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CVR_MOLD2556_02_SE_CVR.indd 1
NLP
2nd Edition
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brilliant
NLP
What the most successful people
know, do and say
second edition
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Contents
Acknowledgements
Introduction
ix
xi
1
27
37
65
81
105
119
129
9 Fantastic outcomes
141
153
165
179
Conclusion
Index
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204
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Acknowledgements
We would like to thank all the people who have helped and supported us in the writing of this book friends, family and the
publishing team at Pearson Education. There are many more
who made this book possible all the people mentioned in this
book whose names we have changed and who have achieved
such great things with NLP. Our intention is that you will join
them by having wonderful experiences in your life through the
power of NLP.
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A bit of history
NLP was created by Dr Richard Bandler and Dr John Grinder in
the early 1970s in California. Bandler and Grinder have long since
gone their separate ways, but have continued to develop NLP
models and techniques. In the last 30 years or so, many others have
contributed to this evolving field of personal change too many to
mention here. Our more recent contribution can be found in the
development of this not that thinking in the section on reframing
at the end of Chapter 3 and some of the exercises in Chapter 12.
Bandler and Grinder wanted to discover how successful people
achieve their results and then learn how to replicate their
models. They began by modelling highly effective therapists and
moved on to sales executives, negotiators, public speakers,
trainers and leaders. Very soon they had drawn together the very
best personal change tools from a variety of disciplines, plus
models of excellence from their early
subjects, and they designed the very
NLP offers effective
first public training in NLP. Today
tools and techniques for
NLP offers a vast array of effective
positive influence and
tools and techniques for positive
change
influence and change.
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Introduction
G
G
G
You have one brain but two minds one conscious and the other
unconscious. When you get out of bed in the morning you begin
running programmes stored in the depths of your unconscious
mind the one that remembers how to do all the things you do
automatically: how to ride a bicycle, drive a car, make yourself
feel good and make yourself feel bad. This storage area is much
larger than the conscious mind you are using to read this book
right now. The two minds work in a cooperative way a typical
example being when you are reading and your conscious mind
suddenly switches to something else. Then, your unconscious
mind takes over the reading and you arrive at the foot of the page
not remembering anything about what you have just read.
brilliant example
When driving a car, the unconscious mind is capable of getting you from A
to B while your conscious mind is focused elsewhere. You have probably
experienced arriving home from work without remembering anything about the
journey because you have been mulling over the events of the day. This works
really well for you while events are ticking over normally and you can repeat
habitual actions, such as changing gear, moving off when the lights go green,
preparing to stop when they turn to red and so on. If, however, something
untoward were to occur, such as someone pulling out in front of you, then your
conscious mind would jump into action and take over. You then totally focus on
the incident and all previous musing over the days events vanishes.
Once formed, a programme has the capacity for amazing consistency, producing the same results over and over again. Some
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programmes will work well for you, while others may have undesirable results and be holding you back. NLP is used to change
the programmes that are not working and create new ones that
do.
brilliant example
Have you ever put your keys down somewhere and then five minutes later
forgotten where you put them? How can this happen? Its usually when you
interrupt a well-rehearsed routine, such as leaving the house for work. You
pick up your keys, grab your bag, check the back door, then, just before you
open the front door to leave, you remember that you need to pick up some
papers you really need. Now your conscious mind turns its attention to the
papers and your unconscious knows you will need a hand to carry them so
it instructs you to put your keys down. The trouble is your conscious mind
hasnt registered where you put them down, so you have no visual memory
of doing so. Interrupting deep-set habits like this causes all kinds of
problems, but you can prevent them by being more consciously aware of
your actions when interfering with an unconscious routine.
For most people, things happen and they react. NLP offers a
better way. It gives you the tools to react differently by choice and
be more aware of your thoughts, feelings and behaviour.You will
discover what really makes you tick and begin to make crystal
clear decisions about what you want from work and life. Only
you can take responsibility for your results and make changes to
improve the quality of your life. Its like taking firm hold of the
steering wheel used to direct your career and personal life and
driving it in the direction you want with a real sense of vision and
determination. Once you have grasped it, you can use it to generate brilliant results in all areas of your life so you can not only
find your keys or drive your car with greater care but also find
work and relationships that are fulfilling and develop the strength
and confidence to keep you in control of every area of your life.
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brilliant example
Bernard believed himself to be a hardworking, focused, decisive
businessman. He paid attention to detail and nothing escaped his
attention. He revelled in his approach and believed that success was
achieved through hard graft and strong leadership. He was totally unaware
of the impact this was having on his most successful salesman, who felt
micro-managed and undervalued.
brilliant example
Nagar fell in love with Said. He was attentive and caring whenever he was
with her, but was often late when they had planned to do things together.
Very soon they were making wedding plans and a family was on the way.
What Nagar soon came to realise was that Saids attentive and caring
behaviour took over whenever he was with his family, friends and
colleagues. He was willing to do almost anything to help people out at the
time they needed it. The more he did so, the more people asked of him and
the less time he spent with Nagar and the new family.
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CHAPTER 1
Think your
way to success
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values
whats important to you personally
the value you place on people, things, places, activities
and information
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beliefs
what you believe about yourself and others
your opinions, judgements and capacity for conjecture.
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and, while you are busy chasing a career, money, partner, happiness or some kind of recognition, the important things and
people can get lost. Whats important to you has a big impact on
the way you behave. So if you feel that circumstances are forcing
you to do things that go against your values, then you will feel an
uncomfortable tug somewhere in your body. You may not know
where it comes from, what is causing it or even what it is about.
Such tugs appear in many different forms it could be a feeling
of discomfort, a fleeting thought or unpleasant memory or a
shiver. The chances are that you will ignore them and move on,
but this is your unconscious mind giving you a signal that something demands your attention. You can ignore it, but, if you
continue to do so, then you are suppressing the real you and
your inherent energy. When energy
becomes blocked, it can ultimately
it makes sense to pay
cause illness and disease. It makes
attention to tugs
sense to pay attention to tugs.
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If your values are being violated, what are you going to do about
it? Can you change your behaviour to bring it into line with your
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Intrinsic values
So far, we have looked at the values you have accumulated as a
result of your life experiences. Underlying these are some
deeper-rooted values that determine the way you approach life.
They are called metaprogrammes the source of your core
motivation and behaviour patterns.
Intrinsic values are easily recognisable because they show themselves as patterns in what you say, how you say it and what you
do. The key here is not deciding whether the behaviour is right
or wrong but whether it is useful in the circumstances or not.
Think of these programmes on a continuum, with 0 and 10 representing the extremes. You might function at one point on the
continuum at work and at another in your personal life. There is
no right or wrong it is a question of whether or not it is useful
in any given context. You will recognise yourself as we describe
the extremes at each end of the continuum.
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the extreme end, may not complete one goal before beginning
another.
G
G
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G
G
If you spend your time planning and making sure that you are not
late for meetings, parties and any other engagements, you have a
thru-time pattern. This preoccupation with planning your next
move or analysing the last may prevent you from concentrating on
the matter in hand.Your thinking is constantly flitting across past,
present and future.You may appear to others to be disinterested.
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G
G
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If you are externally referenced, you measure yourself against feedback from other people. You value this and will go out of your
way to find it. To internally referenced people, you can appear
needy and lacking in self-sufficiency. When faced with a challenge, you will seek facts, evidence, advice and opinions from
other people and sources.
G
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brilliant example
Kim has an options and global pattern. She experienced feelings of
inadequacy when her partner, who had a detail and procedures pattern,
was able to book the family holiday efficiently, taking care of all the
details. He would spend time studying brochures and, by a process of
elimination, decide on the right one and book it, apparently without any
feelings of stress. When Kim tried to do the same, she became distracted
and overwhelmed by all the different choices. The reason for her frustration
came from her preference for thinking globally and keeping her options
open. Once she realised this, she was able to relax, laugh at herself and
allow her partner to do what he is good at.
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Martin realised that he had a strong difference pattern and, every few
months, he would become bored with his job and seek a change. Realising
that this was not a recipe for success, he decided to accommodate his
difference pattern within his role, and social life, and still be able to
progress successfully at work. When the tugs of familiarity occurred, he
could recognise them quickly and deal with them.
Metaprogramme combinations
Up to this point we have described each individual metaprogramme, but it is the overall profile that determines behaviour.
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brilliant example
Tamara had been working as a supervisor at a high street store for
many years. Every few weeks she would receive a product plan for her
department, giving her directions as to how to lay out the products in
the store. All stores were different and the plan was subject to variation
according to space availability, shape and depth of shelves and product
availability. Tamaras store was particularly small compared with the others
in the chain, so she regularly had to flex the plan, such that it didnt always
resemble the diagram she was following. It didnt matter how often she
was told by others that her display was excellent, if it didnt match the
diagram, Tamara would not be satisfied and she would be constantly
attending to details in an attempt to get closer to the plan.
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brilliant example
Ron was affectionately known as Action Man by his friends and family. He
worked as an operations director in a Construction company, always coming
up with new ideas and putting them into action. To others he appeared to
have high levels of energy and found little time to sit still. When he arrived
home, he would excitedly tell his family about his day over dinner and then
take off to go to the gym or complete some project he had going in the
garden or house. He appeared to need little sleep and rose early in the
morning to get on with his day.
G
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a lack of flexibility due to being stuck at one end of a continuum. Heres an exercise to help you identify any patterns that
may be the cause of conflict for you.
