Miscommunication

in the
Workplace

Sources,Prevention,Response

David Snowball

December1,2011

Miscommunication in the Workplace

Sources, Prevention, Response

Summary
Communication is a guessing game
Inthissection,welllookatwhymiscommunicationissopervasive.Youllcomeaway
withanunderstandingofhowambiguouscommunicationsignalsandinterpretive
frameworksconspiretosowconfusion.

How to reduce the chances of miscommunication

Inthissection,welldrawon2500yearsofcommunicationresearchtoidentifythe
strategiesyoucanusetoreducethechancesthatyoullbemisunderstood.
Understandingthemwillalsohelpyoubetterunderstandandguideyourcolleagues
messages.Highlightsandrecommendations:
1.
2.

Miscommunication in the Workplace | 12/1/2011

3.

4.

Givepeoplethebenefitofthedoubt.
Makegoodfirstimpressions,everyday.
Thefirstfourorfiveminutesarecritical.
Notallfirstimpressionsarecreatedequal.
Fivestrategies.
Beapowerfulcommunicator.
Signalsofpowerlesslanguage.
Strategiesforavoidingit.
Expertise.
Trustworthiness.
Goodwill.
Shareclear,productivemessages
Natureandadvantagesofassertivecommunication.
Sevenstrategiesfortheassertivecommunicator.
Fivestrategiesforeffectivefeedback.

How to respond when miscommunication occurs

Youllnevereliminatemiscommunicationaltogether.Sometimesyoullstillgetitwrong,
sometimesotherswill.Whenthatoccurs,thekeyistobreakthespiraloferrorsquickly.
Sevenstrategiesforreceivingfeedbackwithgrace,andforreinforcingacultureofmutual
respect,willhelpyoudothat.

Miscommunication in the Workplace

Sources, Prevention, Response
Communicationisaguessinggameandmostpeopleplayitverypoorly.Unnecessary
misunderstanding,hurtfeelingsandmissedopportunitiesaremorecommonthanmutual
comprehension,affirmationandsharedsuccess.Thatsthebadnews.
Byunderstandingafewbasicprinciples,beingmoreawareofyourcommunicationenvironmentand
consistentlyapplyingahandfulofbestpractices,youcandramaticallyincreaseyourchancesforsuccess.
Itrequireseffort,butitispossible.Thatsthegoodnews.

Communication as a Guessing Game

Youvesaidit,youvehearditoryouvethoughtit:whatplanetishelivingon?
Whatdoesitmean?Itmeansthatsomeonehasmisunderstoodsomethingimportant,theyve
misunderstooditbadlyandtheyvebeenactingfoolishlybasedonthemisunderstanding.Itsnota
misunderstandingaboutsomethingtrivialorpassing(forexample,whereyouweregoingtomeetforlunch).
Itssomethingbig.Bigenoughthatyouwerepayingattentiontothesituation,thinkingaboutitalot,putting
yourreputationontheline.Andyoustillgotitwrong.

Interpretiveframeworksaredrivenbywhattheythinktheirexperiencewithyouhasbeenorwhattheir
experiencewithpeopletheythinkyourelikehasbeen.Somepossibleinterpretiveframeworksmightbe:

Anotherlazykidheretodoaslittle,andgetpaidasmuch,aspossible.
Fashionista,whoslookingdownonmyappearanceandmyclothes.
DamnedITgeekwhosheretolaughatmyinabilityandpokearoundinmycomputer.
Irresponsibleditz.
Poor,overworkedguytryingtodotheworkofthreepeople.
YoungknowitallwhodoesntthinkIhaveanythingtosaythatsworthhearing.
Quietguywhoalwaysgetsitrightintheend.

Whilepeoplewillusedifferentframestointerpretyouractionsatdifferenttimes(shesareallyniceperson
untilsheputsonherbosshat),theresonedominantframethattheylluse.Theresoneexplanationthat
theyllfallbackon,timeandagain.

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Why?Toanswerthatquestion,youneedtounderstandwhatmakesupyourcommunicationenvironment.
Therearetwopartsyouneedtoknowabout:communicationsignalsandinterpretiveframeworks.
Communicationsignalsarethewordsandgesturesyouusetoconveymeaningtoothers.Interpretive
frameworksaretheassumptionsthatpeoplemakeaboutyouwhichhelpthemunderstandwhatyour
signalsmean.Theseinterpretiveframeworksareincrediblyimportant,becausemessageshavenomeaning
withoutinterpretation.Everyoneprocesseswhattheyseeandhear,thenassignsmeaningtoit.(She
smiled,thatmeans...)Acommonwayofsayingthisis:itsnotwhatyousaythatmatters,itswhatthey
hear.

