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Mr Average Christian

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Being a Godly Man: In a relationship

23 Aug

Ok, lets get to the point. There are fewer

greater feelings in the Christian life then finding the one (is there such a thing? Thats a
whole other post!). The spark of chemistry, finding new things out about each other,
experiencing life or just vegging out together.
You find yourself smiling uncontrollably and look forward to the next time you will be seeing
your sweetheart. And when you do your heart does a back-flip of gymnastic proportions.One
minute youre in your own little world, the next your part of a couple and a whole new world
opens up.
But alas, the screen does not fade to black and the immortal words and they lived happily ever
after, does not float across the screen. Oh no no no. This is the Christian life. Struggle and
warfare are all around, and that includes romantic relationships.
Of course having a Christian partner is a wonderful feeling, but they should come with a
disclaimer. Small print, warning of the dangers of allowing your feelings and desires to run away
with you. And as the man in the relationship, the pressure to remain Godly, whilst being close to
a member of the opposite sex is a very difficult path to tread.
So here is my attempt at passing on some pointers, (hopefully) backed up with sufficient
scriptures. This is not an exhaustive list by any means. And this is not a guide from someone who
has it all worked out. In fact this comes from the experience of someone, who can tell you how
not to have a Godly relationship and has got it wrong on many occasions!

Take the lead

If you are a Christian man reading this, let me impress upon you, that you are the head of your
Christian relationship. Yes you are a team, but the responsibility for having a good healthy God
centred relationship must start and end with you. Dont wait for your partner to take the lead, its
on you.
Now I want you to realize the head of every man is Christ and the head of every woman is man
(1 Cor 11:3)
I appreciate this is more concerning the institute of marriage but Im sure the principal can be
carried over to pre-marriage.
Include parents in relationship
Perhaps this is just common sense to you. Im afraid this is something I failed to do in my
relationships. I personally think its important at the very least to include your girlfriends parents
in your relationship. Sit them down, let them be open about what they expect of you. How you
want them involved this after all is their daughter. It would be a great feeling to know you can
discuss your relationship privately with your girlfriends father. Of course thats presuming you
are near your girlfriends parent and they are around you enough to have regular interaction.
Set boundaries, no grey areas just black and white
One of the most harmful things to your relationship isnt what you say. Its what you dont say.
Boundaries people we need boundaries! Well deal with it when it comes up or we wont
fall into that trap we are strong Christians. Oh my dear friends if youve ever thought along
those lines, then you are setting yourself up for a fall. Men, you know your thoughts. You know
your struggles. And none are bigger than the opposite sex. If you are in a relationship with
someone, then you are attracted to them. If you are attracted to them, then its quite natural to
want to show that in a physical way.
So the question normally asked is, how far is too far? Its fair enough question asked by those
wanting to do the right thing in their relationship. but this thinking presents a problem. Since
scripture doesnt actually answer that question head on, we run away with the idea that certain
things are acceptable, only the end result (sex) is off limits. Everything in between is a grey area
and is down to the discernment of the individual. Well lets consider a couple of passages:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about
such things. Philippians 4:8
We are called to be people of purity, to honour God in the use of our bodies. So, let me ask, at
what point do you start having impure thoughts. If your anything like me (I really hope youre

not!) that moment is normally five seconds after being in the presence of your partner! Lets, be
honest guys. We struggle with being Godly in these situations, big time. And of course from
there stems, temptation to go further. Do you really think you can stop at a certain point? Sooner
or later, you will want to go further, and further until you reach the point of no return.
The question isnt how far can I go outside of sex. The question is how far can I go before my
thoughts turn to impure things?
Therefore, boundaries are crucial. Crucial to ensure purity in the relationship. Sit down with your
lady and have an honest conversation as to what is acceptable and what isnt. Would you struggle
being alone together? Then dont be alone. Is cuddling up on the sofa going to be a problem?
Then dont. Is a passionate kiss going to do it? How about touching and stroking? It doesnt take
a genius to work out where you should be watching yourself.
I know it sounds like I just want to be a killjoy, but believe me. One small touch here, a kiss
there. It starts small and it takes over in no time at all. Before you know it, your relationship is no
longer about glorifying God but about gratifying our own desires and urges.
As CS Lewis once said
Chastity is the most unpopular of the Christian virtues.
Have devotional times together
If the above is all you cant, the stuff you can, and indeed should, will really deepen your
relationship. Studying Gods word together and praying together are a must. Yes it can be
awkward at the start, but as the man its on you to put this in place. Grasping something new of
God and his word together will be a great thing for a relationship. Coming into the presence of
God to pray together will be so rewarding. Talk about God, your own Christian life, your
struggles, the way God has blessed you.
Your relationship shouldnt just be about two individuals, having two different experiences of
God. It should be all that as well as a partnership seeking to glorify God together. Praying
together means you are able to be spiritually naked together. You can admit your heavy burdens
together, lay yourselves out bare before God together.

Encourage her in the Lords work.

Whatever situation you are in, your partner is probably involved in some form of service for the
Lord in one way or another. When your relationship gets that bit serious, other things sometimes
take a backseat. Obviously priorities will change a bit but dont be the reason your partner takes
her focus off of her service to the Lord.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to
the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58
How can you encourage her? How can you support her? It may mean sometimes your
relationship suffers, but our lives are not about us, and it would be selfish to think somebody
elses was!
Have accountancy partners.
If your serious in your relationship, it would benefit you no end to seek counsel of older
Christians. Grab another couple who you know, trust and respect. Demand that they keep an eye
on you as a couple. Get them to check up on you both. You will hopefully be able to share with
them your relationship problems (after talking it over with your partner first!).
Hebrews 10:24 says,
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says to,
encourage one another and build each other up
Few! Thats a bigger post than I thought it would be. Like I say, I dont have the answers. Just
some thoughts from experience!