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retain your belief in trusting and hope that one day this person
will also realise that. Each of these reactions has a very different
underpinning value that results from the meaning you have
accrued from your life experiences.
brilliant example
Gary had an away from and external reference pattern and had spent a
good many years making decisions based on what he wanted to avoid
(away from motivation). This, coupled with his external reference pattern,
caused him to be very uncertain about his own choices. Gary chose his
current job 15 years ago not because he wanted it, but to avoid the
insecurity of being jobless. This one decision led him to spend 15 years in a
job he dislikes, surviving by avoiding any situation that he found awkward
or uncomfortable, including meetings with other managers.
Garys very powerful habit of both avoiding difficult situations and not
knowing how to make good decisions brought with it a great deal of stress.
Having been given a little help to change the habit, he is now pursuing a
more fulfilling and engaging endeavour and looking a good deal younger
and healthier as a result.
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change. You may not know how to act differently and find the
change awkward and unnatural.This in itself will create a tug for
you a feeling that something isnt right and you may want to
revert to your more usual behaviour. If this happens, remind
yourself why you want to change and that the tug will diminish
the more you repeat the new behaviour. Think of the tug as a
signal that you are making a transition from old habits to new
and this will help you to become more flexible as a person. An
excellent technique for generating new behaviours to overcome
those that result from metaprogramme imbalances is the new
behaviour generator in the compendium.
brilliant tip
Listen to your language, particularly your use of words like must,
should and need. Are these words limiting you in any way? Are
the things you consider important really so important? What if you
were to relax your own rules attached to must, should and need?
What new possibilities might be created by dropping your
insistence on having things a certain way?
Develop a new habit by means of repetition. The more often you
act in a different way, the sooner the new habit will develop.
Observe someone you admire, noting the way they act and adopt
their approach. Notice what they do and listen to the language
they use. This will save you from having to work it all out for
yourself.
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CHAPTER 2
Dont believe
everything you
hear!
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our beliefs are connected to your values and are very personal. They form a significant part of the pattern in your
personal kaleidoscope. If you value trust, you are likely to
hold beliefs such as:
G
If you place a high value on mistrust, you are likely to believe the
opposite:
G
G
G
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brilliant example
A mother and daughter attended the same training course. About to
embark on a physical activity, the mother turned to her daughter and said,
Youll never be able to do that, you are uncoordinated.
Fortunately the facilitator overheard the comment and the girl was asked
to walk across the room. She did so elegantly, proving that she was indeed
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Mike and Wendy are young parents of a three-year-old boy, Nathan. Mike
tends to become defensive when his decisions are questioned. One day
Nathan was having a tantrum while Mike was trying to concentrate on
some urgent work. All attempts to calm him down failed and his stress level
rose to a point where he picked Nathan up and shook him. This made
matters worse as Nathan fell to the floor, screaming and banging his fists.
Wendy was looking on and shouted for Mike to stop. Shortly after the
incident Wendy asked Mike how he could have done such a thing to
Nathan. Mike replied, You have to discipline kids or they will never learn
to behave. Clearly Mike was using this belief to justify his behaviour and
either Nathans tantrums will continue or he might respond by suppressing
his feelings as long as that belief remains intact.
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brilliant example
A hard-working woman recently presented us with the belief you have to
work to earn money. It was attached to a value about having enough
money for her family to be secure. It was also important for her to have
an active social life and spend time with her family. However, she had
developed the habit of working late and at weekends. She became
increasingly unhappy.
When she realised that the belief was causing stress, she let go of it. She
continued to enjoy her job as well as spending time going to concerts with
friends and being with her family. Very quickly her new, and more powerful,
belief became enjoying time with friends will give me the fulfilment that I
am seeking. This attracted a whole new set of beliefs about what she was
and wasnt going to do. The initial change to her work belief triggered a
series of belief changes, much like a falling stack of cards.
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is a simple statement that will usually begin with one of the following phrases.
G
I cant . . .
People should . . .
He is easily distracted.
Im no good at maths.
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Step 2
Find an alternative, more empowering belief brainstorm for
beliefs that open up more possibilities. This is a matter of trying
on a variety of beliefs until you find one that fits. Make sure that
your new belief is stated in the positive for example, I can learn a
foreign language and I am learning something new in each lesson.
Step 3
Integrate the alternative belief. Imagine how things will be different
and gauge how you feel about this change. Imagine yourself doing
what you will be doing as a result. Imagine having a conversation
holding your new belief. Is this motivating you? Does it feel good?
If necessary, try on another belief and go through the same process.
Then select the belief(s) that make you feel really good about
yourself. Before finally committing to the new belief, consider how
it might affect other people.
Congratulate yourself for having taken control of your kaleidoscope. You have rid yourself of a limiting belief and created
another that is infinitely more powerful. Even better is that, over
time, this new way of thinking will become a habit and you will
generate empowering beliefs naturally.
brilliant tip
Think of your beliefs and values as a tree. The values form the
stable trunk and the beliefs are the fruit. Sometimes the fruit is
fresh and bright and nutritious, sometimes it rots and falls off the
tree and is no longer appetising. Every now and again, its worth
giving the branches a good shake so that old and unwanted beliefs
fall to the ground.
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CHAPTER 3
Think your
way to feeling
great
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Lets take a look at these components of your internal representation, beginning with the visual sense.
unlimited
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brilliant example
Harriet was having difficulty leaving her work behind at the end of the day.
She was becoming more and more stressed as the pile just didnt seem to
go down.
During coaching, we acknowledged that Harriet was very fond of pretty
things. We asked her to visualise herself at the end of the day wrapping the
outstanding work up in pretty coloured paper, tying a coloured bow around
it and leaving it there until the next morning when she could unwrap it
and continue with her work.
Harriet became much more relaxed about her work after that and her
productivity increased.
Lets play around with your visual imagery a little and see how
easy it is to change, or reprogramme, your thoughts and feelings.
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brilliant example
John had an away from pattern that was causing him a great deal of stress
as he predicted all the awful things that might happen to him. He had
plenty of time to dwell on his thoughts when walking his dog in the
mornings. As he did so, his head would go down into the internal dialogue
position as he told himself how awful things were.
During coaching, we suggested that, while out dog-walking, he might keep
his head up and notice the scenery around him, visualising all the good
things that had happened the day before.
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You can explore and change the qualities of your internal audio
in much the same way that you changed your mental imagery
above. Use the following technique to change the way you feel
when you think about a future event. It can be used in all kinds
of situations when you want to feel a certain way. How do you
want to feel when you wake up in the morning, when you get to
work on Monday, when your partner does something that
annoys you? How many different voices can you create for
yourself?
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When you realise that you have control over your inner voice and
associated sounds, you can walk around with a symphony
orchestra in your head and a host of film stars and cartoons at
the ready should you require their services. Have fun.
Feeling fantastic
The feelings you have during a day are the result of how you
have chosen to associate with your experiences. This is the
emotional domain. The word used to describe those feelings
is kinaesthetic.
Your feelings are generated by imagined events as well as real
experiences. If you have an argument with a partner or a disagreement with a shop assistant, the feelings you experience will
be part of a learned pattern of reacting to those circumstances.
A memory consists of visual, auditory and kinaesthetic elements,
sometimes including smells and tastes as well. Feelings result
from thinking in a particular way. For example, a feeling of
apprehension may be the result of creating dark, murky images
and internal dialogue that is warning you to be on the alert for
an awkward or difficult situation. Imagine how this contrasts
with the feelings of another person in the same situation who is
creating bright, clear images with internal dialogue that is full of
excitement.
You have the capacity for a wide range of feelings from excited
highs to heavy lows and, at worst, depression.There are many techniques to help you feel the way you want to feel. Some of them help
you to change the feelings you have attached to negative memories,
while others give you a way to create any feeling you want at any time.
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brilliant example
Louise had to present to the board of directors on a regular basis. The more
she did it, the more nervous she became.
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On one particular day, she was excited that she was going to present her
new idea, which would save the company a great deal of money. She was
also anxious about blowing it and really wanted to get the board to listen
to her idea.
We helped Louise to access a confident state she knew well from another
situation and anchor this state to the boardroom door handle. As soon as
she touched the handle, the confident state emerged and she was able to
give her presentation.
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2 Project the image in front of you above the horizon level. Make
sure you are looking at yourself in the image.
3 Put a frame around the image. Make it colourful and bright
with a high level of contrast. If sound is involved, adjust an
imaginary graphic equaliser so that it is across the full range of
treble, middle and bass. Make it surround sound.
4 Intensify the colour, brightness, contrast and sound.
5 Slowly bring the image closer to you and notice how the frame
eventually disappears until the image is so close it has enveloped
you and is all around you. As the feeling of state X approaches the
peak of its intensity, set your anchor by gently squeezing your
thumb (or pinching your ear or whichever anchor you have chosen).
Release the anchor as soon as the sensation begins to diminish.
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You can test the anchor by future pacing. Think about a situation in
the future where you will want state X. As you run through the
scenario in your mind, fire your anchor. The key to successful
anchoring is the intensity of feeling, the timing of setting the
anchor and the precision with which you set and fire the anchor.
Just as you can create a positive anchor, you can eliminate negative anchors. For example, you may have had a negative
experience with someone when you did not cope well. You may
have had bad experiences at work that are still causing you to
lose confidence or become frustrated. Your reactions in those
situations create a negative state that makes your inner resources
inaccessible. Even though the incident might have happened
some time ago, you still carry the feelings associated with it and
behave accordingly. Your behaviour reinforces your state and
forms a strong habit, such that, every time you find yourself in a
similar situation, the limiting behaviour is triggered.
The following technique uses space and physical location to
relieve those negative and stressful feelings. You neednt keep
such bad feelings in your memory you can collapse them and,
if you wish, replace them with positive feelings.
brilliant example
Phil realised, with coaching, that he had deliberately been perpetuating a
negative relationship with Sarah, his colleague. Whenever they met, he
would be in a negative, defensive state, which Sarah would pick up on.
