Writing Section Benchmark Set

2009

Topic #1:
1

Topic #2:
6

10

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2009, 2012 Cambridge Michigan Language Assessments

03/2012

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)

Writing Section
Benchmark Set 2009

The 2009 Benchmark set contains 10 compositions, all written by ECPE examinees and scored using the
5-point ECPE Writing scale (see page 22 of this document).
The performances in the 2009 benchmark set have been transcribed in order to preserve examinee
anonymity. They are responses to the following essay topics:

Essays 15 (inclusive):
Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think
this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

Essays 610 (inclusive):

Many popular movies are based on books. Some people believe the book versions are better than the movie
versions. Which do you prefer? Why? Support your answer with specific examples.

Essay 1:

Rating: A

Many believe that children are a mirror of their household. Scientists in

the social fields such as psychologists and behavioral specialists agree
that the majority of ones personality traits are inherited from ones parents.
Though it is not the only factor surely environment plays a major role in ones
development and hence personality and behavior.
Genetics and environment are both referred to in this claim. Though it can
be argued that environment plays a larger role in the development of ones
personality than genes. This argument is supported by the instances in which
children born of the same parents but raised in different households (as the
result of adoption, for example) turn out to have very different mannerisms,
behavior, and personality. This also occurs all the time with children born of
the same parents in the same household. Siblings very often differ greatly in
terms of their personalities. Even if they are raised in the same environment,
the rearing and the treatment they receive within that environment can
differ greatly.
It is true though that oftentimes one resembles the personality of their
father or mother, or a mixture of both. This is unavoidable as ones parents
are typically the main influence on a child from early on in their lives and
including the times they are most impressionable. This can have both
negative and positive results. One can grow up to be a responsible, caring,
generous, and compassionate individual if they recieved and witnessed
such treatment from a young age. On the other hand it is very common for
children from abusive households to become abusers themselves one day,
as well as to have negative affects on their mental and stability.
Personally I very much resemble the personality and mannerisms of my
father. We are both generally quiet and shy, and share many of the same
mannerisms. While my mother and my brother have very expressive and
extraverted personalities.
One really is a product of their environment. Their future behavior and
personality is greatly influenced by their parents are their major influences
from a young age. Though this is a complicated area, that brings the social,
behavioral, and biological sciences together to consider the affects of both
genetics and environment on personality.

Commentary on Essay 1
This essay develops the topic fully and completely; the examinee addresses both the inheritance and
environmental influence sides of the argument (though the environmental influence side is treated more
fully). The introduction is particularly strong. It addresses the question directly. Secondly, it provides the
writers understanding of the prompt by rephrasing the question rather than copying it word for word. Thirdly,
it gives the writers point of view.
Some aspects of the organization and connection could be improved. For instance, the writer does not put
all the arguments in favor of inheritance together and all the arguments in favor of environmental influences
together. Also the writer repeatedly uses the connector though incorrectly. When though is used, the
reader expects a two-part sentence where the second part of the sentence contains contrasting information
to the first part of the sentence. Because this error occurs more than once in the text we have to presume
that the writer did not learn this structure correctly.
However, these flaws do not impede the flow of information. Also, the essay has very strong grammar/syntax
and vocabulary. The writer correctly uses a wide range of syntactic structures and some very complex
modifiers; for example, very often differ greatly. Additionally, he/she uses a broad range of vocabulary that
is both powerful and appropriate to the meaning and context of the essay. For instance, in the final sentence
of paragraph 1, the writer begins with the word surely. This is a very simple but powerful indicator of his/
her position and is extremely effective. Also, in the second sentence of paragraph 3, the writer uses the
modifier typically. This is a very appropriate choice and would be expected in an academic essay.
There are some repeated punctuation errors (e.g., ones is persistently spelled as ones), but these are
rare and insignificant.
Overall, this essay has been awarded an A because it provides a balanced answer to the question,
addressing both sides of the argument. It also uses a variety of complex grammatical structures accurately
and makes very appropriate and powerful choices of vocabulary.