Bothofthoseelementssignalsandframeworksposeseriousthreatstoourabilitytounderstandone
another.
Thefirstproblemisthatyour signals can be read in different ways .Whatdoesthe
statement,thatssuchagoodidea,mean?Itcouldbe:

Anaffirmationoftheidea.
Asarcasticrejectionofit.
Awayofcriticizingsomeotheridea(thisideaisalotbetterthantheotherstuffyouvesuggested)
Awayofwarningyouaboutthepossibleconsequencesofyouractions(tellthebossthathisnew
strategicplanwilldriveustothebrinkofcollapse?Thatisagoodidea<voicetrailingoff>...).
Anaffirmationofyourrelationshipwiththeotherperson(goodjobandhighfives).
Awaytofillafewsecondsoftimewhileyoutrytofigureoutwhattosay(peoplebeinginterviewed
oftensaythatsaverygoodquestion!ImgladyouaskedthatandIwastalkingwithmystaffabout
itjustthisweektobuythemselvestime).

Youshouldbeabletoimagineasimilarrangeofmeaningsfor

Wellgettothatassoonaspossible.
Imdoingreallywelltoday.
Assoonasthebudgetpermits.
Imsohot.

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Insummary:wordscanhavemanymeanings.(Scholarsusethetermpolysemy,whichissortofugly.)The
meaningyouintendisntautomaticallythemeaningthatothersreceive.

Thesecondproblemisthatinterpretive frameworks can be disastrously wrong .

Thepersonwhohears(oroverhears)youmayexpectthatyoureonetypeofperson,andtheyarethen
preparedtointerpretwhatyousayinlightofthoseexpectations.Youmayhavejustworkedfor20ofthe
preceding24hours.Youreexhausted,butproudofhavingdonesomuch.Butwhenyouannounce,Im
incrediblytired,thelistenerwhohaslabeledyouaslacker,hearsImlookingforanexcusetoavoiddoing
myjobagain.Thefactthattheinterpretationbearsnoresemblancetotherealitythatyouveexperienced
andtherealitythatyoutriedtoexpresswithyourwordsdoesntchangethefactthatitistherealityyour
listenerconstructs.
Insummary:peoplemaymisinterpretyourwordsbasedontheirdecisiontousethewronginterpretive
framework.
Themiseryofitisthis:theydontknowwhatyouintendedtomeanandyoudontknowhowtheyre
interpretingyourwords.Asaresult,yougoforwardthinkingthatyouresayingonethingwhileyourlistener
proceeds,absolutelysurethatyouresayingsomethingentirelydifferent.Andneitherofyouknows.
Itscommon.Itscrippling.
Butitsalsomanageable.Andso,inthesectionsahead,welllookatsimplestrategieswhichwillhelpyou
avoidconflict(bycommunicatingclearlyandbyguidingyourlistenerschoiceofinterpretiveframeworks)
andwillhelpmanagethosemisunderstandingswhichdooccursothattheydontspiraloutofcontrol.
Letsgettoit!

How to reduce the chances of miscommunication

Miscommunicationislessfrequent,andlessdestructive,inenvironmentswherepeopleviewoneanother
positivelyandwheretheyexchange,ratherthanwithhold,theirobservations,ideasandconcerns.Itsnot
possibletocreateaperfectcommunicationenvironment,butfourstrategieswillgetyoualongway:

1.
2.
3.
4.

1.

Givepeoplethebenefitofthedoubt.
Makegoodfirstimpressions,everyday.
Beapowerfulcommunicator.
Shareclear,productivemessages.

Give people the benefit of the doubt

It'ssotemptingtostartwiththeassumptionthat"thoseothers"arelazyorstupidorirresponsibleordon't
careorworsewantyoutofail.Peopleoftendostupidthingsbutthatdoesn'tmeanthey'restupid
people.Sometimesthey'vedonesomethingthatlookssmarttothem(savesmuchneededcash)butstupid
toyou(makesithardtokeepthestoreclean).Sometimesthey'vedonethingsthatarelegitimatelystupid,
buttheyactedwithoutachancetothinkthroughtheconsequencesandnowthey'reafraidtobackdown.
Andsometimestheydothingsthatarehurtfultoyou,butthatdoesn'tmeanthey'recruel.Often,theyjust
didn'tthinkordidn'tthinkbroadlyenoughandnowthey'restuck.Oftentheyreallywanttodotheright
thingbutdon'tknowhowandthey'reafraid(toask,tochange,tolookstupid).