They would argue and part feeling bad.
Using the collapsing anchors technique, below, Phil was able to establish a
new way of approaching Sarah to rebuild the relationship.
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Collapsing anchors
1 Mark two spaces on the floor about 2 metres (6 feet) apart.
2 Label one space with a minus sign, the other with a plus sign.
3 Stand on the minus sign and bring an unpleasant memory into
your mind. Talk about the event for a minute or so and check
how you feel as you recall the experience.
4 Take a couple of deep breaths and walk briskly over to the plus
sign space, bringing a pleasant memory into your mind and
make this more intense than the negative feeling. Talk about
this experience for a minute or so, paying attention to the
images and sounds you use to recall the events. Intensify the
qualities of colour, size, clarity, brightness and volume, then
bring the image close to you. Bring the image closer and closer
and notice how your feelings intensify. Hold this feeling for a
few moments and then relax.
5 Staying on the plus sign, talk again about the earlier
unpleasant experience and notice how the negative feelings you
had before have disappeared. You have collapsed the negative
anchor.
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brilliant example
As the sales director of a large company, Joe had been attending the same
meeting on a regular monthly basis 40 miles from his home for 2 years.
The meeting always had the same format and people had adopted their
own ways of dealing with the negativity that had grown over the years.
The meeting consisted of a series of reports from various sectors of the
business. When he first started to attend the meeting, Joe had put forward
an idea as a result of a presentation by the HR director, but his idea had
been ignored. That caused Joe to feel if he were to offer ideas in the future,
the same thing would probably happen. Because of that the very thought
of attending the meeting put him into a negative state. He never offered
an idea again and, when others were speaking, Joe would be checking his
e-mails on his mobile.
You could say that by checking his e-mails Joe was making the
best use of his time in the meeting, if what he believed was really
true. No one ever challenged him they just accepted that was
what Joe did in meetings, in the same way that Mary, the operations director, brought her production analysis sheets and
worked on them until it was her time to present.
If no one was listening, what was the point of the presentations?
Each director might just as well have produced a report and sent
it round to their colleagues to read in their own time. The
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brilliant example
Chris was being coached. Following a number of personal relationship
failures, he felt that he needed some help to restore his self-belief.
Things were going great until one day he arrived at the coachs house
and tarmac was being laid outside in the driveway. The smell of the
tarmac took Chris right back to a really nasty experience. The coach
used the collapsing anchors technique to help Chris to regain his
equilibrium.
Here are some everyday anchors that can evoke different states
in people:
G
G
G
G
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G
G
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brilliant example
During one of our programmes, Colin, a delegate, moved the curtains to
shade us from the sun. As he did so, a large spider ran out and he virtually
flew across the room and out of the door. Another delegate removed the
spider and Colin returned to his seat, highly embarrassed. He explained the
strength of his phobia and we suggested that, if he would like to deal with
it, we could do so very quickly.
After a ten-minute phobia fix, Colin asked if he could go and find a spider.
We found one in the conservatory and he was quite happy to stand and
look at it from a distance of 6 cm (212 inches).
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Reframing
The exercises in this chapter will have helped you to work with
the emotions attached to your thinking and given you access to
your inner resources. There may be times when the way you are
thinking is creating a barrier. You can change your perspective
completely by reframing this kind of thinking in a number of
ways. In the same way that placing a new frame around a picture
can give it a whole new appearance, placing a new frame around
your thoughts can give you a very different perspective.
brilliant example
Frank was at his wits end (his words) regarding trying to get his youngest
son, Timmy, to keep the house tidy. The relationship became increasingly
strained as Frank continued to lay down the law. He often raised his voice
and Timmy responded by retreating into silence and making himself scarce.
The situation became progressively worse and Timmys performance at
school suffered. Frank explained that he was lost for a way to help Timmy
get his act together. Timmy was getting a hard time from his dad and his
falling marks at school were a direct result of stress.
We offered Frank the following reframe.
It appears that you have been pushing Timmy to meet a certain standard
of tidiness, which is causing him a good deal of stress and creating
distance between you. His untidiness may, in fact, be a phase that kids of
his age go through and a sign that hes behaving normally. By letting him
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brilliant example
Fiona likes to be on time and is obsessive about dates, times, schedules and
lists. Mike, Fionas partner, is the exact opposite, preferring to take a more
relaxed and laid back approach to life. Mike was feeling torn, wanting to
please Fiona while at the same time being unable to rationalise the
pressure she was putting him under.
After some coaching, Mike realised that Fionas ability as an organiser was
useful in many ways, including remembering family birthdays, shopping,
planning holidays and generally running the family very effectively. Having
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reframed his thinking in this way, the pressure eased. It was attached to
the way he had been thinking, not to the circumstances.
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brilliant example
Peter was a project manager who was a real stickler for detail and
procedure. He had been given responsibility for a major project involving
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Simon. Simon became more and more anxious whenever he thought about
the project.
Peter and Simon had clashed from the outset. Simon didnt know how to
deal with Peter when he insisted on introducing details that Simon believed
were unnecessary at the meetings. This began to affect his ability to
contribute rationally. He would sneer and make derogatory comments
about Peters style of management in front of the project team. When
questioned about the situation, Simon replied, He needs to learn a lesson
if hes going to get on Ill teach him, dont you worry.
Simon was offered the following reframe.
So Simon, it seems you want to go on feeling bad about this relationship,
dont you? You are going to continue to snipe at Peter and have everyone
else laugh and snigger at you behind your back. You dont even mind that
they perceive you as behaving like a child. The project will suffer and your
emotional energy will be tied up in creating negative feelings towards
Peter, so you will have very little left for creativity in relation to the project.
You wont mind that, though, because teaching Peter a lesson is so much
more important to you than building good relationships and getting the
project completed successfully. Your antagonistic behaviour will serve you
well when you find yourself not being invited on to the team for future
projects. You may even find yourself without a role at all and thats OK
because the most important thing here is to make Peter look silly, isnt it?
This technique may appear a little harsh, but, with the right
person, it could be the most effective tool to use. In this case,
Simon is the type to allow his ego to get in the way, so the technique had to be stronger than his overinflated ego. What Simon
received was a reframe that moved him from thinking Peter
needs to be taught a lesson to my career is more important than
the way I feel about Peter. This caused sufficient pain to
Simons ego for him to let go of the need to teach Peter a lesson
and make positive adjustments to his thinking and behaviour.
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brilliant example
Michelle was having a problem with her flatmate, who seemed to be
interfering in her life. She took it to mean that her flatmate didnt trust her
to make her own decisions about boyfriends. Michelle began to mistrust her
own judgement and became withdrawn, refusing invitations to nights out.
When questioned, she said that her flatmate didnt want her to have a
good time and was jealous of her boyfriends. This frame of thinking caused
a deep rift in the friendship.
Michelle was offered the following reframe.
Michelle, could it be that your flatmate cares about you and doesnt want
to see you get hurt? Maybe she has had a painful relationship and doesnt
want you to experience the same pain. Perhaps focusing on the perceived
jealousy is keeping you from noticing ways in which she really does care.
However it may seem to you, the reality could be very different. If she did
care for you, what is it she does that will tell you this?
Michelle decided to look for evidence that her flatmate really did
care about her well-being. She discovered lots of small things she
did for her that had previously gone unnoticed. The relationship
improved and they healed the rift. The point at which this situation turned around was when Michelle flipped her that mindset
to a this mindset and created a positive intention to find the good
in her flatmate.
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brilliant tip
Every new skill you attempt requires a degree of practice. The more
you practise these techniques, the more you will reprogramme your
thinking to create new feelings and behaviour that serve you well.
Take one technique at a time and practise it several times on issues
that are real for you before moving on to the next technique.
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CHAPTER 4
Organise your
thinking for
successful
results
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it is so important to
make sure your beliefs
are empowering you
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brilliant example
Sally opted out of a language exercise, saying that she was no good at
English. She explained how her English teacher had encouraged her to
pursue a career with numbers because her English was so poor. She
followed this advice, took a job as a junior accountant and disliked it
intensely. She left after three years to work as a shop assistant, from where
her career developed.
On being quizzed about her current role, she revealed that she had been
promoted to the customer services team, writing letters for the department
and really enjoys it. Sally also receives regular praise for the quality
and creative nature of her letters. Despite this praise, however, she still
maintained the belief that she was no good at English and developed
the habit of withdrawing from any activities based on language. The
acceptance of her teachers belief limited Sallys natural ability in this area
for many years.
brilliant example
A group of elderly couples were walking arm in arm through a hotel lobby
to dinner. One lady was limping and carefully holding on to her husbands
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arm. As she limped across the room, she suddenly realised that she had left
her glass of wine at the bar and took off with a determined stride to
retrieve it. She had forgotten to limp. The limp was not in her leg, it was in
her mind.
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brilliant example
Jamie is of Middle Eastern origin and settled in the UK with his beautiful
wife Anika. He was finding life hard not getting along with his
colleagues at work, his social circle was getting smaller and he felt
increasingly isolated. He blamed the culture in the UK and felt unable
to fit in. He decided that it was time to move back to his home country.
Anika explained to us that Jamie was exactly the same in his home
country. She didnt want to move back and knew that his problem was
nothing to do with country or culture. Jamie was merely shifting the
responsibility for how he was feeling on to the culture and country.
Anika knew that the real problem was Jamies shyness.
Fortunately, it took only one coaching session with Jamie for him to
become aware of his shyness pattern and learn some strategies for making
friends and being a more confident person.
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inside you want to act a certain way, but, when the time comes,
you resist the inner urge and maybe tell yourself, Not this time,
maybe next time. That is incongruence and it is not something
success thrives on.
