3/20/15 - Journal 32

I ended my day of five home visits with a meaningful and challenging conversation with
one of my supervisors. My supervisor and I believe in the same big picture, but we have some
strong philosophical differences in how to achieve the end result. I do not believe either method
is more correct than the other, rather I think our beliefs stem from our base of knowledge, our
schooling and our experiences. My supervisor has over 30 years of experience educating children
with special needs. I have no prior education experience. The being said, my supervisor received
her Masters degree in 1975. Her on-the-job knowledge is vast, yet she has (self-admittedly) not
kept up with research about evidence-based or recommended-practices. We have had many
fruitful conversations around why she believes in certain methods as opposed to others and the
challenges present in the education system.
I thanked my supervisor in the car for her willingness to engage in dialogue with me,
even though we believed differently on certain topics (specifically, inclusion, ABA therapy, and
the use of non-contingent reinforcements). I told her how appreciative I was to have been paired
with a supervisor who was still so passionate about her profession and willing to dig a little
deeper. She made an off-hand comment about how I had intimidated her when I first started,
which she commented was ironic, because she had been told by her colleagues how intimidating
she could be. She quickly followed the comment with a question about my experience thus far in
my internship and the conversation veered.
I sent her an email this evening to follow-up:

Response:

The
email
back

highlighted two examples in which I had in fact inadvertently offended her. The first, the list of
recommendations, was a list of ideas to discuss at a staff meeting. I had been in my placement
for approximately a month and a half. My supervisor had asked me to participate in the meeting
and mentioned, if I had any ideas to bring them to the meeting. I sent her an email the afternoon
before our staff meeting:

The second example my supervisor brought up in the original email was when I had
disagreed with her during a home visit about eligibility services. I think back to that day the
mother was wavering on whether or not she wanted to attend the transition-assessment for her
toddler. Her reasoning, he had been doing so well in the classroom, that if he just had the right
teacher, he would be successful. After talking with the mom more about the eligibility
assessment, it came out that she was uncomfortable with the her child being given a disability
category. I validated her response, and mentioned her child had been doing so well in the
classroom because he had access to the supports he needed to be successful. I continued that if
her child was found eligible under Part B he would be guaranteed the services he deserves and
needed to continue her progress. I went on to recommend she take her child to the assessment,
and then depending on the results, go home, sit with it, talk through it with her husband and then
make a decision. My supervisor followed with you cant do that. I turned to her, and said
What?! That cant be right they cant make you choose right then and there if you want
services, right? Well have to look into that- I said.
My shock and disbelief had come across as disbelief in my supervisor. By no means was
I trying to disagree with her about the assessment and transition process, especially not in front
of a family. However, my words, perhaps my tone, had come off as a slight.
This journal entry is two fold. It is first and foremost another example of how important
communication is. How critical it is to check-in with those around you, taking the time to ask
sincere questions that allow the other person the space to share discomfort, frustration,
excitement, or pleasure. The conversation between my supervisor and I today established that I
have not checked-in and have not been careful enough with my words to always promote the
most cohesive working environment.

The second take-away from this journal focuses on an aspect of myself I am continually
trying to shape. I ask questions as a form of processing and reflecting. Unfortunately, my
inquiries as well as my passion have proved to be challenges of my personality. My questions
can seem accusatory or arrogant to certain people, especially if they are not accustomed to being
asked questions about why they believe in an idea, or act a certain way. My supervisor
commented in her email response as well as when we were speaking this afternoon, about how
she has not had anyone question her professionally in over five years. When I am interested in a
topic or perplexed by an idea I will seek to gain a greater understanding by asking how and why.
I ask my supervisor a lot of questions. And while she has been patient and kind in answering
each of my queries, perhaps I have not been grateful enough or aware enough to engage her in
dialogue from a softer, less zealous position.