Essay 2:

Rating: B

It is a fact that we all inherit many characteristics from our

family and especially our parents. But in spite of the external
characteristics that we inherit, there are also many traits of our
demeanor which seem to have been inherited from our parents. This
psychologists view is true, but there are many cases when peoples
personality traits are created by other circumstances.
In my view many personality characteristics are inherited from
parents. For instance when a person is nimble or has an answer for
whatever he is told, this trait is based on his parents same trait.
A good example is my sister. She is always ready to give an answer
for almost everything others tell her and my father has exactly
the same trait. So, in this case, many may believe that my sisters
demeanor has been inherited from my father.
Additionally, sensitivity is another personality trait that could be
inherited. From my own experience, I am as sensitive as my mother
is and this may have been inherited from her. On the other hand,
both my father and my sister are not so sensitive.
Of course, there are many other traits that are not supposed to
be inherited from parents. For example, being stubborn or audacious
doesnt necessarily mean that it is due to our parents. It may be
created by other circumstances such as friends, co-workers and in
general other people that we have relationships with.
All things considered, having a certain demeanor may be due to
a variety of circumstances, one of which is the inheritance from
parents personality traits. Of course every one of us may have
some special traits that can not be the same for any other person
and this is what makes people different.

Commentary on Essay 2
This essay develops the topic completely, with acknowledgement of its complexity. Like Essay #1 it has
a promising introduction; it addresses the question directly and the writer signals his/her point of view,
stating that he/she broadly agrees with the psychologists point of view (i.e., inheritance). Additionally,
the viewpoint that environmental influences can influence your personality is also introduced in the final
sentence of the introduction. This suggests that the essay will present a balanced argument.
The essay is generally well organized using a relatively simple rhetorical structure. For instance, in paragraph
2 the writer describes a characteristic. He/she then attributes feature to his/her sister, saying their father is
the same. This provides proof of the claim that we do inherit our personality traits from our parents. This
paragraph also shows that the writer can make smooth connections between sentences.
The essay displays a range of syntactic structures and is generally very accurate. The writer shows that he/
she can use subordinate clauses effectively; for example, All things considered, having a certain demeanor
may be due to a variety of circumstances, one of which is the inheritance from parents personality traits
(paragraph 5).
The vocabulary use shows flexibility and is usually appropriate but there are limitations. For instance, some
connectors between sentences are misused or absent (e.g., But in spite of is incorrect and inappropriately
used in the introductory paragraph; From my own experience is not appropriately used in paragraph 3).
These slips do not confuse meaning and on other occasions the connectors used are effective (e.g., of
course and all things considered). Nevertheless they indicate that the writer does not have full control
over his/her vocabulary. Another example of this shortcoming is in paragraph 3 where the writer uses
sensitivity/sensitive three times. If the word had been used once and then synonyms been used for the
other two mentions this would have helped the reader to better understand the concept being described.
Does the writer mean that he/she and his/her mother are more easily hurt? Or does sensitive here mean
that they are more aware of other peoples feelings?
Overall, even though the essay develops the argument well and has very good grammar and vocabulary, the
essay has limitations that make it a good example of a B level performance.

Essay 3:

Rating: C

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality from
their parents and I agree to some extend.
When babies are born, they show their personality. The way they behave, the
way they cry or even when they are hungry, the way they ask for food shows
or give us an indea of how his/her personality is going to be. From the very
beginning you can listen people making comments like he is sweet. shes got
bad temper, she wants to control everybody, etc.
Some of these sweet, bad-tempered, controller babies happened to be
different when they grow up. They grow up in an environment and the tend to
do what they see.
There are children who have problems at school. They fight, say bad words,
dont have respect for their teacher nor their peers. They show an aggressive
personality but sometimes they dont want to have those kind of reactions.
Renzo is a very intelligent and sweet boy who has problems at school. If
teachers treat him with love, pacience and respect, he produces good work and
has no problem with his friends, but if somebody pushes him as an accident he
reacts violently.
We have had interviews with his parents and we found out that his mother
treats him the same way he treats people at school. Therefore, this boy might
have a lovely personality but because of this influence and example of his mother
he reacts differently.
On the other hand we have children who have parents that are quite aggressive
and the children are sweet, delicate, kind.
Therefore I can conclude saying that we born with our own personality but life
might change it, sometimes for better and some for not. As adults we have to
be aware of this and as we live in a society we need to know how to control our
personality. We need to know how to behave in different situations. If you need
to be polite be polite.
6