Success requires congruence, which means an alignment of all
the levels from purpose all the way through to behaviour. Only
then can you affect your environment in the way that you really
want. Creating such an alignment is the process of building selfconfidence, as you then know that you have executed a change
of mind and acted accordingly. Being able to recognise when you
are being incongruent is the first step towards making your
desired change happen.
The feeling of incongruence doesnt have to stem from a major
life realisation it can happen during the course of a business
meeting or in a conversation with a partner. So, whatever you are
doing, it pays to be able to recognise feelings of incongruence.
When you take a close look at the times when you are successful,
chances are you also feel happy and confident. Sure, you can
imagine all kinds of bad things happening if you choose to, but,
when you are engaged in the act of doing something superbly
well, you will be at your happiest. There is a saying, If you have
to ask yourself if you are happy then you are probably not.
Happiness is a state of mind and you arrive at it by being congruent in your actions.
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Satir categories
Virginia devised four categories of behaviour that she identified
as being responsible for many family conflicts, and one that can
be used to resolve conflict and bring people together.
Distracter
Distracters seek attention to compensate for their feelings of
loneliness or inadequacy. The positive intention behind their
behaviour is to protect them from facing up to things.
Distracting behaviour includes removing a hair from your jacket
lapel while you are talking, sabotaging a conversation by making
a joke, interrupting a conversation, frequently changing the
subject.There are many other types of distracting behaviour that
people use to deflect attention from a subject that may be
reminding them of their feelings of loneliness or inadequacy.
Distracter patterns are usually learned early in life when you are
at your most vulnerable to what is happening around you. At the
time, the pattern is like a coping strategy, but it can become a
long-term habit. Luckily we know how to break habits.
brilliant example
Derek was a forthright person with lots of confidence and intelligence. He
was a senior director with a retail company and was getting squeezed out
by other directors because they said that he was far too arrogant. He had
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developed a habit of kicking or throwing around any small items within his
reach. It was as if he were releasing some negative energy as a response
whenever he felt that he wasnt being listened to or acknowledged, as if to
say Hey, Im here, can you watch me now.
Derek was astounded at the number of years he had been holding on to
this pattern and, after coaching, realised that it was no longer required. He
was then able to relax and respond in a more mature way without needing
to be the centre of attention.
Placater
The placater is out to please talking in an ingratiating way,
never disagreeing and always seeking approval. Feelings of an
inability to cope alone create a martyr or yes man (or woman!)
A placater is often the first person to accept the blame when
things go wrong.
brilliant example
Jenny just couldnt stop herself from saying Sorry at the beginning of
almost everything she said. It was such a habit, that it just popped out all
the time Sorry for asking, but . . . or Sorry, did you want to use this? or
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I didnt think to ask, I hope youre not upset, Im ever so
sorry. Jenny would say sorry for entering a room, sorry for being in the way
and sorry for watching the wrong channel on television.
Blamer
Blamers find fault, never accepting responsibility themselves,
always blaming someone or something else. They feel unsuccessful and lonely. They often suffer from high blood pressure
and come across as aggressive and tyrannical. They will tell
you what is wrong with things and whose fault it is and, in
doing so, become powerless to do anything about it. By
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brilliant example
Damian had a set way of doing things. He appeared outspoken and
stubborn to those who knew him. The combination of away from and
procedural metaprogrammes caused him to know the right way to do
things and he would blame those who disagreed when things didnt go his
way.
Computer
Computer-like behaviour is that which is very correct and
proper, but displays no feeling. The voice is dry and monotone
and the body often very still and precise in its movements, which
are minimal, masking a feeling of vulnerability.
brilliant example
Jo had worked with computers for a long time. Her main means of
communication was via e-mail and she became awkward when in the
company of others. Consequently, she remained as still as possible, speaking
only when spoken to and her movements were controlled and deliberate.
Leveller
This is the category to be in. Levellers have few threats to their
self-esteem. Words, voice tone, body movements and facial
expressions all give the same message. Levellers apologise for an
action, not for existing. They have no need to blame, be subservient, retreat into computer behaviour or be constantly on the
move.They are great communicators and have the ability to build
bridges in relationships, heal impasses and build self-esteem.
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brilliant example
Kieran was the chief executive of a pharmaceutical company. His team had a
high level of respect for him due to his ability to be straight and honest with
them. He was able to drive the business, admit when he made a mistake,
recognise ideas and ability in others and have fun while keeping a cool head.
All these attributes can be learnt via NLP using the techniques
in this book.
brilliant tip
Be careful what you think it can so easily become a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
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CHAPTER 5
Using rapport
to build
successful
relationships
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other times they are mirror images of each other mirroring. Its
like dancing to a rhythm.
You can use this knowledge and do it deliberately to provide the
foundation for building rapport with anyone you choose. In
NLP, as mentioned, it is called matching and mirroring.
Essentially, it works like this. People like people who are like
them, so a sure way of building rapport with others is to be like
them. You can build relationships and influence a wider variety
of people by becoming consciously
aware of what you do when you
people like people who
naturally have rapport. Equally,
are like them, so . . . be
when rapport has been lost, you can
like them
take decisive action to rebuild it.
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G
G
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legs crossed? Notice the gestures used and use the same gestures
when you are speaking. Raise or lower your voice tone and pace
to match. Above all, be curious about what he or she has to say
and acknowledge that you are listening. When you speak, use the
same words as he or she does wherever possible rather than
substituting your own preferred words dont use shop for their
store. This may seem unnatural, but it works. It is giving the other
person a very strong message that you are a lot like him or her.
brilliant example
Laura was struggling to understand her manager. Whenever she designed a
complicated conference, she would present it to him and he would invariably
ask about a small detail, such as what times the coffee breaks were. She felt
that he was devaluing all the hard work she had put in, until we explained how
his need for detail was driving his behaviour it had nothing to do with Laura.
Next time Laura was in that situation, she simply pointed out the times of
the coffee breaks and he was perfectly happy and didnt feel the need to
check anything further. As a result, his trust in Lauras ability to attend to
detail grew and so did the autonomy he gave her.
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Heres how you might use chunking to gain financial support for
a project.
You arrive at your managers desk to find him deep in conversation about the latest cricket test match. You are not going to be
very popular and probably wont get a result if you begin talking
about money immediately. You need to find a way to lead him
from test match to financial support.
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In this example, there are seven levels, but, in reality, a conversation can range over any number of levels.
1 Corporate finance
2 Sponsorship
Finance
3 Professional sport
4 Test match
6 Players
7 Batsman
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You can have a lot of fun with pacing and leading as well as
avoiding potentially confrontational situations. You will be surprised how easy it is to connect things in this way once you have
practised the technique.
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body posture
breathing pattern
lip size
pupil size
skin colour.
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ever have to deal with that person again, you will know what
signs to look for that show he or she is frustrated. If, say, the
signals are screwing up the face, squeezing the fists and grinding
the teeth, if you notice these, you can begin to pace and lead the
person into a more receptive state, rather than dive straight in
with your idea and have it rejected simply because the person is
in the wrong state to consider it properly.
Some people are not easy to calibrate typically, those who like
to keep their emotions to themselves. They will test your skills of
sensory acuity and calibration to the full. Look carefully for
changes in their physiology maybe a very slight change in
posture or lip size, for example. The signs will be there as the
body always shows a change of state.
To develop your sensory acuity, you will need to practise calibrating the physiology of people as they change between states.
Avoid trying to interpret what any state means. If you say Jack
looks depressed you may be correct, but then again you really
dont know unless Jack previously told you that he was depressed
and his physiology at the time was the same as it is now.You can
only truly interpret what a state means when the person has
given you evidence that describes it.
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brilliant example
Tessa functioned at such a fast rate in the visual mode that she had
forgotten how to feel. She could see the solution to problems so quickly in
her mind that she didnt stop to think about how she or anyone else felt
about them. People had trouble keeping up with her and, consequently,
her ability to communicate effectively was impaired. Over time, she had
become severely stressed as a result and was having medical treatment for
conditions that appeared to exist only in her mind.
On recognising this and after some practice, she was able to reconnect with
her feelings. She went on to make some major changes in her life and is
now a much happier, healthier person.
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brilliant NLP
People who use the auditory mode frequently in their communication tend to speak with a varying tone. They are likely to
breathe from the mid-chest area.
In conversation, the auditory communicator will have a tendency to choose auditory words, such as:
G
It sounds OK to me.
brilliant example
Paula lived with her elderly mother and was becoming increasingly
frustrated about the amount of time her mother spent watching soaps on
television. Paula functioned mainly via the auditory channel and couldnt
understand the need for such visual stimulation. Paula, however, would go
about her daily jobs with her personal stereo plugged in, listening to The
Archers. Both were interested in soaps, but preferred different channels for
them.
With her newfound awareness of this, Paula was able to be a great deal
more tolerant of her mother.
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brilliant example
Betty believed that she had a learning difficulty as she struggled to
remember anything from lessons she attended. She had always thought
that this was due to a lack of intelligence and poor memory.
During a training course, she learned that her internal dialogue was really to
blame. Each time the trainer asked Betty a question, he noticed, from the
position of her eyes, how she had been engaged in her own internal dialogue
and, therefore, had not been listening to what was going on in the sessions.
On realising this, she made a conscious effort to stay tuned in to the
trainer and, over time, managed to tame her inner dialogue.
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brilliant example
Graham used his feelings almost exclusively to communicate. During
conversations he would take such a long time to form an answer that the
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by modifying just a
small aspect of your
communication in this
way, you can have a
significant influence on
people
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brilliant NLP
brilliant tip
Building rapport is an elegant, sincere process. It can become very
mechanical and obvious if you are not genuinely interested in the
person with whom you are building rapport, so make sure that you
use these techniques with integrity.
