The Wizard of Oz

(The Ghetto Version)

By
Taylor Adams

Based on:
The Wizard of Oz
and ideas by
Alex, Charlotte, Ryan, Alyssa

ACT I
Scene 1
NYC ALLY & METH LAB
The curtain rises to reveal an empty New York ally
way with a brown metal door on one side of the
walls. The sound of a large dog barking is heard
which is the cue for DOROTHY GALE, a young,
stupid, New York girl, to run onstage
DOROTHY
O.M.G., I dont think Ive ever ran that far in my
life. Wheres Toto? Toto?
(She sees TOTO, a large bull dog,
off-stage)
Oh Toto! Come here, I promise that mean lady isnt
following us anymore!
TOTO runs onstage and sits beside DOROTHY
DOROTHY
Oh there you are Toto! She tried to hurt you didnt
she?
(DOROTHY hugs the dog)
Why she must be the most ratchet lady Ive ever had to
lay my eyes on.
(DOROTHY puts a leash around TOTO)
Come on, lets go tell Aunt Em and Uncle Henry what
happened, theyll take care of her.
DOROTHY runs to the brown metal door and starts
banging on it. On the other side of the door, in
the meth lab, AUNT EM and UNCLE HENRY are seen
counting bags of crystal meth.
AUNT EM
Thirty four, thirty fiveAUNT EMS counting is disrupted by DOROTHY
knocking on the door. UNCLE HENRY covers the
makeshift meth lab and meth with a blanket and
moves cautiously towards the door.
UNCLE HENRY
(Exchanging looks with AUNT EM)
Whos there?!
DOROTHY
Uncle Henry open up!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.
TOTO barks, UNCLE HENRY opens the door in anger

UNCLE HENRY
Why Dorothy you just about scared me half to death! I
thought you was a pig or something!
(Uncovers meth lab and gets back to
work)
DOROTHY
Uncle Henry, Aunt Em, listen to what Miss Gulch and her
gang did to Toto! SheAUNT EM
Dorothy we are trying to count these bags! Thirty sixDOROTHY
No listen Aunt Em! She pulled a gun out on him!
UNCLE HENRY
Honey I dont care what that ratchet hoe pulled on
Toto! Were suspecting this batch turned out bad and
were likely to lose a lot of profit off of it!
DOROTHY
Oh no...
(Dorothy reaches into the pile of bags
of meth and inspects one of them)
Oh, but Aunt Em, Miss Gulch tried to hit Toto right
over the head with a baseball bat just because she said
he got into her weed supply and... well, relieved
himself on it.
AUNT EM
Dorothy we have a dilemma of our own right now!
(AUNT EM takes the bag from DOROTHY and
puts it back in the pile)
DOROTHY
But its not Totos fault Aunt Em! The smell of its just
so attracting to him, and now Miss Gulch says shes
going to get her gang toAUNT EM
Dorothy! Were Busy!
(AUNT EM picks up the box of meth bags
and hurries off-stage)
DOROTHY
Uncle Henry arent you going to do something?
UNCLE HENRY
I tell ya what Im going to do honey, a few lines of
this crystal to help me get through this mess your Aunt
and I got into.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

(UNCLE HENRY hurries off-stage behind

his wife)
DOROTHY
Oh fine!
DOROTHY sits on a stool placed at the meth table,
she turns at the sound of ZEKE(Lion),
HICKORY(Tinman), and HUNK(Scarecrow) entering the
room pushing a shopping cart with only three
wheels. There is a cover ontop of it covering
various meth lab components.
HICKORY
Now whos smart ass idea was it that we grab the
shopping cart with three wheels instead of four?
HUNK
Well its not as heavy with one less, am I right?
HICKORY
Who gives a shit about weight, Zeke, theres a spare
wheel on that shelf over there, when I lift up the axle
you guys shove her on.
HICKORY grabs on to the back of the shopping cart
and lifts it. ZEKE runs back to the shelf and
finds the extra wheel then closely examines it.
DOROTHY
Zeke, Hickory... Guess what Miss Gulch did to Toto
today.
ZEKE
Are you sure this wheel is the right size for that
cart?
DOROTHY
Her and her gang nearly killed him!
HICKORY
Who gives a shit about size, shove it on there before
my arms get mangled out of my sockets you knob! Its not
like Im Iron Man over here!
ZEKE
Okay, alright.
HUNK takes the axle as ZEKE pushes the wheel into
place

