Specialized ADR Manual 2013

A Collaborative Training Provided by:
NMA Training Institute

Nebraska Office of Dispute Resolution
Douglas County Conciliation Court
Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Coalition
Cottam Psychological Services, P.C.
Acknowledgements
The Nebraska Office of Dispute Resolution wishes to acknowledge the professionalism and dedication
given by the authors and compilers of this Handbook for SADR Training (Specialized Alternative Dispute
Resolution), its curriculum, resources, and training methodology, both for the 2009 and 2010 editions. An
enormous debt of gratitude is owed to Glenda Cottam, Ph.D., Lorin Galvin, J.D., David Hubbard, J.D., Robert
Sanford, J.D., and in 2009, to Suzanne Curran Carney, J.D. for their collaborative work together to bring about
this Handbook and training for SADR practitioners under Nebraskas Parenting Act (2007, 2008). The
collaborative process was creative, research-based, and full of challenge, exploration, and controversy. They
began work on the curriculum as early as 2007. The process was not easy. Safety and well-being of children and
parents are at stake, and even lives are at stake. Nebraskas Child Centered Family Justice Model (see Model)
helped to focus the curriculum development, as lively dialogue and design ensued. Lorin, Glenda, Dave,
Suzanne, and Robert are all active in serving children and families experiencing high conflict dynamics or
domestic intimate partner abuse either as a mediator, therapist, advocate, or lawyer. Lorins work with this
special group of families for several years through the Douglas County District Court Conciliation Service, and his
prior private family law practice, provided all of us with practical hands-on experience to understand how to
optimally assist families to move forward and minimize potential for destructive conflict. Suzanne, through the
Central Mediation Center, Kearney, and Dave, through The Mediation Center, Lincoln have been two of the
active SADR practitioners to engage in this work after the passage of the Act, and bring years of experience as
lawyers and mediators to this effort. Roberts role as legal counsel for the Nebraska Domestic Violence Sexual
Assault Coalition has brought an inestimable amount of knowledge and understanding as to the profound issues
of the voice of the domestic abuse victim and the potential harmful impact of domestic abuse on children.
Glendas work as a child and family therapist provided the understanding of psychological and human dynamics
so needed for SADR practitioners to know. This Handbook and curriculum is designed to pass along the wisdom
and experience learned, as well as to stimulate ongoing dialogue to continue to progress in this field.
Nebraska ODR wishes to further acknowledge Katie Welsh, M.A., Parenting Act Administrative
Assistant with the Office of Dispute Resolution for her inspired and tenacious work both as editor for the
Handbook for SADR Training and as project co-coordinator. Katie joined the process in December 2008, and
quickly assumed the role of scribe, organizer, editor, and creative contributor to the development of the
training. She kept the group on track, and performed the significant role of compiling, designing, and editing the
final Handbook and its PowerPoint. Katies degree work through the Werner Institute for Negotiation and
Dispute Resolution, Creighton Law School, well prepared her for this hit the ground running project.
Nebraska ODR gives a special acknowledgement to Kelly Riley, NMCA Training Institute Manager. Kelly
has contributed continuous, professional, and timely work in the logistics, both human and technological, to
make the SADR Handbook and training possible. The work of the NMCA Training Institute supporting
continuous learning for mediators and SADR practitioners is an essential partner in achieving the goal of quality
mediation and collaborative practices.
Finally, ODR wishes to acknowledge the efforts, support, and resources of the Nebraska Supreme Court
and Administrative Office of the Courts, the State Legislature, Governor, Voices for Children, the courts, the legal
system, the ODR-affiliated mediation centers, volunteer mediators, and many others who are more than I can
name, but deeply appreciate, who have made this effort possible.
Debora Brownyard, J.D., Director
March 2010
Table of Contents
Training Agenda .................................................................................................................. 6
Training Goals ..................................................................................................................... 8
Day 1
I.
Context of Specialized ADR
1.1 Domestic Abuse and Custody Disputes ................................................. 10
1.2 Criticisms of Mediation ......................................................................... 12
1.3 SADR Mediation Domestic Abuse ......................................................... 14
1.4 Parenting Functions, Best Interests, & Custody in NE Parenting Act ... 17
II.
Reflective Practice
2.1 Definition and relevance in mediation .................................................. 21
2.2 Diagram of Four-Stage model of Professional Development ............... 22
2.3 Diagram of Constellation of theories .................................................... 23
2.4 Diagram of Path to Artistry ................................................................... 24
III.
Specialized ADR Philosophy
3.1 Staying with conflict .............................................................................. 25
3.2 Appropriate SADR Facilitation ............................................................... 26
3.3 Why Screen? .......................................................................................... 27
3.4 Mediation Narrative & Enduring Conflict.............................................. 28
3.5 Specialized ADR Complexity & Constructive Engagement .................... 28
IV.
Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases
4.1 DIPA & Statutory Definitions ................................................................. 34
4.2 Why Do Men Batter? ............................................................................. 38
4.3 Power & Control Wheel ........................................................................ 42
4.4 Joint Custody Wheel .............................................................................. 43
4.5 Equality Wheel ...................................................................................... 44
4.6 Advocacy Empowerment Wheel ........................................................... 45
4.7 Nurturing Children Wheel ..................................................................... 46
4.8 Preparing For Mediation When Domestic Abuse is an Issue ................ 47
V.
Initial Individual Private Session
5.1 Power of Screening & Narrative ............................................................ 49
5.2 Session-specific intervention................................................................. 51
5.3 Awareness of power .............................................................................. 52
5.4 Empowerment ....................................................................................... 54
5.5 IPS Table ................................................................................................ 56
5.6 NE Mediation Screening Tool ................................................................ 57
5.7 Sample Initial Individual Screening Form .............................................. 62
VI.
Family and Children
6.0 Personal Notes ...................................................................................... 64
VII.
Reflections
7.0 Personal Reflections .............................................................................. 65
Day 2
VIII. Introduction to Mindfulness
8.1 Centering for mediation ........................................................................ 66
8.2 Mindful listening ................................................................................... 67
IX.
Mindfulness as Practitioner
9.1 What mindfulness teaches us ............................................................... 68
9.2 Using silence .......................................................................................... 70
9.3 Honoring each voice .............................................................................. 71
9.4 Danger of Re-victimization .................................................................... 72
9.5 Where are You Going ............................................................................ 74
X.
Mediation & Specialized ADR Theory
10.1 Reaffirming the Fundamentals ............................................................ 75
10.2 SADR Issue Consideration ................................................................... 76
XI.
Role of the Specialized ADR Practitioner
11.1 In Individual Private Session ................................................................ 78
11.2 In Specialized ADR Process .................................................................. 79
XII.
Worldview & Culture
12.0 Personal Notes .................................................................................... 80
XIII. Statutes & Policies for Specialized ADR
13.1 NE Parenting Act.................................................................................. 81
13.2 Protection Orders & Specialized ADR in NE Parenting Act ................. 99
13.3 Psychological Abuse In NE Parenting Act .......................................... 102
13.4 DIPA Relevance.................................................................................. 104
13.5 SADR Modification Issues .................................................................. 105
13.6 Policy for Approval of Parenting Act Mediators ............................... 106
13.7 Uniform Mediation ........................................................................... 134
XIV. Childrens Interests & Roles
14.1 Conflict and Children ......................................................................... 139
XV.
Reflections
15.0 Personal Reflections .......................................................................... 140
Day 3
XVI. Unresolved Parental Conflict
16.1 Communication Protocol .................................................................. 141
16.2 Abuse & access impact risk to children ............................................. 143
16.3 Anger in mediation ............................................................................ 145
16.4 Conflict & parenting from separate homes ...................................... 146
XVII. Personality & Cognitive Disorder; Substance Abuse
17.1 Personality Disorders/Dysfunctions in Mediation ............................ 151
17.2 Michigan Alcoholism Screening Test ................................................. 157
XVIII. Parenting Plan
18.1 Parenting Plan Required Elements and Checklist ............................. 159
18.2 Parenting Plan Dates and Times........................................................ 164
Day 3 (continued)
18.3 Sole Custody Parenting Plan ............................................................. 166
18.4 Joint Custody Parenting Plan............................................................. 173
18.5 Custody Clause Options..................................................................... 181
18.6 Sample Memo for Temporary Visitation Out of State ...................... 185
18.7 Sample Memo for Temporary Visitation with Protection Order ...... 186
18.8 Supervised Parenting Time................................................................ 187
18.9 Sample Agreement for Visitation with Protection Order ................. 188
18.10 Sample Agreement for Counseling ................................................. 190
18.11 Risk of Transference in SADR .......................................................... 191
18.12 Counseling Parenting Issues ............................................................ 192
18.13 Exchange for Parenting Time .......................................................... 194
18.14 Medical Care E-Mail Notebook ....................................................... 195
18.15 Medical Payments Record ............................................................... 197
18.16 Medical Therapy Protocol ............................................................... 198
18.17 Miscellaneous Clauses..................................................................... 200
18.18 Protocol Protection Order ............................................................... 201
18.19 Child Checkbook .............................................................................. 202
18.20 Activities Boundaries Protocol ........................................................ 205
18.21 Activity Notice ................................................................................. 206
18.22 All School Records ........................................................................... 207
18.23 Child Telephone Contact Protocol .................................................. 208
18.24 Counseling for Children ................................................................... 209
18.25 Counseling Parenting Issues ............................................................ 210
18.26 Exchange for Parenting Time .......................................................... 212
18.27 Application for Reduced Fees ......................................................... 213
18.28 Progression Log ............................................................................... 214
18.29 Communication Protocol ................................................................ 215
18.30 Standard Communication Protocol ................................................. 217
18.31 Communication Between Parents .................................................. 218
18.32 Hair Follicle Protocol ....................................................................... 220
18.33 Email Protocol ................................................................................. 221
18.34 Therapeutic Parenting Time Protocol ............................................. 222
XIX. Parenting Plan Panel
19.1 Quality Parenting............................................................................... 223
19.2 Parent Time Research ....................................................................... 224
19.3 Cooperative and Parallel Parenting Separate Homes ....................... 226
XX.
Ethics
20.1 Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators .... 230
XXI. Closing
21.0 Personal Reflections .......................................................................... 237
Bibliography ................................................................................................................... 238
PowerPoint - Dynamics of Abuse in the Family ........................................................... 241
24-Hour SADR Training

TRAINING AGENDA
October 21 23, 2013
Archdiocesan Conference Center; Omaha, NE
Monday, October 21
Topic
Start
Identifier
Time
8:00 a.m.
-8:30
-8:45
1
9:00
2
9:45
10:45
11:00
12:00 p.m.
1:00
2:00
3:15
3:30
4:30
5:00
-4
-5
5
-6
7
--
Tuesday, October 22
Topic
Start
Identifier
Time
8:00 a.m.
-8:30
-8:40
8&9
9:40
-9:50
10
10:40
-10:50
11
11:20
12
12:00 p.m.
-12:45
12
2:15
13
2:45
-2:55
14
4:00
15
4:30
--
Agenda Item
Registration & Breakfast
Welcome
Context of SADR
Introductions
Reflective Practice
Journey to Artistry
SADR Philosophy: DIPA; Family & Children; SADR Practitioner/Facilitator
Constructive Engagement
Break
Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases
Lunch
DEMO I: Initial Individual Private Session
DEMO II: First session IPS interviews with Mom and Dad
Break
Family & Children
Reflections from the day
Adjourn
Agenda Item
Breakfast
Welcome
Introduction to Mindfulness
Break
Mediation & SADR Theory
Break
Role of SADR Practitioner; Intervening in Negotiation & Communication
Worldview, Culture, & Bias
Lunch
DEMO: Separate Individual Sessions with Mom & Dad
Statutes & Policies for SADR
Break
Childrens Interests & Roles
Reflections from the day
Adjourn
Wednesday, October 23
Topic
Start
Identifier Agenda Item
Time
8:00 a.m.
-Breakfast
8:30
-Welcome
8:40
16
Unresolved Parental Conflict
9:30
-Break
9:40
17
Personality & Cognitive Disorders; Substance Abuse
10:50
Break
11:00
17a
DEMO: Separate Sessions with Mom & Dad
12:00 p.m.
-Lunch
12:45
18
Parenting Plan SADR & UPC
1:30
19
Parenting Plan Panel
2:15
-Break
2:30
20
Ethics
3:45
-Break
4:00
21
Closing Circle
5:00
-Adjourn
Training Goals of Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution:

Negotiation, Mediation and Facilitation under Nebraskas Parenting Act
Goal:
For each trainee to develop an understanding of the promise, risks, and realities of negotiation
dynamics involved in considering conflict resolution with parents seeking to develop a
parenting plan and other parental agreements pursuant to the Nebraska Parenting Acts
Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution process. As part of this process each trainee will be
introduced to concepts aimed at promoting a long term constructive approach to engagement
of enduring parental conflicts while considering more immediate short term conflict resolution.
Core Competencies:
Knowledge:
Each trainee to receive information addressing the research, scholarship, and
experience necessary to understand the characteristics of unresolved parental conflict,
domestic violence, Domestic Intimate Partner Abuse (DIPA), and child abuse/neglect;
and how those behaviors are manifest in parenting functions and communications
within the context of determination and exercise of custody, parenting time, and other
access for parents affected by the Nebraska Parenting Act.
Each trainee to receive the knowledge and develop the ability to discuss and understand
privilege and confidentiality as set out in the Nebraska Parenting Act and Nebraskas
Uniform Mediation Act.
domestic violence, DIPA, child abuse, unresolved parental conflict and its impact on
parenting functions and best interests of the child for parents living in separate
residences.
the Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution (Specialized ADR) safety oriented process
established by the Nebraska Parenting Act and used within the context of a specific case
identified with the Specialized ADR requirements.
the basic responsibilities and role of a Specialized ADR facilitator in meeting statutory
and court rule requirements.
Revision Date: 09.04.2013
8
Each trainee to receive the knowledge and develop the ability to discuss, understand,
and apply parenting plan models that satisfy the Specialized ADR safety requirements.
Skills:
Each trainee to have the ability to facilitate constructive engagement processes of
parents discussion, consideration, and decision making for appropriate short term and
long term parenting functions and responsibilities necessary for a childs best interests
in care and development throughout the childs minority.

9
I. Context of Specialized ADR

1.1 Domestic Abuse and Custody Disputes
Janet Johnston a well respected researcher of high conflict divorce writes that domestic
abuse issues should be seen as the norm, not the exception, in custody litigation.
Johnstons research shows that approximately 80% of divorce cases are settled and that
approximately 20% of divorcing or separating families take the case to court, however
only 4-5% of the cases are ultimately decided by the court. Johnston, Allegations and
Substantiations of Abuse in Custody-Disputing Families, Family Court Review, Vol. 43,
No. 2, April 2005, Johnston, High-Conflict Divorce, The Future of Children, Vol. 4, No.
1, Spring 1994, both citing a large study by Maccoby and Mnookin, DIVIDING THE CHILD:
SOCIAL AND LEGAL DILEMMAS OF CUSTODY. Cambridge, MA: Harvard U. Press (1992).
Johnston cites another study from California by Depner, which found that, among
custody litigants referred to mediation, [p]hysical aggression had occurred between
75% and 70% of the parents . . . even though the couples had been separated. . . [for an
average of 30-42 months]. Furthermore, [i]n 35% of the first sample and 48% of the
second, [the violence] was denoted as severe and involved battering and threatening to
use or using a weapon. Johnston, (1994), supra, citing Depner et al., Building a
uniform statistical reporting system: A snapshot of California Family Court Services,
Family and Conciliation Courts Review (1992).
In reviewing the research, Johnston concludes:
Taken all together these studies suggest that, in divorces marked by ongoing
disputes over the custody and care of children, both inside and outside the
court, there is often a history of domestic violence in the family and a likelihood
that the violence will continue after the separation.
-Id. (1994) at p. 169.
Peter Jaffe, one of the world's leading experts on children, domestic violence, and
custody, in a publication of his on this subject states the following:
Myth: Domestic violence is rarely a problem for divorcing couples involved in a child
custody dispute.
Fact: The majority of parents in high-conflict divorces involving child custody disputes
report a history of domestic violence.
10
Peter Jaffe lists a number of studies as supporting the position that most custody
litigants have had a history of domestic violence: Peter Jaffe, Michelle Zerwer, and
Samantha Poisson, "ACCESS DENIED: The Barriers of Violence and Poverty for Abused
Women and their Children After Separation" (2004), p.1 and in a review of parents
referred for child custody evaluations by the court, domestic violence was raised in 75%
of the cases according to Jaffe, P.G. & Austin, G. The Impact of Witnessing Violence on
Children in Custody and Visitation Disputes,(1995). A paper presented at the Fourth
International Family Violence Research Conference, Durham NH (Rep. No. July 1995)
A study of 2,500 families entering mediation in California found approximately three
quarters of the parents indicated that domestic violence had occurred during the
relationship. Hirst, 2002.
Another study of parents referred by the family court for counseling because of failed
mediation or continuing disputes over the care of their children, found that physical
aggression had taken place between 70-75% of the parents. Johnston & Campbell,
(1988), Impasses of Divorce: The dynamics and resolution of family conflict. New York,
NY, US: The Free Press.
Attempts to leave a violent partner with children, is one of the most significant factors
associated with severe domestic violence and death. Websdale, Understanding
Domestic Homicide.(1990) Boston, MA: University Press.
A majority of separating parents are able to develop a post-separation parenting plan
for their children with minimal intervention of the family court system however, in 20%
of the cases greater intervention was required by lawyers, court-related personnel (such
as mediators and evaluators) and judges. In the majority of these cases, which are
commonly referred to as "high-conflict," domestic violence is a significant issue.
Johnston, (1994). High-conflict divorce. Future of Children, 4, 165-182.
In studies conducted by the National Center for State Courts (NCSC), looking solely at
court records, it was determined that there was documented evidence of domestic
violence in 20-55% of contested custody cases. The NCSCs study, looking only at
documented domestic violence in custody court records, found that 24% of court
records contained some evidence of domestic violence in Louisville; 27% in Baltimore;
and 55% of Las Vegas cases indicated domestic violence.
11

1.2 Criticisms of Mediation of Cases Involving Domestic Abuse and
Nebraskas Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution Process Response
1. Mediation presents safety risks to both parent and child.
Jennifer P. Maxwell, Mandatory Mediation of Custody in the Face of Domestic Violence:
Suggestions for Courts and Mediators, 37 FAMILY AND CONCILIATION COURTS REV. 335 (July
1999). The victim can be endangered by disclosing information about the batterers behavior.
The SADR facilitator must act very carefully not to reveal information that may endanger a
victim or give a parent the impression that information may have been disclosed.
2. The power imbalance between victim and offender is too great to be overcome.
A danger in mediation is that the negotiation will place a victim in the position of being asked to
compromise in exchange for her or the childs safety or be pressured to make an agreement
that will place the child and parent at risk. A parent must never be asked in to negotiate the
issue of a childs safety. J Ritkin, Mediation in the Justice System, 1 Women and Criminal
Justice 41(1989)and Trina Grillo, The Mediation Alternative: Process dangers for women, Yale
Law Journal, 100, 1545-1610 (1991). The SADR process of individual sessions is designed to
promote empowerment and provide the private opportunity to express the parents narrative
and consider safe options.
3. Custodial interference and prolonged custody battles are common tactics of batterers
after separation which cannot be resolved by a mediator. If the court insists that mediation
must occur, ensure that the victim and offender are not in the same room.
The victim must have a forum which will treat the likely continuation of abuse seriously and
provide the opportunity to consider realistic options to identify and address the future risks by
providing a safe process for exploring options. Barbara Hart, Gentle Jeopardy: The Further
Endangerment of Battered Women and Children in Custody Mediation, 7 MEDIATION Q. 317,
322 (1990); Andree G. Gagnon, Ending Mandatory Divorce Mediation for Battered Women, 15
HARV. WOM.L.J. 272 (1992). Harvey I. Hauer, Making Mediation Work, FAMILY ADVOCATE,
ABAs Family Law Section Journal, 27,(1997). A significant reason for individual separate
sessions in SADR is to provide a safe place and process for the victim to speak and be heard on
abuse issues without fear of being re-victimized for speaking about the abuse.
4. That mediators dont allow parties have the opportunity for legal counsel to be present.
Unrepresented women tend to feel coerced and have greater difficulty participating in
mediation. Eric Galton. MEDIATION: A TEXAS PRACTICE GUIDE p. 100 (Texas Lawyer Press,
12
1993). Nebraskas Parenting Act and Uniform Mediation Act provide that a parent may have an
attorney and other support persons present during mediation and SADR sessions.
5. Mediators may not understand domestic abuse dynamics or have the ability to recognize it
and may promote unsafe practices and unsafe agreements.
Specialized alternative dispute resolution training and requirements for annual continuing
education are designed to provide mediators and facilitators in SADR the necessary education
about the complex dynamics of intimate partner abuse and the use of power and control that
parents and facilitators can be expected to encounter during mediation and SADR sessions.
Karla Fischer, Neil Vidmar & Rene Ellis, The Culture of Battering and the Role of Mediation in
Domestic Violence Cases, 46 SMU L. REV. 2117, 2131-32 (1993).

13
I. Context of SADR
1.3 SADR Facilitation and Domestic Abuse
When there are parental allegations of domestic intimate partner abuse, child abuse or
neglect, or unresolved parental conflict the major challenges of the Nebraska Parenting
Act for attorneys, mediators, and courts is to balance parental needs for self
determination in resolving parenting responsibilities for child custody, parenting time,
and other access with the best interests of the child while considering risks to safety
presented to the child and parents because of the use of coercive power and control
dynamics of abuse.
Domestic abuse advocates have frequently argued against the use of mediation in cases
of domestic abuse citing issues of safety, fairness, effectiveness, power imbalance, and
the decriminalization and privatization of domestic violence. J Ritkin, Mediation in the
Justice System, 1 Women and Criminal Justice 41(1989); Trina Grillo, The Mediation
Alternative: Process dangers for women, Yale Law Journal, 100, 1545-1610 (1991);
Imbrogno & Imbrogno, Battered Woman in Mediation, Families in Society (2000).
Mediation advocates on the other hand argue that the same criticism can be applied to
the traditional adversarial court process. They propose that greater safety, victim
empowerment, and thoughtful consideration of the childs needs occurs through
mediation, while offering practical opportunities for ending current violence, reducing
future abuse, and referring victims and batterers to appropriate sources or programs for
help. Edwards, Baron, and Ferrick, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND MEDIATION: A DIALOGUE
A COMMENT ON WILLIAM J. HOWE AND HUGH MCISAACS ARTICLE FINDING THE
BALANCE FAMILY COURT REVIEW (2008); Rosenberg, In Defense of Mediation, FAMILY
COURT REVIEW, (1992).
While the debate about mandatory mediation continues there has been a steady
growth in the use of mediation and special dispute resolution processes among courtconnected programs as a supplement and alternative to the traditional adversary
process. According to the National Center for State Courts, more than 200 courtconnected child custody mediation programs have been established in 38 states since
the mid-1990s. Salem & Milne, (1995). In approximately 33 state jurisdictions there is
mandatory mediation in disputes involving custody and visitation, translating into courtordered mediation Newmark (1995).
In a court study of 306 couples both with and without a reported history of domestic
abuse, the couples were ordered to attend an assessment for mediation and
subsequently interviewed and analyzed to examine the mediation process. In the
interview process more than one third reported a history of domestic abuse. This
statistic points out the need for family law attorneys, mediation programs, child custody
14
evaluators, and courts to screen for domestic abuse. The justice system cannot address
the safety of parents and children if each person involved in the case is not aware of the
abuse issues and the safety needs of each child and parent. Tishler, Is domestic violence
relevant?: An exploratory analysis of couples referred for mediation in family court, J
Interpers Violence, (2004).
In some studies the reported incidence of domestic abuse in divorce and custody or
visitation mediation programs ranges from 50% to 80% J. Maxwell, MANDATORY
MEDIATION OF CUSTODY IN THE FACE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Suggestions for Courts
and Mediators, Family Court Review (1999).
In Nebraska, Douglas County District Court under court rule 4.3 prior to 2004, when
attorneys or parents raised domestic abuse as an issue, the case would be waived from
participation in mediation. In the year 2000 out of 1000 cases processed 200 or 20%
were waived because of reported abuse; in 2001 out of 800 cases processed 180 or
22.5% were waived; in 2002 out of 900 cases processed 300 or 33.3% were waived; and
in 2003 out of 1050 cases processed 300 or 28.5% were waived. In 2004 after a method
of high conflict facilitation was instituted (SADR process); out of 1116 cases processed
31 or 2.8% were waived; in 2005 out of 1058 cases processed 18 or 1.7% were waived;
and in 2006 out of 1083 cases processed 14 or 1.3% were waived.
SADR FACILITATION PROCESS UNDER 2008 PARENTING ACT
SADR facilitation is a special separate session parent engagement process intended to
provide parents assistance and an opportunity to tell their story or narrative, examine
and consider options about custody, parenting time, visitation, and other access, and
reach a determination by each parent individually as to whether they wish to continue
in the process.
Nebraskas Parenting Act 43-2922(14) defines mediation as: Mediation means a
method of non-judicial intervention in which a trained, neutral third-party mediator,
who has no decision making authority, provides a structured process in which
individuals and families in conflict work through parenting and other related family
issues with the goal of achieving a voluntary, mutually agreeable parenting plan or
related resolution. Paragraph (23) defines Specialized alternative dispute resolution
(SADR) as: a method of non-judicial intervention in high conflict or domestic intimate
partner abuse cases in which an approved specialized mediator facilitates voluntary
mutual development of and agreement to a structured parenting plan, provisions for
safety, a transition plan, or other related resolution between the parties.
SADR facilitation is intended to provide a safe forum to empower each parent to tell
their story, voice their perspective, to deescalate the degree of conflict, to be heard and
to hear the other parents concerns, to present options and to consider if those options
provide a safe realistic method for parenting from separate residences with a selfRevision Date: 01.28.2010
15
determined agreement, and if an agreement is reached to provide for a constructive out

of court consideration of future disputes between the parents. The goal is to use a
constructive engagement process rather than using the adversarial process where the
court makes the parents decisions for them. The process strives to provide a safer
future for the child and the parents while recognizing the long-term enduring nature of
parental disputes and conflict which may come and go until the child reaches the age of
majority.
Under Douglas County District Court Rule 4.3 the parents and their attorneys have the
first opportunity to develop and agree upon a parenting plan. Under the Nebraska
Parenting Act at any time in the proceedings, a court may refer a case to mediation or if
a court develops a rule, to specialized alternative dispute resolution in order to discuss
and consider resolution of any relevant matter. The court may state a date for the case
to return to court, and the court shall not grant an extension of such date except for
cause. If the court refers a case to mediation or specialized alternative dispute
resolution, the court may, if appropriate, order temporary relief, including necessary
support and provision for payment of mediation costs. Court referral of a SADR case
shall be to an approved mediation center or a court conciliation program. 43-2937(1).
Prior to July 1, 2010, if there are allegations of domestic intimate partner abuse or
unresolved parental conflict between the parents in any proceeding, mediation shall not
be required pursuant to the Parenting Act or by local court rule, unless the court has
established a specialized alternative dispute resolution rule. 43-2937(2). Douglas
County Court Rule 4.3 provides for a SADR process.
After July 1, 2010, when the parents and their attorneys have not submitted a parenting
plan to the court within the time specified by the court the parents shall be ordered to
participate in mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution with a court
conciliation program or an approved mediation center. 43-2937(3).
After July 1, 2010 the mandatory statutory process starts with an individual initial
screening session or mediation assessment for all cases which are not resolved by
attorney or client negotiation. If the negotiation process fails, then based upon the
screening, assessment and intake information, either a mediation session or a
specialized alternative dispute resolution session (SADR) must be attempted before
mediation can be terminated. 43-2939
If a party refuses to schedule and participate in mediation, the mediator may disclose
this failure to the court.
Under court rule 4.3 after mediation is attempted, then a mediation report and/or a
parenting plan is forwarded to the court for consideration. This process is also available
under the Parenting Act and the Uniform Mediation Act 25-2936.

16

1.4 Nebraska Parenting Act: Parenting Functions, Best Interests, and Custody
The Nebraska Parenting Act as amended by LB 554 in 2007 and LB1014 in 2008
recognizes what social science research has documented, that non-adversarial attempts
at resolution of divorce and paternity parenting issues through the use of parent
education, mediation, and model parenting plans provide parents a method to focus on
each parents and childs needs while seeking parenting agreements and preparing for a
better future resolution of parenting issues. Edwards, Hon L. and Baron, S. and Ferrick,
G. A Comment on William J. Howe and Hugh McIsaacs Article Finding The Balance
Published in the January 2008 Issue of Family Court Review. Family Court Review, Vol.
46 No. 4, October 2008 586-591; R. Emery, The Truth About Children and Divorce
(2004).
The Act also recognizes that social science research has identified the parenting
functions associated with better child adjustment; the damage and ongoing risk to a
child from domestic intimate partner abuse; the harm to a child exposed to unresolved
parental conflict, and that the best interests of the child require parents be attentive to
appropriate conflict resolution and safety of the parents and child. Edleson, Emerging
Responses to Children Exposed to Domestic Violence, Applied Research Forum National
Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women (2006).
The best interest standard set out in the Nebraska Parenting Act instructs the parents,
mediators, attorneys, custody evaluators, and the court to treat each child as an
individual. Each child deserves a comprehensive and individualized inquiry into the
childs best interests. The use of custody presumptions or one size fits all process is easy
to administer but may result in a mechanized approach which devalues the individual
child and places the childs best interests at risk. By linking best interests of the child
with parenting functions the Act provides a practical connection between a childs daily
life and the rule of law which is a necessary foundation for the protection of the child
while establishing clear responsibilities for responsible parents to provide for the childs
future development. The Act states the parenting functions that provide a check list for
evidence or evaluation of who has been responsible in providing care to the child and
can provide continuity and consistency going forward in the restructured parenting from
separate homes in the best interests of the child under Nebraska statutes which require
that the parenting arrangement, parenting plan or other court-ordered arrangement
provides for a childs safety, emotional growth, health, stability, and physical care. See
42-364, 43-2921, 43-2922, 43-2923 and 43-2929
The Parenting Act provides Nebraska with not only a statutory definition of parenting
functions but a definition of both legal and physical custody for the first time. Legal
17
custody is defined as the authority and responsibility for making fundamental decisions
regarding the child's welfare, including choices regarding education and health. Joint
legal custody is defined as mutual authority and responsibility of the parents for making
mutual fundamental decisions regarding the child's welfare, including choices regarding
education and health. Joint physical custody is defined as mutual authority and
responsibility of the parents regarding the child's place of residence and the exertion of
continuous blocks of parenting time by both parents over the child for significant
periods of time.
It is significant that in the new Act the Legislature adopted a portion of the Supreme
Courts prior definition of joint legal and joint physical custody but also changed a
portion of the Courts definitions. The Legislature changed the portion of the Courts
joint legal custody definition which stated: joint authority and responsibility for making
major decisions regarding the child's welfare including health, education, and religious
training by replacing joint authority with mutual authority and eliminating religious
training. The new Act also changed language in the dissolution statute that provided
parents with shared or joint custody equal rights to make decisions by removing the
provisions for shared custody and equal rights and replacing those terms with a
provision stating that joint legal custody means mutual authority and responsibility of
the parents for making mutual fundamental decisions regarding the child's welfare,
including choices regarding education and health
The Legislature in the new Act also adopted a portion of the Supreme Courts definition
of joint physical custody by retaining the Courts provision for: the exertion of
continuous physical custody by both parents over a child for significant time periods
but changed the definition by adding: means mutual authority and responsibility of
the parents regarding the child's place of residence and the exertion of continuous
blocks of parenting time.
The Legislature did not provide a definition of mutual as it is applied to the statutory
reference to mutual authority and responsibility or to mutual fundamental decisions.
The legislative choice must be significant however as the term mutual replaces the term
equal rights. Equal rights would seem to indicate an individual separate benefit that
each parent has the right to make individual decisions about a child where as mutual
authority and responsibility seems to indicate a shared right that requires a combined
not independent duty and ability to act. This seems to place a duty on parents,
mediators, attorneys, custody evaluators and courts to consider the ability of the
parents to be cooperative and to have worked together mutually in the past while
providing the parenting functions and to provide evidence that they can be successful in
making mutual decisions about parenting in the future.
In order to establish joint legal or physical custody a trial court must comply with the
requirements of the Parenting Act 43-2922 and the dissolution statues 42-364(3) to
determine that the parents agreement to establish "joint" legal or physical custody is in
18
the best interests of the child or that absent parental agreement or consent the trial
court orders joint physical custody or joint legal custody, or both and makes a specific
finding that it is in the best interests of a child.
In cases where parents choose to share joint legal and/or physical custody by
agreement rather than when it is imposed by a court against the wishes of one parent;
research and studies have found the arrangement by agreement has promoted stability
in the childs relationship with both parents and the child had better academic,
emotional, and behavioral adjustment than in sole custody cases. In cases where the
parents selected joint physical custody and the choice proved to be successful, the
parents were found generally to be highly educated, with a father who was highly
involved in raising the child prior to the separation, and there was relatively little post
divorce conflict. Robert Bauserman, Child Adjustment in Joint-Custody Versus SoleCustody Arrangements: A Meta-Analytic Review, 2002.
The Parenting Act continues to recognize the public policy rejection of a presumption of
joint legal and/or joint physical custody as being in the best interests of a child. While
public policy continues to recognize the benefits and encourages both parents to be
involved with a child post divorce or as part of a paternity determination, a presumption
of an equal split in time has not been found to be appropriate to the best interests of a
child any more than a gender presumption is appropriate for determining legal custody.
The best interest standard in Nebraska requires a court to treat each child as an
individual and consider the factors associated with parenting functions, child
development and adjustment as well as the harm from being exposed to unresolved
parental conflict and damage associated with domestic violence.
The Nebraska Supreme Court has never endorsed a presumption in favor of joint
custody, although the original Parenting Act, Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2901 to 43-2919
(Reissue 2004), found that parenting plans should foster participation of both parents of
a separated family in raising their children. In review of the Parenting Act prior to the
2008 amendment, the Supreme Court stated there was nothing in the preamble stating
a legislative presumption in favor of joint custody. To the contrary, the court has
repeatedly said that joint custody remains disfavored and emphasized that 42-364
requires both a hearing and a finding concerning best interests before a trial court may
award joint custody on its own motion.
In amending the Parenting Act in 2007 with LB554, the Legislature repealed 43-2902 and
removed from the Legislative findings the following: it is in the best interests of a minor
child to maintain, to the greatest extent possible, the ongoing involvement of both
parents in the life of the minor child. The Legislature further finds that parents should
maintain continued communications to make as many joint decisions in performing such
parenting functions as are necessary for the care and healthy development of the minor
child.
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The findings in the new Parenting Act provide the following guidance: The Legislature
finds that it is in the best interests of a child that a parenting plan be developed in any
proceeding under Chapter 42 involving custody, parenting time, visitation, or other
access with a child and that the parenting plan establish specific individual responsibility
for performing such parenting functions as are necessary and appropriate for the care
and healthy development of each child affected by the parenting plan. The Legislature
further finds that it is in the best interests of a child to have a safe, stable, and nurturing
environment The state presumes the critical importance of the parent-child
relationship in the welfare and development of the child and that the relationship
between the child and each parent should be equally considered unless it is contrary to
the best interests of the child.
The legislatures new statement of best interests of the child has an emphasis on safe,
appropriate care with each parent being assigned specific responsibilities for performing
parenting functions. Clearly public policy in Nebraska is that our courts must place
safety of a child first before a parents request for contact and that a child will benefit
most from healthy relationships with both parents considering their past in providing
appropriate parenting functions while looking to the future with a provision of an
appropriate division of parenting responsibilities and contact.
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II. Reflective Practice

2.1 Definition and Relevance of Reflective Practice in Mediation
For me reflective practice asks me as a mediator and Specialized ADR facilitator to
develop a self-awareness that allows me to continually challenge myself about my
practice knowledge, philosophy, methods, and process. To begin to engage in this
reflective practice I must first be open to a challenge of my assumptions and beliefs
about my mediation methods and practice while seeking to learn through education and
experience how I might improve my knowledge base, philosophy, and work skills. This
practice requires self-reflection without attachment to the past and to maintain that
reflection while being open to the opportunity provided by an awareness of new
information, skills and process.
This process of self-awareness asks me to use the intentional act of unlearning. If I can
begin by not explaining or justifying what I presently do; if I can release my hold on
current processes, which means I cant forget them, but I cant remain terribly attached
to my past process; I must remain open to new suggestions and consider the
introduction of new knowledge and skills without judgment based upon my past
experience.
An example is to consider that in regular mediation the time frames for generating
options and problem solving as well as the entire mediation itself are often relatively
short and the expectations regarding time may be ingrained into a mediators
expectations of progress. In Specialized ADR cases there will generally be a more
extended process which creates time and space for both the facilitator and each parent
to consider and reflect on the options and issues presented in the individual sessions.
The length of time between sessions and the overall length of the process will present
both opportunities and new problems of organization and management for the
facilitator as well as the parents.
In considering these opportunities and problems that will be part of each Specialized
ADR facilitation I need to approach these considerations with a beginners mind,
rather than with the experienced mediators mind. The Buddhist philosopher Suzuki
has stated, In the beginners mind there are many possibilities; in the experts mind
there are few.
Over a period of time I will observe my progress with a new process, challenge myself to
reflect and contemplate the new and the old, continue to seek new information and
consider what I think I know with what is being presented in the new experience of each
Specialized ADR facilitation and the new information I receive about other mediation
processes and theories. Through self awareness and self-reflection as a facilitator new,
appropriate, and effective tools can be developed and integrated into my personal
mediation tool box.
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2.2 Diagram of Four-Stage Model of Professional Development
Source: The Making of a Mediator: Developing Artistry in Practice; Michael D. Lang and
Alison Taylor
22

2.3 Diagram of Levels of Organization of the Constellation of Theories
Alison Taylor
23

2.4 Diagram of Total Schematic for Interaction of Theory and Practice on Path
to Artistry
Alison Taylor
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III. Specialized ADR Philosophy

3.1 Staying with Conflict, Enduring Constructive Engagement
Being mindful of the complex issues of the questions:
Is this issue ripe for resolution?
Is resolution the only goal of the Specialized ADR process?
Is resolution the primary defining goal of the Specialized ADR process?
Is resolution the ultimate but not the immediate goal?
As a facilitator do you accept the proposition: That it is the parents in conflict who know what
they need?
If that is true, how does the facilitator know if the parenting issues are ripe for settlement for
both parents at the time they are being considered?
What does timing have to do with a parents ability to reach resolution of an issue?
Does the pending status of a temporary hearing or does a courts temporary order impact the
ripeness of parenting issues for resolution?
Does parent resolution of a temporary matter impact the long term issues of a parenting plan?
Does a court order on a temporary custody have a greater or lesser impact on permanent
custody than parents agreeing on temporary custody?
Is resolution in parenting plan of the custody issue by a court or by the parents a final or a
temporary resolution of custody?
If custody is considered a potentially complex enduring conflict, at what point in a childs life is
the issue finally resolved? At what point in a SADR process should the facilitator ask each
parent to consider a resolution of the custody issue? What should a facilitator tell the parents
about the enduring nature of custody conflicts?

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3.2 Appropriate Specialized ADR Facilitation
Appropriate Specialized ADR facilitation requires that each parent:
Makes an informed decision to continue the Specialized ADR process

freely and without coercion after the initial individual session and
after each subsequent session;
Enters Specialized ADR facilitation with informed consent about the

process and alternative of a trial;
Is aware that he or she can withdraw from the process at any time,
without retribution;
Is able to recognize that the other party has rights and needs separate
from his or her own;
Recognizes that all mediated/facilitated outcomes must be agreed

upon voluntarily by both parties;
Is willing to and invested in carrying out mutual agreements;
Is free from cognitive or emotional impairments (e.g., severe

depression) that affects capacity to mediate;
Is free from incapacity due to drug or alcohol abuse
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3.3 Why Screen?

In the majority of separation and divorce cases referred to as "high-conflict" domestic abuse is
a significant issue (Johnston, 1994). Evidence that this violence may be overlooked has been
found in a number of studies of mediation services. One such study of 2,500 families entering
mediation in California, approximately three-quarters of parents indicated that domestic abuse
had occurred during the relationship (Hirst, 2002). In the majority of cases, the mediators did
not recognize domestic violence as an issue and held joint sessions contrary to the California
regulations in place to protect victims in these circumstances. The need for screening and
proper assessment is highlighted by other studies that underscore the prevalence of violence
among separating couples. Research has shown in a number of programs that the majority of
parents referred by the family courts for counseling because of failed mediation or continuing
disputes over the care of their children described marital histories that included physical
aggression (Johnston & Campbell, 1988).

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3.4 Mediation Narrative and Enduring Conflict
A basic reality of litigation and court resolution of parenting disputes is that the courts
responsibility for resolving those disputes may continue until the child reaches 19 the age of
majority. Just as the responsibility and challenge of parenting evolves as the child ages, the
disputes and conflicts between the parents over parenting functions, custody, and parenting
time evolves over time and is never static. The court is required to view and judge behavior
within the context of parental conflict as a past event based upon evidence presented of past
events. The parents may walk out of the courtroom with a final order a Decree of
Dissolution or Order of Paternity but the relationship and interaction between parents and
child continues to be anything but final and is already in the process of changing and evolving as
the parents exit the courtroom. The court process of hearing and viewing the evidence has
contributed to that changing and evolving relationship by deciding what part of each parents
narrative was heard and what part was excluded before judging the parents and ordering a
change in their relationship that perhaps neither parent requested, wants, or understands. The
courts final order resolved the legal and factual issues presented, but the odds are great that
the parenting problems will remain and may have been made more difficult by the court
process and the decision reached by the court for the parents.
It is a basic reality of mediation that each mediator/facilitator should acknowledge and remain
aware that what one hears and sees of parental conflict at any point in time is different than
what would be seen at another point in time. Specialized ADR facilitation acknowledges that
parental conflict may continue and endure between the parents through the childs age of
majority and there may not be a final resolution through court order or an agreement between
the parents. The mediator will not judge the parents although the parents will have an
opportunity to tell their narrative of the past behavior of both parents. The mediator will
acknowledge their narrative and assist the parent to consider the past in discussing and
proposing options for solutions for a better future. The mediators work is to help each parent
to consider changes and options for the future of the parent child relationship rather than
dwelling on explanations for the failed relationship and conflict.
Specialized ADR facilitators must have special training experience and a degree of
familiarity/experience with custody and parenting time disputes. The aim is that in disputes
which raise specialized issues, the mediator should have professional familiarity with the
context of the dispute. The belief is that this is valuable in a SADR facilitation setting since the
mediator's experience allows the mediator to have an understanding of the issues and the
impact it can have on the parents, as well as in certain cases, provide specialized information to
the parents to help consider and determine if they are to resolve a dispute.

28
This approach creates the risk that the facilitator's influence will subtly affect the disputants.
Firstly, the rationale that the mediators should draw from their previous experience in
interpreting and guiding the mediation may create a basis for the development of "counter
transference" which is the imposition of the facilitator's experience on to the parents. (Grillo, at
1591)
The ability of the parents to frame their stories in their own terms may be undermined by the
facilitators views. Trina Grillo comments that this is particularly problematic in the mediation
setting since mediators normally do not possess the training or have the time to try and
minimize the impact of these unconscious opinions, yet still possess an authority that may
make it difficult for the parents to disagree with the way their stories are summarized by the
mediator. (Grillo, at 1591).
Grillo writes:
Counter transference and transference occur in mediation. When transference occurs in
mediation, however, there may not be the time, the commitment, or the expertise to study it
and help the client learn what it reveals about her/his personality structure or orientation to
the world. For this reason, a client in mediation might be far more influenced by what the
mediator says than would be expected under the circumstances. It is not an answer to the
problem of coercion in mediation, to say that the party does not have to agree with what the
mediator says; she might not agree but go along with it for reasons that are situated in her past
and are quite beyond either her or the mediator's understanding.

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3.5 Specialized ADR Complexity and Constructive Engagement
Specialized ADR: Use of research, literature, and mediation experience to consider
development of a viable facilitation process to engage constructively in long term complex
parental relationships which have a history of power and control dynamics, domestic intimate
partner abuse or child abuse issues.
John Paul Lederach wrote in Mediate.com after 9/11: Quo Vadis? Reframing Terror from the
Perspective of Conflict Resolution, Quo Vadis, where are we headed? Where we are going
and how we get there depends a great deal on how we define the nature of our journey, its
challenges, and ultimately its proposed destination.
Bernard Mayer, in his new book Staying With Conflict: A Strategic Approach to Ongoing
Disputes 2009, asks mediators to consider working as conflict engagement specialists through a
change in focus from aspects of the immediate conflict that may be confronted and sought to
be resolved; to a focus and understanding of the complexity of short and long-term issues while
building a productive framework for the future constructive engagement of the ongoing longterm conflicts.
Evan Stark, in his book Coercive Control: The Entrapment of Women in Personal Life 2007,
writes that those who have tried to assist and advocate for victims of domestic violence have
failed to improve victims long-term safety in relationships primarily because they have failed to
understand the complex nature of coercive control in long-term family relationships.
If Specialized ADR facilitation is to be a safe process for families with a recognized history of
child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict, it is
necessary to consider incorporating into the process the lessons of Lederach, Mayer, Stark, and
hundreds of others who research, think, write, and work with these issues.
Lederach and Mayer ask mediators and especially facilitators in Specialized ADR to develop a
capacity to engage with parents in the complexity of the parenting dynamic rather than using
linear singular thinking which seeks to resolve the immediate conflict issues presented by the
parents. Long-term complex family relationship issues are not ripe for resolution by singular
issue resolution. Lederach cautions that when we address complexity through simple causal
equation, particularly in violent conflict, we reduce the challenge to a more manageable size,
but at the cost of ignoring important dimensions of it.
What is domestic intimate partner abuse?
What is unresolved parental conflict?

