Pilcrow & Dagger News

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Volume II Edition XVI

Mothers Day
By LeeAnn Rhoden

Florists, card retailers,

even e-cards are booming
today because it is
Mothers
Day.
The
challenge of being a
mother is not something
you cannot comprehend
until it happens to you.
And a celebration of the
mother in your life is
absolutely justified.
Being a mother begins
with conception. Mothers
sacrifice their bodies and
health for the sake of the
developing baby. Mothers
suffer
from
morning
sickness which is usually
all day sickness. There is a
drain on the womans
calcium and added strain
to her organs to support
and carry the baby to term.
These can be lasting
changes to the woman in
terms of hypertension,
diabetes, endocrine system
alterations, and cardiovascular problems. And
yes, pregnancy and the
postpartum period still
carries
a
maternal
mortality rate - on average
650 deaths per year in
women ages 14 to 49. Its
risky business.
According to the CDC,
77% of all mothers are
breastfeeding in the US.
This is good. Yet, mothers
can actually suffer from
malnourishment if they
dont increase their food
intake
and
vitamin
supplementation.
Producing and providing
breast milk pulls from the
maternal
nourishment
stores.
Sleep deprivation in

mothers
is
another
significant
factor
to
consider. And sleep is
interrupted not just in the
infant
stage.
Reports
indicate
that
sleep
disruptions happen well
into elementary schoolaged children. First the
waking is to feed and
change the infant. Later it
is to sooth and calm
nightmares in anxious
toddlers and preschoolers.
Not to mention illnesses
that need to be tended to.
Long-term health effects
of sleeplessness can result
in hypertension, difficulty
in losing weight, obesity,
cardio-vascular
disease,
strokes,
and
mood
disorders.
Through all that, your
mother loves you more
than she loves herself. She
provides you nourishment
to your body and most
importantly to your soul.
Mom is the one person on
whom you can count on to
dry your tears, cry with
you, cheer you on whether
its coloring in the lines
for the first time or
winning the Nobel Prize.
Mom is there when you
stumble and fall with your
first steps, first career, first
love. She picks you up,
brushes you off and sends
you on your way to try
again.
So, to all the moms, we
wish you a very Happy
Mothers Day and we are
grateful for your sacrifices
and amazed at how easy
you make it all look.

Rabble Rousing Revelry

By Snoop Cubby

On Saturday, April 25,

2015 Pilcrow & Dagger
editor, LeeAnn Rhoden,
hosted a gathering of
friends at her home. It was
a small and intimate get
together according to Ms.
Rhoden, consisting of a
few friends and their
children.
I know my wife
enjoys socializing and
hosting so when she
mentioned shed like to do
it, I was okay with it. It
will be small, she said.
Just a few friends, she
said. When does 18 people
equal a small dinner
party? said Mr. Rhoden
still shaken by the
evenings happenings.
It was lovely, said
editor A. Marie. They had
a number of people over

for barbeque. The kids

played, the grown-ups
mingled. It was fine.
That
may
have
happened, but this reporter
although not invited
suspects there was more to
the story. Mysteriously, no
photos have appeared on
Facebook or any other
social media outlet. Only a
few mild mentions, mainly
of thanks and promises of
reciprocation, have been
seen. Yet how then do they
explain
the
missing
newspaper
on
the
following Sunday.
Apparently, the party
must have been more than
just mild. There must have
been major revelry and it
has yet to be proven but
something epic must have
occurred to prevent them
from their duties.

A Farewell to Family
By LeeAnn Rhoden

On Wednesday, April
29, 2015 my mother-inlaw,
Yvette
Rhoden,
passed away. She missed
her 93rd birthday by eight
days.
She was the second
oldest of 9 children. Her
first language was French
having a French Canadian
mother.
She married and buried

3 husbands and raised 3

sons. Yvette was a proud
grandmother, great-grandmother and great-greatgrandmother to scores of
people.
She loved life and
loved to laugh. She was
able to live independently
until the age of 90 when
she
began
to
need
assistance. We should all
be so fortunate.