Thisiswheremostpeoplecausethemselvesthemostproblems.Wespendtoomuchtimethinkingabout
oursideoftheexchange.Wethinkaboutwhatinterestsus,whatsimportanttous,whatwewanttosay,
whywererightandhowwefeel.Ifwewanttochangeotherpeoplesbeliefsorbehaviors,wevefirstgotto
changeourwayofthinkingaboutourstatementsandconversations.Ifwewanttochangehowtheyview
usoract,weneedtostartbytakingtheirperspective.Forexample,ifIwantabudgetincrease,thequestion
isntwhydoIwantmoremoney?itswhyisitinyourbestinteresttogivememoremoney?Ifyour
supervisorsoryourclientsclenchtheirfaceswhenyouapproach,thequestionisntwhatswrongwith
them?Thequestionis,whatmightIbedoingthattheyreinterpretingnegatively?Putanotherway:how
mightI,withoutmeaningto,besendingnegativesignals?

2.

Make good first impressions, every day

Youknowfirstimpressionsareimportant.Herearetwothingsyoumightnotknow:

1. Thefirstfourorfiveminutesarecritical.Wemakeajudgment,positiveornegative,aboutaperson
withinabouttwominutesoffirstinteractingwiththemand,inanothertwominutes,wevereached
aconclusionaboutwhetherwewanttoseethemagain.Oneearlystudy(1971)foundthatwhena
negativeimpressionwascreatedinthefirstfiveminutesofaninterview,theapplicantswerenot
hired90%ofthetime.Whentheimpressioninthefirstfiveminuteswaspositive,theywerehired
75%ofthetime.Thatsamewindowworksinstudentsevaluationsoftheirinstructors(the
judgmentsmadeafter30secondsofinteractioncarrythroughtoevaluationsturnedin14weeks
later)andjurorsevaluationsoflawyers.Together,thesetellusthatitsimportanttoveryquickly
communicatethemessage,Imagoodperson,youcantrustme.Justafterthat,themessage,Im
agoodprofessional,Idogoodworkisimportant.

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Alotofgoodcommunicationisputtingyourselfinanotherperson'splace.Askingquestionslike"what's
importanttoher"or"ifIassumehe'sagoodman,howcanImakesenseoutofthegibberishhe'sspewing?"

2. Notallfirstimpressionsarecreatedequal.Youmightcreateanegativefirstimpressionorapositive
one.Negativefirstimpressionsareveryresistanttochange;thethingsyoudidtocreatethe
negativeimpressionseemsburnedintomemory.Positivefirstimpressioncanbestrengthenedor
weakenedlater.Second,youcancreateimpressionsaboutyourcompetence(hestheexpert)or
yourmorals(shesagoodperson).Theresearchisprettyclearthatjudgmentsaboutyourmorality
comefirstandarefarlesschangeablethanjudgmentsaboutyourcompetence.
Amongthestrategiesthatresearchershavefoundtobeeffectiveare:

Offeranopeninghandshake,withafirmbutnotcrushinggrip.

Lookdirectlyatthepersonyoureworkingwith,makeeyecontact.

Smileandgestureoften,nodinanaffirmingwaywhentheyrespeaking.Thesesignalyourenergy
andengagement.

Speakatamoderatepacetosignalhonestyandtrustworthiness.

Speakwithafairdegreeoffluency,avoidfillerssuchasum,uh,youknow.Youllbemore
fluentifyouthinkinadvanceaboutwhatyoullneedtosayandthenpracticesayingit.

Theresalsoalotofevidenceonthe importance of personal appearance andgrooming.

Dirtyhairornails,illfittingorbadlywrinkledclothing,andgarishstylesallseemtosignal,Imclueless
ratherthanImcasual.Reasonableattentiontopersonalappearance,ratherthanoutrightstylishness,
seemstobethekey.
Whiletheresnoguaranteethatyoucanchangeanexistingnegativejudgment,yourbestopportunityfor
doingsooccursattheverybeginningofanewinteraction.Starteachnewinteractionasifitsafirst
meeting,witheyecontact,asmileandanopen,attentiveair.

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3.

Be a powerful communicator

Wehaveaconflictedrelationshipwithpowerandcontrol.Werespectpower,andresentit.Weknow
someoneneedstobeincontrol,butworrythattheyremoreinterestedincontrollingusthancontrolling
themselves.Wefearitsabuseanditscorruptingeffect,fromLordActonsgreatdictumpowertendsto
corrupt,absolutepowercorruptsabsolutelytotheeverydayobservation,beinginchargegoestohis
head.EveryblusteringmanagerwhosedictatesarejustifiedwithbecauseIminchargeandenforcedwith
intimidation,reinforcesourreservationsandfeedsourresentments.Theymakeusbitter,closed,and
unproductive.
Nonetheless,animpressionoflegitimatepowercreatesastronglypositivehaloeffect.Wejudgepowerful
communicatorstobemorecompetent,credible,empathetic,persuasive,effect,attractive,andtrustworthy
thanothers.Evenmoreimportant,though,thanthejudgmentofbeingpowerfulisthejudgmentofbeing
powerless.Thejudgmentthatsomeoneispowerlessis,intheworkplace,fatal.Ifanindividualsignalsthe
factthatsheknowsthatheropinionsroutinelydonotmatter,thatsheexpectstobeignored,dismissed,or
ridiculed,apowerfulnegativehaloeffectisinvoked.Thirtyyearsofverygoodresearchidentifiesfivesignals
ofpowerlessness:

tagquestions(thatshowithappened,isntit?).

hedges(Iguess,sortof).

verbalhesitations(youknow,Imean,like).

nonverbalhesitations(e.g.,umm,ehh,).

unwarrantedapologies(Imsosorrythatyourcarwouldntstart).