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Does my definition matter if a parents narrative includes a perception that domestic abuse or
power and coercive control dynamics are part of the parental relationship?
Stark, cautions that we not focus on the domestic violence definitions from the past but
consider the complex family dynamic where use of coercive control is used in multiple ways by
one parent to deny liberty to the other parent and thereby deny the other parent the
opportunity to think, decide, and freely choose to act or not to act.
Lederach, Mayer, and Stark ask that facilitators ask themselves:
What is the nature of coercive control and unresolved parental conflict in a long-term complex
parental relationship?
What are the seeds of future conflict? If a Specialized ADR facilitator or a judge can identify the
seeds from a parents narrative or courtroom testimony can those seeds be constructively
confronted long-term in order to prevent their growth into future unresolved
conflict/abuse/violence/harm?
Does a short term mediated resolution of temporary custody impact long-term constructive
engagement of enduring conflict over custody, parenting time, or parental communication?
Does a legal order of separation of the parents by virtue of a temporary court order or a
protection order (a single or multiple issue resolution) restore a victims liberty or may it
contribute or create an illusion of liberty and the risk of a continuation of coercive control in the
relationship?
Does the illusion of restored liberty inhibit a constructive long-term consideration of
appropriate responses by the justice system, mediator, the abused parent and child, and the
abuser?
What process is necessary for consideration of a complex abusive parental relationship to
enable the parents and the Specialized ADR facilitator or court to remain mindful of the past,
cognizant of the risks for the future, while considering the complex future relationship needs of
the parents within the frame work of the childs best interest?
Consider the complexity of coercive control in a parental relationship: What is the parental
history as presented in court documents, as narrated by each parent, as considered by each
individual parent in the context of future parenting needs? Are there characteristics, cycles &
patterns- seeds of power and control recognized from each of the foregoing considerations?
Are they recognized by both parents, one parent, neither parent, are they likely to be
considered by a court?
Be mindful that the narrative of each parents experience will express a belief of being
victimized, justification of their perceptions, and a need for control of decision making and
parenting time.
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Will a parental agreement of custody or parenting time arrest the development and growth of
the seeds of past abuse and prevent the cycle and patterns from developing into a continuation
of coercive control or abuse? Does the agreement provide a method for constructively
engaging in future conflicts to consider developments from those seeds?
How can the paradox of change occur in this complex parental relationship so the best interests
of a child can be served and both parents feel that justice has been served?
Does facilitation have a role?
Does a facilitator have a constructive role to play?
The pervasive voice of critics of mediation has historically been a resounding no!
Statutes and ethics of the past said no!
Trainings and writings of leading proponents of mediation have either said no or more
dangerously and arrogantly, promoted their methods of resolving conflict without directly
acknowledging domestic abuse or confronting the concerns raised by the domestic abuse
community in their trainings and writings.
The voice of the mediation community has generally been that domestic abuse is someone
elses problem. More recently the voice of mediation has been changing because of reflection
on a multi-professional chorus of voices which asks for change through acknowledgement of
domestic abuse as prevalent but generally unacknowledged in court resolution of custody and
parenting time disputes and through collaboration of the many professionals who confront
rather than ignore the dangers to the individual child, parents, and society.
The voice of collaboration calls for constructive engagement within the family system by
medicine, psychology, law, domestic violence communities, faith based communities, and
mediation communities to seek contemplative sharing of ideas, narratives, and creation of new
metaphors that give voice to the need for a change in the hearts, minds, and work of those
engaged with these families.
How are we to reframe a collaborative consideration of coercive control and domestic intimate
partner abuse within complex family relationships and their parenting plans for restructuring
the parental relationship so future conflict can be engaged constructively and safely?
Can the communities seeking to address the complexity of family relationships with a history
and predictable future of violence, abuse, or coercive control recognize the complexity of the
problems and consider complex constructive approaches rather than taking a path which seeks
linear individual issue resolutions?

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How are we as Specialized ADR facilitators going to engage constructively in the debate over
mediation and domestic violence, coercive control and domestic abuse within the complex
families who come to us through a court system of mandatory mediation?
As Specialized ADR facilitators what must we do to prepare ourselves to be capable of
recognizing the complexity of the parenting issues and develop the ability to work for long-term
constructive engagement of conflicts rather than seeking the linear simple response of getting a
resolution of the dispute over custody and/or parenting time?
Consider the complexity of parenting plan issues for parents processing from a family
relationship of coercive control to a relationship of parenting from separate homes where one
parent may be persistently striving to not lose control, or persistently striving to reestablish
control, or persistently striving to punish the other parent for the loss of that control.
How can Specialized ADR facilitators without power to require change; strategically interact
with each parent to consider change in the parenting relationship that promotes opportunities
for safety and responsible appropriate parenting?
Can Specialized ADR facilitators consider with each parent a request to increase parental
responsibility and child access from a parent who has used coercive control in the family while
considering with each parent the need for safe parental engagement of future parenting
conflict over parenting behaviors?
Can Specialized ADR facilitators seek accountability for the individual use of coercive control
and violence while contemporaneously considering solutions for the parents that promote
appropriate participation in parenting functions and the best interests of the child?
How does a Specialized ADR facilitator honor the voice seeking immediate safety and
accountability while considering safe constructive engagement of long-term parenting
conflicts?

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IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse

4.1 DIPA and Related Statutory Definitions
(all definitions current as of September 6, 2013)
43-2922. Terms, defined for purposes of the Parenting Act:
(8) Domestic intimate partner abuse means an act of abuse as defined in section 42-903
and a pattern or history of abuse evidenced by one or more of the following acts:
Physical or sexual assault, threats of physical assault or sexual assault, stalking,
harassment, mental cruelty, emotional abuse, intimidation, isolation, economic
abuse, or coercion against any current or past intimate partner, or an abuser using a
child to establish or maintain power and control over any current or past intimate
partner, and, when they contribute to the coercion or intimidation of an intimate
partner, acts of child abuse or neglect or threats of such acts, cruel mistreatment or
cruel neglect of an animal as defined in section 28-1008, or threats of such acts, and
other acts of abuse, assault, or harassment, or threats of such acts against other
family or household members. A finding by a child protection agency shall not be
considered res judicata or collateral estoppel regarding an act of child abuse or
neglect or a threat of such act, and shall not be considered by the court unless each
parent is afforded the opportunity to challenge any such determination;
(9) Economic abuse means causing or attempting to cause an individual to be financially
dependent by maintaining total control over the individual's financial resources,
including, but not limited to, withholding access to money or credit cards, forbidding
attendance at school or employment, stealing from or defrauding of money or
assets, exploiting the victim's resources for personal gain of the abuser, or
withholding physical resources such as food, clothing, necessary medications, or
shelter;
(10) Emotional abuse means a pattern of acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics,
including, but not limited to, threatening or intimidating to gain compliance,
destruction of the victim's personal property or threats to do so, violence to an
animal or object in the presence of the victim as a way to instill fear, yelling,
screaming, name-calling, shaming, mocking, or criticizing the victim, possessiveness,
or isolation from friends and family. Emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal;
(25) Transition plan means a plan developed to reduce exposure of the child and the
adult to ongoing unresolved parental conflict during parenting time, visitation, or
other access for the exercise of parental functions;

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42-903. Terms, defined

For purposes of the Protection from Domestic Abuse Act, unless the context otherwise
requires:
(1) Abuse means the occurrence of one or more of the following acts between
household members:
(a) Attempting to cause or intentionally and knowingly causing bodily injury with or
without a dangerous instrument;
(b) Placing, by means of credible threat, another person in fear of bodily injury. For
purposes of this subdivision, credible threat means a verbal or written threat,
including a threat performed through the use of an electronic communication
device, or a threat implied by a pattern of conduct or a combination of verbal,
written, or electronically communicated statements and conduct that is made by
a person with the apparent ability to carry out the threat so as to cause the
person who is the target of the threat to reasonably fear for his or her safety or
the safety of his or her family. It is not necessary to prove that the person making
the threat had the intent to actually carry out the threat. The present
incarceration of the person making the threat shall not prevent the threat from
being deemed a credible threat under this section; or
(c) Engaging in sexual contact or sexual penetration without consent as defined in
section 28-318;
(3) Family or household members includes spouses or former spouses, children, persons
who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past,
persons who have a child in common whether or not they have been married or
have lived together at any time, other persons related by consanguinity or affinity,
and persons who are presently involved in a dating relationship with each other or
who have been involved in a dating relationship with each other. For purposes of
this subdivision, dating relationship means frequent, intimate associations primarily
characterized by the expectation of affectional or sexual involvement, but does not
include a casual relationship or an ordinary association between persons in a
business or social context;
28-707. [Effective 10/1/2013] Child abuse; privileges not available; penalties

(1) A person commits child abuse if he or she knowingly, intentionally, or negligently
causes or permits a minor child to be:
(a) Placed in a situation that endangers his or her life or physical or mental health;
(b) Cruelly confined or cruelly punished;
(c) Deprived of necessary food, clothing, shelter, or care;
(d) Placed in a situation to be sexually exploited by allowing, encouraging, or forcing
such minor child to solicit for or engage in prostitution, debauchery, public
indecency, or obscene or pornographic photography, films, or depictions;
(e) Placed in a situation to be sexually abused as defined in section 28-319, 28319.01, or 28-320.01; or
35
(f) Placed in a situation to be a trafficking victim as defined in section 28-830.

As used in sections 28-317 to 28-322.04, unless the context otherwise requires:
(2) Intimate parts means the genital area, groin, inner thighs, buttocks, or breasts;
(5) Sexual contact means the intentional touching of the victim's sexual or intimate parts
or the intentional touching of the victim's clothing covering the immediate area of
the victim's sexual or intimate parts. Sexual contact shall also mean the touching by
the victim of the actor's sexual or intimate parts or the clothing covering the
immediate area of the actor's sexual or intimate parts when such touching is
intentionally caused by the actor. Sexual contact shall include only such conduct
which can be reasonably construed as being for the purpose of sexual arousal or
gratification of either party. Sexual contact shall also include the touching of a child
with the actor's sexual or intimate parts on any part of the child's body for purposes
of sexual assault of a child under sections 28-319.01 and 28-320.01;
(6) Sexual penetration means sexual intercourse in its ordinary meaning, cunnilingus,
fellatio, anal intercourse, or any intrusion, however slight, of any part of the actor's
or victim's body or any object manipulated by the actor into the genital or anal
openings of the victim's body which can be reasonably construed as being for
nonmedical or nonhealth purposes. Sexual penetration shall not require emission of
semen;
28-319. Sexual assault; first degree; penalty
(1) Any person who subjects another person to sexual penetration (a) without the
consent of the victim, (b) who knew or should have known that the victim was
mentally or physically incapable of resisting or appraising the nature of his or her
conduct, or (c) when the actor is nineteen years of age or older and the victim is at
least twelve but less than sixteen years of age is guilty of sexual assault in the first
degree.
...
28-319.01. Sexual assault of a child; first degree; penalty
(1) A person commits sexual assault of a child in the first degree: (a) When he or she
subjects another person under twelve years of age to sexual penetration and the
actor is at least nineteen years of age or older; or (b) When he or she subjects
another person who is at least twelve years of age but less than sixteen years of age
to sexual penetration and the actor is twenty-five years of age or older.

36
28-320.01. Sexual assault of a child; second or third degree; penalties

(1) A person commits sexual assault of a child in the second or third degree if he or she
subjects another person fourteen years of age or younger to sexual contact and the
actor is at least nineteen years of age or older.
For purposes of sections 28-1008 to 28-1017, 28-1019, and 28-1020:
(2) Animal means any vertebrate member of the animal kingdom. Animal does not
include an uncaptured wild creature or a livestock animal as defined in section 54902;
(3) Cruelly mistreat means to knowingly and intentionally kill, maim, disfigure, torture,
beat, mutilate, burn, scald, or otherwise inflict harm upon any animal;
(4) Cruelly neglect means to fail to provide any animal in one's care, whether as owner
or custodian, with food, water, or other care as is reasonably necessary for the
animal's health;
(7) Mutilation means intentionally causing permanent injury, disfigurement,

degradation of function, incapacitation, or imperfection to an animal. Mutilation
does not include conduct performed by a veterinarian licensed to practice veterinary
medicine and surgery in this state or conduct that conforms to accepted veterinary
practices;
(10) Serious injury or illness includes any injury or illness to any animal which creates a
substantial risk of death or which causes broken bones, prolonged impairment of
health, or prolonged loss or impairment of the function of any bodily organ; and
(11) Torture means intentionally subjecting an animal to extreme pain, suffering, or
agony. Torture does not include conduct performed by a veterinarian licensed to
practice veterinary medicine and surgery in this state or conduct that conforms to
accepted veterinary practices.

37
IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

4.2 Why Do Men Batter?
by Brain Nichols, B.A., Public Policy Team Manager

As programs for batterers proliferate around the country, they often become a touchstone for
disagreements over the source of battering. Is battering a psychological problem, an anger
management problem, a communication problem? How a community understands the source
of battering in many ways determines the type of program it will support.
In considering the source of battering, it may be helpful to take a look at Bill, a man who batters
and is in a batterers intervention program. Bill has acknowledged using force against his
partner, Janet; isolating her by blocking the doorway when she wants to leave, criticizing her
friends, taking her keys, unplugging the phone, and staying out without letting her where he is.
How do we understand his violence, and how does Bill go about making personal change? How
these questions are answered has meaning and consequences for the community.
Common Explanations
Battering has come to be commonly understood as a learned behavior, especially likely to occur
if a man witnessed violence or was a target of violence as a child. Although this explanation has
strengths, when we use it we tend to overlook the fact that women are usually available as role
models of non-violent behavior. Yet boys, and adult men, do not commonly emulate womens
behavior. A simple learning theory of battering will not suffice, because it does not explain why
women are so often invisible to boys and men as models of how to be in relationships.
Battering is sometimes understood as a problem within the individual, such as the inability to
recognize and express feelings. Another intra-personal explanation is that a man batters
because he is unable to assertively express his needs and desires. It is true that some men who
batter are poor at identifying and communicating feelings. However, Bill is not simply
attempting to express a feelings when he says you cant leave because youve been cheating
on me. To account for Bills behavior as an interpersonal communication problem is not
convincing. He clearly knows what he wants, and is communicating it by words and action.
Battering is not an inability to express feelings or wants, but a method by which a man does so.
Battering is sometimes seen as an anger management problem: a man is unable to express
anger constructively. But Bill manages his anger quite effectively, using it as a weapon with
which to batter. He directs it against women not against the legal system or against his
employer, for example. He also uses the fact that he was angry to help him get away with using
abuse to control Janet. For instance, after physically battering Janet, Bill uses anger as a
justification for his actions and shows feelings of regret and remorse to avoid any consequences
of battering. Men who batter express feelings, including anger, when and to whom they want.
38
The fact that men who batter are able to manage skills such as communication and the
expression of feelings allows that men may use these skills as tactics to batter. They are a part
of battering rather than an explanation of battering. When a man is selective about when,
where and to whom he is abusive, the implication is that battering is neither a communication
problem nor an anger management problem, but a choice.
When a man hits or yells at a woman, that is a choice he makes. No person or circumstance can
make a man attack his partner verbally or physically. There are circumstances which may
increase the likelihood that a man will batter, but no circumstances make it inevitable that a
man will make abusive choices. This means that explanations of battering which are
interpersonal, such as communication issues or provocation, are inaccurate.
Men, rather than circumstances, are responsible for abusive choices. Thus, an accurate
explanation of battering would account for the reasons men make the choice to batter rather
than an outside force that causes them to batter. In short, men batter to gain power and
control over another person. This explanation is profound in that it frames individual acts of
violence within a pattern of behavior. This explanation of power and control has become,
however, something of a clich, and its larger implications are overlooked. One often
overlooked implication is that battering is purposeful. Men choose behavior in a systematic way
in order to gain power and control. There is a function to a mans battering. That is, men batter
in the short term to get a woman to do what he wants or to stop her from doing something.
When a man yells at a woman, criticizing her, he knows what effect his behavior will have on
her. In the short term, his yelling will cause fear and pain, and in the longer term he will destroy
her personhood so that he can have power and control over her. Men who batter know and
choose the effects of battering. This is disturbing because it leaves us with the question, why do
men want power and control?
Sexism as the problem
Sexism is the source of mens choice to use violence and abusive tactics to gain power and
control over a woman. The word source here means a wellspring, not a cause. Just a single
incidence of violence is better understood within a pattern of that persons abusive behavior,
so individual batterers are better understood within a social context of sexism. Within the
context of sexism, it is inevitable, rather than unthinkable, that a large number of men will
choose to use violence and abuse. The connection between sexism and mens violence can be
better understood through a definition.
Sexism is gender prejudice + power. Gender prejudice is the predisposition to experience
women as inferior to men. It is the filter through which men experience womens behavior as
flawed, out of place, even evil. With such perceptions, men believe it is necessary to control
women, and are willing to use violence and abusive choices to do so. Mens power to batter
women is not only person; it flows from institutions whose social function is to set cultural
norms and hold violators accountable. Lets return to Bill for some examples to illustrate.
39
The first example looks at prejudice. Bill identified as his reason or justification for isolating
Janet like this: Janets friends are a bad influence on her, and she should stay away from them.
Bill struggled with the connection of his justification to sexism. He eventually realized that he
believed women are easily tempted and not trustworthy that they need men to keep their
moral compass pointed in the right direction. This belief led to his expectation that Janet check
out her friends with him.
The source of Bills belief is sexist social norms. When asked the sources of his belief that
women are easily tempted and not trustworthy, Bill quickly answered, The story of Eve and
pop psychologys characterization of women as emotionally based (unlike men are who
rationally based.) There is, then, a cascading effect from sexist cultural norms and messages
about women to personally held beliefs about women, to expectations men have for women
they are partnered with, to abuse and justifications when women act freely. Sexist norms and
beliefs do not force any man to make the choice to be abusive, but they do provide the source
from which such choices flow.
Now let us look at power, the second part of our definition. The power men have to batter is
increased by the sexism of institutions. As institutions set cultural norms, they have
considerable power to name and define what is true. When institutions promote sexist
messages about women, the seeming validity and reasonableness of Bills beliefs increases. As a
result, he has more power in the relationship to enforce his expectations as rules.
Institutional support is often a source of power unavailable for women. If Janet asserted before
a congregation that she should make decisions for the family about who they see, she would
not be taken as seriously as Bill. Institutions which name reality can increase the power men
have to batter.
In addition to setting cultural norms, institutions are also responsible for holding violators of
those norms accountable. However, when institutions promote sexist beliefs, they collude with
mens power over women. If the church accepts Bills justification for his abuse, it colludes with
him by supporting his belief that he has the right to control Janet. Janet receives an implicit
message that her behavior is the problem that if she doesnt follow Bills rule, shes liable to
be punished. This one way in which institutional collusion can increase the power men have to
batter.
Our summary definition, sexism = gender prejudice + power, says that men are prejudiced to
experience women as inferior to themselves, and become willing to batter women. Institutions
increase mens power to batter by setting sexist social norms, colluding with men who batter
and implicitly holding women accountable for violating sexist norms.
40
Mens resistance to seeing sexism as the source of battering and

The solution for Bill and the community
An understanding of sexism as the source of battering has implications for Bill, for other men
and for the community. For Bill, the understanding that sexism is the source of his choice to
batter means that his work to change is counter-cultural. Within a culture of sexism, controlling
tactics are the expression of social norms, including chivalrous or deferential treatment.
Genuinely respectful treatment of women is counter-cultural (respectful meaning honestly
expressing ourselves and taking women seriously). In order to be respectful and safe towards
women, Bill must work to change his beliefs, and to be aware of institutions which express
sexist norms about women. If he does not change his beliefs, he may stop his violence for a
period of time, but he will be merely white knuckling in other words, restraining his desire
to control Janet rather than working to have a non-abusive relationship with her.
The situation is much the same for all men. Like Bill, we are often resistant to the idea that
sexism is the source of male violence. To accept this means having to face our commonalities
with men who do batter. Both slapping a woman and dismissing her ideas flow from the same
source sexism. Such similarities can be more easily discounted if other explanations of
battering are accepted. Acknowledging sexism means recognizing that we as men each have
illegitimate power in male-female relationships. It means men share the problem and the
benefits of batter, and the responsibility for ending it.
Understanding sexist beliefs and practices as the source of battering allows the community to
work to prevent violence with a new clarity and resolve. Because violence is a choice, the
community cannot create circumstances in which men will refrain from abuse. The community
can, however, diminish mens prejudice and power by ending sexism. By diminishing prejudice,
fewer men may make the choice to abuse women, and more men may be willing to treat
women with respect. Additionally, diminishing sexism would change the context in which men
make abusive choices. Men would be less able to justify abuse to the woman and to the
community. As a result, when a man chose to be abusive and violent, perhaps he would be
unable to have systematic power and control over a woman. In summary, any significant
reduction in violence against women will entail addressing sexism as the source of mens
battering.
Men Stopping Violence Inc, 2001 | 1020 DeKalb Avenue Suite 25 Atlanta, GA 3037
P: (404)688-1376 | F: (404)688-4021 | msv@menstoppingviolence.org
http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/articles/whymenbatter.html
41

4.3 Post-Separation Power and Control Wheel
42

4.4 Joint Custody Wheel
43

4.5 Equality Wheel
44

4.6 Advocacy Empowerment Wheel
45
V. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

4.7 Nurturing Children Wheel
46

4.8 Preparing For Mediation When Domestic Abuse Is An Issue
The Nebraska Legislature in the Parenting Act has found that it is in the best interests of
each child to have a safe, stable, and nurturing environment.
The goal of mediation is to assist the parents in developing a safe parenting plan that is
good for your child, consistent with the terms of any existing protection order, and
provides for the safety of everyone in the family. The mediator cannot and will not make
any information about your mediation available to the court unless there is an
agreement for a parenting plan, can not make a recommendation to the Court about
your case, or give the court an opinion about whether the alleged abuse or violence
actually occurred.
If there is a protection order in place, pending, or there has been one in the
past.
o Discuss the history and details with your attorney and ask if your case
meets the requirements under the Nebraska Parenting Act for protection
as a case of Domestic Intimate Partner Abuse. Discuss the option of filing
an affidavit detailing the history of abuse for consideration at a
temporary hearing for custody, parenting time, and other access.
o Tell your mediator at the initial individual mediation session about your
safety concerns as a result of your protection order and about the history
of any domestic abuse or use of power and control in your relationship.
o Bring your protection order papers to your mediation appointment.
Your initial individual mediation appointment will be scheduled separately at a

different day and time from the other parent if you notify the Douglas County
Conciliation Court and Mediation Services 444-7169 of the Protection Order
and ask for the special scheduling.
o Generally you and the other parent will not meet together at any time for
mediation unless you and the mediator discuss the option and the
mediator and both parents agree to such a meeting.
47
The Nebraska Parenting Act allows you to bring a support person with you
to any mediation appointment. That person or persons may be your
attorney, a domestic abuse advocate, friend, family member, or counselor.
o Your support person may participate with you in considering your
options as well as provide emotional support in the session.
Important note about the Nebraska Parenting Act.

o The Nebraska Parenting Act spells out rules that the Court must
follow in granting custody, parenting time, and other access to
parents when there has been an evidentiary finding of Domestic
Intimate Partner Abuse. You should request a copy of those
provisions from your attorney, advocate, or mediator to consider as
part of your mediation. Be sure to read it. You should understand
your options regarding custody and parenting time of your child
before your mediation.
48
V. Individual Private Sessions

5.1 Importance of Private Individual Screening and Narrative
While the scope of cases where Specialized ADR facilitation is deemed appropriate is
quite extensive, there are limits. Appropriate Specialized ADR process must not
threaten the physical or emotional safety of either parent and should not be undertaken
in cases where either parent is not competent and able to discuss, enter, and carry out
agreements. Ultimately, the decision to participate in a Specialized ADR process must
be left to the informed consent of a competent parent. This statement is consistent with
the view of empowerment favored by proponents of mediation, that the individual's
ability and opportunity to participate in the dispute settlement process through an
active choice is critical to their empowerment.
The Parenting Act requires an extensive pre-mediation individual session which is
referred to as the initial individual session where the mediator is required to use State
Court Administrator approved screening tools to assess the presence of child abuse or
neglect, unresolved parental conflict, domestic intimate partner abuse, other forms of
intimidation or coercion, or a party's inability to negotiate freely and make informed
decisions.
Additional purposes are to provide an opportunity for the parents to tell their narrative
or story in isolation from the other parent; for the facilitator to fully explain the
mediation and SADR processes including their opportunities and limits; assist each
parent to identify their priorities, needs, options, resources and other alternatives that
may be available to resolve current parenting issues or frame parenting issues for future
engagement.
This initial individual session is critical in managing the use of power in Specialized ADR
facilitation for a number of reasons. First, it provides an opportunity for the mediator to
attempt to destabilize the dominance of certain narratives. (Cobb and Rifkin at 50). The
opportunity for parents to "tell their own story" a personal narrative is one of the
primary strengths of the Specialized ADR process. Some domestic abuse advocates
argue that it may also be a source of disempowerment. The order in which the parents
speak is important. The initial narrative functions to dominate in the vast majority of
cases according to Sarah Cobb who writes that the first speaker does "more than just
'take their turn' - they construct the semantic and discursive space on which all
subsequent speakers must stand by providing a set of coherent relations between plots,
characters and themes". What essentially happens, Cobb suggests, is that the second
speaker becomes "trapped in their adversary's narrative." Cobb, S. "Empowerment and
Mediation: A Narrative Perspective" (July 1993) Negotiation Journal 245 at 247. Cobb
and Rifkin write primarily about joint sessions rather than individual separate sessions
used in Specialized ADR.
49
The Pre-Mediation initial individual session in which the parents tell their narratives to
the mediator or facilitator outside the presence of the other parent, provides a good
opportunity for the mediator/facilitator to prevent the tendency of power and control
narratives to dominate the process by leveling the playing field through providing an
opportunity for each parent to explain at length their narrative, without the influence of
the more powerful parents narrative being in the room, and in general may reduce (but
not eliminate) the tendency of the first narrative to dominate.
This tendency cannot be eliminated, in part, because the mediator/facilitator must still
hear one story first, and will therefore be influenced by the framework which is
established. This framework may influence the facilitators approach towards the
second parent, if the mediator uses information from the first parents session to frame
questions to the second parent. The information provided to the second parent about
what the other parent said, will influence the narrative told by the second parent. This
tendency will not be as great as it would be in a joint session, but can still have an
impact and limit the opportunity for empowerment. The private initial sessions can
provide an opportunity for the facilitator to validate the less powerful narrative both by
hearing it first and by consciously not carrying information to the other parent. (Cobb,
S.), Gunning, I. "Diversity Issues in Mediation: Controlling Negative Cultural Myths"
(1995) 1 Journal of Dispute Resolution 55 at 69.
Another important function of the individual private session is to assess whether a
parent may need to consider seeking professional assistance and advice from an
attorney, domestic abuse advocate, or other support person in order to prepare for the
Specialized ADR process and balance power between the parents.

50

5.2 Session Specific Short-Term Long-Term Approach
Specialized ADR facilitation must be viewed as a session-specific intervention on immediate
issues while considering the need for long-term engagement of continuing and future issues.
The parents and child are on a continuum where the needs of each parent and the child may
not be the same at any other point on the time line that reaches towards the childs nineteenth
birthday and beyond.
An appropriate consideration of the issues presented immediately after the temporary hearing
for example, requires a process which has divided attention between issues focused on future
custody, parenting time, and engagement with parenting functions and conflicts as required by
a permanent parenting plan while considering the immediate parenting needs presented by the
temporary order and its short term impact on the family.
Every individual session requires a focus on each parents needs and the individual childs needs
at the specific time of the facilitation, however the parent aided by the facilitator must never
lose sight of the significance of the individual session within the context of the long-term need
for constructive engagement for appropriate parenting until the child reaches age nineteen.
It is an essential beginning at every stage of the process that the facilitator convey to the parent
that it is a safe place to tell his or her story and seek an understanding of the parents narrative,
current needs, and future concerns. This safe place to begin is necessary and directly related to
creating an atmosphere conducive to the facilitator and parent actively considering the issues
required for an appropriate parenting plan while building a foundation for the long-term safe
and constructive engagement of parenting conflicts which will be experienced over time.
Safety is necessary at every stage of the process if the parents are to achieve a structural
change in their relationship that provides the foundation to consider essential elements of
appropriate agreements regarding parenting boundaries for communication, parenting
functions, and parents interaction with the child and each other. Realistically the parents view
of their current situation, may not permit either of them to see the main curative factors
necessary to provide a long term safe and functional parenting plan unless each feels safe and
comfortable within the process.
At each session the facilitator must listen mindfully to the parents narratives, identifying
current issues and risks; discussing options and alternatives including going to court, before
giving any consideration to proposing an offer for an agreement as part of temporary or more
long-term agreement. The facilitator must always convey a view towards the long-term
parental engagement while addressing the immediate needs and concerns of each parent.
51
V. Individual Private Session

5.3 Awareness of Power in Specialized ADR Process
The possible use of power either consciously or unconsciously by the parents or a facilitator,
will be a factor in every Specialized ADR session. Webster's defines power as: "the probability
that one actor within a social relationship will be in a position to carry out his own will". In his
book Coercive Control (2007), at 279, Evan Stark discusses power in relationship to liberty. In
defining this relationship he quotes John Locke from his Essay on Human Understanding. Locke
in writing about power that people use in personal life defines power as: a capacity to produce
intended effects and liberty as the opportunity to perform, or not perform, voluntary actions
according to the determinations of the mind. Locke and Stark clearly state the foundation of
the Specialized ADR process of facilitation which requires that the parents have the liberty and
power to make voluntary choices regarding the future care and control of their child.
Some indicators of power use by one parent that imposes on the other parents liberty and
power to make voluntary choices have been identified through use of the power and control
wheel:
a) economic abuse by limiting access to resources and use of repeated litigation;
b) exercise of male privilege by treating her like a servant and defining her role in the
home;
c) using children through threatening to harm or take them;
d) minimizing by making light of abuse and saying no one believes her;
e) isolation by alienating her friends and family while controlling who she can see;
f) emotional abuse though name calling and telling her she is crazy; intimidation through
use of looks and gestures,
g) destroying property or hurting pets; and
h) coercion and threats to hurt her or himself or making her commit crimes.
In mediation power comes into play when there is a mutual perception of power in one parent
which limits the liberty of the other parent to make decisions and perform parenting functions
without interference. A second application of power in mediation occurs when there is a
suppression of conflicts or concerns. Both forms of power may be exercised by either a parent
or by the mediator/facilitator.

52
An effective technique to balance power and address concerns for both types of power is the
use of individual sessions for Specialized ADR facilitation. Individual sessions where the parents
do not have face to face contact addresses concerns for victims that have fear of being in an
abusers presence prior, during, or after a session. (Salem and Milne 1995) Use of the private
caucus method with the parents in separate rooms, does not address this concern. It is the
separate individual sessions that give an abuse victim a safe opportunity to disclose her fears or
concerns and tell her story. (Perry, 1994). Telephone or email are also viable methods when
travel, cost, and safety issues are a concern. (Chance and Gerencser, 1996).
Ground rules used to restrict discussion of topics and to preclude topics a batterer may want to
negotiate such as dropping the abuse charges or modification of protection orders (Salem &
Milne, 1995), do not seem necessary or productive when separate sessions are used and
resolves a concern that the facilitator is exercising power in setting rules that suppress
discussion of conflict or concerns. Allowing a batterer to raise and discuss the issue does not
mean the issue will necessarily be a subject for consideration by the victim.
A discussion of power requires consideration of the complicated and interactive nature of
power with the concept of balancing power through "empowerment". The concept of
empowerment has been at the heart of the debate over litigation verses mediation as the most
appropriate method of determining custody, parenting time, and other access issues. The
question of whether "balancing power" through empowerment is possible in sessions where
both parents are present is dependent upon two assumptions. First that requiring a victim to
set at the same table with a batterer will not in itself victimize the parent and secondly that a
mediator can recognize the perception of power and then has the ability to prevent the actual
exercise of that power during the mediation process. It must be acknowledged that in a joint
session mediation process the exercise of coercive power may not be recognized because of its
subtle nature and may result in an agreement which is the result of the use of coercive power
or fear of future use when the mediator is not present.

53

5.4 Empowerment Through Safety of Individual Sessions:
Empowerment is linked to an individual's ability and opportunity to participate in the
dispute settlement process and to actively shape acceptable outcomes to each problem.
Power Imbalance is addressed with:
Knowledge of the options for process and settlement;
Mediator/facilitator controls the process;
Mediator/facilitator monitors behaviors;
Mediator/facilitator vigilance for inappropriate agreements;
Separate sessions not a caucus with an opportunity to present ones narrative
without interruption or contradiction; and
Opportunity for participation by attorneys, advocates, and other support
persons whom the parent believes are necessary.
Empowerment:
Safe setting and process:
Individual intake, a private face to face meeting to screen for DV, DIPA,
child abuse/neglect, and capacity; including historical or current acts.
Opportunity for each parent to learn about the process and options
before determining if the parent wants to continue with mediation.
Throughout the process safety measures and options for parenting plan
provisions are examined in the context of domestic abuse/power and
control dynamics when appropriate.
If either parent makes a choice to terminate the Specialized ADR process,
then the case is closed without any notation of choice being exercised,
confidentiality/privilege is maintained.
If the choice and opportunity to use the Specialized ADR process is made
then safety planning for the process continues.
54
Victim Safety includes:

Confidentiality regarding: date, location, arrival, departure, and any other
safety concerns. Safety is viewed as an empowering process which walks
each parent through each step and option including assistance in
connecting a parent with domestic abuse support or providing support
information. Discussion of a victims goals for the immediate session will
not include any pressure by the facilitator for the need to compromise for
settlement.
55

5.5 IPS TABLE
IPS -->
1. Normal Parenting
Plan Mediation
2. U.P.C.
3. C.A.N.
4. D.I.P.A.
Self-Care
Process
Communication
Techniques
Interpersonal
Dynamics
Negotiation
Approaches of
Parties
Safety (Children,
Parties, Facilities)
Parenting Plan
Coming to Closure
Success
56

5.6 State-Approved Screening Tool
Nebraska Mediation Screening Tool

The Nebraska Parenting Act, Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2939 (2007)
NOTE TO MEDIATOR:
Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2939 (2007) states: (1) A Parenting Act mediator, prior to meeting with the parties in an initial
mediation session, shall provide an individual initial screening session with each party to assess the presence of
child abuse or neglect, unresolved parental conflict, domestic intimate partner abuse, other forms of intimidation or
coercion, or a partys inability to negotiate freely and make informed decisions. If any of these conditions exist, the
mediator shall not proceed with the mediation session but shall proceed with a specialized alternative dispute
resolution process that addresses safety measures for the parties, if the mediator is on the approved specialist list of
an approved mediation center or court conciliation program, or shall refer the parties to a mediator who is so
qualified. . . . The mediator has the duty to determine whether to proceed in joint session, individual sessions, or
caucus meetings with the parties in order to address safety and freedom to negotiate. In any mediation or
specialized alternative dispute resolution, a mediator has the ongoing duty to assess appropriateness of the process
and safety of the process upon the parties.
This screening tool was developed under the provisions identified by Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2927 (2007)
and has been approved by the Nebraska State Court Administrator. The information contained herein is
considered to meet minimum requirements of the Act; however, mediators must use their own judgment
in terms of the screening process, assessment, and decision-making. The tool is based in part upon the
domestic abuse power wheel and its domains of power and control, and is designed to address the
statutorily defined risks of ability to negotiate, child abuse or neglect, unresolved parental conflict, and
other forms of intimidation and coercion. While this tool addresses the statutory risk areas, mediators are
encouraged to add more specific questions to explore a specific risk area should the situation warrant.
In addition to screening for safety issues and ability to negotiate freely, it is the mediators duty to
determine whether to: (a) proceed with mediation; (b) proceed with specialized ADR; or (c) to terminate
the mediation process in its entirety. A sample script to introduce the mediation screening is provided at
the beginning of the tool. A sample mediation assessment is provided at the end of the tool. The screening
is to be done for each and every Parenting Act client, face-to-face, in a private setting. The estimated
amount of time for screening each person is a minimum of fifteen minutes, with likely average time of
thirty to forty-five minutes.
Sample Mediator Script

It is important that I know as much about your relationship as possible, so I can assist you to develop a
parenting plan that is safe and effective for you and your children. To do so, I need to ask you some
routine questions that I ask all of my clients to determine all relevant facts. These questions are
required by law. I apologize if any of them make you uncomfortable, but I would rather risk offending
you than not help you stay safe. Remember that everything you tell me is confidential, except for
unreported child abuse or neglect. Is this a safe place and a good time to talk with you? This interview
is for me to determine which approach and what process is the safest and most helpful for you and the
other parent to work out a Parenting Plan best for your children.
I.
Mediator: If you have determined that this is a safe place and time to talk, and you
have the mediation client with you alone in a private setting, then proceed with the
following questions.
57
Mediation Screening Questions (the underlined spaces _____ indicate the other
parent/party)
A.
My initial question to you is: do you have any concerns, doubts, or fears about mediating
or negotiating with the other parent? If so, please describe:
B.
Do you have any concerns, doubts, or fears about being in the same room with the other
parent? If so, please describe:
C.
D.
General Fear / Safety Issues: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
What happens in your relationship when you disagree? Please describe: _____________
Do you feel that you or your children are in danger?
Yes/No
Do you have any fear/concerns about being able to talk about your childrens needs with
_____in the same room?
Yes/No
Do you feel safe being in the same room with _____?
Yes/No
Are you concerned about _____s mental stability?
Yes/No
Do you have any concerns about drug or alcohol use by _____?
Yes/No
Coercion and Threats: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Has _____ ever threatened you, your children, or family members?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever threatened to to hurt him/herself?
Yes/No
Has _____ threatened you to not press charges or tell anyone about abuse that occurred?
Yes/No
Isolation: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Has _____ or does _____ limit your contact with others (friends, family, co-workers)?
Yes/No
E.
F.
G.
Using the Children: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Tell me about the relationships you and ____ have with your
children:______________________
Does _____:
o undermine your authority with your children?
Yes/No
o engage in behavior that is abusive toward your children?
Yes/No
o neglect to take care of your childrens needs, such as needs for food,
a healthy environment, medical care, etc.
Yes/No
o Has _____ ever taken the children without notice or permission? Yes/No
o Has _____ ever threatened to take the children without permission? Yes/No
Legal Status (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Are there other dissolution or modification proceedings active?
Yes/No
Is there a case active in juvenile court?
Yes/No
Is there an active restraining order, protection order, or other similar order?Yes/No
Are there any other civil or criminal court actions impacting you, _____, your children,
or _____s children?
Yes/No
58
H.
I.
J.
Economic Abuse: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Describe how you and _____ handled finances and made financial decisions :
________________
Has _____ ever withheld your access to money or credit cards?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever forbid you to attend work or school?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever stolen from you or defrauded money or assets from you? Yes/No
Has _____ ever exploited your resources for her/her personal gain?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever withheld physical resources such as food, clothing, necessary
medications or shelter?
Yes/No
Emotional Abuse: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Has _____ ever threatened or intimidated you to gain compliance?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever destroyed your personal property or threatened to do so? Yes/No
Has _____ ever committed violence toward an animal or object in your presence?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever yelled, screamed, called you names, shamed, mocked or criticized you?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever been possessive of you?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever isolated you from friends or family?
Yes/No
Gender-Based Privilege: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Describe how roles were divided between you and ______:
Who:
o helped with the childrens care
o decided what your role was in the relationship or in the home
o helped around the house with house cleaning, chores, etc
o helped with outside chores
Describe how decisions were made with ______:
Does _____ express respect toward you?
Yes/No
Intimidation: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Does _____ make you afraid by using looks, actions or gestures?
Yes/No
Has _____
o ever destroyed property, particularly things that are important to you?
Yes/No
o displayed or talked about weapons in a way that caused you to be afraid?
Yes/No
o thrown or shoved objects in a way that caused you to be afraid?
Yes/No
o followed you, called you repeatedly, in a way that felt intimidating?Yes/No
o gone through your mail, car, or household in a way that you felt violated?
Yes/No
Do you feel you shouldnt talk about your relationship?
Yes/No
Physical Abuse: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Describe any ways _____ has physically harmed you:
K.
L.
59
M.
Has _____
o ever grabbed, pushed thrown or tripped you?
Yes/No
o pulled your hair, twisted your arm, pinned you down or slapped you?
Yes/No
o limited your access to food, drink, bathroom facilities, sleep?
Yes/No
medications or other physical self-care items?
o ever thrown something at you?
Yes/No
o hit, kicked, kneed or punched you anywhere on your body?
Yes/No
If you answered yes, were you pregnant at the time?
Yes/No
Has _____ ever strangled or choked you?
Yes/No
Have you ever needed medical attention as a result of _____s actions?
Yes/No
Sexual Abuse: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe further)
Have you felt forced to engage in unwanted sexual activity?
Yes/No
Are you concerned about _____s inappropriate sexual behavior with or around children?
Yes/No
N.
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming: (if any answer is Yes, ask the party to describe
further)
When problems occurred during your relationship with _____, were you blamed for
problems that werent your fault?
Yes/No
When problems occurred, were your feelings disregarded?
Yes/No
Did _____ feel justified for abusive behavior toward you?
Yes/No
Did _____ act as though abuse never happened, when it did?
Yes/No
O.
Other Concerns: Ability to Negotiate Freely and Make Informed Decisions

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
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Mediators Assessment:
The screening tool and process is to provide the mediator the opportunity to determine whether
mediating in joint session is appropriate, referral to Specialized ADR is appropriate, or whether
to terminate the mediation process itself. This page is to be completed by each mediator for each
party after interviewing the client.
Again, to reiterate mediator process assessment duties defined under the Nebraska Parenting Act,
(2007) 43-2939(1):
The mediator has the duty to determine whether to proceed in joint session, individual
sessions, or caucus meetings with the parties in order to address safety and freedom to
negotiate. In any mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution, a mediator has
the ongoing duty to assess appropriateness of the process and safety of the process upon
the parties.
The following questions are provided to guide the mediator in this assessment. If the mediator
providing this screening has not had the advanced specialized alternative dispute resolution
(ADR) training, the mediator must not proceed with the intervention if answers to questions (2)
or (3) below indicate that it is not appropriate to proceed with joint session mediation.
______________________________________________________________________________
1.
Do the responses to the screening process indicate that the person is appropriate for
joint session mediation? Yes____ No ____ Uncertain ______
a.
If the answer is no or uncertain, refer the party to Specialized ADR.
b.
If the answer is yes, continue with or refer the party to joint session
mediation.
2.
Is there a current protection order or other legal order that limits face-to-face
encounter between both parents? Yes ____ No ____
a.
If the answer is yes, refer the party to Specialized ADR.
b.
If the answer is no, the party may or may not be appropriate for
mediation, depending upon other responses.
3.
Does the person being interviewed refuse to or have doubts about meeting face-toface with the other parent?
a.
If the answer is yes, refer to Specialized ADR
b.
If the answer is no, the party may or may not be appropriate for
mediation, depending upon other responses.
4.
Do the responses indicate that neither joint session mediation nor Specialized ADR
are appropriate for this matters?
a.
If so, the mediator must not proceed with any intervention, and terminate the
process.
b.
The mediator should refer the party(s) to legal counsel, and other resources
such as domestic violence serving agencies, social services, counselors, and
others.
Date____________________ Name of Party Interviewed _____________________________

Mediator ______________________ Recommendation ________________________
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5.7 Sample IPS Screening Tool
Mediator Process for Individual Initial Session
(Sample from The Mediation Center, Lincoln, NE)
This tool is just one part of the larger Individual Initial Session with each party that is conducted privately.
Below is one suggested approach for the first individual initial session covering such items as explaining
mediation, the spectrum of mediation and the model you use, parenting plan contents, goals, objectives,
strategies, time lines, and how to incorporate the screening tool within the initial session.
One approach for the private Individual Initial Session can be to use the eight-step mediation process:
Step One Mediators introduction to include all the regular stuff; include overview of parenting plan
contents; description of joint vs. private session ADR
Step Two Partys opening statement asking the individual person to describe what theyd like to
accomplish through mediation; goals; brief info about family. This is where the mediator/facilitator is
listening and building trust.
Step Three Clarification exploring the issue of: Should we proceed in joint session or private session?
Clarify parties communication and negotiation dynamics; clarify presence or absence of power and control;
coercion, intimidation. Using the tool to help clarify and screen noting that each of the sections reflect
the power and control wheel. Each section begins with a more general, open-ended question. The mediator
determines whether and how to explore further. Remember, victims dont usually answer broad questions,
and need the more specific question. This is where the mediator will need to continue to build trust and
rapport with each party, whether theres any concern or not about domestic intimate partner abuse (DIPA)
and thus safety concerns or power, intimidation concerns. If there is DV, and the private session approach
is likely, remember, the mediator needs to build trust and rapport with EACH party, individually.
Step Four Issue and interest the issue is really what process is appropriate? the interests include
ability to negotiate freely, without coercion or intimidation and safety of parties, mediators
Step Five Agenda setting at least one issue the process issue.
Step Six Option generating three options for sure: joint session, private session, or no
mediation/ADR at all
Step Seven Decision-making in terms of deciding which process to use joint or private aka.
mediation or SADR? Ultimately, its the mediators decision, according to the new Parenting Act. The
mediator will need to determine whether to announce the process decision right then and there, or wait till
the center calls you back to schedule the second session
Step Eight Closure
62
Name of Parent______________________Parents Attorney _________________

Date__________
Childs Name & DOB_______________________________________________________________
I. P. Session Mediator(s)______________ Other Parent ______________Others Atty. __________
Individual Initial Session Confidential Questions:
1. Is there anything YOU would like to know about me or TMC?

