.501

In other words, two people stay together, share their lives or experience their combined
karma together but they dont just get together randomly. They are together based on
reasons. Those who have good karma can only share their fortune with people who have
the same fortune to enjoy it. Those who have deep karma will only be together with
someone whose destiny at least part of it, will be equally dark and heavy. A loving and
caring man wont qualify to play the role of a husband in the life of a woman whose karma
is to marry a very abusive man. Instead, he belongs to a woman who has the good karma
of enjoying the sweet love of her man.
Therefore, if we are wise enough, before setting out in search of Mr. Right or Mrs. Right,
we will eradicate bad karma, and create good karma first. In this way, we become
persons of better fortune. It will save us from struggling through much unwanted and
avoidable suffering.
A Young Women's Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer repeatedly from
her vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been played out continuously for a few
years by several young men of a similar type, as if the were in a relay race. Each time the
relationship started, she was so attracted to one of them and would quickly surrender her
heart & body, thus becoming a subordinate to the man. She had offered herself as cheap
game for those men to capture easily. As a result, they did not cherish her but, one after
another, dumped her when the fresh excitement faded.
Obviously, none of them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and
her karma would trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to distinguish
good from bad. She could realize the problem of her karma until she strove to quadruple
her daimoku and kosen rufu activities for a while.
She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice and study with the goal of
eradicating her karma relationship. She also worked staunchly on her human revolution.
In her case, she had to painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new
relationship before it was clear that she had transformed her life.
She has now found her ideal soul mate, an entirely different type of person to whom she
would have noticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him very sweetly to her hearts
content because he gives her in return, even more love & care. However, this only
transpired when she had elevated her life state and changed her perspective towards
men and could thereby recognize and choose this lucky man who suits her so perfectly.
Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart breaking experiences, was indeed
tough to overcome in her quest to eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well
worth all the effort. If she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling and
struggling with the same karma, probably for the rest of her life,
The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely.
We dont want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that person is
available to us. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle thats going to befall us.

Feeling desperately lonely, fearing that there is no chance of finding a better partner or
thinking we dont deserve a good one are no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. Its
better to leave ones heart yearning for love than to fill the aching void without discretion.
Again, we would be much better off if we turned the energy of desperation, fear and
struggle into the fuel to forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more
commendable quality, naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from. Thus, we
can hold our heads high and choose wisely.
Lets look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nichiren Daishonins
eyes:THE HIYOKI IS A BIRD WITH ONE BODY AND TWO HEADS. BOTH OF ITS MOUTHS
NOURISH THE SAME BODY. HIMOKU ARE FISH WITH ONLY ONE EYE EACH, SO
THE MALE AND FEMALE REMAIN TOGETHER FOR LIFE. A HUSBAND AND WIFE
SHOULD BE LIKE THEM.
Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502
The ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very important that with our
partner we inspire and encourage, respect and cherish, motivate and invigorate each
other. We share dreams & hopes, embrace each others beliefs and character, shed tears
together over adversities, and work as two in body but one in mind on mutual goals. Be
sure that both sides are mature, sincere , independent, genuine, positive, caring and
willing to improve & grow.
We dont wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently destructive and
negative & will hinder our happiness. If our prospective partner tends to dominate or
overpower us. Unreasonably and if we are not sure of our ability to joyously
accommodate such a strong personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay
away from them. We have to be on our guard instead and not blindly jump into predictably
doomed and painful relationship.
The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew
the image of our soulmate.
Indeed, superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and
weaknesses fit us perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work to compliment each
other and create value from our partners seemingly negative traits in our eyes.
When the ideals and desires of the two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before
we treat it, as a doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before
we rush to abandon the relationship, theres something we can try. In fact, activating our
wisdom awakens us to the untrue portrait we have painted of our partner. We can also
employ the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism to gain a truthful, vivid and positive image of
the same person.

There are different angles from which we can review our opinion about our partner and
find ways to amend and adjust the differences between both sides.
Are the fundamental problems in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term?
Are they fixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely our
partners fault? Or are they the result of our own deceived mind due to the function of the
three poisons of greed, anger & foolishness? Most importantly of all, do we have the
wisdom to see the reality of the relationship as the manifestation of our own karma, & do
we thus want to take total responsibility? What can we do to help our partner and to turn
around our relationship?
Ever wonder why the same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of
another person? One mans garbage is another mans treasure. That is to say the value
of everything changes, depending on its relationship with the environment and depending
on how we look at it. Does that mean tht we can reformat the pattern of our relationship
without changing partners? Yes!!
Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task to follow through on: Can we
allow our partners the room to live their lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow
fashion of our frame of mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion
and strength, our Buddha Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into medicines?
Will we set out on this new avenue, whatever it takes, with only a positive attitude, and
create nothing but good causes for the relationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and
compassion to understand where our partners are coming from and practice this
Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erase trauma?
The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our relationships is to reflect upon what we
want and be well prepared for it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing
what we have to do to deserve it.