Commentary on Essay 3
The opening paragraph gives a poor first impression; the first half of the introductory sentence of this essay
is copied from the prompt and the second half could be rote-learned language. Copying directly from the
prompt is an indication of a weak writer who does not have a broad enough vocabulary to use his/her own
words to rephrase the essay question.
Though the introduction is weak, the topic is developed on both sides (inheritance and environmental
influence). The writer even tries to show how complex the topic is by giving examples of children who are
affected by the behavior of their parents and children who are not (see paragraphs 6 and 7). The organization
is also generally controlled and the paragraphs are in a logical order. However, connections are sometimes
absent or unsuccessful and after paragraph 2 the essay has no clear argument thread. Instead, each
paragraph feels like a separate vignette rather than part of a cohesive whole.
Both simple and complex syntax are present but most sentences are relatively simple (with and or but
connectors). There are also a number of different grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement,
missing prepositions, and incorrect tense choices. For instance, paragraph 3 has a number of small
grammatical errors that the reader has to mentally correct while reading.
The vocabulary is adequate but not always appropriately used. For instance, in paragraph 6 the examinee
writes, We have had interviews. Had is an efficient word choice but not contextually appropriate.
Conducted would be more appropriate.
Overall this essay shows that the writer can express his/her ideas but lacks the language resources to make
points effectively. This is very typical of a C level essay.

Essay 4:

Rating: D

Nowadays, it is a common belief that children are

influence in a great variety of things by their parents.
They try to learn as much as they can in order to be
more polite, responsible and feel satisfaction with
themselves. As a result, they create a personality that
is based on many things that they trait from their
parents. But this sometimes doesnt make good to their
development. Anyway, it is an ambivalent topic that
needs a lot of discussion.
First of all, in my point of view people inherit much more
that we can image from they way that their parents live
in order to have a right education. Some of them try to
learn the way that they think, to make the same friends,
to have common habits, to have rights that only adults
can have. For example, many of todays children want
to follow their fathers or mothers footsteps and do the
same job. Actually, they have been clung to them in such
a great point that they feel that way of success and
better life in that. Their behaviour also to some of their
old friends and other persons has changed dramatically.
They ignore their help, advise and feel that their
friendship has nothing to provide them.
On the other hand, some children do not be influenced in
that way by their parents. They certainly listen to their
advise and learn a lot from what they say but want to
be much more independent, and dont make their mind to
them. They think that they can do things better in their
own and dont trust others easily. That kind of people
dont have the ideal relationships with their parents
and go away their home as soon as they can.
To sum up, I would like to tell again that people inherit
most of their personality traits from their parents.
They become like them in many ways that represent
their beliefs and willings. I believe that this is good
and should be continued in order our society to be
progressed.

Commentary on Essay 4
The opening paragraph of this essay seems to address the writing prompt but not precisely. It seems to be
about learning things from ones parents; this is the environmental influence side of the topic. However,
the core idea of the writing prompt, which is about the characteristics that we inherit from our parents,
is not discussed. Even though the writer uses the word inherit more than once during the essay, all the
examples relate to whether children are more influenced by their upbringing or by their wider environment
(each a different aspect of the environmental influence side of the argument) and are not about the
characteristics that we are born with. It is possible that the writer did not fully understand the essay prompt
and, as a result, his/her attempts to address different aspects of the topic were unsuccessful.
The grammar is also problematic. Morphological errors are frequent (e.g., satisfaction instead of satisfied
in paragraph 1, and image instead of imagine in paragraph 2). Also, though simple sentences tend to be
accurate, more complex ones tend to be inaccurate. For example, Actually, they have been clung to them
and better life in that (paragraph 2) is so garbled that the meaning is impossible to retrieve.
The vocabulary is limited in range and is sometimes inappropriately used to the point that it causes
confusion. For instance, the writer says, to have rights that only adults can have (paragraph 2) and dont
make their mind to them (paragraph 3). These are vague and the reader cannot be sure of the precise
meaning intended. Additionally, the writer makes incorrect word choices such as trait instead of inherit,
and willings instead of wishes.
Even though it is possible to retrieve the gist of this essay, the text is confusing and garbled throughout,
with many huh moments. Essays such as this, where the reader can grasp the main meaning intended but
needs to work hard to reformulate many individual sentences, are very good examples of a D level essay.

