Authentic Communication

What is Authentic Communication?

Authentic Communication a set of communication techniques and internal attitudes
that help free you from your fears and bring you closer to others. At the heart of the
Authentic Communication process is a focus on mutual understanding through
uncovering what motivations are underlying our communication. When you place your
attention on mutual understanding and connection first and foremost conflicts,
disagreements, and negotiations will seem to resolve themselves magically!
Authentic communication provides a bridge between authentic self and the world. The
bridge is created as we learn to adopt a new style of communicating rooted in respect,
peace, truth and inclusiveness. Authentic communication is made up of two
components: self-expression and listening. Self-expression consists of listening
compassionately to what is going on inside, the truth of it, being willing to accept what
we find and then express it without fear, in other words, being responsible for it.
Listening consists of being willing to compassionately and emphatically receive and
accept the other's truth. We stop our mind chatter, our tendency to react, blame,
criticize or judge. Instead the focus is on what we observe the issue, behavior, situation
or action is, clearly and objectively. We learn to separate the person from the behavior
or action observed.
We then go inside and focus on feelings that have been triggered by the behavior,
action or issue. Behind the feelings there are always unmet needs. It is our
responsibility to sense what it is that we want or need. As we become comfortable with
accepting what we want or need, it becomes easier to request the other's contribution.
So what does it mean to be authentic? It just means to be willing to talk about whats
really happening, who you really are, whats really going through your mind. And
oftentimes expose the things that maybe you dont think other people will think
favorably about like mistakes youre making, like stuff thats going wrong, like stuff
that youre afraid of, like what youre excited about. When you just give yourself
permission to start sharing whats going on for you: 1) it will feel much

better to you and 2) other people will respond to that in a way that they
trust you and like you and appreciate you.
Authentic communicators are people who project open-mindedness, understanding,
and confidence. They reach their personal and professional goals by creating
worthwhile ideas, by being steadfast to their own principles, and by motivating and
involving others. Authentic communicators understand themselves, and they
understand what motivates others. They take into consideration basic
communication styles and are willing to be flexible with their style to meet their goals,
as well as to help others meet their goals.
The most successful communicators succeed by developing their own potential, not by
trying to imitate others. Being authentic involves being your best, truest self - warm,
open, and human. Authenticity creates a climate of trust because it promises
others the freedom to act without a need to build protective walls. This
positive atmosphere establishes rapport, goods relationships, and free
communication.
When you know your strengths, you know how to capitalize on them; when you
acknowledge your weaknesses, you can work on them. You avoid the trap of clouding
your communication with irrelevant and distracting attempts to hide weaknesses because you already acknowledge them and are taking action to overcome them. This
self-understanding and acceptance allows the authentic communicator to be
spontaneous and confident. When conveying information and when listening, the
authentic communicator is free to not only share honestly, but also to view and
interpret situations and other people with confidence - without walls of defensiveness.
Authentic Communicators take responsibility. FB COO children speak in passive voice,
when something they dont like happens. Mommy, the toy broke . thats same when
person comes to work: the project didnt get finished. I was late because of traffic
and etc. Authentic communicators can take responsibility,

if you are able to take

responsibility, Im not late because there was a traffic, I am late because I didnt leave
earlier enough to account for the fact that there was traffic, The project didnt get
finished not because my colleague didnt do his part, the project didnt get finished

because I didnt set up a team where my colleague wanted to do his part. When you
take responsibility that is a most empowering thing and you can do it at any stage, and
it is in that authentic communication and that helps us to have an empowering impact
which we want to have.
In addition to holding a confident self-image, authentic communicators hold positive
regard for others. They believe that other people possess great potential and that
others want to cooperate. Authentic communicators encourage people to grow by
helping them develop their hidden talents and their full potential.

The key is to communicate with honesty, from the heart, and trust that as we express
our truth that we will be heard and respected. The lesson is in learning how to do it for
ourselves first and then for others, and others will do it for themselves and us. Let us
give ourselves what we expect from others.

As we evolve, our consciousness expands in the realization that we are the ones we
have been waiting for. When we accept this truth, our energy is unleashed to empower
us to create the life we want. This is the evolution from victim consciousness to
freedom, empowerment and peace. Authentic communication is a way of expressing
ourselves as powerful beings in our practical interaction with others. As we recognize
and accept all of who we are, including our vulnerable feelings, and needs, we are able
to do the same for others as we all share the same experiences.
Being authentic is for me being true, real, and congruent. It requires being in touch
with who I am, acknowledging all parts of me and not trying to put up a mask to look
like the some kind of unreal ideal of me. It requires simplicity, honesty and humility. It
is also the only way to deeply connect with others.
COMPASSION IN ACTION
Example 1:
Dialogue between mother and son in the old style of communicating: "I am so upset
with you, you hurt me so much every time you come home late without calling. I am

left here wondering what is going on. You are selfish because you only think of yourself,
you don't care about me."
In this example, the mother projects her hurt and worry onto the son. She also blames
him because she mistakenly assumes he is late and not calling purposely. She makes
him responsible for her feelings. In reality, her son has his own reasons for being late
and not calling; while he is having fun he loses track of time and forgets.
Authentic communication style: When you come late without calling (issue, behaviour,
action), I feel hurt and worried (feelings) because I do not know where you are. I also
feel frustrated and angry because I don't know what to do, where to look for you
(taking responsibility for her feelings without blaming). I realize that I need to know
that you are safe, and that you don't take me for granted but consider the fact that I
am waiting for you (expressing needs). I want to ask you if you would be willing to be
on time and to call if you are going to be late (request from the other person).