Theuseofsuchcuesquicklydrawsattentiontous,andsupportsanenduringjudgmentthatthispersonis
insignificant,incompetent,unattractiveandunreliable.Thecombinedeffectsofdrawingattentionand
encouraginganegativehalomakeitapowerfulforceintheworkplace,particularlyinsituationswhereour
judgmentofthespeaker(intraining,salespresentations,interviews,publicspeeches)isdirectlyrelatedto
ourjudgmentoftheexperience.Itsinfluenceinguidingattentionmeansthatitoverwhelmsotherwise
persuasiveelementsofaninteraction.Oneresearcherreports,anacknowledgedexpertwithexcellent
reasonsforadvocatingapositionalreadyacceptedbyanaudiencemay,nevertheless,failtobepersuasiveif
heorsheusespowerlesslanguage.
Ifyourecognizeyourselfhere, one simple change can make an enormous
improvement .Stopusingthefivesignalsofpowerlessness.Thatseasierthanitseemsifyourealize
thatyoucandoitandyoutakeitonesmallstepatatime.Beforedealingwithpowerlesslanguage,startby
trainingyourselftohearandcorrectadifferentspeechhabit.Youmightdecide,forexample,nottouse
contractions(cant)inyourspokenspeechforaweek.Forthatweek,eachtimeyouuseacontraction,
stop,backup,andrepeatthesentenceusingthefullwords:Sorry,Icanthelpwith...Thatis,Icannothelp
with....Thatsimpleexercisewillgiveyouboththetrainingandtheconfidencetoaddressthenextissue.

Thekeytoeffectivenessbecomesbalancingourresentmentofthepowerfulwithourdismissalofthe
powerless.Ifyoucanbecomeapowerfulcommunicatorwhoisalsoseenasagoodperson,youwin.Ifothers
labelyouasawinner,theyregoingtointerpretyourwordsandactionspositively.Iftheydothat,theyre
likelytolistenmoreopenly,misunderstandlessandgrantyouthebenefitofthedoubtwheneverthey
can.So,whatqualifiesasawinnerandhowdoIgettobeone?Welllookatthoseinorder.
Thereareseveraldecadesofverygoodresearchonhowwejudgecommunicators.Thatresearchshows
threejudgmentswhichoverrideallothers.Theyare:
1. Expertise(alsocalledcompetenceorqualification):youmustconvincefolksyouknowyourstuff.
2. Trustworthiness(alsocalledcharacter,safetyorpersonalintegrity):youmustconvincepeoplethat
theycanbelievewhatyousay,andtheycanbelieveyourexplanationsforwhatyoudo.
3. Goodwill(alsocalledcaring):youmustconvincelistenersthatyouareactingoutofaconcernfor
themandtheirneeds.Ifpeoplethinkyourejustgoingthroughthemotions,thatyouarescheming
orthatyouretreatingthemasaproblemtobesolvedratherthanapersontobehelped,theywill
reactwithhostilityorindifferencetoeverythingyoutrytosayordo.Itssometimescalledthelost
dimensionofcredibilitybecause,foraverylongtime,researchersdidnotgraspitsimportance.
AristotleidentifiedtheseexactcharacteristicsinTheRhetoric.Agoodspeakermustdemonstrate,hesaid,
goodjudgment,goodmoralsandgoodwill.IttookguyswithPhDsanother2300yearstonoticethathewas

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Onceyourecomfortablewithnotusingcontractions,pickjustoneofthepowerlessspeechhabitsanddothe
samething.Listenforyouknow,stopwhenyouhearit,backupandrepeatthesentencewithoutit.The
practiceandconfidenceyougainedintheprecedingweekwillhelpyouhearandquicklysquelchthose
signalsofpowerlessness.

exactlyright.Thescientistshaveidentifiedthreeothersourcesofcredibility(dynamismorpersonalenergy,
composure,andsociability)whichareworthknowingaboutbutlesscriticaltotheBigThreeprimary
sources.Herearesomewaystodemonstrateyourpossessionofthem.

