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Sall Mann xpoure

What an artit capture, what a mother know and what the pulic ee can e dangeroul different thing.

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APRIL 16, 2015

SALLY MANN

InSeptember1992,Ipublishedmythirdbookofphotographs,ImmediateFamily.Thebookcontained60photographsfroma
decade
longseriesofmorethan200picturesofmychildren,Emmett,JessieandVirginia,whowereabout6,4and1whenIstarted
theproject.Thephotographsshowthemgoingabouttheirlives,sometimeswithoutclothing,onourfarmtuckedintotheVirginia
hills.Formilesinalldirections,therewasnotabreathingsoul.Whenwewereonthefarm,wewereisolated,notjustbygeography
butbytheprimitivelivingconditions:noelectricity,norunningwaterand,ofcourse,nocomputer,nophone.Outofaconvictionthat
mylensshouldremainopentothefullscopeoftheirchildhood,andwiththewilling,creativeparticipationofeveryoneinvolved,I
photographedtheirtriumphs,confusion,harmonyandisolation,aswellasthehardshipsthattendtobefallchildrenbruises,vomit,

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bloodynoses,wetbedsallofit.
IexpectedthatthebookwouldbereceivedinmuchthesamewayastheoneIpublishedfouryearsearlier,AtTwelve.That
book,whichshowedpicturesofyounggirlsonthecuspofadolescence,resultedinmodestattentionandtookaboutadecadetosell
outitssmallpressrun.ThatsnotwhathappenedwithImmediateFamily.Withinthreemonths,itsoldoutitsfirstprintingof
10,000,andthepublishersoonorderedanotherprinting,asalespatternthatcontinued.Suddenly,Iwasoverwhelmedwithmail,
faxes,phonecallsandstrangersknockingonmydoor.NoteventheremotenessoflittleChitlinSwitch(asafriendcalledthearea
wherewelived)protectedus.Duringthosefirsttwoyears,Ireceived347piecesoffanmail,muchofitaddressedsimplytoSally
Mann,Lexington,VA.Theseletterscamewithphotographs,ofcourse,butalsobooks,journalpages,handmadeclothing,35
preservedbutterflies,jewelry,handlotion,porcupinequills,Christmas
treelights,sharksteeth,recipes,paintings,apreservedbird,
mummifiedcats,chocolate
chipcookiesandahand
paintedstatueoftheVirginMarywithatoothydemononaleash.
Theoverwhelmingresponsewasdue,inpart,toanarticleaboutmyworkbyRichardB.Woodwardthatappearedasacoverstory
inthismagazinearoundthetimethebookcameout.Duringthethreedaysofinterviewsatmyhome,Iwasasittingduck,preening
onhernestwithouttheleastbitofconcealment.SoIcanhardlyfaultWoodwardfortakinghisshotsatme.Inmyarroganceand
certitudethateveryonemustseetheworkasIdid,Ileftmyselfwideopentojournalismsgreatesthazard:quotationslackingcontext
orthesenseofironyorself
deprecatinghumorwithwhichtheyweredelivered.
Woodward,thoughhewassomewhatsympathetic,pressedhisfoothardonthecontroversythrottle,framingthediscussionof
myworkwithaseriesofprovocativerhetoricalquestions:Ifitishersolemnresponsibility,asshesays,toprotectmychildrenfrom
allharm,hassheknowinglyputthematriskbyreleasingthesepicturesintoaworldwherepedophiliaexists?...Dothesesensual
imagesemergefromthebehaviorofhersubjectsoraretheyshapedbythetasteandfantasiesofthephotographerforanaffluent