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CHAPTER 6
The impact of
words
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
A sales executive wanted to improve his results, but was hesitant when
talking to new prospects. The root of the hesitancy was an experience of a
visit to a new prospect that didnt go well. The prospect ignored him and
made him feel small (his words). His memory of this event brought up
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Generalisation
The speaker takes a particular experience and applies it to a
multitude of other situations. Lets look at some examples.
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brilliant NLP
Questions What cant you do? What stops you? What tells
you that? Who cant? Do you know anyone who does? How
many hours and days are you thinking of? What if you
could?
Words to listen for Cant, unable, not possible.
Nobody loves me
G
Deletion
Details are deleted as the speaker chooses what to focus on.
Here are some examples.
Hes a failure
G
Questions How did he fail exactly? What did he fail at? Who
says so? Has he failed at everything hes done? Is there
nothing he has succeeded at? Has he not succeeded at
drawing your attention? What else is he succeeding with?
Words to listen for Instances where a verb has been turned
into a noun, such as failing at becomes failure or he is
performing becomes his performance or he is succeeding
becomes his success.
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She rejected me
G
Distortion
He never buys me flowers so he doesnt love me
G
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brilliant NLP
Questions How do you know? What tells you that? You can
read my mind?
Words and phrases to listen for Statements that include
conjecture and suggest mindreading.
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More insight into the way we use language can be gained from
looking at the way we use the past, present and future tenses.You
will often hear people say things such as:
G
Im no good at numbers
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brilliant example
Ben: Its like the car is running, the wheels are going round, but were not
going anywhere.
David: Really! That must mean the engines working very hard.
Ben: Youre right, it is.
David: Then that must be putting a lot of strain on the engine.
Ben: You are absolutely right its like there is so much detail and I cant
join up the dots.
David: Which dots?
Ben: The dots of my aspiration.
David: What do the dots look like?
Ben: I dont know actually there arent any.
In this conversation, David first joined Ben in his metaphor. He then led
him from a state of frustration to a realisation that his stress was of his
own making. Ben didnt know where his stress was coming from. By
developing the metaphor, he became aware that the cause of his stress was
an aspiration without a plan.
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guage has such an immediate impact, you will find that your
words will increase your personal power in such areas as:
G
coaching others
presenting in public
teaching
negotiating
parenting
Above all, it will give you more confidence and positive energy
in all areas of your life.
brilliant tip
The secret of effective questioning is to choose the one question
that is absolutely appropriate to create a shift in someones
thinking. If we constantly ask questions just because we can, we
will very soon become Billy no mates.
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CHAPTER 7
Time and
emotion
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Tina had a strong tendency to be thru-time. The value she put on planning
and getting things done was so great that it outweighed any need she had
for forming professional relationships. People where she worked felt
undervalued by her and developed the habit of putting her requirements to
the bottom of their list of things to do. This caused time delays for Tinas
projects and she became frustrated at her inability to meet deadlines. The
more Tina became frustrated, the more she blamed her colleagues for their
ineptness and the worse the problem became.
Through coaching, Tina balanced her approach to time. She learned to
create more in-time moments, focusing on her professional relationships,
and before long people were prioritising her work requests more positively.
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Sobia had a zest for life that was admired by all her friends. She loved
starting projects, but her in-time approach to life wreaked havoc as she
moved from one project to another, openly displaying her excitement and
underestimating the time that each one would take. Consequently, she
frequently let people down as she was unable to keep to the strenuous
time schedule she set for herself. Because she was fun to be around, her
friends simply put it down to scattiness and developed the habit of making
allowances for her.
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4 Review all the images for a while so that when you want to
access them they pop up into your minds eye at the places
where you put them. The more you practise, the easier it
will become.
5 When you want to plan something, create a pleasant mental
can be a calendar page divided into hours or a computergenerated image of your electronic calendar. If you prefer,
create it in linear form if that works for you. Make the
image bright, clear and colourful.
2 Mentally place all the activities you are going to be involved
little less detail. If there are days you havent yet planned for,
then see them as blank spaces make sure they are included
and that the spaces represent the length of time available.
4 Now have a go at creating next month. With a little practise
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brilliant NLP
brilliant tip
Some people create their mental calendars using the imagery of a
personal computer. The proliferation of computers and Windows
software has influenced the imagination of people everywhere. The
function of clicking on a button to expand an image can be used to
bring up mental images by clicking an imaginary button and then
they can be collapsed in the same way. This is not so peculiar when
you think that Windows software was created by a human mind to
reflect how a human mind works with visual images.
We encourage you to explore your minds ability to create formats
for representing time with creative enthusiasm.
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CHAPTER 8
Debug the
programmes
you dont
want
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brilliant NLP
course, some people might react the opposite way, facing the
challenge head on. How you react to this or any type of situation
depends on how you are creating your personal map of reality.
You will also notice in the diagram that your physiology also
affects your state.That is why doctors often recommend physical
exercise, such as running, for patients exhibiting signs of
depression. Getting energy moving around the body has a posi-
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tive effect on your mental state.You can use this technique, too,
to get out of a negative state and give yourself a lift.You can also
use deep breathing to calm yourself down. NLP utilises all the
ways in which the mind and body affect each other.
This mindbody interaction is exactly the same in whatever state
you create for yourself it begins with your personal map. So,
checking all the different aspects of your personal map, and
making changes to create more positive and useful states, such
as confidence, calm, focus, excitement, enthusiasm, persistence
and so on, is at the core of NLP. That is how your programmes
are formed and how you change them.
You have programmes for everything you do motivating yourself, procrastinating, negotiating, getting tired, buying things.
You also have programmes for all the things you would rather not
do but continue with because you have formed a strong habit of
doing them. All the programmes consist of sequences of
thoughts and behaviour that are triggered by certain stimuli. In
NLP, each sequence is called a strategy for achieving an
outcome. If you have ever tried to
break a habit and failed, then it is
once you know about
more than likely that you were
all the components of
unaware of either the trigger or the
a strategy, you can do
unconscious parts of the strategy.
any number of things
Once you know about all the components of a strategy, you can do any
number of things, including:
G
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brilliant example
Dennis was very careful with his money. When he made a decision to buy
something, he would follow a set strategy. It went something like this:
G visualise myself using it (internal visual)
G ask, Do I really need it? (internal dialogue)
G if the answer is Yes, research the model/type/make/price (internal
visual)
G ask, Who shall I ask for an opinion? (internal dialogue based on
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Test
Operate
Test
Exit.
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Eliciting a strategy
When you elicit a strategy, you will discover values, beliefs and
metaprogrammes plus a sequence of thoughts and behaviour.
Eliciting a strategy
Choose something you do that you would rather not do or
something you would like to improve on motivating yourself,
stopping procrastinating, improving your decisionmaking or giving
up smoking, for example.
Find the trigger
G How do you know when to do this?
G What lets you know you are ready to do this?
G What do you do as you are preparing to . . . ?
G What steps do you go through?
G What happens next?
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Norman wanted to stop smoking. He could manage without a cigarette
most of the time, but found the urge irresistible when he had something to
celebrate. At such times, his strategy included a visual of his hero on top of
a mountain smoking a cigarette. This resulted in a strong belief that all
successful people smoke, hence his need to smoke when he felt successful.
Once Norman realised that was his trigger, he changed his belief to no
matter how successful you are, smart people dont smoke. He was then
able to modify his strategy at the trigger point, removing the cigarette from
the visual of his hero. As a consequence, he lost the urge to smoke.
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2 Create strong values and rock solid beliefs stated in the positive
about the desire to have the strategy. For example, When I have this
strategy, I will be able to do/have . . . or I really want this strategy
because . . . and I can be/do . . . whenever I choose to be/do . . ..
3 Decide on the trigger for your strategy. For example, if you want
to lose weight, it could be whenever the thought of food crosses
your mind or it is time to prepare a meal or sit at the table.
4 Create a powerful series of images of you succeeding with the
strategy. Break it down step by step, making each image big,
bright and colourful. Keep the images dissociated and use
strong, empowering internal dialogue.
5 Mentally practise your new strategy in slow motion as many
times as it takes to programme your thinking.
6 Test the strategy by imagining a time in the future when you
will want to use it. Run through it in your mind.
brilliant tip
When you first work with strategies, there is a tendency to work with
big chunks. The key to changing a strategy, though, can lie in a quick
internal visual or in exaggerating or removing internal dialogue.
Keeping to small chunks will allow you to access the essential finer
details. Also, pay attention to the trigger point for a strategy
accessing the trigger point is vital to any strategys success.
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CHAPTER 9
Fantastic
outcomes
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Colin described his role as a life coach working with people to facilitate
positive personal change. He described his purpose as being to help
people realise their true potential. As he goes about his work as a life
coach, Colin keeps this purpose at the forefront of his mind. The outcome
he wants for each session, however, will depend on the individual needs of
his client.
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Fantastic outcomes
brilliant example
Tim set a goal to increase new account sales by 15 per cent by the end of
the quarter. His outcomes, as a result of having achieved the increase, were
for his team to feel good about their contribution, the new clients to be
happy with the service, potential for further added-value sales and the
team to have learned more about selling and influencing.
R is for resources
That includes internal as well as external resources. Do you
have the courage, confidence, staying power, commitment,
determination and other internal resources you may need to
succeed?
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brilliant NLP
If not, there are NLP techniques you can use to acquire them.
What external resources will you need finance, people, knowledge?
E is for ecology
Have you considered the consequences of achieving your
outcome? What are the likely impacts on other people and other
aspects of your life? Are they acceptable to you?
This is known as an ecology check.
T is for time
What timescale are you working to? How long will it take you to
achieve all the outcomes attached to your goal?