Weather

Index

Expect bouts of Spring

Fever and day dreaming.
Flowers are in bloom, bees
are buzzing, sun is shining,
breeze is gentle, days are
getting longer.
Beware of dangerous
spring storms resulting in
hail and tornadic activity.

More News..............Page 2
Dear Monica...........Page 2
Editorial..................Page 2
Letters To Editor................
........Page 2
Rant & Raves..........Page 2
Horoscope...............Page 3
Puzzles....................Page 3
Classifieds...............Page 3

Sunday, May 10, 2015 Page 2

Volume II Edition XVI

Whats In A Name
By Ellie Fitzgerald

Well, the British royals

have added yet another
member of the family with
the recent birth of the new
princess.
The first child of Prince
William and Duchess Kate
was
named
George
Alexander Louis. He was
named after his greatgreat-grandfather, and his
great-great-great-uncle.
The second child was a
girl and just as much flurry
and fluff surrounded the
speculations around her
name. And she was titled
Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.
Charlotte is the feminine
form of Charles after her
grandfather. Diana is her
grandmothers name and
Elizabeth is for her greatgrandmother the Queen.
Gotta love the Brits.
They take time and
consideration
when
donning their children with
appropriate and historic
names that will carry on
family and traditions.
Lets look at American
royalty. What a huge
contrast! What? You dont
think Americans have
royalty? We do. But like
all things American, we do
it with a bit more flamboy-

ance and
less dignity.
Who are these royals that
Americans follow and
emulate? It used to be
Vanderbilt,
DuPonts,
Rockefeller, Carnegie, and
Morgan. Men of wealth
and industry and vision.
But now who? Why the
Kardashians, of course.
Just why they are followed
and emulated I have no
idea. I mean, what have
they done that merit or
interest of any kind?
And lets look at what
they named their children.
Kourtney and her babydaddy have 3 kids named
Mason, Penelope, and
Reign. Kim and her
husband
Kanye
West
named their child North.
Get it? North West! I
know, great joke. Poor kid.

Shakespeare penned in
Romeo and Juliet that a
rose by any other name
would smell as sweet.
Maybe so.

Rants & Raves

To the guy in the check out
line at the grocery store
Dude, really, grocery store
flowers for Mothers Day?
To the teenager too busy
chatting on her phone to
notice that the light turned
red. Hang up before you
kill someone!
Why does the library have
to close? If Walmart can be
open all night why cant

the library? If you can buy

a shower curtain why not
check out a book?
To
all
the
Moms
everywhere Hope you
have a wonderful Mothers
Day and you get the
pampering you deserve.
Congratulations to my
husband on his fantastic
promotion! You earned it!

Editorial

Letter to Editor

By Sham Farce

Summer
is
fast
approaching and soon the
kids will be out of school.
Rather than allowing the
rug-rats to roam wild and
free for ten weeks, it is
time to make plans for the
summer activities that will
keep them busy, focused,
and out of trouble.
The problem with that
is parents end up exhausted
from pulling triple duty
work, child entertainment,
and
regular
adult
responsibilities.
While
usually this exhausting
merry-go-round is placed
upon
the
mothers
shoulders,
during
the
summer months fathers are
pulled into the fray.
I propose that during
summer months, college
students take on au pare
duties and free up parents,
especially fathers, from the
whirlwind of activities.
Colleges should assign
students to local families
and offer credit toward
electives. This also gives
the twenty-somethings a
reality check. Positions
will be otherwise unpaid,
but then so are the parents.
Sign the petition and
lets make this happen.

Mr. Farce,
Whats with missing
two weeks of newspapers?
What happened? Did your
entire staff end up in jail?
Did you forget how to print
a paper? Computer error? I
know its free but I feel
like I should get my money
back.
- Grumpy Oldman
Dear Mr. Farce,
I believe Ms. Mansfield
is correct about the
pancakes at the House of
Breakfast causing her
weight gain. I too have
heard the messages in their
commercials and have felt
compelled to eat pancakes.
My personal weakness is
the strawberry pancakes.
These are evil marketing
people with no conscience
preying
upon
the
disabilities of others. Your
reporters need to be more
sensitive to those of us
who
can
hear
the
subliminal messages.
- Flappy Jacks

Have you preordered

your
May/June
print
issue yet? Dont
miss out!!!

