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A Conversation with Lord Saturn (a.k.a.

Lord Shani or Lord Sani)
By Michael Laughrin, Michael@jyotish.ws
I have had a number of conversations with Lord Saturn (Lord Sani), and he is not such
as bad guy as many make him out to be. Lord Saturn has told me something like this:
"Look, I get all the dummies and losers in my class (Saturn is a teacher). And I can't
kick them out of class for misbehaving. In general, this type of student neither listens,
nor learns, nor co-operates with the teacher. I start out by politely asking them to
behave. If that doesn't work (and it generally does not), I am forced to raise my voice
to them. Once in a while (about 10% of the time), that gets their attention and their
behavior improves a little (with about 10% of the students). When that doesn't work, I
lightly punish them. For example, I make them stand for an hour or two without
talking or making any noise. That works once in a while.
"But, for the vast majority of the karmically learning disabled in my class, the only
thing that really gets their attention is harshness -- extreme harshness. Examples of
this could be:
Yelling and screaming at them for hours at a time, or
Rapping their knuckles with a ruler, or even
Forcing them to do pushups and sit-ups until they are thoroughly exhausted."
Saturn goes on: "Often -- in about 40% of the cases -- even these frightening measures
do not work. Or else they work only for a few days at best. Then, because there is no
other planet (other than Rahu and Ketu on occasion) to do the job, I am forced to let
them feel a little of the full brunt of their bad karmas for this lifetime. These generally
result in sickness, poverty, loss of loved ones, loss of work, loneliness and even death
(accompanied by a great deal of suffering). These hard-core methods *do*, generally,
get their attention. But about 30% to 45% of those who experience what are
considered typical "Saturnine" results crumble under the strain and become alcoholics,
junkies, homeless, mentally ill or just plain give up hope. Many fall into a deep
depression from which it takes years to emerge.

"Please do not get unduly upset! I am not such a bad guy. All I really want is a little
respect. Some discipline. Some devotion. By virtue of the fact that you are reading
this article you most likely meditate every day or engage in some other benevolent
spiritual practice on a regular basis. That is most of what I want.
"In general, anyone who is pretty disciplined in at least two areas of life has my partial
blessings; for example, regular meditation and paying one's bills regularly. If one is
disciplined in three big things, I make him successful. If one is disciplined in four or
more areas (and it is rather rare) I extend huge blessings to that lucky Soul, such as
wealth, fame, happiness (the best kind -- the kind that can only come from a balanced
life) or even Enlightenment.
"I am, after all, a Teacher. I want you all to succeed. But you all must learn that slow
and steady wins the race. Practice makes perfect. What I do not like is complete selfindulgence and impetuosity. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without my blessings
and energy. No great works of art or music, no huge fortunes, no saints are made
without me. Certainly no good buildings or gardens exist without me. No educational
attainments, no career or business success can occur for long without my blessings. It
is all so simple.
"Let me give you the Essence of my Knowledge in a few, easy-to-remember rules:
Do not spend all your energy (money, attention) at once. Save.
Improve your skills -- whether as a brain surgeon or short order cook -- it does
not matter.
Learn the value of learning through repetition.
It is better to dig one deep hole (to make a well) than one hundred shallow
holes.
Be centered and mentally steady. Meditate. Pray.
Be self-sufficient. Do not count on others too much.
Complaining as an occasional pastime is OK. Many make it into a lifestyle.
Don't do it.
"We are all servants -- whether rich or poor, young or old, educated or ignorant. The
only choice we have is whom we serve and in what manner do we serve. To become a

millionaire (or, more likely, a billionaire) serve (or help) millions of individuals.
Exercise. Use it or lose it: this not only applies to our muscles, but to our minds, our
capacity to love and our creative abilities. The only thing that, once gained, never
leaves is Enlightenment (Moksha).
"This is the Essence of my Teaching." -- Saturn