EssayWriting(MockXAT1Essay)

Essay1JustKeepSwimming.

Whileweknowthat'swimming'denotesanactivityinwater,onethatrequirestheuseofourlimbs,muscles and lungs, most of

ususethewordmoreinitsmetaphoricsense.Wetalk,forinstance,of'swimmingwith(oragainst)theflow(ortide).Actually,
allsuchmetaphorscouldbesummedupinonethat'sreallyaptswimmingthroughlife.
The circumstances and situations that envelop us constitute life. Sometimes these facilitate our passage through life, making it
bearable (perhaps even enjoyable at times) sometimes, these render our passage difficult (perhaps unpleasant at times).
Sometimeswepassthroughthemquickly,andsometimesweareinthemforawhile(even,perhaps,formostofourlives).
Sinceit'sthisoceaninwhichwemakeourway,inourdifferentlives(domestic,professional,andsoon),'swim'istheaptword
in place of 'make our way'. Apt also because, just as swimming in water calls for the use of various capabilities as well as
determination and persistence, so does swimming through life. It's in this context, that the statement 'just keep swimming'
acquiressignificance.
Whencircumstancesarefavourable,andthingsaregoingourway,itwouldbeeasytojustfloatalong.Butitwouldbesensibleto
just keep swimming, not only to progress towards our objectives, but also to garner value that would stand us in good stead in
leantimes.Whencircumstancesareotherwise,itwouldbepersistenceanddeterminationthathelpusovercomedifficultieswe
shouldjustkeepswimming.
This doesn't mean, of course, that we swim without any thought. Just as certain strokes, in swimming, are suited to certain
waters, the methods we use to deal with circumstances in life should be appropriate to the conditions we are in. And, just as in
swimmingwe need to check that we are not veering off course, our 'swimming' in life should also be accompanied with course
correctionwhenevernecessary.
Inshort,anexpandedprinciplethatservesuswellwouldbejustkeepswimming,butstayoncourseandwatchoutforchoppy
waters!
CommentsonEssay1:
Awellwrittenessaywithimpressivelanguage.
Theessayisdividedintosixneatparagraphswhichmakeeasyreading.
Theintroductionstandsoutasitisarrestingandcomestothepointwithoutbeatingaroundthebush.Theconclusionhasamoral
orlessonforthereader.
The essay makes use of correct diction and vivid imagery and compares the activity of swimming to sailing through different
phasesoflife.
Therearenogrammaticalmistakesintheessayandevenrulesofpunctuationarereligiouslyadheredto.
However, the piece could be made better by presenting more aspects of 'swimming' and not just 'swimming through life'. The
essaycouldbebalancedbyprovidingnotonlyexamplesofsituationsor scenarios where this principle could be applied but also
examples of exceptions to this utopian thought. Hence, as given in the evaluation table below, the score for the parameter
'perspective'islow(6on10)andcouldbeimproved.
Inthepresenceofdifferentthreadsofthoughtswhichcouldbetiedtogether,thispiecewouldsoundlessphilosophicalordidactic
andwouldnotbeasrepetitiveasitappears.Moreopinionsalongwithexampleswouldhavemadethepiecemorepracticalinits
outlook.
So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:
PARAMETERS
1)Content
2)Ideasandtheirdevelopment
3)Perspective
4)Structure
5)Controloverlanguage

DETAILS
Adequacyofinformation
Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples
Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions
LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform
Grammarandspellings

POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL

7
X2
14
7
X3
21
6
X1
6
8
X2
16
9
X2
18
75

Essay2JustKeepSwimming.

"Lifeissohard.Ishouldcallitquits!"
"Heyman!Justkeepswimming!Whenthegoinggetstough,thetoughgetsgoing."