audience?
Woodwardwrotemeafterward,teasingly,thathehaddinedoutformonthsonthearticle,andImsurehedid.Itgeneratedlots
ofmailtothemagazine,allofwhichtheeditorwaskindenoughtosendme,althoughreadingitcausedmethesamefuriouspainthe
articlehad.Thatitwasessentiallyself
inflictedmadeitalltheworse.
Iwasblindsidedbythecontroversy.Itoccasionallyfeltasthoughmysoulhadbeenexposedtocriticswhotookpleasurein
pokingitwithastick.Ithoughtmyrelativeobscurityandgeographicisolationwouldshieldme,andIwasinitiallyunpreparedto
respondtotheattentioninanycogentway.Andallofthiswasworsenedbythecosmicallybadtimingofthebooksrelease,which
coincidedwithadebatearoundanexhibitionofRobertMapplethorpesphotographsthatincludedimagesofchildrenalongwith
sadomasochisticandhomoeroticimagery,stimulatingwidespreaddiscussionaboutwhatconstitutedobscenityinart.Intothis
turbulentclimate,Ihadputforthmyfamilypictures.Althoughbarelyaquarterofthemdepictedanudechild,Iwasunfailingly
describedasthewomanwhomadepicturesofhernakedkids,anassertionthatinflamedmycritics,manyofwhomhadneveractually
seenthework.
MyinternandIreadallthelettersfromTheTimesanddividedthemintothreecrudepiles:For,AgainstandWhatthe...?
TheAgainstpilebeatouttheothers,butnotbymuchnearlyhalftheletterswerepositive,andnotinthecreepywayyoumight
expect.(Anexampleofsemi
creepy:Asaneditorandpublisherofanudist
relatedpublication,Itooamsubjecttopublic
humiliation.)Somewerecritical
but
trying
to
be
helpfullettersafewwerefrompeoplewhohadeitherbeenabusedaschildrenor
werethemselvestreatingabusedchildren.Thesewereconcerned,sometimesfraughtletters.Severalrecountedthewritersown
painfullifestories.
Iwentintotherapy14monthsagobecauseofdepression,onesaid,neverthinkingforonemomentthattherewereincest
issuesinmypast.Afterfivemonths,thehorrorofflashbacksandmemoriesbegan.Iwasincestedoverandoverandhorribly
tortured.
AparticularlyagitatedletterfromStatenIsland,withaP.S.apologizingfortheprimitivemethodofhandwriting,queried:Was
itreallyart,Ms.Mann,orwasitcovertincest?
ThelettersthatstabbedmetothequickweretheBadMotherletters.ThoughImademyshareofmistakes,asallparentsdo,I
wasdevotedtomykids.Iwalkedthemtoschooleverymorningandwalkedbacktopickthemupat3.Ineverforgottosignthe
innumerablepermissionslipsandattendedalltheirpiano/flute/oboe/balletrecitalsandsoccergames.(O.K.,sostrictlyspeaking,
thatsnottrue,Virginiasays.ShejokinglyremindsmethatImissedtheAllRegionalbandperformanceinCovingtonwhenshegave
heroboesolo.AndIbetthereweresomesoccergames,too,butletsjustsayIdidthebestIcould.)Withmyhusband,Larry,holding
theflashlight,Ipickedpinwormsfromitchybuttswiththeroundedendsofbobbypins,changedwetsheetsinthemiddleofthenight,
combedouthead
licenitsandmoppedupvomit.Ibakedbread,hand
groundpeanutsintobutter,grewandfrozevegetablesandevery
morningpackedlunchessohealthfulthattheyhadnotakersinthegrandswap
festofthelunchroom.
Iwassomewherebetweenacoolmom,asWoodwarddescribedme,andanold
fashionedmomwhoinsistedonthank
you

