BIRTH, MARRIAGE AND DEATH

MALAY
CHINESE
INDIAN

BIRTH

MALAY
CHINESE
INDIAN

PRE NATAL

Malay
Lenggang Perut

Chinese Indian
rituals of avoidance
and rituals of
protection

Godh bharai

MALAY : LENGGANG PERUT

A midwife( bidan) who has been identified as a suitable one, is called upon to examine the motherto-be, and when it is ascertained that she has in fact competed her seventh month of pregnancy,
the midwife is then officially engaged (ditempah) to perform the forthcoming delivery. The
materials to be made ready for the lenggang perut are prepared. These are:
a) Seven sarung, preferably of seven different colours.
b) One gantang f rice.
c) One ripe coconut with its husk completely peeled off.
d) Some raw cotton yarn.

e) One stick of resin or gum (damar).

f) Candles.
g) A sirih-box or tray complete will all ingredients.

h) The amount of RM 1.25 sen as free for services rendered.

i) Some coconut oil or some other oil suitable for massage.

MALAY : LENGGANG PERUT

When these items are prepared, the bidan begins the lenggang perut. . The seven lengths of
sarung are first laid out one on top of the other on a mattress and the pregnant wife lies down on
them. The midwife then slowly massages the womans abdomen with the oil from below the chest
downwards for a while. Following this the bidan takes the peeled coconut and placing it on the
abdomen, lets it slowly roll down on to the floor. The position at which the coconut stops is noted. If
it stops with its eyes pointing upward indications are that the child will be a boy, and if the eyes
point downwards then the child will be a girl. This is the traditional belief.
The actual lenggang perut now takes place. The bidan grasps the two ends of the topmost sarung
from the pile of seven on which the mother-to-be lies, and then lifts the sarung a little and with it,
the womans body, gently rocking the sarung from side to side once or twice, following which she
pulls the sarung out from under the body of the mother-to-be. It is this rocking act that gives the
lenggang perut ceremony its name. In similar manner the remaining six lengths of sarung are
rocked and removed. The last of these will, following the completion if the ceremony, be given to
the bidan, together with the other items already listed above.
On the day of the lenggang perut ceremony a small feast (kenduri) is customarily held either
before or upon the completion of the lenggang perut. To this ceremony close relatives and friends,
in particular the women are invited. A lebai or an imam may be invited to say the prayers (doa
selamat).

CHINESE : RITUALS OF AVOIDANCE AND RITUALS

OF PROTECTION
Foods That Are Good and Bad During Pregnancy :

-Crab is bad to eat because it can cause a high risk birth.

-Lamb, if eaten, is believed to cause the infant to have asthma or other respiratory issues.
-Eggs are good to eat prior to pregnancy because the Chinese believe it helps with fertility.
-Eating a well balanced meal of meat and vegetables will produce a healthy baby. If you do
not eat a well balanced diet your baby will be a picky eater.
-Squid is avoided as it is believed to make birth "sticky", or harder.

-Eating tofu and lettuce can help make a male child .Finding out the sex of the baby prior to
birth is considered bad luck.

CHINESE : RITUALS OF AVOIDANCE AND RITUALS

OF PROTECTION
Once pregnant, a woman guards her thoughts. It is believed everything she does and sees will
influence her unborn child. According to old Chinese tradition, what affects a womans mind
will also affect her heart and connect with the baby in utero. A pregnant woman reads good
poetry she doesnt gossip, laugh loudly, sit on a crooked mat, look at clashing colors, or lose
her temper. Many Chinese women will read beautiful stories before drifting off to sleep. And,
sex is absolutely forbidden during pregnancy

Its believed that if a pregnant woman eats food thats not properly cut or mashed, her child
will have a careless disposition. Or if she eats light colored foods, the baby will be fairskinned.
Many believe it is unlucky to throw a baby shower for an unborn baby.

Chinese women will often drink a strong herbal potion to ease the strain of labor. Custom
dictates that women not fear the laboring process, since birth is considered a womens career
to the ancient Chinese.

INDIAN : GODH BHARAI (NORTH INDIAN HINDUS),

VALAKAAPPU (TAMIL HINDUS) AND SEEMANDHAM
(SOUTH INDIAN HINDUS)
Ceremonies may be performed during pregnancy to ensure the health of the mother
and growing child. The father may part the hair of the mother three times upward
from the front to the back, to assure the ripening of the embryo. Charms may serve to
ward off the evil eye and witches or demons.
The common thread in India is to bless the expecting mom and pray for the well
being of the mother and the baby. It is the mom-to-be who is showered with blessings
and bounty - cash, clothes or even jewellery - a sort of a mother-to-be shower.
Also, traditionally it is attended by the women-folk.

