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Here is a great model to follow for practicing the art of forgiveness: REACH.
R = Recall the Hurt
use a pen and paper, a private computer document or journal entry
work small to big (choose a situation you can manage to forgive successfully)
choose a specific event
prepare to re-experience negative emotions like hurt, sadness or anger
precisely describe your experience and your feelings (e.g. "I was upset" is too
vague)
include the offender in your description (e.g. their motivations, actions,
feelings, statements)
recall with your heart, include feelings so that forgiveness is no just in your
head/logical
Remember that forgiveness is a gift for both you and your friend that
hurt you. Empathy gets you ready for this giving this gift.
Consider a time when you were guilty of offending or hurting someone and
they gave you the gift of forgiveness. Did you experience humility or
gratitude? Consider a time when forgiveness was given begrudgingly or
manipulatively?
Not ready or don't want to forgive: What is blocking you? (e.g. I want an
apology from her first.)
Give The Gift of Forgiveness. You can do this verbally with your friend or
privately with the support of others.
If you are not ready, consider retracing steps of empathy with compassion
and love.
Consider other needs: support from others? More time? More information
from your friend experienced the event?
Still not ready...choose a smaller event that you can work through
successfully and keep this event in mind as a "forgiveness goal".
C = Commit To Publically Forgive
Sharing your decision to forgive helps to cement your forgiveness process.
This also helps to prevent a barrier when old feelings bubble to the surface.
Adapted from Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope by E. L. Worthington (2003)
Adapted from Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope by E. L. Worthington (2003)