Northeast Ohio March 2010 Vol. 41 No.

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

A joint publication of the Akron and Cleveland chapters

Cleaning Inside this issue:

About Us 2

the Events 2-3

closet In School

In the Media
4

By Ed Kancler, Akron chapter president Column 6

North Springfield Pres- other closet

byterian Church and Pastor
Janet Lowery have been
very kind to Akron PFLAG.
We are grateful for the
church letting us use space
for out monthly meetings,
and for providing us with
two enclosed, locked stor-
age closets. One stores
utensils such as our coffee
pot, plates, and napkins,
etc. It’s everything Rada
Jenkins needs for hospital-
ity at our meetings. The
has all our PFLAG
materials, including pam-
phlets and brochures, our
banner, items we sell, cop-
ies of newsletters, our Mis-
sion Statement and a lot of
other stuff.
Problem is, until this
past month, we really didn’t
know how much stuff, let
alone what kind. Usually,
there is a rush before our
meetings to get some
things out of the closet (no
CHAPTER
MEETINGS
Akron PFLAG
pun intended), set up chairs
Mar. 18, 7:00 pm
and have the meeting. That
N. Springfield Presbyt.
is, until Bill and Marie Libby,
671 N. Canton Rd.
Aud and I finally lived up to
our early 2009 promise to
Cleveland PFLAG
clean the closet. We did it! Mar. 9, Apr. 13
On January 26, 2010...only a 7:30 pm
(Continued on page 2) Trinity Episcopal
2230 Euclid Ave,, 44115

Alliance PFLAG
Cleveland chapter annual business meeting Mar. 23, 7:00 pm
Union Ave. Methodist
Cleveland PFLAG will hold its annual business S. Union Ave.
meeting on Tuesday, Mar. 9 from 5:30-7:00 p.m. (prior
to the support meeting). Wooster PFLAG
Mar. 18, 7:00 pm
Agenda will include a review of 2009 activities, fi- Universalist Fellowship
nancial update, and election of new officers. Also to be 3186 Burbank Rd.
Please call ahead to confirm.
discussed is a call for volunteers to represent PFLAG at
community events. A time for open discussion is in- Youngstown PFLAG
cluded. Mar. 21, 3:00 pm
The meeting is open to all members and will be held Stonewall Comm. Ctr.
1523 Poland Ave.
in the Trinity Commons conference room at Trinity Epis-
copal Church, 2230 Euclid Ave., Cleveland, 44115.
Page 2 Northeast Ohio PFLAG

Cleaning (Continued from page 1)

PFLAG
Our Mission
PFLAG promotes the health
and well-being of gay, lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender
persons, their families and friends
through SUPPORT to cope with
an adverse society; EDUCATION
to enlighten an ill-informed public;
and ADVOCACY to end
discrimination and to secure equal
civil rights.
PFLAG provides opportunity
for dialogue about sexual
orientation and gender identity
and acts to create a society that is
healthy and respectful of human
diversity.
few months late. Much was thrown out.
Much was saved. Much, we discov-
ered, we didn’t even know we had!
That’s why at our February meeting,
we were able to offer PFLAG T-shirts
and sweatshirts at rock bottom prices.
Also, while we thought we might
have to order new pamphlets and bro-
chures, now we don’t have to. We
have hundreds and hundreds of them
on all topics relating to our cause.
Need PFLAG jewelry and doo-dads?
We have plenty. Need PFLAG station-
ary? By the truckload! A TV set, DVD
player, VHS player, an extra PFLAG
banner, another Mission Statement,
thumbtacks (remember them?), pens,
pencils, tape, empty cardboard
boxes...everything but the kitchen sink!
At the end, we organized the
closet, so that everything we need to
display for our meetings is on the top
shelf. Additional written materials and
supplies are on the second shelf. The
TV, DVD, and VHS are at the bottom
of the closet. And, with time to spare
we took all the videotapes from our
library. They are now catalogued and
you will receive a copy of the list at our
March meeting, as well as a presenta-
tion of all the written materials avail-
able to you, your families and friends.
While all this was satisfying to do,
carting two boxes of trash to the
church dumpster, I must be honest.
Neither Marie, Audrey, Bill nor I felt a
need to go home and clean out our
own closets. That’s for another year (or
so).