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letters,propergrammar,goodconversationalskills,consideratebehaviorandcleanplates.Inthesnapshotabove,Jessieisshownat
9:30atnight,stillatthetableaftereveryoneelsehasgonetobed,sittingbeforeapieceoffloundersherefusedtoeat.Iamnot
particularlyproudofthismoment,thisclashoftitanicstubbornnesses,butmychildrenwouldsitatouradultfriendstablesanywhere
intheworld,eatingwhateverwasontheirplatesandengagingtheirdinnercompanionsinconversation.Andyes,withoutbeing
asked,writeathank
younote.
TheBadMotherlettersusuallyraisedthequestionofinformedconsent.Butthekidswerevisuallysophisticated,involvedin
settingthescene,inproducingthedesiredeffectsfortheimagesandineditingthem.WhenIwasputtingtogetherImmediate
Family,Igaveeachchildthepicturesofthemselvesandaskedthemtoremovethosetheydidntwantpublished.Emmett,whowas
13atthetime,askedmetoexcludeonepicturefromthebook.HehadbeenplayingBugsBunnyandfellasleepstillwearingnothing
butlongwhitesocksonhisarms,meanttolooklikethewhitelegsofarabbit.Hewasuncomfortablenotbecauseofthenuditybut
becausehesaidthosesocksmadehimlooklikeadork.Itwasaquestionofdignity.
Maintainingthedignityofmysubjectshasgrowntobe,overtheyears,animperativeinmywork,bothinthetakingofthe
picturesandintheirpresentation.Asmyfatherweakenedwithbraincancer,Itriedtophotographhim,inthemannerofRichard
AvedonorJimGoldberg,whoseworkIadmire.ButIputawaymycamerawhenIbegantoseethatphotographinghislossofdignity
wouldcausehimpain.(Once,afterhisdeath,Iwasaskedwhathehaddiedfrom,andIreplied,Terminalpride.)Ididnottakea
pictureonthedaythatLarrypickedupmyfatherinhisarmsandcarriedhimlikeachildtothebathroom,bothoftheirfaces
anguished.Todosowouldhavebeencrossingaline.
Itshardtoknowjustwheretodrawthatstomach
roilingline,especiallyincaseswhenthesubjectiswillingtogivesomuch.But
howcantheybesowilling?Isitfearlessnessornavet?Thosepeoplewhoareunafraidtoshowthemselvestothecameradisarmme
withthepurityandinnocenceoftheiropenness.
Larry,forexample.AlmostthefirstthingIdidafterImetLarryMannin1969wastophotographhim,andIhaventstopped
since.Atourage,pasttheprimeoflife,wearegiventosinewandsag,andLarrybears,withhistrademarkstoicism,thefurther
afflictionofalate
onsetmusculardystrophy.Inrecentyears,whenmanyofhismajormuscleshavewithered,hehasallowedmeto
takepicturesofhisbodythatmakemesquirmwithembarrassmentforhim.IcallthisprojectProudFlesh.Intakingthesepictures,
Ijoinedthethinlypopulatedgroupofwomenwhohavelookedunflinchinglyatmen,andwhofrequentlyhavebeenpunishedfor
doingso.RememberpoorPsyche,chastisedbythegodsfordaringtoliftthelanternthatilluminatedhersleepinglover.Icanthinkof
numberlessmaleartists,fromBonnardtoWestontoStieglitz,whohavephotographedtheirloversandspouses,butIhavetrouble
findingparallelexamplesamongmysisterphotographers.Theactoflookingappraisinglyataman,studyinghisbodyandaskingto
photographhim,isabrazenventureforawomanforamalephotographer,theseactsarecommonplace,evenexpected.