Essay 5:

Rating: E

I am writting about the thought which have some

psychologists. They claim that people inherit most of their
personality traits from their parents. I believe that this is
absolutely true.
First of all, until we could leave from our home and our
parents and if we will be able to live in a house alone or
with our children and wife, we live with our parents yet.
We are growing up with them. We inherit some of their
personality traits. They are the people who birth us and
actually is logical to inherit their characterist of their face
and more their personality traits.
If you grow with a family who are outgoing persons, you
will inherit this and you wont have problems with other
people. We will go out with your friends and generally you
will have open mind head for many thinks about the life. If
the family argue every day for rediculous reasons, the child
maybe has problems with his confidence because the child
learn to solve his problems with fights.
On the other hand, the children inherit the love, the kind
from their parents and with them will grow. They inherit
the kindness and the confidence to go on their lifes when
their parents die.
I inherit the love and the kindness from my parents. We
learn to talk and solve our problems inside from this. We
have normal life. I want to inherit this to my children.

10

Commentary on Essay 5
The writer attempts an introduction but copies a lot from the original wording of the prompt. Therefore, it
is not clear from the outset whether the writer has actually understood the prompt. The rest of the essay
develops the topic very simply, particularly the examples given to show how our parents behavior can affect
our behavior. Connections between ideas are often absent or unsuccessful. For example at the beginning of
paragraph 4, the writer says, on the other hand. This connector is used to indicate that an opposing point
of view is going to be presented. However, what follows seems to be corroborating evidence.
There are pervasive and basic errors in sentence structure (e.g., word order, articles, and prepositions)
that cause confusion. Incorrect use of vocabulary also causes confusion. For instance, the writer uses
meaningless, canned phrases (e.g., you wont have problems with other people) and L1 influence is clearly
evident. There are many unclear phrases; for example, birth us, characterist of their face, open mind
head.
Overall the essay requires a lot of effort to decode and it is never clear whether the writer has understood the
word inherit from the prompt. This persistent lack of meaningfulness is characteristic of an E level Essay.

11

Essay 6:

Rating: A

Nowadays, various blockbuster movies are based on books. This has resulted
in people debating about which version is better, the movie or the book. In my
opinion, reading a book is more preferable for a number of reasons.
To begin with, books allow the reader to let his/her imagination free and
imagine the plot taking place any way s/he wants. The reader is free to set
up the scenery s/he wishes in his mind and not as the director of the movie
maker would visualize it. For instance, he may be able to decide whether its
a sunny or rainy day, whether its morning or evening, whether the actor is
happy or sad.
Moreover, books give the reader more time flexibility. That means that at
any time they want they have the opportunity to leave the book and continue
reading it later. In addition, they have the ability to take the book with them.
For example, if they have to go to work they could take the book with them
and read it on the bus. Another option would be to take the book in the park
and read it there enjoying the nice weather and greenery at the same time.
Furthermore, books give the opportunity to the reader to let the information
sink in at their own time. For example, if a reader is reading a mystery novel s/
he can take the time s/he wants in order to try and hypothesize what might
have happened, before s/he reaches the end.
On the other hand, it needs to be acknowledged that move versions may offer
greater excitement due to the special effects and action used. However, this
is only for a short period of time as long as the movie lasts, whereas the
excitement books offer may be of lesser degree but last longer.
Overall, although [essay is unfinished]

12

Commentary on Essay 6
This is an example of a low A band essay. The introduction begins well; the writer rephrases the prompt in
his/her own words and shows that he/she has understood the question. The final sentence of the paragraph
makes clear the writers point of view. The organization is well-controlled and appropriate to the material.
Connections are smooth and sometimes unusual (e.g., moreover). The writer structures the argument very
well, making an abstract claim and then providing a concrete example (e.g., paragraph 3). This demonstrates
the writers ability to present his/her ideas in different ways to clarify his/her meaning effectively. One side
of the topic is richly, fully, and complexly developed and the other side of the topic is also addressed
competently.
Sentence structures are varied, complex and accurate. Morphological (word forms) control is nearly always
accurate. The writer also appropriately uses a broad range of vocabulary including idiomatic phrasal verbs
(e.g., sink in, paragraph 4) and modifiers (e.g., it needs to be acknowledged, paragraph 5).
However, it is important to note that the essay is unfinished. This suggests that the writer needed to take
time to ensure the high level of grammatical accuracy and to select appropriate vocabulary. This in turn
suggests that his/her language resources are not as automatic as you might expect for a very proficient
writer. However, the quality of the text produced is excellent and this is why an A should be awarded.