AKRON CHAPTER
PO Box 5471
Akron, OH 44334
W W W . P F LA G A K RO N . O RG

HELPLINE: See articles on other events in the area on page 3.

330-342-5825
Executive Board
President-Ed Kancler; VP-Chris
Goldthorpe; Secretary-Joe Gardner;
Treasurer-Trish Casserly; At Large-
David Horowitz, Bill & Marie Libby,
Audrey Kancler, Joy Watts, Jim Lake,
Sue & Chuck Magilavy
Committee Chairs
Program-Chris Goldthorpe; Publicity-
Marie Libby; Hospitality-Rada Jenkins;
Library-David Greene; Newsletter-
Audrey Kancler
CLEVELAND CHAPTER
615 Prospect St.
Berea, OH 44017
W W W . P F LA G C LE V E LA N D . O RG
mail@pflagcleveland.org
MAR. The Red Ribbon Connection 10th anniversary celebration, 6:00-11:00 p.m.,
McKinley Grand Hotel, 320 Market Avenue South, Canton. Musical entertain-
6 ment, cocktails, dinner, show, dancing, silent auction, basket raffle, 50/50 raffle.
Proceeds support projects to help those with HIV/AIDS. Tickets: 330-417-5329.
Annual Community AIDS Network Raffle, 6:30 p.m., St. Joseph’s Family
MAR.
Center, 610 W. Exchange St., Akron. Reverse raffle, sideboards, silent auction,
20 50-50 raffle, stuff-the-box auction, $1,500 cash prize. Tickets include raffle
ticket, dinner, 2 drinks. Tickets $100/$25. Call: 330-252-1559.
MAR. Health Fair, 10:00 a.m., Mt. Zion Congregational UCC, 10723 Magnolia Dr.,
Cleveland. Presented by the Wellness Project HIV and AIDS Ministry. Info: the-
27 wellnessproject@yahoo.com, 216-791-5760.
MAR. Feed the Gays, second annual art show to benefit LGBT students, 5:00-10:00
p.m., Union Station, 2814 Detroit Ave., Cleveland. Presented by Cleveland
27 State University’s GLASA. Tickets $5. Info: glbt@csuohio.edu, 216-687-9265.

