American marriage

Reason of the marriage are positive and negative as mention bellow:

Positive reason that people getting married for are

1.

love and companionship,

2.

having children,

3.

obtaining adult Identity

4.

personal fulfillment and commitment

5.

continuity and permanence

Negative reasons:

1.

Preventing out-look pregnancy because of the social pressure.

2.

Some people might get married for economically supporting reason.

3.
Rebellion or revenge: some Youngs get married for revenge against their
parents.

4.

practical solutions to problems:

component of the marriage are :

1.
Engagement: which are the formal ceremonies that couples decide tot get
married.

2.

Bridal shower:

3.

Bachelors party: lament

4.

Bachelorette parties:

Types of the marriage: Based on the study of 400 upper class marriage, there
are five kinds the marriage

1.
Conflict _habituated marriage: in this kind the partners fight over minor
issue and they know that fighting as verbally or physical is not the right thing to
divorce , so they soldom solve problem.

2.
Devitalized Marriage: as the years pass the partners loose their first warmth
of their love. They raise children, participate in community services, but not based
on the love. They also getting along and not preferring divorce even if they are not
very happy, they both would stay married.

3.
Passive_congennial: the emotion is not strong and is not based on emotional
investment. They do not expect a lot from each other and instead they are more
satisfied with friends, coworker and their children.

4. Vital Marriage: in this kind the partners relationship is close and would sacrifice
for each other. Sex is consider more pleasurable and partners are ok in solving any
conflict quickly and spend great time together.

5. Total Marriage: in this kind the partners have less tension over the issue and they
participate in each other live at all levels. they share facet in their lives and work
together.

how satisfaction they see in all level of their marriage: according to Cuber and
Haroff 80 %of the marriage that they found comes under first categories which
characterized as utilitarian marriage which are based on convenience and the
last two they call as Intrinsic marriages which relationship inherently rewarding .
They found about 15% of marriage under vital and 5% under Total marriages.

what factors cause marriage happiness to decrease:

Poverty, job loss, financial problems.

what is important in successful marriage:

1.
Compatibility: it is based on similarities between couple based on social
background: race, ethnicity, religion, academic status, personality, and caring for
raising children.

2.

flexibility: is based on the take and give.

3.

Positive Attitudes:

4.

communication and conflict resolution

5.
Emotional support: where emotional support is more valued than romantic
love. Because the couple whos married is romantic is more likely to lean on divorce.

In contrast to happy marriage, the couples whos marriage is unhappy, they

struggle to change each other and finfull each other needs. for instance the
partners react when they are upset. An 103 years happy married man advice in his
80th anniversary when the women is upset, keep quiet.

The study show that people who are married are healthier and happy than
people who are not married (single, widowed or divorced). And based on
sociological perception well being psychological and physical relates to Selection
and Protection.

Marital burnout: it is gradual deterioration of love and ultimate loss of and

emotional attachment between partners. It happen gradually that couples are not
aware of it. Even tough the partners would participate in house work and child care,

however still there are going to be some incompleteness in relationship. And when
the cost of the relationship going too high than benefit the partners prefers divorce.
For the solution I think the partner should always not expect a lot from each other
and both should focus how to keep safe the relationship and never think of divorce
especially when they are father or mother of children.

The challenge that children bring is composed of responsibilities of the

parents and teaching rules how to live up to the society. The parents have to spend
most of their time in raising children healthy and safe from drug and harm of the
neighborhood.

emty Nest Syndrome it is the time when children leave the house either for
education, or building their own family. This causes the parent emotional disruption
due to missing the children and specially the mother are feeling so. However if
Empty Nest Syndrome bring such emotional interruption, it also give the parent
another chance to relax and free from task of raising children.

Good communication composed of goals and self-disclosure. The first goal

which is a major part that should be clear, nonjudgmental and nonpunitive. And
second important goal is resolving conflict through problems solving rather than
coercion or manipulation. And other important part in good communication is:

Self-disclosure: which tell others about the point of view and feelings with and
expectation as reciprocity and it would open the door for a better communication.

The different between men and women in communication are :

Women talk is often and end in it selfe and women speak establish equality and
also encourage as pekad to continue by showind verbal interest and concern such
as ( oh really? Okey though.etc).

 Women speak is conversational maintenance ( asking question such what then

happen in event.) and also women speak is personal concret style( disclure the
feeling and thoughts). And tentativeness.

Men speech is instrumentally such as (give me three reasons). And often proble
solving by gathering information and giving direct suggestion. Men speak also
characterized as controlling, and enhance and defend personal status.

Men compare to women are speaking less emphatically and challenging.

Men speak is conversational domenent. In most of the time men tend to

dominate the conversation.

Compare to women men conversation is more forceful and they like to

communicate in abstract term.

Problem in communication relates to not communicating well to understand

each other. People might change their way of communication while can not change
his partner way of communicating. The problems range from Not-listening to silent
treatment.

Not-listening is an daily habit for many people while hearing his partener talking
but not listening to it and instead responding about a different topic.

Not- responding: it creates problem while the partener not listening to each other
and bring up their own problems. There are three common miscommunication as:

1.
Counterproposal: it is ignoring partners suggestion and start his/her own
ideas.

2.
Stone-walling: It is common more among men than women and it seem as the
partener turn in into stone and ignoring what he/ she hear.

 Blaming: in which partner feel that his work or action has evaluated too closely
and justify them unfairly.

Criticism: which judging the partner related work by specific complains to more
global. Example( dont you know any thing about managing money!?).

Nagging: which is also related to judgmental blaming and criticism.nag

Scapegoating: it is also a way of avoiding to accept our problem and instead

blam out friend, spouse, or parents.

Coercion or contempt: the partners imply their point of vieo on other and
expecting to be accepted. And contempt also is a devastating way that people use
and more obvious and assaulting way is name-calling sarcasm, hostile humor,
mokery ,and body language( sneering, curling upper lip or rolling eyes).

Silent treatment: it is a way that partener can sommunicate even not talking.
The silent treatment could be helpful in some specific cased ,however it could
create anger in partener.

The couples would have conflict over: money, house-work, fidelity, children,
privacy.

1.

Couple cope with conflict through following four ways:

Submission: when there is agreement among partner or one go along.

2.
Compromise: the partner finally gives up and goes with fair decision. Which
would be suggested by themselves or the third party?

3.
Standoff: the couple drops the argument and go after other activities and the
conflict leaves in withdraw.

4.
Withdrawal: where the while facing an argument one woul leave the room or
refuses continuing of argument.

Techniques that would improve communication:

a.

Ask for information

b.

Dont generalize

c.

Stay focused on the issue

d.

Be specific

e.

Keep it honest

f.

Make it kind

g.

Express appreciation

h.

Use nonverbal communication

i.

Important of all above just listen

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