2.
Would YOU like a brief summary about mediation?

You and the other party are the decision makers
Generally confidential with a few exceptions
a. Mediator obligated to confidentiality
b. How do you as parties deal with confidentiality?
Mediator makes no decisions
Mediator is impartial, a third party neutral
A constructive facilitated conversation that takes place
a. Privately or
b. In Joint session
3. Are there urgent matters that YOU want me to know about now?
4. Other matters that YOU want me to know about your situation?
5. Is there anything else YOU would like me to hear about?
6.
What are your Your Goals, Objectives, Strategies in Mediation?
7.
Any concerns/doubts re meeting Face 2 Face 4 Mediation with the other Parent?
8.
When problems come up at home, how do you & ___________ deal with it?
9.
What happens when you as parents disagree?
10. How does your relationship with the children differ from the other Parent_________?
11. How are financial decisions handled in your home?
12. How do you & the other Parent_____ deal with Parenting roles & duties in your home?
13. Any concerns about your or the childrens safety? During or After Mediation?
14. ANY past or present legal issues re. anyone in the family of any kind?
15. Ever anything Physical? Concerns? FEEL Free to Make your own decisions?
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VI. Family and Children

Notes:__________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
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VII. Days Reflections

Notes:__________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
65

8.1 Centering for Mediation
Sit comfortably.
Become aware of my breath.
Listen to my breathing without judging my breathing or mentally changing my breath.
Simply count: breathe one in; breathe two out, listen and allow my breath to occur.
Become aware of my body without changing position to gain awareness, merely sit and
notice where my body touches the chair, where I feel tension or pressure.
Close my eyes and watch my breath. Count each breath as I see it.
Consider the mystery of what is about to happen in mediation.
Contemplate listening without judgment.
Consider the mediation/dialogue will be unique, unlike any other.
If interaction is genuine the experience will be without precedent.
The interaction will have its own dynamic with its own seeds for understanding and
meaning.
Become aware that the moment is brimming with possibilities.
Through listening deeply there is the opportunity to truly hear.
Through foregoing judgment, there is the opportunity to see and hear more deeply.
By letting myself be touched with words and thought, I may be able to convey that the
speaker is being heard and is not alone,
Let the mind become quiet.
Become aware of my breath.
Feel my feet on the floor.
Feel my body against the chair.
Breathe slowly, open my eyes.
66

8.2 Mindful Listening
Mindful listening.
Deep Listening.
Compassionate Listening.
Requires Practice and training.
Practice mindful breathing.
Being aware of the in breath.
Being aware of the out breath.
Bring the mind and the body together.
Practice mindful breathing, walking, sitting, and listening. Practice using soft
peaceful speech, remain calm, allow what is being presented to be fully
understood as it its being fully expressed.
A listener must be willing to invest time and energy without seeking a result.
Listening connects the circuit between facilitator and parent allowing energy as
well as information to flow.
Listening well relaxes everyone and provides the opportunity for everyones
blood pressure to lower.
To become a better listener first listen to yourself. Listen carefully to the
stories you tell. Listen for the inner and outer voice as you speak of yourself or
your work.
Consider the story as you tell it. Is what you hear really what you meant to
say? Does it convey the depth and the essence of what the story can say?
Listen for the music of silence. Can you hear it? If not, then listen to the sound
of your breath until you hear the silence.
67
IX. Mindfulness as Practitioner

9.1 What Mindfulness Teaches Us About Listen Deeply, Attentively, Without
Judgment and with Probing Questions
Listen deeply and attentively while preparing to probe carefully and wonder about what we
hear.
It is a commitment to respecting others, to understanding their strengths as well as their
troubles and conflicts, and to recognizing that the pain they feel is real whatever its source.
I should not overlook attitudes and statements that are racist, sexist, or deny the reality of
coercive power and control behaviors, however that doesnt mean I must or should directly
confront the parents expressions. Overlooking these incidents is not helpful because when I
overlook such incidents I am not being effective or balanced. I need to learn how: to have
empathy and understanding while acknowledging the feelings of hurt and outrage expressed by
both abusers and victims; to retain the information while taking time to explore it internally;
and over time develop a method to address those expressions.
Can I remain detached from an implied request to accept the values of power and control and
yet listen with understanding and not respond with judgments, confrontation, or provide
implied permission to use coercion and power? Seek the answers through open ended
questions of them and myself. Use the open ended questions: who, what, when, how, and
why.
The open ended questions with detachment may make it possible to think about these
problems in serious and constructive ways: What precisely has been said and done? Why and
how did it matter to them? Who was responsible for what? How did each person see the
events? How did (s)he justify it? What does each person need at this time? What can I do
without asserting my judgments to offer options to meet their future needs? What were the
risks to me, to the child, to each parent?
Does this approach remain overly judgmental? Is it directive? Does it risk disempowerment of
one or both parents? What does this examination, this approach, teach me about my own
lapses of controlling behavior? Can I look for them, acknowledge them, and make a sincere
attempt at more respectful and less controlling communication. Does the process ground me
in my own perspective? Has the process strengthened my resolve to be understanding,
compassionate, and effective in facilitating their engagement?

68
"Trust your body." When you hear or see things during this process that appear contrary to
your values, pay particular attention. Listen and look at the evidence your body offers you and
believe what your body tells you. Whether this occurs in an individual session or as part of the
process you use; if your body says what I hear is inadequate or erroneous; it doesnt feel quite
right; then it may be incompatible with your knowledge, experience and values, dont take a
short cut or allow simple acceptance. Dont accept what is not true to you without personal
examination, thought, and testing against your personal experience. There is no shortcut to
change or understanding. Trust your body until it makes sense to you; or reject it and work to
develop an understanding that feels right and makes sense.

69

9.2 Using Silence
Silence can help the mind become clear while patently waiting to listen deeply. Using a
moment of silence at the beginning of a mediation session can become a focusing device. A
session may be effectively started with an explanation of the process, an open-ended question,
or specific reflective question. If I observe that a parent has entered the session anxious and
talkative, silence may permit a parent to unburden and the mediator/facilitator a chance to
focus and deeply listen. If the parent enters the session quiet and apprehensive, silence by the
mediator/facilitator may permit the parent an opportunity to relax without pressure to speak
and the mediator/facilitator the opportunity to focus and assess who should begin to speak.
Lois Gold, Mediation and the Culture of Healing, Bringing Peace into the Room, ed., Daniel
Bowling and David Hoffman.

70

9.3 Honoring Voice with Empowerment and Safety
Focus on honoring each parents voice and choice to participate with safety:
Listen to learn about the issues then assist the parent to determine and
choose whether the parent wants to continue with mediation.
Deep listening, active listening, identify issues and interests, and educate
as to safety issues.
Each session is an opportunity to experience the power of narrative when the parents
entire story is heard, gain clarity, consider options, recognize the power of choice to
make or not make decisions, and allow the experience of power through deciding to
make or not make decisions.
Recognition and empowerment- hearing and seeing the perspective of
each individual parent without exerting any pressure to decide.
Mediator/facilitator must be the parents only method of communication about the
issues in mediation; the only method for the exchange of information about the other
parents point of view; and the only method for the exchange of an offer, a rejection, a
settlement.
71

9.4 Re-Victimization Negates Empowerment Efforts:
A mediator/facilitator must be sensitive to the danger of re-victimization that may occur
because of statements that contain: unintended judgments; hidden pressure from a
reasonable sounding parent who uses power and control through manipulation and
persuasion; or may express unconscious attitudes of the facilitator about the strength,
dominance, and reasonableness of men and the nature of women to be reasonable,
submissive and flexible. Facilitators must be aware and vigilant so their statements
dont carry negative or harmful messages of gender roles, power, coercion, and abuse.
SADR facilitators must be aware of the harm that can occur from discounting abuse and
violence by attempting to reframe the abuse or violence. Never ask "why didn't you
leave if it was really that bad?" Never ask or suggest that a woman change her behavior
during abusive episodes. Never ask a victim to be more reasonable to parenting time
requests. Cobb (1997) analyzed 30 community mediation sessions and found that in
80% of the sessions, mediators "domesticated" the violence narratives told by the
parents until the violence seem to disappear or not be important in parenting.
Reframing can become a process of transforming complaints of abuse into requests for
compromise; then the abuse, violence, and power and control tactics the victim
experienced may seem to be irrelevant or domesticated." A process that discounts
power and control tactics gives the perception to a victim that the mediation process
requires her to continue to be reasonable through submission and compromise rather
than expect safety, validation, and the power to effectuate change in her life and the
abusers behavior.
The facilitator cannot make the mistake of asking a victim of power and control
dynamics to consider compromise that validates that dynamic. Asking a victim to be
reasonable and compromise in ways she believes will put her at risk can occur when
women are viewed as more able to give in or change their behavior and attitudes.
Therefore when the womans narrative contains an ongoing dynamic of power and
control that signals risk for the custody and parenting time negotiations, the facilitator
must not make the mistake of asking her "what can you do to change your behavior?"
(Cobb, 1997).
So the question the facilitator may ask is what am I hearing in these cases? Research on
communication behaviors in mediators and parents involved in child custody mediation
has noted the behavior of unsuccessful parents as being more competitive. Werner
(1994). The competitive behavior was primarily identified as being confrontational with
at least one of the parents blaming, faultfinding, accusing; dominating the conversation;
interrupting; being critical; or making threats. Although that study was not looking for
72
domestic abuse the implications from the study for SADR facilitators is that if one of the
parents in highly conflicted sessions is exhibiting confrontational communication
patterns, the parents may be enmeshed in power and control patterns and domestic
abuse.
Conflict style profiles developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann portray
competing as a power driven mode being high in assertiveness and low in
cooperativeness. It is a negotiation style that puts parents in a win/lose relationship
where one attempts to achieve his/her goals at the expense of another. It may involve
hard bargaining or the use of a parents authority, position, wealth, or other forms of
influence. There is not much consideration for the feelings, views, needs, or goals of the
other parent. The power parent may claim to only be seeking what is fair and
reasonable in seeking collaboration or compromise from the other parent. However, the
real goal is to win or succeed in achieving the desired outcome of requiring continued
contact and frequent interaction with the other parent through the parenting plan.
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument Profile and Interpretive Report. (2001)
Research using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator shows that individuals with consistently
competitive personality styles tend to be men who are extroverted-sensing-thinkingjudging or extroverted-intuitive-thinking-judging. Women are less likely than men to
have a predominantly competitive personality style. A parent whose dominant conflict
style is competing will tend to see differences among people in black and white; good
and bad; right and wrong; winner and loser; competent and incompetent. They usually
believe that they are justified in their position and support those who agree with them
while opposing those who disagree which will mean they have the same expectation for
agreement for mediators, psychologists, judges, and their own attorney.
73
IX. Mindful as Practitioner

9.5 Where Are You Going?
Q. Where are you going?
A. To mediate; to listen with two parents.
Q. What is the purpose of this mediation?
A. I dont know.
Q. Did you forget to read your assignment?
A. No, I read the assignment.
Q. Did you forget what you read?
A. No, I remember what I read.
Q. Then why dont you know the purpose of this mediation?
A. My purpose is to have a clear and open mind, to be ready to hear what is
said. To be ready to travel without judgment on the path where each parent
takes me.
Q. Why not make a plan, be prepared to lead the parents to a resolution of their
disputes?
A. One parents path may not be the other parents path.
Q. If everyone travels a different path what will be the solution to this mediation?
A. I dont know. Perhaps there will not be a solution on their paths.
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X. Mediation & SADR Theory

10.1 Reaffirming the Fundamentals of Mediation/Facilitation in SADR process
Definitions and philosophies of mediation models will always vary whenever and
wherever training and institutionalization take place. However, at least six principles
seem critical for the SADR process.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
SADR mediation is a voluntary process and must not be used to

substitute for or jeopardize participation in other due process
procedures.
SADR mediation is a confidential and privileged process.
Participation in SADR mediation is premised on informed consent of a
capable and willing parent.
Specific mediators must not be forced on the parties. Parties must retain
a free choice of neutrals, who have properly revealed any conflicts of
interest.
Parties with standing or interest should have full and equal access to a
mediation forum to help resolve matters to the highest satisfaction and
full self-determination of their own negotiated outcomes.
Mediators shall be cognizant of power dynamics between the mediator
and parents and between parents at all times.
75
X. Mediation & SADR Theory

10.2 SADR Issue Consideration
Issue consideration is a process for mediating/facilitating within SADR the multitude of
parenting issues involved in custody, parenting time, and child access with consideration
and concern for how those issues are impacted by domestic violence, domestic intimate
partner abuse(DIPA), child abuse, and unresolved parental conflict in the past or
present.
Under the Parenting Act these issues are primarily encountered within the context of a
dissolution of marriage or paternity proceeding by parents struggling with legal
decisions about custody, parenting time, and other access as part of a family
reorganization and transition to divide authority for parenting functions considering the
best interests of the child standard.
Within the context of a paternity determination these issues may involve parents
without a history of living together or of making joint decisions regarding the parenting
functions or the childs best interests.
Within the context of a protection order, restraining order, or criminal no contact order
these issues will involve a court order limiting or determining some issues prior to
consideration by the parents in mediation. Problem solving issue consideration in these
contexts is not a process for mediating incidences of domestic violence or other acts of a
parent under such a court ordered restriction of legal rights.
Preventing conflict is not possible.
Preventing direct exposure by a child to conflict may be manageable.
It is possible:
1. To establish a process to limit or prevent the parents opportunities for direct
contact and exposure to conflict;
2. To limit the opportunity for a child to observe parents in direct conflict;
3. Provide education for appropriate communication and exchange procedures;
4. Foster safety;
5. Problem solve and develop options first; and
6. Seek adversarial solutions last.
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Issue Identification and Constructive Engagement

In SADR cases consider that the parenting plan presents a set of safety issues to be
considered for implementation by the parents through an engagement process of
separate individual dialogs with the facilitator. A process with a primary focus on each
parents interest and need for the safety of the child and the parent.
Issue identification and constructive engagement is a problem solving process that
identifies needs and issues from past and current disputes which may be constructively
confronted prior to a dispute occurring. A guiding principle being that direct conflict
over parenting functions and a childs best interest may be avoided by appropriate issue
consideration and agreements based upon research, experience and knowledge of
appropriate family dispute engagement and resolution practices.
By providing an opportunity and assistance as an aid to identifying, discussing, and
considering decisions about parenting interaction or limits to interaction,
communication, and contact; it may be possible to resolve the issues without them
becoming disputes, or provide a method to constructively engage in the dispute in a
way that the child is not involved or aware of the conflict.
77
XI. Role of SADR Practitioner

11.1 Individual Private Sessions to Balance Power
In cases of alleged violence, abuse, or existence of power and control issues a SADR
process must always use individual sessions so the victim does not have to agree or
disagree to anything in her partner's presence. (Salem and Milne (1995) The parents will
not have face to face contact and therefore she does not have to fear his presence prior,
during, or after a session. Do not use the private caucus method with the parents in
separate rooms, it is the individual meetings that give the woman an opportunity to
disclose any fears or concerns. (Perry, 1994).
Telephone mediation is suggested when travel and safety issues are a concern. Chance
and Gerencser (1996)
In joint sessions ground rules have been used in other processes to restrict discussion of
topics and to preclude topics the batterers may want to negotiate such as dropping the
abuse charges or modification of protection orders (Salem & Milne, 1995) in SADR cases
this is not necessary because of the use of individual sessions.

78
XI. Role of SADR Practitioner

11.2 Specialized ADR Process
Screening for high conflict and domestic violence.
1. Interview of Attorney and client about other court files;
2. Review all court files of both parents;
a. Review primary case files;
b. Review all Protection Order files;
c. Review docket sheets and orders;
d. Review affidavits and allegations of pleadings;
e. Review criminal files and orders;
f. Copy and summarize all pertinent documents
3. Consider all safety and security issues;
4. Provide option to delay or waive screening/mediation;
5. Pre-mediation individual conference;
6. Consider parent safety and realistic resolution opportunities for future
sessions;
7. Provide option for attendance and support by victim advocate, attorney,
family, and friend to attend all screening and mediation sessions.
Methods overview
1. Mediator pre-session preparation;
2. Provide options for safe entry and exit to sessions, maintain confidentiality
for sessions;
3. Mediate with parents individually;
4. Honor each parents voice including statements of opinion, venting,
frustration, distrust;
5. Discuss and consider parent and child safety issues for access and exchange;
A. No V rule: No visuals, no verbal exchange during exchange;
B. Explore exchange rules remaining in vehicle and residence;
C. No parking lot or other public area exchange;
D. Explore day care or school exchange options;
E. Explore avoiding short weekday evening return visits, ie. 2 hours on
Tuesday;
F. Consider temporary short term arrangements to test viability;
G. Use attorneys to reality test positions;
H. Communication protocol;
6. Stay available for information about case status and parents problems of
implementation;
7. Advise attorney of problems.

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XII. Worldview and Culture

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XIII. Statutes and Policies for Specialized ADR

13.1 Nebraska Parenting Act (includes 2011 amendments)
43-2920. Act, how cited.
Sections 43-2920 to 43-2943 shall be known and may be cited as the
Parenting Act. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 1; Laws 2011, LB673 2.
Effective Date: August 7, 2011
43-2921. Legislative findings.
The Legislature finds that it is in the best interests of a child that a parenting plan be
developed in any proceeding under Chapter 42 involving custody, parenting time, visitation,
or other access with a child and that the parenting plan establish specific individual
responsibility for performing such parenting functions as are necessary and appropriate for
the care and healthy development of each child affected by the parenting plan.
The Legislature further finds that it is in the best interests of a child to have a safe, stable,
and nurturing environment. The best interests of each child shall be paramount and
consideration shall be given to the desires and wishes of the child if of an age of
comprehension regardless of chronological age, when such desires and wishes are based on
sound reasoning.
In any proceeding involving a child, the best interests of the child shall be the standard by
which the court adjudicates and establishes the individual responsibilities, including
consideration in any custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access determinations as well
as resolution of conflicts affecting each child. The state presumes the critical importance of the
parent-child relationship in the welfare and development of the child and that the relationship
between the child and each parent should be equally considered unless it is contrary to the best
interests of the child.
Given the potential profound effects on children from witnessing child abuse or neglect or
domestic intimate partner abuse, as well as being directly abused, the courts shall recognize the
duty and responsibility to keep the child or children safe when presented with a preponderance
of the evidence of child abuse or neglect or domestic intimate partner abuse, including
evidence of a child being used by the abuser to establish or maintain power and control over
the victim. In domestic intimate partner abuse cases, the best interests of each child are often
served by keeping the child and the victimized partner safe and not allowing the abuser to
continue the abuse. When child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or
unresolved parental conflict prevents the best interests of the child from being served in the
parenting arrangement, then the safety and welfare of the child is paramount in the resolution
of those conflicts. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 2.
43-2922. Terms, defined.
For purposes of the Parenting Act:
(1) Appropriate means reflective of the developmental abilities of the child taking into account
any cultural traditions that are within the boundaries of state and federal law;
(2) Approved mediation center means a mediation center approved by the Office of Dispute
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Resolution;
(3) Best interests of the child means the determination made taking into account the
requirements stated in section 43-2923 and 43-2929.01;
(4) Child means a minor under nineteen years of age;
(5) Child abuse or neglect has the same meaning as in section 28-710;
(6) Court conciliation program means a court-based conciliation program under the Conciliation
Court Law;
(7) Custody includes legal custody and physical custody;
(8) Domestic intimate partner abuse means an act of abuse as defined in section 42-903 and a
pattern or history of abuse evidenced by one or more of the following acts: Physical or sexual
assault, threats of physical assault or sexual assault, stalking, harassment, mental cruelty,
emotional abuse, intimidation, isolation, economic abuse, or coercion against any current or
past intimate partner, or an abuser using a child to establish or maintain power and control
over any current or past intimate partner, and, when they contribute to the coercion or
intimidation of an intimate partner, acts of child abuse or neglect or threats of such acts, cruel
mistreatment or cruel neglect of an animal as defined in section 28-1008, or threats of such
acts, and other acts of abuse, assault, or harassment, or threats of such acts against other
family or household members. A finding by a child protection agency shall not be considered
res judicata or collateral estoppel regarding an act of child abuse or neglect or a threat of such
act, and shall not be considered by the court unless each parent is afforded the opportunity to
challenge any such determination;
(9) Economic abuse means causing or attempting to cause an individual to be financially
dependent by maintaining total control over the individual's financial resources, including, but
not limited to, withholding access to money or credit cards, forbidding attendance at school or
employment, stealing from or defrauding of money or assets, exploiting the victim's resources
for personal gain of the abuser, or withholding physical resources such as food, clothing,
necessary medications, or shelter;
(10) Emotional abuse means a pattern of acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics, including, but
not limited to, threatening or intimidating to gain compliance, destruction of the victim's
personal property or threats to do so, violence to an animal or object in the presence of the
victim as a way to instill fear, yelling, screaming, name-calling, shaming, mocking, or criticizing
the victim, possessiveness, or isolation from friends and family. Emotional abuse can be verbal
or nonverbal;
(11) Joint legal custody means mutual authority and responsibility of the parents for making
mutual fundamental decisions regarding the child's welfare, including choices regarding
education and health;
(12) Joint physical custody means mutual authority and responsibility of the parents regarding
the child's place of residence and the exertion of continuous blocks of parenting time by both
parents over the child for significant periods of time;
(13) Legal custody means the authority and responsibility for making fundamental decisions
regarding the child's welfare, including choices regarding education and health;
(14) Mediation means a method of nonjudicial intervention in which a trained, neutral thirdparty mediator, who has no decision making authority, provides a structured process in which
individuals and families in conflict work through parenting and other related family issues with
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the goal of achieving a voluntary, mutually agreeable parenting plan or related resolution;
(15) Mediator means a mediator meeting the qualifications of section 43-2938 and acting in
accordance with the Parenting Act;
(16) Military parent means a parent who is a member of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine
Corps, Coast Guard, or Reserves of the United States or the National Guard;
(17) Office of Dispute Resolution means the office established under section 25-2904;
(18) Parenting functions means those aspects of the relationship in which a parent or person in
the parenting role makes fundamental decisions and performs fundamental functions
necessary for the care and development of a child. Parenting functions include, but are not
limited to:
(a) Maintaining a safe, stable, consistent, and nurturing relationship with the child;
(b) Attending to the ongoing developmental needs of the child, including feeding, clothing,
physical care and grooming, health and medical needs, emotional stability, supervision, and
appropriate conflict resolution skills and engaging in other activities appropriate to the healthy
development of the child within the social and economic circumstances of the family;
(c) Attending to adequate education for the child, including remedial or other special education
essential to the best interests of the child;
(d) Assisting the child in maintaining a safe, positive, and appropriate relationship with each
parent and other family members, including establishing and maintaining the authority and
responsibilities of each party with respect to the child and honoring the parenting plan duties
and responsibilities;
(e) Minimizing the child's exposure to harmful parental conflict;
(f) Assisting the child in developing skills to maintain safe, positive, and appropriate
interpersonal relationships; and
(g) Exercising appropriate support for social, academic, athletic, or other special interests and
abilities of the child within the social and economic circumstances of the family;
(19) Parenting plan means a plan for parenting the child that takes into account parenting
functions;
(20) Parenting time, visitation, or other access means communication or time spent between
the child and parent or stepparent, the child and a court-appointed guardian, or the child and
another family member or members including stepbrothers and stepsisters;
(21) Physical custody means authority and responsibility regarding the child's place of residence
and the exertion of continuous parenting time for significant periods of time;
(22) Provisions for safety means a plan developed to reduce risks of harm to children and adults
who are victims of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved
parental conflict;
(23) Remediation process means the method established in the parenting plan which maintains
the best interests of the child and provides a means to identify, discuss, and attempt to resolve
future circumstantial changes or conflicts regarding the parenting functions and which
minimizes repeated litigation and utilizes judicial intervention as a last resort;
(24) Specialized alternative dispute resolution means a method of nonjudicial intervention in
high conflict or domestic intimate partner abuse cases in which an approved specialized
mediator facilitates voluntary mutual development of and agreement to a structured parenting
plan, provisions for safety, a transition plan, or other related resolution between the parties;
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(25) Transition plan means a plan developed to reduce exposure of the child and the adult to
ongoing unresolved parental conflict during parenting time, visitation, or other access for the
exercise of parental functions; and
(26) Unresolved parental conflict means persistent conflict in which parents are unable to
resolve disputes about parenting functions which has a potentially harmful impact on a child.
Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 3; Laws 2008, LB1014, 55; Laws 2011, LB673 3. Operative Date:
August 27, 2011
43-2923. Best interests of the child requirements.
The best interests of the child require:
(1) A parenting arrangement and parenting plan or other court-ordered arrangement which
provides for a child's safety, emotional growth, health, stability, and physical care and regular
and continuous school attendance and progress for school-age children;
(2) When a preponderance of the evidence indicates domestic intimate partner abuse, a
parenting and visitation arrangement that provides for the safety of a victim parent;
(3) That the child's families and those serving in parenting roles remain appropriately active and
involved in parenting with safe, appropriate, continuing quality contact between children and
their families when they have shown the ability to act in the best interests of the child and have
shared in the responsibilities of raising the child;
(4) That even when parents have voluntarily negotiated or mutually mediated and agreed upon
a parenting plan, the court shall determine whether it is in the best interests of the child for
parents to maintain continued communications with each other and to make joint decisions in
performing parenting functions as are necessary for the care and healthy development of the
child. If the court rejects a parenting plan, the court shall provide written findings as to why the
parenting plan is not in the best interests of the child;
(5) That certain principles provide a basis upon which education of parents is delivered and
upon which negotiation and mediation of parenting plans are conducted. Such principles shall
include: To minimize the potentially negative impact of parental conflict on children; to provide
parents the tools they need to reach parenting decisions that are in the best interests of a child;
to provide alternative dispute resolution or specialized alternative dispute resolution options
that are less adversarial for the child and the family; to ensure that the child's voice is heard
and considered in parenting decisions; to maximize the safety of family members through the
justice process; and, in cases of domestic intimate partner abuse or child abuse or neglect, to
incorporate the principles of victim safety and sensitivity, offender accountability, and
community safety in parenting plan decisions; and
(6) In determining custody and parenting arrangements, the court shall consider the best
interests of the minor child, which shall include, but not be limited to, consideration of the
foregoing factors and:
(a) The relationship of the minor child to each parent prior to the commencement of the action
or any subsequent hearing;
(b) The desires and wishes of the minor child, if of an age of comprehension but regardless of
chronological age, when such desires and wishes are based on sound reasoning;
(c) The general health, welfare, and social behavior of the minor child;
(d) Credible evidence of abuse inflicted on any family or household member. For purposes of
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this subdivision, abuse and family or household member shall have the meanings prescribed in
section 42903; and
(e) Credible evidence of child abuse or neglect or domestic intimate partner abuse. For
purposes of this subdivision, the definitions in section 43-2922 shall be used. Source: Laws
2007, LB554, 4; Laws 2008, LB1014, 56; Laws 2010, LB901, 2. Operative Date: July 1, 2010
Annotations
A court is required to devise a parenting plan and to consider joint legal and physical custody,
but the court is not required to grant equal parenting time to the parents if such is not in the
child's best interests. Kamal v. Imroz, 277 Neb. 116, 759 N.W.2d 914 (2009).
43-2924. Applicability of act.
(1) The Parenting Act shall apply to proceedings or modifications filed on or after January 1,
2008, in which parenting functions for a child are at issue (a) under Chapter 42, including, but
not limited to, proceedings or modification of orders for dissolution of marriage and child
custody and (b) under sections 43-1401 to 43-1418. The Parenting Act may apply to
proceedings or modifications in which parenting functions for a child are at issue under Chapter
30 or 43.
(2) The Parenting Act does not apply in any action filed by a county attorney or authorized
attorney pursuant to his or her duties under section 42-358, 43-512 to 43-512.18, or 43-1401 to
43-1418, the Income Withholding for Child Support Act, the Revised Uniform Reciprocal
Enforcement of Support Act before January 1, 1994, or the Uniform Interstate Family Support
Act for purposes of the establishment of paternity and the establishment and enforcement of
child and medical support. A county attorney or authorized attorney shall not participate in the
development of or court review of a parenting plan under the Parenting Act. If both parents are
parties to a paternity or support action filed by a county attorney or authorized attorney, the
parents may proceed with a parenting plan. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 5; Laws 2008, LB1014,
57. Operative Date: April 17, 2008
43-2925. Proceeding in which parenting functions for child are at issue; information provided
to parties; filing required.
(1) In any proceeding under Chapter 30 or 43 in which the parenting functions for a child are at
issue, except any proceeding under the Revised Uniform Reciprocal Enforcement of Support Act
or the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act, subsequent to the initial filing or upon filing of an
application for modification of a decree, the parties shall receive from the clerk of the court
information regarding the parenting plan, the mediation process, and resource materials, as
well as the availability of mediation through court conciliation programs or approved mediation
centers.
(2) In any proceeding under Chapter 42 and the Parenting Act in which the parenting functions
for a child are at issue, subsequent to the filing of such proceeding all parties shall receive from
the clerk of the court information regarding:
(a) The litigation process;
(b) A dissolution or separation process timeline;
(c) Healthy parenting approaches during and after the proceeding;
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(d) Information on child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, and unresolved
parental conflict;
(e) Mediation, specialized alternative dispute resolution, and other alternative dispute
resolution processes available through court conciliation programs and approved mediation
centers;
(f) Resource materials identifying the availability of services for victims of child abuse or neglect
and domestic intimate partner abuse; and
(g) Intervention programs for batterers or abusers.
(3) The clerk of the court and counsel for represented parties shall file documentation of
compliance with this section. Development of these informational materials and the
implementation of this section shall be accomplished through the State Court Administrator.
Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 6.
43-2926. State Court Administrator; create information sheet; contents; parenting plan
mediation; distribution of information sheet.
The State Court Administrator shall create an information sheet for parties in a proceeding
in which parenting functions for a child are at issue under the Parenting Act that includes
information regarding parenting plans, child custody, parenting time, visitation, and other
access and that informs the parties that they are required to attend a basic level parenting
education course. The information sheet shall also state (1) that the parties have the right to
agree to a parenting plan arrangement, (2) that before July 1, 2010, if they do not agree, they
may be required, and on and after July 1, 2010, if they do not agree, they shall be required to
participate in parenting plan mediation, and (3) that if mediation does not result in an
agreement, the court will be required to create a parenting plan. The information sheet shall
also provide information on how to obtain assistance in resolving a custody case, including, but
not limited to, information on finding an attorney, information on accessing court-based selfhelp services if they are available, information about domestic violence service agencies,
information about mediation, and information regarding other sources of assistance in
developing a parenting plan. The State Court Administrator shall adopt this information sheet
as a statewide form and take reasonable steps to ensure that it is distributed statewide and
made available to parties in parenting function matters. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 7.
43-2927. Training; screening guidelines and safety procedures; State Court Administrator's
office; duties.
(1) Mediators involved in proceedings under the Parenting Act shall participate in training
approved by the State Court Administrator to recognize child abuse or neglect, domestic
intimate partner abuse, and unresolved parental conflict and its potential impact upon children
and families.
(2) Screening guidelines and safety procedures for cases involving conditions identified in
subsection (1) of section 43-2939 shall be devised by the State Court Administrator. Such
screening shall be conducted by mediators using State Court Administrator-approved screening
tools.
(3) Such screening shall be conducted as a part of the individual initial screening session for
each case referred to mediation under the Parenting Act prior to setting the case for mediation
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to determine whether or not it is appropriate to proceed in mediation or to proceed in a form

of specialized alternative dispute resolution.
(4) The State Court Administrator's office, in collaboration with professionals in the fields of
domestic abuse services, child and family services, mediation, and law, shall develop and
approve curricula for the training required under subsection (1) of this section, as well as
develop and approve rules, procedures, and forms for training and screening for child abuse or
neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, and unresolved parental conflict. Source: Laws 2007,
LB554, 8; Laws 2008, LB1014, 58. Operative Date: April 17, 2008
43-2928. Attendance at basic level parenting education course; delay or waiver; second-level
parenting education course; State Court Administrator; duties; costs.
(1) The court shall order all parties to a proceeding under the Parenting Act to attend a basic
level parenting education course. Participation in the course may be delayed or waived by the
court for good cause shown. Failure or refusal by any party to participate in such a course as
ordered by the court shall not delay the entry of a final judgment or an order modifying a final
judgment in such action by more than six months and shall in no case be punished by
incarceration.
(2) The court may order parties under the act to attend a second-level parenting education
course subsequent to completion of the basic level course when screening or a factual
determination of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved
parental conflict has been identified.
(3) The State Court Administrator shall approve all parenting education courses under the act.
(4) The basic level parenting education course pursuant to this section shall be designed to
educate the parties about the impact of the pending court action upon the child and
appropriate application of parenting functions. The course shall include, but not be limited to,
information on the developmental stages of children, adjustment of a child to parental
separation, the litigation and court process, alternative dispute resolution, conflict
management, stress reduction, guidelines for parenting time, visitation, or other access,
provisions for safety and transition plans, and information about parents and children affected
by child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, and unresolved parental conflict.
(5) The second-level parenting education course pursuant to this section shall include, but not
be limited to, information about development of provisions for safety and transition plans, the
potentially harmful impact of domestic intimate partner abuse and unresolved parental conflict
on the child, use of effective communication techniques and protocols, resource and referral
information for victim and perpetrator services, batterer intervention programs, and referrals
for mental health services, substance abuse services, and other community resources.
(6) Each party shall be responsible for the costs, if any, of attending any court-ordered
parenting education course. At the request of any party, or based upon screening or
recommendation of a mediator, the parties shall be allowed to attend separate courses or to
attend the same course at different times, particularly if child abuse or neglect, domestic
intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict is or has been present in the
relationship or one party has threatened the other party. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 9; Laws
2008, LB1014, 59. Operative Date: April 17, 2008
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43-2929. Parenting plan; developed; approved by court; contents.

(1) In any proceeding in which parenting functions for a child are at issue under Chapter 42, a
parenting plan shall be developed and shall be approved by the court. Court rule may provide
for the parenting plan to be developed by the parties or their counsel, a court conciliation
program, an approved mediation center, or a private mediator. When a parenting plan has not
been developed and submitted to the court, the court shall create the parenting plan in
accordance with the Parenting Act. A parenting plan shall serve the best interests of the child
pursuant to sections 42-364 and 43-2923, and 43-2929.01 and shall:
(a) Assist in developing a restructured family that serves the best interests of the child by
accomplishing the parenting functions; and
(b) Include, but not be limited to, determinations of the following:
(i) Legal custody and physical custody of each child;
(ii) Apportionment of parenting time, visitation, or other access for each child, including, but
not limited to, specified religious and secular holidays, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day,
school and family vacations, and other special occasions, specifying dates and times for the
same, or a formula or method for determining such a schedule in sufficient detail that, if
necessary, the schedule can be enforced in subsequent proceedings by the court, and set out
appropriate times and numbers for telephone access;
(iii) Location of the child during the week, weekend, and given days during the year;
(iv) A transition plan, including the time and places for transfer of the child, method of
communication or amount and type of contact between the parties during transfers, and duties
related to transportation of the child during transfers;
(v) Procedures for making decisions regarding the day-to-day care and control of the child
consistent with the major decisions made by the person or persons who have legal custody and
responsibility for parenting functions;
(vi) Provisions for a remediation process regarding future modifications to such plan;
(vii) Arrangements to maximize the safety of all parties and the child;
(viii) Provisions to ensure regular and continuous school attendance and progress for schoolage children of the parties; and
(ix) Provisions for safety when a preponderance of the evidence establishes child abuse or
neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, unresolved parental conflict, or criminal activity
which is directly harmful to a child.
(2) A parenting plan shall require that the parties notify each other of a change of address,
except that the address or return address shall only include the county and state for a party
who is living or moving to an undisclosed location because of safety concerns.
(3) When safe and appropriate for the best interests of the child, the parenting plan may
encourage mutual discussion of major decisions regarding parenting functions including the
child's education, health care, and spiritual or religious upbringing. However, when a prior
factual determination of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved
parental conflict has been made, then consideration shall be given to inclusion of provisions for
safety and a transition plan that restrict communication or the amount and type of contact
between the parties during transfers.
(4) Regardless of the custody determinations in the parenting plan, unless parental rights are
terminated, both parents shall continue to have the rights stated in section 42-381.
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(5) In the development of a parenting plan, consideration shall be given to the child's age, the
child's developmental needs, and the child's perspective, as well as consideration of enhancing
healthy relationships between the child and each party. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 10; Laws
2008, LB1014, 60; Laws 2011, LB673, 5. Operative Date: August 27, 2011
43-2929.01. Children of military parents; proceeding involving military parent; court;
considerations; limitation on certain orders; attorney's fees.
(1) The Legislature finds that for children of military parents it is in the best interests of the
child to maintain the parent-child bond during the military parent's mobilization or
deployment.
(2) In a custody or parenting time, visitation, or other access proceeding or modification
involving a military parent, the court shall consider and provide, if appropriate:
(a) Orders for communication between the military parent and his or her child during any
mobilization or deployment of greater than thirty days. Such communication may be by
electronic or other available means, including webcam, Internet, or telephone; and
(b) Parenting time, visitation, or other access orders that ensure liberal access between the
military parent and the child during any military leave of the military parent during a
mobilization or deployment of greater than thirty days.
(3) A military parent's military membership, mobilization, deployment, absence, relocation, or
failure to comply with custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access orders because of
military duty shall not, by itself, be sufficient to justify an order or modification of an order
involving custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access.
(4) If a custody, child support, or parenting time, visitation, or other access proceeding, or
modification thereof, involves a military parent and is filed after the military parent's unit has
received notice of potential deployment or during the time the military parent is mobilized or
deployed:
(a) The court shall not issue a custody order or modify any previous custody order that changes
custody as it existed on the day prior to the military parent's unit receiving notice of potential
deployment, except that the court may issue a temporary custody order or temporary
modification if there is clear and convincing evidence that the custody change is in the best
interests of the child;
(b) The court shall not issue a child support order or modify any previous child support order
that changes child support as it existed on the day prior to the military parent's unit receiving
notice of potential deployment, except that the court may issue a temporary child support
order or temporary modification if there is clear and convincing evidence that the order or
modification is required to meet the child support guidelines established pursuant to section
42-364.16; and
(c) The court shall not issue a parenting time, visitation, or other access order or modify any
previous order that changes parenting time, visitation, or other access as it existed on the day
prior to the military parent's unit receiving notice of potential deployment, except that the
court may enter a temporary parenting time, visitation, or other access order or modify any
such existing order to permit liberal parenting time, visitation, or other access during any
military leave of the military parent.
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(5) If a temporary order is issued under subsection (4) of this section, upon the military parent
returning from mobilization or deployment, either parent may file a motion requesting a
rehearing or reinstatement of a prior order. The court shall rehear the matter if the temporary
order was the initial order in the proceeding and shall make a new determination regarding the
proceeding. The court shall reinstate the original order if the temporary order was a
modification unless the court finds that the best interests of the child or the child support
guidelines established pursuant to section 42-364.16 require a new determination.
(6) Upon finding an (a) unreasonable failure of a nonmilitary parent to accommodate the
military leave schedule of the military parent, (b) unreasonable delay by the nonmilitary parent
of custody, child support, parenting time, visitation, or other access proceedings, (c)
unreasonable failure of the military parent to notify the nonmilitary parent or court of release
from mobilization, or (d) unreasonable failure of the military parent to provide requested
documentation, the court may order the offending party to pay any attorney's fees of the other
party incurred due to such unreasonable action.
(7) This section does not apply to permanent change of station moves by a military parent.
Source: Laws 2011, LB673, 4. Operative Date: August 27, 2011
43-2930. Child information affidavit; when required; contents; hearing; temporary
parenting order; contents; form; temporary support.
(1) Each party to a contested proceeding for a temporary order relating to parenting functions
or custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access shall offer a child information affidavit as
an exhibit at the hearing before the court. The child information affidavit shall be verified to the
extent known or reasonably discoverable by the filing party or parties and may include the
following:
(a) The name, address, and length of residence with any adults with whom each child has lived
for the preceding twelve months; except that the address shall only include the county and
state for a parent who is living in an undisclosed location because of safety concerns;
(b) The performance by each parent or person acting as parent for the preceding twelve
months of the parenting functions relating to the daily needs of the child;
(c) A description of the work and child care schedules for the preceding twelve months of any
person seeking custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access and any expected changes to
these schedules in the near future;
(d) A description of the current proposed work and child care schedules; and
(e) A description of the child's school and extracurricular activities, including who is responsible
for transportation of the child. The child information affidavit may also state any circumstances
of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict that
are likely to pose a risk to the child and that warrant limitation on the award of temporary
custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access to the child pending entry of a permanent
parenting plan, including any restraining orders, protection orders, or criminal no-contact
orders against either parent or a person acting as a parent by case number and jurisdiction.
(2) After a contested hearing by live testimony or affidavit, the court shall enter a temporary
parenting order that includes:
(a) Provision for temporary legal custody;
(b) Provisions for temporary physical custody, which shall include either:
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(i) A parenting time, visitation, or other access schedule that designates in which home each
child will reside on given days of the year; or
(ii) A formula or method for determining such a schedule in sufficient detail that, if necessary,
the schedule can be enforced in subsequent proceedings by the court;
(c) Designation of a temporary residence for the child;
(d) Reference to any existing restraining orders, protection orders, or criminal no-contact
orders as well as provisions for safety and a transition plan, consistent with any court's finding
of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict in
order to provide for the safety of a child and custodial parent necessary for the best interests of
the child; and
(e) If appropriate, a requirement that a parent complete a program of intervention for
perpetrators of domestic violence, a program for drug or alcohol abuse, or a program designed
to correct another factor as a condition of parenting time.
(3) A party may move for an order to show cause, and the court may enter a modified
temporary parenting order.
(4) The State Court Administrator's office shall create a form that may be used by the parties to
create a child information affidavit setting forth the elements identified in this section.
(5) Provisions for temporary support for the child and other financial matters may be included
in the temporary parenting order. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 11; Laws 2008, LB1014, 61.
Operative Date: April 17, 2008
43-2931. Repealed. Laws 2008, LB 1014, 81.
43-2932. Parenting plan; limitations to protect child or child's parent from harm; effect of
court determination; burden of proof.
(1) When the court is required to develop a parenting plan:
(a) If a preponderance of the evidence demonstrates, the court shall determine whether a
parent who would otherwise be allocated custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access to
the child under a parenting plan:
(i) Has committed child abuse or neglect;
(ii) Has committed child abandonment under section 28-705;
(iii) Has committed domestic intimate partner abuse; or
(iv) Has interfered persistently with the other parent's access to the child, except in the case of
actions taken for the purpose of protecting the safety of the child or the interfering parent or
another family member, pending adjudication of the facts underlying that belief; and
(b) If a parent is found to have engaged in any activity specified by subdivision (1)(a) of this
section, limits shall be imposed that are reasonably calculated to protect the child or child's
parent from harm. The limitations may include, but are not limited to:
(i) An adjustment of the custody of the child, including the allocation of sole legal custody or
physical custody to one parent;
(ii) Supervision of the parenting time, visitation, or other access between a parent and the child;
(iii) Exchange of the child between parents through an intermediary or in a protected setting;
(iv) Restraints on the parent from communication with or proximity to the other parent or the
child;
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(v) A requirement that the parent abstain from possession or consumption of alcohol or
nonprescribed drugs while exercising custodial responsibility and in a prescribed period
immediately preceding such exercise;
(vi) Denial of overnight physical custodial parenting time;
(vii) Restrictions on the presence of specific persons while the parent is with the child;
(viii) A requirement that the parent post a bond to secure return of the child following a period
in which the parent is exercising physical custodial parenting time or to secure other
performance required by the court; or
(ix) Any other constraints or conditions deemed necessary to provide for the safety of the child,
a child's parent, or any person whose safety immediately affects the child's welfare.
(2) A court determination under this section shall not be considered a report for purposes of
inclusion in the central register of child protection cases pursuant to the Child Protection Act.
(3) If a parent is found to have engaged in any activity specified in subsection (1) of this section,
the court shall not order legal or physical custody to be given to that parent without making
special written findings that the child and other parent can be adequately protected from harm
by such limits as it may impose under such subsection. The parent found to have engaged in the
behavior specified in subsection (1) of this section has the burden of proving that legal or
physical custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access to that parent will not endanger the
child or the other parent. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 13; Laws 2008, LB1014, 62. Operative
Date: April 17, 2008
43-2933. Registered sex offender; other criminal convictions; limitation on or denial of
custody or access to child; presumption; modification of previous order.
(1)(a) No person shall be granted custody of, or unsupervised parenting time, visitation, or
other access with, a child if the person is required to be registered as a sex offender under the
Sex Offender Registration Act for an offense that would make it contrary to the best interests
of the child for such access or for an offense in which the victim was a minor or if the person
has been convicted under section 28-311, 28-319.01, 28-320, 28-320.01, or 28-320.02, unless
the court finds that there is no significant risk to the child and states its reasons in writing or
on the record.
(b) No person shall be granted custody of, or unsupervised parenting time, visitation, or other
access with, a child if anyone residing in the person's household is required to register as a sex
offender under the Sex Offender Registration Act as a result of a felony conviction in which the
victim was a minor or for an offense that would make it contrary to the best interests of the
child for such access unless the court finds that there is no significant risk to the child and states
its reasons in writing or on the record.
(c) The fact that a child is permitted unsupervised contact with a person who is required, as a
result of a felony conviction in which the victim was a minor, to be registered as a sex offender
under the Sex Offender Registration Act shall be prima facie evidence that the child is at
significant risk. When making a determination regarding significant risk to the child, the prima
facie evidence shall constitute a presumption affecting the burden of producing evidence.
However, this presumption shall not apply if there are factors mitigating against its application,
including whether the other party seeking custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access is
also required, as the result of a felony conviction in which the victim was a minor, to register as
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a sex offender under the Sex Offender Registration Act.