BIRTH
MALAY
Cukur Jambul

CHINESE
The Chinese Zodiac
The Babys Name

INDIAN
Jatakarma (child birth)
Namakarana (naming a
child)
Annaprasana (giving the
child solid food)
Mundan (shaving the
head)
Upanayana (sacred
thread ceremony)

MALAY : CUKUR JAMBUL

Cukur jambul is the baby's very first haircut, done in accordance with Malay tradition.
It is an important rite of passage for a Malay baby
The cukur jambul ceremony generally coincides with the end of the confinement
period (pantang) observed by the new mother, which lasts between 40 and 44 days.

In a traditional cukur jambul, the baby's hair is tonsured and then ultimately buried in
the ground. The closest family members are always invited to witness the event.
Usually, prayers are recited or sung (also known as marhaban or berzanji).
Everything in-between depends largely on family tradition and regional customs.

MALAY : CUKUR JAMBUL

The new father or mother then carries the baby to each person who will snip off a
lock usually grandparents, family or village elders, members of the marhaban or
berzanji group, and religious leaders. It is customary (though not compulsory) for
those who do the honours to present the baby with a little gift in cash or kind. The
locks are put into either a bowl of water or a young coconut cut and shaped into a
bowl. In some families, it is also customary to weigh the locks and donate its weight in
gold (or the cash equivalent) to the poor and needy. Once the ceremony ends, this
hair is then buried.
Another important element in the cukur jambul is the dulang or ceremonial tray which
holds the scissors and the young coconut (or bowl of water). Often, these are
accompanied by daun kunyit (turmeric leaves), bunga rampai (fragrant bouquet
which usually includes pandan leaves, jasmine and frangipani), and perhaps some
honey and dates.

CHINESE : CHINESE ZODIAC

When a child is born is also important to Chinese custom. The hour, day, month and
year the baby is born dictate which of the Eight Characters he is born under. The
Eight Characters are considered so important they will rule the childs life. They
foretell if a child will be successful, wealthy, or blessed with good fortune. Parents
may also hire fortune tellers or soothsayers to read their babys fortune. The Chinese
believe that each person is made up of some of the five elements metal, wood,
water, fire, and earth. If a fortune teller finds a child is lacking an important element,
the missing element is incorporated in her name unless the missing element is fire
or water. If water or fire is absent, that is considered a good omen. It is believed that
a child with too much fire could be injured by fire in his life; a child with too much
water needs to be watched, for she might drown.

CHINESE : BABYS NAME

The Chinese wouldnt dream of naming a baby before shes born. In fact, they are
given false names, or milk names, to scare away evil spirits. Ancient wisdom dictates
parents refer to their baby as an animal or as ugly to trick the spirits into thinking the
baby is not worthy of a kidnapping. Once the child is older, he is named.
The Chinese sometimes have four or five names for a person one for childhood,
one for school, one for after graduation, and even one after death. And, the Chinese
often honor family ties by using generational names. To announce the babys birth, a
new father sends money and wine to his in-laws. Special ribbons fastened to the wine
jar signify if the baby is a boy or a girl. Parents send red eggs to close family and
friends an even number for a girl, odd for a boy. Or they may send out boxes of
fruit. Return gifts might include two kinds of cake, brown sugar, millet, eggs, and
walnut meats.

INDIAN : JATAKARMA
The jatakarma ceremony welcomes the baby into the world. The father places a small
amount of ghee and honey on the baby's tongue and whispers the name of God in
his ear. During this Sanskar, the father feeds honey to the baby and pierces the
baby's ear. This ear piercing is supposed to enhance the memory of the child
.Brahmins chant Mantras for a healthy, long life of the child. This Sanskar is restricted
to the family level.

INDIAN : NAMAKARANA
In Namakarana ceremony the child is given a name.Nama literally means 'name' and
karana means 'to make, to effect'. All the activities in the world are carried on the
basis of name. Every parent has the duty to give a nice name to the child, which
reminds the child of some goal or objective in the life. It is very important to select a
nice name for the child; the name should be meaningful which fulfills all the desires of
the child. Whenever the child hears the name he will remember the meaning and
purpose hidden in it and will be inspired by its meaning.Distribution of sweets to
everybody. Afterwards a feast is usually arranged.

