STOP EMOTIONAL

ABUSE NOW COURSE!

MODULE 2
THE 10 MAIN TYPES OF EMOTIONAL
ABUSE
There are different types of emotional abuse and your partner will
probably use several of them. He may even switch from one
tactic to another if he feels he isnt getting the desired reaction
from you.

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DOMINATION AND CONTROL

A dominating partner will try to control you at every turn. He has
to get his own way and may even resort to threats to get it.
He may want to control who you see, who you socialize with, how
you dress, how you spend money.
Examples of domineering behavior:
Ordering you around
Monitoring how you spend your time
Restricting your access to money or other resources
Controlling who you socialize with
Stopping you from getting a job, continuing with your job or
even getting necessary medical care
Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
Throwing objects
Breaking things in a fit of rage
Threatening you or your children
Forcing you to do something illegal

EFFECTS OF BEING SUBJECT TO DOMINATION AND

CONTROL
You lose self-respect
You feel like someone else is in charge of your life
You may find yourself becoming angry and resentful

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VERBAL BATTERING
Verbal battering can take many forms but the effects are all
insidious:
Berating
Blaming
Criticism
Name calling
Sarcasm
Threats
Belittling and humiliation

THE EFFECTS OF VERBAL BATTERING

Living in fear and/or living on edge. Many women describe
this as walking on eggshells. They are in a state of
constant anxiety about what to expect.
Destroys self-esteem.
Breaks your spirit and makes you feel defeated.

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ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS
Do you feel that no matter how much time and attention you give
your partner or how much you do for him, its never enough?
Then youre probably the victim of his abusive expectations.
Abusive expectations can take many forms:
Insisting that tasks be completed in a specific manner.
Insisting that the house be totally spotless when he comes
home not just clean and tidy but a ridiculous level of
perfection
A constant need for your undivided attention
Demands for frequent sex
Expectations regarding your looks or behavior
One prominent doctor in the community in which I used to live
insists on checking his wifes weight every morning. If shes
gained more than 3lbs over what he considers an ideal weight, he
puts her on a diet until shes lost that weight.

EFFECTS OF ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS ON THE VICTIM

Loss of self-esteem
Feelings of worthlessness and
Feeling powerless.
Confused and at a loss about what to do to please your
partner.
In the beginning you may be motivated to try harder but
after failing to please him for years and years, youll
probably lose hope and blame yourself for not being good
enough.

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UNPREDICTABLE BEHAVIOR
This type of emotional abuse is one of the most damaging
because you never know what to expect.
Dramatic mood swings
Emotional outbursts for no apparent reason
Saying one thing one day and the opposite the next
Reacting differently to the same behavior at different times
are all examples of unpredictable responses.
This kind of behavior is common with men who abuse drugs or
alcohol and also for those who have borderline personality
disorder or bipolar disorder.

EFFECTS OF UNPREDICTABLE BEHAVIOR

Living with an unpredictable person is emotionally draining.
You feel on the edge and anxious all the time, never
knowing what to expect.
You feel frightened and off balance
Youre in a constant state of hyper-vigilance waiting for your
partners next outburst, never quite sure of what to expect.

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EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
This is a powerful form of manipulation where the blackmailer
coerces you into doing what he wants by playing on your fear,
guilt or compassion.
Common forms of emotional blackmail are:
1. Threatening to end the relationship if you dont give in to his
demands
2. Ignoring you until you give in to him
3. Threatening you into submission
4. He asks you to choose between something thats important
to you and him for example your family and him
5. He makes you feel selfish or bad if you do something he
doesnt want you to do
6. He withholds money or access to money unless you give in
to him
EFFECTS OF LIVING WITH EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
Feeling weak and powerless
Feeling as if you have no choices in your life
Guilty
Insignificant

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CONSTANT CRITICISM
No matter what you do its never right or good enough. Your
husband may disguise his criticism as humor and accuse you of
being too sensitive. But being constantly belittled and demeaned
is no laughing matter.

EFFECTS OF CONSTANT CRITICISM

Constant criticism erodes your self-confidence and destroys your
self-esteem. It undermines any good feelings you have about
yourself and your accomplishments and achievements.
You may eventually become so beaten down and despondent that
you give up.

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CHARACTER ASSASSINATION
Character assassination takes criticism to a whole new level. Here
your abuser may:
1. Blow your mistakes out of proportion
2. Spread malicious lies about you
3. Keep reminding you about your past mistakes and failures
4. Humiliates or makes fun of you in front of others
5. Minimizes your achievements

EFFECTS OF CHARACTER ASSASSINATION

All the side effects of criticism but magnified because you are
being attacked as a person.

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GASLIGHTING
According to Google Gaslighting is defined as to manipulate
(someone) by psychological means into doubting their own
sanity.
This is when your husband tries to make you doubt your own
perceptions, your memory and even your sanity.
He may, for example, deny that a certain event occurred when
you know that it did. Or he may deny that he said something but
you heard him clearly.

EFFECTS OF GASLISGHTING
You start to doubt your memory and your perceptions and you
may eventually feel as if you are going out of your mind.

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CHAOS CREATORS
This type of emotionally abusive husband likes to create constant
drama and chaos. He will start a fight (with you or others) and
always seem to be on the verge of some impending crisis.
EFFECTS OF LIVING WITH A CHAOS CREATOR
Its emotionally exhausting and draining to live with a chaos
creator. Life is one series of crisis and dramas.

Whats Difference Between Emotional Abuse And A Bad

Argument?
Now before we go any further I want to clarify a few key points.
We have all occasionally criticized others or been criticized by
others. And maybe in the heat or an argument you called
someone a less than flattering name. Or perhaps they did the
same to you.
If you occasionally displayed these behaviors, does that
automatically mean that youre an abusive person? Or if your
husband occasionally complains that the house is dirty or
suggests that you lose weight does that mean that he is
emotionally abusive?
Not necessarily.
Beverly Engel in her book The Emotionally Abused Woman
explains this more clearly.
When a relationship is not going well, there is usually a great
deal of bickering, and either or both parties may resort to name
calling, criticizing and other behaviors that they would normally
not be involved in. But there is a vast difference between name
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calling or criticizing in the heat of an argument and doing so on a

daily basis.
Similarly, constant complaining is not necessarily abusive, unless
it is destructive and the intent is to make another person feel
bad.
For example, a husband who complains that the house isnt clean
isnt necessarily being abusive. But if he constantly tells his wife
that she is bad, lazy, selfish and so on because she doesnt clean
the house, then he is being abusive.
There are 3 characteristics that set normal behavior apart from
verbal abuse:
1. Verbal abuse is constant, whereas calling someone a name
in an argument is something that happens only occasionally.
2. The intent is different. When someone verbally abuses you,
their intent is to dominate, control and devalue you. Its not
to simple express a complaint or to provide constructive
criticism.
3. This person has a disrespectful attitude toward you in
general, rather than simply not liking some specific
behavior.

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