13

Essay 7:

Rating: B

Nowadays, many popular movies are based on books. Writing

an interesting movie plot is quite a difficult issue, so film
producing companies frequently ask a writer to permit them
to use their book as a movie plot.

There are two main categories of book on which movies

are based. First of all, there books that have not been
widely known. A few copies of them have been sold and
nobody can imagine them being used as movie plots. However,
a movie producer or someone else involved in the domain of
entertainment may be interested in the plot of a book like
the one described here. They believe that creating a movie
based on a book may present the real value of the book,
which has initially been underestimated, probably because
of bad promotion or the fact that the writer is young and
inexperienced.

Many movies based on this kind of books are released every

year. In fact, some of them are widely accepted and people
just love watching them. One movie like this is Z by Costas
Gavras. Z is based on the novel Zei by Vasilis Vasilikos
which wasnt widely known anywhere in the world appart
from Greece. Interestingly, Gavras, being an extremely
experienced and sensible director created a masterpiece.
The actor in the leading role was surrounded by a cast of
extremely talented artists. Altogether, Z provides a good
example of a movie based on a book, which only after the
release of the movie becomes popular.
The second category of movies that are based on books are
less succesful than the books on which they are based, or
they are not as widely accepted as the book is. This occurs
when novels which are initially succesful, are used as movie
plots. For instance, movie series based on Harry Potter books
are criticized because they do not reflect the real value of
the books. Appart from presenting half the plot of the book,
they do not present characters and sceneries in a marvelous
way as the writer does in her novels. So, here is an example
of a movie which is created just to augment the income of
the movie company.

So, we can find various kind of movies based on books. People,

however, should be really careful with movies they watch. A
movie based on a less popular book may be a top notch, while
others based on famous books are not.
14

Commentary on Essay 7
This is an example of a composition that has some significant shortcomings as well as some very clear
strengths. One important shortcoming is that the essay does not directly answer the prompt. The essay topic
asks examinees to discuss which is better, books or their film versions. This response takes an interesting
alternative route, choosing to discuss the kind of book that translates well into celluloid. As a result, the
response is not directly relevant to the essay question. Because it is off-topic it is very important to look in
detail at the response to determine whether the essay has been memorized beforehand or whether it is an
original piece of writing. This means that the quality of the language and the writers ability to develop his/her
ideas must come under particular scrutiny.
This essay has a clear two-part structure, first looking at books which do translate well into film and then
looking (more briefly) at books that do not make the crossover as successfully. The organization of the essay
is controlled and shows appropriateness to the materials. The connections between ideas are seamless
using very proficient, implicit markers such as pronoun referents (e.g., one movie like this) rather than
explicit connectors. These are signs of a proficient writer.
The writer uses both simple and complex syntax. Some of the complex phrases and clauses are also very
elegant (e.g., on which movies are based, paragraph 2). The writer makes some distracting, basic mistakes
in language areas like plurals and agreement but these slips do not confuse meaning. The vocabulary used
is appropriate and shows flexibility (particularly in the choice of adverbs and adjectives).
Overall, a careful analysis of the language features of this essay suggests that it is probably an original piece
of writing. However, it is very important to remember that the essay topic has been misread (and probably
misunderstood). Also there are low-level grammatical slips. These problem areas make this a B level essay.