INDIAN : MUNDAN
Mundan Vidhi is performed to carry out the first hair cut of the baby. If it is carried
out as per the Vedic Method it removes any deficiencies developed in the child
before birth.It is also said that the shaving of the hair stimulates proper growth of the
brain and nerves. During this vidhi all the hair of the baby are removed and the
baby's head is cleanly shaven.Hair collected during the hair cut are kept inbetween
two puris ( fried indian bread ) and then offered to holy waters like Ganges, Yamuna
or any other holy water bed.

MARRIAGE

MALAY
CHINESE
INDIAN

PRE WEDDING
Malay
The investigation
(merisik)
The engagement
(meminang)
The hantaran or the
sending of gifts and
part of the amount of
money (wang belanja)
for expenses

Chinese
Request for marrying
the bride
Request for Bride and
Grooms Birth Dates
Formal Gifts for the
Bride's Family
Select the Wedding
date
Set up the Bridal Bed

Indian
Engagement
Mehdi

MALAY : THE INVESTIGATION PROCESS (MERISIK)

When it is time for a young man to get married his family will look around to identify a
number of potential candidates.

For this ceremony one or more representatives (wakil) of the young mans family will
pay a friendly visit to the family of the young woman whom they have in mind as his
potential bride.

A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their
reaction will be assessed.

Following the visit both sides can begin to think more seriously about the possibility or
otherwise of the union. It is possible that no progress may take place, and the young
mans parents or representatives will then look for another possible candidate.

MALAY : THE ENGAGEMENT (MEMINANG)

Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the
potential bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement
(meminang) take place.
(a) The date and time for the meminang ceremony.

(b) The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses ( wang belanja).
(c) Details regarding the gift (hantaran) items.
(d) The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.
Details regarding the penalty should one of the parties break the agreement for the
marriage.

MALAY : DOWRY

MALAY : THE ENGAGEMENT (MEMINANG)

Customarily, the potential bride groom will send the following items to the potential bride on the
day of their engagement:
(a) A gold or diamond ring.
(b) A betel-leaf container (tepak sirih) complete with betel leaves (sirih) and other ingredients. This
is known as sirih meminang.
(c) A complete set of clothes.
(d) A scarf or shawl (kain tudung).
(e) Fruits or other gifts.
(f) A handbag.
(g) A pair of shoes.
The total number of gift-trays and the number of items returned as gifts by the potential bride must
be in odd numbers, usually 7 or more.

MALAY : THE ENGAGEMENT (MEMINANG)

CHINESE : REQUEST FOR MARRYING THE BRIDE

Matchmaker

Negotiation
between the
two families

CHINESE : REQUEST FOR BRIDE AND GROOMS

BIRTH DATES
eight letters (the year, month, day, and hour of the groom and the brides birth)

CHINESE :FORMAL GIFTS FOR THE BRIDE

As to the dowry of the Jia Zhuang, the brides family is expected to bring these
items to the grooms home:

Mirror

Comb

Ang Pows for any unmarried siblings and the grooms parents

Sweet foods such as dried longans or dates

One set of bed sheet

Grooms pants

Two lamps with Xi stickers

Face basin

Ruler

Spittoon

Baby bath pail

And a sewing box with thread, needles and scissors

CHINESE : SELECT THE WEDDING DATE

Contacting with the fortune teller (according to the groom and brides birth
dates)

INDIAN : ENGAGEMENT (AASHIRWAD CEREMONY,

CHUNNI CHADANA, SAGAN CEREMONY, MAGNI)
It is also known as the
sagai ceremony or ring
ceremony.

The engagement
ceremony is basically a
brief ritual wherein the
couple exchanges gold
rings

This is followed by
exchange of gifts
between the families like
sweets, dry fruits etc. this
is followed by either a
lunch or dinner party.

In sagai, the bride is

given jewelry, clothes,
make-up kit and baby
toys, by the mother of the
groom.

the groom is put tilak and

given gifts by the family
of the bride.

A havan is also
performed at times.

INDIAN : MEHDI
According to the ritual, the bride does not step out of the house after this ceremony.
Mehndi ceremony is essentially organized by the family of the bride and is usually a
private affair which takes place in the presence of friends, relatives and family
members.
During the ceremony, turmeric paste is applied on bride's face, feet and hands. After
this, the Mehndi application begins. For applying Mehndi to the bride, a skilled
Mehndi expert is called. He applies Mehndi on bride's hands, arms, feet and legs.
Traditionally, the Mehndi applied to the bride was obtained by drying the leaves of
the Henna plant.
According to popular belief, the darker the color of the Mehndi, the more her
husband will love her. As a tradition, the bride is not allowed to work in her marital
house till the time her Mehndi does not fade away. This ceremony is primarily a
women function, which takes place amidst musical beats of Dholak, with women
singing traditional songs for a prosperous marital life of the bride.