Lifeinitselfisacontinuum.Fromthepast,tillthepresentandwellintothefuture,lifeisanintegratedandcontinuousflow.How
dowedealwithsuchaflow?Toswimwithitwouldbethemostintelligentandefficientthingtodo.
Lifeisanoceanwithbothhappinessandsorrow.Thejourneytowardssuccessisnotasmoothroad.There would be many rises
and falls, just like the tides of an ocean. But success comes to those who keep swimming in this march of existence. As it is
rightly said "There are no great people in this world only ordinary persons rise, and achieve extraordinary goals and become
great."
Several examples can be quoted of people who didn't give up easily and ultimately reached the zenith of success. Mahatma
GandhisucceededingettingindependenceforIndiabypersistingwithhisstrategyofnonviolence.BillGates, a college dropout,
becametheowneroftheworld'slargestsoftwarefirmMicrosoftbyhisirresistibleattitudetowardssuccess.DhirubhaiAmbani,an
ordinaryperson,endedupsettingamammothindustryintheworldofbusiness.NikiLouda,theF1worldchampion,whosuffered
severe face burns when his ferrari crashed, persisted and won against rival James Hunt after seven years. Nick Vujicic has no
handsandlegsbutisaninspirationalorator.
Swimmingis one of the key exercises for a healthy lifestyle. In swimming, more calories are burned than in any other sport. It
givesmorecontroloverthewholebodyandourrespirationprocess.Itinvolvesallthevoluntarymusclesofourbodyandhelpsto
bring down stress levels. So in real life too, swimming forward has its benefits as compared to remaining stagnant and not
making any headway in the chequered pathways and undercurrents of life. 'Just keep swimming' should involve progressing
forward by judiciously exercising control and adapting to both new lakes (where the water is still) and new whirlpools (with
opposingcurrents).
Whatever we may encounter in our flow of life, the best way to deal with it is to swim forward, taking life as a valuable
experience, enriching and strengthening us. When we swim forward with an open mind and attitude, we naturally invite rich
experiences into our flow. Richer experiences, whatever they are, help us evolve from one state of being to a better state. As
evolution seems to be the ultimate motive of all life around us, one's main objective should be to constantly keep evolving. To
achieve this state of constant evolution, one has to flow through life, enrich oneself with richer experience and just keep
swimmingtokeeptheballrolling.

CommentsonEssay2:
This essay is reasonably well organised. It explains how the analogy can be made with life situations, talks of the benefit that
persistencebrings,indicatestheneedforjudiciousnessinmethod(therebybringinginsomewidthofperspective),andprovidesa
coupleofrelevantexamples.

So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:
PARAMETERS

DETAILS

1)Content
2)Ideasandtheirdevelopment
3)Perspective
4)Structure
5)Controloverlanguage

Adequacyofinformation
Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples
Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions
LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform
Grammarandspellings

POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL

8
9
7
7
9

X2
X3
X1
X2
X2

16
27
7
14
18
82

Essay3JustKeepSwimming.

InthefamousHollywoodproductionFindingNemo,theamnesiacfishDoryuttersthismemorableline,"JustKeepSwimming",to
the hero of the movie, who loses hope while searching for his lost son in the vast expanse of the ocean. While Dory does come
acrossasslightlyconfused,itishertenacitythatisherredeemingquality.
Apersonsnotgivingup,histenacity,hisperseverancecanbeoneofhisgreatestassets.OneneedlooknofurtherthanAbraham
Lincoln, widely regarded as Americas greatest president ever, to understand the virtue of perseverance. Lincoln faced multiple
failuresinvariousprofessionalandpersonalventuresbutdidnotletthemboghim down. Edison, who reportedly failed multiple
times,didnotgiveupandfinallymadeaworkingprototypeofanelectricbulbwhenconventionalwisdomwouldhavegiveitup.
The Beatles, arguably the biggest music band of the world ever, were told by a recording manager to give up their career.
Imagineiftheyhadlistenedtohim!Oneneednottakeotherpeoplesnaysayingordiscouragementtooseriously.
However, one can also argue that being a manager is about managing with the limited resources. One needs to give up
sometimesinpursuitofalargergoal.Anarmymayretreattemporarily,inastrategicmove,tolosethebattlebutwinthewar.
As Shakespeare notes, "Discretion is the better part of valour!" One needs to choose the battles one needs to win. Putting good
money after bad money (e.g. in an illconceived product or service) may not be advisable. Business sense dictates one to cut
oneslossesandmoveoutwhilethereisstilltime.Thatiswhystockmarkettradershavestoplossprices!Andthatiswhy,while
SachinRameshTendulkarwantedtobeafastbowler,hegaveupthatideawhenadvisedtoconcentrateonhisbattingduetohis
height.Onesaptitudeandnaturaltalentsmustalsofindanoutlet.
Apersonwhokeepsswimminginthefaceofadversitydeservesplaudits,butonemustalsoappreciateonelimitations.
CommentsonEssay3:
The essay begins with a background of the origin or the relevant reference of the title 'Just Keep Swimming'. It has an overall
goodstructureintermsofthoughtflow.

The small grammatical errrors in the essay would get overlooked since they do not interfere with the idea being delivered. The
punon'Imagine'wasgood!
The first 2 paras of the essay relate to the necessity or benefit of perseverence. However, there are more examples in para 2
thanareneeded.Morediscussiononperseveranceanditsbenefitsbackedbyjustacoupleofexampleswouldimprovetheessay.
The3rdpara,whichtemperstheview,isbetter.There'smorediscussionhereandfewerexamples.
Thewordingoftheconclusioncouldbebettertofocusmoreontheattributesthanonthepersonsdisplayingtheattributes.
So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:
PARAMETERS
1)Content
2)Ideasandtheirdevelopment
3)Perspective
4)Structure
5)Controloverlanguage

DETAILS
Adequacyofinformation
Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples
Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions
LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform
Grammarandspellings

POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL

7
X2
14
6
X3
18
7
X1
7
7
X2
14
8
X2
16
69

Essay4JustKeepSwimming.

