INTRODUCTION

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

By Stephen Covey
There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living

The Key for Successful Living

Personality Ethic
Focus on attitude and behavior minor
change

Character Ethic
To change the situation first we have to
change ourselves and our perceptions
significant, quantum change

Works in short term situation (symptomatic Has personal worth in the long term
treatment)
relationship
Social band aids that treats only acute
problems temporarily

Treats the underlying chronic problem

The Key for Successful Living

Primary greatness
Get to work on the root, the character
(primary greatness) from which these
attitude and behavior flow.

Secondary greatness
Quit lacking at the leaves of attitude and
behavior (secondary greatness)

The Power of a Paradigm

A frame of reference, a model

A perception, assumption
The way we perceive, understand & accordingly interpret and judge things. A mental
map
Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both are right.

The Principle-Centered Paradigm

-The Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that
govern human effectiveness.
Principles Defined:

Principles are part of the human condition, part of human consciousness, and part of the
human conscience.
Principles are not practices.
Principles are not esoteric, mysterious, or "religious" ideas.

Principles of Growth and Change

-we cant achieve quality of life, deep relationship without going through the natural process of
work and growth.
The way we see the problem is the problem
-you have to establish of the right problem.
The Seven Habits An Overview
-our character is composed of our habits and have powerful role in our lives.
Habits
-is the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire.
Effectiveness
-7 habits are effective because they are based on principles they bring the max long term
beneficial result possible.
HABIT 1: Be Proactive
The Principles of Personal Vision are the foundation of the first habit.
Self-awareness - the ability to engage in an honest, reflective, personal analysis of self, is the
most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness.

The Social Mirror: The only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror; that is,
our self-perception is disjointed and out of proportion based on our perceptions rather than our
reflections of how others view us.

Between Stimulus and Response: Based on Pavlovs theory, we are conditioned to respond in a
certain way to a certain stimulus. Based on Coveys theory, between stimulus and response, man
has the freedom to choose. In addition to self-awareness, this includes imagination, conscience,
and independent will.
Proactivity Defined: Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditionswe have
the initiative and responsibility to make things happen Reactive vs. Proactive is defined here.
Covey states that reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by
their environment. Proactive people are driven by values- carefully thought about, selected, and
internalized values
Taking the Initiative: In short, taking the bull by the horns and promoting change.
Act or Be Acted Upon: If you wait to be acted upon, you will be acted upon
Listening To Our Language: Even our language can provide insight into if we are proactive or
reactive in our approach to life. While the proactive view subordinates feelings to valuesthe
reactive view feels increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their
destinythey blame outside forces for their own situation
Circle of Concern/ Circle of Influence: Our personal Circle of Concern signifies those areas of
concern where we focus our time and effort. Within that Circle of Concern lies those things in
which we have the ability to control or change (Circle of Influence), and those things in which
we have no control. By determining these two circles, we can determine the focus of most of our
time and energy, which in turn, identifies the degree of our productivity.
Direct, Indirect, and No Control: All problems that we face fall into one of these three categories.
Expanding the Circle of Influence: It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to
circumstance, we powerfully affect our circumstance. When we change one part of the chemical
formula, we change the nature of the results.
The Haves and the Bes: The Circle of Concern is filled with the haves, while the Circle
of Influence is filled with the bes.
The Other End of the Stick: While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose
our consequences. Covey impresses upon the reader that it is important to acknowledge and
correct our mistakes to ensure both that we are empowered again, and that those mistakes have
no power over the future.
Making and Keeping Commitments: Start small to build your honor, which will soon become
stronger than your moods.

HABIT 2:Begin with the End in Mind

The Habit of Personal Leadership

What it means:

To begin with the end in mind is to begin with the image of the end of your life as the
frame of reference by which everything else is measured.

We may be busy, we may be efficient, but we will only be effective if we begin with the
end in mind.

All Things Are Created Twice:

1) a mental or first creation
2) a physical or second creation
Leadership and Management:

Leadership deals with Direction (Doing the right things)

Management deals with Speed, Co-ordination, Logistics in moving in that direction
(Doing the things RIGHT)

Principle Center:

Our lives need to be centered on correct principles -- deep, fundamental truths, classic
truths, generic common denominators.