Arabic Mehndi
Tattoo Mehndi
Crystal Mehndi

Rajasthani Mehndi

The 4am siblings

feast
Parents to veil the
bride
Fetch the bride
Door blocking
games
Lifting the veil
Leave for grooms
home
Tea Ceremony
Wedding banquet

INDIAN

Akad
nikah
Majlis
Berinai
Bersanding

CHINESE

MALAY

WEDDING
Var Mala
Mandap
Reception

MALAY : AKAD NIKAH

Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained, and the religious
official (usually a kadhi) conducting the marriage must make sure the marriage is
entered into willingly by both the parties.
At times the marriage solemnization is in fact done by the girls father in the presence
of religious officials. In a brief sermon given by the officials, the bridegroom and the
bride will receive a briefing on their rights and responsibilities as a married couple,
particularly from the Islamic perspective.
There must be two official witnesses at the Akad Nikah. A marriage certificate will be
issued by the kadhi or State Religious Council representatives following the ceremony,
and this is to be signed by the bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.

MALAY : MAJLIS BERINAI

The ceremony of Berinai involves the staining of the couples hands with henna. Lesser or
greater berinai ceremonies are held three times as follows:
a. Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony (akad nikah) with
the participation of close relatives and friends only.
b. Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the participation of
family members, neighbours and close friends.
c. Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony (Akad Nikah).
For the berinai besar the newly married couple sit on the specially decorated dias (pelamin).
Family members from both sides take turns to apply henna to the hands of the seated couple.
Rice and a mixture of flour may also be applied to the palms and foreheads of the couple, as
a sign of blessing.
The Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young persons now married to each other.
Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of cleansing and protection
from evil or malicious influences.

MALAY : BERSANDING
The hari langsung, literally the day of completion , which also involves the bersanding or
ceremonial seating on the dias, is considered the high point of a Malay wedding.
The bridegroom is not allowed to enter the brides house before the bride sends him a
prepared betel leaf known as sirih latlat or sirih genggam. This is a sign that the bride now
awaits the arrival of the bridegroom. The bridegroom walks slowly towards the house of the
bride, his party is led by womenfolk. This is the ceremony of berarak, or walking in procession.
Behind them come the group of musicians beating various types of drums, especially the handheld kompang, as well as bearers of decorative flowers (bunga manggar).
In Johor, the bridegroom need to give some money knows as tol to the grooms relatives
before he can sit on the dias.
The arriving party take their seats in a special area of the house for the martial arts ( pencak
silat) performance which is held as a sign of welcome and paying respects to the bridegroom
as the king for the day. Then both the bride and the bridegroom are invited for the
bersanding ceremony

MALAY : MAKAN BERDAMAI

Following the bersanding the newly-married couple will come down to the halaman
rumah for lunch or dinner (kenduri), to which guests will be invited.

CHINESE :THE 4AM SIBLINGS FEAST

Eating rice at four in the morning is one of the quirky things the Bride has to do on
her chinese wedding day.
The bride will eat an early breakfast of rice, fish, meat and vegetables with her
whole family.
A sweet dessert cooked with lotus seeds, red dates, dried longan, dried magnolia
petals, wishing the bride a sweet married life is also served.
For the teochew, this meal symbolizes the even distribution of the family's prosperity.
This is the official farewell meal, so only good things and well wishes are mentioned
at the table

CHINESE : PARENTS TO VEIL THE BRIDE

The traditional chinese bride was dressed in a heavily embroidered and
beaded red silk rainbow robe.

On her head she will wear a beaded phoenix crown covered by a

red wedding headscarf weighted at the corners with beaded tassels.
The rainbow robes and phoenix crowns are copies of official
costume worn by empresses for state events. They are heavy to wear and
not easy to obtain nowadays.
Chinese considered marriage as a joyous red event . Death is
considered a solemn white event . There will be a clash of fortunes
if the bride should see another red or white event on her wedding day.
By wearing the red wedding headscarf she will avoid seeing these events
on her way to the grooms home.
Some believed it also protected the bride's modesty from glares of
passersby or even evil spirits who may create trouble if the bride was
pretty.

CHINESE : FETCH THE BRIDE

The bestman need to bring these :

a piece of raw pork leg which is mum's reward for bringing up the bride,
at least four or more, even number of tangerines or oranges for good fortune,

some dried persimmons for prosperity,

some dried longan in shells for sweetness in the marriage,
some dried lotus seeds for having many children,

some dried magnolia petals called pak hup to wish for hundred years of closeness
and happiness in the marriage.

