December ‘09/January ‘10
H.O.M.E. for the Holidays - It Just Takes Practice
By: Candace P. Smolowe,
MS, CLC
This is not an article on “How
to Handle Holiday Stress”.
Personally, they frighten me.
Check out these catchy titles:
“Stress and Depression Can
Ruin Your Holidays”, “Beat the
Holiday Blues” and “Holiday
Survival Guide”. One would
think we were preparing for
an invasion of aliens or the
plague instead of throwing
out the welcome mat for our
families. Perhaps there is
another way of viewing this
seasonal parade that is just a
bit more supportive of what we
are truly wanting. And what
we are wanting, I think, is to
be happy.
Not so easy, apparently.
Why do we wake up happy one
day, and wake up overwhelmed
the next? How much control
do we actually have over our
happiness? Luckily, scientific
research indicates that al-
though we have a genetic “set
point” for happiness, similar to
the thermostat in your home,
it is possible to raise this set
point significantly. In fact,
40% of what makes us happy
is under our control. This
wonderful revelation offers
us hope, but flies directly in
the face of what many people
experience during the holiday
season.
In an effort to force our
lives into a Rockwell and Dis-
ney picture, every year we
resolutely gear up to run the
gauntlet of holiday parties,
family reunions and shopping
madness by going faster, doing
more and sleeping less. We
hope for fulfillment and joy,
but recognize, peering into
our depleted bank accounts,
that we are still left wanting
when the festivities are done.
We enter the holiday season
Spirituality & Happiness
both vulnerable and guarded,
eager and wary, and with good
reason. If we are not careful,
we find ourselves frustrated,
exhausted and confused about
how such good intentions
ended in very real feelings of
sadness and loss…again.
To their credit, the holidays
(“holy days”) are by their very
nature bittersweet. Historically
spiritual events, they cele-
brated acknowledgement and
gratitude for the harvests
while honoring the passage
of time, letting go of the old
and welcoming in the new. As
human beings designed to move
in accordance with nature’s
rhythms, I believe that at a
deep level we still appreciate
and organize our lives around
these markers of gratitude and
seasonal invitation.
However, we now harvest
bargains. I saw Halloween sales
begin in August. This doesn’t
make me happy. We are en-
couraged by false necessity to
compromise our natural tim-
ing and rhythms. If we struggle
to keep pace with holiday
sales, we will throw ourselves
a little off balance throughout
the shortening days without
quite knowing why. Before
the festivities begin, so has the
stress.
So, let’s step back and start
again.
The holidays, which we
need on many levels, will not
in and of themselves, make us
happy.
Part of our search for hap-
piness is a subconscious and
constant attempt to reclaim
the feeling of oneness we
experienced as infants. When
we can’t recreate this feeling,
we begin to manipulate and
control not only our loved ones,
our finances and our desires,
but also our values and in-
tegrity. We turn from happy
carolers into frantic shoppers,
determined to find the joy.
This gap between what we are
truly wanting, happiness, and
what we are creating, chaos,
is never more evident than
during the extended holiday
season.
For those families who
are celebrating for the first
time since a divorce or death,
the stakes are even higher.
Without some preparation, the
BCWJ ~ Page x
emotions will run the gamut happiness habits. The Dalai the opportunity to decide for
from inevitable disappointment Lama has been practicing yourself how worthy you truly
at one end to chronic despair since he was 4 years old. The are.
at the other. The season is now reward? Dependable and con-
filled with reminders of what sistent states of happiness, on Happiness is a choice. It
has been lost. your terms. takes practice. It takes a mo-
ment. It takes heart. And
So, what to do? Many peo- Openness. Those who are it takes you, wonderful and
ple have learned to thrive open to new experiences usu- gentle being, into a new level
of living and loving that will
during this time. In the days ally enjoy life more. I often
change your life and the lives
following New Year’s, they are invite my clients to be curious
of the people you love.
able to gently put the familiar instead of concerned. A simple
back in place with feelings of shift in thought from “Susie is Have a wonderful and joyful
renewed energy, vitality and SO difficult” to “I wonder how holiday!
gratitude. How do they do it? Susie and I will get along this
year” will probably be enough Candace P. Smolowe, MS,
Consider the following ac- to create a change in your coaches from the heart.
ronym HOME as a way to relationship with her. In addition to supporting
remember what might create survivors of traumatic
and sustain joy, long after the Meaning. Make a list of loss and neglect, she is a
party is over. At our deepest what has meaning in your hypnotherapist, counselor,
levels, we are yearning for life. Remember what you have Reiki master, certified
home, for a connection to God written. For example, if this Grief Recovery Specialist,
or something greater than is the first holiday since the a Heartbreak to Happiness
ourselves. This is where hap- divorce, you run the risk of coach, Radical Forgiveness
piness lives, in our hearts. allowing the painful emotions coach, and uses EFT
The following is what we are of loss to spiral you away from (Emotional Freedom Tech-
looking for underneath all of what is meaningful: closeness nique) in her intuitive
the excitement. in your family. Bring yourself and creative blending of
back into line and consider psychology and spirituality.
Happiness. Creating happi- creating, from what has mean- She is in private practice,
ness is the result of taking ing, a new kind of closeness working with individuals,
small and intentional steps, instead of dwelling on what couples and groups. Her
over and over, from the heart. has been lost. mission is to help raise
Do not discount those small the vibration of the planet,
moments, either, for it is the Energy. Every emotion knowing that each issue
number and quality of those carries an energy. Gratitude we heal in ourselves heals
that create sustainable joy. feels so much better than humanity as a whole, and
Sometimes a coach or a fresh resentment, and takes far the world, increasingly,
pair of eyes can point out where less effort. Practice gratitude needs our clarity of heart. 
you are allowing the world for everything, particularly Candace@
to determine your well-being the difficult moments. When spiritedlifecoaching.com
instead of creating your joy your best isn’t good enough 215-815-5011
from the inside out. Develop for “them”, be grateful for
Spirited Life Coaching
Intuitive Guidance
Candace P. Smolowe, MS, CLC
Personal Awareness/Forgiveness and Grief Coaching
182 North Broad Street, Doylestown, PA 18901
Email: Candace@spiritedlifecoaching.com
website: www.spiritedlifecoaching.com
215-815-5011
“Life does not happen to us, it happens for us. Transforming the energies of fear and
grief into compassion and forgiveness is not only recommended, but essential.
The world needs beautiful, loving and strong women…now.”