As a principle centered person, you try stand apart from the emotions of situations and
from other factors to evaluate options.

At the Center
Alternative Centers

-Our four life-supporting factors derive from the very center of our circle of influence
Our deepest center:

o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o

Work
Family
Spouse/Husban
d
Friend
Religion
Self
Pleasure
Possessions
Money

1) Security - represent your sense of worth,

your identity, your emotional anchorage,
your self esteem, your basic personal
strength or lack of it.
2) Guidance means your source of
direction in life. Encopassed by your
map, your internal frame of referencethat
interprets for you what is happening out
there.
3) Wisdom is your perspective in life,
your sense of balance.
4) Power - it is the vital energy to make
choices and decisions.

Habit 3: Put First Things First TM -- Principles of Personal Management

Definition:

Habit 3 is the second or physical creation.

Habit 3 is the exercise of independent will toward becoming principle centered.

The Power of Independent will

1. The degree to which we have developed our independent will is measured by our
personal integrity.
2. Integrity is the value we place on ourselves.
3. Effective management is putting first things first.
Four Generations of Time Management
Time Management golden phrase - Organize and execute around priorities.
1st generation - The first wave or generation could be characterized by notes and
checklists, an effort to give some semblance of recognition and inclusiveness to

the many demands placed on our time and energy.

2nd generation - The second generation could be characterized by calendars and
appointment books.
3rd generation reflects the current time-management field.
4th generation -focus on preserving and enhancing relationships and
accomplishing results. The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage
ourselves. Satisfaction is a function of expectation as well as realization. And
expectation (and satisfaction) lie in our Circle of Influence.

Time management
Important - Activities that contribute to your mission and goals

Tests, exercise, relationships, work, projects

Urgent-Pressing things, in-your-face-things, activities that demand immediate attention

Phone calls, interruptions, a test tomorrow, car breaks down

Time Quadrant

URGENT

NOT URGENT

Lead Irresponsible lives people who spent time from quadrant III & IV
Effective people - stay out of Quadrants III and IV.
Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management

Quadrant II
Quadrant II activities are clearly the heart of effective personal management -- the "first
things" we need to put first -- then how do we organize and execute around those things.
6 CRITERIA OF QUADRANT II ORGNIZER:
1. Coherence - Harmony, unity, and integrity between vision and mission, priorities and
plans, and desires and discipline.
2. Balance- keep balance in your life, to identify your various roles andkeep them right in
front of you, so that you don't neglect important areas such as your health, yourfamily,
professional preparation, or personal development.
3. Quadrant II Focus - Organize your life on a weekly basis. Schedule your priorities don't
prioritize what's on your schedule.
4. A PEOPLE dimension - Focus on people not just the schedule.
5. Flexibility - Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master. Since it has to
workfor you, it should be tailored to your style, your needs, and your particular ways.
6. Portability: Your tool should also be portable, so that you can carry it with you most of
the time.

Becoming a quadrant II manager

1. Identifying Roles: The first task is to write down your key roles. If you haven't really
givenserious thought to the roles in your life, you can write down what immediately
comes to mind. Youhave a role as an individual.
2. Selecting Goals: The next step is to think of two or three important results you feel you
shouldaccomplish in each role during the next seven days. These would be recorded as
goals.
3. Scheduling: Look at the week ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time toachieve
them.
4. Daily Adapting:Taking a few minutes each morning to review your schedule can put you
in touch with thevalue-based decisions you made as you organized the week as well as
unanticipated factors that mayhave come up.
Advances to fourth generation

Principle-centered - More than giving lip service to Quadrant II, it creates the
centralparadigm that empowers you to see your time in the context of what is really
important an effective
Conscience-directed - It gives you the opportunity to organize your life to the best ofyour
ability in harmony with your deepest values. But it also gives you the freedom to
peacefullysubordinate your schedule to higher values.
Third, it defines your unique mission, including values and long-term goals. This gives
directionand purpose to the way you spend each day.
Fourth, it helps you balance your life by identifying roles, and by setting goals and
schedulingactivities in each key role every week.
fifth, it gives greater context through weekly organizing (with daily adaptation as needed)