Expertise
Technicalknowledgeandskillsalonedontdefineexpertise.Technicians,atypeofskilledworker,also
possesssuchknowledgeandskills.Thedifferenceisthattechnicianscanfindananswertoaproblem;
theyvelearnedthelistofquestionstoask,havememorizedtherightresponsesandcanapplythem.Experts
knowwhatquestionstoask.Theygiveevidenceoftechnicalknowledgebutalsoasortofexciteddiscontent
withtheirknowledge.Theyrethinkingconstantly,pressingtheirlimitsandplayingwithnewpossibilities.
Theresadifferencebetweenbeinganexpertandbeingseenasanexpert.Ifpeoplearentgivensignsof
yourexpertise,theywontreactproperlytoyou.Whatsortsofsigns?
WesternCarolinaUniversityleadershipprofessorMarieLineGermainhasdevelopeda16point"Generalized
ExpertiseMeasure"whichreliablymeasuresourperceptionsofwhethersomeoneisanexpert.Beyondjust
knowingyourstuff,expertsare

Passionateabouttheirwork:theyshowdrive,energyandambition.

Goodatunderstanding,almostintuitively:theylistenmorethantheytalk,theyaskgoodquestions,
theynoticethingsthatothersmiss.

Constantlygettingbetter:expertsarenotafraidofadmittingthelimitsoftheirknowledge.They
haveastrongsenseoftheirownfallibility,buttheyliketopressthoselimits.

Charismaticandconfident:theyspeakwithassuranceandprecision,theyreorganized,andtheycan
explainthings.

Trustworthiness

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Trustisthecornerstonewhendealingwithpeople.Whentrustexistsinanorganizationorinarelationship,
almosteverythingelseiseasierandmorecomfortabletoachieve.

Keepyourpromises.Ifyoucantkeepone,explainwhatishappeninginthesituationwithoutdelay.

Confronthardissuesinatimelyfashion.Ifsomeonemissesworkalotorspendsworktime
wanderingaround,itisimportantaddressyourconcernsdirectlyandpromptly.Don'tletthings
fester.

Protecttheinterestofallyourcoworkers.Donottalkaboutpeoplewhoareabsent,norallowothers
toplaceblame,callnames,orpointfingers.

Knowwhatyouaretalkingabout,andifyoudontknowadmitit.

Listenwithrespectandfullattention.Exhibitempathyandsensitivitytotheneedsofothers.When
youretalkingwithsomeone,totheextentpossible,puteverythingelseaside.Multitaskingisa
myth(humanscannoteffectivelyfocusontwoormoreissuesatonce;theresearchhereis
absolutelyclearregardlessofpeoplescommondelusions)andasignalofdisrespect(theimplied
messageis,yourereallynotworthallthatmuch,soIllstaplepapersorplayvideopokeroranswer
emailwhileyouretellingmesomethingthatyoumistakenlythinkisimportant).

Sethighexpectationsandactasifyoubelieveyouandyourcoworkersarecapableoflivingupto
them.

Goodwill
Youcandemonstrateyourgoodwill,orcaringforotherpeople,byshowingappreciationeverydaywhen
dealingwiththem.Youcantellyourcolleaguesandcoworkershowmuchyouvaluethemandtheir
contributionanydayoftheyear.Nooccasionisnecessary.Smallsurprisesandtokensofyourappreciation
spreadthroughouttheyearhelpthepeopleinyourworklifefeelvaluedallyearlong.Somethingassmallas
buyingsomeoneacanofCokewhenyougetoneforyourself,orsplittingthetreatthatyoubroughtforyour
lunch,wouldwork.DontwaitforAdministrativeProfessionalsDaytoexpressgratitudeforthecareand
competenceofthosearoundyou;beingthankfulonlyoncommandisnearlypointless.Thekeyis
consistency:youdontwanttobeseenasapersonwhoonlycaresaboutotherpeoplewhenheorsheneeds
somethingfromthem.
Thesedemonstrationsarecalled"immediacybehaviors."("Immediate"literallymeans"there'snothingin
thewaybetweenus.")

Praisefolks,quietly,whentheydosomethingwell.Beprompt,specificandprivate.Evenincultures
wherereceivingcomplimentsisproblematic,aquietwordofrecognitionwilldoalotofgood.

Say"thankyou"andmeanit.Stopwhatyou'redoing,lookattheperson,smileandsayit(or
somethinglikeit).Theoccasional"thanks"asyoudashoffisokay,butit'snoteffectiveasaroutine.

Learnenoughaboutyourcoworkersthatyouknowwhat'simportanttothem.Thenkeeptrack.A
child'sbirthday,mom'sMRI,anewring...noticinganyofthatstuffsays"you'reimportanttome."

4.