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

DOROTHY
Arent any of you going to listen to me!
HUNK jumps away flapping his hand vigorously
HUNK
OUCH! You asshole you got my finger!
ZEKE and HICKORY start laughing at HUNK, as HUNK
moves away, but then HUNK quickly steps back and
grabs ZEKE by the collar. DOROTHY crosses and
pulls HUNK away sitting him down next to her.
DOROTHY
Hunk what am I going to do about Miss Gulch, just
because Toto goes peeing on her dank weed.
HUNK
Dorothy listen to me, youre just not thinking straight
about Miss Gulch. Dont you have brains girl?
DOROTHY
Why sure I do!
HUNK
Then why dont you use them? Next time you come home,
you bring your Uncles gat with you and you sneak up on
that slut and *BRAP*BRAP*BRAP*, the hoe wont see it
coming. Then you wont have to worry about where Toto
pisses no moreUNCLE HENRY re-enters
UNCLE HENRY
Hey now quit all this standing around and lets get
stuff done! Chop chop! Rumour has it Gulches gang has
been closing in on where were runnning this and Id
like five more batches done before we have to move!
Lets go!
HUNK
Yes Boss!
HUNK turns back to the shopping cart and helps
HICKORY emty it. ZEKE crosses over to the table
that DOROTHY is seated at.
DOROTHY
Zeke, what do you think I should do?
ZEKE
Well first off kid, you cant let that worthless hoe
and her gang try and scare you like that. Its a tough
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

ZEKE (contd)
life out here and you gotta learn to let nobody bring
fear to you!
DOROTHY
But Im not afraid of her.
ZEKE
Thats the spirit! You could stomp that slut anyday.
Just stroll right on into her territory and claim it
for your own, thats what Id do!
DOROTHY
Thats what Toto already tried to do.
Behind DOROTHY and ZEKE, HUNK and HICKORY have
found a gun in the shopping cart, and they start
playing with it.
ZEKE
So you should to! You just gotta be tough like me and
nobody will be messing with you in this neighborhood!
Not nobody!
HICKORY accidentally fires off the gun into the
air, producing a large sound. ZEKE leaps off of
his seat with terror.
DOROTHY
Oh Zeke! Are you okay?
HUNK and HICKORY collapse with laughter
ZEKE
Are you guys trying to kill somebody or something!?
DOROTHY
(To HUNK and HICKORY)
How can you be so immature!
HICKORY
Oh Dorothy, it was just an acciedent.
DOROTHY
Accident or no accidnet, you really scared him.
ZEKE
Who was scared?
HUNK
You were scared! If you was a cop youd be working at
a desk job by now!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

AUNT EM runs in with a large box of pizza

AUNT EM
Now what in the world was that sound! You boys
shouldnt be fooling around when there is work to be
done or youll be dead in the street before you know
it!
HICKORY
It was just a little accident Mrs. Gale.
AUNT EM
A meth lab is no place for accidents like that! If you
want to shoot people at random you might as well join
the NYPD
HICKORY
Might just do that.
(HICKORY slumps down in a chair and acts
fat)
Be a slob, sit at a desk all day.
AUNT EM
Well dont start practicing for it when theres work to
be done. Here..
(Places the box of pizza on the table)
Cant work on an empty stomach, eat!
HUNK
Oh gee Mrs. Gale
AUNT EM
Just arrived from the pizzariea
HICKORY
Thanks.
HUNK
This is great
(Sits down with a slice in hand)
AUNT EM
No need to sit
(The
Especially you
ally, Zeke you
shipments.

down and eat!

boys get to their feet again)
Hickory... Get that shopping cart in the
go get this mornings batch ready for

ZEKE
Yes, Maam

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.
ZEKE runs off-stage in one direction, while HUNK
and HICKORY wheel the shopping cart back out into
the allyway and off-stage the way they came. AUNT
EM starts to exit with ZEKE, DOROTHY starts after
her.

DOROTHY
Aunt Em listen, did you hear what Miss Gulch said she
would do to Toto, she said she wouldAUNT EM
Dorothy, quit the bitching! Youre always making a big
deal out of nothing!
DOROTHY
ButAUNT EM
Now can you please just help your auntie and uncle out
today by quietly sitting in a place where you wont get
into any trouble!
AUNT EM exists leaving DOROTHY and TOTO alone in
the lab.
DOROTHY
Some place where there isnt any trouble...
Scene 2
NYC ALLY
DOROTHY crosses the room with TOTO and leaves out
the brown metal door back into the ally way. She
gazes down the ally into the distance. Siren and
gunshot sound effects are heard.
DOROTHY
By the looks of this place Im not sure if there is a
place like that Toto. But there must be. You cant get
there by the bus, and a pimp wont bring you there for
looking pretty.. Its far far away beyond this ghetto,
beyond this city.
(Sings)
"Over The Ghetto"
(DOROTHY)
When all the hood is a wreckless jumble,
And the bullets tumble all around,
The ally opens a magic lane.
When all the gangs fill up every roadway,
Theres a ghetto highway to be found.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