Gofer Delegation
- Focuses on the methods and become responsible for the results
Stewardship Delegation
- Focuses on the results not methods.
1. Desired Results: Create a clear, mutual understanding of what needs
to be accomplished, focusing on what, not how; results, not methods
2. Guidelines: Identify the parameters within which the individual should
operate
3. Resources: Identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational
resources the person candraw on to accomplish the desired results.
4. Accountability: Set up the standards of performance that will be used
in evaluating the results andthe specific times when reporting and
evaluation will take place
5. Consequences: Specify what will happen, both good and bad, as a
result of the evaluation.

Part Three
Public Victory
Paradigms of Interdependence
There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity
-- Samuel Johnson

The Emotional Bank Account TM

-

Metaphor that describes the amount of trust that's been built up in a relationship.

Six Major Deposits:

1. Understanding the Individuals- Do unto others as you would have others do unto
you.
2. Attending to the Little Things- little kindness and courtesies are so important. In
relationship, small things are big thins.
3. Keeping Commitments- people build their hopes around promises, breaking one is a
major withdrawal.
4. Clarifying Expectations- the cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in
conflicting or ambiguous around roles and goals.
5. Showing Personal Integrity- generates trust and is the basis of many different kind of
deposits. Integrity means avoiding any communications that is deceptive.
6. Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal- great deposits come in sincere
words.

The Habits of Interdependence

With the paradigm of the Emotional Bank Account in mind, we're ready to move into the habits
of Public Victory, or success in working with other people.
Public Victory- interacting with others.
Private Victory- are personal and relate to you as an individual person.

Habit 4 -- Think Win/Win

Principles of Interpersonal Leadership
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

Win/Win

Lose/Lose

Win/Lose

Win

Lose/Win

Win/Win or No Deal

Win/Win

Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial

A belief in the Third Alternative -- a better way

Win/Lose

Use of position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get one's way.

The win/lose mentality is dysfunctional to interdependence.

Lose/Win

Lose/Win people are quick to please or appease.

Capitulation -- giving in or giving up.

Note. Many executives, managers and parents oscillate between Win/Lose and Lose/WIN.
Lose/Lose

Result of encounters between two Win/Lose individuals.

Also the philosophy of highly dependent people.

Win

Win at all costs. Other people don't matter.

The most common approach in everyday negotiation.

Which Option is Best?

Most situations are part of an interdependent reality.

Win/Win solutions are synergistic.

Win/Win or No Deal

If we can't find a solution that would benefit both parties, we agree to disagree.

Most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or enterprise.

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

Character. The foundation of Win/Win

o Integrity. The value we place on ourselves.
o Maturity. The balance between courage and consideration.
o Abundance Mentality. There is plenty out there for everybody.

Relationships. Courtesy, respect and appreciation for the other person and his point of
view.

Agreements. Cover a wide scope of interdependent action.

o Desired results- identify what is to be done and when.
o Guidelines- specify the parameters (principles, policies)
o Resources- identify human, financial, technical and organizational support
available to help accomplishments.
o Accountability- set up the standards of performance and the evaluation.
o Consequences- specify good and bad, natural and logical what will happen as a
result.

Supportive Systems. Reward systems must reflect the values of the mission statement.

Processes. The route to Win/Win:

o See the problem from another point of view.
o Identify the key issues and concerns involved.
o Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
o Identify possible new options to achieve those results.

HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

Principles of Empathic Communication
-

We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail
to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first.

Character and Communication

Communication
- is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating.
But consider this: You've spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how
to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables
you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that
individual's own frame of reference?
Seek first to understand
- If you want to interact effectively with other people, to influence -- your spouse, your
child, your neighbor, your boss, your coworker, your friend -- you first need to
understand them. And you can't do that with technique alone. If they sense you're using
some technique, they sense duplicity, manipulation. They wonder why you're doing it,
what your motives are. And they don't feel safe enough to open themselves up to you.
- The real key to your influence with them is your example, your actual conduct. Your
example flows naturally out of your character, of the kind of person you truly are -- not
what others say you are or what you may want them to think you are. It is evident in how
they actually experience you.
Build the skills of empathic listening
- You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires
openness and trust. And you have to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that create a
commerce between hearts.
Empathic Listening
Most people listen with the intent to reply