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ItisatestamenttoLarrystremendousdignityandstrengththatheallowedmetotakethepictures.Thegodsmightreasonably
haveslappedthisparticularlanternoutofmyraisedhand,forbeforemelayamanasnakedandvulnerable,andasbeautiful,Iassert,
asCupid.Rhetoricallycircumnavigateitanywayyouwill,buttheactoftakingthosepicturesofhimwasethicallycomplex,freighted
withissuesofhonesty,responsibility,powerandcomplicity.Heknewthat,becauseheisapracticedmodel,andhealsoknewthat
manyofthepictureswouldcomeattheexpenseofhisvanity.
Tobeabletotakemypictures,Ihavetolook,allthetime,atthepeopleandplacesIcareabout.AndImustdosowithbothardor
andcoolappraisal,withthepassionsofeyeandheart,butinthatardenthearttheremustalsobeasplinterofice.Andsoitwaswith
fireandicethatLarryandImadethesepictures:exploringwhatitmeanstogrowolder,toletthesunshinefallvoluptuouslyona
still
pleasingform,tospendquietwinterafternoonstogether.Thestudioswoodstovewasinsufficient,buthehadtwofingersof
bourbontowarmhim.Nophone,nokids,NPRturnedlow,thesmellofthechemicals,thetwoofusstillinlove,stillattheworkof
makingpicturesthatwehopewillmatter.
Anditisbecauseofthework,andthelove,thatthesepicturesItookdontdisturbLarry.Likeourkids,hebelievesinwhatwedo
andinconfrontingthetruthandchallengingconvention.Weallagreethatalittlediscomfortisasmallpricetopayforthat.
OneNewYorkTimesletter
writerpredictedanoutcomeformychildrenthatdid,infact,cometopass:athirdeye,asthis
writereloquentlyputit.Bythisshemeantashamefulself
consciousness,afeelingofguiltandmoraldoubtaboutthepictures.Andof
thethreekids,thismostafflictedmyyoungest,Virginiamycarefree,lissomeriversprite.
ThatthirdeyewaspainfullydrilledintoVirginiajustbeforesheturned6byRaymondSokolov,whowroteaconfoundingop
ed
articleinTheWallStreetJournalinFebruary1991.Hewasknicker
twistedovergovernmentfundingforartthatthenon
art
going
publiccouldfinddegenerateorinwhichalinewascrossed.
AnimagecalledVirginiaatFour,whichappearedonthecoverofAperturein1990,sethimoff.Atthetime,oceansofinkwere
beingspilledoverarts
fundingcontroversies.Sokolovassertedthatselectivepublicfundingwasnotthesamethingasdirect
governmentcensorship.Asthegovernmenthadneitherfundednorcensoredmyfamilywork,itsrelevancetohisargumentwas
unclear.(IhadreceivedgrantsfromtheNationalEndowmentfortheArtsandtheNationalEndowmentfortheHumanities,butnot
forthepicturesofmychildren.)Sokolovsratherbanalarticleacquiredanundeniablyarrestingforceonthepage,thankstothe
accompanyingillustration,thephotographofVirginiaat4withblackbandscrossingoutpartsofherbody,whichTheWallStreet
Journalprintedwithoutmypermission.Thenationslargest
circulationnewspapercroppedanddisfiguredmyphotographasifit
wereExhibitAinachild
pornographyprosecution.
Whenwesawit,itfeltlikeamutilation,notonlyoftheimagebutalsoofVirginiaherselfandofherinnocence.Itmadeherfeel,
forthefirsttime,thattherewassomethingwrongnotjustwiththepicturesbutwithherbody.Heartbreakingly,thenightafterseeing
thepicturewiththeblackbars,sheworehershortsandshirtintothebathtub.
Ofcourse,thedoctoredimageexcitedart
awarelawyers.TheVisualArtistsRightsAct,whichprotectsworksofartfrom
intentionaldestruction,stillhadsometeethleft,andtheywerepreparedtousethemtotakeabiteoutofTheJournal.Iwasgladto
hearfromthemandwasspoilingforafight.ButasitbecameclearthatVirginiawouldbeaDavidtoTheJournalsGoliath,webacked
off.Thethoughtofthedepositionsshewouldfaceandthelikelytoneofthequestioningbyopposingcounselwereimportantfactors
inourdecision.Thethirdeyeofshamewasalreadyinplace.Noneedtoblackenit.
Instead,wesuggestedthatVirginiawritealettertoSokolov,whichshedid.Aftersomelegalpressure,SokolovandDaniel
Henninger,hiseditoratTheJournal,eachwrotealetterofapologytoVirginia.ButthelastsentenceoftheletterfromHenningerwas
particularlygalling:Thegroupsofpeoplewhooftenarguewitheachotheraboutthingslikethiswouldprobablybebetteroffifthey
gaveeachothersomethingmanypeoplehaveforgottencalledcommoncourtesy.Howhethoughtthiswasanappropriateendingfor
alettertoa6
year
old,Icannotfathom.
Foralltherighteousconcernpeopleexpressedaboutthewelfareofmychildren,whatmostofthemfailedtounderstandwas
thattakingthosepictureswasanactseparatefrommothering.WhenIsteppedbehindthecameraandmykidssteppedinfrontofit,I
wasaphotographerandtheywereactors,andweweremakingaphotographtogether.Andinasimilarvein,manypeoplemistookthe
photographsforrealityorattributedqualitiestomychildren(oneletter
writercalledthemmean)basedonthewaytheylookedin
thepictures.Thefactisthatthesearenotmychildrentheyarefiguresonsilverypapersliveredoutoftime.Theyrepresentmy
childrenatafractionofasecondononeparticularafternoonwithinfinitevariablesoflight,expression,posture,muscletension,