(2) No person shall be granted custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access with a child if
the person has been convicted under section 28-319 and the child was conceived as a result of
that violation.
(3) A change in circumstances relating to subsection (1) or (2) of this section is sufficient
grounds for modification of a previous order. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 14.
43-2934. Restraining order, protection order, or criminal no-contact order; effect; court
findings; court powers and duties.
(1) Whenever custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access is granted to a parent in a
case in which domestic intimate partner abuse is alleged and a restraining order, protection
order, or criminal no-contact order has been issued, the custody, parenting time, visitation, or
other access order shall specify the time, day, place, and manner of transfer of the child for
custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access to limit the child's exposure to potential
domestic conflict or violence and to ensure the safety of all family members. If the court finds
that a party is staying in a place designated as a shelter for victims of domestic abuse or other
confidential location, the time, day, place, and manner of transfer of the child for custody,
parenting time, visitation, or other access shall be designed to prevent disclosure of the
location of the shelter or other confidential location.
(2) When making an order or parenting plan for custody, parenting time, visitation, or other
access in a case in which domestic abuse is alleged and a restraining order, protection order, or
criminal no-contact order has been issued, the court shall consider whether the best interests
of the child, based upon the circumstances of the case, require that any custody, parenting
time, visitation, or other access arrangement be limited to situations in which a third person,
specified by the court, is present, or whether custody, parenting time, visitation, or other
access should be suspended or denied.
(3) When required by the best interests of the child, the court may enter a custody, parenting
time, visitation, or other access order that is inconsistent with an existing restraining order,
protection order, or criminal no-contact order. However, it may do so only if it has jurisdiction
and authority to do so.
(4) If the court lacks jurisdiction or is otherwise unable to modify the restraining order,
protection order, or criminal no-contact order, the court shall require that a certified copy of
the custody, parenting time, visitation, or other access order be placed in the court file
containing the restraining order, protection order, or criminal no-contact order. Source: Laws
2007, LB554, 15; Laws 2008, LB1014, 63. Operative Date: April 17, 2008
43-2935. Hearing; parenting plan; modification; court powers.
After a hearing on the record, the court shall determine whether the submitted parenting
plan meets all of the requirements of the Parenting Act and is in the best interests of the child.
If the parenting plan lacks any of the elements required by the act or is not in the child's best
interests, the court shall modify and approve the parenting plan as modified, reject the
parenting plan and order the parties to develop a new parenting plan, or reject the parenting
plan and create a parenting plan that meets all the required elements and is in the best
interests of the child. The court may include in the parenting plan:
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(1) A provision for resolution of disputes that arise under the parenting plan, including
provisions for suspension of parenting time, visitation, and other access when new findings of
child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, criminal activity affecting the best
interests of a child, or the violation of a protection order, restraining order, or criminal nocontact order occur, until a modified custody order or parenting plan with provisions for safety
or a transition plan, or both, is in place; and
(2) Consequences for failure to follow parenting plan provisions. Source: Laws 2007, LB554,
16.
43-2936. Request for mediation, specialized alternative dispute resolution, or other
alternative dispute resolution process; information provided to parties.
An individual party, a guardian ad litem, or a social service agency may request that a
custody, parenting time, visitation, other access, or related matter proceed to mediation,
specialized alternative dispute resolution, or other alternative dispute resolution process at
any time prior to the filing or after the filing of an action with a court. Upon receipt of such
request, each mediator, court conciliation program, or approved mediation center shall
provide information about mediation and specialized alternative dispute resolution to each
party. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 17; Laws 2008, LB1014, 64. Operative Date: April 17,
2008
43-2937. Court referral to mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution;
temporary relief; specialized alternative dispute resolution rule; approval; mandatory
court order; when; waiver.
(1) In addition to those cases that are mandatorily referred to mediation or specialized
alternative dispute resolution under subsection (3) of this section, a court may, at any time in
the proceedings upon its own motion or upon the motion of either party, refer a case to
mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution in order to attempt resolution of any
relevant matter. The court may state a date for the case to return to court, and the court shall
not grant an extension of such date except for cause. If the court refers a case to mediation or
specialized alternative dispute resolution, the court may, if appropriate, order temporary relief,
including necessary support and provision for payment of mediation costs. Court referral shall
be to a mediator agreed to by the parties and approved by the court, an approved mediation
center, or a court conciliation program. The State Court Administrator's office shall develop a
process to approve mediators under the Parenting Act.
(2) Prior to July 1, 2010, if there are allegations of domestic intimate partner abuse or
unresolved parental conflict between the parties in any proceeding, mediation shall not be
required pursuant to the Parenting Act or by local court rule, unless the court has established a
specialized alternative dispute resolution rule approved by the State Court Administrator. The
specialized alternative dispute resolution process shall include a method for court consideration
of precluding or disqualifying parties from participating; provide an opportunity to educate
both parties about the process; require informed consent from both parties in order to
proceed; provide safety protocols, including separate individual sessions for each participant,
informing each party about the process, and obtaining informed consent from each party to
continue the process; allow support persons to attend sessions; and establish opt-out-for-cause
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provisions. On and after July 1, 2010, all trial courts shall have a mediation and specialized
alternative dispute resolution rule in accordance with the act.
(3) Except as provided in subsection (4) of this section, for cases filed on or after July 1, 2010, all
parties who have not submitted a parenting plan to the court within the time specified by the
court shall be ordered to participate in mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution
with a mediator, a court conciliation program, or an approved mediation center as provided in
section 43-2939.
(4) For good cause shown and (a) when both parents agree and such parental agreement is
bona fide and not asserted to avoid the purposes of the Parenting Act, or (b) when mediation
or specialized alternative dispute resolution is not possible without undue delay or hardship to
either parent, the mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution requirement may be
waived by the court. In such a case where waiver of the mediation or specialized alternative
dispute resolution is sought, the court shall hold an evidentiary hearing and the burden of proof
for the party or parties seeking waiver is by clear and convincing evidence. Source: Laws 2007,
LB554, 18; Laws 2008, LB1014, 65; Laws 2010, LB901, 3. Operative Date: July 1, 2010
43-2938. Mediator; qualifications; training; approved specialized mediator; requirements.
(1) A mediator under the Parenting Act may be a court conciliation program counselor, a court
conciliation program mediator, an approved mediation center affiliated mediator, or a
mediator in private practice.
(2) To qualify as a Parenting Act mediator, a person shall have basic mediation training and
family mediation training, approved by the Office of Dispute Resolution, and shall have served
as an apprentice to a mediator as defined in section 25-2903. The training shall include, but not
be limited to:
(a) Knowledge of the court system and procedures used in contested family matters;
(b) General knowledge of family law, especially regarding custody, parenting time, visitation,
and other access, and support, including calculation of child support using the child support
guidelines pursuant to section 42-364.16;
(c) Knowledge of other resources in the state to which parties and children can be referred for
assistance;
(d) General knowledge of child development, the potential effects of dissolution or parental
separation upon children, parents, and extended families, and the psychology of families;
(e) Knowledge of child abuse or neglect and domestic intimate partner abuse and their
potential impact upon the safety of family members, including knowledge of provisions for
safety, transition plans, domestic intimate partner abuse screening protocols, and mediation
safety measures; and
(f) Knowledge in regard to the potential effects of domestic violence on a child; the nature and
extent of domestic intimate partner abuse; the social and family dynamics of domestic intimate
partner abuse; techniques for identifying and assisting families affected by domestic intimate
partner abuse; interviewing, documentation of, and appropriate recommendations for families
affected by domestic intimate partner abuse; and availability of community and legal domestic
violence resources.
(3) To qualify as an approved specialized mediator for parents involved in high conflict and
situations in which abuse is present, the mediator shall apply to an approved mediation center
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or court conciliation program for consideration to be listed as an approved specialized

mediator. The approved mediation center or court conciliation program shall submit its list of
approved specialized mediators to the Office of Dispute Resolution on an annual basis.
Minimum requirements to be listed as an approved specialized mediator include:
(a) Affiliation with a court conciliation program or an approved mediation center;
(b) Meeting the minimum standards for a Parenting Act mediator under this section;
(c) Meeting additional relevant standards and qualifications as determined by the State Court
Administrator; and
(d) Satisfactorily completing an additional minimum twenty-four-hour specialized alternative
dispute resolution domestic mediation training course developed by entities providing
domestic abuse services and mediation services for children and families and approved by the
State Court Administrator. This course shall include advanced education in regard to the
potential effects of domestic violence on the child; the nature and extent of domestic intimate
partner abuse; the social and family dynamics of domestic intimate partner abuse; techniques
for identifying and assisting families affected by domestic intimate partner abuse; and
appropriate and safe mediation strategies to assist parties in developing a parenting plan,
provisions for safety, and a transition plan, as necessary and relevant. Source: Laws 2007,
LB554, 19.
43-2939. Parenting Act mediator; duties; conflict of interest; report of child abuse or neglect;
termination of mediation.
(1) A Parenting Act mediator, prior to meeting with the parties in an initial mediation session,
shall provide an individual initial screening session with each party to assess the presence of
child abuse or neglect, unresolved parental conflict, domestic intimate partner abuse, other
forms of intimidation or coercion, or a party's inability to negotiate freely and make informed
decisions. If any of these conditions exist, the mediator shall not proceed with the mediation
session but shall proceed with a specialized alternative dispute resolution process that
addresses safety measures for the parties, if the mediator is on the approved specialized list of
an approved mediation center or court conciliation program, or shall refer the parties to a
mediator who is so qualified. When public records such as current or expired protection orders,
criminal domestic violence cases, and child abuse or neglect proceedings are provided to a
mediator, such records shall be considered during the individual initial screening session to
determine appropriate dispute resolution methods. The mediator has the duty to determine
whether to proceed in joint session, individual sessions, or caucus meetings with the parties in
order to address safety and freedom to negotiate. In any mediation or specialized alternative
dispute resolution, a mediator has the ongoing duty to assess appropriateness of the process
and safety of the process upon the parties.
(2) No mediator who represents or has represented one or both of the parties or has had either
of the parties as a client as an attorney or a counselor shall mediate the case, unless such
services have been provided to both participants and mediation shall not proceed in such cases
unless the prior relationship has been disclosed, the role of the mediator has been made
distinct from the earlier relationship, and the participants have been given the opportunity to
fully choose to proceed. All other potential conflicts of interest shall be disclosed and discussed
before the parties decide whether to proceed with that mediator.
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(3) No mediator who is also a licensed attorney may, after completion of the mediation process,
represent either party in the role of attorney in the same matter through subsequent legal
proceedings.
(4) The mediator shall facilitate the mediation process. Prior to the commencement of
mediation, the mediator shall notify the parties that, if the mediator has reasonable cause to
believe that a child has been subjected to child abuse or neglect or if the mediator observes a
child being subjected to conditions or circumstances which reasonably would result in child
abuse or neglect, the mediator is obligated under section 28-711 to report such information to
the authorized child abuse and neglect reporting agency and shall report such information
unless the information has been previously reported. The mediator shall have access to court
files for purposes of mediation under the Parenting Act. The mediator shall be impartial and
shall use his or her best efforts to effect an agreement or parenting plan as required under the
act. The mediator may interview the child if, in the mediator's opinion, such an interview is
necessary or appropriate. The parties shall not bring the child to any sessions with the mediator
unless specific arrangements have been made with the mediator in advance of the session. The
mediator shall assist the parties in assessing their needs and the best interests of the child
involved in the proceeding and may include other persons in the mediation process as
necessary or appropriate. The mediator shall advise the parties that they should consult with an
attorney.
(5) The mediator may terminate mediation if one or more of the following conditions exist:
(a) There is no reasonable possibility that mediation will promote the development of an
effective parenting plan;
(b) Allegations are made of direct physical or significant emotional harm to a party or to a child
that have not been heard and ruled upon by the court; or
(c) Mediation will otherwise fail to serve the best interests of the child.
(6) Until July 1, 2010, either party may terminate mediation at any point in the process. On and
after July 1, 2010, a party may not terminate mediation until after an individual initial screening
session and one mediation or specialized alternative dispute resolution session are held. The
session after the individual initial screening session shall be an individual specialized alternative
dispute resolution session if the screening indicated the existence of any condition specified in
subsection (1) of this section. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 20.
43-2940. Mediation; uniform standards of practice; State Court Administrator; duties;
mediation conducted in private.
(1) Mediation of cases under the Parenting Act shall be governed by uniform standards of
practice adopted by the State Court Administrator. In adopting the standards of practice, the
State Court Administrator shall consider standards developed by recognized associations of
mediators and attorneys and other relevant standards governing mediation and other dispute
resolution processes of proceedings for the determination of parenting plans or dissolution of
marriage. The standards of practice shall include, but not be limited to, all of the following:
(a) Provision for the best interests of the child and the safeguarding of the rights of the child in
regard to each parent, consistent with the act;
(b) Facilitation of the transition of the family by detailing factors to be considered in decisions
concerning the child's future;
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(c) The conducting of negotiations in such a way as to address the relationships between the
parties, considering safety and the ability to freely negotiate and make decisions; and
(d) Provision for a specialized alternative dispute resolution process in cases where any of the
conditions specified in subsection (1) of section 43-2939 exist.
(2) Mediation under the Parenting Act shall be conducted in private. Source: Laws 2007, LB554,
21.
43-2941. Mediation subject to other laws; claim of privilege; disclosures authorized.
Mediation of a parenting plan shall be subject to the Uniform Mediation Act and the
Dispute Resolution Act, to the extent such acts are not in conflict with the Parenting Act.
Unsigned mediated agreements under the Parenting Act are not subject to a claim of privilege
under subdivision (a)(1) of section 25-2935. In addition to disclosures permitted in section 252936, a mediator under the Parenting Act may also disclose a party's failure to schedule an
individual initial screening session or a mediation session. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 22.
43-2942. Costs.
The costs of the mediation process shall be paid by the parties. If the court orders the
parties to mediation, the costs to the parties shall be charged according to a sliding fee scale as
established by the State Court Administrator. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 23.
43-2943. Rules; Parenting Act Fund; created; use; investment.
(1) The State Court Administrator may develop rules to implement the Parenting Act.
(2) The Parenting Act Fund is created. The State Court Administrator, through the Office of
Dispute Resolution, approved mediation centers, and court conciliation programs, shall use the
fund to carry out the Parenting Act. Any money in the fund available for investment shall be
invested by the state investment officer pursuant to the Nebraska Capital Expansion Act and
the Nebraska State Funds Investment Act. Source: Laws 2007, LB554, 24; Laws 2008, LB1014,
66. Operative Date: April 17, 2008
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XIII. Statutes & Policies for SADR

13.2 Protection Orders and the Parenting Act
43-2921 The Legislature finds that it is in the best interests of a child that a parenting
plan be developed in any proceeding under Chapter 42 involving custody, parenting
time, visitation, or other access with a child and that the parenting plan establish
specific individual responsibility for performing such parenting functions as are
necessary and appropriate for the care and healthy development of each child affected
by the parenting plan.
The Legislature further finds that it is in the best interests of a child to have a safe,
stable, and nurturing environment
Given the potential profound effects on children from witnessing child abuse or neglect
or domestic intimate partner abuse, as well as being directly abused, the courts shall
recognize the duty and responsibility to keep the child or children safe when presented
with a preponderance of the evidence of child abuse or neglect or domestic intimate
partner abuse, including evidence of a child being used by the abuser to establish or
maintain power and control over the victim. In domestic intimate partner abuse cases,
the best interests of each child are often served by keeping the child and the victimized
partner safe and not allowing the abuser to continue the abuse. When child abuse or
neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict prevents the
best interests of the child from being served in the parenting arrangement, then the
safety and welfare of the child is paramount in the resolution of those conflicts.
The Protection From Domestic Abuse Act is a proceeding under Chapter 42 that can
involve custody and parenting time. 42-924 provides that the judge or court may issue a
protection order without bond granting the following relief:
a) Enjoining the respondent from imposing any restraint upon the petitioner or
upon the liberty of the petitioner;
b) Enjoining the respondent from threatening, assaulting, molesting, attacking, or
otherwise disturbing the peace of the petitioner;
c) Enjoining the respondent from telephoning, contacting, or otherwise
communicating with the petitioner;
d) Removing and excluding the respondent from the residence of the petitioner,
regardless of the ownership of the residence;
e) Ordering the respondent to stay away from any place specified by the court;
f) Awarding the petitioner temporary custody of any minor children not to exceed
ninety days; or
g) Ordering such other relief deemed necessary to provide for the safety and
welfare of the petitioner and any designated family or household member.
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Each of those items may impact custody, parenting time or other child access as
well as meeting the courts duty and responsibility under the Parenting Act to: keep the
child or children safe when presented with a preponderance of the evidence of child
abuse or neglect or domestic intimate partner abuse, including evidence of a child being
used by the abuser to establish or maintain power and control over the victim. In
domestic intimate partner abuse cases, the best interests of each child are often served
by keeping the child and the victimized partner safe and not allowing the abuser to
continue the abuse. When child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or
unresolved parental conflict prevents the best interests of the child from being served in
the parenting arrangement, then the safety and welfare of the child is paramount in the
resolution of those conflicts.
The Parenting Act 43-2922 (16) defines parenting functions as including:
(a) Maintaining a safe, stable, consistent, and nurturing relationship with the child;
(d) Assisting the child in maintaining a safe, positive, and appropriate relationship with
each parent and other family members, including establishing and maintaining the
authority and responsibilities of each party with respect to the child and honoring the
parenting plan duties and responsibilities;
(e) Minimizing the child's exposure to harmful parental conflict;
(f) Assisting the child in developing skills to maintain safe, positive, and appropriate
interpersonal relationships.
(17) Parenting plan means a plan for parenting the child that takes into account
parenting functions;
(18) Parenting time, visitation, or other access means communication or time spent
between the child and parent, the child and a court-appointed guardian, or the child
and another family member or members;
(20) Provisions for safety means a plan developed to reduce risks of harm to children
and adults who are victims of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse,
or unresolved parental conflict;
(22) Specialized alternative dispute resolution means a method of nonjudicial
intervention in high conflict or domestic intimate partner abuse cases in which an
approved specialized mediator facilitates voluntary mutual development of and
agreement to a structured parenting plan, provisions for safety, a transition plan, or
other related resolution between the parties;
(23) Transition plan means a plan developed to reduce exposure of the child and the
adult to ongoing unresolved parental conflict during parenting time, visitation, or other
access for the exercise of parental functions; and
(24) Unresolved parental conflict means persistent conflict in which parents are unable
to resolve disputes about parenting functions which has a potentially harmful impact on
a child.

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The specialized alternative dispute resolution process is an option in all cases where the
Court has granted a protection order and then considers the options for custody,
parenting time and other child access under 42-924. Generally a discussion must
include options to structure the parenting time and exchanges to prevent direct face to
face contact, direct communication between the parents, and all possible contact
situations addressed by the courts protection order.

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13.3 Psychological Abuse in NE Parenting Act

Nebraska Parenting Act defines psychological abuse:
(10) Emotional abuse means a pattern of acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics,
including, but not limited to, threatening or intimidating to gain compliance, destruction
of the victim's personal property or threats to do so, violence to an animal or object in
the presence of the victim as a way to instill fear, yelling, screaming, name-calling,
shaming, mocking, or criticizing the victim, possessiveness, or isolation from friends and
family. Emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal;
Some critics of family mediation claim that it is unsafe for women (American Bar
Association, 2000; Fund for Dispute Resolution, 1993; Fischer, Vidmar, & Ellis, 1993;
Ontario Association of Interval and Transition Houses, 1989; Transition House
Association of Nova Scotia, 2000.
This criticism it is not supported by research findings which have determined that
abused women participating in divorce mediation are not any more likely to be victims
of male ex-partner violence than abused women participating in adjudication or lawyer
negotiated separations/divorces (Ellis & Stuckless, 1992; Ellis & Stuckless, 1996;
Ellis,2000; Ellis & Anderson, 2005; Ellis, Stuckless, & Wight, 2006.
There are criticisms however that inform the mediation practice and include suggestions
for effectively assessing and managing the risk of domestic violence during and
following mediation:
Domestic Violence screening instruments dont always reveal an abusive relationship or
capacity issues in every case. However, disclosed or not, mediators must understand the
potential for one of every two cases referred to them as being domestic violence cases.
Family mediators need to know how to identify and process these parents in the most
appropriate manner. There is a strong tendency to deny and minimize what has
happened or simply to accept the behavior as a "normal" way of functioning in the
relationship. If the parent is unable to identify and label the abuse in the relationship
and understand it as abuse, the SADR mediator needs to be alert to interactions
described by the parents that may fit a pattern and history of domestic violence.
The phrase "culture of battering" describes the phenomenon of domestic violence in a
way that shifts the focus from isolated episodes of abuse and looks for dynamics of a
relationship where there is a pattern of domination and control (Fischer, Vidmar & Ellis,
1993). When isolated interactions are described as: the silent treatment; a glaring look;
a stern voice; or a critical tone, it may be easy to overlook the context of these behaviors
and minimize them until they disappear into insignificance unless the mediator is aware
that those words may signal a deeper coercive relationship.
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Those outside the intimate relationship may not understand the meaning of
communication that extends far beyond the words or non-verbal cues. Dutton (1994)
cautions that domestic violence should not be understood as simply a list of episodes or
a list of aggressive behaviors that can be added up. Rather it is a pattern of interaction
that influences the dynamics of the intimate relationship.
The function of the abuse is to maintain control over the intimate partner through the
use of coercion and power. Physical and sexual violence is easier to identify than
psychological abuse. Examples of psychological abuse include (Dutton, 1994):
Threats and intimidation - threats to take the children away or to destroy her
financially; attempts to coerce her into illegal activity; displaying or threatening with
weapons; destroying objects; menacing gestures; isolation or limited use of telephone
or contact with others.
Minimization, denial and blaming - blaming the woman when violence occurs or acting
like the abuse is non-existent or not a problem.
Isolation- alienation or restriction of her from family and friends; refusing to let her
have communication or time with family or friends.
Using children - to relay messages of intimidation or threat; using custody or visitation
proceedings to gain access or to control her whereabouts.
Using economic resources - maintaining exclusive access to cash, credit cards, bank
accounts; giving her access to limit funds not sufficient to provide the expected use, ie.,
groceries or general household expenses; accruing debt in the woman's name;
withholding child support payments.
Use of "male privilege" - making unilateral decisions about such issues as where to live,
major purchases, whether she is employed outside the home; sleep or food deprivation;
controlling her perceptions by limiting access to information.
Emotional abuse and degradation - name calling, insults, inducing altered states
through hypnosis or forced drug/alcohol use.
Stalking - repeatedly sending letters, texts, or emails, appearing at her work or home,
and incessant phone calls that carry the message of intimidation.

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13.4 DIPA Relevance
In the litigation or court process too often attorneys and judges have three primary responses
to finding out about the existence of domestic abuse: the first is to blame the victim for not
protecting the children; the second is to suspect or accuse the victim of making false
allegations as a tactic to gain the upper hand in custody and financial settlements; and the
third and perhaps the most dangerous to children, is to believe the disclosure, but fail to see
the relevance to the custody and parenting time proceedings.
Peter Jaffe and Claire Crooks write in Understanding Womens Experiences Parenting in the
Context of Domestic Violence: Implications for Community and Court-Related Service Providers
(2005), Recognizing the relevance of domestic violence in child custody proceedings requires a
significant paradigm shift away from prevailing notions of the increasing role of fathers,
preference for joint custody and shared parenting plans, emphasis on mediation and conflict
resolution, and the saliency of the "friendly parent" construct. In particular, the friendly parent
construct is widely adopted by judges, family law attorneys, mediators, and evaluators to
reward the parent who is most likely to promote contact and a positive relationship with
children to the other parent. In domestic violence cases, an abuse victim who attempts to limit
contact to an abuser may be deemed hostile and unfriendly, and punished for her protestations
and vigilance.
"Safety is not simple. Minimally, it entails being free of violence and coercion. But safety goes
well beyond and includes the ability to negotiate life's daily challenges without having decisions
intruded upon and contravened by a controlling partner. It includes the confidence that the
battering parent will not dispute the routines of children. It is the freedom from public and
private denigration from an abusive spouse. It is a cessation of stalking. It is the knowledge that
disagreement with the children's father will not precipitate violent retaliation", see page 3,
Hart, B. J. (1998). Safety and accountability: The underpinnings of a just justice system.
Harrisburg, PA: Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
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13.5 SADR Modification Issues
An action for modification of child support is frequently a precipitating issue for many
cross-complaints seeking modification of custody and or parenting time. However, once
in SADR facilitation, the issues for both parents are frequently framed as failures to
appropriately parent and interact with the other parent.
The major post-relationship issue for many parents is inappropriate behaviors during
exchange of a child or during attempts to communicate with a child during the other
parents time with a child. Many parents are in a situation where their primary
continuing contact is during the exchange of a child or phone communication with the
child, both of which act as a conduit for the continuation of a prior abusive relationship,
with allegations of ongoing manipulation efforts and exhibition of hostility. In
modification cases the parents narrative will include frequent complaints and examples
of negative parenting exhibited by deliberate tactics used to undermine the victims
parenting and general wellbeing. The past and ongoing conflicts often severely
complicate the post decree attempts to move on or re-build by the victim, with many
finding that continuing conflict over ongoing parenting issues necessitate a continuous
investment of time, money and emotion.
These parents also invest significant energy and resources in coping with their childs
problems created by a range of difficulties with the other parent. Attempting to assist a
child with problems over which the custodial parent has no control or hope to change,
in turn impacts on the ability to parent effectively and may create an adversarial
relationship with a child who becomes frustrated by the parents inability to help with
the other parents behavior, thus creating a catch-22 with serious consequences. The
affected mothers will often seek and strongly favor of safeguards, such as supervised
visitation contempt of court protection which is rarely if ever implemented to provide
emotional and physical safety
for a child and parent.

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13.6 Policy for Approval for Parenting Act Mediators Nebraska Administrative Office
of the Courts; Approved by ODR Advisory Council 10.29.08/State Court Administrator 10.31.08
SECTION I.
A.
APPROVAL OF MEDIATORS
Authorization
Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2937(1) (Supp. 2007), as amended by 2008 Neb. Laws, L.B. 1014, sets
forth in part: The State Court Administrators office shall develop a process to approve
mediators under the Parenting Act. Further, Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2940 (1) (Supp. 2007) states:
Mediation of cases under the Parenting Act shall be governed by uniform standards of practice
adopted by the State Court Administrator. Therefore, the Office of Dispute Resolution (ODR),
performing its duties on behalf of the State Court Administrator, is ultimately responsible for
approving mediators who meet the standards of practice for mediating cases under the Parenting
Act. In that regard, the mediator who has met the criteria shall be known as an approved
Parenting Act mediator.
B.
Definitions
1.
Approved Parenting Act Mediator. Those mediators approved by ODR, on behalf of the
State Court Administrator, pursuant to the Parenting Act, Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2937,
(Supp. 2007), as amended by LB1014, and this Policy.
2.
Affiliated Mediator. A mediator affiliated with one of the six Nebraska ODR-approved
mediation centers, namely the Center for Conflict Resolution, Scottsbluff; Central
Mediation Center, Kearney; Concord Center, Omaha; The Mediation Center, Lincoln;
Nebraska Justice Center, Fremont; The Resolution Center, Beatrice (hereinafter ODRapproved mediation centers); or a member of the panel of Douglas County Conciliation
and Mediation Services, Omaha, Fourth Judicial District Court of Nebraska (hereinafter
Douglas County Conciliation Office).
3.
Private Mediator. A mediator in private practice, and not mediating as an affiliate with
one of the ODR-approved mediation centers or the Douglas County Conciliation Office.
4.
Parenting Act. The provisions of Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2920, et seq. (Supp. 2007), as
amended by LB1014.
C.
Application and Approval of Parenting Act Mediators
The process for the approval of mediators authorized to practice under the Parenting Act includes
both application and approval.
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1.
Application for Approval. A mediator shall make application for approval as a Parenting
Act mediator to ODR, based upon this Policy and criteria stated herein. ODR shall
provide standardized forms for application as an approved Parenting Act mediator.
2.
Approval of Parenting Act Mediators

a.
b.
c.
Criteria for consideration of approval as a Parenting Act mediator shall include,

but is not limited to, the following:
i.
Meeting the training, educational, and apprenticeship standards for
Parenting Act mediators as set forth under Section II of this Policy;
ii.
Adhering to the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family
Mediators;
iii.
Demonstrating and maintaining an active status as a Parenting Act
mediator; and
iv.
Disclosing any prior criminal convictions or professional licensure
suspensions or revocations. A child abuse and criminal background check
will be conducted.
Approval may be denied if any of the above criteria is not met, including if the
applicants criminal history reports conviction for child abuse or neglect or a
violent crime or if a professional license has been suspended or revoked.
ODR, on behalf of the State Court Administrator is responsible for the final
approval of all mediators authorized to practice under the Parenting Act.
D.
ODR List of Approved Parenting Act Mediators
1.
ODR shall develop and shall maintain the ODR List of Approved Parenting Act
Mediators. The list shall include the following information: name, address,
telephone/facsimile number, e-mail address, professional background, mediation
background (years, numbers of cases, kinds of cases, supervisory status); and whether the
mediator is approved as a parenting plan mediator, a specialized alternative dispute
resolution (SADR) facilitator, or both.
2.
The list shall be distributed widely among all of those who may reasonably be expected
to have need of it, including the courts, attorneys, and the public. The list will be
maintained and regularly updated, providing immediate access to the most recent roster
of approved mediators. The list shall be placed on the Nebraska Supreme Court website,
and shall be made available in written form, upon request to ODR.
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SECTION II.
TRAINING AND EDUCATION
PART I TRAINING
A.
Required Parenting Act Mediator Training
1.
To be eligible for approval as a Parenting Act mediator, a person shall have successfully
completed Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training, approved by
ODR. Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2938(2) (Supp. 2007).
2.
To be eligible for approval as a specialized alternative dispute resolution (SADR)

facilitator for parents involved in high conflict and situations in which abuse is present, a
mediator, who by statute must be an affiliate of an approved mediation center or
conciliation court program, shall have successfully completed an additional minimum 24hour ODR-approved Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution (SADR) training
course. Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2938(3) (Supp. 2007).
3.
All Basic Mediation Trainings, Family Mediation Trainings, and SADR Trainings
approved by ODR prior to the implementation of this Policy shall be considered as
approved training under the Parenting Act. However, mediators who have not been
trained to conduct the domestic intimate partner abuse screening protocols required by
the Parenting Act must successfully complete an ODR-approved class on the proper
procedure to conduct screening protocols.
4.
Recency of Trainings. To ensure that applicants for approval as Parenting Act mediators
are well qualified, those individuals who have successfully completed approved required
trainings may need to retake the trainings, or make other accommodations as determined
by ODR, in order to be eligible for approval as a Parenting Act mediator if the training is
more than five years old and the mediator is not current in continuing mediator education
or has not been actively mediating. Other accommodations may include successful
completion of continuing mediator education, apprenticing in parenting plan cases with
supervisory mediators, or other relevant actions.
5.
Trainings not pre-approved by ODR. ODR may determine that mediators who have not
taken an ODR-approved training have received the equivalent of the ODR approved
training. Such mediators shall submit to ODR information adequate for ODR to
determine whether the training received is in substantial conformity with approved
training. ODR may require the mediator to take parts of an ODR-approved training or
make other accommodation if that aspect of the training was not part of the training that
the mediator had taken.
B.
Core Values of Mediation Training. To be approved by ODR, a training program shall

be conducted in accordance with the core values of mediation and the core values for
mediation training as reflected in the following definitions:
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Mediation is a confidential process of dispute resolution in which one or more

trained impartial neutrals assists the participants without coercion or the
appearance of coercion to define and clarify issues and interests, reduce
obstacles to communication, explore possible solutions, and where desired,
reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. Party self-determination is a core value
of mediation, in which the decision-making authority rests with the
participants themselves.
The content of approved mediation trainings shall, where possible, be based upon
reputable research. Adult learning methodologies shall be utilized.
C.
Content of Approved Training Curriculum
1.
An approved Basic Mediation Training course curriculum shall include, but not be
limited to, the following topics:
Overview of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) processes
Principles of mediation
Mediation styles
Stages and goals of mediation process
The role of the mediator
Nature of conflict/behaviors in conflict
Mediation skills, including negotiation skills, interactive listening, questionasking, use of neutral language, reframing, issue and interest identification, option
generation, addressing barriers to agreement, reality testing, agreement writing
Caucus
Values, self awareness, and bias awareness
Cultural diversity including race and gender
Power imbalances
Working with attorneys and representatives of parties
Confidentiality and privilege
Ethical issues, including impartiality, party self-determination, informed consent,
conflicts of interest, responsibilities to third parties, dealing with legal issues,
withdrawal by mediator, and termination of the mediation
Relevant Nebraska mediation and ADR law
2.
An approved Family Mediation Training curriculum shall include, but not be limited to,
a.
Topics listed in the Parenting Act:

(i)
Knowledge of the court system and procedures used in contested family
matters;
(ii)
General knowledge of family law, especially regarding custody,
parenting time, visitation, and other access, and support, including
calculation of child support using the current Nebraska child support
guidelines;
(iii) Knowledge of other resources in the state to which parties and
children can be referred for assistance;
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(iv)
b.
c.
d.
General knowledge of child development, the potential effects of

dissolution or parental separation upon children, parents, and extended
families, and the psychology of families;
(v)
Knowledge of child abuse or neglect and domestic intimate partner
abuse and their potential impact upon the safety of family members,
including knowledge of provisions for safety, transition plans,
domestic intimate partner abuse screening protocols, and mediation
(vi)
Knowledge in regard to the potential effects of domestic violence on a
child; the nature and extent of domestic intimate partner abuse; the
social and family dynamics of domestic intimate partner abuse;
techniques for identifying and assisting families affected by domestic
intimate partner abuse; interviewing, documentation of, and
appropriate recommendations for families affected by domestic
intimate partner abuse; and availability of community and legal
domestic violence resources;
Mediation process and skills as set forth under Nebraskas Basic Mediation
Training, or comparable elements;
Family mediation-related issues, including:
(i)
Family systems theory; its application to parenting mediation;
(ii)
Mediators approach and skills in working with the emotions of the
separation and dissolution process and post-separation dynamics;
(iii) Overview of working with parties engaged in high conflict dynamics;
(iv)
Process to assist parties in child-centered decision-making;
(v)
Process to address childrens best interests, including whether and how to
involve children in the process;
(vi)
Parenting Act and its amendments;
(vii) Specific knowledge of the parenting plan contents and formats; and
Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators.
Pre-requisite: Prior to participating in Family Mediation Training, the trainee shall have
completed the ODR-approved Basic Mediation Training or its equivalent.
3.
An approved SADR (Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution) Training shall

include, but not be limited to:
a.
b.
The topics listed in the Parenting Act:

(i)
Advanced education in regard to the potential effects of domestic violence
on the child;
(ii)
The nature and extent of domestic intimate partner abuse;
(iii) The social and family dynamics of domestic intimate partner abuse;
(iv)
Techniques for identifying and assisting families affected by domestic
intimate partner abuse; and
(v)
Appropriate and safe mediation strategies to assist parties in developing a
parenting plan, provisions for safety, and a transition plan.
Distinguishing the SADR intervention process from the customary family
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c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
mediation process;
Techniques for assisting parties engaged in high conflict dynamics;
Identifying and skills for working with persons with mental illness or substance
abuse issues;
Information and tools that can be used to increase the likelihood of providing a
safe environment for the child and victim parent;
Information and skills to ensure that SADR process takes into account the safety
needs of the children, the parties, and the SADR facilitator;
Advanced process skills for SADR facilitators using primarily a caucused-based
approach to negotiation;
Information as to the availability of community and legal domestic violence
resources; and,
Standards and ethics as applicable to SADR facilitators.
Pre-requisites: Prior to participating in SADR Training, the trainee shall have completed the
ODR-approved Basic and Family Mediation trainings or their equivalents.
D.
Training Methodology
1.
Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training must each be a minimum of
30 instructional hours.
a.
b.
c.
Each 30-hour training must be conducted within a minimum of three days

and maximum of 30 days unless it has been otherwise incorporated into an
academic curriculum. Training registrants shall be a minimum of seven and a
maximum of thirty participants.
In Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training, all trainings shall
include adult learning theory approaches to education, including but not limited
to: presentations, group discussions, written and oral exercises, mediation
simulations, role-plays, and additional readings. In Basic Mediation Training,
written exercises shall include writing an agreement.
In Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training, at least six hours
shall be devoted to mediation role plays with the participants playing the roles of
the mediators and the disputants. At a minimum, every trainee must take part in at
least one continuous role-play acting as a solo or co-mediator and one continuous
role-play acting as a disputant. A continuous role-play is defined as one beginning
with the mediators introduction and continuing through to a resolution, or one
which is a minimum of 45 minutes in length. These role-plays are to be conducted
under supervision of a qualified coach. At the conclusion of each role-play, a
minimum of 15 minutes must be allocated for oral feedback to the mediator. A
coach shall observe no more than one role-play at a time. Trainers must present a
role-play mediation simulation (either live or video) prior to the participants roleplay experience as a mediator.
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2.
SADR Training must be a minimum of 24 hours and shall include adult learning theory
approaches to education. Any simulations or role plays shall be conducted under
supervision of a qualified coach. The training curriculum and program shall reflect an
interdisciplinary collaboration including family mediators, domestic abuse serving
agencies, family law professionals, and child and family development professionals.
E.
Training Administration
1.
Participant attendance. Trainees must demonstrate successful completion of all

components of one entire training program. The lead trainer is responsible for ensuring
that the integrity of each portion of the program is not compromised. Trainers shall
provide written documentation attesting to trainees attendance at the training. Under no
circumstances may an individual be excused from attending portions of the training
without making up that portion missed as directed by the lead trainer preferably during
the training period. If more than 60 minutes is missed of a single subject matter
presentation, the trainee must attend that portion of a future training program or comply
with another ODR approved method.
2.
Training Evaluation. For all approved trainings, evaluations of the training and trainers
shall be collected. Copies of the evaluations and a roster of participants who completed
the training shall be submitted to ODR within 30 days of completion of the training.
F.
Mediation Training Program Approval
For a basic, family, or SADR training program to be considered for approval by ODR, the
provider must submit the following information to ODR at least 60 days prior to the proposed
training event:
1.
Trainers Qualifications:
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Trainers of Nebraska ODR-approved basic, family mediation, and SADR training

shall meet ODR training standards.
Trainers teaching non-ODR basic, family, and SADR mediation trainings shall (i)
be experienced mediators in the subject matter of the training program; (ii) have
considerable previous experience as presenters in relevant workshops, seminars,
and courses; and (iii) have participated in ongoing continuing education courses
relevant to the subject matter and to mediation practice.
Role play coaches must be experienced mediators who have been
instructed in how to coach role plays.
For Family Mediation Training, the person responsible for presenting the material
on child abuse and neglect and domestic intimate partner abuse should have
professional experience with child abuse or neglect or domestic intimate partner
abuse (DIPA). If for a particular training such a person is unavailable to be
physically in the classroom, the trainer may use other collaboratively (DIPA or
child abuse) developed substitute materials such as an electronic presentations.
For SADR Training, the trainer cadre shall reflect an interdisciplinary approach,
112
including experienced family mediators and domestic abuse, child abuse, and
related family law professionals.
2.
Student Instructional Materials

Each student must receive comprehensive instructional materials that supplement the
material presented by the training. Training materials should be a guide to which the
students can turn when they set to practice and should therefore stand alone as a guide to
mastering the content of the training, regardless of the training approach.
3.
Program Design
The training must cover all of the required content areas. Learning objectives and a
training agenda must be submitted, showing topics, timeframes, trainers/presenters
responsible, and skill-based learning opportunities. A clear plan must be submitted that
shows the training meets the required provisions of this Policy.
PART II.
APPRENTICESHIP
A.
Required Apprenticeship
1.
served as an apprentice to a supervisory Parenting Act mediator.
2.
Such apprenticeship shall include co-mediating at least three parenting plan cases with at
least two, and preferably three, different supervisory mediators. It is expected that the
apprentice will co-mediate with the supervisory mediator during all sessions in each of
the cases. At least one of the mediations shall include screening for ability to negotiate
and screening of domestic intimate partner abuse for at least one party, and preferably
both of the parties. In at least one of the mediations, the apprentice shall serve as lead
mediator. It is expected that the apprentice shall draft an acceptable written parenting
plan for at least one of the mediation cases. If none of the mediations result in an agreedupon parenting plan, the apprentice mediator will be required to submit to a supervisory
mediator (a) an acceptable written parenting plan based on a hypothetical case or (b) an
acceptable parenting plan that the apprentice had drafted as a lawyer. In addition,
apprentice mediators are encouraged to observe mediations, but such observations shall
not be counted toward fulfilling apprenticeship requirements. Following the mediation
session, the apprentice mediator should request oral and written feedback from the
supervisory mediator as well as complete a mediator self-reflection form on the
mediation. The apprentice mediator should collect written evaluations from each of the
parties for submittal in the approval process.
B.
Approval of Apprenticeships. Apprentices shall submit required documentation

regarding successful completion of apprenticeship as a part of their application to ODR
for approval as Parenting Act mediator, including:
Supervisory mediator assessments (at least three)
Mediation participants evaluation of the mediation cases
Mediator self-reflection forms
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At least one acceptable written parenting plan, as approved by a supervisory

mediator
C.
Supervisory Mediators
1.
Apprenticeships shall be offered by a supervisory mediator who has:
2.
Successfully completed the training and apprenticeship needed to be an approved

Parenting Act mediator;
Successfully completed supervisory mediator instruction;
Mediated six (6) cases during the past two (2) years, at least two (2) of which are
parenting plan cases, beyond those required as an apprentice; or are staff of an
ODR-approved center or the Douglas County Conciliation Office; and
Demonstrated superior skills as a Parenting Act mediator and have the
temperament, skills, and self-awareness to be a supervisory mediator.
The supervisory mediator shall provide written and oral feedback to the apprentice
mediator. The feedback shall include an assessment of how well the apprentice
understood the role of the mediator and how well the apprentice performed as a mediator.
Both the apprentices strengths and areas in need of improvement should be included.
3.
ODR affiliated mediation centers, the Douglas County Conciliation Office, and private
mediators may charge a fee to the apprentice mediator to provide these services.
D.
Approval of Supervisory Mediators.
1.
Mediators who wish to be supervisory mediators for the purposes of the Parenting Act
shall apply to ODR for approval as supervisory mediator. ODR shall make the
determination for approval. The application shall include documentation, including party
feedback and references indicating that the applicant qualifies to be a supervisory
mediator.
2.
Mediators serving as supervisory mediators affiliated with the Douglas County

Conciliation Office or the ODR-approved mediation centers at the date of adoption of
this Policy are deemed supervisory mediators as defined herein. The Douglas County
Conciliation Office and ODR-approved mediation centers shall submit names of
supervisory mediators and relevant information to ODR upon request.
E.
Adjustment or Waiver of Apprenticeship
1.
A mediator who, after receiving family mediator training, has successfully completed the
apprenticeship required by an ODR-affiliated mediation center or Douglas County
Conciliation Office prior to the implementation of this Policy shall be considered as
having met the apprenticeship requirements of this Policy.
2.
A mediator who has conducted parenting mediations in a significant number of cases

may request an adjustment or waiver of the apprenticeship requirements by submitting to
114
ODR documentation clearly demonstrating that they are competent to serve as an

approved Parenting Act mediator.
3.
To ensure that an applicant to be approved as a Parenting Act mediator is well qualified,

if the mediators apprenticeship is five or more years old and the mediator is not current
in continuing mediator education or has not been actively mediating, the mediator will
need to (a) co-mediate with a supervisory mediator for at least one Parenting Act
mediation or (b) successfully complete required continuing education. ODR may impose
additional requirements.
PART III. CONTINUING MEDIATOR EDUCATION

A.
Parenting Act Continuing Mediator Education (CME)
1.
Within the first three years of completion of the family training required for approval as a
Parenting Act mediator and every two years thereafter, the mediator must have completed
eight hours of continuing education in family mediation (CME), at least two hours of
which shall be in the area of domestic intimate partner abuse, child abuse, or unresolved
parental conflict, and at least one hour of which shall be in the area of ethics. An hour is
a classroom hour.
The year runs to the end of the calendar year, not to the anniversary date of previous
training.
2.
Approved Parenting Act mediators may receive CME credit for courses provided by
ODR-approved mediation centers, the Douglas County Conciliation Services, or other
ODR-approved providers. In order to request CME credit for courses not approved in
advance by ODR, the mediator shall submit to ODR an application for CME credit that
shall include a description of the course including the courses dates, location, subject
matters covered, instructors and their qualifications, and a copy of the program outline or
brochure. ODR shall advise the mediator in writing whether the course was approved and
the number of CME credit hours for which it was approved.
B.
CME Providers
1.
ODR, ODR-approved mediation centers, and the Douglas County Conciliation Services
are considered ODR-approved CME providers under this Policy.
2.
Other CME providers requesting ODR approval of the CME must submit a summary of
the proposed training to ODR at least 60 days prior to the proposed training event. The
summary should including a statement of qualifications reflecting this Policy. Entities
that may seek approval to offer CME may include, but are not limited to:
Nebraska State Bar Association
Universities and colleges
Private training organizations
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C.
Parenting Act CME Topics and Subject Matter
The subject matter of CME may include:

General mediation skills
Mediation ethics
Family mediation issues
Family law relating to parenting plans
Domestic intimate partner abuse, child abuse, and unresolved parental conflict
Child development
Family systems theory
Psychological and other issues in parenting
Other matters relevant to parenting plan mediation
D.
Reporting of CMEs
1.
Entities that regularly provide CME may provide documentation of participation directly
to ODR.
1.
Approved Parenting Act mediators must submit reports of their CMEs every two years in
accordance with the procedures established by ODR.
E.
Failure to Meet CME Requirements
The status of an approved Parenting Act mediator who does not meet the CME requirements
within the timeline provided shall be considered as lapsed. Lapsed status includes having the
mediators name removed from approved Parenting Act mediator list. To be considered active,
the mediator will need to complete the required CME, as well as satisfying the other provisions
of this Policy.
SECTION III.
MEDIATOR STATUS and
GRIEVANCE PROCESS
PART I:
APPROVED PARENTING ACT MEDIATOR STATUS
A.
Active Status
1.
Each individual approved as a Parenting Act mediator shall adhere to the Nebraska
Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators and comply with this Policy to
maintain an active approved status. The mediators status shall be reflected on the list of
approved Parenting Act mediators.
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2.
An approved Parenting Act mediator shall submit a biennial report to ODR, indicating
completion of required CMEs, Parenting Act mediation activity, and other relevant
information. ODR shall provide standardized procedures and forms for submittal of the
biennial report.
B.
Lapsed Status
1.
An approved Parenting Act mediators active status shall be treated as lapsed when: (a)
the mediator notifies ODR in writing that he or she is relinquishing the approved
Parenting Act mediators status; (b) the mediator fails to maintain or update the
continuing education requirements; (c) the mediator has not mediated at least two
parenting plan cases in the immediately preceding two years of the biennial report; or (d)
fails to submit the biennial report in a timely fashion. Once a mediators approved status
has lapsed, ODR will remove the mediators name, contact, and other information from
the list of approved Parenting Act mediators.
2.
ODR will inform the approved Parenting Act mediator in writing, within ten days, of its
decision to place an approved Parenting Act mediator on lapsed status.
3.
An approved Parenting Act mediator whose active status has lapsed shall no longer
mediate any matter referred to mediation within the context of the Parenting Act. If at the
time a mediators approved status lapses, and he or she has been appointed by a judge to
mediate a parenting plan case or has been selected by the parties to mediate a case, the
mediator shall immediately notify the parties, judge, any attorneys or pro se parties
involved that his or her approval status has lapsed and that the mediator is no longer
eligible to serve as a mediator in the matter.
4.
A Parenting Act mediator whose status has lapsed may apply to ODR for reactivation. If
the mediators status has lapsed because the mediator had failed to maintain or update the
continuing education requirements, the mediator will need to complete the required CME
and submit required information to ODR. If the mediators status has lapsed because the
mediator voluntary relinquished the approved Parenting Act status or because the
mediator had not mediated at least two Parenting Act cases in the immediately preceding
two years, the mediator will need attend at least eight hours of relevant continuing
education within the two year period immediately preceding the application for
reactivation and participate in at least one supervised Parenting Act mediation. Additional
actions may be required by ODR.
If a mediators status has lapsed for a period of five years or longer, the mediator must
reapply to be a Parenting Act mediator including completing the training and
apprenticeship requirements of this Policy. The mediator may apply to ODR for an
adjustment of this requirement.
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C.
Removal for Cause.
1.
An approved Parenting Act mediator may be removed for cause from the list of approved
Parenting Act mediators when it is established that the mediator: (a) no longer meets the
requirements to be an approved Parenting Act mediator; (b) has failed to faithfully
observe the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators; (c) has
engaged in misconduct showing an unfitness to serve as an approved Parenting Act
mediator; (d) does not otherwise meet the statutory and policy requirements as a
2.
ODR will inform the approved Parenting Act mediator in writing within ten days of its
decision to remove the mediator for cause.
3.
An approved Parenting Act mediator whose approved status has been removed for cause
shall no longer mediate any matter referred to mediation within the context of the
Parenting Act. If at the time a mediators approved status has been removed, and he or
she has been appointed by a judge to mediate a parenting plan case or has been selected
by the parties to mediate such a case, the mediator shall immediately notify the parties,
judge, any attorneys or pro se parties involved that the mediator is no longer eligible to
serve as a mediator in the matter.
D.
Mediator Status Reconsideration and Appeal.
1.
An approved Parenting Act mediator who disagrees with the determination of status may
file a written request for reconsideration to ODR within 15 days of the determination.
ODR will meet with the mediator in person or telephonic conference to attempt to
achieve resolution within 10 days of receipt of the written notice. As part of the
reconsideration of active status, ODR may require that the mediator meet certain
standards; comply with certain education requirements; participate in additional training
or mentorship; or other relevant actions.
2.
If resolution is not achieved, the mediator or ODR may submit a request that a third party
mediator assist with resolution. If a mediated resolution is not achieved, the mediator
may submit a written appeal to the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution within 10
days of the mediation or receiving notification by ODR. If the mediator disagrees with
the decision of the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution, he or she may file a written
appeal to the State Court Administrator within 10 days of receiving notification by the
Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution. The State Court Administrator shall review
materials submitted and may offer a hearing time to the mediator to present his or her
case. The State Court Administrators decision is final in the manner.
PART II:
GRIEVANCE PROCESS FOR MEDIATION PARTIES
Approved Parenting Act mediators shall provide mediation parties with information as to how to
make a complaint or grievance regarding the mediator or mediation process, which shall include
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information about informal and formal grievance processes described below.