15

Essay 8:

Rating: B

Nowadays, more than ever before, cinema has evolved into

a huge industry. Thousands of movies are being directed and
watched every year, providing entertainment to the public.
However, fresh ideas seem to be depleted and consequently
screenwriters try to be inspired by masterpieces of literature.
But are the movies based on books of equal artistic value?
As far as I am concerned, I tend to believe that the book
version is in most of the times better.
To begin with, reading is a great way of broaden up
someones mind. While reading a novel, we have the chance to
form the characters as we delight and intrigue our imagination.
Places and situations are delineated the way the reader is
wishing and not according to the directors point of view.
In addition to that, books are always more detailed. It is
more than natural that a two-hour film cannot encompass
a whole novel in it. As a result, details that may seem
important for the plot during reading a book do not appear
during the movie. A striking example of this is the movie
version of Lord of the Rings. Though I enjoyed watching the
film, having read the book previously, I was disappointed
not to watch some of the details that I considered crucial for
the story.
However, there is always the other side of the coin. A book
needs days or even weeks to be read while a movie is an
entertaining procedure that lasts a few hours. A further
advantage is that movies make the public familiar with
writers and books that have contributed greatly in modern
culture and thus provoke people to start reading.
All in all, though I definitely prefer reading a book to
watching the movie version, I am of the opinion that the
latter can also be beneficial to the public provided that it is
directed with respect to the original story.

16

Commentary on Essay 8
This essay has a clear introduction. The writer rephrases the essay prompt very well and this demonstrates
that he/she has understood the topic. By the end of the paragraph the writer also makes his/her point of
view clear.
The topic is clearly and completely developed with acknowledgement of its complexity (see paragraph 4,
there is always the other side of the coin). Organization is controlled and each paragraph contains a
clear main point which is connected logically to the subsequent paragraphs. As a result a coherent argument
is developed.
Both simple and complex syntax are adequately used but the writer tends to prefer simple sentence
structures. Additionally, some constructions are clumsy and unidiomatic (e.g., the way the reader is
wishing, paragraph 2). Vocabulary use shows flexibility but words are sometimes used incorrectly or
imprecisely (e.g., intrigue, paragraph 2, is a nice word but is used inappropriately here).
Finally, the conclusion is clearly marked (with all in all) but seems rushed. It is as though the writer ran out
of time. Overall, this is a B level essay.

17

Essay 9:

Rating: C

For a long time has the world been imersed into a cultural darkness and for a long
time information and knowledge have been priceless.
With the advent of the popular reproduction of books printing them, instead of
hand-copying them a new cultural dimension has been created and with that the
socialization of ideas and the observation of new horizons for those who sought
scientific breakthroughs or leisure.
Books are mostly important because they allow you not only to expose your ideas
and ideals but also because they allow your imagination and personal experience to
participate, interpretating the authors ideas based on some of your own ideas and
your cultural background and that is one of the reasons I have to advocate for the
books cause: they amplify your minds horizons, lifting you up to a higher level as if
you could almost reach the stars with your imagination.
Whereas the books have this much importance for the mankind in general, the movies
represent a new kind of art. Expressing your ideas using images and people to make
the books stories come true can be tricky and intricating, even so, they tend to limit
your imagination because what you see, you see through other peoples eyes.
In conclusion, books will never be overwhelmed by the movies as they are a fountain
of unchenqueable fire since your imagination has no limits.

18

Commentary on Essay 9
This essay does not have a traditional introduction. The opening sentence (paragraph 1) is very elegantly
written but is meaningless. Paragraph 2 is also just one long sentence and is just as unfocused as paragraph
1. This type of opening language is encouraged in some writing cultures but is not appropriate when writing
in English.
In the rest of the essay both sides of the topic are addressed but not completely or with acknowledgement
of its complexity. In fact, the essay only makes one point; a book is mentally and emotionally enriching.
The sentence structures in this essay are generally very complex and long; the writer has good control over
multiple subordinate clauses. There are also many elegant, low-frequency words. This could lead to the
conclusion that the essay should receive a high grade. However, there are numerous collocation errors and
vocabulary is not always used appropriately or correctly. For instance, it is not at all clear what the writer
means by the phrases the socialization of ideas and the observation of new horizons. Additionally, in
paragraph 3, expose does not collocate with ideas.
Finally, the punctuation in this essay is sometimes distracting; some of the sentences should have been
broken up into two or more shorter sentences. Overall, this is a C level essay.