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mood,windandshade.Thesearenotmychildrenatallthesearechildreninaphotograph.
Eventhechildrenunderstoodthisdistinction.Once,Jessie,whowas9or10atthetime,wastryingondressestoweartoagallery
openingofthefamilypicturesinNewYork.Itwasspring,andonedresswassleeveless.WhenJessieraisedherarms,sherealizedthat
herchestwasvisiblethroughtheoversizearmholes.Shetossedthatdressaside,andafriendremarkedwithsomeperplexity:Jessie,
Idontgetit.Whyonearthwouldyoucareifsomeonecanseeyourchestthroughthearmholeswhenyouaregoingtobeinaroom
withabunchofpicturesthatshowthatsamebarechest?
Jessiewasequallyperplexedatthefriendsreaction:Yes,butthatisnotmychest.Thosearephotographs.
Exactly.
Notonlywasthedistinctionbetweentherealchildrenandtheimagesdifficultforpeopletounderstandsowasthedistinction
betweentheimagesandtheircreator,whomsomefoundimmoral.Suppose,forthesakeofargument,thatIactuallywas,assome
NewYorkTimesletter
writerssuggested,manipulative,sick,twisted,vulgar.Itshouldmakenodifferencetothewaythework
isviewed.Ifwerevereonlyworksmadebythosewithwhomwedhappilyhaveourgrannyshareatraincompartment,wewillhavea
paucityofart.
Itisfair,however,tocriticizemyambition,myproject,toarguethatIvedonemyjobclumsilyortastelessly,totellme,asa
letter
writerdid,thatImamakerofbadlycomposedframe[s]ofanamateurhomemovie,ortowishtoseerestoredtheviewof
childrenasdecorativecherubswithnoinnerlivesoftheirown.Butatnopointinthatdialogueabouttheworkshouldmyprivate
characterasthemakerofthepicturesbediscussed.Nor,forthatmatter,shouldthepersonalitiesofthechildren,theactorsand
models,beconsidered.
Itriednottoreadwhatwaswrittenaboutmywork,thoughoccasionallyarevieworanarticlewouldfloatpastme,oftenwith
interpretationssorudderless,ill
riggedandineveryotherwayunseaworthythatImarveleditmadeitoutofdrydock.WhenMary
Gordonattackedmyworkinthe1996summerissueofSalmagundi,shewentaftermyfavoriteimage,ThePerfectTomato,
asserting:Theapplicationofthewordtomatosexualslangforadesireablewomantoherdaughterinsiststhatweatleast
considerthechildasapotentialsexualpartner.Notinthefuturebutassheis.Thefactthatthechildrenareposedbytheirmother,
madetostandstill,toholdthepose,beliestheideathatthesearenaturalactswhatevernaturalmaybe.
Ifeltthisrequiredaresponseandrepliedinanessayinasubsequentissue:
Itisabanalpointthatnoartistcanpredicthoweachimagewillbereceivedbyeachviewer,andthatwhatisdevoidoferotic
meaningtoonepersonisthestuffofanotherswildestfantasies.MaryGordonseemstohavetheseaplenty,butitisherretailingof
luridimpressionsofThePerfectTomato,aphotographofunassailablepurity,thatelicitsthisrebuttal.
Tobackupherdenunciation,Gordonhomesinontheoffendingtitle.Iamnowinformedthattomatoisslangforadesirable
womanamongthehard
boiledgumshoesofcertainfadeddetectivenovels(ameaningwhichtheOxfordEnglishDictionarydoesnot
recognize).Icannotimaginethatthissenseiseverusedtoday,exceptinironicalallusiontothatgenre.CertainlyIhadnothoughtofit
whenIgaveThePerfectTomatoitswhimsicaltitle,anodtotheonlyelementinthepicturethatsinfocus.
WhenIturnedandsawmydaughterdancingonthetablethatday,Ihadnotimetomakeadjustments,justecstaticallytoswing
myviewcameraaroundandgettheexposure.Therewasnoquestionoftryingtoretakethepictureitwas,topilferalinefromW.S.
Merwin,unrepeatableasacloud.ThePerfectTomatoisoneofthosemiraclepicturesinthisseriesthatpreservespontaneous
momentsfromthefluxofourlives.Forotherimages,wereplayedsituationsthathadarisenpaceGordonnaturallyorwithin
theevolvingcircumstancesofaphotosession.