A.
Informal Grievance Process
1.
The aggrieved party may request an informal meeting directly with the mediator to
address the grievance.
2.
If the informal meeting does not resolve the matter, the parties may enlist an impartial
mediator to assist in resolving the issue.
3.
If mediation does not resolve the matter, the aggrieved party may file a formal written
complaint with ODR within 10 days after the mediation session.
B.
Formal Written Complaint
1.
When a formal complaint is made against an approved Parenting Act mediator, it will be
reviewed and investigated by ODR to determine whether the allegations are in violation
of this Policy or the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators.
ODR may convene a mediator peer review committee to address complaints.
2.
If, after investigation, ODR finds that the allegations in a formal complaint do not violate
the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators or this Policy, ODR
shall dismiss the complaint, and will inform the mediator and the grievant in writing of
its decision.
3.
If, after investigation ODR finds that the allegations in a formal complaint do constitute a
violation of the Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators or this Policy,
ODR will inform the mediator and grievant in writing within ten days of its decision: (a)
to place on lapsed status the approved Parenting Act mediator or remove the mediator
from the ODR approved list of Parenting Act mediators or (b) of any other action taken.
Other action may require that the mediator: (i) meet certain standards; (ii) comply with
certain education requirements; or (iii) participate in additional training or apprenticeship.
4.
If either party disagrees with the determination of the formal complaint, he or she may
ODR will meet with the parties in person or telephonic conference to attempt to achieve
resolution within 10 days of receipt of the written notice.
5.
If resolution is not achieved, either party may submit a written appeal to the Advisory
Council on Dispute Resolution within 10 days of receiving notification by ODR. If either
party disagrees with the decision of the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution, he or
she may file a written appeal to the State Court Administrator within 10 days of receiving
notification by the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution. The State Court
Administrator shall review materials submitted and may offer a hearing to the parties.
The State Court Administrators decision is final in the manner.
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13.7 Policy for Approval for Parenting Act Mediators Nebraska Administrative Office
of the Courts; Approved by ODR Advisory Council 10.29.08/State Court Administrator 10.31.08
SECTION I.
A.
APPROVAL OF MEDIATORS
Authorization
Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2937(1) (Supp. 2007), as amended by 2008 Neb. Laws, L.B. 1014, sets
forth in part: The State Court Administrators office shall develop a process to approve
mediators under the Parenting Act. Further, Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2940 (1) (Supp. 2007) states:
Mediation of cases under the Parenting Act shall be governed by uniform standards of practice
adopted by the State Court Administrator. Therefore, the Office of Dispute Resolution (ODR),
performing its duties on behalf of the State Court Administrator, is ultimately responsible for
approving mediators who meet the standards of practice for mediating cases under the Parenting
Act. In that regard, the mediator who has met the criteria shall be known as an approved
B.
Definitions
1.
Approved Parenting Act Mediator. Those mediators approved by ODR, on behalf of the
State Court Administrator, pursuant to the Parenting Act, Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2937,
(Supp. 2007), as amended by LB1014, and this Policy.
2.
Affiliated Mediator. A mediator affiliated with one of the six Nebraska ODR-approved
mediation centers, namely the Center for Conflict Resolution, Scottsbluff; Central
Mediation Center, Kearney; Concord Center, Omaha; The Mediation Center, Lincoln;
Nebraska Justice Center, Fremont; The Resolution Center, Beatrice (hereinafter ODRapproved mediation centers); or a member of the panel of Douglas County Conciliation
and Mediation Services, Omaha, Fourth Judicial District Court of Nebraska (hereinafter
Douglas County Conciliation Office).
3.
Private Mediator. A mediator in private practice, and not mediating as an affiliate with
one of the ODR-approved mediation centers or the Douglas County Conciliation Office.
4.
Parenting Act. The provisions of Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2920, et seq. (Supp. 2007), as
amended by LB1014.
C.
Application and Approval of Parenting Act Mediators
The process for the approval of mediators authorized to practice under the Parenting Act includes
both application and approval.
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1.
Application for Approval. A mediator shall make application for approval as a Parenting
Act mediator to ODR, based upon this Policy and criteria stated herein. ODR shall
provide standardized forms for application as an approved Parenting Act mediator.
2.
Approval of Parenting Act Mediators

a.
b.
c.
Criteria for consideration of approval as a Parenting Act mediator shall include,

but is not limited to, the following:
i.
Meeting the training, educational, and apprenticeship standards for
Parenting Act mediators as set forth under Section II of this Policy;
ii.
Adhering to the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family
Mediators;
iii.
Demonstrating and maintaining an active status as a Parenting Act
mediator; and
iv.
Disclosing any prior criminal convictions or professional licensure
suspensions or revocations. A child abuse and criminal background check
will be conducted.
Approval may be denied if any of the above criteria is not met, including if the
applicants criminal history reports conviction for child abuse or neglect or a
violent crime or if a professional license has been suspended or revoked.
ODR, on behalf of the State Court Administrator is responsible for the final
approval of all mediators authorized to practice under the Parenting Act.
D.
ODR List of Approved Parenting Act Mediators
1.
ODR shall develop and shall maintain the ODR List of Approved Parenting Act
Mediators. The list shall include the following information: name, address,
telephone/facsimile number, e-mail address, professional background, mediation
background (years, numbers of cases, kinds of cases, supervisory status); and whether the
mediator is approved as a parenting plan mediator, a specialized alternative dispute
resolution (SADR) facilitator, or both.
2.
The list shall be distributed widely among all of those who may reasonably be expected
to have need of it, including the courts, attorneys, and the public. The list will be
maintained and regularly updated, providing immediate access to the most recent roster
of approved mediators. The list shall be placed on the Nebraska Supreme Court website,
and shall be made available in written form, upon request to ODR.
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SECTION II.
TRAINING AND EDUCATION
PART I TRAINING
A.
Required Parenting Act Mediator Training
1.
completed Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training, approved by
ODR. Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2938(2) (Supp. 2007).
2.
To be eligible for approval as a specialized alternative dispute resolution (SADR)

facilitator for parents involved in high conflict and situations in which abuse is present, a
mediator, who by statute must be an affiliate of an approved mediation center or
conciliation court program, shall have successfully completed an additional minimum 24hour ODR-approved Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution (SADR) training
course. Neb. Rev. Stat. 43-2938(3) (Supp. 2007).
3.
All Basic Mediation Trainings, Family Mediation Trainings, and SADR Trainings
approved by ODR prior to the implementation of this Policy shall be considered as
approved training under the Parenting Act. However, mediators who have not been
trained to conduct the domestic intimate partner abuse screening protocols required by
the Parenting Act must successfully complete an ODR-approved class on the proper
procedure to conduct screening protocols.
4.
Recency of Trainings. To ensure that applicants for approval as Parenting Act mediators
are well qualified, those individuals who have successfully completed approved required
trainings may need to retake the trainings, or make other accommodations as determined
by ODR, in order to be eligible for approval as a Parenting Act mediator if the training is
more than five years old and the mediator is not current in continuing mediator education
or has not been actively mediating. Other accommodations may include successful
completion of continuing mediator education, apprenticing in parenting plan cases with
supervisory mediators, or other relevant actions.
5.
Trainings not pre-approved by ODR. ODR may determine that mediators who have not
taken an ODR-approved training have received the equivalent of the ODR approved
training. Such mediators shall submit to ODR information adequate for ODR to
determine whether the training received is in substantial conformity with approved
training. ODR may require the mediator to take parts of an ODR-approved training or
make other accommodation if that aspect of the training was not part of the training that
the mediator had taken.
B.
Core Values of Mediation Training. To be approved by ODR, a training program shall

be conducted in accordance with the core values of mediation and the core values for
mediation training as reflected in the following definitions:
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Mediation is a confidential process of dispute resolution in which one or more

trained impartial neutrals assists the participants without coercion or the
appearance of coercion to define and clarify issues and interests, reduce
obstacles to communication, explore possible solutions, and where desired,
reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. Party self-determination is a core value
of mediation, in which the decision-making authority rests with the
participants themselves.
The content of approved mediation trainings shall, where possible, be based upon
reputable research. Adult learning methodologies shall be utilized.
C.
Content of Approved Training Curriculum
1.
An approved Basic Mediation Training course curriculum shall include, but not be
limited to, the following topics:
Overview of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) processes
Principles of mediation
Mediation styles
Stages and goals of mediation process
The role of the mediator
Nature of conflict/behaviors in conflict
Mediation skills, including negotiation skills, interactive listening, questionasking, use of neutral language, reframing, issue and interest identification, option
generation, addressing barriers to agreement, reality testing, agreement writing
Caucus
Values, self awareness, and bias awareness
Cultural diversity including race and gender
Power imbalances
Working with attorneys and representatives of parties
Confidentiality and privilege
Ethical issues, including impartiality, party self-determination, informed consent,
conflicts of interest, responsibilities to third parties, dealing with legal issues,
withdrawal by mediator, and termination of the mediation
Relevant Nebraska mediation and ADR law
2.
An approved Family Mediation Training curriculum shall include, but not be limited to,
a.
Topics listed in the Parenting Act:

(i)
Knowledge of the court system and procedures used in contested family
matters;
(ii)
General knowledge of family law, especially regarding custody,
parenting time, visitation, and other access, and support, including
calculation of child support using the current Nebraska child support
guidelines;
(iii) Knowledge of other resources in the state to which parties and
children can be referred for assistance;
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(iv)
b.
c.
d.
General knowledge of child development, the potential effects of

dissolution or parental separation upon children, parents, and extended
families, and the psychology of families;
(v)
Knowledge of child abuse or neglect and domestic intimate partner
abuse and their potential impact upon the safety of family members,
including knowledge of provisions for safety, transition plans,
domestic intimate partner abuse screening protocols, and mediation
(vi)
Knowledge in regard to the potential effects of domestic violence on a
child; the nature and extent of domestic intimate partner abuse; the
social and family dynamics of domestic intimate partner abuse;
techniques for identifying and assisting families affected by domestic
intimate partner abuse; interviewing, documentation of, and
appropriate recommendations for families affected by domestic
intimate partner abuse; and availability of community and legal
domestic violence resources;
Mediation process and skills as set forth under Nebraskas Basic Mediation
Training, or comparable elements;
Family mediation-related issues, including:
(i)
Family systems theory; its application to parenting mediation;
(ii)
Mediators approach and skills in working with the emotions of the
separation and dissolution process and post-separation dynamics;
(iii) Overview of working with parties engaged in high conflict dynamics;
(iv)
Process to assist parties in child-centered decision-making;
(v)
Process to address childrens best interests, including whether and how to
involve children in the process;
(vi)
Parenting Act and its amendments;
(vii) Specific knowledge of the parenting plan contents and formats; and
Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators.
Pre-requisite: Prior to participating in Family Mediation Training, the trainee shall have
completed the ODR-approved Basic Mediation Training or its equivalent.
3.
An approved SADR (Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution) Training shall

include, but not be limited to:
a.
b.
The topics listed in the Parenting Act:

(i)
Advanced education in regard to the potential effects of domestic violence
on the child;
(ii)
The nature and extent of domestic intimate partner abuse;
(iii) The social and family dynamics of domestic intimate partner abuse;
(iv)
Techniques for identifying and assisting families affected by domestic
intimate partner abuse; and
(v)
Appropriate and safe mediation strategies to assist parties in developing a
parenting plan, provisions for safety, and a transition plan.
Distinguishing the SADR intervention process from the customary family
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c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
mediation process;
Techniques for assisting parties engaged in high conflict dynamics;
Identifying and skills for working with persons with mental illness or substance
abuse issues;
Information and tools that can be used to increase the likelihood of providing a
safe environment for the child and victim parent;
Information and skills to ensure that SADR process takes into account the safety
needs of the children, the parties, and the SADR facilitator;
Advanced process skills for SADR facilitators using primarily a caucused-based
approach to negotiation;
Information as to the availability of community and legal domestic violence
resources; and,
Standards and ethics as applicable to SADR facilitators.
Pre-requisites: Prior to participating in SADR Training, the trainee shall have completed the
ODR-approved Basic and Family Mediation trainings or their equivalents.
D.
Training Methodology
1.
Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training must each be a minimum of
30 instructional hours.
a.
b.
c.
Each 30-hour training must be conducted within a minimum of three days

and maximum of 30 days unless it has been otherwise incorporated into an
academic curriculum. Training registrants shall be a minimum of seven and a
maximum of thirty participants.
In Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training, all trainings shall
include adult learning theory approaches to education, including but not limited
to: presentations, group discussions, written and oral exercises, mediation
simulations, role-plays, and additional readings. In Basic Mediation Training,
written exercises shall include writing an agreement.
In Basic Mediation Training and Family Mediation Training, at least six hours
shall be devoted to mediation role plays with the participants playing the roles of
the mediators and the disputants. At a minimum, every trainee must take part in at
least one continuous role-play acting as a solo or co-mediator and one continuous
role-play acting as a disputant. A continuous role-play is defined as one beginning
with the mediators introduction and continuing through to a resolution, or one
which is a minimum of 45 minutes in length. These role-plays are to be conducted
under supervision of a qualified coach. At the conclusion of each role-play, a
minimum of 15 minutes must be allocated for oral feedback to the mediator. A
coach shall observe no more than one role-play at a time. Trainers must present a
role-play mediation simulation (either live or video) prior to the participants roleplay experience as a mediator.
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2.
SADR Training must be a minimum of 24 hours and shall include adult learning theory
approaches to education. Any simulations or role plays shall be conducted under
supervision of a qualified coach. The training curriculum and program shall reflect an
interdisciplinary collaboration including family mediators, domestic abuse serving
agencies, family law professionals, and child and family development professionals.
E.
Training Administration
1.
Participant attendance. Trainees must demonstrate successful completion of all

components of one entire training program. The lead trainer is responsible for ensuring
that the integrity of each portion of the program is not compromised. Trainers shall
provide written documentation attesting to trainees attendance at the training. Under no
circumstances may an individual be excused from attending portions of the training
without making up that portion missed as directed by the lead trainer preferably during
the training period. If more than 60 minutes is missed of a single subject matter
presentation, the trainee must attend that portion of a future training program or comply
with another ODR approved method.
2.
Training Evaluation. For all approved trainings, evaluations of the training and trainers
shall be collected. Copies of the evaluations and a roster of participants who completed
the training shall be submitted to ODR within 30 days of completion of the training.
F.
Mediation Training Program Approval
For a basic, family, or SADR training program to be considered for approval by ODR, the
provider must submit the following information to ODR at least 60 days prior to the proposed
training event:
1.
Trainers Qualifications:
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Trainers of Nebraska ODR-approved basic, family mediation, and SADR training

shall meet ODR training standards.
Trainers teaching non-ODR basic, family, and SADR mediation trainings shall (i)
be experienced mediators in the subject matter of the training program; (ii) have
considerable previous experience as presenters in relevant workshops, seminars,
and courses; and (iii) have participated in ongoing continuing education courses
relevant to the subject matter and to mediation practice.
Role play coaches must be experienced mediators who have been
instructed in how to coach role plays.
For Family Mediation Training, the person responsible for presenting the material
on child abuse and neglect and domestic intimate partner abuse should have
professional experience with child abuse or neglect or domestic intimate partner
abuse (DIPA). If for a particular training such a person is unavailable to be
physically in the classroom, the trainer may use other collaboratively (DIPA or
child abuse) developed substitute materials such as an electronic presentations.
For SADR Training, the trainer cadre shall reflect an interdisciplinary approach,
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including experienced family mediators and domestic abuse, child abuse, and
related family law professionals.
2.
Student Instructional Materials

Each student must receive comprehensive instructional materials that supplement the
material presented by the training. Training materials should be a guide to which the
students can turn when they set to practice and should therefore stand alone as a guide to
mastering the content of the training, regardless of the training approach.
3.
Program Design
The training must cover all of the required content areas. Learning objectives and a
training agenda must be submitted, showing topics, timeframes, trainers/presenters
responsible, and skill-based learning opportunities. A clear plan must be submitted that
shows the training meets the required provisions of this Policy.
PART II.
APPRENTICESHIP
A.
Required Apprenticeship
1.
served as an apprentice to a supervisory Parenting Act mediator.
2.
Such apprenticeship shall include co-mediating at least three parenting plan cases with at
least two, and preferably three, different supervisory mediators. It is expected that the
apprentice will co-mediate with the supervisory mediator during all sessions in each of
the cases. At least one of the mediations shall include screening for ability to negotiate
and screening of domestic intimate partner abuse for at least one party, and preferably
both of the parties. In at least one of the mediations, the apprentice shall serve as lead
mediator. It is expected that the apprentice shall draft an acceptable written parenting
plan for at least one of the mediation cases. If none of the mediations result in an agreedupon parenting plan, the apprentice mediator will be required to submit to a supervisory
mediator (a) an acceptable written parenting plan based on a hypothetical case or (b) an
acceptable parenting plan that the apprentice had drafted as a lawyer. In addition,
apprentice mediators are encouraged to observe mediations, but such observations shall
not be counted toward fulfilling apprenticeship requirements. Following the mediation
session, the apprentice mediator should request oral and written feedback from the
supervisory mediator as well as complete a mediator self-reflection form on the
mediation. The apprentice mediator should collect written evaluations from each of the
parties for submittal in the approval process.
B.
Approval of Apprenticeships. Apprentices shall submit required documentation

regarding successful completion of apprenticeship as a part of their application to ODR
for approval as Parenting Act mediator, including:
Supervisory mediator assessments (at least three)
Mediation participants evaluation of the mediation cases
Mediator self-reflection forms
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At least one acceptable written parenting plan, as approved by a supervisory

mediator
C.
Supervisory Mediators
1.
Apprenticeships shall be offered by a supervisory mediator who has:
2.
Successfully completed the training and apprenticeship needed to be an approved

Parenting Act mediator;
Successfully completed supervisory mediator instruction;
Mediated six (6) cases during the past two (2) years, at least two (2) of which are
parenting plan cases, beyond those required as an apprentice; or are staff of an
ODR-approved center or the Douglas County Conciliation Office; and
Demonstrated superior skills as a Parenting Act mediator and have the
temperament, skills, and self-awareness to be a supervisory mediator.
The supervisory mediator shall provide written and oral feedback to the apprentice
mediator. The feedback shall include an assessment of how well the apprentice
understood the role of the mediator and how well the apprentice performed as a mediator.
Both the apprentices strengths and areas in need of improvement should be included.
3.
ODR affiliated mediation centers, the Douglas County Conciliation Office, and private
mediators may charge a fee to the apprentice mediator to provide these services.
D.
Approval of Supervisory Mediators.
1.
Mediators who wish to be supervisory mediators for the purposes of the Parenting Act
shall apply to ODR for approval as supervisory mediator. ODR shall make the
determination for approval. The application shall include documentation, including party
feedback and references indicating that the applicant qualifies to be a supervisory
mediator.
2.
Mediators serving as supervisory mediators affiliated with the Douglas County

Conciliation Office or the ODR-approved mediation centers at the date of adoption of
this Policy are deemed supervisory mediators as defined herein. The Douglas County
Conciliation Office and ODR-approved mediation centers shall submit names of
supervisory mediators and relevant information to ODR upon request.
E.
Adjustment or Waiver of Apprenticeship
1.
A mediator who, after receiving family mediator training, has successfully completed the
apprenticeship required by an ODR-affiliated mediation center or Douglas County
Conciliation Office prior to the implementation of this Policy shall be considered as
having met the apprenticeship requirements of this Policy.
2.
A mediator who has conducted parenting mediations in a significant number of cases

may request an adjustment or waiver of the apprenticeship requirements by submitting to
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ODR documentation clearly demonstrating that they are competent to serve as an

approved Parenting Act mediator.
3.
To ensure that an applicant to be approved as a Parenting Act mediator is well qualified,

if the mediators apprenticeship is five or more years old and the mediator is not current
in continuing mediator education or has not been actively mediating, the mediator will
need to (a) co-mediate with a supervisory mediator for at least one Parenting Act
mediation or (b) successfully complete required continuing education. ODR may impose
additional requirements.
PART III. CONTINUING MEDIATOR EDUCATION

A.
Parenting Act Continuing Mediator Education (CME)
1.
Within the first three years of completion of the family training required for approval as a
Parenting Act mediator and every two years thereafter, the mediator must have completed
eight hours of continuing education in family mediation (CME), at least two hours of
which shall be in the area of domestic intimate partner abuse, child abuse, or unresolved
parental conflict, and at least one hour of which shall be in the area of ethics. An hour is
a classroom hour.
The year runs to the end of the calendar year, not to the anniversary date of previous
training.
2.
Approved Parenting Act mediators may receive CME credit for courses provided by
ODR-approved mediation centers, the Douglas County Conciliation Services, or other
ODR-approved providers. In order to request CME credit for courses not approved in
advance by ODR, the mediator shall submit to ODR an application for CME credit that
shall include a description of the course including the courses dates, location, subject
matters covered, instructors and their qualifications, and a copy of the program outline or
brochure. ODR shall advise the mediator in writing whether the course was approved and
the number of CME credit hours for which it was approved.
B.
CME Providers
1.
ODR, ODR-approved mediation centers, and the Douglas County Conciliation Services
are considered ODR-approved CME providers under this Policy.
2.
Other CME providers requesting ODR approval of the CME must submit a summary of
the proposed training to ODR at least 60 days prior to the proposed training event. The
summary should including a statement of qualifications reflecting this Policy. Entities
that may seek approval to offer CME may include, but are not limited to:
Nebraska State Bar Association
Universities and colleges
Private training organizations
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C.
Parenting Act CME Topics and Subject Matter
The subject matter of CME may include:

General mediation skills
Mediation ethics
Family mediation issues
Family law relating to parenting plans
Domestic intimate partner abuse, child abuse, and unresolved parental conflict
Child development
Family systems theory
Psychological and other issues in parenting
Other matters relevant to parenting plan mediation
D.
Reporting of CMEs
1.
Entities that regularly provide CME may provide documentation of participation directly
to ODR.
1.
Approved Parenting Act mediators must submit reports of their CMEs every two years in
accordance with the procedures established by ODR.
E.
Failure to Meet CME Requirements
The status of an approved Parenting Act mediator who does not meet the CME requirements
within the timeline provided shall be considered as lapsed. Lapsed status includes having the
mediators name removed from approved Parenting Act mediator list. To be considered active,
the mediator will need to complete the required CME, as well as satisfying the other provisions
of this Policy.
SECTION III.
MEDIATOR STATUS and
GRIEVANCE PROCESS
PART I:
APPROVED PARENTING ACT MEDIATOR STATUS
A.
Active Status
1.
Each individual approved as a Parenting Act mediator shall adhere to the Nebraska
Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators and comply with this Policy to
maintain an active approved status. The mediators status shall be reflected on the list of
approved Parenting Act mediators.
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2.
An approved Parenting Act mediator shall submit a biennial report to ODR, indicating
completion of required CMEs, Parenting Act mediation activity, and other relevant
information. ODR shall provide standardized procedures and forms for submittal of the
biennial report.
B.
Lapsed Status
1.
An approved Parenting Act mediators active status shall be treated as lapsed when: (a)
the mediator notifies ODR in writing that he or she is relinquishing the approved
Parenting Act mediators status; (b) the mediator fails to maintain or update the
continuing education requirements; (c) the mediator has not mediated at least two
parenting plan cases in the immediately preceding two years of the biennial report; or (d)
fails to submit the biennial report in a timely fashion. Once a mediators approved status
has lapsed, ODR will remove the mediators name, contact, and other information from
the list of approved Parenting Act mediators.
2.
ODR will inform the approved Parenting Act mediator in writing, within ten days, of its
decision to place an approved Parenting Act mediator on lapsed status.
3.
An approved Parenting Act mediator whose active status has lapsed shall no longer
mediate any matter referred to mediation within the context of the Parenting Act. If at the
time a mediators approved status lapses, and he or she has been appointed by a judge to
mediate a parenting plan case or has been selected by the parties to mediate a case, the
mediator shall immediately notify the parties, judge, any attorneys or pro se parties
involved that his or her approval status has lapsed and that the mediator is no longer
eligible to serve as a mediator in the matter.
4.
A Parenting Act mediator whose status has lapsed may apply to ODR for reactivation. If
the mediators status has lapsed because the mediator had failed to maintain or update the
continuing education requirements, the mediator will need to complete the required CME
and submit required information to ODR. If the mediators status has lapsed because the
mediator voluntary relinquished the approved Parenting Act status or because the
mediator had not mediated at least two Parenting Act cases in the immediately preceding
two years, the mediator will need attend at least eight hours of relevant continuing
education within the two year period immediately preceding the application for
reactivation and participate in at least one supervised Parenting Act mediation. Additional
actions may be required by ODR.
If a mediators status has lapsed for a period of five years or longer, the mediator must
reapply to be a Parenting Act mediator including completing the training and
apprenticeship requirements of this Policy. The mediator may apply to ODR for an
adjustment of this requirement.
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C.
Removal for Cause.
1.
An approved Parenting Act mediator may be removed for cause from the list of approved
Parenting Act mediators when it is established that the mediator: (a) no longer meets the
requirements to be an approved Parenting Act mediator; (b) has failed to faithfully
observe the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators; (c) has
engaged in misconduct showing an unfitness to serve as an approved Parenting Act
mediator; (d) does not otherwise meet the statutory and policy requirements as a
2.
ODR will inform the approved Parenting Act mediator in writing within ten days of its
decision to remove the mediator for cause.
3.
An approved Parenting Act mediator whose approved status has been removed for cause
shall no longer mediate any matter referred to mediation within the context of the
Parenting Act. If at the time a mediators approved status has been removed, and he or
she has been appointed by a judge to mediate a parenting plan case or has been selected
by the parties to mediate such a case, the mediator shall immediately notify the parties,
judge, any attorneys or pro se parties involved that the mediator is no longer eligible to
serve as a mediator in the matter.
D.
Mediator Status Reconsideration and Appeal.
1.
An approved Parenting Act mediator who disagrees with the determination of status may
ODR will meet with the mediator in person or telephonic conference to attempt to
achieve resolution within 10 days of receipt of the written notice. As part of the
reconsideration of active status, ODR may require that the mediator meet certain
standards; comply with certain education requirements; participate in additional training
or mentorship; or other relevant actions.
2.
If resolution is not achieved, the mediator or ODR may submit a request that a third party
mediator assist with resolution. If a mediated resolution is not achieved, the mediator
may submit a written appeal to the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution within 10
days of the mediation or receiving notification by ODR. If the mediator disagrees with
the decision of the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution, he or she may file a written
appeal to the State Court Administrator within 10 days of receiving notification by the
Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution. The State Court Administrator shall review
materials submitted and may offer a hearing time to the mediator to present his or her
case. The State Court Administrators decision is final in the manner.
PART II:
GRIEVANCE PROCESS FOR MEDIATION PARTIES
Approved Parenting Act mediators shall provide mediation parties with information as to how to
make a complaint or grievance regarding the mediator or mediation process, which shall include
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information about informal and formal grievance processes described below.

A.
Informal Grievance Process
1.
The aggrieved party may request an informal meeting directly with the mediator to
address the grievance.
2.
If the informal meeting does not resolve the matter, the parties may enlist an impartial
mediator to assist in resolving the issue.
3.
If mediation does not resolve the matter, the aggrieved party may file a formal written
complaint with ODR within 10 days after the mediation session.
B.
Formal Written Complaint
1.
When a formal complaint is made against an approved Parenting Act mediator, it will be
reviewed and investigated by ODR to determine whether the allegations are in violation
of this Policy or the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators.
ODR may convene a mediator peer review committee to address complaints.
2.
If, after investigation, ODR finds that the allegations in a formal complaint do not violate
the Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators or this Policy, ODR
shall dismiss the complaint, and will inform the mediator and the grievant in writing of
its decision.
3.
If, after investigation ODR finds that the allegations in a formal complaint do constitute a
violation of the Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators or this Policy,
ODR will inform the mediator and grievant in writing within ten days of its decision: (a)
to place on lapsed status the approved Parenting Act mediator or remove the mediator
from the ODR approved list of Parenting Act mediators or (b) of any other action taken.
Other action may require that the mediator: (i) meet certain standards; (ii) comply with
certain education requirements; or (iii) participate in additional training or apprenticeship.
4.
If either party disagrees with the determination of the formal complaint, he or she may
ODR will meet with the parties in person or telephonic conference to attempt to achieve
resolution within 10 days of receipt of the written notice.
5.
If resolution is not achieved, either party may submit a written appeal to the Advisory
Council on Dispute Resolution within 10 days of receiving notification by ODR. If either
party disagrees with the decision of the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution, he or
she may file a written appeal to the State Court Administrator within 10 days of receiving
notification by the Advisory Council on Dispute Resolution. The State Court
Administrator shall review materials submitted and may offer a hearing to the parties.
The State Court Administrators decision is final in the manner.
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13.7 Uniform Mediation Act
Section
25-2930Act, how cited.
25-2931Terms, defined.
25-2932Scope.
25-2933Privilege again disclosure; admissibility; discovery.
25-2934Waiver and preclusion of privilege.
25-2935Exceptions to privilege.
25-2936Prohibited mediator reports.
25-2937Confidentiality.
25-2938Mediators disclosure of conflicts of interest; background.
25-2939Participation in mediation.
25-2940Relation to federal Electronic Signatures in Global and National Commerce
Act.
25-2941Uniformity of application and construction.
25-2942Application to existing agreements or referrals.
25-2930. Act, how cited. Sections 25-2930 to 25-2942 shall be known and may
be cited as the Uniform Mediation Act.
Source: Laws 2003, LB 255, 1.
25-2931. Terms, defined. For purposes of the Uniform Mediation Act:
(1) Mediation means a process in which a mediator facilitates communication and
negotiation between parties to assist them in reaching a voluntary agreement
regarding their dispute.
(2) Mediation communication means a statement, whether oral or in a record or
verbal or nonverbal, that occurs during a mediation or is made for purposes of
considering, conducting, participating in, initiating, continuing, or reconvening a
mediation or retaining a mediator.
(3) Mediator means an individual who conducts a mediation.
(4) Nonparty participant means a person, other than a party or mediator, that
participates in a mediation.
(5) Mediation party means a person that participates in a mediation and whose
agreement is necessary to resolve the dispute.
(6) Person means an individual, corporation, business trust, estate, trust,
partnership, limited liability company, association, joint venture, government,
governmental subdivision, agency, or instrumentality, public corporation, or any other
legal or commercial entity.
(7) Proceeding means:
(A) a judicial, administrative, arbitral, or other adjudicative process, including
related pre-hearing and post-hearing motions, conferences, and discovery; or
(B) a legislative hearing or similar process.
(8) Record means information that is inscribed on a tangible medium or that is
stored in an electronic or other medium and is retrievable in perceivable form.
(9) Sign means:
(A) to execute or adopt a tangible symbol with the present intent to authenticate
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a record; or
(B) to attach or logically associate an electronic symbol, sound, or process to or
with a record with the present intent to authenticate a record.
25-2932. Scope. (a) Except as otherwise provided in subsection (b) or (c) of this
section, the Uniform Mediation Act applies to a mediation in which:
(1) the mediation parties are required to mediate by statute or court or
administrative agency rule or referred to mediation by a court, administrative agency,
or arbitrator;
(2) the mediation parties and the mediator agree to mediate in a record that
demonstrates an expectation that mediation communications will be privileged against
disclosure; or
(3) the mediation parties use as a mediator an individual who holds himself or
herself out as a mediator, or the mediation is provided by a person that holds itself out
as providing mediation.
(b) The Uniform Mediation Act does not apply to a mediation:
(1) relating to the establishment, negotiation, administration, or termination
of a collective-bargaining relationship;
(2) relating to a dispute that is pending under or is part of the processes
established by a collective-bargaining agreement, except that the act applies to a
mediation arising out of a dispute that has been filed with an administrative agency or
court;
(3) conducted by a judge who might make a ruling on the case; or
(4) conducted under the auspices of:
(A) a primary or secondary school if all the parties and the mediator are
students; or
(B) a correctional institution for youths or a juvenile center if all the parties
and the mediator are residents of that institution.
(c) If the parties agree in advance in a signed record or a record of proceeding so
reflects that all or part of a mediation is not privileged, the privileges under
sections 25-2933 to 25-2935 do not apply to the mediation or part agreed upon.
However, such sections apply to a mediation communication made by a person that
has not received actual notice of the agreement before the communication is
made.
25-2933. Privilege against disclosure; admissibility; discovery. (a) Except as
otherwise provided in section 25-2935, a mediation communication is privileged as
provided in subsection (b) of this section and is not subject to discovery or admissible
in evidence in a proceeding unless waived or precluded as provided by section 252934.
(b) In a proceeding, the following privileges apply:
(1) A mediation party may refuse to disclose, and may prevent any other person
from disclosing, a mediation communication.
(2) A mediator may refuse to disclose a mediation communication and may
prevent any other person from disclosing a mediation communication of the mediator.
(3) A nonparty participant may refuse to disclose, and may prevent any other
person from disclosing, a mediation communication of the nonparty participant.
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(c) Evidence or information that is otherwise admissible or subject to discovery does

not become inadmissible or protected from discovery solely by reason of its disclosure
or use in a mediation.
25-2934. Waiver and preclusion of privilege. (a) A privilege under section 252933 may be waived in a record or orally during a proceeding if it is expressly waived
by all parties to the mediation and:
(1) in the case of the privilege of a mediator, it is expressly waived by the
mediator; and
(2) in the case of the privilege of a nonparty participant, it is expressly waived by
the nonparty participant.
(b) A person that discloses or makes a representation about a mediation
communication which prejudices another person in a proceeding is precluded from
asserting a privilege under section 25-2933, but only to the extent necessary for the
person prejudiced to respond to the representation or disclosure.
(c) A person that intentionally uses a mediation to plan, attempt to commit, or
commit a crime or to conceal an ongoing crime or ongoing criminal activity is
precluded from asserting a privilege under section 25-2933.
25-2935. Exceptions to privilege. (a) There is no privilege under section 25-2933
for a mediation communication that is:
(1) in an agreement evidenced by a record signed by all parties to the
agreement;
(2) available to the public under sections 84-712 to 84-712.09 or made during a
session of a mediation which is open, or is required by law to be open, to the public;
(3) a threat or statement of a plan to inflict bodily injury or commit a crime of
violence;
(4) intentionally used to plan a crime, attempt to commit a crime, or conceal an
ongoing crime or ongoing criminal activity;
(5) sought or offered to prove or disprove a claim or complaint of professional
misconduct or malpractice filed against a mediator;
(6) except as otherwise provided in subsection (c) of this section, sought or
offered to prove or disprove a claim or complaint of professional misconduct or
malpractice filed against a mediation party, nonparty participant, or representative of a
party based on conduct occurring during a mediation; or
(7) sought or offered to prove or disprove abuse, neglect, abandonment, or
exploitation in a proceeding in which a child or adult protective services agency is a
party.
(b) There is no privilege under section 25-2933 if a court, administrative agency, or
arbitrator finds, after a hearing in camera, that the party seeking discovery or the
proponent of the evidence has shown that the evidence is not otherwise available, that
there is a need for the evidence that substantially outweighs the interest in protecting
confidentiality, and that the mediation communication is sought or offered in:
(1) a court proceeding involving a felony; or
(2) except as otherwise provided in subsection (c) of this section, a proceeding
to prove a claim to rescind or reform or a defense to avoid liability on a contract
arising out of the mediation.
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(c) A mediator may not be compelled to provide evidence of a mediation

communication referred to in subdivision (a)(6) or (b)(2) of this section.
(d) If a mediation communication is not privileged under subsection (a) or (b) of this
section, only the portion of the communication necessary for the application of the
exception from nondisclosure may be admitted. Admission of evidence under
subsection (a) or (b) of this section does not render the evidence, or any other
mediation Communication, discoverable or admissible for any other purpose.
25-2936. Prohibited mediator reports. (a) Except as required in subsection (b) of
this section, a mediator may not make a report, assessment, evaluation,
recommendation, finding, or other communication regarding a mediation to a court,
administrative agency, or other authority that may make a ruling on the dispute that is
the subject of the mediation.
(b) A mediator may disclose:
(1) whether the mediation occurred or has terminated, whether a settlement was
reached, and attendance;
(2) a mediation communication as permitted under section 25-2935; or
(3) a mediation communication evidencing abuse, neglect, abandonment, or
exploitation of an individual to a public agency responsible for protecting individuals
against such mistreatment.
(c) A communication made in violation of subsection (a) of this section may not be
considered by a court, administrative agency, or arbitrator.
25-2937. Confidentiality. Unless subject to sections 84-712 to 84-712.09 or 84-1408
to 84-1414, mediation communications are confidential to the extent agreed by the
parties or provided by other law or rule of this state.
25-2938. Mediator's disclosure of conflicts of interest; background. (a) Before
accepting a mediation, an individual who is requested to serve as a mediator shall:
(1) make an inquiry that is reasonable under the circumstances to determine
whether there are any known facts that a reasonable individual would consider likely to
affect the impartiality of the mediator, including a financial or personal interest in the
outcome of the mediation and an existing or past relationship with a mediation party
or foreseeable participant in the mediation; and
(2) disclose any such known fact to the mediation parties as soon as is practical
before accepting a mediation.
(b) If a mediator learns any fact described in subdivision (a)(1) of this section after
accepting a mediation, the mediator shall disclose it as soon as is practicable.
(c) An individual who is requested to serve as a mediator shall disclose the
mediator's qualifications to mediate a dispute.
(d) A person that violates subsection (a), (b), or (g) of this section is precluded by
the violation from asserting a privilege under section 25-2933.
(e) ubsections (a), (b), (c), and (g) do not apply to an individual acting as a judge.
(f) The Uniform Mediation Act does not require that a mediator have a special
qualification by background or profession.
(g) A mediator must be impartial, unless after disclosure of the facts required in
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subsections (a) and (b) of this section to be disclosed, the parties agree otherwise.
25-2939. Participation in mediation. An attorney may represent, or other individual
designated by a party may accompany the party to, and participate in a mediation. A
waiver of representation or participation given before the mediation may be rescinded.
25-2940. Relation to federal Electronic Signatures in Global and National
Commerce Act. The Uniform Mediation Act modifies, limits, or supersedes the federal
Electronic Signatures in Global and National Commerce Act, 15 U.S.C. 7001 et seq., but
the Uniform Mediation Act does not modify, limit, or supersede 15 U.S.C. 7001(c) or
authorize electronic delivery of any of the notices described in 15 U.S.C. 7003(b).
25-2941. Uniformity of application and construction. In applying and construing
the Uniform Mediation Act, consideration must be given to the need to promote
uniformity of the law with respect to its subject matter among states that enact it.
25-2942. Application to existing agreements or referrals. (a) The Uniform
Mediation Act governs a mediation pursuant to a referral or an agreement to mediate
made on or after August 31, 2003.
(b) On or after January 1, 2004, the Uniform Mediation Act governs an agreement to
mediate whenever made.
(c) The Uniform Mediation Act is intended to address issues of privilege and does
not diminish any other mediation requirements of the statutes of Nebraska.
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XIV. Childrens Interests & Roles

14.1 Conflict and Children
Researchers view unresolved parental conflict, rather than the divorce or residential
schedule, as the single most critical determining factor in a child's post-divorce
adjustment. A child who succeeds after divorce, needs parents who do not involve the
child in their conflicts, do not make the child aware of their conflicts, and do not criticize
the other parent when a child is present.
A child's emotional adjustment to parents who live separately varies in degree
dependent on three primary factors: (1) the quality of the childs relationship with each
parent before the separation, (2) the intensity and duration of the parental conflict, and
(3) the parents' ability to focus on the needs of each child post separation. O'Connell
Corcoran, Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce (1997).
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XV. Days Reflections

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16.1 Communication Protocols for Ineffective Communication Patterns
Sometimes parents are stuck in ineffective communication patterns that they are not able to
recognize although they may be having a significant impact on the parents exchange of
information and follow-through in providing parenting functions. These patterns can be the
result of the continuation of ineffective patterns developed during their past relationship; the
result of unintended transitional reactions to their separation; intentional behavior by one
parent intended to frustrate attempts at redefining the relationship; or simply negligent
inattention to the important business of communication about parenting time and parenting
functions.
It can be useful to ask parents to step back and take a look at their patterns of communication
to see if their methods and manner of communication can be improved. To be effective each
parent must first assess their own communication patterns and content rather than beginning
with complaints and passing judgment and criticizing the other parent.
How can each parent assess their communication and make improvements in their patterns if
they are not visible to the parent and the facilitator? Consider an email protocol that will make
their communication visible and reviewable. Email can create a record so the facilitator is not in
a he said, she said situation; allows each parent time to consider and think about how to
frame and present communication, and allows review and consideration individually with each
parent.
When the parents dont have a communication protocol or rule, you have encountered the
most common problem in ineffective communication by separated parents. When the parents
dont have a rule each parent will assume their method is the correct method and the other
parent is being either unreasonable, starting an argument, or doesnt know how to
communicate. Without communication rules each parent will make up their own which will
generally contribute to the problem rather than a resolution.
A communication rule or protocol agreed to by both parents or ordered by the court can form
the basis for appropriate communication and provide an objective standard for considering
parental behavior. Bad behavior or a destructive pattern of communication will not magically
correct itself. A communication protocol or rule is necessary to set a standard and create a
constructive method for changing and improving the communication process. The protocol
must be balanced and apply to both parents equally so there is no advantage to either parent
and the benefits will be in the childs best interest of having appropriate and effective parental
communication about parenting functions.
Assessing and addressing ineffective patterns can be done informally and formally. The informal
method is having the parents work individually on following the protocol and making
appropriate communication. The formal method is to have the parents agree to involve the
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facilitator and consider a process of sending the facilitator a copy of all emails sent in case there
is a problem or of sending them to the facilitator for review prior to sending it to the other
parent.
The informal method asks the parent to stop prior to sending an email, step back, and delay
sending the initial email or a response until after the parent has taken time away from the
issue. After a short passage of time, return and re-read the email and consider does it follow
the rule. Does my message or response add to the problem or contribute to a constructive
discussion and positive solution of the subject matter?
If the answer is that it may add to the communication problems then the parent has identified
either the start or continuation of a negative or ineffective pattern. If it is a response to the
other parents email then take a critical look at the original communication to see if it invites a
negative reaction. If the original communication invites a negative reaction rather than
fostering constructive communication about a parenting function then that may be the trigger
to the pattern of destructive communication.
Examine the original communication to determine if it followed the rule or protocol established
for parental communication. When the rule is not followed by one of the parents the other
parents proper response may be: This message does not follow the parenting plan
communication protocol and will not be the basis for further communication.
If communication is intentionally being used to bully by being negative, critical, blaming,
containing threats, or uses name calling, then the receiving parent should be encouraged to
contact the facilitator for help in framing a response or returning the issue to mediation so the
mediator can consider the communication problem with the parents, provide feedback about
the potentially negative impact and ways to improve the manner or methods being used.
In these cases it may be difficult to provide feedback to the offending parent that s/he is willing
to hear in order to be more effective and appropriate in their communication. However the
process may help the other parent maintain or establish communication boundaries and
understand it is not necessary to get drawn into abusive communication exchanges. If either
parent is open to recommendations then it is an opportunity to provide coaching on how to
implement controls on bad communications and use appropriate and positive actions in ones
own communications.
If a parent or facilitator has identified ineffective patterns and both parents want to make
some changes, attempt to fix the easy things first to get them conscious of the need to know
and follow the protocol. The harder part will be holding the parents accountable, but tell them
what you have identified to be the problem and what kind of changes you would like them to
consider and why. Help them feel safe during the process and assure them everyone has
problems at first with using an email protocol. Then make it clear that they are accountable for
meeting their responsibilities since they have agreed to use this method. Then begin again.