19

Essay 10:

Rating: D

It is an undeniable fact that many famous movies are based on novels, which
makes them even more popular. However, it is widely debated whether the
movies or the books are better. This issue have made two groups of people,
which of whom strongly support their opinion.
Some books have had enormous success and are considered all time classics.
The perfume, Da Vinci Code, Alexander The Great, etc. have gained peoples
admiration and are getting known from generation to generation. Almost in
every home there are some famous novels like those.
One the other hand, great movies, which are based on novels, have been created.
With huge care and a really high budget brilliant movies have forged people to
fullfil the cinemas. The enormous movies industry have succeed to form a movie
in a great similarity to its source-novel.
Athought this huge effort, in my opinion it is impossible to be a real
transformation of the books elements to a film. The imagination world that
we can find in books cant be replaced by a movie. Books make us imagine and
participate to the scenes in our mind. Alexander The Great as a movie, for
instance make a lot of people dissapointed.
Consequently, as hard as movie industry can try cannot replace books with
movies. Books will always be in the first place of our heart.

20

Commentary on Essay 10
The introduction paraphrases the prompt and indicates that there is debate on the issue. From the outset,
however, there are signs that the writer is not very proficienct. First, the language used is a little strong (e.g.,
it is an undeniable fact). The strong language used suggests more controversy than the prompt actually
implies. Second, the final sentence of the introduction is muddled and the reader has to make considerable
effort to understand what is meant.
The remainder of the essay develops the topic simply. The writer gives examples of three books and states
that these are very popular. He/she then states that some films are extremely popular. However, the essay
does not clearly develop the reasons for these claims. As a result, the essay is unsuccessful in its attempts
to address different perspectives on the topic.
The essay contains numerous, low-level grammatical errors (e.g., articles, plurals, tense and aspect,
and prepositions). The reader has to pay close attention to understand what the writer is trying to say.
Additionally, words are used inappropriately to the point that they cause confusion (e.g., forged,, fullfil,
and formall in paragraph 3).
Overall, the reader has to make considerable effort to understand what the writer is trying to say. This is
indicative of a D band essay.

21

Writing Section 5-Point Rating Scale

RATING
A
Honors

RHETORIC
Topic richly, fully, complexly
developed
Organization well-controlled,
appropriate to the material
Connection is smooth

Topic clearly and completely

developed, with acknowledgment
of its complexity
Organization is controlled and
shows appropriateness to the
material

GRAMMAR/SYNTAX

VOCABULARY

Flexible use of a wide

range of syntactic
(sentence level)
structures; morphological
(word forms) control
nearly always accurate

Broad range,
appropriately used

Spelling and
punctuation errors are
rare and insignicant

Both simple and complex

syntax adequately used;
good morphological
control

Vocabulary use shows

exibility, is usually
appropriate

Spelling and
punctuation errors
are infrequent and not
distracting

Both simple and complex

syntax present

Adequate vocabulary,
but may sometimes be
inappropriately used

Spelling and
punctuation errors
sometimes distracting

Vocabulary may be
limited in range,
and is sometimes
inappropriately used
to the point that it
causes confusion

Spelling and
punctuation errors are
frequently distracting

Incorrect use of
vocabulary causes
confusion

Basic vocabulary
words regularly
misspelled

Even basic words may

be misused

Little or no control
over sentence
boundaries

Any inappropriate
vocabulary does not
confuse meaning

MECHANICS

Few problems with connection

Topic clearly developed, but

not always completely or
with acknowledgment of its
complexity
Organization generally controlled;
connection sometimes absent or
unsuccessful

For some, syntax is

cautious but accurate,
while others are more
uent but less accurate
Inconsistent
morphological control

Topic development usually clear

but simple and may be repetitive

Morphological errors are

frequent

Attempts to address different

perspectives on the topic are
often unsuccessful

Simple sentences tend

to be accurate; more
complex ones tend to be
inaccurate

Overreliance on prefabricated
language and/or language from
the prompt
Organization partially controlled

Topic development may be

unclear and/or limited by
incompleteness or lack of focus
Might not be relevant to topic
Connection of ideas often absent
or unsuccessful

Pervasive and basic errors

in sentence structure
and word order cause
confusion
Problems with subjectverb agreement, tense
formation or word
formation
Even basic sentences are
lled with errors

22

May show interference

from other languages

Spelling and
punctuation errors
regularly cause
confusion