OscarWilde,whenattackedinasimilaradhominemway,insistedthatitissenselesstospeakofmoralitywhendiscussingart,
assertingthatthehypocritical,prudishandphilistineEnglishpublic,whenunabletofindtheartinaworkofart,insteadlookedfor
themaninit.ButasmuchasIarguedthispoint,othervoicesstillinsistedthattherulesweredifferentforamother.Thisisatypical
sentimentfromaTimesletter:Amothershouldnottrollthenakedimagesofherchildrenthroughwatersteemingwithpedophiles,
molestersandserialkillers.SallyMannsphotosnotonlyputherchildrenatrisk,butalltheotherchildreninLexington,Va.,aswell.
Thisgottome,too.AlltheotherchildrenofLexington?
Ifevertherewasamanwhoknowsaboutpedophiles,molestersandserialkillers,itisKennethLanning,aformermemberof
thebehavioralscienceunitattheF.B.I.Frettingaboutthisletter,Icold
calledthedepartmentandluckedoutbybeingreferredto
Lanning.Iaskedifwecouldtalkaboutthesespectral,nightmarishfiguresandwhetherIshouldbeconcernedaboutthem.Ialso
hopedtogetfromhim,ineffect,adeclaratoryjudgmentastowhethermystudiowasgoingtobesubjecttothekindofungentle
attentionthattheagencypaidtothephotographerJockSturges,whoseimagesofnakedchildrenonanudebeachinFrancewere
confiscatedbytheF.B.I.afteraraidin1990.

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LarryandIwenttoseeLanningathisofficeinQuantico,Va.,inApril1993.Thekidswerewithusandgotatouroftheplace
beforeLanningsatdowntolookatwhatIhadbroughtthefamilypicturesIhadcompleteduptothatpoint.Whenhewasfinished,
hegatheredupthepileof8
by
10
inchcontactprints,tappeditagainstthetabletoeventheedgesandlookedoveratus.Hespokeat
somelength,asad,too
knowingsmileplayingacrosshisface.HesaidwhatIalreadyknew:thatsomepeoplewouldbearousedby
thesepictures.Andthenhesaid:Buttheygetarousedbyshoes,too.Idontthinkthereisanythingyoucantakeapictureofthat
doesntarousesomebody.
Hestressedthatinhisprofession,contextandperceptionwereeverything.Iremarked,somewhatwryly,thattheywereinmine
aswell.Icertainlyknewthatthecontextofplacewasimportantinmyfamilypictures,butIalsoknewthatIwascreatingworkin
whichcriticalandemotionalperceptioncaneasilyshift.Alltoooften,nudity,eventhatofchildren,ismistakenforsexuality,and
imagesaremistakenforactions.Theimageofthechildisespeciallysubjecttothatkindofperceptualdislocationchildrenarenot
justtheinnocentsthatweexpectthemtobe.Theyarealsowise,angry,jaded,skeptical,mean,manipulative,broodinganddevilishly
deceitful.Findmeanuncomplicatedchild,Pyle,challengedthejournalistThomasFowlerinTheQuietAmerican,byGraham
Greene,adding:Whenweareyoungweareajungleofcomplications.Wesimplifyaswegetolder.Butinaculturesodeeply
investedinacultofchildhoodinnocence,weareunderstandablyreluctanttoacknowledgethesediscordantaspectsor,asIfoundout,
evenfictionalizeddepictionsofthem.
Anotherloadedissuethephotosraiseisthenatureofdesirethereissexualdesire,butthereisalsomaternaldesire,marrow