INFOLINE: APR. North Coast Men’s Chorus Spring Concert “Too Marvelous for Words; The
10-11 American Songbook” to benefit GLSEN, Saturday 8:00 p.m,; Sunday 3:00 p.m.,
216-556-1701
Waegen Auditorium, Cleveland State University. Tickets 216-556-0590 or tick-
Executive Board ets@ncmchorus.org.
President-Sharon Groh-Wargo; VP-
Jes Sellers; Secretary-Marianne
Buccini; Treasurer-Art Thomson; At APR. State PFLAG meeting, Columbus, OH. Look for more info in upcoming news-
Large-Alan & Margot Cohen, Craig 24 letters.
Hoffman; Legislative Coordinator-Tom
Roese; Newsletter-Pat Brandt;
Snacks-Gail Smith; Librarian-Gene
Ashley; Webmaster-Quentin Jamieson
March 2010
Cleveland PFLAG offers
alternate group meeting in April
Michelle Nicopolis, Lambda advi-
sor at Tri-C West, is available to
speak to PFLAG Cleveland about the
Northeast Ohio Alliance of College
GSAs on Tuesday, April 13. This will
PFLAG sponsors
“Leo’s Room” at
Film Festival
Cleveland PFLAG will sponsor
the movie “Leo’s Room” at the
Cleveland International Film Festival
March 18-27 at the Great Lakes Sci-
ence Center.
Showings of the film will be held
in the Omnimax Theater on Wednes-
day, Mar. 24 at 4:35 p.m. and Satur-
day, Mar. 27 at 11:30 a.m.
Leo is a young boy coming to
terms with himself and finding his
way in the world of sex. He runs into
Caro, a childhood friend he was fond
Laramie Project at Tri-C
The most performed play in
America is coming to Tri-C’s Metro-
politan campus (Theater 10) March
3-5.
be a 30-45-minute presentation, fol-
lowed by questions and discussion.
This is an alternative program to
the regular support group meeting,
which meets the same night at Trinity
Commons (see page 1 for info).
of when they were younger and who
he still finds attractive. She too is
trying to ward off her own personal
demons. Their chance reencounter
affects their individual personal con-
flicts without either truly grasping the
other’s problem.
See the entire program of films
at www.clevelandfilm.org. Tickets go
on sale to CIFF members February
26 and the general public on March
5. Use the code “PFLAG” for a dis-
count.
The play, written by Moises
Kaufman, chronicles the horrific mur-
der of a gay college student Matthew
Shepard and its impact on his com-
munity. It is based on 200 interviews
with residents or Laramie, Wyo.,
Matthew’s hometown.
Tickets are $10 each/$8 stu-
dents or seniors at the door or by
phone: 216-987-4211.
Theater 10 is located at 2900
Community College Ave., Cleveland.
Page 3
PFLAG Cleve-
land celebrates
25 years
PFLAG Cleveland celebrates
25 years in service to parents,
families and friends of the LGBT
community this year!
Please join us in the celebra-
tion by acknowledging our anni-
versary in your newsletters, on
your websites, and in communi-
cation with your membership.
We are proud of our work in the
Greater Cleveland area and look
forward to many years in further-
ing our mission of support, edu-
cation and advocacy for the
LGBT community and allies.
PFLAG Cleveland advisory
board members would be happy
to answer any questions or pro-
vides PFLAG materials to inter-
ested persons. Email requests
to: mail@pflagcleveland.org.
One of our 25th anniversary
projects will be to establish a
college scholarship for an LGBT
student or ally. We look forward
to the LGBT organizations’ sup-
port in this endeavor.
Take a look at our website at
www.pflagcleveland.org for edu-
cational and social events
throughout 2010.
Page 4
2010 Day of
Silence
Day of Silence is an annual
event held to bring attention to
anti-LGBT bullying, harassment
and discrimination in schools.
Students and teachers nation-
wide will observe the day in si-
lence to echo the silence that
LGBT face everyday. This is one
of the largest student-led actions
in the country.
Resources are available at
www.dayofsilence.org. Some
featured resources:
Day of Silence Organizing
Manual
In this “how-to” document,
you’ll find information on every-
thing from fundraising and pub-
licity to the nuts and bolts of get-
ting classmates, teachers and
school administrators on board.
Speaking Cards
Provide information about
your planning meetings, LGBT-
friendly school groups, school
safety issues, and organizing
efforts as you observe your day
of silence.
Web Buttons
We’ve got a banner for your
MySpace, Facebook, blog or
other personal website.
How to Get What You Want
Day of Silence can be a
great way to initiate change at
your school. Here’s how to get
started.
Freedom to Speak (or Not)
Common Day of Silence
questions answered by Lambda
Legal.
Bullying is not OK
Editors’ note: The following is ex-
cerpted from the “No-Name Calling
Week Resource Guide” published
by GLSEN.
Bullying among children is in-
tentional, aggressive behavior that
involves an imbalance of power. It
can take many forms, such as hit-
ting, teasing, intimidation, social
exclusion, and harassment using
technology. While it can lead to seri-
ous consequences, including de-
pression, anxiety, low self-esteem,
and suicide, many children do not
tell the adults in their life that they
are being bullied. So, it is important
for parents and teachers to see
signs of possible signs of bullying.
A child who is being bullied may
come home with unexplained cuts
or bruises or damage to clothing or
belongings.
He may be
Many children do
very reluctant
to go to not report bullying
school, ride
because they are
the bus, or
participate in embarrassed,
school activi-
ashamed, or
ties. She may
complain of frightened.
headaches,
stomach pain,
insomnia or nightmares. She may
lose interest in activities she once
enjoyed, appear moody or anxious,
and experience loss of appetite.
Many children do not report bul-
lying to parents or teachers be-
cause they are embarrassed,
ashamed, or frightened of the chil-
dren bullying them. If you suspect
your child is being bullied, it is im-
portant to talk with your child. Start-
ing a conversation is as simple as
asking:
“Do some kids pick on you?”
“Do you have any special
friends at school this year? Who?”
“Are there any kids you don’t
like at school? Why?”
Northeast Ohio PFLAG
“Are there kids who leave you
out of things on purpose?”
If you child shares that he is
being bullied, your first focus should
be on your child. Be supportive and
gather more information about what
is occurring. Don’t tell your child to
ignore it, and don’t blame him for
being a target. Learn more about
the specific kids and behaviors in-
volved. Sympathize with your child,
but keep your own emotions in
check. And never encourage physi-
cal retaliation—it is more likely to
escalate the situation.
Reporting bullying to the school
is often difficult for parents, but is
necessary to initiate change. Stick
to the facts and emphasize that you
want to work with the school staff to
find a solution. Resist the urge to
contact the bully’s parents as it of-
ten makes matters worse. Above
all, expect the bullying to stop. Talk
regularly with your child and school
staff to see if things have changed.
If not, contact school authorities
again.
You can help your child become
more resilient to bullying by devel-
oping her talents to build confi-
dence, encouraging activities and
friendships outside of school, and
periodically reminding her how to
seek help from an adult when
needed.
March 2010 Page 5