Dear Monica
Dear Monica,
I know its Mothers
Day and the only thing my
wife asked me to do was to
take over for just one day
but I dont want to. Her job
sucks.
Its
changing
diapers, cleaning up vomit,
unending feeding and
cleaning of the kids. Im
not even sure how many
we have now. Then there is
the household chores to do
and shopping. It makes me

tired to think about it.

Cant I just take her out to
dinner and have sex?
-Befuddled Hubby
Dear Befuddled,
Man up. Suck it up.
Grab a broom and a mop
and tackle the laundry,
diapers and vomit. It is just
one day. Your wife has
earned it. While youre at
it, you could help every
day.

Sunday, May 10, 2015 Page 3

Volume II Edition XVI

Horoscope

Classifieds
For Sale
Wooden
milk
crates with pint
and quart sized
dividers. Great
for storing pint
and quart glass
milk bottles
1-year old gas
grill. We have
become
raw
vegans.
Wife
refuses to cook
and I dont
know how.
Glass
milk
bottles. Pint and
quart
sized.
Excellent
for
holding milk or
other beverages.
Mini
Cooper
rear hatch door.
Respond to this
ad
in
the
personals. Use
the words Hot
Wheels.

Wanted
New mattress.
Firm, flat, kingsized. Not foam.
Not tufted. No
pillow top. Firm,
firm, firm.
Lawn
maintenance
crew.
Yard vision is to
have park-like
atmosphere in
front and back
yards.
Groceries and/or
pre-planned/
prepared meals
delivered to my
home daily.
Affordable
office
space.
Must have wi-fi,
phone, printer,
furniture, paper,
ink,
stamps,
pens, envelopes.

Lost & Found

Lost or stolen
Mini
Cooper.
Blue,
2-door.
Last seen in
March at my
girlfriends
house.
Pilcrow
&
Dagger
is
accepting
submissions for
the July issue.
The theme is a
mid-summer
dream. Or a
mid-winter
dream. Or a
dream of any
kind really. Or a
desire
(no
erotica), or goal,
or even wishful
thinking. Even if
you just dream
of having your
work published,
send it in.

Pilcrow

March 21
- April 19

Exclamation
Point

April 20 May 20

Interrobang
Question
Mark
Therefore
Sign
Ampersand
Irony
Mark
Section
Sign

Octothorpe

Unscramble the following words

PILCROW
DAGGER
WINTER
SPRING
CLEANING
HOMETOWN
STORIES
FICTION
POETRY
NONFICTION
ESSAY
TRAVEL
DREAMS
SUMMER
MAGAZINE
Answer for last paper

&

Authority
Point
Because
Sign

JUMBLE

Dagger

May 21 June 20
June 21 July 22

You crave adventure so

take that exotic trip now.

July 23 Aug 22

Pat attention and discover

how to make more money.

Aug 23 Sept 22
Sept 23 Oct 22
Oct 23 Nov 21
Nov 22 Dec 21

Focus on work before

pleasure. You cant do it all
at once.
Your ship is about to come
in! Be sure to stash some of
your treasure.
Clean up because company
is
coming.
Important
people too.

Dec 22 Jan 19
Jan 20 Feb 18
Feb 19 March 20

You will be in on some

important information that
could change your life.
Create something beautiful
and share it with your
loved ones.
You
are
intensely
emotional today. Knock it
off and calm down.
You have a desire to walk
on the wild side. Do it. And
take your partner.
You have met your goals
so gather your friends and
celebrate!
Youre looking good and
feeling good. Have a
romantic night.
Its your lucky day but
keep your expectations
realistic.

Cryptogram
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EDHXMFXC. HUW, TG XTPDVC, FG
MJCDC HDC UT BTPUI DCHWCDV HUW
NDFMCDV, MJCDC NFOO VJTDMOB KC
UT TOWCD TUCV. OFMCDHXB NFOO
KC WCHW, HUW WCZTXDHXB - NJFXJ
ZHUB KCOFCQC ITCV JHUW FU JHUW
NFMJ FM - NFOO KC WCHW HV NCOO.
J = H