We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to
understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to
speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their
autobiography into other people's lives.
EX. "Oh, I know exactly how you feel!" & "I went through the very same thing. Let me
tell you about my experience."
When another person speaks, we are usually listening at one of four levels:
Ignoring
- not really listening at all
Pretending
- "Yeah. Uh-huh. Right."
Selective listening
- hearing only certain parts
Attentive listening
- paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said
Empathic listening
But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic
listening.
When I say empathic listening, I am not referring to the techniques of "active" listening
or "reflective" listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to
understand, to really understand.
Sympathy vs Empathy
Sympathy is a form of agreement or judgement, more appropriate emotion or response
Empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that you fully, deeply,
understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.
you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and
with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior.
Human motivations: Satisfied needs, do not motivate
It's only the unsatisfied need that motivates. Next to physical survival, the greatest need
of a human being is psychological survival -- to be understood, to be affirmed, to be
validated, to be appreciated.
When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air.
And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving.
Psychological air

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

Diagnose Before You Prescribe is a correct principle in many areas of life
- seek first to understand, or diagnose before you prescribe, is a correct principle
manifesting many areas of life. It's the mark of all true professionals. You wouldn't have
any confidence in a doctor's prescription unless you had confidence in the diagnosis.
Amateur salesman sells product, professional salesman sells solutions to needs and
problems
- This principle is also true in sales. An effective salesperson first seeks to understand the
needs, the concerns, the situation of the customer.

It's a totally different approach. The professional learns how to diagnose, how to
understand. He also learns how to relate people's needs to his products and services. And,
he has to have the integrity to say, "My product or service will not meet that need" if it
will not.

Four Autobiographical Responses

- We tend to respond in one of four ways
We evaluate
- We either agree or disagree
We probe
- We ask questions from our own frame of reference
We advise
- We give counsel based on our own experience
We interpret
- we try to figure people out, to explain their motives, their behavior, based on our own
motives and behavior.
Empathic listening involves four developmental stages
Mimic content
Ex. Boy: Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!
Dad: Youve had it! You think school is for the birds.
- least effective is to mimic content. You just listen to the words that come out
of someone's mouth and you repeat them.
Rephrase the content
Ex. Boy: Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!
Dad: You dont want to go to school anymore.
- It's a little more effective, but it's still limited to the verbal communication
- This time, you've put his meaning into your own words. Now you're thinking
about what he said, mostly with the left side, the reasoning, logical side of the
brain.
Reflect feeling
Ex. Boy: Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!
Dad: Youre feeling really frustrated.
- Now you're not paying as much attention to what he's saying as you are to the
way he feels about what he's saying.
Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling
Ex. Boy: Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!
Dad: Youre really frustrated about school.
- Frustration is the feeling; school is the content. You're using both sides of your
brain to understand both sides of his communication.
- As you seek to understand, as you rephrase content and reflect feeling, you
give him psychological air. You also help him work through his own thoughts
and feelings.
Empathic listening enables to turn transactional opportunities into transformational
opportunities

has created a situation in which he can now have transforming impact. By setting aside
our own autobiography and really seeking to understand,
The key to empathic listening
- Is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual to whom you are listening

Understanding and Perception

Differences in perception
- As you learn to listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous differences in
perception. You will also begin to appreciate the impact that these differences can have as
people try to work together in interdependent situations.
Habit 5 is the first step in the process of win-win.
- Now, with all our differences, we're trying to work together -- in a marriage, in a job, in a
community service project -- to manage resources and accomplish results. So how do we
do it? How do we transcend the limits of our individual perceptions so that we can deeply
communicate, so that we can cooperatively deal with the issues and come up with winwin solutions? The answer is Habit 5.
Then Seek to Be Understood
Knowing how to be understood
- Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood. Knowing how to be understood is the
other half of Habit 5. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration.
Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage.
Present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually and in the context of a deep
understanding of the paradigms and concerns of your audience
- You significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.
One on One
Circle of influence
- It's the Inside-Out approach. And as you do it, watch what happens to your Circle of
Influence. Because you really listen, you become influenceable. And being influenceable
is the key to influencing others. Your circle begins to expand. You increase your ability to
influence many of the things in your Circle of Concern.
One on one with your spouse, children and employees
- Spend time, listen to them, understand them.
Habit 6: Synergize
Synergy
Habit of synergy