deepandstrongerthandeath.WhenthedoctorhandedEmmetttome,tallowyandstreakedwithblood,itwasthefirsttimeIdever
reallyheldababy.Herehewas,thefleshofmyflesh.Iwasgobsmackedbymybabies:theirmeatybeautyandsmell,thedoughy
smoothnessoftheirskin,thepulsingcrateroffontanel.Ilovedthewholesensualpackagewithaferociousintensity.Yes,itwasa
physicaldesire,aparentalcarnality,evenakindofprimalparentaleroticism,buttoconfuseitwithwhatwecallsexuality,interadult
sexualrelations,isacategoryerror.
Inthepicturesofmychildren,IcelebratedthematernalpassiontheirbodiesinspiredinmehowcouldInot?andnever
thoughtofthemsexuallyorinasexualcontext,remarkingtoWoodward,Ithinkchildhoodsexualityisanoxymoron.Ididnotmean
mychildrenwerenotsexualalllivingcreaturesaresexualonsomelevel.ButwhenIsawtheirbodiesandphotographedthem,I
neverthoughtofthemasbeingsexualIthoughtofthemasbeingsimply,miraculouslyandsensuouslybeautiful.
Oncetheworkwasoutintheworld,Iwaspuzzledastowhythatsensuousbeautyshouldbesignpostedascontroversial,while
magazinepageswerefilledwithprurientimagesofyounggirls,allaimedatsellingcommercialproducts.Lanningunderstoodand
notedthedifferencebetweentheimagesofmychildrensbodiesandthoseofthepornographersortheprofaneconsumerculture.
ThatdayinQuantico,hereassuredmeonsomepointsbutcautionedmeonothers:No,lawenforcementwasntlikelytocomeafter
me,hesaid,butIwasinforaroughtimenevertheless.
Hewasrightonbothcounts.
WhileLanningseemedtothinkitimprobablethatserialmurderersandmolesterswerecomingforthechildrenofLexington,or
evenjustmine,itseemedtomethatwewereinsomejeopardy.SomelettersIreceivedhadtroublingreturnaddressesbearinginmate
numbersandcorrectionalinstitutionssomegaveoffanindefinablycreepyvibe.Thecreepieststuffofallwasthesixyearsoffantasy,
supplicationandmenaceissuingfromthecomputerofoneobsessivewholivedinanadjoiningstate.Thismanwasourworstfears
cometrue,troublingourwakingandsleepinghoursforyearstothisday,despitethefactthathehasmovedoverseas(wherehehasa
jobteachingchildren),Virginiareportshavingnightmaresabouthim.
Sometimesusinghisrealname,moreoftenatransparentalias,andoccasionallyposingasanauthorresearchingaself
help
manualforrecoveringpedophiles,thisguybeganhisepistolaryassaultbycarpet
bombingeditorsandjournalists.Buthiswerenot
lettersofcomplaintinstead,andmoreworrying,theyaskedquestionsaboutthekids.
Manyrecipientstossedtheselettersinthetrash,butmanyotherpeople,alarmed,forwardedthemtous.Thiscreepwastireless:
Hewrotetopeoplewhoknewus,askingforunpublishedgossip,andtothekidsschools,asking(repeatedly)forassignments,
yearbooks,grades,contestentriesandartwork.Whenhereceivednoresponsefromtheschools,hegotalocalmantotryhisluckat
gettingthematerial.
Asuspiciousclerkwasondutyinthemedicalrecordsdepartmentatthehospitalwhenourstalkersofficial
soundingrequestfor
thechildrensbirthcertificatescamein,andfortunatelyshecalledmeaboutit.Subscribingtothelocalpaperstoscanthemforour
names,hewouldtauntuswithhisknowledgeofballetrecitals,schoolhonorrollsandlunchmenus.Oncehesentregistered
mail
letterstothekids,andIhadafriendsignforthem,notwantinghimtohaveevenasignature.
ThosewhoreceivedhisoutpouringswereregularlyinformedofhisbeingbedriddenwithlovesicknessfortheMannchildren,of
hisdesiretoreceiveablessingfromtheMannfamilysholypresenceandofhisresentmentofusforstealingmypieceofthepie,so
Ihopedsomehowtostealitbackfromthem.