CHINESE : FETCH THE BRIDE

The groom must not open the car door when he
arrives to fetch his bride. He has to wait patiently for
the bride's younger brother to open the bridal car
door for him.
The younger brother will open the door and
pass him two oranges. The two oranges will be
left in the bridal car for good fortune.
The groom will give this younger brother a red
packet for opening the car door. If the bride has
no younger brother, a younger male relative or
a younger male friend can play the role.

CHINESE : DOOR BLOCKING GAMES

The most popular game is to bargain for a red packet either of huge amount or of
amounts that requires a difficult mixture of notes and coins. $999 or $99.99, as 9
has the same sound as long jiu, for a long marriage. Some may ask for $888 or
$88.88 as 8 has the same sound as prosperous fa for a prosperous marriage.
Before they allow the groom to fetch the bride, the sisters may require him to

answer obscure quizzes relating to the couple's courtship,

enact the marriage proposal,
sing love songs to the bride,

praise the bride with chinese proverbs,

complete physical tasks such as push-ups

CHINESE : LIFTING THE VEIL

After completing the challenges the groom enter the bride's home to fetch the bride.
The groom will enter the bride's room and lift her veil to kiss her.

CHINESE : LEAVE FOR GROOMS HOUSE

A good fortune woman or the matchmaker will shelter the bride with an umbrella
while she is under the open sky. This is probably some form of protection against any
evil influence.
The bride's father or a good fortune woman will throw rice and pak hup (dried
magnolia petals) at the bridal car before it drives off.
The teochew father will also splash water behind the car to bless the bride with an
everlasting marriage as "spilt water will not return to the bowl".

CHINESE : ENTER THE GROOMS HOME

Before the bride enter the groom's home, the groom's family and friends will hide in
the house to avoid clashing of luck. When the bride has entered the bridal room, the
family and friends will return to the family hall.

CHINESE : TEA CEREMONY

When will you serve tea?
The tea ceremony for the groom's side is usually in the
morning once the couple has settled down a bit in the
bridal home.

The order of service is:

parents, grandparents, grand-uncles and grand-aunties,
uncles and aunties, elder brothers and sisters, elder cousins

CHINESE : WEDDING BANQUET

Chinese wedding banquets are traditionally paid for by the grooms parents. The brides
parents and relatives are invited guests.

Menu :
roast sucking pig (virginity)
fish (plentiful)

noodles (long life)

sweet red bean soup with lian zi (sweet life, fertility)
tea (respect)

alcohol (celebration)
7-up (seven happiness)

INDIAN : VAR MALA CEREMONY

It is also known as Jaimala and basically involves exchange of garlands between the bride
and the groom. Like all other customs and rituals, this is also a significant ceremony which finds
reference even in the Vedic literature.
Once he arrives there, the mother of the bride welcomes him on the doorstep with a pooja
thali. She applies tilak and performs aarti to bless him and to ward off any evil. After this the
groom proceeds towards the main stage, where he awaits the arrival of the bride. After a
while, the bride reaches the spot with a garland in her hands. Seeing this, the groom also
stands and is given a garland. All the close relatives, friends and family members flock around
the couple, for the ceremony.
The Jaimala ceremony begins with the bride trying to put garland around the neck of the
groom. This is prevented by groom's friends, in order to tease the bride. To enable the bride
perform the ritual, the associates on her side help her to do the same. This is one of the most
awaited moments of the wedding as everyone enjoys the tussle between the two parties as
well as the new couple. Finally, the groom also puts the garland around bride's neck. This
ceremony indicates that the bride has accepted the groom as her loving husband.

INDIAN : MANDAP CEREMONY

After the var mala ceremony is over, the couple is blessed by the elderly people of
both the families. This is followed by the mandap ceremony, which is performed under
a canopy supported on four pillars. This is called Mandap. It is usually made of
bamboo and is decorated with red and silver colors.
The four pillars of the mandap signify the parents on both sides, which toiled hard to
bring their children up. The mandap ceremony usually takes place at the house of the
bride or otherwise it is held at the wedding venue itself. All the rituals during the
mandap ceremony are performed in front of the sacred fire and hymns recited by
the priest, from Vedas. The main rituals conducted here are Saat Phere, Kanyadaan,
Maang baharai etc.

INDIAN : RECEPTION CEREMONY

Reception ceremony is celebrated just after the main wedding day. It is the
first public appearance of the newly wed couple after their marriage.
The reception ceremony also serves as an opportunity for the bride to know
the acquaintances and associates of the groom's family.

Reception parties are laid with sumptuous food to treat the guests a little
more. It is accompanied by good music and ambience to add to the zing.