If you write out your goals, it is very easy to miss something. The
following exercise uses space and visualisation to help you set a realistic timescale and check how well formed your outcomes really are.
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Fantastic outcomes
brilliant example
Linda likes to look after people and entertain. Her outcome for a night out
was to make sure that Joy enjoyed her birthday after a period of illness
(positively stated).
Linda booked Joys favourite restaurant, made sure all the guests were happy
to contribute to the event, took responsibility (initiated by self) for making sure
that the guests knew the location, where to park and gave them an arrival
time and a dress code (internal and external resources). She checked that Joys
health was up to such a night (ecology). Linda created an image in her mind
of the guests leaving the restaurant smiling and laughing and Joy sitting
happily at the table having had a wonderful evening (sensory-based evidence).
The schedule of things to do before the event helped it run smoothly and
allowed Linda to enjoy the evening as much as Joy (timing). A hostess with
real purpose and drive!
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How well everyday experiences like this go makes a big difference to your energy and results. Taking the PRIEST approach
helps with the present and opens up future possibilities. Lindas
reputation for organising events calmly and effectively is a skill
that she can apply to other areas of her life, including her work
and family. When you work with outcomes in this way, you generate positive energy that will attract positive people to you.
brilliant example
Despite an underprivileged upbringing, Tom has an unstoppable sense of
purpose. Combining his skills as an expressive dancer with his ability to
teach dance as a way of helping youngsters to be confident and believe in
themselves, he embarked on a mission.
When we met Tom, he had a very clear outcome in mind: he wanted
to establish a dancing competition that enabled teams from schools
around London to choreograph and perform their own dance creations.
They would then enter a series of qualifying events and the teams
chosen for the final would have the opportunity to dance on stage at
Olympia.
Tom took on the role of organiser and his values concerning the young
people and creative expression held him in good stead. He worked on his
self-belief and quickly acquired the internal resources of confidence and
determination he needed to turn the idea into a series of actions. From
there on, he knew where to find the external resources he needed and took
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Fantastic outcomes
control of the entire project. Tom knew exactly what he would hear, see and
feel when the event was successful.
Six months later, hundreds of highly expressive youngsters took to the stage
at the first Olympiada ever in the UK. It was a great success.
Values &
beliefs
Capability
Behaviour
Environment
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2 Sit in a quiet place, relax and look up. Create an image of what
life will be like at some point in the future. Choose a period
when you have achieved one or more of the outcomes that are
important to you now.
3 Mark two spots on the floor one to represent today and one
for a time in the future when you will have achieved a specific
outcome. The distance (time) between the two spots should be
what feels right. Stand on the future spot and imagine what it
is like. Imagine you have a remote control like the one you use
for your television. Use it to intensify the qualities of your
internal imagery and sound. Turn up the brightness, increase
the colour, improve the contrast, make it bigger and bring it
closer. Turn up the volume and listen to the sounds. Have the
sound tuned so that there is no interference. Step into the
picture and notice the feelings of satisfaction and achievement.
Enjoy the moment and anchor this state.
Technique used
G
Anchoring
FUTURE
IDENTITY
VALUES
& BELIEFS
CAPABILITY
BEHAVIOUR
ENVIRONMENT
TODAY
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Fantastic outcomes
What role are you now playing that you were not playing
before?
7 Move to the Values & beliefs card. What values have you
changed, if any, and how have your beliefs changed in order to
achieve this success?
Techniques used
G
Values elicitation
Belief change
Reframing
Metamodel.
9 Move to the Behaviour card. What did you do along the way?
What are you doing differently now?
Techniques used
G
Collapsing anchors
Anchoring
PRIEST
Strategies.
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brilliant NLP
11 Revisit the cards in any order you wish if you feel that there is
still work to do. You will know when you have true alignment
as, then, all the tugs will have disappeared and you will have a
burning desire to make your first move.
brilliant tip
Begin thinking about future goals as if you have already achieved
them. Ask yourself what the outcomes were. Try this with, for
example, making a telephone call, going to a meeting, having a
touchy conversation with your partner, buying a new house or car.
Assume that the event has passed and you were successful. What
have been the outcomes? What have you achieved? Make the
answers to these questions your focus as you work towards
achieving them for real.
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CHAPTER 10
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euroscientists refer to the mind as the most powerful computer on Earth. It has over 10 billion neurons and is capable
of making more connections than all the telephone systems
in the entire world, yet your mind, like ours, has its limitations.
It must have limitations because, just as a telephone system
would overload if everyone placed a call at the same time, you
would eventually blow a fuse or have a mental breakdown if you
attempted to take in everything that is going on in your world.
Just try listening to two people talking at the same time and you
will realise how easily such an overload could happen. We have
already explained how we deal with this through a process of
generalising, distorting and deleting in order to make our
information processing more compact and manageable. As we
do this we go through three fundamental steps:
1 taking in information
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brilliant example
Nina wouldnt allow herself to do any of the things that she really wanted
to, such as take a flight in an aeroplane and visit another country. Even
though she talked endlessly about wanting to do so, she would always add
at the end of her sentence, Im too nervous to fly, though, and other
countries are not very safe these days.
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brilliant example
Lesley runs a family hotel business that is struggling to attract new guests.
Her bank manager tried to help her by offering ideas on how to improve
the customer experience. His intentions were positive, but Lesley was
having none of it. She accused her banker of having no experience relevant
to customer service and so he was not in a position to help. Lesley felt
threatened by him and became defensive, quoting all the things she
believed had to happen in order for the hotel to work rules that she had
created about what could and couldnt happen in the hotel and what was
and wasnt possible. The consequence of her working to rule had a
negative impact on customer service, but she wasnt going to change.
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G
G
Education
G
G
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G
G
G
G
G
G
Social norms
G
G
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G
G
Other people
G
G
G
G
G
G
Job or career
G
G
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qualifications
experience
right attitude
good communication and team working ability.
G
G
How did it go? Did some questions cause you to think more
deeply than others? Which ones were the easiest to answer? The
easiest ones will be those for which you already have a rule.
Where you had to think more, you probably have no hard rule
or your answer would depend on other circumstances not
offered in the question.
So, rules can be limiting or liberating. They can also be hard or
soft and for the self or others. Generally, the harder the rule, the
more limiting it will be. Softness allows rules to be updated, discarded or changed depending on your experience. When you
have rules for others who dont share your rules, prepare for a
stressful time.
If this section has challenged you to scrutinise your rules and
check which ones may not be in your best interest, then that was
our purpose. Remember also that, once a set of rules is established, your unconscious mind takes over in applying them. You
may not even be aware that others are judging your rules and
forming opinions about you and the limitations or otherwise you
place on yourself. It makes sense, then, to give your route map a
spring clean now and again.
The world offers a multitude of experiences and is constantly
changing. People, technology and the environment never stand
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still for a moment. One day you may believe that you have everything worked out and the next it has changed again. Its not just
technology that is changing either people are changing the way
they think. In the last 15 years, there has been a boom in personal development, coaching and self-help. Such rapid growth
has been in response to people knowing that there is more out
there, more to know, more to do, more to get involved with and,
above all, more potential to fulfil.
Remember the kaleidoscope? It shows exactly the same pattern
each time if left unturned, yet it has the potential to show thousands of variations with just the slightest twist. Take control of
your kaleidoscope and create patterns that serve you well. After all,
your reality is what you
reality is what you shape it to be or,
shape it to be
more accurately, your reality is what
you shape it to be.
The next chapter gives you some of the central rules or beliefs
on which NLP is based. We like to think of them more as guides
than beliefs, helping us to understand any interaction more
intelligently than we might if we were to be judging our experience from a set of hard and fast rules.
brilliant tip
The next time you catch yourself starting to do something as a
result of feeling or thinking either of the following:
G that you simply should be doing it
G that others expect it of me
G that I always do this
G that everyone else is doing it
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and you would prefer not to, ask yourself these questions:
Deep inside do I really want to be doing this?
What would I be doing if the rules above didnt apply to me?
So whats stopping me?
Whats the worst that could possibly happen if I did something
different?
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CHAPTER 11
Adopting the
beliefs on
which NLP is
based
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brilliant example
Sue and Sam went shopping at the same supermarket at the same time.
Sam would shop intuitively, without a list, but for Sue, shopping was like a
military campaign. She took a list of what she needed, worked out an
efficient route through the aisles and bought only what was on the list.
Sue could never quite understand how Sam would wander around the
supermarket aimlessly, choosing items he fancied, while Sam would make
fun of Sues regimented precision.
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Ingrids map differed from her son Gregs.
His mother was away for the weekend, so Greg decided to invite his friends
round for a party. Things got out of hand and considerable damage was
caused.
Greg was very apologetic, thus respecting Ingrids map, and Ingrid
respected Gregs desire to have teenage fun. Together they were able to
work out a plan to get the house put right.
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brilliant example
Harry was passionate about his new idea and used all the expressive body
language he could muster to explain it to Tara. Tara sat, hardly moving, as
she listened intently. Harry interpreted this as Tara is not interested.
brilliant example
Years ago, doctors believed that if you ran fast enough to complete a mile
within four minutes your heart would stop until Roger Bannister did it. No
sooner had Roger achieved the four-minute mile than his record was broken
over and over again by other athletes whose beliefs had changed.
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brilliant NLP
brilliant example
Niall Fitzgerald worked for in the early 1990s and was responsible
for launching Persil Power.
It had to be recalled after being on supermarket shelves for only one day
because it was too powerful it destroyed clothes.
s board figured that the learning process had been worth the huge
financial cost invested as it provided valuable feedback for the next project.
Niall Fitzgerald was promoted to UK chairman in 1996.