Share clear, productive messages

Learn to be Assertive
Beingassertiveisawayofcaring,foryourselfandforothers.Assertivenessistheabilitytoexpressyour
expectationsorpreferenceswhentheymatter.It'snotaggressiveness(tryingtoforceyouropinionsby
force)orevendominance(tryingtoforceyouropinionsbyvirtueofyourstatusinarelationship).It'sthe
simpleunderstandingthatwhatyou'rethinkingcanhelp,reallyhelp,otherpeople.
Soyou'retryingtofigureoutwheretogoafterwork.
Assertive:"I'dreallyliketotryeithertheThaiortheVietnameseplace,butifit'sreallyimportantto
gosomewhereelsetoday,I'mopen."
Aggressive:"It'smyturn.WewenttoMya'splacelastweek.IsayThai."
Nonassertive:(thinks"Thai,pleasepleasepickThai"butsays)"whateveryouguyswant."
Theresearchonassertivenessisprettyconsistentlypositive.Ifyou'reappropriatelyassertiveit

Providesenergy,oftentoyou.Whenwethinkwedon'tmatterorwhenthink"Ibackeddown
again,"itoftenleavesusfeelingweakandsadandtired.

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Herewelltalkabouttwosimplestrategies.First,youneedtodevelopthehabitofbeingassertive.Thatis,
ofsayingwhatyouknowandwhatyoubelievetobeimportantinaclearandrespectfulway.Second,you
needtopracticetheartofprovidingusefulfeedback.Thatis,youneedrespondinawaythathelpspeople
acceptyourjudgmentandmodifytheirbehaviors.

Improvesrelationships.Itgivesyouandyourfriendsachancetoworktogetheronreachinga
solution,whichtendstomakeeveryonefeelbetteraboutthemselvesandothers.Andthemoreyou
actlikeagreatperson,themorepeoplewilltreatyouthatway.

Allowsyoutogetthingsdone.Insteadofkeepingquietandfretting(orpretendingthere'sno
problem),youopenupthetopicthateveryoneprobablyknowsneedsdiscussion,youlistenwiththe
ideaofotherpeoplemightberight,yousuggestasolution,reviseit,ratifyit,sharehighfivesand
feelquitegoodaboutit.

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Whatsortoftipsmighthelpyouassertyourself?

Avoidemotionalpresentations.Crying,pouting,turnedredintheface,settingthingsdownrather
toofirmlyorevenrefusingtospeakallcloudcommunicationratherthanclearitup.

Dealwithjustoneissueatatime.Thatmeansbeingfocusedandconcrete."Ineedyoutoputyour
trashinthetrashandyourdinnerplateinthesink"ismuchmoreproductivethan"quitbeingsucha
pig"or"Ineedyoutostartactinglikeyoucareaboutthehouse."

Don'tinsistongettingyourwayeverytime.Eventhemosteffectivecommunicatorslosealotof
battles,withgraceandgoodhumor,butendupwinningalotofwarsasaresult.Ifpeopleknowthat
yourenotabully,theydon'timmediatelygetdefensivewhenyouexpressyourselfandlaterwins
becomemorelikely.

Butdon'tgiveinimmediately.Surrendertothebetterinsightorthebetterplan,notjusttothe
existenceofdisagreement.Remember,thefactthatsomeonedisagreeswithyoudoesn'tmake
themeitherrightorwrong.Theideasdeterminethat,soreacttothem.

Admitwhenyou'rewrong.Thisishard.MostofushatebeingwrongandIespeciallyhatebeing
wrongaroundpeoplewhomatter.It'shardnottoshiftfromassertivetoaggressive,justtoavoid
"losingface."Thephrase,"wow,that'sreallyagoodidea,thanksforsavingmefrommyself,"goesa
longway.

Butonlywhenyou'rewrong.Ifyou'reconvincedyou'rerightbutyou'regoingtoloseanyway,state
yourpreferenceandthenhelpmakethealternativeasgoodasitcanpossiblybe."Istillthinkwed
bebetterwithacolorlaserprinter,butwecouldmanagewithagoodblackandwhiteoneifwepay
OfficeMaxtodothecolorcopiesforus."

Focusonwhatyouknow,ratherthanwhatyoususpect.Peoplerecommendmaking"I"statements
becausethosereflectthingsyoucanbesureof."Ifeltfoolishwhen"isalotsaferthan"youtried
tomakemelookfoolishwhen"

Provide Feedback That Has an Impact

Feedbackiscommunicationtoapersonregardingtheeffecttheirbehaviorishavingonothers.Youneedto
findawaytoshareconcernswithoutmakingthepersonyou'retalkingtofeelthreatened.

Offerpositivefeedbackatleastasregularlyasnegative.Folkswillunderstandthatyou'renot
engaginginmeanspiritedcriticismofthem,butthatyou'retryingtohelpcreateaplacewhere
everyonegetsachancetothrive.Knowingthatyou'vedonesomethingwellandthatit'smadea
differenceisareallypowerfultoolthatway.