Example 2:
Young woman to her boyfriend in the old style of communicating; If every Saturday
night you choose to go out with your friends instead of me (behavior), then you
obviously care for them more than me (assumption). It devastates me to think that you
prefer them over me (blame). You hurt me so much and I am very angry at you. New
exchange using Authentic Communication: When I hear you making plans to go out
with your friends every Saturday night (behavior), I feel disappointed and hurt
(feelings) because I would love to spend more time with you (need). I realize I need to
know that you also enjoy being with me and want to feel more connected to me
(need/desire). Would you consider asking me to join you and your friends sometimes,
and also, making plans to be with me on some Saturday night instead of going out with
your friends? (taking responsibility for what she wants).
Active Ingredients
Authenticity, Body language, persuasiveness, confidence, inspiration, honesty,
taking responsibility (video FB COO)

Genuineness, realness, truthfulness, validity, reliability, undisputed credibility, and

legitimacy are just some of the words that are used when we talk about authenticity.
Frankly there is a lot of confusion connected to the idea of "authenticity". In 1994,
David Taylor summarized some of the inconsistent views surrounding authenticity.
Although twelve years have passed, it may be worthwhile to revisit his arguments.
Taylor's first point was, "In many discussions it is not clear whether we are dealing
with authenticity of language, authenticity of task, or authenticity of situation." (1994,
p. 1). Back in 1985 Michael Breen further subdivided authenticity of language as
authenticity of the texts used as input data for learners, and authenticity of the
learners own interpretation of such texts. Authenticity of task is restricted to the tasks
conducive to language learning, and authenticity of situation refers to authenticity of
the actual social situation of the language classroom.
Why the ability/skill of authentic communication is important for Leadership?
If those you lead dont understand what you believe in, what your goals are, and what
you personally are willing to do to help get there, they will never be able to maximize
their collective potential. For a leader, communication is connection and inspiration
not just transmission of information. Communication is critical for building alignment
and executing strategy. Yet it is often one of the most challenging leadership skills
because it is so easy to say, but not so easy to do. Effective communication is far more
than a one-way street that starts with the leader. Communication is the leaders
information highway; it flows freely in both directions and in every circumstance in
good times and, especially, in challenging ones. Whether spoken or written, and
spanning both words and actions, the message must always convey both your vision
and the organizations purpose and values. What too many people fail to fully
appreciate is that the message is not just what you say; how you say it is equally
important. Communication is where leadership lives and breathes. Sharing information
is critical, but it is substantially less than half the battle. Yes, you must communicate
clearly about the organizations strategy, speed, direction, and results. But you cannot
stop there. Verbally and nonverbally, the way in which you communicate humbly,

passionately, confidently has more impact than the words you choose. As a leader,
you must inspire others through your words and actions. And before you speak, make
sure you listen and observe; knowing your audience is as important as the message
youre delivering. Communication informs, persuades, guides, and assures, as well as
inspires. You must be willing to reveal more of yourself, to let others see your soul. If
you dont, you will undermine your effectiveness as a leader, and your followers may
soon drift to the sidelines. It is the ability to develop a keen external awareness that
separates the truly great communicators from those who muddle through their
interactions with others. Examine the worlds greatest leaders and youll find them all
to be exceptional communicators. They might talk about their ideas, but they do so in
a way which also speaks to your emotions and your aspirations. They realize if their
message doesnt take deep root with the audience then it likely wont be understood,
much less championed. I dont believe it comes as any great surprise that most leaders
spend the overwhelming majority of their time each day in some type of an
interpersonal situation. I also dont believe it comes as a great shock that a large
number of organizational problems occur as a result of poor communications. It is
precisely this paradox that underscores the need for leaders to focus on becoming
great communicators. Effective communication is an essential component of
professional success whether it is at the interpersonal, inter-group, intra-group,
organizational, or external level. While developing an understanding of great
communication skills is easier than one might think, being able to appropriately draw
upon said skills when the chips are down is not always as easy as one might hope for.
Skills acquired and/or knowledge gained are only valuable to the extent they can be
practically applied when called for. The number one thing great communicators have in
common is they possess a heightened sense of situational and contextual awareness.
The best communicators are great listeners and astute in their observations. Great
communicators are skilled at reading a person/group by sensing the moods, dynamics,
attitudes, values and concerns of those being communicated with. Not only do they
read their environment well, but they possess the uncanny ability to adapt their
messaging to said environment without missing a beat. The message is not about the