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brilliant example
Watch any sportsmen and women at the top of their game and you will see
how they think their way to success. They do it by generating a positive
belief and state of control followed by consistent practice.
brilliant example
Ben chose not to telephone a girl he met at a party the previous evening,
even though they got on really well and she had been delighted when he
asked for her telephone number. Past experience of relationships with girls
told Ben that he would get hurt. His behaviour reflected his positive
intention to protect himself from perceived future hurt, but the girl was
disappointed when he didnt call.
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brilliant example
Janine wondered why she hadnt been promoted. She had been with her
company in the same role for a number of years and had watched people
come into the organisation and go on to receive promotion before her.
Janine did her job well but hadnt realised that she chose who to associate
with on the basis of those she got on well with and inadvertently alienated
everyone else.
Promotion came easily once she learned to flex her behaviour to achieve
her well-formed outcomes.
brilliant example
Brian had been married three times and had had a number of other
unsuccessful relationships.
He blamed the women in his life for his inability to make the relationships
last. Unfortunately, he approached every relationship in the same way,
making no changes to his thinking and behaviour, but expecting his
partners to make changes to accommodate him. Once he became aware
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that he did this, he was able to make changes that involved respecting his
partners map.
brilliant example
Thomas had spent a number of years in the Navy.
He had lied about his age and was accepted before he was 16. He had
to harden up quickly and took a lot of abuse from his contemporaries.
Consequently, he shaved his head, wore an earring and underwent weight
training.
When Thomas eventually left the Navy, he still had the strong man
appearance he had needed in the service for his own protection.
Underneath, though, he was a passionate, creative man with some
exceptional ideas for business.
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brilliant NLP
On the basis that no two people can possibly have exactly the
same experience, there are very few universal truths.
brilliant example
Rob became irritated because his girlfriend was consistently late for dates.
He felt that she didnt love and respect him and became angry whenever
they were together.
Fiona didnt place such a high value on time as Rob and found it hard to
stick to a timetable. Her meetings with Rob were becoming increasingly
unpleasant as he was invariably in a bad temper. She confided to her friend
that she wanted to finish the relationship and find someone who was more
fun to be with.
brilliant example
Talking to Hannah the other day, it became clear that she was limiting her
results with her narrow way of thinking. She consistently used language
such as, I cant see that ever happening, It would be all right if only . . .,
They [the management] will never allow that to happen.
Spending her time thinking about what wasnt possible was leaving
Hannah bereft when it came to finding solutions.
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brilliant example
Liam doesnt like small talk. He is a young man bursting with ideas, but
lacks the finesse to get them across.
We taught Liam that small talk is actually very big talk. Without rapport,
communication becomes strained and then ideas are often never aired.
Although these statistics are approximate and are distorted when the
telephone is being used they highlight the importance of facial
expression, body language and tone
of voice in the communication
process. Whatever you do, even if
whatever you do . . .
someone will be
attaching meaning to
your behaviour
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you think you are sitting quietly minding your own business,
someone will be attaching meaning to your behaviour.
brilliant example
Clegg sat with his arms folded throughout the meeting, saying nothing and
every now and then letting out a large sigh.
People perceived him as being bored and disinterested. In reality, he was
comfortable and listening intently, but suffering from a nasal problem.
brilliant example
Debbie revealed to us that she didnt have a very long attention span.
It transpired that she had been told this by a well-meaning geography teacher
at school who really meant, You are not paying attention at this moment to
the subject I am teaching you. Debbie, though, had carried this with her ever
since, believing that she couldnt sit still in a whole variety of scenarios.
When we pointed out that Debbie could sit very still, focus when watching
a film and for long periods when reading books by her favourite author, it
was a simple process to draw out the resources she already had in one
situation and apply them to another.
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brilliant example
When Niall Fitzgerald was being tipped as successor to the CEO of ,
someone recalled how he had been involved in the now famous Persil
Power episode mentioned earlier in this chapter (ranked number 7 out of
100 brand failures in Brand Failures by author Matt Haig, Kogan Page,
2005).
Persil Power had been an attempt in 1994 by to break the
stalemate in the soap powder wars by launching a new product credited
with vastly superior performance.
Unfortunately for , arch rivals Procter & Gamble learned that
repeated use of the new powder seemed to cause rotting of some fabrics.
This message was conveyed quickly to the public and Persil Powers fate
was sealed. had to admit a 350m mistake and public
humiliation.
When a journalist asked how the man who was responsible for that mistake
could possibly be promoted to the top slot, the answer came back, as
had spent 350m educating him, it had no choice but to make
him CEO.
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brilliant tip
In order to test your alignment with the underlying principles of
NLP, ask yourself these two questions regarding each one.
G What would happen if I lived by this principle?
G What would happen if I lived by the opposite of this principle?
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CHAPTER 12
A compendium
of additional
NLP techniques
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Perceptual positions
Use this technique to understand other peoples maps of reality
and reach mutually beneficial agreements. For example, when
preparing for meetings, dealing with family members, including
children, in customer care, selling, negotiating, coaching and
giving presentations.
When rapport is low and you are not getting along with someone
you want to influence, it helps if you can see the relationship
from the other persons point of view. The ability to look at an
issue from a number of different perspectives can greatly add to
the amount of information you have and help you to make better
decisions and choices.
Seeing things from others perspectives is a great start, but to
hear and feel things from their perspectives as well is even more
useful. By acting as if you are someone else, you can begin to
understand some of their beliefs, values and representations
and gain a more complete understanding of how they might
behave and react to the things you say and do. It enables you to
understand others more and expand your own level of awareness.
The following exercise is designed to help you gain a perspective
on any given situation from three angles.
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7 Repeat step 6 about five times, making sure that you change
your state by taking some deep breaths and stretching between
each one. Speed and repetition are essential.
8 Test your new response by imagining a time in the future when
you will want this different response. This is called future
pacing. If you still get the original response, go back to step 1
and repeat the exercise. You will know when you have been
successful because you will no longer be able to bring back the
negative image.
1 With your eyes down to the left, ask yourself, If I were able to
. . . [state your goal], what would I look like?
2 With eyes up to the right, construct a visual image of what you
would look like if you were in the act of achieving your goal.
Construct the image from a dissociated point of view.
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3 Mentally step inside the image so that you now feel yourself
doing what you just saw yourself doing in the image. What do
you see, hear and feel?
4 Compare the feelings you have with the feelings from a similar
experience in which you were successful.
5 If the two feelings match, then you have finished.
6 If the two feelings dont match, then name what is missing
creativity, more confidence, being more relaxed and so on.
7 Refine your goal statement by adding and . . . [name the
additional resource(s) you have chosen].
8 Go back to step 1 and repeat the exercise.
Visual squash
Use this technique to resolve conflicting beliefs or values in
yourself. The trigger here is generally when you hear yourself
saying, Part of me wants to do/believes X and part of me wants
to do/believes Y.
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8 Check for objections from any other parts. If there are any
objections, then do the exercise again with the objecting part
present. Put this new part on a chair where you can relate to it
from a distance.
Focus
If you find that, when doing certain activities, you are easily distracted, this technique will be very useful.
You will find that in some circumstances you are able to focus
very well. It may be when you are watching a favourite television
programme, shopping, enjoying a night out with friends, cutting
your fingernails, shaving, combing your hair or reading a book
you really enjoy. Its important to recognise that it is not all the
time you are unable to focus, which means you can spread this
ability to other activities.
So, having identified an activity where you tend to lose focus and
are easily distracted, ask yourself if it is of any value to you.What
do you get from it? If you chose not to do it, what would the consequences be? Connecting with the outcome of any task will help
you to engage fully with it; you will have a stronger purpose for
doing it and doing it well.
Even when you are clear about the outcome of a task, however,
and can see positive benefits for getting it done, the act of doing
it may present a hurdle for you. It may be that, when you think
of doing the task, you lose heart in it and lack the motivation to
get started. If only you could get started. If you force yourself
while being reluctant, though, you have forces working against
you. Part of you wants to have the benefit that comes with completion and the other wishes you didnt have to do the task at all.
When you approach anything in such a frame of mind, and state,
you have set yourself up to be easily distracted.
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Image mapping
This technique is very fast and can be used to transfer internal
resources, such as confidence, patience, humour, focus and decisiveness, from one context to another. It uses internal imagery
a little like the swish technique but more subtle to give you new
options in situations where you have been experiencing difficulty. Use this technique when you may want to use a particular
resource in more than one situation.
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qualities.
G How clear is the image? How bright is it?
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4 Decide what state you would like to replace the habitual one
with. Lets call it state X.
5 Recall a situation when you had a strong experience of being in
state X. The strength or intensity of the state is important. Make
sure you choose a powerful state, not a weak one.
6 Pay attention to the aspects of your internal imagery described
in step 2 that are attached to the experience.
7 Now, retrieve your first image and move it so that it maps over
the second more resourceful image associated with state X. The
picture will remain the same, but take on the aspects of image X.
Job done. Now, try to get back the first image in its original
location and you will find that it doesnt want to appear there
any more. It will automatically shift to the new location with the
new aspects and you will feel much more resourceful.
Image mapping can be used for many different states. I
encourage you to play with it and explore the many resourceful
states you can create for yourself for any context in which you
want to feel more in control.
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Once you know how your mind works, there are infinite possibilities for making this technique work positively for you.
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Bring it on!
This technique is a variation on the swish technique and works
well when you can easily visualise scenarios. If you are not great
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or not?
G If you choose not to, how will you feel afterwards?
G If you go ahead and succeed, how will you feel afterwards?
G Is there any practical reason for not going ahead?