Ohioans Featured DOMA in jeopardy?

on “In the Life”
Two recent episodes of “In the
Life” show the reality of bullying
and suicides, as well as the diffi-
culty of being LGBT in Ohio.
Followed by the premier of “In the
States,” a feature focusing on the
struggle for LGBT civil rights in
Ohio.
Bullycides
“Bullycides” is a term recently
coined to address the national
health crisis of young people taking
their own lives as the result of bul-
lying.
Studies show that youth who
are bullied are five times more
likely to be depressed and to report
suicidal thoughts. LGBT children
and those who are perceived to be
gay, lesbian or challenge tradition
gender roles are among those
most likely to be targeted by bul-
lies. In this look at the most tragic
outcome for kids tormented by
kids, we meet heartbroken families
fighting for federal legislation to
protect their children.
In the States
After almost 17 years, could the U.S. military’s
“Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy be on its way out?
The New York Times reported February 3 that
Gen. Colin Powell, the nation’s top military officer
in the 1990s who opposed openly gay military ser-
vice, recently switched gears and is now behind
efforts to end the law he helped install.
“Attitudes and circumstances have changed,” General Powell was
quoted in the Times article. “I fully support the new approach presented to
the Senate Armed Services Committee this week by Secretary of Defense
Gates and Admiral Mullen [to repeal the law].”
The Associated Press reported that reaction to the proposal coming out
of the Pentagon and White House has been quiet, a big change from the
loud debates of the Clinton era. The AP noted that lawmakers may not con-
sider it a campaign issue, given the current economy and concerns about
the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Pew research polls found that support for gays openly serving in the mili-
tary is nearly 60 percent, with those “strongly opposed” at only 13 percent,
the AP reported.
Same-Sex Couples in the United States
Each star represents 250 households headed by a same-sex couple, as
reported in the 2000 U.S. Census. The total number of such households was
594,391 in 2000.
Map courtesy of Judith Bradford, Ph.D., and Kristen Barrett, Ph.D.
Survey and Evaluation Research Laboratory, Virginia Commonwealth University.
“Improving Health Care for the Lesbian and Gay Communities” By Harvey J. Makadon MD, in the New Eng-
land Journal of Medicine, 2006 volume 354 page 895.