One will face adversities when immersed in life's swirling vortex. Many people have turned the tables on life through sheer
determination and foresight. Pierce Brosnan (who had lost his wife earlier) acted in November Man when his daughter had just
died. Virat Kohli had lost his father and Yuvraj Singh battled cancer. Sylvester Stallone was on the streets but he wrote the
screenplay for Rocky Balboa and refused to sell the script unless he was allowed to act in the movie. The hero of Matrix had
varioustrialstofaceinreallifebuthiscommenttoajournalistonatrainwas"Lifehastogoon."SteveJobswaskickedoutof
hisown company but he started Pixar. Narayan Murthy and Kiran Mazumdar Shaw started their companies from scratch. Before
AngryBirds,thesixcreatorshadmade49games,whichhadfloppedbuttheypersisted.

"Justdoit"or"Justkeepswimming"wouldnotapplyifonekeptondoingataskaimlessly.Whilepractisingforamarathon,one
needs to be selfaware, listen to one's body and take adequate rests, engage in other activities like cycling. Otherwise one may
faceinjuries.Sometimesinlifethreateningsituations,oneneedstodropeverythingandrun.
Oneneedstolearnfromlife'slessonsandacquirenewskills.Acompanyneedstocheckwhatitscompetitors are doing. Nokia's
consensusseeking leaders let the firm crumble. Hero Honda was a hit till Bajaj's Pulsar picked up due to its better mileage. So
oneneedstojudiciously,controlandmonitorlife'ssituations.Coursecorrectionsneedtoemployed.AkshayKumar,MilindSoman
and Chetan Bhagat have changed professional fields. Initially Narayan Murthy founded Softronics, a company that lasted a year
and a half but moved on when it did not take off. One should learn from failures and climb on various stepping stones that life
offers.

"Just keep swimming" may not be apt in immoral activities. Life throws lessons back at you. Jordan Belfort ("Wolf of Wall
Street")isanAmericanoratorbutaformerstockbrockercaughtinstockmarketmanipulation.

"JustKeepSwimming"maynotserveanypurpose.In"TokillaMockingBird",theWhiteLawyerAtticusFinchfoughtthecaseof
ablackmanchargedwithrapingawhitewomandespiteknowingthatduringCivilWar,ablackguycouldnotwinagainstawhite
woman.RaghuRam,thehostofRoadiestoldsomeonewhowastryingtogetintotheshowfor10yearsbutalwaysgotrejectedin
theInterviewround,"Stoptryingifitisnotforyou."
Justfocussingonfightingtilltheendwillnotdo.Isonegoingtofinishstrong?So,learn,getupanddon'tgiveupanddon'tjust
keepswimming.
CommentsonEssay4:
This essay provides many instances of flawed writing. There are some intelligent ideas floating randomly without a proper
structure.Thegrammarneedsimprovement.
Thefirstparagraphdoesnotintroducethetopicatall.Itseemsthatpointshavebeenmentionedwithnorelationtothetitle.
Theessayisfilledwithexamplesthatthewriterhopeswillputhismessageacross.Infact,thatdoesn'thappenwithanyclarity.
Thingsgetmixeduptowardstheend,withthelastlineoftheessayseemingtopresentaselfcontradiction.
More attention should have been paid to explanation, thoughtflow, and sentence structure. The examples should have been
reducedinnumber.Theideasshouldhavebeenmentionedclearlywithoneortwoexamplesforeachidea.
Therearesomeimportantlessonsdiscussedintheessaybutthesegetrelegatedtothebackgroundbecauseoftheuseofmany
examples. From the second paragraph onwards, the writer attempts to discuss exceptions to the view "Just Keep Swimming."
Mention has been made of how swimming needs to be accompanied by close control or monitoring of situations and how it may
not work in purposeless pursuit of aimless objectives. An important line mentioned in the third paragraph is "So one needs to
judiciouslycontrolandmonitorlife'ssituations."Alsointhelastparagraph,thewriterhasmentionedthat"JustKeep Swimming"
does not serve any purpose. The writer should have substantiated these points instead of assuming that stating examples would
be enough. So clarity of thought and proper structuring of the essay would have helped make this essay richer in content and
moreimpressiveinitsapproach.

So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:
PARAMETERS
1)Content
2)Ideasandtheirdevelopment
3)Perspective
4)Structure
5)Controloverlanguage

DETAILS
Adequacyofinformation
Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples
Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions
LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform
Grammarandspellings

POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL

4
4
6
5
5

X2
X3
X1
X2
X2

8
12
6
10
10
46