the norm of silence broken, destabilized today on train.

i began speaking of the veil, of torture,

islamophobia. speaking to three men. a young man told me waterboarding originated in japan.
looking up tamil tigers re: humanitarian law project.
it was relief of suffering that occurred in the conversation. nameless man was from islam. he
told me to read the shock doctrine. i recommended the political graphics exhibit at LACE.
later my friend from India via USC calls. he will not be recorded, or named, or quoted. he was
afraid to talk about islam over skype re: the ATT/NSA/Narus Insight skype surveil. EFF and the
ACLU.

(as a side note, remember the non-profit accountability blog i might start---with an eye on the
labor law violations of HRW, ACLU, NRDC, etc. committed by contractors at Telefund, Inc., Fund,
Inc. PIRGS as well as on the future of transparency and accountability in the non-profit world.
technical and ideological modernity and divestiture.)

Regarding Islam, know our conversation could be noted, but i am not afraid. but my US
passport, and my political privilege are not in question. my other friend from new zealand spoke
of seven hour detention at the airport for carrying a bible, and his children harassed on
international flights, and thusly, he did not even want me to send him any email regarding islamic
studies, the veil etc.
i feel a strange immunity and privilege regarding speech now on the web.
blindly, passionately, i told my brother, that until i am myself murdered for fearless crusading for
human rights and the rights of woman, and for eradication of religious intolerance, and violence
of every kind, i am not really afraid of anything.
i am not afraid of google's previous censorship of my blogs, and i am intoxicated by the
googlebooks project, and the magnificence of the google earth surveille on my street walking
home. i am in love with google counsel, complexly.
speech on the web is different.
mentioned today in class the scientology labor lawsuits courageously published on scribd.com.
and legal theorists who care more for the advancement of justice and progressive thought, than
for their own personal safety.
of the journalist doped unconscious and denuded on mullholland after researching for a
scientology expose.
but i love scientology's effect in my neighborhood, they keep hollywood safe on certain corners.
the forced abortions and fifty cents an hour are another matter.
this will go over heads.
the collective speech of packets of fearless truth-seekers, diplomats, artists, will prevail.
the speech of bruce fein against torture inspiring me now . . . fearlessness . . .
if my voice died, in the cacophony of speech, like the music of birds, the digital transmissions will
ensue, and are now transcending gag orders.
Humanitarian Law Project v. Eric Holder, political speech for non-violent remediations to
international conflict.
i was once gagged too, incarcerated, and brutalized.
as my grandfather ransom ludwig eng began with office of special services during WWII, as it
then became the central intelligence agency, he travelled to london and munich, as central
intelligence agency servant, or director of scientific intelligence, recruiter, and perhaps mere
bureaucrat. he presided over the roswell alien wreckage "inconclusive" and advised lyndon
johnson. he was early-retired by nixon.
my father would not speak to him from 1970-1977, regarding my father's distaste for the
vietnam conflict.
and now, i send a FOIA request, and the beauty of global instant publishing. global intelligence.
what would ransom think? what could he have told me about communications?
who grabs the significance of accel venture capital facebook collaboration towards participatory
surveillance?
ransom told me, he was not so much good at science, but good at organizing information
between experts, and communicating. and that as a student of philosophy, he felt ill-equipped for
scientific direction position, but that it was about aggregation of data, in its methodology.
what would he know of the systems of information systems?
look for the early OSS okinawa study from the WWII navy years.
like the telegrams to roosavelt describing the dire situation in europe, or the boats of refugees
turned away, now forever, publish again and again, a call for women's safety, CEDAW, the end of
torture, the new nuremburg.
behind my veil and through this speech, a call for honesty, and war poetry. fear regarding my
father stephen eng's vietnam poetry. scan it and publish it?
poems as prayers, money as prayers, the koran and waterboarding, disbar torture lawyers.
mythos.
search more thoroughly for the USC Islamic scholar teacher recommends. delight that we will
spend a day on the veil in islam, prior to my presentation. So perhaps a groundwork will be laid.
crate a slideshow via photobucket and digital pictures and project.