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16.2 Abuse and Access Impact Risk to Children
Mediators task of considering children caught in the middle of unresolved high conflict
between their parents requires an active awareness of domestic abuse and its dangers
to children and parent.
Recognition must be given to the compelling evidence indicating spousal abuse occurs in
more than half and perhaps as often as eighty percent of all disputed custody and
parenting time cases. Abuse tends to escalate when the abuser has knowledge that
separation is imminent and while attempts are being made to separate. Abuse
continues post separation, post temporary order, and post divorce decree; to the extent
that it continues to occur more frequently to separated and divorced women than to
women living with their partners. Concerns expressed by advocates of abused women
and feminist scholars are important, realistic and must be seriously addressed.
Litigation and attorney negotiation of custody and parenting time disputes do not
produce statistics that show a reduction in abuse. The adversarial method most likely
increases tension and escalates conflict between parents as positions become extreme
and may place the abused parent at a significant disadvantage both financially and
emotionally during the adversarial process.
Even in the most abusive relationship, (unless the parents are involved in Juvenile Court
litigation to terminate the parental rights of one of the parents) there will continue to
be parenting time and other access for the abusive parent and as a result there will be
the need to exchange the child, the need to exchange information about the child, and
the need to resolve future issues involving the child.
Attorney negotiated agreements and trial determined custody and parenting time
orders have not in the past and can not in the future, possibly foresee and provide for
future contingencies that will provide a method for safe and peaceful resolution of
those needs and the resulting disputes.
Domestic abuse is a frequent problem in custody and parenting time disputes, however
it varies greatly from case to case and it is impossible to determine at settlement or trial
what role domestic abuse will play in the childs future, except for the certainty that if
parents fail to determine a constructive engagement process to address their conflicts
appropriately, then the child will be affected and the child will most likely learn to
mirror the destructive behavior of the parents in their methods of inappropriate conflict
resolution.
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Jane OReilly, a writer of issues affecting women and politics has written: We must
remember the past, define the future, and challenge the present wherever and however
we can
To challenge the present we must be ready and prepared to challenge all assumptions
of the current adversarial and alternative dispute models in order to build new models
with methods designed for the future safety and development of children whose
parents are unable to resolve or engage constructively their conflicts while living in
separate homes.
Part of this challenge is to acknowledge and educate the parents that exchanges for
parenting time and other direct communication between parents provide repeated
opportunities for conflict and for children to observe conflict.
National Institute of Justice Study reports:
5% of abusive fathers use visitation to threaten to kill;
34% of abusive fathers use visitation to threaten to keep children or abduct
them;
25% of abusive fathers use visitation to threaten to hurt children during their
visitation;
Visitation becomes a repeated opportunity to terrorize mothers and retaliate for
seeking separation;
Children are used as pawns to exercise power and control over the mother;
Exchange is often the only opportunity to see and speak to her;
The short amount of time available at a parenting time exchange may heighten
an abusers anxiety and make his attempts desperate to have a desired effect.
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16.3 Anger in Mediation
Mediators will frequently encounter the emotions of anger and fear during sessions.
Some experts on human behavior believe there is key element in the relationship
between anger and fear in that anger almost always masks fear or some other more
vulnerable emotion, such as anxiety, shame, guilt, helplessness, or grief.
As a Mediator it may be important to not accept, validate, and stay with the overt
anger of a parent. Just like wanting to move beyond positions to get to interests, it
may be better to get beyond the anger to find and acknowledge the underlying feelings
that have elicited the anger.
The basic goal should be to be sensitive, but try to move behind the anger to discover
what vulnerable emotion is hidden by the bluster and the rage. Sometimes, this process
can be activated by asking: Whats the thing you were dreading most about the
divorce? What is the worst possible outcome from this case that you can imagine?
What has been youre your experience with problem solving with the other parent?
What have been the barriers in reaching satisfactory resolution of problems? What
are your expectations about resolution of this problem?
If a major function of getting angry is to cover up other types of feelings so the parent
wont be taken advantage of, or have to face a vulnerability, it may be harder than
asking those questions. The facilitator should be prepared to sit with the parent in
silence, staying in the present mindfully waiting in silence.
If the angry parent is prepared to wait you out, after a couple of minutes spent
breathing in comfortable silence, the facilitator may want to switch paths and ask an
open ended question about an unrelated issue. When the parent is not prepared to
address an issue it is best to find a graceful way around the issue, If anger becomes a
recurrent theme then it may be necessary to discuss what if anything the parent is doing
to address the issue as it appears to be preventing a constructive discussion of parenting
functions.
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16.4 Conflict and Parenting from Separate Homes
In the past it has been generally believed that children from broken homes whether
because of divorce or because the parents never married were at risk to have
adjustment problems because of the single fact that the parents were not living
together in a marital home. Recent research has shown those conclusions that children
were harmed and would suffer developmentally as a result have been greatly
exaggerated. In the past it was written and argued that children of divorced or never
married parents suffered from depression, failed in school, and got in trouble with the
law. Recent research has shown that those children who suffer from depression and
conduct problems generally had those problems before their parents divorced or
separated and that often a significant contributor to those problems was unresolved
conflict between the parents while living in the same home. Marital conflict is now
recognized to have both direct and indirect effects on childrens adjustment both in the
family home and in the post separation homes of their parents. Researchers and child
development specialists now view unresolved conflict, rather than the divorce or living
separate, as the single most critical determining factor of a childs adjustment and
development after parents separate. Research also shows that the child who succeeds
after divorce or separation has parents who are able to separate their conflicts from the
child and act appropriately as parents.
A child's psychological and emotional development after the parents' divorce or
separation depends on three factors: (1) the quality of the childs relationship with each
parent before the separation, (2) the childs involvement, knowledge, or observance of
the parents unresolved conflict, and (3) the quality of the childs relationship with each
parent after the separation. Research clearly shows it is not the quantity of time a child
spends with each parent; it is the quality of the parent and child relationship that
impacts the child most significantly.
A child's quality of involvement with each parent after divorce or separation will impact
the future relationships the child has with others. Children learn how to be in
relationships by observing and interacting with their parents. If the parents model good
relationship skills and interact with others and with each other appropriately then the
child should learn and model those good skills. If the parents model poor or destructive
relationship skills and interact with each other in inappropriate ways then the child may
learn and model those poor or destructive behaviors. This is particularly true when it
comes to the child observing the parents interaction with each other at the time of
their direct communication about parenting issues and at the time of exchange of a
child for regular parenting time or holiday parenting time. When parents live separately
those are the best opportunities for parents to exhibit appropriate behavior for the
childs benefit and the most likely times for parents to exhibit inappropriate behaviors
that will have a negative impact on the child. A child will find it difficult to be secure in
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his or her relationship with a parent if the child learns to expect conflict and poor
behavior when the parents speak or see each other.
Research identifies important parental characteristics associated with child well being
after divorce or separation, including the need for at least one positive and supportive
parent who provides a nurturing parent-child relationship that includes competent,
structured, and warm parenting. Are a childs chances better with two such parents?
Of course, but the implication is that the parent who has those characteristics can
effectively parent separately and independently without interaction, cooperation, or
dependence on the other parent.
Two important lessons can be learned from this recent research. The first is that
contact between parents after divorce or separation must be positive and supportive of
the childs care, free from conflict exhibited to the child, or there should not be direct
contact between the parents with the child present. If parents cannot be positive and
supportive of each other in the childs presence then parenting interaction should be
limited and controlled by the parenting plan. The second lesson is that a child benefits
from quality parenting even if only one parent provides quality parenting. Parents
should spend more effort on providing positive nurturing care of the child and less effort
in trying to acquire greater quantity of parenting time or being critical and judgmental of
the other parent. It is quality parenting not the quantity of parenting time and
respecting parental boundaries that impacts the best interests of the child.
The Nebraska Legislature amended the Nebraska Parenting Act in 2007 and 2008 and
specifically recognized and incorporated this recent research into its findings and the
Nebraska parenting statutes. In its findings the Legislature removed from its findings
the statement that parenting time for each parent should be maximized and replaced it
with the provision that it is in the best interests of each child affected by a divorce or
paternity action to have a parenting plan that establishes specific individual
responsibility for each parent in performing the parenting functions that are necessary
and appropriate for the childs care and healthy development so each child has a safe,
stable, and nurturing environment. In recognizing the need to keep a child out of
parental conflict the Legislature also stated that when a court adjudicates and
establishes the individual parental responsibilities for custody and parenting time it is
important to consider how the parents resolve or create conflicts affecting their child.
In amending the Parenting Act the Legislature created for the first time a definition of
domestic intimate partner abuse recognizing that children are directly impacted by
witnessing domestic abuse and being exposed to parental conflict. Courts now have a
duty and responsibility to protect the child and the victimized parent and attempt to
keep them safe from future risks of abuse. The Legislature specifically stated that child
safety out weighs a parents request for custody or parenting time when child abuse or
neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, or unresolved parental conflict prevents the
best interests of the child from being served in the parenting arrangement requested by
a parent.
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Research on parenting from separate homes after separation or divorce indicates that
the most harmful and stressful elements in a childs life post separation or divorce is the
continued conflict between parents. In order to aid parents in reducing conflict so the
best interests of the child can be better served; the Douglas County Conciliation Court
and Mediation Services Office offers options for parents to consider in mediation that
promote safety, stability, and consistency for each childs benefit in determining
parenting times, travel and exchanges, communication, participation in education and
activities, and an opportunity for each parent to comply with the individual
responsibility to perform the parenting functions appropriate for the childs care and
healthy development in accordance with the Nebraska Parenting Act.
An area parents frequently admit experiencing conflict about is in basic communication
regarding parenting time and exchanges of a child. Either parents recognition or the
courts recognition that the parents are unable to communicate effectively suggests the
need for the parents to limit or stop their direct verbal communication except for
emergencies, and to limit direct communication to an email protocol or other nonverbal communication rule that establishes written requirements and rules for
communication. This method limits hearsay about communication conflicts and gives
an objective basis if necessary to determine which parent is creating unnecessary
conflict through the use of inappropriate communication about parenting functions.
When exchanges of a child between parents exposes the child to parental conflict, then
the parents or the court should consider limiting contact and communication at those
times by requiring one parent to remain in the vehicle and the other to remain in the
residence without any contact or communication directly or through the child at that
time. Restrict contact and communication so the child will not be caught in the middle
and will not be used to carry messages. Another effective exchange option for
responsible parents, is to schedule pickup or return of a child to day care or school so
the parents are not both present at those times. The key to this working is that both
parents must be responsible, participate in good faith, and are able to be present at
those times.
When a parents communication or attempts to communicate with a child while in the
other parents care is a source of conflict then the parents or the court should consider
a set schedule for the child to place a call to the parent. This eliminates boundary issues
between the parents by establishing a responsibility of the parent with whom the child
is residing to merely place the call; if the receiving parent is unable to accept the call at
the agreed upon time, then the call should be a lost opportunity and should not be
made up or returned by the receiving parent. The time for the child to place the call
should take the childs schedule into consideration and may be made as part of the
preparation for bed time routine. The childs call is not a time for any messages or
information to be exchanged between the parents or for the child to be asked to relay
information or question the child about the other parent.
148
A frequent conflict issue is the participation by each parent in a childs education and
activities. The Parenting Act specifically added in the 2009 amendment a requirement
that the best interests of a child requires regular and continuous attendance and
progress for school-age children. Douglas County District Court Rule 4.3 has long
required parenting plan provisions related to parent participation in school and a childs
activities. Nebraska statute 42-381 has long provided that in Nebraska both parents
regardless of custody have full and equal access to the education and medical records
of his or her child unless the court orders to the contrary. These two statutory
requirements and court rule set a standard that both parents are able to participate in
each childs school attendance and progress including a responsibility not to interfere
with the other parents participation or attempt to limit that participation unless the
court has ordered restrictions on a parents participation. When school and activity
conflicts have occurred then it is suggested that the parenting plan include specific
statements and protocols on participation by the parents appropriately in a childs
school and extracurricular activities. This may require a clear statement that each
parent is responsible for their own communication with the school and responsible for
scheduling individual parent teacher conferences. The parent picking up a child from
school should be responsible to determine that the child has the books and assignments
necessary to be prepared for the next school day. The parent with parenting time the
evening prior to a school day should be responsible to have the childs lessons
completed and delivered to school with the child or delivered with the child to the
parent who has overnight parenting time after completion of the weeknight or weekend
parenting time.
Whenever both parents attend a childs event they should respect each others
boundaries and not communicate during or after the event unless they have a good
relationship and a history of not engaging in conflicted behaviors during those events.
When there have been conflicts at prior events a protocol should be part of the
parenting plan that recognizes the importance of boundaries at a childs activity where
both parents are in attendance, and provides that the second parent to arrive shall take
a seat at respectful distance from the other parent. Neither parent should attempt to
converse or interact with the other parent directly or through a child. Any child in
attendance regardless of parenting time assignment may visit with either parent during
the event. At the conclusion of the event, the child or children should have five minutes
with the parent who is not taking her home, then the child or children will leave with
the parent who is enjoying parenting time on that day. This protocol respects that
activities are for the childs participation and benefit and that parents in attendance
should not be seen or heard in conflict with one another.
The Parenting Act provides the childs best interests require that the parenting plan
provide for both parents to participate appropriately in the childs emotional growth,
health, and physical care. While this requires access to information and records by
both parents, the provision does not require the parents to engage in conflict over each
149
issue related to appropriate care or interfere with appropriate custodial decisions. It

does require appropriate parenting and constructive engagement between parents that
aims to reduce conflict for the parents and child and model good relationship skills for
the child. While both parents have legal access to records it is the custodial parent who
has the responsibility to schedule and attend routine medical and dental appointments.
A parenting plan may provide that the other parent receive an email confirming
attendance and reporting on any health issues the child is experiencing. An email
requirement for notification of medical needs and prescription care may be used to
provide care requirements to the parent receiving the child for parenting time. An
email may also be used to report the childs condition and administration of medication
prior to the childs return. Through this method the parental responsibilities for care
are met and appropriate information is exchanged without any opportunity for conflict
to be observed by the child.
If there is potential for these conflict issues to exist in a parents relationship with the
other parent either parent should ask the attorney, mediator, or court to provide clear
applicable protocols and parenting plan clauses to address these issues and provide
clear guidance in the parenting plan for the future interaction of the parents. When
mediation or negotiation by the attorneys does not result in agreement then the court
has an obligation to provide those protections in the best interest of each child.
150

17.1 Potential Challenges to Successful Mediation: Mental Health and Substance
Abuse Issues
I. Substance Abuse and/or Dependence Issues:
A.
Substance Abuse/Dependence (Alcohol, Illegal or Prescribed Substances)

1.
Substance Use or Exacerbation During Family Stress/Transition
a.
b.
c.
2.
Actively Using/Abusing, In Denial, or In Recovery/Remission

a.
b.
II.
Increased possibility of substance use to cope with stress

Impact upon ability to problem solve through spousal conflict
Impact upon children ongoing concerns in the Parenting Plan
Understanding Extent of Abuse/Dependence (Useful Questions)

Can Medication Proceed or Proceed in Caution?
Mental Health Issues: A Primer of Major Mental Health Conditions

B.
Cognitive Challenges:
1.
Disorders Usually Identified in Childhood/Adolescence

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
2.
Borderline Intellectual Functioning

Pervasive Developmental Disorder (Including: Aspergers)
Communication Disorder (Expressive Communications)
Specific Learning Disorders (Especially, Reading Disorders)
Attention Deficit Disorders
Acquired Cognitive Disorders/Challenges

a.
b.
c.
Traumatic Head Injury

Decline/Dementia due to Physical Health Condition (Alzheimers,
Stroke, other Neurological Health Conditions, SubstanceInduced/Exacerbated Cognitive Condition)
Pseudo Dementia
C.
Mood Disorders (Major Depression, Manic Episodes, Bipolar Disorder)
D.
Anxiety Disorders (Including Post Traumatic Stress)
E.
Psychosis (Including Schizophrenia)
151
Personality Disorders/Dysfunctions in Mediation

Definition/Criteria for a Personality Disorder (vs. Dysfunction):
Everyone has personality features or traits that affect their view of the world and their way of
interaction with others. Especially under the stress of a difficult time/transition (such as
divorce), some tendencies for dysfunctional personality function, may surface. These
personality features can lead to problems in some communication/cooperation in mediation
or general problem solving but are not necessarily barriers to successful mediation work.
In contrast, an actual personality disorder is more problematic that is, more likely to be an
actual barrier to progress in mediation - and may even be a reason to include/implement
additional resources or even suspend mediation attempts.
By definition, a personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior
that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individuals culture.
A personality pattern is manifested in two (or more) of the following areas:
1 cognition (ways of perceiving/interpreting self, other people, and events
2 emotional response (intensity and appropriateness of the emotion reaction)
3 general interpersonal functioning (social skills, etc.)
4 impulse control
The personality disorder is often characterized by pervasive and inflexible ways of viewing and
acting in personal and social situations.
The enduring pattern leads to significant impairment or distress in social, occupational, or other
important areas of functioning.
The pattern usually can be traced back to early adulthood or adolescence and appears to be of
stable and long duration not merely due to the direct effect of a general physical health
condition (such as head trauma or physical illness), the physiological effects of medication or
substance use/abuse, or some other mental health disorder (such as major depression).
[Of course, conditions such as depression, grief, anxiety and general stress - such as almost
anyone going through a divorce or significant change in circumstances can make the effects of
pre-existing personality disorder much more problematic more intense, more difficult to
modify, etc.]
152
A Primer of Especially Problematic Personality Disorders/Dysfunctions

Note: Only a qualified health care professional can diagnose a mental health disorder. However, the following lists
are some clues that the mediator may be dealing with an individual who exhibits some dysfunctional personality
characteristics or, possibly, even a personality disorder that could be problematic in mediation. Sometimes
both partners may exhibit dysfunction and/or disorders. In some extreme cases, the presence of these
dysfunctional signs/conditions may indicate that attempts to mediate should proceed with caution, may need
additional interventions/resources or may even need to be discontinued.
A. Some Clues to An Antisocial Personality Disorder/Dysfunction:

1. Deceitfulness (repeated lying/conning others for personal profit/pleasure)
2. Failure to comply to societys norms (disrespect for the law, arrests, etc)
3. Aggressiveness (repeated physical fights/assaults)
4. Lack of remorse
5. Reckless disregard for the safety of others or themselves (risky behaviors)
6. Consistent irresponsibility (poor work history due to irresponsibility, failure to honor
financial obligations, etc)
B. Some Clues to A Narcissistic Personality Disorder/Dysfunction
1. Grandiose sense of self importance (expects to be perceived as superior)
2. Requires excessive admiration
3. Displays a sense of entitlement
4. Appears arrogant or haughty
5. Lacks empathy is unwilling to recognize needs/feelings of others
6. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, brilliance, success, etc.
7. Is interpersonally exploitive takes advantage of others for own needs
8. Seems envious of others or believes others are envious of them
9. Believes that he or she is special or unique/superior;
That is: believes they can only be understood by or associate with those who are of
equally high status.
153
C. Clues to a Histrionic Personality Disorder/Dysfunction

1. Desires to be the center of attention
2. Shows exaggerated expression of emotion seems overly dramatic or almost theatrical
3. Speaks in an excessively impressionistic manner (often lacking in detail)
4. Displays a rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
5. May be suggestible or easily influenced by others
6. May consider relationships to be more intimate than they actually are
7. May use physical appearance to draw attention to self
8. May appear provocative or inappropriately sexually engaging/seductive
D. Clues to a Borderline Personality Disorder/Dysfunction
1. Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating
between extremes of idealization and devaluation
2. Identity disturbance: unstable self-image or sense of self
3. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
4. Recurrent suicidal behavior/gestures/threats or self-mutilation
5. Instability due to marked reactivity of mood (intense dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety
usually lasting a few hours or a relatively short time period)
6. Chronic feelings of emptiness
7. Inappropriately intense anger or difficulty controlling anger
8. Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging
(examples: unwise spending, binge eating, reckless driving, sexual activities,
substance abuse, etc)
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation (or even dissociative symptoms)
154
E. Clues to an Avoidant Personality Disorder/Dysfunction

1. Seems reluctant to engage in any new activity (including mediation) or take personal
risks because they may prove embarrassing
2. May be preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
3. Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations due to feelings of inadequacy
4. Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior
5. Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
6. Shows restraint with intimate relationships due to fear of being shamed or ridiculed
7. Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of
fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection
F. Clues to An Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder/Dysfunction:
1. Seems preoccupied with details/rules/lists/order/organization/or schedules to the
extent that the major point of the activity is lost
2. Shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion
(For example: is unable to complete a project because his/her own overly strict
standards are not met)
3. Is excessively devoted to work/productivity to the exclusion of leisure
activities/friendships (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
4. Is over conscientious, scrupulous, or inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or

values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
5. Is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects/others

Even when they have no sentimental value
6. Shows excessive stubbornness/rigidity
7. Is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly
his/her way of doing things
8. Adopts a miserly spending style towards self and others
Money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
155
G. Clues to A Dependent Personality Disorder/Dysfunction

1. Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice others
2. Needs others to assume responsibility for major areas of his/her life
3. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of
support/approval
4. Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance/support from others
(to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant)
5. Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his/her own
(because of lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of
motivation/energy)
6. Feels uncomfortable/helpless when along because of exaggerated fears of being unable
to care for himself/herself
7. Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself/herself
8. Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care/support when a close
relationship ends
H. Clues to a Paranoid Personality Disorder/Dysfunction
1. Suspects (without basis) that others are exploiting/harming/deceiving them
2. Is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of others
3. Is reluctant to confide in other because of unwarranted fear that the information will be
used maliciously against him/her
4. Reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings in benign remarks
5. Persistently bears grudges (is unforgiving of perceived insults/slights)
6. Has recurrent suspicious-without justification-regarding fidelity of spouse
7. Perceives attacks on his/her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and
is quick to act angrily or to counterattack
156

17.2 Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST)
This test is nationally recognized by alcoholism and drug dependence professionals. You may
substitute the words drug use in place of drinking.
1.
Do you feel you are a normal drinker? ("normal" - drink as much or less than most
other people) Circle Answer: YES NO
2.
Have you ever awakened the morning after some drinking the night before and found
that you could not remember a part of the evening?
Circle Answer: YES NO
3.
Does any near relative or close friend ever worry or complain about
your drinking? Circle Answer: YES NO
4.
Can you stop drinking without difficulty after one or

two drinks? Circle Answer: YES NO
5.
Do you ever feel guilty about your

drinking? Circle Answer: YES NO
6.
Have you ever attended a meeting of Alcoholics

Anonymous (AA)? Circle Answer: YES NO
7.
Have you ever gotten into physical fights when

8.
Has drinking ever created problems between you and a near relative or
close friend? Circle Answer: YES NO
9.
Has any family member or close friend gone to anyone for help about
your drinking? Circle Answer: YES NO
10.
Have you ever lost friends because of your

11.
Have you ever gotten into trouble at work because of

12.
Have you ever lost a job because of

Have you ever neglected your obligations, your family, or your work for two or more
days in a row because you were drinking?
14. Do you drink before noon fairly
often? Circle Answer: YES NO
13.
15.
Have you ever been told you have liver trouble such as
cirrhosis? Circle Answer: YES NO
16.
After heavy drinking have you ever had delirium tremens (D.T.'s), severe shaking, visual
or auditory (hearing) hallucinations?
157
17.
Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your

18.
Have you ever been hospitalized because of

19.
Has your drinking ever resulted in your being hospitalized in a psychiatric

ward? Circle Answer: YES NO
20.
Have you ever gone to any doctor, social worker, clergyman or mental health clinic for
help with any emotional problem in which drinking was part of the problem?
21.
Have you been arrested more than once for driving under the influence of
alcohol? Circle Answer: YES NO
22.
Have you ever been arrested, even for a few hours because of other behavior while
drinking? (If Yes, how many times
) Circle Answer: YES NO
SCORING
Please score one point if you answered the
following:
1. No
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. No
5. Yes
6. Yes
7 through 22: Yes
Add up the scores and compare to the following
score card: 0 - 2 No apparent problem
3 - 5 Early or middle problem
drinker 6 or more Problem
drinker
158

18.1 Parenting Plan Required Provisions 43-2929 & Checklist
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
and
9.
10.
Statement of the form of legal custody and physical custody. (note statutory
definitions of physical custody and joint legal and physical). Procedures for
decision making consistent with the legal custodian making major decisions.
Specific pick up and return times for regular weekday and weekend child
exchanges including place for exchange and any limits on communication or
contact between parents and transportation duties. (a default structure the
parents agree to follow unless they mutually decide otherwise).
Specific pick up and return times and definition of the time frames for holidays
so the parents know what constitutes the time structure for each holiday including
place for exchange and any limits on communication or contact between parents
and transportation duties.
Specific amounts of vacation time for both parents. Provisions for the amount of
notice
to be given for intended vacation dates, emergency phone numbers where the
vacationing
parent may be reached, and frequency of phone calls to the non-vacationing
parent by the
child/ren.
Medical and school records access and notification: Provisions for the name of
each parent to appear on all medical and school records and that each parent shall
have access to all records without assistance from the other parent. Both parents
may initiate emergency medical or dental treatment for the children, and both
shall notify the other of any significant illness, injury or emergency treatment of a
child. Each parent is responsible for notifying the school that s/he wishes to be
included on the mailing list for conferences and events, as well as receiving copies
of report cards, progress reports, and all other pertinent information.
Provisions for safety and a transition plan when a preponderance of evidence
establishes child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, unresolved
parental conflict, or criminal activity which is directly harmful to a child.
Provisions requiring regular and continuous school attendance and progress for
school-age children.
A provision may encourage mutual discussion of major decisions only when safe
appropriate for the childs best interest and one parent may not plan or schedule
activities for a child during the parenting time of the other parent with out consent
of the other parent.
Remediation provision for future conflicts on parenting functions and future
modifications of
the plan.
When a parent moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior
to the move.
Note: A parent may not move a child from Nebraska without court permission.
159
PARENTING PLAN CHECKLIST

I.
II.
Regular time sharing schedule including weekdays/weekends/who provides

transportation/transfer location (i.e. parents home, neutral grounds: school,
grandparent, library, McDonalds, halfway point)
Weekends:_
Weekdays:_
Transfer location:
_.
Holidays typically these take priority over the regular time-sharing schedule:
a. FREQUENTLY CELEBRATED RELIGIOUS AND SECULAR HOLIDAYS
(alternate yearly or shared with specific time for drop off/pick up:
New Years Eve/Day
Easter Good Friday and Easter Sunday
st
nd
Passover (1 and 2 nights)
st
nd
Rosh Hashanah (1 and 2 nights)
Yom
Kippur
(evening
and
day)
Hanukkah (first
night)
th
July 4 (overnight for fireworks)
Halloween (including who provides the costume)
Thanksgiving (Thurs., Fri., Sat., Sun.)
Christmas Eve/Day
Kwanza
Ramadan
Other religious/cultural important days
b. THREE DAY WEEKENDS specify individually (alternating yearly, shared
or designate to be with parent having adjacent weekend)
Presidents
Day
Labor
Day
Veterans Day
Memorial Day
Martin Luther Kings Day
Columbus Day
c. PARENTS SPECIAL DAYS/VACATION (exact time and person responsible
for transportation)
Mothers Day
Father Day
Parents uninterrupted vacation periods notice in writing?
d. SCHOOL RECESSES
Winter school recess Teacher workdays may specify by adjacent weekend or alternate
Spring school recess
Summer school recess
e. BIRTHDAYS (exact times)
Parents birthdays_
Childrens birthdays
f.
ACTIVITIES
After
Camp
Work_
school
whose
choice?
160
III.
Responsibility of Mother/Father with regard to:

Recreational activities_
Discipline
Medical and dental visits_
Childrens gift giving
Daily supervision
Contact with extended family
On-going school activities_
Significant others
Clothing
Religious activities
Haircuts
Curfews
IV.
Alternate Arrangements the following are provided for consideration:

a. Both parents can reschedule upon mutual agreement (in writing).
b. What type of alternate visitation can be arranged when one parent is in the
military (active or non-active duty)?
c.
Right for first refusal: Should the designated parent be unable or unavailable to
care for the children during the time listed, then the other parent will be given first
option to care for the children during that time. If that parent is not available, does
regularly scheduled parent make arrangements for child and notify other parent
of childs alternate carecaker?
d. No first option for care: if parent is unavailable, that parent forfeits time with the
child? Or: parents are responsible to find appropriate alternate caretaker (i.e.
baby sitter) if unavailable to care for child during their designated time.
e. When are plans with one parent to be confirmed (24 hr/48 hr/one weeks notice?)
and how do each of parents notify one another of plans (verbally or in writing?)
f.
Alternate child care (is other parent given name and contact information of
alternate caretaker/does child caretaker have both parents contact information in
case of emergency)
g. Should there be verification before implementation of visit? Who calls whom?

When? Is there a grace period if parent is late (15 minutes/1/2 hour)? Is time
forfeited if parent does not call or arrive before grace period? What arrangements
are there if parent is not home at return time?
h. What if child has special activity during non-residential parents time? Who is
responsible for getting child there?
V.
i.
Are anyone other than parents permitted to pick up and return children?
j.
What if the child is sick?
k.
If more than one child any plans individualized time with child?
Who goes to childs special events? Grandparents? New Spouses? Significant

others such as boyfriends, girlfriends? Does residential parent supply information
regarding special events or is it non-residential parent responsibility for retrieving
information?
161
VI.
What information do you wish to have regarding your child? When, where, and
how will this information be exchanged?
VII.
Telephone access specific days and/or times?
VIII.
Any restrictions on medical, psychological, counseling, babysitters, dental,

discipline, childrens trips, relocating?
ADDITIONAL PARENTING PLAN CONSIDERATIONS

(designate primary or shared responsibility)
Education
School
School attendance
School functions
selection
Enrichment activities
After school_
School breaks, summer
Teacher
Meetings_
Emergency card_
Pick-up list
Tutoring
Sports, music, dance, etc._
Religious training
Medical care
Check
Sick care
Dental/eyes_
Birth Control
ups
second opinion
mental health
insurance
Extended family and special friends

Mom and Dad references_
Grandparents time
Communication between parent and child

Schedule phone time
initiator of calls
Communication between parents

Flexible
weekly parent calls_
Discipline
Who may administer?
type
Safety/health issues (parent and child)

Smoking
Drinking
tattoos
piercing
162
Relocation
163

18.2 Parenting Plan Worksheet Parenting Time: Dates and Times
A. Weekends:
(1) Start Date:
____________________
(2) Start Day & Time ____________________
(3) End Day & Time ____________________
B. Weekdays:
(1) Days: M T W Th F
(2) Start Time:
____________________
(3) End Time:
____________________
C. Vacations:
(1) Summer:
Number of days:
Notification by:
(2) School Term:
Number of days:
Notification by:
D. Holidays:
7 14 Other: __________
May 1st Other: ________
7 14 Other: __________
September 1st
Other:
___________
Easter:
Start Day & Time __________________

End Day & Time __________________
Memorial Day:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
Fourth of July:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
Labor Day:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
Thanksgiving:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
164
Christmas Eve:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
Christmas Day:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
New Years Eve:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
New Years Day:
Start Day & Time __________________
End Day & Time __________________
E. Other:
(1) Mothers Day with Mother Y N?
(2) Fathers' Day with Father Y N?
(3) Even numbered years:
Mothers holidays: _____________________________________________
Fathers holidays: _____________________________________________
(4) Odd numbered years:
Mothers holidays: _____________________________________________
Fathers holidays: _____________________________________________
Children shall be returned to ________________ at the end of each visitation.
165

18.3 Sole Custody Parenting Plan
This Parenting Plan was mediated with _____________________ between
___________________Mother and ____________________Father.
WHEREAS, the Mother and Father were never married/married in , , on the day of , ;
WHEREAS, ____________________ has filed a Complaint for Paternity/Dissolution of
Marriage in the District Court of Douglas County, Nebraska;
WHEREAS, Mother and Father have one minor child _________;
WHEREAS, each party is aware of his or her right to be represented by legal counsel and
has had a full opportunity to seek counsel for purposes of entering into this Parenting Plan (the
"Plan"); and
WHEREAS, Mother and Father wish to have this Plan, and the terms and conditions
contained herein, approved by the Court and incorporated by the Court in a Paternity
Order/Decree of Dissolution in the case of ____ at Docket Page .
Mother and Father mutually agree as follows:
1.
The best interests of the minor child will be maintained through appropriate
involvement of both the Mother and the Father in the childs life.
2.
Mother and Father agree that each parent is a fit and proper person to be
involved in the parenting of the child.

3.
Mother and Father will remain active and appropriately involved in maintaining
a safe, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with their child.

4.
The overriding purposes of this Plan will be to establish custody, parenting time,
visitation, and other access arrangements to include apportionment of parenting time to be

spent with Mother and Father and to provide provisions for a remediation process regarding
future modifications of this Plan.
5. Mother and Father understand the needs of the child may change as the child
develops and they will interpret and apply this Plan in a way which best serves the evolving
166
6.
The parties understand that this Plan anticipates they will act in the best interest
of the "minor child" as defined by the Nebraska Parenting Act.

7.
____________ shall have legal custody of the child and shall maintain the legal
responsibility and authority to make final fundamental decisions concerning the childs welfare
and parenting functions necessary for raising the child.
8. The principal residence of the child shall be with _______________ subject to
__________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either parent moves,
the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the move. The childs residence
shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without the prior written permission of Court.
9.
Each parent shall have parenting time with the child as follows:
A.
Weekends - every other weekend commencing from on until
Sunday/Monday at.
B. Weekdays on from until .
C. Summer - Each parent shall have ______ days uninterrupted parenting time
during the summer. Each parent shall inform the other no later than May 1st of each
year (alt)(no less than ___ days prior to) of the dates selected. Summer parenting time
shall not infringe upon the other parent's holiday parenting time dates. Summer
parenting time may not be tacked onto weekend or holiday parenting time without
prior consent of the other parent. When summer parenting time includes leaving
Nebraska for out of state travel, telephone and address information shall be provided
to the other parent.
Both parents may elect to designate up to seven consecutive days for vacation
time without the child by providing 30 days advance notice to the other parent who
shall have the option to exercise parenting time with the child during the other parents
regular parenting time.
D.
Holidays - Holidays shall prevail over the regular schedule of visitation.
E.
Major Holidays:
1.)
Easter: This holiday shall commence on Friday at and conclude on
Monday at .
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2.)
Memorial Day Weekend: This holiday shall commence on Friday
at and conclude on Monday, Memorial Day at.

3.)
Fourth of July: This holiday shall commence on July 4th at and
conclude on July 5th at.

4.)
Labor Day Weekend: This holiday shall commence on Friday at
and conclude on Monday, Labor Day at.

5.)
Thanksgiving: This holiday shall commence on Wednesday at and
conclude on at.
6.)
Christmas Eve: This holiday shall commence on the day the
children are released from school at and conclude on December 24th at.
7.) Christmas Day: This holiday shall commence on December at and
conclude on December at.
8.)
New Year's Eve: This holiday shall commence on December 31st
at and conclude on January 1st at.

9.)
New Year's Day: This holiday shall commence on January 1st at
and conclude on the day before school is to begin at.

F.
Other:
1.)
The child shall be returned to ____________ at the conclusion of
each period of parenting time. (alt) The parent commencing parenting time
shall pickup the child.
2.)
In even-numbered years ________________ shall have the child
for the following holidays: Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day,
and New Year's Day. ___________ shall have the child for the following
holidays: Memorial Day Weekend, Labor Day Weekend, Christmas Eve, and New
Years Eve.
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3.)
In Odd-numbered years _________________ shall have the child
for the following holidays: Memorial Day Weekend, Labor Day Weekend
Christmas Eve, and New Years Eve. ____________ shall have the child for the
following holidays: Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, and New
Year's Day.
G.
Mother's/Fathers Day: The child will spend Mother's Day with Mother.
The child will spend Father's Day with Father. For Mother's Day and Father's Day only
the holiday will commence on at and conclude on at.
H.
Any vacation parenting time or holiday parenting time that results in a
parent having two consecutive weekends shall reset the alternating weekend schedule
such that the other parent shall have parenting time on the third weekend and the
weekend and week day parenting times shall alternate according to the plan from the
end of that weekend parenting time. (alt) Because of the parents work schedule, the
alternating weekends shall remain the same even if one parent receives three
weekends consecutively as a result of vacation or holiday parenting time.
I.
Other holidays, birthdays, and significant dates may be celebrated by
mutual agreement of Mother and Father consistent with the best interests of the child.
J.
The above terms concerning parenting time and access to the child may
be adjusted or temporarily modified in length, timing, or terms upon reasonable

advance notice, communication and agreement between Mother, Father, and child
when appropriate.
K.
Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to exercise and provide
parenting time and that time is of the essence in exercising and providing parenting
time. Each parent shall use reasonable diligence to notify the other in a timely manner
when he or she will be delayed, late, or unable to exercise or provide parenting time
within the time frames provided by this agreement. Fifteen minutes is a reasonable
time for a parent to wait in order to pickup or return the child.
L. Each parent shall be responsible for providing his or her parents and
extended family with access time to the child during that parents time with the child.
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10. One parent may not plan or schedule activities during the parenting time of the
other parent, without reasonable notice and consent of the other parent.
11.
The Mother and Father agree that the child will have access to telephone and
email contact with the other parent. Each parent shall have the same degree of telephone
access with the child. The parent with whom the child is residing at any one time will assist in
initiating calls to or receiving calls from the other parent and will not unreasonably interfere
with such access. Telephone access will be exercised each ________ and _________ between
____ and ____ PM.
12.
Mother and Father shall inform one another reasonably in advance of all events
where a parent may participate in the child's activities or events (for example, school plays,
teacher conferences, sporting events, music recitals, et cetera). Notice shall be provided in
such a way that the other parent has the maximum opportunity to attend that activity or
event.
13.
Mother and Father acknowledge the statutory responsibility to provide the child
with regular and continuous school attendance and progress and will each assist the child to
the maximum extent possible to assure a quality education. Each parent will provide the other
parent with information related to educational achievements and deficiencies of the child.
Mother and Father will provide each other reasonable advance notice of any events,
occurrences or decisions relevant to the child's education, to include without limitation:
content of curricula or curricula changes, changes of school, testing related to post-high school
education, and events related to the decision or selection of college education.
14.
All school, medical, dental, counseling, and other records will be reasonably
available and accessible to both the Mother and the Father. The names of both parents shall
appear on all medical and school records. Each parent is responsible for notifying the school
that he or she is to be included on mailing lists and be notified of conferences and events,
provided report cards, progress notes and other pertinent information.
15.
Either Mother or Father may authorize emergency medical procedures in
situations affecting the immediate health of the child.
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16.
Decisions of the moment regarding day-to-day care of the child will be made by
the parent with whom the child is residing at the time.

17.
Mother and Father shall assist the child in maintaining a positive relationship
with the other parent and with other family members. Neither parent shall engage in conduct
which tends to disparage the other parent or other family members, which tends to develop or
maintain a negative relationship toward the other parent or other family members, or which
tends to encourage the child to violate this Plan or be uncooperative in implementing it. All
communications about the child shall be conducted between the biological parents only,
regardless of future relationships.
18.
To resolve future changes or conflicts regarding parenting functions, parenting
time or this plan, the parents shall first seek solutions through mutual agreement by identifying
the issues, providing an opportunity for exchange of information, and providing an opportunity
for the consideration of proposed solutions to the issues in a way which minimizes the
exposure of each child to parental conflict. The parents shall attempt to minimize repeated
litigation and utilize judicial intervention as a last resort by use of the mediation process
outlined in the Nebraska Parenting Act, prior to resorting to the court system.
19.
Mother and Father agree that continued, meaningful and frequent
communication between them and the child is a necessary and appropriate element to this
Plan. In this regard Mother and Father will encourage and foster communication between
themselves and the child in order to define and meet the "parenting functions".
(alt)19. Mother and Father agree that face to face communication between them is not
a reasonable method for appropriate issue resolution. They agree further not to exchange
information through the child.
The parents primary method of communication shall be by e-mail. The e-mail
communications shall be made in a business like manner without language that is sarcastic,
derogatory, inflammatory, demeaning, judgmental, accusatory, or digress with an historical
statement of past problems or failures to cooperate. Neither parent will engage in namecalling. E-mails shall be direct and short with consideration of one issue per communication.
A. The initiation of any communication shall clearly and briefly state:
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1.) The single issue or topic to be considered;

2.) A short statement or explanation;
3.) A proposed resolution without comment on a possible response by
the other parent; and
4.) Use multiple e-mails for multiple topics.
B. The responding parent shall:
1.) Acknowledge receipt of the e-mail and state when an answer will be
provided;
2.) Answer in a timely manner;
3.) Request any clarification or state any questions; and
4. Limit the response to the issue presented and to any proposed
resolution.
C. Discussion may continue until an agreement is reached or until one of the
parents declares the issue closed, once either parent says STOP, the discussion must
terminate.
D. Resolved issues shall be confirmed by each parent and unresolved issues will
be referred to mediation.
E. In the event that time constraints require quicker consideration of an issue
than email will allow, then telephone communication may be by means of voice mail
only, with the same rules as email.
20.
This Plan may be modified by mutual, written agreement of the parties and such
modification shall be subject to approval by the Court before being incorporated into a court
order.
_____________________
_______________________
Mother
Father
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18.4 Joint Custody Parenting Plan
This Parenting Plan was mediated with _____________________ between
___________________Mother and ____________________Father.
WHEREAS, the Mother and Father were never married/married in , , on the day of , ;
and
WHEREAS, ____________________ has filed a Complaint for Paternity/Dissolution of
Marriage in the District Court of Douglas County, Nebraska;
WHEREAS, Mother and Father have one minor child _________;
WHEREAS, each party is aware of his or her right to be represented by legal counsel and
has had a full opportunity to seek counsel for purposes of entering into this Parenting Plan (the
"Plan"); and
WHEREAS, Mother and Father wish to have this Plan, and the terms and conditions
contained herein, approved by the Court and incorporated by the Court in a Paternity
Order/Decree of Dissolution in the case of at Docket Page .
Mother and Father mutually agree as follows:
1.
The best interests of the minor child will be maintained through appropriate
involvement of both the Mother and the Father in the childs life.
2.
Mother and Father agree that each parent is a fit and proper person to be
involved in the parenting of their child. Throughout the life of their child the parents have
made mutual decisions and shared mutual responsibility in performing the fundamental
parenting functions necessary for the care and development of their child.
3.
Mother and Father will remain active and appropriately involved in maintaining
a safe, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with their child.

4.
The overriding purposes of this Plan will be to establish custody, parenting time,
visitation, and other access arrangements to include apportionment of parenting time to be

spent with Mother and Father and to provide provisions for a remediation process regarding
future modifications of this Plan.
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5. Mother and Father understand the needs of their child may change as the child
develops and they will interpret and apply this Plan in a way which best serves the evolving
6.
The parents understand that this Plan anticipates they will act in the best
interest of the "minor child" as defined by the Nebraska Parenting Act.