Bespecific,notgeneral.(Say,"ThedisplayyoubuiltforthenewDragon'sEggsisreallyattractiveand
eyecatchingwhensomeonefirstwalksintheshop,"not"nicedisplay.")

Focusonaspecificbehavior,notonapersonortheirintentions.("WhenIwasspeakingwithNatalie
andyoustartedcallingmefromacrosstheshop,itwasveryhardtofocusonwhatshewassaying"
ratherthan"itwassortofrudeofyouto")

Focusonactionstheycanactuallydosomethingabout.Complainingaboutapersonsnature
(youresoconfused)isntnearlyasusefulasfocusingonhowtheycanaddressaconcern.

Hesitatetogiveadvice.It'salwaysbestifyou'reabletoofferanobservationaboutanissuethat
aroseandtheotherpersonrequestsadvice.Atmost,youmightsay"Ihaveacoupleideasifyou'd
liketotalkaboutthem."

Repairing the damage caused by miscommunication

Despiteyourbestefforts,thingsaregoingtogowrong.Theresnosystemwhichpreventsmisunderstanding
andhurtfeelingsin100%ofcases.Whenmisunderstandingoccurs,youneedtoactimmediatelyand
productivelytostopthedamagefromspiralingand,ifpossible,toundoit.

Receive Feedback with Grace and Dignity

Trytocontrolyourdefensiveness.Ifpeopleareafraidthatthey'regoingtohurtyouwiththeir
wordsorthatyou'regoingtorejecttheirattempttohelp,they'remorelikelytoletyoufailonyour
own.

Listentounderstandandnottojudge.Ifyou'rethinking"whatcrap"afterabout10seconds,it'll
show,you'llstartlookingforreasonsthatthey'rewrongandthey'lllookforreasonsnottotalkwith
youagain.

Summarizeandreflectwhatyouhear.Oftenwedon'tquitegetanotherperson'spoint,soithelpsto
repeattheirmessagebeforerespondingtoit.Say,"Isometimesgetalittleunfocused,soletme
doublecheckthiswithyou.Whentherearealotofpeopleinthestore,itlookslikeI'mpaying
attentiononlytoyoungercustomersbecauseI'mmoreactiveinaskingthemquestionsandshowing
themotherproducts.Isthataboutright?"

Askquestionstoclarify.Focusonquestionstomakesureyouunderstandthefeedback.

Askforexamplesandstoriesthatillustratethefeedback,soyouknowyousharemeaningwiththe
personprovidingtheexample.Aimtounderstandtheirconcerns,notjusttorefutethem.

Confirmssolutions.Onceyouunderstandaconcern,proposeachangeandaskwhetherthatchange
wouldaddresstheconcern.

Remember:Justbecausesomeonegivesyoufeedback,itdoesn'tmeanthey'rerightexactly.They
interpretyouractionsthroughtheirownlifeexperiencesandexpectations.Checkwithotherfolks
youtrusttoseehowcloseitistoright.

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Areyouinterestedinhowotherpeopleviewyourwork?Makeiteasyforthemtotellyou.Iftheythinkyou'll
appreciativelyconsidertheirfeedback,you'llgetlotsmore.And,thatisgood,really.Indealingwithpeople,
objectivefeedbackfrompeoplewhocareaboutyoucanhelpyoukeepgettingbetterorconfirmthatyouare
ontherighttrack.Especiallywhenthefeedbackstings,youneedtobecarefulinprocessingitfairly.

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Demonstrate Respect at Work

Miscommunication in the Workplace | 12/1/2011

There'snothingmorevitalafteraninternalproblematwork,thanreestablishingtheatmosphereofmutual
respectandsupport.AlbertMaslow,whoseinsightsonpsychologicalneedsdominatedgenerationsof
scholarship,identifiesrespectasoneofthefourmostvitalhumanneeds."Allpeopleinoursociety(witha
fewpathologicalexceptions)haveaneed...forselfrespectorselfesteem,andfortheesteemofothers...
thwartingoftheseneedsproducesfeelingsofinferiority,ofweakness,andofhelplessness.Thesefeelings,in
turn,giverisetoeitherbasicdiscouragementorelsecompensatoryneurotictrends."Regardlessofyourrole
inthemiscommunicationasmanager,workerorbystanderyourbestinterestgoingforwardisto
reestablishacultureofacknowledgementandrespect.Therefore:

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Treatpeoplewithcourtesyandkindness.Itiscriticalthatyousignalcourtesywithyouractions,as
wellasyourwords.Peoplegivemoreweighttoournonverbalthantoourverbalcontentbecause
theybelievethatwefakeourwordsmoreeasilythanourexpressions.Ifyoumixverbalandnon
verbalsignals(Imgladtoseeyoumixedwithaflatfacialexpressionandclosedbodylanguage),
thenonverbalwinsandanygapbetweenthetwomightconvincepeopletotrustyouless.