messenger; it has nothing to do with messenger; it is however 100% about meeting

the needs and the expectations of those youre communicating with.
What can YOU do to increase your ability to communicate authentically?
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1. Know and Accept Yourself
The first step is to know yourself.
2. Let Go of Your Limitations - Push Past the Fear
I remember hearing teachers and even my parents talk about how much more of a
writer/reader I was than a math or science kind of person. This made me fearful of
anything related to numbers. I clung to my calculator like a baby clings to a pacifier. I
never trusted my own ability to compute because I decided that I wasn't good at it. I
was always fearful of seeming dumb because math was a subject that took more
effort. I placed limitations on myself based on preconceived notions of what it means
to be good or bad at something. Writing is the same way for many people. Once upon
a time you may have been told you weren't good at writing. Or perhaps it was more of
a struggle for you in school. This doesn't mean that you can't do it or that you don't
have a voice. You have a voice and you can direct it to form into sentences with a little
time and with a little release of your fears. Every time I balance my checkbook or do
my taxes or plan out a budget, I feel an extra sense of pride. I can compute and you
can write.

3. Be Clear and Direct - Stop Trying to Sound Smart

Your communication should be clear and direct. You shouldn't try to "sound smart" or
sound like someone else. A listener can tell if you are trying too hard. Your audience
should not be confused when listening to you. The goal is to create an authentic voice
that is clear and direct. There is beauty in simplicity and you can communicate in a
professional manner without looking up three syllable words to fill your speech. You can
tell about mundane and technical topics without over-complicating your phrasing. You
can communicate authentically by being clear and direct with your message.

4. Be Honest - Vulnerability and Emotions Go a Long Way

Your audience will connect with honesty. If you are always putting forward a facade,
you will fail to engage. Your falsity will create a barrier between you and your listeners.
If you want to connect there must be honesty. You must communicate authentically.
You cannot be afraid to show vulnerability and share your truth. If you are introducing a
new product or program, let your audience understand this is new. Let your audience

feel your excitement. If something is not working or if you have to make changes to
your business, explain why. Let your listeners peek behind the curtain to understand
your rationale. Allow emotions to come into the equation from time to time. Humans
are emotionally driven, so tap into this to humanize your business.
5. Create a Community With Your Words
Your words should help connect and establish a community. You are not selling, you are
sharing and engaging. You are letting your listeners take a journey with you. Your goal
is always to connect in a way that creates community. You want your audience,
whether this includes employees or customers, to root for your success. You want your
audience to have a vested interest in what you say. You want loyalty and support. This
is only possible through the creation of a community that is established on a
foundation of authenticity.

Effective Communication Skills Get You What You Want

The thing is, you cant take back your words. Communication cant be reversed.

Be sincere

Be naturally conversational and casual

Use short sentences

Be honest and direct

Use common vocabulary that you are comfortable with

Using appropriate humor

Be fun

Be specific and descriptive

Use I/me statements

Tell personal stories that provide glimpses into your life outside of work

Take responsibility for your communication and this means not only for what you say
but also ensuring it has been fully understood. You need to have ownership of the
message and be responsible for any fall-out or negative response.
Be clear in your use of language so that you are not misinterpreted. Avoid ambiguous
language and technical or specialist jargon that may not be understood.

Listen more than you speak and make sure that when you are listening you are fully
attentive and your focus is on the speaker.
Tell the truth make sure your facts are accurate and dont make false promises or
leave people to make assumptions that are misplaced. Also be wary of not making
promises that you will not be able to deliver on.
Dont over-generalize or make sweeping statements such as, Nobody thinks its a
good idea or This always happens.
Work with the facts and be aware of the difference between your subjective opinions
and the objective facts. Avoid second guessing and making assumptions about what
others are feeling, thinking or meaning. If in doubt, ask for clarification.
Build a connection with the people you are communicating with. Show them that you
care and are interested in them.
Be consistent both in what you say but also how you follow up. Your words should
match your actions and you should always endeavor to do what you say you will do
within the timeframe you have promised
Create mutual understanding by being prepared to share a little bit about yourself and
by being curious about others. Empathize with other perspectives and always try to
imagine yourself in the others shoes.
Build your self-awareness and keep learning about yourself. Be aware of your own
judgements and prejudices and the obstacles that prevent you from communicating
authentically. Monitor your own negative responses and learn to manage your
reactions to certain triggers.
Authentic communication brings benefits not only to leaders but to employees
throughout the organization. And in addition to creating better relationships, building
trust, managing conflict more effectively and improving team spirit, authenticity helps
to create happier, more self-confident and open individuals.
We never listen when we are eager to speak.