The first installment of this

cross-country feature takes us to
Ohio, a state ranked among the
worst for LGBT rights. Ohio legisla-
tors banned not only same sex
marriages but any legal status that
approximates marriage; trans-
gender Ohioans lack basic civil
rights including the right to correct
their birth certificates and LGBT
people can be legally fired from
their jobs because of their sexual
orientation and gender identity. In
this report on the gay experience in
the heartland, we meet locals with
deep ties to their community orga-
nizing for equal rights.
For a video preview, go to:
http://www.youtube.com/user/
media.
Page 6
How to keep loving
Editors’
note: Rabbi
David
Horowitz,
PFLAG Na-
tional’s
board vice
president
and Akron chapter executive board
member, wrote a wonderful article
for Fusion magazine that was
picked up by PFLAG National.
Retired Temple Israel Rabbi
David Horowitz remembers his
coming out story. He was at a meet-
ing for the organization Parents,
Families and Friends of Lesbians
and Gays. It was the first safe place
he was able to say, “My name is
David, and I have a gay daughter.”
Coming out is a life-altering experi-
ence for every gay person; some
people forget it’s just as life-altering
for the families. When his daughter,
Wendy, came out in 1990, Horowitz
reacted as many parents do—with
shock, sadness and confusion. But
after finding support from his family,
friends, his congregation and
PFLAG, Horowitz accepted his
daughter’s sexuality. Horowitz is the
vice president of the national chap-
ter of PFLAG and a member of Ak-
ron’s PFLAG chapter. He offers
some tips to family members deal-
ing with a loved one who has re-
cently come out.
EDUCATE YOURSELF. There are
hundreds of resources about LGBT
issues and culture, whether you go
through PFLAG or other organiza-
tions like the LGBT Community
Center in Cleveland or the National
Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Talk
to people who’ve been through this
before. The best resource you have,
though, is your gay family member.
If your relative trusts you enough to
tell you he or she is gay, you should
be able to listen to what he or she
has to say. Don’t be afraid to ask
questions.
W h e n yo u n o l o n g e r n e e d P FL AG , t h a t ’ s w h e n P FL AG n ee d s yo u !
FIND SUPPORT. It’s always eas-
ier to go through difficult times if you
have your family and friends beside
you. Once you’re able to admit to
yourself you have a gay family
member, start by telling someone
else, whether it’s a relative or a
friend. You don’t have to come out
to your entire work place or class,
but having one more person on your
side helps tremendously. The more
you talk about it, the easier it gets.
Don’t forget, your gay family mem-
ber is your biggest supporter.
WHEN COMFORTABLE, BEGIN THE
PROCESS OF COMING OUT TO OTH-
ERS. Before he told his congrega-
tion, Horowitz didn’t know if anyone
at his temple was gay. Afterward,
though, he learned there were 250
gay people or people with gay rela-
tives in his congregation. “Once you
get to that point of being able to
share it, it is amazing how many
people are going to turn to you and
say, ‘Well, you know, I’ve got a gay
sibling.’” Don’t assume people will
react badly, especially older people.
When Wendy’s grandmother
learned her granddaughter was gay,
she looked at Horowitz and said,
“It’s still Wendy.” Give people some
credit. They may surprise you.
NEVER STOP LOVING THEM. It’s
the simplest step to write, but the
most difficult to do. Your relative will
inevitably change when he or she
comes out, but your love should not.
“I would hope the one thing they
Northeast Ohio PFLAG
would never lose is love,” Horowitz
says. “Some (family members) may
never be comfortable with the real-
ity, but hopefully they will be able to
love their niece, nephew, child,
whatever.”
WHEN APPROPRIATE, EMBRACE
YOUR FAMILY MEMBER’S PARTNER.
You’ve just now gotten used to the
fact that your family member is gay,
and now he or she wants to bring
his or her partner home for the holi-
days. Things just got trickier. The
most important thing is not to freak
out. This was to be expected, after
all. Horowitz says it’s important for
gay people to make an effort to un-
derstand what their families are go-
ing through and not to make any
rash decisions. “I think the gay per-
son who says, ‘I’m not going to go
there if I’m not welcome with my
partner right away’ may be
making a mistake,” Horowitz
says. Take it slow. Introduce
your partner to your parents first
at a casual dinner. Then move
to include more of your family.
After that, it’s easy to invite
them to weddings and holiday
dinners. “Only then will you
have fully completed the love
relationship: ‘I love you and
those you love,’” Horowitz says.
DON’T BLAME YOURSELF. It’s one
of the most important steps: “You’ve
got to learn that there is nothing you
did that caused LGBT people to
become LGBT people,” he says.
REMEMBER: IT TAKES TIME. It
took them time to come out to them-
selves. It took them time to come
out to others. It will take family
members time to accept it. As long
as you have love and trust, it will be
OK.
—Originally appeared in the Winter
2009-10 issue of Fusion Magazine.
Copyright © 2009-10 Fusion magazine.
Used with permission. Visit their website
at ThatGayMagazine.com.