Listenwithrespectandfullattention.Imrepeatingmyselfbecausethispointbears
repeating.Whenyouretalkingwithsomeone,totheextentpossible,puteverythingelse
aside.Multitaskingisamyth(humanscannoteffectivelyfocusontwoormoreissuesatonce;the
researchhereisabsolutelyclearregardlessofpeoplescommondelusions)andasignalofdisrespect
(theimpliedmessageis,yourereallynotworthallthatmuch,soIllstaplepapersorplayvideo
pokeroransweremailwhileyouretellingmesomethingthatyoumistakenlythinkisimportant).

Listenactively.Leanabitforward,nodandsmile.Listenforwhatsrightinastatementratherthan
searchingforwhatswrong.Askquestionstoclarifyyourunderstanding,paraphrasewhatyouve
heardtodemonstrateit.Attendtononverbalcuesthatmightoffercluesonwhatsnotbeingsaid.

Respectthepressuresonothers.Aspeoplegainresponsibilities(professionalorfamilial),theirtime
becomesmoretightlypackedwithevents.Iftheygiveyousomeoftheirtimeandattention,treatit
withgreatrespect.Comeprepared.Focusonwhatyouneedtolearn.Repeatandrecordtheir
advice,soyoudontneedtocomeback.Thankthemandthengo.Dontdrawitout,unlessthe
personyourespeakingwithinvitesyouto.

Encouragecoworkerstoexpressopinionsandideas.Whentheydo,especiallyifyou'reinaformal
meetingortraining,writeitdownwiththeirnameattached.Ifyoutalkabouttheideawithothers,
remembertogivecreditforit.

Includeallcoworkersinmeetings,discussions,andevents.Ifyou'retalkingwithfolksandyounotice
someonehoveringjustoutsidethecircle,invitethemin.

In conclusion: Effectivecommunicationisacriticalcompetencythatyougainonlythrough
thoughtfulreflectiononyourownandothersbehavior,consciouspracticeandawillingnesstolearn.
Thewordsyouspeakandthewordsyouchoosetoheardefineyou,directandconfineyou.Inareal
sense,theycreatetheworldinwhichyouact.Ifyoulistentounderstandthespeakerandhisneeds,
youlllaythefoundationforapowerfulrelationship.Ifyouspeakclearlyandthoughtfully,youwill
createamorefunctional,morepositiveenvironment.Ihopethisguideprovidesvaluablesupportasyou
undertaketheseessential,challengingtasks.

About the author

DavidSnowballisaProfessorofCommunicationStudiesatAugustanaCollege,RockIsland,Illinois.
Augustanaisanationallyrecognizedcollegeoftheliberalartsandsciences,foundedin1860.David's
teachingportfolioatthecollegeincludes:

AdvertisingandSocialInfluence
Propagandainthe20thCenturyandBeyond
RhetoricalTheory
CommunicationandEmergingTechnologies
BusinessandProfessionalCommunication
PersuasionTheory

Foraquartercentury,Davidcompetedinacademicdebateandcoachedcollegedebateteamstoover
1500individualvictoriesand50tournamentchampionships.Whenheretiredfromthatresearch
intensiveendeavor,hisinterestturnedtoresearchingfundinvestingandfundcommunication
strategies.
DavidservedastheclosingmoderatorofBrill'sMutualFundsInteractive(aForbes"BestoftheWeb"
site).From20062011,hewastheSeniorFundAnalystatFundAlarmandauthorofover120fund
profiles.Hismonthlycolumnwasreadbyaround5000people.HisworkhasbeencitedinUSAToday,
TheWallStreetJournal,Barron's,BusinessWeekand,ontheweb,atMotleyFool,MSNMoney,CBS
Marketwatchandelsewhere.

Iamindebtedtothedozensofunnamedscholarswhosecareful,ongoingresearchprojectsprovidethe
basisformyobservationsandrecommendations.Moreimmediately,Ibenefitedfromthesharpinsights
andcarefulreadingoftwotalentedfriends.Junior Yearwood ofPortofSpain,Trinidad,aContributing
EditorattheMutualFundObserver,reviewedseveralearlierdraftsofthiswork,helpedcraftits
conclusionandofferedawealthofinsightsonhowtoprovideacleaner,morecompellingargument.
Nicholas BurnettofCaliforniaStateUniversity,Sacramento,brought20yearsexperienceteaching
businesscommunication,akeenunderstandingoftheresearchandanoldfriendswillingnesstopokeat
me.Theirgenerositysubstantiallyimprovedthisreport.

Miscommunication in the Workplace | 12/1/2011

Acknowledgements

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