7.
Mother and Father shall have joint legal custody of their child which requires
that they exercise mutual authority and responsibility for making final fundamental decisions
regarding their childs welfare and mutually participate in the responsibility of providing the
parenting functions necessary for raising their child.
(alt) In the event mutual decisions can not be reached then _________ shall have the
authority to make a final decision.
8. The residence of their child shall be with the parent with whom the child is residing
at any given time in accordance with the parenting time provisions of this plan. In the event
either parent moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the move.
The childs residence shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without the prior
written permission of Court.
(alt) 8. _____________ shall have physical custody with the authority and
responsibility for maintaining their child's primary residence subject to _______________s
parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either parent moves, the new
address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the move. The childs residence shall not
be changed from the State of Nebraska without the prior written permission of Court.
(alt) 8. The principal residence of their child shall be with _______________ subject to
____________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either parent
moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the move. The childs
residence shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without the prior written
permission of Court.
9.
Each parent shall have parenting time with the child as follows:
174
A.
Weekends - Every other weekend commencing on Friday at the
conclusion of the school day or at 9:00 AM when school is not in session and conclude on
Monday at the commencement of school or at 9:00 AM when school is not in session.
B. Weekdays Whichever parent did not have weekend parenting time shall
receive the child and have parenting time from Monday at the conclusion of school or at 9:00
AM when school is not in session. The child shall remain with that parent until the child is
returned to school Wednesday Morning or at 9:00 AM when school is not in session. The other
parent shall receive the child and have parenting time from Wednesday at the conclusion of
school or at 9:00 AM when school is not in session. The child shall remain with that parent until
the child is returned to school Friday Morning or at 9:00 AM when school is not in session.
(Alternate equal parenting time)
A.
Weekdays and Weekends The parents shall rotate a weekly schedule of
parenting time with their child as follows: The first week Mother shall pickup the child from
daycare or school on Friday afternoon and have parenting time until returning the child to
daycare or school on Monday. Father shall pickup the child from daycare or school on Monday
afternoon and shall have parenting time until returning the child to daycare or school on
Wednesday. Mother shall pickup the child up from daycare or school on Wednesday afternoon
and shall have parenting time until returning the child to daycare or school on Friday. The
second week Father shall pickup the child from daycare or school on Friday afternoon and shall
have parenting time until returning the child to daycare or school on Monday. Mother shall
pickup the child from daycare or school on Monday afternoon and shall have parenting time
until returning the child to daycare or school on Wednesday. Father shall pickup the child from
daycare or school on Wednesday afternoon and shall have parenting time until returning the
child to daycare or school on Friday. The schedule shall continue thereafter as set out herein.
C. Summer - Each parent shall have two seven day periods of (___ days of)
uninterrupted parenting time period during the summer. Each parent shall inform the other
no later than May 1st of each year (alt)(no less than days prior to) of the dates selected.
Summer parenting time shall not infringe upon the other parent's holiday parenting time
dates. Summer parenting time may not be tacked on to weekend or holiday parenting time to
175
enlarge the seven days without prior consent of the other parent. Notice of summer parenting
time shall include an address and phone number where the child can be reached throughout
the parenting time.
Both parents may elect to designate up to seven consecutive days for vacation
time without the child by providing 30 days advance notice to the other parent who shall have
the option to exercise parenting time with the child during the other parents regular parenting
time.
D.
Holidays - Holidays shall prevail over the regular schedule of parenting
time and vacation parenting time.

E.
Major Holidays:
1.)
Easter: This holiday shall commence on Friday with pickup at
school and conclude on Monday with return to school.

2.)
Memorial Day Weekend: This holiday shall commence on Friday
with pickup at school and conclude on Tuesday with return to school or at 9:00 AM.
3.)
Fourth of July: This holiday shall commence on July 4th at noon
and conclude on July 5th at noon.

4.)
Labor Day Weekend: This holiday shall commence on Friday with
pickup at school and conclude on Tuesday with return to school or at 9:00 AM.
5.)
Thanksgiving: This holiday shall commence on Wednesday with
pickup at school and conclude on Monday with return to school.

6.)
Christmas Eve: This holiday shall commence on the day the
children are released from school with pickup at school and conclude on December 24th at 9:00
PM.
7.) Christmas Day: This holiday shall commence on December 24th at
9:00 PM and conclude on December 27th at 9:00 AM.
8.)
New Year's Eve: This holiday shall commence on December 27th
at 9:00 AM and conclude on January 1st at 9:00 AM.

9.)
New Year's Day: This holiday shall commence on January 1st at
9:00 AM and conclude with return to school on date of commencement.
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F.
Other:
1.)
The child shall be returned to the parent scheduled to commence
parenting time at the conclusion of each period of parenting time. (alt) The parent commencing
parenting time shall pickup the child.
2.)
In even-numbered years ________________ shall have the child
for the following holidays: Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, and New Year's
Day. ___________ shall have the child for the following holidays: Memorial Day Weekend,
Labor Day Weekend, Christmas Eve, and New Years Eve.
3.)
In Odd-numbered years _________________ shall have the child
for the following holidays: Memorial Day Weekend, Labor Day Weekend Christmas Eve, and
New Years Eve. ____________ shall have the child for the following holidays: Easter, Fourth
of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, and New Year's Day.
G.
Mother's/Fathers Day: The child will spend Mother's Day with Mother.
The child will spend Father's Day with Father. For Mother's Day and Father's Day only, the
holiday shall commence on Friday with pickup at school or at 9:00 AM and shall conclude on
Monday with return to school or at 9:00 AM.
H.
Any summer parenting time or holiday parenting time that results in a
parent having two consecutive weekends shall reset the alternating weekend schedule such
that the other parent shall have parenting time on the third weekend and the weekend and
week day parenting times shall alternate according to the plan from the end of that weekend
parenting time. (alt) Because of the parents work schedule, the alternating weekends shall
remain the same even if one parent receives three weekends consecutively as a result of
vacation or holiday parenting time.
I.
Other holidays, birthdays, and significant dates will be celebrated by
mutual agreement of Mother and Father consistent with the best interests of their child.
J.
The above terms concerning parenting time and access to the child may
be adjusted or temporarily modified in length, timing, or terms upon reasonable advance

notice, communication and agreement between Mother, Father, and their child when
appropriate.
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K.
Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to exercise and provide
parenting time and that time is of the essence in exercising and providing parenting time. Each
parent shall use reasonable diligence to notify the other in a timely manner when he or she will
be delayed, late, or unable to exercise or provide parenting time within the time frames
provided by this agreement. Fifteen minutes is a reasonable time for a parent to wait in order
to pickup or return the child.
L. Each parent shall be responsible for providing his or her parents and
extended family with access time to the child during that parents time with the child.
10. One parent may not plan or schedule activities during the parenting time of the
other parent, without reasonable notice and consent of the other parent.
11.
The Mother and Father agree that the child will have access to telephone and
email contact with the other parent. Each parent will have the same degree of telephone
access with the child. The parent with whom the child is residing at any one time will assist in
initiating calls to or receiving calls from the other parent and will not unreasonably interfere
with such access. Telephone access will be exercised each ________ and _________ between
____ and ____ PM.
12.
Mother and Father shall inform one another reasonably in advance of all events
where a parent may participate in the child's activities or events (for example, school plays,
teacher conferences, sporting events, music recitals, et cetera). Notice shall be provided in
such a way that the other parent has the maximum opportunity to attend that activity or
event.
13.
Mother and Father acknowledge the statutory responsibility to provide regular
and continuous school attendance and progress and will each assist their child to the maximum
extent possible to assure a quality education. Each parent will provide the other parent with
information related to educational achievements and deficiencies of their child. Mother and
Father will provide each other reasonable advance notice of any events, occurrences or
decisions relevant to the child's education, to include without limitation: content of curricula or
curricula changes, changes of school, testing related to post-high school education, and events
related to the decision or selection of college education.
178
14.
All school, medical, dental, counseling, and other records will be reasonably
available and accessible to both the Mother and the Father. The names of each parent shall
appear on all medical and school records. Each parent is responsible for notifying the school
that he or she is to be included on mailing lists and be notified of conferences and events,
provided report cards, progress notes and other pertinent information.
15.
situations affecting the immediate health of the child.

16.
Decisions of the moment regarding day-to-day care of the child will be made by
the parent with whom the child is residing at the time.

17.
Mother and Father shall assist the child in maintaining a positive relationship
with the other parent and with other family members. Neither parent shall engage in conduct
which tends to disparage the other parent or other family members, which tends to develop or
maintain a negative relationship toward the other parent or other family members, or which
tends to encourage the child to violate this Plan or be uncooperative in implementing it. All
communications about the child shall be conducted between the biological parents only,
regardless of future relationships.
18.
To resolve future changes or conflicts regarding parenting functions, parenting
time or this plan, the parents shall first seek solutions through mutual agreement by identifying
the issues, providing an opportunity for exchange of information, and providing an opportunity
for the consideration of proposed solutions to the issues in a way which minimizes the
exposure of each child to parental conflict. The parents shall attempt to minimize repeated
litigation and utilize judicial intervention as a last resort by use of the mediation process
outlined in the Nebraska Parenting Act, prior to resorting to the court system.
19.
Mother and Father agree that continued, meaningful and frequent
communication between them and the child is a necessary element to this Plan. In this regard,
the Mother and Father will encourage and foster communication between themselves and the
child in order to define and meet the "parenting functions".
179
Neither parent shall use the child to exchange information about parenting time or parenting
functions.
20.
This Plan may be modified by mutual, written agreement of the parties and such
modification shall be subject to approval by the Court before being incorporated into a court
order.
_____________________
Mother
_______________________
Father
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18.5 Custody Clause 0ptions
43-2922
(11) Joint legal custody means mutual authority and responsibility of the parents for
making mutual fundamental decisions regarding the child's welfare, including choices
regarding education and health;
(12) Joint physical custody means mutual authority and responsibility of the parents
regarding the child's place of residence and the exertion of continuous blocks of
parenting time by both parents over the child for significant periods of time;
(13) Legal custody means the authority and responsibility for making fundamental
decisions regarding the child's welfare, including choices regarding education and
health;
6.0 Sole custody and primary residence one child.

7.
____________ shall have legal custody of the child and shall maintain the
legal responsibility and authority to make final fundamental decisions concerning the
childs welfare and parenting functions necessary for raising the child.
8. The principal residence of the child will be with _______________ subject to
__________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either parent
moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the move. The
childs residence shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without the prior
6.1 Sole custody and primary residence for multiple children.

7.
____________ shall have legal custody of the children and shall maintain
the legal responsibility and authority to make final fundamental decisions concerning a
childs welfare and the parenting functions necessary for raising each child.
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8. The principal residence of the children shall be with _______________

subject to _________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either
parent moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the move.
The childrens residence shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without the
prior written permission of Court.
Suggestions for introductory paragraphs to joint legal custody plans

2.
Mother and Father agree that each parent is a fit and proper person to
be involved in the parenting of their child. Throughout the life of their child the parents
have made mutual decisions and shared mutual responsibility in performing the
fundamental parenting functions necessary for the care and development of their child.
3.
Mother and Father will remain active and appropriately involved in
maintaining a safe, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with their child.
6.2 Joint legal child

7.
Mother and Father shall have joint legal custody of their child which
requires that they exercise mutual authority and responsibility for making final
fundamental decisions regarding their childs welfare and mutually participate in the
responsibility of providing the parenting functions necessary for raising their child.
(alt)In the event mutual decisions can not be reached then __________ shall
have the authority to make a final decision.
8. The residence of their child shall be with the parent with whom the child is
residing at any given time in accordance with the parenting time provisions of this plan.
In the event either parent moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent
prior to the move. The childs residence shall not be changed from the State of
Nebraska without the prior written permission of Court.
182
responsibility for maintaining the child's primary residence subject to
_______________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either
The childs residence shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without the prior
(alt)8. The principal residence of the child shall be with _______________
subject to ________s parenting time provisions as set out in this plan. In the event
either parent moves, the new address shall be provided to the other parent prior to the
move. The childs residence shall not be changed from the State of Nebraska without
the prior written permission of Court.
6.3 Joint legal and physical children

7.
Mother and Father shall have joint legal custody of the children which
requires that they exercise mutual authority and responsibility for making final
fundamental decisions regarding each childs welfare and mutually participate in the
responsibility of providing the parenting functions necessary for raising each child.
(alt)In the event mutual decisions can not be reached then __________ shall
have the authority to make a final decision.
8. The residence of the children shall be with the parent with whom each child
is residing at any given time in accordance with the parenting time provisions of this
plan. In the event either parent moves, the new address shall be provided to the other
parent prior to the move. The childrens residence shall not be changed from the State
of Nebraska without the prior written permission of Court.
responsibility for maintaining the children's primary residence subject to
_______________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either
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(alt)8. The principal residence of the children shall be with _______________ subject to
____________s parenting time provisions set out in this plan. In the event either
184

18.6 Memorandum of Understanding; Temporary Visitation Agreement V. Doc No.
______________, Mother and _______________, Father met with mediator Lorin C. Galvin
on March 10, 2005, and have agreed to the following:
1. Father shall have visitation with Hannah L-M born August 14, 2002 in Arizona
from Thursday April 14, 2005 until returning to Mother on April 30, 2005 in
Omaha, NE.;
2. Father will make and pay for flight arrangements for Hannah and Christina within
the coming week. Hannah and Christina will fly to Arizona around April 14th then
Christina will fly back to Omaha around April 21st. Father will drive Hannah back
to Omaha around April 30;
3. Mother will remain in Arizona to assist Father and Hannah in making the
adjustment to having visitation without Mothers presence at a pace determined
by Hannahs adjustment. Father will return Hannah to Omaha early if she has
adjustment problems requiring her early return;
4. Hannah may call either parent at any time;
5. Mother will provide adequate clothing for Hannahs visit with Father and Father
will return all clothing to Mother at the end of the visit; and
6. The parents will return to mediation to plan additional visits after April 30.
185

18.7 Memorandum of Understanding; Temporary Visitation Agreement v. Doc. No.
_____________, Mother and ______________, Father met with mediator Lorin C. Galvin on
December , 200 and have agreed to the following:
1. Father shall have parenting time with T L, M L and A , commencing Sunday
January 1, 2006 at 3:00 PM until returning the children to Mother at 8:30 PM;
2. The children may call either parent at any time; however the children shall call
Father every Thursday and Saturday between 4:30 PM and 5:00 PM unless
Mother has previously notified him through the mediator that they will be unable
to call as scheduled.
3. Father shall park his car at the curb of Mothers residence and shall remain in the
car during pickup and return of the children. Mother shall remain in the
residence. Neither parent shall speak or attempt to make contact with the other
parent or request a child to carry a message.
4. Neither parent shall question the children about the other parent in any manner.
Neither parent shall monitor or listen to telephone conversations of the children
and a parent.
5. Any questions, issues, or requests for information by either parent shall be
directed to the mediator for response or resolution.
6. The parents will return to mediation to establish additional parenting time or
other access.
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18.8 Supervised parenting time
Fathers parenting time shall be supervised by ___________, at all times. He shall have
parenting times every other Saturday from Noon until 2:00 PM at _____________.
Father shall provide the supervisor forty eight (48) hour advance notice of intent to
exercise parenting time. Parenting time shall not occur if proper notice is not provided.
Mother shall be responsible for providing transportation. Father shall have supervised
parenting time for two hours on each of the following holidays provided forty eight hour
notice is provided to the supervisor: December 26th, Saturday before Easter Sunday,
Saturday before Labor Day, and Saturday before Fathers Day.
Father shall not ingest any alcoholic or non prescribed drugs within 24 hours of a
scheduled parenting time. Father shall not question the children about Mother or her
household. Father shall not request the children give messages to Mother.
Father may have a phone call with the children each Wednesday between 7:00 PM and
7:20 PM. Mother shall initiate the call for the children. Father shall not question the
children about Mother, request to speak to her, or request the children give messages
to her.
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18.9 Visitation with Protection Order
This agreement was mediated by Lorin Galvin pursuant to court protection orders
requiring the parties to mediate visitation and access between L M. S, Mother and D M.
W, Father.
The parties have agreed Father will have visitation with J and M every other weekend
commencing Saturday June 3 at 9:00 AM until Monday June 5 at 9:00 AM. Father shall
pickup and return the children at Mothers residence. Father shall remain in his vehicle
and not communicate with Mother in any manner during exchange of the children.
Mother shall remain on the porch (in the house) and not communicate with Father in
any manner.
Mother may call Father at 777-5555 for emergency purposes only regarding the
children.
Father may call Mother at 888-6666 for emergency purpose only regarding the children.
The parties shall have no other contact except in mediation with Mr. Galvin.
1. Father will have parenting time with Jr., every other week from Friday
pickup at end of school day or when school is not in session at Mothers
residence at 5:00 pm until returning at start of school day on Monday or at
Mothers residence at 8:00 am;
2. Mother will have parenting time with Jr., by picking him up at Fathers
residence every week on Friday at 3:00 pm until returning the child to Father
on Sunday at 3:00 pm. At the time of exchange, Mother and her friend L S
shall remain in her vehicle and Father shall remain at the door of his
apartment complex. Neither parent shall engage the other in conversation
during exchanges;
3. The parents will both participate in counseling for Jr. Father will make
counseling arrangements and notify Mr. Galvin who will provide the
counselors name, phone number and address to Mother. The parents shall
make an effort to alternate taking the child to the counselor. Father shall
sign a release of information so Mr. Galvin can communicate with the
counselor;
4. Mother acknowledges that Jr., and J D born April 1, 2005 are both the
natural children of Father;
188
5. Father shall have visitation with J D for short periods of time to allow the
child time to become acquainted with him. Father will apply to modify the
protection order in order to provide Mother and Father to be present during
public visits at a playground or restaurant with a play area. Visitation may be
expanded by agreement in mediation as Father and child bond and become
acquainted;
6. Jr., shall be enrolled in school for the upcoming year;
Both parents shall advise their family members to not get involved or interfere in the
parenting decisions or process;
189

18.10 Sample Agreement for Counseling
.
Currently both children are experiencing issues and difficulties with the
parent with whom they are not living. In an effort to resolve those issues neither child
shall be required to visit the non residential parent until such time as counseling
assistance has been attempted to resolve the issues existing between each child and the
respective non residential parent.
. Through mediation, each parent shall select possible psychologists to assist
the child in attempting to resolve the issues with the parent. Once a mutually agreeable
psychologist is selected, the mediator shall then discuss with the psychologist the
protocol to be used and determine that the psychologist is willing to work with both
parents and the child to seek resolution of the issues. After each psychologist and both
parents are mutually agreeable, then both parents shall individually meet with the
psychologist to provide back ground information and detail issues to be considered.
Then the child shall be seen individually. The psychologist shall then determine the
participation of the parents in a manner determined to be in the best interest of the
child and the goal of re-establishing parenting time for each parent.
(Option where supervised is ordered)
. The purpose of this plan will be to establish, facilitate and encourage
counseling and parenting time with a review process through the mediator which will
provide a safe and orderly procedure, with the goal of having unsupervised parenting
time while giving each child emotional and psychological assistance and adequate time
to adjust and accept the process and transition from counseling to reasonable
unsupervised parenting time.
. Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to exercise and provide
assistance establish and cooperate in the procedures set out in this parenting plan and
that time is of the essence in the selection and commencement of counseling for the
purpose of providing parenting time.
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18.11 Risk of Transference in Specialized ADR
SADR mediators must have special training experience and a degree of familiarity/experience
with custody and parenting time disputes. The aim is that in disputes which raise specialized
issues, the mediator should have professional familiarity with the context of the dispute. The
belief is that this is valuable in a SADR mediation setting since the mediator's experience allows
the mediator to have an understanding of the issues and the impact it can have on the parents,
as well as in certain cases, provide specialized information to the parents to help resolve a
dispute.
This approach creates the risk that the mediator's influence will subtly affect the disputants.
Firstly, the rationale that the mediators should draw from their previous experience in
interpreting and guiding the mediation may create a basis for the development of "counter
transference" which is the imposition of the mediator's experience on to the disputants. (Grillo,
at 1591)
The ability of the disputants to frame their stories in their own terms may be undermined by
the mediators preconceived and counter transferred views. Trina Grillo comments that this is
particularly problematic in the mediation setting since mediators normally do not possess the
training or have the time to try and minimize the impact of these unconscious opinions, yet still
possess an authority that may make it difficult for the disputants to disagree with the way their
stories are summarized by the mediator. (Grillo, at 1591).
Grillo writes:
Counter transference and transference occur in mediation. When transference occurs in
mediation, however, there may not be the time, the commitment, or the expertise to study it
and help the client learn what it reveals about her/his personality structure or orientation to
the world. For this reason, a client in mediation might be far more influenced by what the
mediator says than would be expected under the circumstances. It is not an answer to the
problem of coercion in mediation, to say that the party does not have to agree with what the
mediator says; she might not agree but go along with it for reasons that are situated in her past
and are quite beyond either her or the mediator's understanding.
191

18.12 Counseling Parenting Issues
The parents and __ shall continue to continue to work with psychologists
_________ and ____________ to assist the parents and child resolve relationship issues
that have had an affect on parenting time and the parents ability to resolve parenting
time conflicts, including but not limited to:
Fathers request to commence parenting time with pickup from Kids
club, day care or school on week nights; and
Establishment of phone contact definitions and limits on times and
duration of phone calls.
.
Currently both children are seeing a psychologist to assist them with
parenting issues including parenting time and discipline. In a continuing effort to

resolve those issues both children and the parents have agreed to use the services of
the counselor and mediation. The children shall present their concerns and problems to
the counselor who will then work with the children and the parents individually to
resolve the identified problem. Both parents shall cooperate with the counselor and
participate in the counseling assistance process to resolve the identified parenting
issues existing between each child and the respective parent.
. Through mediation, each parent shall select possible psychologists to assist
the child in attempting to resolve the issues with the other parent. Once a mutually
agreeable psychologist is selected, the mediator shall then discuss with the psychologist
the protocol to be used and determine that the psychologist is willing to work with both
parents and the child to seek resolution of the issues. After each psychologist and both
parents are mutually agreeable, then both parents shall individually meet with the
psychologist to provide back ground information and detail issues to be considered.
Then the child shall be seen individually. The psychologist shall then determine the
192
participation of the parents in a manner determined to be in the best interest of the

child and the goal of re-establishing parenting time for each parent.
. The purpose of this plan will be to establish, facilitate and encourage
counseling and parenting time with a review process through the mediator which will
provide a safe and orderly procedure, with the goal of having unsupervised parenting
time while giving each child emotional and psychological assistance and adequate time
to adjust and accept the process and transition from counseling to reasonable
unsupervised parenting time.
. Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to provide assistance to each
child to establish and cooperate in the procedures set out in this parenting plan and that
time is of the essence in the selection and commencement of counseling for the
purpose of providing parenting time
193

18.13 Exchange for Parenting Time
In order to maintain boundaries at the time a child is exchanged for parenting time, the
transporting parent shall stay in the car at the curb and the resident parent shall remain
inside the residence door. Neither parent shall approach the other or attempt any
communication, including asking the children to deliver messages or ask questions.
194

18.14 Medical Care Email Notebook
12.
(joint custody provision)Parental attendance at routine medical
appointments shall be alternated with the parent accepting the responsibility of taking
the child scheduling the appointment, any follow-up treatment, prescriptions or care
directions shall be provided to the other parent by email or upon exchange of the child.
(sole custody Provision) ___________, as the custodial parent shall be
responsible for scheduling and attending routine medical appointments. Following a
medical appointment if care is required during _________s parenting time,
___________ shall provide necessary care information including prescriptions and other
care directions by email or in a written informational notebook upon exchange of the
child.
The parents shall use an email record or exchange a child informational
notebook. Any health care issues noted by a parent during parenting time shall be sent
by email or set out in the notebook including prescriptive care, regular care such as baby
aspirin, skin creams and lotions, or other special care.
situations affecting the immediate health of the child. Which ever parent provides this
care shall reasonably notify the other parent depending on the seriousness of the care
and provide a copy of any documents provided as a result of that care. All follow-up
treatment, prescriptions or care directions shall be provided the other parent by email
or upon exchange of the child informational notebook.
The childs informational notebook shall be provided with each exchange of the
child or an email shall be sent after medical care is received. All entries shall be made in
a business like manner without language that is sarcastic, derogatory, inflammatory,
demeaning, judgmental, accusatory, or digress with an historical statement of past
problems or failures to cooperate.
Issues or questions concerning the childs health shall be stated including
195
directions for prescriptions indicating history and need for continued care. The
receiving parent shall document the times and amounts of medication or other care
given the child and note any improvement or problems.
196

18.15 Medical Payments Record
1. The parents have agreed that Father shall provide health, dental and eye care insurance
through his employer. The parents decree provides (the parents agree) that Mother shall
be responsible for the first $480 per child per year of costs of any uninsured medical,
dental, eye care (including glasses), or orthodontia care (ortho care may be considered
elective and handled differently) for the minor children. The parents shall share additional
expense based upon the percentage of income established by the child support calculation
line 6 worksheet 1, (or as agreed or court ordered);
2. To facilitate an on going accounting of each parents obligations and financial
responsibilities, the parents shall establish a Group account with individual email accounts
with Yahoo.com. A spread sheet entitled Childs Medical Payments shall be imported into
the Group for the purpose of providing an ongoing record of expenses and payments
established by this agreement and orders of the court. Only the parents shall have access
to the group password.
3. The protocol for use of the payments record shall be that three separate accounts shall be
used to track payments for each childs medical expense.
4. Medical expense payments record: As to each service provided there shall be a category in
each childs account for amount charged, insurance payments and reductions, mothers
share, mothers payments, fathers share, fathers payments, with a date line for each
payment. Mother shall record in each account in a predetermined category her
expenditures for the first $480 per child per year of costs of any uninsured expense. After
Mother has made her required expenditures, then all non-covered expenses of Father and
Mother shall be recorded in the predetermined categories in the medical expense account
has they are made by a parent.
5. Which ever parent takes a child for a service shall enter the information into the proper
account, provide the other parent with an email notice of the care provided, and that an
initial entry has been made in the account record.
6. Mother shall provide email notice to father after insurance payments have been made of
his ___ share of the account balance after insurance. If payment of the balance has been
made then father shall reimburse mother within 14 days of the email being sent. If mother
has not paid fathers share then father shall pay the provider directly within 14 days of the
email being sent.
7. Either parent may request by email copies of documents supporting medical billing and
insurance determinations or payment. The parent in receipt of such documents shall
provide copies in a timely manner, however the request and receipt of such documentation
shall not delay payment requirements.
8. Email shall be used to exchange information and ask questions regarding the accounting.
The account shall be settled and payment or reimbursement made within 14 days. In the
event a joint mutual agreement cannot be reached regarding these expenditures, payments
or reimbursements, then the matter shall be referred to mediation.
197

18.16 Medical Therapy Protocol
The parents primary method of communication on questions of medical, dental, and
counseling or therapy issues shall be by e-mail. The e-mail communications shall be made in a
business like manner which shall be direct and short with consideration of one issue per
communication.
A. The initiation of communication about an issue will clearly and briefly state:
1. The childs name and the single issue for consideration;
2. Briefly state any background information to be considered; and
3. Any suggested resolution.
B. The responding parent will:
1. Acknowledge receipt of the e-mail and state when an answer will be
provided;
2. Answer in a timely manner;
3. Limit response to facts involved in the issue presented and to the
proposed resolution;
4. Request any clarification or state any questions; and
5. Include a suggested resolution of the issue.
C. Discussion may continue until an agreement is reached or until one of the
parents declares the issue closed, once either parent says STOP, the discussion must
terminate.
D. Resolved issues may be referred for a consultation confirmed by each parent
and unresolved issues will be referred to mediation.
E. In the event that time constraints require quicker consideration of an issue
than email will allow, then telephone communication may be by means of voice mail
only, with the same rules as email.
2. When a physician, psychologist or therapist has been mutually agreed to or selected
through mediation, the protocol shall be for each parent to schedule and consult with the
198
professional individually, then the child will be scheduled for visits, the parents shall alternate
taking the child. After the professional has seen both parents and the child, then the
professional shall schedule the child individually or jointly with one of the parents as the
professional determines is necessary. Mediation may be used to facilitate discussion of issues
and to commit to writing any agreements.
199

18.17 Miscellaneous Clauses
. Commencement of preschool or kindergarten shall constitute the start of
school. Any vacation time or holiday time that results in a parent having two consecutive
weekends shall reset the alternating weekend schedule such that the other parent shall have
parenting time on the third weekend and weekends and week day times shall alternate
according to the plan from the end of the vacation or holiday time.
. Sick days, daycare provider unavailable, and school cancellations shall be spent
with the parent regularly scheduled to parent the child unless it is too dangerous to travel or
the parents mutually agree to other arrangements.
. When a physician, psychologist or therapist has been mutually agreed to or
selected through mediation, the protocol shall be for each parent to schedule and consult
with the professional individually then the child will be scheduled for visits, the parents shall
alternate taking the child. After the professional has seen both parents and the child, then
the professional shall schedule the child individually or jointly with one of the parents as the
professional determines is necessary. Mediation may be used to facilitate discussion of issues
and to commit to writing any agreements.
200

18.18 Protocol Protection Order
Mother is agreeable with step parent picking up and returning the children for Father. Because
there is an active Protection Order at Doc.____ No._____ the delivering parent shall stay in the
car at the curb and the receiving parent shall remain inside the residence door. Neither parent
shall approach the other or attempt any communication, including asking the children to deliver
messages or ask questions. Father and Mother agree to cooperate in amending the PO to
include this provision for specific exchange of the children.
The childs activity protocol is for the second parent who arrives at a childrens event to sit at a
distance from the first parent to arrive. Neither parent will attempt to approach or
communicate with the other parent. At the conclusion of the event the child will go to the
parent who is not transporting the child for no more than five minutes then go to the parent
who is transporting. The parent who is not transporting will leave first and the other parent
and child will not leave until the other parent has exited. Neither parent will ask the child to
relay information or ask questions. If either parent has other family present they will be asked
to comply with this protocol. Father and Mother agree to cooperate in amending the PO to
include this provision.
201

18.19 Child Checkbook; Memorandum Financial v. Doc. No.
____________, Plaintiff and ____________, Defendant agree through mediator Lorin C.
Galvin to the following:
1.
The parents have agreed to joint legal custody and joint physical custody as defined
under the Nebraska Parenting Act. They have agreed to a joint physical custody
child support calculation as each parent has parenting time providing for the
exertion of continuous blocks of parenting time with the child/ren for significant
periods of time which exceed 142 days. (alternate) even though each parent does
not have parenting time exceeding 142 days). The child support calculation is based
upon Mother having ___ parenting days and Father having ___ parenting days per
year;
2. The parents acknowledge that the Nebraska Child Support Guidelines for joint
physical custody require that all reasonable and necessary direct expenditures made
solely for the children, such as clothing and extracurricular activities should be
allocated between the parents in such a manner that the allocation not exceed the
proportion of a parents contributions as determined under line 6 of worksheet 1.
Under the worksheet, Mothers percent contribution is ___% and Fathers percent
contribution is ___%. Mother is paying to Father for support the sum of _____
pursuant to the joint custody child support calculation;
3. The parents have day care expenses which each parent shall satisfy with direct
payments to the day care provider who has agreed to bill each parent individually
for his or her share based upon the percentage of income established by the child
support calculation line 6 worksheet 1;
(Alternate 3.) Father shall pay the day care expense necessary for his employment
(or to allow him to obtain training or education necessary to obtain a job or enhance
earning potential) Father shall provide a weekly statement to Mother showing his
payment and Mother shall reimburse Father her share within seven days. Each
parents allocated share has been established by the court to be Fathers allocated
share ___% and Mothers allocated share ___%. (The parents have agreed upon
their allocated shares to be Fathers agreed share ___% and Mothers agreed share
___%.)
4. The parents have agreed that Father shall provide health insurance and Mother
shall provide dental and eye care insurance through their respective employers. The
parents decree provides (the parents agree) that Father shall be responsible for the
first $480 per child per year of costs of any uninsured medical, dental, eye care
(including glasses), or orthodontia care for the minor children. The parents shall
share additional expense based upon the percentage of income established by the
child support calculation line 6 worksheet 1;
202
5.
To facilitate an on going accounting of each parents obligations and financial

responsibilities, the parents shall establish a Group account and individual email
accounts with Yahoo.com. A spread sheet entitled Childs Checkbook shall be
imported into the Group for the purpose of providing an ongoing record of expenses
and payments established by this agreement and orders of the court. Only the
parents shall have access to the group password.
6. The protocol for use of the checkbook shall be that three separate accounts shall
be used to track payments for child support and childs expenses; day care; and
medical.
7. Child support and childs expense account: Each month an entry shall be made for
child support received, then as Father uses the child support for reasonable and
necessary direct expenditures made solely for the children, such as clothing and
extracurricular activities; he will enter those amounts into the account in
predetermined categories. The parents through mediation shall establish categories
of mutually agreed upon expenditures. After the monthly child support amount is
accounted for by Father, then any additional monthly expenditure shall be allocated
between the parents in such a manor that the allocation not exceed the proportion
of a parents contributions as determined under line 6 of worksheet 1. The parent
making a prior mutually agreed upon expenditure, shall record the item in a
predetermined category and at the end of each quarter a determination shall be
made as to which parent may owe reimbursement to the other parent for
overpayment. The account shall be settled and reimbursement made within 7 days
or the matter shall be referred to mediation for resolution;
8. The parents shall use email to establish that any expected expenditure which has
not been previously mutually agreed upon, is for reasonable and necessary direct
expenditures made solely for the children, such as clothing and extracurricular
activities. The parents shall use email to reach a mutual agreed settlement amount.
As the parents have joint legal custody the decision shall be a joint mutual
agreement. In the event a joint mutual agreement cannot be reached, then the
matter shall be referred to mediation;
9. Day care expense account: Each parent shall record monthly payments made
directly to the day care provider; (Each week an entry shall be made in a
predetermined category by Father when he pays the day care. Mother shall record
her reimbursement paid to Father in a predetermined category. Any dispute about
settlement of the account shall be referred to mediation for resolution.
10. Medical expense account: Father shall record in the medical account in a
predetermined category his expenditures for the first $480 per child per year of
costs of any uninsured medical, dental, eye care (including glasses), or orthodontia
care for the minor children. This amount shall be recorded in a predetermined
category in the child support account also. After Father has made his required
expenditures, then all non-covered expenses of Father and Mother shall be recorded
in predetermined categories in the medical expense account. At the end of each
quarter a determination shall be made as to which parent may owe reimbursement
to the other parent for overpayment. Email shall be used to exchange information
203
and the account shall be settled and reimbursement made within 14 days. In the
event a joint mutual agreement cannot be reached regarding these expenditures or
reimbursements, then the matter shall be referred to mediation.
________________________
, Plaintiff
________________________
, Defendant
204

18.20 Activity Boundaries Protocol
Both parents may attend any childs activity. Recognizing the importance of boundaries
at a childs activity where both parents are in attendance, the second parent to arrive
shall set at respectful distance from the other parent and neither parent shall attempt
to converse or interact with the other parent directly or through a child. Any child in
attendance regardless of parenting time assignment may visit with either parent during
the event. At the conclusion of the event, the child or children will have five minutes
with the parent who is not taking her home, then the child or children shall leave with
the parent who is enjoying parenting time on that day.
205

18.21 Activity Notice
. One parent may not plan or schedule activities for a child during the parenting
time of the other parent without reasonable notice and consent of the other parent.
Prior to considering a childs activity that may impact the others parenting time, email
notice shall be sent to the other parent with information sufficient to provide the other
parent an opportunity to consider the opportunity to the child and the impact on the
parenting time. The notice shall include schedules, the providers name, address, email
information, phone number, costs, transportation requirements, and any other
pertinent information.
206

18.22 All School Records
All school, medical, dental, counseling, and other records will be reasonably available
and accessible to both Mother and the Father. The names of each parent shall appear on all
medical and school records as an emergency contact. Each parent is responsible for notifying
the school that he or she is to be included on mailing lists and be notified of conferences and
events, provided report cards, progress notes and other pertinent information. Neither parent
will attempt to interfere with the other parents ability to access this information. Mother shall
list Father as a contact person for each childs school and medical provider.
207

18.23 Child Telephone Contact Protocol
The Mother and Father agree that the child will have access to telephone contact with
the other parent. Each parent shall only have this form of telephone access with the child. The
parent with whom the child is residing at any one time will assist in initiating calls to the other
parent. Telephone access shall be initiated each ________ and _______ between ____ and
____ PM. If the receiving parent misses the call it will not be made up. The child shall be
provided a private quite space for the call which shall not be monitored by the parent assisting
with the call.
208

18.24 Counseling for Children
.
Currently both children are experiencing issues and difficulties with the parent
with whom they are not living. In an effort to resolve those issues neither child shall be
required to visit the non residential parent until such time as counseling assistance has been
attempted to resolve the issues existing between each child and the respective non residential
parent.
. Through mediation, each parent shall select possible psychologists to assist the child
in attempting to resolve the issues with the parent. Once a mutually agreeable psychologist is
selected, the mediator shall then discuss with the psychologist the protocol to be used and
determine that the psychologist is willing to work with both parents and the child to seek
resolution of the issues. After each psychologist and both parents are mutually agreeable, then
both parents shall individually meet with the psychologist to provide back ground information
and detail issues to be considered. Then the child shall be seen individually. The psychologist
shall then determine the participation of the parents in a manner determined to be in the best
interest of the child and the goal of re-establishing parenting time for each parent.
(Option where supervised is ordered)
. The purpose of this plan will be to establish, facilitate and encourage counseling and
parenting time with a review process through the mediator which will provide a safe and
orderly procedure, with the goal of having unsupervised parenting time while giving each child
emotional and psychological assistance and adequate time to adjust and accept the process
and transition from counseling to reasonable unsupervised parenting time.
. Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to exercise and provide assistance
establish and cooperate in the procedures set out in this parenting plan and that time is of the
essence in the selection and commencement of counseling for the purpose of providing
parenting time
209

18.25 Counseling Parenting Issues
The parents and __ shall continue to continue to work with psychologists
_________ and ____________ to assist the parents and child resolve relationship issues that
have had an affect on parenting time and the parents ability to resolve parenting time
conflicts, including but not limited to:
Fathers request to commence parenting time with pickup from Kids club, day
care or school on week nights; and
Establishment of phone contact definitions and limits on times and duration of
phone calls.
.
Currently both children are seeing a psychologist to assist them with parenting
issues including parenting time and discipline. In a continuing effort to resolve those issues
both children and the parents have agreed to use the services of the counselor and mediation.
The children shall present their concerns and problems to the counselor who will then work
with the children and the parents individually to resolve the identified problem. Both parents
shall cooperate with the counselor and participate in the counseling assistance process to
resolve the identified parenting issues existing between each child and the respective parent.
. Through mediation, each parent shall select possible psychologists to assist the child
in attempting to resolve the issues with the other parent. Once a mutually agreeable
psychologist is selected, the mediator shall then discuss with the psychologist the protocol to
be used and determine that the psychologist is willing to work with both parents and the child
to seek resolution of the issues. After each psychologist and both parents are mutually
agreeable, then both parents shall individually meet with the psychologist to provide back
ground information and detail issues to be considered. Then the child shall be seen individually.
The psychologist shall then determine the participation of the parents in a manner determined
to be in the best interest of the child and the goal of re-establishing parenting time for each
parent.
210
. The purpose of this plan will be to establish, facilitate and encourage counseling and
parenting time with a review process through the mediator which will provide a safe and
orderly procedure, with the goal of having unsupervised parenting time while giving each child
emotional and psychological assistance and adequate time to adjust and accept the process
and transition from counseling to reasonable unsupervised parenting time.
. Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to provide assistance to each child to
establish and cooperate in the procedures set out in this parenting plan and that time is of the
essence in the selection and commencement of counseling for the purpose of providing
parenting time.
211

18.26 Exchange for Parenting Time
In order to maintain boundaries at the time a child is exchanged for parenting time, the
transporting parent shall stay in the car at the curb and the resident parent shall remain inside
the residence door. Neither parent shall approach the other or attempt any communication,
including asking the children to deliver messages or ask questions.
212

18.27 Application for Reduced Fees
Under Douglas County District Court Rule 4.3 income should not be a barrier to participating in
mediation. If you are requesting a reduction in mediation fees under the Court Rule, please provide
our office with the following information.
Indicate your current household income level (gross before taxes) by circling the range that best
applies to your financial situation as of todays date. Use your individual income rather than combined
parental income. If you are receiving child support or alimony that income must be included.
Income range
Circle either your annual income or your monthly income range and attach your child support
calculation and a copy of one of the following documents:
Previous years U.S. Individual Income Tax Return (IRS Form 1040);
Pay stub from your place of employment; or
Written statement from your employer verifying your income
Annual Income
$0 - $14,999
$15,000 - $24,999
$25,000 - $49,999
$50,000 - $74,999
$75,000 - $99,999
$100,000 and above
Mediation Hourly Fee

$0 - $20
$20 - $50
$50 - $75
$75 - $100
$100- $125
$150
Household size
Current number of people living in your household: Adults ________ Children ________
This is to certify that, as of todays date, the range of my gross household income and the number of
people living in my household are as I have indicated above. I understand that this information is
confidential and is intended for mediation fee determination purposes. My signature below indicates
my acknowledgement.
Signature: _________________________________________________Date: _____________
Name (please print) ___________________________________________________________
Address: ___________________________________________________________________
City ___________________________________ State ______ Zip Code _________________
Phone (
) ________________________ Work (
) ________________________
FOR OFFICE USE ONLY

Date of Review ______________
Reviewed by ____________________________________
Session Fee _______ Approvers signature____________________________ Date _____________

213

18.28 Progression Log
Case Number_______________
CASE#
NAME
Mother Phone
Father Phone
Attorney
Attorney
Phone
Date of
1st appt.
______
______
______
___
Phone
Mothers Contacts
Date
Fathers Contacts
Date
_________________ File Name ___________________________________

Date case received:
Return deadline:
Date if
objectio
n
receive
d_____
______
_____
Date & method submitted to Mediation ofc.

Source: Lorin Galvin
214

18.29 Communication Protocol
We understand that conflict between their parents hurts our children. In order to
reduce the conflict to which our children our exposed we agree that we will
communicate with each other ONLY in this manner while we are mediating. We may
choose to make this communication protocol part of our parenting plan.
1. We will use e-mail.
2. We will cover no more than
topic(s) per e-mail.
3. We will identify the topic on the topic line.

