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You're probably reading this because you have an interest in improving some aspect
of your life. The good news is that there are many simple things you can do to
improve your experience of life and will cover many of them in the articles on this
site.
To begin, I'd like to ask, "Who is going to have the biggest effect on your
future life?"
Many of us would answer that it's our spouse, our children, or the government.
Others might say it's the trials and tribulations of their everyday lives; the driver who
cuts them up on the way to work; the queue in the supermarket on Saturday
afternoons; or the fact that someone let them down with a delivery. All of these
examples pass responsibility for our mood, thoughts and experience of life to other
people or external factors over which we have no direct control. From this
standpoint, we live our lives reactively moving from one crisis to another, waiting
patiently for the day when these external 'diversions' settle down. When that day
dawns - we tell ourselves - then finally we'll be able to turn things around!
Put in these simple terms we can see how this attitude would seem to lead to a
poorer experience of life. However, for many of us it's our chosen norm and it suits
us just fine. Whilst it may not always be obvious what the 'payback' is for continuing
with this way of thinking and behaving, there MUST be one, or else we would simply
not continue with it. The payback could be as straightforward as the fact that
operating in this way brings us extra attention, or gives us something to have a good
old moan about! By far the biggest 'benefit' of this attitude is that it ensures that
there's always somebody else to blame - and that feels good!
In sharp contrast, there is a different way of operating in the world that, if we choose
it, allows us to exercise control over our lives. It involves totally accepting personal
responsibility for the life we are living.
Taking personal responsibility for our own life can be very scary at first. After all, if
we're going to give up blaming everybody else, does that mean we have to take the
blame ourselves? Not at all! The ultimate way for most of us to begin making
significant and enduring improvements to our lives is to abandon the concept of
'blame' completely, and in its place to embrace the concept of 'responsibility' . Where
appointing 'blame' depends on us making (often damning) judgements, accepting
'responsibility' requires us to have a mature grasp of the realities of life. We'll wait a
very long time for a perfect world to emerge. We might as well make a start on
dealing with the imperfect one that we're all currently inhabiting.
So what exactly does taking personal responsibility mean? Personally I think it boils
down to recognising that ultimately the only absolute control we have in our lives is
over how we choose to react to what happens to us. It is in these moments between
stimulus and response that we as humans can exercise a choice. Do we react
It bears repeating that taking responsibility for our own decisions in life is the
single most important step towards creating the future we desire. Whilst it
may at first seem a trivial and simplistic change in perspective, the effects of even
this one step can be quite profound in changing our experience of life. Throughout
these chapters I will attempt to provide information on other key ways to trigger
long-lasting positive changes in our lives once the reality is accepted that we can
decide to create the life we desire.
As ever, the theory is all well and good, but 'the proof of the pudding is in the
eating'. It's getting out there and applying this learning to our lives that will really
make the difference:
"The learning is in the living".
My question to you, then, is - are you prepared to take responsibility for your own
life?
The choice is yours, but always remember...
"If you don't run your own life, someone else will" (John Atkinson)