how delightful my friend from new zealand told me everything is better in china. no they don't
lobotomize intellectuals anymore. i said what about falon gang, epoch times, firewalls, google
even ticked, the iphone developer jumping to his death at 26. corporate cultures, counterfeits, IP.

its quite funny my mom put all my grandfather's CIA money into Enron. there is a sort of poetic
justice to the the melai massacre blood money getting re-embezzled, leaving us destitute, but
honest.
and that mother continues to be a courageous truthsayer, helping the men and women returning
to the VA with military sexual trauma from the rapes by US military commanding officers.
and that this is construed as a holy war, and islamaphobia/war construed around notion's of
women's equality.
meanwhile, jamie leigh, gang raped at halliburton and smothered with a gag order, disfigured,
needing plastic surgery. or of the soldier that torched the home where he raped a child. those
ghosts have been bothering me lately.
and then of anyone behind a veil.
i would hide from such barbarity, the rape warfare of abu ghraib sex sadomasochism videotape,
the rape of women soldiers at the latrines as described by colonel janis karpinski, one in two US
female soldiers raped by a fellow soldier, funny kind of friendly fire. and then, the beauty, and
the dignity of women under veils, defiled by our propaganda machines. goebbels would be
proud.
and of sharia, of honor killings, lashes, then next we must speak.
and we speak of women as if they were not there.

xenography
configured as writing of the strange, seeing groupings, and why, and confimations . . .
the alien, foreign. and if in global literacy, technos, end digital divide, people might write their
own stories, reconfigured even outside the cult of personality as democratized by social media,
transcended into new discourse, post identity, post ethnos,
postgender, postrace, postwar, posthatred, postrape, postegotism.
i think this is where comes the transpersonal.
when speaking with my brother about waterboarding last night, i wondered if the pushing of a
mind to a point of death, and then allowing a return
induces states of drastic hallucination.
and then our torture culture is transcending the monophasic, through voyeuristic ritual there, in
guantanamo, the black sites . . . forcing transcendent terrors, unreasonable mind states, the
hallucinations at the edge of consciousness, the hormonal hallucinogen homocysteine as in
starvation, becomes the fasting, through which the hunger strikers escape, and gavage, a denial
of cachexia
and then lifetimes of trauma in the hallways of veteran's administration PTSD, MST
i barely find this helpful in struggling against the prejudices embedded in the terms, or even
anthro anything logos, as a way of knowing. other things known other ways, no equal
vocalization: gynecology, oh but the woman be always construed as reproductive? and anthro is
neutral, non-ethnic is neutral. back to the sanitization of language.
Xenography is knowledge of a foreign language.[1] In Spiritualism, writing in a language which
is unknown to the writer.[2] It is similar, but not the same as, xenoglossy andxenolalia.

my brother and i talking about communications, nightmares and waking nightmares, of the
torture in abu ghraib.
and those messages sent to us in mind. messages like prayers. sobbing, and feeling like a
munch painting
thinking of all the conversations this month that would not have occurred without the force of the
ethnography imperative.
communication blocks, and breaking them down, the end of apathy and engagement, and the
progressive outcome of all of this being numerous conversations.
and in conversation, the birth of new insight and contagion of ideas. and in what sense the
ethnographic method changes the subject matter through interaction, conversation, engagement,
and in so doing the ethnographer changes in the process.