Leading from your ally way,

To a place behind the meth
Just a step beyond this pain
Somewhere, over the ghetto, way up high.
Theres a land that I heard of, where everyones high all the
time
Somewhere, over the ghetto, skies are blue
And the gangs in this ghetto never try to hurt you
Someday, Ill snort a line so long and wake up where
This hood is gone behind me
Where skanky bitches never try
To mess with you and then get high
Thats where youll find me
Somewhere, over the ghetto, meth heads fly
Meth heads fly over the ghetto
Why, then-Oh, why cant I?...
If crazy little methheads fly beyond this ghetto
Why, oh, why cant I?
At the conclusion of the song, DOROTHY brings TOTO
and herself inside and then exits off-stage.
Scene 3
NYC ALLY
MISS GULCH rides onstage on her longboard (Because
a motorcycle isnt possible). As she rides by the
brown metal door, UNCLE HENRY steps out of it.
MISS GULCH comes to a halt.
MISS GULCH
Henry Gale, is that you sneaking out in the allys?
UNCLE HENRY
Ive never sneaked in my life Gulch, and I sure as hell
aint gonna start now, now what do you want?
MISS GULCH picks up her longboard and leans it
against the wall. UNCLE HENRY blocks the door
leading into the meth lab.
MISS GULCH
I want to see you and your skanky wife right away about
that slut of a niece you have.
UNCLE HENRY
You mean Dorothy? What did she do?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

MISS GULCH
What did she do? My supply is smelling danker than
usual thanks to her!
UNCLE HENRY
You saying that our Dorothy pissed on your weed, Miss
Gulch?
MISS GULCH
No, her mutt!
UNCLE HENRY
Listen here you crack hoe, Dorothy is not the type of
girl to go pissing on her own dog.
AUNT EM
(Entering through the door, knocking
UNCLE HENRY out of the way in doing so)
Miss Gulch? Why this ally way isnt part of Gulch
territory, but I suppose if you were in the
neighbourhood I might as well invite you in for some
pizza?
MISS GULCH
Quit the crap Emily, after watching what your nieces
dog did to my supply, I may never eat again.
UNCLE HENRY
Miss Gulch, youre already the skinniest hoe in New
York, Id hate to see you waste away even more like
that.
MISS GULCH gives UNCLE HENRY a look thats dirtier
than MISS GULCH herself, AUNT EM calls into the
meth lab.
AUNT EM
Dorothy could you come out here with Toto for a second?
(Comes back out to MISS GULCH)
If Dorothys upset you in any way Gulch, Im sure she
can make it up with an apology.
MISS GULCH
No apologies accepted, Emily. Ive talked to my husband
about this matter and he gave me word on how to handle
this.
UNCLE HENRY
What was he on?
DOROTHY enters the meth lab with TOTO. TOTO barks
and MISS GULCH hears it from out side. MISS GULCH
bursts past UNCLE HENRY and AUNT EM into the meth
lab.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

UNCLE HENRY
No not in there!
(Trying to stop GULCH)
MISS GULCH
That dog is a menace to my operations!
DOROTHY
Youre a liar, a skanky liar!
MISS GULCH
(Looking around, realising its a meth
lab)
Now what I was going to do was just kill the dog, but
now that I know whats going on here I think my plans
can be changed.
DOROTHY
No you cant kill Toto! Uncle Henry, Aunt Em, you wont
let her do that will you?
UNCLE HENRY
Oh course not honey. You get out of here Gulch you have
no buisness, this is private property.
MISS GULCH
Private property that also happens to have a meth lab
built in it Gale, a meth lab that I now know exists.
AUNT EM
So be it, You see what youre doing to this child,
shes sorry and now its your time to go!
MISS GULCH
But wait Emily, Ill offer you an ultimatum. Hand the
dog over now and everything will be fine in your cute
little meth lab you have going on here, Ill let you
cook, stay out of my territory, and we can all just go
on with our lives. But if you dont hand the dog over,
Ill bring my whole gang over here, and take every last
thing you own from you!
DOROTHY
Oh no!
AUNT EM silently stares at UNCLE HENRY
MISS GULCH
Its your choice Gales... The dog, or your lives.
UNCLE HENRY
Okay Gulch you win.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

UNCLE HENRY goes to take TOTOS Leash

DOROTHY
No, I wont let you take him!
ZEKE, hearing the commotion, enters from offstage,
HICKORY and HUNK are seen walking down the ally
way, eventually hearing the noise and listening
through the door.
AUNT EM
We cant lose our lives, Dorothy. Im sorry but Toto
has to go.
MISS GULCH
Good choice.
DOROTHY
No!
DOROTHY runs out the door
MISS GULCH
Stop! Slut!
HICKORY catches DOROTHY in the ally way as she
tries to run off.
HICKORY
Dorothy, youre just not fast enough
DOROTHY
Hickory you jerk, I thought we were friends
HUNK
Girl he is, were all tight around here.
ZEKE
Dorothy, aint nobody gunning us down any time soon,
you just gotta give it up.
UNCLE HENRY
(Grabbing for TOTOS leash)
Give me that Dorothy
DOROTHY
No, please!
UNCLE HENRY takes TOTOS leash and hands it to
MISS GULCH