the exercise of all of the other habits prepares us for the habit of synergy.
When properly understood, synergy is the highest activity in all life -- the true test and
manifestation of all the other habits put together.
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts
- This is what synergy means
- Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close together, the roots
commingle and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than if
they were separated.
- The essence of synergy is to value differences -- to respect them, to build on strengths, to
compensate for weaknesses.
Synergistic Communication
Most people have been scripted into defensive or protective communications
- Many people have not really experienced even a moderate degree of synergy in their
family life or in other interactions. They've been trained and scripted into defensive and
protective communications or into believing that life or other people can't be trusted. As a
result, they are never really open to Habit 6 and to these principles.
Synergy in the Classroom
The group collectively agrees to subordinate old scripts and to write a new one
- Creative endeavor, producing something new was more meaningful than before.
Synergy in Business
Creative synergy
- We gain new insights and facilitate the generation of new options
- People became very open to each others influence.
Synergy and Communication
Levels of Communication
- Lowest level of communication coming out of low trust situations is characterized by
defensive, protectiveness and legalistic language and it creates further reasons to defend
and protect
- The middle level of communication is respectful communication, where fairly mature
people communicate, they respect each other but they avoid the possibility of ugly
confrontations. Low form of win-win
- The highest level of communication is synergistic, high trust produces solutions better
than any originally proposed. Win win communication
If a person of your intelligence and competence and commitment disagrees with me,
then there must be something to your disagreement that I dont understand, and I need to
understand it. You have a perspective, a frame of reference I need to look at.
- It is a nonprotective interaction, if there was disagreement, instead of opposition and
defense, there was a genuine effort to understand.
Fishing for the Third Alternative

 Synergistic third alternatives

- Are often better for both parties than their original alternatives
Instead of transaction, its a transformation
Negative Synergy
Most highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality
- They're either dependent on borrowing strength from position power and they go for
win-lose or they're dependent on being popular with others and they go for lose-win.
They may talk win-win technique, but they don't really want to listen; they want to
manipulate. And synergy can't thrive in that environment.
Many people dont realize that the real strength of any relationship is having alternative
points of view
- Unity or oneness is complementariness
Valuing the Differences
Is the essence of synergy
The truly effective person has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual
limitations and to realize the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts
and minds of other people
If two people have the same opinion, one person is unnecessary
Force Field Analysis
Driving forces and restraining forces
- Sociologist Kurt Lewin developed a "Force Field Analysis" model in which he
described any current level of performance or being as a state of equilibrium between
the driving forces that encourage upward movement and the restraining forces that
discourage it.
- Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, and economic.
In juxtaposition, restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical,
unconscious, and social/psychological. Both sets of forces are very real and must be
taken into account in dealing with change.
All Nature is Synergistic
Ecology
- is a word which basically describes the synergism in nature -- everything is related to
everything else. It's in the relationship that creative powers are maximized, just as the
real power in these Seven Habits is in their relationship to each other, not just in the
individual habits themselves.
It is the crowning achievement of all the previous habits
- It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality -- it is teamwork, team building, the
development of unity and creativity with other human beings.
You dont have to take insults personally
You can sidestep negative energy

 You can look for the good in others

You can express ideas, feelings, and experiences in a way that will encourage others to be
open also
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw TM
Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal
Four Dimensions of Renewal

Physical Dimension - Involves caring effectively for our physical body. Exercise is a
Quadrant II, high-leverage activity that most of us don't do consistently because it isn't
urgent.
Spiritual Dimension - The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment
to your value system. Spiritual renewal is a Quadrant II investment of time that we really
can't afford to neglect
Social Dimension - The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment
to your value system. Spiritual renewal is a Quadrant II investment of time that we really
can't afford to neglect
Mental Dimension continuous learning.