You're a pain, but let's get married anyway

March 5, 2005
SINGAPORE

SINGAPOREAN couples may not be happy with

their partners but they will still marry them
anyway, a global survey on relationships shows.
The poll of 716 couples who planned to wed
showed that 39 percent were unhappy in their
relationships, the highest proportion of nine
societies surveyed by a US-based marriage and
family therapy organisation.
The poll is the latest unflattering survey of ardour
in a wealthy population that chases what is
known in local parlance as the Five C's: career,
condominium, club, credit cards and cars.
Birth rates hit a record low in 2004 and an annual
survey by condom-maker Durex has ranked
Singapore for three straight years near the
bottom of its list of sexually active nations.
In the latest survey, only 14 percent of
Singaporeans described themselves as "very
happy" with their partners, the lowest of the
regions surveyed and compared with 48 percent
in the United States.
The polls were conducted as part of a US-based
programme known as PREPARE (Premarital
Personal and Relationship Evaluation) led by
David Olson, a retired University of Minnesota
professor and author of several books on family
therapy.

Other regions surveyed were Japan, Hong Kong,

Australia, Britain, Canada, Germany and New
Zealand. But Singapore's results stood out
sharply, said Olson.
"I'm surprised so many premarital Singaporean
couples are not as happy with their relationships
but are still planning to get married," Olson told
Reuters after releasing the findings at a
conference in Singapore.
Among those in the survey who consider
themselves unhappy, most cited disagreements
with their partners on a number of issues, or said
they disliked their partners' personality or that
there were problems communicating effectively.
In contrast, US couples ready to tie the knot
painted a far more blissful picture with nearly half
of 1000 surveyed indicating they were very happy
in their relationships.
Olson said couples in Singapore -- an island of 4.2
million people -- may be suffering because of a
reluctance to speak their minds about problems
to avoid confrontation.
"They are afraid to say what they think and are
afraid to disagree," he said.

1. What are some reasons people get married?

(Romantic love, arrangement by parents, financial security, nothing else to do, other reasons)
2. What do you think is/are the best reason(s) for couples to "tie the knot?"
3. Would you recommend marrying for reasons other than "love?" Why or why not?
4. If a couple is not happy before marriage, do you think they will be happy together after marriage?
5. If you were a therapist, what would you suggest for people who aren't happy
with their partners but want to get married anyway