uncovering the origin of my discomfort, how in popular racist american vernacular "ethnic" means
non-"white"
and then the neutral is the melanin-deficient norm, and everything else is "other." and so by
using the term "ethnography" the historical resonance of the etymology redounds to processes of
exoticization of ethnos, and then preceding historical phenomena, colonialism, and
orientalism . . ..
and many attempts at postulating familiar/strange.
and so every word is not easily stripped of its barbarity, and the recent advances made possible
in world travel and international communication, in my opinion, need new vocabularies, and a
distrust of the old words, with their old baggage, ideologies, and the cultural suffering they inflict,
both on perpetrator, and the so named, or studied.
in modern applications, the word cannot be denuded of its colonizing effect, and in so doing, i
might begin again, fresh, stripped of language and its predessesors, and come to know what hate
speech dwelled within euphemism, so i might not partake of its violence.
and in learning new languages, might i become free of the cloak of british imperialism encoded in
said words.
as my brother again showed me programming basics last nights, attending to the algebraic
function
if when mary=namer then style=ragtime, but when gabriel=namer, style=undefined.
and who might retain the undefined, or reclaim its power? or shatter the myth of identity?
no i am not woman, no i will not abide your racialisms, heterosexisms, numbers names,
psychiatries, binaries, survival instict encoded paid name process/job/blog/letter/assault.
the philosophical beauty of the idea, of really truly freeing our minds from our subjective to
objective ellisions, through deployment of old words.
and beckett turning to french to escape english, so too i want to escape these words, and i do not
want to be blamed for the pain they cause.
i won't be afraid of the big words anymore, they are not big, texts for nothing. and of the long
conversation as to what means, judeo-christian, by certain academic discourse, my dear mother
confidently explained how clearly i slandered her marriage and her god, in my social analysis.

i tried to cover for what is my own propagandizing, what was scripture to me, and its effects.
and the general paragraph summed up by words like judeo-christian, patriarchy, male-
dominated---words so essentially helpful to understanding my childhood, words i found in my
father's books, words that were not mine, but hold a certain cognitive commerciality, they buy
thought and rent in the minds of a certain audience.
and how to find a way to say things in a neutral manner.
how to find new words, so i do not lose my audience.
draw and photograph the design---
three part
architecture of religion
personal spiritual experience
political implications

of islam
of christianity
and how to slander one, to arrive at respect for another violates ahimsa (my only near creed or
aspiration).
i would like to have nothing to do with words, but wonder then at the scribomaniac, the blunders
of compulsions, and the need to unwrite genocides, submissions, the historical violations enacted
on women's bodies, humans, and protected by code of law, or church.
and my mother of the spiritual imposters, who defame by association.

reminds me how i loathe the word vegan, remembering how viciously i have seen vegans be
towards other humans, and how i want nothing to do with that reputation.
provisionality of all language, the lyingness of it.
for that i am so sorry, because the ineffables, the mystical experiences, those things which the
veil might mean, are unknowable to me.
and of the kindness of my brother, the infinite respect he shows me, intellectually and personally,
of our telepathic dreams connecting us spiritually to the tortured, the oppressed, interrogations,
waterboarding, white phosphorus, the hunger artist, starving for hire, and burning every word.
the trial, and then when it came true, and distinctly realizing, this is now happening to me, gulag,
no, not gulag, but something, waking up in hiroshima, hiroshima mon amour.
and that in a sense, the larger conversation has overtaken the power of the veil, to break my own
silence, on many things that have been bothering me, and like tape over my mouth ripped off, i
might find new ways of screaming, screaming the horror of the noontime reverie, that places me
back in the moment of the knife in the stomach, the lash, the rape, the beatings, terrors.
and then to arrive back at this preposterous assertion of HUMAN RIGHTS.
and then how the unpunished legal architecture of torture, marital rape immunity, wars, and
covenants not to sue, the law of death which ends all law, is a law of lying, for lyers, who defame
us and then demand we use their language, a language which never was ours, a language which
beat us in our infancy, into accepting impossible things, cruelties, deceptions, what was coyly
once called "the law of the jungle" or now anarchy or genocide or state.
?
my mother has let me know she feels offended about my treatment of christianity
i explained
three faceted expressions

church architecture
civic concurrent expression
and
spiritual identity

as evident in both in islam and christianity

and through which by having my core heart of philosophy residing in ahimsa, i do not seek to
barbarize christian spirituality in order to defend the real islamic mysticism and feminine integrity
i feel gets obscured through western reappropriation for war reification.
mother helps a lot and recommends Rerum Novarum a papal encyclical written in the 1970s to
assess modern equality for women.
try to find islamic equivalent.
re:ahimsa and the violence of language
the violence of silence
ideas of interruption
longing for the human face
and rupture of longing
delays

the mother
http://www.politicalgraphics.org/home.html
approaching with terror
art
propaganda contra propaganda
blindness is truth
detail is a nightmare