4. We will not show these e-mails to our children, allow the children access to our email accounts, or otherwise disclose to our children the contents of these e-mails
except to inform them of decisions reached by their parents.
5. We will use standard, polite, conversational language in the e-mails.
6. We will not use profanity, insulting or accusatory language, or name calling.
7. We will not use the e-mails to rehash history between us.
8. We will review every e-mail before sending it to make sure we have met the
standards of our agreement.
9. We will check for incoming e-mail at least once per
hours/days.
10. We will respond to an e-mail sent by the other within

hours/days.
11. We will send no more than
e-mails per day.
12. We will read and respond to all e-mails ourselves. We will not delegate that
responsibility to any third party. We may share the contents of e-mails with
those people, whether professionals, family, or friends, on whom we depend for
support or advice but all communication will be between the two of us.
13. We will not routinely copy our attorneys when we send an e-mail.
215
14. We will keep the other parents e-mail address confidential and not give it to
anyone else.
15. If there is urgent communication that cannot wait for an e-mail exchange, we
may call or text each other. We agree to observe the same specifics as for email. (Numbers 2., 3., 4., 5., & 6. listed above.) Urgent communication means:
a. A child is ill, injured or otherwise in harms way.
b. There is a change of schedule impacting the other parent.
c. There is a need for information that cannot be delayed.
16. We agree that we will not delay communication so that we have to phone rather
than e-mail.
17.We will not question our children or otherwise encourage disclosure from
them about the activities of the other parent.
18. ____________________________________________________________________
.
Date:
Date:
216

18.30 Standard Communication Process Outline
Communication Between Parents: The parents agree they will not argue or speak
negatively of each other to, or in the presence of, their children.
Encourage and foster constructive communication between themselves and
their children
Respond to a request for information/answer a question within 24 hours in
order to make decisions for the children more efficiently.
Email/Voicemail Communication: The email communications shall be made in a businesslike manner without language that is sarcastic, derogatory, inflammatory, demeaning,
judgmental, accusatory, or relates past problems or failures to communicate.
Neither parent will engage in name-calling.
Emails/voicemail shall be direct and short with consideration of one issue per
communication.
1. The initiation of any communication shall clearly and briefly stated
2. The responding parent shall acknowledge receipt and answer in a
timely manner
3. Discussion may continue until an agreement is reached or until one
of the parents declares the issue closed. Once either parent says
stop, the discussion must terminate.
4. Resolved issues shall be confirmed by each parent and
unresolved issues will be referred to mediation.
5. In the event that time constraints require quicker consideration of an
issue than e-mail will allow, then telephone communication may be
by means of voice mail only.
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18.31 Communication Between Parents
A. COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PARENTS: The parents agree they will not argue
or speak negatively of each other to, or in the presence of, their children.
1. The parents will speak by phone or email directly to each other and not
send messages with the children. The parents agree to follow the email/phone protocol found in section J of this document. They will not
hold any discussions during parenting time exchanges or in the
presence of the children and agree that all communications regarding
their children will remain between the parents only, regardless of
future relationships.
2. Stepparents, significant others, and extended family should be
encouraged to respect the primary role that the parents play in raising
the children.
3. The parents will not send messages through the children and
will encourage the childrens relationship with the other
parent.
4. The parents agree to talk with each other before promising the children
upcoming events, trips, etc. that may involve the other parents time
with the children.
5. The parents agree to see that homework is completed when the
children are with them, and if necessary, each parent is willing to be
available to help with homework at other times.
6. Mother and father agree to encourage and foster constructive
communication between themselves and their children in order to
define and meet their parenting functions and responsibilities. They
agree to respond to a request for information/answer a question within
24 hours in order to make decisions for the children more efficiently.
7. The parents will keep each other advised of their childrens activities so
that each may participate and support their children in these events,
even if their children are not with them that day. Notice will be provided
in such a way that the other parent has the maximum opportunity to
attend the activity or event.
8. One parent may not plan or schedule activities during the parenting
time of the other parent, without reasonable notice and that parents
consent.
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B. E-MAIL/VOICEMAIL COMMUNICATION: When mother and father agree that faceto-face communication between them is not a reasonable method for appropriate
issue resolution, they agree that they will use email/voicemail as the primary
method of communication. The email communications shall be made in a businesslike manner without language that is sarcastic, derogatory, inflammatory,
demeaning, judgmental, accusatory, or relates past problems or failures to
communicate. Neither parent will engage in name-calling. Emails/voicemail shall be
direct and short with consideration of one issue per communication.
1. The initiation of any communication shall clearly and briefly state:
a. The single issue to be considered with one paragraph and
one topic;
b. Any explanatory information to be considered;
c. Any suggested resolution without comment on a
possible response by the other parent; and
d. Use multiple e-mails/voicemails if there are multiple topics.
2. The responding parent shall:
a. Acknowledge receipt of the e-mail/voicemail and state
when an answer will be provided;
b. Answer in a timely manner;
c. Request any clarification or state any questions; and
d. Limit response to the issue presented and to any
proposed resolution.
3. Discussion may continue until an agreement is reached or until one
of the parents declares the issue closed. Once either parent says
stop, the discussion must terminate.
4. Resolved issues shall be confirmed by each parent and
unresolved issues will be referred to mediation.
5. In the event that time constraints require quicker consideration of an
issue than e-mail will allow, then telephone communication may be
by means of voice mail only.
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18.32 Hair Follicle Protocol
1.
2.
3.
Father shall take a hair follicle test within 24 hours and then on the first Monday of
each month until he provides the mediator with a clean test. Father shall sign a
release and direct a copy of the test be provided to the mediator and mothers
attorney.
Mother may request additional tests after father provides a clean test. Mother shall
pay for subsequent negative tests and father for positive tests;
Father shall provide the name and contact information for his aftercare provider to
the mediator for mothers consideration in mediation. Father shall sign a release of
information for aftercare providers and each sponsor with direction to provide
information about participation to the mediator for use in mediation.
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18.33 Email Protocol
. Mother and Father agree that face to face communication between them is
not a reasonable method for appropriate issue resolution. They agree further not to
exchange information through the child.
The parents primary method of communication shall be by e-mail. The e-mail
communications shall be made in a business like manner without language that is
sarcastic, derogatory, inflammatory, demeaning, judgmental, accusatory, or digress with
an historical statement of past problems or failures to cooperate. Neither parent will
engage in name-calling. E-mails shall be direct and short with consideration of one issue
per communication.
A. The initiation of any communication shall clearly and briefly state:
1.) The single issue or topic to be considered;
2.) A short statement or explanation;
3.) A proposed resolution without comment on a possible
response by the other parent; and
4.) Use multiple e-mails for multiple topics.
B. The responding parent shall:
1.) Acknowledge receipt of the e-mail and state when an answer
will be provided;
2.) Answer in a timely manner;
3.) Request any clarification or state any questions; and
4. Limit the response to the issue presented and to any proposed
resolution.
C. Discussion may continue until an agreement is reached or until one of
the parents declares the issue closed, once either parent says STOP, the
discussion must terminate.
D. Resolved issues shall be confirmed by each parent and unresolved
issues will be referred to mediation.
E. In the event that time constraints require quicker consideration of an
issue than email will allow, then telephone communication may be by means of
voice mail only, with the same rules as email.
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18.34 Therapeutic Parenting Time Protocol
(Option where supervised parenting time is ordered)
1. The purpose of this mutual agreement shall be to:
a. comply with the court order for supervised therapeutic parenting time;
b. to establish counseling and parenting time with a review process through
the mediator which will provide a safe and orderly procedure that
provides each child adequate time to adjust and accept the transition to
reasonable unsupervised parenting time; and
c. the goal shall be unsupervised parenting time.
2. To facilitate therapeutic parenting time as ordered by the court the parents agree
to the following process:
a. through mediation the parents shall select a psychologist to assist father
and the children establish a relationship which progresses towards
unsupervised parenting time;
b. once a mutually agreeable psychologist is
selected, the mediator
shall then discuss with the psychologist the protocol to be used and
determine that the psychologist is willing to work with both parents and
the children to seek resolution of the parenting time issues;
c. after the psychologist is selected both parents shall individually meet
with the psychologist to provide back ground information and detail
issues to be considered;
d. then the children shall be seen individually;
e. the psychologist shall then determine the participation of the parents in a
manner determined to be in the best interest of the child with the goal of
establishing unsupervised parenting time.
3. Both parents acknowledge the responsibility to cooperate in the procedures set
out in this agreement and that time is of the essence in the selection of the counselor
and commencement of counseling for the purpose of providing parenting time.
4. The children may continue their relationship with their current counselor who may
share information as necessary with the psychologist selected for the purpose set out in
this agreement.
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19.1 Quality Parental Contact Verses Quantity of Contact
Stephen Gilmore, CONTACT/SHARED RESIDENCE AND CHILD WELL-BEING: RESEARCH EVIDENCE
AND ITS IMPLICATIONS FOR LEGAL DECISION-MAKING, Journal of Law, Policy and the Family 20,
No. 3(2006), 344365
Studies have found that a positive relationship between a child and the non-residential parent
resulted over time in frequent and regular contact, however the quality of contact was more
important than frequency of contact. Dunn (2004). That study supports findings of Amoto &
Gilbreth (1999); Trinder (2004); Buchanan (2001) and Whitsid & Becker (2000) that quality of
parenting time is the more important element for the childs benefit.
Buchanan, C.M. and Heiges, K.L. (2001) When Conflict Continues after the Marriage Ends:
Effects of Postdivorce Conflict on Children in Grych, J.H. and Fincham, F.D. (eds), Interparental
Conflict and Child Development, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 33762.
Dunn, J., Cheng, H., OConnor, T.G. and Bridges, L. (2004) Childrens Perspectives on Their
Relationships With Their Nonresident Fathers: Influences, Outcomes and Implications,Journal
of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 45(3), 553.
Emery, R.E. (1999a) Post-Divorce Family Life for Children: An Overview of Research and Some
Implications for Policy in Thomson, R.A. and Amato, P.R. (eds), The Postdivorce Family:
Children, Parenting and Society, Sage.
Emery, R.E. (1999b) Marriage, Divorce, and Childrens Adjustment, 2nd Edition: Sage
Publications Inc.
Trinder, L., Connolly, J., Kellett, J. and Notley, C. (2004) A Profile of Applicants and Respondents
in
Contact Cases in Essex, London: DCA Research Series 1/05.
Whiteside, M.F. and Becker, B.J. (2000) Parental Factors and the Young Childs Postdivorce
Adjustment: A Meta-analysis with Implications for Parenting Arrangements, Journal of Family
Psychology, 14, 5.
223

19.2 Best Interests of the Child: Parenting Time Research Indications
Contact by a non-custodial parent is necessary only when it is in the best interest of
the child.
2.
Contact is in the best interest of the child when there is quality contact.
3.
Nature of quality contact requires the parent to be motivated to fulfill a parental
role:
a. Highly supportive of the child evidenced by encouragement, instructive,
providing assistance.
b. Feeling of closeness to child and child to parent.
c. Exhibit characteristics of a parent.
4.
Relationship of parent and child is very important.
5.
Frequency of contact is not a good indicator of what is in a childs best interest.
6.
The non-custodial parents cooperation, support and communication with the
custodial parent are consistently found to be positively associated with quality of
relationship and quality of contact between a child and non-custodial parent.
7.
Contact may not be in best interests of the child where there is mutual hostility
between the parents.
8.
Parent with high levels of antisocial behavior can place the child at risk to have
behavioral problems.
9.
Non-custodial parent who is responsible and has good parenting skills will generally
provide quality contact and act in best interest of the child.
10. Pre-separation parent-child involvement and relationship is relevant and important
factor indicating post separation relationship. However external issues may affect
best interests of child including:
a. Parents emotional state post separation, and
b. personal circumstances, drugs, alcohol, finances, appropriate place to visit,
ability to stay in contact, and ability to not involve the child in separation issues.
11. Elements contributing to best interests contact:
a. Low conflict with other parent;
b. low rate of re-parenting;
c. proximity to childs residence, school, activities;
d. financial ability accommodate contact.
12. Joint Custody may work where:
a. Agreement is voluntary by negotiation or mediation;
b. both parents value the others parental ability;
c. both parents are committed to the arrangement;
d. parents mutually support the other;
e. there is flexible sharing of authority;
f. there are implicit rules of care;
g. child finds the arrangement advantageous;
1.
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13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
h. parents have low levels of conflict;

i. no history of domestic violence;
j. no high level of financial stress;
Joint custody by itself does not protect the child from stress of divorce or promote
best interest of the child.
Type of custody does not determine out come for the child.
Important determinants of child outcome are parental emotional functioning and
parental conflict.
Indicators of high conflict:
a. Contesting custody in court;
b. Contesting access issues in court; and
c. Contesting financial issues in court;
High conflict families with frequent access results in child more emotionally troubled
and behaviorally disturbed.
Custody and access questions decided by the court must be based upon knowledge
of the child and the parents rather than upon a presumption or rule.
Joint custody by voluntary decision seems to be demographic of parents with better
education, higher earnings, with boys or an only child, cooperative parents who are
child oriented.
Australian study joint custody is in childs best interests when:
a. Parents actively cooperate;
b. Business like relationship;
c. Child not caught in the middle;
d. Parents have child focus;
e. mutual commitment to shared care;
f. financially independent;
g. parents are competent.
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19.3 Cooperative and Parallel Parenting From Separate Homes
Research on parents who live separately has identified different styles of parenting and
parental interaction as they attempt to parent from separate homes. Some parents are able to
cooperate, communicate effectively, problem solve and cooperatively parent their child. Some
parents are conflicted, unable to communicate, and may never be able to successfully
cooperatively parent their child.
Cooperative parenting refers to a method where there is involvement of both parents with
each other on parenting issues while living in separate homes. This involvement may include
direct discussion and shared decision making about the child and parenting functions, sharing
and discussing a childs school and medical information, planning special events, discussing
extracurricular activities that impact each parents time with the child. Effective cooperative
parenting requires joint appropriate and effective involvement by the parents along a wide
range from minimal to high levels of interaction, discussion, agreement and then responsible
action and follow-through by both parents.
Cooperative parenting only works when conflict is minimal and parents can effectively interact,
communicate, and reach mutually agreeable decisions about parenting functions and
fundamental choices for their child. If parents have a demonstrated history of mutual decision
making and a low level of unresolved conflict then after separation they may be able to interact
and communicate effectively about their childs needs in a healthy way and make joint mutual
decisions; or the non-custodial parent will be supportive of the custodial parents decisions and
not interfere or undermine those decisions. Cooperative parenting requires that parents agree
on most parenting values, have consistent parenting styles, and have few arguments about
each parents participation in their childs life. Importantly these parents rarely put the child in
the middle by discussing parenting issues and decisions with the child, they dont involve the
child in carrying messages to the other parent, they dont question the child about the other
parent, and they dont speak badly about the other parent in the childs presence. Research
supports that a child of separated parents does better when the child is not involved in the
parenting discussions, decisions, or criticism of parenting functions and the other parent.
When separated parents have a history of not appropriately and effectively discussing issues
and then reaching mutually agreeable decisions; and have a history of conflict and arguments
about parenting functions and the child, then their child needs the parents to disengage from
each other in their parenting. Parents who find themselves in frequently unresolved conflict are
at risk to place their child in the middle of those conflicts and to draw the child into the dispute.
In order for the child to adjust to parents who remain in conflict while living separately, the
parents must disengage from direct contact and communication with each other about their
disputes over parenting functions and fundamental parenting decisions. Continued contact and
conflict is not conducive to changes that will establish appropriate methods for discussion,
consideration, and reaching decisions about parenting functions that will actually work. The
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best interests of the child requires appropriate and effective parenting not a continuation of
conflict and strife even if facilitated by negotiated agreement or court ordered contact and
interaction.
Research has identified several issues that foster unresolved conflict that impacts the parents
ability to resolve conflicts regarding parenting functions and fundamental decisions post
separation; and that directly and negatively impact a childs well being and development:
continuation of hostility that existed during the relationship

differing perceptions of pre-separation child-rearing roles
differing perceptions of post-separation child-rearing roles
differing perceptions of how to parent
criticism of the others parenting ability
an unwillingness of one parent to accept the end of the relationship
jealousy or anger about a new partner in the other parents life
interference by a new partner in parenting issues
contested child custody and parenting time issues
contested child support and other financial issues
personality factors in one or both parents that start conflict
existence of domestic intimate partner abuse or child abuse during the relationship
The inability to separate discussions and decisions about parenting from prior conflicts in the
relationship or the prior and continued impact of abuse are often significant factors
contributing to unresolved conflicts after the separation. This continuing unresolved conflict is
an important variable in determining how the child adjusts post separation. A major challenge
is to change the level of interaction, conflict and the manner of engaging in conflict by finding
methods for the parents to constructively engage with each other rather than have the conflict
dominate the parents interaction with each other and the child.
The first step in this process is to establish a method or process to disengage from the other
parent through creating boundaries and space separate from the other parent with little or no
direct contact with the other parent. Having rules to help avoid direct contact with the other
parent can help provide boundaries and space so that conflict cannot develop in a way that the
child can observe or be a part of the conflict. The parents must first eliminate their direct
contacts with each other before they can move on to appropriate and effective separate
parenting.
Parallel parenting is a method intended to provide each parent with boundaries and space to
effectively parent without interference from the other parent or a new partner, and allows
each parent the opportunity to have quality parenting time with the child. Defining and then
respecting boundaries and space of the other parent will allow the parents to remain
disengaged from the direct contact that spawns most conflicts post separation while permitting
engagement in a constructive process of resolving disputes about individual parenting
responsibility.
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Parallel parenting gets its name from research psychologists who have observed that young
children who have not developed the ability to interact effectively, engage in parallel play. They
play next to one another not with one another. They may look over their shoulder at each other
but each child is doing his or her own thing in the sand box while not interacting or
communicating directly with the other child. When they have learned appropriate
communication and interactive skills, they may be able to cooperate, communicate, and play
together successfully.
Similarly, parallel parenting is a process of parenting separate from one another because the
parents are unable to parent cooperatively together. Parents who are engaged in on going
conflict must first disengage from the conflict and appropriately parent on their own. An
essential element of parallel parenting is disengagement. Disengagement requires that the
parents will not communicate directly about either major or minor things regarding their child,
including parenting time. It means the parents will not as part of their parenting plan or
temporary order engage each other about the past and will mutually agree or be ordered by
the court to follow protocols for future constructive communication and engagement regarding
parenting time, parenting roles, parenting functions, and parenting decisions.
Parents must have a method to give each other important or emergency information about
their child without directly confronting or communicating with the other parent about the
parenting plan, the others parenting style, or any parenting issue. Important information
means the health and welfare interests of the child. When a child is sick the other parent
should be provided details about medical care and instructions about prescriptions including
what is needed, what has been given, and when the next dose is to be given. The parents or the
court should consider using protocols for taking the child to the doctor, dentist, and to activities
during their individual parenting time. The parents or the court should consider protocols about
how a parent receives important information about a child. Consideration should be given to
written procedures for not only receiving or providing medical information but also for extracurricular activity information which may determine the selection of a childs activity and
schedule which will impact the other parents time with the child. Each parent should be
required to develop independent relationships with the childs teachers, doctors, coaches, and
friends so that a parent doesnt have to rely on the other parent for important information.
Development of parameters and protocols in a parenting plan for the basic parenting functions
and childs activities will assist this process.
Although parents are disengaged, communication is necessary. However, non-emergency
communication should be accomplished wherever possible by email or other written method.
Texting or phone contact should only be used in very limited time sensitive situations. By
putting their communication in writing, the parents will have time to collect their composure
and thoughts to make sure that their tone is not judgmental or argumentative but business like.
This also lets the receiving parent take some time to collect his or her composure and thoughts
so the response is not impulsive, sarcastic, or angry. Being argumentative, angry, or sarcastic is
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never appropriate when trying to disengage from conflict rather than inflame it. The parents
must never share emails or other communications with the child.
The parents must not put the child in the middle by sharing information or giving the child the
responsibility to ask the other parent to resolve the issue. The child has no need to share
important information exchanged between the parents. The communication protocol should
limit the exchange of nonemergency communication to situations where it is necessary to share
information that is time sensitive. Obviously, emergency information about illness, injury, or
immediate exchange issues involving parenting time may be shared by phone or text as soon as
possible, but this should be limited to the rare occurrence. By reducing direct communication
to emergency situations and by putting necessary communications in writing, parents can go a
long way toward disengaging from conflict and instituting constructive engagement methods.
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XX. Ethics
20.1 Nebraska Standards of Practice and Ethics for Family Mediators
SUMMARY
SELF-DETERMINATION
STANDARD I
A family mediator shall recognize that mediation is based on the principle of self-determination by the participants.
STANDARD II
EDUCATION AND TRAINING
A family mediator shall be qualified by education and training to undertake the mediation.
MEDIATOR DUTY TO ASSESS & INFORM
STANDARD III
A family mediator shall facilitate the participants understanding of the components of a parenting plan as defined
by The Parenting Act, how the participants can use mediation to address parenting plan or other issues and assess
the participants capacity to mediate before they reach an agreement to mediate.
STANDARD IV
IMPARTIALITY AND CONFLICT OF INTEREST
A family mediator shall conduct the mediation process in an impartial manner. A family mediator shall disclose all
actual and potential grounds of bias and conflicts of interest reasonably known to the mediator.
STANDARD V
DISCLOSURE OF FEES
A family mediator shall fully disclose and explain the basis of any compensation, fees, and charges to the
participants.
PARTICIPANT DECISION-MAKING
STANDARD VI
A family mediator shall structure the mediation process so that the participants make decisions based on selfdetermination. The family mediator will support the participants efforts to gain sufficient information and
knowledge in order to exercise self-determination.
CONFIDENTIALITY
STANDARD VII
A family mediator shall maintain the confidentiality of all verbal and written information acquired in the mediation
process, unless the mediator is permitted or required to reveal the information by law or agreement of the
participants.
STANDARD VIII
BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD
A family mediator shall assist participants in determining how to promote the best interests of children.
STANDARD IX
CHILD NEGLECT OR ABUSE
A family mediator shall recognize a family situation involving child abuse or neglect and take appropriate steps to
shape the mediation process accordingly.
DOMESTIC INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE
STANDARD X
A family mediator shall recognize a family situation involving domestic intimate partner abuse and take appropriate
steps to shape the mediation process accordingly.
STANDARD XI
SUSPENSION OR TERMINATION OF PROCESS
A family mediator shall suspend or terminate the mediation process when the mediator reasonably believes that a
participant is unable to effectively participate or for other compelling reasons.
STANDARD XII
MEDIATION ADVERTISEMENT AND SOLICITATION
A family mediator shall be truthful in the advertisement and solicitation for mediation.
MEDIATOR COMPETENCY
STANDARD XIII
A family mediator shall acquire and maintain professional competence in mediation.
230
STANDARD I
SELF-DETERMINATION
A family mediator shall recognize that mediation is based on the principle of self-determination by the participants.
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
F.
A mediator shall conduct a mediation based on the principle of party self-determination. SelfDetermination is the act of coming to a voluntary, uncoerced decision in which each party makes free and
informed choices as to process and outcome. Parties may exercise self-determination at all stages of
mediation, including mediator selection, process design, the nature of their participation in the process, and
outcomes.
Although party self-determination for process design is a fundamental principle of mediation practice, a
mediator may need to balance such party self-determination with a mediators duty to conduct a quality
process in accordance with these Standards.
A mediator cannot personally ensure that each party has made free and informed choices to reach
particular decisions, but, where appropriate, a mediator should make the parties aware of the
importance of consulting other professionals to help them make informed choices.
A mediator shall not undermine party self-determination by any party for reasons such as higher settlement
rates, egos, increased fees, or outside pressures from court personnel, program administrators, provider
organizations, the media or others.
A family mediators commitment shall be to the participants and the process. Pressure from outside of the
mediation process shall never influence the mediator to coerce the participants to settle.
A family mediator shall inform the participants that they may withdraw from family mediation, after
attendance at any legally required sessions, at any time and are not required to reach an agreement in
mediation.
EDUCATION AND TRAINING

STANDARD II
A family mediator shall be qualified by education and training to undertake the mediation.
A.
B.
C.
D.
A family mediator shall have taken basic and family mediation training approved by the Nebraska Office
of Dispute Resolution and shall have served as an apprentice, which apprenticeship shall include comediating at least three parenting plan cases with at least two, and preferably three, different supervisory
family mediators.
Training shall include, but not be limited to:
1.
Knowledge of family law and the Nebraska Parenting Act;
2.
Knowledge of and training in the impact of family conflict on parents, children, and
other participants;
3.
Knowledge of child development, child abuse and neglect, and domestic intimate partner abuse,
including knowledge of provisions for safety, transition plans, domestic intimate partner abuse
screening protocols, and mediation safety procedures;
4.
Education and training specific to the process of mediation;
5.
Knowledge of the impact of culture and diversity in family matters;
6.
Knowledge of resources in the state to which parties and children can be referred to for
assistance.
7.
Other requirements as set forth by the Nebraska State Court Administrator or the Office
of Dispute Resolution in the Education and Training Guidelines developed for family
mediators under the Parenting Act.
Family mediators should disclose their qualifications to mediate the family dispute.
A mediator who serves as a specialized mediator for parents involved in high conflict and
situations in which abuse is present shall meet additional requirements, including:
1.
Satisfactory completion of a specialized alternative dispute resolution domestic
mediation training course as approved by the Nebraska ODR.
2.
Meeting the minimum standards of family mediators, above;
3.
Affiliation with an ODR approved mediation center or conciliation court; and
4.
Other requirements as set forth by the Nebraska State Court Administrator or the Office
of Dispute Resolution in the Education and Training Guidelines developed for family
mediators under the Parenting Act.
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STANDARD III
MEDIATOR DUTY TO ASSESS & INFORM
A family mediator shall facilitate the participants understanding of the components of a parenting plan as defined
by The Parenting Act, how the participants can use mediation to address parenting plan or other issues and assess
the participants capacity to mediate before they reach an agreement to mediate.
A.
A family mediator shall conduct an Individual Private Session (IPS) with each party to a parenting
conflict. These meetings are defined as separate discussions between the mediator and each of the parties involved
in the conflict prior to any joint session. The family mediator will make reasonable efforts to have these discussions
face-to-face with the participants.
B.
The purposes of the IPS are to:
1.
Screen for the presence of child abuse or neglect, domestic intimate partner abuse, and
unresolved parental conflict;
2.
Determine if mediation, facilitation or SADR facilitation is appropriate;
3.
Provide the dialogue and information necessary for the parties to determine their role in
mediator selection, process design, the nature of their participation in the process, and
outcomes;
4.
Inform the participants that physical safety and the principle of party self-determination are
primary; that the mediator is an impartial facilitator; that the participant may withdraw from
family mediation, after attendance at any legally required sessions, at any time; that a mediator
shall not impose or force any settlement upon the parties;
5.
Distinguish family mediation from other processes designed to address family issues
and disputes such as counseling, arbitration or litigation;
6.
Inform the participants that any agreements reached are subject to court rules when
court rules apply and will be reviewed by the court if court approval is required;
7.
Inform the participants that they may seek advice from attorneys, counsel, advocates,
accountants, therapists, religious figures, elders or other significant persons in their lives
at any stage of the mediation process.
8.
Discuss the possibility of separate sessions with the participants; a description of the
circumstances in which the mediator may meet alone with any of the participants during
mediation; a description of the circumstances in which the mediator meets alone with the
participants during a Specialized ADR facilitation; and confidentiality concerning these
separate sessions;
9.
Describe the obligations of the mediator to maintain the confidentiality of the mediation process
and its results as well as any relevant exceptions to confidentiality (including those related to
reporting child abuse and imminent physical danger towards self and others); and
10.
Advise the participants of the circumstances under which the mediator may suspend or
terminate the mediation process and under which a participant may suspend or terminate
the mediation.
STANDARD IV
IMPARTIALITY AND CONFLICT OF INTEREST
A family mediator shall conduct the mediation process in an impartial manner. A family mediator shall disclose all
actual and potential grounds of bias and conflicts of interest reasonably known to the mediator.
Impartiality
A.
A mediator shall provide mediation services in an impartial manner. Impartiality means freedom from
favoritism, bias, or prejudice based on any participants personal characteristics, background, values and
beliefs, performance at the mediation, or any other reason.
B.
A mediator shall be impartial in word, action, and appearance and committed to aiding all parties as
opposed to a single party. The mediator may employ different techniques to assist parties based on their
diverse needs, but shall avoid conduct that raises a question as to the mediators actual or perceived
impartiality.
C.
A mediator shall be impartial to the contents of the parties decisions and agreements while raising
questions about the feasibility of options under consideration or their impact. Under no circumstances may
a mediator make a substantive decision for a party or coerce a party into reaching agreement.
D.
A mediator shall identify and disclose potential grounds of bias upon which a mediators impartiality
might reasonably be questioned. Such disclosure should be made prior to the start of a mediation or as
232
soon as practical after the mediator becomes aware of the bias. The duty of the mediator to monitor
impartiality and to disclose to the parties information that might reasonably create the appearance of
impartiality is a continuing duty.
E.
A mediator shall decline or withdraw from a mediation if the mediator cannot be impartial with respect to
all of the parties or the subject matter of the dispute. If at any time a mediator is unable to conduct a
mediation in an impartial manner, the mediator shall so inform the parties and withdraw from providing
services, regardless of the desires of the parties. If a party states a belief that the mediator is biased or
showing favoritism, but the mediator believes he or she can conduct the mediation in an impartial manner,
the mediation should proceed only if all parties state agreement to do so.
F.
A mediator has a duty to remain impartial as to whether the parties use mediation or some other process to
resolve the dispute. Under no circumstances may a mediator coerce a party into continuing mediation.
G.
A mediator shall not use information about participants obtained in a mediation for personal gain or
advantage.
H.
It is understood that all mediators, as human beings, have personal biases. Mediators are expected to be
aware of their own biases and preventing any personal bias from influencing the mediators conduct of a
mediation.
Conflict of Interest
I.
A mediator shall avoid a conflict of interest or the appearance of a conflict of interest during and after a
mediation that could impact the mediators ability to be impartial. Conflict of interest means any
relationship between the mediator, any participant, or the subject matter of the dispute that compromises
or appears to compromise the mediators impartiality.
J.
The mediator shall disclose, as soon as practicable, conflicts of interest that are reasonably known to the
mediator and could reasonably be seen as raising a question about the mediators impartiality. After
disclosure, if all parties agree, the mediator may proceed with the mediation.
K.
As part of the individual screening and pre-mediation session, and ongoing in the process, the mediator
shall make an inquiry to determine whether there are any known facts that could reasonably be seen as a
indicating a conflict of interest, including a financial or personal interest in the outcome of the mediation.
L.
Subsequent to a mediation, a mediator shall not establish another relationship with any of the
participants in the same matter that would raise questions about the integrity of the mediation.
M.
A mediator shall not accept or give a gift, request, favor, loan, or any other item of value to or from a
party, attorney or any other person involved in any pending or scheduled mediation, which would
compromise the integrity of the mediation.
N.
No mediator who represents or has represented one or both of the parties or has had either of the parties as
a client as an attorney or a counselor shall mediate the case, unless such services have been provided to
both participants and mediation shall not proceed in such cases unless the prior relationship has been
disclosed, the role of the mediator has been made distinct from the earlier relationship, and the participants
have been given the opportunity to fully choose to proceed.
DISCLOSURE OF FEES
STANDARD V
A family mediator shall fully disclose and explain the basis of any compensation, fees, and charges to the
participants.
A.
B.
C.
D.
The participants should be provided with clear information about fees at the outset of mediation to
determine if they wish to retain the services of the mediator. This information will include all costs
incurred by the mediating parties.
The participants written agreement to mediate their dispute should include a description of their fee
arrangement with the mediator.
A mediator should not enter into a fee agreement that is contingent upon the results of the
mediation or the amount of the settlement.
Fees shall be consistently applied to mediating parties without favoritism or bias. This does not preclude
the use of a sliding fee scale based on income or resources of the parties.
STANDARD VI
PARTICIPANT DECISION-MAKING
A family mediator shall structure the mediation process so that the participants make decisions based on selfdetermination. The family mediator will support the participants efforts to gain sufficient information and
233
knowledge in order to exercise self-determination.

A.
B.
C.
D.
The family mediator shall support the participants efforts to fully and accurately disclose,
acquire and develop information during mediation so that the participants can make informed
decisions. This may be accomplished by encouraging participants to consult appropriate experts.
Consistent with standards of impartiality and preserving participant self-determination, a mediator may
provide the participants with information that the mediator is qualified by training or experience to provide.
The mediator shall not provide therapy or give legal advice.
If the participants so desire the mediator should allow attorneys, counsel, or some other
individual designated by a party to accompany the party to, and participate in a mediation
session.
With the agreement of the participants, the mediator may document the participants resolution of their
dispute. The mediator should inform the participants that any agreement should be reviewed by an attorney
before it is finalized.
CONFIDENTIALITY
STANDARD VII
A family mediator shall maintain the confidentiality of all verbal and written information acquired in the mediation
process, unless the mediator is permitted or required to reveal the information by law or agreement of the
participants.
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
The family mediator shall (1) explain confidentiality to the participants; (2) inform the participant
of any relevant limitations of confidentiality, including reporting child abuse and imminent
physical danger towards self or others; and (3) discuss the participants expectations of confidentiality.
This disclosure shall be part of the introductory phase of the mediation process. The written agreement to
mediate should include provisions relating to confidentiality.
A family mediator must also notify the parties that, if the mediator has reasonable cause to believe that a
child has been subjected to child abuse or neglect or if the mediator observes a child being subjected to
conditions or circumstances which reasonably would result in child abuse or neglect, the mediator is
obligated under Neb. Rev. Stat. Section 28-711 to report such information unless the information has been
previously reported.
As permitted by law, the mediator shall disclose a participants threat of suicide or violence against any
person to the appropriate authorities and may disclose such to the threatened person, if the mediator
believes such a threat is likely to be acted upon.
If the mediator holds private sessions with a participant, the obligations of confidentiality concerning those
sessions should be discussed and agreed upon at the beginning and conclusion of each session.
If subpoenaed or otherwise noticed to testify or to produce documents the mediator should inform the
participants immediately. Mediation communication is privileged unless:
1.
A written waiver is signed by all parties to the agreement.
2.
The session was open to the public.
3.
The communication must be disclosed by state law because it is a threat or statement of a
plan to inflict bodily injury or commit a crime of violence.
4.
Intentionally used to plan a crime, attempt to commit a crime, or conceal an ongoing
crime or ongoing criminal activity.
5.
Sought or offered to prove or disprove a claim or complaint of professional misconduct
or malpractice against a mediator.
6.
Sought or offered to prove or disprove a claim of professional misconduct filed against a
mediation party, nonparty participant, or representative of a party based on conduct
occurring during a mediation, or
7.
Sought or offered to prove or disprove abuse, neglect, abandonment, or exploitation in a
proceeding in which a child or adult protective services agency is a party.
The mediator should not testify or provide documents in response to a subpoena without an order
of the court if the mediator reasonably believes doing so would violate an obligation of
confidentiality to the participants.
234
STANDARD VIII
BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD
A family mediator shall support each party to consider the needs of each child and how to promote the childs best
interests.
A.
B.
C.
A mediator should have an understanding of child development and be prepared to encourage the parties
to seek expert advice in the area of child development to facilitate a parenting plan that is appropriate to the
child. Appropriateness in the individual situation should take into account the childs health, emotional
wellbeing, care and safety while promoting stability and continuity to the greatest extent possible.
The mediator should assist the parties in considering whether the child should voice his or her concerns
during the mediation process through mutual agreement of the parties and in the manner least likely to
cause trauma to the child, which could include actual discussion with the child, an interview by a mutually
trusted professional or the mediator or by written or electronic means.
A mediator should assist the parties in anticipating areas of potential conflict as the parties create a
parenting plan. In addition, a mediator should encourage the parties to develop a plan to revise the plan as
the needs of the child change. If safety is an issue, the mediator should assist the parties in developing a
component in the parenting plan to address safety. This planning is designed to diminish the likelihood of
continued conflict that impacts the parties and the child.
STANDARD IX
CHILD NEGLECT OR ABUSE
A family mediator shall recognize a family situation involving child abuse or neglect and take appropriate steps to
shape the mediation process accordingly.
A.
B.
C.
As used in these Standards, child abuse or neglect is defined by applicable state law.
During the mediation, if the mediator has reasonable grounds to believe that a child of the participants is
abused or neglected, the mediator must report reasonable suspicions that a child has been subjected to
abuse or neglect, unless it can be determined that such information has already been reported. The report
should be made to law enforcement or the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services.
The mediator may end a mediation if allegations or threats of direct physical or significant
emotional harm are made to a party or a child and have not been heard and ruled upon by the court.
STANDARD X
DOMESTIC INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE
A family mediator shall recognize a family situation involving domestic intimate partner abuse and take appropriate
steps to shape the mediation process accordingly.
A.
B.
C.
D.
As used in these Standards, domestic intimate partner abuse includes domestic violence as defined
by applicable state law and issues of control and intimidation.
A mediator shall not undertake a mediation in which the family situation has been assessed to involve
domestic intimate partner abuse without appropriate and adequate specialized alternative dispute resolution
(SADR) and other necessary training.
Some cases are not suitable for mediation because of safety, control or intimidation issues. A mediator shall
conduct an initial Individual Private Session (IPS) with each party to screen for the existence of domestic
intimate partner abuse or issues of control and intimidation which might affect a partys ability to freely
negotiate and mediate. The mediator should continue to assess for domestic intimate partner abuse
throughout the mediation process.
The mediator shall consider taking measures to insure the safety of participants and the mediator
including, among others:
1.
Establishing appropriate security arrangements;
2.
Holding separate, instead of joint sessions with the participants;
3.
Allowing the option of a friend, representative, advocate, counsel or attorney to attend a
private mediation session or to attend a joint session;
4.
Encouraging the participants to be represented by an attorney, counsel or an advocate
throughout the mediation process;
5.
Referring the participants to appropriate community resources; or
6.
Suspending or terminating the mediation sessions, with appropriate steps to protect the
safety of the participants.
235
E.
The mediator should support the participants formulation of parenting plans that protect the physical safety
and psychological well-being of themselves and the child.
SUSPENSION OR TERMINATION OF PROCESS

STANDARD XI
A family mediator shall suspend or terminate the mediation process when the mediator reasonably believes that a
participant is unable to effectively participate or for other compelling reasons.
A.
B.
Circumstances under which a mediator should consider suspending or terminating the mediationmay
include, among others:
1.
The safety of a participant or well-being of a child is threatened;
2.
A participant has or is threatening to abduct a child;
3.
A participant is unable to participate due to the influence of drugs, alcohol, or physical or
mental condition;
4.
The participants are about to enter into an agreement that the mediator reasonably
believes to be unconscionable;
5.
A participant is using the mediation to further illegal conduct;
6.
A participant is using the mediation process to gain an unfair advantage;
7.
If the mediator believes the mediator's impartiality has been compromised;
8.
If either or both of the participants of the mediation believe it will not be productive.
If the mediator does suspend or terminate the mediation, the mediator should take all reasonable steps to
minimize prejudice or inconvenience to the participants, which may result.
STANDARD XII
MEDIATION ADVERTISEMENT AND SOLICITATION
A family mediator shall be truthful in the advertisement and solicitation for mediation.
A.
B.
C.
A mediator must honestly represent his/her credentials and the fees/costs of mediation, and when
discussing mediation must truthfully explain the benefits and challenges of mediating family disputes.
A mediator shall not pay commissions or give any other form of reward for referrals of a client for
mediation.
A mediator shall not make exaggerated claims about the mediation process, its costs and benefits, statistics
about its outcome or the mediators qualifications and abilities.
MEDIATOR COMPETENCY
STANDARD XIII
A family mediator shall acquire and maintain professional competence in mediation.
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
A competent mediator should be conversant with conflict theory and have knowledge of the range of
alternative dispute resolution options.
Mediators should continuously maintain, if not strive to improve, their professional skills and abilities by,
among other activities, participating in relevant continuing education programs and should regularly engage
in self-assessment.
Mediators should participate in periodic and regular programs of peer consultation and review,
including the training and mentoring of less experienced mediators.
Mediators should continuously strive to understand the impact of culture and diversity on the
mediators practice.
Mediators should have knowledge of and adhere to these standards of practice and ethics.
236
XXI. Days Reflections

Notes:__________________________________________________________________
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237
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238
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240
Dynamics of Abuse in the Family

Robert A. Sanford
Legal Director
Nebraska Domestic Violence Sexual Assault Coalition
245 South 84th Street, Suite 200
Lincoln, NE 68510
402-476-6256 / roberts@ndvsac.org
Disclaimer
Terminology
domestic abuse, domestic violence, intimate
partner violence, and domestic intimate partner
abuse
This is not an attempt to train you to be a

victim advocate
Perpetrators of FV in Front of Children

Other Female
7%
Other Male
8%
Mother's BF
11%
Mother
12%
Father
62%
Juvenile Justice Bulletin

National Survey of Childrens Exposure to Violence
October 2011
241
Childrens Exposure During Preceding

Year
1 in 9 children exposed to some form of family
violence
6.6% of youth exposed to physical assault
between parents
5.7% exposed to psychological/emotional IPV
October 2011
Childrens Exposure During Preceding

Year
Exposure to IPV
Verbal threats 2.0%
Displaced aggression
4.9%
Witness assault on
parent 2.6%
Pushed 3.9%
Hit or slapped 2.4%
Severe physical 1.3%
Exposure to Other Family

Violence
Parental assault on
sibling 1.8%
Other family violence
3.4%

October 2011
Childs Immediate Response to FV

60.00%
50.00%
49.90%
43.90%
40.00%
30.00%
23.60%
20.00%
10.00%
0.00%
Category 1
Yelled to Stop
Tried to Get Away
Called for Help

October 2011
242
USING COERCION
AND THREATS
Making and/or carrying out
threats to do something to
hurt her * Threatening to
leave her, to commit suicide,
to report her to welfare*
Making her drop
charges* Making
USING
her do illegal
ECONOMIC POWER
things
Preventing her from getting or
keeping a job * Making her ask for
money * Giving her an allowance *
taking her money * Not letting her
know about or have access to family
income
USING MALE PRIVILEGE
Treating her like a servant *
Making all the big decisions *
Acting like the master of the
castle * Being the one to define
mens and womens roles
USING INTIMIDATION
Making her afraid by using
looks, actions, gestures *
Smashing things *
Destroying her property *
abusing pets * Displaying
weapons
POWER
AND
CONTROL
USING
CHILDREN
Making her feel guilty
about the children * Using
the children to relay
messages * Using
visitation to harass her *
Threatening to take the
children away
USING
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Putting her down* Making her
feel bad about herself * Calling her
names* Making her think shes crazy *
Playing mind games * Humiliating her *
Making her feel guilty
USING ISOLATION
Controlling what she does, who
she sees and talks to, what she
reads, where she goes* limiting
her outside involvement* using
jealousy to justify actions
MINIMIZING,
DENYING AND
BLAMING
Making light of the abuse
and not taking her concerns
about it seriously * Saying
the abuse didnt happen *
Shifting responsibility for
abusive behavior * Saying
she caused it
What does the batterers physical

violence look like?
Differentiating Violence
Battery
Resistive
Non-battery / situational violence
Pathological
Anomie
Re-Examining Battering
Ellen Pence
243
Progression of Violence
Four Primary Levels
Pre-Battering
Beginning
Moderate
Severe
Pre-Battering
Emotional
Economic
Picking Vs
clothes
Forced to quit
job
Accusations of
infidelity
Physical
Sexual
Breaking or
hitting things
Coercive sex
Threats of
violence
Make-up sex
Uncomfortable
going to work
Name calling
Isolation
begins
Uncomfortable
going to school
Beginning Level
Emotional
Crazymaking
Economic
Physical
Sexual
Sleep
deprivation
Beginning
physical abuse
Unwanted
touching
Bruising
Pushing &
shoving
Make-up sex
Forced to call
in sick
Finger-tip
bruising
Coercive sex
Psychological
Abuse
Victim blaming
Intimidation
the look
244
Moderate Level
Emotional
Economic
Physical
Threats to harm
Victim
Denied access to
family income
Slapping & hitting
Sexual
Biting
Forced sex
Pulling hair
Kicking
Threats to harm
children
Forced to beg for

money
Property damage
Animal abuse
Sex while she

sleeps or is
passed out
Forced to have
sex with others
Severe Level
Emotional
Threats of suicide
Economic
Physical
Sexual
Burning
No access to work
or school
Violent &
humiliating
Use of a weapon
Beating with
objects
Threats of murder
Threats to take
kids
Blocks attempts
to become selfsufficient
Rape / forced sex
Strangulation
Animal abuse
Rape with objects
Pre
Severe
Beginning
Moderate
245
Stalking Behaviors
62% of female victims stalked by current or
former IP
81% of women stalked by IP were physically
assaulted by same partner
Ex-husbands who stalked significantly more
likely than those who did not to engage in
emotionally abusive and controlling behavior
Stalking and Intimate Partner Femicide
Judith M. McFarlane et al
1999
IP Murders, Stalking, and Abuse

76% of femicide cases involved stalking within
prior 12 months
67% of femicide cases involved victim who had
physically been abused within previous 12
months
If physical abuse present prior to act of femicide,
89% also reported stalking
Stalking and Intimate Partner Femicide
Judith M. McFarlane et al
1999
Who is the Batterer?

Controlling
Entitled/Self-centered
Believes he is a victim
Manipulative
Good public image
Focuses on his feelings and other peoples
behaviors
246
Common Batterer Beliefs
Anger causes violence

Women are manipulative
Women think of men as paychecks
If a man is hurt, its OK or natural for him to
hurt back
Smashing things isnt abusive, its venting
Common Batter Beliefs (cont)

Womens libbers hate men
Women want to be dominated by men
Men batter women because they are
insecure
A man has a right to choose his partners
friends or associates
A man cant change if the woman wont
Education Groups for Men who Batter
Ellen Pence & Michael Paymar
Lundy Bancroft
Research on childrens exposure to d.v. has
tended to focus primarily on two aspects of
their experiences: the trauma of witnessing
physical assaults against their mother, and the
tension produced by living with a high level of
conflict between their parents. However, these
are just two elements of a much deeper
problem pervading these childrens daily life,
which is that they are living with a batterer
247
(cont.)
The parenting of men who batter exposes
children to multiple potential sources of
emotional and physical injury, most of which
have not been recognized widely.
The Batterer as Parent
Lundy Bancroft
2002
Risks Posed to Children Exposed to

Batterers
Exposure to threats / acts of violence toward their
mom
Undermining mother-child relationships
Physical or sexual abuse
Batterer as a role model
Rigid, authoritarian parenting
Neglectful / irresponsible parenting
Psychological abuse and manipulation
Abduction
Exposure to violence in their fathers new relationship
Who is the Victim?

Batterers description
A provocative bitch
A whore
A junkie
A bad mother
A violent drunk
A liar
A man-hater
A thief
A women out to get him
Systems description
An enabler
A reluctant witness
A codependent partner
A woman caught in a
honeymoon phase
A mother with poor
parenting skills
A drug or alcohol abuser
A self-destructive woman
Education Groups for Men Who Batter
248
Why Doesnt the Victim Leave?

Fear of losing children
Fear of deportation
Fear of physical harm
Need for time to plan
Love for partner
Fear of the unknown
Things will get better.
Others will find out about

abuse
Impact of leaving on kids

Religious beliefs
Self-blame
Lack of finances
Ellen Pence
Batterer Generated Risks

If Stay
If Leave
Physical Abuse: Batterer

may continue to hit and
physically abuse victim
Economic Abuse: No
access to income
Physical Abuse: Separation

violence- stalking, physical
abuse
Economic Abuse: Forced to
quit job due to harassing
phone calls & visits
Life Generated Risks

If Stay
If Leave
System response to their

race, ethnicity, class, or
other characteristics
System response to their

race, ethnicity, class, or
other characteristics
Health concerns (i.e.

mental illness, disability)
Health concerns (i.e.

mental illness, disability)
249
250

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A Collaborative Training Provided by:

NMA Training Institute

24-Hour SADR Training

Training Goals of Specialized Alternative Dispute Resolution:

Revision Date: 09.04.2013

I. Context of Specialized ADR

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

I. Context of Specialized ADR

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

determined agreement, and if an agreement is reached to provide for a constructive out

Revision Date: 01.28.2010

I. Context of Specialized ADR

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

II. Reflective Practice

II. Reflective Practice

II. Reflective Practice

II. Reflective Practice

III. Specialized ADR Philosophy

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

III. Specialized ADR Philosophy

Makes an informed decision to continue the Specialized ADR process

Enters Specialized ADR facilitation with informed consent about the

Recognizes that all mediated/facilitated outcomes must be agreed

Is willing to and invested in carrying out mutual agreements;

Is free from cognitive or emotional impairments (e.g., severe

Is free from incapacity due to drug or alcohol abuse

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

III. Specialized ADR Philosophy

3.3 Why Screen?

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

III. Specialized ADR Philosophy

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

III. Specialized ADR Philosophy

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

Revision Date: 08.15.2013

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse

(all definitions current as of September 6, 2013)

43-2922. Terms, defined for purposes of the Parenting Act:

Revision Date: 09.06.2013

42-903. Terms, defined

28-707. [Effective 10/1/2013] Child abuse; privileges not available; penalties

(f) Placed in a situation to be a trafficking victim as defined in section 28-830.

28-318. Terms, defined

Revision Date: 09.06.2013

28-320.01. Sexual assault of a child; second or third degree; penalties

(7) Mutilation means intentionally causing permanent injury, disfigurement,

Revision Date: 09.06.2013

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

by Brain Nichols, B.A., Public Policy Team Manager

Mens resistance to seeing sexism as the source of battering and

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

V. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

IV. Dynamics of Domestic Abuse in Family Cases

Your initial individual mediation appointment will be scheduled separately at a

Revision Date: 2.22.2010

Important note about the Nebraska Parenting Act.

Date Name of Party Interviewed _________

Name of Parent______Parents Attorney _