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

MISS GULCH
Thats what Im talking about
DOROTHY
Oh Toto...
AUNT EM
Gulch you slutty street corner hooker, just because you
own half the territory in New York doesnt mean you and
your shit gang can run the rest of us! For fourteen
years Ive been trying to tell you what I think of you
and now... Well even Dorothys not old enough to hear it
so I better not say it.
UNCLE HENRY
So block your ears Dorothy because I just might say it.
And if you dont want to hear it Gulch you better take
you and your flat chested brittle boned body out of my
ally way!
MISS GULCH
That kind of chirping is not appreciated Henry Gale.
(Gets on longboard)
Just remember, my gang is in high places
(Pushes off)
UNCLE HENRY
Than why dont you smoke some of your pissy weed and
join them!
MISS GULCH exits off with TOTO, and flips the
entire Gale family and the methhands the bird on
her way out.
UNCLE HENRY
You got that truck stocked with the goods yet?
HUNK
Almost done, Boss
UNCLE HENRY
Well almost isnt good enough, get off your lazy ass
and do it! Gulchs whole gang knows where we are now
and I want us all to be prepared for the worst!
AUNT EM
(To DOROTHY)
Get inside Dorothy
DOROTHY
Im not going in that broken home with you! If you
really loved me you wouldnt have let Toto go.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

AUNT EM
Honey, she threatened our lives, what did you expect me
to do? Wave a crack pipe in the air and make her
disappear?
DOROTHY
You couldnt at least done something!
AUNT EM stomps off, DOROTHY looks at HUNK
And you just stood there like a big dumb stuffed
asshole!
HUNK
I just didnt know what to do Dorothy, Im sorry.
(Exits through the meth lab)
DOROTHY
(To ZEKE)
The skinniest bitch in Brooklyn and you were scared of
her?
ZEKE
She smelt bad Dorothy, I didnt want to interfere.
(Starts to exit)
DOROTHY
(To HICKORY)
And you, Toto couldve gotten away if it wasnt for
you, I hate you!
HICKORY
Oh Dorothy, dont say that. Youre breaking my heart
right now.
DOROTHY
I dont give a shit! I hope I never see any of you
again, fuck you, fuck you all!
HICKORY slowly exits
DOROTHY
Toto was my only friend around this cold dark ghetto,
now Ive got no-one, I sure as hell aint hanging out
with those ratchet girls from school. Shes going to
kill him, Im never going to see him for the rest of my
life.
TOTOS deep bark is heard off-stage
DOROTHY
Toto?
TOTO comes running onstage. DOROTHY hugs him
tightly.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

DOROTHY
Oh Toto! I knew youd come back I didnt doubt it at
all! You got away from that ratchet hoe! But shell be
coming back here, and shes going to bring her whole
gang too. Toto weve got to get out of here, Ill grab
the pizza for the both of us and than weve got to go,
that skanks longboard is too fast, we cant waste any
time!
DOROTHY grabs the pizza box from inside the meth
lab and then her and TOTO run down the ally and
offstage. MISS GULCH is heard offstage calling.
MISS GULCH
Where did that mutt go! Doggie!? Here doggie!
Goddamnit.
UNCLE HENRY
(Hears MISS GULCH in the ally way and
steps out into it)
I thought I told you to get the hell out of here Gulch
MISS GULCH
Calm down Gale, I did, but the dog got away.
UNCLE HENRY
Well maybe if you didnt smell so bad he wouldnt have
ran from you.
MISS GULCH
Whereever your little slut is, thats where Ill find
the dog! Bring her out of the lab!
UNCLE HENRY
Does this bitch ever give up
(Calls offstage)
Dorothy! Get down here!
AUNT EM enters from the meth lab.
AUNT EM
Shes not in here Henry. The pizza box its gone too.
MISS GULCH
Sounds like youve got a missing girl in the middle of
New York. If shes in the allys, Ill find her, then
Ill take that mutt back for good.
UNCLE HENRY
If you want it so bad Gulch you shouldve just taken a
shower this morning.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

MISS GULCH
Dont blame my hygene Gale, the grip on that leash is
shit, that explains how the dog gets into my supply so
often.
GULCH exits on the longboard. HENRY puts his arm
around AUNT EM and the go back into the house.
Scene 4