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Foryears,IwassleeplesswithfearsofLindbergh
baby
likeabductionsandmadesurethatthewindowswerelocked,thatthe
housewasalwaysoccupied,thatthechildrenwereaccompaniedbyanadult.Ofcourse,IcontactedLanning,whogavemeadvicebut
waslimitedinwhathecoulddo,aswereprivateprotectionagencies,becausethemanhadmadenothreats.Apsychiatristwhoread
theletterssuggestedbuyingaboxofrhinoshellsfortheshotgun,andapoliceofficerconcurred,remindingmetobesuretodragthe
bodythusdispatchedoverthethresholdandintothehouse.Thecumulativeeffectofthiscreepinesswas,paradoxically,almostto
makeourstalkerthefamilymemberheclaimedhewantedtobe.ThoughIdidntcarryLarryspictureinmywallet,Istartedcarrying
thismans,andIwouldwatchforhimwithsomethingclosetothefervorofalover,checkingcars,peeringdowndimlylitlibrary
stacks,scanningtheaudiencesatpublicappearancesforanordinaryfacethatthousandsoffacesresemble.ThisisthefirsttimeIve
publiclyreferred,inanydetail,totheshadowthisweirdocastforsomanyyears.Iknewthatitwouldonlyvalidatethosecriticswho
saidIputmychildrenatrisk.AnditwillmaketheirvengefuldaywhenIadmitnowthattheywereinsomemeasurecorrect.
Withlove,raptureandperhapssomemeasureoffoolishness,ImadepicturesIthoughtIcouldcontrol,picturescreated
withintheprelapsarianprotectionofthefarm,thosecliffs,theimpassableroad,theembracingriver.
Thatsthecriticalthingaboutthefamilypictures:Theywerepossibleonlybecauseofthefarm,theplace.Americanowhardlyhas
suchathingasprivacy,atleastnotthekindwehadatthecabin.Hownaturalwasit,inthatsituation,toallowourchildrentorun
naked?Or,putanotherway,howbizarrewouldithavebeentoinsistonbathingsuitsfortheirriverplay,whichbeganafterbreakfast
andoftencontinuedlongafterdark,whenallthreewoulddivelikesleekottersforglowsticksthrowninthepoolunderthestill
warm
cliffs?
Theyspenttheirsummersintheembraceofthosecliffs,protectedbydistance,timeandourbeliefthattheworldwasasafe
place.ThepicturesImadeofthemthereflowedfromthatbeliefandthatignorance,andatthetimeseemedasnaturalastheriver
itself.
Asephemeralasourfootprintswereinthesandalongtheriver,soalsowerethosemomentsofchildhoodcaughtinthe
photographs.Andsowillbeourfamilyitself,ourmarriage,thechildrenwhoenricheditandthelovethathascarriedusthroughso
much.Allthiswillbegone.Whatwehopewillremainarethesepictures,tellingourbriefstory.
SallyMannisoneofAmericasmostrenownedphotographers.HermanybooksincludeWhatRemains,DeepSouth,Immediate
FamilyandAtTwelve.ShelivesinVirginia.
ThisarticlewasadaptedfromHoldStill:AMemoirWithPhotographs,tobepublishedinMaybyLittle,BrownandCompany.
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A version of this article appears in print on April 19, 2015, on page MM49 of the Sunday Magazine with the headline: Exposure.

2015 The New York Times Company

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/magazine/thecostofsallymannsexposure.html?ref=magazine

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