People-Communication

Watching Nonverbal Communication

OVERVIEW

Verbal communication conveys only 7% of a typical message's meaning. The remaining 93% is
transmitted through nonverbal cues. In other words, when your expression says one thing and your
words another, people believe the body language.

Fortunately, for most of us, understanding body language is an innate trait, so learning to use it to your
advantage isn't complicated. When you control your body language, you control not only how well you
work with employees but also how you are perceived in meetings, sales presentations, job interviews and
performance reviews.

"You can say some fairly stupid things, but if your nonverbal language indicates you pay attention to the
other person, they'll let it go," assures Kevin Polk, Ph.D., president of Time Doctors in Maine. In the same
vein, you can be positively brilliant, but if your nonverbal language suggests otherwise, you can be sure
others will underestimate you. It's important to have what you say match the manner in which you say it.

In this Quick-Read you will find:

• Descriptions of common body language signals.

• Tips for recognizing and controlling your "hidden" messages.

SOLUTION

Common body language signals

The minute we wake each morning, our nonverbal detection meters click on, and we begin to watch for
signals that tell us more about people than just their words. Body language encompasses:

• Actions (smiling, standing close to others, pointing, shaking hands).

• Appearance (hairstyle, clothing, posture).

• Voice quality (soft, fast, jerky).

• Environment (office décor, desk arrangement).

Self-awareness is the key to controlling the signals you send through body language. Paying
attention to your own actions and posture will help you begin the process of communicating what you
intend. It will also sensitize you so that you'll recognize more readily the signals that others are sending all
the time.

Here are some examples of ways people typically speak without words:

• "I'm interested." Look someone in the eye up to four seconds (the threshold
where you cross the line into staring), nod during conversations.

• "I'm open to listening to you." Refrain from crossing arms and legs severely,
face the person by turning in at a 45-degree angle, and smile. The oblique stance
 defuses fight or flight instincts by allowing the other person to see around you and view
what's in your hands.

• "I don't believe a word you say." Cross arms directly across the chest, sit at a
squared off, 90-degree angle like a boxer. Be aware this confrontational stance creates
even higher anxiety levels between a boss and subordinate.

• "I'm thinking." Many people roll their eyes up and to the left when thinking
carefully.

• "I'm considering that deeply." This is sometimes indicated by stroking the chin
or (for men) mustache or by taking glasses off and holding them (frames extended) in
your hand.

There are hundreds of other cues that you will begin to recognize as you study people's behavior.
Consider such things as individual office décor or the postures of people you pass in the lobby. Indicators
like these can give you a level of insight into how people feel about themselves and what motivates them.

What's more, noting similar cues in your own behavior will help you recognize when you unintentionally
send the wrong message.

Put particular effort into making sure your nonverbal gestures indicate that you are listening carefully and
that you respect the person who is speaking. A good role model for this is former President Bill Clinton: in
conversations, his body language implies the other person's opinion ranks high. Mastering these "I care"
signals is a critical first step toward mastering effective verbal and nonverbal communication.

REAL-LIFE EXAMPLE

June Cline built a seminar business that presents corporate workshops emphasizing humor in the
workplace. Her sales materials promise a speaker who is poised, polished, personal, professional and
funny — and companies like Ingram, First Federal, and the Georgia Department of Labor, say her
company lives up to this promise.

One day in early 2000, Cline caught a news program touting a survey that claimed good communication
between doctors and patients lies not with eye contact but in maintaining a body-to-body stance. This was
new advice to the old pro. She began to pay attention to her own stance during question-and-answer
sessions.

"I'm amazed at how many times I talked over my shoulder toward someone in the crowd," she says. "Now
I make it a decision to pivot until we're heart to heart." This nonverbal move did require courage: such a
posture creates a more intimate connection and so stripped barriers she'd unknowingly built to protect
herself from public criticism. But the result of destroying this invisible shield was to promote better
communication.

Today, Cline finds that when she extends this sign of personal listening and caring, the audience's
questions reflect deeper thoughts. The follow-up dialogue brings more to light than the "yes" and "no"
answers she'd previously received, regardless of how she frames the request verbally.