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New directions
This technique is useful if you feel that you are at a dead end or
junction in your life or career and want to move in a new direction, but are uncertain which one to take. Often a number of
options seem appealing, but choosing can be stressful, especially
if you have an options metaprogramme. It will be even more
daunting if you also have a considering metaprogramme.What if
you choose the wrong one? What if all the choices are equally
appealing to you? What if you have an away from metaprogramme and have been making choices using criteria to decide
what you dont want? Deciding what you do want can be very
puzzling and confusing.
We designed this exercise to help people overcome their natural
reactions to change, be more decisive and associate positively
with the direction they would like to go in next. There is often
a tendency to use an intellectual process to make decisions like
this, writing everything down on paper, a process that dissociates you from your emotions. This exercise, instead, allows you
to really experience, through your feelings, what your new
direction might be like. This is important if you want to enjoy
your new direction.
People perform well at jobs they enjoy and poorly at jobs they
dislike. This exercise is the next best thing to the real experience
and gives you the opportunity to check out three, four or even
more possible future directions.
It is best done with someone who can guide you through it as it
requires you to be fully associated with imaginary scenarios.This
exercise is similar to the new behaviour generator except that,
rather than creating a new behaviour, you create a number of
reference experiences. You use these to make comparisons and
then choose the strongest, most fulfilling, enjoyable and motivating direction.
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clients.
G Imagine attending to the administration of running your
business.
G Imagine the travelling.
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How does this feel now? Rate the intensity of your feelings
about this new direction from 0 to 10 (where 0 low and 10
high). Move on to the next possible new direction.
4 When you have completed this process for all your options,
stand at a distance from the space you have used and look at
each one in turn. Which one seems to stand out as the most
enjoyable?
Has this helped you to decide? We wish you every success with
your new direction.
Becoming an optimist
One of the areas of difference between people is the degree of
optimism or pessimism in their thinking process. When pessimism is greater than optimism, the labels sceptic, cynic or
glass half empty are often used. These labels generally describe
a person who sees the negative in things and expects the worst
to happen. The problem is that you usually get what you expect
and it takes an awful lot of energy to think negatively. It has a
knock-on effect on your overall health and well-being, too.
So, if you know you are a pessimist, how do you change into an
optimist? First of all, you must want to make the change. You
must want to change your dark, murky images into bright,
colourful pictures; your negative self-talk into upbeat, rhythmic,
positive messages. You must want to feel more energised and
motivated.
Having switched on this state of desire, you are now in a position
to bring about a permanent change. Any number of the techniques
in this book will do the trick and here is another very quick one.
First, though, a quick reminder of the telltale signs of pessimism.
Your internal images will most likely be fuzzy or even black and
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white, projected below the horizon level and often down on the
ground. If you have been a pessimist for some time, your body
posture may involve you bending forward to allow you access to
your images in this location.Your internal dialogue is likely to be
in full flow, with a dull tone and negatively orientated content. A
good deal of your time may be spent inside your head, paying
little attention to the world around you.
To become optimistic, you just reverse the process and add a
little more into the mix. Practise the following every day until it
becomes a habit.
1 Raise your head when you are walking and look around, paying
attention to what you notice. Keep your eyes focused above the
horizon level. Resist the urge to turn your attention inwards on
your thoughts and feelings.
2 Raise the corner of your lips to make a cheeky little smile and
take a few deep breaths. If you can find nothing to smile about,
then smile about nothing you dont need a reason to smile.
3 Slowly and gently nod your head up and down, as if affirming
yes to nothing in particular. You can say yes to just being
alive.
4 Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth. This will
reduce any tendency you have to talk to yourself.
5 Do all the above steps together and check how you feel. If you
try to feel negative while you are doing these things and you
will find it is not so easy to do.
If you are following these steps but telling yourself its a load of
baloney, guess what its still going to work if you practise it
enough!
The more you practise this the more optimistic you will become
and the easier you will find life in general. It will take a lot of
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brilliant tip
Once you have mastered a number of NLP techniques, be creative
with them. You can mix and match techniques for maximum
impact. For example, while running a perceptual positions exercise,
described at the beginning of this chapter, you could introduce a
visualisation or a belief change or even a swish or a visual squash
(earlier in this chapter).
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Conclusion
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to use NLP in their role as therapists and counsellors and those wanting to
use NLP for themselves in business. NLP lends itself to both very effectively.
Some courses run for 20 days over a period of 6 months, while others
condense the learning into one block of around 7 to 9 days. Some courses
attract large numbers of people; others restrict their participants to smaller
group sizes of between 6 and 24 and offer a higher level of support and
facilitation. There is no one standard, just many different formats.
What does an NLP qualification do for me?
The value of NLP is not in the qualification, but in using it. We know
lots of people who call themselves practitioners because they have
attended a course and received a certificate. Not all practitioners, however,
have integrated the skills that they have learned. It depends how they have
been taught. True practitioners dont need to tell you that they have a
certificate as they demonstrate their skills by achieving well-formed
outcomes elegantly and ecologically. A certificate only shows that someone
has attended a course nothing more.
How do I apply NLP to my everyday life?
Take it one step at a time. When you feel a tug, describe what was
happening, without making a judgement. Avoid saying, He made me feel
bad or They wont listen to me. Just describe what you noticed, such as,
He put on a face and I felt uncertain and anxious. Then refer to the book
and decide which technique to use for that specific experience. Keep using
it and it will become easier.
What is the best way to learn NLP?
Our advice is to learn in a small group where you will receive expert
tuition. During the learning process, many small nuances may be missed as
two learners take turns playing the explorer and the facilitator. Access to
experienced trainers at this stage is key if learners are to maximise their
potential. From then on, its practice, practice and more practice.
Take one aspect, such as eye position cues, and spend a whole week
noticing how people move their eyes and what that suggests about how
they are thinking (not what they are thinking that would be an
interpretation). The next week, practise matching and mirroring body
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Conclusion
language, then, the week after that, listen to voice tone and so on. After a
while, you will begin to do these things automatically. The more you
practise, the easier it will become.
I get the impression that NLP is like an exclusive club. I meet people
who speak NLP jargon that I dont understand. Can you explain it?
Such people are not demonstrating their skills they are showing off.
Good practitioners make you feel comfortable in their company and show a
genuine interest in you without talking in jargon.
I have heard that NLP is manipulative. Is that true?
A knife can be used to manipulate someone to hand over all his or her
valuables. It can also be used to manipulate a stone from a cherry. Like any
tool or weapon, its the intention of the person using it thats important. If
something can be used to manipulate, does that mean we must view it
negatively? What about the knives and forks in your kitchen? Act on what
you know, not on what you hear people say.
I have heard that there is no scientific evidence for NLP. Is that
true?
NLP has pulled together the works of a number of eminent therapists,
researchers and linguists. Dr Richard Bandler and Dr John Grinder studied
the works of Alfred Korzybski, Milton Erikson, Virginia Satir and Fritz Pearls,
to name but a few, and were encouraged by Gregory Bateson. Just Google
these names if you want to trace the roots of NLP and read the early books
by Bandler and Grinder.
NLP is eclectic. It draws from many disciplines that have their models and
techniques grounded in both science and empirical evidence (see Roots of
Neurolinguistic Programming by Robert Dilts, Metamorphous Press, 1989). Of
course, like anything new, there are always people who feel threatened by
NLP and seek to put it down in favour of their own pet theories. Remember
that Galileo was imprisoned for showing evidence that the Earth revolved
around the Sun. It took over a generation before his theory was accepted by
the majority. The only real way to find out if NLP works is to try it for yourself.
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Index
incongruence 734
looking beyond 173
misinterpreting others 75
new behaviour generator
125, 151, 1856
beliefs 4, 2930, 67, 149, 150,
1556
changing 11315, 151
conflicting 1867
creating helpful 31, 345
empowering 6970, 72
limiting 305, 701
shaking the tree 35
blamers 789
body language 67, 84, 85, 175
interpretation 85
matching and mirroring
847
and state changes 94, 95
breathing 86, 95, 98, 102, 125
brilliant future, creating
14952
Bring it on! 1934
calendar creation exercise
1278
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205
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jargon 203
job or career 1601
new directions 1957
kinaesthetic thinking 46,
1023
language
artfully vague 108, 112, 151
deletion 108, 11011
distortion 108, 11112
generalisation 108, 10910
habitual 105
high-level 1056
impact of 10517
limiting 25, 109, 11213
matching 86
metamodel questions
11012, 117
leading and pacing 8893, 96,
115
levellers 7980
levels of thinking 6772
map of reality 40, 1089, 115,
1312
relationship areas 1578
as representation 1678
respecting others 168
understanding others
1813
and your perception 1734
matching and mirroring 847
mental imagery 18890
metamodel 151
questions 11012, 117
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metaphors 11516
metaprogrammes 4, 817
combinations 1721
Miller, K.H. 135
mirroring 847
new behaviour generator 125,
151, 1856
new directions 1957
NLP
courses 202
criticisms of 203
in everyday life 202
opinions 1567
optimist, becoming an 1979
options programme 10, 18
others, beliefs about 160
others programme 1314, 20
outcomes 14352
establishing clear 1434
PRIEST framework 1459
well-formed 143, 1459
pacing and leading 8893, 96
and metaphors 11516
patterns xvxvi, 3
repeating 68, 172
perceptual positions 151,
1813
performance, poor 60
Persil Power 170, 177
pessimism 1979
phobias 547
fast phobia fix 567
physiology
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conflicting 1867
eliciting 67, 151
from experiences 6
inherited 56
intrinsic 821
violating 5, 68
see also intrinsic values
visual imagery 414
creating positive feelings 44
zapping bad feelings 423
visual squash 1867
visual thinking mode 989
visualising 1923
success 147
voice, inner 446, 1912
wall of concentration 1901
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